July 28, 2026 • 5 mins
Skeery phone taps a guy as the relentless telephone telemarketer Mr. Michael Oppenheimer trying to sell him body care products.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Don't answer the phone, Elvis durand Elvis Duran's phone tap.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Here we go, scary. What's your phone tap all about?
Speaker 3 (00:07):
Ella wants to play a phone tap on her brother Kyle,
who needs to have his phone glued to his ear
for his business all day long, and he's always being
solicited by relentless telephone telemarketers.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
So she figured, hey, why not get him with a.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Mister Michael Oppenheimer phone tap, especially since he's not really
familiar with the shows.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
All right, let's see what happens in today's phone tap. Well,
good afternoon. This is mister Michael Oppenheimer from Evy ninety
set with Jurgens Beautiful Difference beauty products. How are you
doing today?
Speaker 4 (00:34):
Sir?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Uh?
Speaker 4 (00:36):
Good?
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Let me tell you about some of the products Jurgens
has to Okay.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
You know what, I'm gonna save you some trouble here.
I'm not interested.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Okay, we have the Jurgen's Natural Globe Express Body nice. Hello,
how old are you?
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Sir?
Speaker 4 (00:52):
Who is this?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
This is mister Michael Oppenheimer with Jurgen's Beauty Products.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
You just called it number.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Jurgen's Natural Glow Moisturizers transform your skin.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
I'm not interested by gradually creating fabulous, natural looking summer colors.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Oh, I'm not interested, man, Do not call me back.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
We have daily moisturizers which hydrate.
Speaker 4 (01:17):
Yas your problem.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Man, this is.
Speaker 4 (01:22):
Yeah yeah, Where did you get this number? Man? Do
not call me me off whatever list you got my
number from. Take me off the list.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Did you ever want actual softness and beautiful, healthier.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
Looking skin getting me? Man?
Speaker 2 (01:36):
We have the ultra healing extra dry skin.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
No no, no, no, no, no, no no no no. Are
you constructing me on my cell phone number? You can't
do that. That's illegal. You're working law right now, jurgons whatever. Man, Okay,
there's no want you to ever call this number again.
And if if I get calls from anybody else, you're
gonna hear from my lawyers.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Are you a construction worker with hands like leather?
Speaker 4 (02:01):
This Christ? Are you from Mars or something?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Do you have corns on your feet?
Speaker 4 (02:05):
What?
Speaker 2 (02:06):
How about Jurgen shade butter.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
I'll show better your head off.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Funny you say that if you're bald, you can rub
Jurgen shade butter on your head.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Oh yeah, yeah, you're rubbing Jurgen shade butter. On your head.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
We also have the Jurgens soothing Alan.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
I'm not interested.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Hello, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer with Jurgons. Dude, didn't
you ever squirt Jurgens in your hands?
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Are you a computer?
Speaker 2 (02:34):
For just nine dollars and ninety nine cents, we can
give you the Jurgen's three pack.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
You're not a computer.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
I'm a person.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
You're a person.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Nine dollars and ninety nine cents right now, sir? Can
I have your credit card? Please?
Speaker 4 (02:48):
Yeah? One two three, one two three four five six
four five six seven eight your mother.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Oh that's not a valid credit card number, sir, I'm
not going to buy your Are you suffering from unnecessary
weight gain?
Speaker 4 (03:04):
Because I'm from boy?
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Do you have cell?
Speaker 4 (03:08):
You calling you? We'renock it off of my phone?
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Is the skin on your arms dry?
Speaker 4 (03:15):
I'm gonna spend the rest of my afternoon coming down
there to beat your head in. You are seriously what
my day? I need this phone open so I can
get calls.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Hello, this is Michael Oppenheimer with Jurgen's agents from the Multified.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
Anymore Jesus Christ, your stupid ass.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
You can score Jurgons in your hand and rub it
all over your body.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
What kind of takes a job where their job is
every day to call and bother the out of people.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Jurgen's solutions can be used for many things.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
I bet you spend every night in your mama's basement
watching porn with a bottle of Jurgons next to you.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
That is my private business and my own personal right.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
I bet you want to head said right now. So
you got one hand on the ocean bottle.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
I'll give you this one dollar coupon for the Jurgen's
Natural Glow Advisor.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
Oh that's great, so you can see you're in the
in the dark when you.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Can I be combined with any other offer see coop
on for details.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
While last listen, I don't have any more time for you,
all right, Why don't you move on to somebody else.
You're not making a sale.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Here, okay? Well, in next case, I just wanted to
let you know that you've been phone tapped.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
What Kyle, My name is Scary Jones with Elvis de
Ran in the Morning Show, and just nail is phone
tapping you?
Speaker 4 (04:28):
That a video thing?
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yes, she had to go to a meeting, but.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
She gave me your phone number and said that you'll
definitely pick up dude.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
You should see me over here. I'm sweating. I'm pacing
around the joint. Oh my god, you're kidding me.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
We should bring back the word joint. I'm pacing around
the joint.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
You know what I'm saying? Anyone?
Speaker 4 (04:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Okay, Uh, that was your free crap phone tap.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Mike is on the line, Mike from Color Illinois.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
How you do it? How was your weekend? Mike is
still feeling it.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
It was pretty good. Yeah, it was pretty good. It
was very hot here. Yeah, I feel like temperature yesterday.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Oh god, your media rare. Uh well, Mike, you are
calling one hundred. You just want a bunch of crap
with a free crap phone tap.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
Yeah, and you can use more drunk.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Yeah, we got it.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
We're gonna We're gonna replenish your drunk, your your your
junk drawer or whatever.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
We got a big brawl. We've got the we've.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Got the AI glasses that are gonna steal all of
your stuff, your identity. Uh, you have the the sweatshirt,
the hockey sweatshirt, and of course, what was the other.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Thing, the elf on the shelf, gift box minus the elf.
There's no elf, but you got to gift box.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
I'll figure out something to do with it.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Oh god, you know, don't we have enough crap in
our lives? Well, here's some more. Congratulations mike A, thank
you very much
Don't answer the phone, Elvis durand Elvis Duran's phone tap.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Here we go, scary. What's your phone tap all about?
Speaker 3 (00:07):
Ella wants to play a phone tap on her brother Kyle,
who needs to have his phone glued to his ear
for his business all day long, and he's always being
solicited by relentless telephone telemarketers.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
So she figured, hey, why not get him with a.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Mister Michael Oppenheimer phone tap, especially since he's not really
familiar with the shows.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
All right, let's see what happens in today's phone tap. Well,
good afternoon. This is mister Michael Oppenheimer from Evy ninety
set with Jurgens Beautiful Difference beauty products. How are you
doing today?
Speaker 4 (00:34):
Sir?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Uh?
Speaker 4 (00:36):
Good?
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Let me tell you about some of the products Jurgens
has to Okay.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
You know what, I'm gonna save you some trouble here.
I'm not interested.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Okay, we have the Jurgen's Natural Globe Express Body nice. Hello,
how old are you?
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Sir?
Speaker 4 (00:52):
Who is this?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
This is mister Michael Oppenheimer with Jurgen's Beauty Products.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
You just called it number.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Jurgen's Natural Glow Moisturizers transform your skin.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
I'm not interested by gradually creating fabulous, natural looking summer colors.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Oh, I'm not interested, man, Do not call me back.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
We have daily moisturizers which hydrate.
Speaker 4 (01:17):
Yas your problem.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Man, this is.
Speaker 4 (01:22):
Yeah yeah, Where did you get this number? Man? Do
not call me me off whatever list you got my
number from. Take me off the list.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Did you ever want actual softness and beautiful, healthier.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
Looking skin getting me? Man?
Speaker 2 (01:36):
We have the ultra healing extra dry skin.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
No no, no, no, no, no, no no no no. Are
you constructing me on my cell phone number? You can't
do that. That's illegal. You're working law right now, jurgons whatever. Man, Okay,
there's no want you to ever call this number again.
And if if I get calls from anybody else, you're
gonna hear from my lawyers.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Are you a construction worker with hands like leather?
Speaker 4 (02:01):
This Christ? Are you from Mars or something?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Do you have corns on your feet?
Speaker 4 (02:05):
What?
Speaker 2 (02:06):
How about Jurgen shade butter.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
I'll show better your head off.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Funny you say that if you're bald, you can rub
Jurgen shade butter on your head.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Oh yeah, yeah, you're rubbing Jurgen shade butter. On your head.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
We also have the Jurgens soothing Alan.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
I'm not interested.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Hello, this is mister Michael Oppenheimer with Jurgons. Dude, didn't
you ever squirt Jurgens in your hands?
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Are you a computer?
Speaker 2 (02:34):
For just nine dollars and ninety nine cents, we can
give you the Jurgen's three pack.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
You're not a computer.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
I'm a person.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
You're a person.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Nine dollars and ninety nine cents right now, sir? Can
I have your credit card? Please?
Speaker 4 (02:48):
Yeah? One two three, one two three four five six
four five six seven eight your mother.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Oh that's not a valid credit card number, sir, I'm
not going to buy your Are you suffering from unnecessary
weight gain?
Speaker 4 (03:04):
Because I'm from boy?
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Do you have cell?
Speaker 4 (03:08):
You calling you? We'renock it off of my phone?
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Is the skin on your arms dry?
Speaker 4 (03:15):
I'm gonna spend the rest of my afternoon coming down
there to beat your head in. You are seriously what
my day? I need this phone open so I can
get calls.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Hello, this is Michael Oppenheimer with Jurgen's agents from the Multified.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
Anymore Jesus Christ, your stupid ass.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
You can score Jurgons in your hand and rub it
all over your body.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
What kind of takes a job where their job is
every day to call and bother the out of people.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Jurgen's solutions can be used for many things.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
I bet you spend every night in your mama's basement
watching porn with a bottle of Jurgons next to you.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
That is my private business and my own personal right.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
I bet you want to head said right now. So
you got one hand on the ocean bottle.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
I'll give you this one dollar coupon for the Jurgen's
Natural Glow Advisor.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
Oh that's great, so you can see you're in the
in the dark when you.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Can I be combined with any other offer see coop
on for details.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
While last listen, I don't have any more time for you,
all right, Why don't you move on to somebody else.
You're not making a sale.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Here, okay? Well, in next case, I just wanted to
let you know that you've been phone tapped.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
What Kyle, My name is Scary Jones with Elvis de
Ran in the Morning Show, and just nail is phone
tapping you?
Speaker 4 (04:28):
That a video thing?
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yes, she had to go to a meeting, but.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
She gave me your phone number and said that you'll
definitely pick up dude.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
You should see me over here. I'm sweating. I'm pacing
around the joint. Oh my god, you're kidding me.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
We should bring back the word joint. I'm pacing around
the joint.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
You know what I'm saying? Anyone?
Speaker 4 (04:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Okay, Uh, that was your free crap phone tap.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Mike is on the line, Mike from Color Illinois.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
How you do it? How was your weekend? Mike is
still feeling it.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
It was pretty good. Yeah, it was pretty good. It
was very hot here. Yeah, I feel like temperature yesterday.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Oh god, your media rare. Uh well, Mike, you are
calling one hundred. You just want a bunch of crap
with a free crap phone tap.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
Yeah, and you can use more drunk.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Yeah, we got it.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
We're gonna We're gonna replenish your drunk, your your your
junk drawer or whatever.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
We got a big brawl. We've got the we've.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Got the AI glasses that are gonna steal all of
your stuff, your identity. Uh, you have the the sweatshirt,
the hockey sweatshirt, and of course, what was the other.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Thing, the elf on the shelf, gift box minus the elf.
There's no elf, but you got to gift box.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
I'll figure out something to do with it.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Oh god, you know, don't we have enough crap in
our lives? Well, here's some more. Congratulations mike A, thank
you very much
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