April 10, 2026 • 12 mins
On this episode of “Tommy Talk,” Tommy explores finding peace in the truth that we can’t please everyone. At some point, we realize that no matter how hard we try, someone will misunderstand us, disagree with us, or simply not like us for reasons that often have more to do with them than with us. But here’s the thing: what if your life isn’t meant to be approved by everyone, but instead meant to be FULLY lived by you? Let’s dive in.
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Executive Producers: iHeart Media and Elvis Duran Podcast Network
Producers: Andrew Pugliese, Stephanie Lane, Josh Kolodny, Celia Romano
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk, and today's topic is
you can't please everyone, so you might as well be yourself. Oh,
I am so passionate about this, and I feel like
stepping into a new decade is really reaffirming this idea.
So this is an episode today about letting go of approval,
about embracing authenticity and building a life that ah, it
(00:27):
just actually feels like it's your life. Quite often we
make decisions in life for other people, or we make
decisions based on what we think we should be doing
based on what people may or may not think of us.
But in reality, are we really making these decisions for us?
That's the question I want to raise today. And the
truth is, I think a lot of decision making can
(00:47):
come from wanting people to like us. But at the
end of the day, it's not gonna happen. Not everybody
is gonna like you. Even if you are the most pure, beautiful,
kind person in the world, not everybody's gonna like you.
So I guess at some point you realize that no
matter how hard you try, someone's going to misunderstand you,
(01:08):
someone is going to disagree with you, or somebody is
simply not going to like you. But here's the thing.
What if your life isn't meant to be approved by everyone,
but instead, what if life is meant to be lived
by you? Hmm. That's like a big aha that I've
been having lately, and I want to dive into what
(01:29):
this means, both professionally and personally, because I feel like
those are two identities that we all have and remembering
that you can't please everyone in both of those categories
is so important. So professionally, we're gonna start there. So
I'm gonna tell you a story. I was just hosting
the iHeartRadio Music Awards out in La. Now, this is
(01:49):
a two and a half hour show. I have never
worked with this team before. I know them and they
are incredible people, but we've never really worked together in
this capacity, I should say. So you just never know
what you're gonna expect, right. You hope it goes well,
but you don't know where it's gonna go or how
it's gonna go. So on top of all of that
and prepping for the awards, which is basically you're talking
(02:11):
to ninety people and you have to know talking points
on everybody and be able to think on your feet
and I'm handing out awards live during the show, and
I'm riffing and tossing to my co anchors. So there's
a lot that you're balancing when you host a show
like this. Not to mention that we're live on TikTok
and YouTube, so people are live commenting during the show.
(02:33):
I guess me, like ten years ago, would be so
worried about what people were saying in real time, like, oh,
read me some of the comments, or how's it going
or what are people thinking? Where I can honestly say,
is me today. I don't want to see the comments,
not because people's opinions don't matter. People's opinions do matter
to me, absolutely. I love people's opinions, but I love
(02:55):
them for a very specific reason. I love people getting
involved in sharing opinions because they want to be part
of a community. And not everyone is like that, right,
Some people just want to share opinions to be cruel
or mean or controversial or edgy, and I'm not interested
in that. And I guess the old me growing up right,
twenty year old me, will say, was always so hyper
(03:17):
focused and fixated on what people were saying or thinking.
And when I hosted this show. I can honestly say
I didn't ask to see that once because I know
I'm doing the best job that I can and it's
a good job. Because I pride myself on the work
that I do. I prepared my assah for it. I
studied for days and days and days. The night before
(03:40):
I was out in La staying in a hotel, and
I could have gone out and had a fabulous night
with friends, but I stayed in my hotel. I ordered
a salad and I read notes like I did everything
I can to make this a success. So in my mind,
I'm going to go out there and deliver the best
work that I can do, and if not everybody likes it.
Not everybody likes it, but I hope they do. But
you can't control it. So I was really proud that
(04:01):
I was able to let go of that component in
that moment, right because I can't control public opinion all
the time, and well, I can't control it, ever, I
should say, so let me focus on the things that
I can control, which is the job that I can do.
So realizing that I can't please everyone going into a
really big job helped me focus on the quality of work.
(04:24):
Rather than the things that don't really matter that I
can't control that could actually end up hurting the job
I'm doing because my mind is so distracted by other things,
other things than me being present in the moment, which
I needed to be. So it was a really good
reaffirmation that I need to focus on the things that
I actually can control. And it's like shifting the mind
(04:48):
from approval seeking to self trust, right, like I trusted
myself that I could do the job that I knew
I could do, instead of needing the approval of everyone
to tell me I'm doing a good job, Like I
just that I could do it. I knew that I
could rise to the occasion. So that was a huge,
big aha. And also realizing that yeah, I'm up there
(05:08):
doing my best, hosting my heart out. But even so,
even so, not everyone's gonna like you. And guess what,
I kind of think that's a good thing I do,
because being liked by everyone can often mean you're not
really being authentic, like at all to anybody, right, because
how can everybody like you? It's just impossible, It is
(05:31):
impossible unless you're I don't know Judy Garland, because who
doesn't love her? And the Wizard of Oz. But I mean,
it's just inevitable, like someone's gonna always make a preconceived
notion or a judgment based on what you look like
or not knowing you or what they think they know
about you, and it's just gonna happen. So so being
liked by everyone, that idea of being liked by everyone,
(05:52):
it's not real. It's just not real in the world
that we live in. And I feel like once you
can get past that, you can own your per personality
fully and own who you are fully, which I think
is such a beautiful and important thing. I'm sure there
are people who watch my interviews who don't like me,
and I don't know the reasons why, and that's okay.
Not everyone's going to like you, it is okay. I
(06:13):
have made peace with that. It's not always easy to
get there, but I've really made peace with that. And
I think it's a knowing of who I am at
this stage of my life and knowing what I stand
for and the values I have and the job that
I want to do and the pride I have in
my work that if someone doesn't understand that, it's okay,
that's on them. It's not on you. It's not on you.
I think also being able to handle any kind of criticism,
(06:37):
whether it's online or in real life, is huge in
realizing that you can't please everyone because once again, those
comments aren't about you. They really aren't about you. Now,
I love some constructive criticism. I'm like a sponge. I
never want to stop learning and growing and developing my craft.
So if someone's like, hey, Tommy, try it this way
because I think it will make it better, I'm game.
(06:58):
Like I have asked mentors and people I look up
to for their advice. I'm writing a script right now.
I don't know everything about script writing. Someone basically told
me to chop twenty five pages off of my script,
and I'm like, oh my god, that's my baby. You know,
I have that moment of like, wait, that's my baby.
I don't want to cut, and guess what. I ended
up cutting twenty five pages and it's a better movie.
So I am all about constructive criticism, but other like
(07:19):
BS criticism just for people to be mean, you gotta
let that roll off, because again, you're not for everyone
for whatever reason, that's a them problem, not a you problem.
And even personally like Realizing that you can't please everybody
is huge. Like saying no to things and not always
being available is okay. You have a busy life. You
(07:39):
can't go to every baby shower, wedding, birthday, the list
goes on and on and on. I mean, we only
have so much time in a week. And if you
have to say no to something to prioritize your well
being or your health or your mental wealth state, like,
it's okay to do that. Saying no and not being
available is one hundred percent okay. Will the person be pleased,
(08:02):
Maybe not, But if they are a real friend or
somebody who has respects and admiration for you, they're gonna
be okay. They'll get through it, and then maybe you'll
just do a dinner and make it up to them
another time. But you don't always have to be available.
You don't and that's something that we all have to learn.
You can't please everyone. You can't please everyone, and that's okay.
(08:24):
Oh I'm really really, like really said on that one,
because it's taking me a long time to realize I
was a bit of a people pleaser, giving an excuse
for why I couldn't do something even when I said no,
and you know it didn't feel good. It really didn't
feel good. And also, if you're saying yes to everything,
you start living your life for others. And while you
(08:48):
want to be a good friend and somebody that's generous
and available because that's just a good person and a
good friend, you can't do it all. You really can't
do it all. Nobody should hold your feet to the
fire and have that expectation for you either. So I
think saying no to things and not being available all
the time is okay, and it's it's yes, you're not
(09:09):
going to please everyone, but it's the way to protect
your piece when you need to. And there's a big
cost of people pleasing. There is a huge cost of
people pleasing. A burnout is one of them. I mean,
over scheduling yourself and looking at your calendar and being like,
oh my god, I am out every single night of
the week. When do I have a minute for me?
I don't know when, because I don't think I do.
(09:32):
And then you get burned out, and then you get
bad energy, and then you're in a negative cycle and
then you're pissy. I mean it just just spirals downwards
from there. You also kind of lose your identity when
you're people pleasing all the time, because you forget, well,
what do I stand for or who am I? Or
what do I want out of life? Right? Because I'm
living for all these other people, so who am I?
(09:53):
Who am I? That is a danger of people pleasing
so personally as well in your personal life, you can't
always please everybody. We love our friends, we love our family,
We want to be around them as much as we can,
but we also have obligations and work and things, and yes,
we want to make time for what really matters in life.
It is short and I stand by that, so we
(10:14):
do need to make time for those things that are important.
But again, you can't do it all, and that's okay.
Like if you need a quiet night in your house
reading a book with a cup of tea or a
cocktail instead of going out again, do it like you
have to protect your piece, because we also can't show
up for other people being the best version of a
friend or a spouse or anything fill in the blank
(10:37):
unless our cups are filled as well. So realizing that
you can't please everyone is a really valuable lesson that
I've learned more than ever lately. I still fall into
the trap. I'm a human. I'm a human, but I
think we beat ourselves up. We all beat ourselves up
quite a bit wanting to make people feel the best
(10:58):
that they can, and if we're not able to, that's
when we're coming down on ourselves like, oh my god,
I should have done that, or I sucked or the
should have what it could is right, and I hate
the should of what it could is. When I hear
somebody say should it what it could it in any
sort of sentence, I'm like, Nope, can't change it. What
does that solve? It's okay, learn from it and move on.
So all this to say is you cannot please everybody,
(11:19):
and it's okay because we have to protect our peace
sometimes and live the life that we are meant to live.
And might somebody get hurt, maybe maybe, but if they
really know you and love you, they won't because they
know there's no ill intention behind any decision you're making. Hopefully,
because you still need to be a good person and
(11:39):
will everybody in the world running through this life seeing
you on social media or at work or in friend
groups like you know, and that's okay too, because it's
not about you. So just remember you can't please everyone,
so you might as well just be yourself, because I
promise you yourself is what we need in this world
more than ever. I've Never Said This Before is hosted
(12:05):
by Me Tommy Dederio. This podcast is executive produced by
Andrew Puglisi at iHeartRadio and by me Tommy, with editing
by Joshua Colaudney. I've Never Said This Before is part
of the Elvis Duran podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts. For more,
rate review and subscribe to our show and if you
liked this episode, tell your friends. Until next time, I'm
(12:28):
Tommy de Dario
Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk, and today's topic is
you can't please everyone, so you might as well be yourself. Oh,
I am so passionate about this, and I feel like
stepping into a new decade is really reaffirming this idea.
So this is an episode today about letting go of approval,
about embracing authenticity and building a life that ah, it
(00:27):
just actually feels like it's your life. Quite often we
make decisions in life for other people, or we make
decisions based on what we think we should be doing
based on what people may or may not think of us.
But in reality, are we really making these decisions for us?
That's the question I want to raise today. And the
truth is, I think a lot of decision making can
(00:47):
come from wanting people to like us. But at the
end of the day, it's not gonna happen. Not everybody
is gonna like you. Even if you are the most pure, beautiful,
kind person in the world, not everybody's gonna like you.
So I guess at some point you realize that no
matter how hard you try, someone's going to misunderstand you,
(01:08):
someone is going to disagree with you, or somebody is
simply not going to like you. But here's the thing.
What if your life isn't meant to be approved by everyone,
but instead, what if life is meant to be lived
by you? Hmm. That's like a big aha that I've
been having lately, and I want to dive into what
(01:29):
this means, both professionally and personally, because I feel like
those are two identities that we all have and remembering
that you can't please everyone in both of those categories
is so important. So professionally, we're gonna start there. So
I'm gonna tell you a story. I was just hosting
the iHeartRadio Music Awards out in La. Now, this is
(01:49):
a two and a half hour show. I have never
worked with this team before. I know them and they
are incredible people, but we've never really worked together in
this capacity, I should say. So you just never know
what you're gonna expect, right. You hope it goes well,
but you don't know where it's gonna go or how
it's gonna go. So on top of all of that
and prepping for the awards, which is basically you're talking
(02:11):
to ninety people and you have to know talking points
on everybody and be able to think on your feet
and I'm handing out awards live during the show, and
I'm riffing and tossing to my co anchors. So there's
a lot that you're balancing when you host a show
like this. Not to mention that we're live on TikTok
and YouTube, so people are live commenting during the show.
(02:33):
I guess me, like ten years ago, would be so
worried about what people were saying in real time, like, oh,
read me some of the comments, or how's it going
or what are people thinking? Where I can honestly say,
is me today. I don't want to see the comments,
not because people's opinions don't matter. People's opinions do matter
to me, absolutely. I love people's opinions, but I love
(02:55):
them for a very specific reason. I love people getting
involved in sharing opinions because they want to be part
of a community. And not everyone is like that, right,
Some people just want to share opinions to be cruel
or mean or controversial or edgy, and I'm not interested
in that. And I guess the old me growing up right,
twenty year old me, will say, was always so hyper
(03:17):
focused and fixated on what people were saying or thinking.
And when I hosted this show. I can honestly say
I didn't ask to see that once because I know
I'm doing the best job that I can and it's
a good job. Because I pride myself on the work
that I do. I prepared my assah for it. I
studied for days and days and days. The night before
(03:40):
I was out in La staying in a hotel, and
I could have gone out and had a fabulous night
with friends, but I stayed in my hotel. I ordered
a salad and I read notes like I did everything
I can to make this a success. So in my mind,
I'm going to go out there and deliver the best
work that I can do, and if not everybody likes it.
Not everybody likes it, but I hope they do. But
you can't control it. So I was really proud that
(04:01):
I was able to let go of that component in
that moment, right because I can't control public opinion all
the time, and well, I can't control it, ever, I
should say, so let me focus on the things that
I can control, which is the job that I can do.
So realizing that I can't please everyone going into a
really big job helped me focus on the quality of work.
(04:24):
Rather than the things that don't really matter that I
can't control that could actually end up hurting the job
I'm doing because my mind is so distracted by other things,
other things than me being present in the moment, which
I needed to be. So it was a really good
reaffirmation that I need to focus on the things that
I actually can control. And it's like shifting the mind
(04:48):
from approval seeking to self trust, right, like I trusted
myself that I could do the job that I knew
I could do, instead of needing the approval of everyone
to tell me I'm doing a good job, Like I
just that I could do it. I knew that I
could rise to the occasion. So that was a huge,
big aha. And also realizing that yeah, I'm up there
(05:08):
doing my best, hosting my heart out. But even so,
even so, not everyone's gonna like you. And guess what,
I kind of think that's a good thing I do,
because being liked by everyone can often mean you're not
really being authentic, like at all to anybody, right, because
how can everybody like you? It's just impossible, It is
(05:31):
impossible unless you're I don't know Judy Garland, because who
doesn't love her? And the Wizard of Oz. But I mean,
it's just inevitable, like someone's gonna always make a preconceived
notion or a judgment based on what you look like
or not knowing you or what they think they know
about you, and it's just gonna happen. So so being
liked by everyone, that idea of being liked by everyone,
(05:52):
it's not real. It's just not real in the world
that we live in. And I feel like once you
can get past that, you can own your per personality
fully and own who you are fully, which I think
is such a beautiful and important thing. I'm sure there
are people who watch my interviews who don't like me,
and I don't know the reasons why, and that's okay.
Not everyone's going to like you, it is okay. I
(06:13):
have made peace with that. It's not always easy to
get there, but I've really made peace with that. And
I think it's a knowing of who I am at
this stage of my life and knowing what I stand
for and the values I have and the job that
I want to do and the pride I have in
my work that if someone doesn't understand that, it's okay,
that's on them. It's not on you. It's not on you.
I think also being able to handle any kind of criticism,
(06:37):
whether it's online or in real life, is huge in
realizing that you can't please everyone because once again, those
comments aren't about you. They really aren't about you. Now,
I love some constructive criticism. I'm like a sponge. I
never want to stop learning and growing and developing my craft.
So if someone's like, hey, Tommy, try it this way
because I think it will make it better, I'm game.
(06:58):
Like I have asked mentors and people I look up
to for their advice. I'm writing a script right now.
I don't know everything about script writing. Someone basically told
me to chop twenty five pages off of my script,
and I'm like, oh my god, that's my baby. You know,
I have that moment of like, wait, that's my baby.
I don't want to cut, and guess what. I ended
up cutting twenty five pages and it's a better movie.
So I am all about constructive criticism, but other like
(07:19):
BS criticism just for people to be mean, you gotta
let that roll off, because again, you're not for everyone
for whatever reason, that's a them problem, not a you problem.
And even personally like Realizing that you can't please everybody
is huge. Like saying no to things and not always
being available is okay. You have a busy life. You
(07:39):
can't go to every baby shower, wedding, birthday, the list
goes on and on and on. I mean, we only
have so much time in a week. And if you
have to say no to something to prioritize your well
being or your health or your mental wealth state, like,
it's okay to do that. Saying no and not being
available is one hundred percent okay. Will the person be pleased,
(08:02):
Maybe not, But if they are a real friend or
somebody who has respects and admiration for you, they're gonna
be okay. They'll get through it, and then maybe you'll
just do a dinner and make it up to them
another time. But you don't always have to be available.
You don't and that's something that we all have to learn.
You can't please everyone. You can't please everyone, and that's okay.
(08:24):
Oh I'm really really, like really said on that one,
because it's taking me a long time to realize I
was a bit of a people pleaser, giving an excuse
for why I couldn't do something even when I said no,
and you know it didn't feel good. It really didn't
feel good. And also, if you're saying yes to everything,
you start living your life for others. And while you
(08:48):
want to be a good friend and somebody that's generous
and available because that's just a good person and a
good friend, you can't do it all. You really can't
do it all. Nobody should hold your feet to the
fire and have that expectation for you either. So I
think saying no to things and not being available all
the time is okay, and it's it's yes, you're not
(09:09):
going to please everyone, but it's the way to protect
your piece when you need to. And there's a big
cost of people pleasing. There is a huge cost of
people pleasing. A burnout is one of them. I mean,
over scheduling yourself and looking at your calendar and being like,
oh my god, I am out every single night of
the week. When do I have a minute for me?
I don't know when, because I don't think I do.
(09:32):
And then you get burned out, and then you get
bad energy, and then you're in a negative cycle and
then you're pissy. I mean it just just spirals downwards
from there. You also kind of lose your identity when
you're people pleasing all the time, because you forget, well,
what do I stand for or who am I? Or
what do I want out of life? Right? Because I'm
living for all these other people, so who am I?
(09:53):
Who am I? That is a danger of people pleasing
so personally as well in your personal life, you can't
always please everybody. We love our friends, we love our family,
We want to be around them as much as we can,
but we also have obligations and work and things, and yes,
we want to make time for what really matters in life.
It is short and I stand by that, so we
(10:14):
do need to make time for those things that are important.
But again, you can't do it all, and that's okay.
Like if you need a quiet night in your house
reading a book with a cup of tea or a
cocktail instead of going out again, do it like you
have to protect your piece, because we also can't show
up for other people being the best version of a
friend or a spouse or anything fill in the blank
(10:37):
unless our cups are filled as well. So realizing that
you can't please everyone is a really valuable lesson that
I've learned more than ever lately. I still fall into
the trap. I'm a human. I'm a human, but I
think we beat ourselves up. We all beat ourselves up
quite a bit wanting to make people feel the best
(10:58):
that they can, and if we're not able to, that's
when we're coming down on ourselves like, oh my god,
I should have done that, or I sucked or the
should have what it could is right, and I hate
the should of what it could is. When I hear
somebody say should it what it could it in any
sort of sentence, I'm like, Nope, can't change it. What
does that solve? It's okay, learn from it and move on.
So all this to say is you cannot please everybody,
(11:19):
and it's okay because we have to protect our peace
sometimes and live the life that we are meant to live.
And might somebody get hurt, maybe maybe, but if they
really know you and love you, they won't because they
know there's no ill intention behind any decision you're making. Hopefully,
because you still need to be a good person and
(11:39):
will everybody in the world running through this life seeing
you on social media or at work or in friend
groups like you know, and that's okay too, because it's
not about you. So just remember you can't please everyone,
so you might as well just be yourself, because I
promise you yourself is what we need in this world
more than ever. I've Never Said This Before is hosted
(12:05):
by Me Tommy Dederio. This podcast is executive produced by
Andrew Puglisi at iHeartRadio and by me Tommy, with editing
by Joshua Colaudney. I've Never Said This Before is part
of the Elvis Duran podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts. For more,
rate review and subscribe to our show and if you
liked this episode, tell your friends. Until next time, I'm
(12:28):
Tommy de Dario
Elvis Duran and the Morning Show ON DEMAND News
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