February 15, 2026 • 59 mins
The Nutters Club, began its 2026 season with an inspiring episode on creating plans to support mental well-being throughout the year.
The episode centred on the challenges of New Year’s resolutions, which often feel burdensome or lead to feelings of failure. Instead, the hosts encouraged listeners to reframe their goals in a way that motivates and supports mental health. They emphasised the importance of flexibility in planning, noting that plans should evolve and adapt over time.
Listeners shared their personal stories and strategies for overcoming challenges and improving their mental health. Donna, a caller, spoke about her goal of overcoming agoraphobia and building confidence to enjoy walks on the beach near her home. Another caller, Matt, shared his journey of finding a job after a health scare and being promoted to a health and safety role within three months. He expressed his desire to meet someone new after seven years of being divorced, with encouragement from his children.
Judy, a caller married for 51 years, shared her and her husband’s decision to downsize to a boarding house for senior citizens as he battles terminal kidney cancer. Their courageous choice to plan for the future and ensure Judy’s safety and comfort after his passing resonated deeply with listeners, who sent messages of love and support.
The show also highlighted the importance of finding one’s “why” when setting goals. Boris shared his personal story of overcoming challenges and finding motivation in making his late mother proud. He emphasised the value of setting small, achievable milestones and stepping out of one’s comfort zone to grow.
Listeners were encouraged to share their own plans and motivations for the year ahead. Joy, an 82-year-old listener, inspired the audience with her decision to travel to the UK alone to visit a family member she recently reconnected with.
The Nutters Club continues to provide a platform for open conversations about mental health, offering support and inspiration to its audience.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
You're listening to a podcast from news Talk said B.
Follow this and our wide range of podcasts now on iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Greetings and welcome. I'm Hamish Williams and you're listening to
the podcast version of The Nutters Club, a radio show
about mental health broadcast weekly on news Talk said B.
Each week we talk about mental health experiences in the
hope that it might help you with your own. The
show is broadcast live on Sunday nights on News Talk
(00:38):
said B right across New Zealand and around the world.
With it being our first show for twenty twenty six,
we decided to talk about how to make a plan
for the year that would support your mental health. Too often,
the classic New Year's resolution ends up feeling like a
burden or at worst, a failure. So how can we
(01:00):
reframe our hopes, dreams and goals for the year ahead
in a way that motivates and is supportive As you usual,
our audience had the answers. Let us know what you think,
as well as what you learn from our chat on
any of our social media platforms. Just search for the
Nutters Club zet and come join over our one hundred
(01:21):
and forty one thousand fellow Nutters. Let's get into this
week's episode. I have our producer who has been with
the show since day one, all those years ago, Boris Sokrtov.
Good evening, welcome and happy twenty twenty six, and all
good things to you, Hamish very much. Yes, I think
(01:43):
that twenty six, like any year, you started off with
good intentions and you want to try and figure out
what you can make the most of it. And so
I thought tonight, Boris, that would be what we'd actually
talk about. Sure, because obviously everyone sort of says, you know,
new Year's resolutions, and I was much the same, you know,
had a few ideas of what I might want to
(02:05):
do differently. But you get to the eighteenth of December,
which it is now, and some of those things might
have started to wane, they may have fallen off somewhat.
And so I wanted to say tonight to people listening,
this is they get out a jail free card moment,
because to be fair, how can you better your mental
health if you haven't listened to the Nuts Club this
(02:27):
year yet? So tonight we want to talk about how
things perhaps have been going for you over the break,
because I'll tell you what. It's a tough period over
Christmas and New Years for a lot of us. I
was front and center for a few interesting events that
perhaps were challenging for myself, so I know exactly what
(02:49):
it can be like, and i'd love to hear from
you tonight if you've been going through a few things
and let us know how you've been able to navigate it,
perhaps how it impacted on you and where you're heading
with that. But also too, I really wanted to come
down to what are the fundamentals of making a good
plan for yourself for the short and then the long
(03:12):
term of the year.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Now.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
The reason I say that is because sometimes when you
talk about making plans Boris people freak out because they go, well,
hang on, if I make a plan, does that mean
I have to stick to it? That this is a
it's etched in stone. That's kind of not how plans work.
Plans change, and to be fair, they need to and
they should. But the idea is, if you haven't got
(03:35):
around to making a plan for yourself at twenty eighteen,
then it can feel quite emotionally overwhelming. Sometimes you might
even think it's a bit scary. It can sometimes be
a really tough conversation to have with yourself. So let's
talk about what the fundamentals of making a good plan
look like. Sure, so where would you start Boris when
(03:58):
it comes to making a good plan for the year ahead, Well.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
Hamish, I've always been a meticulous planner. Since the age
of eight, I've I had to make decisions for our family.
My mother and father never owned a house or a car.
I used to do things like count the number of
bears in the number of cigarettes that my mother and
father smoked and drank in a day and a week,
(04:23):
multiply them out by a month and then a year,
and show them how much they would save if they stopped.
I was very anti alcohol and cigarettes for a long
long time. And in terms of planning, if there's something
that I've learned is that you know, not having a
(04:45):
plan is actually having a plan, and it's having a
plan to fail. So you know, you should always have plans.
That the key thing is not to be rigid about them.
All plans should be flexible, and the key thing is
to know that you're that you're trending in the right direction.
That's all that you have to do. Like you've got
(05:05):
a compass and you're trending in the right direction. So
you know you've heard me say this before. Most people
actually know what they should do. We all do. We
know we should you know, we should eat well, we
should exercise more, we should look after ourselves, and we
all know these things. However, they reason that the things
(05:29):
most people don't know how to do it, and the
reason they don't know how to do it is because
they haven't figured out they're compelling reason why when you
know why you'r how becomes easy? Do you know what
I mean by that?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Let's explain this because when you actually when you talk
about you know what's your why, and and sometimes it
gets bandied around a bit that why am I doing this?
Is the end goal but also the big picture.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
Right.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
And in my case, you know, I'll give you the
example of how the nutters clump came to be. I
was living in South America at the time because my
wife's from Chile. We went there so that our son
could be totally immersed in the culture when he was
about eight years old and become fluent in Spanish, which
(06:21):
is what happened. And while we were away, I said,
I asked myself those go to the mountain moment questions
where a lot of happening to me in my life,
And it doesn't matter who you are. Eventually life is
going to kick the Bejesus out of you. And it
(06:43):
had been doing that to me. My mother had recently died,
and only a couple of years before that, my father
and my youngest sister tread that thin line between madness
and genius and crossed a multiple times, multiple attempts at suicide,
and then she finally checked out at the age of
(07:05):
fifty three. And my dad. If there was a word
to describe my relationship with my father, it would be
the word troubling. If my dad never did anything bad
to me, he just never did anything with me. It
was always my mother. My mother was fanatical about things
(07:27):
like manners. My mother her education, her formal education didn't
go past the standard four. She was marii and of
course she was beaten for speaking mari at school. I'd
always asked her if she would teach me, and she
(07:47):
said to me, son, why would I because it brings
back bad memories of when I was at school. So
whenever we would go to a marai, my mother would
just translate everything for me, and I'll tell you some
other things about my mum. Her handwriting was immaculate. English
was your second language. Her command of English was second
(08:10):
to nobody's. And when I say she was fanatical about manners,
she was fanatical about us about personal hygiene as well.
That we were always before before meals or anything, we
always had to wash our hands, you know, we always
had to say please and thank you. We were taught
(08:32):
how to eat properly with a knife and fork, those
sorts of things. Because my mother said, if you have
good manners, you'll be welcome in anybody's house anywhere in
the world. And she was right. If English was your
second language, my mother would learn a few words in
your language. Whatever your language was, she would learn some
(08:54):
words so she could greet you, and she would learn
to cook some of your food. My mother was an
incredible cook. So I wake up every day with one
very simple goal, and that's to make my mother proud.
And that's my whole plan for life is about how
I make my mother proud, and everything that I do.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
I'm joined by Boris Sokrtov, our producer here at Thenother's Club,
and we're talking about making plans for twenty twenty six.
Now you might be wondering, if it's not clear to you,
what has that got to do with your mental health? Well,
everything actually, because like anything, if it comes to your health,
your physical health, you need to think about what your
(09:36):
fitness is like, and you know you're getting that walk
and are you actually getting that movement? You think about
your diet, you know, are you getting enough sleep? These
are all part of our physical health. But when it
comes to our mental health, actually, the stories that we
tell ourselves, the motivators that we have, where we draw
our inspiration from, or often put it in very ordinary terms,
(09:58):
what gets your ass up out of bed in the
morning and get going with the day is absolutely critical.
And I'm really interested to hear from you what is
that for you? And the reason I want to hear
about it is there may be other people listening, and
there will be who actually find that helpful for them
to be able to find what theirs is. Patrick's just
(10:20):
sent in a quick text here boris and like this.
He says, Hey, guys, my true motivation every day is
proving people wrong, people who stereotype others, those who judge others.
It's really sad, So I just be extra nice.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
And that's a nice way of putting it. One of
the ways to get me to do something. So tell
me that you can't, that I can't, and so I'll
do it to prove people wrong.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Look, I think we've all had experiences like that during
our life, and I've talked about it on the show before.
One of the cruelest ones I ever thought that I
saw was when I was at high school at fifteen
years old, math teachers telling kids that if you didn't
pass school certificate math, you would never get a job.
That's right. It's just like really, because it's like, I
(11:14):
don't know, I know a lot of people who I
don't think could probably part school stiff at math today
who are in very long term jobs.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Well, I'll tell you a funny story on that one.
In my fifth form year, there was between the my
my maths exam and my science exam, there was six days.
(11:42):
Those were my last two exams. Now, because it was
six days between them, I use those six days to
go swimming, you know, do all these sorts of things.
And I actually thought that my science exam was in
the afternoon, and it was in the morning. And I
(12:03):
turned up at school as everybody else was walking out
of Schools See Science and they were all looking at me,
going where are you going? What are you doing? And
I went, oh, something's going wrong here. And my thoughts
was my parents are going to kill me. I'm never
going to get into the sixth form. And the head
(12:24):
mistress at the school, because I went to a co ed,
she was amazing. She went into the examiner and because
school See Science back then was all multiple choice, or
it was at least sixty percent, it was a lot
of multiple choice, she said, can he get an exam
paper and just just tick boxes so I can at
least get a mark? And they said no. So then
(12:48):
I went to the sixth form and the seventh form
because my other marks were so good, I got enough
to get there. And then I thought, I'll school See
Science again in the sixth form because I got university
entrants and credits and I'll just do it. But I'm
not going to study for it or anything. I'm just
multiple choice. I'm just going to go in there and
(13:10):
guess what happened. I got forty eight percent, so I
didn't get it. And then but I still got enough
marks to get to the South form and then the
seventh form. I thought, well, I'll do school see science again,
but I'm not going to stay for it. I left
school with an a bursary and to this day I
still never passed school see science. And look at you now,
(13:34):
and look at me now, look at you now. So
it's not what happens to you that matters. It's what
you do about the count.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
You know, it sounds like that's even that was a
planning and of itself. Well it was. I mean, I'm
not going to comment on how good the plan was,
but you know.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
Either way, it wasn't a great plan.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
The results speak for themselves.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
As you know, I always work backwards from outcomes, and
so long as I'm trending in the right direction, and
then so long as I'm working backwards from other outcome
and look at those things. Academically, I still achieved all
of those things. I just didn't get school see science,
but I kept trending in the right direction.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Donna, good evening to you.
Speaker 5 (14:13):
Hello. I just rang My goal for my up first
coming goal will be to be to get DESENSI side,
to be able to go to the beach, which is
just a couple of minutes walk from home and spend
(14:33):
time down at the beach because my community support was
worked on me being able to just walk our home
and go for walks around my neighborhood rather than going
off where I used to go where there was nobody
at these spare roads. So I'm just working on my
(14:54):
confidence for things.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
That's that's absolutely wonderful. And you know, one of the
ways that we overcome things, and it's very difficult, is
by facing our fears.
Speaker 5 (15:07):
You know, years, that's the way.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Yeah, and the.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
Three great human fears fear of failure, fear of rejection,
fear of not being loved.
Speaker 5 (15:18):
Oh yeah, yeah, they're pretty big things to be scared of.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
They are. And you know, and yet there is a
people say to me, so how do you do it?
Speaker 2 (15:30):
And I go, I tell you.
Speaker 6 (15:31):
How I did it.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Thank you.
Speaker 6 (15:33):
Ah.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
I think I just my brothers to say to me,
don it's your street, it's your beach, it's your shops,
it's your you know.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
So very nice.
Speaker 5 (15:48):
So I could just do it.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (15:50):
And so my mom passed away seven years ago, and
I lived with mom. I've always lived with them, even
though I'm sixty five now.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
Yes, but she.
Speaker 5 (16:02):
Passed away, so I've had to learn. You know, for
years I couldn't do anything. All I could probably do
was dried the dishes sometimes, yep. And now I can do.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
Everything well, you know, head tip to you. That's great stuff.
And it's the little steps, you know, because the little
steps lead to slightly biggest steps.
Speaker 5 (16:26):
You don't have to do it, take it, and it's time.
It's right. I was cleaning the ceilings and instead of
thinking of the whole house having seen the ceilings, you
just ad a bit, a section or two at a time.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
That's the one.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Yeah, Donna, what I'd love you to do. And when
as this happens, and I predict success that this is
going to happen, when you do get to go and
have that beach walk, will you give us a call
back and just let us know what that's like for you.
Speaker 5 (16:57):
Okay, I'll do that. What's your name?
Speaker 2 (16:59):
I'm Hamish? Didn't you're speaking with Hamish and boris here
on another's club measure.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
I listen sometimes I go to sleep before you come on,
but I usually listen to you every time. And this
is your first day back after the holidays.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Yeah, I've had four Sundays off. That's all I'm allowed.
And then that's it. They then they drag me in
here kicking and screaming. But no, I know, I love it, Donna.
I wouldn't be here if I if I, if I
didn't want to be I'll tell you that much, because
I love talking to you.
Speaker 5 (17:28):
You know, it's really great with everybody really are Oh
that's that's that's very kind of you to say.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
But look, I want to hear what it's like for
you and and and you know, good bad summer in
the middle. I think would be really helpful because I
know for so many people that we've talked to on
the show over the years, you know, when it's you know,
when you have those kind of social anxieties or whatever
you want.
Speaker 5 (17:50):
To call it, I call it agphobia.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Agrophobia, Okay, yep, yep, when you go to face it,
it can be sometimes it's not necessarily the Cinderella story
that you might want too. It can take a little
bit of time. And I just love it when we
can hear honestly from people what that's like. And maybe
it will be fantastic, maybe it'll be somewhere in the middle.
But I would love to hear from you about how
(18:16):
discuss I'll.
Speaker 5 (18:17):
Bring back in a few weeks after a few weeks
of trying.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Okay, Donald, well I think that's awesome. That's a great
way to start twenty twenty six. You go, well, I
thank yous, go well, don and thank you. Okay, all right,
let's going to go to Matt. Now, Matt's good even
to you.
Speaker 7 (18:36):
Good evening. Welcome bitch.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Oh thank you, it's nice to be here.
Speaker 7 (18:41):
Good good, goodsing you.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (18:46):
This year I am ye know, I'm making some changes.
Are started in October and by getting a job.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Well done you that's a great start.
Speaker 7 (19:00):
Well, yes, well it nearly turned into tragedy because a
week before I started I found the lump in my grain.
And yeah, that was pretty stressful.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Did you go and get it checked out?
Speaker 7 (19:19):
Oh yeah, I've had it checked out and it's been good.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Ye.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Now that's really good because you know that the silly
thing that a lot of us blokes do is that
we find these things and then we would kind of
try to put it out of our mind and not
think about it. And again, you know, normally because we're
a bit freaked out by it. So good on you
for doing that, Matt, that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (19:39):
Yeah, well I've one of the posted child for let's
not have anything done about and then it's gone all ship.
It's a weep at too close, So let's start that.
I went in seeing the bed I've got it removed.
Turned out to be something very less frightening than the
big one.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
But it's all good.
Speaker 7 (19:59):
And so this year I've been made health and safety
rep at work. Been there for three months. It's it's
good and I'm going to be put through for a
course that's going to make me more senior in the plants.
Speaker 4 (20:20):
So well, they clearly, they clearly feel you've got some
some some skills and that they're that you're to put
it in the in the corporate speak worthy of investment.
Speaker 7 (20:35):
Yeah, because they don't usually spend money on people. So
of course coming up that, I said, yeah, I'll put
my name down for that, and it turned out they
already had my name down to go on it.
Speaker 4 (20:48):
So well done.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
You.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
How does that? How does that make you feel?
Speaker 3 (20:53):
Matt?
Speaker 2 (20:53):
You know, from from going to sort of you know,
searching around for for work and then getting a little
bit of a scare with the lump that you found
but you know, then you get this kind of thing
happen in life. How does it make you feel about yourself?
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Well, you I'm not used to it, that's right.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
It's it's like, you know, it's really being learning to
take a compliment.
Speaker 7 (21:18):
I'm no good at it, no good it at all.
I can give them, yes, I can't take them, but
you're lying.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Well, you know what, Matt, I'm going to tell you
something because you know that I can just hear the
warmth and the genuine join your in your voice to
us tonight. You are one hundred deserving of compliments, and
you are well deserving, and you have earned the opportunities
that you're being given by your employer.
Speaker 7 (21:48):
Yeah, I've been looking for a place like it's because
I've got ADHD and things I don't like. I don't
it's good because I don't have to think much at work,
but I do. But it's it's I'm good at it, well,
and I know I'm good at it.
Speaker 4 (22:08):
Go, you know, get yourself a pat on the back too,
because you've recognized that in yourself.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Yes, So what's the plan for the rest of the year, met?
Because I tell you what you've set the bar pretty
high the game.
Speaker 7 (22:24):
I want to meet someone that's been shiving new since
my divorce, and the kids have told me it's about time.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
Well that's fantastic. And you know the best way to
do that is to talk to people.
Speaker 7 (22:37):
Oh I can't do that.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
That's right. That's what makes it difficult.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
You know. You know the.
Speaker 4 (22:43):
Easiest way of doing it do it? Well, yeah, it's
really simple. You do things like this and this from
my mother. When you when you're just walking in the street,
when you walk past people, just smile and say hello
and good night.
Speaker 7 (22:59):
That's sort of someone that works it. He goes for
someone who's got to show or anxiety. You can just
speak to anyone.
Speaker 4 (23:06):
Well, there you go.
Speaker 7 (23:07):
And the thing I learned of my father because he
can do that, he can just talk to him anybody here,
it doesn't matter who it is.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
And I just man, I'll give you, I'll give you one,
one good one to take us into the ad break.
I met a guy about ten years ago and he
is profoundly deaf and his partner, she is not deaf.
And of course I had to ask the question. And
you know, because he's saying he's quite quite a big character,
(23:37):
especially for someone who can't hear, and he's not verbal.
And anyway, they've been together for a number of years.
And I said, how did you two meet? He saw
on a bus and thought she was a pretty looking woman.
So he wrote a note and said, you're very beautiful.
There any chance I could take you for coffee? And
he wrote it on a piece of paper, passed her
on the bus.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
The rest is history.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
There you go, so I mean, look to be fair,
gone the other way. But you don't know unless you try.
And she she could see that he looked like a
genuine bloke, and he and they had they've had a
great relationship for many years now. On that note, Matt,
well done, keep up the great work. I hope to
hear from you again during the year. Okay, we've got
to take a break. We come back. More of your
(24:20):
calls here tonight on the Another's Club. Right on that note,
let's go back to the calls. Louise, good morning to.
Speaker 6 (24:27):
You, oh, good morning, and the happy New Year.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Yeah, happy new year to you too, Louise.
Speaker 6 (24:34):
Yes, well, but a benefit of listeners. You know all
about my shoes. I've got you know, spine or is
shoes and room toward our writers and losing my eyesight.
I was very impressed by Tom. God only Tom go
(24:56):
for it, loodly brilliant. And Cameron I feel very sorry
for because I know what it's like to have spinal
pain because I have it every day. And yeah, but
you can do it camera and you can get out
of that bed and do some Oh no it's not
star jumps maybe, but something. Anyway, I've always exercised. I've
(25:21):
got an exercise bike and I broke my leg last year,
so I had to cut right down on that. But
I'm building it back up again about thirty k's a week.
Speaker 4 (25:33):
And pretty good.
Speaker 6 (25:35):
Yeah. Yeah, And Boris was saying, proves them wrong. Well, yeah,
that's the way my brain works to help me. I
can't do something and it just makes me more than
ten to do it. And I've always always want to
learn taie cheese and some of those things I must
(25:56):
get around get around them. Then one day I put
a post on my local paper, you know must should
I say, page Facebook page and got this lovely lady
who's teaching me tai chi.
Speaker 4 (26:11):
Wow. Yeah, and you see this is what happens when
you when you ask yes, you know, yes, most people
are afraid to ask. Can I say to people, what's
the worst thing that could happen? People might say no, Well, yeah,
what's the downside to that?
Speaker 6 (26:33):
Yes, I know people do here and fox them. They
asked if they want something. They just picked on the
on the Facebook page, and it's it's an amazing it.
Speaker 4 (26:48):
Is my my first cousin. I mean, she lived in
Foxton all of her life. She's she's she's she's died.
Her name was Picky.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
And she was.
Speaker 4 (27:02):
An elderly mary woman. Uh and I you know, I
went down there and is that it is? Well, the
only reason I went was to see her, and I
had really enjoyed it.
Speaker 6 (27:16):
Yeah, it's a really good community. I'm so pleased that
I've managed to get him here. Yeah, the previous community
as I wasn't supportive it all. Really, I didn't for them,
you know, just them, you know the Taye chee. Okay
with my spine and my stuffed feet and my.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
Yeah you've got a sense of humor too, you know.
Speaker 6 (27:41):
Yes, yes, a sense of humor goes a long.
Speaker 4 (27:45):
Way, best friend, doesn't it.
Speaker 6 (27:48):
Yeah. The guy on the discovered of on YouTube, Andy Huggens, right,
he's the merrit man and he's I don't know how
old he is. We looked about ninety.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
He is.
Speaker 6 (28:02):
So he's hilarious. Great, it's hilarious and I've been laughing
a lot. He takes the you know, he's self deprecating.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:12):
Yeah, and laughter is the best medicine after all.
Speaker 6 (28:16):
Yes, he said, there's a juggle of his joke is
I've just got new hearings. They're great now I can
hear the safe word.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Yeah, that's true. And the other thing here, Louise, is
that you know you haven't been afraid to go and
try something new. You know, heaps of people that they
get the thing on. You know, I'm too old to
do that, or I wouldn't know what to do. I'll
make a fool of myself. But here's the thing. You
you know that this is all nonsense because you've got
to start somewhere. And also, I would say that the
(28:47):
person who's going to teach you the tai chi, she's
probably going to get assuming it to she I'm not
sure did you say it was, Yes, Yeah, they're going
to get a great kick out of it as well,
because you know, something that they get to pass on
and share with you.
Speaker 6 (29:01):
Yes, she is, Yes, and it's amazing idea. Really, I'd
recommend to it. If I can do it with my
body than anyone can basically. And yeah, it's brilliant. Involves breathing,
and I've done yoga on and after years, so I
know how to deep breathe and just puts everything together,
(29:23):
the stretching, the breathing. It's great. It's I bet we
doing it two weeks. Wow, perhaps I've noticed a difference already.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
Well you just keep doing it. Yeah.
Speaker 6 (29:36):
I couldn't with my broken leg. I couldn't put my
soft on my right Sure that I can. Now that's
a three days of doing Ti tree.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Well that's that's training in the right direction bars and
that was worth doing.
Speaker 6 (29:51):
Oh yeah, yeah. When you can't put a Dan SOPs
on simple things, simple things, you know, I could. I
could lie here and get very down about my situation,
you know, losing the site and all this stuff. But
you know, I it's a choice I've made not to
(30:11):
and you.
Speaker 4 (30:12):
Know what you're doing there, and it's a it's a
great it's a great mind trick that we do with ourselves.
That's not what happens to us that matters. It's what
we do about it that counts.
Speaker 8 (30:26):
Yes.
Speaker 6 (30:27):
And I have a daughter who has multiple myelone of
which is a blood can.
Speaker 4 (30:33):
Not a not a very friendly one.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
That's either no, it is.
Speaker 6 (30:39):
It is horrible. She is on this terrible steroids as
another drug as well, but you'd never know it out there.
And she is vegan. She is out. She's in Sydney,
so she's got all of great vegan restaurants. She can't
work anymore, but she's loving.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
Living.
Speaker 6 (31:04):
Even with that should easily to say no, well, I've
got canther so that's the end of a blast.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
But she's my daughter, that's the one.
Speaker 4 (31:16):
Well she's got got some of your genes, hasn't she.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Louise, thank you so much for your call. Go well
and what a great start to the year with tai Chi.
I look forward to hearing how that progresses, because hey,
if you're doing the socks, now, where's it going to go?
Do next? Well done. I've got a text here from
bromwyin Bromwyn in living she says, hey, Hamish, welcome back
Haeping new year. Likewise, Bromwn, she's got a huge fear
(31:42):
of anything with feathers and if I'm walking, I'll either
cross over the road or take a wide berth around ducks, birds, chickens.
Some people don't understand me and they judge me. I
always say, with different fears. Unless you know, unless you
are completely and utterly fearless, you know, you've really got
(32:06):
to be able to empathize with with people. If you
feel uncomfortable around the animals with feathers, then that's it.
That doesn't have to be a reason to judge somebody.
I mean, there's all kinds of peculiar things, actually far
more peculiar than feathers that people are afraid of or whatever.
But the most important thing I think is show some
(32:29):
show some sort of empathy for it, be able to
support people where they are. And if you can help
people worth with their fears, if there's anything that you
can ever do, then that's another way to go about
it as well.
Speaker 8 (32:40):
True.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
I mean I was talking to somebody a while back
last year. They were incredibly terrified of driving, just you know,
really really suffered, especially as a passenger, So they went
and got a hot lap at Hemp and downs.
Speaker 4 (32:57):
Well, that's another way of doing it.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
You confront it, yep, absolutely and he went and confronted it,
and he got put in the car with a pro driver,
driven it about two hundred and forty k's around the
track for a few laps. It didn't feel so worried anymore. Yeah,
maybe maybe. Look, you know, so there's different ways to
go about it. But look, I just don't think I'm
judging people for their fears is particularly good use of
(33:19):
your time. It's not.
Speaker 4 (33:21):
And the other aspect of that is, you know, not
to be concerned about what other people think about you.
My view is you don't want to allow people to
live rent free in your head, because if you do,
you'll be You'll be frozen in time, you know. So
(33:43):
I always say, don't worry about it. I mean, don't
care about what other people think about me. That does
not mean I'm not caring. I'm very caring. I just
don't care what anybody else thinks of me.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
There's a brilliant TV show, and a lot of it
is around the mental health of its character. Is called
The Bear, and it's about a kitchen in Chicago. It's
on Disney Plus if you've got Disney Plus. And I'm
a big fan of the show and one of the
central themes that went through the series for a while
was this chef who had left it a big, fancy
(34:20):
kitchen in New York where he was really badly bullied
by the head chef, and it was one of the
reasons why he'd moved to Chicago, where the show's set.
And anyway through the story, there ends up being a
night where he's at a dinner as as well as
his bully, the ex chef, and he's had flashbacks to
what this guy did and said to him and everything.
(34:42):
So he has had this guy living rent free in
his head, and he works himself up at the dinner
to go and confront his bully and goes in. Actually
he's almost on the verge of tears, and he sort
of confronts this guy as he's walking out of the
bathroom and he says, do you know what you did
to me? He's like, I think about you every single day,
(35:06):
And the guy sort of drying his hands and he
looks and he go, sorry, who are you? That's right,
because the truth of it is, actually it might be
quite surprising to you how little people might actually think
about us all the time. Oh, none of us is
that important, I think once you can embrace that idea,
and not in a negative way. It's not to say
(35:26):
that you don't have value, but in terms of you know,
as someone sitting there being like, oh, I wonder what
you know Hamish was thinking about me? Or probably actually
I'm more worried about what I've got going on in
my own immediate life.
Speaker 4 (35:39):
Yeah, and they mistake what I've said there as well.
You know when I say none of us is that important,
I mean all of us at some stage have to
confront the fact that we're mortal and no matter what
we do and how important we may think we are,
(36:02):
tomorrow if we would if I was to die, everything
people might be sad for a few days, but then
everything's still have to keep going, and it does. That's
what I mean. When you realize that you aren't that important,
you can start beginning to live your life.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
The sunrise, it will set the title come in or
go out, and you know you're absolutely right on that note.
Let's go back to the lines. Judy, good morning to you.
Good morning, nice to hear your voice, Judy, welcome, thank you.
Speaker 8 (36:39):
It's nice to finally get to talk to you again.
Speaker 6 (36:43):
For this year.
Speaker 8 (36:44):
My husband and I on Monday week. Are moving from
a three bedroomed house into it's like a boarding house
where we live for senior citizens. So we go from
a three bedroomed house to two single bedrooms we have one.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Ah.
Speaker 4 (37:08):
Well that's that's that's big. Well, that's how did you
come to make that decision?
Speaker 8 (37:18):
Well, two years ago my husband had a kidney removed
because of cancer. Yes, and it has returned, and they
have made it crystal clear that this time they cannot
fix it because kidney cancer does not respond to chemo therapy.
(37:40):
So they tried immunotherapy, yes, and that just for him,
it was just disastrous. So looking forward, he wants to
know that when the time comes, I will be settled
and safe and not having to come home from a
(38:00):
funeral service or a memorial service or whatever we decide
to do and stand in the lounge of this house
thinking I have to deal with us.
Speaker 4 (38:09):
Yeah, that is that's wonderful. And big ups to both
of you for having the courage to to talk about
these things and to work out a plan, because you know,
one of the one of the things about you know,
having having to confront her own mortality is that, yeah, people,
(38:33):
people are often good, you know, around the you can
call it a celebration of life or around you know,
a funeral and sorrow and people people come, but then
they all go and you're left alone, you know. And
(38:53):
so the fact that you guys have had the had
the wherewithal too to think that through. I take my
head off to you. Well done, both of you and
your husband.
Speaker 8 (39:04):
Oh thank you. That The hard heart for me is
that I sorted through all my little treasures I guess
you'd call them, you know, things that mothers and grandmothers
like to keep, and I get it down to a
couple of boxes and then I think, no, I can't
take that much because I don't have that much room
(39:25):
in my room. So you have to keep telling Yeah, yeah,
very confronting with how much junk women keep or not.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Just women, not just women, No, no, that's that's not
something exclusive to women. Journey, trust me.
Speaker 4 (39:44):
But you know, the great thing is you've still got
some good memories too, and some times to share and
reflect on some of the memories that you've had in
the past that gave you both joy and talk.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Well, we've been.
Speaker 8 (40:02):
Married fifty one years next month.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
That's huge.
Speaker 8 (40:08):
Yeah, it's very confronting, and I to be honest, I'm struggling.
Speaker 3 (40:17):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
You wouldn't be human if you weren't.
Speaker 8 (40:22):
Yeah, So that's just my little thing that I thought of.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
God, Judy, I don't think it's little at all. I
think it's absolutely made almost. But can I just say
is that you know, we were talking about understanding why
you are making this change in your life, and actually
all I'm hearing about the why is because it's still
very clear that after fifty one years, you and your
husband have nothing but immense love for each other. And Wow,
(40:52):
that that is something worth celebrating and valuing. I can
only hope that I can have something similar in my life.
So Jerdy, can I just say to both of you,
congratulations and well.
Speaker 8 (41:04):
Done, Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
You know your love must be incredibly strong to be
able to make the decisions and the choices and have
those conversations and make the plan that you've made together.
Speaker 8 (41:19):
Do you know the only person who's got anything negative
to say about it, who hasn't doesn't like the idea
is family. One person and our family, all the rest
of our family, our friends, our acquaintances all think that
it's the right thing to do in that and some
(41:39):
people have said it's an incredibly brave thing to do.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
Well Jurdy on behalf of one hundred and forty two
thousand members of the Nutthers Club, I think that we
would all like to unanimously put our support behind you
as well too. So there you are. I mean, now
you're cooking with some pretty large numbers journey to be fair.
Speaker 8 (41:58):
Thank you. But you know, a good thing about it
is it's great. You go in, you pay your board,
you get three meals a day every day. You don't
have to do anything cooking. You don't have to do
any grocery shopping, which used to be jesuits out of
me now because of the cops.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
Yes, that's it.
Speaker 8 (42:17):
If you want to do your own washing, you can
do it. If you don't want to do it, they
will do it. Don't even clean, you know, it's just yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
And because you guys have made the plan and you've
put it into action, you know you're on top of
this stuff now. I mean, this is this is really good.
It's very admirable what you've done. And Judy, just while
you're talking to us, I've just been sent a text
message here and it just says I want to seend
Judy and her husband all our love. Well done to them.
Speaker 8 (42:49):
Thank you to whoever thinks that. Thank you.
Speaker 4 (42:53):
And also we're always We're always here every Sunday night.
If you feel like having a chat, give us a call.
Speaker 8 (43:01):
Just I just might do that.
Speaker 2 (43:03):
That's the one. Will you be most welcome, Judy, and
I'm bent to hear how you get on, you know,
climatizing to it. So thank you so much.
Speaker 8 (43:13):
An happy new year to you, guys. I hope that
you have another successful year.
Speaker 3 (43:18):
And yeah, roat back.
Speaker 4 (43:22):
Right back at you, and here's wishing only good things
to you and your husband.
Speaker 3 (43:29):
Judy.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
We've got to take an air break, but thank you
so much once again, and hope to talk to you
again soon. We will take the break back soon with
more of your calls, more of your texts, your plans
for twenty twenty six, your why you'r how? Talk soon
here tonight on the Nutter's Club.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
This is the Nutters Club thanks to New Zealand on
air on news Talks.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
That'd be Hey, welcome back to the Nutter's Club. You
know what I love about this show more than anything,
boris what's that? I love their audience. I love I
love all of the people who call, who text, because
while we had Judy on the phone, literally within the
space of two minutes, I've got multiple questions and so
sorry text messages here all for duty, you know. I
(44:13):
read that last one out somebody else just to text
here said wish I could reach through the phone and
give her a hug. And you know what that shows
tells me, Hamish, What does it tell you, boss?
Speaker 4 (44:23):
It tells me that the vast majority of people are good,
and they they want to be good. You know, despite
what all the politicians and some of our so called
world leaders want to do, which is focus on the
differences that keep us apart, most people want to focus
(44:47):
on the similarities that bring us closer together. And it's
the richness of their share of our shared experiences and
our shared stories.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
And when we share.
Speaker 4 (44:58):
Them, it's not seen as weakness. It's seen as strength.
And we're seeing that tonight asolutely. Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Yvonne texted in here to say, Hi, Hamish, that's good
that lady has done that with her husband. Judy has
my understanding. It's hard removing the physical memories. Maybe she
could take some photos, that's right. Another text here just
says love to you, Judy, and then this one from
Julie says, Judy, my dad did the same four beds
(45:35):
down to one bedroom. By the time he passed, she
had so he had so many friends around her. Best
to both of you.
Speaker 4 (45:43):
Yeah, that's wonderful.
Speaker 2 (45:45):
So, you know, as difficult as those changes can be,
you know that those you know, we make these major
age and stage changes, that's right, you know, they they
end up being so so incredible, so rewarding. You know,
we're going through one out of ourselves at the moment,
you know, where we had an age and stage where
we got our first family home and the kids proceeded
(46:10):
to complain about the rain, you know that the roof.
I remember, I remember the rain on the roof was
too loud, that's right. And I remember hearing that and
just being like, there's the most ridiculous you know, complain
to be ahead. And now that that age and stage
is coming to an end, and we say, ah, you know,
we may not be here in a couple of years time.
We might, we might move somewhere else. The kids are
(46:31):
our lobbying us to not get rid of the of
the family home with it, you know, they go such
a nice, homely home. We don't know, do you guys
really have to move.
Speaker 4 (46:41):
We're going through the same thing at the moment where
I'm looking at our family home and going.
Speaker 2 (46:52):
It's time to let it go. That we can all
move on, We can all make those changes in our life.
We can all alter the plans, make new plans. But again,
like you said, no, you're why why do we want
to do it? Why do we want to move? Why
do we want to potentially make a change, purely because
(47:15):
life's for living. We want to get out of our
comfort zone and go and do something different and see
what happens.
Speaker 4 (47:19):
And you raise a good point there about comfort zone.
One of the things that I always do when I
find myself feeling too comfortable is I put myself in
positions of discomfort where I have to challenge myself to
do something. When other people are zigging, I like to
zag you know, those sorts of things. So you've got
(47:40):
to set yourself up little challenges, little targets, little milestones.
They don't all have to be big. It's the little
things which will make the biggest impact. Little things consistently
end up adding up. Sometimes people make the New Year's resolutions.
You know, I'm going to eat healthier, I'm going to
(48:02):
do more exercise. Gyms must make a hell of a
killing round about this time, Boris.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
It's absolutely they do. Everyone comes signing in and goes
hard out and then that that lasts apparently it lasts
on average to about now.
Speaker 3 (48:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (48:17):
And the other thing about those is, of course, is
they all want to sign you up on the on
that weekly contract. Yeah yeah, yeah, because once you're signed
up to that, you can't get out of them without
some fairly hefty consequences. And then they people don't go
and so they're making a great return on their money.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
It's amazing with some of the gyms, right like, if
everyone who is a member actually turned up every day,
wouldn't it space good business? Boddle. Actually, here's the thing
right over, somebody touched on it back then. It was
actually duty Judy. Yeah, touched on you know, on family.
And I am not going to beg my family on
(48:59):
national radio because it's not required. My family are great
on all fronts and I love them all dearly. However,
that said, I understand when people talk about, you know,
time of family can be tricky and of course over Christmas,
New Year's you end up having quite a bit of
that exposure in time. I thought that I might have
(49:22):
got a little bit more about that with this, with
how what we've been talking about tonight boris instead, you
guys have just been overwhelmingly positive and optimistic. And I've
got to be honest if you've been incredibly insightful and helpful.
So thank you.
Speaker 3 (49:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
And there's another aspect of that as well. It's like
you can choose your friends, you can't choose your family.
Speaker 2 (49:50):
This is true. Look that said, We've still got one
call to get to, so I'm going to go to
it now. Lynnette's good morning, Hello, Good morning to you, Good.
Speaker 8 (50:01):
Morning to you. Yes, Blast is sort of sort of
throwing a few curveballs lately towards my direction, and now
that there's twenty and twenty six said they have to
make a few changes, and so I'm just sort of
(50:22):
starting off just slowly and seeing how that goes.
Speaker 4 (50:28):
And that's the best way to start.
Speaker 8 (50:30):
Well, well, it is, and it is you know, as
you get older in your life and things to change,
you know, some people are resilient and sometimes you know
people are you know, it's got different personalog. So yeah,
(50:54):
I've got many issues sort of starting so more happening,
and so I just sort of want to sort of
trying to start slowly and you know, making things some
things in life better, which I already have done, and
(51:14):
sort of reaching out in different different areas and you know,
trying to make my life a bit better. But sometimes
you know, when you're looking on Facebook and you find
these different things that you can that you can do,
you know, if you've got problems you find you find
(51:36):
up and think, oh, yes, you still try this out
for trying to help my situation. And you know, people
have to be keyful because you know, before you know
where you are, you think you're only stop paying once
and then they credit details and then they said, oh
well we'll continue with it plan and.
Speaker 7 (51:58):
You know you didn't.
Speaker 3 (51:59):
Really agree to it, that's right.
Speaker 8 (52:01):
But you know I've sort of had that problem as well,
just trying to help myself out through some of these
online things that you just sign up for and before
you know where you are, you're getting another bill on you.
It's a statement because you know you've got continue with
the service. But so I've had a bit of challenging
(52:22):
times with one of them. You know, I did get
a bit of help with it for the first time
that I was you know, signed up, but didn't realize that,
you know, you to continue the plan, they're just going
to keep billing you and bullying you. And I said, no, no, no,
that's not right. But they get you in the long
(52:44):
run of their technical stuff, you know, the small print
top of thing. But some things have helped death and
I've got some help which has been which has been great.
So it's just sort of meta day by day really,
I think to take it to make like my life
is a bit better. Well that's great here and getting
(53:06):
a few health issues. I don't know what's going on,
So getting that sort of out first of all, and
finding out it's just I can make better, a bit better,
and just maybe joining some organizations, just trying to reach
(53:30):
out to different places, even volunteering for different places.
Speaker 4 (53:37):
That's a really good that's a really good thing to do.
Volunteering is great.
Speaker 8 (53:41):
That is, but it's challenging because sometimes you know, I've
heard that's like the SBC they've got too many volunteers,
you know, like they're not you know, like people wanting
to reach out. But you know, got enough people to
see through the time, so you know, we've got time,
(54:03):
and here you just want to cut of perhaps go
back one protector. I think I want for the help
out in the risk time situation with my mother. He
had to Nisa, and I don't really realize that there's
such a process of coming to fillow out and you know,
police checks and all this information just to sort of
(54:26):
try and give back to you know, which was.
Speaker 2 (54:32):
Living well well, regrettable, regrettably it can be like that.
But I would say, Lannie is, don't don't give up
and keep keep asking around because there's a bunch of
voluntary organizations out there in fact, one as long as
you're and find the one that works for you, the
one that you know is going to be easy and
happy to have your time and get you in there,
(54:53):
because honestly, you know, you sound like a reasonably easy
going kind of person. That's that's the place that you
want to be, right, Yes, Yes.
Speaker 8 (55:01):
I just want to you know, And I'm not working,
you know, and I just sort of think, well, you know,
what can I do to occupy myself and thinking a
lot to go back, and so I'll keep reaching out
at different places and just contacting them and and different
clubs maybe two, you know, communities, just to sort of
(55:25):
get the you know, to get the human contact as well.
When you're by yourself, it's sort of you know, you're
not working, and you sort of don't like to be
stuck at home and not having a finding that I'm
missing people sort of like just that human contact freewiness
(55:47):
and you know, get together type of things. So I'm
sort of looking at different ways of doing things like that.
Speaker 7 (55:56):
And it's it's.
Speaker 8 (55:58):
Been slightly slight dying, but I mean some of it's
been quite.
Speaker 3 (56:09):
Quite good.
Speaker 8 (56:09):
Actually I've reached it from different people and so you know,
I sort of just trying to widen my circle of people.
So it's sort of really one day at a time.
So hopefully I just continue with this and yeah, just
go forward from there. I don't like to make I
(56:30):
don't like to make sort of news resolutions because you
make them, I mean only last a short time. But
I don't just want to go to step both just
sort of destroy and gradually just sort of do a
little bit each day.
Speaker 2 (56:43):
Maybe it sounds like you've got the right attitude, You've
got the right approach, keep on looking and I guarantee
you when you find the right fit, you'll know it.
Speaker 3 (56:56):
M Okay, thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (57:00):
We need more people like you, Lannette, willing to put
their hand up and go out there and help. There's
lots of people I have found. It always go you
know what boris. Somebody needs to do, and you know,
somebody never appears because actually somebody as you as you exactly,
so it's got someone's got to go first. And why
(57:22):
not you, Lynette? Thanks so much for your call. The
final text of the night, I've got one here from joy,
She said, out of my comfort zone. Tonight, I have decided,
at my age of eighty two, I'm going to go
to the UK to visit a family member that I
first found in May twenty twenty four and was taken
(57:42):
by my daughter to actually meet in August twenty twenty five.
I am going alone in June this year to visit
them again.
Speaker 4 (57:50):
That's seriously cool. Yeah, well done, and.
Speaker 2 (57:56):
What an adventure. And you know what, sometimes when you
make a plan like that, actually the airplane trap and
everything when it comes around is just that. But the
weeks the month that you have leading up to it,
having that anticipation of something that you know is going
to be great, something to look forward to. Well, that's
a really great reason to get up every day and
(58:18):
look forward tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (58:19):
Always.
Speaker 4 (58:19):
Well done.
Speaker 2 (58:23):
Well, that's it for this episode of The Nutters Club.
Thanks to Boris Sokratov for both co hosting and producing
the show, as well as all our callers and texters
to kick off another great year. If you liked what
you heard and think it might help someone out there,
then please share this episode on your own channels or
with family and friends. And if you ever want to
(58:44):
be part of the show, then give us a call
or text when we broadcast live on Newstalk ZEEDB eleven
pm Sunday nights, New Zealand standard time. Check out newstalk
ZB dot co dot z for local frequencies or a
link to the live stream. A big thanks to New
Zealand on Air for their ongoing support and making the show.
(59:04):
Take care and always remember that the world's a better
place with you in it. Life. It isn't easy, it is, however,
with it.
Speaker 1 (59:19):
For more from us, Talk st B, listen live on
air or online, and keep our shows with you wherever
you go with our podcasts on iHeartRadio
You're listening to a podcast from news Talk said B.
Follow this and our wide range of podcasts now on iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Greetings and welcome. I'm Hamish Williams and you're listening to
the podcast version of The Nutters Club, a radio show
about mental health broadcast weekly on news Talk said B.
Each week we talk about mental health experiences in the
hope that it might help you with your own. The
show is broadcast live on Sunday nights on News Talk
(00:38):
said B right across New Zealand and around the world.
With it being our first show for twenty twenty six,
we decided to talk about how to make a plan
for the year that would support your mental health. Too often,
the classic New Year's resolution ends up feeling like a
burden or at worst, a failure. So how can we
(01:00):
reframe our hopes, dreams and goals for the year ahead
in a way that motivates and is supportive As you usual,
our audience had the answers. Let us know what you think,
as well as what you learn from our chat on
any of our social media platforms. Just search for the
Nutters Club zet and come join over our one hundred
(01:21):
and forty one thousand fellow Nutters. Let's get into this
week's episode. I have our producer who has been with
the show since day one, all those years ago, Boris Sokrtov.
Good evening, welcome and happy twenty twenty six, and all
good things to you, Hamish very much. Yes, I think
(01:43):
that twenty six, like any year, you started off with
good intentions and you want to try and figure out
what you can make the most of it. And so
I thought tonight, Boris, that would be what we'd actually
talk about. Sure, because obviously everyone sort of says, you know,
new Year's resolutions, and I was much the same, you know,
had a few ideas of what I might want to
(02:05):
do differently. But you get to the eighteenth of December,
which it is now, and some of those things might
have started to wane, they may have fallen off somewhat.
And so I wanted to say tonight to people listening,
this is they get out a jail free card moment,
because to be fair, how can you better your mental
health if you haven't listened to the Nuts Club this
(02:27):
year yet? So tonight we want to talk about how
things perhaps have been going for you over the break,
because I'll tell you what. It's a tough period over
Christmas and New Years for a lot of us. I
was front and center for a few interesting events that
perhaps were challenging for myself, so I know exactly what
(02:49):
it can be like, and i'd love to hear from
you tonight if you've been going through a few things
and let us know how you've been able to navigate it,
perhaps how it impacted on you and where you're heading
with that. But also too, I really wanted to come
down to what are the fundamentals of making a good
plan for yourself for the short and then the long
(03:12):
term of the year.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Now.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
The reason I say that is because sometimes when you
talk about making plans Boris people freak out because they go, well,
hang on, if I make a plan, does that mean
I have to stick to it? That this is a
it's etched in stone. That's kind of not how plans work.
Plans change, and to be fair, they need to and
they should. But the idea is, if you haven't got
(03:35):
around to making a plan for yourself at twenty eighteen,
then it can feel quite emotionally overwhelming. Sometimes you might
even think it's a bit scary. It can sometimes be
a really tough conversation to have with yourself. So let's
talk about what the fundamentals of making a good plan
look like. Sure, so where would you start Boris when
(03:58):
it comes to making a good plan for the year ahead, Well.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
Hamish, I've always been a meticulous planner. Since the age
of eight, I've I had to make decisions for our family.
My mother and father never owned a house or a car.
I used to do things like count the number of
bears in the number of cigarettes that my mother and
father smoked and drank in a day and a week,
(04:23):
multiply them out by a month and then a year,
and show them how much they would save if they stopped.
I was very anti alcohol and cigarettes for a long
long time. And in terms of planning, if there's something
that I've learned is that you know, not having a
(04:45):
plan is actually having a plan, and it's having a
plan to fail. So you know, you should always have plans.
That the key thing is not to be rigid about them.
All plans should be flexible, and the key thing is
to know that you're that you're trending in the right direction.
That's all that you have to do. Like you've got
(05:05):
a compass and you're trending in the right direction. So
you know you've heard me say this before. Most people
actually know what they should do. We all do. We
know we should you know, we should eat well, we
should exercise more, we should look after ourselves, and we
all know these things. However, they reason that the things
(05:29):
most people don't know how to do it, and the
reason they don't know how to do it is because
they haven't figured out they're compelling reason why when you
know why you'r how becomes easy? Do you know what
I mean by that?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Let's explain this because when you actually when you talk
about you know what's your why, and and sometimes it
gets bandied around a bit that why am I doing this?
Is the end goal but also the big picture.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
Right.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
And in my case, you know, I'll give you the
example of how the nutters clump came to be. I
was living in South America at the time because my
wife's from Chile. We went there so that our son
could be totally immersed in the culture when he was
about eight years old and become fluent in Spanish, which
(06:21):
is what happened. And while we were away, I said,
I asked myself those go to the mountain moment questions
where a lot of happening to me in my life,
And it doesn't matter who you are. Eventually life is
going to kick the Bejesus out of you. And it
(06:43):
had been doing that to me. My mother had recently died,
and only a couple of years before that, my father
and my youngest sister tread that thin line between madness
and genius and crossed a multiple times, multiple attempts at suicide,
and then she finally checked out at the age of
(07:05):
fifty three. And my dad. If there was a word
to describe my relationship with my father, it would be
the word troubling. If my dad never did anything bad
to me, he just never did anything with me. It
was always my mother. My mother was fanatical about things
(07:27):
like manners. My mother her education, her formal education didn't
go past the standard four. She was marii and of
course she was beaten for speaking mari at school. I'd
always asked her if she would teach me, and she
(07:47):
said to me, son, why would I because it brings
back bad memories of when I was at school. So
whenever we would go to a marai, my mother would
just translate everything for me, and I'll tell you some
other things about my mum. Her handwriting was immaculate. English
was your second language. Her command of English was second
(08:10):
to nobody's. And when I say she was fanatical about manners,
she was fanatical about us about personal hygiene as well.
That we were always before before meals or anything, we
always had to wash our hands, you know, we always
had to say please and thank you. We were taught
(08:32):
how to eat properly with a knife and fork, those
sorts of things. Because my mother said, if you have
good manners, you'll be welcome in anybody's house anywhere in
the world. And she was right. If English was your
second language, my mother would learn a few words in
your language. Whatever your language was, she would learn some
(08:54):
words so she could greet you, and she would learn
to cook some of your food. My mother was an
incredible cook. So I wake up every day with one
very simple goal, and that's to make my mother proud.
And that's my whole plan for life is about how
I make my mother proud, and everything that I do.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
I'm joined by Boris Sokrtov, our producer here at Thenother's Club,
and we're talking about making plans for twenty twenty six.
Now you might be wondering, if it's not clear to you,
what has that got to do with your mental health? Well,
everything actually, because like anything, if it comes to your health,
your physical health, you need to think about what your
(09:36):
fitness is like, and you know you're getting that walk
and are you actually getting that movement? You think about
your diet, you know, are you getting enough sleep? These
are all part of our physical health. But when it
comes to our mental health, actually, the stories that we
tell ourselves, the motivators that we have, where we draw
our inspiration from, or often put it in very ordinary terms,
(09:58):
what gets your ass up out of bed in the
morning and get going with the day is absolutely critical.
And I'm really interested to hear from you what is
that for you? And the reason I want to hear
about it is there may be other people listening, and
there will be who actually find that helpful for them
to be able to find what theirs is. Patrick's just
(10:20):
sent in a quick text here boris and like this.
He says, Hey, guys, my true motivation every day is
proving people wrong, people who stereotype others, those who judge others.
It's really sad, So I just be extra nice.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
And that's a nice way of putting it. One of
the ways to get me to do something. So tell
me that you can't, that I can't, and so I'll
do it to prove people wrong.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Look, I think we've all had experiences like that during
our life, and I've talked about it on the show before.
One of the cruelest ones I ever thought that I
saw was when I was at high school at fifteen
years old, math teachers telling kids that if you didn't
pass school certificate math, you would never get a job.
That's right. It's just like really, because it's like, I
(11:14):
don't know, I know a lot of people who I
don't think could probably part school stiff at math today
who are in very long term jobs.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Well, I'll tell you a funny story on that one.
In my fifth form year, there was between the my
my maths exam and my science exam, there was six days.
(11:42):
Those were my last two exams. Now, because it was
six days between them, I use those six days to
go swimming, you know, do all these sorts of things.
And I actually thought that my science exam was in
the afternoon, and it was in the morning. And I
(12:03):
turned up at school as everybody else was walking out
of Schools See Science and they were all looking at me,
going where are you going? What are you doing? And
I went, oh, something's going wrong here. And my thoughts
was my parents are going to kill me. I'm never
going to get into the sixth form. And the head
(12:24):
mistress at the school, because I went to a co ed,
she was amazing. She went into the examiner and because
school See Science back then was all multiple choice, or
it was at least sixty percent, it was a lot
of multiple choice, she said, can he get an exam
paper and just just tick boxes so I can at
least get a mark? And they said no. So then
(12:48):
I went to the sixth form and the seventh form
because my other marks were so good, I got enough
to get there. And then I thought, I'll school See
Science again in the sixth form because I got university
entrants and credits and I'll just do it. But I'm
not going to study for it or anything. I'm just
multiple choice. I'm just going to go in there and
(13:10):
guess what happened. I got forty eight percent, so I
didn't get it. And then but I still got enough
marks to get to the South form and then the
seventh form. I thought, well, I'll do school see science again,
but I'm not going to stay for it. I left
school with an a bursary and to this day I
still never passed school see science. And look at you now,
(13:34):
and look at me now, look at you now. So
it's not what happens to you that matters. It's what
you do about the count.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
You know, it sounds like that's even that was a
planning and of itself. Well it was. I mean, I'm
not going to comment on how good the plan was,
but you know.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
Either way, it wasn't a great plan.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
The results speak for themselves.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
As you know, I always work backwards from outcomes, and
so long as I'm trending in the right direction, and
then so long as I'm working backwards from other outcome
and look at those things. Academically, I still achieved all
of those things. I just didn't get school see science,
but I kept trending in the right direction.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Donna, good evening to you.
Speaker 5 (14:13):
Hello. I just rang My goal for my up first
coming goal will be to be to get DESENSI side,
to be able to go to the beach, which is
just a couple of minutes walk from home and spend
(14:33):
time down at the beach because my community support was
worked on me being able to just walk our home
and go for walks around my neighborhood rather than going
off where I used to go where there was nobody
at these spare roads. So I'm just working on my
(14:54):
confidence for things.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
That's that's absolutely wonderful. And you know, one of the
ways that we overcome things, and it's very difficult, is
by facing our fears.
Speaker 5 (15:07):
You know, years, that's the way.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Yeah, and the.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
Three great human fears fear of failure, fear of rejection,
fear of not being loved.
Speaker 5 (15:18):
Oh yeah, yeah, they're pretty big things to be scared of.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
They are. And you know, and yet there is a
people say to me, so how do you do it?
Speaker 2 (15:30):
And I go, I tell you.
Speaker 6 (15:31):
How I did it.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Thank you.
Speaker 6 (15:33):
Ah.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
I think I just my brothers to say to me,
don it's your street, it's your beach, it's your shops,
it's your you know.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
So very nice.
Speaker 5 (15:48):
So I could just do it.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (15:50):
And so my mom passed away seven years ago, and
I lived with mom. I've always lived with them, even
though I'm sixty five now.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
Yes, but she.
Speaker 5 (16:02):
Passed away, so I've had to learn. You know, for
years I couldn't do anything. All I could probably do
was dried the dishes sometimes, yep. And now I can do.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
Everything well, you know, head tip to you. That's great stuff.
And it's the little steps, you know, because the little
steps lead to slightly biggest steps.
Speaker 5 (16:26):
You don't have to do it, take it, and it's time.
It's right. I was cleaning the ceilings and instead of
thinking of the whole house having seen the ceilings, you
just ad a bit, a section or two at a time.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
That's the one.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Yeah, Donna, what I'd love you to do. And when
as this happens, and I predict success that this is
going to happen, when you do get to go and
have that beach walk, will you give us a call
back and just let us know what that's like for you.
Speaker 5 (16:57):
Okay, I'll do that. What's your name?
Speaker 2 (16:59):
I'm Hamish? Didn't you're speaking with Hamish and boris here
on another's club measure.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
I listen sometimes I go to sleep before you come on,
but I usually listen to you every time. And this
is your first day back after the holidays.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Yeah, I've had four Sundays off. That's all I'm allowed.
And then that's it. They then they drag me in
here kicking and screaming. But no, I know, I love it, Donna.
I wouldn't be here if I if I, if I
didn't want to be I'll tell you that much, because
I love talking to you.
Speaker 5 (17:28):
You know, it's really great with everybody really are Oh
that's that's that's very kind of you to say.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
But look, I want to hear what it's like for
you and and and you know, good bad summer in
the middle. I think would be really helpful because I
know for so many people that we've talked to on
the show over the years, you know, when it's you know,
when you have those kind of social anxieties or whatever
you want.
Speaker 5 (17:50):
To call it, I call it agphobia.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Agrophobia, Okay, yep, yep, when you go to face it,
it can be sometimes it's not necessarily the Cinderella story
that you might want too. It can take a little
bit of time. And I just love it when we
can hear honestly from people what that's like. And maybe
it will be fantastic, maybe it'll be somewhere in the middle.
But I would love to hear from you about how
(18:16):
discuss I'll.
Speaker 5 (18:17):
Bring back in a few weeks after a few weeks
of trying.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Okay, Donald, well I think that's awesome. That's a great
way to start twenty twenty six. You go, well, I
thank yous, go well, don and thank you. Okay, all right,
let's going to go to Matt. Now, Matt's good even
to you.
Speaker 7 (18:36):
Good evening. Welcome bitch.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Oh thank you, it's nice to be here.
Speaker 7 (18:41):
Good good, goodsing you.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (18:46):
This year I am ye know, I'm making some changes.
Are started in October and by getting a job.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Well done you that's a great start.
Speaker 7 (19:00):
Well, yes, well it nearly turned into tragedy because a
week before I started I found the lump in my grain.
And yeah, that was pretty stressful.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Did you go and get it checked out?
Speaker 7 (19:19):
Oh yeah, I've had it checked out and it's been good.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Ye.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Now that's really good because you know that the silly
thing that a lot of us blokes do is that
we find these things and then we would kind of
try to put it out of our mind and not
think about it. And again, you know, normally because we're
a bit freaked out by it. So good on you
for doing that, Matt, that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (19:39):
Yeah, well I've one of the posted child for let's
not have anything done about and then it's gone all ship.
It's a weep at too close, So let's start that.
I went in seeing the bed I've got it removed.
Turned out to be something very less frightening than the
big one.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
But it's all good.
Speaker 7 (19:59):
And so this year I've been made health and safety
rep at work. Been there for three months. It's it's
good and I'm going to be put through for a
course that's going to make me more senior in the plants.
Speaker 4 (20:20):
So well, they clearly, they clearly feel you've got some
some some skills and that they're that you're to put
it in the in the corporate speak worthy of investment.
Speaker 7 (20:35):
Yeah, because they don't usually spend money on people. So
of course coming up that, I said, yeah, I'll put
my name down for that, and it turned out they
already had my name down to go on it.
Speaker 4 (20:48):
So well done.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
You.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
How does that? How does that make you feel?
Speaker 3 (20:53):
Matt?
Speaker 2 (20:53):
You know, from from going to sort of you know,
searching around for for work and then getting a little
bit of a scare with the lump that you found
but you know, then you get this kind of thing
happen in life. How does it make you feel about yourself?
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Well, you I'm not used to it, that's right.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
It's it's like, you know, it's really being learning to
take a compliment.
Speaker 7 (21:18):
I'm no good at it, no good it at all.
I can give them, yes, I can't take them, but
you're lying.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Well, you know what, Matt, I'm going to tell you
something because you know that I can just hear the
warmth and the genuine join your in your voice to
us tonight. You are one hundred deserving of compliments, and
you are well deserving, and you have earned the opportunities
that you're being given by your employer.
Speaker 7 (21:48):
Yeah, I've been looking for a place like it's because
I've got ADHD and things I don't like. I don't
it's good because I don't have to think much at work,
but I do. But it's it's I'm good at it, well,
and I know I'm good at it.
Speaker 4 (22:08):
Go, you know, get yourself a pat on the back too,
because you've recognized that in yourself.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Yes, So what's the plan for the rest of the year, met?
Because I tell you what you've set the bar pretty
high the game.
Speaker 7 (22:24):
I want to meet someone that's been shiving new since
my divorce, and the kids have told me it's about time.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
Well that's fantastic. And you know the best way to
do that is to talk to people.
Speaker 7 (22:37):
Oh I can't do that.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
That's right. That's what makes it difficult.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
You know. You know the.
Speaker 4 (22:43):
Easiest way of doing it do it? Well, yeah, it's
really simple. You do things like this and this from
my mother. When you when you're just walking in the street,
when you walk past people, just smile and say hello
and good night.
Speaker 7 (22:59):
That's sort of someone that works it. He goes for
someone who's got to show or anxiety. You can just
speak to anyone.
Speaker 4 (23:06):
Well, there you go.
Speaker 7 (23:07):
And the thing I learned of my father because he
can do that, he can just talk to him anybody here,
it doesn't matter who it is.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
And I just man, I'll give you, I'll give you one,
one good one to take us into the ad break.
I met a guy about ten years ago and he
is profoundly deaf and his partner, she is not deaf.
And of course I had to ask the question. And
you know, because he's saying he's quite quite a big character,
(23:37):
especially for someone who can't hear, and he's not verbal.
And anyway, they've been together for a number of years.
And I said, how did you two meet? He saw
on a bus and thought she was a pretty looking woman.
So he wrote a note and said, you're very beautiful.
There any chance I could take you for coffee? And
he wrote it on a piece of paper, passed her
on the bus.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
The rest is history.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
There you go, so I mean, look to be fair,
gone the other way. But you don't know unless you try.
And she she could see that he looked like a
genuine bloke, and he and they had they've had a
great relationship for many years now. On that note, Matt,
well done, keep up the great work. I hope to
hear from you again during the year. Okay, we've got
to take a break. We come back. More of your
(24:20):
calls here tonight on the Another's Club. Right on that note,
let's go back to the calls. Louise, good morning to.
Speaker 6 (24:27):
You, oh, good morning, and the happy New Year.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Yeah, happy new year to you too, Louise.
Speaker 6 (24:34):
Yes, well, but a benefit of listeners. You know all
about my shoes. I've got you know, spine or is
shoes and room toward our writers and losing my eyesight.
I was very impressed by Tom. God only Tom go
(24:56):
for it, loodly brilliant. And Cameron I feel very sorry
for because I know what it's like to have spinal
pain because I have it every day. And yeah, but
you can do it camera and you can get out
of that bed and do some Oh no it's not
star jumps maybe, but something. Anyway, I've always exercised. I've
(25:21):
got an exercise bike and I broke my leg last year,
so I had to cut right down on that. But
I'm building it back up again about thirty k's a week.
Speaker 4 (25:33):
And pretty good.
Speaker 6 (25:35):
Yeah. Yeah, And Boris was saying, proves them wrong. Well, yeah,
that's the way my brain works to help me. I
can't do something and it just makes me more than
ten to do it. And I've always always want to
learn taie cheese and some of those things I must
(25:56):
get around get around them. Then one day I put
a post on my local paper, you know must should
I say, page Facebook page and got this lovely lady
who's teaching me tai chi.
Speaker 4 (26:11):
Wow. Yeah, and you see this is what happens when
you when you ask yes, you know, yes, most people
are afraid to ask. Can I say to people, what's
the worst thing that could happen? People might say no, Well, yeah,
what's the downside to that?
Speaker 6 (26:33):
Yes, I know people do here and fox them. They
asked if they want something. They just picked on the
on the Facebook page, and it's it's an amazing it.
Speaker 4 (26:48):
Is my my first cousin. I mean, she lived in
Foxton all of her life. She's she's she's she's died.
Her name was Picky.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
And she was.
Speaker 4 (27:02):
An elderly mary woman. Uh and I you know, I
went down there and is that it is? Well, the
only reason I went was to see her, and I
had really enjoyed it.
Speaker 6 (27:16):
Yeah, it's a really good community. I'm so pleased that
I've managed to get him here. Yeah, the previous community
as I wasn't supportive it all. Really, I didn't for them,
you know, just them, you know the Taye chee. Okay
with my spine and my stuffed feet and my.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
Yeah you've got a sense of humor too, you know.
Speaker 6 (27:41):
Yes, yes, a sense of humor goes a long.
Speaker 4 (27:45):
Way, best friend, doesn't it.
Speaker 6 (27:48):
Yeah. The guy on the discovered of on YouTube, Andy Huggens, right,
he's the merrit man and he's I don't know how
old he is. We looked about ninety.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
He is.
Speaker 6 (28:02):
So he's hilarious. Great, it's hilarious and I've been laughing
a lot. He takes the you know, he's self deprecating.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:12):
Yeah, and laughter is the best medicine after all.
Speaker 6 (28:16):
Yes, he said, there's a juggle of his joke is
I've just got new hearings. They're great now I can
hear the safe word.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Yeah, that's true. And the other thing here, Louise, is
that you know you haven't been afraid to go and
try something new. You know, heaps of people that they
get the thing on. You know, I'm too old to
do that, or I wouldn't know what to do. I'll
make a fool of myself. But here's the thing. You
you know that this is all nonsense because you've got
to start somewhere. And also, I would say that the
(28:47):
person who's going to teach you the tai chi, she's
probably going to get assuming it to she I'm not
sure did you say it was, Yes, Yeah, they're going
to get a great kick out of it as well,
because you know, something that they get to pass on
and share with you.
Speaker 6 (29:01):
Yes, she is, Yes, and it's amazing idea. Really, I'd
recommend to it. If I can do it with my
body than anyone can basically. And yeah, it's brilliant. Involves breathing,
and I've done yoga on and after years, so I
know how to deep breathe and just puts everything together,
(29:23):
the stretching, the breathing. It's great. It's I bet we
doing it two weeks. Wow, perhaps I've noticed a difference already.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
Well you just keep doing it. Yeah.
Speaker 6 (29:36):
I couldn't with my broken leg. I couldn't put my
soft on my right Sure that I can. Now that's
a three days of doing Ti tree.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Well that's that's training in the right direction bars and
that was worth doing.
Speaker 6 (29:51):
Oh yeah, yeah. When you can't put a Dan SOPs
on simple things, simple things, you know, I could. I
could lie here and get very down about my situation,
you know, losing the site and all this stuff. But
you know, I it's a choice I've made not to
(30:11):
and you.
Speaker 4 (30:12):
Know what you're doing there, and it's a it's a
great it's a great mind trick that we do with ourselves.
That's not what happens to us that matters. It's what
we do about it that counts.
Speaker 8 (30:26):
Yes.
Speaker 6 (30:27):
And I have a daughter who has multiple myelone of
which is a blood can.
Speaker 4 (30:33):
Not a not a very friendly one.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
That's either no, it is.
Speaker 6 (30:39):
It is horrible. She is on this terrible steroids as
another drug as well, but you'd never know it out there.
And she is vegan. She is out. She's in Sydney,
so she's got all of great vegan restaurants. She can't
work anymore, but she's loving.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
Living.
Speaker 6 (31:04):
Even with that should easily to say no, well, I've
got canther so that's the end of a blast.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
But she's my daughter, that's the one.
Speaker 4 (31:16):
Well she's got got some of your genes, hasn't she.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Louise, thank you so much for your call. Go well
and what a great start to the year with tai Chi.
I look forward to hearing how that progresses, because hey,
if you're doing the socks, now, where's it going to go?
Do next? Well done. I've got a text here from
bromwyin Bromwyn in living she says, hey, Hamish, welcome back
Haeping new year. Likewise, Bromwn, she's got a huge fear
(31:42):
of anything with feathers and if I'm walking, I'll either
cross over the road or take a wide berth around ducks, birds, chickens.
Some people don't understand me and they judge me. I
always say, with different fears. Unless you know, unless you
are completely and utterly fearless, you know, you've really got
(32:06):
to be able to empathize with with people. If you
feel uncomfortable around the animals with feathers, then that's it.
That doesn't have to be a reason to judge somebody.
I mean, there's all kinds of peculiar things, actually far
more peculiar than feathers that people are afraid of or whatever.
But the most important thing I think is show some
(32:29):
show some sort of empathy for it, be able to
support people where they are. And if you can help
people worth with their fears, if there's anything that you
can ever do, then that's another way to go about
it as well.
Speaker 8 (32:40):
True.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
I mean I was talking to somebody a while back
last year. They were incredibly terrified of driving, just you know,
really really suffered, especially as a passenger, So they went
and got a hot lap at Hemp and downs.
Speaker 4 (32:57):
Well, that's another way of doing it.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
You confront it, yep, absolutely and he went and confronted it,
and he got put in the car with a pro driver,
driven it about two hundred and forty k's around the
track for a few laps. It didn't feel so worried anymore. Yeah,
maybe maybe. Look, you know, so there's different ways to
go about it. But look, I just don't think I'm
judging people for their fears is particularly good use of
(33:19):
your time. It's not.
Speaker 4 (33:21):
And the other aspect of that is, you know, not
to be concerned about what other people think about you.
My view is you don't want to allow people to
live rent free in your head, because if you do,
you'll be You'll be frozen in time, you know. So
(33:43):
I always say, don't worry about it. I mean, don't
care about what other people think about me. That does
not mean I'm not caring. I'm very caring. I just
don't care what anybody else thinks of me.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
There's a brilliant TV show, and a lot of it
is around the mental health of its character. Is called
The Bear, and it's about a kitchen in Chicago. It's
on Disney Plus if you've got Disney Plus. And I'm
a big fan of the show and one of the
central themes that went through the series for a while
was this chef who had left it a big, fancy
(34:20):
kitchen in New York where he was really badly bullied
by the head chef, and it was one of the
reasons why he'd moved to Chicago, where the show's set.
And anyway through the story, there ends up being a
night where he's at a dinner as as well as
his bully, the ex chef, and he's had flashbacks to
what this guy did and said to him and everything.
(34:42):
So he has had this guy living rent free in
his head, and he works himself up at the dinner
to go and confront his bully and goes in. Actually
he's almost on the verge of tears, and he sort
of confronts this guy as he's walking out of the
bathroom and he says, do you know what you did
to me? He's like, I think about you every single day,
(35:06):
And the guy sort of drying his hands and he
looks and he go, sorry, who are you? That's right,
because the truth of it is, actually it might be
quite surprising to you how little people might actually think
about us all the time. Oh, none of us is
that important, I think once you can embrace that idea,
and not in a negative way. It's not to say
(35:26):
that you don't have value, but in terms of you know,
as someone sitting there being like, oh, I wonder what
you know Hamish was thinking about me? Or probably actually
I'm more worried about what I've got going on in
my own immediate life.
Speaker 4 (35:39):
Yeah, and they mistake what I've said there as well.
You know when I say none of us is that important,
I mean all of us at some stage have to
confront the fact that we're mortal and no matter what
we do and how important we may think we are,
(36:02):
tomorrow if we would if I was to die, everything
people might be sad for a few days, but then
everything's still have to keep going, and it does. That's
what I mean. When you realize that you aren't that important,
you can start beginning to live your life.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
The sunrise, it will set the title come in or
go out, and you know you're absolutely right on that note.
Let's go back to the lines. Judy, good morning to you.
Good morning, nice to hear your voice, Judy, welcome, thank you.
Speaker 8 (36:39):
It's nice to finally get to talk to you again.
Speaker 6 (36:43):
For this year.
Speaker 8 (36:44):
My husband and I on Monday week. Are moving from
a three bedroomed house into it's like a boarding house
where we live for senior citizens. So we go from
a three bedroomed house to two single bedrooms we have one.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Ah.
Speaker 4 (37:08):
Well that's that's that's big. Well, that's how did you
come to make that decision?
Speaker 8 (37:18):
Well, two years ago my husband had a kidney removed
because of cancer. Yes, and it has returned, and they
have made it crystal clear that this time they cannot
fix it because kidney cancer does not respond to chemo therapy.
(37:40):
So they tried immunotherapy, yes, and that just for him,
it was just disastrous. So looking forward, he wants to
know that when the time comes, I will be settled
and safe and not having to come home from a
(38:00):
funeral service or a memorial service or whatever we decide
to do and stand in the lounge of this house
thinking I have to deal with us.
Speaker 4 (38:09):
Yeah, that is that's wonderful. And big ups to both
of you for having the courage to to talk about
these things and to work out a plan, because you know,
one of the one of the things about you know,
having having to confront her own mortality is that, yeah, people,
(38:33):
people are often good, you know, around the you can
call it a celebration of life or around you know,
a funeral and sorrow and people people come, but then
they all go and you're left alone, you know. And
(38:53):
so the fact that you guys have had the had
the wherewithal too to think that through. I take my
head off to you. Well done, both of you and
your husband.
Speaker 8 (39:04):
Oh thank you. That The hard heart for me is
that I sorted through all my little treasures I guess
you'd call them, you know, things that mothers and grandmothers
like to keep, and I get it down to a
couple of boxes and then I think, no, I can't
take that much because I don't have that much room
(39:25):
in my room. So you have to keep telling Yeah, yeah,
very confronting with how much junk women keep or not.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Just women, not just women, No, no, that's that's not
something exclusive to women. Journey, trust me.
Speaker 4 (39:44):
But you know, the great thing is you've still got
some good memories too, and some times to share and
reflect on some of the memories that you've had in
the past that gave you both joy and talk.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Well, we've been.
Speaker 8 (40:02):
Married fifty one years next month.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
That's huge.
Speaker 8 (40:08):
Yeah, it's very confronting, and I to be honest, I'm struggling.
Speaker 3 (40:17):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
You wouldn't be human if you weren't.
Speaker 8 (40:22):
Yeah, So that's just my little thing that I thought of.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
God, Judy, I don't think it's little at all. I
think it's absolutely made almost. But can I just say
is that you know, we were talking about understanding why
you are making this change in your life, and actually
all I'm hearing about the why is because it's still
very clear that after fifty one years, you and your
husband have nothing but immense love for each other. And Wow,
(40:52):
that that is something worth celebrating and valuing. I can
only hope that I can have something similar in my life.
So Jerdy, can I just say to both of you,
congratulations and well.
Speaker 8 (41:04):
Done, Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
You know your love must be incredibly strong to be
able to make the decisions and the choices and have
those conversations and make the plan that you've made together.
Speaker 8 (41:19):
Do you know the only person who's got anything negative
to say about it, who hasn't doesn't like the idea
is family. One person and our family, all the rest
of our family, our friends, our acquaintances all think that
it's the right thing to do in that and some
(41:39):
people have said it's an incredibly brave thing to do.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
Well Jurdy on behalf of one hundred and forty two
thousand members of the Nutthers Club, I think that we
would all like to unanimously put our support behind you
as well too. So there you are. I mean, now
you're cooking with some pretty large numbers journey to be fair.
Speaker 8 (41:58):
Thank you. But you know, a good thing about it
is it's great. You go in, you pay your board,
you get three meals a day every day. You don't
have to do anything cooking. You don't have to do
any grocery shopping, which used to be jesuits out of
me now because of the cops.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
Yes, that's it.
Speaker 8 (42:17):
If you want to do your own washing, you can
do it. If you don't want to do it, they
will do it. Don't even clean, you know, it's just yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
And because you guys have made the plan and you've
put it into action, you know you're on top of
this stuff now. I mean, this is this is really good.
It's very admirable what you've done. And Judy, just while
you're talking to us, I've just been sent a text
message here and it just says I want to seend
Judy and her husband all our love. Well done to them.
Speaker 8 (42:49):
Thank you to whoever thinks that. Thank you.
Speaker 4 (42:53):
And also we're always We're always here every Sunday night.
If you feel like having a chat, give us a call.
Speaker 8 (43:01):
Just I just might do that.
Speaker 2 (43:03):
That's the one. Will you be most welcome, Judy, and
I'm bent to hear how you get on, you know,
climatizing to it. So thank you so much.
Speaker 8 (43:13):
An happy new year to you, guys. I hope that
you have another successful year.
Speaker 3 (43:18):
And yeah, roat back.
Speaker 4 (43:22):
Right back at you, and here's wishing only good things
to you and your husband.
Speaker 3 (43:29):
Judy.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
We've got to take an air break, but thank you
so much once again, and hope to talk to you
again soon. We will take the break back soon with
more of your calls, more of your texts, your plans
for twenty twenty six, your why you'r how? Talk soon
here tonight on the Nutter's Club.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
This is the Nutters Club thanks to New Zealand on
air on news Talks.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
That'd be Hey, welcome back to the Nutter's Club. You
know what I love about this show more than anything,
boris what's that? I love their audience. I love I
love all of the people who call, who text, because
while we had Judy on the phone, literally within the
space of two minutes, I've got multiple questions and so
sorry text messages here all for duty, you know. I
(44:13):
read that last one out somebody else just to text
here said wish I could reach through the phone and
give her a hug. And you know what that shows
tells me, Hamish, What does it tell you, boss?
Speaker 4 (44:23):
It tells me that the vast majority of people are good,
and they they want to be good. You know, despite
what all the politicians and some of our so called
world leaders want to do, which is focus on the
differences that keep us apart, most people want to focus
(44:47):
on the similarities that bring us closer together. And it's
the richness of their share of our shared experiences and
our shared stories.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
And when we share.
Speaker 4 (44:58):
Them, it's not seen as weakness. It's seen as strength.
And we're seeing that tonight asolutely. Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Yvonne texted in here to say, Hi, Hamish, that's good
that lady has done that with her husband. Judy has
my understanding. It's hard removing the physical memories. Maybe she
could take some photos, that's right. Another text here just
says love to you, Judy, and then this one from
Julie says, Judy, my dad did the same four beds
(45:35):
down to one bedroom. By the time he passed, she
had so he had so many friends around her. Best
to both of you.
Speaker 4 (45:43):
Yeah, that's wonderful.
Speaker 2 (45:45):
So, you know, as difficult as those changes can be,
you know that those you know, we make these major
age and stage changes, that's right, you know, they they
end up being so so incredible, so rewarding. You know,
we're going through one out of ourselves at the moment,
you know, where we had an age and stage where
we got our first family home and the kids proceeded
(46:10):
to complain about the rain, you know that the roof.
I remember, I remember the rain on the roof was
too loud, that's right. And I remember hearing that and
just being like, there's the most ridiculous you know, complain
to be ahead. And now that that age and stage
is coming to an end, and we say, ah, you know,
we may not be here in a couple of years time.
We might, we might move somewhere else. The kids are
(46:31):
our lobbying us to not get rid of the of
the family home with it, you know, they go such
a nice, homely home. We don't know, do you guys
really have to move.
Speaker 4 (46:41):
We're going through the same thing at the moment where
I'm looking at our family home and going.
Speaker 2 (46:52):
It's time to let it go. That we can all
move on, We can all make those changes in our life.
We can all alter the plans, make new plans. But again,
like you said, no, you're why why do we want
to do it? Why do we want to move? Why
do we want to potentially make a change, purely because
(47:15):
life's for living. We want to get out of our
comfort zone and go and do something different and see
what happens.
Speaker 4 (47:19):
And you raise a good point there about comfort zone.
One of the things that I always do when I
find myself feeling too comfortable is I put myself in
positions of discomfort where I have to challenge myself to
do something. When other people are zigging, I like to
zag you know, those sorts of things. So you've got
(47:40):
to set yourself up little challenges, little targets, little milestones.
They don't all have to be big. It's the little
things which will make the biggest impact. Little things consistently
end up adding up. Sometimes people make the New Year's resolutions.
You know, I'm going to eat healthier, I'm going to
(48:02):
do more exercise. Gyms must make a hell of a
killing round about this time, Boris.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
It's absolutely they do. Everyone comes signing in and goes
hard out and then that that lasts apparently it lasts
on average to about now.
Speaker 3 (48:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (48:17):
And the other thing about those is, of course, is
they all want to sign you up on the on
that weekly contract. Yeah yeah, yeah, because once you're signed
up to that, you can't get out of them without
some fairly hefty consequences. And then they people don't go
and so they're making a great return on their money.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
It's amazing with some of the gyms, right like, if
everyone who is a member actually turned up every day,
wouldn't it space good business? Boddle. Actually, here's the thing
right over, somebody touched on it back then. It was
actually duty Judy. Yeah, touched on you know, on family.
And I am not going to beg my family on
(48:59):
national radio because it's not required. My family are great
on all fronts and I love them all dearly. However,
that said, I understand when people talk about, you know,
time of family can be tricky and of course over Christmas,
New Year's you end up having quite a bit of
that exposure in time. I thought that I might have
(49:22):
got a little bit more about that with this, with
how what we've been talking about tonight boris instead, you
guys have just been overwhelmingly positive and optimistic. And I've
got to be honest if you've been incredibly insightful and helpful.
So thank you.
Speaker 3 (49:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
And there's another aspect of that as well. It's like
you can choose your friends, you can't choose your family.
Speaker 2 (49:50):
This is true. Look that said, We've still got one
call to get to, so I'm going to go to
it now. Lynnette's good morning, Hello, Good morning to you, Good.
Speaker 8 (50:01):
Morning to you. Yes, Blast is sort of sort of
throwing a few curveballs lately towards my direction, and now
that there's twenty and twenty six said they have to
make a few changes, and so I'm just sort of
(50:22):
starting off just slowly and seeing how that goes.
Speaker 4 (50:28):
And that's the best way to start.
Speaker 8 (50:30):
Well, well, it is, and it is you know, as
you get older in your life and things to change,
you know, some people are resilient and sometimes you know
people are you know, it's got different personalog. So yeah,
(50:54):
I've got many issues sort of starting so more happening,
and so I just sort of want to sort of
trying to start slowly and you know, making things some
things in life better, which I already have done, and
(51:14):
sort of reaching out in different different areas and you know,
trying to make my life a bit better. But sometimes
you know, when you're looking on Facebook and you find
these different things that you can that you can do,
you know, if you've got problems you find you find
(51:36):
up and think, oh, yes, you still try this out
for trying to help my situation. And you know, people
have to be keyful because you know, before you know
where you are, you think you're only stop paying once
and then they credit details and then they said, oh
well we'll continue with it plan and.
Speaker 7 (51:58):
You know you didn't.
Speaker 3 (51:59):
Really agree to it, that's right.
Speaker 8 (52:01):
But you know I've sort of had that problem as well,
just trying to help myself out through some of these
online things that you just sign up for and before
you know where you are, you're getting another bill on you.
It's a statement because you know you've got continue with
the service. But so I've had a bit of challenging
(52:22):
times with one of them. You know, I did get
a bit of help with it for the first time
that I was you know, signed up, but didn't realize that,
you know, you to continue the plan, they're just going
to keep billing you and bullying you. And I said, no, no, no,
that's not right. But they get you in the long
(52:44):
run of their technical stuff, you know, the small print
top of thing. But some things have helped death and
I've got some help which has been which has been great.
So it's just sort of meta day by day really,
I think to take it to make like my life
is a bit better. Well that's great here and getting
(53:06):
a few health issues. I don't know what's going on,
So getting that sort of out first of all, and
finding out it's just I can make better, a bit better,
and just maybe joining some organizations, just trying to reach
(53:30):
out to different places, even volunteering for different places.
Speaker 4 (53:37):
That's a really good that's a really good thing to do.
Volunteering is great.
Speaker 8 (53:41):
That is, but it's challenging because sometimes you know, I've
heard that's like the SBC they've got too many volunteers,
you know, like they're not you know, like people wanting
to reach out. But you know, got enough people to
see through the time, so you know, we've got time,
(54:03):
and here you just want to cut of perhaps go
back one protector. I think I want for the help
out in the risk time situation with my mother. He
had to Nisa, and I don't really realize that there's
such a process of coming to fillow out and you know,
police checks and all this information just to sort of
(54:26):
try and give back to you know, which was.
Speaker 2 (54:32):
Living well well, regrettable, regrettably it can be like that.
But I would say, Lannie is, don't don't give up
and keep keep asking around because there's a bunch of
voluntary organizations out there in fact, one as long as
you're and find the one that works for you, the
one that you know is going to be easy and
happy to have your time and get you in there,
(54:53):
because honestly, you know, you sound like a reasonably easy
going kind of person. That's that's the place that you
want to be, right, Yes, Yes.
Speaker 8 (55:01):
I just want to you know, And I'm not working,
you know, and I just sort of think, well, you know,
what can I do to occupy myself and thinking a
lot to go back, and so I'll keep reaching out
at different places and just contacting them and and different
clubs maybe two, you know, communities, just to sort of
(55:25):
get the you know, to get the human contact as well.
When you're by yourself, it's sort of you know, you're
not working, and you sort of don't like to be
stuck at home and not having a finding that I'm
missing people sort of like just that human contact freewiness
(55:47):
and you know, get together type of things. So I'm
sort of looking at different ways of doing things like that.
Speaker 7 (55:56):
And it's it's.
Speaker 8 (55:58):
Been slightly slight dying, but I mean some of it's
been quite.
Speaker 3 (56:09):
Quite good.
Speaker 8 (56:09):
Actually I've reached it from different people and so you know,
I sort of just trying to widen my circle of people.
So it's sort of really one day at a time.
So hopefully I just continue with this and yeah, just
go forward from there. I don't like to make I
(56:30):
don't like to make sort of news resolutions because you
make them, I mean only last a short time. But
I don't just want to go to step both just
sort of destroy and gradually just sort of do a
little bit each day.
Speaker 2 (56:43):
Maybe it sounds like you've got the right attitude, You've
got the right approach, keep on looking and I guarantee
you when you find the right fit, you'll know it.
Speaker 3 (56:56):
M Okay, thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (57:00):
We need more people like you, Lannette, willing to put
their hand up and go out there and help. There's
lots of people I have found. It always go you
know what boris. Somebody needs to do, and you know,
somebody never appears because actually somebody as you as you exactly,
so it's got someone's got to go first. And why
(57:22):
not you, Lynette? Thanks so much for your call. The
final text of the night, I've got one here from joy,
She said, out of my comfort zone. Tonight, I have decided,
at my age of eighty two, I'm going to go
to the UK to visit a family member that I
first found in May twenty twenty four and was taken
(57:42):
by my daughter to actually meet in August twenty twenty five.
I am going alone in June this year to visit
them again.
Speaker 4 (57:50):
That's seriously cool. Yeah, well done, and.
Speaker 2 (57:56):
What an adventure. And you know what, sometimes when you
make a plan like that, actually the airplane trap and
everything when it comes around is just that. But the
weeks the month that you have leading up to it,
having that anticipation of something that you know is going
to be great, something to look forward to. Well, that's
a really great reason to get up every day and
(58:18):
look forward tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (58:19):
Always.
Speaker 4 (58:19):
Well done.
Speaker 2 (58:23):
Well, that's it for this episode of The Nutters Club.
Thanks to Boris Sokratov for both co hosting and producing
the show, as well as all our callers and texters
to kick off another great year. If you liked what
you heard and think it might help someone out there,
then please share this episode on your own channels or
with family and friends. And if you ever want to
(58:44):
be part of the show, then give us a call
or text when we broadcast live on Newstalk ZEEDB eleven
pm Sunday nights, New Zealand standard time. Check out newstalk
ZB dot co dot z for local frequencies or a
link to the live stream. A big thanks to New
Zealand on Air for their ongoing support and making the show.
(59:04):
Take care and always remember that the world's a better
place with you in it. Life. It isn't easy, it is, however,
with it.
Speaker 1 (59:19):
For more from us, Talk st B, listen live on
air or online, and keep our shows with you wherever
you go with our podcasts on iHeartRadio
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