Roommate From Hell

A college freshman panics after his new roommate calls with some very questionable vibes...

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Don't answer the phone. Elvis Duran.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Elvis Duran's phone tap, Garrett, He has the phone tap?
What's up?

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Garrett?

Speaker 2 (00:07):
So Aaron wants to play a phone tap on her
son Matt. Now, Matt took some time off before he
decided to go to college, and he's about to go
in a few weeks. So I'm gonna call Matt as
his new incoming roommate for the new year. Okay, let's
see what happens. Hello, Hey, is this Matt? Yeah, dude, whoa,

(00:29):
it's me Jeff, your new roommate. Oh awesome, what's up dude?
Two weeks or so me and you roommates? Buddy, awesome manes, dude,
I can't wait, dude, this is gonna be awesome. Is
there anything that you know you want me to bring
or you know that you might be bringing yourself?

Speaker 1 (00:48):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (00:48):
Man, I got small fridge I'll bring. Don't worry about
the food. I got a hookup at the supermarket down
the block from school. One of one of my uncles
knows a guy, so food will be none to worry about.
Are you a fan of the party atmosphere, because I'm
all about the party vibe at school.

Speaker 1 (01:04):
Of course girlfriends, yes, no.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
Maybe, all right, don't worry about it. We don't need girlfriends.
We'll have we'll have a girl every night, if you know.
One's saying, man, girlfriends in college, bring it down. Man,
do you know what you're going to school for? Like what?

Speaker 1 (01:17):
Uh?

Speaker 2 (01:18):
Yeah? Engineering? All right, cool, Yeah, I'm going into uh
physical therapy myself. So I already hooked myself up. My
parents got me this uh massuse table. So if you
ever need a massage, I'm going to be the guy
to hook you up. All right, okay, all right, I'm
the lady. I think you should probably stick to the ladies, right, yeah, whatever,
But what I'm saying, you know, we're brothers, now blood brothers. Everything.

(01:38):
You know, we're gonna share beers and you know, if
you got a little crink in your back, I'm going
to be the guy to hook you up, so don't
even worry about it. Speaking of which, are you into threesomes?

Speaker 1 (01:51):
Like what I mean?

Speaker 2 (01:54):
Silly questions, silly question just joke and that's that's my nature.
But but would you consider it? Uh yeah, sure? Yeah,
all right, so listen, I got to get back to work.
I just want to see how you're doing. But whatever
you need, you just give me a call and I'll
see in a few weeks. All right, brother, all right, man,
talk to you later. Okay, bye, Erin. I think he's

(02:17):
a little freaked out right now.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
He's trying to call me right now.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
All right, right, all right, don't pick up. We'll call
him right back and we'll take it from there.

Speaker 1 (02:22):
All right, Okay, Hello, Hey, I saw you called me.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah, Mom, I don't I'm not going to school. I
don't think I'm going to go off to school. I
can do school like online or something. I've been thinking
about this.

Speaker 1 (02:37):
And listen, we all get cold feet. I felt the
same way when I went off to school. It's okay, Well, I.

Speaker 2 (02:42):
Mean I just talked to my roommate. He just called me,
and you know, I haven't met him really.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
But basically a nice boy. It's so so you know
already who your roommate is.

Speaker 2 (02:52):
No, but then he offers, like to give me a
massage and stuff like he's like a masseuse and he's
like bringing in his table.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
And second, wait, a massage. It's great because remember when
you played soccer, you would always get those cramps in
your legs. That's wonderful, then you could help you if
I'm gonna get my my roommate I haven't even met
yet to massage me.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
Are you serious?

Speaker 1 (03:14):
Honey? Did I rad you to be that judgmental? So,
you know, give this kid a chance. Have you met
him yet? No?

Speaker 2 (03:20):
No, But you know most other kids don't worry about
the roommates, like looming a up with oil and and
oh my gosh, well, but the.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
Oil makes it easier for him to get in deep. No,
I'm not trying to get.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
A massage by this guy. I can't believe you're not
even backing me up. You don't even understand where I'm
coming from. Hey, Matt, Hello, did your new roommate? Did
you give his number? Your mom just played a phone
tap on you. This is Garrethrom Elvis Durant in the
Morning Show. Are you serious?

Speaker 1 (03:51):
I told you I get you back. I told you,
Oh's phone. This phone tap was pre recorded with permission
granted by all participants.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
The Elvis Duran phone tap only on Elvis Duran in
the Morning Show