January 16, 2026 • 12 mins
On this episode of “Tommy Talk,” Tommy discusses hitting the big 4-0. Turning 40 often comes with a lot of noise. Society loves to call it a midlife crisis, but what if it’s actually a powerful awakening? Today Tommy is exploring what really happens when you step into this pivotal decade. From shifting identities and changing priorities to deeper self-awareness, confidence, and clarity, Tommy talks honestly about growing older, reinvention and redefining success on your own terms. Whether you’re approaching 40, already there, or reflecting on what life has taught you up to this point, this episode shows you that “midlife" is not an ending. It’s just the beginning baby, and we are just getting started.
Executive Producers: iHeart Media and Elvis Duran Podcast Network
Follow us on socials!
Instagram: @neversaidthisbefore
YouTube: @neversaidthisbefore
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk, and today's topic is
turning forty, midlife crisis or midlife awakening. So, for all
of my nineteen eighties babies, I was born in nineteen
eighty six, we're turning forty. We are turning forty. I'm
turning forty on January twenty eighth, and I'm entering this
(00:25):
year very reflective about it. It's kind of like your
life not to sound dramatic, but flashes before your eyes.
You have all the memories coming back to you from
childhood and teenage years and twenties and thirties, and you
start thinking about everything that's really shaped you up until
this point. The people, the jobs, the experiences, the relationships,
(00:48):
I mean everything. I just keep thinking about literally what
I have had to go through to be standing here today,
approaching forty years old. It's this somewhat of a life,
and I guess that maybe is what happens at midlife.
I don't know. I've never been this age before, but
it's so weird because in so many ways, I still
feel like that sixteen year old boy running around the
(01:11):
suburbs of New Jersey driving in my sky blue Toyota
Camery and now I'm here, Now I'm here. So I
think a big milestone birthday, even if you're not turning
forty per se, maybe fifty or sixty or even thirty.
I think it's a big deal in so many ways
because you just can't believe that you got here right.
(01:34):
And I think people always have this assumption that, oh,
my god, forty, midlife crisis year, over the hill, right.
I feel like coming up when my parents were turning forty,
over the hill was a big thing. You would see
the cards and the parties and everything was over the hill,
over the hill, over the hill. I can't say I
really see that nowadays anymore, which is kind of interesting.
But you saw a lot of it, and you still
have this this kind of feeling of, well, am I midlife?
(02:00):
Guess I am on paper. And what's really funny now
is I have these great, great we'll call them gen
z ers who work for me at my show, and
a lot of gen Zers who come on my show
will look at me and they find out my age
and they're like, oh my god, you're about to be forty.
You don't look forty, which is a compliment, but at
the same time, it's like, oh my god, you're acting
(02:20):
like I said, I'm turning ninety five, Like it's I'm
at that age now where people can't believe your age.
So here we are. And I started thinking about, you know,
is this a midlife crisis or a midlife awakening? So
let's dive in society. They love a crisis narrative. Right
over the hill, life is halfway over. It all goes downhill.
Get ready for the downfall of your body. And you
(02:41):
know what, I say, Hell no to all of that. No, no,
no, no no. I am determined to be the best me
I can be at forty and the best shape of
my life, achieving my wildest dreams. Like I am not
participating in that narrative that society loves to throw at us.
For whatever reason. It is no thank you. They want
to create panic. I feel like when you hit a
milestone birthday instead of peace, and I am choosing peace.
(03:05):
I have never felt more secure about who I am
in my entire life. I know exactly who I am
at forty years old. I can't say I knew that
about me in my twenties thirties. I started getting there
for sure, but a lot of doubt would creep in,
and fear would creep in, and I would spend so
much time worrying about and focusing on things that didn't
matter to be honest, complete bullshit, and focusing on people
(03:29):
or problems that I can promise you we're not being
thought about from their end right, Like the things I
would worry about about certain people, I can't say they
were worried about about me. So I'm choosing a more
peaceful life at this point of my life, and I
truly have never felt more secure about who I am.
That's a blessing about this age, and I love that
I'm also choosing people that make me feel good. I'm
(03:51):
choosing career choices that make me feel good, experiences that
make me feel good. If I don't want to do something,
guess what, I'm not going to do it. I'm at
the age now where I'm going to say no, and
I'm not going to give you an explanation like I'm
just not unless you're one of my closest friends or
like a best friend. But how many times are we
put in situations by coworkers or acquaintances and we feel like,
(04:14):
oh my god, I have to explain why I can't
go somewhere, why I don't want to do something. No No,
if it's not something that makes me feel good, I'm
just not going to do it, and I'm not going
to give an explanation for it. That's empowering at forty.
I would never do that in my twenties or early thirties,
no way. But now absolutely saying no is a powerful thing,
(04:36):
and I have no problem doing it, which I really
have to say. I like being someone that was a
people pleaser for a lot of my life. For sure.
I'm also more motivated than ever to achieve my wildest
dreams that I still have. I think that for me,
and I hope this is something inspiring for you. I
feel like my best decade is going to be my forties.
(04:57):
I think I was someone who was meant to achieve
all the things that were great, so to speak, in
my forties, not to say I haven't achieved them already,
and I'm very proud of where I've been and where
I've come from and the things I've done up to
this point. I give myself that credit. I think we
have to honor where we've come from and what we're doing.
And I know I've accomplished a lot of things on
(05:17):
my list, but I don't know. Man, I feel like
my forties is really my time to sink my teeth
into I want what I want to accomplish, and I
think that's probably the same for many of you. And
I did an episode about success having no age limit,
and there's so many people who have achieved their wildest
dreams later in life forties, fifties, sixties. I've always felt
(05:38):
that would be me. I can't pinpoint it. I just have.
And I attribute that to also knowing who I am.
I think that growing up as a closet a kid
in Jersey and always feeling like i'd approved myself or
hide something like, all of that's gone. All of that
is gone. I can really just allow myself to enter
into the space I want to enter and bringing my
full self to it. And I don't care about I
(06:00):
don't care about falling on my face, I don't care
about not looking cool doing something like. I just I
want to do what I want to do and I
don't care about other public opinion. And I think that
is so fucking freeing. Oh my god, it feels so good.
So I think that being at this point in my life,
it is gonna it is gonna help me achieve the
things I really want to achieve. Still, and there are
(06:22):
all sorts of different things. And we should never stop dreaming.
Dreaming forty doesn't mean we have to stop dreaming. We
should never, ever, ever stop dreaming, because it's just the beginning,
in so many ways, the beginning of a new chapter
of stepping into who we really are. So dream big,
Dream so big. I'm also more encouraged to live, to
say yes, to take a chance. I'm somebody that traditionally
(06:43):
maybe has always been kind of type A, a little anal,
very organized, and I don't know if something has been
planned it can frazzle me. Maybe I think, oh no,
I can't do that. And here's an example. A few
weeks ago, I've always wanted to see the Danity Cane concert.
They were reunite. They're a girl group from like two
thousand and eight nine that were made on a trl
(07:05):
MTV show and not Tararel, but on an MTV show,
and I love them growing up. I think they were
so great. And they were doing a reunion tour and
stopping here in New York City at Webster Hall and
I've been saying for days and days and days, Oh
my god, I wish I could see them, and I
didn't get tickets. And then the day of I woke
up and I'm like, damn, I'm still thinking about this.
(07:25):
I really want to go, but it's the day of, Like,
I can't go to a concert tonight, and how to
even get tickets or sold out? Well, guess what I
DMed and a member of the group, her name was Andrea,
and I said, Hey, if there's any chance to grab
some tickets, I know you guys hold them sometimes for
friends and family. Let me know. We'll love to grab
a ticket. She go back in seconds, and next thing
I know, I'm on the VIP list going to see
(07:46):
Danity Kane at Webster Hall with a friend. Like I
feel like I maybe wouldn't have done that a year ago,
but this Tommy, this Tommy is seizing the day and saying,
we have one life to live and let's go out
there and do fun experiences and make them epics. So
I'm more inclined to live and say yes and just
jump onto things without having so much planning or worry,
like it's just a beautiful thing. I also at forty
(08:10):
almost forty. I'm caring less about people's opinions. I'm caring
less about setting boundaries, like I will set a boundary
if I need to, and I'm not going to feel
bad about it. I'm more confident, but it's a quiet confidence.
It's a quiet confidence. It's not arrogance. I'm just quietly confident.
And words hurt less. We all have people that want
to say bad things about us, or knock us down
(08:31):
or talk behind our back, especially doing what I do.
I see some not so great comments sometimes online or
people will message me them, which are awful, and I
don't care. Like. The funny thing is the gag is
I just don't care. Like if somebody doesn't like I
don't know an episode on my show or what I'm wearing,
or they think I'm too you know, buff, or too skinny,
(08:55):
or my next too big. These are all things I've gotten.
Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? I don't care.
Words hurt less like words hurt less, right, so public
opinion I don't really care about. That's a freeing thing.
At forty, it's pretty cool now. I want people in
my life who I love to feel proud of me
and to you know, look at me as someone that
(09:16):
they feel inspired by maybe or motivated by. Like I
want the people I love to feel that way, and
I hope people that I don't know feel that way
because I try to live my life being a good
person and putting kindness into the world. And the whole
point of my platform is I want to bring people
a little more joy than they had before tuning into
something that I'm doing. But if you're talking shit, guys,
(09:36):
it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. And as we grow
older we learn that and we don't hold onto those
words as much. Oh it's a beautiful thing because don't
let anybody dull your crown. You shine that crown so
damn brightly on your head and don't let anybody do
all that. That's a cool thing about forty right. So
I just feel like knowing who I am allows me
to step into what I want to be in this
(09:56):
next era. A piece of fear may always be there,
can't always shake it, but it's less It's a different
kind of fear. It's a fear that motivates and inspires me.
And I'm sure there are moments I will be flat
out just scared shitless, and that's also fine because I
want to feel that. That means I'm living. It means
I'm trying something new. It means I'm in the arena.
I'm doing it. So I'm not scared of fear. I'm
(10:18):
and I'm not sad. I'm not sad to be turning forty.
I'm nostalgic. I'm thinking a lot about defining moments of
my life personally and professionally. I'm thinking about friendship's loss,
friendship's gained. I'm thinking of people who I love who
have passed. It's a very reflective period. But I said
the word peaceful earlier, and I mean it. I'm in
a very peaceful moment of my life. And I'm realizing
(10:40):
that time is so precious. I feel like I blinked
and here I am. I can't believe it. I really
do feel like a teen sometimes still and wow, like
here I am at forty. So you realize how precious
time is. And it's a reminder to savor every moment
of life, to live, to truly live life. So for
(11:01):
anybody listening who might be hitting a milestone, who have
hit a milestone, I just want to say it keeps
getting better. It keeps getting better if we continue to
take care of ourselves, prioritize ourselves, sleep, eat well, move
our bodies, hopefully do a job that fulfills us, and
if not, find activities that fulfill us, because that's okay too,
(11:23):
that's totally okay, right, And just having some sort of
outlet of joy and creativity. I think that's really important.
And we have one life to live, one life to live.
Yeah I'm forty. Yeah, that used to be called over
the hill, But you know what, bring it on, because
I have never felt better in my life. I have
never felt better in my life. Age is a mentality,
(11:46):
it's a number, and I am just so excited to
see what this decade is going to bring. So just remember,
my friends, as we continue to grow older in this wild,
crazy life that we are in, let's make it the
damn best we can because we have one shot at it.
We have one shot at it, and we deserve to
live a life that we dream on. I've never said
(12:10):
this before. Is hosted by me Tommy Dedario. This podcast
is executive produced by Andrew Pavlici at iHeartRadio and by
Me Tommy, with editing by Joshua Colaudney I've never said
this before is part of the Elvis Durant podcast Network
on iHeart Podcasts for more, rate, review and subscribe to
our show and if you liked this episode, tell your friends.
(12:33):
Until next time, I'm Tommy Dedario.
Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk, and today's topic is
turning forty, midlife crisis or midlife awakening. So, for all
of my nineteen eighties babies, I was born in nineteen
eighty six, we're turning forty. We are turning forty. I'm
turning forty on January twenty eighth, and I'm entering this
(00:25):
year very reflective about it. It's kind of like your
life not to sound dramatic, but flashes before your eyes.
You have all the memories coming back to you from
childhood and teenage years and twenties and thirties, and you
start thinking about everything that's really shaped you up until
this point. The people, the jobs, the experiences, the relationships,
(00:48):
I mean everything. I just keep thinking about literally what
I have had to go through to be standing here today,
approaching forty years old. It's this somewhat of a life,
and I guess that maybe is what happens at midlife.
I don't know. I've never been this age before, but
it's so weird because in so many ways, I still
feel like that sixteen year old boy running around the
(01:11):
suburbs of New Jersey driving in my sky blue Toyota
Camery and now I'm here, Now I'm here. So I
think a big milestone birthday, even if you're not turning
forty per se, maybe fifty or sixty or even thirty.
I think it's a big deal in so many ways
because you just can't believe that you got here right.
(01:34):
And I think people always have this assumption that, oh,
my god, forty, midlife crisis year, over the hill, right.
I feel like coming up when my parents were turning forty,
over the hill was a big thing. You would see
the cards and the parties and everything was over the hill,
over the hill, over the hill. I can't say I
really see that nowadays anymore, which is kind of interesting.
But you saw a lot of it, and you still
have this this kind of feeling of, well, am I midlife?
(02:00):
Guess I am on paper. And what's really funny now
is I have these great, great we'll call them gen
z ers who work for me at my show, and
a lot of gen Zers who come on my show
will look at me and they find out my age
and they're like, oh my god, you're about to be forty.
You don't look forty, which is a compliment, but at
the same time, it's like, oh my god, you're acting
(02:20):
like I said, I'm turning ninety five, Like it's I'm
at that age now where people can't believe your age.
So here we are. And I started thinking about, you know,
is this a midlife crisis or a midlife awakening? So
let's dive in society. They love a crisis narrative. Right
over the hill, life is halfway over. It all goes downhill.
Get ready for the downfall of your body. And you
(02:41):
know what, I say, Hell no to all of that. No, no,
no, no no. I am determined to be the best me
I can be at forty and the best shape of
my life, achieving my wildest dreams. Like I am not
participating in that narrative that society loves to throw at us.
For whatever reason. It is no thank you. They want
to create panic. I feel like when you hit a
milestone birthday instead of peace, and I am choosing peace.
(03:05):
I have never felt more secure about who I am
in my entire life. I know exactly who I am
at forty years old. I can't say I knew that
about me in my twenties thirties. I started getting there
for sure, but a lot of doubt would creep in,
and fear would creep in, and I would spend so
much time worrying about and focusing on things that didn't
matter to be honest, complete bullshit, and focusing on people
(03:29):
or problems that I can promise you we're not being
thought about from their end right, Like the things I
would worry about about certain people, I can't say they
were worried about about me. So I'm choosing a more
peaceful life at this point of my life, and I
truly have never felt more secure about who I am.
That's a blessing about this age, and I love that
I'm also choosing people that make me feel good. I'm
(03:51):
choosing career choices that make me feel good, experiences that
make me feel good. If I don't want to do something,
guess what, I'm not going to do it. I'm at
the age now where I'm going to say no, and
I'm not going to give you an explanation like I'm
just not unless you're one of my closest friends or
like a best friend. But how many times are we
put in situations by coworkers or acquaintances and we feel like,
(04:14):
oh my god, I have to explain why I can't
go somewhere, why I don't want to do something. No No,
if it's not something that makes me feel good, I'm
just not going to do it, and I'm not going
to give an explanation for it. That's empowering at forty.
I would never do that in my twenties or early thirties,
no way. But now absolutely saying no is a powerful thing,
(04:36):
and I have no problem doing it, which I really
have to say. I like being someone that was a
people pleaser for a lot of my life. For sure.
I'm also more motivated than ever to achieve my wildest
dreams that I still have. I think that for me,
and I hope this is something inspiring for you. I
feel like my best decade is going to be my forties.
(04:57):
I think I was someone who was meant to achieve
all the things that were great, so to speak, in
my forties, not to say I haven't achieved them already,
and I'm very proud of where I've been and where
I've come from and the things I've done up to
this point. I give myself that credit. I think we
have to honor where we've come from and what we're doing.
And I know I've accomplished a lot of things on
(05:17):
my list, but I don't know. Man, I feel like
my forties is really my time to sink my teeth
into I want what I want to accomplish, and I
think that's probably the same for many of you. And
I did an episode about success having no age limit,
and there's so many people who have achieved their wildest
dreams later in life forties, fifties, sixties. I've always felt
(05:38):
that would be me. I can't pinpoint it. I just have.
And I attribute that to also knowing who I am.
I think that growing up as a closet a kid
in Jersey and always feeling like i'd approved myself or
hide something like, all of that's gone. All of that
is gone. I can really just allow myself to enter
into the space I want to enter and bringing my
full self to it. And I don't care about I
(06:00):
don't care about falling on my face, I don't care
about not looking cool doing something like. I just I
want to do what I want to do and I
don't care about other public opinion. And I think that
is so fucking freeing. Oh my god, it feels so good.
So I think that being at this point in my life,
it is gonna it is gonna help me achieve the
things I really want to achieve. Still, and there are
(06:22):
all sorts of different things. And we should never stop dreaming.
Dreaming forty doesn't mean we have to stop dreaming. We
should never, ever, ever stop dreaming, because it's just the beginning,
in so many ways, the beginning of a new chapter
of stepping into who we really are. So dream big,
Dream so big. I'm also more encouraged to live, to
say yes, to take a chance. I'm somebody that traditionally
(06:43):
maybe has always been kind of type A, a little anal,
very organized, and I don't know if something has been
planned it can frazzle me. Maybe I think, oh no,
I can't do that. And here's an example. A few
weeks ago, I've always wanted to see the Danity Cane concert.
They were reunite. They're a girl group from like two
thousand and eight nine that were made on a trl
(07:05):
MTV show and not Tararel, but on an MTV show,
and I love them growing up. I think they were
so great. And they were doing a reunion tour and
stopping here in New York City at Webster Hall and
I've been saying for days and days and days, Oh
my god, I wish I could see them, and I
didn't get tickets. And then the day of I woke
up and I'm like, damn, I'm still thinking about this.
(07:25):
I really want to go, but it's the day of, Like,
I can't go to a concert tonight, and how to
even get tickets or sold out? Well, guess what I
DMed and a member of the group, her name was Andrea,
and I said, Hey, if there's any chance to grab
some tickets, I know you guys hold them sometimes for
friends and family. Let me know. We'll love to grab
a ticket. She go back in seconds, and next thing
I know, I'm on the VIP list going to see
(07:46):
Danity Kane at Webster Hall with a friend. Like I
feel like I maybe wouldn't have done that a year ago,
but this Tommy, this Tommy is seizing the day and saying,
we have one life to live and let's go out
there and do fun experiences and make them epics. So
I'm more inclined to live and say yes and just
jump onto things without having so much planning or worry,
like it's just a beautiful thing. I also at forty
(08:10):
almost forty. I'm caring less about people's opinions. I'm caring
less about setting boundaries, like I will set a boundary
if I need to, and I'm not going to feel
bad about it. I'm more confident, but it's a quiet confidence.
It's a quiet confidence. It's not arrogance. I'm just quietly confident.
And words hurt less. We all have people that want
to say bad things about us, or knock us down
(08:31):
or talk behind our back, especially doing what I do.
I see some not so great comments sometimes online or
people will message me them, which are awful, and I
don't care. Like. The funny thing is the gag is
I just don't care. Like if somebody doesn't like I
don't know an episode on my show or what I'm wearing,
or they think I'm too you know, buff, or too skinny,
(08:55):
or my next too big. These are all things I've gotten.
Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? I don't care.
Words hurt less like words hurt less, right, so public
opinion I don't really care about. That's a freeing thing.
At forty, it's pretty cool now. I want people in
my life who I love to feel proud of me
and to you know, look at me as someone that
(09:16):
they feel inspired by maybe or motivated by. Like I
want the people I love to feel that way, and
I hope people that I don't know feel that way
because I try to live my life being a good
person and putting kindness into the world. And the whole
point of my platform is I want to bring people
a little more joy than they had before tuning into
something that I'm doing. But if you're talking shit, guys,
(09:36):
it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. And as we grow
older we learn that and we don't hold onto those
words as much. Oh it's a beautiful thing because don't
let anybody dull your crown. You shine that crown so
damn brightly on your head and don't let anybody do
all that. That's a cool thing about forty right. So
I just feel like knowing who I am allows me
to step into what I want to be in this
(09:56):
next era. A piece of fear may always be there,
can't always shake it, but it's less It's a different
kind of fear. It's a fear that motivates and inspires me.
And I'm sure there are moments I will be flat
out just scared shitless, and that's also fine because I
want to feel that. That means I'm living. It means
I'm trying something new. It means I'm in the arena.
I'm doing it. So I'm not scared of fear. I'm
(10:18):
and I'm not sad. I'm not sad to be turning forty.
I'm nostalgic. I'm thinking a lot about defining moments of
my life personally and professionally. I'm thinking about friendship's loss,
friendship's gained. I'm thinking of people who I love who
have passed. It's a very reflective period. But I said
the word peaceful earlier, and I mean it. I'm in
a very peaceful moment of my life. And I'm realizing
(10:40):
that time is so precious. I feel like I blinked
and here I am. I can't believe it. I really
do feel like a teen sometimes still and wow, like
here I am at forty. So you realize how precious
time is. And it's a reminder to savor every moment
of life, to live, to truly live life. So for
(11:01):
anybody listening who might be hitting a milestone, who have
hit a milestone, I just want to say it keeps
getting better. It keeps getting better if we continue to
take care of ourselves, prioritize ourselves, sleep, eat well, move
our bodies, hopefully do a job that fulfills us, and
if not, find activities that fulfill us, because that's okay too,
(11:23):
that's totally okay, right, And just having some sort of
outlet of joy and creativity. I think that's really important.
And we have one life to live, one life to live.
Yeah I'm forty. Yeah, that used to be called over
the hill, But you know what, bring it on, because
I have never felt better in my life. I have
never felt better in my life. Age is a mentality,
(11:46):
it's a number, and I am just so excited to
see what this decade is going to bring. So just remember,
my friends, as we continue to grow older in this wild,
crazy life that we are in, let's make it the
damn best we can because we have one shot at it.
We have one shot at it, and we deserve to
live a life that we dream on. I've never said
(12:10):
this before. Is hosted by me Tommy Dedario. This podcast
is executive produced by Andrew Pavlici at iHeartRadio and by
Me Tommy, with editing by Joshua Colaudney I've never said
this before is part of the Elvis Durant podcast Network
on iHeart Podcasts for more, rate, review and subscribe to
our show and if you liked this episode, tell your friends.
(12:33):
Until next time, I'm Tommy Dedario.
Elvis Duran and the Morning Show ON DEMAND News
Popular Podcasts
Two Guys, Five Rings: Matt, Bowen & The Olympics
Two Guys (Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers). Five Rings (you know, from the Olympics logo). One essential podcast for the 2026 Milan-Cortina Winter Olympics. Bowen Yang (SNL, Wicked) and Matt Rogers (Palm Royale, No Good Deed) of Las Culturistas are back for a second season of Two Guys, Five Rings, a collaboration with NBC Sports and iHeartRadio. In this 15-episode event, Bowen and Matt discuss the top storylines, obsess over Italian culture, and find out what really goes on in the Olympic Village.
iHeartOlympics: The Latest
Listen to the latest news from the 2026 Winter Olympics.
Milan Cortina Winter Olympics
The 2026 Winter Olympics in Milan Cortina are here and have everyone talking. iHeartPodcasts is buzzing with content in honor of the XXV Winter Olympics We’re bringing you episodes from a variety of iHeartPodcast shows to help you keep up with the action. Follow Milan Cortina Winter Olympics so you don’t miss any coverage of the 2026 Winter Olympics, and if you like what you hear, be sure to follow each Podcast in the feed for more great content from iHeartPodcasts.