March 10, 2026 • 48 mins
The latest episode of The Nutters Club, hosted by Hamish Williams and Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald, delved into the importance of initiating real-world conversations about mental health and the positive outcomes that can arise from such discussions.
This week’s episode focused on how individuals can support others struggling with mental health challenges. The hosts emphasised the power of simple actions, such as asking someone if they’re okay, validating their feelings, and being present during difficult times.
MacDonald highlighted the importance of building genuine connections and relationships, noting that even small interactions, like greeting a colleague or neighbour, can create a baseline for noticing when someone might need help.
Listeners called in to share their personal experiences of helping others and receiving support. Craig, a caller, recounted how he helped a single mother by taking care of her child and gifting her a spa day to provide some much-needed relief. He also shared a story about accompanying a colleague to seek professional help when she revealed she was struggling with serious mental health issues. Craig’s philosophy of “paying it forward” resonated with the hosts and listeners alike.
Another caller, Len, introduced the Step Ahead Trust, a Christchurch-based organisation that provides community support for individuals with mental health diagnoses. The trust offers a variety of activities, including walking groups, karaoke nights, board games, and subsidised trips to local attractions. Len shared how the group has helped her cope with loneliness and build a supportive community after the loss of her husband.
The episode also touched on practical advice for supporting someone in crisis, such as sitting with them while they call a helpline like New Zealand’s 1737 service or contacting authorities for a welfare check if someone is at imminent risk. MacDonald stressed that people don’t need to be therapists to help others, simply listening and showing genuine care can make a significant difference.
The show concluded with a reminder that life is worth living and that the world is a better place with each individual in it. For those seeking support, The Nutters Club encourages reaching out to local mental health services or joining their live broadcasts to share experiences and connect with others.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
You're listening to a podcast from News Talk sed B.
Follow this and our wide range of podcasts now on iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Greetings and welcome. I'm Heimish Williams, and you're listening to
the podcast version of The Nutters Club, a radio show
about mental health broadcast weekly on News Talk seed B.
Each week we talk with people about their mental health
experiences in the hope that it might help you with
your own. The show is broadcast live on Sunday nights
(00:40):
on News Talk said B right across New Zealand and
around the world. On this week's show, we had a
look at how we can initiate our own, real world
conversations about mental health and the outcomes that can be
achieved from doing so. Our audience gave us examples of
how they had done this themselves or how others had
(01:00):
supported them to have such conversations. Either way, we heard
what worked and how. Let us know what you think,
as well as what you learn from our chats on
any of our social media platforms. Just search for the
Nutters Club n Z and come and join over one
hundred and forty one thousand fellow nutters. Let's get into
(01:22):
this week's episode. You know it's it's amazing, isn't it.
We often have the coattails of major news which we
come in on and this is this is what is news.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Talk, said be Hamish.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Woll pointed out. Kyle Wow pointed out, and to be fair,
if you were here in the studio with us, there'd
be no mistaking that you're at news Talks. He'd be
corect not because of the fact that you know, we've
got all the paraphernalia and the pictures of all the
people around us.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
We have to wear our news talks. There'd be blazers
on Sunday night, don't I.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Just managed to pick mine up from the dry cleaners
before I got here, perfectly pressed, beautiful. It does look stunning,
but it is the brand everywhere, like we have them
on our microphone screens behind you, it's on screens, it's
out on the wall, out there, it's everywhere. So there's
no mistaking it anyway. Writing on the on the coattails
of news as we do, it's sometimes, you know, we've
(02:22):
found ourselves, especially in the last few months. We haven't
talked about things that have happened with Tarrong, you know,
with what happened with the slips at the mount Last year,
you know, we had the night where things happened again
with the shooting in the sorry and Bondo on the beach,
(02:42):
and then of course you know tonight, we've we've heard
about everything that's that's happening in Tehran and Iran and
in large and it does, it becomes it can become overwhelming.
And yet we've said it before on the show, and
it's it's a consistent one is that we always say
you look for the help. It's right that there's always
(03:04):
people in any one of these absolutely terrible situations which
make international news, that there is always people there who
you know, are doing everything they can to try and
help and make the situation better. And I can tell
you right now it will be no different whether you're
in Tel Aviv or Tehran. There will be people on
(03:27):
the ground doing everything that they can help.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
People might not know this, but there's a Red Crescent
in the Middle East as opposed to the Red Cross, right,
so the Christian version versus the Muslim vision. So I
don't know if they verse each other, I think they're
not doing that.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
They could get quite interesting, quite interesting. Watch here. Oh,
I'll fix this guy up. Faster than you could ever dream.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
And of course that's just the official version, but I'm
sure there's tons and tons of every day people out
there on the streets helping their fellow man.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
So with all of that flying around and sometimes quite literally,
I was thinking, how do I pull this together to
be able to focus on mental health show what is it?
Because ultimately, actually I thought, Kyle, is that when it
comes to our own mental health and how that affects
our day to day. And remember, when we talk about
(04:19):
mental health, it's not always negative.
Speaker 4 (04:21):
Right.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
If you've got people that are doing really well, you know,
or when I say really well, people who are just
genuinely balanced and going along and they've managed to.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Are in a good space at the moment and in.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
A good space at the moment, you know, are able
to keep everything together when they need to, then's that
is mental health as well, good mental health, right. But
then there's cases where we see people who perhaps aren't
displaying that. Now that's what we would call poor mental
health or mental health not well. And so I was
(04:54):
wondering about this when it comes to what can people
do to help in that situation? And this freaks a
lot of people out right, it does.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Yeah, because people are.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Afraid of doing the wrong thing. Don't want to make
the situation worse because ultimately a lot of people get
worried if I make it worse, Well, what could happen?
Speaker 3 (05:16):
They might cry?
Speaker 2 (05:17):
They might cry.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
What happens then.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Could have some some upsetting conversations. You could make them
feel worse. You may find that they don't come to
work the next day and they've taken their life. No,
I'm not saying that that's always what happens, but it's
definitely a society, right, it's a real fear totally. Okay.
So tonight, what I was thinking we could talk about
with yourself and with their audience because tonight it is
(05:41):
very much your show. So we need your calls. You
know the number eight one hundred and eighty T and
eighty or you can flict us a text on nine
to two and nine two on this is I wanted
to talk about how do we help when it comes
to mental health? So I think the first question for you,
and what I wanted to ask Kyle, is when should
(06:01):
we help?
Speaker 5 (06:02):
You know?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
What?
Speaker 2 (06:02):
What what is the what is the cue? I mean
we always say to people, hey, you know, reach outn't
let me know. But the truth of the matter is
is that sometimes if we're feeling like us are crap,
the last thing I'm going to do is go, hey,
I'm actually not feeling great. People struggle to do that
in and of itself, but I feel like we can.
(06:24):
There are things that perhaps that we could pick out
with others where we know that we could help. So
first of all I wanted to ask is when is
it that perhaps we should help? And then how do
we go about doing that? What does that look like?
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Well, maybe just to take half a step backwards first,
I think that, you know, if we come at it
from when should we help? I think we're focusing on
what to do when things seem bad or negative, and
I think that the half a step back is actually
how do we build connections and relationships with people where
we notice that something's up? So, because I think that's
the first thing, right, is that actually having the kinds
(07:01):
of connections or the kinds of relationships with people, whether
I'm talking like you know, deep, you know, best mate relationships,
but actually just genuine relationships with colleagues or workmates or neighbors.
We actually just say hi every now and then ask
about what's going on, ask about their kids, or you know,
ask about how things are, because sometimes I think what
(07:21):
we need, you know, particularly with people we don't necessarily
know that well, is we kind of need a baseline
and you don't want to have the conversation cold. If
you're worried about someone, there needs to be a bit
of a relationship and a bit of a rapport there.
So it's not that we set about building those connections
with people because we want to be able to help
them when we need to. But actually I think that's
(07:42):
what facilitates it, because that comes back to one of
the things we talk about all the time on the
show is actually about building a community. And communities look
like close relation, close relationships, close friends, but they also
look like what we kind of think of as weak connections.
And I don't think for one moment we should underestimate
the you know, the person that we might say hello
to at the front desk when we turn up to
(08:03):
work every morning. Actually those little connections, you know, those
little the person at the coff shop, those connections are
actually really meaningful over time because we get a bit
of a baseline and you kind of notice or something's
up with somebody, and I think, so, then to answer
your question more directly, what do we do? Sometimes it's
as easy as saying, you're right, you see me a
bit off today, what's up, and actually genuinely being interested
(08:29):
in what the answer is.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
So when somebody says to you, you know, hey, how's
your day, garde and I give the glib respond to
be like, ah, never better, yeah, even though things could
be absolutely terrible, because how do we get change?
Speaker 5 (08:42):
Right?
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Absolutely, how do we get past that?
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Well? I think sometimes it's as simple as actually just
slowing down, maybe just making eye contact and saying no, no, really,
are you right? You seem a bit off? You know,
actually genuinely asking the question. And I think we can
sometimes be anxious about what might come back, but you know,
they're just feelings.
Speaker 5 (09:04):
You know.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
We don't need to be frightened of emotions, particularly other people's,
And I think we also don't need to be frightened
of making things worse, because actually, when someone genuinely asks
if we're okay, it makes things better because all of
a sudden, someone actually cares enough to genuinely be interested.
And yes, it might mean taking five to ten minutes
to actually kind of have a chat with them about
(09:25):
what's going on. But I think never underestimate the power
of actually somebody being interested and genuinely curious.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
I think that also when it comes to you, when
should you help, I think that the helping is literally
just by having that conversation in the first place, right.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Just noticing. So we talk about this idea in my trade,
just to get slightly technical for a moment, Please do
we talk about this idea well, but people will have
heard us talk about a lot on the show over
the years. It's the idea of validation. Validation is a
very simple concept in a way. It's actually just being
able to say to somebody, I accept and hear it,
acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, and I'm not going to
(10:05):
tell you that you're wrong. I'm not going to tell
you're feeling the wrong thing, going to say something simple like, well,
of course you feel upset, your dog's gone to the
vet or whatever. It might be. Right, But actually the
first level of validation is not saying anything. It's actually
just paying attention.
Speaker 5 (10:21):
You know.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
One of the books that I read a long time
ago said that the first level of validation is being
awake because it's actually literally just being present to another
human being, right, because just being present is validating. Yes,
it's saying things is also validating, but also so as
doing things right. Ah, you look really tired today. Can
I make you a cup of tea?
Speaker 5 (10:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Really validating action, right, And these things can actually have
a huge impact on somebody who's struggling, and they're very
very simple to do and easy to practice.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
I just want to ask you the scenario they car
shoot before I bring on the calls.
Speaker 5 (10:58):
Yeh.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Look, this may not be a big surprise to you,
but I'd love to come up with scenarios. Okay, good scenarios,
bad scenarios. But you know, sometimes when you could tastrophize
something and you think about what's the worst it could
possibly be, everything else kind of pales in comparison to
work your way backward from there, right, Yeah, exactly, So
I want to do it with this all right. So
I really liked what you were saying just before the ads.
(11:21):
You said, Look, when it comes to helping with mental health,
initiate the conversation, which is as simple as hey, you know,
do you want to grab a coffee? You know, just
just making the fact that you know the person knows
you're already. So okay, we've initiated the conversation. Start talking
to them. You're validating the feelings just by paying attention,
(11:41):
by being there, like you're talking about Then they start
telling me about something which is actually genuinely quite serious. Okay,
and it look it could be anything. It could be
a situation that they're in that you know, could be
a relationship that's that's going really badly. But suddenly you
realize that this thing is actually really, really serious, And
(12:03):
all of a sudden, I realize I'm way in over
my head now. I bring this up because I think
this is a big fear that people has.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
People aren't therapists, right, and you know they don't have training.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Hey, Look, as much as I would love to say
that I've absorbed some of your skill, after the number
of years I've spent sitting opposite you here on a
Sunday night, I'd still say I'm not qualified.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
So I'm sitting here, I'm hearing just a terrible situation
come from the other person, and I realize they need
some help. I don't know what that help looks like.
I'm not really sure what I should do. But one
thing I do know is I'm not the person who
can solve this situation totally. I've opened up the situation,
but I can't solve it. So what do I do?
Speaker 3 (12:46):
So I think the first thing is you don't have
to take any responsibility for solving the situation because you're
not a therapist, You're not a miracle worker. I think
the really important thing in those situations is actually just
to be really kindly and compassionately honest. So actually, most
of what you just said would be fine to say
in most of those situations, to say, hey, look, I'm
(13:08):
I'm really upset for you. This sounds really awful, and
I'm really worried about you, and I think I just
want to check, first of all, are you getting some
support with us? Are you talking to anyone? Are you
getting any help with this? And if not, can I
help you figure out where to get some help. Because
I'm not a therapist and I want to support you,
but maybe the support that I can give you is
getting you hooked up with someone that can actually help
(13:31):
you with this. And if they say no, no, no, no, no,
I'm fine, you can say, well, okay, I hear that
I can understand you don't want to do that. Keep
in touch and then you might want to send them
or text them some suggestions. But I think the important
thing is to not feel like we have to rescue
people because actually that taking it on is the bit
(13:54):
that I think a lot of people are really worried
about when it comes to supporting people. So by all means,
check in on them. By all means, then you may
need to talk to somebody else yourself about what you've
been left with. And if it's something that's high risk,
I mean, you know, it's okay to actually say I
think I need to tell somebody about this. So if
someone's saying, look, you know, I'm feeling suicidal, or I
can't get out of bed in the morning, or I'm
(14:15):
you know, there's something that's really serious, to actually say, hey,
look I think I need to talk to somebody about this.
I need to talk to your friend or your partner
or maybe even you know, think about do we need
to talk to hr If it's in a company or something,
you know that actually it's okay to hand it on
if it's really serious too.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
So someone tells you that they're suicidal, yep, at what
point do I need to intervene and involve other people,
Because to be fair, that's a that's a pretty scary
thing to have to go through.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
It absolutely is, and I think that I think the
point at which you have to intervene and do something
is in that conversation with the person who's saying that
to you, to actually say to them, I'm feeling really
scared and worried and I feel like I need to
do something with what you're telling me. And it may
be that at that point you actually need to sit
down with the person and call a crisis line or
(15:02):
call one seven three seven with them and get them
talking literally hand it off to somebody else. You know,
if they're on the phone or they're at a distance
and you're left feeling really worried about them, you can
contact one oh five, the non urgent police number on
Anatham to do a welfare check. That is something that
the police still do despite all the public conversations about it.
(15:23):
They're not going to get arrested, but actually the police
of the agency to be able to do those kinds
of welfare checks if you think someone's ready in like
imminent risk of danger, that's what I would do as
a professional because they are the people to reach out to.
But again, I think it comes back to working back
from that situation. It's always about the conversation to be
able to go back to the person in the moment
and say, I'm really worried about this, and I think
(15:45):
I want to help you do something about this right
now because I don't want to be left with it myself.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Okay, that's brilliant, Thank you, Kle. I'm really awesome to
have covered that. Good evening, grong here, how are we?
Speaker 5 (15:55):
Yeah, excellent, Dans. I suppose you come to both sides
because I've been on both sides, so you know, as
a client in the eighties, yes, and alls a support
worker in the middle health and addiction in the like
eighteen to twenty two, I had to get laid off
ANAURYSM stuff. Yeah, yeah, and I agree there it's said.
(16:18):
But one thing I was say on I was told
one thing from my council many many years ago, was
be yourself twenty four seven as the counselor, because you
will read it, that a person will read it, a
client will read it. And the other thing is that
people a lot of people miss there up. I put
up very early, and I suppose this from benicl. I
(16:41):
listen for what's not being said, and you can get
in there a lot quicker than trying and ask them,
do you understand that?
Speaker 3 (16:49):
I do understand that only, and I think it's really
great advice. But just to come back to the first
bit that you said about just being yourself twenty four
to seven, I completely agree. And you know, and the
job that I do, that's not about me talking about
me or me talking about my life, but it is
me reacting honestly. So if someone says something I find
and shocking or upsetting, I'll say, gosh, that's really shocking
(17:12):
an upseating, you know, because actually there's no point trying
to hide it because, as you say, most people will
pick that up anyway, right.
Speaker 5 (17:19):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (17:21):
And I've worked with many sorts of clients, you know,
like just keeps them and the one thing they all
have in common, well they don't say it, but you
can read what they're not saying if you listen and
read between the lines. And I can honestly tell you
you can be in the hours before you're trying to
get it out of them, and the other thing is
(17:42):
most of my work was done in a car. I
take them for a drive, put a radio one music
and music. That's the best diary in the world to
me because it triggers memories. And quite often while the
open up when they hear a song, they'll start singing
a song to themselves and bingo, you're in. And then
you start planting seats. Only once and you never ask
(18:05):
them for another week or two and you say, oh,
do you just look a bit what I said and
it's not of that one. You give them options. That way,
you take away the word help, and that becomes assisting
them and they're in charge of themselves, because help, I've
always seen is a weakness personally. No, I always that's
it's a life experience.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
You'd say to them, here, here, here are your options
that you that it would be useful at the moment.
It's a great way of putting.
Speaker 5 (18:31):
It because otherwise you're taking charge. You want them to
take charge. So you give them options, even though you
know the one they want that you know would be
best for them. Whether they agree or not, you never
say it, but you put out three of them there
and you say, did you.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
Think about it?
Speaker 5 (18:46):
You know, May a week or two you said to
just think about what I said, and generally when you
sat the second bomb, I'll think about it on the
third time you meet you you meet them and they'll
start talking about.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
I've just written that one down, Lingy, because I think
that's fantastic, you know, putting out putting out options, you know,
rather than telling people this is what you must do,
actually just giving a little bit of choose your own advent. Sure,
they were always way more fun, right, That's that's where
you actually have a bit of autonomy. You feel as
though you've got, you know, some some choices to make, right.
Speaker 5 (19:17):
Yeah, and also you tap into what they've been good at,
computed or whatever, And so that's pretty cool. Put in
the seeds. Why did you go in study? That's how
I got onto counciling someone. Put that seeds in.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
Also, what you were saying about cars, that's like the
gold standard advice for dealing with teenage boys adults too.
I know, I know, But whatever works for teenage boys,
do you notally works for everybody? Right, Because it's actually
that things non confrontational, you're not looking at each other,
there's something else going on. You can easily look out
the window if it's getting a bit intense, like you say,
(19:52):
this music on. I think another version of that, which
can be useful for people too, is to say, how
just go for a walk yep, Because again.
Speaker 5 (20:02):
You know the dislike in the car. Some of them
like the walk. So I take them while where I
am I'm in the Hawks space. I take them out
open beach, oh Mawana, places like that, and may be
a beach nice and it's I always say it's the
because they open up. You know that. That's you don't
say a word, you shut up, You listen to them.
And when I say you listen, you actually listen to
(20:23):
what they're saying. Don't just hear them listen, Yeah, I
hear that when you learn. That's where you actually learn
about people, what they're not saying, because it's right there
in front of you.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Lang, I've got to ask you one question about the music.
Was there ever a particular genre or time period of
music that was better than others?
Speaker 5 (20:43):
Well, I'll be honest. I used to go to I
Think It's a Breeze because they have such a range yep, yep,
and I'd have that on lightly. Yeah enough to say
to hear it if they wanted to talk to me,
and they generally do and take them at twenty months
on the first, but you know after having them for
a few months or in the car excellent, you know,
they open up and I'd put over five months right,
(21:03):
hold me your problems now because you know I'm going
to figure it out, and they tell you and then
they relax.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
Possible.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
That is that. That is just fantastic. Thank you so much.
That is brilliant insight. And I think you know, the
conversation in the car thing, that's something we've all experienced.
So you've you've hit the nail on the head. What
a great first call you've been tonight.
Speaker 5 (21:26):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Go well, cheers, thanks all the good work you do
to you guys. All right, well and by the sounds
of it, you too, lingy, thank you go well mate. Okay,
so there we go. That's great advice, brilliant So that
that's kind of just like a real world example that
he's given there.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Perfect so said from both sides of the fence.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
So to tell me, I'd love to hear from anyone tonight,
just on on the conversations in the car thing. What's
been a major conversation that you've had in a car,
like a major have you had, like you know, have
you had like a really mind opening or you know,
serious conversation in the car that you know and in
(22:07):
the mental health context. Sure, but you know something that
was just really really lead to something important for you.
What was that conversation? You don't have to give us
all the names and the details, but just kind of
like the general gist of it. I'd love to hear
about that tonight because I think that's a big one.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Anyway, we're going to take a break and we come
back more of your calls tonight. We're talking about how
can you help when it comes to mental health? What
have been your experiences of what works and what has
happened for you? What have people done for yourself? But
I've talked about those conversations in the cars. What does
that look like for you though? Oh eight hundred eighty
ten eighty text us on nineteen nine two backcon.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Nutters Club now on News.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Talks, it'd be welcome back to the show. A quick
text that I just had to hear, which I really liked,
as it said, often all the need sorry, it's often
all the help needed is someone to listen. They often
know what to do, but they don't need the point labored.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
Absolutely, And I think it comes back to that thing
we talked about, right, It's not our job to solve
the problem when we're listening. It's our job just to
give attention to what is being said.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
And I think that that's another thing too. Sometimes, you know,
you're talking about the validation. I probably already know what
I need to do. Not all the time, but in
a lot of scenarios, I'll know what I need to do.
I just kind of need to lay it out in
front of you, you know, in front of a friend,
in front of someone that I trust, or someone just
to feel comfortable talking to, to just kind of get
like a check, you know, like a reality check. Is
(23:35):
this going to fly? Is this okay?
Speaker 5 (23:39):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (23:39):
And I mean I think this is the other thing
which we talk a lot about on the show.
Speaker 5 (23:42):
Right.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
People talk about journal writing, They talk about all sorts
of versions of this. Sometimes just saying it out loud helps.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
That makes it real.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Even if we know what we need to do, it's
not actually about solving the problem, it's actually about just
saying it out loud to another human being, because we're
human beings. That helps.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Let's go back to the lines. Craig, good evening to you.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
Good evening. How's it going.
Speaker 5 (24:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Good, Thanks for Colin.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
That's all right. I'm I hered a couple of little
quick ones that I've done over my lifetime, which I
sort of been trying to help people out. I had
a next time maybe a few years ago. A single
mother was an abusive relationship and she got she moved
out and winted her own little house, and she found
I found she was struggling quite a bit. So I
actually offered to take her a seven year old toddler
(24:27):
off her hands for half a day, and I gave
her a gift oucher for one of the local spa
day things in Hamilton here and see you go, you
treat yourself and I look after your kid for a
few hours. And then the second one here was my
boss quite a few years ago and his wife and
find at great heart. So I took her two young
kids off their hands for half a day and went shopping.
That proceeded to lose the daughter in the shopping center,
(24:50):
and that foundly her aunt. She was a bit of
a runner, asked the brother where she went, and she goes, oh,
I don't know that way somewhere the one but then
the one I was actually quite happy here I could
help was I worked in a big company and had
a apprentice with me, and I worked with her pretty
much on a daily basis, and I could just tell
something was changing differently here when she went with other
(25:11):
stuff and was this fine when she came around with me.
I could because we spent a lot of time working together.
You could sort of see changes. So I asked her
what's going wrong? And she started spilling it, and then
they started to get the conversation started getting darker and darker,
and I said, hang on a minute, I'm not good
with this sort of stuff. You probably would need to
do a therapist or something. I said, well, would you
like me to come with you? And she was like
(25:32):
really happy because she didn't really know anyone. She didn't
just move to Hamilton. So I went with her to
help her out. And then she was really appreciative and
she said, I think and I said, well, the best
thing you can do is if you're in the same
situation with one of your friend trends or whatever, passed
it on to the next person, like how I've helped you,
Just if you see someone in need, pass it on
to them. And that's what I've said to everyone enough
(25:52):
helped over the years. It's like I don't want the gratitude.
I just want you to be able to pay it forward, as.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
They say, Craig, fantastic and just awesome work helping with
all those people. I'm just going to ask you this though,
why do you help others?
Speaker 4 (26:08):
I help others because I always believe one day I
could be the other. So I believe if you help people,
you may find it in the situation down the track
you're the one who needs help her and don't know
where to go, and one of your friends or people
you know can help you. So that's the way I've
always been brought up on my appearances. Will you help
people if you can, because one day you might be
(26:29):
the person who needs the help. So that's why I've
always believed.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Here, Well, good on your parents, Craig, They've raised your
right boy. That's that is absolutely fantastic. Oh Jaz though,
how much did your hearts? How much did your heart
sink when the kids did a runner in them?
Speaker 6 (26:45):
All?
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Ah?
Speaker 4 (26:47):
I was like I was with her like seven six
year olds, and I was talking to her brother turned
around and then she got it's like which he got,
and her brother goes, oh, she went off that way
a few minutes ago, and you go, you didn't tell me.
Oh No, I was busy looking at it.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
I was probably like I was thankful to see the
back of her.
Speaker 4 (27:05):
You know, ye have my own boss and his wife
out of about half an hour walk around the all
going no, crap, oh crap, oh crap, thinking I'm going
to have to change jobs here because I'm probably gonna
get fine. But yeah, I mean, Appears has told me
that basically, you just help people when you can. And
also the other one big one was just treat others
like you want to be treating yourself. And if you
(27:27):
follow those two rules, you pretty much can't go wrong
in life. But it'd be nice a few other people
would follow that rule rather than getting angry and fighting
and stuff like that. But you can only control your
own actions, and the people around you really a one.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Hundred percent not agree with you more. But you know what,
I genuinely believe, not in some kind of woo woo
spiritual way, but I think what we put out is
what we get back. Yeah, I genuinely believe that. So
I hope that lots of good comes to you too.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Yeah, there's something to be said for you know, when
we actually do these things. And we've talked about this before,
and I think Kyle, you know you've said that actually
psychologically there's something good actually happened to you for Craig.
When Craig can you know, identify that someone's in need
and that he can help and then that actually does
the thing, and that that that ends up having a
good repercussion for them, That that makes Craig feel good.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
Right, absolutely, and it should because that's what keeps us
all going as a social bunch of creatures. There's there's
too much of the other side of the scales around,
so more of this. I say, thanks Craig.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Thanks to the call, Craig, and keep up all the
great work. Thanks for everything that you're doing for others.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
Yep, you two go well.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
And on that note, I just got a text here
that just says Hamish and Kyle Craig is a wonderful
role model. More power to him. Absolutely, I don't think
we could agree more. What a wonderful person and just
out there just doing it, you know. And that's the
funny thing, isn't it is that often when people are
out there helping in those occasions, they don't they don't
necessarily get the kind of the praise, the adulation, or
(29:04):
the recognition that perhaps they deserve, or you know, that
they've that we could say that they've earned, if you'd like.
It's not usually why people do todh.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
No, no, because they see an opportunity to do something
good and they take it.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Thank you so much, and we are going to take
a break and we come back. Got more of your
calls coming through, so you're most welcome to give us
a bell. Oh, eight hundred and eighty ten eighty. When
it comes to helping others, when it comes to helping
others in life with mental health, what is it that
you've done that you've seen work? And also too, if
you've been on the receiving end, what is it that
(29:39):
someone has done for you? Having the boss's kd run
away from them all though, God.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
I'm so glad neither of either. If my kids were runners,
but I've had friends who've got runners, and it's a shocker.
You turned around for five seconds and they're gone.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
I think that's probably one of the most one of
the most shocking scenarios I've put my mind into, Like
I'm still there. I'm there with Craig and.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
That more me too.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Jeez, how do you say, how did you have that conversation? Sorry,
I lost your kid, but he didn't. It all worked
out because he's a good bugger. When we talk with
someone who's experienced the thing that we've experienced, or you
might have had a similar experience, and they can understand
it and help us kind of piece together why I
might be feeling that way around, it makes a lot
(30:24):
more sense, doesn't it.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
It does, And I mean there's a reason why the
twelve step in AA and twelve Step programs is to
give back, because actually it's a way to use our
experience as to in a meaningful manner. The thing is, though,
is to bring it back to where we started from tonight.
You don't have to have had the same experience as
somebody to help them. You don't even necessarily need to
understand what somebody's going through. You just actually have to
(30:47):
take the time to listen to them tell you what
it is that is happening for them. And hopefully find
a way to validate it through paying attention and encouraging
them that it's okay to feel the way that they feel.
And if you're worried about them, help them access help.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
And look, I mean you'll hear a lot of people
talking about how finding it getting access to help around
New Zealand is really really hard. In some cases, yes
it is, but in terms of community services that are available,
we have experienced firsthand through this show that there is
so much out there. There are people out there who
(31:26):
will help you today.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
But here's the other thing too, Right, you can sit
with someone where they call one seven three seven. You
can put the phone on speaker phone and say, hey,
I'm sitting here with my mate and he's feeling really
nervous about talking. I've got him on the line now,
and hand the phone over to them and sit them,
sit with them while they have the conversation, or offer
to if you can't find help, offer to go on
(31:48):
the journey of finding their help with them together. If
they're a close mate, go okay, let's figure this out together.
Let's go down to the CAABA, or let's jump on
the internet right now and see what we can find
together because it's always easier to do it with somebody.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
Whatever works.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Okay, let's go back to the lines because your calls
have been coming in over the new Sport and Weather,
so we're going to talk to Lisa. Good morning to you.
How I Yeah, I'm good, I'm good. How's things you
are in?
Speaker 5 (32:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (32:16):
Not too there. One thing that I do is keep
a gratitude journal, which really roots for me sometimes other
times not so much. But it's an idea.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
When tell me about that when it doesn't work, it's
like when, when when does the gratitude?
Speaker 5 (32:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (32:35):
When does that find? When do you find that difficult?
Speaker 6 (32:38):
When I don't have time to be grateful for anything?
When I don't take the time to make myself be
disciplined enough to write, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (32:49):
And then when you actually do have the time to
do it and you do, how do you feel after
you've you've written it down?
Speaker 5 (32:55):
Grateful?
Speaker 3 (32:58):
It's funny the time thing, isn't it. I Mean I
often hear the same thing about about gratitude journals. And also,
you know, even just taking sort of two or three
or five minutes of mindfulness to just sort of stop
and slow down. I think sometimes we can get ourselves
into that space where we feel like we haven't got time,
but actually, in reality, often it's only a few minutes
that we actually need to take, isn't it. And it
(33:19):
makes a huge.
Speaker 6 (33:20):
Even if you're grateful for the same things every day
for a while until something changes.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Yeah, how long have you been doing it for Lisa?
Speaker 6 (33:32):
Well, the book there I'm looking at now, it's got
a lot of ripped out pages, but it was a
twenty twenty two grades food funeral.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Okay, And in doing it in that time, like you know,
if you started, you started doing it, you know, so
four years ago, what's changed for you? Like, have you
noticed have you noticed a change in how you you
sort of view things that are going on around you?
Speaker 6 (33:56):
Yeah? Yeah, I really have.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
So you'd be a big you'd be a big advocate
then that people give that gratitude journal idea and give.
Speaker 5 (34:06):
It a go.
Speaker 6 (34:07):
Yeah, it's a good idea to get it to go.
If it doesn't work, the eving needs a lot of
other strategies that can be put into place with a
gratitude journal. Just sitting quietly every day for at least
five minutes, practicing your breathing techniques and through your nose,
(34:30):
breathe into your belly, hold for four seconds, and then
reviews and then just writing down just five things god
be really valuable helps me.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
I like that. I like that. How did you come
to want to do it?
Speaker 5 (34:46):
Least?
Speaker 2 (34:46):
So like, where did the idea come from for starting
the journal?
Speaker 6 (34:51):
Oh, it's one that it's not my it's not my idea.
It's not an original idea.
Speaker 4 (34:56):
I just bought my.
Speaker 6 (34:57):
Journal in twenty twenty two. I got told about a
gratitude journal.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Yeah, who told you about it?
Speaker 6 (35:05):
I'm not sure someone's started than real.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
It's usually the case, isn't it. That's usually how these
ideas happen, isn't it Someone smarter than us ends up
telling us to give it a crack, and we and
we go for it. I'm so so pleased to hear
that you've you've been doing that and it's worked so
well for you, and it is just something that you
could imagine that you'll just keep doing from here on.
Speaker 6 (35:27):
I think I'll just keep wrapping out pages and writing stuff,
which you've been really what I do. Like one page
that I'm looking at at the moment, I'm planning a
trip for my partner and I we're going to two key.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Oh fantastic if we can get.
Speaker 6 (35:43):
There with what's going on. But yeah, so there's doodling
these pictures, there's you know, shopping lists that don't need
to be there anymore.
Speaker 5 (35:55):
All sorts.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Oh, it's fantastic. And you know we've we've talked about
journaling on the show and the past, Lisa, and so
I'm glad that you've bought it up because it's absolute
proof that it works.
Speaker 6 (36:07):
Yeah, that doesn't need to you know, dream boards work
for some people, white boards work for some people. It's
you know, different strokes for different folks, and you still
need to hear you know, it's stuff that works just
for you. But yeah, not goat, you're not. It's been
(36:32):
good for me.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
I hear, I hear. I'll tell you what. In fact,
I think Kyle Kyle knows about this. In fact, you
might have seen it. Actually, I basically have a trophy,
like a trophy shelf.
Speaker 3 (36:44):
It's like a pool room.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
And it's not exactly trophies though, so it's not like
you know, it's it's not like you know, like an
award saying you know the best best hay issh either
doesn't say that it's not it's not like that. But
I keep little mementos from special parts of of you know,
things that I've done, you know, whether it be work
or relationships, and so you know, there's little little things
(37:08):
from somewhere you might have traveled or something. Yeah, and
and sometimes like and the only reason I have it
actually it's not for when you come around and I
can be like, well, Kyle, that was the time that
I did that great thing. That's that's not what it's about.
It's actually to remind myself when I look at it
about the good things.
Speaker 5 (37:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
So that's actually something physical having it. So it's kind
of like journaling, but it's it helps.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
To actually have the memory. And that's the bit that matters.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
That's it. And so whenever you're like, you know, thinking
about like, oh can I do this thing? Am I
going to be able to get through that this challenge?
I can physically look and see all the challenges that
I have got through and the things that I have
been able to do and be like, yeah, of course
I can. And it's just that little bit that helps
kind of push you along.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
We though I intended to get you a cup now
this is the best ever.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
So let's keep this going. We'll go and talk to
Lynn now. Good morning, Lynn, Good morning.
Speaker 7 (38:02):
How are you today?
Speaker 2 (38:03):
Well, I mean, look all first seventeen eighteen minutes of it,
it's been pretty good so far. That's your day going
so well?
Speaker 7 (38:10):
The same. So I'm actually your first time callers since
probably the nineties. But anyway, that doesn't we've got.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
To welcome back. Welcome back.
Speaker 7 (38:22):
I think Craig is one I used to talk to
a lot when George for rugby tickets and things like that. Anyway,
that's years ago. I myself have a mental health diagnosis.
I've got bipole and have something since probably my mid twenties.
And I a bit of a long story. I lost
my husband about eleven years ago now, and I'd never
(38:45):
lived on my own or anything like that, and I
was really despersed and was really struggling. And I don't
have many friends, I don't have children, et cetera. So
I was really struggling with support, et cetera, until I
got a recommendation from the Mental Health Service because I
had spent some time in respite care and through with
Mentroealth Services and metagally times in Hill Wolfson Hospitals here
in christ Future as well. But then I was put
(39:07):
onto a called Steberhead Trust. I don't know where you
have heard from them at all.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
No, not something that either Carl or I are familiar with.
Tell us about them, Linda.
Speaker 7 (39:17):
They are a support group for people with mental health
issues like myself and many other other them and actually
some of the stuff as well. Apparently not in such
drastic ways, but they actually support us through basically community
help also looking after yourself. We do lots of different activities.
It's highly subsidized through the Health Board, Winds and the
(39:41):
Richmond Fellowship I think, which has another thing to do
with all right, I can't remember exactly, And basically it's
a program where we have she'd experiences in different activities.
There's walking groups, there's a tramping group these I'm self
doing this act which I've never done anything out in
myself before and I absolutely love doing it. There as
(40:04):
our groups we go to certain nights every WEDNESDA night
they put on a meal. If we want to go,
it's all going to be booked. Obviously, there's lots of
members and often as we go for an evening meal,
it's a branch and Linwood, the Wood, Richmond, wherever it is.
They will do an activity and we get a subsized
(40:24):
meal for poor dollars fifty. All very healthy because because
we're under the dh B, we get to live healthily,
et cetera. We do activity such as karaoke, board game nights,
A lot of fun at the moment is doing a
lot of productivities, et cetera. We also have subsidized, heavily
subsidized trips to different things. This month, in fact, this
(40:47):
weekend coming up, we're going to the Court you know
yet the court theaters to see there to do it? No,
what's the one that's going on at nothing? I can't
remember it anyway, there's a play.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
Much to do much to do about nothing?
Speaker 7 (41:00):
No, it's not something about earnest. Oh that's the one
lot of my memory. I tell you, I'm going bunkers
mail days.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
Could you could you run the name of the organization
that past us again?
Speaker 7 (41:14):
Step ahead trust?
Speaker 3 (41:15):
Okay, that's stepwards, the step ahead trust, step the step ahead,
the step ahead trust.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
And this is based in christ Church.
Speaker 5 (41:24):
Yes it is.
Speaker 7 (41:24):
We have a branch here in Christ Church. Esperson and
or fantastic bases in Christ church. Yeah, basically like for
this week and I guess a ticket to go through
us there would be about seventy eighty dollars. Well, we're
giving it subsidvice for twenty dollars because we get all
the support and yeah, and we go like as we
(41:45):
go to handle Springs, which actually I'm on the wait
list this week to goot handless friends and because we're
at vans and they can only have so many people
going from each base, and we can get into the
pools for ten dollars, which looks about thirty eight.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Oh, that's wonderful. That's wonderful. And do you get and
have you been up to Hamley Springs recently?
Speaker 7 (42:06):
Not recently? Well, actually I will tell you a story
with twice. It's open now. We've been on the way
to having the springs for the daily activity and there's
been serious exince on the motorway and we've had to
turn back because the roads would have been blocked.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 7 (42:21):
Yeah, But basically what I'm saying is we're also supporting
like a bit of a family because I mean, as
I said, I don their children. I don't always be
with my family because extremely busy and it's like a
little family of its own. We get to talk to
people that have similar experiences. We have blunches together. We
go out sometimes once a month to a restaurant. We
(42:43):
don't not allow to drink as a strength no drinking policy.
While we're even at these activities, we do, you know,
all sorts of things that I never thought i'd do
again times I was pretty lonely after my husband died,
and I've never lived on my own, and I've learned
so much more about life and things like that since
(43:04):
I've been there. We can talk to each other and say, hey,
I'm really struggling today, and there are pre support people
on the board. Because it's all board, et cetera. It's
a very efficient thing. You can actually self refer yourself
for your doctor. And I thought also that as people
are listening that they might be interested and then coming along.
(43:25):
And you can self refer yourself as long as you've
got a mental health diagnosis. And I look at times,
I just don't know how I just survived without step
ahead trusted all I mean I've made I don't have
any I've got two brothers obviously, but I've never had sisters.
And well, some of them are just like big sisters,
young sisters and things like that. It's just brilliant. You
(43:47):
can share if you're feeling really down and people they relate.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
Well, you know what tonight tonight we were asking about,
you know, people who are helping with me when it
comes to mental health. And my, oh my, I've been
just having a look through the Step Ahead website and
on the Facebook page, or you've been talking to me.
What an amazing looking organization for you to be involved with,
and I'm so happy that they exist.
Speaker 7 (44:15):
Do you see you look at the program and you've
got that up there, we can look at the programs.
Speaker 2 (44:21):
I'm looking well, I've got horribly distracted because I'm looking
at a post here which showed that in Langy Order
three days ago you went sailing on a boat called
the Fox Too in OKARAA. Now I'm a bit of
a sailing boat sucker fan, So now I'm now I'm
engrossed in looking at this beautiful old barge that you
(44:42):
were out on. It was fantastic. What a boat.
Speaker 7 (44:44):
Well, I my self don't belong to the ring your group.
I'm what we call the Prairie base and regulars that
I'd live in Abington and that is a much closer
base to me, but they would have been airing your
members go into that. But we all do some of
the things. I know some of the been on that
in I'm waiting go to innod activity to myself in
(45:06):
Riglar Law and Richmond, Samuel Rode the other places and
but the others. We're just so such amazing things. Sometimes
I wonder how if I had time to do anything else.
I mean, I'm strictly not retired all the way Andrews
retire this for this year, damn it, buggy, get no.
And it's just been marvelous and your times it's tough,
(45:30):
and you know you just can't face people and you
shack yourself away, which for myself isn't a good things.
Setting to get into words skin and watch Netflix all day.
But yeah, sometimes you need to just look after yourself.
That's it's been brilliant.
Speaker 2 (45:44):
That's fantastic. Lynn, Thank you so much for putting this
this this group on our on our radar. I'll tell
you what we'll we'll share it on our Facebook page.
Can I give you that job?
Speaker 5 (45:55):
Car done?
Speaker 2 (45:56):
Done? Okay, So anyone who's listening, if you wanted to
go and have a look at if you're in the
christ Church, Dongyura or Ashburton area, if you'd like to
look at a group out there that Lynn, You're just
a wonderful Spacek's person for step ahead.
Speaker 7 (46:10):
I would coming on, okay, see too.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
Well then you might have been nervous, but I'm so
glad you did, because that's exactly what we were talking
about tonight. We wanted to have people come on and
the hope that they might be able to help others,
and you have done that.
Speaker 4 (46:24):
So thank you, thank you very much.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
You go well, yeah, step ahead. The organized said, do
you know what I like about that is that it's
also too like just being able to help, you know,
subsidize a few things to get people along to you know, experiences.
Speaker 3 (46:40):
The community's playing ball, the service, there's the pools or
whatever you're going to a playing ball, or the supporters
there in the background helping the whole thing happen, which
is wonderful.
Speaker 5 (46:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
Yeah, and everyone gets to Still it's not a freebie,
it's not a handout. It's just people being able to
help each other and go off and have those wonderful
times together, all kind of in the knowledge that they've
they've got something in common and can just kind of
be as supportive as as required or not. Sometimes just
being there's.
Speaker 3 (47:07):
Enough doing stuff together is a very human need.
Speaker 2 (47:14):
That's it for this episode of The Nutters Club. Thanks
to all the highly insightful calls and texts, as well
as the expertise of psychotherapist Carl McDonald. If you like
what you heard and think it might help someone out there,
then please share this episode on your own channels, all
with family and friends, and if you ever want to
be part of the show, give us a call or text.
(47:34):
When we broadcast live on news Talk SeeDB eleven pm
Sunday nights, New Zealand standard time. Check out NEWSTALKZB dot
co dot MZ for local frequencies or a link to
the livestream. A big thanks to New Zealand on Air
for their ongoing support and making the show. Take care
and always remember the world is a better place with
(47:55):
you in it. Life it isn't easy, it is however
worth it.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
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Speaker 2 (00:19):
Greetings and welcome. I'm Heimish Williams, and you're listening to
the podcast version of The Nutters Club, a radio show
about mental health broadcast weekly on News Talk seed B.
Each week we talk with people about their mental health
experiences in the hope that it might help you with
your own. The show is broadcast live on Sunday nights
(00:40):
on News Talk said B right across New Zealand and
around the world. On this week's show, we had a
look at how we can initiate our own, real world
conversations about mental health and the outcomes that can be
achieved from doing so. Our audience gave us examples of
how they had done this themselves or how others had
(01:00):
supported them to have such conversations. Either way, we heard
what worked and how. Let us know what you think,
as well as what you learn from our chats on
any of our social media platforms. Just search for the
Nutters Club n Z and come and join over one
hundred and forty one thousand fellow nutters. Let's get into
(01:22):
this week's episode. You know it's it's amazing, isn't it.
We often have the coattails of major news which we
come in on and this is this is what is news.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Talk, said be Hamish.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Woll pointed out. Kyle Wow pointed out, and to be fair,
if you were here in the studio with us, there'd
be no mistaking that you're at news Talks. He'd be
corect not because of the fact that you know, we've
got all the paraphernalia and the pictures of all the
people around us.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
We have to wear our news talks. There'd be blazers
on Sunday night, don't I.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Just managed to pick mine up from the dry cleaners
before I got here, perfectly pressed, beautiful. It does look stunning,
but it is the brand everywhere, like we have them
on our microphone screens behind you, it's on screens, it's
out on the wall, out there, it's everywhere. So there's
no mistaking it anyway. Writing on the on the coattails
of news as we do, it's sometimes, you know, we've
(02:22):
found ourselves, especially in the last few months. We haven't
talked about things that have happened with Tarrong, you know,
with what happened with the slips at the mount Last year,
you know, we had the night where things happened again
with the shooting in the sorry and Bondo on the beach,
(02:42):
and then of course you know tonight, we've we've heard
about everything that's that's happening in Tehran and Iran and
in large and it does, it becomes it can become overwhelming.
And yet we've said it before on the show, and
it's it's a consistent one is that we always say
you look for the help. It's right that there's always
(03:04):
people in any one of these absolutely terrible situations which
make international news, that there is always people there who
you know, are doing everything they can to try and
help and make the situation better. And I can tell
you right now it will be no different whether you're
in Tel Aviv or Tehran. There will be people on
(03:27):
the ground doing everything that they can help.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
People might not know this, but there's a Red Crescent
in the Middle East as opposed to the Red Cross, right,
so the Christian version versus the Muslim vision. So I
don't know if they verse each other, I think they're
not doing that.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
They could get quite interesting, quite interesting. Watch here. Oh,
I'll fix this guy up. Faster than you could ever dream.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
And of course that's just the official version, but I'm
sure there's tons and tons of every day people out
there on the streets helping their fellow man.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
So with all of that flying around and sometimes quite literally,
I was thinking, how do I pull this together to
be able to focus on mental health show what is it?
Because ultimately, actually I thought, Kyle, is that when it
comes to our own mental health and how that affects
our day to day. And remember, when we talk about
(04:19):
mental health, it's not always negative.
Speaker 4 (04:21):
Right.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
If you've got people that are doing really well, you know,
or when I say really well, people who are just
genuinely balanced and going along and they've managed to.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Are in a good space at the moment and in.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
A good space at the moment, you know, are able
to keep everything together when they need to, then's that
is mental health as well, good mental health, right. But
then there's cases where we see people who perhaps aren't
displaying that. Now that's what we would call poor mental
health or mental health not well. And so I was
(04:54):
wondering about this when it comes to what can people
do to help in that situation? And this freaks a
lot of people out right, it does.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Yeah, because people are.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Afraid of doing the wrong thing. Don't want to make
the situation worse because ultimately a lot of people get
worried if I make it worse, Well, what could happen?
Speaker 3 (05:16):
They might cry?
Speaker 2 (05:17):
They might cry.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
What happens then.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Could have some some upsetting conversations. You could make them
feel worse. You may find that they don't come to
work the next day and they've taken their life. No,
I'm not saying that that's always what happens, but it's
definitely a society, right, it's a real fear totally. Okay.
So tonight, what I was thinking we could talk about
with yourself and with their audience because tonight it is
(05:41):
very much your show. So we need your calls. You
know the number eight one hundred and eighty T and
eighty or you can flict us a text on nine
to two and nine two on this is I wanted
to talk about how do we help when it comes
to mental health? So I think the first question for you,
and what I wanted to ask Kyle, is when should
(06:01):
we help?
Speaker 5 (06:02):
You know?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
What?
Speaker 2 (06:02):
What what is the what is the cue? I mean
we always say to people, hey, you know, reach outn't
let me know. But the truth of the matter is
is that sometimes if we're feeling like us are crap,
the last thing I'm going to do is go, hey,
I'm actually not feeling great. People struggle to do that
in and of itself, but I feel like we can.
(06:24):
There are things that perhaps that we could pick out
with others where we know that we could help. So
first of all I wanted to ask is when is
it that perhaps we should help? And then how do
we go about doing that? What does that look like?
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Well, maybe just to take half a step backwards first,
I think that, you know, if we come at it
from when should we help? I think we're focusing on
what to do when things seem bad or negative, and
I think that the half a step back is actually
how do we build connections and relationships with people where
we notice that something's up? So, because I think that's
the first thing, right, is that actually having the kinds
(07:01):
of connections or the kinds of relationships with people, whether
I'm talking like you know, deep, you know, best mate relationships,
but actually just genuine relationships with colleagues or workmates or neighbors.
We actually just say hi every now and then ask
about what's going on, ask about their kids, or you know,
ask about how things are, because sometimes I think what
(07:21):
we need, you know, particularly with people we don't necessarily
know that well, is we kind of need a baseline
and you don't want to have the conversation cold. If
you're worried about someone, there needs to be a bit
of a relationship and a bit of a rapport there.
So it's not that we set about building those connections
with people because we want to be able to help
them when we need to. But actually I think that's
(07:42):
what facilitates it, because that comes back to one of
the things we talk about all the time on the
show is actually about building a community. And communities look
like close relation, close relationships, close friends, but they also
look like what we kind of think of as weak connections.
And I don't think for one moment we should underestimate
the you know, the person that we might say hello
to at the front desk when we turn up to
(08:03):
work every morning. Actually those little connections, you know, those
little the person at the coff shop, those connections are
actually really meaningful over time because we get a bit
of a baseline and you kind of notice or something's
up with somebody, and I think, so, then to answer
your question more directly, what do we do? Sometimes it's
as easy as saying, you're right, you see me a
bit off today, what's up, and actually genuinely being interested
(08:29):
in what the answer is.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
So when somebody says to you, you know, hey, how's
your day, garde and I give the glib respond to
be like, ah, never better, yeah, even though things could
be absolutely terrible, because how do we get change?
Speaker 5 (08:42):
Right?
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Absolutely, how do we get past that?
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Well? I think sometimes it's as simple as actually just
slowing down, maybe just making eye contact and saying no, no, really,
are you right? You seem a bit off? You know,
actually genuinely asking the question. And I think we can
sometimes be anxious about what might come back, but you know,
they're just feelings.
Speaker 5 (09:04):
You know.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
We don't need to be frightened of emotions, particularly other people's,
And I think we also don't need to be frightened
of making things worse, because actually, when someone genuinely asks
if we're okay, it makes things better because all of
a sudden, someone actually cares enough to genuinely be interested.
And yes, it might mean taking five to ten minutes
to actually kind of have a chat with them about
(09:25):
what's going on. But I think never underestimate the power
of actually somebody being interested and genuinely curious.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
I think that also when it comes to you, when
should you help, I think that the helping is literally
just by having that conversation in the first place, right.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Just noticing. So we talk about this idea in my trade,
just to get slightly technical for a moment, Please do
we talk about this idea well, but people will have
heard us talk about a lot on the show over
the years. It's the idea of validation. Validation is a
very simple concept in a way. It's actually just being
able to say to somebody, I accept and hear it,
acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, and I'm not going to
(10:05):
tell you that you're wrong. I'm not going to tell
you're feeling the wrong thing, going to say something simple like, well,
of course you feel upset, your dog's gone to the
vet or whatever. It might be. Right, But actually the
first level of validation is not saying anything. It's actually
just paying attention.
Speaker 5 (10:21):
You know.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
One of the books that I read a long time
ago said that the first level of validation is being
awake because it's actually literally just being present to another
human being, right, because just being present is validating. Yes,
it's saying things is also validating, but also so as
doing things right. Ah, you look really tired today. Can
I make you a cup of tea?
Speaker 5 (10:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Really validating action, right, And these things can actually have
a huge impact on somebody who's struggling, and they're very
very simple to do and easy to practice.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
I just want to ask you the scenario they car
shoot before I bring on the calls.
Speaker 5 (10:58):
Yeh.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Look, this may not be a big surprise to you,
but I'd love to come up with scenarios. Okay, good scenarios,
bad scenarios. But you know, sometimes when you could tastrophize
something and you think about what's the worst it could
possibly be, everything else kind of pales in comparison to
work your way backward from there, right, Yeah, exactly, So
I want to do it with this all right. So
I really liked what you were saying just before the ads.
(11:21):
You said, Look, when it comes to helping with mental health,
initiate the conversation, which is as simple as hey, you know,
do you want to grab a coffee? You know, just
just making the fact that you know the person knows
you're already. So okay, we've initiated the conversation. Start talking
to them. You're validating the feelings just by paying attention,
(11:41):
by being there, like you're talking about Then they start
telling me about something which is actually genuinely quite serious. Okay,
and it look it could be anything. It could be
a situation that they're in that you know, could be
a relationship that's that's going really badly. But suddenly you
realize that this thing is actually really, really serious, And
(12:03):
all of a sudden, I realize I'm way in over
my head now. I bring this up because I think
this is a big fear that people has.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
People aren't therapists, right, and you know they don't have training.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Hey, Look, as much as I would love to say
that I've absorbed some of your skill, after the number
of years I've spent sitting opposite you here on a
Sunday night, I'd still say I'm not qualified.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
So I'm sitting here, I'm hearing just a terrible situation
come from the other person, and I realize they need
some help. I don't know what that help looks like.
I'm not really sure what I should do. But one
thing I do know is I'm not the person who
can solve this situation totally. I've opened up the situation,
but I can't solve it. So what do I do?
Speaker 3 (12:46):
So I think the first thing is you don't have
to take any responsibility for solving the situation because you're
not a therapist, You're not a miracle worker. I think
the really important thing in those situations is actually just
to be really kindly and compassionately honest. So actually, most
of what you just said would be fine to say
in most of those situations, to say, hey, look, I'm
(13:08):
I'm really upset for you. This sounds really awful, and
I'm really worried about you, and I think I just
want to check, first of all, are you getting some
support with us? Are you talking to anyone? Are you
getting any help with this? And if not, can I
help you figure out where to get some help. Because
I'm not a therapist and I want to support you,
but maybe the support that I can give you is
getting you hooked up with someone that can actually help
(13:31):
you with this. And if they say no, no, no, no, no,
I'm fine, you can say, well, okay, I hear that
I can understand you don't want to do that. Keep
in touch and then you might want to send them
or text them some suggestions. But I think the important
thing is to not feel like we have to rescue
people because actually that taking it on is the bit
(13:54):
that I think a lot of people are really worried
about when it comes to supporting people. So by all means,
check in on them. By all means, then you may
need to talk to somebody else yourself about what you've
been left with. And if it's something that's high risk,
I mean, you know, it's okay to actually say I
think I need to tell somebody about this. So if
someone's saying, look, you know, I'm feeling suicidal, or I
can't get out of bed in the morning, or I'm
(14:15):
you know, there's something that's really serious, to actually say, hey,
look I think I need to talk to somebody about this.
I need to talk to your friend or your partner
or maybe even you know, think about do we need
to talk to hr If it's in a company or something,
you know that actually it's okay to hand it on
if it's really serious too.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
So someone tells you that they're suicidal, yep, at what
point do I need to intervene and involve other people,
Because to be fair, that's a that's a pretty scary
thing to have to go through.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
It absolutely is, and I think that I think the
point at which you have to intervene and do something
is in that conversation with the person who's saying that
to you, to actually say to them, I'm feeling really
scared and worried and I feel like I need to
do something with what you're telling me. And it may
be that at that point you actually need to sit
down with the person and call a crisis line or
(15:02):
call one seven three seven with them and get them
talking literally hand it off to somebody else. You know,
if they're on the phone or they're at a distance
and you're left feeling really worried about them, you can
contact one oh five, the non urgent police number on
Anatham to do a welfare check. That is something that
the police still do despite all the public conversations about it.
(15:23):
They're not going to get arrested, but actually the police
of the agency to be able to do those kinds
of welfare checks if you think someone's ready in like
imminent risk of danger, that's what I would do as
a professional because they are the people to reach out to.
But again, I think it comes back to working back
from that situation. It's always about the conversation to be
able to go back to the person in the moment
and say, I'm really worried about this, and I think
(15:45):
I want to help you do something about this right
now because I don't want to be left with it myself.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Okay, that's brilliant, Thank you, Kle. I'm really awesome to
have covered that. Good evening, grong here, how are we?
Speaker 5 (15:55):
Yeah, excellent, Dans. I suppose you come to both sides
because I've been on both sides, so you know, as
a client in the eighties, yes, and alls a support
worker in the middle health and addiction in the like
eighteen to twenty two, I had to get laid off
ANAURYSM stuff. Yeah, yeah, and I agree there it's said.
(16:18):
But one thing I was say on I was told
one thing from my council many many years ago, was
be yourself twenty four seven as the counselor, because you
will read it, that a person will read it, a
client will read it. And the other thing is that
people a lot of people miss there up. I put
up very early, and I suppose this from benicl. I
(16:41):
listen for what's not being said, and you can get
in there a lot quicker than trying and ask them,
do you understand that?
Speaker 3 (16:49):
I do understand that only, and I think it's really
great advice. But just to come back to the first
bit that you said about just being yourself twenty four
to seven, I completely agree. And you know, and the
job that I do, that's not about me talking about
me or me talking about my life, but it is
me reacting honestly. So if someone says something I find
and shocking or upsetting, I'll say, gosh, that's really shocking
(17:12):
an upseating, you know, because actually there's no point trying
to hide it because, as you say, most people will
pick that up anyway, right.
Speaker 5 (17:19):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (17:21):
And I've worked with many sorts of clients, you know,
like just keeps them and the one thing they all
have in common, well they don't say it, but you
can read what they're not saying if you listen and
read between the lines. And I can honestly tell you
you can be in the hours before you're trying to
get it out of them, and the other thing is
(17:42):
most of my work was done in a car. I
take them for a drive, put a radio one music
and music. That's the best diary in the world to
me because it triggers memories. And quite often while the
open up when they hear a song, they'll start singing
a song to themselves and bingo, you're in. And then
you start planting seats. Only once and you never ask
(18:05):
them for another week or two and you say, oh,
do you just look a bit what I said and
it's not of that one. You give them options. That way,
you take away the word help, and that becomes assisting
them and they're in charge of themselves, because help, I've
always seen is a weakness personally. No, I always that's
it's a life experience.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
You'd say to them, here, here, here are your options
that you that it would be useful at the moment.
It's a great way of putting.
Speaker 5 (18:31):
It because otherwise you're taking charge. You want them to
take charge. So you give them options, even though you
know the one they want that you know would be
best for them. Whether they agree or not, you never
say it, but you put out three of them there
and you say, did you.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
Think about it?
Speaker 5 (18:46):
You know, May a week or two you said to
just think about what I said, and generally when you
sat the second bomb, I'll think about it on the
third time you meet you you meet them and they'll
start talking about.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
I've just written that one down, Lingy, because I think
that's fantastic, you know, putting out putting out options, you know,
rather than telling people this is what you must do,
actually just giving a little bit of choose your own advent. Sure,
they were always way more fun, right, That's that's where
you actually have a bit of autonomy. You feel as
though you've got, you know, some some choices to make, right.
Speaker 5 (19:17):
Yeah, and also you tap into what they've been good at,
computed or whatever, And so that's pretty cool. Put in
the seeds. Why did you go in study? That's how
I got onto counciling someone. Put that seeds in.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
Also, what you were saying about cars, that's like the
gold standard advice for dealing with teenage boys adults too.
I know, I know, But whatever works for teenage boys,
do you notally works for everybody? Right, Because it's actually
that things non confrontational, you're not looking at each other,
there's something else going on. You can easily look out
the window if it's getting a bit intense, like you say,
(19:52):
this music on. I think another version of that, which
can be useful for people too, is to say, how
just go for a walk yep, Because again.
Speaker 5 (20:02):
You know the dislike in the car. Some of them
like the walk. So I take them while where I
am I'm in the Hawks space. I take them out
open beach, oh Mawana, places like that, and may be
a beach nice and it's I always say it's the
because they open up. You know that. That's you don't
say a word, you shut up, You listen to them.
And when I say you listen, you actually listen to
(20:23):
what they're saying. Don't just hear them listen, Yeah, I
hear that when you learn. That's where you actually learn
about people, what they're not saying, because it's right there
in front of you.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Lang, I've got to ask you one question about the music.
Was there ever a particular genre or time period of
music that was better than others?
Speaker 5 (20:43):
Well, I'll be honest. I used to go to I
Think It's a Breeze because they have such a range yep, yep,
and I'd have that on lightly. Yeah enough to say
to hear it if they wanted to talk to me,
and they generally do and take them at twenty months
on the first, but you know after having them for
a few months or in the car excellent, you know,
they open up and I'd put over five months right,
(21:03):
hold me your problems now because you know I'm going
to figure it out, and they tell you and then
they relax.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
Possible.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
That is that. That is just fantastic. Thank you so much.
That is brilliant insight. And I think you know, the
conversation in the car thing, that's something we've all experienced.
So you've you've hit the nail on the head. What
a great first call you've been tonight.
Speaker 5 (21:26):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Go well, cheers, thanks all the good work you do
to you guys. All right, well and by the sounds
of it, you too, lingy, thank you go well mate. Okay,
so there we go. That's great advice, brilliant So that
that's kind of just like a real world example that
he's given there.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Perfect so said from both sides of the fence.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
So to tell me, I'd love to hear from anyone tonight,
just on on the conversations in the car thing. What's
been a major conversation that you've had in a car,
like a major have you had, like you know, have
you had like a really mind opening or you know,
serious conversation in the car that you know and in
(22:07):
the mental health context. Sure, but you know something that
was just really really lead to something important for you.
What was that conversation? You don't have to give us
all the names and the details, but just kind of
like the general gist of it. I'd love to hear
about that tonight because I think that's a big one.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Anyway, we're going to take a break and we come
back more of your calls tonight. We're talking about how
can you help when it comes to mental health? What
have been your experiences of what works and what has
happened for you? What have people done for yourself? But
I've talked about those conversations in the cars. What does
that look like for you though? Oh eight hundred eighty
ten eighty text us on nineteen nine two backcon.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Nutters Club now on News.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Talks, it'd be welcome back to the show. A quick
text that I just had to hear, which I really liked,
as it said, often all the need sorry, it's often
all the help needed is someone to listen. They often
know what to do, but they don't need the point labored.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
Absolutely, And I think it comes back to that thing
we talked about, right, It's not our job to solve
the problem when we're listening. It's our job just to
give attention to what is being said.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
And I think that that's another thing too. Sometimes, you know,
you're talking about the validation. I probably already know what
I need to do. Not all the time, but in
a lot of scenarios, I'll know what I need to do.
I just kind of need to lay it out in
front of you, you know, in front of a friend,
in front of someone that I trust, or someone just
to feel comfortable talking to, to just kind of get
like a check, you know, like a reality check. Is
(23:35):
this going to fly? Is this okay?
Speaker 5 (23:39):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (23:39):
And I mean I think this is the other thing
which we talk a lot about on the show.
Speaker 5 (23:42):
Right.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
People talk about journal writing, They talk about all sorts
of versions of this. Sometimes just saying it out loud helps.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
That makes it real.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Even if we know what we need to do, it's
not actually about solving the problem, it's actually about just
saying it out loud to another human being, because we're
human beings. That helps.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Let's go back to the lines. Craig, good evening to you.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
Good evening. How's it going.
Speaker 5 (24:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Good, Thanks for Colin.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
That's all right. I'm I hered a couple of little
quick ones that I've done over my lifetime, which I
sort of been trying to help people out. I had
a next time maybe a few years ago. A single
mother was an abusive relationship and she got she moved
out and winted her own little house, and she found
I found she was struggling quite a bit. So I
actually offered to take her a seven year old toddler
(24:27):
off her hands for half a day, and I gave
her a gift oucher for one of the local spa
day things in Hamilton here and see you go, you
treat yourself and I look after your kid for a
few hours. And then the second one here was my
boss quite a few years ago and his wife and
find at great heart. So I took her two young
kids off their hands for half a day and went shopping.
That proceeded to lose the daughter in the shopping center,
(24:50):
and that foundly her aunt. She was a bit of
a runner, asked the brother where she went, and she goes, oh,
I don't know that way somewhere the one but then
the one I was actually quite happy here I could
help was I worked in a big company and had
a apprentice with me, and I worked with her pretty
much on a daily basis, and I could just tell
something was changing differently here when she went with other
(25:11):
stuff and was this fine when she came around with me.
I could because we spent a lot of time working together.
You could sort of see changes. So I asked her
what's going wrong? And she started spilling it, and then
they started to get the conversation started getting darker and darker,
and I said, hang on a minute, I'm not good
with this sort of stuff. You probably would need to
do a therapist or something. I said, well, would you
like me to come with you? And she was like
(25:32):
really happy because she didn't really know anyone. She didn't
just move to Hamilton. So I went with her to
help her out. And then she was really appreciative and
she said, I think and I said, well, the best
thing you can do is if you're in the same
situation with one of your friend trends or whatever, passed
it on to the next person, like how I've helped you,
Just if you see someone in need, pass it on
to them. And that's what I've said to everyone enough
(25:52):
helped over the years. It's like I don't want the gratitude.
I just want you to be able to pay it forward, as.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
They say, Craig, fantastic and just awesome work helping with
all those people. I'm just going to ask you this though,
why do you help others?
Speaker 4 (26:08):
I help others because I always believe one day I
could be the other. So I believe if you help people,
you may find it in the situation down the track
you're the one who needs help her and don't know
where to go, and one of your friends or people
you know can help you. So that's the way I've
always been brought up on my appearances. Will you help
people if you can, because one day you might be
(26:29):
the person who needs the help. So that's why I've
always believed.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Here, Well, good on your parents, Craig, They've raised your
right boy. That's that is absolutely fantastic. Oh Jaz though,
how much did your hearts? How much did your heart
sink when the kids did a runner in them?
Speaker 6 (26:45):
All?
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Ah?
Speaker 4 (26:47):
I was like I was with her like seven six
year olds, and I was talking to her brother turned
around and then she got it's like which he got,
and her brother goes, oh, she went off that way
a few minutes ago, and you go, you didn't tell me.
Oh No, I was busy looking at it.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
I was probably like I was thankful to see the
back of her.
Speaker 4 (27:05):
You know, ye have my own boss and his wife
out of about half an hour walk around the all
going no, crap, oh crap, oh crap, thinking I'm going
to have to change jobs here because I'm probably gonna
get fine. But yeah, I mean, Appears has told me
that basically, you just help people when you can. And
also the other one big one was just treat others
like you want to be treating yourself. And if you
(27:27):
follow those two rules, you pretty much can't go wrong
in life. But it'd be nice a few other people
would follow that rule rather than getting angry and fighting
and stuff like that. But you can only control your
own actions, and the people around you really a one.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Hundred percent not agree with you more. But you know what,
I genuinely believe, not in some kind of woo woo
spiritual way, but I think what we put out is
what we get back. Yeah, I genuinely believe that. So
I hope that lots of good comes to you too.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Yeah, there's something to be said for you know, when
we actually do these things. And we've talked about this before,
and I think Kyle, you know you've said that actually
psychologically there's something good actually happened to you for Craig.
When Craig can you know, identify that someone's in need
and that he can help and then that actually does
the thing, and that that that ends up having a
good repercussion for them, That that makes Craig feel good.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
Right, absolutely, and it should because that's what keeps us
all going as a social bunch of creatures. There's there's
too much of the other side of the scales around,
so more of this. I say, thanks Craig.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Thanks to the call, Craig, and keep up all the
great work. Thanks for everything that you're doing for others.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
Yep, you two go well.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
And on that note, I just got a text here
that just says Hamish and Kyle Craig is a wonderful
role model. More power to him. Absolutely, I don't think
we could agree more. What a wonderful person and just
out there just doing it, you know. And that's the
funny thing, isn't it is that often when people are
out there helping in those occasions, they don't they don't
necessarily get the kind of the praise, the adulation, or
(29:04):
the recognition that perhaps they deserve, or you know, that
they've that we could say that they've earned, if you'd like.
It's not usually why people do todh.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
No, no, because they see an opportunity to do something
good and they take it.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Thank you so much, and we are going to take
a break and we come back. Got more of your
calls coming through, so you're most welcome to give us
a bell. Oh, eight hundred and eighty ten eighty. When
it comes to helping others, when it comes to helping
others in life with mental health, what is it that
you've done that you've seen work? And also too, if
you've been on the receiving end, what is it that
(29:39):
someone has done for you? Having the boss's kd run
away from them all though, God.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
I'm so glad neither of either. If my kids were runners,
but I've had friends who've got runners, and it's a shocker.
You turned around for five seconds and they're gone.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
I think that's probably one of the most one of
the most shocking scenarios I've put my mind into, Like
I'm still there. I'm there with Craig and.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
That more me too.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Jeez, how do you say, how did you have that conversation? Sorry,
I lost your kid, but he didn't. It all worked
out because he's a good bugger. When we talk with
someone who's experienced the thing that we've experienced, or you
might have had a similar experience, and they can understand
it and help us kind of piece together why I
might be feeling that way around, it makes a lot
(30:24):
more sense, doesn't it.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
It does, And I mean there's a reason why the
twelve step in AA and twelve Step programs is to
give back, because actually it's a way to use our
experience as to in a meaningful manner. The thing is, though,
is to bring it back to where we started from tonight.
You don't have to have had the same experience as
somebody to help them. You don't even necessarily need to
understand what somebody's going through. You just actually have to
(30:47):
take the time to listen to them tell you what
it is that is happening for them. And hopefully find
a way to validate it through paying attention and encouraging
them that it's okay to feel the way that they feel.
And if you're worried about them, help them access help.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
And look, I mean you'll hear a lot of people
talking about how finding it getting access to help around
New Zealand is really really hard. In some cases, yes
it is, but in terms of community services that are available,
we have experienced firsthand through this show that there is
so much out there. There are people out there who
(31:26):
will help you today.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
But here's the other thing too, Right, you can sit
with someone where they call one seven three seven. You
can put the phone on speaker phone and say, hey,
I'm sitting here with my mate and he's feeling really
nervous about talking. I've got him on the line now,
and hand the phone over to them and sit them,
sit with them while they have the conversation, or offer
to if you can't find help, offer to go on
(31:48):
the journey of finding their help with them together. If
they're a close mate, go okay, let's figure this out together.
Let's go down to the CAABA, or let's jump on
the internet right now and see what we can find
together because it's always easier to do it with somebody.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
Whatever works.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Okay, let's go back to the lines because your calls
have been coming in over the new Sport and Weather,
so we're going to talk to Lisa. Good morning to you.
How I Yeah, I'm good, I'm good. How's things you
are in?
Speaker 5 (32:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (32:16):
Not too there. One thing that I do is keep
a gratitude journal, which really roots for me sometimes other
times not so much. But it's an idea.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
When tell me about that when it doesn't work, it's
like when, when when does the gratitude?
Speaker 5 (32:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (32:35):
When does that find? When do you find that difficult?
Speaker 6 (32:38):
When I don't have time to be grateful for anything?
When I don't take the time to make myself be
disciplined enough to write, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (32:49):
And then when you actually do have the time to
do it and you do, how do you feel after
you've you've written it down?
Speaker 5 (32:55):
Grateful?
Speaker 3 (32:58):
It's funny the time thing, isn't it. I Mean I
often hear the same thing about about gratitude journals. And also,
you know, even just taking sort of two or three
or five minutes of mindfulness to just sort of stop
and slow down. I think sometimes we can get ourselves
into that space where we feel like we haven't got time,
but actually, in reality, often it's only a few minutes
that we actually need to take, isn't it. And it
(33:19):
makes a huge.
Speaker 6 (33:20):
Even if you're grateful for the same things every day
for a while until something changes.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Yeah, how long have you been doing it for Lisa?
Speaker 6 (33:32):
Well, the book there I'm looking at now, it's got
a lot of ripped out pages, but it was a
twenty twenty two grades food funeral.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Okay, And in doing it in that time, like you know,
if you started, you started doing it, you know, so
four years ago, what's changed for you? Like, have you
noticed have you noticed a change in how you you
sort of view things that are going on around you?
Speaker 6 (33:56):
Yeah? Yeah, I really have.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
So you'd be a big you'd be a big advocate
then that people give that gratitude journal idea and give.
Speaker 5 (34:06):
It a go.
Speaker 6 (34:07):
Yeah, it's a good idea to get it to go.
If it doesn't work, the eving needs a lot of
other strategies that can be put into place with a
gratitude journal. Just sitting quietly every day for at least
five minutes, practicing your breathing techniques and through your nose,
(34:30):
breathe into your belly, hold for four seconds, and then
reviews and then just writing down just five things god
be really valuable helps me.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
I like that. I like that. How did you come
to want to do it?
Speaker 5 (34:46):
Least?
Speaker 2 (34:46):
So like, where did the idea come from for starting
the journal?
Speaker 6 (34:51):
Oh, it's one that it's not my it's not my idea.
It's not an original idea.
Speaker 4 (34:56):
I just bought my.
Speaker 6 (34:57):
Journal in twenty twenty two. I got told about a
gratitude journal.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Yeah, who told you about it?
Speaker 6 (35:05):
I'm not sure someone's started than real.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
It's usually the case, isn't it. That's usually how these
ideas happen, isn't it Someone smarter than us ends up
telling us to give it a crack, and we and
we go for it. I'm so so pleased to hear
that you've you've been doing that and it's worked so
well for you, and it is just something that you
could imagine that you'll just keep doing from here on.
Speaker 6 (35:27):
I think I'll just keep wrapping out pages and writing stuff,
which you've been really what I do. Like one page
that I'm looking at at the moment, I'm planning a
trip for my partner and I we're going to two key.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Oh fantastic if we can get.
Speaker 6 (35:43):
There with what's going on. But yeah, so there's doodling
these pictures, there's you know, shopping lists that don't need
to be there anymore.
Speaker 5 (35:55):
All sorts.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Oh, it's fantastic. And you know we've we've talked about
journaling on the show and the past, Lisa, and so
I'm glad that you've bought it up because it's absolute
proof that it works.
Speaker 6 (36:07):
Yeah, that doesn't need to you know, dream boards work
for some people, white boards work for some people. It's
you know, different strokes for different folks, and you still
need to hear you know, it's stuff that works just
for you. But yeah, not goat, you're not. It's been
(36:32):
good for me.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
I hear, I hear. I'll tell you what. In fact,
I think Kyle Kyle knows about this. In fact, you
might have seen it. Actually, I basically have a trophy,
like a trophy shelf.
Speaker 3 (36:44):
It's like a pool room.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
And it's not exactly trophies though, so it's not like
you know, it's it's not like you know, like an
award saying you know the best best hay issh either
doesn't say that it's not it's not like that. But
I keep little mementos from special parts of of you know,
things that I've done, you know, whether it be work
or relationships, and so you know, there's little little things
(37:08):
from somewhere you might have traveled or something. Yeah, and
and sometimes like and the only reason I have it
actually it's not for when you come around and I
can be like, well, Kyle, that was the time that
I did that great thing. That's that's not what it's about.
It's actually to remind myself when I look at it
about the good things.
Speaker 5 (37:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
So that's actually something physical having it. So it's kind
of like journaling, but it's it helps.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
To actually have the memory. And that's the bit that matters.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
That's it. And so whenever you're like, you know, thinking
about like, oh can I do this thing? Am I
going to be able to get through that this challenge?
I can physically look and see all the challenges that
I have got through and the things that I have
been able to do and be like, yeah, of course
I can. And it's just that little bit that helps
kind of push you along.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
We though I intended to get you a cup now
this is the best ever.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
So let's keep this going. We'll go and talk to
Lynn now. Good morning, Lynn, Good morning.
Speaker 7 (38:02):
How are you today?
Speaker 2 (38:03):
Well, I mean, look all first seventeen eighteen minutes of it,
it's been pretty good so far. That's your day going
so well?
Speaker 7 (38:10):
The same. So I'm actually your first time callers since
probably the nineties. But anyway, that doesn't we've got.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
To welcome back. Welcome back.
Speaker 7 (38:22):
I think Craig is one I used to talk to
a lot when George for rugby tickets and things like that. Anyway,
that's years ago. I myself have a mental health diagnosis.
I've got bipole and have something since probably my mid twenties.
And I a bit of a long story. I lost
my husband about eleven years ago now, and I'd never
(38:45):
lived on my own or anything like that, and I
was really despersed and was really struggling. And I don't
have many friends, I don't have children, et cetera. So
I was really struggling with support, et cetera, until I
got a recommendation from the Mental Health Service because I
had spent some time in respite care and through with
Mentroealth Services and metagally times in Hill Wolfson Hospitals here
in christ Future as well. But then I was put
(39:07):
onto a called Steberhead Trust. I don't know where you
have heard from them at all.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
No, not something that either Carl or I are familiar with.
Tell us about them, Linda.
Speaker 7 (39:17):
They are a support group for people with mental health
issues like myself and many other other them and actually
some of the stuff as well. Apparently not in such
drastic ways, but they actually support us through basically community
help also looking after yourself. We do lots of different activities.
It's highly subsidized through the Health Board, Winds and the
(39:41):
Richmond Fellowship I think, which has another thing to do
with all right, I can't remember exactly, And basically it's
a program where we have she'd experiences in different activities.
There's walking groups, there's a tramping group these I'm self
doing this act which I've never done anything out in
myself before and I absolutely love doing it. There as
(40:04):
our groups we go to certain nights every WEDNESDA night
they put on a meal. If we want to go,
it's all going to be booked. Obviously, there's lots of
members and often as we go for an evening meal,
it's a branch and Linwood, the Wood, Richmond, wherever it is.
They will do an activity and we get a subsized
(40:24):
meal for poor dollars fifty. All very healthy because because
we're under the dh B, we get to live healthily,
et cetera. We do activity such as karaoke, board game nights,
A lot of fun at the moment is doing a
lot of productivities, et cetera. We also have subsidized, heavily
subsidized trips to different things. This month, in fact, this
(40:47):
weekend coming up, we're going to the Court you know
yet the court theaters to see there to do it? No,
what's the one that's going on at nothing? I can't
remember it anyway, there's a play.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
Much to do much to do about nothing?
Speaker 7 (41:00):
No, it's not something about earnest. Oh that's the one
lot of my memory. I tell you, I'm going bunkers
mail days.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
Could you could you run the name of the organization
that past us again?
Speaker 7 (41:14):
Step ahead trust?
Speaker 3 (41:15):
Okay, that's stepwards, the step ahead trust, step the step ahead,
the step ahead trust.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
And this is based in christ Church.
Speaker 5 (41:24):
Yes it is.
Speaker 7 (41:24):
We have a branch here in Christ Church. Esperson and
or fantastic bases in Christ church. Yeah, basically like for
this week and I guess a ticket to go through
us there would be about seventy eighty dollars. Well, we're
giving it subsidvice for twenty dollars because we get all
the support and yeah, and we go like as we
(41:45):
go to handle Springs, which actually I'm on the wait
list this week to goot handless friends and because we're
at vans and they can only have so many people
going from each base, and we can get into the
pools for ten dollars, which looks about thirty eight.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Oh, that's wonderful. That's wonderful. And do you get and
have you been up to Hamley Springs recently?
Speaker 7 (42:06):
Not recently? Well, actually I will tell you a story
with twice. It's open now. We've been on the way
to having the springs for the daily activity and there's
been serious exince on the motorway and we've had to
turn back because the roads would have been blocked.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 7 (42:21):
Yeah, But basically what I'm saying is we're also supporting
like a bit of a family because I mean, as
I said, I don their children. I don't always be
with my family because extremely busy and it's like a
little family of its own. We get to talk to
people that have similar experiences. We have blunches together. We
go out sometimes once a month to a restaurant. We
(42:43):
don't not allow to drink as a strength no drinking policy.
While we're even at these activities, we do, you know,
all sorts of things that I never thought i'd do
again times I was pretty lonely after my husband died,
and I've never lived on my own, and I've learned
so much more about life and things like that since
(43:04):
I've been there. We can talk to each other and say, hey,
I'm really struggling today, and there are pre support people
on the board. Because it's all board, et cetera. It's
a very efficient thing. You can actually self refer yourself
for your doctor. And I thought also that as people
are listening that they might be interested and then coming along.
(43:25):
And you can self refer yourself as long as you've
got a mental health diagnosis. And I look at times,
I just don't know how I just survived without step
ahead trusted all I mean I've made I don't have
any I've got two brothers obviously, but I've never had sisters.
And well, some of them are just like big sisters,
young sisters and things like that. It's just brilliant. You
(43:47):
can share if you're feeling really down and people they relate.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
Well, you know what tonight tonight we were asking about,
you know, people who are helping with me when it
comes to mental health. And my, oh my, I've been
just having a look through the Step Ahead website and
on the Facebook page, or you've been talking to me.
What an amazing looking organization for you to be involved with,
and I'm so happy that they exist.
Speaker 7 (44:15):
Do you see you look at the program and you've
got that up there, we can look at the programs.
Speaker 2 (44:21):
I'm looking well, I've got horribly distracted because I'm looking
at a post here which showed that in Langy Order
three days ago you went sailing on a boat called
the Fox Too in OKARAA. Now I'm a bit of
a sailing boat sucker fan, So now I'm now I'm
engrossed in looking at this beautiful old barge that you
(44:42):
were out on. It was fantastic. What a boat.
Speaker 7 (44:44):
Well, I my self don't belong to the ring your group.
I'm what we call the Prairie base and regulars that
I'd live in Abington and that is a much closer
base to me, but they would have been airing your
members go into that. But we all do some of
the things. I know some of the been on that
in I'm waiting go to innod activity to myself in
(45:06):
Riglar Law and Richmond, Samuel Rode the other places and
but the others. We're just so such amazing things. Sometimes
I wonder how if I had time to do anything else.
I mean, I'm strictly not retired all the way Andrews
retire this for this year, damn it, buggy, get no.
And it's just been marvelous and your times it's tough,
(45:30):
and you know you just can't face people and you
shack yourself away, which for myself isn't a good things.
Setting to get into words skin and watch Netflix all day.
But yeah, sometimes you need to just look after yourself.
That's it's been brilliant.
Speaker 2 (45:44):
That's fantastic. Lynn, Thank you so much for putting this
this this group on our on our radar. I'll tell
you what we'll we'll share it on our Facebook page.
Can I give you that job?
Speaker 5 (45:55):
Car done?
Speaker 2 (45:56):
Done? Okay, So anyone who's listening, if you wanted to
go and have a look at if you're in the
christ Church, Dongyura or Ashburton area, if you'd like to
look at a group out there that Lynn, You're just
a wonderful Spacek's person for step ahead.
Speaker 7 (46:10):
I would coming on, okay, see too.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
Well then you might have been nervous, but I'm so
glad you did, because that's exactly what we were talking
about tonight. We wanted to have people come on and
the hope that they might be able to help others,
and you have done that.
Speaker 4 (46:24):
So thank you, thank you very much.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
You go well, yeah, step ahead. The organized said, do
you know what I like about that is that it's
also too like just being able to help, you know,
subsidize a few things to get people along to you know, experiences.
Speaker 3 (46:40):
The community's playing ball, the service, there's the pools or
whatever you're going to a playing ball, or the supporters
there in the background helping the whole thing happen, which
is wonderful.
Speaker 5 (46:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
Yeah, and everyone gets to Still it's not a freebie,
it's not a handout. It's just people being able to
help each other and go off and have those wonderful
times together, all kind of in the knowledge that they've
they've got something in common and can just kind of
be as supportive as as required or not. Sometimes just
being there's.
Speaker 3 (47:07):
Enough doing stuff together is a very human need.
Speaker 2 (47:14):
That's it for this episode of The Nutters Club. Thanks
to all the highly insightful calls and texts, as well
as the expertise of psychotherapist Carl McDonald. If you like
what you heard and think it might help someone out there,
then please share this episode on your own channels, all
with family and friends, and if you ever want to
be part of the show, give us a call or text.
(47:34):
When we broadcast live on news Talk SeeDB eleven pm
Sunday nights, New Zealand standard time. Check out NEWSTALKZB dot
co dot MZ for local frequencies or a link to
the livestream. A big thanks to New Zealand on Air
for their ongoing support and making the show. Take care
and always remember the world is a better place with
(47:55):
you in it. Life it isn't easy, it is however
worth it.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
For more from Newstalk sed B, listen live on air
or online and keep our shows with you wherever you
go with our podcasts on iHeartRadio
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