March 14, 2026 • 37 mins
Ben Maller (produced by Danny G.) has a fun Saturday podcast for you! Ben talks: Smash kitchen more than burger, snow day, Benny the burrito maker, & more!
...Follow, rate & review "The Fifth Hour!" https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-fifth-hour-with-ben-maller/id1478163837
Engage with the podcast by emailing us at RealFifthHour@gmail.com ...
Follow Ben on Twitter @BenMaller and on Instagram @BenMallerOnFOX ...
Danny is on Twitter @DannyGRadio and on Instagram @DannyGRadio
#BenMaller #FSRWeekends
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Listen
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Cutbooms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old Republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to Clearinghouse of
hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
In the air eywhere The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
Mahler and Danny g Radio A Happy Saturday to you.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
We survived Friday the thirteenth. It is now the fourteenth
day of March, a day closer to the start of
the real baseball season. With apologies to the World Baseball Classic.
On this podcast, though, on this Saturday, we have a
Toddler's flip flop living room of doom, and we'll see
(01:01):
if we have time for anything else. But I wanted
to start with this now. I always start with the
life of Malar. So I am not a mountain man.
I am not a mountain man. I think you know
that I am a creature of the city, and so
we'll just get that out of the way early on.
If you're new to the podcast Welcome and we do
(01:22):
the show from LA. People that live in Los Angeles
like to pretend that they are rugged outdoorsman, a regular
grizzly Adams. And people do that because they drive a
couple hours into the mountains. They rent a cabin that
has WiFi, and that of course is not wilderness. That
(01:45):
is an airbnb with pine trees, is what that is.
So last weekend, apparently I was Big Bear Benny, Big
Bear Benny. My wife announced that we were going to
the mountains. Maybe not, Hey, let's think about it. This
was presented as a FATA complaint that the way that
(02:09):
a desk spot announces or you know, the dictator, that
there's a new infrastructure project that needs to be done
by this date, we're going to Big Bear. So when
your wife says we, what she means is I think
you know this. If you're married, I have already made
plans and you are part of them. Period. Stop. That's it.
(02:29):
So the malormobile, the station wagon was packed like we
were evacuating some kind of coastal fire situation. Maybe there
was a hurricane. I don't know. My wife does not
believe in traveling light. God bless her. She does not
believe in traveling light, which is weird. I watch a
(02:52):
lot of these travel you know shows whatever on YouTube.
They are well, travel like a professional traveler. No, we
bring out, We bring our entire house wherever we go, coolers,
grocery bags, jackets, fans, you name it, gloves, this obviously
snow stuff. We had our boots, We had enough food
(03:13):
to feed a minor league baseball team. So we left.
We drove through traffic, rush hour traffic, mountain roads, winding
around the hills of southern California, climbing through the fog
the big trees, until suddenly it looked like a Harmark
movie that ran out of a plot. We arrived at
(03:37):
the cabin. Now, I've been lucky enough in my time
to travel some beautiful mountain places. The most beautiful trees
and mountain combo that I have seen are in the
Sequoia Forest of California. But traveling around Vermont. When I
went to see Arnie in Vermont, it was awesome. It
was nothing but trees, and a lot of the New
(04:00):
England states are like that. I just happened to drive
up the main road in Vermont and it was amazing.
That's where they filmed the Hallmark movies. So we arrived here.
It was beautiful, truly, just breathtaking. Big trees got out
of the concrete jungles. There was snow on the ground.
There was a lake. We got this place right in
(04:20):
front of a lake that was sitting there like it was
posing for some kind of tourism brochure or some feature
on a documentary or something like that. Temperatures were in
the thirties. It looked exactly like the kind of place
people from Wisconsin or New England call a Tuesday a Tuesday.
Right now in Los Angeles or southern California, this counts.
(04:45):
I can't stress this enough. This is an expedition. The
fascinating thing about SoCal is that you can experience winter
for a couple of hours here or there. In this case,
you know, a couple of days, but a lot of
people just do six hours and then return down the
hill around the winding mountain roads and return to palm
(05:07):
trees and iced coffee. You could, theoretically, and there have
been many people that have done this over the years,
you could surf in the morning, get up early, go
surfing when the sun rises, and then by late afternoon.
You're in the sled and you're in snow, and that
(05:28):
just seems unnatural, like the climate itself is confused. And
now I should mention this is somewhat important. I believe
it is something important. When I say we rented the cabin,
what I actually mean is that my wife and my
sister in law they rented the cabin. They went on
(05:51):
they searched a bunch of places to rent, and I
was what you might call an invited contributor, not an
invited guest, an invited contributor, which I discovered shortly after arriving.
You see, because there was a schedule. This was not
just chill out hang out. No, no, there was a schedule,
(06:12):
not a vacation schedule, a work schedule. Friday was Benny
makes burgers, Okay, Saturday, my brother in law, Chris, he
makes pizza. We had lunch on Saturday. The pizza was dinner.
Pizza was dinner Saturday lunch, Deli, sandwiches, cold cuts, breakfast,
(06:37):
something involving eggs, which I was not. Party two. I
do not eat breakfast unless it's corn beef hash and
it's rare and appropriate. This was not rare or appropriate.
I was too close to home, so I was assigned burgers.
As I mentioned, now, you've heard over the years that
(06:57):
I am a fan of the burger. I like futzing
around in the kitchen and being a bit of a
sugar huh. I've fallen down rabbit holes watching a bunch
of YouTube videos trying to master the burger. And I've
talked about Benny's Burgers. Betty's Burgers are smash burgers. This
is not a casual passing fancy. I've been doing this
(07:19):
for several years now. There's technique involved, there's timing, there's
surface area, the crisp edges of the smash burger, the
melted cheese cascading over the sides like a like a
volcano of cheese. The lava is the cheese, and it's
(07:40):
just great. So I walk into the kitchen expecting to
begin a Mallard masterpiece, a culinary masterpiece. And I was excited.
I was like, listen, this is I'm ready for this.
This is the big weeks here, this is it. Got
my family, I've got my in laws, everyone's there. It's great,
(08:00):
It's gonna be wonderful. I'm ready to go. And then
I met my mortal enemy. The kitchen, Now not just
a kitchen. If you could imagine, and this is theater
of the imagination, but if you could imagine a kitchen
designed by someone who had heard about cooking but really
(08:24):
never had seen how that works, you would be close.
I walked in and I wanted to do that Homer
or Grandpa Simpson thing where you walk right back out.
It was essentially a shoe box with a stove. It
would have been fine if I was Kyler Murray's size.
There was no griddle, there was no prep space. There
(08:48):
was like one half of one thing that was counter space.
There was technically a cutting board, but it was roughly
the size of a toddler's flip flop. It was small, small,
So the refrigerator was like judging me as I was
in there, like, what are you doing here, loser? The
stove made a noise that suggested it was not emotionally
(09:10):
prepared to be used, that this assignment was too much.
And who are you? Why are you here? This is
not for you, Paul Harvey used to say, And now
the rest of the story, So let's get to the
rest of the story. The rest of the story is
that smash burgers require smashing video at eleven. They require smashing,
(09:36):
You need space, you need obviously heat. There's a power
dynamic involved in this. Instead, I had a burner that
looked like it had survived the Nixon administration, tricky dick,
and a pan that seemed offended.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
It was.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Resentment that it was being awoken from its retirement in
the mountains and still in show business. As in cooking,
the rule is the same, The show must go on.
Seven people were hungry, and that was the mission. To
feed the seven people. I had already rolled the meat
(10:19):
in the little meatballs for the burgers, the way I
normally do for the smash burgers. The buns were buttered,
the toppings were lined up, the cheese and all that stuff,
the onions, and then the math stopped. Mathing seven burgers
one tiny pan. Everyone wanted to eat at the same time.
(10:41):
This ain't gonna work. The kitchen was roughly the size
of a broom closet, and even though it was in
the thirties outside, I was sweating. I was sweating like
I was being interrogated under hot lights. The stove was weezing.
The spatula seemed like it really didn't want to be either.
It was really nervous. The burgers themselves were confused. They
(11:04):
had been promised smash burgers instead, their final act before
they go into your belly. Instead, they were slowly turning
into regular burgers, not good regular burgers, very small ones,
petite burgers. If burgers could sigh, these burgers would have
sighed instead of crispy smash burgers with again the glorious
(11:28):
cheese and oh my god, it's so good, it's so delicious.
Everyone received what can only be described as a diet hamburger. Now,
they were fine, They tasted fine, the meat was good,
the seasoning was on point, and people claimed they liked them. However,
(11:50):
I knew, you know, when people are being polite, I've
done that dance. I've done that dance. I mean, you
can't give an honest opinion, just a little white lie.
It's a little white lie. And I knew the truth.
Somewhere deep in my culinary soul. I had this voice
that was whispering, this is not good. You can do better.
(12:13):
Rest of the trip thankfully improved. After my burger humiliation,
the family dragged me outside to play in the snow
with my niece and the nephew and everyone else there.
Now I'm a middle aged man. I don't like to
say that because it feels I don't feel like I'm that.
Every once in a while it pops up my back.
On this day was already barking. The mattress felt like
(12:36):
it was filled with concrete. I don't think that was
a sleep number mattress. And so that, you know, the
children want to go sledding, so whatever they want, they get,
which means I became Benny the Bob's letter. Obviously you
knew that. We pulled over in the malamobile on just
on the side of the road. That's how you do it,
(12:56):
small country road, you know, in the hills there Mountain Road,
grabbed us lead and launched ourselves down a hill like amateurs.
In a low budget version of NBC's Winter Olympics. Mike
Tarico was not doing commentary at the end of the day. Now,
it was fun. It was cold, We had jackets on
and all that. We were prepared. We had a couple
(13:17):
of layers of clothing. It was fun. I had not
been to Big Bear since I was a kid in
the Cub Scouts and the Boy Scouts and all that.
It's been bit a minute, bit a minute, a little kid,
I'm old now, And the place still had the same
slightly ramshackle mountain town charm, what you might call it.
(13:39):
So we drove around a little bit after we got
done playing in the snow, me and the wife. Everyone
else wanted to stay at the cabin, and we drove
around exploring. There was a general store that appeared to
sell every item humans forgot when they came up to
the mountains. Flashlights, batteries, canned goods, some kind of weird
(13:59):
mystery snack that I wouldn't eat, and I'll eat pretty
much anything. And they were open from ten am to
two pm, otherwise known as the easiest radio shift of
all time. Middays four hours. That's it. If you need
milk at two oh five, you're out of luck. Plan better,
Plan better. We also visited Lake Arrowhead, which felt like
(14:23):
it was Manhattan compared compared to where we were staying.
Arrowhead had things not just Santa's Village. It had McDonald's.
I think I saw five guys. There was an actually
there was an actual grocery store right there. Civilization, civilization
was going on now. Meanwhile, our cabin, which was deep
(14:48):
in what I can only describe as po dunk pines.
That was where we were here. We were visiting Arrowhead.
There was this windstorm blowing across the lake which created
this dramatic wave. There was Arctic style gusts of wind.
A lot of ducks, my relatives, the Mallards, the mudhnds.
(15:10):
I love mudhens, not Toledo mud hens. These were just
regular mud hens. And they were all floating along merrily, merrily, merrily,
merrily down the stream or in this case, the lake,
very happy in the chaos. They didn't mind the cast
They're in the water. They were being fed by it,
not us. But there was some random tourists, and there
was this shop that sold all kinds of It had
(15:30):
like tours, your typical touristy shop. It offered tours of
the lake and you could buy different souvenirs and all that.
And so they also sold bags of food for the ducks.
So the ducks aren't idiots. The Mallard ducks the smartest
duck of them. All the geese, all the water fowl,
(15:51):
they were just hanging out waiting because they knew that
random people were going to buy those bags of food.
And they were gonna get fed, and that's all all
they cared about. And they were delighted. The wind was
not The wind was very angry. And I was standing
there and I realized something remarkable that I kind of know.
And you've done it. Everyone's all you forget, because I
(16:12):
hadn't done this in a long time. In sokl Within
a few hours we had gone from thirty six degrees
in the mountains with snow capped on the hills and
the sheds and the stores and everything, thirty six degrees
in the mountains. We got back to the Malor mansion,
it was eighty five degrees down the hill. Two days
(16:34):
later it was ninety nine, not ninety nine in the
store in Boston. Ninety nine. That's not whether that's a
mood swing. Despite the burger disaster, the cramped kitchen, the
sledding induced spinal complaints, the trip was good. The trip
was good because sometimes the things that happen on these vacations,
(16:55):
it's not about luxury, Those small inconveniences, those are the
things that turn into pretty good stories. The shoe box kitchen,
the Kyler Murray's sized cutting board, the toddler sized cutting board,
the burgers that don't quite smash the way they're supposed to,
despite the efforts and the quiet realization that even when
(17:19):
the cooking goes bad, the view outside the window spectacular, spectacular,
And that's my favorite time to go to the snow.
It's kind of the end of the snowy season. There's
still snow, it hasn't melted. You get to enjoy it. However,
it's not an active crime scene where snow's falling down.
And even if the stove is judging you like it
(17:40):
was me is fine. So turning the page on that
it's the Saturday. But a lot happened this week. A
lot happened this week, so I wanted to share it
with you on the podcast. So in a small village
on the ragged edge of the enchanted forest known locally
as the north Woods, though those of you that are
(18:02):
not from the north Woods might simply call it suburbia,
we like to call it the north Woods in southern California.
And otherwise ordinary ritual that we do. Every man and
woman in the United States does it.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Well.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
I don't know about women, but dudes do it. Just
ordinary ritual was underway. Supper Chow and televised sports. That
was the plan on this day. The wife was at
work and I had my thing, so that the stage
was set for a sort of modest event that, in
(18:37):
this case, would lead to high drama disguised as a
domestic routine. Now, the star of the evening was not
Team USA. It was the World Baseball Classic, right, No,
actually wasn't. It wasn't Mexico. None of that was the star.
(18:58):
They were the opponent this day, the real, the real
I don't know, not villain, but protagonist. I'll use the
word protagonist. The real protagonist in this was a burrito. Now,
the burrito had been assembled in the kitchen, admirable craft.
I just mentioned how I fed up the burgers the burrito,
(19:20):
I'm happy to tell you, for years I did not
know how to properly wrap a burrito. Thank god for
YouTube and a old babushka. I don't think what's the
Spanish word or the for the old grandma I watched
this bobushka. I'll just used the word babushka. It's fun word.
So the babushka showed you how to properly like in
(19:41):
a real, authentic like in Mexico City. How to wrap
a burrito. It's like, okay, I'm into it. So I
know how to wrap a burrito. So the origins of
this trace back. I make a lot of food on
the weekends just to eat a little bit every day
during the week. So we made a surplus of chicken.
We had a stockpile of bach block chicken. One of
(20:01):
those culinary wind windfalls. The chicken is unseasoned. You can
do whatever you want with it. You can manipulate it
how you see fit, and so whatever inspires you that
day as the home cook. So I imagine myself when I'm
in the kitchen, I'm like, well, you know, I'm only
(20:23):
the phone call away from someone who loves the Overnight show,
who happens to work in Entertainment's like, hey, let's get
the overnight sports radio guy on the Iron Chef. We'll
give those influencers a break and we'll get Mallard on
the Iron Chef. Now, the kitchen unlike the one in
the mountains around Big Bear, the kitchen that the Malla Manchion,
(20:44):
I mean, that's pretty good, good, good, good spot. And
the chicken was reheated, it was fortified. I added my
own spice on this day, it was cayenne pepper, chili powder,
black pepper, a few other things, little garlic, and then
I tucked it into the tortilla. I had some cheese,
layer of cheese, put the meat on top, had some
(21:07):
grilled onions and some belt pepper, and then I did
the burrito wrapping maneuver. And I am now prepared. If
I lose the radio show, I can work at Taco Bell.
I'm coming for your job. If you work at Taco
Bell now. Not Nick, the Wendy's guy, He's got his
own thing. They don't have burritos at Wendy's. But I'm
(21:28):
talking about Taco Bell now. The plate was accompanied by
air fried fries. That is the add on item off
the secret menu, an accessory item that shows you both
health consciousness and somewhat optimism culinary optimism. So there was
(21:49):
also a drink, sort of a middle aged elixir. If
you will enjoy the crystal light, The strawberry and the
grape are my favorite. If you want to send me some,
feel free. It has like ten or twenty calories, depending
on what you're drinking. Some have five calories. The mathematics
of aging done one pack at the time now. If
you have any suggestions, sure, I'm not being full of crap.
(22:12):
If you have any suggestions. I've dabbled with the Crystal Light.
If you have any other I saw there's like a
Welchers product grape that I haven't tried. I haven't seen
that at the store. If there's any of those other
things that you can just mix in, let me know,
let me know. I like to try some others, but
I want you to tell me it's good first, because
I've tried a lot of the Crystal Light stuff, which
(22:32):
is just a little packets you add to the water
and it tastes makes the water taste the better. I
only do that when I'm eating my meal. I only
do that when I'm eating my meal. Otherwise I just
drink water. So let me know if any of those
other ones are good, email me Real fifth hour at
gmail dot com. So again, back to the story. So
at dinner and baseball, which is the American utopia? Is
(22:53):
it not the American utopia? I think it is. I
think it is the sort of quiet cultural image that
Norman Rockwell would have painted if he owned an airfire.
Unfortunately he never did. He never owned an airfire. And
then as the the diner was I was in the
(23:16):
Benny's Diners, I call it the whole thing, and the
dinner was prepared, it was ready to go. I then
transferred to where I wanted to eat. I settled into
the to the sofa. I was prepared to watch team
USA do whatever team USA does in the World Baseball
Classic on that day. Is a fugazy tournament that Baseball
(23:39):
cooked up because the Olympics kicked him out. And this,
this was not a dramatic moment. There was nothing cinematic
about it, just a flicker in the peripheral vision, the
way a shadow might slip across a wall, right in
a suspense movie, a horror movie, just before the violins
(24:00):
begin shrieking. So, my companion who doesn't do well with pumpkin, Moxie,
she was not responsible for this movement. You'st well, that's
probably Moxie. No, no, no, Moxie was in what might
be described as canine solitary confinement, which is just indoor
outdoor living. She had been placed outside. Some say the
(24:22):
bark jail. I say the outdoor sofa, which I have
not even sat on. That we bought this outdoor sofa
years ago, and I've never even sat on it. And
that's Moxie's outdoor abode. She's all about comfort. So anyway,
that evening burrito ritual proceeded because Moxie was outside without interruption. Again,
(24:47):
I'd seen something. Was it a ghost? The mystery deepened.
Was it a rat, rat, a tat tat ratatui? Was
it a cat? No? No, no, no, no, none of those.
The intruder turned out to be something far more appropriate
for southern California's ecological environment, the theater, the animals, the critters.
(25:11):
A lizard, not a gargantuan creature, not the sort of
reptile that might cause a news helicopter to hover overhead
and make national news. However, it was not insignificant either,
roughly the size of a human hand, which is large
enough to provoke the kind of adrenaline normally reserved for
(25:32):
the seventh inning of a seventh, eighth or ninth inning
of a playoff baseball game. Now, following a minutes long
mallear investigation, the reptilian trespasser has been identified as a
person of interest, a Western fence lizard, which I did
not know was a thing until the minutes long mallear investigation. Now,
(25:55):
this particular species has the delightful quirk of possessing bright blue,
a very bright blue underside, a color so vivid that
looking at this you could liken it to Dodger blue.
It's time for Dodger Baseball. Now, if LA ever decides
to expand its brand identity, talk about the Dodgers. Here
(26:19):
into the reptile kingdom, the Western Fence lizard is ready
for a Shohei Otani level endorsement deal. Now, the lizard,
no doubt completely unaware that it had wandered in to
a random home which happens to host a sports radio
(26:39):
guy in the living room during an international baseball competition. Now,
lizard had apparently slipped inside the door when we let
Moxie go out for the potty time. Potty time. Now
you might imagine the creature I was thinking of this.
I was like, let's get in the head of the creature,
(27:01):
the lizard. The thought process to the lizard. Did the
lizard realize where it was? To a lizard, a human
is a monster a monster mash. To a lizard, a
human is a deadly thing. In a human home must
(27:22):
resemble a climate controlled paradise, warm floors, interesting smells, a
buffet of possible insects that are going undetected. It's an
Airbnb for reptiles. Now eventually, with the assistance of the kid,
every great American domestic crisis requires one. The back door
(27:43):
was opened, the lizard was gently encouraged to return to
the wilderness. There was no violence. The lizard did not die,
was not harmed in any way. There was no melodrama,
just a brief cameo appearance by Mother Nature in the
middle of a baseball broadcast. And the episode raised questions
(28:07):
that philosophers should consider. For one thing, we'll give you one.
What else has slipped through the doors of the modern
American household. Now the north Woods, like many suburban environments,
suburbia exist in this delicate truth between civilization and the
(28:27):
natural world. I install these patios, you get the Wi
Fi router or router. The animal installs itself wherever it pleases.
Fence lizards today, King Cobra's tomorrow, I granted spiny lizard things,
(28:51):
perhaps a coast old horned lizard. It means something more ambitious,
a coyote. If coyote is here, can wander through the neighborhood,
the casual entitlement. I'd like to see the parrots. We
have parrots that fly around. They escape from the jail
years ago and they just have been breeding and travel
(29:12):
around and they live a great time, a great life
and all that stuff. So nature it turns out, well,
it turns out an excellent gate crasher. Excellent. They do
not believe in laws. They like for them, it's Joe
Biden's president, and just do whatever you want and that's it,
(29:32):
you know, knock yourself out. That's where that's where they're at.
And so there's there's also this curious overlay going to
rock and roll. I remember when I when I heard
years ago a kid Jim Morrison was dead before I
was alive, but I remember hearing the Doors very popular.
People are strange when they all time great songs, which
(29:55):
does apply to overnight radio. So I remember the the
reptilian mind of Jim Morrison will so we had visitors
that were reptilian or one. So for some reason I
was saying with Jim Morrison, the Doors front man, who
famously dubbed himself the Lizard King and according to legend,
(30:17):
believed he could communicate with reptiles, thus the nickname the
Lizard King. Now, history suggests that what likely happened is
Jim Morrison. His reptilian diplomacy was fueled by a cocktail
that was a little less, little, less wholesome than my
(30:38):
crystal light pack. And still the thought it was lingering here,
like what if one could converse with reptiles If I
just went down to the San Diego Zoo and I said,
let me have a deep, thoughtful conversation with the Komodo
dragon now, And what would the Komodo dragon say? If
(30:59):
given the chance to watch a baseball game, would the
dragon say, well, that's boring, or I want to watch
other sports? I don't know. Would a heal a monster
offer a scouting report and about Team USA's lack of
buy in factor? And perhaps the deeper question, would reptiles
enjoy sports radio because I need more listeners. I need
(31:21):
more listeners. Would they be podcast listeners or would they
be all night listeners? I don't know. Now one suspects
they might appreciate its elemental qualities, the raised voices of
sports radio, the territorial arguments of sports talk radio, the
ritualistic debates over who's a winner, and who's a loser,
(31:43):
and who's good and bad? Who should retire? Who's the
goadie mcgoat. In many ways, sports talk already resembles the
animal kingdom, a chorus of random callers and echoing through
the night, and all that. So as for the stock market,
as for this stock mind, reptiles might have the right
(32:04):
temperament to go to Wall Street. They might. They might
cold blooded, patient, unmoved by emotional swings. Wall Street could
probably learn a few things from a lizard. Now. In
the end, the Western Fence lizard returned to the backyard,
Benny's burrito was consumed, and the World Baseball Classic continued
(32:27):
its march to the television schedule. However, the evening left
behind another memorable moment. Life's all about the stories you
pick up along the way. A memorable event happened. A
man on a sofa, a burrito in hand, a baseball
game on television, talking baseball, and for a moment, just
(32:49):
a litle flicker, little flicker in the corner of the eye,
the ancient wilderness, reminding the modern world that it's still exists. Well,
we don't have time for a full foody fun. I
did have a couple of stories I wanted to share
with you from foody Fun. Hooray for food he fun.
Hooray for food he fun. Yeah, foody fun. All right,
(33:12):
thank you for that. So ihop is offering free bottomless
pancakes with purchase of select breakfast combos. That is through
today is the fourteenth, and that'll take you all the
way through March thirtieth bottomless Pancake promotion. Everyone can enjoy
(33:34):
endless amounts of pancakes with the purchase of select combos.
The combos that you need to buy are the Breakfast Sampler,
Surloin Tips and Eggs, Split Decision Breakfast Chicken and Pancakes,
T Bone Steak and Eggs, and the Country Fried Steak
and Eggs. Prices for the qualifying breakfast combos range from
(33:58):
eighteen dollars twenty five dollars, so if you spent eighteen dollars,
you're getting a couple of meals out of it, getting
a couple of meals out of it. The buttermilk pancakes
are are They're pretty good. It's hard to screw up pancakes.
So those are the things you have to buy to
get that. What else do we have Pizza Hut launched
(34:19):
a ten dollars any Pizza deal nationwide, So if you're
jones in for some pina for some pizza, there's that.
And it's now to be clear. The ten dollars any
Pizza deal includes up to five toppings on Pizza Huts
medium or large, hand tossed, original, pan, thin and crispy,
(34:40):
or Chicago Tavern style pizzas. It's valid for carryout orders
placed online or via the Pizza Hut mobile app. Okay,
thank you for that. What do we have? Chick fil
A debuting the new Jalapano Ranch Club Chicken Sandwich nationwide
and they test marketed it in Salt Lake City? How
(35:04):
did that happen? For years? It was always Peoria. We've
talked about that in previous episodes of The Fifth Hour.
I know Lucky, Tony and Ferg Dog went back and
listened to those I don't know about alf. I don't
know about alf from maloprop Guy. However, the Chick fil
A Jalapeno Ranch Club Chicken Sandwich woof tested in Salt
(35:25):
Lake always used to be Peoria. The line, if it
plays in Peoria, it'll play anywhere. Does that apply to
Salt Lake City, Utah. Okay, who goofed? I've got to know. Well,
on crustables, that's something that didn't exist when I was
a kid. We had those, we just didn't know that
would be a major money maker and all that stuff.
(35:47):
So the burst in blueberry flavor, we talked about that
in a previous episode. Well, it turns out now the
big news from Incrustables, the latest news coming down the
pipeline here is that this song, this summer crust list sandwiches, uh,
having to having to wait for them to thaw will
(36:08):
be a thing of the past because uncrustables are being
upgraded to fridge friendly. Fridge friendly status. While you're still
able to freeze the new uncrustables, you'll now be able
to store them in the fridge for up to five days.
Oh my god, what kind of chemicals did they put
(36:29):
in there? But that is from the VP of Marketing
at the J. M. Smucker Company. Here, you go, all right,
very excited. What else do we have on food?
Speaker 2 (36:40):
He fun?
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Holl ready for food he fun.
Speaker 3 (36:45):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
As Taco Bell revealed this whole menu, I don't think
we want to go there. That'll take too long. We'll
get out on that. Have a wonderful Saturday. I know
this podcast went a little longer than normal, and thank
thank you for staying to the very end. We'll have
the mail bag on Sunday, hopeful Danny G will join
me on that. Have a wonderful Saturday, my felation Aloha,
Cutbooms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the old Republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to Clearinghouse of
hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
In the air eywhere The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
Mahler and Danny g Radio A Happy Saturday to you.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
We survived Friday the thirteenth. It is now the fourteenth
day of March, a day closer to the start of
the real baseball season. With apologies to the World Baseball Classic.
On this podcast, though, on this Saturday, we have a
Toddler's flip flop living room of doom, and we'll see
(01:01):
if we have time for anything else. But I wanted
to start with this now. I always start with the
life of Malar. So I am not a mountain man.
I am not a mountain man. I think you know
that I am a creature of the city, and so
we'll just get that out of the way early on.
If you're new to the podcast Welcome and we do
(01:22):
the show from LA. People that live in Los Angeles
like to pretend that they are rugged outdoorsman, a regular
grizzly Adams. And people do that because they drive a
couple hours into the mountains. They rent a cabin that
has WiFi, and that of course is not wilderness. That
(01:45):
is an airbnb with pine trees, is what that is.
So last weekend, apparently I was Big Bear Benny, Big
Bear Benny. My wife announced that we were going to
the mountains. Maybe not, Hey, let's think about it. This
was presented as a FATA complaint that the way that
(02:09):
a desk spot announces or you know, the dictator, that
there's a new infrastructure project that needs to be done
by this date, we're going to Big Bear. So when
your wife says we, what she means is I think
you know this. If you're married, I have already made
plans and you are part of them. Period. Stop. That's it.
(02:29):
So the malormobile, the station wagon was packed like we
were evacuating some kind of coastal fire situation. Maybe there
was a hurricane. I don't know. My wife does not
believe in traveling light. God bless her. She does not
believe in traveling light, which is weird. I watch a
(02:52):
lot of these travel you know shows whatever on YouTube.
They are well, travel like a professional traveler. No, we
bring out, We bring our entire house wherever we go, coolers,
grocery bags, jackets, fans, you name it, gloves, this obviously
snow stuff. We had our boots, We had enough food
(03:13):
to feed a minor league baseball team. So we left.
We drove through traffic, rush hour traffic, mountain roads, winding
around the hills of southern California, climbing through the fog
the big trees, until suddenly it looked like a Harmark
movie that ran out of a plot. We arrived at
(03:37):
the cabin. Now, I've been lucky enough in my time
to travel some beautiful mountain places. The most beautiful trees
and mountain combo that I have seen are in the
Sequoia Forest of California. But traveling around Vermont. When I
went to see Arnie in Vermont, it was awesome. It
was nothing but trees, and a lot of the New
(04:00):
England states are like that. I just happened to drive
up the main road in Vermont and it was amazing.
That's where they filmed the Hallmark movies. So we arrived here.
It was beautiful, truly, just breathtaking. Big trees got out
of the concrete jungles. There was snow on the ground.
There was a lake. We got this place right in
(04:20):
front of a lake that was sitting there like it was
posing for some kind of tourism brochure or some feature
on a documentary or something like that. Temperatures were in
the thirties. It looked exactly like the kind of place
people from Wisconsin or New England call a Tuesday a Tuesday.
Right now in Los Angeles or southern California, this counts.
(04:45):
I can't stress this enough. This is an expedition. The
fascinating thing about SoCal is that you can experience winter
for a couple of hours here or there. In this case,
you know, a couple of days, but a lot of
people just do six hours and then return down the
hill around the winding mountain roads and return to palm
(05:07):
trees and iced coffee. You could, theoretically, and there have
been many people that have done this over the years,
you could surf in the morning, get up early, go
surfing when the sun rises, and then by late afternoon.
You're in the sled and you're in snow, and that
(05:28):
just seems unnatural, like the climate itself is confused. And
now I should mention this is somewhat important. I believe
it is something important. When I say we rented the cabin,
what I actually mean is that my wife and my
sister in law they rented the cabin. They went on
(05:51):
they searched a bunch of places to rent, and I
was what you might call an invited contributor, not an
invited guest, an invited contributor, which I discovered shortly after arriving.
You see, because there was a schedule. This was not
just chill out hang out. No, no, there was a schedule,
(06:12):
not a vacation schedule, a work schedule. Friday was Benny
makes burgers, Okay, Saturday, my brother in law, Chris, he
makes pizza. We had lunch on Saturday. The pizza was dinner.
Pizza was dinner Saturday lunch, Deli, sandwiches, cold cuts, breakfast,
(06:37):
something involving eggs, which I was not. Party two. I
do not eat breakfast unless it's corn beef hash and
it's rare and appropriate. This was not rare or appropriate.
I was too close to home, so I was assigned burgers.
As I mentioned, now, you've heard over the years that
(06:57):
I am a fan of the burger. I like futzing
around in the kitchen and being a bit of a
sugar huh. I've fallen down rabbit holes watching a bunch
of YouTube videos trying to master the burger. And I've
talked about Benny's Burgers. Betty's Burgers are smash burgers. This
is not a casual passing fancy. I've been doing this
(07:19):
for several years now. There's technique involved, there's timing, there's
surface area, the crisp edges of the smash burger, the
melted cheese cascading over the sides like a like a
volcano of cheese. The lava is the cheese, and it's
(07:40):
just great. So I walk into the kitchen expecting to
begin a Mallard masterpiece, a culinary masterpiece. And I was excited.
I was like, listen, this is I'm ready for this.
This is the big weeks here, this is it. Got
my family, I've got my in laws, everyone's there. It's great,
(08:00):
It's gonna be wonderful. I'm ready to go. And then
I met my mortal enemy. The kitchen, Now not just
a kitchen. If you could imagine, and this is theater
of the imagination, but if you could imagine a kitchen
designed by someone who had heard about cooking but really
(08:24):
never had seen how that works, you would be close.
I walked in and I wanted to do that Homer
or Grandpa Simpson thing where you walk right back out.
It was essentially a shoe box with a stove. It
would have been fine if I was Kyler Murray's size.
There was no griddle, there was no prep space. There
(08:48):
was like one half of one thing that was counter space.
There was technically a cutting board, but it was roughly
the size of a toddler's flip flop. It was small, small,
So the refrigerator was like judging me as I was
in there, like, what are you doing here, loser? The
stove made a noise that suggested it was not emotionally
(09:10):
prepared to be used, that this assignment was too much.
And who are you? Why are you here? This is
not for you, Paul Harvey used to say, And now
the rest of the story, So let's get to the
rest of the story. The rest of the story is
that smash burgers require smashing video at eleven. They require smashing,
(09:36):
You need space, you need obviously heat. There's a power
dynamic involved in this. Instead, I had a burner that
looked like it had survived the Nixon administration, tricky dick,
and a pan that seemed offended.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
It was.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Resentment that it was being awoken from its retirement in
the mountains and still in show business. As in cooking,
the rule is the same, The show must go on.
Seven people were hungry, and that was the mission. To
feed the seven people. I had already rolled the meat
(10:19):
in the little meatballs for the burgers, the way I
normally do for the smash burgers. The buns were buttered,
the toppings were lined up, the cheese and all that stuff,
the onions, and then the math stopped. Mathing seven burgers
one tiny pan. Everyone wanted to eat at the same time.
(10:41):
This ain't gonna work. The kitchen was roughly the size
of a broom closet, and even though it was in
the thirties outside, I was sweating. I was sweating like
I was being interrogated under hot lights. The stove was weezing.
The spatula seemed like it really didn't want to be either.
It was really nervous. The burgers themselves were confused. They
(11:04):
had been promised smash burgers instead, their final act before
they go into your belly. Instead, they were slowly turning
into regular burgers, not good regular burgers, very small ones,
petite burgers. If burgers could sigh, these burgers would have
sighed instead of crispy smash burgers with again the glorious
(11:28):
cheese and oh my god, it's so good, it's so delicious.
Everyone received what can only be described as a diet hamburger. Now,
they were fine, They tasted fine, the meat was good,
the seasoning was on point, and people claimed they liked them. However,
(11:50):
I knew, you know, when people are being polite, I've
done that dance. I've done that dance. I mean, you
can't give an honest opinion, just a little white lie.
It's a little white lie. And I knew the truth.
Somewhere deep in my culinary soul. I had this voice
that was whispering, this is not good. You can do better.
(12:13):
Rest of the trip thankfully improved. After my burger humiliation,
the family dragged me outside to play in the snow
with my niece and the nephew and everyone else there.
Now I'm a middle aged man. I don't like to
say that because it feels I don't feel like I'm that.
Every once in a while it pops up my back.
On this day was already barking. The mattress felt like
(12:36):
it was filled with concrete. I don't think that was
a sleep number mattress. And so that, you know, the
children want to go sledding, so whatever they want, they get,
which means I became Benny the Bob's letter. Obviously you
knew that. We pulled over in the malamobile on just
on the side of the road. That's how you do it,
(12:56):
small country road, you know, in the hills there Mountain Road,
grabbed us lead and launched ourselves down a hill like amateurs.
In a low budget version of NBC's Winter Olympics. Mike
Tarico was not doing commentary at the end of the day. Now,
it was fun. It was cold, We had jackets on
and all that. We were prepared. We had a couple
(13:17):
of layers of clothing. It was fun. I had not
been to Big Bear since I was a kid in
the Cub Scouts and the Boy Scouts and all that.
It's been bit a minute, bit a minute, a little kid,
I'm old now, And the place still had the same
slightly ramshackle mountain town charm, what you might call it.
(13:39):
So we drove around a little bit after we got
done playing in the snow, me and the wife. Everyone
else wanted to stay at the cabin, and we drove
around exploring. There was a general store that appeared to
sell every item humans forgot when they came up to
the mountains. Flashlights, batteries, canned goods, some kind of weird
(13:59):
mystery snack that I wouldn't eat, and I'll eat pretty
much anything. And they were open from ten am to
two pm, otherwise known as the easiest radio shift of
all time. Middays four hours. That's it. If you need
milk at two oh five, you're out of luck. Plan better,
Plan better. We also visited Lake Arrowhead, which felt like
(14:23):
it was Manhattan compared compared to where we were staying.
Arrowhead had things not just Santa's Village. It had McDonald's.
I think I saw five guys. There was an actually
there was an actual grocery store right there. Civilization, civilization
was going on now. Meanwhile, our cabin, which was deep
(14:48):
in what I can only describe as po dunk pines.
That was where we were here. We were visiting Arrowhead.
There was this windstorm blowing across the lake which created
this dramatic wave. There was Arctic style gusts of wind.
A lot of ducks, my relatives, the Mallards, the mudhnds.
(15:10):
I love mudhens, not Toledo mud hens. These were just
regular mud hens. And they were all floating along merrily, merrily, merrily,
merrily down the stream or in this case, the lake,
very happy in the chaos. They didn't mind the cast
They're in the water. They were being fed by it,
not us. But there was some random tourists, and there
was this shop that sold all kinds of It had
(15:30):
like tours, your typical touristy shop. It offered tours of
the lake and you could buy different souvenirs and all that.
And so they also sold bags of food for the ducks.
So the ducks aren't idiots. The Mallard ducks the smartest
duck of them. All the geese, all the water fowl,
(15:51):
they were just hanging out waiting because they knew that
random people were going to buy those bags of food.
And they were gonna get fed, and that's all all
they cared about. And they were delighted. The wind was
not The wind was very angry. And I was standing
there and I realized something remarkable that I kind of know.
And you've done it. Everyone's all you forget, because I
(16:12):
hadn't done this in a long time. In sokl Within
a few hours we had gone from thirty six degrees
in the mountains with snow capped on the hills and
the sheds and the stores and everything, thirty six degrees
in the mountains. We got back to the Malor mansion,
it was eighty five degrees down the hill. Two days
(16:34):
later it was ninety nine, not ninety nine in the
store in Boston. Ninety nine. That's not whether that's a
mood swing. Despite the burger disaster, the cramped kitchen, the
sledding induced spinal complaints, the trip was good. The trip
was good because sometimes the things that happen on these vacations,
(16:55):
it's not about luxury, Those small inconveniences, those are the
things that turn into pretty good stories. The shoe box kitchen,
the Kyler Murray's sized cutting board, the toddler sized cutting board,
the burgers that don't quite smash the way they're supposed to,
despite the efforts and the quiet realization that even when
(17:19):
the cooking goes bad, the view outside the window spectacular, spectacular,
And that's my favorite time to go to the snow.
It's kind of the end of the snowy season. There's
still snow, it hasn't melted. You get to enjoy it. However,
it's not an active crime scene where snow's falling down.
And even if the stove is judging you like it
(17:40):
was me is fine. So turning the page on that
it's the Saturday. But a lot happened this week. A
lot happened this week, so I wanted to share it
with you on the podcast. So in a small village
on the ragged edge of the enchanted forest known locally
as the north Woods, though those of you that are
(18:02):
not from the north Woods might simply call it suburbia,
we like to call it the north Woods in southern California.
And otherwise ordinary ritual that we do. Every man and
woman in the United States does it.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Well.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
I don't know about women, but dudes do it. Just
ordinary ritual was underway. Supper Chow and televised sports. That
was the plan on this day. The wife was at
work and I had my thing, so that the stage
was set for a sort of modest event that, in
(18:37):
this case, would lead to high drama disguised as a
domestic routine. Now, the star of the evening was not
Team USA. It was the World Baseball Classic, right, No,
actually wasn't. It wasn't Mexico. None of that was the star.
(18:58):
They were the opponent this day, the real, the real
I don't know, not villain, but protagonist. I'll use the
word protagonist. The real protagonist in this was a burrito. Now,
the burrito had been assembled in the kitchen, admirable craft.
I just mentioned how I fed up the burgers the burrito,
(19:20):
I'm happy to tell you, for years I did not
know how to properly wrap a burrito. Thank god for
YouTube and a old babushka. I don't think what's the
Spanish word or the for the old grandma I watched
this bobushka. I'll just used the word babushka. It's fun word.
So the babushka showed you how to properly like in
(19:41):
a real, authentic like in Mexico City. How to wrap
a burrito. It's like, okay, I'm into it. So I
know how to wrap a burrito. So the origins of
this trace back. I make a lot of food on
the weekends just to eat a little bit every day
during the week. So we made a surplus of chicken.
We had a stockpile of bach block chicken. One of
(20:01):
those culinary wind windfalls. The chicken is unseasoned. You can
do whatever you want with it. You can manipulate it
how you see fit, and so whatever inspires you that
day as the home cook. So I imagine myself when I'm
in the kitchen, I'm like, well, you know, I'm only
(20:23):
the phone call away from someone who loves the Overnight show,
who happens to work in Entertainment's like, hey, let's get
the overnight sports radio guy on the Iron Chef. We'll
give those influencers a break and we'll get Mallard on
the Iron Chef. Now, the kitchen unlike the one in
the mountains around Big Bear, the kitchen that the Malla Manchion,
(20:44):
I mean, that's pretty good, good, good, good spot. And
the chicken was reheated, it was fortified. I added my
own spice on this day, it was cayenne pepper, chili powder,
black pepper, a few other things, little garlic, and then
I tucked it into the tortilla. I had some cheese,
layer of cheese, put the meat on top, had some
(21:07):
grilled onions and some belt pepper, and then I did
the burrito wrapping maneuver. And I am now prepared. If
I lose the radio show, I can work at Taco Bell.
I'm coming for your job. If you work at Taco
Bell now. Not Nick, the Wendy's guy, He's got his
own thing. They don't have burritos at Wendy's. But I'm
(21:28):
talking about Taco Bell now. The plate was accompanied by
air fried fries. That is the add on item off
the secret menu, an accessory item that shows you both
health consciousness and somewhat optimism culinary optimism. So there was
(21:49):
also a drink, sort of a middle aged elixir. If
you will enjoy the crystal light, The strawberry and the
grape are my favorite. If you want to send me some,
feel free. It has like ten or twenty calories, depending
on what you're drinking. Some have five calories. The mathematics
of aging done one pack at the time now. If
you have any suggestions, sure, I'm not being full of crap.
(22:12):
If you have any suggestions. I've dabbled with the Crystal Light.
If you have any other I saw there's like a
Welchers product grape that I haven't tried. I haven't seen
that at the store. If there's any of those other
things that you can just mix in, let me know,
let me know. I like to try some others, but
I want you to tell me it's good first, because
I've tried a lot of the Crystal Light stuff, which
(22:32):
is just a little packets you add to the water
and it tastes makes the water taste the better. I
only do that when I'm eating my meal. I only
do that when I'm eating my meal. Otherwise I just
drink water. So let me know if any of those
other ones are good, email me Real fifth hour at
gmail dot com. So again, back to the story. So
at dinner and baseball, which is the American utopia? Is
(22:53):
it not the American utopia? I think it is. I
think it is the sort of quiet cultural image that
Norman Rockwell would have painted if he owned an airfire.
Unfortunately he never did. He never owned an airfire. And
then as the the diner was I was in the
(23:16):
Benny's Diners, I call it the whole thing, and the
dinner was prepared, it was ready to go. I then
transferred to where I wanted to eat. I settled into
the to the sofa. I was prepared to watch team
USA do whatever team USA does in the World Baseball
Classic on that day. Is a fugazy tournament that Baseball
(23:39):
cooked up because the Olympics kicked him out. And this,
this was not a dramatic moment. There was nothing cinematic
about it, just a flicker in the peripheral vision, the
way a shadow might slip across a wall, right in
a suspense movie, a horror movie, just before the violins
(24:00):
begin shrieking. So, my companion who doesn't do well with pumpkin, Moxie,
she was not responsible for this movement. You'st well, that's
probably Moxie. No, no, no, Moxie was in what might
be described as canine solitary confinement, which is just indoor
outdoor living. She had been placed outside. Some say the
(24:22):
bark jail. I say the outdoor sofa, which I have
not even sat on. That we bought this outdoor sofa
years ago, and I've never even sat on it. And
that's Moxie's outdoor abode. She's all about comfort. So anyway,
that evening burrito ritual proceeded because Moxie was outside without interruption. Again,
(24:47):
I'd seen something. Was it a ghost? The mystery deepened.
Was it a rat, rat, a tat tat ratatui? Was
it a cat? No? No, no, no, no, none of those.
The intruder turned out to be something far more appropriate
for southern California's ecological environment, the theater, the animals, the critters.
(25:11):
A lizard, not a gargantuan creature, not the sort of
reptile that might cause a news helicopter to hover overhead
and make national news. However, it was not insignificant either,
roughly the size of a human hand, which is large
enough to provoke the kind of adrenaline normally reserved for
(25:32):
the seventh inning of a seventh, eighth or ninth inning
of a playoff baseball game. Now, following a minutes long
mallear investigation, the reptilian trespasser has been identified as a
person of interest, a Western fence lizard, which I did
not know was a thing until the minutes long mallear investigation. Now,
(25:55):
this particular species has the delightful quirk of possessing bright blue,
a very bright blue underside, a color so vivid that
looking at this you could liken it to Dodger blue.
It's time for Dodger Baseball. Now, if LA ever decides
to expand its brand identity, talk about the Dodgers. Here
(26:19):
into the reptile kingdom, the Western Fence lizard is ready
for a Shohei Otani level endorsement deal. Now, the lizard,
no doubt completely unaware that it had wandered in to
a random home which happens to host a sports radio
(26:39):
guy in the living room during an international baseball competition. Now,
lizard had apparently slipped inside the door when we let
Moxie go out for the potty time. Potty time. Now
you might imagine the creature I was thinking of this.
I was like, let's get in the head of the creature,
(27:01):
the lizard. The thought process to the lizard. Did the
lizard realize where it was? To a lizard, a human
is a monster a monster mash. To a lizard, a
human is a deadly thing. In a human home must
(27:22):
resemble a climate controlled paradise, warm floors, interesting smells, a
buffet of possible insects that are going undetected. It's an
Airbnb for reptiles. Now eventually, with the assistance of the kid,
every great American domestic crisis requires one. The back door
(27:43):
was opened, the lizard was gently encouraged to return to
the wilderness. There was no violence. The lizard did not die,
was not harmed in any way. There was no melodrama,
just a brief cameo appearance by Mother Nature in the
middle of a baseball broadcast. And the episode raised questions
(28:07):
that philosophers should consider. For one thing, we'll give you one.
What else has slipped through the doors of the modern
American household. Now the north Woods, like many suburban environments,
suburbia exist in this delicate truth between civilization and the
(28:27):
natural world. I install these patios, you get the Wi
Fi router or router. The animal installs itself wherever it pleases.
Fence lizards today, King Cobra's tomorrow, I granted spiny lizard things,
(28:51):
perhaps a coast old horned lizard. It means something more ambitious,
a coyote. If coyote is here, can wander through the neighborhood,
the casual entitlement. I'd like to see the parrots. We
have parrots that fly around. They escape from the jail
years ago and they just have been breeding and travel
(29:12):
around and they live a great time, a great life
and all that stuff. So nature it turns out, well,
it turns out an excellent gate crasher. Excellent. They do
not believe in laws. They like for them, it's Joe
Biden's president, and just do whatever you want and that's it,
(29:32):
you know, knock yourself out. That's where that's where they're at.
And so there's there's also this curious overlay going to
rock and roll. I remember when I when I heard
years ago a kid Jim Morrison was dead before I
was alive, but I remember hearing the Doors very popular.
People are strange when they all time great songs, which
(29:55):
does apply to overnight radio. So I remember the the
reptilian mind of Jim Morrison will so we had visitors
that were reptilian or one. So for some reason I
was saying with Jim Morrison, the Doors front man, who
famously dubbed himself the Lizard King and according to legend,
(30:17):
believed he could communicate with reptiles, thus the nickname the
Lizard King. Now, history suggests that what likely happened is
Jim Morrison. His reptilian diplomacy was fueled by a cocktail
that was a little less, little, less wholesome than my
(30:38):
crystal light pack. And still the thought it was lingering here,
like what if one could converse with reptiles If I
just went down to the San Diego Zoo and I said,
let me have a deep, thoughtful conversation with the Komodo
dragon now, And what would the Komodo dragon say? If
(30:59):
given the chance to watch a baseball game, would the
dragon say, well, that's boring, or I want to watch
other sports? I don't know. Would a heal a monster
offer a scouting report and about Team USA's lack of
buy in factor? And perhaps the deeper question, would reptiles
enjoy sports radio because I need more listeners. I need
(31:21):
more listeners. Would they be podcast listeners or would they
be all night listeners? I don't know. Now one suspects
they might appreciate its elemental qualities, the raised voices of
sports radio, the territorial arguments of sports talk radio, the
ritualistic debates over who's a winner, and who's a loser,
(31:43):
and who's good and bad? Who should retire? Who's the
goadie mcgoat. In many ways, sports talk already resembles the
animal kingdom, a chorus of random callers and echoing through
the night, and all that. So as for the stock market,
as for this stock mind, reptiles might have the right
(32:04):
temperament to go to Wall Street. They might. They might
cold blooded, patient, unmoved by emotional swings. Wall Street could
probably learn a few things from a lizard. Now. In
the end, the Western Fence lizard returned to the backyard,
Benny's burrito was consumed, and the World Baseball Classic continued
(32:27):
its march to the television schedule. However, the evening left
behind another memorable moment. Life's all about the stories you
pick up along the way. A memorable event happened. A
man on a sofa, a burrito in hand, a baseball
game on television, talking baseball, and for a moment, just
(32:49):
a litle flicker, little flicker in the corner of the eye,
the ancient wilderness, reminding the modern world that it's still exists. Well,
we don't have time for a full foody fun. I
did have a couple of stories I wanted to share
with you from foody Fun. Hooray for food he fun.
Hooray for food he fun. Yeah, foody fun. All right,
(33:12):
thank you for that. So ihop is offering free bottomless
pancakes with purchase of select breakfast combos. That is through
today is the fourteenth, and that'll take you all the
way through March thirtieth bottomless Pancake promotion. Everyone can enjoy
(33:34):
endless amounts of pancakes with the purchase of select combos.
The combos that you need to buy are the Breakfast Sampler,
Surloin Tips and Eggs, Split Decision Breakfast Chicken and Pancakes,
T Bone Steak and Eggs, and the Country Fried Steak
and Eggs. Prices for the qualifying breakfast combos range from
(33:58):
eighteen dollars twenty five dollars, so if you spent eighteen dollars,
you're getting a couple of meals out of it, getting
a couple of meals out of it. The buttermilk pancakes
are are They're pretty good. It's hard to screw up pancakes.
So those are the things you have to buy to
get that. What else do we have Pizza Hut launched
(34:19):
a ten dollars any Pizza deal nationwide, So if you're
jones in for some pina for some pizza, there's that.
And it's now to be clear. The ten dollars any
Pizza deal includes up to five toppings on Pizza Huts
medium or large, hand tossed, original, pan, thin and crispy,
(34:40):
or Chicago Tavern style pizzas. It's valid for carryout orders
placed online or via the Pizza Hut mobile app. Okay,
thank you for that. What do we have? Chick fil
A debuting the new Jalapano Ranch Club Chicken Sandwich nationwide
and they test marketed it in Salt Lake City? How
(35:04):
did that happen? For years? It was always Peoria. We've
talked about that in previous episodes of The Fifth Hour.
I know Lucky, Tony and Ferg Dog went back and
listened to those I don't know about alf. I don't
know about alf from maloprop Guy. However, the Chick fil
A Jalapeno Ranch Club Chicken Sandwich woof tested in Salt
(35:25):
Lake always used to be Peoria. The line, if it
plays in Peoria, it'll play anywhere. Does that apply to
Salt Lake City, Utah. Okay, who goofed? I've got to know. Well,
on crustables, that's something that didn't exist when I was
a kid. We had those, we just didn't know that
would be a major money maker and all that stuff.
(35:47):
So the burst in blueberry flavor, we talked about that
in a previous episode. Well, it turns out now the
big news from Incrustables, the latest news coming down the
pipeline here is that this song, this summer crust list sandwiches, uh,
having to having to wait for them to thaw will
(36:08):
be a thing of the past because uncrustables are being
upgraded to fridge friendly. Fridge friendly status. While you're still
able to freeze the new uncrustables, you'll now be able
to store them in the fridge for up to five days.
Oh my god, what kind of chemicals did they put
(36:29):
in there? But that is from the VP of Marketing
at the J. M. Smucker Company. Here, you go, all right,
very excited. What else do we have on food?
Speaker 2 (36:40):
He fun?
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Holl ready for food he fun.
Speaker 3 (36:45):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
As Taco Bell revealed this whole menu, I don't think
we want to go there. That'll take too long. We'll
get out on that. Have a wonderful Saturday. I know
this podcast went a little longer than normal, and thank
thank you for staying to the very end. We'll have
the mail bag on Sunday, hopeful Danny G will join
me on that. Have a wonderful Saturday, my felation Aloha,
Fox Sports Radio News
Host
Jonas Knox
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by Audiochuck Media Company.
Betrayal Season 5
Saskia Inwood woke up one morning, knowing her life would never be the same. The night before, she learned the unimaginable – that the husband she knew in the light of day was a different person after dark. This season unpacks Saskia’s discovery of her husband’s secret life and her fight to bring him to justice. Along the way, we expose a crime that is just coming to light. This is also a story about the myth of the “perfect victim:” who gets believed, who gets doubted, and why. We follow Saskia as she works to reclaim her body, her voice, and her life. If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal Team, email us at betrayalpod@gmail.com. Follow us on Instagram @betrayalpod and @glasspodcasts. Please join our Substack for additional exclusive content, curated book recommendations, and community discussions. Sign up FREE by clicking this link Beyond Betrayal Substack. Join our community dedicated to truth, resilience, and healing. Your voice matters! Be a part of our Betrayal journey on Substack.