Life's Observation Deck

Tragedy rocked the sports world with the unfathomable events on January 26, 2020. Kobe Bryant, his daughter, and seven other people were killed in a helicopter crash that left no survivors. After a few days to digest things, Ben and his stoic wingman get back to work by reflecting on a few incidents that elevated their heart rates. The guys also dip into the bag to answer some professional questions about the media industry, along with providing some tricks when you want to treat. All that and more numbers coming your way with a new edition of The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse. The clearing House of
Hot takes break free for something special. The fifth Hour

(00:23):
with Ben Maller starts right now for us, though here
it is we are back at it again, another fresh
hot out of the digital oven. Addition of the fifth
hour of the I Heart podcast Network, available wherever you
get your podcast. You've already figured that out, so I
don't need to tell you about the global reach of podcasting.

(00:45):
And we're timeless. This is audio art that you could
listen to at any point. Although I'm told that this
podcast is dated because we talked about things that are
kind of going on right now, but we try not
to put any time stamp on it. And it's it's
myself and back again. I thought he would be gone,
but David Gascon the Narcissist is in the building. Back

(01:07):
in the building. With a rate of return of thirty
one and a half percent, a FICO score of eight
hundred uh, six ft one pounds. I am here loud
and proud of and your douchebag scores through the roof
as well. So congratulations on that, you dumbo hitter man.
Good shot by you, right, I mean, listen, the clown

(01:30):
Prince of the podcast has returned here for cuckoo for
cocoa puff. So, uh, listen what we're gonna talk about.
Let's just get to them. I want to, I don't
want to. I don't wanna be s here, I don't
want to be. I'll get right to it, all right.
So we've got brush with Doom. We've got that hands
and knees master class grab bag. That's actual questions from

(01:54):
actual listeners. We've got some good ones this week. And
study this, study this, We've got that also, and don't
stick to sports. Do you understand you comprehend all these things? Guessing? Yeah,
I heard you a couple of nights ago cheating on
the segment you were doing a little study this over
the last hours. So it was a little disturbed by that.

(02:14):
But it's fine. I mean, you can use some of
that bullshit on your radio show. It's fine. Why I
had no idea you were you were so protective of
the podcast that you wanted me to not use any
of those. I have so many sometimes I don't I
don't have time to get to them all here. Well,
that's fine. I'm trying to slander me. No, I'm not
trying to slander you. I'm just stating facts. It's it's fine.

(02:35):
We're knee deep in in the political realm of impeachment,
so I'm not gonna slander you. I'm not gonna accuse you.
I'm not gonna to fame you in any way. So
we're good, man. I'm just pointing out the obvious. What
you did on your show is for the show. It's
not for the podcast. I like to have you compartmentalized
and keep one thing to that side and another thing
to this side. Yeah, well, you did run into me

(02:56):
when you don't work very much at the building when
I'm there. But you you know you because you're you
can't handle the overnight hours. But you walked in one
time this week and you were you were, I guess
upset with me for doing a whole week of death
Radio regarding Kobe Bryant's demise last weekend. You were very upset,

(03:17):
so I thought we should on this podcast, do some
maccabre more death talk? Right, Well, this is an entire
month's worth the podcast that we do death talk on. Yeah, yeah,
it's I think it's good. I mentioned that there was
a study. I mentioned this. I was talking about Kobe
and people love spreading bad news and it's part of

(03:38):
human nature. It's a it's very primal that from the
early stages of the brain. It's a survival instinct that
people don't pay attention to good news. They pay attention
to bad news because it could threaten there existence and
I could throw you know what I'm saying. So it's
a little odd though, consider the fact that you're your

(04:00):
better half is full of optimism and life and glee
and good fortune, and yet you are the contrarian to that.
It's a little odd, don't you think. Uh No, well,
my wife's the exceptional rule. I believe I am in
the majority, and I have years and years of data

(04:20):
that I have collected from doing the show that I do,
that I know, and I've done very fortunate. I have
done the postgame show. Here's a humble brag for the
Dodgers years ago and the Red Sox a couple of
years ago, and it didn't matter whether you were in
Boston or l A. When the Red Sox or Dodgers won,
there weren't as many people that were interested in calling
up to talk about the game. But when the Red

(04:41):
Sox or Dodgers were going through a tough patch, everyone
was had an answer, Everyone had a solution. Everyone wanted
to give you their ten cents. It's just human nature.
That's how people are not fair enough. But now are you? Now?
Are you doing this from the I Heart Radio studios
in your backyard? You that she doing this from South Beach, Florida,
because I know that. Yeah, I'm actually at Radio Row.

(05:04):
We're gonna have Joe Montana is gonna tell you sell
you some sketchers coming up that'll be in the later
part of the podcast. And I think I'll be sending
out some photos of my steak dinners. I haven't sent
any of those out, so I've got to do some
of that. And you should check out the view from
my hotel room. It's unbelievable. Gas gun. Doesn't it sound good?
It sounds and it sounds good here I'm I'm in

(05:24):
the the special Remote Radio Row studio and uh I
only came down for the podcast. I'm not allowed to
do the show there, but from the podcast perspective, that's
why I'm here, so fair enough. Now, have you finished
watching the Aaron Hernana's documentary since I know you have
all this? I did? I did. I watched it last weekend.
Like I said, I was, I I finished it and
I enjoyed it. They did a very good job. It

(05:46):
was well made. Whoever made that for Netflix? A solid job,
wonderfully produced in the production value, and a let up
individual one Aaron her name days they were and I
liked what one of the former Patriot players said that,
you know, it's part of the documentary. It was like

(06:08):
they were making excuses for Aaron Hernandez going around and
being a murderer. And one of the guys, one of
his former teammates, said, now that's a cop out, and
I thought that that was where I'm at. You know, yeah,
bad things happened to you and it sucks, but you know,
there's you can't be on the I'm gonna get back

(06:29):
and retaliate by killing people or you know, shooting in
the cars. It's not how a civilized world works. And
can you know the matter, everyone everyone who's committed to crime.
Everyone has become, you know, a murderer or something like that.
They've had a bad break along the way, right, you
know what I'm saying, There's been a couple of things
like that, but that doesn't mean they don't go to
jail or whatever happens. So, well, you know what, you

(06:51):
know what happens when someone spilled a drink on you.
You pull out your nine and all of a sudden
you empty the clip. Wow, I see, Well that's the Patriot.
Well I see Aaron Hernandez was gonna Patriot best air
in Hernandez. Way, Yeah, don't don't. Don't bring that in
with Kronkowski and Brady. Sorry, al right, so let's get
to brush with do and it ties into the Kobe
Bryant story. The helicopter crashed last weekend. So Kylie Jenner,

(07:13):
h you know who Kylie Jenner is. She's she's like
a million billion dollar model because she's tied in with
the Kardashians. She's got that Kardashian DNA and she posted
the other day that she was a frequent flyer, a
frequent flyer in the helicopter that Kobe Bryant crashed in Alkay.

(07:34):
So that was the the statement there that she she
took the helicopter quite a bit there and did that.
So I wanted to talk about it now. I have
you ever been in a helicopter? No, I've I've never
been in a helicopter. I think the closest thing that
has been resembled to a helicopter for me has been
one of those little prop planes which scared the ship

(07:55):
out of me. Part of my French and some people
like the foul language. You want a prop plane like
one of those like spin the spin, the propeller type.
Do I took h I would not get on. I
don't think. I don't think I'm allowed to get on
one of those. I think I'm too big. Probably the weather.
The weather was so bad too. I was a recruiting
trip for football. I went from UH. I went from
Seattle to Pullman, Washington. I was at a camp at

(08:18):
Washington State and it was really weird. I a buddy
of mine and I were at the airport and we
had paid for some food, but I didn't have a
lot of money, and at the time I took a
little bit more from the UH from the pizza hut
stand than I paid for, and I had it on

(08:39):
my person. I had it on top of a bag,
but the clerk didn't see all of that, so I
only paid for a portion of it. Went on to
the flight. And this flight, I kid you not Ben,
It was like Magic Mountain. There was a roller coaster
going up and down, up and down sideways to sideways,
and I thought in my head, I'll ship this is
karma for stealing that pizza. Payback, payback. Yeah, I've never

(09:03):
been on a prop plane like that. I've never been
flying in a helicopter. When I was a kid, I
grew up near what used to be the El Toro
Marine Base and the Tusted Marine Base in Orange County.
I was like sandwiched between these and I we used
to see the Blue Angels practicing and it was I
have great memories of that being around military basis that
neither one exists anymore. But I remember going to the

(09:24):
open house at the military base and it was like
a big deal. You know. We got to go and
my my parents, like my mom was, oh, you can
run through the tanks and you can run through the helicopters.
And in those days, they led us like we could go.
They had an open house. You could like literally sit
in a in a in a goddamn tank or or
a military helicopter was wild and the planes, you know,
it was it was just crazy. I don't think they

(09:45):
do that anymore. Maybe they do, I don't know, um.
But anyway, so I was in a helicop. I never
flew in it. And then the other question I had
regarding as Kylie Jenner's story is, of course made it
all about her, you know the fact that she flew
in the helicopter. Uh, and her had her it, I
guess in the helicopter. But have you ever had a
similar situation like that where you had a brush with tragedy?

(10:09):
And I've told the story a few times over the years,
but I have had that happened to me, and it
is very surreal when you experienced something like that. Now,
I had the same experience a lot of people had,
um but it involved September eleven and and back in.
If you haven't heard the story, if you're you're new
to the show, I've told it a few times over
the years. But in late August of about two weeks

(10:32):
before the event, it took place in September eleventh, the
hijacking and the attack on New York and the Pentagon
and all that. I was visiting my my older brother
who's lived in New York for years. It was me,
my younger brother who's who was living in California at
the time, now losing Wisconsin, and my older brother. Uh,
and we were on like a brother's trip, you know. Uh,
me and my my younger brother. We were just like

(10:53):
hanging out with my older brother and you know, showing
it. He He was showing us around all that I've been
to New York before, my younger brother hadn't. So they
we were going to all the tourist traps in New York. Um,
and uh, we're going all you know, the Statue of
Liberty and all that, and you know, the all the
all the things standard New York City sightseeing. And it
was late August. Now, if you've ever been in New York,

(11:15):
you live in New York. In late August. It's muggy, nasty.
The humidity level is through the roof, the stupidity level
is through the roof. And but of course I'm cheap.
I'm also very fat at this time, much fatter than
I am now. And we were walking around New York.
I'm covered in sweat, right, and I'm just covering its way.
So anyway, long story short, we make it to the

(11:37):
South Tower of the World Trade Center to visit the
observation deck, which is a top. If you remember the
World Trade the original World Trade Center, it was a
top that South tower. So we're in the lobby. It's
about if I remember, and you know, memories fleeting. But
as I remember, it was about four or four fifteen

(11:58):
something along those lines, and the observation that closed at
five o'clock and it was very expensive to go up
to the observation deck in the South Tower. So and this,
this is one thing on my deathbed, I assume I
will remember this. I I said, I'm not doing it.

(12:19):
I said, no, that's a waste of money. And I
remember we walked out of the South Tower of the
World Trade Center, and you know, and we were right
between the North and the South Tower, that little courtyard area,
and I looked up to the heavens and these massive
buildings that looked like they went all the way into
outer space when you stood at the ground at the
World Trade Center. And I said to my brothers, I said,

(12:42):
these things aren't going anywhere. Next time we're in New York,
we'll just go to the observation deck. And two weeks later,
those buildings vanished in on September eleven, and it it's
just crazy. My mom was so freaked out for several reasons,
like everyone was, but the fact she she could not
get over the fact that we were there. And then
there were media reports at the time that said that

(13:02):
the terrorists had done some dry runs around, some scouting
trips around the towers the time we were visiting, right
around you know those not probably not the afternoon time,
but they were there, uh in New York doing some
scouting at the World Trade Center around that time. But
I did learn a valuable lesson and it's even if

(13:23):
you have limited time and it's expensive, take advantage of it.
I was in Boston on another trip and I was
at the Kennedy Museum, the Kennedy Presidential Museum in Boston,
which I think is on Boston University's campus, like right
there anyway, so it was same situation. It was like
it was like half an hour till the place closed,
and it was the only day we had to go there,

(13:44):
and I paid the money. I ran through the Kennedy
Presidential Museum in about half an hour because they kick
you out at five o'clock. Uh and uh and so
I learned my lesson there. That did not push stuff
off if you you say it's gonna be there, because
stuff isn't there forever. But that was my my brush
with doom if you will. Now, I guess on that

(14:05):
point too, when you talk about taking advantage of what's
available to you, like, why doesn't that like why doesn't
that jump start your interest of traveling abroad? Because that
certainly did for me. We had this conversation last week
about visiting asch Fitz and Broken Now and the concentration camps,
Like I think that's so instrumental. Just see, especially you

(14:27):
because you're Jewish, like to take that stuff in face
to face as opposed to like what you see online
or what you're reading a book through school. I mean,
I did this last year through a buddy of mine
turned forty and he lives in Ireland. So I want
to go meet up with him, but he's a doctor,
and another buddy of mine he had to go. He
went to go visit family in Croatia. So I hate

(14:49):
flying um and going obviously to Europe is not something
I wanted to do alone, but I did it anyway.
So I flew into London, I chewed that up for
a day, then took a flight down a pair and
I went wire to wire for three days in Paris.
I think the one thing I did regret was I
assumed that the Louver was going to be open from

(15:09):
morning until like eight or nine o'clock at night, and
I got there about three o'clock in the afternoon and
it closed at six. So I spent three hours inside
the louver. But Austin God Been, I could have spent
all day and all night in that place, just to
soak it all up and see all the art and
all the creativity and all the work, and just to
have the enjoyment of seeing that stuff, whether it's in

(15:31):
Paris or in Amsterdam, or you know, we went to
Spain port. I'm just saying, like, those are the things
that if you mentioned that I love traveling in the
United States, I've been to twenty two states so far
out of the fifty. But I enjoy it specially because
you get to I like, I like traveling around the
United States. My main disdain with international travel is I

(15:55):
feel like a lot of countries are not designed for
people my size. I'm very tall. I uh you know.
I I've lost a lot of weight, but I'm still
a big guy. And I do not want to travel.
First of all, the plane travels a nightmare. But I
don't want to spend money and go on vacation and
then have a very I'm reluctant to do it because

(16:16):
I think it's gonna be very uncomfortable for me. I
won't fit in cars, i won't fit in the beds
um and I'm not even like the size of an
NBA player. Now. I know there's ways you can do it,
and you spend more money and you get a bigger
bed and all that stuff, but I just seems like
a big inconvenience, and I despise going somewhere and feeling
like I am Andre the Giant, uh you know, compared

(16:36):
to everybody else. I don't want to. I don't want
to experience that. I mean, who needs You're not a
victim here? And when you go to you're not saying
I'm a victim. I'm just telling you why. I am
unwilling and I loathe going to there's some European countries
where that's not the case. But I I am resistant
because I believe that I will find the ones that
are averse to people my size. Here's the thing is that,

(16:56):
and I think anyone can be contest to attest to this,
is that when go to Europe or even in Japan,
you're doing a lot of walking anyway, or if you
get on a train or any of those trolleys. I mean,
you can do that stuff no matter where you go.
Size doesn't matter, and most of the time it's always
enjoyable to walk to those pop You say that because
you are of the size where you fit in everything. No,

(17:17):
I'm six one to twenty. It's not not here we go.
What do you is is like the old Dan Patrick
show ring a bell for your height and waight. No,
but it's not what I mean what you are the
ultimate narcissist. Let me give my height and weight. I'm
not a small guy. Some my nose. I'm not a
small guy. I got problems when I get onto a
plane or when I walk through No, you don't, of

(17:38):
course I do. I'm six six or whatever I am.
I get on a plane, what are you worried about
someone hitting me with sniper fire from a rooftop because
you're so much bigger than I'm not worried about that.
I'm worried about having to, you know, decapitate the lower
part of my legs so I fit in the plane,
or or getting into one of those taxi cabs and uh,
you know an Amsterdam or something like that, I'll be

(17:59):
able to fit. Okay, So Amsterdam you can bike everywhere
you go, and you can get on the ferries that
take you across some of the canals, so that's easy
for you. Walk around town where they're going through like
the Red Light District, or even through like some many
other business areas, so that's not a problem. Same thing
with Spain, same thing with Portugal. London. You got the
you got the train, you can go through the underground. Um.

(18:20):
I haven't been in Italy yet, but do come on, man,
those are just excuses the reality. I've studied it a
little bit the Internet. They people have said similar things. Anyway,
Maybe if you go if you're flying internationally, don't forget
you're usually flying on like a seven seventies seven and
those air busses. Those things are spacious and you can
always sit one of the emergency level seats too, so

(18:43):
you're gonna have plenty of leg room. I get it,
But pony it up many easy for you to say
it up, easy for you to say, Yes, I'm saying
pony it up to an overnight radio host that works
four hours at night for Monday through Friday. Yes, you're right.
I show up one minute before the show, and I
do no show prep. That is acting. That is absolutely

(19:03):
You've been in the industry for what twenty years, I'd say,
i'd seem to say with the mansions that you have
not mansion um and the uh, the exhorbitan amount of
money you spend on your kitchens. Now, let me tell
you something, a gag on. I have one house that
I bought on the advice of my real estate guy
who's now a TV dentist, that is still underwater. My

(19:25):
other house, I haven't had a kitchen in a month.
I'm getting fat again because all I can do is
eat out when I eat, and it's it's terrible. I
I love home cooked meals and I haven't had one
in a month because I have no kitchen sink and
no kitchen countertop. It's a It's a freaking nightmare, is
what it is. Listen, you gotta do this stuff while
you're young, and you're saying I'm young. Thank you very much.

(19:45):
I appreciate you saying I'm young. I appreciate you for
do you hit your midlife crisis? You need to experience
the finer things when I try. I'll tell you what.
When I turned forty, I will think about here about that.
When I turned forty, I will think about doing this.
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two a m. Eastern eleven pm Pacific
on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app.

(20:05):
Hands and Knees Gas. We gotta move on because I
want to get to a lot of good emails, and
we'll get to it at some point here. So uh Now,
the p Ones tell me they like to hear about
my life, and I don't tell too many stories on
the radio about just my personal business. But I feel
like this as we talked about the fifth hours, for
the super fans of the show, the p ones that
love the show, and our senior members of the Mallard Militia,

(20:27):
you're at a different level if you listen to the
fifth hour. So with that as the preference, I was
doing some shopping over last weekend and running some errands
with the wife. Me and the wife, we made hand
to god sixteen stops in one day. I felt like
a Lance the bus driver type character. We were. We

(20:47):
were stopping so often. Now, one of the stops was
at Walmart. All right, now, my wife hates Walmart. You
can't stand I don't. I don't mind wall I like,
I don't, I don't care. I like a deal. I'm
value guys, so I don't mind the freaks and geeks
that go to Walmart. I'm okay with my wife. She's
she'll go to a store. She'd be like, I don't

(21:07):
like the vibe. Oh I don't even notice. I don't
even notice that. I just want the how much is
the product? And I'm very simple that way. I'm a
direct line, straightforward, you guy. My wife she's gonna have
the proper lighting and all that stuff. And anyway, So
we parked the car at Walmart. We run into the story,
had to pick up one thing. I got to the
entrance of Walmart where they have the shopping carts, and

(21:28):
I I from time to time, will do a little
test where I'll say, all right, I got three things
with me pretty much all times. I got wallet, phone, keys,
and I'm so paranoid about losing one of those things
even while I'm walking. I will just it's second nature.
Now we'll I'll try to feel Do I have my wallet, yes?
Do I have my phone? Yes? Do I have my keys? So,
because I left my phone one time years ago in

(21:49):
in the roof of my car in the big A
I was covering an Angels game and the and uh
and it was I lost. I was really piste off
about the whole thing. Anyway, So I'm in the shopping
car area. Uh. And I reached for my wallet, got
it boom done. Reached from my keys, boom, got it done.
Reached for the phone. No phone, uh, no phone? Oh

(22:12):
my god. I start freaking out. So I figured why
I must have left it in the car, because I
knew I had the phone in the car. So I
went back to I saw. I told my wife is
I'll be right back. I gotta get my phone. I
go back to the car. I spent about five minutes
trying to find the phone. Couldn't find the phone. I
couldn't find the goddamn phone. Uh. My wife was then summoned.
I went back to grab the wife and I said, well,

(22:34):
maybe you know another set of eyeballs. You could probably
find it. You know, you got better eyesight than me anyway,
so you could probably find it. And I couldn't find it.
She couldn't find it. So then I start freaking out.
I'm thinking, man, our kitchens destroyed. I don't want to
drop a thousand dollars on a new iPhone. And plus
I was like, where the where the hell did it go?
Did it? Just it doesn't vanish right a phone? It
does not vanish. I don't think somebody came down from

(22:56):
a different dimension and stole my phone. Saw. I then
get on my hands and knees, thinking maybe it fell
under the car while I was getting out of the car.
And so I start digging around trying to reach under
the car and see it's dark, it's night. I don't
have a flashlight. No luck. So then my wife's like,

(23:20):
she said, well, you're on here in this app, you know,
fine phone app. I don't know if you have that,
but so we track, we can keep track of each other,
spy on each other. So my wife looks at them.
She didn't usually use it, but she looks at the
fine phone app and it says that the phone is
right where the car, so it must be in the phone.
And this this made it even more. This increased the

(23:43):
degree of anxiety even higher, like it made no sense.
We had two adults looking through the car trying to
find the phone. Couldn't find the phone. I'm on my
hands and knees, I'm looking under the car. I couldn't
find it. So then I had an idea. So I'm
gonna retrace my steps back to the store, because I
may I must have dropped it either in the street
or somewhere. And I, of course, to to make it

(24:04):
into the Walmart, I walked right through a bunch of
like trees and bushes, you know, that was the direct route.
And so I grabbed my wife's phone. I'm using the
flashlight on her phone. I retracked my steps. Nothing uh, nothing,
all right, And I walk all the way and then
I turned back around and I'm going to the car,
and then boom, I found the phone laying face down

(24:28):
between two bushes in the dark of night in the
parking lot of the Walmart. And I felt like I
had one the sweep sweet the clearing, how sweepsteaks. You know,
I'd want a lottery or something like that. And your
phone is black too, right, it is. Once you go black,
you never go back. That's a black phone, bet on black,
whatever cliche you want to use. But yeah, black phone

(24:50):
and so and it was the last place I looked.
But I love that. That's one of my favorite phrases
that humans use. It's the last place you look because
you wouldn't keep looking if you you know, you know
what I'm saying, not gonna keep looking for if you
found it. Yeah, that's exactly it. But why would you
drop your phone in a bush? Anyway? Well, it was unintentional.
I must have been going so fast. I'm like a

(25:11):
hedgehog or something like that, and I just happened to
drop the phone. There's nothing that you do is fast. Alright,
Moving on the master class gas Gun. Now you don't
know this. I don't think I've told you this, but
I have been dropping wisdom on the next generation, this
gen z. These guys love the wisdom of the mallemmolition.

(25:34):
And I like giving back. I like giving back to
people that want to work in radio or podcasting or whatever,
and I wish I could have interns, and I I
wanted to address that. So I've gotten a lot of
requests over the last few years since I've been doing
the overnight show during the week that people want to
intern from, like specifically for our show, and I am flattered. Uh,
And I'll explain it a minute why that is not allowed.

(25:56):
And I'd also like to teach when no one will
hire me to to radio. I think it would be
fun if they still have professors teach radio. I think,
and and and the cool thing is I don't have
like a formal education. I'm I'm educated on the streets,
gas go on. I learned on the streets. But I
would love and I think I'm qualified because I've I've
done this long enough for I could teach a class
on on radio talk radio or something like that. Because
if you do it for like is it ten years

(26:18):
or fifteen years or twenty years, how many years do
you have to do it before you're allowed to teach
a class ten years you're tenured. Yeah, I've done it
for longer than that, So I'm I would be allowed
to teach a class at at a college where I
think it would be a lot of fun. You're pretty old,
guess on your micros on when you said that. Anyway,
I like helping young broadcasters. Uh, any advice you need,

(26:39):
I'm here to help. You can email me. Just put
in the headline what you're looking for. And it's been
really cool the last couple of weeks here, last month
or so, I have heard from a number of college
age a little older than that that are trying to
break into the business and it's it's cool and I
would love to have the access. Like when I was

(27:01):
younger trying to reach these guys, it was very difficult
to get ahold of them. You had to send a
fax or call somebody, and you couldn't just email them. Um.
But I I'm asked all the time from people to
be interns. I have not had an intern in eleven years.
The last intern I had was in twenty nine. I
am the Bill Clinton of Fox Poetry. I'm not allowed

(27:22):
to have interns Gascon. Hopefully it's not because you're misusing
a cigar. Yeah, I know I did not misuse a cigar,
but it has been explained to me by the powers
that be that it is not that I couldn't have
interns if I had a different shift. But it's because
of the hours, and it's not the safest neighborhood. I know,
you're not there at night gascon, but where we do
the show from. While there's a lot of rich people

(27:44):
that live up in the hill, the Hollywood crowd where
we are, um, it's all over l A. There's a
lot of vagrants and creatures of the night prowling. It's
become a bit of a shanty town at night, and
so it's not that safe. And it's been that way
for a number of years. When we leave, I've seen,
you know, unbelieve I've seen people shooting up drugs and
things like that, and the in the street, down the

(28:05):
street and sleeping on the street. It's crazy leaving work.
I feel bad for some of these people, but some
of the people I think are just scum anyway. So
that's the reason. Because of liability, Well, I'm not allowed
to have an apprentice because they they were concerned about
the apprentice walking to their car after like you know,
midnight or one or two in the morning or whatever
it is. Yeah, now, full disclosure, I'm actually one of

(28:27):
those occupants that when I started here with Fox, Um,
I wasn't allowed to actually park in the same complex
as you guys. Yeah. I was given a key card
to park down the street in the Sherman Oaks Galleria, right, yeah,
park in a mall and good to walk through. I

(28:48):
I used to park there when the early is I
was not allowed to park in the me That was
like a rite of passage when you got the main
parking lot that meant you to arrive. Oh no, I
had to actually leave the company and then come back
and lie that I had parking key. Um, and then
I was given one to park here in this structure
at at Fox. So I'm glad that you didn't admit
that you lied on the podcast. That's good and we

(29:09):
do what we can, right, let me just make things happen.
So anyway, but yeah, and my schedule was always overnight,
so I was here, you know, during your hours, the
overnight decrepit hours where you see all kinds of people
at all walks of life walking through here. So I
know all about it. Man, It's uh, I understand now.

(29:29):
So if you have students or people that want to
get into the industry, I must caution everybody because you
will have to give them advice on the craft itself,
but it won't be about the other things that surround
this craft like networking and social No no, no, no
much much much of your brand. Much of my advice,

(29:51):
guest gun is about networking. Oh, be sure to catch
live editions of The Ben Maller Show week days at
two am Eastern eleven p m. Pacific. It is it's
about I. I've told these guys some version of Most
of these jobs are not given to the good people.
Most of these jobs are not given to the most
talented talksro host Um. Most of these jobs are either

(30:13):
because you have clout because you're an athlete, or you
used to be a sportswriter or you you know, a
comedian or something like that. Um, that's you know, it's
very you have to really go above and beyond to
make it when you're just a radio guy, and it's
it makes it much more difficult. But they're all ways
around it, like networking, getting in schmoozing like it's it's

(30:36):
it's copy was doing. And I would like to point
out Esca that my coaching intern Tree, I have a
better coaching intern try than Bill Belichick back when I
used to have interns. A. Rashmar Kazi, the lead. I
don't know if he's a lead columnist, but he's a
columnist at the l A. Times. Was my intern when
he was in a high school kid. He used to
play soccer in the hallways. Now he's a columnist at

(30:57):
the Times. Just work at ESPN. Jamie A. Pody, who's
a big TV sports personality in Philadelphia, she worked as
an intern at our place. Uh. There's also some others
that have gone on and become program directors. I know
multiple program directors of powerful sports talk radio stations that
intern for me, um and UH. One in particular three
thousand miles. This person traveled moved for a couple of

(31:19):
months to be an intern. Um so, but nobody now
because I've not been allowed to have any for years.
So what happened? If there's a waiver, gas, could we
could we have the intern sign away their life a
waiver or at lease like you're going into of a
gym or you're driving a car, like you need to
sign a waiver earlier. Yeah, you know how you have
to sign a waiver when you have a surgery or

(31:41):
something like that. You have to sign a waiver or
whatever you know, yeah, liability release. As I go under
the knife with the anesthesiologists coming in saying are you okay?
This might kill you? Yeah? Yeah, exactly, Yeah that's true.
So what happened? Now? What happens? Would you consider me
under your tree when I leave what? I what? I
consider you what under your tree? The tree um only

(32:03):
if you do well, only if you do If you
don't do well, I will not consider you under my
under my coaching tree. I'm not anyway, Let's move on.
I got I got a lot of good questions here
from these are actual questions from actual listeners called the
grab Bag, an account with the name Alexander on Facebook
rights and from parts unknown. Please explain the following, Ben,

(32:23):
what does the board has held mean? When you're doing
to pick them? And when you win? At asked Ben,
you say, put it on the board. Uh is this
the same board that you have that that has been
held or is this the held board something you're putting
it on? Alright, So, first of all, Alexander, when I

(32:43):
say the board has held, when we're doing the pick them,
I jot down a list of who I believe the
top players are in the NBA for that night. So
I have a board much like a draft board, where
I have ranked one, two, three, four, or five, six, seven, eight.
And so when we get through the first couple of picks,
when I say the board has hell, that means that

(33:05):
the other idiots on the show are picking the players
that I would have picked if I had had the
number one pick. That that's the value I put on
each player. So when I say the board is hell,
that means my personal draft board is the way I
thought it was going to be. I'm the mel kiper
of the the pick up. That's what I'm saying. And
as far as put it on the board when I

(33:25):
win a game, which I went all the time, as
you know, Alexander. That is a direct tribute on homage
to Hawk Harrelson, the former Chicago White Sox broadcast I
used to watch on on the satellite when I was younger.
I used to watch the White Sox games when he
did it, did the games with Tom Pashark, and I
always gotta kick it. What a homer. I'm not even
a White Sox fan. I got no skin in the game,

(33:47):
but I always got to kick out of Hawk Harrelson
when you know, somebody would hit a home run and
he'd scream put it on the board. Uh and uh
oh when I think he did that when they won also,
So anyway, it's just my way to to celebrate Carrolson,
just like when I say, and I talk about about football,
matriculate the ball down the field. That is an homage
to Hank Stram, who I was a football coach but

(34:09):
also a broadcaster. So the answers to those questions and
he and you use some of the uh, the whack
or the bump or the boom during our tell Me
broadcast in twenty nineteen. That's right, that was my tribute
to John mad John, that's right, that was my John
Madden tribute. I thought that would be good because Madden
had it was very popular and people like that. People
like sound effects. They like this randomly, you know, doing

(34:31):
sound effects. They enjoy that. Yeah, people gotta love affair
with your drops, at least some of them. But I don't.
I don't play any drops. I don't other people play
the drops. I don't hit any any sound effects on
the show. I have nothing to Eddie hit some Roberto
hit some uh. People hate the bell. I don't control it,
you know, and who knew that people hated the bell
so much? Well, because it's used on a regular occurrence.

(34:53):
That's wow. Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk
lineup in the nation. Catch all of our shows at
Fox sports Radio dot com and within the I Heart
Radio app search f s R to liften Live. John
from Colorado is a podcast listener. He writes in he says,
Ben and David, do you guys smuggle your own candy

(35:13):
into a movie theater? H Now, John, And this is
come on, I mean this is a this is low
hanging fruit. Of course I do, all right. I could
teach a class on this. Also. I mean I will
buy the popcorn. I'm a sucker. I I spend ten
bucks for fifty cents of colonels and butter. But when
it comes to candy, my move. I go to the

(35:34):
dollar store, the Dollar Tree store, which we have here
in l A and I buy my candy. I spend
you know, three bucks on candy, and then I get
shorts or or, depending on the year, time of the year,
summertime shorts. If not it's a wintertime, I get a
jacket with big pockets and uh, and I smuggle the
candyon and and my my smuggling game has really improved

(35:56):
that he since I got married. Yeah, Eddie, you called
me Eddie? Did I call you Eddie? Yes? Oh wow,
that's all I'm sure we'll edit that out of the podcast, right, yeah,
of course, so yeah, alright, so sorryway Gaston, whatever you
look like Eddie? Alright, yeah you sound like him too,
sorry Gascon. So my smuggling of candy game and answer

(36:19):
this guy John in Colorado's question, is improved when I
got married because women have an advantage over men. Nope, boom,
it is a bag to bring candy into the movie theater.
That is why women have purses. I'm convinced it's not
to hold their makeup keys wallet. No, it is to
sneak handy in to this show. That's why they do it.

(36:42):
So yeah, I absolutely it's you know, you're a sucker
if you pay seven not seven. It's like five bucks
for a candy at the movies, and it's a dollar
at the dollar store. Why would you not sneak it in?
Yeah I did the same thing. Um, I did it
back in the day. But yeah, so my go to
was always it always has and red vines and Eminem's

(37:03):
um peanut Eminem's the go to, and red vines of course,
so those are the go too. I'm not popcorns, okay,
I always go with the nachos for some reason. I
just lays a sucker for for tortilla chips and and
some nacho cheese just before the movie starts. Of course, nowadays,
I guess the last Star Wars and the damn credits
were thirty minutes long, so usually you gotta buy at

(37:26):
least enough canny gets you through the credits, because by
the time the movie starts you could be tapped out.
So I'm always good with candy too, But you gut
sneak you and jack and see always that way to go.
You've got a female of course, purse bra whatever it
may be. And sometimes if you want the back pocket.
You don't get too many people that are looking at
your back pocket, especially if you have something that's long
enough that your shirt will cover and if you drape

(37:46):
it on down. So that's not well my with the movies.
We we know, I've mentioned this. The three most important
food groups are you know what they are? Uh? In
a movie theater? No? No, and just in general. The
three things if you have these the proper amount of
these ingredients, you will sell whatever food dish you're trying
to sell. Sugar, Yep, sugar is one of them. Two

(38:09):
more salt and grease. I don't know pretty much. It's salt, sugar,
and fat. Okay, that's some combination, like for example, I
like peanut Eminem's also, I'm you know, I'll dabble in
some well, I try to get a little healthier. So
I've I've moved on because I'm I feel like this
is less unhealthy. I'll eat like chocolate almonds, you know,

(38:30):
dark chocolate covered almonds. Who's your goat too? Because I
feel like it's it's it's it's a sweet, but it's
not as bad as like Eminem's. Do you know what
I'm saying? What about like Nestly Crunch? I like Nestly
i I but I love the combination of the candy,
like the chocolate and the and the salt, the sugar
from the candy and the salt from the popcorn Snickers

(38:53):
Man Snickers that go too as well. Yeah, yeah, absolutely,
um so. But that's but and you know the movies business,
nine of the revenue is from popcorn sales. Did you
know that ninety percent of the money that they make
at a movie theater is because of the popcorn? Now,
are you one of those guys that has to buy

(39:14):
a big drink or do you just go back? Well,
I used to. I used to get the super gulp
whatever and all that. I loved it. But now I
just drink water because that's empty calories and I'm getting
I'm already eating ship, you know, with the butter and
the popcorn and the candy and all that crap. So

(39:35):
unless you're unless you're seeing rainbows and unicorns, you probably
shouldn't be doing that. That reminds us, since we're talking
about all this good stuff, you still owe me a
set of tacos. That's a lie. So we made a
bet on the other podcast. That's a legit bet on
the super Bowl. You took one team, I took the other.
You gotta hear the fifth hour Benny versus the Penny Podcast,
and we have a bet and uh and a trip

(39:56):
to the Ponies. A trip to the Ponies is on
the line the killing grounds, as they say. All right, Frank,
Frank the chef Tank from Medway, Massachusetts. Frank's a big fan.
He says, Ben, we have made enough babba ganoche. Can
we make some hot and sour soup or some pineapple

(40:19):
have a narrow salsa or my choice. Frank's secret slaw.
That's from Frank. Well, Frank, if you are an actual chef,
here's my advice. Now, I'm not gonna tell you to
do this, but if you really want a food dish
to be mentioned, you can slide my name in, Frank, right,
slide my name in. We we we'll get to that

(40:40):
in a minute here on the questions. But yeah, I
can change it up. I I am not against it.
I always say bobba ganos because it's a funny word
to say, and people smile when they hear the word
bobba ganouge because half the people don't know what babba
ganush is, and the people that do know bobba ganuche,
they probably like it, and so they're like, hey, this
brings back a memory of when I was a kid
eating babba ganouge. All. So that's why I say baba ganosh.

(41:02):
It's just for comedy reasons. There's no real other reason
to do it, obviously. Let's see here, Ken in Toledo says,
what was your first car? Uh? Well, I had a Valari.
Uh my grandfather's car, Grandpa Jack, May he rest in peace.
It was his whole car. I love that car. I
like the smell of it. He had the musty smell

(41:24):
in the car. The seats were padded and big, and
I loved it. I loved those old cars because they
were like they put sofas in those things. That's why
someday I want my dream car is not a Porsche
or Lamborghini. It's a Lincoln town Car. Because a Lincoln
Town Car you feel like you're driving around sitting on
a sofa. I had one as a rental car years ago,
and I've always said, when I get money and I'm older,

(41:45):
That'll be my my middlelife crisis car or my retirement car.
Lincoln ca it just is wonderful. Yeah, it's like what
ray Leota drove and Goodfellas, right, those just those big
old buicks those Yeah, I love that, love those things.
My first car was a nineteen one Ford Crown Victoria.
And obviously as my dad being a cop he was,

(42:07):
he was driving those things around anyway. As the he did.
He buy one on the auction sailor. Was you did
you get one for free or something like that. This
is just the family cars. So I went from from
one kid to to five of us. And my dad
is a huge driver. I don't know what your dad
was like or is like, but my dad would drive
cars into the ground. So he's got an old Ford

(42:30):
Explorer that is now um in his possession. Ben The
car has over three hundred thousand miles on it, and
a single car that he has owned and then he's
passed down to us. I have successfully driven those cars
into the ground before they blew up or I blew
them up. So the eight one Crown Victoria, which was
the hand me down from my sister to me to

(42:52):
my other sisters. UM, I successfully demolished that car, thankfully.
But uh, but yeah, that was my first car. It
was a tank Man. So people have tried to screw
with me in high school. Uh, try pushing me around
with their cars or whatever. I just gotten their way,
whether it was by force of nature or just by
shooting stuff out of my car, it was. It was
a thing of beauty. That's pretty cool. Uh. Kid also

(43:15):
says I think he's in Toledo, Ohio. He says, I
think you've spent so many years finding ways around cursing
on radio, Hearing you curse on the podcast sounds forced
and unnatural. Yeah, I agree. Now I hear this a lot,
which and I there's two things I want to say
about this. A. I don't believe this is true. I
have used profanity for years in my personal life. I

(43:39):
talk like a sailor quite a bit. I don't use periods.
I use fucking ship instead of periods all the time
when I'm not on the radio. There is some truth
to the fact that I have made a life of
trying to find ways to say bad words that aren't
actually bad words. They'll get me in the Principle's office.
That is true. But I think the main issue I

(44:00):
get a lot of people would say this that listen
to the podcast when I curse, is that you're not
used to be cursing, right, because if you've listened for
any period of time, I don't curse on the radio.
So when you hear this, it's like, wait a minute,
it sounds like the radio, but this idiots ton fucking there,
what's up with that? And so it doesn't make any sense.
So I think it's more about you than it is me,
is what I'm trying to say. Yeah, people, just because

(44:21):
you're on the radio so much that people aren't used
to using that kind of foul language, and all of
a sudden it's it's, uh, it's a different nature. Right
when you grew up, did your parents ever curse around you?
Very rarely, very rarely? Would they curse around me when
I was I was younger, didn't happen much, but everyone
was everyone let it rip. So you're you're kind of
like the You're the father figure of many people and

(44:44):
in so many ways. And so when they when they
hear you go off the off the third rail, are
use some foul language. It's a little different, so it
rubs them the wrong lay all right, Uh, Stacy, She says,
I have to tell you this, but I live in
Ottawa in Canada, and I listened to you at night
when I can't sleep. I love your show. Oh and uh,
everyone with you very thank you. She's talking about me,

(45:05):
She said, this, check us out. This this this is the
part I wanted to get to. She says, I fell
asleep one night with you on the air, and I
had a dream I was in l a visiting you.
She just a thought i'd share this. Uh my husband
thinks I'm crazy. Stacy said, well, no, you're not crazy, Stacy.
Now this is the only say I've read a study
about this gascon Like, whatever you do before you go

(45:28):
to sleep likely will pop up in a dream. Like
if you had I don't know, orange chicken or Beijing
beef for dinner, you'll somehow work in. Maybe it won't
be that meal particularly, but to be a Chinese food
or or you know, you know what I'm saying. It's
weird how that was. But whatever you did, chances are

(45:49):
right before the hours before you went to sleep will
pop up in your dream. So I don't think that's
unusual at all. And you're welcome to come visit a
Stacy if you want. We have people come in and
hang out with us, and you typically have to bring food.
But yeah, you can stop by for an hour or
something like that and see how we do the show.
If you're in l A, you're more than welcome. Well
that's a nice little holiday, right you're going from Ottawa
to to Los Angeles. But you gotta go during the

(46:12):
good time of the year. You can't, you know, in
the winter. You go in the winter in Ottawa and
it's not too bad in l A. All right, here's
one from Ethan in Detroit. If you guys were in
charge of punishing the astros, what would you do. I've
suggested starting them at Owen forty. Are not allowing them
to wear pants for the duration of the season. Ethan says,

(46:32):
that's pretty funny. Ethan, I've given this advice on a podcast.
I did a model, not a podcast of the radiers.
So I did a podcast, not I kept saying podcast.
I did a monologue about this topic. Even my advice
is that the astros their punishment is they have to
fly commercial Okay, they don't get charted flights, and they
stay at like one star hotels on the road, and

(46:53):
their meal money goes down to twenty dollars a day
instead of a hundred and fifty or whatever it is
a day. Uh So, the creature comforts of life I
would take away from the Astros. That's what I would
do for me. I would have gone a complete I
would have gone scorched earth. I would have used UM.
I would have used the ability to cast these players

(47:14):
and given them immunity for testimony on who started it,
who executed it, and then once I gathered all the
credible evidence, I would have pulled the rug underneath all
of these guys. I would have banned Alex Cora, A J. Hinch,
and every single player that partaked in this. I would
have banned them for life in the game of baseball.

(47:36):
And I would have stripped the Astros of draft picks
for at least one year and find them a million.
They did take away draft picks for more than one year,
I know, but I'm just telling you what I would
have done. I would have find them, but I would
have banned all these players for life, not even close. Well,
And the thing that annoyed me is a lot of
these people who are in the tank for baseball, the
baseball writers, who are just essentially pr people from Major

(47:58):
League Baseball, they say, well, it's too difficult to suspend
an entire roster. It's it's you know, it's it's problematic
because these players are all over baseball farm system. Though,
that's what I say, and you can you don't have
to spend them all at the same time, you can
have rolling suspensions if you don't suspend them for the

(48:19):
entire year. It's not that perplexing. I don't think this
is open heart surgery or brain surgery. Uh yeah? Is
Is it convoluted? Absolutely, it's absolutely compluted. But to say
it's too difficult, it's too hard. Fuck you figure it out. Okay,
this is a candle worms that got opened up by
the Astros. You didn't open it up, they open it up.

(48:42):
It is complicated, but that's why you get paid the
big bucks. You know what's compl You know what's difficult
is attaining the most wins that season in Major League
Baseball and then not only winning it all, or at
least getting to the World Series, but then winning it all.
That's difficult, old, and that's what the Dodgers are robbed from.
They they they were the best team in Major League

(49:05):
Baseball that season, and they were great in the postseason,
and then all of a sudden they ran into a
brick wall in Houston for three games and got absolutely tattooed.
I have no remorse if anyone got banned for the
Game of life. But guys appeal all the times. So
if you suspended a guy or a couple of guys
for eighty games, you know they're gonna appeal. So if
you had ruling suspensions, you know, whatever it may be.

(49:28):
But players don't care about the finds as much as
they care about losing the games. And if you if
you ban them for life, then obviously that'll hit them
where no one else has hit them before. Because otherwise
you mentioned this too, there's no detriment to what they did.
They're getting paid, they got their rings, are getting celebrated,
they'll be mortalized in Houston Astro's history forever. Um. No,

(49:52):
that's redundant, but still there. There's no deficit to what
they did, and it's unfortunate because that now obviously hinders
the careers of so many guys for the Dodgers, for
the Yankees. Where else was impacted by the Houston Astros runs. Yeah, yeah,
I've ranted a lot about that. I would have done
more this week, but you know, unfortunately the Kobe story

(50:13):
has swallowed up a lot of those Mallard monologues. I
didn't do one the other night though, about Dusty Baker,
and we did one about Clayton Kershaw and all that.
But I like how Ethan's thinking that would be funny
if they're not allowed to wear pants for the entire season.
Then it come out there in the banana hammock. All right, Uh,
let's see here. Dupre in Houston, via New Orleans, says Ben.

(50:36):
Does Fox Sports Radio use Andy Furman and Arnie Spaniard
to train up up and coming up personalities like as
a mentor? I don't know, Dupree, I I don't know.
Is that the case? So they that they're using the
old grizzled veterans. Uh, but I hate to learn radio
from Arnie Andy. I would be good, But Arnie, come
on the stinking genies. No, this place to cut throat. No. Yeah,

(51:01):
they're not trying to help the everyone's out for them.
It's radio. Everyone stabs everyone in the back. That's how
the business works, all right. Tony who lives in northern Minnesota.
Right since this question, have you ever been ice fishing
or on a snowmobile? If not, would you part of
our winter activities in northern Minnesota? He says, here is
we just had the world's largest ice fishing tournament here

(51:24):
in Goal on Goal Lake, over ten thousand people ice
fishing like a small city on ice. And he sent
some photos which doesn't really do justice here on radio
or podcasting, but this is pretty cool. Uh. To answer
your question, No, I have not been ice fishing. I
have not been on a snowmobile. That would be pretty
neat though. If I ever end up my travels take

(51:46):
me to northern Minnesota. That would be fun, just to say, hey,
I did it as an experience. But I've only been
in the snow a limited amount of time. Like traveling
in you know, wintertime in Boston or Connecticut or New York.
I've been in snow there in l A. I can
go to the mountains above l A and go to
the snow, but I haven't done much. Have you ever
been ice fishing or on a snowmobile? No? Never? But

(52:08):
you know what, Um, I wor size thirteen shoes and
I have ice hockey gear. Why don't we put some
skates on you and you can wear my goal equipment.
You can go play some pot hockey up in Minnesota.
That'd be kind of cool. All right, you buy the
plane ticket, boom. We gotta get to Minnesota. We gotta
get to Minnesota at some point. We have so many
listeners in that state, in the Twin Cities and all

(52:30):
over the place. Man, And they're good people, good people.
Top five market, right in terms of Fox, and I
heard like, well, we we do very well there in
the ratings, and we do very well with interaction, like
people are very interactive. You know, some cities we do
well in the ratings, but people don't actually interact, which
is bizarre to me. I don't understand, like why the
numbers are good. We have a fair amount of listeners,
but they don't really interact that much. It seems odd

(52:53):
to me. But I would say Boston, Minnesota, Seattle, Uh, Houston,
we do pretty well in ironically on the Astros flagship
ringing station seven ninety in Houston. What about five seventy. Yeah,
usually during baseball season we get more of that because

(53:13):
the Dodger station we do alright on on in l
a on five seventy. Movie Man Matt from Boston, right,
since says, uh, currently in Denver, and that being said,
a two part question in the spirit of moving man
match Mallard food hat trick. Yeah, he's going to complete
the Mallard hat trick of eating the three Mallard branded

(53:33):
food dishes in the same week. It has never been
done before. This is historic, he says. If you could
have any food dish named after you. What would it be, Well, Matt,
my dream was always to have chicken fingers named after me.
I have that in Kansas City. The Mallard Fowler is
an amazing gift. I love that. I'm grateful for that.

(53:54):
And also the Mallard chicken sandwich in in Denver is wonderful.
I guess the next frontier would be like a big
cheeseburger or a Philly cheese steak. I'd really like that.
I had a pizza named after me, the Mallard Pizza
in Grand Rapids, Michigan, for a couple of years, which
is no longer on the menu at that restaurant in

(54:14):
Floyd Mayweather's Old Snopping Grounds. But but yeah, because I
I love these these people, that the guys and the
women that run these mom and pop restaurants. It's it's
a tremendous honor. Like I never win awards. I never
win any awards at all, But I feel like this
is cooler than winning some dopey radio award. Knowing that
people that go out to have a nice meal in
Kansas City or Lawrence, Kansas or Denver and they have

(54:37):
the option of eating a mall or meal. I love that.
Uh so, but yeah, it's the big three. Next on
my list would be like a big fat, greasy cheeseburger
um with with my toppings that I pick on. That
a Philly cheese steak. I had the mau zone which
was kind of like a cheese steak in Syracuse, but
they changed that restaurant changed hands. Uh And then I'd
like to get another pizza on the menu. It would

(54:58):
also be nice if run like UM that I can
actually go to all the time would do it, you know,
that would be that would be cool. And then and
moving man Matt also says, why has guess Gun still
on the podcast? Fuck gas guard, That's what he says.
So why are you still on the pod? You well,
because one you need me um to moving Matt, Matt

(55:19):
needs me um. And three, as you mentioned, I do
a lot of these things for the greater goods. It's
all pro bono work. So alright, Colin and Denver writes
us a terrible answer, and we give you funk about
your answer. Colin and Denver writes and says, which illicit
drug that you've never done before? Have you all always

(55:40):
been curious about Colin In Denver? Any drug you've been
Don jonesing to do gastchut. No, not at all. Yeah,
I'm not. I'm very paranoid about you know, I'll be
the guy that does a line of coke and dies
the first time, you know, I'll be the one percent
or whatever that has that happen. So I'm paranoid about that.
I blame my mom for for putting that into me.

(56:02):
And then I guess if there was one I'm curious
about that I don't think would kill me, it's that
crap that Joe Rogan always talks about that I Alaska. Yeah,
like maybe I would try that in the Amazon or
something like that, but even that I probably would avoid.
You need a shoper on with you anyway before you
can take any of that, is that right? Yeah? Like
they go through like a day of prep to tell

(56:22):
you exactly how it's gonna go down, and you actually
have a guy that's that's with you throughout the entire
process because you go through like the meditation and all
that stuff. I'm not a good meditator. Now. No, when
you had your your gallbladder removed, were you on any
kind of pain meds like codeine or I only right
after the surgery. They gave me a baggy of pain pills,

(56:45):
but I did not. I did not take them when
I went in. What was it? What's the pain medication
that starts with an M A. I thinking of morphine? Morphine. Yeah,
he gave me morphine and that actually I had a
gold stone stuck in where a place it wasn't supposed
to be, and they gave me the morphine and it, Man,

(57:07):
is that crap amazing? Within about ten minutes, that goal
gold stone had passed Because it opens up your your insights,
It makes everything wider and allows stuff to pass through.
It was wild. Man. These doctors are what an amazing
thing they've come. Like you imagine we're so so lucky.
Imagine it's gonna be like a hundred years from now

(57:29):
or two hundred years from now with medicine, the ship
that these people have figured out. And you think about
like the original medicine was like tartar sauce. You know
in America or the early days of American people thought
tartar sauce had healing powers. That's what we're at a
fork in the road, guest, Scout. I know you have
things to do. We can do study this which I promoted.
We can do don't stick to sports, or we could

(57:50):
say goodbye. We can say goodbye. All right, who's studied this? Uh,
let's see. Here is your actual studies by actual people. Uh.
Here's one that resonates with me. And we determine whether
these are real or bull shit? Real or bullshit. This
is a tribute to the Pet and Teller show, which
was called bullshit back in the day. But here it

(58:12):
is that American households waste nearly blank of their food.
Nearly blank of their food. I'll give you the answer.
This is from a Penn State University study. All right, well,
I'll give me the number. According to the Penn State

(58:32):
research they said that in America here American households, the
value of the waste is estimated at two hundred forty
billion annually. When divided among the American households, that's an
average of one thousand, eight hundred and sixty six dollars
being wasted per household on a yearly basis. I think

(58:54):
it's higher than that. Now, this is one of the
things I don't have many disagrees with my wife, but
one of the things I disagree with she will go
through the refrigerator and the cabinet sporadically and just throw
out food that is kind of not where it's supposed
to be. And my argument is always just because they
have a date on the package doesn't mean the food
is not still good, you know, And and why don't

(59:17):
we do a little taste and and see if it's
still good or not. But she's like, no, no, it
says it's past the expiration date. We gotta throw that away.
It's not good for your health. And um, I I
disagree because I know there's old people and people you know,
don't have a lot of money that eat this stuff
when it's expired. They don't die, you know. Yeah, that's true.
I I am. I'm not really like that. Well, I

(59:38):
don't eat a lot of dairy. Actually, I don't eat
any dairy anymore. So that's the only thing that really
was conscious about when it came to labels. Everything else.
Fruit obviously you can identify that, but outside of that, no,
I think dairy is the only thing to be worried about.
If you have a bag of potato chips and it's
like the potato chips expire on the janu and it's

(59:58):
you know, February seven. Or you know what, what about
you really concerned you're gonna die from meeting the bag
of potato chips? No, but what about like poultry and
meats and things like that. Well, meats, I would agree
with like meats, but you can do the smell test
on that, the eyeball test weird color. Plus, if you
cook it enough, it doesn't matter anyway. If you burn
the ship out of it, it doesn't matter. You know

(01:00:20):
you're gonna burn out anything that's wrong there anyway. Uh,
these are actual studies by actual people. Here's one in
the modern family. On average, how much does your typical
parents spend face to face with their kids per week?
How many hours face to face does the average parents
spend with their kid? Oh, I guess it depends on

(01:00:42):
the age of the kid. Um under the age of eighteen.
They said, Oh, on a week, Um, I'll say eighteen hours. Nope,
not even close. The number is five, just five hours
of ace to FaceTime parents spend with their kids per week.

(01:01:04):
Oh my gosh. Yeah. Yeah. And they did this survey done,
you know, a face to face meetings and whatnot, and
they they have all this kind of data and all
they spit out. Here's a lot of b s here,
But nearly half of the survey parents said they only
talked to the kids from maximum four hours each week.

(01:01:25):
Fifty four percent said they would love to spend more
time with their children. But to rectify this problem over
parents have taken to an active interest in their activities
and whatnot, but they say it doesn't matter. It's like
about five hours a week. About five hours that was
that because the kids are just playing video games and
they're not into it, or parents are just tired after

(01:01:46):
work and they don't have time for it, and combination
of both. People are stuck on their cell phones too,
whether it's a parent or a child, so they're either
watching something or playing on an app. And uh yeah,
people are the adults at least working too much. So
it is the sign of the time. So I give
my parents credit. I got a lot of face time
with mom and dad, one more mom than dad when
I was growing up. But my mom made it a
priority and she worked her ass off, but she made

(01:02:08):
sure that always give us some some face time there
and a lot of it as as I remember. Although
I also spent a lot of time like throwing a
tennis ball against the garage door, thinking I was going
to play shortstop for the Dodgers, so I had that
going on as well. Wow, I didn't work out. Your
arm is horrible. Wow. I had great range though back
in my day I could. I was like Auzie Smith

(01:02:28):
running out to short stop. You're chuck knob Block, You're
fucking range. Sucked man in Bakersfield. You needed a cut
off man. Just get that ball to home play. I remember,
I remember breakers Field. It was a great night we
had there. It looked like urinated my pants because of
the broken cooling machine that you put out there. A
good job by you. Our last last study I have here.

(01:02:49):
There's a study here that you know that story that
comes out ever a year about sex trafficking surging during
the Super Bowl. Apparently it's bullshit. University of Minutes Soda
Twin Cities examined the evidence on this subject for the
eighteen Super Bowl. They discovered that this belief is false.
It's fake news and has largely become so widely believed

(01:03:12):
due to inaccurate reporting from news outfits. So the researchers
brought their findings to local outlets in Minnesota. They resulted
in nearly seventy of local news stories on the topic
U trafficking ahead of twenty eighteen Super Bowl blah blah blah,
la ilegals here in BS. But they said, bottom line,

(01:03:34):
it's not true. It's not it doesn't it's not surging.
It's not like taking an uber and surge pricing. I
call bullshit on that one. And I think the reason
why I do that is because much like gambling, you
know this is that whatever is accounted for on the
books in the gambling world, uh, people usually say it's

(01:03:57):
double on the black market. And so I think it's
the same thing with with these studies and human trafficking
because now but I think the argument is like it
is gonna be new, um, new people that are brought
mostly women are in sex trafficking. But women that are
brought into the game or is it just the same
people there. It's moving pieces on a chessboard, you know

(01:04:19):
what I'm saying. Like, I think their argument is it's
not new people, it's the same people that are. It's
kind of like the strippers go to Vegas for the
Super Bowl because they know or a big fight, you know,
the big fight in Vegas because they know there's going
to be uh an increased. That's where the people are going,
where the people are right, right? Yeah, I don't don't.
I don't believe that. All right, that's all the studies

(01:04:40):
we have time for. Do you we want to do
any don't stick to sports? Are you good? I think
we're good, aren't we? I don't know. Well, you're the
one that has somewhere to go. I have nowhere to go.
I've got nothing to do, so I have to work.
So that's the other thing. I mean, one of us
call that work. You call that work? How about this one?
How is Miami? By the way, you're having a good
time in Miami. I didn't get an invite. I'm not
part of you didn't No, I'm not part of the

(01:05:00):
cool Oh man, you must have had a great steak
dinner the other night. It was wonderful. I want you
to tweet about it. Why don't you put it on
your Instagram account? Right? Why don't you put on your
Facebook account? Yeah? I think I think I'm good. Who
paid for the flight? Was it was it Jay Scoop?
Or is he only do that to see you? I'm
not supposed to talk about that. Why not I'm not
supposed to all of a sudden now being shy, bashfulle Betty.

(01:05:23):
They call me bashfulle Betty. I do need a fair
for all your fanboys, bootlookers, listeners, all those guys looking
for rubbing elbows. Uh. We need to be rated. We
need to have reviews, we need to have downloads. The
one minute right, all we need is one minute. You
can be the one minute man. You'll be a hero. Normally,
when you're a one minute man, you're not a hero.

(01:05:44):
But in this case, one minute man hero. Right, what
are you, don Lemon, all of a sudden, just talking
down to your listeners. No, I'm saying your nickname touch
somebod used to date you was the one minute man's.
But for you, it's okay. One minute. We're good, guest,
gun sixty seconds. It could be the best sixty seconds
of your life. Yeah, all right, listen, have a great
We can enjoy the super Bowl. Try the other podcast.

(01:06:05):
A lot of fun exotic prop bets in that podcast,
and be safe, eat a lot of food. As we
said on the other podcast, no calories count. On Super
Bowl Sunday, and we will be back on the Magic
Radio Box following the super Bowl festivities, so have a
great We can thank