September 11, 2026 • 40 mins
Ben Maller talks about Packers RB Josh Jacobs' attorneys declaring his legal matter "resolved", the expectations for the Falcons season if Tua Tagovailoa misses Week 1, who blinked first in LSU vs. the SEC, Lame Jokes of the Week, and more!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Listen
Watch
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Shazam it's our number three and a boom shakalaka how
much weight do you give packer running back josh jacobs
attorneys declaring that his legal matter has been resolved or
has it also if tua tongue of iloa misses week
(00:21):
one how much does that change your expectations for the
falcons entire season it sounds like He's not going to
play as we are doing this in real time. Also,
in addition to the NFL, who blinked first? LSU by
changing course on its roster, trying to add NFL bounce-back players,
or the Southeastern Conference by walking away from without any
(00:46):
sanctions towards Lane Kiffin or LSU. We'll talk about all
of that and more as you get some extra credit
for listening to the podcast. Here it is, and Lame Jokes.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Of the Week.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
It's hour number three. A cheesy twist, if you will.
Welcome in the beginning of another hour of the Ben
Maller Show. We are in the air everywhere. Melting in
(01:19):
your ears as we roll on and roll strong coast
to coast, border to border and beyond on the vast coast.
And snazzily powerful microphones of FSR emanating live from the
drive as we go into overdrive. Guaranteed human. And the
(01:43):
world famous Fox Sports Radio studios where the Russian kid
reminds us that this hour, the hour you listen to
right now, is made possible in part by our friends
at Webull. That's right. It's time to get your financial
portfolio game ready with Webull. Get powerful investing tools, real-time data,
(02:06):
all in one platform. Get started by downloading the Webull
app today or visiting Webull.com. Webull Financial, LLC, member SIPC, FINRA.
Investing involves risk. For more information, visit Webull.com slash FINRA.
And I see Sir Smokes a lot and the OG
(02:27):
Art Puffin all giving the old thumbs up there. Even
Parito and Mad Jack, very happy about that. So very
important there. And have all the boys happy there, for sure.
So our lead this hour, and we'll get back to
the calls this hour in a little bit. We'll release
the phone lines. We took no calls last hour. We
still almost ran out of time before we got the
(02:48):
final two featured games on Benny vs. the Penny. We'll
give out the rest of the picks over the weekend
on social media for all the other games. But amazingly,
we picked a total of eight games on the radio. Well, actually,
a total of ten because we did the Island games
on Wednesday and Thursday. And the only game that we
differed on of the ten featured games was the Vikings
(03:09):
and the Packers game. And Penny took the Green Bay Packers.
I took the Vikings. So we'll see. How that works out.
But our lead this hour is from Green Bay, where
Packers running back Josh Jacobs is in a little less trouble.
The soup has cooled a little bit for Josh Jacobs,
(03:30):
the running back, who has settled his legal case. It's
happening this week. You're pleading no contest to a misdemeanor
battery and criminal damage to property charge. And under this agreement, Jacobs,
who's on the naughty list, he's on the commissioner's exempt list,
must avoid contact with the victim, has to pay restitution,
(03:52):
seek counseling, and commit no further crimes for one year.
And if he does all of those things, if he
meets all of those conditions, Josh Jacobs, the NFL running back,
he does all those things, the matter will be tossed aside.
The property damage charge will be dismissed. That's it. Now, Jacobs' attorney,
(04:15):
who's paid by Jacobs, shockingly declared the matter is, quote, resolved,
close quote, while highlighting the history of community work throughout
his NFL career. Of course, I'm sure he didn't mention
that NFL players are pretty much forced to do charity work.
It's part of the deal. All right. Anyway, that is
a good jumping off point. Let us discuss the question.
(04:37):
How much weight How much weight do you give Packers
running back Josh Jacobs' attorneys declaring that this matter is, quote, resolved,
close quote? So I've got sequel, emergency flashlight, and Buffalo
Wild Wings. And we will combine all of these things together,
(05:00):
and we are going to go on a fishing expedition.
Over to Lake Winnebago. We're going to go out to
Lake Winnebago. All right. So to kick off here, Josh
Jacobs attorneys who are paid by Josh Jacobs can go
to the very top of the mountain and scream and
shout and let it all out and say the matter
is resolved. They can do that as loud as they
(05:22):
want on a scale of one to 10. They go
to 11. But celebrating right now is kind of like
getting discharged from the general hospital. You get out of
the doors of the hospital and you then get hit
by an ambulance in the parking lot. Like, yeah, sure.
He managed Josh Jacobs to escape the courthouse in Wisconsin
(05:43):
with a sweetheart deal. However, there is an entirely different
courtroom waiting for him at 345 Park Avenue. It's a
double edged sword. He settled things with the state of Wisconsin.
But unfortunately, Roger Goodell owns the sequel rights. And that's
(06:03):
the problem. So he essentially escaped Josh Jacobs, the penalty box,
which is the one you want to escape, because that's
the one that can take your freedom away and walk
directly into the principal's office now. And he's still on
the commissioner's exempt list. And so he's got a deal
with Roger the Dodger Goodell, the chair of the POC.
What is the POC? The Pigskin Oversight Committee. Did you
(06:27):
make us look bad in the media? How dare you? Well,
supposedly there's a video. This is the big... The big
thing with this story is that there's supposedly a video
that hasn't seen the light of the Internet yet. And
if that gets out, it shows... Josh Jacobs getting very
physical with a lady there and generally polite society does
(06:51):
not look kindly on getting into a physical situation with
a woman. That's no matter whether you're right or wrong.
They just can't be doing that. Anyway, so that is
where we are at this particular point. So he's got
to deal with the oversight of the NFL. And so, yeah,
the legal part of it is finished. But with the
NFL's typical six game boilerplate domestic violence suspension looming, that
(07:16):
victory declaration is a bit premature. Plus, if that video
ever gets out. Is that Ray Rice? Like, Ray Rice
hasn't come back to the NFL because that elevator video
from years ago, the Ravens running back. So he might,
might's a weasel word, might be out of legal trouble.
We're talking about Josh Jacobs, Green Bay Packers running back.
(07:37):
But the NFL's private courtroom operates a whole different set
of rules. Kind of like OJ was found not guilty
in a criminal case, but then in the civil case,
the standard is a preponderance of the evidence. It's kind
of how the NFL operates in the pigskin oversight committee.
It's a preponderance of the evidence, not beyond a reasonable doubt. Now, furthermore,
(08:01):
to Atlanta we go. We mentioned this last hour, problems
in the ATL. Tua Tungabailoa suffering an oblique injury, and
he was spotted grabbing his side. Oh, my side! This
after a throw during practice, sat on the ground for
a little bit, very dramatically injured. and was not throwing
(08:23):
again during the media availability portion of Falcons practice. I'm
very concerned about that. So that means backup quarterback Cooper
Rush was in a rush, and he is projected now
to start. Tua was only given one week to be
the man, one week to be the man, and looks
like that's not likely going to happen now either. Tua,
(08:45):
at best, his status is uncertain. Just to a couple
days away from the kickoff on Sunday, the season opener
for Atlanta as they take on the Steelers in Pittsburgh.
So the question, if Tua Tungavailoa misses week number one,
how much does that change your expectations for the Falcons'
(09:06):
entire season? So for me, on my scorecard, it doesn't
change anything. It changes nothing. And here's why. Tua's not good.
Going from Tua to Cooper Rush, that's not a quarterback change.
It's kind of like when you're at the store and
you're buying some groceries and you don't go to the self-checkout,
(09:28):
you go to the checkout stand. And so you get
to the checkout lane and You're like, well, okay, I'm
at Walmart and I'm going to change checkout lanes. And
the reason I'm going to change lanes is because there's
a babushka. And we all know babushkas at grocery stores
love to talk to the teller. They love to tell
the teller about their grandkids, about their cats. They love
to pay with cash. They especially love to pay with coins.
(09:49):
And they have to get the exact amount of change.
And so when you see a babushka, you go to
the next line at the Walmart 100% of the time. However,
you're still at Babushka. walmart so congratulations you've traveled six
inches sideways bravo way to go right so tua has
a pinging sound in the engine and now cooper rush
(10:11):
is riding in on his white horse to save the
day no You know what he is? Cooper Rush is
an emergency flashlight you find in the junk drawer with
batteries that are from 2019. And maybe that thing turns on.
It might turn on. Maybe it doesn't turn on. And
(10:32):
somehow Michael Penix Jr. is still not ready to go.
So Atlanta's quarterback room at this moment. You've got three
plumbers from Roto-Rooter standing around a burst pipe, and there's
water everywhere. And the three plumbers, not one of them
(10:54):
brought their tools. They don't have a wrench or any
of the tools they need. So pick a name out
of a hat. They have the playmakers there. You can
dummy down the offense and at least move the ball
a little bit with the playmakers they have in Atlanta.
So the Dirty Birds... They're not cooked. They weren't cooked yesterday.
(11:15):
They're not cooked today. Changing quarterbacks, it's kind of like
rotating tires on a car. The quarterback room is sitting
on cinder blocks, but the other stuff's kind of cool.
The other stuff's kind of cool. It's not bad. All right,
last thing here. We go now to Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Louisiana.
And we have a update, update, the Blood Battle Royale
(11:39):
we've talked about in previous episodes of the show. And
it turns out, LSU, have they been kicked out of
the Southeastern Conference? Have they been sent away? No. It's
a lot of bluster. And in the end, LSU will
face no sanctions from the Southeastern Conference that following a
(12:03):
hastily put together a meeting, a little meet and greet
among conference presidents and chancellors, and the possibility of expelling
LSU from the league has been taken off the table
for now. The dispute cooling down a little bit. LSU
did finalize their 105-man football roster without the NFL rejects,
(12:29):
Daquan Wright and Zavian Harris, so that effectively ends the
immediate eligibility fight. Now, the president of LSU told the
SEC commissioner, Greg Sankey, the guy that runs LSU, said
that the school in Baton Rouge has compiled the roster,
(12:52):
it's done, and the issue that the SEC had is moot.
All right, so that's what they're saying. Question. Who do
you think blinked first? You can only pick one. Who
blinked first? LSU by changing course on the roster or
the Southeastern Conference by walking away without sanctioning Louisiana State University?
(13:19):
Survey says... LSU. The only proper answer is LSU. That's it.
They blink first. This whole thing was started by LSU,
was driven by LSU. However, it really, when you pull
back the curtains, The LSU SEC brouhaha was like two
(13:41):
drunk guys outside a Buffalo Wild Wings screaming, Hold me back, bro!
Hold me back, bro! While secretly hoping somebody keeps holding
them back. It's like those fake NBA fights we get
every basketball season. The gold standard was the big ticket
back in the day for the Timberwolves and the Celtics.
That guy, oh, he'd always be, I want to get
(14:02):
in a fight. And then, hold me back, hold me back,
hold me back now. Hold me back. And Lane Kiffin...
Going into this, Lane Kiffin out there poking the grizzly bear,
wanting those NFL bounce back players right up because they
played for him at Ole Miss, right up until the
SEC said, you do this and we are going to
(14:22):
go with the nuclear option. There will be a mushroom
cloud over the football offices there. So then LSU discovered
this is really an ancient legal principle that And what
is that ancient legal principle? It is the ancient legal
principle of never mind. Never mind. It's all good.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
All right. Never mind.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
OK.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
So LSU declared war. They marched out to the battlefield.
They fired a couple of bottle rockets and then they
signed a peace treaty while eating some mashed potatoes at
Cracker Barrel. That's it. So the big shots genuflected. to
the sec demands resulting in zero sanctions for louisiana state
(15:10):
so we're going to call this on my scorecard i
call this a ceasefire with all of the the big
guns the flamethrowers back in the garage for now and
leaving plenty of chest thumping behind now through it all
Lane Kiffin still gets his consolation prize. What is Lane
Kiffin's consolation prize? He gets to keep that smug, fish-eating
(15:32):
grin on those DoorDash commercials and that new Fanville commercial
thing that he's got. And so LSU threatened to go
World War III, and they settled for an angry Yelp
review is essentially how this played out in real time.
It is the Ben Maller Show. We had a little
(15:53):
NFL action. In Australia, and a surprise to some, the
public was all over, all over the Rams, the darlings
of the media. In the end, the 49ers kicked their ass.
It was a really pathetic, toothless performance by the Rams
(16:13):
in that game. Okay, it was a boring first half.
They were in the game, and then in the second half,
Nothing's changed more in my lifetime than second half adjustments.
It was bad, bad, bad, bad, bad to the bone,
bad to the bone. So the Niners are currently tied
with Seattle for the top record in the NFL, and
(16:35):
the Rams are tied with the Patriots for the worst
record in the national football. ball league and raheem morris
a former ram guy he was the assistant with sean
mcveigh for a couple of years there back in the
day and he went off to coach the falcons didn't
do much of a job but raheem morris his defense
(16:56):
has now given up a combined 12 points the last
two times he's faced the rams offense so it appears
that raheem morris has found something he found something to
attack yeah So outstanding. Outstanding. All right. It is the
Ben Maler Show. And if you'd like to be part,
(17:19):
we reopen the phone lines here. 877-99 on Fox. That's 877-996-6369.
Also on X at Ben Maler. That is at Ben Maler.
If you want to break it down scientifically, you can
call up and scream and shout and all that and
go on X at Ben Maler. And we'll have more
(17:42):
of that time now, though, for that's right. Here we go.
Here we go. It is time now for the Malheur
Riddle of the Day. And here it is. Aaron Rodgers.
Aaron Rodgers recently claimed that his ex-fiancee, Shailene Woodley, I
(18:05):
think that's how you say her name. She asked to
blank before getting married. All right. Aaron Rodgers claims that
his ex-fiancee, Shailene Woodley, asked to blank before they ended
up getting married, which they didn't actually get married. That
is the Mallor riddle of the day. The answer. We'll
(18:28):
get to it and we will do it.
Speaker 4 (18:34):
Next be sure to catch live editions of the ben
maller show weekdays at 2 a.m eastern 11 p.m pacific
on fox sports radio and the iheart radio app fox
sports radio is taking over youtube and you can be
a part of it just go to youtube and search
fox sports radio hit that subscribe button and smash that
notification bell and catch all the videos from your favorite
(18:56):
shows two pros The Ben Maller Show on Fox Sports
Radio as we continue on through the overnight hours.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
A reminder, today is Friday. and that means the fifth
(19:27):
hour podcast returns and a special episode dropping later today
a conversation with longtime baseball broadcaster for the los angeles
dodgers ross porter who i worked with in my younger
days in radio caught up with ross we check in
(19:48):
every once in a while, and I haven't talked to
Ross in a while. I haven't on the podcast before,
but he'll tell some stories never before told about his
play-by-play days in the major leagues. He was actually ahead
of his time. I've told him this many times over
the years, but Ross was very into statistics when people
looked down. There was a time people looked down about statistics.
Now they're shoved down your throat. So check out that conversation,
(20:11):
the Fifth Hour Podcast, with me. And we'll have new
episodes on Saturday and the Mailbag on Sunday. So check
it out. Also be part of this show at 877-99
on Fox. Lines are open again and on X at VanMaler.
You can say hello to Lorena. She's the FSR Tech Queen.
Speaker 4 (20:32):
Hi, Bill.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
And she survived a near-death experience with a cockroach. And
she's still here. She's in therapy. Hopefully everything will be okay.
The battle's not over. It's not over yet. But to
FSR Tech Queen, Coop is here at All Bronco Fan.
That's All Bronco Fan. Your comments can and will be
used against you in the court of sports radio. Time
(20:56):
now for the Mallor Riddle of the Day. And here's
the Mallor Riddle of the Day. Aaron Rodgers, he recently
claimed that his ex-fiancee, Shailene Woodley, Asked to blank before
getting married. And that's it. That's the riddle of the day.
(21:16):
And the answer right about now, let's see, does anyone
in the Malheur militia know the answer? We go to
the hoi polloi, the great unwashed, the silent majority who
hide behind fake avatars and sit there on their phones
and all that. King Rory says to take the little
(21:37):
blue pill just in case.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
What else?
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Femi got it right. Bad job by Femi. You loser.
How dare you? She asked to go on a train,
I guess. Who doesn't love a nice train ride?
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
I think that's what Arik meant by that. He might
have said something else, but I think that's, I'm sure Arik,
that's what he meant.
Speaker 5 (21:57):
Especially up to like what Santa, you know, the beach areas.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Oh, San Clemente, down in San Clemente. Beautiful. Or you
go north. Yeah, great train ride sound there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.
Alf the Alien O'Piner says she asked to pursue his
penny collection is the answer. Watch Captain Caveman from Courtesy Flusher.
Go to Marriage Counseling from Late Night Drug Tester. Let's see.
What else do we have? Page down. Stevie Meatball says
(22:23):
she wanted to taste the Chalupa before they got married.
Play Password, the word game of the stars from Inca Terror.
Analog Al quoting, who was that, Kirk Herbstreet? Asked him
to stand on his head after they went to Macon,
(22:43):
Whoopie Town. Trim toenails from Eek in Roseville, Minnesota. Ozzy
Waz checking in from Western Australia. I'm guessing Ozzy Waz
didn't go out to that NFL game. because it's kind
of far from where he is. He lives out in
the boondocks. He said to go through one of the
doors to the house, but not the front door. What
else do we have? Page Dan went to visit Alf
(23:06):
the Alien O'Piner from Donkey Sausage. That's his answer. Gunner
from the Walmart in northern Minnesota says the answer is
to meet you before marriage. What else do we have?
Doug in South Korea says to wax his twig in berries.
There you go. Kathy in Madison said she asked to
(23:26):
go bonga, bonga, bonga, bonga. All right. Timmy from... How
about Kathy? Timmy in Fusco, Indiana said... That's hilarious. She
asked to meet his boyfriend. All right. Well, that's... Come on.
How dare you? Rob in the 321 checks in, says
she asked to go to the Krusty Krab... for a
(23:46):
Krabby Patty. Remember when Wendy's had that for a while,
the Krabby thing? JT the Wingman, my pal from the
mailbag this past weekend with Weed Man, says share a
Culver's Butter Burger. The great Culver's. Wonderful. What else? Reach
Puberty from Johnny Q. That's his answer. Eat tacos on
a Friday. That's from Filler Up Phil. Drink mushroom tea
(24:10):
from our pal Neil in Fall River. That's his answer.
All right, Lorena, do you have an answer here? Of course,
you host your own segment on relationships, so I'm sure
you'll get this right. Aaron Rodgers claims that his ex-fiancee,
Shailene Woodley, asked to blank before getting married.
Speaker 5 (24:29):
To go on a bottomless jewelry shopping spree. She could
buy whatever she wanted with no limits.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
All right, is that correct? Let's find out right now.
Here we go. Survey says no.
Speaker 6 (24:41):
Wrong.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Now, this one's like next level. Well, I'm about to
tell you. This is like next level. I thought this
might have been fake, but apparently it's not. Rogers claimed
that his ex-fiancee, Shailene Woodley, asked if she could sleep
with another man before getting married.
Speaker 4 (24:57):
What?
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Yeah, how about that? That's the answer. Man. Going for it.
She's a wild lady, apparently. That didn't work, though. Did
she think? She must have thought it was going to work, right?
Speaker 4 (25:13):
No?
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Why would you.
Speaker 5 (25:15):
Tell people that, though? I feel like that's very telling
of your relationship.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
But you're upset with Rogers or you're upset with her? Well,
I feel like if you if you're asking him that
and she.
Speaker 5 (25:28):
Wanted to have a good round before she had boring
sex the rest of her life.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Wow. Defending her. But I feel I feel like, you know,
if you're engaged to someone, it's kind of a tough
road to go down until you're married. You want to
do the bouncy-bouncy with somebody else, but you're engaged. You're
on your way to go bow-chicka-wow-wow, and then you're like, well,
I want to go over there, and I want to
go over to that person over there. So I'm not
defending this.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
I'm not defending it, but did you read the whole
transcript from it?
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Like X, right, or something like that? Is that what
it was? Is that what it is?
Speaker 3 (26:02):
I'm not sure, but I was reading the quotes from
Aaron Rodgers on whatever podcast he was talking about this on.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
And.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
It seemed like he was also, again, I'm not saying
that this makes it right, but it seems like he
was kind of admitting that he kind of rushed her
into it, right? Like the engagement?
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Did I kind of read that wrong? Yeah, but he
was all over the map. He said that he was
going on about how he met his future wife, or
I guess his current wife. He said he met her
in 2017 and then they broke up. He's claiming. And
then so he while he really wanted to be with her,
he was with Danica Patrick and Shailene Woodley. And so
(26:46):
he was all he was messed up in a bad spot.
It was pretty crazy. But that was on a one
of his teammates, friends and family only podcast. Well, actually,
you can talk more about that a little bit later.
But it is the Ben Malish show. We got lame
jokes coming up in a little bit. We have not
taken a phone call in some time because we had
Benny versus the Penny show. So let's try to get
a call or two on at 877-99 on Fox. That's 877-996-6369.
(27:12):
Let's go to Mike the Leprechaun. Hello, Mike the Leprechaun
in the Boston area out there near Worcester, in between
Boston and Worcester. What's going on, Mike the Leprechaun?
Speaker 6 (27:26):
How does Loretta say Worcester?
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Worcester.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Well, I think she probably calls it by the way
that it looks like it should be sounding, not the
way that it actually is.
Speaker 6 (27:37):
Ask her to spell it, though.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Ask her to spell it.
Speaker 6 (27:41):
Seeing that she's so good at spelling.
Speaker 5 (27:43):
You want me to spell Worcester?
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Yeah, yeah, please. Give me a shot.
Speaker 5 (27:47):
Okay, I don't want to. Why did you lie, and
why did you text me, and why did you send
it to everyone? You said you have no TV.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Internet, or email.
Speaker 5 (27:55):
Can you please pass along these jokes? And then I'm
telling Coop that you sent jokes, and he goes, oh,
he sent me the email. And I'm like, why would
you double send it?
Speaker 6 (28:04):
Because my kids were not able to do their homework
last night, and they're freaking out. I have two channels.
I have AT & T and Verizon, and none of them,
their book crashed yesterday. So that's a fact.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
I wasn't lying.
Speaker 6 (28:17):
But anyway, do you have a monopoly on wisdom, Ms.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Lorena?
Speaker 6 (28:22):
Do you have a monopoly on wisdom?
Speaker 2 (28:24):
No. No, no.
Speaker 6 (28:26):
Anyway, beam me up, Scotty. Star Trek is 60 years
old today, or this week, sorry. All right, I wasn't lying,
as always.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 5 (28:35):
Are you talking to Ben? Talk to Ben.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Okay, Ben, how are you?
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Do you care?
Speaker 2 (28:42):
I do care.
Speaker 6 (28:42):
How's your cow?
Speaker 1 (28:43):
The Malheur cow is very productive, I am told, from
Cowboy Drew. And he's one of the better cows. A
lot of milk every day from the Malheur cow. It's
a working class cow. It's not a bougie cow. It's
a beautiful, fat heifer. It really is. Just a big, giant,
fat cow. And we're very proud of that Malheur cow.
Speaker 5 (29:04):
I feel like he has nothing to talk about.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Is this true? Do you have nothing to talk about,
Mike the Leprechaun? Did you just call up to get
on the air?
Speaker 3 (29:11):
The ram's lost.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
Did you hear?
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Poppy was wrong. Yeah, he has nothing to talk about.
Speaker 6 (29:17):
So was I.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Yeah. I had the 49ers, so I was happy. I mean,
I wasn't happy. I prefer to have been wrong. I
would be happier if the Rams won.
Speaker 6 (29:28):
When we grew up on a farm, we used to
drink the milk hot out of the cow.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
So, I mean, literally, it would come in in.
Speaker 6 (29:35):
A jug, and we would have it with our cereal.
So you couldn't do that now because we'd get all
sick from unpasteurized milk.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Yes, there's a word they came up with for that.
It's called disgusting.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
That's when you grew up on a farm.
Speaker 6 (29:51):
Not if you grew up on a farm.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
I didn't grow up on a farm. I grew up
around farms, but I didn't grow up in a farm.
I was around a bunch of orange groves, which is
like not cows and stuff, but a.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Lot of that.
Speaker 6 (30:01):
A fish swam into a wall, a concrete wall. He said,
guess what the fish said when he crashed into a
concrete wall?
Speaker 4 (30:14):
What?
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Damn it.
Speaker 6 (30:18):
Welcome.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Thank you. All right, go away. Let's go to Stevie Meatballs.
I got to get this guy on. He's a legend.
Stevie Meatballs from the Sunshine State. Hello, Mr. Meatballs.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Hello. I've got news. I've got news. Big news.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
We got news. Big news. Big, giant meatball news.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Tua's oblique injury is by design and probably fake.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Are you saying there's a deep state conspiracy here?
Speaker 2 (30:52):
I'm saying he's not ready to play game one because
he's not an NFL quarterback. And the only way he
accomplished anything in Miami was by extreme effort. Remember, first,
he didn't know the playbook. And then he had to
take judo to learn how to fall. And then he
(31:16):
gained weight and did all this extra training. to bulk up,
and then the next season he lost weight so he
could be faster. Well, yeah, that lightning-quick speed we saw
him running out of the pocket. Now he's in Atlanta, okay,
and he can't be coddled anymore. He's a veteran now.
He can't be coddled anymore. He doesn't know the damn playbook.
(31:39):
He's fumbling his second snap of the preseason.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
He's not prepared. Can I ask you, do you feel
better now? As a Dolphin fan, do you want to
attack him any other part you want to attack Tua?
Go ahead, get it all out right now. Just unload
on Tua. I think there's one more haymaker you got.
One more haymaker for the Samoan sniper. Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
After game one is over, he's better off not having played.
He looks better than if he does play. He's milking
it for all he's worth. He's a gold-breaking idiot. And
he gave it his all in Miami, but he just stinks.
He needs to go home. Mark my words, he's not
(32:26):
going to hang on as a backup quarterback for years.
He's not going to be one of those. He's going
to go away soon because he stinks.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
All right. Well, there we go. Tremendous assault there. That's
from Miami Dolphin fan, friend of the show, the great
Stevie Meatballs. Someday we'll do an event in Florida, and
we will meet Stevie Meatballs. Almost met him in Ohio.
He had a blind bowling he was doing in Ohio
or something like that. But he was up in Cleveland,
(32:56):
and I was in Cincinnati, and the weekend didn't work out,
and so we didn't end up meeting. Let's say hello.
Here's a blast from the past. No Job Junior. Hello,
No Job Junior. What's cracking, Benny Radio?
Speaker 2 (33:09):
I thought you said I wasn't going to call.
Speaker 6 (33:10):
Back, man.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
Well, then the Rams lost, so I figured you'd call
back at that point.
Speaker 6 (33:16):
Hey, how about that Seattle secondary?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Not impressed.
Speaker 6 (33:20):
You're not going to eat crow tonight?
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Why would I eat crow? If the other quarterback tossed
you the ball, anybody's going to make those interceptions. Those
weren't great plays by the Seahawks secondary. That was encompassed.
That was malfeasance. That was malfeasance by you-know-who, Mr. Drek May.
Speaker 4 (33:40):
Okay, well, hey, we'll take it.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
I'll tell you what.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
There's one reason why we won the game.
Speaker 5 (33:45):
It's kind of a secret, but I'll let you know.
Speaker 6 (33:47):
It's, you know, all the Patriots and you included, the
Seahawks are your father.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Welcome to the dark side.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Junior. Come on, man. You got to work on that.
What are you doing? No job, Junior. What is that? Okay.
What is that? All right. Go away. Thank you. All right.
It is the Ben Maller Show. No job, Junior. He
will only call up after Seahawk wins and Ram losses.
(34:18):
That is the time he will call up. That is it.
All right, it is the Ben Maller Show. If you'd
like to be part, 877-99 on Fox. That's 877-996-6369. You
can join the talk festivus here. And Big Ben's. lame
jokes of the week for the rest of the hour.
(34:41):
Do we have Weed Man? Is he there ready to go?
Speaker 2 (34:43):
Is he?
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Okay. He's always here. The guy never showed up. He
couldn't keep a job, Weed Man, because he never showed
up to work. He shows up to this radio show
twice a week, did the podcast with me, did the
mailbag with JT the Wingman and him. Unbelievable.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
All right.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
So we'll get to that. Big Ben's lame jokes of
the week, and we will do it.
Speaker 4 (35:05):
Next be sure to catch live editions of the ben
maller show weekdays at 2 a.m eastern 11 p.m pacific.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
Ben maller show on fox sports radio we know you
have options not good ones we thank you for listening
check out the iheart radio app you can find the
ben maller show streaming live on fox sports radio's channel
also on your local radio stations of course but on
the iheart app on any device you have you get
the ben mather show on the fox sports radio channel
(35:33):
live you get the ben mather show podcast and the
fifth hour podcast with the great ross porter dodger broadcaster
will check out well former dodger broadcaster and a guy
that i worked with back in my younger days when
i did stuff with the dodgers and ross will be
on to yap away here on the fifth hour podcast
so check that out on the iheart app thank you
(35:53):
thank you thank you.
Speaker 4 (35:56):
Knock, knock.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Who's there?
Speaker 4 (35:58):
Lame week. Lame week who?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
It's Big Ben's Lame Joke of the Week. And away
we go. We welcome in from Hollywood, Florida, friend of
the show and a man that has had really good
attendance for a long time. The one and only. His
name is Billy. We call him by his stage name,
Weed Man Hippie.
Speaker 6 (36:21):
Woo! Hey, Ben, I love you.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
What's going on, Weed Man?
Speaker 2 (36:30):
Make me laugh. Hey, I want to thank Corito for
sending me food. Thank you, Corito.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
I heard about that. I heard he sent you some McDonald's.
Is that correct?
Speaker 2 (36:39):
Yeah, he did.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
That was great. Yeah? What did he send you?
Speaker 2 (36:44):
He sent me McDonald's. He sent me a Big Mac
and fries and soda.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
It's a classic American meal right there, yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
He sent me a steak from Outback Steakhouse.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
He was great. Wow, he sent you a steak? That's crazy.
I'm going to fat you up. Here we go, Weed Man.
These are actual jokes by actual listeners. What happens when
someone steps in a pile of dog poop on the sidewalk? What? Well,
that ruins Weed Man's dinner. That's John in Youngstown, Ohio.
(37:14):
John's got some vicious jokes. What does Weed Man do
with a marijuana-infused potato?
Speaker 6 (37:23):
What?
Speaker 1 (37:24):
You bake it. That's from Eek in Roseville, Minnesota.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
All right.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Did you hear that Weed Man finally filled out a
job application?
Speaker 2 (37:35):
Wow, really?
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Yeah, yeah. Apparently under the job requirements, you wrote Weed Man,
you want six figures, one hour work week, no weekends,
unlimited weed, and you're not available during the Ben Maller show.
Is that true, Weed Man? Is that accurate?
Speaker 2 (37:49):
Yeah. All right.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Very funny. I'm sure that was not from Lisa. Why
doesn't Weed Man drink alcohol?
Speaker 4 (37:59):
Why?
Speaker 1 (38:00):
Well, it turns out Weed Man likes to be high
and dry. That's Surfer Todd, the comedian. And this one
from George in Uvalde, Texas. He says, why did Weed
Man hippie line up dolls near his grill?
Speaker 4 (38:14):
Wow, why?
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Why?
Speaker 1 (38:17):
Well, apparently he was preparing for a barbecue. Barbecue. Well,
I don't know if you heard about this, but Weed
Man went to a mindfulness class. How about that?
Speaker 2 (38:31):
Wow, really? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Five minutes in, he said, wait, I've been doing this
my whole life, doing nothing. Now there's a name for it? Yes.
You definitely have been ahead of your time on that,
Weed Man. Sure. Again, not from Lisa. Did you hear
Weed Man? Weed Man became so close to being hired
for a job.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Really? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
But then he heard that no job was available because
he was already high. He was already high. Mike, Mike.
Mike the Leprechaun. All right, what do we got? Some feedback. Now,
Lorena and Weed Man Hippie have an interesting cockroach connection.
You hear about that?
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Really?
Speaker 4 (39:15):
Hi, Lorena.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Hi, Weed Man. So Lorena, it turns out, runs with
the cockroach. Weed Man creates the roaches. So there is that.
There's a connection. to this mike mike the leprechaun oh
all right page down here what happened when weed man
hippie tried to mix human dna with zebra dna what
(39:37):
they kicked you out of the zoo unfortunately i don't
know why george in uvalde texas why does weed man
like going to get his hair cut Why? You like
catching a buzz. It's Andrew. There you go. What does
the X-Lax company say about Poppy's pics? Wow, what? They
(40:02):
say that's a lot of crap, is what they say.
All right. What did the sexy cannibal say after her
date with Mike the Leprechaun? She said there was no
coffin at the funeral. That's the wrong punchline. I screwed
up the punchline.
Speaker 6 (40:20):
Oh, no.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
I'm sorry, Rosie.
Shazam it's our number three and a boom shakalaka how
much weight do you give packer running back josh jacobs
attorneys declaring that his legal matter has been resolved or
has it also if tua tongue of iloa misses week
(00:21):
one how much does that change your expectations for the
falcons entire season it sounds like He's not going to
play as we are doing this in real time. Also,
in addition to the NFL, who blinked first? LSU by
changing course on its roster, trying to add NFL bounce-back players,
or the Southeastern Conference by walking away from without any
(00:46):
sanctions towards Lane Kiffin or LSU. We'll talk about all
of that and more as you get some extra credit
for listening to the podcast. Here it is, and Lame Jokes.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Of the Week.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
It's hour number three. A cheesy twist, if you will.
Welcome in the beginning of another hour of the Ben
Maller Show. We are in the air everywhere. Melting in
(01:19):
your ears as we roll on and roll strong coast
to coast, border to border and beyond on the vast coast.
And snazzily powerful microphones of FSR emanating live from the
drive as we go into overdrive. Guaranteed human. And the
(01:43):
world famous Fox Sports Radio studios where the Russian kid
reminds us that this hour, the hour you listen to
right now, is made possible in part by our friends
at Webull. That's right. It's time to get your financial
portfolio game ready with Webull. Get powerful investing tools, real-time data,
(02:06):
all in one platform. Get started by downloading the Webull
app today or visiting Webull.com. Webull Financial, LLC, member SIPC, FINRA.
Investing involves risk. For more information, visit Webull.com slash FINRA.
And I see Sir Smokes a lot and the OG
(02:27):
Art Puffin all giving the old thumbs up there. Even
Parito and Mad Jack, very happy about that. So very
important there. And have all the boys happy there, for sure.
So our lead this hour, and we'll get back to
the calls this hour in a little bit. We'll release
the phone lines. We took no calls last hour. We
still almost ran out of time before we got the
(02:48):
final two featured games on Benny vs. the Penny. We'll
give out the rest of the picks over the weekend
on social media for all the other games. But amazingly,
we picked a total of eight games on the radio. Well, actually,
a total of ten because we did the Island games
on Wednesday and Thursday. And the only game that we
differed on of the ten featured games was the Vikings
(03:09):
and the Packers game. And Penny took the Green Bay Packers.
I took the Vikings. So we'll see. How that works out.
But our lead this hour is from Green Bay, where
Packers running back Josh Jacobs is in a little less trouble.
The soup has cooled a little bit for Josh Jacobs,
(03:30):
the running back, who has settled his legal case. It's
happening this week. You're pleading no contest to a misdemeanor
battery and criminal damage to property charge. And under this agreement, Jacobs,
who's on the naughty list, he's on the commissioner's exempt list,
must avoid contact with the victim, has to pay restitution,
(03:52):
seek counseling, and commit no further crimes for one year.
And if he does all of those things, if he
meets all of those conditions, Josh Jacobs, the NFL running back,
he does all those things, the matter will be tossed aside.
The property damage charge will be dismissed. That's it. Now, Jacobs' attorney,
(04:15):
who's paid by Jacobs, shockingly declared the matter is, quote, resolved,
close quote, while highlighting the history of community work throughout
his NFL career. Of course, I'm sure he didn't mention
that NFL players are pretty much forced to do charity work.
It's part of the deal. All right. Anyway, that is
a good jumping off point. Let us discuss the question.
(04:37):
How much weight How much weight do you give Packers
running back Josh Jacobs' attorneys declaring that this matter is, quote, resolved,
close quote? So I've got sequel, emergency flashlight, and Buffalo
Wild Wings. And we will combine all of these things together,
(05:00):
and we are going to go on a fishing expedition.
Over to Lake Winnebago. We're going to go out to
Lake Winnebago. All right. So to kick off here, Josh
Jacobs attorneys who are paid by Josh Jacobs can go
to the very top of the mountain and scream and
shout and let it all out and say the matter
is resolved. They can do that as loud as they
(05:22):
want on a scale of one to 10. They go
to 11. But celebrating right now is kind of like
getting discharged from the general hospital. You get out of
the doors of the hospital and you then get hit
by an ambulance in the parking lot. Like, yeah, sure.
He managed Josh Jacobs to escape the courthouse in Wisconsin
(05:43):
with a sweetheart deal. However, there is an entirely different
courtroom waiting for him at 345 Park Avenue. It's a
double edged sword. He settled things with the state of Wisconsin.
But unfortunately, Roger Goodell owns the sequel rights. And that's
(06:03):
the problem. So he essentially escaped Josh Jacobs, the penalty box,
which is the one you want to escape, because that's
the one that can take your freedom away and walk
directly into the principal's office now. And he's still on
the commissioner's exempt list. And so he's got a deal
with Roger the Dodger Goodell, the chair of the POC.
What is the POC? The Pigskin Oversight Committee. Did you
(06:27):
make us look bad in the media? How dare you? Well,
supposedly there's a video. This is the big... The big
thing with this story is that there's supposedly a video
that hasn't seen the light of the Internet yet. And
if that gets out, it shows... Josh Jacobs getting very
physical with a lady there and generally polite society does
(06:51):
not look kindly on getting into a physical situation with
a woman. That's no matter whether you're right or wrong.
They just can't be doing that. Anyway, so that is
where we are at this particular point. So he's got
to deal with the oversight of the NFL. And so, yeah,
the legal part of it is finished. But with the
NFL's typical six game boilerplate domestic violence suspension looming, that
(07:16):
victory declaration is a bit premature. Plus, if that video
ever gets out. Is that Ray Rice? Like, Ray Rice
hasn't come back to the NFL because that elevator video
from years ago, the Ravens running back. So he might,
might's a weasel word, might be out of legal trouble.
We're talking about Josh Jacobs, Green Bay Packers running back.
(07:37):
But the NFL's private courtroom operates a whole different set
of rules. Kind of like OJ was found not guilty
in a criminal case, but then in the civil case,
the standard is a preponderance of the evidence. It's kind
of how the NFL operates in the pigskin oversight committee.
It's a preponderance of the evidence, not beyond a reasonable doubt. Now, furthermore,
(08:01):
to Atlanta we go. We mentioned this last hour, problems
in the ATL. Tua Tungabailoa suffering an oblique injury, and
he was spotted grabbing his side. Oh, my side! This
after a throw during practice, sat on the ground for
a little bit, very dramatically injured. and was not throwing
(08:23):
again during the media availability portion of Falcons practice. I'm
very concerned about that. So that means backup quarterback Cooper
Rush was in a rush, and he is projected now
to start. Tua was only given one week to be
the man, one week to be the man, and looks
like that's not likely going to happen now either. Tua,
(08:45):
at best, his status is uncertain. Just to a couple
days away from the kickoff on Sunday, the season opener
for Atlanta as they take on the Steelers in Pittsburgh.
So the question, if Tua Tungavailoa misses week number one,
how much does that change your expectations for the Falcons'
(09:06):
entire season? So for me, on my scorecard, it doesn't
change anything. It changes nothing. And here's why. Tua's not good.
Going from Tua to Cooper Rush, that's not a quarterback change.
It's kind of like when you're at the store and
you're buying some groceries and you don't go to the self-checkout,
(09:28):
you go to the checkout stand. And so you get
to the checkout lane and You're like, well, okay, I'm
at Walmart and I'm going to change checkout lanes. And
the reason I'm going to change lanes is because there's
a babushka. And we all know babushkas at grocery stores
love to talk to the teller. They love to tell
the teller about their grandkids, about their cats. They love
to pay with cash. They especially love to pay with coins.
(09:49):
And they have to get the exact amount of change.
And so when you see a babushka, you go to
the next line at the Walmart 100% of the time. However,
you're still at Babushka. walmart so congratulations you've traveled six
inches sideways bravo way to go right so tua has
a pinging sound in the engine and now cooper rush
(10:11):
is riding in on his white horse to save the
day no You know what he is? Cooper Rush is
an emergency flashlight you find in the junk drawer with
batteries that are from 2019. And maybe that thing turns on.
It might turn on. Maybe it doesn't turn on. And
(10:32):
somehow Michael Penix Jr. is still not ready to go.
So Atlanta's quarterback room at this moment. You've got three
plumbers from Roto-Rooter standing around a burst pipe, and there's
water everywhere. And the three plumbers, not one of them
(10:54):
brought their tools. They don't have a wrench or any
of the tools they need. So pick a name out
of a hat. They have the playmakers there. You can
dummy down the offense and at least move the ball
a little bit with the playmakers they have in Atlanta.
So the Dirty Birds... They're not cooked. They weren't cooked yesterday.
(11:15):
They're not cooked today. Changing quarterbacks, it's kind of like
rotating tires on a car. The quarterback room is sitting
on cinder blocks, but the other stuff's kind of cool.
The other stuff's kind of cool. It's not bad. All right,
last thing here. We go now to Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Louisiana.
And we have a update, update, the Blood Battle Royale
(11:39):
we've talked about in previous episodes of the show. And
it turns out, LSU, have they been kicked out of
the Southeastern Conference? Have they been sent away? No. It's
a lot of bluster. And in the end, LSU will
face no sanctions from the Southeastern Conference that following a
(12:03):
hastily put together a meeting, a little meet and greet
among conference presidents and chancellors, and the possibility of expelling
LSU from the league has been taken off the table
for now. The dispute cooling down a little bit. LSU
did finalize their 105-man football roster without the NFL rejects,
(12:29):
Daquan Wright and Zavian Harris, so that effectively ends the
immediate eligibility fight. Now, the president of LSU told the
SEC commissioner, Greg Sankey, the guy that runs LSU, said
that the school in Baton Rouge has compiled the roster,
(12:52):
it's done, and the issue that the SEC had is moot.
All right, so that's what they're saying. Question. Who do
you think blinked first? You can only pick one. Who
blinked first? LSU by changing course on the roster or
the Southeastern Conference by walking away without sanctioning Louisiana State University?
(13:19):
Survey says... LSU. The only proper answer is LSU. That's it.
They blink first. This whole thing was started by LSU,
was driven by LSU. However, it really, when you pull
back the curtains, The LSU SEC brouhaha was like two
(13:41):
drunk guys outside a Buffalo Wild Wings screaming, Hold me back, bro!
Hold me back, bro! While secretly hoping somebody keeps holding
them back. It's like those fake NBA fights we get
every basketball season. The gold standard was the big ticket
back in the day for the Timberwolves and the Celtics.
That guy, oh, he'd always be, I want to get
(14:02):
in a fight. And then, hold me back, hold me back,
hold me back now. Hold me back. And Lane Kiffin...
Going into this, Lane Kiffin out there poking the grizzly bear,
wanting those NFL bounce back players right up because they
played for him at Ole Miss, right up until the
SEC said, you do this and we are going to
(14:22):
go with the nuclear option. There will be a mushroom
cloud over the football offices there. So then LSU discovered
this is really an ancient legal principle that And what
is that ancient legal principle? It is the ancient legal
principle of never mind. Never mind. It's all good.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
All right. Never mind.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
OK.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
So LSU declared war. They marched out to the battlefield.
They fired a couple of bottle rockets and then they
signed a peace treaty while eating some mashed potatoes at
Cracker Barrel. That's it. So the big shots genuflected. to
the sec demands resulting in zero sanctions for louisiana state
(15:10):
so we're going to call this on my scorecard i
call this a ceasefire with all of the the big
guns the flamethrowers back in the garage for now and
leaving plenty of chest thumping behind now through it all
Lane Kiffin still gets his consolation prize. What is Lane
Kiffin's consolation prize? He gets to keep that smug, fish-eating
(15:32):
grin on those DoorDash commercials and that new Fanville commercial
thing that he's got. And so LSU threatened to go
World War III, and they settled for an angry Yelp
review is essentially how this played out in real time.
It is the Ben Maller Show. We had a little
(15:53):
NFL action. In Australia, and a surprise to some, the
public was all over, all over the Rams, the darlings
of the media. In the end, the 49ers kicked their ass.
It was a really pathetic, toothless performance by the Rams
(16:13):
in that game. Okay, it was a boring first half.
They were in the game, and then in the second half,
Nothing's changed more in my lifetime than second half adjustments.
It was bad, bad, bad, bad, bad to the bone,
bad to the bone. So the Niners are currently tied
with Seattle for the top record in the NFL, and
(16:35):
the Rams are tied with the Patriots for the worst
record in the national football. ball league and raheem morris
a former ram guy he was the assistant with sean
mcveigh for a couple of years there back in the
day and he went off to coach the falcons didn't
do much of a job but raheem morris his defense
(16:56):
has now given up a combined 12 points the last
two times he's faced the rams offense so it appears
that raheem morris has found something he found something to
attack yeah So outstanding. Outstanding. All right. It is the
Ben Maler Show. And if you'd like to be part,
(17:19):
we reopen the phone lines here. 877-99 on Fox. That's 877-996-6369.
Also on X at Ben Maler. That is at Ben Maler.
If you want to break it down scientifically, you can
call up and scream and shout and all that and
go on X at Ben Maler. And we'll have more
(17:42):
of that time now, though, for that's right. Here we go.
Here we go. It is time now for the Malheur
Riddle of the Day. And here it is. Aaron Rodgers.
Aaron Rodgers recently claimed that his ex-fiancee, Shailene Woodley, I
(18:05):
think that's how you say her name. She asked to
blank before getting married. All right. Aaron Rodgers claims that
his ex-fiancee, Shailene Woodley, asked to blank before they ended
up getting married, which they didn't actually get married. That
is the Mallor riddle of the day. The answer. We'll
(18:28):
get to it and we will do it.
Speaker 4 (18:34):
Next be sure to catch live editions of the ben
maller show weekdays at 2 a.m eastern 11 p.m pacific
on fox sports radio and the iheart radio app fox
sports radio is taking over youtube and you can be
a part of it just go to youtube and search
fox sports radio hit that subscribe button and smash that
notification bell and catch all the videos from your favorite
(18:56):
shows two pros The Ben Maller Show on Fox Sports
Radio as we continue on through the overnight hours.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
A reminder, today is Friday. and that means the fifth
(19:27):
hour podcast returns and a special episode dropping later today
a conversation with longtime baseball broadcaster for the los angeles
dodgers ross porter who i worked with in my younger
days in radio caught up with ross we check in
(19:48):
every once in a while, and I haven't talked to
Ross in a while. I haven't on the podcast before,
but he'll tell some stories never before told about his
play-by-play days in the major leagues. He was actually ahead
of his time. I've told him this many times over
the years, but Ross was very into statistics when people
looked down. There was a time people looked down about statistics.
Now they're shoved down your throat. So check out that conversation,
(20:11):
the Fifth Hour Podcast, with me. And we'll have new
episodes on Saturday and the Mailbag on Sunday. So check
it out. Also be part of this show at 877-99
on Fox. Lines are open again and on X at VanMaler.
You can say hello to Lorena. She's the FSR Tech Queen.
Speaker 4 (20:32):
Hi, Bill.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
And she survived a near-death experience with a cockroach. And
she's still here. She's in therapy. Hopefully everything will be okay.
The battle's not over. It's not over yet. But to
FSR Tech Queen, Coop is here at All Bronco Fan.
That's All Bronco Fan. Your comments can and will be
used against you in the court of sports radio. Time
(20:56):
now for the Mallor Riddle of the Day. And here's
the Mallor Riddle of the Day. Aaron Rodgers, he recently
claimed that his ex-fiancee, Shailene Woodley, Asked to blank before
getting married. And that's it. That's the riddle of the day.
(21:16):
And the answer right about now, let's see, does anyone
in the Malheur militia know the answer? We go to
the hoi polloi, the great unwashed, the silent majority who
hide behind fake avatars and sit there on their phones
and all that. King Rory says to take the little
(21:37):
blue pill just in case.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
What else?
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Femi got it right. Bad job by Femi. You loser.
How dare you? She asked to go on a train,
I guess. Who doesn't love a nice train ride?
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
I think that's what Arik meant by that. He might
have said something else, but I think that's, I'm sure Arik,
that's what he meant.
Speaker 5 (21:57):
Especially up to like what Santa, you know, the beach areas.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Oh, San Clemente, down in San Clemente. Beautiful. Or you
go north. Yeah, great train ride sound there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.
Alf the Alien O'Piner says she asked to pursue his
penny collection is the answer. Watch Captain Caveman from Courtesy Flusher.
Go to Marriage Counseling from Late Night Drug Tester. Let's see.
What else do we have? Page down. Stevie Meatball says
(22:23):
she wanted to taste the Chalupa before they got married.
Play Password, the word game of the stars from Inca Terror.
Analog Al quoting, who was that, Kirk Herbstreet? Asked him
to stand on his head after they went to Macon,
(22:43):
Whoopie Town. Trim toenails from Eek in Roseville, Minnesota. Ozzy
Waz checking in from Western Australia. I'm guessing Ozzy Waz
didn't go out to that NFL game. because it's kind
of far from where he is. He lives out in
the boondocks. He said to go through one of the
doors to the house, but not the front door. What
else do we have? Page Dan went to visit Alf
(23:06):
the Alien O'Piner from Donkey Sausage. That's his answer. Gunner
from the Walmart in northern Minnesota says the answer is
to meet you before marriage. What else do we have?
Doug in South Korea says to wax his twig in berries.
There you go. Kathy in Madison said she asked to
(23:26):
go bonga, bonga, bonga, bonga. All right. Timmy from... How
about Kathy? Timmy in Fusco, Indiana said... That's hilarious. She
asked to meet his boyfriend. All right. Well, that's... Come on.
How dare you? Rob in the 321 checks in, says
she asked to go to the Krusty Krab... for a
(23:46):
Krabby Patty. Remember when Wendy's had that for a while,
the Krabby thing? JT the Wingman, my pal from the
mailbag this past weekend with Weed Man, says share a
Culver's Butter Burger. The great Culver's. Wonderful. What else? Reach
Puberty from Johnny Q. That's his answer. Eat tacos on
a Friday. That's from Filler Up Phil. Drink mushroom tea
(24:10):
from our pal Neil in Fall River. That's his answer.
All right, Lorena, do you have an answer here? Of course,
you host your own segment on relationships, so I'm sure
you'll get this right. Aaron Rodgers claims that his ex-fiancee,
Shailene Woodley, asked to blank before getting married.
Speaker 5 (24:29):
To go on a bottomless jewelry shopping spree. She could
buy whatever she wanted with no limits.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
All right, is that correct? Let's find out right now.
Here we go. Survey says no.
Speaker 6 (24:41):
Wrong.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Now, this one's like next level. Well, I'm about to
tell you. This is like next level. I thought this
might have been fake, but apparently it's not. Rogers claimed
that his ex-fiancee, Shailene Woodley, asked if she could sleep
with another man before getting married.
Speaker 4 (24:57):
What?
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Yeah, how about that? That's the answer. Man. Going for it.
She's a wild lady, apparently. That didn't work, though. Did
she think? She must have thought it was going to work, right?
Speaker 4 (25:13):
No?
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Why would you.
Speaker 5 (25:15):
Tell people that, though? I feel like that's very telling
of your relationship.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
But you're upset with Rogers or you're upset with her? Well,
I feel like if you if you're asking him that
and she.
Speaker 5 (25:28):
Wanted to have a good round before she had boring
sex the rest of her life.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Wow. Defending her. But I feel I feel like, you know,
if you're engaged to someone, it's kind of a tough
road to go down until you're married. You want to
do the bouncy-bouncy with somebody else, but you're engaged. You're
on your way to go bow-chicka-wow-wow, and then you're like, well,
I want to go over there, and I want to
go over to that person over there. So I'm not
defending this.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
I'm not defending it, but did you read the whole
transcript from it?
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Like X, right, or something like that? Is that what
it was? Is that what it is?
Speaker 3 (26:02):
I'm not sure, but I was reading the quotes from
Aaron Rodgers on whatever podcast he was talking about this on.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
And.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
It seemed like he was also, again, I'm not saying
that this makes it right, but it seems like he
was kind of admitting that he kind of rushed her
into it, right? Like the engagement?
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Did I kind of read that wrong? Yeah, but he
was all over the map. He said that he was
going on about how he met his future wife, or
I guess his current wife. He said he met her
in 2017 and then they broke up. He's claiming. And
then so he while he really wanted to be with her,
he was with Danica Patrick and Shailene Woodley. And so
(26:46):
he was all he was messed up in a bad spot.
It was pretty crazy. But that was on a one
of his teammates, friends and family only podcast. Well, actually,
you can talk more about that a little bit later.
But it is the Ben Malish show. We got lame
jokes coming up in a little bit. We have not
taken a phone call in some time because we had
Benny versus the Penny show. So let's try to get
a call or two on at 877-99 on Fox. That's 877-996-6369.
(27:12):
Let's go to Mike the Leprechaun. Hello, Mike the Leprechaun
in the Boston area out there near Worcester, in between
Boston and Worcester. What's going on, Mike the Leprechaun?
Speaker 6 (27:26):
How does Loretta say Worcester?
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Worcester.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Well, I think she probably calls it by the way
that it looks like it should be sounding, not the
way that it actually is.
Speaker 6 (27:37):
Ask her to spell it, though.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Ask her to spell it.
Speaker 6 (27:41):
Seeing that she's so good at spelling.
Speaker 5 (27:43):
You want me to spell Worcester?
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Yeah, yeah, please. Give me a shot.
Speaker 5 (27:47):
Okay, I don't want to. Why did you lie, and
why did you text me, and why did you send
it to everyone? You said you have no TV.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Internet, or email.
Speaker 5 (27:55):
Can you please pass along these jokes? And then I'm
telling Coop that you sent jokes, and he goes, oh,
he sent me the email. And I'm like, why would
you double send it?
Speaker 6 (28:04):
Because my kids were not able to do their homework
last night, and they're freaking out. I have two channels.
I have AT & T and Verizon, and none of them,
their book crashed yesterday. So that's a fact.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
I wasn't lying.
Speaker 6 (28:17):
But anyway, do you have a monopoly on wisdom, Ms.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Lorena?
Speaker 6 (28:22):
Do you have a monopoly on wisdom?
Speaker 2 (28:24):
No. No, no.
Speaker 6 (28:26):
Anyway, beam me up, Scotty. Star Trek is 60 years
old today, or this week, sorry. All right, I wasn't lying,
as always.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 5 (28:35):
Are you talking to Ben? Talk to Ben.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Okay, Ben, how are you?
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Do you care?
Speaker 2 (28:42):
I do care.
Speaker 6 (28:42):
How's your cow?
Speaker 1 (28:43):
The Malheur cow is very productive, I am told, from
Cowboy Drew. And he's one of the better cows. A
lot of milk every day from the Malheur cow. It's
a working class cow. It's not a bougie cow. It's
a beautiful, fat heifer. It really is. Just a big, giant,
fat cow. And we're very proud of that Malheur cow.
Speaker 5 (29:04):
I feel like he has nothing to talk about.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Is this true? Do you have nothing to talk about,
Mike the Leprechaun? Did you just call up to get
on the air?
Speaker 3 (29:11):
The ram's lost.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
Did you hear?
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Poppy was wrong. Yeah, he has nothing to talk about.
Speaker 6 (29:17):
So was I.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Yeah. I had the 49ers, so I was happy. I mean,
I wasn't happy. I prefer to have been wrong. I
would be happier if the Rams won.
Speaker 6 (29:28):
When we grew up on a farm, we used to
drink the milk hot out of the cow.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
So, I mean, literally, it would come in in.
Speaker 6 (29:35):
A jug, and we would have it with our cereal.
So you couldn't do that now because we'd get all
sick from unpasteurized milk.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Yes, there's a word they came up with for that.
It's called disgusting.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
That's when you grew up on a farm.
Speaker 6 (29:51):
Not if you grew up on a farm.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
I didn't grow up on a farm. I grew up
around farms, but I didn't grow up in a farm.
I was around a bunch of orange groves, which is
like not cows and stuff, but a.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Lot of that.
Speaker 6 (30:01):
A fish swam into a wall, a concrete wall. He said,
guess what the fish said when he crashed into a
concrete wall?
Speaker 4 (30:14):
What?
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Damn it.
Speaker 6 (30:18):
Welcome.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Thank you. All right, go away. Let's go to Stevie Meatballs.
I got to get this guy on. He's a legend.
Stevie Meatballs from the Sunshine State. Hello, Mr. Meatballs.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Hello. I've got news. I've got news. Big news.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
We got news. Big news. Big, giant meatball news.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Tua's oblique injury is by design and probably fake.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Are you saying there's a deep state conspiracy here?
Speaker 2 (30:52):
I'm saying he's not ready to play game one because
he's not an NFL quarterback. And the only way he
accomplished anything in Miami was by extreme effort. Remember, first,
he didn't know the playbook. And then he had to
take judo to learn how to fall. And then he
(31:16):
gained weight and did all this extra training. to bulk up,
and then the next season he lost weight so he
could be faster. Well, yeah, that lightning-quick speed we saw
him running out of the pocket. Now he's in Atlanta, okay,
and he can't be coddled anymore. He's a veteran now.
He can't be coddled anymore. He doesn't know the damn playbook.
(31:39):
He's fumbling his second snap of the preseason.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
He's not prepared. Can I ask you, do you feel
better now? As a Dolphin fan, do you want to
attack him any other part you want to attack Tua?
Go ahead, get it all out right now. Just unload
on Tua. I think there's one more haymaker you got.
One more haymaker for the Samoan sniper. Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
After game one is over, he's better off not having played.
He looks better than if he does play. He's milking
it for all he's worth. He's a gold-breaking idiot. And
he gave it his all in Miami, but he just stinks.
He needs to go home. Mark my words, he's not
(32:26):
going to hang on as a backup quarterback for years.
He's not going to be one of those. He's going
to go away soon because he stinks.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
All right. Well, there we go. Tremendous assault there. That's
from Miami Dolphin fan, friend of the show, the great
Stevie Meatballs. Someday we'll do an event in Florida, and
we will meet Stevie Meatballs. Almost met him in Ohio.
He had a blind bowling he was doing in Ohio
or something like that. But he was up in Cleveland,
(32:56):
and I was in Cincinnati, and the weekend didn't work out,
and so we didn't end up meeting. Let's say hello.
Here's a blast from the past. No Job Junior. Hello,
No Job Junior. What's cracking, Benny Radio?
Speaker 2 (33:09):
I thought you said I wasn't going to call.
Speaker 6 (33:10):
Back, man.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
Well, then the Rams lost, so I figured you'd call
back at that point.
Speaker 6 (33:16):
Hey, how about that Seattle secondary?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Not impressed.
Speaker 6 (33:20):
You're not going to eat crow tonight?
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Why would I eat crow? If the other quarterback tossed
you the ball, anybody's going to make those interceptions. Those
weren't great plays by the Seahawks secondary. That was encompassed.
That was malfeasance. That was malfeasance by you-know-who, Mr. Drek May.
Speaker 4 (33:40):
Okay, well, hey, we'll take it.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
I'll tell you what.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
There's one reason why we won the game.
Speaker 5 (33:45):
It's kind of a secret, but I'll let you know.
Speaker 6 (33:47):
It's, you know, all the Patriots and you included, the
Seahawks are your father.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Welcome to the dark side.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Junior. Come on, man. You got to work on that.
What are you doing? No job, Junior. What is that? Okay.
What is that? All right. Go away. Thank you. All right.
It is the Ben Maller Show. No job, Junior. He
will only call up after Seahawk wins and Ram losses.
(34:18):
That is the time he will call up. That is it.
All right, it is the Ben Maller Show. If you'd
like to be part, 877-99 on Fox. That's 877-996-6369. You
can join the talk festivus here. And Big Ben's. lame
jokes of the week for the rest of the hour.
(34:41):
Do we have Weed Man? Is he there ready to go?
Speaker 2 (34:43):
Is he?
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Okay. He's always here. The guy never showed up. He
couldn't keep a job, Weed Man, because he never showed
up to work. He shows up to this radio show
twice a week, did the podcast with me, did the
mailbag with JT the Wingman and him. Unbelievable.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
All right.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
So we'll get to that. Big Ben's lame jokes of
the week, and we will do it.
Speaker 4 (35:05):
Next be sure to catch live editions of the ben
maller show weekdays at 2 a.m eastern 11 p.m pacific.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
Ben maller show on fox sports radio we know you
have options not good ones we thank you for listening
check out the iheart radio app you can find the
ben maller show streaming live on fox sports radio's channel
also on your local radio stations of course but on
the iheart app on any device you have you get
the ben mather show on the fox sports radio channel
(35:33):
live you get the ben mather show podcast and the
fifth hour podcast with the great ross porter dodger broadcaster
will check out well former dodger broadcaster and a guy
that i worked with back in my younger days when
i did stuff with the dodgers and ross will be
on to yap away here on the fifth hour podcast
so check that out on the iheart app thank you
(35:53):
thank you thank you.
Speaker 4 (35:56):
Knock, knock.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Who's there?
Speaker 4 (35:58):
Lame week. Lame week who?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
It's Big Ben's Lame Joke of the Week. And away
we go. We welcome in from Hollywood, Florida, friend of
the show and a man that has had really good
attendance for a long time. The one and only. His
name is Billy. We call him by his stage name,
Weed Man Hippie.
Speaker 6 (36:21):
Woo! Hey, Ben, I love you.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
What's going on, Weed Man?
Speaker 2 (36:30):
Make me laugh. Hey, I want to thank Corito for
sending me food. Thank you, Corito.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
I heard about that. I heard he sent you some McDonald's.
Is that correct?
Speaker 2 (36:39):
Yeah, he did.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
That was great. Yeah? What did he send you?
Speaker 2 (36:44):
He sent me McDonald's. He sent me a Big Mac
and fries and soda.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
It's a classic American meal right there, yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
He sent me a steak from Outback Steakhouse.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
He was great. Wow, he sent you a steak? That's crazy.
I'm going to fat you up. Here we go, Weed Man.
These are actual jokes by actual listeners. What happens when
someone steps in a pile of dog poop on the sidewalk? What? Well,
that ruins Weed Man's dinner. That's John in Youngstown, Ohio.
(37:14):
John's got some vicious jokes. What does Weed Man do
with a marijuana-infused potato?
Speaker 6 (37:23):
What?
Speaker 1 (37:24):
You bake it. That's from Eek in Roseville, Minnesota.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
All right.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Did you hear that Weed Man finally filled out a
job application?
Speaker 2 (37:35):
Wow, really?
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Yeah, yeah. Apparently under the job requirements, you wrote Weed Man,
you want six figures, one hour work week, no weekends,
unlimited weed, and you're not available during the Ben Maller show.
Is that true, Weed Man? Is that accurate?
Speaker 2 (37:49):
Yeah. All right.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Very funny. I'm sure that was not from Lisa. Why
doesn't Weed Man drink alcohol?
Speaker 4 (37:59):
Why?
Speaker 1 (38:00):
Well, it turns out Weed Man likes to be high
and dry. That's Surfer Todd, the comedian. And this one
from George in Uvalde, Texas. He says, why did Weed
Man hippie line up dolls near his grill?
Speaker 4 (38:14):
Wow, why?
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Why?
Speaker 1 (38:17):
Well, apparently he was preparing for a barbecue. Barbecue. Well,
I don't know if you heard about this, but Weed
Man went to a mindfulness class. How about that?
Speaker 2 (38:31):
Wow, really? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Five minutes in, he said, wait, I've been doing this
my whole life, doing nothing. Now there's a name for it? Yes.
You definitely have been ahead of your time on that,
Weed Man. Sure. Again, not from Lisa. Did you hear
Weed Man? Weed Man became so close to being hired
for a job.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Really? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
But then he heard that no job was available because
he was already high. He was already high. Mike, Mike.
Mike the Leprechaun. All right, what do we got? Some feedback. Now,
Lorena and Weed Man Hippie have an interesting cockroach connection.
You hear about that?
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Really?
Speaker 4 (39:15):
Hi, Lorena.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Hi, Weed Man. So Lorena, it turns out, runs with
the cockroach. Weed Man creates the roaches. So there is that.
There's a connection. to this mike mike the leprechaun oh
all right page down here what happened when weed man
hippie tried to mix human dna with zebra dna what
(39:37):
they kicked you out of the zoo unfortunately i don't
know why george in uvalde texas why does weed man
like going to get his hair cut Why? You like
catching a buzz. It's Andrew. There you go. What does
the X-Lax company say about Poppy's pics? Wow, what? They
(40:02):
say that's a lot of crap, is what they say.
All right. What did the sexy cannibal say after her
date with Mike the Leprechaun? She said there was no
coffin at the funeral. That's the wrong punchline. I screwed
up the punchline.
Speaker 6 (40:20):
Oh, no.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
I'm sorry, Rosie.
Host
Ben Maller
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.