Mr. Michael Oppenheimer 28

Skeery returns as the famous salesman, Mr. Michael Oppenheimer!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Don't answer the phone. Elvis Durand the Elvis Durand's phone tap.
Let's roll into the phone tap. Shall we come on
in and have a seat today's email.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
Dear Elvis, my father Ephrin gets nuts when it comes
to telemarketers. Oh, why don't we have mister Michael Oppenheimer
give dat a phone call and wind him up?

Speaker 1 (00:21):
All right?

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Anthony Anthony wants us to phone tap his father Ephrin.
Scary Jones, of course, plays the relentless telemarketer, mister Michael
Oppenheimer calling today from a credit card company.

Speaker 1 (00:34):
Let's listen in to today's phone tap. Hell if freeing, please,
this is mister Michael Oppenheimer with the Gervit card. How
are you doing today, sir?

Speaker 3 (00:44):
I'll be directing to the point I no longer will
require or want your card.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
Tell us the reason why you might have discontinued your
use of the.

Speaker 3 (00:52):
Okay for the fifth hundred times while I had your card,
I got bombarded by cole from your telemarkers at all
hours of the day and night, in Spanish and in English,
and that made me get very, very uncomfortable, just because
I have a certain name that they can put me
in a category that they feel like it. I'm against

(01:15):
people not using the proper work etiquette. Okay, if someone
calls me, don't call me by my first name. Called
me mister so and so. You don't know me socially,
like if you know I was some sort of teenager.
I mean, if you got business etique, you should use it.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
But the thing is, I'm here today to reintroduce you
to the Platinum card, the card that gives you nothing
but rewards.

Speaker 3 (01:38):
Ephram, I understand that, but I really don't want anything.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
I'll give you a five percent cash back bonus right now.

Speaker 3 (01:44):
No, no, no, no, I don't want I just don't
want it. I have a pleasant day, day.

Speaker 1 (01:55):
A good day, sir. If you could like to take.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
So Hi, Ephraim, Oh please hip from.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
Me, mister michaelhem cards Bahoma.

Speaker 3 (02:08):
Do not call me again today.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
Hello, Oh sir, you've been cutting me off and you've listen.

Speaker 3 (02:15):
You've told you one hundred times. Don't you understand English? Now?
Do you understand English? Do not call me. I'm trying
to not deal with your company.

Speaker 1 (02:26):
I can offer you this card with no.

Speaker 3 (02:29):
Thing, don't you understand?

Speaker 1 (02:31):
Would you like one?

Speaker 3 (02:32):
Stupid?

Speaker 1 (02:32):
Would you like one.

Speaker 3 (02:35):
Thing from you. Do you understand English?

Speaker 1 (02:37):
Unlimited? But what about unlimited cash rewards? Euphrain he no,
I can hear your breathing.

Speaker 3 (02:48):
Sir, Hey, you can hear me breathing. And you also
heard me say I don't want it. You know, if
you have any type of intelligence, you stop making a
food of yourself.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
What if I was to double your CASA give me?

Speaker 3 (02:59):
I don't don't want to hear anything. I do not
want to deal with your card. Are you going to
make me call the president of your company or someone
higher than you and report your ass.

Speaker 1 (03:08):
I was told to call you today to give you
this card.

Speaker 3 (03:10):
Well you were told and I'm telling you no. Come on,
don't be such an idiot. Don't be a fool for
these people.

Speaker 1 (03:17):
But sir, this card has a lot of buying power.

Speaker 3 (03:20):
Stop being such an idiot. We'd like to call stop
being an idiot. You're not going to get any business here.

Speaker 1 (03:26):
We'd like to reinstate your card today or not reinstate.

Speaker 3 (03:28):
You know what, you can reinstate.

Speaker 1 (03:30):
So this is mister Michael Oppenheimer with Michaelheimer. Listen, No,
may be there's someone in your family like no one.

Speaker 3 (03:37):
In my family. Is interested in dealing with your card.
Michael Ippelheimer, can I give you? You can't give me
a Michael.

Speaker 1 (03:45):
Can I get your address for something?

Speaker 3 (03:47):
No, you cannot have anything.

Speaker 1 (03:48):
Your application is safe and confidential, and we never sell
your name or phone.

Speaker 3 (03:53):
Not being a pen in the ass. Because if I
could get to your neck right now, I'd bring it
for you.

Speaker 1 (03:57):
You can choose from three different cards today.

Speaker 3 (03:59):
I don't want a card. Would you shove the card
up you already?

Speaker 1 (04:02):
You don't have to use it, sir, You could just
hold on to it.

Speaker 3 (04:05):
I would like to shove it up your I think.

Speaker 1 (04:08):
You should say yes to this card right now, send
it to your mother. Did I mention that it has
zero percent financing?

Speaker 3 (04:13):
Yeah? You mentioned it, and you can shove it right
up your Did.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
I tell you you can choose your color?

Speaker 3 (04:18):
You can shove it right up your too.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
Okay. One other thing though, that's very important. You've been
phone tapped.

Speaker 3 (04:25):
Yeah good, I'm glad you enjoyed.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
No, not me. This is scary Jones from Elvis Durant
in the Morning Show.

Speaker 3 (04:32):
Anthony puts you up to do yes, he did, listen,
shove it up your