Mr. Michael Oppenheimer 7

He's the salesperson we love to HATE, Mr. Michael Oppenheimer!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Don't answer the phone. Elvis Duran, the Elvis Duran phone tap Scary,
I swear to god, Scary picksup more women when he does. Is
Michael Oppenheimer impersonation. Someone asked meto do Oppenheimer in the bedroom once.
Talk to me like Michael Oppenheimer.Well that person is a sick Oh it's
crazy. The email coming into ourstudio says, I want you to phone

(00:24):
tap as many people in my familyas you can, because I love your
phone taps. My aunt, myuncle, my grandmother. They all live
together, and they all hate telemarketers. They'll lie through their false teeth just
to get those people off the phone. Please have Michael Oppenheimer call and harass
them to the best of his ability. You'll love the result, especially for
my grandma. She's got the shortesttemper of all. This comes from Garrett

(00:48):
Michael Oppenheimer. Today's phone tap.Hello, This is mister Michael Oppenheimer with
the Animal League. How are youdoing today, Miss fine? Thank you.
We have the adopted pet bananzare goingon here? We have a lot
of pets that need some homes.Well, I'm not really interested. Thank
you. We have Don Peppet.Hello, This is mister Michael lap And

(01:11):
with our Animal League. How areyou doing? Today's all right? Did
you just call up? Yes?I did. No, we're not animal
friendly here? Okay, we mustwe must have gotten disconnected. We have
the adopted pet bonanza going on today. Are you said we're not animal friendly?
Okay, but maybe you can befriendly after this phone calls? No,
I don't think so. Do youwant a dog? Sir? Oh?

(01:34):
Yes, this is mister Michael whoeverit is. I'll have this trace.
Miss. You keep calling me.I'm telling you you're going to be
in big trouble. We have dogs. I don't care what you have available,
pal, Okay, stop bothering me. These dogs need homes. Maybe
you need a home. Do youhave a dog or a cat? Would
you like to adopt a dog ora cat? Yes? Would you like

(01:55):
to? Would you? Yes?Well, then don't get one alone,
because if you call one, whattime I'll have you trade? Miss?
Can I tell you about our annualpactacular blowouts out? You don't care what
you have? Shove them? Wehave dogs? Hello? Oh, yes,
good afternoon. This is mister MichaelOppenheim with Animal League. How what
are you doing today? Man?I'm sorry. I cannot talk with you

(02:16):
right, Yes you can. Won'tyou take a couple of minutes out of
your day so we could talk toyou about our annual Excuse me, sir,
Yes, you have called this numberfour times. I'm not interested in
what you have to ask me,and take my phone number off your mailing
list. I'll report you to thedo not Call. We cannot do that
at this time. Man, Pleaseget me off the hang up on this

(02:37):
wire. I'm winging an emergency goalwe have adopted, but I'm not interested.
Do you understand, mister Oppenheim,and why I am not interested?
I have analogy in this house.We are all allergic to pets. You
take medicine for the allergy. Don'tworry about my medicine. We want to
tell you about our dogs on debit. I don't need a dog. We
got cats on credit. I don'tneed your credit with cats. We have

(02:58):
reptiles for rent. Maybe you havea son that likes it to play.
You don't have any more sons livingwith me. Does somebody want to play
with an iguana? Not that Iknow of. No. We have pubreads
starting at three hundred dollars. MayI have your phone number. I can
call you back. Oh no,not at this time. We are at
a central office me Yess's central office, and who do you represent? Were
located in the central office in Idaho? In Idaho? Or you should go

(03:19):
back to Idaho and bother the peoplein Idaho because I can't be bothered any
longer. We can schedule an appointmentfor you. You've got the wrong number,
wrong address. I do not havea dog. I have a allergy
to dogs, and I wish we'dstop using this number. Take it off
your list, please, Okay,I haven't do not call on my phone.
Oh we don't respect it do notcall policy, but you have to

(03:39):
respect it, sir. What isyour name? This is mister Michael Oppenheimer.
Oppenheimer, and who gives you theright to go into people's phones and
hold it up when I'm waiting anemergency call. I aysked you to get
off the phone. You've called sixtimes, but we have here's the thing
that we have, no thing.Get off the wire and leave my phone
number alone. What's your name?It's none of your business with my name

(04:00):
is okay, I'm going to lookit up in the computer. Here,
hold on to take a look careno goodbye, good bye bye, but
this list is good bye hello.Listen to me. Yes, would you
please get off my phone? Thisis an emergency home. If you have
called me for six times, yousay you know my name, you say

(04:21):
you know my number. I donot want any dogs. I can't contribute
to the dogs. I've got astrict husband here, and if you don't
stop harassing me, I'm going tocall the police on you. Misattracted.
You've got to stop this. Stop, miss attracted Smith. Stop calling my
name. I'm being calm. I'mbeing calm. You can't calm. You're

(04:41):
tying up my phone for the lasthalf hours. How are you to do
this? I'm mister Michael Offenheimer,and all I want to do is just
tell you about adopted pat New Year'sbonanza going on. You'll stop it,
Miss attracted Smith. All I wantto tell you everything must go. Get
off the phone. An annual liquidationsale that comes only once a year.

(05:03):
You're holding up my phone for emergencyservers. It's what I'm going to report
it to the police. I'm sorry. Now I've got to get the police.
We have pure bread starting at threehundred dollars and mixed breeds at two
hundred dollars. Yes, oh yes, missus Smith, please is scary Jones
and you've been phone to these people. Should not give people heart attacks on

(05:24):
the other side of the phone.Your grandson Garrett put us up to it.
Oh really, well, I justreported him to the police. Is
he in trouble? A joke?My grandson, Your grandson Andy. The
Elvis Duran phone tap. This phonetable was pre recorded with permission granted by
all participates the Elvis Duran phon tabonly on Elvis Duran in the Morning Show