Doctor-Patient Privilege

Well Benny vs The Penny was rocked to sleep with Kansas City winning Super Bowl LIV and that means you're in trouble. Ben and his accomplished wingman jump back on the wagon to unwind a little bit with the close of another football season. There was no vacation to Miami for the guys, but they still have a few stories to spill. Ben has a full plate of questions from you, the listener, and they fellas also have some wild parental moments across the globe to talk about. Sit back and enjoy the ride!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Boom. If you've thought more hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse, the clearing House of
hot takes, break free or something special. The Fifth Hour

(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now. That it does. We
are in the air everywhere with the Fifth Hour with me,
Ben Mallard and David Gas gone back again. Now. We
started this podcast back before the football season with the
intention of having Benny Versus the Penny as the highlight

(00:44):
of the podcast, and that's exactly what happened. We had
Benny versus the Penny almost all the way through the
football season until my gall bladder went caput and we
had to miss a week. But other than that we
had everything cover. We had the super Bowl last week,
and then this was just an extra bonus podcast. But
now that football season is over, uh todah. The only

(01:07):
sensible thing, the only reasonable thing, would be to either
stop doing the podcast altogether or just continue along doing
the grab Ass podcast. So here we are doing the
grab ass podcast yet again, because we gotta keep those
podcast numbers up. And and according to gag On, there
were more people actually at at points during the year
listening to this then the other podcast, which was the

(01:29):
main one we were doing. Well, that's that's been the case,
and that was true and uh, and I want several
bets because of that. So I don't know that that's
actually been the case. Guess you could be doctoring the numbers.
I have no verification. I need a second source. I'm
like the Associated Press. No, well, I'm I'm usually good
with numbers. I am a numbers driven guy, especially in

(01:50):
this competitive world of podcasting and radio. And so I've
I've sent you a couple of snapshots of of your
actual show podcast numbers. Uh, these podcast numbers and where
we've been from September all the way down to February.
So yeah, Well, Unfortunately I don't really pay attention when
you send me stuff because I'm not usually logical and um,

(02:14):
so I don't really look at that. But but thank
you for trying to send me that stuff. I appreciate that. Yeah.
I mean, if there's ever a complaint about production and
and things of that nature, I guess we can throw
it right back at you. But I think the point
I would say here about the podcast and and also
the radio show podcast is the numbers are relatively consistent.
It's growing the audience, Like the there's a solid base.

(02:38):
I'm pretty much the Donald Trump of podcasting because like
Trump's got a solid base, but you've gotta get a
few extra people if he wants to win the election,
you know again and all that stuff. You it's not
about winning the popular vote. It's about winning the electoral
college to get validation on so you don't have to
have the popular vote because the popular vote. To get
the most listenings to a podcast will be honest, you

(03:00):
you need advertising, you need people promoting it. We have
none of that. There's no advertising budget for this, right no. Yeah,
so it's word of mouth, and it's very difficult to
get people a to take your advice and tell other
people about the podcast, which I I say every podcast.
Do I not say every podcast? Get somebody else to
listen to the podcast. I said, every podcast, Yeah, mom, dad,

(03:23):
brother's sister, or a kid, and listen for about sixty
seconds that they like it. Gray If they don't, at
least keep it on for a minute and then they're done,
So grandparents whatever, and uh, and you know there's you
do that number one. Number two. The problem is if
you you get people to actually do it, if you're listening,
actually tell somebody, then the other people actually have to
listen to it, and they actually have to take your advice.

(03:45):
And that's where it gets complex. That's where it gets thorny,
because it's one thing to get somebody to do it,
and I hear from people, Hey, I told my mom
you should you should know you should listen to the podcast,
or I told my grandpa, my uncle or my aunt
or whatever. But then how do you know they're actually
doing it? That's my problem. Well, you have you have
close to a hundred thousand followers on your Twitter account.

(04:06):
Of each of those followers could at least listen to
the podcast one time, would be in great shape. We
can and week out. Yeah, but a lot of those
are fake. I have a lot of like a porn
bots because I tweet in the middle of the night
and the only people on Twitter are there's a few
of us that are up all night, and then we
have a lot of porn bots. So I'm very popular
with porn bots and Russian bots and North Korean bots,

(04:28):
any kind of bot. It's bought tastic, which I think
is also the name of the podcast bot Tastic. Well,
maybe since you are the Donald Trump of sports talk radio,
you should kinda align with the d n C and
then maybe they can help you out with any kind
of push towards uh some doctored numbers and whatnot. Well,
I'm Trump, I give speech, and then you're Nancy Pelosi

(04:48):
tearing it up behind me. That's what you're essentially, That's
how that works, right, Very disappointing by you. Bad job
by you. Yeah, I'm drunk, and I was looking for
ways to to test drive your speech and to tear
it up for the actual speecher is over with. So yeah,
that's a that's me. Yeah. Well, judging by the reaction
from the mallamost As far as what's coming up on
this edition the I'm Gonna call the Lean and Mean

(05:11):
edition of the Fifth Hour with Ben Mallor and David Gascon,
which is available on the iHeart podcast network, you probably
are listening on that. I think most of our listeners
are on the I heart podcast network, but also available
on the the Apples downloads the app Store. They're on Apple,
you can download that their podcast section and pretty much
wherever you can find find podcasts. And this is not

(05:35):
technically a Fox Sports Radio property right because it's even
though it's part of that family, it's it's through I Heart.
It's the I Heart podcast network now as I heard,
own it or do you own it? Uh? No, I
don't own anything. I don't even own my house. You know.
People say, well, you bought a house. That's a big thing.
I said, No, the bank owns the house until I
pay the house off. The bank owns the house. And

(05:57):
then even when I pay the house off, and I
have the actual paperwork saying I own the house. If
you don't pay property taxes, guess what, you don't own
the house. So you're always going to have to pay somebody.
You don't really own anything. We're just renting all of
this stuff and then when we die, we have to
give it back. That's my deep thought of the week
right there. Boom, Well, do you have anyone that's uh

(06:18):
that's gonna take over anything that you may give away
once you depart this great land? Not you. You're getting nothing.
You are getting absolutely nothing. Zippo and bump caisses what
you're getting just the same thing you're getting for the podcast.
But yeah, that's kind of like what I get here
at Fox Sports Radio too. So you get what you deserve, guests,
you get what you really not getting what I put

(06:39):
into it, that's for sure. Well, you're not really putting
that much into more than everybody does here. That's that's
safe to say. I don't know. It's human nature to
try to be as lazy as possible. I've determined that
from years and years of working with human nature, are
working with people who I believe our humans, who I

(07:01):
believe our humans, that laziness is the number one characteristic
of human beings. And negativity too, right, Uh No, I
mean people people respond to negative stuff. I don't know
if that's one of the top I know, greed is
a big one. Everyone's out looking for their own self interests. Primarily.
People like to talk about how they want to give
back and all that, but it's usually you're looking out

(07:24):
for your from your own point of view. Yeah, it's
like giving away to charity, Well, you're getting that tax
benefit of giving away to charity since you make or
if you're J. J. Watt. You get the social clout
from being Mr charity Man, and you can be seen
as mother Teresa and all that. I have a feeling
you were you were heartbroken and your your younger days.
Is that accurate to say, uh, well, what what's your

(07:48):
definition of heartbroken? What do you just sound scarred? You
sound like you were troubled as a as a youth
or a teenager or no, no, no, no no, I'm
not some female broke your heart and you just haven't
recovered yet. Well listen, I the dating game is a
zero sum game. That is true. But I know, I mean,
I'm no different than any other dope that had some

(08:09):
bumps along the road and all that stuff. But I've
studied human beings because we're in the human being business,
guess gun dealing with human beings. And I've known from
the people I've worked with in radio. I hope, I
hope the real world is not like radio, because everyone
I've worked with in radio is as lazy as can
possibly be. Uh. They don't show up early, they cut corners,
anything to take the easy road. Uh. And and then

(08:31):
there's you know, there's the self interest thing. There's the
vanity everyone's vain in one way or another. And I
have proof of that later on in this podcast. But
and people are looking at as I said, for their
own self interest, and uh, to be said fair, it's
weird because it's a conundrum. I'm giving a psychology class here.

(08:52):
But not only are people lazy, they're greedy. Those two
things are like polar opposites. And and yet even though
people are lazy, they have this great ambition to try
to improve. Like if you're in a in a bad neighborhood,
you want to be in a good neighborhood. You're a
good neighborhood, you want to be in a great neighborhood.
It's just an odd thing that happens. I feel like

(09:12):
i'm your therapist today, Like we have to have this
sit down session. You have a drink of water, you
can kick off your shoes, relax the feet, and uh
kind of open up. That's that's exactly what you're doing
here today. This is very cathartic for you, right, like
you're just trying to get this all out to the open.
Now the baseball season is right around the corner, and
football season is closed off. And Benny versus the Penny

(09:33):
is now in the books for another year. This is
not you want to pretend like you're my shrink or
something like that. Is that what you want to pretend?
I mean, I mean it could. I do have a
great story for you this since we're talking about work
and whatnot in the Fox Sports radio studios, we have
just had another microphone and arm break as as we're talking. Yeah,

(09:55):
is that the one you're using? Yes? Nice, it is
another one that has just come down to the good
old side of exit stage right. It's a good one too. Yeah.
You know, there's a phrase I'm gonna teach you here
and it is never let them see you sweat. It's
a marketing campaign for back in the day, right, And

(10:15):
uh see, I wouldn't have known that if you hadn't
pointed this out. I like the fact that you're pointing
out that the building is crumbling, but it's only our
side of the building. Have you noticed it's only our
side of the building. Well, not the kitchen. The kitchen
is beautiful, it's majestic, it's bright. It's what you're talking about.
A month a month ago, the water had to be
shut off in the kitchen because there was some problem.

(10:36):
We had no ice and the refrigerator was all messed up.
You don't remember that that was because there was a
leak from upstairs. Okay, but it doesn't matter. It affected us.
And how could it be upstairs? There's nothing above that.
I don't understand how it could be upstairs because it's
the first floor. There's no that part of the building.
There's no upstairs. Well, the piping, well, the piping, but
that's not upstairs. I mean it was in the building.
The building had an issue. I'm just telling you what

(10:59):
I was told operational. But I'm saying, like my my
point is, like Steve Harvey, the Steve Harvey warning shows
across the hall from us. Like Steve comes in there
and I'm relatively confident. He pulls his mic down. It
doesn't keep coming down, you know what I'm saying. Yeah,
there's a There was a turnaround time for his studio
to be built. And I kid you not. I think
that thing was done in thirty days. It was with

(11:23):
all new equipment, all new equipment, uh, everything first class.
I mean, as Steve Harvey deserves. The guy's a great
entertainment one of the great modern entertainers of our time.
But it would be nice every once in a while
to get a bone, you know. Speaking of which, how
tier yard were you on on Tuesday night when you
saw Rush Limbaugh win a medal from the President of

(11:45):
the United States. No, I was. I was happy. Listen.
I'm I love radio people, and Rush Limbaugh is one
of the titans in my business, and I think it's great.
And you know, I know everyone who's a Democrats all
freaking out, roaches, terrible and all of stuff, but I
think it was wonderful, was a great thing. He's been
one of the great champions for Donald Trump, although not

(12:05):
all the time, but mostly positive for Trump and all
that since he became president, and Russell Limbos got millions
and millions of people that are minions of his that
listen to him every day. I think it's a great
for Limbaugh. It's great for radio that radio blowhard can
get an award like that. I think it's wonderful and

(12:26):
I'm still bummed out. I told the story briefly. I
didn't get into the full detail that I came very
close to meeting Rush Limbaugh. And one of the cool
things about working at Fox Sports Radio for the last
a long time is is uh that when Limbaugh would
come to l A over the years, he would do
his show just across the hall to the right, directly

(12:50):
across the halls with the podcast studio from where we
do the show, and then you turn right out of
our studio, go down a little short, stumpy hallway and
then if you hear and left, there's where Steve Harvey
does his show from. And then to the right of
that is a guest studio which Rush Limbaugh Mega Dittos

(13:10):
does his show from. And I always gotta kick when
Rush would come to l A, which is sporadically and
he talked about everyone going to uh Operation Rush, rolling
out the red carpet and def Con one to make
sure everything was perfect for Limbaugh when he came in.
He has his own microphone, this colden microphone that he

(13:33):
uses and all this other stuff, and I I gotta
kick out of I thought it was pretty cool. Almost
met him and uh are the late grade Andrew Ashwood
May he rested piece or old Boss years ago. He
he wanted me to meet him, and I wanted to
meet him, and I asked him, I said, when Russians
in town interros and he gave me this whole you
know thing. Well, you know it's complicated. He's got to

(13:53):
prepare for a show and he you know, it's a
lot of people, there, a lot of red tape. But
I'm gonna do it. And the day we were scared
Jewel to have a very brief meet and reet me
in Limball, well it turns out that uh, Andrew had
a meeting that ran late and he couldn't get out
of it. And by the time he got down to

(14:14):
the studio to do the introduction Limball had to go
and get ready and he really couldn't talk to anybody.
So I never got the chance to h well, not yet.
Maybe I'll meet him down the line. And he's got
he's ill right now, but came very close to to
meet him. How I do have a fun story. I
have one of his pens. I have a Russia Limball pen.
He left a pen behind and I'm a scavenger and

(14:37):
I grabbed Russia Limboss pen. I have it. It's my pen.
I have a pad O'Brien pen. I have a J.
Moore pen. I have a Rush Limball pen. I don't
have a Steve Harvey pen yet. Um, I gotta get
that but I have do you have a Nancy Pelosi
impeachment pen? I do not know. If somebody wants to
send me one, I'll take that to my pen collection. Yeah,

(14:57):
could you hell what those are going for right now? Uh? Yeah,
I don't know. I mean people collect odd crap. I
mean maybe somebody's paying for it. Uh, you know, it's
always a market. It's crazy what people pay for. Have
you seen some of the stuff on eBay that people
sell that they make money with. Its unbelievable. People make
hundreds of thousands of dollars on there. It is absolutely insane.

(15:19):
You know who's an opportunist like that is Roberto. Roberto
He's a hustler and he sells all not on eBay.
He goes on that offer up app Oh yeah, he's
anything like he gets his hands on like he'll he'll
be driving down the street see something, Hey I can
get that. Put that on offer up, like somebody's trash
and people buy this stuff. Does he make good money

(15:40):
off of it? Well, it's it's it's like extra meal
money or you know, a little extra money to go
out and go to the movies on the weekend or
something like that. That's pretty damn good. Now have you
ever gone down that path? Well, it's Amazon or eBay
or Craigslist to sell you know, I would like to.
I think I could be pretty good at it, but
it's very time consuming, assuming there's a lot of tedious things.

(16:01):
You have to post the ads and update the ads
and then take them down and and all that. Although
I speaking of that story just popped in mind. One
of my good friends, an old newspaper guy that I've
known for many, many years, he sends me a message
telling me that he was robbed in broad daylight in

(16:21):
just down the street from our studios. He was this
crazy story guest gun. So the guy was in I
think it was either North Hollywood or Van Eyes, but
it was very close to where we do the show
from and he was selling a camera, like a camera lens,
and he was selling it on eBay or No, no,
it was Craigslist. Rather was Craigslist, which is even more

(16:44):
CD right Craigslist. Um, so the guys tell me says
he he scheduled to meet the guy at a bank
because he figured there's cameras everywhere at the bank, nothing
can possibly go wrong. And he went to the bank
with the camera to make the transaction to give the
guy the camera and take the money. And so he's
in the bank for like twenty minutes. The guy doesn't

(17:05):
show up, so he's like, I guess the guy flaked.
And then he goes back to his car. In the
parking lot at the bank, two guys, two thugs come
up to my guy, my friend, the newspaper guy, and
uh and and they one had like a metal crowbar
type thing and uh, give the camera. And my friend

(17:25):
tried to fight back a little bit, got his ass beaten.
Fortunately he didn't get killed. They didn't have guns or knives,
but they still beat him up pretty good. And I
guess you could you know, you can get blunt force.
You could die from getting whacked over the head with
a crowbar. But anyway, he survived. And uh, and then
he calls the police. And this is how great l
A is, guest, go on, and you know your dad

(17:45):
knows this. Of course, in l A, this is like nothing.
You know, in another city. This is like crime of
the century, right, It's like, oh, I can't believe somebody
got jacked in broad daylight in front of a bank.
But the police are like, we'll get to it. You know,
we have like a stack of seven thousand of these things. Yeah.
When I got when my car was broken into back

(18:08):
in October or November, I was in Studio City and
I don't know if you remember me saying this, but
I call the Van Nay's Police department at twelve or
one o'clock in the morning, and that's exactly what they
told me. Come on over, we'll due to report. If not,
you could do it tomorrow or later on down the week. Yeah,
there was like a strip of strip of cars that
were all broken into, not just mine, but like two,

(18:30):
three or four other cars that were blasted out, windows
blasted out, and they tell me nothing we can do
about it. Yeah. Yeah, I've had my car broken into
all over l A. I've had in Pasadena, Burbank, downtown
at Staples Centered in the year two thousand. I've told
that story. It was Christmas Day in the year two

(18:52):
thousand and Yeah. So I learned that I don't leave anything.
I mean, they can break into my car, but there's
nothing in it. I've learned my lesson. I used to
leave stuff up around and I it took three smash
and grab situations for me to stop doing that. But
it is crazy how often this stuff happens. And then so,
my my buddy, the newspaper guy, I won't say his name.

(19:12):
I don't I didn't ask for permission to tell the story.
But the newspaper guy he's telling me, he's like, so
he talked to somebody from his old he doesn't work
at that newspaper anymore, but somebody that works at the newspaper, uh,
and a journalist, investigative, reporter, news guy whatever. So the
guy tells him, listen, the police aren't gonna do anything.
You're gonna have to be the lead investigator on this
if you want anything to get done. And so he

(19:35):
got some advice from a newspaper guy, and he went
to all the local he went to. First of all,
he went to the bank. The bank said they did
not have functioning cameras in the parking lot. Can you
believe that? Oh my gosh. Uh yeah, So that that
pissed him off. And then he was able to get
some video of the guys from some of the restaurants
that were like across the street from the bank, kind

(19:58):
of like, but it's not great because it was far
away or whatever. So, um, but I did hear. I
think this goes back to the Dez Bryant story. Remember
Dez Bryant had that famous incident that was recorded on
video and a parking lot at Walmart, and supposedly they
the camera either there was video and it disappeared the

(20:20):
the internet. Urban legend is Jerry Jones bought the video
to make it disappear. The other theory that that is
a lot of businesses just even though they have sometimes
cameras in the parking lot, they often don't have them working,
or if they break, they don't repair them because they're
only curried there. They only worry about what's in the story.
They don't worry about what's in the parking lot. That's

(20:41):
the and you only care about what's at the A
t M two. That's the only other camera that would
be operational at that time too. So yeah, I'm pretty
sure if the A t M camera broke they would
fix it right away. Right, all right, We have a
bunch of questions here we got grab bag. These are
actual questions from actual listeners of the show. Jason from
Rocky Mount, Virginia rights and he says, Ben, who would

(21:05):
win an arm wrestling contest between you and Gascon. I
wouldn't be surprised if he just wanted to play flick
the knuckles, though, all right, that's from Jason. Well, I
would obviously win. Jason, I have a tremendous size advantage
over the very petite gas Gone, so you would admit
gas and you have no chance. I've been a little

(21:25):
bit of trouble right now. Part of the reason is
because I have a surgically repaired right road tator cuff
two times. And although I am a south paw, my
right arm is typically stronger than my right, but even
my left hand is fucked up. Right, you said your
right arm is typically straight, stronger than your right, my
right arm stronger than my left. Okay, sorry, so I'm

(21:47):
left handed, but am I empidextrous? So I don't think
I would go that far as just saying I would lose, um,
but I wouldn't give it my full effort. I'll just
say that much, unless, of course, there was tacos in
the line. Be sure to catch live editions of The
Ben Maller Show week days at two am Eastern eleven
pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart

(22:08):
Radio app. Well, I won the bet, last week where
you haven't paid up the bet. I won the Super
Bowl bet, and if I had lost, that would have
been the lead story. You would have been running around
like a peacock with your feathers up in the air saying,
look at me, I beat Mallard at the Super Bowl
pick I had the forty nine airs because I would
have had tacos at Santa Anita. Those are two different bets. Well, no,

(22:30):
we can just listen. Well, we can either close out
the better you buy me tacos boom done. Wait, how
does that work? You can't double down on something if
it was just a bet on tacos and you leverage
that into tickets at Santa Any any excuse Santa Anita.
I don't mind going to the track. I mean we
can bet the ponies. I love it there. The more
horses that die the better. I don't care. But uh,

(22:52):
but no, that taco place, my wife doesn't really like it.
She could give two ships about it. So I I
want any excuse I can get to go to that
taco place. I'm all about it. You don't really come
to the West Side unless there's a Clipper Laker game,
or I don't even go they don't play on the
west side of playing downtown. I I've almost never go
to the West side anymore. I used to when I
lived in Hollywood, I would go over there because I

(23:13):
had friends that lived in the Marina, and I would
go down to that area. But well, yeah, I don't.
I don't not go down. That's that's that's where the
one percenters hang out. I don't go down. Listen, you're
doing a great job of losing weight. I don't want
to add weight to you. So I think it's appropriate
not to u tacos anymore. Anyway, I disagree with all

(23:34):
of them. Well, if I you know, if I eat
once every other day, I can eat tacos. I'm fine,
that's good. That's fine. But you're you're swimming down your clothing,
so I think it's best to keep on that positive
momentum of no cheese, no no, you know, grilled meat
or no Friday meat. I'm not buying any new clothes
because as last time I lost a lot of weight,

(23:54):
I bought clothing and then gained it back. I got
the other quote, I think you've learned your lesson. Yeah,
I'm just gonna keep what I have and then you know, eventually,
I'll probably end up gaining the weight back. It seems
to be what happened, the most number of plates you've
taken down in a single visit to the buffet, longest
you've spent at the buffet time wise getting your grub on.
That's Henry in Tempe, Arizona wants to know the buffet

(24:18):
happens when you're a health nut. Guess, so I'm guessing
you don't have much. I'll lead with this. Five plates
is the most, and we actually closed down. I was
with a group of guys for a bachelor party a
week closed down a buffet because it was at the Venetian.
They had bottomless mimosas until one o'clock in the afternoon,

(24:41):
and my buddies and I went all night into the
morning time. We got there at seven o'clock in the morning,
eight and drank as much as humanly possible, and we
got thrown out by security because we were allowed. We're obnoxious,
we were hammered, we were disturbed, and of course we
were eating as much as possible too. So yeah, five

(25:02):
and uh and one o'clock in the afternoon for a buffet,
we closed that thing down, getting kicked out. So, yeah,
well I have I don't really do the buffet much
anymore because I I do try to somewhat monitor how
much food I come I come in contact with, because
I have very little self control in those situations. But
back in my big eating days, to answer your question, Henry,

(25:24):
I studied this. I was like a ninja, uh with
the various cuisine at the restaurants, and I studied it.
I figured out how to get the most bang for
my buck, and I learned some of the secrets of
the buffet world and how uh, let's be honest. Your
restaurants are in it to win it, so they put
a few secrets here they I think we've mentioned this

(25:45):
on the radio show, but they put the least expensive
food and the most filling food, which is often the same,
right at the front of the buffet. The stuff that's
worth more money, that costs them is towards the back
of the buffet. So you want to skip over the
first part of whatever food they have. You don't salad

(26:06):
and soup, those things are designed to fill you up.
Do not fall victim to the trap. Right? What about
this though? What about when you go to those restaurants
like foga to chow. What's your Brazilian restaurants which are
for all intensive purposes buffet style dyning, very expensive, the
Brazilian steakhouse, it's very pricey. I've been to that. I

(26:28):
liked it. It was fine. But I'm talking like your
standard Vegas buffet, which is also expensive. Now, the Vegas
buffets aren't cheap either. It's depressing. You gotta pay for parking,
you get no comps, and they gotta pick exorbitant amount
of prices for the buffets. Yeah, but Henry, the most
plates I took down, I don't know, it's probably like
seven or eight back in the day, full size plates

(26:50):
of food. And that The worst experience I had was
at the Paris Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. And
in retrospect, think what happened? I ate so much I
had a gull stone attack that was like the first time.
But I thought it was just indigestion. But I did
think I was gonna die in the hotel room that night,
and I was just dating who Aaron is my wife now?

(27:13):
And uh And at the time I thought I thought
that was it. I thought I had eaten so much
I was gonna literally blow up or something like that.
That's a great experience with your your soon to be
wife in lost what comp What made you go to
Vegas and just chat out on a buffet with with
your girlfriend at the time. Well, well, can you go
to Vegas and you want to experience Vegas buffets? Right?

(27:36):
And she had heard good things about the Paris Buffet
and so we did it. Never again. I'm sure the
food's fine. I have nothing against the hotel. It's a
fine hotel, but it just did me in John in
Minnesota says, who was your favorite three Stooges actor and
why that's a random question from John. Well, this is easy,

(27:57):
all right. Uh Now, when I was younger, they they
still had a ton of Stooges reruns on television, that's
how bad TV was. And I used to love watching him.
But there's only one Stooge for me, and that is
Curly Howard, the greatest fought Vilian actor in the history
of Hollywood, and I loved he was the bald guy.

(28:19):
By the way, GUESSTCN. I know you're not up on
the Stooge. You know he died it He didn't even
make fifty. He died at forty eight years old. What Howard?
I don't remember exactly what I know he had. There
was a lot of alcohol involved with the Stooges, the
Howard brothers and all that. But he didn't make it
to fifty and he married four times by the time

(28:40):
he had died, and all kinds of health problems. I
think mostly these guys self medicated themselves because they didn't
have stunt doubles all that crap. They were doing what
they were really doing. So I guess the and the
name of television and writing? Is he the Is he
the antagonist? Curly Howard? Yeah? Would he? Larry be the

(29:02):
protagonist and he'd be the antagonist? Like where does he?
You know? Because Larry and Mo I don't know if
they all had those those elements to their to their
games or their stick right. Yeah, yeah, well he was
to me he was like the I don't know the
technical parts of that, but he was just amazing. Yeah. Yeah,

(29:23):
by far he was the the best one. And by
the way he is uh, I think he's interred. Uh
just down the road in San Gabriel, not that far
away here. The there's a Curly Howard his grave. You
want to go check it out. Sure you will. Yeah, yes,
I could go through brent Wood to go to a
couple of spots there and go look at a grave

(29:45):
site there and then go to Curly as Yes, I
can do that. Yeah. Apparently he had mental deterioration. And
if he was alive today, you know what they would
have said about Curly Howard? What's up? CTE? You probably did.
I mean, if there is such a thing, if you
believe E T if you're a physical actor and you're
bumping your head and having bowling balls dropped on your head. Uh,

(30:07):
you know that's crazy though, Like I didn't even make
the fifty. He ended up in a nursing home when
he was forty eight years old. You know, only the
good die young. That is just just I guess he
had a stroke and some other things as well, so
it was a combination of things that took him down.
But man, do you want to die young or do
you want to die late? I'd like to as long

(30:29):
as my health is good. I'd like to keep going,
all right, I'd like to keep going. I don't I
don't really need to check out early. Um, but you know,
you never That's a great thing about life. You never
know when it's gonna all end. The mystery of life.
What about you, guess you want to check out early? No,
I love this game of life. I mean watching the
veteran last night. I think he was a hundred years
of age that was being honored during the State of

(30:51):
the Union address on Tuesday the other night. You mean, yeah,
Tuesday night. Um, so he he was a hundred years old.
I'd like to go, I'd like to hit triple digits,
if you'd mind. Yeah, Well, I'm hoping that with modern medicine,
by the time I really need modern medicine, I'm hopeful
that it will advance to the point where I will

(31:12):
be able to be the beneficiary of the medical advancements.
You can get extra quality, quality years of life, because
nobody wants to live like a vegetable. I'm talking about good,
good moving around, going out doing stuff that kind of like. Yeah,
I mean even for an introvert like you. But the
best medicine for to you is actually like stress relief,
eating good whole fruit, vegetables, all the good stuff, not

(31:34):
like Tito's and you know, foing Chow and mas rows
and Navier. By the way, you know the people that
eat the Mr Dietitian gas Gun. The people that eat
all the fresh fruits and all the fish and all
the grilled vegetables, they end up in the same place
the people that eat the fried tacos and the steak
and all that other stuff. The end game is the same.

(31:56):
It is the end game, all right, Let's keep going
with the questions here. Be sure to catch live editions
of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern
eleven pm Pacific. A New in Owensboro, Kentucky says, uh,
this is for both of you. Do you ride roller
coasters and if you ask, what's your favorite? Well, a
new thank you for listening. I do not ride roller coasters.

(32:20):
I am apparently too tall for most roller coasters. Uh
so they're not designed for people my size height wise.
My last experience, which is not really a real roller coaster,
was at Space Mountain. You know what happened, Gascon, You
got stuck? Well, I waited in line for like two
hours and then got on the ride and I couldn't
My knees could not fit in the car because I

(32:42):
was too tall, And I wasted several hours of my
life waiting in line at Space Mountain, So I said,
a screw it, Yeah I was. But you a roller
coaster guy. You like going on the thrill ride. I've
gone on and I enjoy them. At six Flags Magic Mountain,
they used to have a ride that you stood up on, uh,
shock Wave, and that was a really fun ride. Ninja

(33:03):
is another one where you're not standing up, but your
legs are hanging down. That was pretty fun. But I'm
like you like like the mattaw Horne at Disneyland Um
Space Mountain Star Tours. Yeah, like the only one I
can go on right now is just not a roller
coaster at all. The Splash Mountain. Oh, I can do
Splash Mountain, Get soaked. That's pretty good. I cannot be

(33:24):
at these amusing parks all day though anymore. Too many
kids and too old and not too many kids. You're
wedding in line, and I'm just you know, I like
to go, like to do. I don't like being stuck
in a lot the move And I learned this from
Wreck at Ralph Ralph Irvan, who's a Disney savant. You
go when the park opens and there's nobody there for

(33:44):
like the first two hours, because nobody wants to get
there early. You go for the first couple of hours
and you're set up. Wonderful. Are you gonna take the
misses there for a for a night out? Not a
night I we usually go. We do one day a
year at Disneyland and we go all day. It's it's
like twelve hours of NonStop ridiculousness and gluttony and just

(34:09):
running up the food and oh it's wonderful. I remember
back in the day, did you do grad school when
you were did you do like your grad event where
you guys would go somewhere. Well, I tried to avoid
all that. Actually, uh, we did have I didn't go
to it, but yeah, they they I know a bunch
of people did go to Disneyland and all that, but
I did not take part. That's what we did. I

(34:30):
went to a Catholic school in San Pedro, and I apologies.
I remember that night grad night we went and there
were a bunch of guys and girls that were tripping
out like shrooms really and other stuff. So they went
into the Haunted mansion and they got stuck like they
got They were terrified. They were just petrified, like the

(34:50):
whole ordeal for them. They were absolutely lost. When they
got outside of that haunted mansion. So it was pretty awesome.
It's us Maybe I should have gone and retrospect that
I missed that Catholic school. Everyone's doing mushrooms. Way to go,
all right? Uh? Big Lou from the LBC said, here's
a question for Gascon. He says, Gascon, were you aware

(35:10):
that the Blaze planned to cease operations when you had
the Bakersfield Mallard Militia meet up? Did you know at
the time? No? I did not. In fact, had I know.
There was an idea that the club would get closed
down before I took the job. But a a sad
story about all that was the guy that actually hired

(35:31):
me his his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer, so
he needed to uh pull away a little bit, which
is why he offered me a job to come up there.
And there were speculation that the franchise could be closed down,
but they said that was a yearly thing that they
always talked about and joked about. So I didn't know
about this until the end of the season. I think

(35:52):
it was like telling of September and then got the
news and uh that was after the night out with
the Ben Mellor Show. So no, I did not it. Yeah,
but you could kind of see the writing on the wall. Yeah,
as soon as I got up there in February or
March and there was just a dirt parking lot. There
were people on the streets and syringes all over the
floor and a SHOTP seven eleven right next to the ballpark.

(36:16):
I saw the writing on the wall. But you told
me again to go up there and take the job. No,
I listened to you regret doing it. No, I don't
you think if you didn't do it, you would have
some amazing TV job right now if you didn't do it, No, No,
it's it was a fun time, right you got to
I wish I could have done that, to travel around

(36:36):
with a baseball team, and then it would have been
a lot of I would had a great time doing that. Yeah,
there was some of that. Climbed the right field foul
pole line and shot up a parking lot. That was
pretty fun. Um, a broadcaster at one of the ballparks
was was getting some oral pleasure from a bartender while
he was calling the game. Yeah, that was pretty fascinating.

(36:59):
How could you never told me these stories prior? Well,
what is that's not appropriate for your show? Is it
appropriate for this show? Yeah, it's a podcast. People don't
really do stuff for sports, do they. Well, so this
was just a bartender at the just happened to be
Uh he lost something under the table. No, so one

(37:20):
of the one of the ballparks. Uh, they have bar
service and they'll have the vendors that come in and
out for cocktails and beers and whatnot. And a broadcaster
made his way to the to this area, this beer
garden prior to first pitch, and we were all having
food and drinks together and then we had a good

(37:41):
work and he hit it off with this bartender and
in between the ball game she came on in and
uh yeah, they got together while he was calling the game.
And then in post game, after the lights are out,
I got a text message and said I'm I'm almost done.
I was like, fair enough, good job by you on.
Did that ever happen with you? Gascon Nod did not

(38:02):
have No, it did not ever happened with me. Can
that happen to me? In Bakersfield? You know I missed
out on all this. I let me tell you something.
I'm so piste off. I got into radio I heard
these stories from these old DJs. When I got into radio.
We worked at I worked at Kiss AM well, I
worked in San Diego. First I heard got stories from
guys at ninety one X, which was the big rock
station in San Diego and the classic rock station at

(38:25):
back at the time. Actually, I think with alternative rock,
whatever the case, it was popular X. I don't even
know it's still that same format of music, but it
was very popular. And I heard stories from these DJs.
And then I went to l A and we worked
at the sister station of the iconic Kiss FM. I
and Rick D's in the morning, all these powerful DJs,
and they would regale me in stories about fans that

(38:48):
would show up to the radio station and provide them
with favors while they were on the year. I heard
all these stories. Yeah, and I got none of that.
I had none of that. I had no experience. It's
like that at all in radio. What what was wrong
with me? Guess? Why come everyone else I had these
experiences and I did not. Well. Part of it's because
you're an introverts. You don't go out like you're not

(39:09):
out out out there in the in the open. Are
you no I'm not. I'm not. I'm not a shut in.
I do go out, I just don't advertise what I do.
That's it. Yeah, But I mean even when you do
go out, it's not like you're working the room at all.
And so that's what I meant is that you're not
you're not really all that engaging when you're out, and

(39:30):
I'm selected when I smooth, Yeah, you pick your shots.
I tell you, very rarely am schmooze. When I want
to be smoozy, I can be schmoozy. Yeah, but it's
very rare that I choose to go down that road.
But that's for any guy then. So if you, if
you want to get into some trouble, you can find
a way to get in some trouble. Like if you
if you if you asked your wife, let's go to
Vegas and let's get into some trouble. I guarantee you

(39:52):
you guys would get into some trouble. Not because of you,
but she would get you guys into some trouble, so
she would find she would find trouble. Yeah, it's exactly it.
So I don't know why you did not, but yeah,
there's some great stories I have from my day in Bakersfield.
I it's uh, it's six months. But that's one thing
you said, when you go, take a pen and a
paper and journal as much as you possibly could, because

(40:16):
there's gonna be some wild stories. And there was. Yeah, absolutely,
I said, listen, it's all about the stories, right, That's
all we got in life. We don't get to say
anything with us put the stories, hopefully, but anyway, it is, Uh,
it's the podcast we're doing grab bag here if you
fast forward and saying, what the hell is going on?
Kevin in San Diego, he's kind of the same question.
He says he actually admits to a meeting Gascon in

(40:39):
Lake Elsinore when you were with the Bakersfield Blaze, Jesus,
and he said he wanted to know what it was
like when you knew things were coming to an end,
when you found out. Did you know during the year
the team was gonna be relocating or when did you
find out the team was going belly up? Yeah? So
it is at the end of the season in September.
Our last games were at the beginning of September. Because

(41:01):
the Major League Baseball rosters, as you know, expand to
forty and so special special teams, specific teams like San Jose.
What they typically do, since this was at the Advanced
A level, is that the Giants would hide a lot
of their talent, not the Triple A level or not
the Double A, they'd hide him at the high A level.
So you'd get a lot of the guys that were

(41:22):
in the Advance A level that would play in the
big leagues. And so a lot of these guys were
coming and going where most of the guys with the
Blaze at that time, they were the affiliates of the
Seattle Mariners. They were taking off, and then not only
were they taking off, but they were really moving all
their stuff. Their wives or girlfriends or their family that
came in and visited said hey, we're not gonna be
around next year, and so that gave me the idea

(41:46):
that hey, they could be gone. And then the manager
and I went out one night for some for some
tacos and some drinks, and he's like, yeah, man, He's like,
you probably gonna find a new job. I'm going to
Arizona in a couple of months for for rookie ball,
And sure enough he did, and then we got the
bad news that came on down which is unfortunate too
because meeting Kevin and some of the other people like
can San Jose or in Stockton or Lake Elson are

(42:07):
those are awesome facilities. So it's unfortunate that, you know,
I don't know if if Rob Manfred's gonna contract a
lot of these teams from the minor league systems, but
the California League is pretty wild, just what where they're
at in proximity and things of that nature. But yeah,
when I got the bad New Years, it sucked because
my idea was to go from high A ball to

(42:28):
double A or triple A and not to come back
to Fox Sports Radio. It's like to take that next step.
But I couldn't do it and I had to come back.
But that led me to do some tele Still remember
I was there the day you came in with your
tail between your legs. You came back to Fox Sports Radio.
I still recall that. Yeah, I felt like the prodigal
son a little bit. I'm not gonna lie because you leave,
you leave, you want to go somewhere else, right, like

(42:50):
you want to take that that elevated step. Well, I
left when I didn't really leave. I was forced out
when I they whacked me in twenty oh nine. It's
been almost eleven years. Actually, yeah, it's been over eleven
years now since the initial But that was the blood bath, right, like, yeah,
that was a mass execution that was bringing everyone in
the room gas them. Uh, you know, with thousands of

(43:12):
people across the country, what what's happening? I said, nice, yeah,
thank you, But a ton of people lost their job
and uh, it was a company wide and all I
just happened to be one of a number on a
on a piece of paper. But but I never wanted
to leave. I always liked it, and I wanted to
stay and I wanted to, you know, do shows, and
unfortunately I they allowed me back. All right, Uh, here's

(43:35):
one do you This is from Mike. Do you try
not to talk about politics at work? Do you end
up keeping your mouth shut or try to keep it nonpartisan?
That's from Mike. Uh, yeah, I don't. We don't usually
walk talk politics, and we don't most of us don't
talk off the air. I got my show because most
of the guys don't show up early enough to talk. Uh.

(43:58):
And uh so that's part of the problems. Hard to
have a a meeting when guys show up a minute
before the show, which happens most night, so I don't do.
I had a lot of talking off the year, and
plus I don't know so the guys, uh, some of
them are very hardcore on their political positions that are
against my political beliefs in some ways, So usually don't
talk about that very much. What about you, guess do

(44:18):
you have a lot of political conversations with people that
were I try to, but it's it's fascinating to have
those conversations because I feel like, for the most part,
a lot of guys that are here, or even the
girls too, if they're Republican or right right wing leaning,
they're open for dialogue. But the left side and the

(44:38):
guys that are like veering off the hard left, they
will talk. Then they'll talk louder and louder, and then
the name calling comes and then all of a sudden,
like ship's just off the rail and you just walk
away from it. I just it's it's unfortunate, But that's
kind of like when I was, you know, back in

(45:01):
my day. To me, this is like a sign of
the times, because when I was younger, I got in
even growing up, I remember at the house my parents
would at dinner, you know, they disagreed politically, and they
would get into arguments about politics at dinner or whatever
the election, the presidential election was at the time, or
the big issue of the day. And so this is
how I grew up hearing this. Right, my mom and

(45:21):
dad disagree, but in a um, a peaceful way, right,
just giving their position and whatever. And so I'm like,
I don't care. I don't really care about what your
politics are. If you disagree with me, that's fine, but
have you know, be somewhat civil. You don't have to
have a temper tantrum, bang the table and run off
and all this. A lot of people just can't handle it. Yeah.

(45:42):
I don't know if it's because how they were raised
or what it is, but they just cannot have a
rational conversation about politics. And I enjoyed. I enjoy the
political conversation just because I like to know what people
think or how they see things, or how they perceive things.
I'm I am completely open with any that's up, and
I'll let him talk and I'll let him ramble and go,

(46:03):
especially everybody here, because everyone's obviously got an opinion and
not everyone can voice it on a microphone, but when
they do it, it's fine. But yeah, I mean, I
but I do talk to a lot more people are
at work than you do. That's that's safe to say.
So yeah, I don't. And I think a lot of
people that because in California, if you like Trump, you're
a pariah. So I think a lot of people that
they might support Trump don't really talk about it much

(46:24):
because you know, you get swallowed up. Just Greg and Iowa. Right,
So here's a good question. How many illegitimate kids does
David Gascon have in California? So from Greg and Iowa
answer that guest, Yeah, I would say zero. I think
you can point to my score as as a reason

(46:45):
for that. My my conditioning is great, my endurance is fantastic.
My better watch out for that DNA testing website. You
don't want to get on there. Do you do that?
That was that the three and me? Uh yeah, I did.
My wife did it? She wanted us to. Would she
grabbed some of my DNA? Boy? Yeah, oh boy, I
don't do any of that. Ship I don't care. I mean,

(47:07):
I'll be dead soon enough, so who the hell cares?
You know? I mean, is it really that? I mean
It doesn't matter to me. Are they gonna clone me
or something like that? Hopefully I'll be gone. It doesn't
really matter. And everyone's freaking out about the deep State
having your d n A and I'm not worried. I've
got other things to worry about. Lan from Stillwater rights
in and this is for Gascon. Have you ever tried

(47:27):
on a pair of women's pantings? No? I have not
that you're willing. You're not willing to admit to it. No,
I've never tried out women's panties. Thank you very much
for asking. Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk
lineup in the nation. Catch all of our shows at
Fox Sports Radio dot com and within the I Heart
Radio app search f s R to listen live. Al Right,

(47:48):
Patricia from Vegas, she writes, Since he says, Ben, I
saw the picture of you and Fred Dryer the other day,
And she says, Gascon is right. You need an iron?
What say you, Patricia? I say you should go smack
yourself in the face. That's a bad job by you, Patricia,
how dare you? Alright? Don't judge me, Do not judge me.

(48:10):
And and then the shirt was fine when I when
I put it on to go to work. I haven't
be sitting down. I drove out along. I've a long
drive to go to work. I'm sitting down. The shirt
became wrinkled, but when I put the shirt on, it
wasn't wrinkled. And who knew that you had to be
a fashionist, of Patricia? I work in radio, is what
I do. Okay, I could be buck naked behind the microphone.

(48:32):
All that matters is this dumb voice. That's all that matters.
So stop, all right, wrinkled bad. I think that's a
good point that she made. But here's the thing is
that this went back to my original comment of why
you need to buy upgraded clothing now because you can't
ham the attire that you have and you needed new

(48:52):
clothes anyway. You gotta get like into the to the
new trend of where you're like, you need to PHTN jeans. No, yeah,
I do radio. If I I'll tell you what, I'll
make a deal with you. If TV happens, if any
big TV opportunity presents itself, I'll go out and buy
some new clothes. Until then it ain't happen. About that.

(49:13):
That doesn't work like that because you still go out
with your wife. Yeah, I don't know. We I have
like a few nice things that I wear that fit properly,
the nice two or three. The nicest thing that you
have that you wear is your hat. Yeah, I have
a big hat collection. Since my hair went away, I
have a big hat collection. But the hats are good.
You're you're set there, But your jackets now are long

(49:34):
and baggy. You need to have those things hemmed at least,
right because as soon as I get them hemmed, I'll
eat seven cheeseburgers and I'll need to get them hemmed again.
Don't that's the idea. But I love I as long
as I know you understand the way it works. It's
it's Mallard's law, not Murphy's law. Mallard's law. Mallard's law
states that as in the diet game, and I've lost

(49:57):
a lot of weight and gained a lot of weight
back and lost a lot of I'm what's known as
a yo yo diet or apparently. But I think this
this latest diet I have is going to actually work
because it's just a lifestyle which I have, this inter
minute fasting which has worked for me and uh, in fact,
I'm trying to convince my buddy, who I I my
my gambling buddy from back in the day. I said,
he's doing the whole thirty diet and he hates it.

(50:19):
And I said, you gotta come over to the dark side.
You've got to come over to the inter minute fasting diet.
So I'm trying to commitce it. But anyway, but but no,
I think, uh, like I said, we do TV, I'll
get some clothes and all that, and other than that,
I'm I'm not because the way that the Mallard law works,
all right, is that as soon as you lose weight
and then buy clothes, you gain the weight back. But

(50:41):
if you don't, if you do not buy clothes, you
will not get in the weight back. But what happened
that what happens if we're asked to do a a
doc show like a mock show or a pilot and
you don't have anything suitable, it's better to need it,
and or it's better to have it and not needed,
not needed, not have it. And I don't know if
you know this, guescoun I have not had a kitchen

(51:02):
at the Mallard mansion for almost two months. So all
my money for the next like five years will go
to pay off the new kitchen. So I really have
no disposable income anymore. I know travel, I won't be
going anywhere far away or anything like that. I have nothing. Well,
we could do this, we can. We can put out

(51:24):
a go fund me and have J. Scoopy the the
conductor of this thing. And yeah, and I wouldn't have
gone to Seattle if the Malla militia had not stepped
up to the play. I told you that I could not.
I all of this is going on with the kitchen
is taking all my money anyway? Uh more questions grab
bag emails. Stacy in Kentucky writes in and he says,
will the XFL make it past its first season? Yes?

(51:48):
They will. Vince McMahon, I believe he has enough money
set aside that they're gonna go at least a couple
of years here. The only way they wouldn't is if
it is just a total abject failure and nobody's watching
the games on TV. Really, television is gonna dictate this.
But I buy in to Vince McMahon giving this a

(52:11):
couple of years. He realized the mistake of his ways. Initially,
the original XFL and they're gonna give it a go,
and I am concerned by what I've seen. I'm gonna
check out the XFL this weekend, sample the product a
little bit, give it a try. But Vince McMahon's claim
to fame at professional wrestling is always that you can't

(52:33):
think traditionally in a non traditional world. And it seems
like the XFL from what I've seen a lot of
the presentation of the game is going to be very
similar to everything else we've seen it. It doesn't seem
like it's all that bold and provocative. Of course, they
try to be bold and provocative and it blew up
in their face originally, but it seems like it's it's

(52:54):
a much more watered down version of the XFL this time.
Does that mean that we get a taste of Benny
versus the Penny XFL version? Yeah, you know, I'm gonna
check it out this weekend, and uh, if I enjoy it,
we will do a Benny versus the Penny XFL handicapping edition.
How about that? Alright? Last one, the last question from

(53:16):
Queen Roxanne. Uh, for some reason, you must have sent
her money, she says. David Gascon is hilarious. No he's
not kind of knows what he's talking about. No, he doesn't.
Can we please get this Vegas Mallard Man march together?
And would you please make sure David Gascon attends. How
about that, Queen Rocks would be April, she says, is

(53:42):
the date? It's a Saturday night Fremont Street experience. Oh man,
and and she says that the march. That sounds like
a good idea. So Queen Roxanne, she's gonna be there.
I know we got a bunch of listeners in Vegas,
and that's the NFL Draft weekend that weekend, the first
round on Thursday, second in, third round on Friday, and

(54:02):
the rest of it I think is on Saturday. So
uh yeah, I could do that because I could just
drive there. I don't have to like buy a plane
take I could drive for the day and then drive back.
Gascon about that, Yeah, well you're not gonna drink when
you're in Vegas. Maybe not. I might stay. You know
what I could do is I could stay in prim
right on a California Nevada border and cheap. You could

(54:23):
stay there for like twenty bucks. Yeah, but you can
get some media rates can't you don't you have? Yeah,
I know, I know people, but that's a tough weekend though.
Because of the draft. I don't know if I can
get any of those goodies because of the draft, they
might put X nay on the good easy. So you're
supposed to have a mallary March April in Vegas. Well,
Queen rocks Inn is putting it together, so I guess

(54:44):
they could do it without me, but she would like
me to be there, and she's rolled out the invitation
to you. Guess that's pretty nice, especially in Fremont, because
you'd be playing at tables for like five bucks that's
the minimum, right, usually five bucks or like a dollar.
At certain certain tables you get the action at Well,
it's black jack or crab more of a golden nugget
guy myself or the Plaza girls stayed at the Plaza

(55:05):
Hotel and casino. No, what the hell? Why not? What
kind of places are you staying at? I'm staying That's
that's Vegas. Vegas is not the bells and whistles with
roller coasters. Vegas is the Fremont Street, Old Vegas, seedy
people walking around in thongs, uh, shaking their ass that's
old Vegas. Yeah, I stay at the hard rock back

(55:26):
in the day. No, this is not the hard rocks
off the strip. It's off by itself the hard rock.
Now this is something else alright, anyway, Uh study this
these are are they real or bullshit? That's the bit
here and uh, here's the story. A new study out
says what percentage of Americans would struggle to pay off

(55:48):
a four hundred dollar bill? Alright, to guess, ghan, you'll
play the game here? What percentage of Americans would struggle
to pay off a four hundred dollar it? You think, uh,
you you're clearly cheating. That's a bad job by you,
you schmuck. It is actually yeah, two and five Americans.

(56:15):
Two and five Americans say that they would struggle to
pay off that amount. The News Serve a quarter of
adults admit to not having a savings account, and among
those that do, they said they could not even cover
two months worth of bills. Yeah, that's embarrassing. Of people
said they would have an issue with a four uh bill.

(56:39):
But well, you need you need to save up to
because um, you know, I gotta I gotta monumental birthday
in July, so I'll need a payoff on that on
that day. It's not gonna be cheap either. So well,
I know it's when you turn fifty five. It's a
big birthday, so I know you're excited about that double
Nichols just coming up for you. Yes, big birthday. Yeah,

(57:01):
I'm gonna I'm gonna get you exactly what you got
me from my big birthdays. When I'm like, what is
your birthday, I'm gonna get you. My birthday is the
same birthday as Jerry Seinfeld, great comedy minds. We have
the same birthday there in late April. That reminds me
your your your better half. Tell me to start watching
Curb Your Enthusiasm. You actually watched Curb Your Enthusiasm? I do.
That's the really the only scripted TV show, which is

(57:23):
it's not really it's loosely scripted, but I love that show.
Huge fan. That's pretty solid. Yeah, because you're always documentaries
and sports, you know, yeah, with with few exceptions, I
like Curb Your Enthusiasm, big fan. Been a fan of
that show for years. In fact, my brother in law
worked on the show and the crew of the set
but building the sets, which is he gave us some

(57:43):
insight dirt on Curb your enthusiasm, which is kind of cool.
Like where they different places? They filmed that around l A.
So I know all the locations, intel um, and that's cool.
And then I used to watch the Sopranos. Was a
big Sopranos guy back in the day. Good good show.
So I like a lot of the HBO pro x. Well,
here we go, guess got a new study out says
darker summers could be ahead because fireflies are facing extinction.

(58:10):
That's right, we could live in a world, according a
Toughs University in just outside Boston there, we could soon
live in a world without the lighting bugs because of
the planet apparently the climate to change their claiming and
some other issues. They're pesticide, light, light pollution, whatnot. They

(58:31):
say that it's happening all over the world, not just
in places where this stuff is bad, but all over
the world. Have you ever seen a firefly? Uh? No,
I don't think. I don't remember. I don't. I don't.
I would think I would remember that because they're pretty
pretty cool. Yeah, you're not a camper, are you? No?
I was a kid. We went camping, but I after

(58:52):
dark I stayed in the tent. She didn't go out.
I didn't want to get eaten by a bear, surprise, surprise,
and did not want that. All right, moving on here,
this is study this, How about this one? Facing a
complex decision, you should narrow your choices down to how many? Three? No?

(59:14):
According to the study too two. You should narrow your
choices down to two, and that will help you make
the the better decisions. Study comes out of Switzerland, where
I go for all my my life decisions. I go
to Switzerland. But according to the study there that suggesting.
They say to narrow your choices down to the two

(59:35):
most promising options, and that will help you make a
decision as quickly as possible. According to Basil Universities Center
for Decision Neuroscience, there you go, well I do that anyway,
don't most people do that just by you know, the
way you're wired. You you have a bunch of options

(59:56):
to say, all right, let's limit all these let's get
a fifty fift shot at getting this right. I've always
done that. I was just thinking like a restaurant, because
isn't it kind of the norm for restaurants where you
have your most important item or the best featured one
in the middle, and you have everything at the top
on the bottom. So you have it broken down to
three different categories. Well, isn't it the stuff you that

(01:00:17):
you can make the most profit on you have featured.
Isn't that usually how it works? Yeah, that's usually the
middle middle. So well, it's kind of like when you
go to the store and the cheapest stuff that the
name brand products the big companies are near the top
at your eyeball level, but the generic brand products are
at the bottom. But it's the same stuff, but it's
at the bottom because you don't usually look at the bottom.

(01:00:40):
But that but the only place in the in the supermarket,
of the grocery store where that's different. You know where
it is? Or is that the cereal aisle because kids,
their line of eyesight is lower, so they put the
good cereal and the really sugar filled cereal that they
want kids to eat, they put that. The prime real
estates at the bottom, like the lie, like the first

(01:01:00):
two parts of the the the aisle there the lower part,
not for the kids. I have not had cereal in
a long time. I was always a cinnamon toast crunch
kind of guy. Yeah, I liked cinnamon toast crunch. I
loved those little chocolate chip cookies. I thought, oh my god,
you can have chocolate chip cookies for breakfast. How amazing
is that? And then I learned later on, you're not

(01:01:22):
supposed to have little chocolate chip cookies for breakfast. But
I like Captain crunch. I was a big Captain crunch guy.
Gotta eat that quick, they'll get soggy fast. Cheer No,
my dad likes cheers I cheeros are so boring, well,
honey nut. Yeah, he just liked regular cheerios. How boring
is that? Then my mom would she because my dad
liked cheerios, So my mom would serve cheerios, but then

(01:01:43):
she would mix in fruit to kind of dress it
up a little bit. Now, so it didn't seem so
depressing eating cheerios. That's fine. What about life? Life was
pretty good too, didn't It was not a big life guy.
I ate, Uh, what was it? Fruity pebbles or whatever
that was? Did? Were just all sugar? Well, that was
all every when I was a kid, every serial they

(01:02:03):
treaded as much sugar as they could into the cereal.
It was it was a race to get as much
sugar in as they possibly could, which says a lot
about my generation. But anyway, brand awareness new survey out
gascon ranks the top thirty most recognizable logos in the
United States of America in the year twenty twenty. Let's
just see. I forget the top thirty because we don't

(01:02:26):
have time for that. How about top three or top five?
Which when you wanted to top five? Let me go
with five. Let's do Facebook. No. McDonald's yes. McDonald's is
number two, the second most recognizable brand in America. What's
that Nike? Yes, Nike's number four on the list. Um?
Is Twitter too obvious? Twitter is not in the top five.

(01:02:51):
In fact, Twitter's number sixteen on the list. Those dummies
in the media like us. We think Twitter is the
end all bill, but most people aren't even on Twitter. Yeah,
that's true, that's true. Um, Apple, Yes, Apple? What do
you think Apple is? Well, I think you're gonna go there.
So is Apple number one? Yeah? Apple is number one.
The most recognizable brand in the United States is Apple.

(01:03:14):
That's pretty powerful. McDonald's is number two. What do you
think number three is? Um, Nike's what four? Nikes? Four? Yeah? Three? Gosh, Um,
I don't know. That's that's a good question. How about
it's something to do with a product you would drink. Oh, gatorade? No, no,

(01:03:35):
not Gatorade. Um, I don't see Gatorade on this Um,
I don't see him on the list. Don't they have
the good logo? Anyway? I don't know what is it?
It is. Coca Cola is still number three, solid the list.
Nike's number four, Number five is Java, Starbucks Cup of Joe.

(01:03:56):
Starbucks is number five, Google's number six, Facebook seven, addas eight,
Amazon nine, and YouTube number ten. No longer a top
ten item. Pepsi not in the top ten anymore. They've
been bumped out by the tech companies. Disney not in
the top ten, the car companies like Mercedes, Ford, Toyota
not in the top ten. But I've been reading a

(01:04:19):
lot about millennials now choosing to rent as opposing to buy.
So that's uh, it's a change. And like you said,
the generations pepsi because they can't afford to buy right that,
they don't want to put the money into it. And
plus you've gotta be tied down usually when you buy
a place, and you gotta be there for a long time,
and all that right, I need to find a wife.

(01:04:42):
You need to find a sugar mama, is what you're not? Great? Well,
Santa Anita is right around the corner. We can make
that happen. Oh, you could definitely find a sugar mama
down at Santa Anita. I mean that is a no brainer. Alright.
A new study from M I T reveals that particles
from the average sneeze they've now terman can travel blank

(01:05:02):
number of feet a M I T study Now, no, no,
twenty five ft twenty five ft gascon Now you you
should that's a garcia. That's what Eddie does. He goes
too high. He ruins the game. It's a bad job

(01:05:24):
by you. Terrible. Is a pretty large, pretty large area
A couple of size of a free throw line to
the basket. Yeah, Like an NBA court is nine ft
by fifty so it's half of the width of an
NBA court. Right, that's a long that's a long distance.

(01:05:49):
Does that include the coronavirus? M Yeah, I'm sure includes everything.
Everything is all part of the package. See, we're short
on time here because we spent a lot of time
playing the grab ass. Let's see here any other studies
that stand out that I really want to get to.

(01:06:10):
I gotta study about babies. Super Bowl, I know it
came and went. There was a study out that found
that the most popular Super Bowl food I think we
talked about this. Did we talk about the most popular
being No? I don't think we did. Cocktail wieners most popular. Yes,
cocktail weeners the most popular. They beat out chicken wings

(01:06:33):
and all the other food and that you get there.
And they also there was a study that claimed that
people that go to Super Bowl parties say that they
go more for the food than to watch the game.
What did you have for the Super Bowl? I don't
have a kitchen. I I ate Chinese food take out.
Chinese food is what I ate. And I had some

(01:06:54):
peanuts and peanut m and m's in the crap like that.
This was not a great Super Bowl food eating experience.
I went to les Seals. I was thinking about giving
you a call, but I figured you got the show
that night. So badness is not a good weekend. This
past weekend I could not cannot get out much and
move around, so I was home quite a bit. All right,

(01:07:14):
do we have any don't stick to sports stories the week? Guess? Yeah?
How about this one. A woman in her entire family
went on vacation when a few neighbors started hitting them
up with calls and text messages and whatnot, and the
woman said that she was getting pictures sent to her
that her car had been booted in her own driveway.
So one of the photos that she actually shared online, uh,

(01:07:36):
showed her car was was not just one, but there
was two boots on her car, the front and back
end of her vehicle once she was gone on vacation.
But this is in front of her own house. So
no hold on, But she did she need to get booted?
Did she have a bunch of parking tickets and all that,
or was it a mistaken identity situation? Yeah, that was
a mistaken identification. Um, she was on vacation the homeowners association,

(01:08:00):
and um they had some parking rules that were instituted
and a resident with no resident permit would be subject
to a boot. So although she was yeah, yeah, so
she got the boots. So she was in front of
her own house. But that's another reason, guest, and the
moral of this story is to never live with a
homeowners association. It's the worst. I the first well not

(01:08:23):
the first Mallard mansion that I bought was a condo,
oh right right in your Dodger Stadium downtown l A.
And I love the location. But the homows insurance what
a fucking nightmare? How much was these people are? And
uh no, never again. And I will for the rest
of my life, if I'm lucky to live a long life,

(01:08:44):
I will never again buy a place where the homeowners
group done, zippo, Never gonna happen. They're not getting a
dollar of my money, not a dime. Yeah, it's a
huge rip off. Paying for security and the well being
of the property and the parking and the dressing of
the house is nuts. It's a it's a game. How
about this? A Brazilian man was arrested last week for

(01:09:07):
dressing up as a sixty year old mother so that
he could take her driving test after she failed it
multiple times. Now that is love? Is that not love?
Didn't do anything for your mom? Maybe that's a good
son right there? He's illegal. Put that's I mean, that's
he's going missed doubt fire to try to get his
mom a driver's license. That's pretty cool. And he looked
the part two, which is great at the wig the

(01:09:29):
attire the whole nine yards. So how did he get caught? Um?
The driving and stretcher noticed that they that he didn't
look the same as it was in his I D.
So he did a full up and down of the guy.
It was like like you said, that's Mrs Down fire
your pop. So he's out. That's a that's great, there
you go. I wonder how much you spent on that

(01:09:50):
get up. It's money wasted, right, unless you went to
like Walmart or something like that, you can pull it off.
How about this A drunk British mother left stop right there?
This is comedy gold. Drunk British mother doesn't get any
better than that. She left her seven year old daughter
on a flight to go have sex with a stranger

(01:10:11):
who left her a drink, basically a note that had hey, um,
let's join the mile high club. Here's a drink and
here's a note attached to it. So she's on the
flight with her kid. Yeah did she do the act? Wow?
And uh and and and she got arrested? Yes, yes,

(01:10:32):
she got the whole night. Well we know about it,
so she obviously got arrested, right. Yeah, the mom I
guess to repeately offered to perform oral sex uh with
the guy. Uh. What kind of mat man? Mama, I mean,
I believe these moms today. Man, they're not like moms
when I was a kid. What's up with that? How
about this one? I think you'll appreciate this one. Um,

(01:10:55):
we're talking about politics earlier. Uh, liberal white women and
are paying twenty dollars to go into an event called
the Race to Dinner, which is basically an event for
white women, UH to have their subconscious challenged on racism.

(01:11:16):
Fifteen events so far been held across the United States.
That includes UH, the city of Denver, and it started
back in the spring of two thousand nineteen. So a
couple of women, one is an Indian American, another one
is black. They're the host of this dinner, but they
basically invite women in that are white so that they
can challenge their subconscious on racism. Twenty dollars to intend

(01:11:39):
to say, you know what this really is. It's not
about racism, it's about stupidity. And and if if somebody
pays money to go to this, you are a moron.
This is a roar shock test for stupidity. And if
you've paid money, what kind of assholes go to this thing. Yeah,
I mean, can you imagine? I mean, it's like a
placement test for stupidity, is what it is. And here's

(01:12:00):
the best part. Dumb, dumb white men and or Trump
voters are not invited as they are perceived to be
lost causes. Always that right, Yes, the evil white mind
must be stopped at all acrost Absolutely, it's a wonderful world.
Oh man, how about this would last one? A seventy

(01:12:20):
two year old woman uh was charged as she stabbed
her boyfriend in the face with scissors during an argument
over sleeping arrangements while she was extremely drunk. Should have
got a sleep number? Did he got a sleep number?
Wouldn't worry about that he has sleep number? Bad. It's
a bad job by her, Oh boy. At least she
didn't use like a butcher and now she used to

(01:12:41):
use like a kid scissors or like a full on adults.
They're full on adult scissors. At two thirty in the morning,
she decided to grab a shank. The scissors are just
as bad as a knife. Ben, I think I got
butcher's knife. You know I'm in the kitchen. You're not
a cook like me, gu cook? And when I have
a kitchen and I've cut my finger with a button

(01:13:03):
with a butcher's knife. Ball man, I did that cut
my finger off one time with a butcher's knife cutting.
I think I was I was cutting either I think
it was either a steak or an onion, and it
slipped and uh, I don't even forget. I just remember
the blood pouring out of my fingertip and thinking, oh,
this is not good. And you feel that. You know

(01:13:24):
when you cut yourself, you feel that warmness, Yeah, when
the blood starts gushing out of your your injury, and
it's like, wow, this is pretty gnarly, man, this is brotal.
I did that earlier this week cutting an onion and
it's bled all over the place. You made the onion
and it had a little catchup on it, and you
were good. I made some amazing plant based meatballs that

(01:13:44):
were stuffed with onions and bell peppers and shives. It
was really good. Anytime I hear that, I hear west
side of l a base, the plant base side strikes
something different. Cant you appreciate what I do my blinary expertise.
I made hush puppies one time. That was really good.
I'll make you some hush puppies. They're solid, serious corn

(01:14:07):
hush puppies. Man, those are plants based corns. A plant, right, Hey,
listen until you start making your your Philly cheese steak.
I'm off the reservation. I've made the cheese steak. Is
that not great cheese steak? The mallar man, You've never
had it. No, I've never had it. You never had it. No.
The last time I went over there was for the
Christmas party. We made the fajitas. Yes, I'll make I

(01:14:28):
love the cheese steak. I make it just like I'm like.
I worked with Tony Bruno's I'm like from South Philly
because Tony rubbed off on me back in the day.
Award winning Tony Bruno by the way, the great Tony.
I love Tony. Tony is a good man. He's on
the A list. I'm not on that A list. I
don't win those awards anything else. Guess that is it
with close up shop with those alright? Another business like

(01:14:50):
impartial uh well by me, an objective by me edition
of the Fifth Hour as we will do it again
next weekend. Who knows we might even have the XFL
Benny versus Man that would be like a test run
to see if anyone downloads that version of the podcast.
I will consider doing it, but have a great weekend.
We'll be back. I will be on the radio Sunday

(01:15:11):
night into Monday to a m in the East eleven
pm on Sunday night in the West, and we'll catch
you then