September 8, 2026 • 40 mins
Ben Maller talks about Lane Kiffin labeling Paul Finebaum "rat poison", how much trouble Michigan QB Bryce Underwood is actually in, Mike Pereira chiming in on the Big Ten clock snafu in Michigan, and much more!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Great balls of fire. It's our number one. Happy, happy
Tuesday to you. It is the eighth day of September.
A brand new edition of the Ben Maller Show. We
stayed up all night. We pretended to be enthusiastic. We
were there all night to provide fresh pod. And on
the Malheur scorecard, how do you grade Lane Kiffin after
(00:22):
labeling Paul Feinbaum rat poison? That's a quote. Is this
statement profound, preposterous, or a publicity stunt? Also, how much
trouble is Michigan quarterback Bryce Underwood actually in? Is he
in big trouble, little trouble, or no trouble? We'll take
a look at that. And Mike Pereira, the Fox replay guru,
(00:45):
chiming in on the Big Ten clock snafu in Michigan.
What's he really saying here? It's not good for the
Big Ten. Not good for the Big Ten. We'll get
to all of that and more. We thank you for listening.
Give that old thumbs-up thing the five stars on the podcast.
Here it is, our number one. Ratcheting up the war
(01:08):
of words. Welcome in the beginning of another night of
the Ben Maller Show. We are in the air everywhere
as we cluster together. And we are the only excuse.
to stay up all night long, coast to coast, border
(01:30):
to border, and beyond on the vast and magically powerful
microphones of FSR emanating live from the scratch as we
start from scratch yet again. Guaranteed human from the world-famous
Fox Sports Radio studios where... Truck Stop Fungus, Alf, Ferg Dog,
(01:56):
and Mallor Prop Guy all agree this show is an express.
It's an express employment special. If you work in logistics,
you know nothing moves without you. Companies need skilled people now,
and express employment professionals can help you find contract or
full-time work that fits at no cost to you. Visit ExpressPros.com.
(02:19):
Get support, get options, and get to work. So we're
going to jump into some collegiate football in a moment.
But we do have some breaking news that happened late
on Labor Day into the day after Labor Day. A
contract kerfluffle has come to an end as... The New
(02:44):
England Patriots have agreed to a contract with Christian Gonzalez.
We talked about this in a previous episode of the show.
Gonzalez had been threatening to be a part-time employee and
gave out these vague statements about, well, maybe I, I
don't know, I might not play the game on Wednesday
night when the NFL season begins. Well, according to state-sponsored
(03:07):
and ESPN-partnered NFL Network, the Patriots have agreed to a
four-year extension of For $ 135 million. $ 102 million guaranteed for
Christian Gonzalez. So he will stay with the New England Patriots.
That comes about 48 hours, a little less than I
guess now, for the season opener in Seattle. And more
(03:33):
on that as we go through the overnight. So that
deal is done, done, done. If state-sponsored NFL media is
reporting it, it better be done. Our lead, though, this
hour is from a story that I am fascinated by.
I can't get enough of this. We'll call it the
Ratatouille story, if you will, here. From Baton Rouge, Louisiana,
where LSU coach Lane Kiffin... Fired back as the fire
(03:58):
of the cannons at Paul Feinbaum. Still hanging out after
all these years. This after criticism following LSU vaporizing Clemson
over the weekend. So if you've not been following this,
Lane Kiffin, public enemy, number one in all the land
in college football. And Paul Feinbaum putting the laser pointer
(04:23):
right in the bullseye, right at Lane Kiffin. So Kiffin responded.
He called Feinbaum the, quote, definition of rat poison. I
looked it up. It's actually not true. That's a lie.
I looked up the definition of rat poison. That's not it.
He actually borrowed Nick Saban's famous phrase from years gone
(04:44):
by there. as a commentary on the media chatter. Now,
Feinbaum had questioned Lane Kiffin's behavior and essentially calling him
a bit of a child, paraphrasing, of course, the antics
and all that, arguing that the LSU coach continues to
invite unnecessary controversy despite the domination, demolition, of Clemson there,
(05:10):
just the demolition of Clemson. So that is a good
jumping-off point. Let us discuss the question. On the Maller scorecard,
how do you grade Lane Kiffin after labeling Paul Feinbaum,
longtime college football pundit, quote, rat poison? Is this profound, preposterous,
(05:31):
or a publicity stunt? So I've got Dahmer, Tropical Timeshare,
And Mama's Kitchen. And we'll put them all together here,
and we're going to click them into place, like Legos.
We're going to click these things into place. So, A,
on the Maller scorecard, as far as the grade is concerned,
(05:54):
this is oozing, oozing as a publicity stunt. Nobody actually
believes Lane Kiffin and Paul Feinbaum dislike each other.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Do you?
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Because if you do, I'd like you to go to
the back of the room. I'd like you to go
back because you get detention. You're going to have detention.
You have to stay after class. The reason why no
one should believe that Lane Kiffin and Paul Feinbaum dislike
each other is simple. They desperately need each other in
the ecosystem of college football. Kiffin and Feinbaum are two
(06:26):
professional pot stirrers, and they're fighting over who's got custody
of the spoon. It's my spoon. No, it's my spoon.
I have the spoon.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
No.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Knock it off. All right, so Feinbaum calling Kiffin a
publicity-seeking child is kind of like a skunk. Filing an
odor complaint. Well, you're the skunk. You make the mess.
You make the smell. I'm still upset with the odor.
I don't like the odor. You can't do that. And
(06:56):
so they go back and forth. Feinbaum's been around forever,
and his whole career has been about shaking up the
port-a-potty tank. And for many coaches, he is considered the
king cobra, a venomous snake. in the college football media. Now, meanwhile,
(07:16):
you've got Kiffin, who just loves being the firebrand. And
he likes to look back when he's driving away and
he can look in the rearview mirror and see the
mushroom cloud. And he thinks that great. That's just wonderful.
And for him, it is. And Feinbaum accusing Kiffin of
loving controversy. It's kind of like Guy Fieri saying, you
(07:37):
know what, I'm going to I'm going to be upset
here with the people because somebody put too much cheese
on my nachos. That's that's a violation. I'm a complainer. well,
it's nachos, supposed to have cheese, but yeah, I'm going
to file a formal complaint. Or the great former Ohio
State student Jeffrey Dahmer leaving just a one-star review. One-star
(08:01):
review for the cafeteria. That's not ideal. Now, Kiffin isn't offended.
I don't believe he is offended. I believe the word
is delighted that Paul Feinbaum keeps giving him free publicity
and they're College football's perfect dysfunctional marriage. You're complaining about
(08:23):
attention while bathing in it, just having a nice big
bubble bath. What's in the bubble bath? It's an attention
bubble bath. Well, isn't that great? That's wonderful, yes? And frankly,
college football, there's a lot of these coaches that are
just boring. College football would be far less entertaining if,
(08:44):
These two stop throwing tomatoes at each other. It makes
it more enjoyable. Now, one of the most zany things
that happened over the weekend, and we talked about this
in a previous episode of the show, was the Michigan-Western
Michigan game. And to Ann Arbor we go. Fallout, fallout
from the weekend. Michigan coach Kyle Whittingham, who refused to
(09:09):
pull his incompetent quarterback off the field... Well, he has
commented now, Whittingham saying that Bryce Underwood remains the starting quarterback, but,
you know what that means, made it clear that his
hold on the job is not permanent. Now, Whittingham gave
us the money quote, which is what we're going to
use here, the money quote. He said, quote, Coach Michigan said, quote,
(09:33):
he's our quarterback right now, while emphasizing that the situation
isn't infinite. And improvement must come. Now, Whittingham said that
the current Michigan quarterback, Bryce Underwood, must perform week in
and week out at a high level that allows Michigan
(09:54):
to win. Yada, yada, yada.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
All right.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
So the question. How much trouble? is Michigan quarterback Bryce
Underwood actually in? Is he in big trouble, little trouble,
or no trouble at all? So based on the finances,
you'd say no trouble, but that's not the answer. Bryce
Underwood is underperforming, capital U, underperforming. And so I have
(10:21):
him actually in big trouble. I remember, I'm old enough
to remember when the Michigan fans had orgasms when they
were able to get Bryce Underwood away from LSU in
the recruiting game. And the devil's advocate would say, well,
it's one game. Yeah, it was a stinker. But I say,
spare me the patient sermon. He did not play well
(10:45):
last year and looked horrific this year. He should have
been benched. And I believe the reason he didn't get
benched is because of money, money, money. It's kind of
like if you're a star baseball player or NFL player
or basketball player, you generally get a little more rope
if you've got a lot of cash. I think we
all know that. You know that. I know that. So Michigan...
(11:09):
They had the boosters line up there. They didn't have
the boosters dump $ 3 million. That's the number that I saw,
$ 3 million a year into the collection plate for a
developmental mid-level quarterback who needs training wheels. That's what they've
got right now with Bryce Underwood. $ 3 million a year.
The Wolverines need some ROI, return on investment, on all
(11:31):
those shekels. And as of this moment, as of this
moment in time, the investment has a resale value of
that of a tropical timeshare just outside of Chernobyl. It's
a really nice tropical thing. You get this real afterglow
to you, real afterglow. It's great. You don't need to
(11:52):
get x-rays because you'll have enough x-rays there to last
a lifetime. It's just wonderful. So Underwood's performance against Western
Michigan had the nutritional value of a deep-fried Twinkie dipped
in transmission fluid. Okay, do you understand? And that Hail Mary,
which was in bonus time, we can get into that,
(12:13):
we will in a minute, my God. But when Michigan
desperately needed their expensive quarterback toy to work, they pulled
the string, Kyle Whittingham, and smoke came out of the
toy's ears. Now, again, one game, all that, you play
devil's advocate, I got it, but when you're getting paid
that kind of scratch to be the solution, you don't
(12:36):
get to perform like another problem, which is what Bryce
Underwood did perform like, and the money is always a
big part of this, but my goodness, you just can't win.
You have 27-point favorites or whatever it was against Western Michigan,
and you shouldn't have won. Speaking of that, the last
word here to the clock. The clock talk.
(12:59):
As
you know, I am by the clock, for the clock,
plausibly all about the clock. So I know a thing
or two about the clock. Big 10 officials giving Michigan
the extra life like Mario Kart to connect on that
Hail Mary to win the story of the weekend in
(13:21):
Saturday night's extravaganza. So I bring this up again because
the Fox rules analyst and former NFL officiating chief Mike Pereira,
the guy that wears the fancy suits, he has chimed
in on this. Pereira said the NFL would have handled
what the Big Ten did much differently, claiming that replay
(13:41):
officials would rely on the television video feed and clock
everyone sees on TV, you know, like what you should do.
Pereira said that when the replay center video conflicts with
the network feed, you use the footage that everyone sees.
That's a quote. You use the footage that everybody sees.
(14:03):
Adding Mike Pereira, that the same protocol is used in
both the NFL and the UFL. Not that anyone watches
the UFL. All right, so the question. You got Mike Pereira.
from the Fox Replay Center, the rules analyst, chiming in
on the Big Ten clock snafu in Michigan. What is
he really saying here? What is he really saying? So
(14:27):
spare me the incompetence excuse, right? Spare me the technological gobbledygook,
which some like to point out. This was a mama's kitchen.
Big Ten home cooking served piping hot in Ann Arbor,
and Mike Pereira is saying the quiet part out loud.
Western Michigan won the game. The TV clock hit zero.
(14:50):
Everybody goes home. That's it. Game set and match. Turn
out the lights. The party's over. Kind of like they
did the Florida State game, right? They turned out the lights.
We'll get to the Seminoles in a little bit. They'll
be in the B block. Holy cannoli. I'm getting old.
I remember when Florida State used to kill. I know
SMU was in the top 25 preseason poll, but they
(15:10):
would have killed them. Anyway, so the lights should have
been out in Ann Arbor, Western Michigan. Winds, they go
on the bus, they go home, celebrate and all that stuff.
Except suddenly, the conference found a bonus second. It was
in the lost and found. Imagine that. So Pereira, the
former NFL officiating czar, says the NFL handles a clock
(15:35):
discrepancy by trusting the television footage, the evidence. Again, everyone
sees what a revolutionary concept. And you got the Big
Ten over there that operate with the Loch Ness monster
of game clocks. It's trust us, bro. Trust us, bro.
(15:58):
It exists. All right. The Loch Ness. Nobody sees the
Loch Ness Monster, but it exists. And, you know, it's
just the clock for the Big Ten exists. It just
you can't see it. I'm sorry, you're just not allowed
to see. Well, why can't I see? Well, you're not
allowed to see. But what's the big deal? So when
the clock on the screen says zero and the league says, well, actually,
(16:19):
our secret clock says otherwise. Now, if Michigan had been
ahead of Western Michigan, then it would have reversed. Not
exactly transparency by the dum-dums over in charge of the
Big Ten replay situation. Now, I recommend they bring back.
An old staple before smartphones, you used to have to
(16:41):
call time. The time at the tone will be, yeah,
and just do that. Maybe the Big Ten can do that.
Bring back the time thing. You can call time and
then figure out how much time is left. At the tone,
the time will be, yeah, just like that. So we'll
cook in the books with a copyrighted maize and blue calculator.
(17:05):
My goodness. My goodness. All right, it is the Ben
Maller Show as we are just beginning the festivities here.
We'll be here all night long on the end of
the Labor Day weekend. But does it ever really end?
877-99 on Fox, abracadabra, hocus pocus. The lines are open
(17:28):
for business, and we've got a lot of focus. 877-996-6369.
Also on X, at Ben Maller. That is at Ben Maller.
If you'd like to be part of the program, you
can join us that way as well. We will navigate
the friendly audio skies as we work our way through
(17:48):
These overnight hours. Dead ahead, is it dead man coaching?
Dead man coaching. We will get to that. And it's
not exactly band camp. It's not exactly band camp. But
what is it? We'll get to all of that. We'll
take your calls at 877-996-6369. Also on X, at Ben Maller.
And we will do it all. And we will do it.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Next be sure to catch live editions of the ben
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Subscribe, hit that thumbs up icon, and comment away. The
Ben Maller Show on Fox Sports Radio. As we roll
through the overnight, we thank you for settling in. We
have yet to reach our cruising altitude. So please keep
your seatbelts fastened until we do, and you'll be able
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(19:15):
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of those hot takes might fall out. We do not
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(19:36):
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(19:59):
is at Ben Malheur. And make sure to follow that
account or don't bother because if you're not following the account,
we will just kind of ignore you. That's how we operate.
We're schmucks like that. Lorena is in the hizzy. You
(20:20):
can say hello to Lorena, FSR Tech Queen. Hi, Bill.
There she is right there, FSR Tech Queen right there.
And Kubalu, but a Bronco fan. That's a Bronco fan.
Your comments can and will be used against you. in
the court of sports radio. So please, please act accordingly. Yes.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
All right.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Uh, curmudgeon Wayne writes in, he says, whoever that was
who recorded Lane Kiffin at halftime, most likely won't be
allowed in the locker room any longer. This is embarrassing.
I did see that there was a, what appeared to
be an LSU staffer that had their phone down to
make it seem like, I assume that's their phone. to
(21:06):
make it seem like they were just kind of listening
in to Lane Kiffin give the pep talk when LSU
was up 31-3 over Clemson, and then he publicly undressed
Lane Kiffin publicly undressed Clemson, although he didn't realize his
comments would be broadcast all over the place and be
picked up on social media and be seen like five
(21:27):
million times on social Who goofed? I've got to know.
Just Josh writes in from Cincinnati. The great Just Josh.
Met him at the epic Malheur meet and greet we
did there just across the Ohio River in Kentucky. And
he says, across from Cincinnati, he says, seems daylight savings
(21:48):
time started early in Ann Arbor this weekend. Give back
the W cheetahs. And as far as Paul Feinbaum goes,
he looks like he could be Adam Silver's brother. He's
got that going for him. You think they're from another
planet out there far, far away? Who knows? King Rory
writes in, says, hypothetically, if Michigan had a chance to
(22:10):
be an at-large bid for the college football playoff, will
the committee look back at the Western Michigan game to
make their decision, or will they be like Michigan brings
the ratings, put the minimum? Well, you answered your own question,
King Rory. It is a TV show. So you want
the biggest names you can get in the TV show,
(22:30):
just like the studio. There's actors that are better than
the headline actors. They do a better job. Nobody knows
who the F they are. So you get the headline
actors and the people that actually are good at it.
Nobody knows. There are no names. And so they have
to wait their turn. That's how that goes. Not a
Burner writes in from Parts Unknown, says, how long before Kiffin?
(22:52):
goes full Urban Meyer and kicking or shoving a player
or conjuring up Sharon Moore and winding up in some
kind of tawdry sex scandal with an LSU co-ed or
faculty member.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Hmm.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Well, you're never too far away from any of those
things happening. So have your bingo card out and see
how that goes. And the comments over the weekend about
Lane and that book That was strategic, I guess it
was last week, the book that had the quotes. Nick
Saban saying, keep him away from the co-eds.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Yikes.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Yikes, yikes, yikes, yikes, yikes, yikes, yikes. Now, Jerry in
Rhode Island writes in and says, hey, Maller, breaking, hell
hath no fury. It is frozen over. Robert Kraft paid Gonzo. Wow.
Stunning news. Or is it? Let's F and go. There
you go. Well, thank you. For the update there, yes,
(23:52):
the Patriots have agreed to a big extension, the record-breaking
extension for Christian Gonzalez, who was complaining and bitching and
moaning about needing the contract and all that, and so
he's got the extension. Four years, $ 135 million, but really
$ 102 million guaranteed for Gonzalez, who's been one of the
(24:14):
better defensive backs in the NFL, and now he will
be the highest-paid defensive back In the NFL. So congratulations.
And Robert Kraft had said when he wasn't getting massages,
he had said that he believed that Gonzalez would ultimately
be in Foxborough for the long haul. And the de
(24:36):
facto GM there, Elliot Wolfe, gave the same exact message.
So it has now happened. Now, this is the part
where either Gonzalez falls off the map or. gets hurt
or one of those things happen mark the isn't that
normally what happens you get a big contract mark the
walker writes and says the nature of my job does
not tend to lend itself to what you would call
(24:57):
consistency for example i'm about to listen to the mallard
show for an unprecedented seventh day in a row that
can't be a bad thing could it well it's up
to you Maybe I'll.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Do another monologue.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Minor addiction. It could be worse. Well, Lorraine, I might
do another monologue about how many captains the Rams have
with triggered Mark the Walker. He was triggered by that monologue.
I'm very upset by that monologue. So I might have
to go back down that road. You can send your
comments in on X, Karev, at Ben Maller. That is
at Ben Maller on X. Your comments can and will
(25:31):
be used against you in the court of sports radio.
So please act accordingly. And to the phones we go.
And let's say hello to, let's go to Graham, who's
in Minnesota. What's going on, Graham? You're on the Ben
Maller Show on Fox. Welcome.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
Hey, Ben.
Speaker 4 (25:50):
It's been a while since I've called in. I've just
been working and just been really tired. But I just
wanted to call and I had a thought and a
question about the Michigan game.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
So the Michigan fan in me cannot accept this win
with good conscience because I truly feel that Western got hosed.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
And then my.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
Question for you is, do you think Bryce Underwood will
be the starting quarterback for Michigan all year, or will
they bench him and end up playing Tommy Carr at
some point?
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Well, what I saw, I would have benched him at
halftime of that game. So you're asking me my opinion.
I would have already benched him. So I'm going to
go with he will not be the quarterback all year.
As we said, that's the first game and all that.
But he wasn't great last year, as I remember watching Michigan.
Underwood had issues last year, and he had all offseason
to work out the kinks, right?
Speaker 4 (26:54):
Yeah, he would not be last year. And I have
a feeling that... Oklahoma is going to come into the
big house and absolutely give Michigan a wake-up call.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Well, they played the way they did the other day. Obviously,
you're a 27-point favorite. You should at least win by
two touchdowns. You maybe don't cover the spread, but you
win by two touchdowns. You should need a Hail Mary,
as you know, as a Michigan fan, Graham, to win
that game at the end. What the heck is that?
It's ridiculous.
Speaker 4 (27:23):
Michigan should have played better, and Underwood– is not the
answer at quarterback for Michigan.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
And don't feel bad. He's getting millions of dollars, so
he'll be okay. He'll be all right. He's getting paid.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
Ever since J.J. McCarthy left, Michigan's been struggling at quarterback.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Yeah, there's some issues. But, Grandma, I guess we'll talk
to you like a year from now or something like that.
Is that how that goes?
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Thanks, Ben. Hi, Lorena.
Speaker 3 (27:51):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
There you go.
Speaker 4 (27:53):
How are you?
Speaker 1 (27:54):
All right. Oh, we hung up on you. I guess
we don't care. Oh, darn. Trying to steal Anthony in
Louisiana's shtick is what he's trying to do there. That's
trademarked by Anthony. Hey, cuz. That's it. There's really nothing
else to talk about other than that. Pointing that out.
So I did watch the Florida State Seminoles get to
(28:16):
a certain age. You're like, well, when I was a kid,
they were good. And they were really great. Now they suck.
So the Seminoles opened up at home. Another one of
these games that was delayed. This not delayed because of weather.
It was a turn at the last. The party's over. Yes.
As they had a power outage. Game was delayed. Seemed
(28:39):
like a couple hours there. I kept I was watching
baseball because I was like, I don't want to watch
these terrible ESPN announcers just fill time. I'll just go
watch a baseball game. So I went over and I
watched some baseball. And then I came back and they
were still talking. And then I went back and they
were still talking. And I did see when the game
finally started, somebody named Kevin Jennings, who's apparently the quarterback
(29:01):
for SMU, who reminded me of Jameis Winston, a turnover
machine and a touchdown machine. He got 430 yards. SMU
ranked in the top 25, not highly, but in the
back part of the top 25. But Kevin Jennings, 430
yards passing, three touchdowns. He also had two interceptions. And
(29:25):
do the Seminoles play defense? Maybe they had 10 guys
out there instead of 11. It is possible. As the
Mustangs of SMU, they only had 27 points. However, they
had 585 yards of offense. in tallahassee 500 holy jed
who fled batman 585 yards of pass of total offense
(29:49):
430 passing yards 155 on the ground and they yet
they turned the ball over smu four times and in
the end it Didn't matter because Florida State, the Seminoles,
did not take advantage of that, which brings us to
the amazing factoid of the hour here. Prior to the
game on Monday, if you look at the prediction market,
(30:12):
Mike Norvell, the head coach of the Seminoles, they said
he had about a 50-50 chance. I think the number
was 45% according to the prediction market that he would
not be the coach. He would be fired during the
season for Florida State.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Right.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
So that was then. And now after losing to SMU,
that number on the prediction market has been bumped up
to 92 percent. Dead man coaching a 92 percent chance
that Mike Dovelle out at Florida State. And you keep
looking around, you're like, hey, if Dion can put a
good team together at Colorado and get that thing cooking.
(30:51):
And it's a long shot. Coach Prime goes back to
save the Seminoles, developing hot, dot, dot, dot. Now, another
great moment involving the Florida State game, they played a
special announcement. You see this? They had a special announcement
on the video board, we were told. I saw this
story bouncing around. And they were trying to surprise the
(31:13):
Florida State marching band. And they put a big announcement
right there on the Jumbotron. They announced that the Seminoles
marching band will be performing at At the Macy's Thanksgiving
Day Parade. They still do those? Yeah, apparently they do. Now,
if you're in a band, isn't that like your Super Bowl,
the Rose Parade and the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade? That's
(31:34):
got to be like if you're I'm not a band person,
but if you're in a band, that's got to be
your Super Bowl, right? Rose Parade or the Macy's Thanksgiving
Day Parade with the blimps and all that. Anyway, the
marching bands. Yeah, the band. And so they made the announcement.
And the big announcement, this is going to go perform
in New York at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Well,
(31:55):
unfortunately for the band, a great moment for these kids.
Mike Norvell was the one who made the recorded announcement
and was booed. They booed the announcement because they hate
Norvell so much. The Florida State fans are so pissed
at this guy that they were booing his ass, which
made for. Made for some compelling theater. Let's go back
(32:17):
to the calls, because why not? It's a call-in show.
Let's say hello to Scotty, who's on the pike. Hello, Scotty.
What's going on? You're on the Ben Maller Show on Fox.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Welcome. Thank you, Ben. How are you?
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Scotty, if I was any better, I would be a sock,
but not a red sock, because the American League is
the JV. This year, the American League is the JV.
But what's on your mind there, Scotty?
Speaker 2 (32:44):
Well, first of all, allow me to do a little
mallet ball washing and just say that your August 14th
episode of the Fifth Hour Podcast should win an award.
That was excellent.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Well, thank you. I appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
Great story. My wife and I have done something similar.
It brought back a lot of memories to us. I
made her listen to it, so I listened to it again.
And we were just laughing and just talking about it.
It was excellent.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
Excellent.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
So thank you.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
You see that, Lorraine? I don't win any awards, but
according to Scotty and the Pike and his wife, I
have won an award. You created a bonding moment between
a couple. How cool is that? These things are relatable, Lorena. Well, Ben.
Life just repeats itself. But anyway, you didn't call about that, Scotty.
What you got, man? What you got?
Speaker 2 (33:33):
Well, what do you think? Can the Red Sox catch
the Yankees?
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Well, yeah, there are only three back. I guess the
Yankees have the tiebreaker, right? I believe the Yankees have
the tiebreaker from that.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
Yeah, I mean, that last debacle down in the Bronx
wasn't very good. And to be honest with you, for
a little while, I thought they were just going to
try to put it in cruise control and just be
happy with the second wild card. But they ripped off
five in a row. And, you know, Roman Anthony's back.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
I would say, like, looking at the Red Sox, though,
I don't really care. Home and road, I don't think
it's that. I know you all like to think you
have the greatest home field advantage and all that, but
I don't think it really matters that much if your
bullpen is good. I think the Red Sox have a,
you know, it's been a little spotty here, obviously, the
second half at times, but I think overall... They're pretty good.
(34:25):
And the big thing, and the news came out on Monday,
I read somewhere, saw that your ace is supposed to
come back. Garrett Crochet is tracking to be ready for
the first round of the playoffs. So if you've got
him and he's back to form, then it doesn't really
matter whether you're at home or on the road because
he's going to shut somebody down for six innings or so.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
Yeah, that's true. Because, you know, your third starter, if
he was still out, it's Suarez, you know, a debate
between Suarez and Jennings.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
And also, you've got to worry about Sonny Gray because
he's got a reputation of being a choke artist in
big games. So you've got to worry about him a
little bit. But we'll get to that in the playoffs.
All right, Scotty. Thank you, man. Look at that. Scotty
driving around right now. Checked in. It's a dedication from
Scotty and his wife. I thank them both for listening
to the August 14th episode. Every other episode of The
(35:16):
Fifth Hour sucked, but the August 14th one, outstanding. New
episodes every weekend. And we're working on something big for Friday.
I don't want to give it away. I want to
jinx it, but there's something big on Friday. We're working
for that. There you go. Mark the Walker says, Mallory,
I was triggered by you overcooking your meat. I don't
know what you're talking about. It's not overcooking meat. You
like it dry. I like my meat completely dead. I
(35:40):
don't want it. You put enough blood in there, you
could bring it back to life, and I want that.
Ferg Dogg says seven days in a row for Mark
the Walker. Those are rookie numbers. We got to pump
those numbers up. I agree. Ferg Dogg, who was part
of seven years of high school in the Marching Band,
says marching bands are for nerds. I bet Robbie was
(36:02):
in a band. Time now for the Who Am I game.
Here's a Who Am I game for you. See if
you can get this one right. I'm a former NFL
player whose first name means peace in the Swahili language.
Speaker 4 (36:15):
Who?
Speaker 1 (36:15):
I retired as my team's career leader in catches, receiving yards,
and receiving touchdowns.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Who?
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Yet I never made a single Pro Bowl. Again, I'm
a former NFL player whose first name means peace in
the Swahili language. I retired as my team's career leader
in catches, receiving yards, and receiving touchdowns. Yet never made
a single Pro Bowl. Who am I? That is the question,
(36:42):
the answer. We'll get to it, and we will do
it next.
Speaker 3 (36:45):
Be sure to catch live editions of the Ben Maller
Show weekdays at 2 a.m. Eastern, 11 p.m. Pacific.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
The Ben Maller Show on Fox Sports Radio. And a reminder,
every single weekend the audio sweatshop is opened up. We
do not stop to talk. The 5th Hour Podcast will
take over the airwaves every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. And
according to Scotty and the Pike, an award-winning August 14th episode,
(37:12):
a classic Malheur travelogue. But there have been new episodes
every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, including the mailbag. We had
a zany mailbag on Sunday with JT the Wingman and
Weedman and Lisa. There was a whole lot going on.
Several people complaining about the quality of Weedman's Obama phone.
I don't know what to tell you. Couldn't use Zoom,
(37:35):
so we used his Obama phone and Didn't work out
very well. But you can hear that and everything else
the fifth hour every Friday, Saturday in the mailbag on Sunday.
We thank you. We thank you. We thank you. In advance,
we thank you. All right, back to it. We will
take a call. Then we'll get to the payoff on
the Who Am I game. And let's see here. Eenie, meenie, miney, moe.
(37:57):
Let's say hello to Big Daddy, who's in Memphis. He's
on aisle four, I believe. Aisle four of the grocery store. Hello,
Big Daddy.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Welcome. Time it in.
Speaker 5 (38:08):
Say hello to all my fans and all my constituents.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
He's the daddy.
Speaker 5 (38:11):
It's wrestling. Yeah, it's wrestling or sports.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Yes, wrestling is a sport. Professional wrestling, I don't know
about that, but like actual college wrestling, yeah, that's a sport.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Oh, college wrestling?
Speaker 5 (38:23):
Oh, okay. Well, no, breaking news, we had somebody at
Paz down here that used to wrestle. Bill Superstar Dundee,
you remember him?
Speaker 1 (38:32):
Bill Dundee, let me see.
Speaker 5 (38:34):
Yeah, he used to wrestle with Jerry Lawless.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
All right. I don't know that he was one of
my childhood wrestlers.
Speaker 5 (38:43):
Yeah, well, they come from a long line of wrestlers. Sputnik,
you know, all them guys, Jackie Fargo, way down the pipeline.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
But he was 82.
Speaker 2 (38:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
That's a good run, 82. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (38:58):
All right.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
I probably saw him when I was a kid, but
he wasn't like.
Speaker 5 (39:02):
Yeah, big name, yeah. He had a partner called the
Bicentennial Baby. They used to come out there in red, white,
and blue uniforms, you know, like the flag. Oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
All right.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
I got you.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
I got you.
Speaker 5 (39:13):
Hey, they got us and the Cowboys and the Rams
for the Super Bowl, ain't it? And that's what I've
been hearing.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Well, if the Cowboys and Rams play in the Super Bowl,
that means no AFC teams are in the Super Bowl.
Very difficult. Yeah, hey, the Cowboys, every year the Cowboys
are going. to the Super Bowl. I got to leave
it there, Big Daddy, because I got to pay off
the who am I or Alf's going to kill me.
So I don't want Alf to kill me and Malaprop
guy and Ferg Doggo bludgeoning me. I'm a former NFL
(39:41):
player whose first name means peace in Swahili, that language.
I retired as my team's career leader in catches, receiving yards,
and receiving touchdowns. I never made a single Pro Bowl,
despite all those numbers. Who am I? That is the question.
What is the answer? And let's see. Does anyone know
the answer? Yokozuna from Andy and Lionel Lakes. Ben the
(40:02):
Smasher from Alf. Oh, good art. Ben the Smasher from
Alf the Alien O'Piner. I like that. Good artwork. Polk
High alum Mr. Bundy from Just Josh. I see what
you did there. Who else do we have? Page down.
Jeff Lebowski from Mark the Walker. We've got Amani Dog
from Malaprop Guy. Ulysses S. Grant from Chris. Who else
(40:24):
do we have? Page down. What's the answer? It's Gandhi. No,
it's Amani Toomer of the Giants. Amani Toomer of the Giants.
Amani Toomer.
Great balls of fire. It's our number one. Happy, happy
Tuesday to you. It is the eighth day of September.
A brand new edition of the Ben Maller Show. We
stayed up all night. We pretended to be enthusiastic. We
were there all night to provide fresh pod. And on
the Malheur scorecard, how do you grade Lane Kiffin after
(00:22):
labeling Paul Feinbaum rat poison? That's a quote. Is this
statement profound, preposterous, or a publicity stunt? Also, how much
trouble is Michigan quarterback Bryce Underwood actually in? Is he
in big trouble, little trouble, or no trouble? We'll take
a look at that. And Mike Pereira, the Fox replay guru,
(00:45):
chiming in on the Big Ten clock snafu in Michigan.
What's he really saying here? It's not good for the
Big Ten. Not good for the Big Ten. We'll get
to all of that and more. We thank you for listening.
Give that old thumbs-up thing the five stars on the podcast.
Here it is, our number one. Ratcheting up the war
(01:08):
of words. Welcome in the beginning of another night of
the Ben Maller Show. We are in the air everywhere
as we cluster together. And we are the only excuse.
to stay up all night long, coast to coast, border
(01:30):
to border, and beyond on the vast and magically powerful
microphones of FSR emanating live from the scratch as we
start from scratch yet again. Guaranteed human from the world-famous
Fox Sports Radio studios where... Truck Stop Fungus, Alf, Ferg Dog,
(01:56):
and Mallor Prop Guy all agree this show is an express.
It's an express employment special. If you work in logistics,
you know nothing moves without you. Companies need skilled people now,
and express employment professionals can help you find contract or
full-time work that fits at no cost to you. Visit ExpressPros.com.
(02:19):
Get support, get options, and get to work. So we're
going to jump into some collegiate football in a moment.
But we do have some breaking news that happened late
on Labor Day into the day after Labor Day. A
contract kerfluffle has come to an end as... The New
(02:44):
England Patriots have agreed to a contract with Christian Gonzalez.
We talked about this in a previous episode of the show.
Gonzalez had been threatening to be a part-time employee and
gave out these vague statements about, well, maybe I, I
don't know, I might not play the game on Wednesday
night when the NFL season begins. Well, according to state-sponsored
(03:07):
and ESPN-partnered NFL Network, the Patriots have agreed to a
four-year extension of For $ 135 million. $ 102 million guaranteed for
Christian Gonzalez. So he will stay with the New England Patriots.
That comes about 48 hours, a little less than I
guess now, for the season opener in Seattle. And more
(03:33):
on that as we go through the overnight. So that
deal is done, done, done. If state-sponsored NFL media is
reporting it, it better be done. Our lead, though, this
hour is from a story that I am fascinated by.
I can't get enough of this. We'll call it the
Ratatouille story, if you will, here. From Baton Rouge, Louisiana,
where LSU coach Lane Kiffin... Fired back as the fire
(03:58):
of the cannons at Paul Feinbaum. Still hanging out after
all these years. This after criticism following LSU vaporizing Clemson
over the weekend. So if you've not been following this,
Lane Kiffin, public enemy, number one in all the land
in college football. And Paul Feinbaum putting the laser pointer
(04:23):
right in the bullseye, right at Lane Kiffin. So Kiffin responded.
He called Feinbaum the, quote, definition of rat poison. I
looked it up. It's actually not true. That's a lie.
I looked up the definition of rat poison. That's not it.
He actually borrowed Nick Saban's famous phrase from years gone
(04:44):
by there. as a commentary on the media chatter. Now,
Feinbaum had questioned Lane Kiffin's behavior and essentially calling him
a bit of a child, paraphrasing, of course, the antics
and all that, arguing that the LSU coach continues to
invite unnecessary controversy despite the domination, demolition, of Clemson there,
(05:10):
just the demolition of Clemson. So that is a good
jumping-off point. Let us discuss the question. On the Maller scorecard,
how do you grade Lane Kiffin after labeling Paul Feinbaum,
longtime college football pundit, quote, rat poison? Is this profound, preposterous,
(05:31):
or a publicity stunt? So I've got Dahmer, Tropical Timeshare,
And Mama's Kitchen. And we'll put them all together here,
and we're going to click them into place, like Legos.
We're going to click these things into place. So, A,
on the Maller scorecard, as far as the grade is concerned,
(05:54):
this is oozing, oozing as a publicity stunt. Nobody actually
believes Lane Kiffin and Paul Feinbaum dislike each other.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Do you?
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Because if you do, I'd like you to go to
the back of the room. I'd like you to go
back because you get detention. You're going to have detention.
You have to stay after class. The reason why no
one should believe that Lane Kiffin and Paul Feinbaum dislike
each other is simple. They desperately need each other in
the ecosystem of college football. Kiffin and Feinbaum are two
(06:26):
professional pot stirrers, and they're fighting over who's got custody
of the spoon. It's my spoon. No, it's my spoon.
I have the spoon.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
No.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Knock it off. All right, so Feinbaum calling Kiffin a
publicity-seeking child is kind of like a skunk. Filing an
odor complaint. Well, you're the skunk. You make the mess.
You make the smell. I'm still upset with the odor.
I don't like the odor. You can't do that. And
(06:56):
so they go back and forth. Feinbaum's been around forever,
and his whole career has been about shaking up the
port-a-potty tank. And for many coaches, he is considered the
king cobra, a venomous snake. in the college football media. Now, meanwhile,
(07:16):
you've got Kiffin, who just loves being the firebrand. And
he likes to look back when he's driving away and
he can look in the rearview mirror and see the
mushroom cloud. And he thinks that great. That's just wonderful.
And for him, it is. And Feinbaum accusing Kiffin of
loving controversy. It's kind of like Guy Fieri saying, you
(07:37):
know what, I'm going to I'm going to be upset
here with the people because somebody put too much cheese
on my nachos. That's that's a violation. I'm a complainer. well,
it's nachos, supposed to have cheese, but yeah, I'm going
to file a formal complaint. Or the great former Ohio
State student Jeffrey Dahmer leaving just a one-star review. One-star
(08:01):
review for the cafeteria. That's not ideal. Now, Kiffin isn't offended.
I don't believe he is offended. I believe the word
is delighted that Paul Feinbaum keeps giving him free publicity
and they're College football's perfect dysfunctional marriage. You're complaining about
(08:23):
attention while bathing in it, just having a nice big
bubble bath. What's in the bubble bath? It's an attention
bubble bath. Well, isn't that great? That's wonderful, yes? And frankly,
college football, there's a lot of these coaches that are
just boring. College football would be far less entertaining if,
(08:44):
These two stop throwing tomatoes at each other. It makes
it more enjoyable. Now, one of the most zany things
that happened over the weekend, and we talked about this
in a previous episode of the show, was the Michigan-Western
Michigan game. And to Ann Arbor we go. Fallout, fallout
from the weekend. Michigan coach Kyle Whittingham, who refused to
(09:09):
pull his incompetent quarterback off the field... Well, he has
commented now, Whittingham saying that Bryce Underwood remains the starting quarterback, but,
you know what that means, made it clear that his
hold on the job is not permanent. Now, Whittingham gave
us the money quote, which is what we're going to
use here, the money quote. He said, quote, Coach Michigan said, quote,
(09:33):
he's our quarterback right now, while emphasizing that the situation
isn't infinite. And improvement must come. Now, Whittingham said that
the current Michigan quarterback, Bryce Underwood, must perform week in
and week out at a high level that allows Michigan
(09:54):
to win. Yada, yada, yada.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
All right.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
So the question. How much trouble? is Michigan quarterback Bryce
Underwood actually in? Is he in big trouble, little trouble,
or no trouble at all? So based on the finances,
you'd say no trouble, but that's not the answer. Bryce
Underwood is underperforming, capital U, underperforming. And so I have
(10:21):
him actually in big trouble. I remember, I'm old enough
to remember when the Michigan fans had orgasms when they
were able to get Bryce Underwood away from LSU in
the recruiting game. And the devil's advocate would say, well,
it's one game. Yeah, it was a stinker. But I say,
spare me the patient sermon. He did not play well
(10:45):
last year and looked horrific this year. He should have
been benched. And I believe the reason he didn't get
benched is because of money, money, money. It's kind of
like if you're a star baseball player or NFL player
or basketball player, you generally get a little more rope
if you've got a lot of cash. I think we
all know that. You know that. I know that. So Michigan...
(11:09):
They had the boosters line up there. They didn't have
the boosters dump $ 3 million. That's the number that I saw,
$ 3 million a year into the collection plate for a
developmental mid-level quarterback who needs training wheels. That's what they've
got right now with Bryce Underwood. $ 3 million a year.
The Wolverines need some ROI, return on investment, on all
(11:31):
those shekels. And as of this moment, as of this
moment in time, the investment has a resale value of
that of a tropical timeshare just outside of Chernobyl. It's
a really nice tropical thing. You get this real afterglow
to you, real afterglow. It's great. You don't need to
(11:52):
get x-rays because you'll have enough x-rays there to last
a lifetime. It's just wonderful. So Underwood's performance against Western
Michigan had the nutritional value of a deep-fried Twinkie dipped
in transmission fluid. Okay, do you understand? And that Hail Mary,
which was in bonus time, we can get into that,
(12:13):
we will in a minute, my God. But when Michigan
desperately needed their expensive quarterback toy to work, they pulled
the string, Kyle Whittingham, and smoke came out of the
toy's ears. Now, again, one game, all that, you play
devil's advocate, I got it, but when you're getting paid
that kind of scratch to be the solution, you don't
(12:36):
get to perform like another problem, which is what Bryce
Underwood did perform like, and the money is always a
big part of this, but my goodness, you just can't win.
You have 27-point favorites or whatever it was against Western Michigan,
and you shouldn't have won. Speaking of that, the last
word here to the clock. The clock talk.
(12:59):
you know, I am by the clock, for the clock,
plausibly all about the clock. So I know a thing
or two about the clock. Big 10 officials giving Michigan
the extra life like Mario Kart to connect on that
Hail Mary to win the story of the weekend in
(13:21):
Saturday night's extravaganza. So I bring this up again because
the Fox rules analyst and former NFL officiating chief Mike Pereira,
the guy that wears the fancy suits, he has chimed
in on this. Pereira said the NFL would have handled
what the Big Ten did much differently, claiming that replay
(13:41):
officials would rely on the television video feed and clock
everyone sees on TV, you know, like what you should do.
Pereira said that when the replay center video conflicts with
the network feed, you use the footage that everyone sees.
That's a quote. You use the footage that everybody sees.
(14:03):
Adding Mike Pereira, that the same protocol is used in
both the NFL and the UFL. Not that anyone watches
the UFL. All right, so the question. You got Mike Pereira.
from the Fox Replay Center, the rules analyst, chiming in
on the Big Ten clock snafu in Michigan. What is
he really saying here? What is he really saying? So
(14:27):
spare me the incompetence excuse, right? Spare me the technological gobbledygook,
which some like to point out. This was a mama's kitchen.
Big Ten home cooking served piping hot in Ann Arbor,
and Mike Pereira is saying the quiet part out loud.
Western Michigan won the game. The TV clock hit zero.
(14:50):
Everybody goes home. That's it. Game set and match. Turn
out the lights. The party's over. Kind of like they
did the Florida State game, right? They turned out the lights.
We'll get to the Seminoles in a little bit. They'll
be in the B block. Holy cannoli. I'm getting old.
I remember when Florida State used to kill. I know
SMU was in the top 25 preseason poll, but they
(15:10):
would have killed them. Anyway, so the lights should have
been out in Ann Arbor, Western Michigan. Winds, they go
on the bus, they go home, celebrate and all that stuff.
Except suddenly, the conference found a bonus second. It was
in the lost and found. Imagine that. So Pereira, the
former NFL officiating czar, says the NFL handles a clock
(15:35):
discrepancy by trusting the television footage, the evidence. Again, everyone
sees what a revolutionary concept. And you got the Big
Ten over there that operate with the Loch Ness monster
of game clocks. It's trust us, bro. Trust us, bro.
(15:58):
It exists. All right. The Loch Ness. Nobody sees the
Loch Ness Monster, but it exists. And, you know, it's
just the clock for the Big Ten exists. It just
you can't see it. I'm sorry, you're just not allowed
to see. Well, why can't I see? Well, you're not
allowed to see. But what's the big deal? So when
the clock on the screen says zero and the league says, well, actually,
(16:19):
our secret clock says otherwise. Now, if Michigan had been
ahead of Western Michigan, then it would have reversed. Not
exactly transparency by the dum-dums over in charge of the
Big Ten replay situation. Now, I recommend they bring back.
An old staple before smartphones, you used to have to
(16:41):
call time. The time at the tone will be, yeah,
and just do that. Maybe the Big Ten can do that.
Bring back the time thing. You can call time and
then figure out how much time is left. At the tone,
the time will be, yeah, just like that. So we'll
cook in the books with a copyrighted maize and blue calculator.
(17:05):
My goodness. My goodness. All right, it is the Ben
Maller Show as we are just beginning the festivities here.
We'll be here all night long on the end of
the Labor Day weekend. But does it ever really end?
877-99 on Fox, abracadabra, hocus pocus. The lines are open
(17:28):
for business, and we've got a lot of focus. 877-996-6369.
Also on X, at Ben Maller. That is at Ben Maller.
If you'd like to be part of the program, you
can join us that way as well. We will navigate
the friendly audio skies as we work our way through
(17:48):
These overnight hours. Dead ahead, is it dead man coaching?
Dead man coaching. We will get to that. And it's
not exactly band camp. It's not exactly band camp. But
what is it? We'll get to all of that. We'll
take your calls at 877-996-6369. Also on X, at Ben Maller.
And we will do it all. And we will do it.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Next be sure to catch live editions of the ben
maller show weekdays at 2 a.m eastern 11 p.m pacific
on fox sports radio and the iheart radio app fox
sports radio is taking over youtube and you can be
a part of it just go to youtube and search
fox sports radio hit that subscribe button and smash that
notification bell and catch all the videos from your favorite
(18:38):
shows two pros and The Cup of Jump. Dan Patrick.
Colin Cowherd.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Stu Gatz and Company.
Speaker 4 (18:43):
Live.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
Covino and Rich. The Odd Couple with Rob Parker and
Kelvin Washington.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
The Jason Smith Show with Mike Harmon.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
And the Ben Maller Show.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Fox Sports Radio.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
On YouTube.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Subscribe, hit that thumbs up icon, and comment away. The
Ben Maller Show on Fox Sports Radio. As we roll
through the overnight, we thank you for settling in. We
have yet to reach our cruising altitude. So please keep
your seatbelts fastened until we do, and you'll be able
to move about the cabin of hot takes. And be
(19:15):
careful if you do open the overhead bins because some
of those hot takes might fall out. We do not
want you to get injured by one of those hot takes.
That would be terrible. Horrific. Yes. If you would like
to participate, it is an interactive experience. It can be
whatever you want to be. You can just eavesdrop in
(19:36):
on the conversation and say, look at all those weirdos.
I'm glad I'm not one of them. Or you can
become one of us in the Malheur Militia. Call up,
take the oath, be sworn in. Got a lot of
features here that we do. Be part of the show
many different ways. It's up to you. If you want
to be part of the show, 877-99 on Fox. The
call-in number, 877-996-6369. Also on X, at Ben Malheur. That
(19:59):
is at Ben Malheur. And make sure to follow that
account or don't bother because if you're not following the account,
we will just kind of ignore you. That's how we operate.
We're schmucks like that. Lorena is in the hizzy. You
(20:20):
can say hello to Lorena, FSR Tech Queen. Hi, Bill.
There she is right there, FSR Tech Queen right there.
And Kubalu, but a Bronco fan. That's a Bronco fan.
Your comments can and will be used against you. in
the court of sports radio. So please, please act accordingly. Yes.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
All right.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Uh, curmudgeon Wayne writes in, he says, whoever that was
who recorded Lane Kiffin at halftime, most likely won't be
allowed in the locker room any longer. This is embarrassing.
I did see that there was a, what appeared to
be an LSU staffer that had their phone down to
make it seem like, I assume that's their phone. to
(21:06):
make it seem like they were just kind of listening
in to Lane Kiffin give the pep talk when LSU
was up 31-3 over Clemson, and then he publicly undressed
Lane Kiffin publicly undressed Clemson, although he didn't realize his
comments would be broadcast all over the place and be
picked up on social media and be seen like five
(21:27):
million times on social Who goofed? I've got to know.
Just Josh writes in from Cincinnati. The great Just Josh.
Met him at the epic Malheur meet and greet we
did there just across the Ohio River in Kentucky. And
he says, across from Cincinnati, he says, seems daylight savings
(21:48):
time started early in Ann Arbor this weekend. Give back
the W cheetahs. And as far as Paul Feinbaum goes,
he looks like he could be Adam Silver's brother. He's
got that going for him. You think they're from another
planet out there far, far away? Who knows? King Rory
writes in, says, hypothetically, if Michigan had a chance to
(22:10):
be an at-large bid for the college football playoff, will
the committee look back at the Western Michigan game to
make their decision, or will they be like Michigan brings
the ratings, put the minimum? Well, you answered your own question,
King Rory. It is a TV show. So you want
the biggest names you can get in the TV show,
(22:30):
just like the studio. There's actors that are better than
the headline actors. They do a better job. Nobody knows
who the F they are. So you get the headline
actors and the people that actually are good at it.
Nobody knows. There are no names. And so they have
to wait their turn. That's how that goes. Not a
Burner writes in from Parts Unknown, says, how long before Kiffin?
(22:52):
goes full Urban Meyer and kicking or shoving a player
or conjuring up Sharon Moore and winding up in some
kind of tawdry sex scandal with an LSU co-ed or
faculty member.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Hmm.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Well, you're never too far away from any of those
things happening. So have your bingo card out and see
how that goes. And the comments over the weekend about
Lane and that book That was strategic, I guess it
was last week, the book that had the quotes. Nick
Saban saying, keep him away from the co-eds.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Yikes.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Yikes, yikes, yikes, yikes, yikes, yikes, yikes. Now, Jerry in
Rhode Island writes in and says, hey, Maller, breaking, hell
hath no fury. It is frozen over. Robert Kraft paid Gonzo. Wow.
Stunning news. Or is it? Let's F and go. There
you go. Well, thank you. For the update there, yes,
(23:52):
the Patriots have agreed to a big extension, the record-breaking
extension for Christian Gonzalez, who was complaining and bitching and
moaning about needing the contract and all that, and so
he's got the extension. Four years, $ 135 million, but really
$ 102 million guaranteed for Gonzalez, who's been one of the
(24:14):
better defensive backs in the NFL, and now he will
be the highest-paid defensive back In the NFL. So congratulations.
And Robert Kraft had said when he wasn't getting massages,
he had said that he believed that Gonzalez would ultimately
be in Foxborough for the long haul. And the de
(24:36):
facto GM there, Elliot Wolfe, gave the same exact message.
So it has now happened. Now, this is the part
where either Gonzalez falls off the map or. gets hurt
or one of those things happen mark the isn't that
normally what happens you get a big contract mark the
walker writes and says the nature of my job does
not tend to lend itself to what you would call
(24:57):
consistency for example i'm about to listen to the mallard
show for an unprecedented seventh day in a row that
can't be a bad thing could it well it's up
to you Maybe I'll.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Do another monologue.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Minor addiction. It could be worse. Well, Lorraine, I might
do another monologue about how many captains the Rams have
with triggered Mark the Walker. He was triggered by that monologue.
I'm very upset by that monologue. So I might have
to go back down that road. You can send your
comments in on X, Karev, at Ben Maller. That is
at Ben Maller on X. Your comments can and will
(25:31):
be used against you in the court of sports radio.
So please act accordingly. And to the phones we go.
And let's say hello to, let's go to Graham, who's
in Minnesota. What's going on, Graham? You're on the Ben
Maller Show on Fox. Welcome.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
Hey, Ben.
Speaker 4 (25:50):
It's been a while since I've called in. I've just
been working and just been really tired. But I just
wanted to call and I had a thought and a
question about the Michigan game.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
So the Michigan fan in me cannot accept this win
with good conscience because I truly feel that Western got hosed.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
And then my.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
Question for you is, do you think Bryce Underwood will
be the starting quarterback for Michigan all year, or will
they bench him and end up playing Tommy Carr at
some point?
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Well, what I saw, I would have benched him at
halftime of that game. So you're asking me my opinion.
I would have already benched him. So I'm going to
go with he will not be the quarterback all year.
As we said, that's the first game and all that.
But he wasn't great last year, as I remember watching Michigan.
Underwood had issues last year, and he had all offseason
to work out the kinks, right?
Speaker 4 (26:54):
Yeah, he would not be last year. And I have
a feeling that... Oklahoma is going to come into the
big house and absolutely give Michigan a wake-up call.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Well, they played the way they did the other day. Obviously,
you're a 27-point favorite. You should at least win by
two touchdowns. You maybe don't cover the spread, but you
win by two touchdowns. You should need a Hail Mary,
as you know, as a Michigan fan, Graham, to win
that game at the end. What the heck is that?
It's ridiculous.
Speaker 4 (27:23):
Michigan should have played better, and Underwood– is not the
answer at quarterback for Michigan.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
And don't feel bad. He's getting millions of dollars, so
he'll be okay. He'll be all right. He's getting paid.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
Ever since J.J. McCarthy left, Michigan's been struggling at quarterback.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Yeah, there's some issues. But, Grandma, I guess we'll talk
to you like a year from now or something like that.
Is that how that goes?
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Thanks, Ben. Hi, Lorena.
Speaker 3 (27:51):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
There you go.
Speaker 4 (27:53):
How are you?
Speaker 1 (27:54):
All right. Oh, we hung up on you. I guess
we don't care. Oh, darn. Trying to steal Anthony in
Louisiana's shtick is what he's trying to do there. That's
trademarked by Anthony. Hey, cuz. That's it. There's really nothing
else to talk about other than that. Pointing that out.
So I did watch the Florida State Seminoles get to
(28:16):
a certain age. You're like, well, when I was a kid,
they were good. And they were really great. Now they suck.
So the Seminoles opened up at home. Another one of
these games that was delayed. This not delayed because of weather.
It was a turn at the last. The party's over. Yes.
As they had a power outage. Game was delayed. Seemed
(28:39):
like a couple hours there. I kept I was watching
baseball because I was like, I don't want to watch
these terrible ESPN announcers just fill time. I'll just go
watch a baseball game. So I went over and I
watched some baseball. And then I came back and they
were still talking. And then I went back and they
were still talking. And I did see when the game
finally started, somebody named Kevin Jennings, who's apparently the quarterback
(29:01):
for SMU, who reminded me of Jameis Winston, a turnover
machine and a touchdown machine. He got 430 yards. SMU
ranked in the top 25, not highly, but in the
back part of the top 25. But Kevin Jennings, 430
yards passing, three touchdowns. He also had two interceptions. And
(29:25):
do the Seminoles play defense? Maybe they had 10 guys
out there instead of 11. It is possible. As the
Mustangs of SMU, they only had 27 points. However, they
had 585 yards of offense. in tallahassee 500 holy jed
who fled batman 585 yards of pass of total offense
(29:49):
430 passing yards 155 on the ground and they yet
they turned the ball over smu four times and in
the end it Didn't matter because Florida State, the Seminoles,
did not take advantage of that, which brings us to
the amazing factoid of the hour here. Prior to the
game on Monday, if you look at the prediction market,
(30:12):
Mike Norvell, the head coach of the Seminoles, they said
he had about a 50-50 chance. I think the number
was 45% according to the prediction market that he would
not be the coach. He would be fired during the
season for Florida State.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Right.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
So that was then. And now after losing to SMU,
that number on the prediction market has been bumped up
to 92 percent. Dead man coaching a 92 percent chance
that Mike Dovelle out at Florida State. And you keep
looking around, you're like, hey, if Dion can put a
good team together at Colorado and get that thing cooking.
(30:51):
And it's a long shot. Coach Prime goes back to
save the Seminoles, developing hot, dot, dot, dot. Now, another
great moment involving the Florida State game, they played a
special announcement. You see this? They had a special announcement
on the video board, we were told. I saw this
story bouncing around. And they were trying to surprise the
(31:13):
Florida State marching band. And they put a big announcement
right there on the Jumbotron. They announced that the Seminoles
marching band will be performing at At the Macy's Thanksgiving
Day Parade. They still do those? Yeah, apparently they do. Now,
if you're in a band, isn't that like your Super Bowl,
the Rose Parade and the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade? That's
(31:34):
got to be like if you're I'm not a band person,
but if you're in a band, that's got to be
your Super Bowl, right? Rose Parade or the Macy's Thanksgiving
Day Parade with the blimps and all that. Anyway, the
marching bands. Yeah, the band. And so they made the announcement.
And the big announcement, this is going to go perform
in New York at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Well,
(31:55):
unfortunately for the band, a great moment for these kids.
Mike Norvell was the one who made the recorded announcement
and was booed. They booed the announcement because they hate
Norvell so much. The Florida State fans are so pissed
at this guy that they were booing his ass, which
made for. Made for some compelling theater. Let's go back
(32:17):
to the calls, because why not? It's a call-in show.
Let's say hello to Scotty, who's on the pike. Hello, Scotty.
What's going on? You're on the Ben Maller Show on Fox.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Welcome. Thank you, Ben. How are you?
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Scotty, if I was any better, I would be a sock,
but not a red sock, because the American League is
the JV. This year, the American League is the JV.
But what's on your mind there, Scotty?
Speaker 2 (32:44):
Well, first of all, allow me to do a little
mallet ball washing and just say that your August 14th
episode of the Fifth Hour Podcast should win an award.
That was excellent.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Well, thank you. I appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
Great story. My wife and I have done something similar.
It brought back a lot of memories to us. I
made her listen to it, so I listened to it again.
And we were just laughing and just talking about it.
It was excellent.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
Excellent.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
So thank you.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
You see that, Lorraine? I don't win any awards, but
according to Scotty and the Pike and his wife, I
have won an award. You created a bonding moment between
a couple. How cool is that? These things are relatable, Lorena. Well, Ben.
Life just repeats itself. But anyway, you didn't call about that, Scotty.
What you got, man? What you got?
Speaker 2 (33:33):
Well, what do you think? Can the Red Sox catch
the Yankees?
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Well, yeah, there are only three back. I guess the
Yankees have the tiebreaker, right? I believe the Yankees have
the tiebreaker from that.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
Yeah, I mean, that last debacle down in the Bronx
wasn't very good. And to be honest with you, for
a little while, I thought they were just going to
try to put it in cruise control and just be
happy with the second wild card. But they ripped off
five in a row. And, you know, Roman Anthony's back.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
I would say, like, looking at the Red Sox, though,
I don't really care. Home and road, I don't think
it's that. I know you all like to think you
have the greatest home field advantage and all that, but
I don't think it really matters that much if your
bullpen is good. I think the Red Sox have a,
you know, it's been a little spotty here, obviously, the
second half at times, but I think overall... They're pretty good.
(34:25):
And the big thing, and the news came out on Monday,
I read somewhere, saw that your ace is supposed to
come back. Garrett Crochet is tracking to be ready for
the first round of the playoffs. So if you've got
him and he's back to form, then it doesn't really
matter whether you're at home or on the road because
he's going to shut somebody down for six innings or so.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
Yeah, that's true. Because, you know, your third starter, if
he was still out, it's Suarez, you know, a debate
between Suarez and Jennings.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
And also, you've got to worry about Sonny Gray because
he's got a reputation of being a choke artist in
big games. So you've got to worry about him a
little bit. But we'll get to that in the playoffs.
All right, Scotty. Thank you, man. Look at that. Scotty
driving around right now. Checked in. It's a dedication from
Scotty and his wife. I thank them both for listening
to the August 14th episode. Every other episode of The
(35:16):
Fifth Hour sucked, but the August 14th one, outstanding. New
episodes every weekend. And we're working on something big for Friday.
I don't want to give it away. I want to
jinx it, but there's something big on Friday. We're working
for that. There you go. Mark the Walker says, Mallory,
I was triggered by you overcooking your meat. I don't
know what you're talking about. It's not overcooking meat. You
like it dry. I like my meat completely dead. I
(35:40):
don't want it. You put enough blood in there, you
could bring it back to life, and I want that.
Ferg Dogg says seven days in a row for Mark
the Walker. Those are rookie numbers. We got to pump
those numbers up. I agree. Ferg Dogg, who was part
of seven years of high school in the Marching Band,
says marching bands are for nerds. I bet Robbie was
(36:02):
in a band. Time now for the Who Am I game.
Here's a Who Am I game for you. See if
you can get this one right. I'm a former NFL
player whose first name means peace in the Swahili language.
Speaker 4 (36:15):
Who?
Speaker 1 (36:15):
I retired as my team's career leader in catches, receiving yards,
and receiving touchdowns.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Who?
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Yet I never made a single Pro Bowl. Again, I'm
a former NFL player whose first name means peace in
the Swahili language. I retired as my team's career leader
in catches, receiving yards, and receiving touchdowns. Yet never made
a single Pro Bowl. Who am I? That is the question,
(36:42):
the answer. We'll get to it, and we will do
it next.
Speaker 3 (36:45):
Be sure to catch live editions of the Ben Maller
Show weekdays at 2 a.m. Eastern, 11 p.m. Pacific.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
The Ben Maller Show on Fox Sports Radio. And a reminder,
every single weekend the audio sweatshop is opened up. We
do not stop to talk. The 5th Hour Podcast will
take over the airwaves every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. And
according to Scotty and the Pike, an award-winning August 14th episode,
(37:12):
a classic Malheur travelogue. But there have been new episodes
every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, including the mailbag. We had
a zany mailbag on Sunday with JT the Wingman and
Weedman and Lisa. There was a whole lot going on.
Several people complaining about the quality of Weedman's Obama phone.
I don't know what to tell you. Couldn't use Zoom,
(37:35):
so we used his Obama phone and Didn't work out
very well. But you can hear that and everything else
the fifth hour every Friday, Saturday in the mailbag on Sunday.
We thank you. We thank you. We thank you. In advance,
we thank you. All right, back to it. We will
take a call. Then we'll get to the payoff on
the Who Am I game. And let's see here. Eenie, meenie, miney, moe.
(37:57):
Let's say hello to Big Daddy, who's in Memphis. He's
on aisle four, I believe. Aisle four of the grocery store. Hello,
Big Daddy.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Welcome. Time it in.
Speaker 5 (38:08):
Say hello to all my fans and all my constituents.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
He's the daddy.
Speaker 5 (38:11):
It's wrestling. Yeah, it's wrestling or sports.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Yes, wrestling is a sport. Professional wrestling, I don't know
about that, but like actual college wrestling, yeah, that's a sport.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Oh, college wrestling?
Speaker 5 (38:23):
Oh, okay. Well, no, breaking news, we had somebody at
Paz down here that used to wrestle. Bill Superstar Dundee,
you remember him?
Speaker 1 (38:32):
Bill Dundee, let me see.
Speaker 5 (38:34):
Yeah, he used to wrestle with Jerry Lawless.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
All right. I don't know that he was one of
my childhood wrestlers.
Speaker 5 (38:43):
Yeah, well, they come from a long line of wrestlers. Sputnik,
you know, all them guys, Jackie Fargo, way down the pipeline.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
But he was 82.
Speaker 2 (38:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
That's a good run, 82. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (38:58):
All right.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
I probably saw him when I was a kid, but
he wasn't like.
Speaker 5 (39:02):
Yeah, big name, yeah. He had a partner called the
Bicentennial Baby. They used to come out there in red, white,
and blue uniforms, you know, like the flag. Oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
All right.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
I got you.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
I got you.
Speaker 5 (39:13):
Hey, they got us and the Cowboys and the Rams
for the Super Bowl, ain't it? And that's what I've
been hearing.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Well, if the Cowboys and Rams play in the Super Bowl,
that means no AFC teams are in the Super Bowl.
Very difficult. Yeah, hey, the Cowboys, every year the Cowboys
are going. to the Super Bowl. I got to leave
it there, Big Daddy, because I got to pay off
the who am I or Alf's going to kill me.
So I don't want Alf to kill me and Malaprop
guy and Ferg Doggo bludgeoning me. I'm a former NFL
(39:41):
player whose first name means peace in Swahili, that language.
I retired as my team's career leader in catches, receiving yards,
and receiving touchdowns. I never made a single Pro Bowl,
despite all those numbers. Who am I? That is the question.
What is the answer? And let's see. Does anyone know
the answer? Yokozuna from Andy and Lionel Lakes. Ben the
(40:02):
Smasher from Alf. Oh, good art. Ben the Smasher from
Alf the Alien O'Piner. I like that. Good artwork. Polk
High alum Mr. Bundy from Just Josh. I see what
you did there. Who else do we have? Page down.
Jeff Lebowski from Mark the Walker. We've got Amani Dog
from Malaprop Guy. Ulysses S. Grant from Chris. Who else
(40:24):
do we have? Page down. What's the answer? It's Gandhi. No,
it's Amani Toomer of the Giants. Amani Toomer of the Giants.
Amani Toomer.
Host
Ben Maller
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