September 6, 2019 • 46 mins
Ben Maller embarks on a new broadcasting journey with a volatile wingman at the controls. The first edition of The 5th Hour with Ben Maller lays down the foundation for what is to come and gives the audience a taste of what it's like to NOT stick to sports.
Engage with the podcast by emailing us at RealFifthHour@gmail.com
Follow Ben on Twitter @BenMaller and David @DavidJGascon
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, minutes a week
was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the
old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads
in the ghetto Cutter the same as the rich pill
poppers in the penthouse the Clearinghouse of hot takes break
free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller
(00:24):
starts right now, a podcast about a podcast. Your dreams
have come try. We are in the air everywhere the
vast power of my heart and the global reach of podcasting,
or so I'm told. Anyway, this is the maiden voyage
(00:45):
of The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller, and it is here.
It is finally here. And the reason we're doing this
is because four hours are not enough. Clearly, four hours
of the Overnight Show or not enough. But this is
not a radio show. This is not a Rao show
at all. But this is literally going to be a
podcast about a podcast, and we will have Benny versus
(01:05):
the Penny on a separate standalone podcast on this particular thing.
You probably already saw it if you've gone to this
this particular show. Um, so just kind of walk you
through what's gonna happen here, and I went to school.
I didn't pay very much attention when I was in school,
but one of the things and I took part of
was the who, what, where, when, why and how. You're
(01:28):
basic journalism one on one, Who what, where, when, why
and how? And so I will walk you through that
to who, what, where, when, why and how, even though
you already are here and clearly you are buying in
to the nonsense that we're doing. Who that would be me,
Ben Hi, hello friend? Uh And And I didn't say
(01:51):
this person's name because he is such a controversial person,
this particular person who will be with me on this.
I didn't want to jump the gun because I know
people have been the malle Militia and our vicious Now
I did essentially spell out who this person is. So
if you, if you, unless you're a complete dope, you
knew exactly who this is without even saying his name.
David Gascon is going to be so good. You're not
(02:16):
my right hand man, Gaston, You're my left hand man.
You know that, right I'm left handed, So it actually
works out perfectly for me. You know what it is,
It's like you are the Bruce Wayne and I'm to
you as Batman is and you are the heel. You
are offecially known in the I Heart media building as Gagon,
you are known as the con man. Uh, you are
known as that. And but we use this podcast, uh
(02:40):
and we'll we'll, we'll do get out. I am concerned
of this podcast even gets up guest on because when
you filled in for Coop when he was on a
European vacation last time, as I recall, my inbox filled
up with people upset because they had issues. Well, so
are you are you actually gonna get this up on
the internet. Well, let's be clear though. The first thing
on this is that you specifically said on the fifth
(03:02):
hour with Ben Mallory teaser that this podcast would be
better than the radio version of what you Do Monday
through Friday. So that in itself is not only an
indictment on the listeners that complain about me, but it's
more of a compliment to me because you know, at
the back end guy on all of this, I will
make this thing look pristine as we go good night. Well,
(03:23):
you are what we call a volatile person. That is
what we call you, and so I know we will
find out if people listen. You know, I've been told
I just I mentioned your name. I didn't say your name,
but I hinted around that you're gonna be on the show,
and I had people I can't listen. I'm upset. I fact,
in fact, I got an email. We will read later,
(03:44):
the reading of the email coming up later. But anyway,
we're doing the who what where went away? You're already
distracting the gas the who is us? All right? The
what this brand? Smanking new? I heart original podcast? How
cool does that sound? Uh? And it's more so gonna
be about sports, gamily. But that's that's Benny versus the penny,
and that will be for the next twenty weeks or
(04:05):
whatever through the super Bowl, whatever the timeline on that is.
And then we'll have pop culture, well behind the curtain
on the radio show. You know what they call that,
gust on inside Baseball, Inside Baseball, we'll do we'll do
some of that, uh, you know, non non sports stuff.
We don't have to stick to the sports on a
podcast and talk about whatever it is interesting here. And
(04:27):
the cool thing about this is that we it can grow,
it can evolve. It's like a living thing, and we
can do different things that interviews occasionally with friends of
the Mallard Militia. We could. I'd even be willing Guestcot.
I know you hate the Mallard Militia, but I'd be
willing to like hang out for like five good minutes
with uh, somebody like Chris in Houston, maybe Mark the
(04:52):
full name, got somebody like you know, just to hang out,
you know, catch up with them and uh find out
a little bit about them and stuff like that. The
people out on the other side of the radio they call,
and so I'm open to doing that kind of and see.
Unlike you, I actually spent some quality time with a
listener of your show, Blind Scott. We spent about it.
I thought you were gonna name I thought you were
gonna name a different list No, no, but she will
(05:12):
come later on. But alright, and I have five six
hours traveling through Boston. Sharon some bears some great stories.
So this is good. I will see this. Though this
is not an authentic fit that with Ben Maller podcast
until use some colorful language and that bottle needs to
be cracked. Well, we will do that. I would I
(05:34):
throwing the who, what where when I've already done the
who and the what I have to get to the where, when, why,
and how? I think we'll waiting on you. Alright, So
so the where is the I Heart original podcast riches
where we are right now, and it's gonna be heard weekly.
We're gonna drop this thing weekly, which means I we
we've better put them out there. We might have to
do some evergreen ones from time to time, see if
(05:55):
people can figure that out. But we will have a
weekly podcast, come hell or high water here on the
I Heart Podcast network, and it's available wherever you get
your podcast. You don't have to just listen on I Heart.
You can listen on uh the you know, the apps.
Now we're supposed to promote I Heart because the company
likes that, but there you can. People get podcasts on
different places. But I believe I'm told it's available everywhere.
(06:18):
Maybe they lied to me. But what's iTunes? I too? Yeah,
I'm I'm a big iTunes guy. Um. Somebody who was
complaining they love Spotify. I'm not really a Spotify guy.
I don't much about that, but I do listen to
a decent amount of podcast uh you know, but I'm
a radio guy at my soul. I'm a radio guy.
Myself when the podcast. I think I mentioned this Aredo,
(06:40):
it is gonna drop Friday's so it'll be available in
addition to the Friday Show Overnight. Boy, that's a full
weekend of entertainment. Guest, your people are gonna overdose on
on the show. Well, it's good because if you get
listeners that like, let's say in Los Angeles or San Francisco,
New York, and they're typically stuck in ninety minutes worth
the traffic when they have to commute tent to teen miles,
(07:01):
this will consume their entire trip. There you go, yeah, exactly,
And you know on the on the weekend, who wants
to spend time with their families and stuff, you can listen.
And we got one thing about the third shift man,
these guys work their ass off overnight. I mean a
lot of these guys are working in six seven days
a week. They don't have any days off, so they're
you know, looking for stuff to listen to. So so
(07:23):
we're gonna do it every Friday, and we'll at least
have one a week. I think I imagine guests, Gunn,
you're gonna want to because you're an egomaniac. Um so
we'll probably do two a week, but every Friday and
the hy Uh very simply. I I have considered doing
this kind of thing, this kind of podcast for years.
I had no time. I was doing the show at Fox,
(07:45):
which I'm still doing. I was moonlighting. I was double
dipping at w e I, the great sports talker in
Boston for almost two years. Had a fun time doing that.
It was crazy, it was wild, it was fun. The
station was nuts. So the uh, the Patriots were great,
the Red Sox won the World Series and all this stuff,
and it happened to happen coincide against my my team's
the Red Sox beat the Dodgers and the Patriots beat
(08:07):
the Rams. So but anyway, Uh, we changed. The affiliates
were very excited to be on the sports tub and
Boston on the overnight show. It's a great radio stations,
probably the number one radio station the entire country as
far as listenership. But that man, I had to give
up the w e I job, so I had more
free time. Uh, here we are and I talked to
the company. They were interested, and we have the deal
(08:27):
in place, and how we are doing this through the
very expensive broadcast studios of the premier networks, the same
place that like Steve Harvey and Rush Limbaugh and all
these big shots work at. And so we've got We
even had an engineer come in to make sure our
guy Ciras came in to make sure that this sounds good.
You know that's great. Uh. And so we will mix
(08:49):
in just like the Overnight Show, a proper amounts of sarcasm,
snark and satire and you have to figure out which
is which, Which is sarcasm, which is snark, which satire
and which is actually real. So we have all that
and guess con, I'm very competitive. I don't know if
you know that. I'm very competiant to beat everyone. So
I'm looking here. This is this podcast stand alone podcast
is new to me. So who are we competing against?
(09:11):
I looked on the I heart side. They have the
top most popular podcast. Here's our competition. We're gonna have
to take down Ron Burgundy. We're gonna have to take
down Ron Bergen. He is podcast is very probate. Joe Rogan,
Joe that Joe Rogan experience has no idea what's coming. Uh.
Of course he has no idea who we are. But
we we are going to. I mean, this is this
(09:33):
is our competition. Doctor Death. I don't even know who
the doctor you ever heard of the Doctor Death podcast?
Apparently it's popular the Atlanta Monster, which who is the
is that? I don't know who the Atlanta Monster would be.
I'm trying to think of an athlete, but I don't
think anymore right now in Atlanta. Wow, Well it's appropriate.
(09:55):
Come on, it's not dated reference, you know, but it's appropriated.
Who else we are the orders on here boy Cowherd?
We are taking down the Cowherd network unless we're not.
Uh see what else do we have that The Ted Hour?
You ever listen to those Ted Hours? Those sometimes are
pretty good. There's a lot of intellectual nonsense, but every
once in a while they give you some good information. Yeah,
(10:16):
I will say that's the lead guy that you mentioned
on this is as a colleague is a part of
the I Heart radio platform. So we're competing against everyone.
It seems like on this podcast endeavor that we're on. Yeah, yeah,
it's it's eating our own is what we're doing. So
it's excited. I'm excited about that, and uh, listen to
the people have been very loyal here. The reason we're
(10:38):
able to do. This is because the radio show podcast
does very well, and so they figured, hey, if you
actually convinced people to listen to that crap, you can
serve more crap and they'll probably eat it as well.
Uh And and anyway, and moving on, we we get lighters,
we get letters. Uh and that's right. Even on the
fifth hour with Ben Mally we get letters. Now, for example,
(11:01):
one of the drawbacks, and I do believe this, one
of the drawbacks to the podcast platform is that we
cannot get real time feedback. I mean it's impossible, right
because this is obviously you know, spoiler Alert been recorded
at some point and it's available on demand, which is
cool that you can listen whenever you want here the
whole show and all that stuff. But one of the
(11:22):
downsides is, uh, like for years on the Overnight Show,
one of the things that we do that we're very
proud of is we've consistently gotten immediate feedback from the
peanut gallery, the upper balcony of the show, the guys
that are working in the grocery stores and driving trucks
and stuff and security who let us know what is
good and what's back. We get that immediate feedback. Uh
(11:44):
and and so I would like to incorporate some of
that on the podcast, because this is the podcast about
the podcast, the Maiden Voyage of the Fifth Hour. So
we'd like you to gree So I was thinking, and
I'm just kind of brainstorming here, guest, like we could
do you know, the good, the bad, the ugly. We will.
We'll give out the email and the social media channels
and all that and we will have you great us.
(12:06):
Like what you think of the party is what can
be better on the party, which is very dangerous, very
you want to open up that kind of worms. Well,
I mean yeah, I'll just ignore the negative stuff and
the positive stuff I'll watch on. Okay, so you're on
record by saying you're gonna ignore the negative stuffs. That
means any kind of shots that are taking at me
as you lay me underneath the bus very gently and softly.
(12:27):
You ignore those. Well, no, no, no, those those I
will make sure to get on the air. Yes you are.
You are a punching bag. You are the pinata and
you don't even realize you're the pinata. Um so, but
but anyway, listen, we will also make same We're gonna
have a feature. I think we should call it, although
it's tentative. It's in the bag or it's in you know,
(12:49):
in the bag, which is like a mail bag, right,
because this is the way to do we can't really
you know, social media. I guess we can include social media,
but it's you know, the cheap rip off version of
what we do on the Overnight Show. Ask Ben. You
could just call this ask Bend, but I thought we'd
change it up because, like you know, new name means
a big deal. So you can send questions in we
will I think since it's a five fifth hour, we
(13:11):
shoot like five questions. Yeah. Uh, And so I'm excited
about and we and we can like debate stuff if
you have something you know, we want to debate. We
were on one of that the email address. We we
have a new email address for this show exclusively, which
means if you want to email me about the the
other the Overnight Show, you don't email me here. But
we we started a new email address, Real fifth Hour
(13:37):
at gmail dot com. That's all for those of you
that don't know how to spell R E A L
and then fifth which is F high. Almost forgot how
f I it's f I F T H and then
our h O. You are at gmail dot com, so
it's just the fifth Sometimes people put a five there,
(13:58):
it's not the five it's f I F T H
real Fifth Hour at Gmail. And you can emails a
question you want for a future edition of the Fifth Hour,
and you know, doing whatever, as I say with the
lame jokes we do on the show. You can email whenever,
you know, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or whatever. And then the
social media channels are still the same. I assume you've
(14:19):
already found those, but you can't assume people sometimes don't.
They just listen to podcast. But it's at Ben mallor
on Twitter, and what are you gag on? Is that
your Twitter? It's at David J. Gascon when A s
c O and Benny, you forgot to mention we're publishing
(14:40):
this on Friday. What time do you want to publish
this at? Because I know your hours are drastically different
from the rest of mankind. So, out of fairness to
the audience that typically listen to your show live and
the others that love to use the podcast, what would
be an appropriate time on the West coast that we
should release these Yeah? Yeah, that's that's a good point.
So I'm curious, like I don't know when the actual
(15:02):
podcast gets dropped. I do know when it doesn't get dropped,
because people tell me that it's not there, and I
wake up, I have a bunch of email from people
very upset thinking that I am heathen um. But I
would say we should give it a little breathing room
between the overnight. But one thing I will say, we
get a lot of downloads. From what I'm told from
(15:23):
the the people that crunch the numbers, that a lot
of the downloads come in the morning. People are going
to work the old I call them the ex overnights,
the the X third shifters that work the first shift
down have to you know, live real jobs and real
lives and all that stuff. So they a lot of them,
very very cool. They download the podcast in the morning,
so it can't be too late in the morning. But
(15:44):
we you know, I like that we're having this production
meeting on the year. I think that's very important that
we do this on the This is a step up
from your normal show because you don't have those things
like a meeting. You don't talk to your colleagues, you
don't talk to your producers or technical directors or update anchors.
So this is you were whistle blower. Well, we're taking
a step up. I didn't name any names. I mean
when when I was there in in full force, I
(16:06):
was you made me work into the morning time to
produce your show when I was live. That's because you
were slow. No, you've had some slow producers. You do
have the slow producers right now. Wow, I mean, what
are you doing here? And you're just trying. You're causing trouble.
Is what you're causing here is what I mean. Mine,
(16:26):
my staff is magnificent. That's hard to talk to them
when they're not there before the show. I can't really
talk to anybody before the show they're not there. But
those that are there I usually say hello to. We
have a very good time. It's a cherished moment there
in the hallways. And you know what we do. We
save it for the show. We believe in the save
it for the show show strategy. We don't want to
waste any material off of the microphones. So we do
(16:50):
not even talk. We don't acknowledge each other, we don't
ask how we're doing. None of that stuff. Well, I
will say this much. And this is a great thing
for us here at the I Heart Radio studios. When
we we produce these podcasts, the studios are clean, so
you won't have to you want to have to high
jump over some trash cans. You won't have to pull
vote over some broken chairs or a dead microphone. You're
(17:13):
in a good spot now. We brought you home. Yeah,
that's true. I don't see any cockroaches running around. The
cock roaches running around and all that stuff, so that's nice.
But anyway, back to the I think I was interrupted.
I gave out the Twitter. We're on a Facebook now.
The Facebook show pages Ben Mathers Show, which we'll use
for this show, but it's it's all tied together. And
then Ben Mallers Show on Reddit, which I really like.
(17:33):
I'm a big Reddit guy. I love it, you know,
and I want to build that Reddit page up because
I think it's pretty cool. It's a way for people
to post stories and interact with If you've been on ready,
you know what it is. I don't have to explain
to but if you're not, you should go on there.
I think i'd like to see to me redd, it's
the most fun of the social media platform with Twitter
is just a cess pool. But I like it. H
(17:55):
you know occasionally, but you use your real name on
Reddit though, that's the only problem. Why do you go
on that side of any of them and use your
real name? Well for the show page, I do. I
mean I might have some other accounts. I mean that
I used. But that was one of the problems with
the Reddit page that one of the one of the
p ones got upset with me because I I would
(18:16):
check the Reddit page, but I wouldn't log in, and
so they didn't think I was ever like using it,
and you know people they was. It was a hostile
takeover the Reddit page. But we worked it all out.
So anyway, this is a This show has a zero
ad budget. I don't know if you know that. There
are no bumper stickers, there are no billboards, there's no
promotional items that we're giving out. So the bedrock all
(18:37):
this is a public reminder here the bedrock of this
show is is independent, even though we're working for a
big radio I don't like the word radio broadcasting conglamerate.
In I heart media. We consider ourselves at least I
do Guesscon's elite, but I consider myself the little engine
that could. Right, we're the underdog and all this, we're
(18:58):
competing as the big radio stars like Colin Cowherd and
these other people. So so we have to do it
ound and we don't have the budget. Fox Sports Radio
has the best sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch
all of our shows at Fox Sports Radio dot com
and within the I Heart Radio app search f s
R to listen live. But the way we can win
(19:19):
is the generosity. And I'm not asking for money. I'm
not like the beggar in Miami who's asking for one.
I'm not like that schmuck. All right, here's what you do.
All right, all we need is the currency of your mouth.
And what I mean by that is just recommend the
show to your friends, to your family people, your your guys,
your boys that love sports or whatever, your or your
(19:41):
girls that love sports, and just have them to subscribe
and that's it. Just you know, they can try give
a shot, you know, sample to tell mus like Costco
and you can get a sample. And and also if
you know some guys that are a little older, I've
already gotten some emails guests gone from some of the
guys that have been with me. A long time. We
were maybe in their mid sixties or older than that.
Some the older dudes, and they are furious with me.
(20:03):
They are I rate because they don't do the podcast.
They don't know how to get a podcast, they don't
know how to download it. It's this is a radical
idea for them. Well, this whole podcast. You mentioned the
older crowd, Well we got to talk about the the
older statesman as well. What is your old man pick
about this? Oh you're talking about my my, my pops. Uh, well,
(20:26):
my dad. It's funny you bring that up because I
had a conversation with him earlier this week, and uh,
you know, I do these appearances on on the radio
in Kansas City and New Zealand. Every Week's kind of
my schedule. I'm booked for those shows, and so my
dad's like, yeah, I want to listen, you know. And
I saw I emailed them the times that the hit
times for each of the appearances. I on Thursday morning
(20:47):
in Kansas City and then uh, you know West Coast
time Monday night, uh in in New Zealand, which is
actually Tuesday. And anyway, I emailed me and my dad
essentially said, but it's not convenient my dad also doesn't understand.
He don't know how to He is one of those
guys that doesn't know how to download the podcast either.
So what I'm gonna do, and this is what other
people should do. And I I can't advise you to
this because I think there's some kind of morality in it.
(21:08):
But you know, I'm not gonna look down upon you.
If you go to someone like my dad, who's my
dad's agent, just grab their phone, set up the podcast
feed to automatically download, Like, I'm not going to look
down upon you, right, because I believe that's all we need.
I think. I think if you as long as you subscribe,
I think we're good to eat. Now. It helps if
you actually listen. But I think that's all we need, right,
(21:29):
I think so, I think so. But here here's my
commitment to you, Ben, because obviously in the digital world
you have finally started to evolve and get into the
podcasting world. I'm gonna help publish this content across other
platforms as well. So we'll do really yeah, we'll do Instagram.
I know you hate using Instagram, but Instagram, I believe
(21:50):
Instagram is for the booty model and I love the
booty model. But I I don't know that it's for
you know this, but I mean I don't have to
be handcuffed away from from Instagram. I'm open to I
know there's cool people on there. Yes, And anytime you
introduce a booty model, you want to have some kind
of serenading done. So I want to have a couple
of eloquent voices along the way. So we'll do that.
I'll also publish these on LinkedIn as well, which is
(22:12):
a professional website that we can use at any given time.
And of course, wasn't that a website you use when
you want a job. Well, I need a job, have
a job promoting a job. Since you have the male
market cornered, I will handle the female market. I'll say
this much because you have a couple of female listeners
that that texted and called me the last couple of days,
(22:32):
and you also had someone in your family give me
her blessing and say this is gonna be great. Forward
to it. So she was just being don't shortcut that.
Are you trying to position yourself as a babe magnet?
Is that what you were trying to you You're literally
you were were you casting nova? Don Juan over there,
(22:54):
What the hell is going on with you? I'm made
for TV right somewhere? Are you are? That's right? You
are a TV guy. You know how I feel about
TV guys. I'm not like Jesse Palmer or something like that.
You know it. You put your did you put your
your makeup on? Nudge nudge for the show now. But
(23:14):
we will do it. We will do some glamour shots
when we publish our of course we are. You have
to do you fraudulent photo on your Twitter handle with
your press release, So we're gonna do something that's updated.
That fraudulent photo was from like fifteen years ago. No,
it wasn't fifteen years you know. Listen, my my theory
on this. I've said this on The Overnight Show, but
I I believe that I intentionally fatten up before photo shoots.
(23:38):
They only do a few of these things, like every
four or five years, though, because they change the lineup
and then you know, they have a new morning show
or whatever, and they'll bring in a professional camera crew
do a photo shoot for the people at work at
the five Fox, and everything I looked back, I did
a little Rollodex thing in my head. Every single time,
every single time guest on that I we did one
(23:59):
of these things at the company. I was about as
fat as I was in that period of my life.
And even since the last photo shoot, I look at
that photo, I'm like, this is disgusting, what a monster,
And I've lost weight. I'm doing this in a minute
fasting thing, uh and stuff. So but now, of course
they will not do a photo shoot until I get
to the point where I go off my diet and
(24:20):
I'm meeting candy bars all the time, and then I
get back up. You know, I gained the weight back.
It's exactly what I'm gonna use my cell phone. We'll
publish a couple of pictures with the new editions. Every
single week, we'll have an updated version of Ben Mallory.
As you continue to shed weight. So what are you
gonna do to bring in the women? Are gonna sing
like romantic songs. You're gonna be a crooner as what
(24:41):
do you? What are you gonna do here? And because
I don't know, I mean women hate me in the radio.
It's a very few that put up with me. Mostly
it's it's not that they hate you, it's just that
they die that there's a difference of the female ship,
which is really really what a be sure to catch
live editions of The Ben Our Show weekdays at two
(25:01):
am Eastern eleven p m Pacific on Fox Sports Radio
and the I Heart Radio app. All right, listen you can.
We're getting care I would like you. I'll find out
in the future. We'll talk about this next week or whatever.
But Benny Versus the Penny, now, that is gonna be
a separate podcast on this channel. As I said earlier,
if you were listening, if not, bad job by you. Uh.
(25:21):
And to give you the backstore and that if you're
someone that doesn't know the origins of Benny Versus the Penny.
This started about oh well, I don't want to say
how long. It was a long time ago. Uh. And
it started as Ben Versus the Coin. And then one
of my old producers, the great David Brickley, who's gone
on and done amazing things. I love the guy, but
he's a Laker apologist, the brick uh. And he's a
(25:43):
he's a big mogul on the media platforms, on the Internet.
It does a great job. But anyway, Brickley, who moved
on to did great things. He helped brainstorm and come
up with the name change to Benny Versus the Penny.
And it's all about football handicapping. It's a football handy
capping spectacular. Uh, breaking down each NFL game, predictions on
(26:05):
what's gonna happen, what should happen against the spread. Now
that gamblings in about states, I believe something like that
are close to twenty five states. Uh, so we we
did this. The the currncept was it to prove that
how random this is picking NFL games. Everyone thinks they're
a genius and it has all the information. But I
(26:27):
could take an in adamant my object like a coin
with zero consciousness and still do pretty well picking games.
And usually we are close. You know, I spend hours.
I'm such a loose that's one of my hobbies. I
like to I like to handicap football games. And and
yet just flipping a coin does about as well, sometimes
(26:49):
better than me. Um. It shows you the random nature
of this stuff. And so now this, if this goes well,
we might do a spinoff. Guestcott, I don't know if
you know about, but Benny versus the Dartboard, how about that?
That's pretty good? Didn't you have a listener. Last year
when all kinds of cash, Yes, yeah, that's correct. Yeah,
(27:09):
with the the personal chef from someth in California. One
the big gambling contest in Las Vegas, Mallard Militia guy.
He won like a million bucks in Vegas in the
five pick five games a week, one of those the
big contests they have at one of the hotels in Vegas. Yeah,
the guy wanted he came on the show and he
promised us a bunch of steaks. I'm still waiting. I'm
(27:30):
still waiting for that. Um So. Anyway, so that's Benny
versus the penny. Well, that'll be separated. What we look
for it now, don't stick to sports. Be sure to
catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at
two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific JASCO anyone when any
time on the overnight show, when I go off the
reservation and talk about stories that aren't hardcore sports, uh,
(27:52):
depending on what it is, depending on what the topic is,
it doesn't always go so well. People get upset. They
they want only sports and all that they want you
to be, you know, talk sports boy, and you know
how that all that nonsense. So on this we can
do a little bit that there are fun stories like that.
I love the bizarre stories of the of the week.
(28:13):
So what do we have on this week's But to
give an example of the bit non sports stories, we
should do like five of these things. So what do
we have this week? What stands out? All? Right? So, unfortunately,
we have a hurricane that's taking place right now in Florida,
Hurricane Dorian, And because of that, there's a kinds of
stories that are are transpiring right now through the worldwide Web.
We've found a couple of them. One of them included
(28:34):
a brick bricks that washed up on the Florida beaches
right now that we're discovered by a couple of people.
So obviously we're looking at that as one of them.
Because of the Hurricane Dorian that's going on right now,
we have someone to decide not only to secure themselves
but also to secure their vehicle not inside of a garage,
but inside of their house. That was I saw. I
(28:55):
saw this. This is more of a visual story, but
this is hilarious. This is the eight Florida Man story,
right the Florida Man, This guy in his kitchen where
his kitchen table should be he parked. First of all,
how did you get the car into his house? Even
though there's a smart car? How do you get that
through the front door? He must have put that through
(29:16):
what the back the back sliding door or something like that.
How would you it looks like sliding doors. Yeah, I mean,
obviously there's nothing that you need to drive over through.
It looked like there was a kitchen that he has
his car placed in as well, and the smart car,
as you mentioned. I don't even know if either of
us could fit in this thing. No, no, I don't
(29:36):
think that would be be for me. And uh, that's
so what happens when the house floods and then the
cars underwater? So it's uh, it's uh, it's interesting. And
then here's the question. Then if you're if you're a
homeowner like you are, and you've dealt with a mansion
being flooded, would that fall under a homeowners insurance policy
or that be under a car and auto insurance? Yeah?
(30:00):
You know, I I don't live in in hurricane country,
so I don't I can't help you, guess. I don't know.
We got out here earthquakes, so we got everything else.
We have about Yeah, I mean we uh you know,
it's the you know, the Fifth Ring of Hell or whatever,
Dante's Inferno. We we have that, I understand, but I
don't know the insurance. My general sense with insurance is
(30:21):
that if they can find a way to not pay
out the claim, they will take that. So so if
they can find a loophole, uh, then they will They
will absolutely not pay out the claim. They will do
anything in their power. They are unsurpassed in that department
of not having if they can find a loople And
then as far as the cocaine story, the Colombian band Bam,
(30:41):
these things pop up every once in a while. But
I I'm curious, like how many times does cocaine wash
up where they don't report it to the police, you
know what I mean. We're like, they just take the
cocaine and they have a party. Uh. And I you
gotta think that happens. Florida is such a big state,
the peninsula there, that this this probably happens more often
(31:02):
than you think. And and the other thing is, I
don't know much about the drug trade, but is there
just a bunch of coke floating out? You know, Mama
Coco out in the in Atlantic Ocean. It's got to
be right because these things are packaged, they're sealed, and
then they're carried in Duffel bags, sometimes in submarines. And
being here in California, you know we've got the underground
tunnels that come from Mexico. Yes, in Florida, it was
(31:25):
bags of cocaine in fact, kilos fifteen kilos with a
street value of three hundred thousand dollars. So you can
just imagine one brick what you'd be doing for a night. Well,
I I mean you maybe I well, I mean you're listening.
Wow again, listen, guests, all right, these are these are
sault of the earth. All right, you don't understand salt
(31:48):
of the earth. You don't understand, all right. So it
was I thought of a couple of listeners I have
in Florida, callers that would love to get a cocaine break.
Uh that would be that would be the greatest gift
ever for them, a golden ticket yet to call the ticket,
that would that would be uh snort snort, Yeah, what
(32:10):
else do we have? And what else do we have?
These are non sports stories, don't stick the sports. So
we go from the East coast to the West coast,
A man in Arizona says that he is a little
upset to find out his mother's body donation, which was
sent to a military facility, is used for blast testing.
(32:31):
You know, I never mind like top gun or something
where you're throwing the body into the ocean or you know,
cremating it or putting it underground. You're us thinking for blasting. Yeah, well,
now his mom did he Is he the one that
donated his mom's remains or did the mom decide before
she passed away that this is what she wanted to do.
She wanted to give it the science. I mean, I
(32:52):
don't I don't know the nuance on that, but I
I gotta tell you that. I actually, here's how I
relate to this story. All right, this, I don't think
i've told this story on the air before. So I
had an aunt from Chicago who I love. What a
nice woman. Aunt, Sadie was her name. She was very
nice to me when I was a kid. Wonderful woman.
And when she got to the point where she you know,
(33:14):
she knew her her mortality was coming up and she
was going to pass away. She was big into science
and she decided to donate her body to science and
somewhere at a university in outside Chicago. My aunt Sadie
right now, who died years ago, is still being preserved
as a cadaver in UH, in a in a science
(33:38):
lab where they're teaching doctors how to perform medical procedures.
I believe she's her remains are still there, which is uh.
But if you agreed to donate your body, you know
all bets are off right. They could do they could
do this, and that's correct. But he signed a couple
of documents and one of them didn't mention that there'd
be explosives involved, and he did not give his consent
(33:59):
to that. So what he bade Pstmably said was she
was supposedly strapped to a couple of chairs on some
kind of apparatus, and then detonation took place, and they're
basically trying to test her body out against I E. D.
S oh Man what already deadically I would hope, I mean,
but just the blast bang boom bam, and you were
(34:25):
a natural seting. This one's great for you and I
and probably some of your listeners too, But vegans and
vegetarians actually may have a higher stroke risk. Yeah, this
is good. I saw this story. This is a study
that was done here. And you know, I like because
I have friends of mine that are vegans. In fact,
one of the guys I see at the gym a
couple of days a week is a big vegan. He's
(34:46):
trying to get me into the cult of veganism and
all that stuff. And because the one thing that really
annoys me about vegans I I usually try to live
in my life with like each their own, you know,
even though I judge athletes all the time because that's
the gig. But you know, whatever people choose to do,
if you're you know, you, whatever your religious background is
or whatever you're into, what kind of taboo stuff. I'm like,
(35:06):
I don't know. I'm not here to judge. Leave me alone.
Stay I stay in my lane. You stay in your lane.
But these vegans do not stay in their lane. All right.
These are elitist. These are they believe they have the
cheap code to life. They're arrogant, egotistical, and I don't
like it. So I love when these stories pop up,
you know, because these highbrow people who annoy me, they're overbearing.
(35:29):
I say, Okay, you might get the old stroke. What
do you more annoyed by? Though, vegans or cross fitters?
Cross fits are pretty bad. Yeah, but I'm not around
cross fits because when I go to the gym, there's
no CrossFit like class type situation. So I I mostly
deal with the vegan crowd, you know. That's that, that's
(35:49):
the cult that I have to deal with at the gym.
But I imagine I've never worked out with your guests,
gard nor do I want to work out with you.
But I imagine you're the kind of guy that likely
at the gym is flexing and looking. No, no, no, no,
I mean I wear uh, leggings, I'll wear long sleeve leggings,
a chick. What's going on with oh? But I mean
wear shorts over that? What the hell's wrong with you? Man?
(36:10):
But yeah, I mean, look, it's not a bad look
at all. But I mean I'm actually creeping towards forty,
where you're on the closer side of fifties. So no,
not at all. I'm learning how to eat better and
drink wiser and work out more efficiently. So this is
one of those things. Actually, what happened was Ben, was
(36:30):
that there was a British medical journal that published this.
It's fascinating because it said that they had ten fewer
cases of people with heart disease. Forty thousand people that
were part of this test, there were three times more
likely to have a stroke than they were to have
heart disease. Okay, just to be vegan, right, yeah, yeah,
I mean you figured you gotta you gotta free pass
(36:51):
health wise if you're vegan, right, if you live the
vegan life. But mostly a lot of people they only
become vegan after they have had some kind of health problem.
Like that's my that's my theory, like you to get
the cancer or something like that. Like even I if
I if my doctor said, if you want to live
a couple of years longer, go go vegan, I would
go to the dark side. I would go to the
(37:13):
pits of hell of veganism. But I hope I never
have to do that. I I want to be the
pillar of strength against that. But if I have to,
I would do I did that last year for thirty days.
I actually had to do my annual physical and my
doctor told me my triglyzerates were high, collect cholesterol was high,
my testosterone was really low, my vitamin D was low,
so I cut out a bunch of red meat, cut
(37:34):
out a bunch of poultry, cut out the fish as well,
to start taking the vitamin D supplements and within a
year everything shot back to normal. So just corrected, but
I had to do it. The side of my family
only say, um, like three months or something like that.
You can change anything, like your diet. I think you
do your diet in like a couple of weeks. You
(37:55):
can reset your body. I've read that before. But you
have health problems in your I have health. Everyone has
health problems in their family. But the most annoying annoying thing, though,
is I got family members that are incredible shape, skinny, fit,
and they have terrible genetics. And then you got the
other side of my family, which is just overweight and
they have clean bills at health. Isn't that great? How
(38:16):
random life is? Like you could be you know, the
fittest person in the world's gonna drop dead at some point,
and the biggest, fattest tub of goo is also going
to drop dead. But you know you can enjoy a
lot of delicious fried foods and candy bars. All right,
what's we gotta pick this up? What's the last one.
It's a fifth hour. Don't stick to sports here, Ben
Maller with the gag on you should already know that.
I'm told you don't have to reset that much in
(38:38):
the podcast because the people already know what the hell
they're listening to. But anyway, what's the last story here?
What do we have? Well, I was just gonna go
back to when we talked about with the hurricanes and whatnot.
So those two stories and the street value of all
that stuff was three thousand dollars. So you're looking at
being washed up in Florida right now. It's not like that.
You have the car obviously with the vegan stuff, and
then of course the body being used. What about the
(39:01):
did you see that story about Facebook recently where they
said that Facebook is heading towards doomsday prophecies? You know,
for for for about a hundred years, people have said
major League Baseball is gonna die. In fact, Sporting News
last week they put a story out which I gotta
kick out of, going back to like the early nineteen
(39:22):
twenties and some columnists for some New York paper was
writing how baseball is no longer good. It was losing
his way so like a hundred years they've been saying
baseball is gonna die, uh and all everyone's getting too old.
I bring that up because Facebook there's a story out
recently they said Facebook account owners who have have died
may soon out number the living people on Facebook. There
(39:45):
will be more dormant accounts on Facebook, then there will
be people among the living. And that's what we're heading
towards a point of demarcation here coming up. And I
don't know how you do you do that? It's it's
one of these things. It's like the old bit the
late George Carlin did, which which I guess I'll parody
(40:06):
on this because I agree with him. It was like
when when when someone dies, And unfortunately I'm at the
age where I've had people who were friends of mine
relatives die, Like when do you take their phone numbers
out of your phone? Like I have a bunch of
phone numbers of dead people that I were friends with.
I I just can't. I can't take myself because I
(40:26):
feel like that ends it when I it's officially over
when I take their number out of the phone. For
for some dopey sentimental reasons, I have these people so
I can occasionally see their names and and say, oh,
I remember that person, you know, not that I can't
I can't call them because they're not alive. They're dead,
they're in a cemetery somewhere or whatever. But uh but
but yeah, so like with Facebook, like you can't, like
(40:47):
Facebook can't just delete all these accounts, right because there
are people I would imagine that go back and their
mom died or their their dad or their whatever, their grandma,
and they want to look at their Facebook page to
kind of look back at the photos. And you can't
really get rid of those. So should they put like
a separate wing on Facebook of like the dead wing
or the cemetery wing where if you died, you move
over to that part of Facebook. Like they got to
(41:08):
figure that out. Yeah, but what happens because you get
some shady people out there that will proclaim that they're
dead right that they'll want some funeral service. We've had
people that have have these these stages, a little stage
like I have cancer or have some kind of debilitating
disease or whatever it may be, then asked for money
from charities or from people around them, and then proclaim
a couple of months of their healed and it was
(41:28):
all just a fake. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, they're They're called
con artists is what they are called. They are absolutely
called Karna's card. Uh what I say, I screwed that up? Yeah,
cars alright? Confidence man, Your khan is short for confidence gain.
You gain the confidence of someone and they do whatever
you want. It's called the Svengali effect. Also, you can brainwashing.
(41:50):
I love it. So this study bend Oxford Internet Institute
revealed that at least one point four million Facebook members
are going to die before the year And well, sure, yeah,
I mean most people are at one point four billion.
I mean, yeah, everyone dies. You hear the gravity of
that number, though, I mean we're all gonna be dead
(42:10):
within a hundred and fifty years, right, I mean all
of us, you know, some of us sooner than others.
But what did I see? The the number of the
total number of humans. I read this somewhere and it's
probably not true, um, but the total number of humans
that have ever lived on the planet, they estimated about
a hundred eight billion. That's it. That's it, hundred eight billion,
(42:31):
and uh so that every one of them will have died.
And that's how it goes that's a very very positively.
Why don't we put the bow on this? With an
email I got which I believe sums up the fifth
hour with Ben Mallers. So, my guy Moving Man Matt
a legend. This is a p one. This guy Busses asked.
He listens to our show driving all over the East Coast,
(42:53):
moving people around and all that stuff, and he found
out about this fifth out. He sent me an email.
He said, Ben, many times I have pledged allegiance to
the Mallar Militia and to you. So help me God.
If that ass hat Gascon is your producer for this
new podcast, that's the stuff right there. Uh he is,
(43:14):
I will book myself a moving load to so Cal
and it's on me and Gascon in the verbal octagon.
And then he says that asshole disrespected me. See I
cursed gas Because I can say the word I have
to say a whole I can say assholes, ass asshole.
Say I said it. Uh, this asshole disrespected me. The math,
(43:36):
the Militia and the great Ben Maller's parking spot. This
cannot go on, answered Moving Man Matt wrote, this would
be like teaming with shots in my opinion. Uh, and
then he he signed it hashtag I hate gas gund
So you want to take this guy on an octagon. Well,
first of all, I'm gonna have a couple of points
out there. I'm glad you brought up shots because it
(43:58):
is my commitment to your podcast asks before the end
of twenty nineteen, I will get William Shatner on this podcast. No, no,
we're We're good. It will happen. Now, you can't afford it.
He's gonna Shatner is gonna demand to check. He's like,
he's essentially like the guy in Miami who begs. He's
(44:18):
gonna be like, you gotta give him. I would be open.
I have people I know that no Shatner that associates
of his or whatever, but he is. He's a very
curmudgeoney type of person from what I'm told. But we
did have I love the militia that was able to
take down the Trek's we won the battle. We won
the battle, had listeners that donated to his charity. Yeah,
(44:39):
we we have as collateral damage people right now listening.
You might be one of the people listening to The
Fifth Hour who were blocked by William Shatter. The only
person that's blocked more people than William Shatner is Ben Roethlisberger.
Who who has blocked everyone? Have you been blocked by
Roethlisberger about Deshaun Watson has been? He blocked? Yeah, but
Roethlisberger preemptively blocked whoever runs his social media blocked everyone?
(45:00):
You had. Deshaun Watson and Domakansu of the Buccaneers blocked
me as well as a ram. It's good. We'll bring
Matt out here. Bring his ass out here. You gotta
go any any kind of octagon, verbal, physical, whatever it is,
he will kick yours. He's a big dude. Well he's
got no cardio then now you're a TV guy. He's
a blue collar, moving guy. He's got macheesemo t stosterone
(45:24):
levels or high. He doesn't have to worry about low testosterone.
He's a family Guy's got like the Brady Bunch thing
going on. Moving man, Matt, why does it come out here?
I mean to goof with you? That's why he wants
to come out here. I would be embarrassed, natural audience,
Why would you want that? Can you at least end
young gust On? What's wrong with you? You're going too long?
I don't like that email. You need to have a
(45:45):
positive email email. He said, there's no there's no positive email.
There's none, there's a positive email. I don't see any
positive email. I'm looking. It's all negative. It's all everyone's negative.
People who are happy don't send emails anyway. Uh, that'll
we'll put the baby to bed, as to say, But
we will have another podcast on this channel, Benny Versus
(46:07):
the Penny, and we will also have coming up next
week a brand new podcast. So again, give us your feedback.
Tell us would you like, you didn't like and all that,
So tell me how much you hated gascon. I'll just
enjoy that. That's like, that's like just amazing. That's like
a sugar rush those emails and enjoy the rest of
your weekend.
If you thought four hours a day, minutes a week
was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the
old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads
in the ghetto Cutter the same as the rich pill
poppers in the penthouse the Clearinghouse of hot takes break
free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller
(00:24):
starts right now, a podcast about a podcast. Your dreams
have come try. We are in the air everywhere the
vast power of my heart and the global reach of podcasting,
or so I'm told. Anyway, this is the maiden voyage
(00:45):
of The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller, and it is here.
It is finally here. And the reason we're doing this
is because four hours are not enough. Clearly, four hours
of the Overnight Show or not enough. But this is
not a radio show. This is not a Rao show
at all. But this is literally going to be a
podcast about a podcast, and we will have Benny versus
(01:05):
the Penny on a separate standalone podcast on this particular thing.
You probably already saw it if you've gone to this
this particular show. Um, so just kind of walk you
through what's gonna happen here, and I went to school.
I didn't pay very much attention when I was in school,
but one of the things and I took part of
was the who, what, where, when, why and how. You're
(01:28):
basic journalism one on one, Who what, where, when, why
and how? And so I will walk you through that
to who, what, where, when, why and how, even though
you already are here and clearly you are buying in
to the nonsense that we're doing. Who that would be me,
Ben Hi, hello friend? Uh And And I didn't say
(01:51):
this person's name because he is such a controversial person,
this particular person who will be with me on this.
I didn't want to jump the gun because I know
people have been the malle Militia and our vicious Now
I did essentially spell out who this person is. So
if you, if you, unless you're a complete dope, you
knew exactly who this is without even saying his name.
David Gascon is going to be so good. You're not
(02:16):
my right hand man, Gaston, You're my left hand man.
You know that, right I'm left handed, So it actually
works out perfectly for me. You know what it is,
It's like you are the Bruce Wayne and I'm to
you as Batman is and you are the heel. You
are offecially known in the I Heart media building as Gagon,
you are known as the con man. Uh, you are
known as that. And but we use this podcast, uh
(02:40):
and we'll we'll, we'll do get out. I am concerned
of this podcast even gets up guest on because when
you filled in for Coop when he was on a
European vacation last time, as I recall, my inbox filled
up with people upset because they had issues. Well, so
are you are you actually gonna get this up on
the internet. Well, let's be clear though. The first thing
on this is that you specifically said on the fifth
(03:02):
hour with Ben Mallory teaser that this podcast would be
better than the radio version of what you Do Monday
through Friday. So that in itself is not only an
indictment on the listeners that complain about me, but it's
more of a compliment to me because you know, at
the back end guy on all of this, I will
make this thing look pristine as we go good night. Well,
(03:23):
you are what we call a volatile person. That is
what we call you, and so I know we will
find out if people listen. You know, I've been told
I just I mentioned your name. I didn't say your name,
but I hinted around that you're gonna be on the show,
and I had people I can't listen. I'm upset. I fact,
in fact, I got an email. We will read later,
(03:44):
the reading of the email coming up later. But anyway,
we're doing the who what where went away? You're already
distracting the gas the who is us? All right? The
what this brand? Smanking new? I heart original podcast? How
cool does that sound? Uh? And it's more so gonna
be about sports, gamily. But that's that's Benny versus the penny,
and that will be for the next twenty weeks or
(04:05):
whatever through the super Bowl, whatever the timeline on that is.
And then we'll have pop culture, well behind the curtain
on the radio show. You know what they call that,
gust on inside Baseball, Inside Baseball, we'll do we'll do
some of that, uh, you know, non non sports stuff.
We don't have to stick to the sports on a
podcast and talk about whatever it is interesting here. And
(04:27):
the cool thing about this is that we it can grow,
it can evolve. It's like a living thing, and we
can do different things that interviews occasionally with friends of
the Mallard Militia. We could. I'd even be willing Guestcot.
I know you hate the Mallard Militia, but I'd be
willing to like hang out for like five good minutes
with uh, somebody like Chris in Houston, maybe Mark the
(04:52):
full name, got somebody like you know, just to hang out,
you know, catch up with them and uh find out
a little bit about them and stuff like that. The
people out on the other side of the radio they call,
and so I'm open to doing that kind of and see.
Unlike you, I actually spent some quality time with a
listener of your show, Blind Scott. We spent about it.
I thought you were gonna name I thought you were
gonna name a different list No, no, but she will
(05:12):
come later on. But alright, and I have five six
hours traveling through Boston. Sharon some bears some great stories.
So this is good. I will see this. Though this
is not an authentic fit that with Ben Maller podcast
until use some colorful language and that bottle needs to
be cracked. Well, we will do that. I would I
(05:34):
throwing the who, what where when I've already done the
who and the what I have to get to the where, when, why,
and how? I think we'll waiting on you. Alright, So
so the where is the I Heart original podcast riches
where we are right now, and it's gonna be heard weekly.
We're gonna drop this thing weekly, which means I we
we've better put them out there. We might have to
do some evergreen ones from time to time, see if
(05:55):
people can figure that out. But we will have a
weekly podcast, come hell or high water here on the
I Heart Podcast network, and it's available wherever you get
your podcast. You don't have to just listen on I Heart.
You can listen on uh the you know, the apps.
Now we're supposed to promote I Heart because the company
likes that, but there you can. People get podcasts on
different places. But I believe I'm told it's available everywhere.
(06:18):
Maybe they lied to me. But what's iTunes? I too? Yeah,
I'm I'm a big iTunes guy. Um. Somebody who was
complaining they love Spotify. I'm not really a Spotify guy.
I don't much about that, but I do listen to
a decent amount of podcast uh you know, but I'm
a radio guy at my soul. I'm a radio guy.
Myself when the podcast. I think I mentioned this Aredo,
(06:40):
it is gonna drop Friday's so it'll be available in
addition to the Friday Show Overnight. Boy, that's a full
weekend of entertainment. Guest, your people are gonna overdose on
on the show. Well, it's good because if you get
listeners that like, let's say in Los Angeles or San Francisco,
New York, and they're typically stuck in ninety minutes worth
the traffic when they have to commute tent to teen miles,
(07:01):
this will consume their entire trip. There you go, yeah, exactly,
And you know on the on the weekend, who wants
to spend time with their families and stuff, you can listen.
And we got one thing about the third shift man,
these guys work their ass off overnight. I mean a
lot of these guys are working in six seven days
a week. They don't have any days off, so they're
you know, looking for stuff to listen to. So so
(07:23):
we're gonna do it every Friday, and we'll at least
have one a week. I think I imagine guests, Gunn,
you're gonna want to because you're an egomaniac. Um so
we'll probably do two a week, but every Friday and
the hy Uh very simply. I I have considered doing
this kind of thing, this kind of podcast for years.
I had no time. I was doing the show at Fox,
(07:45):
which I'm still doing. I was moonlighting. I was double
dipping at w e I, the great sports talker in
Boston for almost two years. Had a fun time doing that.
It was crazy, it was wild, it was fun. The
station was nuts. So the uh, the Patriots were great,
the Red Sox won the World Series and all this stuff,
and it happened to happen coincide against my my team's
the Red Sox beat the Dodgers and the Patriots beat
(08:07):
the Rams. So but anyway, Uh, we changed. The affiliates
were very excited to be on the sports tub and
Boston on the overnight show. It's a great radio stations,
probably the number one radio station the entire country as
far as listenership. But that man, I had to give
up the w e I job, so I had more
free time. Uh, here we are and I talked to
the company. They were interested, and we have the deal
(08:27):
in place, and how we are doing this through the
very expensive broadcast studios of the premier networks, the same
place that like Steve Harvey and Rush Limbaugh and all
these big shots work at. And so we've got We
even had an engineer come in to make sure our
guy Ciras came in to make sure that this sounds good.
You know that's great. Uh. And so we will mix
(08:49):
in just like the Overnight Show, a proper amounts of sarcasm,
snark and satire and you have to figure out which
is which, Which is sarcasm, which is snark, which satire
and which is actually real. So we have all that
and guess con, I'm very competitive. I don't know if
you know that. I'm very competiant to beat everyone. So
I'm looking here. This is this podcast stand alone podcast
is new to me. So who are we competing against?
(09:11):
I looked on the I heart side. They have the
top most popular podcast. Here's our competition. We're gonna have
to take down Ron Burgundy. We're gonna have to take
down Ron Bergen. He is podcast is very probate. Joe Rogan,
Joe that Joe Rogan experience has no idea what's coming. Uh.
Of course he has no idea who we are. But
we we are going to. I mean, this is this
(09:33):
is our competition. Doctor Death. I don't even know who
the doctor you ever heard of the Doctor Death podcast?
Apparently it's popular the Atlanta Monster, which who is the
is that? I don't know who the Atlanta Monster would be.
I'm trying to think of an athlete, but I don't
think anymore right now in Atlanta. Wow, Well it's appropriate.
(09:55):
Come on, it's not dated reference, you know, but it's appropriated.
Who else we are the orders on here boy Cowherd?
We are taking down the Cowherd network unless we're not.
Uh see what else do we have that The Ted Hour?
You ever listen to those Ted Hours? Those sometimes are
pretty good. There's a lot of intellectual nonsense, but every
once in a while they give you some good information. Yeah,
(10:16):
I will say that's the lead guy that you mentioned
on this is as a colleague is a part of
the I Heart radio platform. So we're competing against everyone.
It seems like on this podcast endeavor that we're on. Yeah, yeah,
it's it's eating our own is what we're doing. So
it's excited. I'm excited about that, and uh, listen to
the people have been very loyal here. The reason we're
(10:38):
able to do. This is because the radio show podcast
does very well, and so they figured, hey, if you
actually convinced people to listen to that crap, you can
serve more crap and they'll probably eat it as well.
Uh And and anyway, and moving on, we we get lighters,
we get letters. Uh and that's right. Even on the
fifth hour with Ben Mally we get letters. Now, for example,
(11:01):
one of the drawbacks, and I do believe this, one
of the drawbacks to the podcast platform is that we
cannot get real time feedback. I mean it's impossible, right
because this is obviously you know, spoiler Alert been recorded
at some point and it's available on demand, which is
cool that you can listen whenever you want here the
whole show and all that stuff. But one of the
(11:22):
downsides is, uh, like for years on the Overnight Show,
one of the things that we do that we're very
proud of is we've consistently gotten immediate feedback from the
peanut gallery, the upper balcony of the show, the guys
that are working in the grocery stores and driving trucks
and stuff and security who let us know what is
good and what's back. We get that immediate feedback. Uh
(11:44):
and and so I would like to incorporate some of
that on the podcast, because this is the podcast about
the podcast, the Maiden Voyage of the Fifth Hour. So
we'd like you to gree So I was thinking, and
I'm just kind of brainstorming here, guest, like we could
do you know, the good, the bad, the ugly. We will.
We'll give out the email and the social media channels
and all that and we will have you great us.
(12:06):
Like what you think of the party is what can
be better on the party, which is very dangerous, very
you want to open up that kind of worms. Well,
I mean yeah, I'll just ignore the negative stuff and
the positive stuff I'll watch on. Okay, so you're on
record by saying you're gonna ignore the negative stuffs. That
means any kind of shots that are taking at me
as you lay me underneath the bus very gently and softly.
(12:27):
You ignore those. Well, no, no, no, those those I
will make sure to get on the air. Yes you are.
You are a punching bag. You are the pinata and
you don't even realize you're the pinata. Um so, but
but anyway, listen, we will also make same We're gonna
have a feature. I think we should call it, although
it's tentative. It's in the bag or it's in you know,
(12:49):
in the bag, which is like a mail bag, right,
because this is the way to do we can't really
you know, social media. I guess we can include social media,
but it's you know, the cheap rip off version of
what we do on the Overnight Show. Ask Ben. You
could just call this ask Bend, but I thought we'd
change it up because, like you know, new name means
a big deal. So you can send questions in we
will I think since it's a five fifth hour, we
(13:11):
shoot like five questions. Yeah. Uh, And so I'm excited
about and we and we can like debate stuff if
you have something you know, we want to debate. We
were on one of that the email address. We we
have a new email address for this show exclusively, which
means if you want to email me about the the
other the Overnight Show, you don't email me here. But
we we started a new email address, Real fifth Hour
(13:37):
at gmail dot com. That's all for those of you
that don't know how to spell R E A L
and then fifth which is F high. Almost forgot how
f I it's f I F T H and then
our h O. You are at gmail dot com, so
it's just the fifth Sometimes people put a five there,
(13:58):
it's not the five it's f I F T H
real Fifth Hour at Gmail. And you can emails a
question you want for a future edition of the Fifth Hour,
and you know, doing whatever, as I say with the
lame jokes we do on the show. You can email whenever,
you know, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or whatever. And then the
social media channels are still the same. I assume you've
(14:19):
already found those, but you can't assume people sometimes don't.
They just listen to podcast. But it's at Ben mallor
on Twitter, and what are you gag on? Is that
your Twitter? It's at David J. Gascon when A s
c O and Benny, you forgot to mention we're publishing
(14:40):
this on Friday. What time do you want to publish
this at? Because I know your hours are drastically different
from the rest of mankind. So, out of fairness to
the audience that typically listen to your show live and
the others that love to use the podcast, what would
be an appropriate time on the West coast that we
should release these Yeah? Yeah, that's that's a good point.
So I'm curious, like I don't know when the actual
(15:02):
podcast gets dropped. I do know when it doesn't get dropped,
because people tell me that it's not there, and I
wake up, I have a bunch of email from people
very upset thinking that I am heathen um. But I
would say we should give it a little breathing room
between the overnight. But one thing I will say, we
get a lot of downloads. From what I'm told from
(15:23):
the the people that crunch the numbers, that a lot
of the downloads come in the morning. People are going
to work the old I call them the ex overnights,
the the X third shifters that work the first shift
down have to you know, live real jobs and real
lives and all that stuff. So they a lot of them,
very very cool. They download the podcast in the morning,
so it can't be too late in the morning. But
(15:44):
we you know, I like that we're having this production
meeting on the year. I think that's very important that
we do this on the This is a step up
from your normal show because you don't have those things
like a meeting. You don't talk to your colleagues, you
don't talk to your producers or technical directors or update anchors.
So this is you were whistle blower. Well, we're taking
a step up. I didn't name any names. I mean
when when I was there in in full force, I
(16:06):
was you made me work into the morning time to
produce your show when I was live. That's because you
were slow. No, you've had some slow producers. You do
have the slow producers right now. Wow, I mean, what
are you doing here? And you're just trying. You're causing trouble.
Is what you're causing here is what I mean. Mine,
(16:26):
my staff is magnificent. That's hard to talk to them
when they're not there before the show. I can't really
talk to anybody before the show they're not there. But
those that are there I usually say hello to. We
have a very good time. It's a cherished moment there
in the hallways. And you know what we do. We
save it for the show. We believe in the save
it for the show show strategy. We don't want to
waste any material off of the microphones. So we do
(16:50):
not even talk. We don't acknowledge each other, we don't
ask how we're doing. None of that stuff. Well, I
will say this much. And this is a great thing
for us here at the I Heart Radio studios. When
we we produce these podcasts, the studios are clean, so
you won't have to you want to have to high
jump over some trash cans. You won't have to pull
vote over some broken chairs or a dead microphone. You're
(17:13):
in a good spot now. We brought you home. Yeah,
that's true. I don't see any cockroaches running around. The
cock roaches running around and all that stuff, so that's nice.
But anyway, back to the I think I was interrupted.
I gave out the Twitter. We're on a Facebook now.
The Facebook show pages Ben Mathers Show, which we'll use
for this show, but it's it's all tied together. And
then Ben Mallers Show on Reddit, which I really like.
(17:33):
I'm a big Reddit guy. I love it, you know,
and I want to build that Reddit page up because
I think it's pretty cool. It's a way for people
to post stories and interact with If you've been on ready,
you know what it is. I don't have to explain
to but if you're not, you should go on there.
I think i'd like to see to me redd, it's
the most fun of the social media platform with Twitter
is just a cess pool. But I like it. H
(17:55):
you know occasionally, but you use your real name on
Reddit though, that's the only problem. Why do you go
on that side of any of them and use your
real name? Well for the show page, I do. I
mean I might have some other accounts. I mean that
I used. But that was one of the problems with
the Reddit page that one of the one of the
p ones got upset with me because I I would
(18:16):
check the Reddit page, but I wouldn't log in, and
so they didn't think I was ever like using it,
and you know people they was. It was a hostile
takeover the Reddit page. But we worked it all out.
So anyway, this is a This show has a zero
ad budget. I don't know if you know that. There
are no bumper stickers, there are no billboards, there's no
promotional items that we're giving out. So the bedrock all
(18:37):
this is a public reminder here the bedrock of this
show is is independent, even though we're working for a
big radio I don't like the word radio broadcasting conglamerate.
In I heart media. We consider ourselves at least I
do Guesscon's elite, but I consider myself the little engine
that could. Right, we're the underdog and all this, we're
(18:58):
competing as the big radio stars like Colin Cowherd and
these other people. So so we have to do it
ound and we don't have the budget. Fox Sports Radio
has the best sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch
all of our shows at Fox Sports Radio dot com
and within the I Heart Radio app search f s
R to listen live. But the way we can win
(19:19):
is the generosity. And I'm not asking for money. I'm
not like the beggar in Miami who's asking for one.
I'm not like that schmuck. All right, here's what you do.
All right, all we need is the currency of your mouth.
And what I mean by that is just recommend the
show to your friends, to your family people, your your guys,
your boys that love sports or whatever, your or your
(19:41):
girls that love sports, and just have them to subscribe
and that's it. Just you know, they can try give
a shot, you know, sample to tell mus like Costco
and you can get a sample. And and also if
you know some guys that are a little older, I've
already gotten some emails guests gone from some of the
guys that have been with me. A long time. We
were maybe in their mid sixties or older than that.
Some the older dudes, and they are furious with me.
(20:03):
They are I rate because they don't do the podcast.
They don't know how to get a podcast, they don't
know how to download it. It's this is a radical
idea for them. Well, this whole podcast. You mentioned the
older crowd, Well we got to talk about the the
older statesman as well. What is your old man pick
about this? Oh you're talking about my my, my pops. Uh, well,
(20:26):
my dad. It's funny you bring that up because I
had a conversation with him earlier this week, and uh,
you know, I do these appearances on on the radio
in Kansas City and New Zealand. Every Week's kind of
my schedule. I'm booked for those shows, and so my
dad's like, yeah, I want to listen, you know. And
I saw I emailed them the times that the hit
times for each of the appearances. I on Thursday morning
(20:47):
in Kansas City and then uh, you know West Coast
time Monday night, uh in in New Zealand, which is
actually Tuesday. And anyway, I emailed me and my dad
essentially said, but it's not convenient my dad also doesn't understand.
He don't know how to He is one of those
guys that doesn't know how to download the podcast either.
So what I'm gonna do, and this is what other
people should do. And I I can't advise you to
this because I think there's some kind of morality in it.
(21:08):
But you know, I'm not gonna look down upon you.
If you go to someone like my dad, who's my
dad's agent, just grab their phone, set up the podcast
feed to automatically download, Like, I'm not going to look
down upon you, right, because I believe that's all we need.
I think. I think if you as long as you subscribe,
I think we're good to eat. Now. It helps if
you actually listen. But I think that's all we need, right,
(21:29):
I think so, I think so. But here here's my
commitment to you, Ben, because obviously in the digital world
you have finally started to evolve and get into the
podcasting world. I'm gonna help publish this content across other
platforms as well. So we'll do really yeah, we'll do Instagram.
I know you hate using Instagram, but Instagram, I believe
(21:50):
Instagram is for the booty model and I love the
booty model. But I I don't know that it's for
you know this, but I mean I don't have to
be handcuffed away from from Instagram. I'm open to I
know there's cool people on there. Yes, And anytime you
introduce a booty model, you want to have some kind
of serenading done. So I want to have a couple
of eloquent voices along the way. So we'll do that.
I'll also publish these on LinkedIn as well, which is
(22:12):
a professional website that we can use at any given time.
And of course, wasn't that a website you use when
you want a job. Well, I need a job, have
a job promoting a job. Since you have the male
market cornered, I will handle the female market. I'll say
this much because you have a couple of female listeners
that that texted and called me the last couple of days,
(22:32):
and you also had someone in your family give me
her blessing and say this is gonna be great. Forward
to it. So she was just being don't shortcut that.
Are you trying to position yourself as a babe magnet?
Is that what you were trying to you You're literally
you were were you casting nova? Don Juan over there,
(22:54):
What the hell is going on with you? I'm made
for TV right somewhere? Are you are? That's right? You
are a TV guy. You know how I feel about
TV guys. I'm not like Jesse Palmer or something like that.
You know it. You put your did you put your
your makeup on? Nudge nudge for the show now. But
(23:14):
we will do it. We will do some glamour shots
when we publish our of course we are. You have
to do you fraudulent photo on your Twitter handle with
your press release, So we're gonna do something that's updated.
That fraudulent photo was from like fifteen years ago. No,
it wasn't fifteen years you know. Listen, my my theory
on this. I've said this on The Overnight Show, but
I I believe that I intentionally fatten up before photo shoots.
(23:38):
They only do a few of these things, like every
four or five years, though, because they change the lineup
and then you know, they have a new morning show
or whatever, and they'll bring in a professional camera crew
do a photo shoot for the people at work at
the five Fox, and everything I looked back, I did
a little Rollodex thing in my head. Every single time,
every single time guest on that I we did one
(23:59):
of these things at the company. I was about as
fat as I was in that period of my life.
And even since the last photo shoot, I look at
that photo, I'm like, this is disgusting, what a monster,
And I've lost weight. I'm doing this in a minute
fasting thing, uh and stuff. So but now, of course
they will not do a photo shoot until I get
to the point where I go off my diet and
(24:20):
I'm meeting candy bars all the time, and then I
get back up. You know, I gained the weight back.
It's exactly what I'm gonna use my cell phone. We'll
publish a couple of pictures with the new editions. Every
single week, we'll have an updated version of Ben Mallory.
As you continue to shed weight. So what are you
gonna do to bring in the women? Are gonna sing
like romantic songs. You're gonna be a crooner as what
(24:41):
do you? What are you gonna do here? And because
I don't know, I mean women hate me in the radio.
It's a very few that put up with me. Mostly
it's it's not that they hate you, it's just that
they die that there's a difference of the female ship,
which is really really what a be sure to catch
live editions of The Ben Our Show weekdays at two
(25:01):
am Eastern eleven p m Pacific on Fox Sports Radio
and the I Heart Radio app. All right, listen you can.
We're getting care I would like you. I'll find out
in the future. We'll talk about this next week or whatever.
But Benny Versus the Penny, now, that is gonna be
a separate podcast on this channel. As I said earlier,
if you were listening, if not, bad job by you. Uh.
(25:21):
And to give you the backstore and that if you're
someone that doesn't know the origins of Benny Versus the Penny.
This started about oh well, I don't want to say
how long. It was a long time ago. Uh. And
it started as Ben Versus the Coin. And then one
of my old producers, the great David Brickley, who's gone
on and done amazing things. I love the guy, but
he's a Laker apologist, the brick uh. And he's a
(25:43):
he's a big mogul on the media platforms, on the Internet.
It does a great job. But anyway, Brickley, who moved
on to did great things. He helped brainstorm and come
up with the name change to Benny Versus the Penny.
And it's all about football handicapping. It's a football handy
capping spectacular. Uh, breaking down each NFL game, predictions on
(26:05):
what's gonna happen, what should happen against the spread. Now
that gamblings in about states, I believe something like that
are close to twenty five states. Uh, so we we
did this. The the currncept was it to prove that
how random this is picking NFL games. Everyone thinks they're
a genius and it has all the information. But I
(26:27):
could take an in adamant my object like a coin
with zero consciousness and still do pretty well picking games.
And usually we are close. You know, I spend hours.
I'm such a loose that's one of my hobbies. I
like to I like to handicap football games. And and
yet just flipping a coin does about as well, sometimes
(26:49):
better than me. Um. It shows you the random nature
of this stuff. And so now this, if this goes well,
we might do a spinoff. Guestcott, I don't know if
you know about, but Benny versus the Dartboard, how about that?
That's pretty good? Didn't you have a listener. Last year
when all kinds of cash, Yes, yeah, that's correct. Yeah,
(27:09):
with the the personal chef from someth in California. One
the big gambling contest in Las Vegas, Mallard Militia guy.
He won like a million bucks in Vegas in the
five pick five games a week, one of those the
big contests they have at one of the hotels in Vegas. Yeah,
the guy wanted he came on the show and he
promised us a bunch of steaks. I'm still waiting. I'm
(27:30):
still waiting for that. Um So. Anyway, so that's Benny
versus the penny. Well, that'll be separated. What we look
for it now, don't stick to sports. Be sure to
catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at
two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific JASCO anyone when any
time on the overnight show, when I go off the
reservation and talk about stories that aren't hardcore sports, uh,
(27:52):
depending on what it is, depending on what the topic is,
it doesn't always go so well. People get upset. They
they want only sports and all that they want you
to be, you know, talk sports boy, and you know
how that all that nonsense. So on this we can
do a little bit that there are fun stories like that.
I love the bizarre stories of the of the week.
(28:13):
So what do we have on this week's But to
give an example of the bit non sports stories, we
should do like five of these things. So what do
we have this week? What stands out? All? Right? So, unfortunately,
we have a hurricane that's taking place right now in Florida,
Hurricane Dorian, And because of that, there's a kinds of
stories that are are transpiring right now through the worldwide Web.
We've found a couple of them. One of them included
(28:34):
a brick bricks that washed up on the Florida beaches
right now that we're discovered by a couple of people.
So obviously we're looking at that as one of them.
Because of the Hurricane Dorian that's going on right now,
we have someone to decide not only to secure themselves
but also to secure their vehicle not inside of a garage,
but inside of their house. That was I saw. I
(28:55):
saw this. This is more of a visual story, but
this is hilarious. This is the eight Florida Man story,
right the Florida Man, This guy in his kitchen where
his kitchen table should be he parked. First of all,
how did you get the car into his house? Even
though there's a smart car? How do you get that
through the front door? He must have put that through
(29:16):
what the back the back sliding door or something like that.
How would you it looks like sliding doors. Yeah, I mean,
obviously there's nothing that you need to drive over through.
It looked like there was a kitchen that he has
his car placed in as well, and the smart car,
as you mentioned. I don't even know if either of
us could fit in this thing. No, no, I don't
(29:36):
think that would be be for me. And uh, that's
so what happens when the house floods and then the
cars underwater? So it's uh, it's uh, it's interesting. And
then here's the question. Then if you're if you're a
homeowner like you are, and you've dealt with a mansion
being flooded, would that fall under a homeowners insurance policy
or that be under a car and auto insurance? Yeah?
(30:00):
You know, I I don't live in in hurricane country,
so I don't I can't help you, guess. I don't know.
We got out here earthquakes, so we got everything else.
We have about Yeah, I mean we uh you know,
it's the you know, the Fifth Ring of Hell or whatever,
Dante's Inferno. We we have that, I understand, but I
don't know the insurance. My general sense with insurance is
(30:21):
that if they can find a way to not pay
out the claim, they will take that. So so if
they can find a loophole, uh, then they will They
will absolutely not pay out the claim. They will do
anything in their power. They are unsurpassed in that department
of not having if they can find a loople And
then as far as the cocaine story, the Colombian band Bam,
(30:41):
these things pop up every once in a while. But
I I'm curious, like how many times does cocaine wash
up where they don't report it to the police, you
know what I mean. We're like, they just take the
cocaine and they have a party. Uh. And I you
gotta think that happens. Florida is such a big state,
the peninsula there, that this this probably happens more often
(31:02):
than you think. And and the other thing is, I
don't know much about the drug trade, but is there
just a bunch of coke floating out? You know, Mama
Coco out in the in Atlantic Ocean. It's got to
be right because these things are packaged, they're sealed, and
then they're carried in Duffel bags, sometimes in submarines. And
being here in California, you know we've got the underground
tunnels that come from Mexico. Yes, in Florida, it was
(31:25):
bags of cocaine in fact, kilos fifteen kilos with a
street value of three hundred thousand dollars. So you can
just imagine one brick what you'd be doing for a night. Well,
I I mean you maybe I well, I mean you're listening.
Wow again, listen, guests, all right, these are these are
sault of the earth. All right, you don't understand salt
(31:48):
of the earth. You don't understand, all right. So it
was I thought of a couple of listeners I have
in Florida, callers that would love to get a cocaine break.
Uh that would be that would be the greatest gift
ever for them, a golden ticket yet to call the ticket,
that would that would be uh snort snort, Yeah, what
(32:10):
else do we have? And what else do we have?
These are non sports stories, don't stick the sports. So
we go from the East coast to the West coast,
A man in Arizona says that he is a little
upset to find out his mother's body donation, which was
sent to a military facility, is used for blast testing.
(32:31):
You know, I never mind like top gun or something
where you're throwing the body into the ocean or you know,
cremating it or putting it underground. You're us thinking for blasting. Yeah, well,
now his mom did he Is he the one that
donated his mom's remains or did the mom decide before
she passed away that this is what she wanted to do.
She wanted to give it the science. I mean, I
(32:52):
don't I don't know the nuance on that, but I
I gotta tell you that. I actually, here's how I
relate to this story. All right, this, I don't think
i've told this story on the air before. So I
had an aunt from Chicago who I love. What a
nice woman. Aunt, Sadie was her name. She was very
nice to me when I was a kid. Wonderful woman.
And when she got to the point where she you know,
(33:14):
she knew her her mortality was coming up and she
was going to pass away. She was big into science
and she decided to donate her body to science and
somewhere at a university in outside Chicago. My aunt Sadie
right now, who died years ago, is still being preserved
as a cadaver in UH, in a in a science
(33:38):
lab where they're teaching doctors how to perform medical procedures.
I believe she's her remains are still there, which is uh.
But if you agreed to donate your body, you know
all bets are off right. They could do they could
do this, and that's correct. But he signed a couple
of documents and one of them didn't mention that there'd
be explosives involved, and he did not give his consent
(33:59):
to that. So what he bade Pstmably said was she
was supposedly strapped to a couple of chairs on some
kind of apparatus, and then detonation took place, and they're
basically trying to test her body out against I E. D.
S oh Man what already deadically I would hope, I mean,
but just the blast bang boom bam, and you were
(34:25):
a natural seting. This one's great for you and I
and probably some of your listeners too, But vegans and
vegetarians actually may have a higher stroke risk. Yeah, this
is good. I saw this story. This is a study
that was done here. And you know, I like because
I have friends of mine that are vegans. In fact,
one of the guys I see at the gym a
couple of days a week is a big vegan. He's
(34:46):
trying to get me into the cult of veganism and
all that stuff. And because the one thing that really
annoys me about vegans I I usually try to live
in my life with like each their own, you know,
even though I judge athletes all the time because that's
the gig. But you know, whatever people choose to do,
if you're you know, you, whatever your religious background is
or whatever you're into, what kind of taboo stuff. I'm like,
(35:06):
I don't know. I'm not here to judge. Leave me alone.
Stay I stay in my lane. You stay in your lane.
But these vegans do not stay in their lane. All right.
These are elitist. These are they believe they have the
cheap code to life. They're arrogant, egotistical, and I don't
like it. So I love when these stories pop up,
you know, because these highbrow people who annoy me, they're overbearing.
(35:29):
I say, Okay, you might get the old stroke. What
do you more annoyed by? Though, vegans or cross fitters?
Cross fits are pretty bad. Yeah, but I'm not around
cross fits because when I go to the gym, there's
no CrossFit like class type situation. So I I mostly
deal with the vegan crowd, you know. That's that, that's
(35:49):
the cult that I have to deal with at the gym.
But I imagine I've never worked out with your guests,
gard nor do I want to work out with you.
But I imagine you're the kind of guy that likely
at the gym is flexing and looking. No, no, no, no,
I mean I wear uh, leggings, I'll wear long sleeve leggings,
a chick. What's going on with oh? But I mean
wear shorts over that? What the hell's wrong with you? Man?
(36:10):
But yeah, I mean, look, it's not a bad look
at all. But I mean I'm actually creeping towards forty,
where you're on the closer side of fifties. So no,
not at all. I'm learning how to eat better and
drink wiser and work out more efficiently. So this is
one of those things. Actually, what happened was Ben, was
(36:30):
that there was a British medical journal that published this.
It's fascinating because it said that they had ten fewer
cases of people with heart disease. Forty thousand people that
were part of this test, there were three times more
likely to have a stroke than they were to have
heart disease. Okay, just to be vegan, right, yeah, yeah,
I mean you figured you gotta you gotta free pass
(36:51):
health wise if you're vegan, right, if you live the
vegan life. But mostly a lot of people they only
become vegan after they have had some kind of health problem.
Like that's my that's my theory, like you to get
the cancer or something like that. Like even I if
I if my doctor said, if you want to live
a couple of years longer, go go vegan, I would
go to the dark side. I would go to the
(37:13):
pits of hell of veganism. But I hope I never
have to do that. I I want to be the
pillar of strength against that. But if I have to,
I would do I did that last year for thirty days.
I actually had to do my annual physical and my
doctor told me my triglyzerates were high, collect cholesterol was high,
my testosterone was really low, my vitamin D was low,
so I cut out a bunch of red meat, cut
(37:34):
out a bunch of poultry, cut out the fish as well,
to start taking the vitamin D supplements and within a
year everything shot back to normal. So just corrected, but
I had to do it. The side of my family
only say, um, like three months or something like that.
You can change anything, like your diet. I think you
do your diet in like a couple of weeks. You
(37:55):
can reset your body. I've read that before. But you
have health problems in your I have health. Everyone has
health problems in their family. But the most annoying annoying thing, though,
is I got family members that are incredible shape, skinny, fit,
and they have terrible genetics. And then you got the
other side of my family, which is just overweight and
they have clean bills at health. Isn't that great? How
(38:16):
random life is? Like you could be you know, the
fittest person in the world's gonna drop dead at some point,
and the biggest, fattest tub of goo is also going
to drop dead. But you know you can enjoy a
lot of delicious fried foods and candy bars. All right,
what's we gotta pick this up? What's the last one.
It's a fifth hour. Don't stick to sports here, Ben
Maller with the gag on you should already know that.
I'm told you don't have to reset that much in
(38:38):
the podcast because the people already know what the hell
they're listening to. But anyway, what's the last story here?
What do we have? Well, I was just gonna go
back to when we talked about with the hurricanes and whatnot.
So those two stories and the street value of all
that stuff was three thousand dollars. So you're looking at
being washed up in Florida right now. It's not like that.
You have the car obviously with the vegan stuff, and
then of course the body being used. What about the
(39:01):
did you see that story about Facebook recently where they
said that Facebook is heading towards doomsday prophecies? You know,
for for for about a hundred years, people have said
major League Baseball is gonna die. In fact, Sporting News
last week they put a story out which I gotta
kick out of, going back to like the early nineteen
(39:22):
twenties and some columnists for some New York paper was
writing how baseball is no longer good. It was losing
his way so like a hundred years they've been saying
baseball is gonna die, uh and all everyone's getting too old.
I bring that up because Facebook there's a story out
recently they said Facebook account owners who have have died
may soon out number the living people on Facebook. There
(39:45):
will be more dormant accounts on Facebook, then there will
be people among the living. And that's what we're heading
towards a point of demarcation here coming up. And I
don't know how you do you do that? It's it's
one of these things. It's like the old bit the
late George Carlin did, which which I guess I'll parody
(40:06):
on this because I agree with him. It was like
when when when someone dies, And unfortunately I'm at the
age where I've had people who were friends of mine
relatives die, Like when do you take their phone numbers
out of your phone? Like I have a bunch of
phone numbers of dead people that I were friends with.
I I just can't. I can't take myself because I
(40:26):
feel like that ends it when I it's officially over
when I take their number out of the phone. For
for some dopey sentimental reasons, I have these people so
I can occasionally see their names and and say, oh,
I remember that person, you know, not that I can't
I can't call them because they're not alive. They're dead,
they're in a cemetery somewhere or whatever. But uh but
but yeah, so like with Facebook, like you can't, like
(40:47):
Facebook can't just delete all these accounts, right because there
are people I would imagine that go back and their
mom died or their their dad or their whatever, their grandma,
and they want to look at their Facebook page to
kind of look back at the photos. And you can't
really get rid of those. So should they put like
a separate wing on Facebook of like the dead wing
or the cemetery wing where if you died, you move
over to that part of Facebook. Like they got to
(41:08):
figure that out. Yeah, but what happens because you get
some shady people out there that will proclaim that they're
dead right that they'll want some funeral service. We've had
people that have have these these stages, a little stage
like I have cancer or have some kind of debilitating
disease or whatever it may be, then asked for money
from charities or from people around them, and then proclaim
a couple of months of their healed and it was
(41:28):
all just a fake. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, they're They're called
con artists is what they are called. They are absolutely
called Karna's card. Uh what I say, I screwed that up? Yeah,
cars alright? Confidence man, Your khan is short for confidence gain.
You gain the confidence of someone and they do whatever
you want. It's called the Svengali effect. Also, you can brainwashing.
(41:50):
I love it. So this study bend Oxford Internet Institute
revealed that at least one point four million Facebook members
are going to die before the year And well, sure, yeah,
I mean most people are at one point four billion.
I mean, yeah, everyone dies. You hear the gravity of
that number, though, I mean we're all gonna be dead
(42:10):
within a hundred and fifty years, right, I mean all
of us, you know, some of us sooner than others.
But what did I see? The the number of the
total number of humans. I read this somewhere and it's
probably not true, um, but the total number of humans
that have ever lived on the planet, they estimated about
a hundred eight billion. That's it. That's it, hundred eight billion,
(42:31):
and uh so that every one of them will have died.
And that's how it goes that's a very very positively.
Why don't we put the bow on this? With an
email I got which I believe sums up the fifth
hour with Ben Mallers. So, my guy Moving Man Matt
a legend. This is a p one. This guy Busses asked.
He listens to our show driving all over the East Coast,
(42:53):
moving people around and all that stuff, and he found
out about this fifth out. He sent me an email.
He said, Ben, many times I have pledged allegiance to
the Mallar Militia and to you. So help me God.
If that ass hat Gascon is your producer for this
new podcast, that's the stuff right there. Uh he is,
(43:14):
I will book myself a moving load to so Cal
and it's on me and Gascon in the verbal octagon.
And then he says that asshole disrespected me. See I
cursed gas Because I can say the word I have
to say a whole I can say assholes, ass asshole.
Say I said it. Uh, this asshole disrespected me. The math,
(43:36):
the Militia and the great Ben Maller's parking spot. This
cannot go on, answered Moving Man Matt wrote, this would
be like teaming with shots in my opinion. Uh, and
then he he signed it hashtag I hate gas gund
So you want to take this guy on an octagon. Well,
first of all, I'm gonna have a couple of points
out there. I'm glad you brought up shots because it
(43:58):
is my commitment to your podcast asks before the end
of twenty nineteen, I will get William Shatner on this podcast. No, no,
we're We're good. It will happen. Now, you can't afford it.
He's gonna Shatner is gonna demand to check. He's like,
he's essentially like the guy in Miami who begs. He's
(44:18):
gonna be like, you gotta give him. I would be open.
I have people I know that no Shatner that associates
of his or whatever, but he is. He's a very
curmudgeoney type of person from what I'm told. But we
did have I love the militia that was able to
take down the Trek's we won the battle. We won
the battle, had listeners that donated to his charity. Yeah,
(44:39):
we we have as collateral damage people right now listening.
You might be one of the people listening to The
Fifth Hour who were blocked by William Shatter. The only
person that's blocked more people than William Shatner is Ben Roethlisberger.
Who who has blocked everyone? Have you been blocked by
Roethlisberger about Deshaun Watson has been? He blocked? Yeah, but
Roethlisberger preemptively blocked whoever runs his social media blocked everyone?
(45:00):
You had. Deshaun Watson and Domakansu of the Buccaneers blocked
me as well as a ram. It's good. We'll bring
Matt out here. Bring his ass out here. You gotta
go any any kind of octagon, verbal, physical, whatever it is,
he will kick yours. He's a big dude. Well he's
got no cardio then now you're a TV guy. He's
a blue collar, moving guy. He's got macheesemo t stosterone
(45:24):
levels or high. He doesn't have to worry about low testosterone.
He's a family Guy's got like the Brady Bunch thing
going on. Moving man, Matt, why does it come out here?
I mean to goof with you? That's why he wants
to come out here. I would be embarrassed, natural audience,
Why would you want that? Can you at least end
young gust On? What's wrong with you? You're going too long?
I don't like that email. You need to have a
(45:45):
positive email email. He said, there's no there's no positive email.
There's none, there's a positive email. I don't see any
positive email. I'm looking. It's all negative. It's all everyone's negative.
People who are happy don't send emails anyway. Uh, that'll
we'll put the baby to bed, as to say, But
we will have another podcast on this channel, Benny Versus
(46:07):
the Penny, and we will also have coming up next
week a brand new podcast. So again, give us your feedback.
Tell us would you like, you didn't like and all that,
So tell me how much you hated gascon. I'll just
enjoy that. That's like, that's like just amazing. That's like
a sugar rush those emails and enjoy the rest of
your weekend.
Host
Ben Maller
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