Wiping Boogers on The Wall in School

A husband phone taps his wife saying their daughter is in trouble at school and SKEERY comes in pretending he is the guidance counselor. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Don't answer the phone, Elvis Duran.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
The Elvis Duran phone tap. Oh, I love this phone tap.

Speaker 1 (00:09):
My aunt and great aunt both get frantic over every
little thing, especially when telemarketers call and interrupt their day.
In fact, my great aunt barely speaks any English, but
she loves to chat. Get frustrated. This is from Sabrina.

(00:29):
Sabrina is phone-tapping her aunt and great-aunt. She's phone-tapping them.
And scary as Mr. Michael Oppenheimer is our resident relentless telemarketer,
as you know. Sabrina's aunt and great-aunt both being phone-tapped.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
Here we go.

Speaker 3 (00:43):
Hello?

Speaker 2 (00:45):
Yes, good afternoon. This is Mr. Michael Oppenheimer from iRobot.com.
How are you doing today, miss?

Speaker 4 (00:50):
Okay, hi.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
We have a beautiful product here called the Roomba. It
is a robot which cleans the house for you.

Speaker 4 (00:58):
Yeah, I saw the commercials, but I'm not interested.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
For just $ 229. 99. No, thank you.

Speaker 3 (01:00):
I could send you some literature on this. Hello?

Speaker 2 (01:09):
This is Mr. Michael Oppenheimer with Roomba.

Speaker 4 (01:11):
Again, you just called!

Speaker 2 (01:13):
I didn't tell you.

Speaker 4 (01:13):
I wasn't interested. I'm not interested. I'm in a rush
going out. I have to go because someone's waiting for me.

Speaker 2 (01:20):
We also have available the Scuba, which is the world's
first robotic floor washer.

Speaker 3 (01:24):
I cannot afford it right now.

Speaker 4 (01:26):
I cannot afford it. I don't want it. I'm not interested.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
With the sidekick, the scuba, you'll never have to wash
your floors again.

Speaker 3 (01:32):
Is this a real person or is it like, are
you a machine or are you a real person?

Speaker 2 (01:36):
No, I'm real. The iRobot is the machine.

Speaker 4 (01:38):
Are we kidding? Are you kidding me?

Speaker 2 (01:40):
No, I'm for real.

Speaker 4 (01:41):
I don't want it. I'm hanging up. Please do not
call me. I'm at the door right now.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
Okay, now you... All right, I gotta go. You do understand, though.

Speaker 4 (01:50):
Hello?

Speaker 2 (01:51):
Oh, yes. Good afternoon. This is Mr. Michael Oppenheimer from iRobot.com.

Speaker 4 (01:55):
How's everything?

Speaker 2 (01:59):
Would you like the iRobot? I'd like to send one
to your house.

Speaker 4 (02:05):
I'm sorry, the police?

Speaker 2 (02:12):
The police cannot.
The police will not clean your floor the way the
Roomba does, miss. We'd like to send you one.

Speaker 4 (02:21):
Do you know how to clean the floors? Ooh. Hello?

Speaker 2 (02:32):
Oh, yes, Captain.

Speaker 3 (02:33):
You're telling me I'm going to call the cops, okay?

Speaker 4 (02:35):
This is ridiculous. My grandma, she got worried now. She
came to get me outside.

Speaker 3 (02:40):
I was about to go out the door.

Speaker 2 (02:41):
She's old, okay? Maybe that means she can't do a
lot of cleaning, and she'd like the Roomba to do
it for her.

Speaker 4 (02:50):
No, she don't want the Roomba. She don't even have
any carpet over here. She has tiles.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
That's perfect because of these sides.

Speaker 3 (02:56):
Stop calling me.

Speaker 4 (02:57):
I'm going to call the cops.

Speaker 2 (02:58):
The scuba.

Speaker 4 (02:58):
I don't want it.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
The scuba sidekick. Whatever. It will clean.

Speaker 4 (03:05):
I'm killing this Roomba.

Speaker 2 (03:07):
Yes, the Roomba.

Speaker 1 (03:08):
Oh, Santa Maria. I'm going to come there and beat the.

Speaker 3 (03:12):
Crap out of you.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
It sounds like you have an elderly person in the house.
Maybe they can't see as well as they used to.

Speaker 4 (03:17):
Oh, my God. You're so annoying. I'm on. What the
hell's wrong with you?

Speaker 2 (03:22):
Can I speak with your.

Speaker 4 (03:23):
No, you can't speak to nobody. Don't call me back.
You made me miss my appointment. You called 50 times. I.

Speaker 2 (03:30):
You know, the iRobot was named Time Magazine's... Whatever. I
really don't give a.

Speaker 4 (03:34):
In his.

Speaker 2 (03:37):
Name, Time magazine's most amazing invention of 2005.

Speaker 4 (03:39):
Do you know that I do not care?

Speaker 3 (03:51):
We'd like to send you one of these. What don't
you understand, miss? It removes dirt out of virtually every crevice.

Speaker 4 (04:02):
No, no.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
It glides back and forth across your floor for hours.

Speaker 4 (04:06):
Thank you, thank you.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
It makes spaghetti.

Speaker 4 (04:09):
No, me, me, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
For 150 lire, I will give you.

Speaker 4 (04:14):
No way!

Speaker 2 (04:15):
A Roomba robot.

Speaker 4 (04:16):
No way!

Speaker 2 (04:16):
Yes, Italiano.

Speaker 4 (04:17):
Get me clean, no way!

Speaker 2 (04:19):
No interest financing.

Speaker 4 (04:20):
No! Oh, no, I don't... Okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 2 (04:32):
I won't send it, okay. But I must tell you,
you've been phone tapped.

Speaker 4 (04:36):
Okay. Okay?

Speaker 1 (04:38):
This is Scary Jones.

Speaker 4 (04:49):
What? Okay. She's like she had a heart attack.

Speaker 3 (04:53):
No, you give her a heart attack.

Speaker 2 (04:55):
The Elvis Duran phone tap. This phone tap was pre-recorded
with permission granted by all participants.

Speaker 1 (05:02):
The Elvis Duran phone tap. Only on Elvis Duran and
the Morning Show.