March 6, 2026 • 13 mins
On this episode of “Tommy Talk,” Tommy discusses the importance of protecting your own light. We should never shrinks ourselves to make other people feel bigger. So many of us have been conditioned to dim our light. To be less bold, less vocal, less ambitious. I’m unpacking all of this and reminding you to take up space, stand tall and keep shining at full power.
Subscribe, rate, and leave a written review if you enjoy this conversation! Tune in every week for new episodes of I’ve Never Said This Before.
Executive Producers: iHeart Media and Elvis Duran Podcast Network
Follow us on socials!
Instagram: @neversaidthisbefore
YouTube: @neversaidthisbefore
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Listen
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hey guys, welcome to another Tommy Talk, and today's episode
is don't let anyone dim your light. Look, I don't
care if you're a public figure or not. There are
a lot of people in this world who want to
tear you down. They want to talk about you behind
your back. They want to post things online negatively about you,
they want to gossip about you. And inevitably we hear
(00:25):
things about ourselves, you know, whether it's gossip through the grapevine,
or we see something online or somebody write something. We
see it, and of course it can affect you, because
that can be extremely hurtful. But your light should be
yours to protect, and that's something no one can take
away from you if you can protect it. Protect your confidence,
your joy or ambition, your authenticity. You know. I always say,
(00:48):
don't shrink yourself to make someone else feel bigger, because
you are enough and this is who you are. So
let yourself be who you are. You don't have to
always please other people. People are always going to project
their opinions on you. That's life. People might be subconsciously
projecting their fears onto you when they do that. Who knows.
I'm not a psychologist, but your light, baby, It's not
(01:09):
meant to be dim. It's meant to shine. And I
am so sick and tired of seeing people online or
in conversation trying to constantly take people's light away. It's like,
enough is enough, you guys. I am so against toxic
internet culture. I speak about it a lot. I think
there's a lot of women who tear women down. I
think there's a lot of gay men who tear gay
men down. And I bring up those categories of people
(01:31):
because these should be people who are championing one another
the most, and it breaks my heart to see sometimes
that's not always the case. So your light is yours.
It should be protected, right. And I don't know about you,
but have you ever walked into a room feeling totally
confident and then maybe walked out questioning yourself because maybe
(01:51):
you thought people were whispering, or maybe people were saying something,
or maybe conversations that you saw in the past about
yourself are surfacing and affecting yourself conscious in your being.
That is BS. I don't want anyone to ever make
you feel like that, because it's your life, it's your dreams,
it's your light. Nobody should be able to take that
away from you. So this is about recognizing when others
(02:14):
are trying to dim you consciously or maybe unconsciously, and
you choosing not to let them. That's what I'm gonna
say again, you choosing not to let them. So dimming
your light, to me, it means anything from shrinking yourself
to make others comfortable downplaying your success. Right, maybe you're
(02:35):
afraid that people are gonna not want to hear about it,
or unfortunately, maybe there's some jealousy you've experienced. Another example
of staying silent when you should absolutely speak up. Accepting
less than you deserve is another one for everyone that's
been in a relationship that's not been so great or
maybe toxic in the past. You know what that means,
You have accepted less than what you deserve, and I
(02:58):
hope you will never make that mistake again. So dimming
that feeling of being dim it can often start in
a very subtle way. Unless someone is an absolute monster
and is just bashing you, you know, to your face
or online or whatever the case may bee, that's straight
up bullying. But there could be people dimming your light
without you even realizing it. Right, Maybe it's these jokes
that aren't funny that are actually quite hurtful, or these
(03:19):
backhanded compliments where you're like, wait, was that something that
was supposed to make me feel good? Because it didn't.
If you're constantly being dismissed, you know that kind of
dismissive energy is another one. Or maybe someone says you're
too much, or you're too extra, or you're too loud.
That's all dimming your light. That's all things that are
(03:40):
said to not make you feel like you are the
best version of you. And I don't know why people
try to do this. I really don't know why. Maybe
it's insecurity. Maybe it's fear of not being what you
are and in that comes jealousy. Maybe it's a limited mindset.
(04:01):
Maybe it's just unhappiness. I don't know whatever those reasons are.
And to be quite frank, I don't really give a
shit what those reasons are because it's not your problem.
So whatever those reasons are, it's not about you. And
I want you to remember that if you feel like
your light's being damned or you're being attacked for whatever reason,
it's not about you. It is about the other person
(04:23):
and whatever they are going through on their own and
it's I guess the best way to say this is
the light you have. Your brightness is activating to them,
it's triggering to them. But again, that's not your problem.
Your problem is not to make everybody else around you
feel big and special when that means you have to
(04:44):
make yourself feel like you don't matter. Okay, like we
should all walk through life treating each other with kindness
and respect and love period. Treat others how you want
to be treated. That's like the golden rule of thumb
that I would hope we were all taught at a
young age. But that's not what life is really about.
But you can't bound out and make people feel great
at the expense of yourself. You just can't do it.
(05:04):
You can't please people or be an image of what
they want you to be. Just to make sure that
you feel like you're not upsetting anybody, No, absolutely not,
absolutely not. So you might be wondering, like do I
myself for other people? Do I? And the things that
I think about when it comes to somebody perhaps sacrificing
their own light is are you apologizing for things you
(05:27):
didn't do? Are you a chronic apologizer and realizing? Like? Wait,
I didn't do that. Why am I apologizing? Do you
hide pieces of who you are to certain people or
in certain groups? Cause that's not cool too, Like you
want to be comfortable around the people in your life
who you should be loved by. You shouldn't have to
hide pieces of who you are. Do you tone yourself
(05:49):
down for other people? I equate that to also walking
on eggshells, Like do you do that or do you
simply just feel drained after being around certain people? Total
battery drain and energy suck. Right, when I think about
people I'm no longer super close to in my life,
and that's life, right. I've lived on this planet for
(06:10):
forty years, and sometimes friendships have a season. I think
that those are the people in my life who I
genuinely couldn't be myself around and who I did shrink
myself for. And there was one particular person who comes
to mind, who I'm no longer friends with, who I
really had to tone down my happiness quite a lot
because they were always in a negative, weird headspace, to
(06:34):
the point where like a few of us started talking like, hey,
this person's always dark. They always go dark. And because
that person always went dark, there was never a reciprocal
nature of our friendship. There was never a true genuine
interest in my life or how I was doing, or
the heartbreak I was going through. None of that mattered.
None of that mattered. There was no genuine connection. This
(06:55):
person simply wanted to get together, open up wine and drink,
and that's me as in a friendship like I want
to connect on a deeper level. So I think my
light was severely dimmed around this person because they always
had to be the one with the story or the
problem or the drama and needing the attention and the comfort,
to a point where I just said no more, like
(07:17):
I'm done. I am done. I can't keep dimming myself
for you when you could give two shits about what's
going on in my life. So, you know, it's noticing
those things that I think are super important and realizing
that you need to protect your light going forward a
few ways to do that. And this is all works
in progress. You know, I'm not not perfect. I still
(07:38):
am learning, but these are things I've picked up along
the way. For sure is you got to set boundaries,
especially energetic boundaries. This person, like I said, is no
longer in my life, could I have picked up the
phone and had a lunch and maybe had a session
where I poured out my heart and soul and told
this person everything I was feeling, and you know, put
(08:00):
a band aid on it and move on. I could have,
but I know deep down nothing would change because this
person is incapable of change. So why am I gonna
do that? Why am I gonna set myself up for
that when there's so many people in my life who
I love in a door I want to pour my
full energy into. I don't have time for that. That's
called a boundary. That's called an energetic boundary. I set it,
and I am done. It's not being harsh or cutting
(08:22):
someone out. It's just knowing, like what you are or
what you're not willing to tolerate anymore. I think you
have to also surround yourself around like minded people who
want the same things in life. Who you know, in
my case, I like driven, positive, you know, sees the day, grateful, respectful,
loyal people. I think it's important to find your tribe.
(08:43):
Your tribe does affect your vibe, and I firmly believe
that if you surround yourself with light, all of your
light can shine and everybody wants you to shine, right,
I think you also have to own your success. Nothing's
wrong with saying once in a while, I'm killing it,
I'm crushing it. I not do that for most of
my career, and it's only until lately I'll stop and say, Wow,
(09:04):
I'm proud of me, like I did it. That's awesome.
Go me right. I'm not like blasting it to the world.
It's just something I'll say to myself, and hopefully the
people in your life will want to say it to you.
They'll want to say it back to you, and I
hope you say it to them, because we should be
each other's biggest hype man and woman, like one hundred percent.
Let me hype you up, you hype me up. Let's go.
That is called, you know, creating a big bubble of
(09:25):
beautiful light for you and the people you love. And
I think it's also really important to remember who you are.
Social media is fake. It is fake, not real, and
everyone is pretending to be something online. And yes, we're
we're putting out, you know, pieces of our lives, but
we're putting out the highlights of our lives. Nobody knows
(09:45):
when I'm putting up a picture of me interviewing, you know,
one of the biggest stars in the world, Paris Hilton,
recently that I'm also dealing with heartbreak from a death,
like nobody knows that because I'm not really talking about
that in that moment. So we have to remember who
we are at our core, Like, yes, I can be
that person, but I'm also someone incredibly sensitive and genuine
(10:07):
and you know, so in touch with my feelings and
not everyone has the honor of seeing that. Think about
it that way, right, the pieces of you are an
honor that somebody gets to see an experience, and you
don't show everybody all of that because it's weird. You
don't just put every piece of you out on the
internet or you know, walked up to a stranger and
reveal every single side of who you are. But you
(10:27):
remember who you are. You know who you are. Don't
let anyone else tell you who you are or who
you aren't because people will try. People will one hundred
percent try to tell you who you are and who
you are not, and that is not their place. So
remember who you are because that is going to protect
your light one thousand percent. I want to reiterate as
(10:49):
I start wrapping this up, that you're not too much,
You're enough right, and the right people in your life
are never ever going to ask you to shrink or
to dim or dull that life. And if you feel
like you have to, you got to take stock of
who those people are and if you want to continue
that relationship and if there are people that you don't
know trying to dim your light. Right in my case,
(11:11):
Sarabin comments online that I've seen of people being awful
to me for no reason, for no reason or whatever
the reason is, it's their problem, not mine. And a
lot of people, I guess in a public facing job
will say this. You have to have the wherewithal to
know exactly who you are, so that last point I
just said, so that it doesn't affect you, because you
cannot let people win in taking away your joy. You
(11:35):
just can't. There's so much going on in this world.
We have to hold on to our joy. It matters
so much. And if you're a good person and you
know who you are at your core, I want you
to I don't want you, I beg you. I implore
you to hold on to that and not let a
single person ever make you feel less than or like
you're not enough. That was a lot of passion and
(11:58):
I feel like I talked to Miles minute. But I
just think this is such an important episode because we
live in a day and age where there is so
much meanness. There is so much cruelty in this world.
I can't go one day without opening up my Explore
page on social media and seeing someone ripping apart someone
for their weight, or for who they're dating, or just
(12:20):
for existing, and it's like, how did we get here?
And why are we here? And that's why I say
that world isn't real. Hold on to the people in
your life that you love and that love you and
who know you at your core, and don't dim your
light for anybody. Don't dim your light for anybody. If
something brings you joy, do it, post it, talk about it,
live it, experience it. And if somebody has a problem
(12:42):
with that, that's their problem, it's not yours. So keep
being the amazing person you were meant to be, living
the life you were meant to be, without telling anybody
else how to live their life, because you wouldn't want
them doing that to you. And I am reminding you
here and on this podcast that no one should have
the right to take your light away, because baby, it
(13:04):
is bright, it is beautiful, and you got to keep
it shining because you are meant to shine that light.
I've Never Said This Before is hosted by Me Tommy Dedario.
This podcast is executive produced by Andrew Puglisi at iHeartRadio
and by Me Tommy, with editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've
(13:26):
Never Said This Before is part of the Elvis Duran
podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts. For more, rate, review and
subscribe to our show and if you like this episode,
tell your friends. Until next time, I'm Tommy de Dario.
Hey guys, welcome to another Tommy Talk, and today's episode
is don't let anyone dim your light. Look, I don't
care if you're a public figure or not. There are
a lot of people in this world who want to
tear you down. They want to talk about you behind
your back. They want to post things online negatively about you,
they want to gossip about you. And inevitably we hear
(00:25):
things about ourselves, you know, whether it's gossip through the grapevine,
or we see something online or somebody write something. We
see it, and of course it can affect you, because
that can be extremely hurtful. But your light should be
yours to protect, and that's something no one can take
away from you if you can protect it. Protect your confidence,
your joy or ambition, your authenticity. You know. I always say,
(00:48):
don't shrink yourself to make someone else feel bigger, because
you are enough and this is who you are. So
let yourself be who you are. You don't have to
always please other people. People are always going to project
their opinions on you. That's life. People might be subconsciously
projecting their fears onto you when they do that. Who knows.
I'm not a psychologist, but your light, baby, It's not
(01:09):
meant to be dim. It's meant to shine. And I
am so sick and tired of seeing people online or
in conversation trying to constantly take people's light away. It's like,
enough is enough, you guys. I am so against toxic
internet culture. I speak about it a lot. I think
there's a lot of women who tear women down. I
think there's a lot of gay men who tear gay
men down. And I bring up those categories of people
(01:31):
because these should be people who are championing one another
the most, and it breaks my heart to see sometimes
that's not always the case. So your light is yours.
It should be protected, right. And I don't know about you,
but have you ever walked into a room feeling totally
confident and then maybe walked out questioning yourself because maybe
(01:51):
you thought people were whispering, or maybe people were saying something,
or maybe conversations that you saw in the past about
yourself are surfacing and affecting yourself conscious in your being.
That is BS. I don't want anyone to ever make
you feel like that, because it's your life, it's your dreams,
it's your light. Nobody should be able to take that
away from you. So this is about recognizing when others
(02:14):
are trying to dim you consciously or maybe unconsciously, and
you choosing not to let them. That's what I'm gonna
say again, you choosing not to let them. So dimming
your light, to me, it means anything from shrinking yourself
to make others comfortable downplaying your success. Right, maybe you're
(02:35):
afraid that people are gonna not want to hear about it,
or unfortunately, maybe there's some jealousy you've experienced. Another example
of staying silent when you should absolutely speak up. Accepting
less than you deserve is another one for everyone that's
been in a relationship that's not been so great or
maybe toxic in the past. You know what that means,
You have accepted less than what you deserve, and I
(02:58):
hope you will never make that mistake again. So dimming
that feeling of being dim it can often start in
a very subtle way. Unless someone is an absolute monster
and is just bashing you, you know, to your face
or online or whatever the case may bee, that's straight
up bullying. But there could be people dimming your light
without you even realizing it. Right, Maybe it's these jokes
that aren't funny that are actually quite hurtful, or these
(03:19):
backhanded compliments where you're like, wait, was that something that
was supposed to make me feel good? Because it didn't.
If you're constantly being dismissed, you know that kind of
dismissive energy is another one. Or maybe someone says you're
too much, or you're too extra, or you're too loud.
That's all dimming your light. That's all things that are
(03:40):
said to not make you feel like you are the
best version of you. And I don't know why people
try to do this. I really don't know why. Maybe
it's insecurity. Maybe it's fear of not being what you
are and in that comes jealousy. Maybe it's a limited mindset.
(04:01):
Maybe it's just unhappiness. I don't know whatever those reasons are.
And to be quite frank, I don't really give a
shit what those reasons are because it's not your problem.
So whatever those reasons are, it's not about you. And
I want you to remember that if you feel like
your light's being damned or you're being attacked for whatever reason,
it's not about you. It is about the other person
(04:23):
and whatever they are going through on their own and
it's I guess the best way to say this is
the light you have. Your brightness is activating to them,
it's triggering to them. But again, that's not your problem.
Your problem is not to make everybody else around you
feel big and special when that means you have to
(04:44):
make yourself feel like you don't matter. Okay, like we
should all walk through life treating each other with kindness
and respect and love period. Treat others how you want
to be treated. That's like the golden rule of thumb
that I would hope we were all taught at a
young age. But that's not what life is really about.
But you can't bound out and make people feel great
at the expense of yourself. You just can't do it.
(05:04):
You can't please people or be an image of what
they want you to be. Just to make sure that
you feel like you're not upsetting anybody, No, absolutely not,
absolutely not. So you might be wondering, like do I
myself for other people? Do I? And the things that
I think about when it comes to somebody perhaps sacrificing
their own light is are you apologizing for things you
(05:27):
didn't do? Are you a chronic apologizer and realizing? Like? Wait,
I didn't do that. Why am I apologizing? Do you
hide pieces of who you are to certain people or
in certain groups? Cause that's not cool too, Like you
want to be comfortable around the people in your life
who you should be loved by. You shouldn't have to
hide pieces of who you are. Do you tone yourself
(05:49):
down for other people? I equate that to also walking
on eggshells, Like do you do that or do you
simply just feel drained after being around certain people? Total
battery drain and energy suck. Right, when I think about
people I'm no longer super close to in my life,
and that's life, right. I've lived on this planet for
(06:10):
forty years, and sometimes friendships have a season. I think
that those are the people in my life who I
genuinely couldn't be myself around and who I did shrink
myself for. And there was one particular person who comes
to mind, who I'm no longer friends with, who I
really had to tone down my happiness quite a lot
because they were always in a negative, weird headspace, to
(06:34):
the point where like a few of us started talking like, hey,
this person's always dark. They always go dark. And because
that person always went dark, there was never a reciprocal
nature of our friendship. There was never a true genuine
interest in my life or how I was doing, or
the heartbreak I was going through. None of that mattered.
None of that mattered. There was no genuine connection. This
(06:55):
person simply wanted to get together, open up wine and drink,
and that's me as in a friendship like I want
to connect on a deeper level. So I think my
light was severely dimmed around this person because they always
had to be the one with the story or the
problem or the drama and needing the attention and the comfort,
to a point where I just said no more, like
(07:17):
I'm done. I am done. I can't keep dimming myself
for you when you could give two shits about what's
going on in my life. So, you know, it's noticing
those things that I think are super important and realizing
that you need to protect your light going forward a
few ways to do that. And this is all works
in progress. You know, I'm not not perfect. I still
(07:38):
am learning, but these are things I've picked up along
the way. For sure is you got to set boundaries,
especially energetic boundaries. This person, like I said, is no
longer in my life, could I have picked up the
phone and had a lunch and maybe had a session
where I poured out my heart and soul and told
this person everything I was feeling, and you know, put
(08:00):
a band aid on it and move on. I could have,
but I know deep down nothing would change because this
person is incapable of change. So why am I gonna
do that? Why am I gonna set myself up for
that when there's so many people in my life who
I love in a door I want to pour my
full energy into. I don't have time for that. That's
called a boundary. That's called an energetic boundary. I set it,
and I am done. It's not being harsh or cutting
(08:22):
someone out. It's just knowing, like what you are or
what you're not willing to tolerate anymore. I think you
have to also surround yourself around like minded people who
want the same things in life. Who you know, in
my case, I like driven, positive, you know, sees the day, grateful, respectful,
loyal people. I think it's important to find your tribe.
(08:43):
Your tribe does affect your vibe, and I firmly believe
that if you surround yourself with light, all of your
light can shine and everybody wants you to shine, right,
I think you also have to own your success. Nothing's
wrong with saying once in a while, I'm killing it,
I'm crushing it. I not do that for most of
my career, and it's only until lately I'll stop and say, Wow,
(09:04):
I'm proud of me, like I did it. That's awesome.
Go me right. I'm not like blasting it to the world.
It's just something I'll say to myself, and hopefully the
people in your life will want to say it to you.
They'll want to say it back to you, and I
hope you say it to them, because we should be
each other's biggest hype man and woman, like one hundred percent.
Let me hype you up, you hype me up. Let's go.
That is called, you know, creating a big bubble of
(09:25):
beautiful light for you and the people you love. And
I think it's also really important to remember who you are.
Social media is fake. It is fake, not real, and
everyone is pretending to be something online. And yes, we're
we're putting out, you know, pieces of our lives, but
we're putting out the highlights of our lives. Nobody knows
(09:45):
when I'm putting up a picture of me interviewing, you know,
one of the biggest stars in the world, Paris Hilton,
recently that I'm also dealing with heartbreak from a death,
like nobody knows that because I'm not really talking about
that in that moment. So we have to remember who
we are at our core, Like, yes, I can be
that person, but I'm also someone incredibly sensitive and genuine
(10:07):
and you know, so in touch with my feelings and
not everyone has the honor of seeing that. Think about
it that way, right, the pieces of you are an
honor that somebody gets to see an experience, and you
don't show everybody all of that because it's weird. You
don't just put every piece of you out on the
internet or you know, walked up to a stranger and
reveal every single side of who you are. But you
(10:27):
remember who you are. You know who you are. Don't
let anyone else tell you who you are or who
you aren't because people will try. People will one hundred
percent try to tell you who you are and who
you are not, and that is not their place. So
remember who you are because that is going to protect
your light one thousand percent. I want to reiterate as
(10:49):
I start wrapping this up, that you're not too much,
You're enough right, and the right people in your life
are never ever going to ask you to shrink or
to dim or dull that life. And if you feel
like you have to, you got to take stock of
who those people are and if you want to continue
that relationship and if there are people that you don't
know trying to dim your light. Right in my case,
(11:11):
Sarabin comments online that I've seen of people being awful
to me for no reason, for no reason or whatever
the reason is, it's their problem, not mine. And a
lot of people, I guess in a public facing job
will say this. You have to have the wherewithal to
know exactly who you are, so that last point I
just said, so that it doesn't affect you, because you
cannot let people win in taking away your joy. You
(11:35):
just can't. There's so much going on in this world.
We have to hold on to our joy. It matters
so much. And if you're a good person and you
know who you are at your core, I want you
to I don't want you, I beg you. I implore
you to hold on to that and not let a
single person ever make you feel less than or like
you're not enough. That was a lot of passion and
(11:58):
I feel like I talked to Miles minute. But I
just think this is such an important episode because we
live in a day and age where there is so
much meanness. There is so much cruelty in this world.
I can't go one day without opening up my Explore
page on social media and seeing someone ripping apart someone
for their weight, or for who they're dating, or just
(12:20):
for existing, and it's like, how did we get here?
And why are we here? And that's why I say
that world isn't real. Hold on to the people in
your life that you love and that love you and
who know you at your core, and don't dim your
light for anybody. Don't dim your light for anybody. If
something brings you joy, do it, post it, talk about it,
live it, experience it. And if somebody has a problem
(12:42):
with that, that's their problem, it's not yours. So keep
being the amazing person you were meant to be, living
the life you were meant to be, without telling anybody
else how to live their life, because you wouldn't want
them doing that to you. And I am reminding you
here and on this podcast that no one should have
the right to take your light away, because baby, it
(13:04):
is bright, it is beautiful, and you got to keep
it shining because you are meant to shine that light.
I've Never Said This Before is hosted by Me Tommy Dedario.
This podcast is executive produced by Andrew Puglisi at iHeartRadio
and by Me Tommy, with editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've
(13:26):
Never Said This Before is part of the Elvis Duran
podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts. For more, rate, review and
subscribe to our show and if you like this episode,
tell your friends. Until next time, I'm Tommy de Dario.
Elvis Duran and the Morning Show ON DEMAND News
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Fudd Around And Find Out
UConn basketball star Azzi Fudd brings her championship swag to iHeart Women’s Sports with Fudd Around and Find Out, a weekly podcast that takes fans along for the ride as Azzi spends her final year of college trying to reclaim the National Championship and prepare to be a first round WNBA draft pick. Ever wonder what it’s like to be a world-class athlete in the public spotlight while still managing schoolwork, friendships and family time? It’s time to Fudd Around and Find Out!