September 10, 2026 • 40 mins
Ben Maller talks about what happened to Patriots QB Drake Maye in the season opener as New England loses to the Seahawks, WR Romeo Dobbs' debut with the Patriots, if the Seahawks are in good hands with Drew Lock replacing Sam Darnold, and much more!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
How do you do? It's our number one! And it
is the Ben Maller Show. Happy Thursday to you. It's
the 10th day of September. As we motor on here
in the beginning of the NFL season. Happened last night.
We stayed up all night. We lost track of time.
(00:21):
We stayed up all night for the ups and downs
of the NFL season. As Seattle... Getting a gift yet again.
Lucky rabbit's foot working out for the Seahawks here. What happened, though,
to the Patriots quarterback, Drake May, or as we're calling
him now, Drek May, in the season opener? Final three
New England possessions. He turned the ball over with interceptions. Also,
(00:44):
give me a phrase to describe wide receiver Romeo Dobbs'
debut with the Patriots. It was very forgettable. And are
the Seahawks in good hands with backup quarterback Drew Locke,
who replaced the injured Sam Darnold? We'll discuss all of that.
Was this a eureka moment for Drew Locke? All of
(01:05):
that and more right now as we divide and rule
the audio waves on the podcast. It's hour number one.
An unpatriotic beginning to the NFL season. Welcome in the
beginning of another night of the Ben Maller Show.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
We are in the air everywhere with fresh thoughts as
we change with the times, because the times keep on changing.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Coast to coast, border to border, and beyond, on The Vast.
And funkily powerful microphones of FSR emanating live from the off,
the kickoff. The Fox Sports Radio studios hanging out here
somewhere far, far away in the. Twilight Zone of the
(02:02):
world-famous Fox Sports Radio Studios, where we are guaranteed human.
And as J.J. in Renton and Nostradinus, along with Alf, Ferdog,
and MallorPropGuy all know, this show... is in ExpressTrain. And really,
it's really just about Express Employment. If you work in logistics,
(02:23):
you know nothing moves without you. Companies need skilled people now,
and Express Employment professionals can help you find contract and
full-time work that fits at no cost to you. Visit
ExpressPros.com to get support, get options, and get to work.
So our lead this hour. Don't bury the lead, my man!
I think you know where the lead is. There's only
(02:45):
one thing we've been waiting for months and months and months.
It keeps the lights on around here. What is it
that keeps the lights on around here? Well, that would
be the National Football League. And it was a Humpty Dance,
the traditional Wednesday opener, unless there's nothing traditional about a
Wednesday opener. But they played it. They started it because
(03:05):
they had this Fugazi game in. Melbourne, Australia, so they
had to accommodate the good people of Melbourne. So instead
of starting on Thursday, which is normally what happens now,
we had the Wednesday kickoff. But the curtain did go
up on the 2026 NFL regular season, a rematch. of
Super Bowl 60, which wasn't very good, and this game
(03:27):
wasn't very good. So Patriots and Seahawks, they get together.
Not good football. The end of the game was fine,
but the balance of the game, which is like three
hours and whatever, not very good. Not very good. Oh,
you're not supposed to say that, Maller. You're supposed to
drink the NFL Kool-Aid.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
Okay, fine.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Whatever you want. Well, it was a hump day special there,
so I assume you watched or heard it on some
kind of transistor radio, but perhaps not. Perhaps not. So
the backup quarterback, the backup quarterback, Drew Locke. Lock it in.
Drew Locke, a couple of late scoring drives, and the
(04:10):
Seattle Seahawks, Getting a lot of help from the 12th man,
not the fans, that would be Drake May, who should
be getting a 12 jersey and be part of the
pregame festivities in years to come. They should bring Drake
May to Seattle and have him do that little thing
that Richard Sherman was doing before the game. So Drake
(04:31):
May had three interceptions in the fourth quarter, which I'm
told is not good. Now, I didn't play in the NFL,
but I'm told that's not good. And that allowed Seattle
to get over the hump on hump day. And without
Sam Darnold, that's not really much of a loss. But anyway, listen,
so Seattle came back. They win the game 13-10. The
(04:54):
better story, though, is in... The losing locker room, Mike Vrabel,
when he's not playing footsie with NFL insiders. He's coaching
the Patriots. Here is Mike Vrabel commenting on his quarterback
who had a three interception night. Here's Coach Vrabel. Take
(05:15):
a listen. It's just a long season.
Speaker 4 (05:17):
You know what I mean? Like, we're going to hold
our head up high and we have nothing but the
Upmost confidence in him and everybody on this football team,
and he's going to make a lot of plays for us.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
I mean, you can't throw three interceptions. Drake knows that. Oh,
they said Drake. There you go, Drake.
Speaker 4 (05:34):
We put ourselves in some long yardage situations on the one.
That would probably force, and I think the guy made
a great play on the last one.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Well, it's going to be a long season if he
keeps playing like that. It's going to get people fired,
Drake May. Holy crap. My God. All right, so that
is a good jumping-off point. The better story is obviously
in the losing locker room. That's where the story is.
The Patriots, this is an embarrassing day for the New
England Patriots franchise.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
It is.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
The game was right there. You gave the game away.
You just gave the game away, and that's on you.
Seattle didn't deserve this win, and that seems to happen
a lot to that team. Have you noticed? Like, something's
going on there. I mean, some kind of. Faustian bargain,
the Seattle Seahawks. Anyways, good jumping off point. Let us
discuss the question, what happened to Patriots quarterback Drake May
(06:30):
here in the lid lifter on the NFL season? So
I've got Mater D, Spinach, and Fuzzy. And we'll combine
all of these things together, and we are going to
grab some supper and work out the kinks, which is
what Drake May needs to do. So, A, listen, Drake
(06:52):
May was, I determined as I was watching the game,
and I didn't know this prior to the game, but
he was administered an IV drip. Did you know that? Yeah,
I saw it in a cartoon bubble in my head.
So Drake May was administered an IV drip, and it
contained a mixture of saline and suck. And I guess
they left the saline out, so it was just suck,
(07:12):
an IV drip of suck for Drake May. And in
a flash... Drake May went from the 2025 MVP runner-up
to the football equivalent of tossing cookies as you sit
on the porcelain pony, if you know what I mean.
My God. That was disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. We have some
(07:36):
more audio. Here's Drake May pointing out that what he
did is a felony. Take a listen.
Speaker 5 (07:43):
Yeah, I think we had the game under control. You know,
I thought we had a good... to try to start
chipping away and be patient. And, yeah, I lost patience
and it costed us. I think it just, you know,
decisions that cost us the game, you know.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
On my part and my end.
Speaker 5 (07:58):
And, you know, I vowed to myself to be better
and realize it's, you know, it's a long season, but
at the same time, you can't have those. You can't
have those. And it's unacceptable. And I know that it'll
get you back to work because, you know, that wasn't,
you know, how I play football and how I want
to represent, you know, my game and, you know, playing
quarterback for the Patriots.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
So Drake, in the middle of that, he's like, all right,
what cliches can I sew together? And let me get
my sewing machine out. Let me put the cliches together.
And here we go. So he did get an upgrade, though.
That's nice when you get an upgrade. You travel. Patriots
are on the road. He got an upgrade there. He
moved from coach to first class, and then they moved
(08:37):
him all the way up to the cockpit. And he said, boy,
I'm in the cockpit. This is great. He said, well, yeah,
it's actually not a plane. It's the Vomit Comet. And
he rode the Vomit Comet straight into Puget Sound. Kaboom!
So the Seahawks offense produced, if my math is correct here,
three points outside of Drake May's tax-deductible charitable donation from
(09:00):
his foundation. So the Patriots, on that final possession for
New England, they had a tie in the back. They
were in chip shot field goal range. At worst, you
go to overtime. And Drake May marked it return to
sender at the very end there. The game was in
his hands. And he said, let me go over to
(09:21):
that Walmart Express here. I'm going to hand deliver the
game to the people of Seattle. So I'm going to
do that. And he coughed up a hairball when the
Patriots needed him to purr. And he chose not to
purr here. So really what he did, he did some cosplay.
He was playing the Mater D. Drake May was playing
the Mater D here of interceptions at the Pike Place Market,
(09:42):
the famous tourist trap there in Seattle. And he simply
tapped out. Good afternoon, good evening, and good night. A
passer rating in the 50s. And the Patriots just terrible, terrible, not, drives,
three interceptions, one field goal, one touchdown. Everything else was
(10:04):
a punt for the Patriots. Page two, outside of Drake May,
give me a phrase. Give me a phrase to describe
the wide receiver Romeo Dobbs' debut with the Patriots. Because
this was a big story here, Romeo Dobbs and his
performance here. So the phrase I will use, it's actually,
(10:26):
I'm going to use a name. I'm going to use
a name. It's a musician, Jerry Lee Lewis. That's the
name I'm going to use. Dobbs wrote a parody song
of Jerry Lee Lewis's, you know, that famous Goodness Gracious,
Great Balls of Fire. And his spin on it, and
it is original because you normally don't want this kind
of thing in your first performance with a new employer.
(10:47):
So he sang a parody song, Romeo Dobbs, Goodness Gracious,
Great Balls of Suck. And that was his version. And
I believe the family of Jerry Lee Lewis is demanding royalties,
I think. So New England, I read, remember this offseason,
we talked about it, $ 39 million guaranteed for Romeo Dobbs.
(11:08):
$ 39 million guaranteed. And he opened up his Patriots career
here in prime time like a guy that won a
contract in a radio giveaway. Caller number 17. You're going
to win a chance to play wide receiver for the
New England Patriots. So what a name, right?
Speaker 6 (11:30):
Romeo.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
What a great name, Romeo. Romeo Dobbs. Patriots fans wanted
Romeo and Juliet. Instead, they've got Romeo and drop it
is what they got. So you only get one chance,
I'm told, to make a first impression. And Romeo Dobbs
showed up there. First impression in a real game with
the Patriots. And he had spinach in his teeth. He
had B.O., and his fly was down. Other than that,
(11:55):
everything was good. Everything was good. So with A.J. Brown
dinged up, more on that later, Brown knocked out of
the game, and he did not return. And the second
half there did not do much. A.J. Brown, when he
was out there, it was time for Dobbs to step
up at the big boy table there for Drake May.
And what did Dobbs do instead? He decided to curl
(12:18):
into the fetal position. and take a nap, and it
was a good nap. He felt pretty good after that. Now,
his play sucked, but he was not a security blanket.
If anything, Romeo Dobbs was an electric blanket that was
tossed into a bathtub, which I don't recommend. That's not
a good thing. So he was targeted three times. That's it,
(12:40):
three times, and Dobbs had zero catches. He had as
many as Mike the Leprechaun and Hollering James. Zero. Zippo.
And then to make it even more embarrassing, he's got
that that extra large pad on the helmet, which just
makes you stand out like it's just I there were
(13:02):
people who say, well, it's safer and all that, but
it just makes you look so terrible. It's just so bad.
And especially when you play like that, you're like, oh,
my God, it's like a throbbing, swollen thumb. And you
just stand out your eyes. I don't know if you
watch football like me. There's a couple of guys on
the Patriots that have it. And you see these teams
(13:23):
around the league that have the puffy helmet. And I
gravitate towards those people because it's like what doesn't belong. Well,
the person with the extra padding thing on the helmet
doesn't belong. And then Dobbs in this game, he stands out.
So you're gravitating your eyes to see the guy with
the funny hat on the clown costume. And then he
(13:45):
decided to open up the Candyman concession, which was kind
of nice to do that. The Candyman concession stand. And unfortunately,
they didn't have any Snickers. They didn't have any. Three Musketeers.
There were no M & Ms, no Reese's Pieces. They
only had Butterfingers. That's it. The Candyman concession stand. And
so dropped pass by Dobbs. There was an interception where
(14:06):
he didn't fight for the ball. He could have knocked
the ball conceivably away. It was just horrific. All right.
Last word to the Seattle side of things. So there's
already a pet peeve here. We're one game into the
NFL season. So the Seahawks lost starting quarterback Sam Darnold
after the first drive of the night. Oh, my aching hip. Oh,
(14:31):
my hip. Oh, my God. So the backup, Drew Locke,
came in. And seeing all this nonsense from the establishment
football media that Drew Locke was the hero and If
you do believe the NFL media elites, that is how
that played out. Now, Mike McDonald had a farm EIEIO.
(14:54):
And then on that farm, he said initial tests showed
that Sam Darnold did not break a bone. He said
that was positive news. There'll be some more tests, we understand,
for EIEIO. Sam Darnold, so they'll spend some money on that.
The story, though, is about the backup and the way
this is getting covered. So the question, are the Seahawks
in good hands if Darnold is out with Drew Locke
(15:18):
replacing Sam Darnold? Are they in good hands? So let's
call a spade a spade. This is not an All-State commercial.
We would not exactly say anyone here at the quarterback
position is is in good hands. Seattle wasn't in good
hands with Sam Darnold. Now, you can lie to yourself
and tell you that they're really in great shape when
(15:41):
Darnold plays. That would be a lie. And if you
want to lie to yourself, feel free. I'm not going
to stop you. But going from Sam Darnold to Drew Locke,
it is obviously not an upgrade. I will be fair.
It is not an upgrade. I would argue it is
not a downgrade. This is a tick-tock dance routine. It
is a sideways shuffle. The sideways shuffle. That's what this
is going from Sam Darnold to Drew Locke. Darnold, while
(16:05):
he is not at the top, they're certainly not elite. Neither,
of course, is Drew Locke. Darnold to Locke is the
NFL equivalent of checking out of your roach-infested Motel 6
hotel on the wrong side of the tracks and going
to Sodom and Gomorrah and checking into the Super 8
(16:26):
Motel and then bragging to all your friends about the upgrade.
I don't know that I would brag about that, so
The narrative of a heroic Drew Locke comeback story. To
that I say, talk to the hand. I just talk
to the hand. Drew Locke looked completely out of sync
(16:46):
the first four drives. I don't know what he was
doing before the game. I don't know. It certainly didn't
seem like he was ready to come in there. And
they all ended up on punts. For those of you
a little slow, that was a drive one punt. Drive two, punt.
Drive three, punt. How about drive four?
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Punt.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Okay. So the real reason Seattle won this game, Seattle
won because of the fuzzy. The lucky fuzzy dice. And somehow, someway,
every single red light turned green. Yet again. Yet again.
And Drake May, Drake May had a name change. He
went down to the courthouse and had his name changed.
(17:26):
He now identifies as Drek May because he just that
was Drek what he did was Drek when it truly
mattered now as far as Benny versus the penny which
is now back on radio as you heard yesterday we
took we took the Patriots minus or plus the three
so we didn't lose the bet we didn't win the
(17:47):
bet it's a push so we got our money back
which we hate but that's what happens if only we
had gotten the three and a half we would have
won the bet but the Point spread at the time
on DraftKings that we did it was three. So therefore,
it was a push. And we will have later on
the big Thursday night Benny versus the Penny pick, the
(18:08):
Rams and the 49ers from Melbourne, Australia. So the Rams
are going to be on vapors by the time that
game begins because, well, maybe they won't be. We'll find out.
As we pointed out, the travel thing, as they flew
on a plane where everyone had their own bed on
the plane. I've never been on a plane like that.
(18:28):
I usually just fly domestic, and I've never been on
one of those sleeper planes. The Rams, I don't know
if you know this, they got a lot of money,
so they were all just sitting there sleeping for 10
hours and then woke up and then probably went back
to sleep for another few hours, and then that was that.
If you would like to be part, what do you
think about the beginning of the NFL season? As we
are off to the races all the way until mid-February,
(18:50):
we'll have NFL to talk about every single week, at
least three nights a week, at least three nights a week,
which is kind of cool, right? 877-99 on Fox, 877-996-6369.
Also on the X Machine, at Ben Maller. That is
at Ben Maller. If you want to be part of
(19:14):
the live program as we make our way through the
overnight hours. We'll do it live! That's right. We're doing
it live, and it's a talk show, and we're talking,
and that's usually how that goes. You talk a little
bit here. You talk a little bit there. You talk everywhere.
(19:34):
So many people are convinced, many people are convinced that
the Seahawks have proven themselves to be clearly the better
team here against the Patriots and it's a huge mismatch
and all that stuff. Well, there's something that people... are missing.
There's a jigsaw puzzle piece that many people are missing
when it comes to that. We'll get to it. And also,
(19:58):
a damning note on Drek May. We'll go there as well.
We'll do it all. And we will do it.
Speaker 6 (20:09):
Next be sure to catch live editions of the ben
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(20:31):
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Speaker 1 (20:43):
Show fox sports radio.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
On youtube subscribe hit that thumbs up icon and comment
away the ben maller show on fox sports radio You're
five nights a week. If you love the show, five
nights on the overnight, four hours of a blank canvas
of words and the podcast every weekend called the Fifth
(21:06):
Hour Podcast, which is a pod only exclusive with bonus coverage.
That's eight shows a week. There's only seven days in
the week. There's eight shows a week now.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
If you don't like the show, it's on overnight when
most people are sleeping and nobody listens to the podcast,
so who cares? If you'd like to be part, 877-99
on Fox. That's 877-996-6369. Also on X, at Ben Maller.
That is at Ben Maller if you'd like to be part.
(21:40):
And Lorena is away for now. Alex is in here. Alex, the...
Former vegan, right? I don't think he's a vegan anymore.
It's kind of weird, yeah. I keep going back and forth, Ben.
Are you a vegan again?
Speaker 5 (21:52):
I now am.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
You are? Okay. This is the part where I would
give out your social media, but I don't remember it,
so I can't. You want to give it out? You
know what's funny is I don't even have social media
right now. Oh, you don't? Okay, then I don't need
to give it out. My wife doesn't do social media.
It's very odd. It's a weird thing to live in
that world without social media. It's kind of weird right now. Yeah,
(22:17):
that is. I give you credit. Thank you. I have
to have it for work. I don't know that I
would use it much if I didn't have the job.
Probably wouldn't, but I have the job, so I feel
like I have to have it. Coop is back. You
can say hello to Coop at abroncofan. That's abroncofan, and
your comments can and will be used against you in
(22:40):
the court of the Malheur Militia. Alf the Alien Alpiner
writes in, He says, Ben, by the sound of it,
I was fortunate to have been asleep during last night's game.
All I can say as a Patriots fan is F Poppy,
F you, he says, and F the penny. The curse
(23:00):
of the Ben Bino is alive and well, he points out. Well,
it wasn't a loss. And then he says, hashtag vomit comet.
Charlie from Wisconsin writes, and he says, that was a
bad monologue. He says, bad monologue, Maller. I'm giving it
an F overall. You seriously underrated the dark side defense.
(23:23):
I'd argue that they have a top five defense all time. Oh,
my God, Charlie. Stay off the crack, Charlie. Get off
the crack. You're a young guy. What are you doing, dude?
He says, because of that, they'll finish first, while the
Rams will finish third in the division. Charlie, you should
not be on social media when you're intoxicated and high.
(23:43):
That's a bad job by you, Charlie. I'm not impressed
with the Seattle Seahawks. That was a giveaway situation. You
understand most games are lost, not won. That is the
definition of a game being lost by the New England
Patriots and Drake May, who clearly is lacking the clutch
gene based on how he handled the final part of
(24:07):
that game where he literally defecated on NBC. There'll be
an FCC violation for the people over there at NBC.
My God. King Rory writes and says, at first I
thought I was going to miss Romeo Dobbs, but after
the performance there, I'm glad we, meaning the Packers, King
Rory's in Wisconsin, did not re-sign his sorry ass. I
(24:28):
think we'll be just fine, if not better, without him. Yeah,
I would not be too upset that Romeo Dobbs is
not on your football team. I would not be too
offended by that. I would think that that is okay.
That is an okay thing. And we'll just leave that
right there. My goodness. My boy, was he terrible and
(24:55):
either wasn't getting open or they decided they being the
team from. New England to not throw him the ball,
not target him, the whole thing. It was brutal. Absolutely brutal.
All right. Let's take some calls here. It is a
call-in show. We have some more comments as well. And
(25:18):
let's see here. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Well, he is
cashing a golden ticket. So let's go to him right now.
And we sail out to Hollering James in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Not wasting any time. Wasting no time. I didn't poop.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
Almost tried to cheat me out of my golden ticket.
Now everyone's trying to cheat me. I had a chiropractor
who cheated me, who cited him as American family in
all states because he thought he was going to get
more money because he claimed $ 25, 000 and didn't even have
a wife.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
James, James, James, are you playing the victim card from
the bottom of the deck? I feel like you're playing
the victim card. Why are you doing that? Don't play.
Nobody wants to hear that. Come on. Knock that off.
All right. Shame on you.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
All right.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
This is the most important thing here, the first call
of the show. I feel like you're going to sabotage
the show that we're not going to have a good show.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
I'm not sabotaging nothing.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
But I hate being cheated. All right. Well, we were
talking about the big NFL game on Wednesday night. Did
you watch the game?
Speaker 3 (26:25):
Did I watch the game? Of course I watched the game.
And in Seattle, I'm surprised they didn't cheat.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Well, how do we know they didn't cheat?
Speaker 3 (26:35):
Well, they cheated last year.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Well, that's right, the two-point conversion. Mike Tirico pointed that
out on the broadcast. I was happy that Mike, he
implied they cheated.
Speaker 5 (26:44):
What?
Speaker 3 (26:45):
I think Michigan cheated, too. I think Michigan cheated Michigan State.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
Well, that was, no, they didn't cheat Michigan State. It
was Western Michigan. It was Western Michigan, James, not Michigan State. But, yeah,
the Big Ten replay officials did a hell of a
job there to help out the Wolverines. They did. James,
I think you could have done as well, James, as
Romeo Dobbs. I believe that you would have done as
well as Romeo Dobbs. And after the game, did you
(27:12):
see what Romeo Dobbs had to say? No, you did not.
The man with the funny hat, wide receiver Romeo Dobbs,
who had a big drop in the fourth quarter and
did not have a catch, but with the score tied
at 10 in the fourth quarter, Dobbs, Right there, as
May dropped back to pass, and he dropped a pass
from May, and it would have given the Patriots a
(27:34):
key first down, and he screwed that up. And then afterwards,
when asked about his performance, Romeo Dobbs, did he A, say,
I wasn't that bad? B, no comment? Or C, I
wasn't locked in? Well, the answer would be C. He said, quote,
I wasn't locked in enough. He said, that's all video
speaks for itself. And like I said, I'll be better.
(27:56):
Why can't every player, James, say before the game, I'll
be better before the game? That way they don't have
to say it after the game. How about that? If
I was the coach of an NFL team, I'd get
every team huddled up. I'd say, all right, boys, we're
going to be better today. Say it with me now.
We are going to be better today. And then you
don't have to say it after the game. How about that, James?
Speaker 3 (28:17):
Because if Coop thought I'd be better, he let me
out when I had my golden ticket, and he wouldn't
let me take it.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Coop wasn't here. He doesn't know you have a golden ticket.
He wasn't here yesterday. So how would he know you
have a golden ticket? He didn't listen to the show.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
And I excuse him for that. But Coop, you better
wise up. I'm telling you, there'll be fines and suspensions.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
You're an idiot. All right. Are you afraid, Coop? All right.
We love you, James. All right. Hang up. You're on
way too much. Get out of here. I'm sure you'll
call right back. So that's usually what happens. Ferg Dog
writes in from that winter wonderland in Fullerton. He's getting
(28:58):
his snowplow ready for the big winter storm coming there.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Anyway, he says he's a big fan of Alex the Vegan.
can get an anime segment please can we get an
anime segment i've got a bunch of questions i don't
think he's into that either anymore have you moved on
from anime alex the vegan i don't know if he
has or not but uh he's gone oh he's gone
oh look lorraine is there look at that lorraine is
in the chair now unbelievable i don't know.
Speaker 7 (29:23):
How i'm gonna get to work ever again because i
can't drive my car.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
Yes uh lorraine had a tragic accident on the way
to work uh was uh there were police and firemen
involved it was.
Speaker 7 (29:35):
Um i was driving with my window down and a
giant cockroach flew in Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Either what I said or what she said. So you...
Where were you when this happened?
Speaker 7 (29:49):
I was driving to work.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Were you on the highway?
Speaker 7 (29:52):
No, I was on a side street.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
So you were on a side street. Were you near
the studio?
Speaker 7 (29:57):
I was about ten minutes away.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
So you're about 10 minutes away from work.
Speaker 7 (30:00):
Yeah, I get on the freeway over in Studio City.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Okay, Studio City.
Speaker 7 (30:04):
And then I'm driving down the road. I'm singing Britney
Spears on Pandora.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
Yeah, sure.
Speaker 7 (30:08):
And then all of a sudden, the biggest cockroach I've
seen in my life.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Have you seen a lot of cockroaches?
Speaker 7 (30:15):
It's right past my face and lands on my dashboard.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (30:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (30:19):
And then I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, my God.
And then he flies back across my face over to
the door. And I think he's about to climb out.
And I'm like, roll down your window quickly, even farther.
Because it was only like halfway down, you know, like half.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Yeah, I understand. I was just cocked.
Speaker 7 (30:31):
It wasn't ready to shoot.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
Yeah, sure. So then I pulled over.
Speaker 7 (30:35):
I was like, I can't get on the freeway because
if he crawls out, I'm going to crash.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
There's no way I won't. It's very traumatic to have
a cockroach in your car. And so you. And I'm
a girl.
Speaker 7 (30:46):
I keep lots of things in my car.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
All right. Send that out, Coop. Lorena is a girl.
Make sure to put that out on X, Coop. We
need to have that verified.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
I hate cockroaches.
Speaker 7 (30:56):
I cannot drive.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
That car now. All right. What are you going to
do with it?
Speaker 7 (31:02):
Burn it.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
You're going to burn it? Okay. It's the only option.
So you were late to work because of a cockroach? Yes. Yes.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
I got you. I understand. Everything okay? You want to
take the night off? It's not okay. You're not okay.
Talk it out there. Where did the cockroach hurt you?
Point to the, where did the cockroach hurt you?
Speaker 7 (31:24):
When I felt him flutter across my body.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yeah, yeah, I understand.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
Can I ask a question?
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
It's about a thousand degrees in L.A. right now. Massive
heat waves. Hotter in L.A. than Miami. Why do you
have your windows down?
Speaker 7 (31:39):
Because it was, you know, like a good breeze.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Does your car not have air conditioning?
Speaker 7 (31:43):
It does, but I like a nice breeze.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
It has air conditioning. But wouldn't you want to use
the air conditioning?
Speaker 7 (31:48):
No, there's no nice breeze. I'm only going to use
my air conditioning from now on. Honestly, Ben, I'm not
even going outside anymore.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Walking into the studio.
Speaker 7 (31:55):
When I'm, you know, coming in right now. Yeah. I
don't even know what it was. I think it was
a massive dragonfly, like, flew into my face, and I
had another panic attack and started crying again.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
I understand.
Speaker 4 (32:06):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
I have PTSD. I understand. I got it. You ever
been to Hawaii? They have bigger cockroaches in Hawaii. They
fly around really massive. Australia. I bet Australia's got the
biggest cockroaches. Go down to Australia. Everything's bigger in Australia.
All right. Take it easy, Lorraine. Everything will be okay.
Get you a therapy miniature horse. Everything will be all right.
(32:29):
Mark the Walker writes in from Rochester. He says, that's
New York, Rochester. A monologue, Mallor, let's not forget, that
Jerry Lee Lewis married his 13-year-old cousin. That makes me
slightly less uncomfortable than Drake and Romeo's performance. But not
to be outdone, Drew Locke entered the fray. Go Bills. Now,
(32:51):
the Bills monster who changed his name on X to
something else, he writes in, never forget the Monday after
the first NFL Sunday of the year is the best
Ben Maller show of the year. So that stays away.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
Gunner.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
From the Walmart in northern Minnesota writes in, says great
opening monologue. Both these teams, the Seahawks and Patriots, are terrible.
Cannot wait for my Panthers to go 13-4 this season
and a Super Bowl. So everyone's sauced up here. We've
determined everyone is sauced up. Trucker Joe checks in. He
says he's doing it live out there in Vegas with
(33:27):
the wifey. We'll enjoy lost wages Nevada. That's a nice
place to hang out. They got big air conditioners. Double
O Mexican is up late with us. He says 9.6
on the Mallard monologue. Are you sure Romeo Dobbs isn't
the guy who got arrested for impersonating an NFL player? Yeah.
(33:49):
Nostradinus has been playing around with Grok, and he's done
me and Looney cheering for the Seahawks. I really don't
need to see that. That is, you've got way too
much time on your hands. Nostradamus, go out and have
lunch with Sasquatch or something. What's wrong with you? Doug
(34:10):
writes in from South Korea. He says, how long until A.J.
Brown starts pouting like a spoiled toddler because he doesn't
like his quarterback's play? I don't know. Kermudgeon Wayne writes
in from Duluth. He says, didn't take long and you
ditched the rundown. I knew it wouldn't last long. He says,
lay off the sauce, he points out. Yes, lay off
(34:33):
the sauce. Clearly, got to lay off the sauce there. Wayne,
if you subscribe to Malheur Plus, you would get that rundown.
Everyone that has Malheur Plus had... Information on what we
were talking about. You chose not to pay for Malheur
Plus because you're a tightwad, and that's on you. That
is on you. That's a bad job by you. All right.
(35:00):
It is the Ben Malheur Show as we are working
our way through the overnight here. Time for the Who
Am I Game? And this is where we pretend to
be somebody else else. We call it the Who Am
I Game Show. And here it is. In honor of
Drake May and his performance there giving the win to Seattle. Tremendous,
(35:26):
tremendous gift. I'm really kind to give the first game
of the year away. Most people would not want to
do that, and he did. I am the last quarterback
before Drake May to throw a pick down by three
with less than a minute left inside of the 20-yard line.
which is exactly what Drake May did here. I'm the
(35:47):
last quarterback prior to Drake May to throw an interception
down by three with less than a minute left inside
of the opponent's 20-yard line. Who am I? That is
the question, the answer. We'll get to it, and we
will do it next.
Speaker 6 (36:10):
Be sure to catch live editions of the Ben Maller
Show weekdays at 2 a.m. Eastern, 11 p.m. Pacific.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
The Ben Maller Show on Fox Sports Radio.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
As we roll on and on and on and on
through the overnight hours as the Seattle Seahawks get the
first game in the bag there. Thanks to a lot
of help from the 12th man, Drake May. Get him
that number 12 jersey as Patriots quarterback, doing everything he
(36:40):
can to make sure Seattle gets that win, and they did.
Check is in the mail, Drake. Get one of those
Kawhi Leonard under-the-table checks. Way to go. Way to go. Reminder,
the 5th Hour Podcast returns tomorrow. This is our Thursday show,
and we are efforting a pretty interesting name. Pretty interesting
(37:04):
name for the Fifth Hour. I don't want to give
it any away. We'll tell you more. We lock everything
up there, but that'll be coming up on the Friday edition.
We'll have new episodes all weekend long of the Fifth
Hour podcast. Back to it. All right, back to it
we go. And excited to have you hanging out with
(37:24):
us and time to pay off. The Who Am I
game in honor of Drek May, who really left the
Drek out on the field there in the fourth quarter.
Final three pitchers drives. Interception, interception, interception. Oh, you're so mean, Maller.
I know. I should give him a massage. I like
(37:45):
that nickname, by the way. You like that? You think
that'll stick there? Drake, not Drake May, it's Drek May.
I hope it does. I like it. Okay, let's go
with that. Drek May. All right, so here it is.
That's Koopa Loop, of course. I am the last NFL
quarterback prior to Drek May to throw a pick down
by three with less than a minute left inside of
(38:07):
the opponent's 20-yard line. Who am I? Keep in mind,
this does not happen very often. You got to be
a special kind of naughty to do that. You understand
what I'm saying here? It's not a... Typical occurrence. Let's see,
what do we have here? Charlie is going with Drew
(38:31):
Horseface Locke. I don't know that he's got a horseface, Charlie.
That's not very nice. I don't know that you should
say that. What else do we have? Sam Darnold, guest
by Femi, the top Uber Eats driver in.
Minnesota, Twin Cities. Alf the Alien O'Piner says La Cucaracha
(38:54):
is the answer. Oh, please don't talk about it. Doc
Dan says John Hadle. It's a good-looking man there, Doc Dan. That's...
He's got the cul-de-sac going on. What else do we have?
Late Night Drug Tester from Parts Unknown says you are
(39:15):
golfer Brooke Henderson, who is 31 today. I have no
idea who that is, but happy birthday. What else do
we have? Let's see here. Russell Wilson on Seattle in
the Super Bowl from Freddie. Dat Dude is dating himself.
He says father. Guido Sarducci, the old Saturday Night Live guy.
(39:35):
What else do we have? Malapropguy says Colin Kaepernick throwing
one of his many interceptions. Nature Boy says it's Lorena's roach.
That that is the answer. Too soon. Double-O Mexican in
San Diego going with Mark Bolger. Yebit, yebit, yebit, yebit, yebit, yebit, yebit,
the yebit rabbit. Yebit, yebit, yebit, yebit, yebit, yebit. All right. Lorena,
(39:57):
do you have an answer, Lorena? Raid cockroach spray. Okay,
is it raid cockroach spray? No, that's incorrect. Incorrect answer.
Last player before Drake May, down three less than a
minute to go, throws an interception inside the 20-yard line.
Alligator Arms, Kyler Murray in 2021. Get ready, Viking fans.
Kyler Murray.
How do you do? It's our number one! And it
is the Ben Maller Show. Happy Thursday to you. It's
the 10th day of September. As we motor on here
in the beginning of the NFL season. Happened last night.
We stayed up all night. We lost track of time.
(00:21):
We stayed up all night for the ups and downs
of the NFL season. As Seattle... Getting a gift yet again.
Lucky rabbit's foot working out for the Seahawks here. What happened, though,
to the Patriots quarterback, Drake May, or as we're calling
him now, Drek May, in the season opener? Final three
New England possessions. He turned the ball over with interceptions. Also,
(00:44):
give me a phrase to describe wide receiver Romeo Dobbs'
debut with the Patriots. It was very forgettable. And are
the Seahawks in good hands with backup quarterback Drew Locke,
who replaced the injured Sam Darnold? We'll discuss all of that.
Was this a eureka moment for Drew Locke? All of
(01:05):
that and more right now as we divide and rule
the audio waves on the podcast. It's hour number one.
An unpatriotic beginning to the NFL season. Welcome in the
beginning of another night of the Ben Maller Show.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
We are in the air everywhere with fresh thoughts as
we change with the times, because the times keep on changing.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Coast to coast, border to border, and beyond, on The Vast.
And funkily powerful microphones of FSR emanating live from the off,
the kickoff. The Fox Sports Radio studios hanging out here
somewhere far, far away in the. Twilight Zone of the
(02:02):
world-famous Fox Sports Radio Studios, where we are guaranteed human.
And as J.J. in Renton and Nostradinus, along with Alf, Ferdog,
and MallorPropGuy all know, this show... is in ExpressTrain. And really,
it's really just about Express Employment. If you work in logistics,
(02:23):
you know nothing moves without you. Companies need skilled people now,
and Express Employment professionals can help you find contract and
full-time work that fits at no cost to you. Visit
ExpressPros.com to get support, get options, and get to work.
So our lead this hour. Don't bury the lead, my man!
I think you know where the lead is. There's only
(02:45):
one thing we've been waiting for months and months and months.
It keeps the lights on around here. What is it
that keeps the lights on around here? Well, that would
be the National Football League. And it was a Humpty Dance,
the traditional Wednesday opener, unless there's nothing traditional about a
Wednesday opener. But they played it. They started it because
(03:05):
they had this Fugazi game in. Melbourne, Australia, so they
had to accommodate the good people of Melbourne. So instead
of starting on Thursday, which is normally what happens now,
we had the Wednesday kickoff. But the curtain did go
up on the 2026 NFL regular season, a rematch. of
Super Bowl 60, which wasn't very good, and this game
(03:27):
wasn't very good. So Patriots and Seahawks, they get together.
Not good football. The end of the game was fine,
but the balance of the game, which is like three
hours and whatever, not very good. Not very good. Oh,
you're not supposed to say that, Maller. You're supposed to
drink the NFL Kool-Aid.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
Okay, fine.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Whatever you want. Well, it was a hump day special there,
so I assume you watched or heard it on some
kind of transistor radio, but perhaps not. Perhaps not. So
the backup quarterback, the backup quarterback, Drew Locke. Lock it in.
Drew Locke, a couple of late scoring drives, and the
(04:10):
Seattle Seahawks, Getting a lot of help from the 12th man,
not the fans, that would be Drake May, who should
be getting a 12 jersey and be part of the
pregame festivities in years to come. They should bring Drake
May to Seattle and have him do that little thing
that Richard Sherman was doing before the game. So Drake
(04:31):
May had three interceptions in the fourth quarter, which I'm
told is not good. Now, I didn't play in the NFL,
but I'm told that's not good. And that allowed Seattle
to get over the hump on hump day. And without
Sam Darnold, that's not really much of a loss. But anyway, listen,
so Seattle came back. They win the game 13-10. The
(04:54):
better story, though, is in... The losing locker room, Mike Vrabel,
when he's not playing footsie with NFL insiders. He's coaching
the Patriots. Here is Mike Vrabel commenting on his quarterback
who had a three interception night. Here's Coach Vrabel. Take
(05:15):
a listen. It's just a long season.
Speaker 4 (05:17):
You know what I mean? Like, we're going to hold
our head up high and we have nothing but the
Upmost confidence in him and everybody on this football team,
and he's going to make a lot of plays for us.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
I mean, you can't throw three interceptions. Drake knows that. Oh,
they said Drake. There you go, Drake.
Speaker 4 (05:34):
We put ourselves in some long yardage situations on the one.
That would probably force, and I think the guy made
a great play on the last one.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Well, it's going to be a long season if he
keeps playing like that. It's going to get people fired,
Drake May. Holy crap. My God. All right, so that
is a good jumping-off point. The better story is obviously
in the losing locker room. That's where the story is.
The Patriots, this is an embarrassing day for the New
England Patriots franchise.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
It is.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
The game was right there. You gave the game away.
You just gave the game away, and that's on you.
Seattle didn't deserve this win, and that seems to happen
a lot to that team. Have you noticed? Like, something's
going on there. I mean, some kind of. Faustian bargain,
the Seattle Seahawks. Anyways, good jumping off point. Let us
discuss the question, what happened to Patriots quarterback Drake May
(06:30):
here in the lid lifter on the NFL season? So
I've got Mater D, Spinach, and Fuzzy. And we'll combine
all of these things together, and we are going to
grab some supper and work out the kinks, which is
what Drake May needs to do. So, A, listen, Drake
(06:52):
May was, I determined as I was watching the game,
and I didn't know this prior to the game, but
he was administered an IV drip. Did you know that? Yeah,
I saw it in a cartoon bubble in my head.
So Drake May was administered an IV drip, and it
contained a mixture of saline and suck. And I guess
they left the saline out, so it was just suck,
(07:12):
an IV drip of suck for Drake May. And in
a flash... Drake May went from the 2025 MVP runner-up
to the football equivalent of tossing cookies as you sit
on the porcelain pony, if you know what I mean.
My God. That was disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. We have some
(07:36):
more audio. Here's Drake May pointing out that what he
did is a felony. Take a listen.
Speaker 5 (07:43):
Yeah, I think we had the game under control. You know,
I thought we had a good... to try to start
chipping away and be patient. And, yeah, I lost patience
and it costed us. I think it just, you know,
decisions that cost us the game, you know.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
On my part and my end.
Speaker 5 (07:58):
And, you know, I vowed to myself to be better
and realize it's, you know, it's a long season, but
at the same time, you can't have those. You can't
have those. And it's unacceptable. And I know that it'll
get you back to work because, you know, that wasn't,
you know, how I play football and how I want
to represent, you know, my game and, you know, playing
quarterback for the Patriots.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
So Drake, in the middle of that, he's like, all right,
what cliches can I sew together? And let me get
my sewing machine out. Let me put the cliches together.
And here we go. So he did get an upgrade, though.
That's nice when you get an upgrade. You travel. Patriots
are on the road. He got an upgrade there. He
moved from coach to first class, and then they moved
(08:37):
him all the way up to the cockpit. And he said, boy,
I'm in the cockpit. This is great. He said, well, yeah,
it's actually not a plane. It's the Vomit Comet. And
he rode the Vomit Comet straight into Puget Sound. Kaboom!
So the Seahawks offense produced, if my math is correct here,
three points outside of Drake May's tax-deductible charitable donation from
(09:00):
his foundation. So the Patriots, on that final possession for
New England, they had a tie in the back. They
were in chip shot field goal range. At worst, you
go to overtime. And Drake May marked it return to
sender at the very end there. The game was in
his hands. And he said, let me go over to
(09:21):
that Walmart Express here. I'm going to hand deliver the
game to the people of Seattle. So I'm going to
do that. And he coughed up a hairball when the
Patriots needed him to purr. And he chose not to
purr here. So really what he did, he did some cosplay.
He was playing the Mater D. Drake May was playing
the Mater D here of interceptions at the Pike Place Market,
(09:42):
the famous tourist trap there in Seattle. And he simply
tapped out. Good afternoon, good evening, and good night. A
passer rating in the 50s. And the Patriots just terrible, terrible, not, drives,
three interceptions, one field goal, one touchdown. Everything else was
(10:04):
a punt for the Patriots. Page two, outside of Drake May,
give me a phrase. Give me a phrase to describe
the wide receiver Romeo Dobbs' debut with the Patriots. Because
this was a big story here, Romeo Dobbs and his
performance here. So the phrase I will use, it's actually,
(10:26):
I'm going to use a name. I'm going to use
a name. It's a musician, Jerry Lee Lewis. That's the
name I'm going to use. Dobbs wrote a parody song
of Jerry Lee Lewis's, you know, that famous Goodness Gracious,
Great Balls of Fire. And his spin on it, and
it is original because you normally don't want this kind
of thing in your first performance with a new employer.
(10:47):
So he sang a parody song, Romeo Dobbs, Goodness Gracious,
Great Balls of Suck. And that was his version. And
I believe the family of Jerry Lee Lewis is demanding royalties,
I think. So New England, I read, remember this offseason,
we talked about it, $ 39 million guaranteed for Romeo Dobbs.
(11:08):
$ 39 million guaranteed. And he opened up his Patriots career
here in prime time like a guy that won a
contract in a radio giveaway. Caller number 17. You're going
to win a chance to play wide receiver for the
New England Patriots. So what a name, right?
Speaker 6 (11:30):
Romeo.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
What a great name, Romeo. Romeo Dobbs. Patriots fans wanted
Romeo and Juliet. Instead, they've got Romeo and drop it
is what they got. So you only get one chance,
I'm told, to make a first impression. And Romeo Dobbs
showed up there. First impression in a real game with
the Patriots. And he had spinach in his teeth. He
had B.O., and his fly was down. Other than that,
(11:55):
everything was good. Everything was good. So with A.J. Brown
dinged up, more on that later, Brown knocked out of
the game, and he did not return. And the second
half there did not do much. A.J. Brown, when he
was out there, it was time for Dobbs to step
up at the big boy table there for Drake May.
And what did Dobbs do instead? He decided to curl
(12:18):
into the fetal position. and take a nap, and it
was a good nap. He felt pretty good after that. Now,
his play sucked, but he was not a security blanket.
If anything, Romeo Dobbs was an electric blanket that was
tossed into a bathtub, which I don't recommend. That's not
a good thing. So he was targeted three times. That's it,
(12:40):
three times, and Dobbs had zero catches. He had as
many as Mike the Leprechaun and Hollering James. Zero. Zippo.
And then to make it even more embarrassing, he's got
that that extra large pad on the helmet, which just
makes you stand out like it's just I there were
(13:02):
people who say, well, it's safer and all that, but
it just makes you look so terrible. It's just so bad.
And especially when you play like that, you're like, oh,
my God, it's like a throbbing, swollen thumb. And you
just stand out your eyes. I don't know if you
watch football like me. There's a couple of guys on
the Patriots that have it. And you see these teams
(13:23):
around the league that have the puffy helmet. And I
gravitate towards those people because it's like what doesn't belong. Well,
the person with the extra padding thing on the helmet
doesn't belong. And then Dobbs in this game, he stands out.
So you're gravitating your eyes to see the guy with
the funny hat on the clown costume. And then he
(13:45):
decided to open up the Candyman concession, which was kind
of nice to do that. The Candyman concession stand. And unfortunately,
they didn't have any Snickers. They didn't have any. Three Musketeers.
There were no M & Ms, no Reese's Pieces. They
only had Butterfingers. That's it. The Candyman concession stand. And
so dropped pass by Dobbs. There was an interception where
(14:06):
he didn't fight for the ball. He could have knocked
the ball conceivably away. It was just horrific. All right.
Last word to the Seattle side of things. So there's
already a pet peeve here. We're one game into the
NFL season. So the Seahawks lost starting quarterback Sam Darnold
after the first drive of the night. Oh, my aching hip. Oh,
(14:31):
my hip. Oh, my God. So the backup, Drew Locke,
came in. And seeing all this nonsense from the establishment
football media that Drew Locke was the hero and If
you do believe the NFL media elites, that is how
that played out. Now, Mike McDonald had a farm EIEIO.
(14:54):
And then on that farm, he said initial tests showed
that Sam Darnold did not break a bone. He said
that was positive news. There'll be some more tests, we understand,
for EIEIO. Sam Darnold, so they'll spend some money on that.
The story, though, is about the backup and the way
this is getting covered. So the question, are the Seahawks
in good hands if Darnold is out with Drew Locke
(15:18):
replacing Sam Darnold? Are they in good hands? So let's
call a spade a spade. This is not an All-State commercial.
We would not exactly say anyone here at the quarterback
position is is in good hands. Seattle wasn't in good
hands with Sam Darnold. Now, you can lie to yourself
and tell you that they're really in great shape when
(15:41):
Darnold plays. That would be a lie. And if you
want to lie to yourself, feel free. I'm not going
to stop you. But going from Sam Darnold to Drew Locke,
it is obviously not an upgrade. I will be fair.
It is not an upgrade. I would argue it is
not a downgrade. This is a tick-tock dance routine. It
is a sideways shuffle. The sideways shuffle. That's what this
is going from Sam Darnold to Drew Locke. Darnold, while
(16:05):
he is not at the top, they're certainly not elite. Neither,
of course, is Drew Locke. Darnold to Locke is the
NFL equivalent of checking out of your roach-infested Motel 6
hotel on the wrong side of the tracks and going
to Sodom and Gomorrah and checking into the Super 8
(16:26):
Motel and then bragging to all your friends about the upgrade.
I don't know that I would brag about that, so
The narrative of a heroic Drew Locke comeback story. To
that I say, talk to the hand. I just talk
to the hand. Drew Locke looked completely out of sync
(16:46):
the first four drives. I don't know what he was
doing before the game. I don't know. It certainly didn't
seem like he was ready to come in there. And
they all ended up on punts. For those of you
a little slow, that was a drive one punt. Drive two, punt.
Drive three, punt. How about drive four?
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Punt.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Okay. So the real reason Seattle won this game, Seattle
won because of the fuzzy. The lucky fuzzy dice. And somehow, someway,
every single red light turned green. Yet again. Yet again.
And Drake May, Drake May had a name change. He
went down to the courthouse and had his name changed.
(17:26):
He now identifies as Drek May because he just that
was Drek what he did was Drek when it truly
mattered now as far as Benny versus the penny which
is now back on radio as you heard yesterday we
took we took the Patriots minus or plus the three
so we didn't lose the bet we didn't win the
(17:47):
bet it's a push so we got our money back
which we hate but that's what happens if only we
had gotten the three and a half we would have
won the bet but the Point spread at the time
on DraftKings that we did it was three. So therefore,
it was a push. And we will have later on
the big Thursday night Benny versus the Penny pick, the
(18:08):
Rams and the 49ers from Melbourne, Australia. So the Rams
are going to be on vapors by the time that
game begins because, well, maybe they won't be. We'll find out.
As we pointed out, the travel thing, as they flew
on a plane where everyone had their own bed on
the plane. I've never been on a plane like that.
(18:28):
I usually just fly domestic, and I've never been on
one of those sleeper planes. The Rams, I don't know
if you know this, they got a lot of money,
so they were all just sitting there sleeping for 10
hours and then woke up and then probably went back
to sleep for another few hours, and then that was that.
If you would like to be part, what do you
think about the beginning of the NFL season? As we
are off to the races all the way until mid-February,
(18:50):
we'll have NFL to talk about every single week, at
least three nights a week, at least three nights a week,
which is kind of cool, right? 877-99 on Fox, 877-996-6369.
Also on the X Machine, at Ben Maller. That is
at Ben Maller. If you want to be part of
(19:14):
the live program as we make our way through the
overnight hours. We'll do it live! That's right. We're doing
it live, and it's a talk show, and we're talking,
and that's usually how that goes. You talk a little
bit here. You talk a little bit there. You talk everywhere.
(19:34):
So many people are convinced, many people are convinced that
the Seahawks have proven themselves to be clearly the better
team here against the Patriots and it's a huge mismatch
and all that stuff. Well, there's something that people... are missing.
There's a jigsaw puzzle piece that many people are missing
when it comes to that. We'll get to it. And also,
(19:58):
a damning note on Drek May. We'll go there as well.
We'll do it all. And we will do it.
Speaker 6 (20:09):
Next be sure to catch live editions of the ben
maller show weekdays at 2 a.m eastern 11 p.m pacific
on fox sports radio and the iheart radio app fox
sports radio is taking over youtube and you can be
a part of it just go to youtube and search
fox sports radio hit that subscribe button and smash that
notification bell and catch all the videos from your favorite
(20:31):
shows two pros and a cup of jump dan patrick
colin cowherd stew gods and company live covino and rich
the odd couple with rob parker and kelvin washington the
jason smith show with mike harman and the ben maller.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Show fox sports radio.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
On youtube subscribe hit that thumbs up icon and comment
away the ben maller show on fox sports radio You're
five nights a week. If you love the show, five
nights on the overnight, four hours of a blank canvas
of words and the podcast every weekend called the Fifth
(21:06):
Hour Podcast, which is a pod only exclusive with bonus coverage.
That's eight shows a week. There's only seven days in
the week. There's eight shows a week now.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
If you don't like the show, it's on overnight when
most people are sleeping and nobody listens to the podcast,
so who cares? If you'd like to be part, 877-99
on Fox. That's 877-996-6369. Also on X, at Ben Maller.
That is at Ben Maller if you'd like to be part.
(21:40):
And Lorena is away for now. Alex is in here. Alex, the...
Former vegan, right? I don't think he's a vegan anymore.
It's kind of weird, yeah. I keep going back and forth, Ben.
Are you a vegan again?
Speaker 5 (21:52):
I now am.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
You are? Okay. This is the part where I would
give out your social media, but I don't remember it,
so I can't. You want to give it out? You
know what's funny is I don't even have social media
right now. Oh, you don't? Okay, then I don't need
to give it out. My wife doesn't do social media.
It's very odd. It's a weird thing to live in
that world without social media. It's kind of weird right now. Yeah,
(22:17):
that is. I give you credit. Thank you. I have
to have it for work. I don't know that I
would use it much if I didn't have the job.
Probably wouldn't, but I have the job, so I feel
like I have to have it. Coop is back. You
can say hello to Coop at abroncofan. That's abroncofan, and
your comments can and will be used against you in
(22:40):
the court of the Malheur Militia. Alf the Alien Alpiner
writes in, He says, Ben, by the sound of it,
I was fortunate to have been asleep during last night's game.
All I can say as a Patriots fan is F Poppy,
F you, he says, and F the penny. The curse
(23:00):
of the Ben Bino is alive and well, he points out. Well,
it wasn't a loss. And then he says, hashtag vomit comet.
Charlie from Wisconsin writes, and he says, that was a
bad monologue. He says, bad monologue, Maller. I'm giving it
an F overall. You seriously underrated the dark side defense.
(23:23):
I'd argue that they have a top five defense all time. Oh,
my God, Charlie. Stay off the crack, Charlie. Get off
the crack. You're a young guy. What are you doing, dude?
He says, because of that, they'll finish first, while the
Rams will finish third in the division. Charlie, you should
not be on social media when you're intoxicated and high.
(23:43):
That's a bad job by you, Charlie. I'm not impressed
with the Seattle Seahawks. That was a giveaway situation. You
understand most games are lost, not won. That is the
definition of a game being lost by the New England
Patriots and Drake May, who clearly is lacking the clutch
gene based on how he handled the final part of
(24:07):
that game where he literally defecated on NBC. There'll be
an FCC violation for the people over there at NBC.
My God. King Rory writes and says, at first I
thought I was going to miss Romeo Dobbs, but after
the performance there, I'm glad we, meaning the Packers, King
Rory's in Wisconsin, did not re-sign his sorry ass. I
(24:28):
think we'll be just fine, if not better, without him. Yeah,
I would not be too upset that Romeo Dobbs is
not on your football team. I would not be too
offended by that. I would think that that is okay.
That is an okay thing. And we'll just leave that
right there. My goodness. My boy, was he terrible and
(24:55):
either wasn't getting open or they decided they being the
team from. New England to not throw him the ball,
not target him, the whole thing. It was brutal. Absolutely brutal.
All right. Let's take some calls here. It is a
call-in show. We have some more comments as well. And
(25:18):
let's see here. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Well, he is
cashing a golden ticket. So let's go to him right now.
And we sail out to Hollering James in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Not wasting any time. Wasting no time. I didn't poop.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
Almost tried to cheat me out of my golden ticket.
Now everyone's trying to cheat me. I had a chiropractor
who cheated me, who cited him as American family in
all states because he thought he was going to get
more money because he claimed $ 25, 000 and didn't even have
a wife.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
James, James, James, are you playing the victim card from
the bottom of the deck? I feel like you're playing
the victim card. Why are you doing that? Don't play.
Nobody wants to hear that. Come on. Knock that off.
All right. Shame on you.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
All right.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
This is the most important thing here, the first call
of the show. I feel like you're going to sabotage
the show that we're not going to have a good show.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
I'm not sabotaging nothing.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
But I hate being cheated. All right. Well, we were
talking about the big NFL game on Wednesday night. Did
you watch the game?
Speaker 3 (26:25):
Did I watch the game? Of course I watched the game.
And in Seattle, I'm surprised they didn't cheat.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Well, how do we know they didn't cheat?
Speaker 3 (26:35):
Well, they cheated last year.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Well, that's right, the two-point conversion. Mike Tirico pointed that
out on the broadcast. I was happy that Mike, he
implied they cheated.
Speaker 5 (26:44):
What?
Speaker 3 (26:45):
I think Michigan cheated, too. I think Michigan cheated Michigan State.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
Well, that was, no, they didn't cheat Michigan State. It
was Western Michigan. It was Western Michigan, James, not Michigan State. But, yeah,
the Big Ten replay officials did a hell of a
job there to help out the Wolverines. They did. James,
I think you could have done as well, James, as
Romeo Dobbs. I believe that you would have done as
well as Romeo Dobbs. And after the game, did you
(27:12):
see what Romeo Dobbs had to say? No, you did not.
The man with the funny hat, wide receiver Romeo Dobbs,
who had a big drop in the fourth quarter and
did not have a catch, but with the score tied
at 10 in the fourth quarter, Dobbs, Right there, as
May dropped back to pass, and he dropped a pass
from May, and it would have given the Patriots a
(27:34):
key first down, and he screwed that up. And then afterwards,
when asked about his performance, Romeo Dobbs, did he A, say,
I wasn't that bad? B, no comment? Or C, I
wasn't locked in? Well, the answer would be C. He said, quote,
I wasn't locked in enough. He said, that's all video
speaks for itself. And like I said, I'll be better.
(27:56):
Why can't every player, James, say before the game, I'll
be better before the game? That way they don't have
to say it after the game. How about that? If
I was the coach of an NFL team, I'd get
every team huddled up. I'd say, all right, boys, we're
going to be better today. Say it with me now.
We are going to be better today. And then you
don't have to say it after the game. How about that, James?
Speaker 3 (28:17):
Because if Coop thought I'd be better, he let me
out when I had my golden ticket, and he wouldn't
let me take it.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Coop wasn't here. He doesn't know you have a golden ticket.
He wasn't here yesterday. So how would he know you
have a golden ticket? He didn't listen to the show.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
And I excuse him for that. But Coop, you better
wise up. I'm telling you, there'll be fines and suspensions.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
You're an idiot. All right. Are you afraid, Coop? All right.
We love you, James. All right. Hang up. You're on
way too much. Get out of here. I'm sure you'll
call right back. So that's usually what happens. Ferg Dog
writes in from that winter wonderland in Fullerton. He's getting
(28:58):
his snowplow ready for the big winter storm coming there.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Anyway, he says he's a big fan of Alex the Vegan.
can get an anime segment please can we get an
anime segment i've got a bunch of questions i don't
think he's into that either anymore have you moved on
from anime alex the vegan i don't know if he
has or not but uh he's gone oh he's gone
oh look lorraine is there look at that lorraine is
in the chair now unbelievable i don't know.
Speaker 7 (29:23):
How i'm gonna get to work ever again because i
can't drive my car.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
Yes uh lorraine had a tragic accident on the way
to work uh was uh there were police and firemen
involved it was.
Speaker 7 (29:35):
Um i was driving with my window down and a
giant cockroach flew in Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Either what I said or what she said. So you...
Where were you when this happened?
Speaker 7 (29:49):
I was driving to work.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Were you on the highway?
Speaker 7 (29:52):
No, I was on a side street.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
So you were on a side street. Were you near
the studio?
Speaker 7 (29:57):
I was about ten minutes away.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
So you're about 10 minutes away from work.
Speaker 7 (30:00):
Yeah, I get on the freeway over in Studio City.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Okay, Studio City.
Speaker 7 (30:04):
And then I'm driving down the road. I'm singing Britney
Spears on Pandora.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
Yeah, sure.
Speaker 7 (30:08):
And then all of a sudden, the biggest cockroach I've
seen in my life.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Have you seen a lot of cockroaches?
Speaker 7 (30:15):
It's right past my face and lands on my dashboard.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (30:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (30:19):
And then I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, my God.
And then he flies back across my face over to
the door. And I think he's about to climb out.
And I'm like, roll down your window quickly, even farther.
Because it was only like halfway down, you know, like half.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Yeah, I understand. I was just cocked.
Speaker 7 (30:31):
It wasn't ready to shoot.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
Yeah, sure. So then I pulled over.
Speaker 7 (30:35):
I was like, I can't get on the freeway because
if he crawls out, I'm going to crash.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
There's no way I won't. It's very traumatic to have
a cockroach in your car. And so you. And I'm
a girl.
Speaker 7 (30:46):
I keep lots of things in my car.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
All right. Send that out, Coop. Lorena is a girl.
Make sure to put that out on X, Coop. We
need to have that verified.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
I hate cockroaches.
Speaker 7 (30:56):
I cannot drive.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
That car now. All right. What are you going to
do with it?
Speaker 7 (31:02):
Burn it.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
You're going to burn it? Okay. It's the only option.
So you were late to work because of a cockroach? Yes. Yes.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
I got you. I understand. Everything okay? You want to
take the night off? It's not okay. You're not okay.
Talk it out there. Where did the cockroach hurt you?
Point to the, where did the cockroach hurt you?
Speaker 7 (31:24):
When I felt him flutter across my body.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yeah, yeah, I understand.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
Can I ask a question?
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
It's about a thousand degrees in L.A. right now. Massive
heat waves. Hotter in L.A. than Miami. Why do you
have your windows down?
Speaker 7 (31:39):
Because it was, you know, like a good breeze.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Does your car not have air conditioning?
Speaker 7 (31:43):
It does, but I like a nice breeze.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
It has air conditioning. But wouldn't you want to use
the air conditioning?
Speaker 7 (31:48):
No, there's no nice breeze. I'm only going to use
my air conditioning from now on. Honestly, Ben, I'm not
even going outside anymore.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Walking into the studio.
Speaker 7 (31:55):
When I'm, you know, coming in right now. Yeah. I
don't even know what it was. I think it was
a massive dragonfly, like, flew into my face, and I
had another panic attack and started crying again.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
I understand.
Speaker 4 (32:06):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
I have PTSD. I understand. I got it. You ever
been to Hawaii? They have bigger cockroaches in Hawaii. They
fly around really massive. Australia. I bet Australia's got the
biggest cockroaches. Go down to Australia. Everything's bigger in Australia.
All right. Take it easy, Lorraine. Everything will be okay.
Get you a therapy miniature horse. Everything will be all right.
(32:29):
Mark the Walker writes in from Rochester. He says, that's
New York, Rochester. A monologue, Mallor, let's not forget, that
Jerry Lee Lewis married his 13-year-old cousin. That makes me
slightly less uncomfortable than Drake and Romeo's performance. But not
to be outdone, Drew Locke entered the fray. Go Bills. Now,
(32:51):
the Bills monster who changed his name on X to
something else, he writes in, never forget the Monday after
the first NFL Sunday of the year is the best
Ben Maller show of the year. So that stays away.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
Gunner.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
From the Walmart in northern Minnesota writes in, says great
opening monologue. Both these teams, the Seahawks and Patriots, are terrible.
Cannot wait for my Panthers to go 13-4 this season
and a Super Bowl. So everyone's sauced up here. We've
determined everyone is sauced up. Trucker Joe checks in. He
says he's doing it live out there in Vegas with
(33:27):
the wifey. We'll enjoy lost wages Nevada. That's a nice
place to hang out. They got big air conditioners. Double
O Mexican is up late with us. He says 9.6
on the Mallard monologue. Are you sure Romeo Dobbs isn't
the guy who got arrested for impersonating an NFL player? Yeah.
(33:49):
Nostradinus has been playing around with Grok, and he's done
me and Looney cheering for the Seahawks. I really don't
need to see that. That is, you've got way too
much time on your hands. Nostradamus, go out and have
lunch with Sasquatch or something. What's wrong with you? Doug
(34:10):
writes in from South Korea. He says, how long until A.J.
Brown starts pouting like a spoiled toddler because he doesn't
like his quarterback's play? I don't know. Kermudgeon Wayne writes
in from Duluth. He says, didn't take long and you
ditched the rundown. I knew it wouldn't last long. He says,
lay off the sauce, he points out. Yes, lay off
(34:33):
the sauce. Clearly, got to lay off the sauce there. Wayne,
if you subscribe to Malheur Plus, you would get that rundown.
Everyone that has Malheur Plus had... Information on what we
were talking about. You chose not to pay for Malheur
Plus because you're a tightwad, and that's on you. That
is on you. That's a bad job by you. All right.
(35:00):
It is the Ben Malheur Show as we are working
our way through the overnight here. Time for the Who
Am I Game? And this is where we pretend to
be somebody else else. We call it the Who Am
I Game Show. And here it is. In honor of
Drake May and his performance there giving the win to Seattle. Tremendous,
(35:26):
tremendous gift. I'm really kind to give the first game
of the year away. Most people would not want to
do that, and he did. I am the last quarterback
before Drake May to throw a pick down by three
with less than a minute left inside of the 20-yard line.
which is exactly what Drake May did here. I'm the
(35:47):
last quarterback prior to Drake May to throw an interception
down by three with less than a minute left inside
of the opponent's 20-yard line. Who am I? That is
the question, the answer. We'll get to it, and we
will do it next.
Speaker 6 (36:10):
Be sure to catch live editions of the Ben Maller
Show weekdays at 2 a.m. Eastern, 11 p.m. Pacific.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
The Ben Maller Show on Fox Sports Radio.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
As we roll on and on and on and on
through the overnight hours as the Seattle Seahawks get the
first game in the bag there. Thanks to a lot
of help from the 12th man, Drake May. Get him
that number 12 jersey as Patriots quarterback, doing everything he
(36:40):
can to make sure Seattle gets that win, and they did.
Check is in the mail, Drake. Get one of those
Kawhi Leonard under-the-table checks. Way to go. Way to go. Reminder,
the 5th Hour Podcast returns tomorrow. This is our Thursday show,
and we are efforting a pretty interesting name. Pretty interesting
(37:04):
name for the Fifth Hour. I don't want to give
it any away. We'll tell you more. We lock everything
up there, but that'll be coming up on the Friday edition.
We'll have new episodes all weekend long of the Fifth
Hour podcast. Back to it. All right, back to it
we go. And excited to have you hanging out with
(37:24):
us and time to pay off. The Who Am I
game in honor of Drek May, who really left the
Drek out on the field there in the fourth quarter.
Final three pitchers drives. Interception, interception, interception. Oh, you're so mean, Maller.
I know. I should give him a massage. I like
(37:45):
that nickname, by the way. You like that? You think
that'll stick there? Drake, not Drake May, it's Drek May.
I hope it does. I like it. Okay, let's go
with that. Drek May. All right, so here it is.
That's Koopa Loop, of course. I am the last NFL
quarterback prior to Drek May to throw a pick down
by three with less than a minute left inside of
(38:07):
the opponent's 20-yard line. Who am I? Keep in mind,
this does not happen very often. You got to be
a special kind of naughty to do that. You understand
what I'm saying here? It's not a... Typical occurrence. Let's see,
what do we have here? Charlie is going with Drew
(38:31):
Horseface Locke. I don't know that he's got a horseface, Charlie.
That's not very nice. I don't know that you should
say that. What else do we have? Sam Darnold, guest
by Femi, the top Uber Eats driver in.
Minnesota, Twin Cities. Alf the Alien O'Piner says La Cucaracha
(38:54):
is the answer. Oh, please don't talk about it. Doc
Dan says John Hadle. It's a good-looking man there, Doc Dan. That's...
He's got the cul-de-sac going on. What else do we have?
Late Night Drug Tester from Parts Unknown says you are
(39:15):
golfer Brooke Henderson, who is 31 today. I have no
idea who that is, but happy birthday. What else do
we have? Let's see here. Russell Wilson on Seattle in
the Super Bowl from Freddie. Dat Dude is dating himself.
He says father. Guido Sarducci, the old Saturday Night Live guy.
(39:35):
What else do we have? Malapropguy says Colin Kaepernick throwing
one of his many interceptions. Nature Boy says it's Lorena's roach.
That that is the answer. Too soon. Double-O Mexican in
San Diego going with Mark Bolger. Yebit, yebit, yebit, yebit, yebit, yebit, yebit,
the yebit rabbit. Yebit, yebit, yebit, yebit, yebit, yebit. All right. Lorena,
(39:57):
do you have an answer, Lorena? Raid cockroach spray. Okay,
is it raid cockroach spray? No, that's incorrect. Incorrect answer.
Last player before Drake May, down three less than a
minute to go, throws an interception inside the 20-yard line.
Alligator Arms, Kyler Murray in 2021. Get ready, Viking fans.
Kyler Murray.
Host
Ben Maller
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