March 18, 2026 • 53 mins
A deeply personal account of anxiety, loss and recovery took centre stage on this week’s The Nutters Club, as guest Cam Madsen shared his journey from a carefree coastal upbringing to confronting severe mental health challenges.
Raised in the tight-knit beach community of Waihi Beach, Madsen described an upbringing that many would consider idyllic filled with surfing, rugby, music and strong family ties. Yet beneath the surface he struggled to find direction in early adulthood, drifting between jobs in mining, seasonal work, and overseas shipping roles while grappling with an emerging sense of unease.
That unease eventually escalated into heavy drinking and smoking, which he now recognises as attempts to mask deeper emotional struggles. Around his early twenties, Madsen hit what he describes as “rock bottom,” experiencing intense anxiety and repeated panic attacks that left him feeling overwhelmed and confused.
“I didn’t even know what it was,” he said of his first panic attack. “I thought it was something you only saw in movies.”
The turning point came when friends, recognising something was wrong, drove hours to his location support him. That act of care proved pivotal, reinforcing that he was not alone despite the “voice” in his head telling him otherwise.
Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald, explained that such experiences are not uncommon. Prolonged periods of substance use, lack of rest and emotional avoidance can trigger the body’s “alarm system,” resulting in anxiety and panic attacks.
Madsen’s story is also marked by tragedy. He spoke candidly about losing close friends to suicide, a reality he says is all too common among young New Zealand men. Their deaths, combined with his own struggles, forced him to confront difficult questions about purpose and identity.
Recovery, he said, was gradual rather than immediate. Returning home, reconnecting with the ocean and adopting healthier daily habits, including exercise and reducing alcohol, helped stabilise his mental health. Over time, his priorities shifted toward family life, embracing his role as a father and husband.
Now, Madsen is channelling his experience into action. He plans to undertake a challenging 30 kilometre stand-up paddleboard journey off Waihi Beach over Easter weekend to raise awareness for mental health. Beyond the event, he hopes to establish informal community spaces where people can talk openly.
“I’m not a counsellor,” he said. “But sometimes just having someone listen is enough.”
His message is simple but powerful: check in on others, act on instinct when someone doesn’t seem okay, and remember that small gestures of care can make a significant difference.
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
You're listening to a podcast from News Talk SEDB. Follow
this and our wide range of podcasts now on iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Greetings and welcome. I'm Hamish Williams and you're listening to
the podcast version of The Nutters Club, a radio show
about mental health broadcast weekly on Newstalalk ZB. Each week
we talk with people about their mental health experiences in
the hope that it might help you with your own.
The show is broadcast live on Sunday nights on News
(00:43):
Talk said B right across New Zealand and around the world.
On this week's show, we were joined by Cam Madison.
Cam grew up in y He and in many ways
it was a picture perfect beach.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Front Kiwi upbringing.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
However, when Can began to experience severe anxiety attacks, he
knew something had to change. This began a journey of
growth that ultimately saw Cam lose good mates along the way.
Now he wants to give back to his community and
support others in the same way he was. Let us
know what you think as well as what you learn
(01:20):
from our chat with Cam on any of our social
media platforms. Just search for the Nutters Club en zed
Come join. Over one hundred and forty one thousand fellow
nutters get into this week's episode hailing all the way
from Why He Why He Beach. In fact, I think
he was spending most of the day yesterday surfing at
(01:40):
said Beach. His name's Cam Madson. He's here in the
studio with us tonight, Cam good evening.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Good on my boat. Thanks for inviting me into the
studio tonight.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Yeah, it does wonderful to have you here, so, you know,
because we'd like to do kick things off.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Tell us a little bit about yourself. Where are you born?
Speaker 2 (01:55):
When'd you grow up?
Speaker 4 (01:57):
So?
Speaker 5 (01:57):
I was born in Thames actually, but spent most of
my days up Whyhee Beach. Yeah, just live in the
small community life bo but a footy but a bit
of surfer and bit of music.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Yeah. So you went to school around there?
Speaker 5 (02:14):
Yeah, but yeah, yeah, yeah, spent pretty much most of
my life around Why He Why He Beat A love
that place. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
So tell tell us a little bit about your family then,
your mum, dad, brothers, sisters.
Speaker 5 (02:23):
Yeah, so Dad, well, yeah, he actually grew up and
Why He too, and my mom she's from Ways but yeah,
pretty much all my years just grow up around Why
He had two brothers all played rugby with each other,
and yeah, good type group of mates from there.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
The boys tell me about growing up and why he
Beach because I mean it sounds pretty idyllic, right, I
mean it's an amazing spot.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Oh it's mean by. I absolutely love why he beat a.
Speaker 5 (02:53):
It's yeah, it's enough for me to decide that, you know,
I want to raise my kids there. It's a small community.
Everyone kind of knows everyone, which is can be a
good thing, can be a bad thing. But in my case,
I quite like it.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Ah, and you've got you got family yourself. You know,
you've got some young ones there.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (03:12):
So I've got an eight month old daughter, Jianna jian
Ocean's your middle name named there after the.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Mona and yeah, Ronnie Meyer.
Speaker 5 (03:20):
She is six years old and she goes to uh,
just a small school there and Way Beach a just
walking distance from home.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
So I get to walk through the school most days
and my days off.
Speaker 5 (03:31):
And yeah, my wife will be made for Oh, stitch
myself up therena.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
I think maybe about eight years sounds good, It sounds good. Yeah, Okay,
let me just walk you back a week.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
But you know you're talking about your growing up in
way He and you and the boys said, you got
some got some pretty close mates there.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (03:54):
Most of the mates that I hang out with now
are stoolmates that I've had since I've been like ten
years old. You know, a few of them have moved away,
but they always tend to come home when it's time
to have kids or you know, settled down. Yes, I
still see quite a lot of my college mates. They
still stand good contact with them. And yeah, still still
getting out and either doing a little bit of fishing
(04:16):
or surfing in the water with them.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
So when you finished school with why were you at
why He High? Why He College College?
Speaker 6 (04:23):
Ye?
Speaker 5 (04:24):
So their intermediate and their college is essentially one from
I think it's like what year seven to year thirteen?
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Yeah, so same school throughout year seven and thirteen. And
so when you finished school, what was the dream? What
do you want to do?
Speaker 5 (04:40):
When I finished school, what do I want to do?
And I can't even really remember a I think I
just wanted to work on super yots. I wanted to
study personal training, become a personal trainer, and work on superiots.
And then I did the training to become a personal trainer,
(05:02):
and then yeah, I don't know, I think just changed
over the years. They wanted to do different things still
for too long. I'd do one job for a year
and then I'd be like, Nah, this isn't for me.
And then I'd do another job for a year and
I'll be like, nah, this isn't me. And yeah, it
took quite a few years for me to find out
what I want to do career wise.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
I guess, yeah, what what were some of the jobs
that you were doing when when you're doing something for
a year and then moving on.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
So I used to work and.
Speaker 5 (05:29):
For the why he mine, you know, just I worked
underground for a little bit, and then I worked in
the open for a bit, and then I worked out
on the development site. I was pretty crack up with
my brother operating dozes and driving big tongue toy dump drugs.
That was pretty cool. And then I'd go to al
Cooney in the snow seasons, so I'd do six months
(05:49):
at the mountain and then six months kind of beach
snow life for a few years, and then other than that,
just like floating around and yeah, and.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
So did you did you actually did you move away
from way he for a while.
Speaker 5 (06:03):
Yeah, so when I was I don't know, probably like
twenty one, moved to but then moved back to Waihii
and just did the six months on with the snow
and the beach for a few years, and then ended
up in pub More living with my brother.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
It was pretty sweet. Stayed there for a few years,
and then I used to work away.
Speaker 5 (06:26):
I used to work on logging vessels for a company
out of Jinea, out of Tonang and Port and yeah,
pretty much just fumigate logs that get exported out of
the country, mostly to China, but sometimes like South Korea
and Japan. That was that was pretty cool, Like twenty
one days crossing the Pacific Ocean as Yeah, there's a
(06:49):
lot of wool water to look at.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
A so you were on the boats when they were
actually doing the twenty one days.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (06:55):
Yeah, So I would normally take about twenty one days
to go from New Zealand to you know, kind of
the South China Sea and then maybe like a few
days at port and then stay in the country for
maybe a night or two, have a little bit of
a look around, and then yeah, come home. So yeah,
it was that was probably my most that's probably my
(07:16):
funnest job. I reckon just going out on the water
just by myself and there's pretty much just a crew
of like mostly Chinese or.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Japanese or Chinese people, and.
Speaker 5 (07:27):
Yeah, there's a good chance to get like a immerse
myself and culture without actually doing any traveling.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
You know, did you pick.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Any language up learning words from the from the guys
that you're working with.
Speaker 5 (07:38):
Oh, I learned about a couple couple of knee hows,
but that's about our Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
They taught me a few dirty words and I don't
want to say but yeah, no, nothing, nothing too much
a but I did like to, yeah, just for them
to teach me, just the simple stuff like please, thank you,
can of a day, you know, stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
But meanwhile, while are you doing all this, because you know,
it sounds to me like you had you had a
pretty busy work life. You know, you've you've got off
your ass, You've gone and found jobs and done well
and done all this different stuff. But at the same time,
you know, it wasn't the same for all of your friends,
right there was sometimes there was other challenges going on
for some of the boys back and why.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
He Yeah, well, I guess all of my other mates
like came to the.
Speaker 5 (08:27):
Accepted that, like, you know, why he life and becoming
a builder and getting their trade was just kind of
all good with them, you know, and they they've done
owt like in pretty good positions where they've got houses
and on their own businesses and stuff. But like, it
just it just took me like quite a few years
to accept that, you know, maybe I'll just be a builder.
(08:48):
I guess I had like more aspirations or big dreams
and stuff and then yeah, yeah, so yeah, all my
mates are like pretty clued up on you know, the
trades where it be plumbing, building, all that kind of stuff,
which later on in life I actually came to the
terms of like, oh, maybe I just do need to
(09:10):
get my trade, So I ended up getting that later
on in life.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
A yeah, but then there was a few of your
mates who regrettably haven't made it to be their own bosses,
so they haven't had that sort of success that you're
talking about.
Speaker 5 (09:25):
Oh yeah, one hundred percent. Look like it sucks to
be in a situation where I've seen firsthand, like a
couple of my mates that yeah, you're right, aren't here anymore.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Went down. I guess I guess similar.
Speaker 5 (09:41):
Paths, you know, because we all spent a lot of
time with each other. But I guess some people on
their head more than others ay, and some people make
it out and and get help or you know, do
things to I guess shut down those voices that are
telling them in more these you know, not good things,
(10:01):
you know it. I was in that situation before where
I was just like, oh, man, what's the point in life?
Speaker 3 (10:05):
And like, I got no direction where my.
Speaker 5 (10:10):
But man, like my mates kind of pulled me out
of it, and then I was able to just like
kind of focus more on the music and the surfing.
Where the you know, I got other mates that weren't
fortunate enough to maybe have that support or maybe they
didn't feel like they had that support and aren't with
us today, you know, which which sucks, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
But in all of the I guess the challenges of
growing up and trying to sort of find your way.
You know, you were saying that you had some times
where you found it quite tough, and so I'm just
sort of interested to know what was going on with
you to have created that situation. Give us a bit
of insight to that.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Yeah, so I guess I know.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
I guess everyone has their their rock bottom. I definitely
have my rock bottom. I can't remember what year it was.
I think it was like around like twenty fifteen or something.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
I was doing.
Speaker 5 (10:59):
I was doing a lot of drinking and doing a
lot of smoking, you know, living the kind of good
life for what I thought was the good life. You know,
it was all fun, and then I just kind of
myself just drown on myself and alcohol and you know,
and cigarettes and all that kind of stuff, and that
(11:19):
was it helped me, you know, it made me feel
good temporarily, and I guess I was just oh no,
back then, maybe I was keen to like talk to
people about my feelings and stuff, but like also didn't
kind of want to burden anyone as well, and just
trying to I guess just accept to myself that I
(11:43):
wasn't okay because I used to just try to fight it.
You know, I'll be like, not like you're not said,
you know, like you're not upset, Like if you think
those feelings then or if you accept those feelings, that
it means it's got me, you know, like it doesn't
have me, you know, and just like this constant battle
than myself like no, I'm.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
Sweet, I'm sweet, when really I wasn't.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
And then yeah, I guess it came to a stage
where my mates actually had to drive down and see me,
and you know, I was They heard, I guess stories
about you know, me drinking and you know a lot,
and they actually drove down to Alconi and I ended
up having like I started having like panic attacks, like
anxiety attacks, and I just didn't actually know what that was.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
I seen it on movies, but I thought it was
just a bit of a made up Can.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
You explain to us, like what did that feel like
for you? What did a panic attack feel like?
Speaker 5 (12:36):
Well, when the first one came on, like the first
time I experienced it, I honestly just did not know.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
What it was. But I was like real short of breath, and.
Speaker 5 (12:46):
I remember one of my mates saying like, what's up,
and I was just like I just don't know.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
I just, you know, on panicking. I couldn't control my breathing.
Speaker 5 (12:55):
Fortunately enough that person had actually had them before and was.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Like, oh, it's all good, You're just having a bit
of a panic attack. Just breathe through it.
Speaker 5 (13:04):
And I was just like, oh, yees sweet, just you know,
controlled my breathing and stuff and was a come out
of it. But once I had that first one, it
was almost like they just like kept coming, you know,
these feelings of anxiety, and yeah, it was pretty hard
to Yeah, it's pretty hard to shake there for a bit.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Was there any s one thing that was kicking them
off for you? Was it?
Speaker 2 (13:25):
You know, it was a thought or a situation or
anything specific.
Speaker 5 (13:32):
Nah, I just kind of feel like I was just
like lost in alcohol and my mind was just so bleary.
I just don't even think I was that intuitive enough
at the time to actually realize what was triggering. I
didn't even know of the word triggering until like years later,
you know, when you've got these things that like trigger
your anxiety or trigger to your feelings. I didn't know
(13:54):
any of that. Like my knowledge of like anxiety, mental health,
panic attacks, what to do and how to control your breathing.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
I just didn't have any education about that at all,
you know.
Speaker 5 (14:06):
And while I was only like, well, I must have
been like kind of twenty three years old, but like
I kind of thought that might have been old enough
to just have some sort of idea about how to
control it and what it was. But like it was
like I was experiencing that for the first time and
I didn't actually know what it was either.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (14:27):
So that was where my mates came down and they're like, oh, look,
we're going to take you back to WAYI, and I
was just like no, no, no, I'm sweet because I
got to a stage where I finally reached out to
one of my mates and I was just like, oh, look, Bro,
any chance you could come down and see me? And
he just knew straight away. He was just like, oh,
that's just a bit of a weird thing for Ken
(14:49):
to just kind of say. Normally, I'd be like, oh, Bro,
like kena come down for a snowboard or keen to
come down and.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Get on it, or you know.
Speaker 5 (14:56):
My conversation was very much like that, like you know,
do all the fun stuff. And then he rings me
up straight away and he's just like, bro, oh come
down right now, And I was just like WHOA, Like
it was good to be able to hear him ring
me in that time where like he just knew, like
I'm not I wouldn't just drop everything and come down
(15:19):
and go snowboarding with you. But more to the point
what he is saying as it's like, bo I'll drop
everything now and come down and get.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
You because I'm worried about you.
Speaker 5 (15:30):
It's not because I want to go down snowboarding anything,
And that meant heaps to me.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
At that time.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
I was just like, Oh, someone actually would drop everything
and drive four hours to come and get me.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
Like somebody cares. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (15:47):
It made me feel like, oh, someone cares because like
when the voice of my head was just like constantly like, ah,
no one, no one really cares about you, which is
just the biggest lie. Like I got brought up with
like loving parents, my parents are still together, my father
I was like very tight, got good relationships with all
my brothers in real close to all my friends.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
But still that voice in my head.
Speaker 5 (16:10):
Was loud enough to forget all about that stuff, you know,
and so I was just like, oh, well, kind of
brought me into reality. It was just like, oh, someone actually, kids,
someone's willing to, you know, jump in the car four
hours on a freaking Sunday night or whenever it was
to come see me. I was just like men And
then after that message, I was just like, oh, oh,
(16:32):
that's a bit of a time to boom bro like,
oh good, like it made me feel good temporarily, I
was just like sweet. Just knowing that that businon was
there made me feel better, you know, So just on
that as well. Man, Like, if you've got if you
feel like this thing inside you that is saying like, oh,
text your mate, you know, like I don't know why,
(16:52):
but I feel like I should teach someone, just go
with that fairly name because so much of the time
I'll text someone that will be on my mind and
and then I'll find out, oh no it was it
was just nothing, you know, like and hear who I
am thinking, like, oh, I thought I would have text
you because you would have been like at a real down,
(17:14):
bad moment or saying my text would have brought you back.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
But like, sometimes it is just a message.
Speaker 5 (17:18):
But other times, you know, on the very occasion, maybe
it just might be the difference between you know, someone you.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Know, like you actually pulling them out of a rut.
Speaker 5 (17:27):
And you know, so if you've even got those urges
to just give someone a text Spontaney out of the
bluett flipping three o'clock in the morning, just do it,
you know, because yeah, kind of work.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
When I was on the receiving end psychotherapist Carl McDonald,
I just want to bring you in here for a moment.
So you know, Cam was just talking there about having
the panic attacks, and you know, being we were sort
of trying to figure out what was the trigger, like
how did that happen? And when you've Cam has made
it really clear, you know, came from really loving, caring,
stable family, no sort of trauma in the background or
(18:01):
author any of the experiences. So where did these panic
attacks that he's talking about? How does that manifest?
Speaker 7 (18:07):
Yeah, it's quite funny. Not funny, ha ha, because we
actually talked about panic attacks for pretty much the whole
show last time we did. And I guess one of
the things that happens is if we treat ourselves like
rubbish over an extended period of time, you know, drinking, smoking,
not taking time to take care of ourselves, it's not
that unusual for people to end up in anxiety because
it's kind of like the alarm system for our brain
(18:27):
and body. Right, we all need to actually have that
quiet downtime, sober time where we can think and reflect
and process. And if we don't get that balance right,
it's you know, we hit a wall. Some people talk
about it as burnout when we do it professionally, but
I think if we do it recreationally, if I could
put it that way, you know, with alcohol and drugs
and just and just go, go go all the time,
(18:49):
at some point we hit a wall. And for some
people that walls panic attacks.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
So you know, it's about having actually having those moments
of clarity that you know that the brain actually needs
then outside of having any substances, and then.
Speaker 7 (19:03):
Hopefully and I suspect we're going to hear about this
in the next section, listening to that and actually aiding
to do something different, making some changes.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
So caim.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
You know, your mate came down to see you and
then you know you ended up having a chat. But
what happened from there? I mean one chat doesn't change,
doesn't change complete you know years of different behavior, right,
So so what did change look like for you?
Speaker 3 (19:27):
Well?
Speaker 5 (19:29):
Yeah, when yeah, going from that moment, Like I guess
part of it is just like massive like thanks to
like the boys, they know who they were, there was
a car load of the amount of the time. So
I'll be either forever thankful that I've got like good mates.
So they pretty much just like forced me. They they
quit my job, and they just like pretty much they're like, oh,
but we're going snowboarding today. And then came down off
(19:52):
the mountain and they're like, oh, but we go back home.
And I was just like we're on about and they're like, no,
we're taking you home. That's why we came down here, bro,
And I was just like, oh, what's a couple of
weeks in the snow lay. Yeah, So they took me back.
So that was a bit of a non negotiable way.
So cheers boys for like, you know, I'm a job
and but like I'll be forever grateful for it. And
then I moved up to pop More and yeah, I know,
(20:14):
I've got another real close mate that I happened to be.
He was just like I'm moving with my brother and
my mate, so I was like, oh, yea's sweet.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
And then I don't know.
Speaker 5 (20:26):
I guess just living close to the beach and close
to the water kind of got me a little bit
more focused than the present as well with the surfing,
you know, surfing and snowboarding, like you can you can
drink and you can smoke and go snowboarding.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
And all these things.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
But when you're at the beach and you're surfing, like
it's just about the surfing, you know, so like naturally,
the you know, the recreational naughtiness just kind of sided
to subside a little bit, and I was just, yeah,
I guess more focused on like getting some on my skin,
and when it's sunny, I felt like exercising more.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
And when I exercised more, I felt like eating better.
Speaker 5 (21:02):
And then you know, I was living by the beach
on surfing every day, so just doing that a lot,
just like forming better daily habits from the moment that
I wake up was just a massive game changer for me.
And yeah, I still was like losing direction in life
and still didn't really know what I wanted to do,
but at least in the process of hitting rock bottom
(21:25):
to where I was at, like you know, a few
months after closer to New Years, when I was living
at the beach, I was just starting to form.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Good habits, you know, for my body and you know,
all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
And when did you when did you kind of get
the feeling that perhaps you'd turned a corner with it,
you know, when when did you end up perhaps of
having this moment at all for yourself, Na.
Speaker 5 (21:47):
Not until years later actually, A yeah, So I was
just like, sweet, you know how you're doing your you
hit your rock bottom and then you know, you do
a one eighty and then you start feeling good and
living this new life and forming good habits and exercising
da da da da da. But then you know, like
a year later, I kind of found myself not back
to the same point of and stuff. But I guess
(22:09):
the hype of the one eighty kind of wore off
a little bit. Yeah, and I was like, oh, sweet,
well now this is just kind of the new normal.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
And then yeah, once again.
Speaker 5 (22:20):
Just like had new stresses in my life, which was
just like working for like you know, like working like
Monday to Saturday, you know, and just like having financial
stresses and all.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
That kind of stuff. So my hot, my.
Speaker 5 (22:33):
I guess turning point was yep, leaving Alcuni and going
back to pop more. But the other one was I
guess when I had this idea to do this pedal
for mental health, which was you know, probably.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Going back like a year and a half ago or something.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
So came I want to be really clear here, you know,
when you say that you lost some mates along the way,
you know we're talking about you lost your friends to suicide. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
creep And it's a horrific and sadly all too common
experience for people in New Zealand and when we go
through this. But can you give us a little bit
of insight into what was going on with some of
(23:14):
your mates when you know you lost them? What what
was some of the issues that they were having. I
think it's more or less the same ones that I
was going through. A just like drugs and you know,
not really knowing how to.
Speaker 5 (23:28):
We're you know, we're all just like kind of indulging
together and don't get me wrong, you know we're out,
you know, sturffing and you know, doing all that kind
of stuff as well. But yeah, I think sometime they're
drinking just takes well, took control of me.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
And I think maybe it was.
Speaker 5 (23:47):
You know, my you know, other other people that I
know probably got a little bit too.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
Caught up in it as well.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Yeah, so so you know, over compensating with sort of
you know, the mind altering stuff to try and sort
the problems or quiet in those voices.
Speaker 5 (24:01):
Oh yeah, Like it's like if you're you know, if
you're having a bad day, having a drink is awesome.
Speaker 3 (24:08):
You know, I don't think it.
Speaker 5 (24:09):
I don't think anyone would disagree with Like it makes
you feel good, right, but like it's the repercussions after
that feel good is the comdown and then that's just
the vicious cycle of having to continue on.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
You know.
Speaker 5 (24:22):
I now I've got to drink again because I feel
like crap yesterday and then you know, so it's just
like trying to break yourself out of that cycle as Yeah, yeah,
it's hard.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
What was it like for you when you heard that
you'd lost your friends or you know, to suicide.
Speaker 5 (24:39):
It was, yeah, it was. It was like pretty hard,
Like for sure, I was. I was quite young at
the time, and I accepted it pretty fast.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Like how young is young? Cam?
Speaker 5 (24:54):
Oh, I think we're like twenty twenty one. I think, yeah,
about twenty one, And yeah, I just didn't never really
sperienced it kind of before, and we well, I say,
we're a lot.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
I'm just talking to the one behalf.
Speaker 5 (25:15):
Of myself because my mates and my mates and I
don't want to say and tell their story, but like I, yeah,
definitely fell victim to just kind of doing the same thing,
you know. But then when it came to a point
in my life where where I was kind of having,
you know, suicidal thoughts, I would kind of think about
people that I knew that had you know, not been
(25:39):
here anymore, and I'll be like, wow, how can I
be so sad at that yet be thinking that I
want to go down that road as well? So I'm like,
either you know those tears that you had at the
Brows Tanguy were fake or you know they weren't, and
and like I don't want to be going down that
road as well, you know. So it was kind of
(26:01):
this this the sped on my side of my head
where I was like, oh man, I kind of want
to thinking about, you know, ending it because I didn't
see another way. But my bo did that and like
I'm God that he's not here, so like and I'm
obviously someone's bro. So yeah, kind of rounded me a
little bit, not really known what, you know, how to
navigate that.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Yeah, so it's the voice of self doubt just to
you know, go and raging upstairs.
Speaker 5 (26:25):
Then huh, yeah, I don't know if it's yeah, I
feel like it's just more just yeah, maybe just.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Like lost day. I just felt lost, man, and I
was just like, man, what am I? What am I
up to?
Speaker 5 (26:40):
Like I meant I meant for more than this, you know,
I always thought I was meant for more, you know, something.
Speaker 3 (26:45):
Bigger, something bigger.
Speaker 5 (26:46):
And then over the last few years, I've kind of
come to realize like, maybe, you know, maybe maybe doing big, ambitious,
great things could just look like being just like the
man that being a debt, you know, being a good
air his husband, being a good airs father, you know,
who cares about trying to change the world and do
all these kind of you know, that's what I was
(27:09):
telling thinking in my mind, you know, I'm going to
be like big and not so much famous, but like
you know, I've got a heart for people and a
heart to just like change the world, you know.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
And then, yeah, can you get.
Speaker 5 (27:19):
A point where as to say, oh, maybe I just
need to be the man at being a dad and
the man at being a husband.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
So that's what I'm trying to do now.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
And you've got to change your world first day, right
before you can change others.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, one hundred percent, You're exactly right.
Speaker 5 (27:32):
So yeah, it's first, it's yeah, I guess it starts
off of myself first, looking after myself. And if I
look after myself and like do my exercise and just
like form good habits, then then I obviously become a
bet dad and a better husband, you know. But like
I do, you know, try to prioritize looking after me first.
(27:55):
And it sounds like a selfish thing, and maybe it is.
But man like when I go out for a surf
or I've write a little bit of music, or I
have a bit of downtime, when I come back to
being a dad and a husband, I'm just way better
at it.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
You know, you don't and milk it too.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Hard, but you know you're moving through these stages, right,
So you identified God look after myself, which is its key,
right con ye.
Speaker 3 (28:17):
And it's about that balance.
Speaker 7 (28:18):
Like I heard your joke about don't want to milk
it too hard, but all things in balance, right, Like
you say, you do a little bit of this, it
makes you better at that. You've got to get all
the bits right.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then you build on it.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Now now you've got you know, you've got your you're
eighteen month old, you've got you got your partner, you know,
So you guys are you've got your family going on, right?
Speaker 3 (28:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Yeah yeah, and now you want to do something for
your community.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 5 (28:41):
Well, I guess even just going like back a little
bit even before, like when I have a first like kid, Ronnie,
you know, she was I just kind of always had
love for like my friends and my father, and always
had love for my community. And I guess the thing
that I struggled with the most is like I wanted
to help and I wanted to give back, but I
(29:01):
didn't really know how, and like that frustrated me for
ages because I was just like, damn it, Like here's
this person that like wants to give and wants to
do these things for people, and I'm good to go.
I'm motivated and I'm ready to go. I just don't
know how to do it, you know. And I struggled
with that for ages. And then it wasn't until I
started going down like another you know, little half little
(29:24):
fake rabbit hole that my muscles was just like, oh,
maybe maybe we need to just kind of get out
of this town and just kind of focus on us,
you know, focus on our kid, and focus on our relationship.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
And I so wasn't keen she wanted to. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (29:37):
Anyway, we moved out of town for a few years,
and like admittedly I resented her for it.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
I was just like, nah, this isn't a good call
for us.
Speaker 5 (29:45):
But you know, we moved back down to Parmi for
a couple of years and it was just like no
distraction from the boys.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
There's no golf down there.
Speaker 5 (29:53):
It was just like go to Mahi, go to church
on Sunday, and it was just pretty much all fun though,
you know, and after two years are just like knuckling
down and just trying to be at more present dead
and form better habits and like going to church and
all that kind of stuff. I was just like, oh,
this is actually like pretty mean, and you know, I
stopped like doing, you know, some of the naughty stuff
(30:15):
that I was doing. And then I think I must
have seen that and was just like, oh, should we
go back to why He? And I was just like
pretty much in tears, like if we go back to
why He, then I come back to the party. Even
though I loved it down to Palm Springs, yeah know,
like I was just like yes, sweet, and then when
I came like I got a good mate down there.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
Jr. In one of my homies.
Speaker 5 (30:38):
He's our man, and he pretty much just got me
to help me see life for a different lens, you know,
and helped I guess, guide me and encouraged me to
just be like bo, try and walk this path because
I reckon if you do, you're you know, you're like
everything's kind of going to fall into place.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
And Y essentially got me to look at life for
like a different lens.
Speaker 5 (30:59):
And then when I moved back to why he, I
was just like, oh yeah, okay. I was just like
looking out the tall island at Wahi Beach and I
was just like that was my light bulb moment where
I was just like ball, I was like, I want
to pedal there.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
There's something in me that is just like I want
to pedal there.
Speaker 5 (31:18):
And I've spent the last two years, you know, just
like focusing on myself and being a bit of dad
and being a better husband. And I was just like, sweet,
now I know how to give back to my community.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
So you've got this idea now that you want to
do this pedal board out to the island and back,
You're gonna do it and in one one go, I mean,
give us, give us an idea because it's a it's
a big it's a big distance.
Speaker 5 (31:41):
Right, yeah, yeah, it's open ocean power. It's like thirty
k's like thereabouts. I'll probably end up peddling a little
bit more because I'll be probably doing a bit of
left right.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
If you know what I mean.
Speaker 5 (31:50):
Yeah, but yeah, I I was going to pedal there.
The plan is now to to pedal back because if
I pedal there, it's just a bit of a well,
now what you know, at least the five pedal back
we can have you know, three and and and you know,
gathering on the beach and like you know whoa ken
(32:12):
has made this cool?
Speaker 3 (32:13):
You know, like it will be someone to celebrate it with. Basically, yeah, so.
Speaker 5 (32:18):
But that's yeah, yeah, it's got It's the more I
the coaster gets to that date, the more I'm like, oh, well,
like this isn't just like a me thing.
Speaker 3 (32:27):
This requires a crew. This requires just like water safety,
e medic.
Speaker 5 (32:33):
Like the last thing I want to do is just
be known as the cowboy who went out in the
ocean and flip and put himself in danger and other
people at risk.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
So yeah, I just want to let people know that. Yeah,
as far as the.
Speaker 5 (32:49):
Water safety goes like, that's that's a good message to
to to you know, pass on in itself. You know,
if you're going out on the water, just like make
sure you inform the lifeguard and we're life jaggers and
do all that kind of stuff, you know, because yeah,
those those cose guards they go out and some pretty
hell of conditions A and I'd hate for them to
(33:10):
you know, come out and save me when I didn't
have like a nice safety plan in place.
Speaker 3 (33:14):
So yeah, well.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
That's the whole looking after yourself thinking again though, right,
it's actually that this is it and another guys.
Speaker 5 (33:22):
Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent, Yeah, yeah it is. Yeah,
we definitely got a good group and good team. But
they're all my mates, bro, my mates and my.
Speaker 3 (33:31):
Brothers you know.
Speaker 5 (33:32):
And then and and that's just the per Everyone in
that boat has just got a job and the people
that I grew up with and trust, and you know,
everything's just kind of seems to be falling into place
for the you know, for that for that pedal A.
So man, I'm super excited to just get in the
warm do it.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
So look cam, in terms of what you're hoping to
achieve with the you know with the paddle board. I mean,
it's it's it's always good when people come in and
they say, hey, you know, I want to do some
raise awareness for mental health, and I.
Speaker 3 (34:01):
Always go on, good on you. That's great.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
But the next question is and then what do you
want to do after that? And you've you've got an
idea about what you want to do in ye.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
Right, yeah? Yeah.
Speaker 5 (34:11):
So ultimately it's just to bring a weirdness to mental health,
as his wife decided to do this venture and as
well about well, i'se to just spend some time with
it in the water with the boys and just having
a good experience.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
For myself in the meantime as well.
Speaker 5 (34:25):
You know, like I'm doing this for four people, but
I'm also doing this for myself to just like set
myself a goal and achieve it and then you hopefully
go on to something next. So my idea of what
I want to do in the y Beach community is
just have I mean it's not a team of people.
I just want to do by myself, you know. And
(34:48):
all of it is just set up a little barbecue
down at like the local skate park or opposite the
y he Beach Pub. You know, on those nights where
people are having a few too many sippers and looking
for a place that just have a bit of a
corded or maybe have a water and a sausage down
the main end where like quite often you know, people
will get down there the surf and yeah, just have
(35:10):
a safe spot for people to come to and have
a yarn and hopefully by doing that putting myself out
in the community.
Speaker 3 (35:17):
Man, if someone's got like a had like a real.
Speaker 5 (35:19):
Bad day or real bad week, or I don't know,
they've just got the own dramas going on in their life,
they can just come and just like have a bit
of a yarn about it. Like I'm not ain't a
counselor I'm definitely not there to help them through flipping
trauma or trying to set them goals or anything like that.
All I'm doing is just purely like ears to listen,
(35:40):
you know, And I feel like in some cases that's
that's all you need, right like, just like someone to
kind of talk to.
Speaker 3 (35:47):
So if I can encourage that, then you know.
Speaker 5 (35:52):
I may not need to do anything more other than
just like here someone's talk to them, you know, talk
about their life and have a sausage and a bit
of a laugh and then that's it.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
You know, Well, look, you're a person who cares and
you want to be able to be that listening here
for people, and sometimes that is enough, right Cole, Yeah.
Speaker 7 (36:13):
It is, And I mean I think you know, making
that available is a great thing because, like you said,
you don't have to be a counselor you just to
be a human being and take the time to listen,
much like you actually talked about in the first hour
when what made the difference was not what your friend said,
but actually just taking the time to care.
Speaker 3 (36:34):
Got a text message here specifically for you. I'm going
to read it out. Congratul he met and am marbles.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
Well, no, it's someone I think that you may know,
and it just says congratulations Cam on the way you
have spoken tonight, you have clearly articulated a story that
will hopefully help many young men. When I taught to
you at why He College, I thought you'd do well
in life and you have shown that in spades. Or
(37:03):
is that paddles tonight on the show carhaf for your
paddle to to Hunah from missus Tanner.
Speaker 5 (37:13):
Oh, chip Man, I haven't heard of her and flipping years. Yeah, yeah,
and I do remember that she she taught probably a
couple of older brothers as well.
Speaker 3 (37:24):
A oh shot, miss, thanks for listening. That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
Another Texas came in just saying when is the Easter
week So we were looking at your windows April third.
Speaker 5 (37:35):
Right, Yes, our window, we're looking at April third of
the six, which is apparently Easter weekend.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
I just work off the dates.
Speaker 5 (37:43):
So yeah, hopefully throughout that duration, throughout that window we
can find I'm expecting it to take, you know, like
kind of eight ish hours, but it's so hard because
there's so many variables evolved. But yeah, hopefully over that
weekend we'll be able to find a good enough window
to complete that paddle safely.
Speaker 7 (38:00):
And there'll be heaps of people down at wait Here
Beach over Easter weekend too, I imagine.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (38:04):
Yeah, well, everything's like lining up pretty well with just
in terms of finding the crew, finding the boat, getting
a safety plan put in place. Everything just yes, slowly
is starting to perform itself and work itself out.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
So hopefully just praying for fine weather man. I don't
even call it training now, I just call it having fun.
Speaker 5 (38:26):
Like I'll go out for you know, I've done a
few long distance pedals, and long distance pedals like for
me is like, you know, kind of like ten K's.
Speaker 3 (38:35):
I'll just paddle up the coast because that's just the
safest way.
Speaker 5 (38:37):
To do it other than like going out and you know,
in the big blue and yes, I just go for
like a ten k pedal, or sometimes if I'm not
feeling it, man, I'll just go out and catch a
few waves on my stand up pedal ball day. Part
of the you know, the whole reason why I'm I'm
doing this is like, you know, I'm not trying to
see it a record, I'm not trying to do anything
(38:58):
like that. And like it's important for myself to to say,
don't lose sight of what you're doing in the mixt
of doing it, you know. And if I'm you know,
having struggling to find the time to go out and train,
and it's at the sacrifice of my daughters and my
wife where I work long hours and stuff, then sometimes
(39:21):
I have to honestly just prioritize the funo life over
over doing the pedalway. And then there's other days where
I'll go out and I'm like, oh, look, I should
be doing some lost long distance pedaling and training, but like,
you know, what I want to do is just go
out and enjoy having fun in the ocean.
Speaker 3 (39:39):
And you know, I have to.
Speaker 5 (39:41):
Tell myself that that quite often, Like bo, just just
go out and have fun. That's what that's about, you know,
It's about community coming together. It's it's about myself trying
to display that by you know, looking after myself. And
if I choose to go out for three hours surf,
you know over over flipping six hour paddle down the beach,
(40:02):
that I'm just going to choose the fun thing, honestly
pretty much if you time, mate.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Got another text here Alis from Tabitha. Thank you so
much for the text, says Hi, guys. Back in the eighties,
my first counselor told me you have the harshest self
critic of anyone I've ever met. My response was thank you.
I used to think, if I don't kick myself up
the bum, then who will. Fast forward thirty five years
(40:27):
when I realized I have ADHD. And one of the
greatest things about that is that I also realized I
needed to give myself a break and started to treat
myself with compassion and kindness. My inner critic still pipes
up sometimes, but my inner cheerleader is much louder.
Speaker 5 (40:45):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, Oh there's are awesome words. Ah,
that's yeah, definitely something that I've got to tell myself
as well as like it's sometimes just like the thinking
about it that's the worst party.
Speaker 7 (40:57):
But actually I think you were describing exactly how to
do it just before hammershred out the text when you
talked about saying sometimes I just need to go out
and have fun for three hours and have a nice
surf and joy myself rather than knowing what I should do,
which is do six hours on the pedal, but it
don't really feel like it. That's actually compassion in action.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
I think.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
You know it's interesting, right because you're you're talking about
this idea that you've got that you want to set up,
you know, around around your community. And I've got this
text from Patrick and he and he's actually pointed out
he goes, Guys, I have to say, it's very rare
to have friends like cam. In fact, it makes those
who don't have anyone, let alone those who will drop
anything for you, because it's a bit sad and I'm
(41:40):
thinking that that's kind of one of the reasons why
you want to do that, right is because for anyone
who doesn't have that obviously in their life, you want
to literally put the flag up and be like, you're.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
Heard, am I here? I am sweet as.
Speaker 5 (41:53):
Yeah, yeah, one hundred per cent in a big way,
a like although they're they're you know, because why he's
a small place.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
So I'm picking quite.
Speaker 5 (42:02):
A few other people that are that are going to
come to the ten stuff like that are going to
be people that I know as well.
Speaker 3 (42:06):
And everyone's welcome.
Speaker 6 (42:07):
You know.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
It's not so that's just had a bad day or anything.
Speaker 5 (42:10):
It's just anyone that kind of wants to come for
young But yeah, objectively that that would be you know,
if I you know, if I could get someone to
just open up a little bit, then you know, hopefully
it'll just make their their shoulders just a little bit lighter.
A then I need to work out how to off
let load that weight of my shoulders to someone else.
Speaker 2 (42:32):
Well, it's interesting you bring that up, because you know,
even Cole is a as a professional in your you know,
is your your day job as a psychotherapist, you still
go and have someone that you download with as well.
Speaker 3 (42:44):
Right, yeah, we're required to.
Speaker 7 (42:47):
In fact, all psychotherapists, clinical psychologists, and counselors are all
we're all required as part of our professional practice to
have what we call a supervisor. So I often joke
one of the bonuses of becoming a psychotherapist as it
means you're in therapy for life because at least every fortnight,
but most people do it every week. Got to get
(43:08):
and have a yarn with someone yourself, because that's just
what you need to keep yourself healthy when you when
you're talking to people.
Speaker 3 (43:14):
So yeah, yeah, one hundred percent.
Speaker 5 (43:16):
So i'd know how hopefully I can just find out
different ways to because you know it as that sayinga
like when you if fload your weight onto someone's shoulders,
it feels better. But now that weight is, you know,
on them, So yeah, hopefully I can find out ways
to I guess just manage you know that my cup
isn't getting too full by doing all these things, and
(43:36):
like that's the reason why I kind of would excuse
me like to do it by myself, is if I
need to have a bit of a break or like
call it quits or like oh man, it's getting too much.
I just want to get away from it for a
couple of months and just like reset. Without having a
team of people or anything like, I can quite eat.
I've got the freedom to be able to manage that
(43:57):
as well, which I think is is important.
Speaker 7 (44:00):
You know, I'll put this on on on the line now,
I reckon One of the things that will happen is
when you do this is it you'll actually have people
who will actually pop and especially if they know you
around the community, who will pop in and say, how
you doing? Are you all right?
Speaker 3 (44:14):
I'll be stoked to be able to hear it back
as well.
Speaker 5 (44:19):
Man, I would probably give them an air for Man'd.
Speaker 2 (44:23):
Be like, it's like, I don't know if Cam set
this up just to have people come and listen to
him as well.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
Yeah, well but it doesn't matter either way. If it works,
to keep doing it.
Speaker 5 (44:33):
Totally, I'll be down there crying at all these randoms
that are roll enough.
Speaker 3 (44:39):
I wouldn't mind the saucers myself.
Speaker 2 (44:42):
So look, you know you've got the You've got the
event on the Easter weekend, so you've you've just basically
got to keep an eye on the weather now, right, Camp.
Speaker 3 (44:50):
Yeah, yeah, I've got a weather man. He's actually my brother.
He's going to be skipper in the boat.
Speaker 5 (44:55):
And yeah, yeah, pretty much just waiting around for that
when it's still a couple of weeks out now, so
it's hard to tell exactly what's what the conditions are
going to be that weekend, but yeah, pretty much just
the boys just sitting the around waiting, preparing themselves with
safety equipment, with what we need, and me just yeah,
getting back in the water and trying to do a
(45:17):
little bit more training for it, and just getting my
health and myself in a and and a clear headspace
to just be able to take the song. But with
every message that you guys have shared last night and
all the support, man like that just makes you know,
that's where I draw my strength from, you know, and
that gives me a reason to do it even more
when I think about, you know, the Albi's and their
(45:38):
vans and the Moss Tannas and whoever like you rung
up tonight, ibmously, Oh yeah, that's awesome, and those of
the people that I'll be thinking about when I do
this pedal.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
Has anyone told you that they think it's a nuts idea?
And maybe you shouldn't do it.
Speaker 5 (45:52):
My mum hasn't, I was gonna say, and she would
probably be the one that would say that, yeah, yeah, okay.
So no, no one's really encouraged me to not do it.
I don't know if that makes them my friend or
my phone.
Speaker 7 (46:04):
I'm not too far, but maybe it says something else,
which is actually all the people that know you were
really really well, including your mum, actually know that you
can do it.
Speaker 4 (46:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (46:14):
Well, when I first mentioned it to them, you know,
it does you know, sound like a bit of a
crazy idea, you know, because I got Mom and Dad
pulled them aside, and I was just like, look, I'm
looking at that like so much differently now, and I
want to do this and I want to do that,
and I want to do this, and I'm going.
Speaker 3 (46:28):
To paddle the tour next year.
Speaker 5 (46:30):
Da da da da, And I think like it maybe
just went over the head a little bit, and then
until like a few months later, it's just like, no,
I'm actually putting this pen in places.
Speaker 3 (46:38):
We're going to do it safely, like I'm actually going
to do this thing man like. And it was what, I.
Speaker 5 (46:43):
Don't know, if it was a viol or something that
caught up earlier, like talking about a coin, and I'm
just like, that's what I feel like. This is, you know,
it's something that I feel drawn or pooled to do.
It's something that I almost like, it's almost like I
don't have a choice. It's just like, nah, I just
can't do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
I think in many ways, considering you know, how much
how much change and personal growth undercome, It's it's almost
like an expression of of how far you have come
and what you have been able to do for yourself, oh.
Speaker 5 (47:14):
Hunt of a sin and to be able to put
like all my energy and all my like when I
think about like my mates that aren't here today, right,
I think about the stresses that I have at work.
I think about my anxiety, Like I can collectively take
all of those feelings of like pain and anger and
you know, self doubt, and I can actually use that
(47:34):
energy and put into something to be able to make
it into something positive, you know.
Speaker 3 (47:40):
You know.
Speaker 5 (47:40):
So when I'm out doing that panel, I'm just like, yes, like, finally,
all this like negative stuff that I've got built up
for years, I can actually release it and put it
into you know, something to you know, help hopefully help
change people's lives. And if no one's life gets changed
(48:01):
from it, my life will be. So it's just you
know that, you know, it's just job. The job will
be done, you know.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
It's yeah, we're about to get another break. But you
won't know this because it's your radio. You you can't
see in the studio because there's no cameras in here.
Well not yet. I'm sure that will happen one day.
But anyway, Cam's actually brought his guitar or yeah, so
I'm wondering, I'm wondering, shall we shall we get him
(48:30):
to crack the guitar out after the ads?
Speaker 3 (48:32):
He seems surprised.
Speaker 7 (48:34):
Did you ambush him?
Speaker 2 (48:35):
Well, if he did, he wanted to bring the guitar.
If you if you didn't want to play it, you know.
Speaker 5 (48:38):
That's what what was more so like I didn't want
to play a song and not be prepared here.
Speaker 3 (48:44):
So I've read a little song I tried to write
for this.
Speaker 5 (48:47):
Night and then Science and this is the other day,
and she's just like it's a little bit average, and
I was just like, yeah, yeah, it's not that great,
So maybe I'll just flip out like another.
Speaker 3 (48:55):
Little trust me how bad could it be? What are
you going to play for us? Cam? I've got to
sing a song that I wrote about my brother.
Speaker 5 (49:11):
Yeah, I didn't actually really think about playing one specific song.
I thought I'd just like roll up with again and
just look the part. Nothing but yeah, I'll try to
give it.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
Let's go for it live from Erkland City tonight came
Ittson here on anothers club.
Speaker 3 (49:41):
Black or black is skinned blacker than me. Then he
laps around the sun.
Speaker 6 (49:46):
Now I kn't know where he's been throughmer He turned
out all right.
Speaker 4 (49:55):
He lass whiskey, needed every opportunity, but.
Speaker 6 (49:59):
Stays in control, never sold out to the devil.
Speaker 3 (50:06):
He's a man god, he's my brother.
Speaker 8 (50:14):
And corrupt time the burden, mad love to a lot
of lis.
Speaker 6 (50:25):
Oh yeah, well I guess I got mine and you
got yours.
Speaker 4 (50:38):
Why don't wipe my skin? A little white in the
hen had a couple of les.
Speaker 3 (50:42):
Slaps around the sun.
Speaker 4 (50:43):
Now started off for three. We headed off with mare.
Speaker 3 (50:48):
We lost one along the way.
Speaker 6 (50:52):
A little bit of drinking now, a little bit of
smoking now gets a little heart to pick up the Bible.
Pain changed to us. Time healed us. He's a man,
a god, He's my brother and corrupt time to burn
(51:19):
been love to a lot of lovers. Oh again, Well,
I guess I got mine and you are yours.
Speaker 4 (51:34):
Pain breed selfishness.
Speaker 9 (51:40):
I don't need your hands on my my hands up tie,
my hands are burnt from Holley Stoves, pain creed selfishness.
I don't need your hands on my my hands upside,
my hands are burnt.
Speaker 4 (52:00):
From Holley Stoves.
Speaker 6 (52:05):
Well, I guess I got mind you.
Speaker 3 (52:18):
Yes, fantastic.
Speaker 5 (52:22):
I look if it was lyrically appropriate, but that was
a song that I made up for my brother and
I got love for my father.
Speaker 3 (52:30):
Look, I felt it was perfect.
Speaker 2 (52:32):
Absolutely at this time of night, I couldn't have asked
for anything better.
Speaker 3 (52:36):
Brilliant you.
Speaker 2 (52:40):
Well that's it for this episode of The Nutters Club,
thanks to out very musically talented guest, Cam Medicine, and
of course psychotherapist Carl McDonald. If you like what you
heard and think it might help someone out there, then
please share this episode on your own channels or with
family and friends. And if you ever want to be
part of the show, well give us a call or
(53:01):
a text when we broadcast live on News Talks. He'd
be eleven pm Sunday, nights New Zealand standard time. Check
out NEWSTALKSEB dot co dot nz for local frequencies or
a link to the live stream. A big thanks to
New Zealand on Air for their ongoing support and making
the show. Take care and always remember the world is
(53:23):
a better place with you in it. Life it isn't easy,
it is however worth it.
Speaker 1 (53:35):
For more from Newstalk st B, listen live on air
or online, and keep our shows with you wherever you
go with our podcasts on iHeartRadio.
You're listening to a podcast from News Talk SEDB. Follow
this and our wide range of podcasts now on iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Greetings and welcome. I'm Hamish Williams and you're listening to
the podcast version of The Nutters Club, a radio show
about mental health broadcast weekly on Newstalalk ZB. Each week
we talk with people about their mental health experiences in
the hope that it might help you with your own.
The show is broadcast live on Sunday nights on News
(00:43):
Talk said B right across New Zealand and around the world.
On this week's show, we were joined by Cam Madison.
Cam grew up in y He and in many ways
it was a picture perfect beach.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Front Kiwi upbringing.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
However, when Can began to experience severe anxiety attacks, he
knew something had to change. This began a journey of
growth that ultimately saw Cam lose good mates along the way.
Now he wants to give back to his community and
support others in the same way he was. Let us
know what you think as well as what you learn
(01:20):
from our chat with Cam on any of our social
media platforms. Just search for the Nutters Club en zed
Come join. Over one hundred and forty one thousand fellow
nutters get into this week's episode hailing all the way
from Why He Why He Beach. In fact, I think
he was spending most of the day yesterday surfing at
(01:40):
said Beach. His name's Cam Madson. He's here in the
studio with us tonight, Cam good evening.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Good on my boat. Thanks for inviting me into the
studio tonight.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Yeah, it does wonderful to have you here, so, you know,
because we'd like to do kick things off.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Tell us a little bit about yourself. Where are you born?
Speaker 2 (01:55):
When'd you grow up?
Speaker 4 (01:57):
So?
Speaker 5 (01:57):
I was born in Thames actually, but spent most of
my days up Whyhee Beach. Yeah, just live in the
small community life bo but a footy but a bit
of surfer and bit of music.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Yeah. So you went to school around there?
Speaker 5 (02:14):
Yeah, but yeah, yeah, yeah, spent pretty much most of
my life around Why He Why He Beat A love
that place. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
So tell tell us a little bit about your family then,
your mum, dad, brothers, sisters.
Speaker 5 (02:23):
Yeah, so Dad, well, yeah, he actually grew up and
Why He too, and my mom she's from Ways but yeah,
pretty much all my years just grow up around Why
He had two brothers all played rugby with each other,
and yeah, good type group of mates from there.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
The boys tell me about growing up and why he
Beach because I mean it sounds pretty idyllic, right, I
mean it's an amazing spot.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Oh it's mean by. I absolutely love why he beat a.
Speaker 5 (02:53):
It's yeah, it's enough for me to decide that, you know,
I want to raise my kids there. It's a small community.
Everyone kind of knows everyone, which is can be a
good thing, can be a bad thing. But in my case,
I quite like it.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Ah, and you've got you got family yourself. You know,
you've got some young ones there.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (03:12):
So I've got an eight month old daughter, Jianna jian
Ocean's your middle name named there after the.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Mona and yeah, Ronnie Meyer.
Speaker 5 (03:20):
She is six years old and she goes to uh,
just a small school there and Way Beach a just
walking distance from home.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
So I get to walk through the school most days
and my days off.
Speaker 5 (03:31):
And yeah, my wife will be made for Oh, stitch
myself up therena.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
I think maybe about eight years sounds good, It sounds good. Yeah, Okay,
let me just walk you back a week.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
But you know you're talking about your growing up in
way He and you and the boys said, you got
some got some pretty close mates there.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (03:54):
Most of the mates that I hang out with now
are stoolmates that I've had since I've been like ten
years old. You know, a few of them have moved away,
but they always tend to come home when it's time
to have kids or you know, settled down. Yes, I
still see quite a lot of my college mates. They
still stand good contact with them. And yeah, still still
getting out and either doing a little bit of fishing
(04:16):
or surfing in the water with them.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
So when you finished school with why were you at
why He High? Why He College College?
Speaker 6 (04:23):
Ye?
Speaker 5 (04:24):
So their intermediate and their college is essentially one from
I think it's like what year seven to year thirteen?
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Yeah, so same school throughout year seven and thirteen. And
so when you finished school, what was the dream? What
do you want to do?
Speaker 5 (04:40):
When I finished school, what do I want to do?
And I can't even really remember a I think I
just wanted to work on super yots. I wanted to
study personal training, become a personal trainer, and work on superiots.
And then I did the training to become a personal trainer,
(05:02):
and then yeah, I don't know, I think just changed
over the years. They wanted to do different things still
for too long. I'd do one job for a year
and then I'd be like, Nah, this isn't for me.
And then I'd do another job for a year and
I'll be like, nah, this isn't me. And yeah, it
took quite a few years for me to find out
what I want to do career wise.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
I guess, yeah, what what were some of the jobs
that you were doing when when you're doing something for
a year and then moving on.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
So I used to work and.
Speaker 5 (05:29):
For the why he mine, you know, just I worked
underground for a little bit, and then I worked in
the open for a bit, and then I worked out
on the development site. I was pretty crack up with
my brother operating dozes and driving big tongue toy dump drugs.
That was pretty cool. And then I'd go to al
Cooney in the snow seasons, so I'd do six months
(05:49):
at the mountain and then six months kind of beach
snow life for a few years, and then other than that,
just like floating around and yeah, and.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
So did you did you actually did you move away
from way he for a while.
Speaker 5 (06:03):
Yeah, so when I was I don't know, probably like
twenty one, moved to but then moved back to Waihii
and just did the six months on with the snow
and the beach for a few years, and then ended
up in pub More living with my brother.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
It was pretty sweet. Stayed there for a few years,
and then I used to work away.
Speaker 5 (06:26):
I used to work on logging vessels for a company
out of Jinea, out of Tonang and Port and yeah,
pretty much just fumigate logs that get exported out of
the country, mostly to China, but sometimes like South Korea
and Japan. That was that was pretty cool, Like twenty
one days crossing the Pacific Ocean as Yeah, there's a
(06:49):
lot of wool water to look at.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
A so you were on the boats when they were
actually doing the twenty one days.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (06:55):
Yeah, So I would normally take about twenty one days
to go from New Zealand to you know, kind of
the South China Sea and then maybe like a few
days at port and then stay in the country for
maybe a night or two, have a little bit of
a look around, and then yeah, come home. So yeah,
it was that was probably my most that's probably my
(07:16):
funnest job. I reckon just going out on the water
just by myself and there's pretty much just a crew
of like mostly Chinese or.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Japanese or Chinese people, and.
Speaker 5 (07:27):
Yeah, there's a good chance to get like a immerse
myself and culture without actually doing any traveling.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
You know, did you pick.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Any language up learning words from the from the guys
that you're working with.
Speaker 5 (07:38):
Oh, I learned about a couple couple of knee hows,
but that's about our Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
They taught me a few dirty words and I don't
want to say but yeah, no, nothing, nothing too much
a but I did like to, yeah, just for them
to teach me, just the simple stuff like please, thank you,
can of a day, you know, stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
But meanwhile, while are you doing all this, because you know,
it sounds to me like you had you had a
pretty busy work life. You know, you've you've got off
your ass, You've gone and found jobs and done well
and done all this different stuff. But at the same time,
you know, it wasn't the same for all of your friends,
right there was sometimes there was other challenges going on
for some of the boys back and why.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
He Yeah, well, I guess all of my other mates
like came to the.
Speaker 5 (08:27):
Accepted that, like, you know, why he life and becoming
a builder and getting their trade was just kind of
all good with them, you know, and they they've done
owt like in pretty good positions where they've got houses
and on their own businesses and stuff. But like, it
just it just took me like quite a few years
to accept that, you know, maybe I'll just be a builder.
(08:48):
I guess I had like more aspirations or big dreams
and stuff and then yeah, yeah, so yeah, all my
mates are like pretty clued up on you know, the
trades where it be plumbing, building, all that kind of stuff,
which later on in life I actually came to the
terms of like, oh, maybe I just do need to
(09:10):
get my trade, So I ended up getting that later
on in life.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
A yeah, but then there was a few of your
mates who regrettably haven't made it to be their own bosses,
so they haven't had that sort of success that you're
talking about.
Speaker 5 (09:25):
Oh yeah, one hundred percent. Look like it sucks to
be in a situation where I've seen firsthand, like a
couple of my mates that yeah, you're right, aren't here anymore.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Went down. I guess I guess similar.
Speaker 5 (09:41):
Paths, you know, because we all spent a lot of
time with each other. But I guess some people on
their head more than others ay, and some people make
it out and and get help or you know, do
things to I guess shut down those voices that are
telling them in more these you know, not good things,
(10:01):
you know it. I was in that situation before where
I was just like, oh, man, what's the point in life?
Speaker 3 (10:05):
And like, I got no direction where my.
Speaker 5 (10:10):
But man, like my mates kind of pulled me out
of it, and then I was able to just like
kind of focus more on the music and the surfing.
Where the you know, I got other mates that weren't
fortunate enough to maybe have that support or maybe they
didn't feel like they had that support and aren't with
us today, you know, which which sucks, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
But in all of the I guess the challenges of
growing up and trying to sort of find your way.
You know, you were saying that you had some times
where you found it quite tough, and so I'm just
sort of interested to know what was going on with
you to have created that situation. Give us a bit
of insight to that.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Yeah, so I guess I know.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
I guess everyone has their their rock bottom. I definitely
have my rock bottom. I can't remember what year it was.
I think it was like around like twenty fifteen or something.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
I was doing.
Speaker 5 (10:59):
I was doing a lot of drinking and doing a
lot of smoking, you know, living the kind of good
life for what I thought was the good life. You know,
it was all fun, and then I just kind of
myself just drown on myself and alcohol and you know,
and cigarettes and all that kind of stuff, and that
(11:19):
was it helped me, you know, it made me feel
good temporarily, and I guess I was just oh no,
back then, maybe I was keen to like talk to
people about my feelings and stuff, but like also didn't
kind of want to burden anyone as well, and just
trying to I guess just accept to myself that I
(11:43):
wasn't okay because I used to just try to fight it.
You know, I'll be like, not like you're not said,
you know, like you're not upset, Like if you think
those feelings then or if you accept those feelings, that
it means it's got me, you know, like it doesn't
have me, you know, and just like this constant battle
than myself like no, I'm.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
Sweet, I'm sweet, when really I wasn't.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
And then yeah, I guess it came to a stage
where my mates actually had to drive down and see me,
and you know, I was They heard, I guess stories
about you know, me drinking and you know a lot,
and they actually drove down to Alconi and I ended
up having like I started having like panic attacks, like
anxiety attacks, and I just didn't actually know what that was.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
I seen it on movies, but I thought it was
just a bit of a made up Can.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
You explain to us, like what did that feel like
for you? What did a panic attack feel like?
Speaker 5 (12:36):
Well, when the first one came on, like the first
time I experienced it, I honestly just did not know.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
What it was. But I was like real short of breath, and.
Speaker 5 (12:46):
I remember one of my mates saying like, what's up,
and I was just like I just don't know.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
I just, you know, on panicking. I couldn't control my breathing.
Speaker 5 (12:55):
Fortunately enough that person had actually had them before and was.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Like, oh, it's all good, You're just having a bit
of a panic attack. Just breathe through it.
Speaker 5 (13:04):
And I was just like, oh, yees sweet, just you know,
controlled my breathing and stuff and was a come out
of it. But once I had that first one, it
was almost like they just like kept coming, you know,
these feelings of anxiety, and yeah, it was pretty hard
to Yeah, it's pretty hard to shake there for a bit.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Was there any s one thing that was kicking them
off for you? Was it?
Speaker 2 (13:25):
You know, it was a thought or a situation or
anything specific.
Speaker 5 (13:32):
Nah, I just kind of feel like I was just
like lost in alcohol and my mind was just so bleary.
I just don't even think I was that intuitive enough
at the time to actually realize what was triggering. I
didn't even know of the word triggering until like years later,
you know, when you've got these things that like trigger
your anxiety or trigger to your feelings. I didn't know
(13:54):
any of that. Like my knowledge of like anxiety, mental health,
panic attacks, what to do and how to control your breathing.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
I just didn't have any education about that at all,
you know.
Speaker 5 (14:06):
And while I was only like, well, I must have
been like kind of twenty three years old, but like
I kind of thought that might have been old enough
to just have some sort of idea about how to
control it and what it was. But like it was
like I was experiencing that for the first time and
I didn't actually know what it was either.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (14:27):
So that was where my mates came down and they're like, oh, look,
we're going to take you back to WAYI, and I
was just like no, no, no, I'm sweet because I
got to a stage where I finally reached out to
one of my mates and I was just like, oh, look, Bro,
any chance you could come down and see me? And
he just knew straight away. He was just like, oh,
that's just a bit of a weird thing for Ken
(14:49):
to just kind of say. Normally, I'd be like, oh, Bro,
like kena come down for a snowboard or keen to
come down and.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Get on it, or you know.
Speaker 5 (14:56):
My conversation was very much like that, like you know,
do all the fun stuff. And then he rings me
up straight away and he's just like, bro, oh come
down right now, And I was just like WHOA, Like
it was good to be able to hear him ring
me in that time where like he just knew, like
I'm not I wouldn't just drop everything and come down
(15:19):
and go snowboarding with you. But more to the point
what he is saying as it's like, bo I'll drop
everything now and come down and get.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
You because I'm worried about you.
Speaker 5 (15:30):
It's not because I want to go down snowboarding anything,
And that meant heaps to me.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
At that time.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
I was just like, Oh, someone actually would drop everything
and drive four hours to come and get me.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
Like somebody cares. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (15:47):
It made me feel like, oh, someone cares because like
when the voice of my head was just like constantly like, ah,
no one, no one really cares about you, which is
just the biggest lie. Like I got brought up with
like loving parents, my parents are still together, my father
I was like very tight, got good relationships with all
my brothers in real close to all my friends.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
But still that voice in my head.
Speaker 5 (16:10):
Was loud enough to forget all about that stuff, you know,
and so I was just like, oh, well, kind of
brought me into reality. It was just like, oh, someone actually, kids,
someone's willing to, you know, jump in the car four
hours on a freaking Sunday night or whenever it was
to come see me. I was just like men And
then after that message, I was just like, oh, oh,
(16:32):
that's a bit of a time to boom bro like,
oh good, like it made me feel good temporarily, I
was just like sweet. Just knowing that that businon was
there made me feel better, you know, So just on
that as well. Man, Like, if you've got if you
feel like this thing inside you that is saying like, oh,
text your mate, you know, like I don't know why,
(16:52):
but I feel like I should teach someone, just go
with that fairly name because so much of the time
I'll text someone that will be on my mind and
and then I'll find out, oh no it was it
was just nothing, you know, like and hear who I
am thinking, like, oh, I thought I would have text
you because you would have been like at a real down,
(17:14):
bad moment or saying my text would have brought you back.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
But like, sometimes it is just a message.
Speaker 5 (17:18):
But other times, you know, on the very occasion, maybe
it just might be the difference between you know, someone you.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Know, like you actually pulling them out of a rut.
Speaker 5 (17:27):
And you know, so if you've even got those urges
to just give someone a text Spontaney out of the
bluett flipping three o'clock in the morning, just do it,
you know, because yeah, kind of work.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
When I was on the receiving end psychotherapist Carl McDonald,
I just want to bring you in here for a moment.
So you know, Cam was just talking there about having
the panic attacks, and you know, being we were sort
of trying to figure out what was the trigger, like
how did that happen? And when you've Cam has made
it really clear, you know, came from really loving, caring,
stable family, no sort of trauma in the background or
(18:01):
author any of the experiences. So where did these panic
attacks that he's talking about? How does that manifest?
Speaker 7 (18:07):
Yeah, it's quite funny. Not funny, ha ha, because we
actually talked about panic attacks for pretty much the whole
show last time we did. And I guess one of
the things that happens is if we treat ourselves like
rubbish over an extended period of time, you know, drinking, smoking,
not taking time to take care of ourselves, it's not
that unusual for people to end up in anxiety because
it's kind of like the alarm system for our brain
(18:27):
and body. Right, we all need to actually have that
quiet downtime, sober time where we can think and reflect
and process. And if we don't get that balance right,
it's you know, we hit a wall. Some people talk
about it as burnout when we do it professionally, but
I think if we do it recreationally, if I could
put it that way, you know, with alcohol and drugs
and just and just go, go go all the time,
(18:49):
at some point we hit a wall. And for some
people that walls panic attacks.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
So you know, it's about having actually having those moments
of clarity that you know that the brain actually needs
then outside of having any substances, and then.
Speaker 7 (19:03):
Hopefully and I suspect we're going to hear about this
in the next section, listening to that and actually aiding
to do something different, making some changes.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
So caim.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
You know, your mate came down to see you and
then you know you ended up having a chat. But
what happened from there? I mean one chat doesn't change,
doesn't change complete you know years of different behavior, right,
So so what did change look like for you?
Speaker 3 (19:27):
Well?
Speaker 5 (19:29):
Yeah, when yeah, going from that moment, Like I guess
part of it is just like massive like thanks to
like the boys, they know who they were, there was
a car load of the amount of the time. So
I'll be either forever thankful that I've got like good mates.
So they pretty much just like forced me. They they
quit my job, and they just like pretty much they're like, oh,
but we're going snowboarding today. And then came down off
(19:52):
the mountain and they're like, oh, but we go back home.
And I was just like we're on about and they're like, no,
we're taking you home. That's why we came down here, bro,
And I was just like, oh, what's a couple of
weeks in the snow lay. Yeah, So they took me back.
So that was a bit of a non negotiable way.
So cheers boys for like, you know, I'm a job
and but like I'll be forever grateful for it. And
then I moved up to pop More and yeah, I know,
(20:14):
I've got another real close mate that I happened to be.
He was just like I'm moving with my brother and
my mate, so I was like, oh, yea's sweet.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
And then I don't know.
Speaker 5 (20:26):
I guess just living close to the beach and close
to the water kind of got me a little bit
more focused than the present as well with the surfing,
you know, surfing and snowboarding, like you can you can
drink and you can smoke and go snowboarding.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
And all these things.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
But when you're at the beach and you're surfing, like
it's just about the surfing, you know, so like naturally,
the you know, the recreational naughtiness just kind of sided
to subside a little bit, and I was just, yeah,
I guess more focused on like getting some on my skin,
and when it's sunny, I felt like exercising more.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
And when I exercised more, I felt like eating better.
Speaker 5 (21:02):
And then you know, I was living by the beach
on surfing every day, so just doing that a lot,
just like forming better daily habits from the moment that
I wake up was just a massive game changer for me.
And yeah, I still was like losing direction in life
and still didn't really know what I wanted to do,
but at least in the process of hitting rock bottom
(21:25):
to where I was at, like you know, a few
months after closer to New Years, when I was living
at the beach, I was just starting to form.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Good habits, you know, for my body and you know,
all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
And when did you when did you kind of get
the feeling that perhaps you'd turned a corner with it,
you know, when when did you end up perhaps of
having this moment at all for yourself, Na.
Speaker 5 (21:47):
Not until years later actually, A yeah, So I was
just like, sweet, you know how you're doing your you
hit your rock bottom and then you know, you do
a one eighty and then you start feeling good and
living this new life and forming good habits and exercising
da da da da da. But then you know, like
a year later, I kind of found myself not back
to the same point of and stuff. But I guess
(22:09):
the hype of the one eighty kind of wore off
a little bit. Yeah, and I was like, oh, sweet,
well now this is just kind of the new normal.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
And then yeah, once again.
Speaker 5 (22:20):
Just like had new stresses in my life, which was
just like working for like you know, like working like
Monday to Saturday, you know, and just like having financial
stresses and all.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
That kind of stuff. So my hot, my.
Speaker 5 (22:33):
I guess turning point was yep, leaving Alcuni and going
back to pop more. But the other one was I
guess when I had this idea to do this pedal
for mental health, which was you know, probably.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Going back like a year and a half ago or something.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
So came I want to be really clear here, you know,
when you say that you lost some mates along the way,
you know we're talking about you lost your friends to suicide. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
creep And it's a horrific and sadly all too common
experience for people in New Zealand and when we go
through this. But can you give us a little bit
of insight into what was going on with some of
(23:14):
your mates when you know you lost them? What what
was some of the issues that they were having. I
think it's more or less the same ones that I
was going through. A just like drugs and you know,
not really knowing how to.
Speaker 5 (23:28):
We're you know, we're all just like kind of indulging
together and don't get me wrong, you know we're out,
you know, sturffing and you know, doing all that kind
of stuff as well. But yeah, I think sometime they're
drinking just takes well, took control of me.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
And I think maybe it was.
Speaker 5 (23:47):
You know, my you know, other other people that I
know probably got a little bit too.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
Caught up in it as well.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Yeah, so so you know, over compensating with sort of
you know, the mind altering stuff to try and sort
the problems or quiet in those voices.
Speaker 5 (24:01):
Oh yeah, Like it's like if you're you know, if
you're having a bad day, having a drink is awesome.
Speaker 3 (24:08):
You know, I don't think it.
Speaker 5 (24:09):
I don't think anyone would disagree with Like it makes
you feel good, right, but like it's the repercussions after
that feel good is the comdown and then that's just
the vicious cycle of having to continue on.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
You know.
Speaker 5 (24:22):
I now I've got to drink again because I feel
like crap yesterday and then you know, so it's just
like trying to break yourself out of that cycle as Yeah, yeah,
it's hard.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
What was it like for you when you heard that
you'd lost your friends or you know, to suicide.
Speaker 5 (24:39):
It was, yeah, it was. It was like pretty hard,
Like for sure, I was. I was quite young at
the time, and I accepted it pretty fast.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Like how young is young? Cam?
Speaker 5 (24:54):
Oh, I think we're like twenty twenty one. I think, yeah,
about twenty one, And yeah, I just didn't never really
sperienced it kind of before, and we well, I say,
we're a lot.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
I'm just talking to the one behalf.
Speaker 5 (25:15):
Of myself because my mates and my mates and I
don't want to say and tell their story, but like I, yeah,
definitely fell victim to just kind of doing the same thing,
you know. But then when it came to a point
in my life where where I was kind of having,
you know, suicidal thoughts, I would kind of think about
people that I knew that had you know, not been
(25:39):
here anymore, and I'll be like, wow, how can I
be so sad at that yet be thinking that I
want to go down that road as well? So I'm like,
either you know those tears that you had at the
Brows Tanguy were fake or you know they weren't, and
and like I don't want to be going down that
road as well, you know. So it was kind of
(26:01):
this this the sped on my side of my head
where I was like, oh man, I kind of want
to thinking about, you know, ending it because I didn't
see another way. But my bo did that and like
I'm God that he's not here, so like and I'm
obviously someone's bro. So yeah, kind of rounded me a
little bit, not really known what, you know, how to
navigate that.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Yeah, so it's the voice of self doubt just to
you know, go and raging upstairs.
Speaker 5 (26:25):
Then huh, yeah, I don't know if it's yeah, I
feel like it's just more just yeah, maybe just.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Like lost day. I just felt lost, man, and I
was just like, man, what am I? What am I
up to?
Speaker 5 (26:40):
Like I meant I meant for more than this, you know,
I always thought I was meant for more, you know, something.
Speaker 3 (26:45):
Bigger, something bigger.
Speaker 5 (26:46):
And then over the last few years, I've kind of
come to realize like, maybe, you know, maybe maybe doing big, ambitious,
great things could just look like being just like the
man that being a debt, you know, being a good
air his husband, being a good airs father, you know,
who cares about trying to change the world and do
all these kind of you know, that's what I was
(27:09):
telling thinking in my mind, you know, I'm going to
be like big and not so much famous, but like
you know, I've got a heart for people and a
heart to just like change the world, you know.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
And then, yeah, can you get.
Speaker 5 (27:19):
A point where as to say, oh, maybe I just
need to be the man at being a dad and
the man at being a husband.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
So that's what I'm trying to do now.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
And you've got to change your world first day, right
before you can change others.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, one hundred percent, You're exactly right.
Speaker 5 (27:32):
So yeah, it's first, it's yeah, I guess it starts
off of myself first, looking after myself. And if I
look after myself and like do my exercise and just
like form good habits, then then I obviously become a
bet dad and a better husband, you know. But like
I do, you know, try to prioritize looking after me first.
(27:55):
And it sounds like a selfish thing, and maybe it is.
But man like when I go out for a surf
or I've write a little bit of music, or I
have a bit of downtime, when I come back to
being a dad and a husband, I'm just way better
at it.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
You know, you don't and milk it too.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Hard, but you know you're moving through these stages, right,
So you identified God look after myself, which is its key,
right con ye.
Speaker 3 (28:17):
And it's about that balance.
Speaker 7 (28:18):
Like I heard your joke about don't want to milk
it too hard, but all things in balance, right, Like
you say, you do a little bit of this, it
makes you better at that. You've got to get all
the bits right.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then you build on it.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Now now you've got you know, you've got your you're
eighteen month old, you've got you got your partner, you know,
So you guys are you've got your family going on, right?
Speaker 3 (28:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Yeah yeah, and now you want to do something for
your community.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 5 (28:41):
Well, I guess even just going like back a little
bit even before, like when I have a first like kid, Ronnie,
you know, she was I just kind of always had
love for like my friends and my father, and always
had love for my community. And I guess the thing
that I struggled with the most is like I wanted
to help and I wanted to give back, but I
(29:01):
didn't really know how, and like that frustrated me for
ages because I was just like, damn it, Like here's
this person that like wants to give and wants to
do these things for people, and I'm good to go.
I'm motivated and I'm ready to go. I just don't
know how to do it, you know. And I struggled
with that for ages. And then it wasn't until I
started going down like another you know, little half little
(29:24):
fake rabbit hole that my muscles was just like, oh,
maybe maybe we need to just kind of get out
of this town and just kind of focus on us,
you know, focus on our kid, and focus on our relationship.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
And I so wasn't keen she wanted to. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (29:37):
Anyway, we moved out of town for a few years,
and like admittedly I resented her for it.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
I was just like, nah, this isn't a good call
for us.
Speaker 5 (29:45):
But you know, we moved back down to Parmi for
a couple of years and it was just like no
distraction from the boys.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
There's no golf down there.
Speaker 5 (29:53):
It was just like go to Mahi, go to church
on Sunday, and it was just pretty much all fun though,
you know, and after two years are just like knuckling
down and just trying to be at more present dead
and form better habits and like going to church and
all that kind of stuff. I was just like, oh,
this is actually like pretty mean, and you know, I
stopped like doing, you know, some of the naughty stuff
(30:15):
that I was doing. And then I think I must
have seen that and was just like, oh, should we
go back to why He? And I was just like
pretty much in tears, like if we go back to
why He, then I come back to the party. Even
though I loved it down to Palm Springs, yeah know,
like I was just like yes, sweet, and then when
I came like I got a good mate down there.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
Jr. In one of my homies.
Speaker 5 (30:38):
He's our man, and he pretty much just got me
to help me see life for a different lens, you know,
and helped I guess, guide me and encouraged me to
just be like bo, try and walk this path because
I reckon if you do, you're you know, you're like
everything's kind of going to fall into place.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
And Y essentially got me to look at life for
like a different lens.
Speaker 5 (30:59):
And then when I moved back to why he, I
was just like, oh yeah, okay. I was just like
looking out the tall island at Wahi Beach and I
was just like that was my light bulb moment where
I was just like ball, I was like, I want
to pedal there.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
There's something in me that is just like I want
to pedal there.
Speaker 5 (31:18):
And I've spent the last two years, you know, just
like focusing on myself and being a bit of dad
and being a better husband. And I was just like, sweet,
now I know how to give back to my community.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
So you've got this idea now that you want to
do this pedal board out to the island and back,
You're gonna do it and in one one go, I mean,
give us, give us an idea because it's a it's
a big it's a big distance.
Speaker 5 (31:41):
Right, yeah, yeah, it's open ocean power. It's like thirty
k's like thereabouts. I'll probably end up peddling a little
bit more because I'll be probably doing a bit of
left right.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
If you know what I mean.
Speaker 5 (31:50):
Yeah, but yeah, I I was going to pedal there.
The plan is now to to pedal back because if
I pedal there, it's just a bit of a well,
now what you know, at least the five pedal back
we can have you know, three and and and you know,
gathering on the beach and like you know whoa ken
(32:12):
has made this cool?
Speaker 3 (32:13):
You know, like it will be someone to celebrate it with. Basically, yeah, so.
Speaker 5 (32:18):
But that's yeah, yeah, it's got It's the more I
the coaster gets to that date, the more I'm like, oh, well,
like this isn't just like a me thing.
Speaker 3 (32:27):
This requires a crew. This requires just like water safety,
e medic.
Speaker 5 (32:33):
Like the last thing I want to do is just
be known as the cowboy who went out in the
ocean and flip and put himself in danger and other
people at risk.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
So yeah, I just want to let people know that. Yeah,
as far as the.
Speaker 5 (32:49):
Water safety goes like, that's that's a good message to
to to you know, pass on in itself. You know,
if you're going out on the water, just like make
sure you inform the lifeguard and we're life jaggers and
do all that kind of stuff, you know, because yeah,
those those cose guards they go out and some pretty
hell of conditions A and I'd hate for them to
(33:10):
you know, come out and save me when I didn't
have like a nice safety plan in place.
Speaker 3 (33:14):
So yeah, well.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
That's the whole looking after yourself thinking again though, right,
it's actually that this is it and another guys.
Speaker 5 (33:22):
Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent, Yeah, yeah it is. Yeah,
we definitely got a good group and good team. But
they're all my mates, bro, my mates and my.
Speaker 3 (33:31):
Brothers you know.
Speaker 5 (33:32):
And then and and that's just the per Everyone in
that boat has just got a job and the people
that I grew up with and trust, and you know,
everything's just kind of seems to be falling into place
for the you know, for that for that pedal A.
So man, I'm super excited to just get in the
warm do it.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
So look cam, in terms of what you're hoping to
achieve with the you know with the paddle board. I mean,
it's it's it's always good when people come in and
they say, hey, you know, I want to do some
raise awareness for mental health, and I.
Speaker 3 (34:01):
Always go on, good on you. That's great.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
But the next question is and then what do you
want to do after that? And you've you've got an
idea about what you want to do in ye.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
Right, yeah? Yeah.
Speaker 5 (34:11):
So ultimately it's just to bring a weirdness to mental health,
as his wife decided to do this venture and as
well about well, i'se to just spend some time with
it in the water with the boys and just having
a good experience.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
For myself in the meantime as well.
Speaker 5 (34:25):
You know, like I'm doing this for four people, but
I'm also doing this for myself to just like set
myself a goal and achieve it and then you hopefully
go on to something next. So my idea of what
I want to do in the y Beach community is
just have I mean it's not a team of people.
I just want to do by myself, you know. And
(34:48):
all of it is just set up a little barbecue
down at like the local skate park or opposite the
y he Beach Pub. You know, on those nights where
people are having a few too many sippers and looking
for a place that just have a bit of a
corded or maybe have a water and a sausage down
the main end where like quite often you know, people
will get down there the surf and yeah, just have
(35:10):
a safe spot for people to come to and have
a yarn and hopefully by doing that putting myself out
in the community.
Speaker 3 (35:17):
Man, if someone's got like a had like a real.
Speaker 5 (35:19):
Bad day or real bad week, or I don't know,
they've just got the own dramas going on in their life,
they can just come and just like have a bit
of a yarn about it. Like I'm not ain't a
counselor I'm definitely not there to help them through flipping
trauma or trying to set them goals or anything like that.
All I'm doing is just purely like ears to listen,
(35:40):
you know, And I feel like in some cases that's
that's all you need, right like, just like someone to
kind of talk to.
Speaker 3 (35:47):
So if I can encourage that, then you know.
Speaker 5 (35:52):
I may not need to do anything more other than
just like here someone's talk to them, you know, talk
about their life and have a sausage and a bit
of a laugh and then that's it.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
You know, Well, look, you're a person who cares and
you want to be able to be that listening here
for people, and sometimes that is enough, right Cole, Yeah.
Speaker 7 (36:13):
It is, And I mean I think you know, making
that available is a great thing because, like you said,
you don't have to be a counselor you just to
be a human being and take the time to listen,
much like you actually talked about in the first hour
when what made the difference was not what your friend said,
but actually just taking the time to care.
Speaker 3 (36:34):
Got a text message here specifically for you. I'm going
to read it out. Congratul he met and am marbles.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
Well, no, it's someone I think that you may know,
and it just says congratulations Cam on the way you
have spoken tonight, you have clearly articulated a story that
will hopefully help many young men. When I taught to
you at why He College, I thought you'd do well
in life and you have shown that in spades. Or
(37:03):
is that paddles tonight on the show carhaf for your
paddle to to Hunah from missus Tanner.
Speaker 5 (37:13):
Oh, chip Man, I haven't heard of her and flipping years. Yeah, yeah,
and I do remember that she she taught probably a
couple of older brothers as well.
Speaker 3 (37:24):
A oh shot, miss, thanks for listening. That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
Another Texas came in just saying when is the Easter
week So we were looking at your windows April third.
Speaker 5 (37:35):
Right, Yes, our window, we're looking at April third of
the six, which is apparently Easter weekend.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
I just work off the dates.
Speaker 5 (37:43):
So yeah, hopefully throughout that duration, throughout that window we
can find I'm expecting it to take, you know, like
kind of eight ish hours, but it's so hard because
there's so many variables evolved. But yeah, hopefully over that
weekend we'll be able to find a good enough window
to complete that paddle safely.
Speaker 7 (38:00):
And there'll be heaps of people down at wait Here
Beach over Easter weekend too, I imagine.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (38:04):
Yeah, well, everything's like lining up pretty well with just
in terms of finding the crew, finding the boat, getting
a safety plan put in place. Everything just yes, slowly
is starting to perform itself and work itself out.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
So hopefully just praying for fine weather man. I don't
even call it training now, I just call it having fun.
Speaker 5 (38:26):
Like I'll go out for you know, I've done a
few long distance pedals, and long distance pedals like for
me is like, you know, kind of like ten K's.
Speaker 3 (38:35):
I'll just paddle up the coast because that's just the
safest way.
Speaker 5 (38:37):
To do it other than like going out and you know,
in the big blue and yes, I just go for
like a ten k pedal, or sometimes if I'm not
feeling it, man, I'll just go out and catch a
few waves on my stand up pedal ball day. Part
of the you know, the whole reason why I'm I'm
doing this is like, you know, I'm not trying to
see it a record, I'm not trying to do anything
(38:58):
like that. And like it's important for myself to to say,
don't lose sight of what you're doing in the mixt
of doing it, you know. And if I'm you know,
having struggling to find the time to go out and train,
and it's at the sacrifice of my daughters and my
wife where I work long hours and stuff, then sometimes
(39:21):
I have to honestly just prioritize the funo life over
over doing the pedalway. And then there's other days where
I'll go out and I'm like, oh, look, I should
be doing some lost long distance pedaling and training, but like,
you know, what I want to do is just go
out and enjoy having fun in the ocean.
Speaker 3 (39:39):
And you know, I have to.
Speaker 5 (39:41):
Tell myself that that quite often, Like bo, just just
go out and have fun. That's what that's about, you know,
It's about community coming together. It's it's about myself trying
to display that by you know, looking after myself. And
if I choose to go out for three hours surf,
you know over over flipping six hour paddle down the beach,
(40:02):
that I'm just going to choose the fun thing, honestly
pretty much if you time, mate.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Got another text here Alis from Tabitha. Thank you so
much for the text, says Hi, guys. Back in the eighties,
my first counselor told me you have the harshest self
critic of anyone I've ever met. My response was thank you.
I used to think, if I don't kick myself up
the bum, then who will. Fast forward thirty five years
(40:27):
when I realized I have ADHD. And one of the
greatest things about that is that I also realized I
needed to give myself a break and started to treat
myself with compassion and kindness. My inner critic still pipes
up sometimes, but my inner cheerleader is much louder.
Speaker 5 (40:45):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, Oh there's are awesome words. Ah,
that's yeah, definitely something that I've got to tell myself
as well as like it's sometimes just like the thinking
about it that's the worst party.
Speaker 7 (40:57):
But actually I think you were describing exactly how to
do it just before hammershred out the text when you
talked about saying sometimes I just need to go out
and have fun for three hours and have a nice
surf and joy myself rather than knowing what I should do,
which is do six hours on the pedal, but it
don't really feel like it. That's actually compassion in action.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
I think.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
You know it's interesting, right because you're you're talking about
this idea that you've got that you want to set up,
you know, around around your community. And I've got this
text from Patrick and he and he's actually pointed out
he goes, Guys, I have to say, it's very rare
to have friends like cam. In fact, it makes those
who don't have anyone, let alone those who will drop
anything for you, because it's a bit sad and I'm
(41:40):
thinking that that's kind of one of the reasons why
you want to do that, right is because for anyone
who doesn't have that obviously in their life, you want
to literally put the flag up and be like, you're.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
Heard, am I here? I am sweet as.
Speaker 5 (41:53):
Yeah, yeah, one hundred per cent in a big way,
a like although they're they're you know, because why he's
a small place.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
So I'm picking quite.
Speaker 5 (42:02):
A few other people that are that are going to
come to the ten stuff like that are going to
be people that I know as well.
Speaker 3 (42:06):
And everyone's welcome.
Speaker 6 (42:07):
You know.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
It's not so that's just had a bad day or anything.
Speaker 5 (42:10):
It's just anyone that kind of wants to come for
young But yeah, objectively that that would be you know,
if I you know, if I could get someone to
just open up a little bit, then you know, hopefully
it'll just make their their shoulders just a little bit lighter.
A then I need to work out how to off
let load that weight of my shoulders to someone else.
Speaker 2 (42:32):
Well, it's interesting you bring that up, because you know,
even Cole is a as a professional in your you know,
is your your day job as a psychotherapist, you still
go and have someone that you download with as well.
Speaker 3 (42:44):
Right, yeah, we're required to.
Speaker 7 (42:47):
In fact, all psychotherapists, clinical psychologists, and counselors are all
we're all required as part of our professional practice to
have what we call a supervisor. So I often joke
one of the bonuses of becoming a psychotherapist as it
means you're in therapy for life because at least every fortnight,
but most people do it every week. Got to get
(43:08):
and have a yarn with someone yourself, because that's just
what you need to keep yourself healthy when you when
you're talking to people.
Speaker 3 (43:14):
So yeah, yeah, one hundred percent.
Speaker 5 (43:16):
So i'd know how hopefully I can just find out
different ways to because you know it as that sayinga
like when you if fload your weight onto someone's shoulders,
it feels better. But now that weight is, you know,
on them, So yeah, hopefully I can find out ways
to I guess just manage you know that my cup
isn't getting too full by doing all these things, and
(43:36):
like that's the reason why I kind of would excuse
me like to do it by myself, is if I
need to have a bit of a break or like
call it quits or like oh man, it's getting too much.
I just want to get away from it for a
couple of months and just like reset. Without having a
team of people or anything like, I can quite eat.
I've got the freedom to be able to manage that
(43:57):
as well, which I think is is important.
Speaker 7 (44:00):
You know, I'll put this on on on the line now,
I reckon One of the things that will happen is
when you do this is it you'll actually have people
who will actually pop and especially if they know you
around the community, who will pop in and say, how
you doing? Are you all right?
Speaker 3 (44:14):
I'll be stoked to be able to hear it back
as well.
Speaker 5 (44:19):
Man, I would probably give them an air for Man'd.
Speaker 2 (44:23):
Be like, it's like, I don't know if Cam set
this up just to have people come and listen to
him as well.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
Yeah, well but it doesn't matter either way. If it works,
to keep doing it.
Speaker 5 (44:33):
Totally, I'll be down there crying at all these randoms
that are roll enough.
Speaker 3 (44:39):
I wouldn't mind the saucers myself.
Speaker 2 (44:42):
So look, you know you've got the You've got the
event on the Easter weekend, so you've you've just basically
got to keep an eye on the weather now, right, Camp.
Speaker 3 (44:50):
Yeah, yeah, I've got a weather man. He's actually my brother.
He's going to be skipper in the boat.
Speaker 5 (44:55):
And yeah, yeah, pretty much just waiting around for that
when it's still a couple of weeks out now, so
it's hard to tell exactly what's what the conditions are
going to be that weekend, but yeah, pretty much just
the boys just sitting the around waiting, preparing themselves with
safety equipment, with what we need, and me just yeah,
getting back in the water and trying to do a
(45:17):
little bit more training for it, and just getting my
health and myself in a and and a clear headspace
to just be able to take the song. But with
every message that you guys have shared last night and
all the support, man like that just makes you know,
that's where I draw my strength from, you know, and
that gives me a reason to do it even more
when I think about, you know, the Albi's and their
(45:38):
vans and the Moss Tannas and whoever like you rung
up tonight, ibmously, Oh yeah, that's awesome, and those of
the people that I'll be thinking about when I do
this pedal.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
Has anyone told you that they think it's a nuts idea?
And maybe you shouldn't do it.
Speaker 5 (45:52):
My mum hasn't, I was gonna say, and she would
probably be the one that would say that, yeah, yeah, okay.
So no, no one's really encouraged me to not do it.
I don't know if that makes them my friend or
my phone.
Speaker 7 (46:04):
I'm not too far, but maybe it says something else,
which is actually all the people that know you were
really really well, including your mum, actually know that you
can do it.
Speaker 4 (46:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (46:14):
Well, when I first mentioned it to them, you know,
it does you know, sound like a bit of a
crazy idea, you know, because I got Mom and Dad
pulled them aside, and I was just like, look, I'm
looking at that like so much differently now, and I
want to do this and I want to do that,
and I want to do this, and I'm going.
Speaker 3 (46:28):
To paddle the tour next year.
Speaker 5 (46:30):
Da da da da, And I think like it maybe
just went over the head a little bit, and then
until like a few months later, it's just like, no,
I'm actually putting this pen in places.
Speaker 3 (46:38):
We're going to do it safely, like I'm actually going
to do this thing man like. And it was what, I.
Speaker 5 (46:43):
Don't know, if it was a viol or something that
caught up earlier, like talking about a coin, and I'm
just like, that's what I feel like. This is, you know,
it's something that I feel drawn or pooled to do.
It's something that I almost like, it's almost like I
don't have a choice. It's just like, nah, I just
can't do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
I think in many ways, considering you know, how much
how much change and personal growth undercome, It's it's almost
like an expression of of how far you have come
and what you have been able to do for yourself, oh.
Speaker 5 (47:14):
Hunt of a sin and to be able to put
like all my energy and all my like when I
think about like my mates that aren't here today, right,
I think about the stresses that I have at work.
I think about my anxiety, Like I can collectively take
all of those feelings of like pain and anger and
you know, self doubt, and I can actually use that
(47:34):
energy and put into something to be able to make
it into something positive, you know.
Speaker 3 (47:40):
You know.
Speaker 5 (47:40):
So when I'm out doing that panel, I'm just like, yes, like, finally,
all this like negative stuff that I've got built up
for years, I can actually release it and put it
into you know, something to you know, help hopefully help
change people's lives. And if no one's life gets changed
(48:01):
from it, my life will be. So it's just you
know that, you know, it's just job. The job will
be done, you know.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
It's yeah, we're about to get another break. But you
won't know this because it's your radio. You you can't
see in the studio because there's no cameras in here.
Well not yet. I'm sure that will happen one day.
But anyway, Cam's actually brought his guitar or yeah, so
I'm wondering, I'm wondering, shall we shall we get him
(48:30):
to crack the guitar out after the ads?
Speaker 3 (48:32):
He seems surprised.
Speaker 7 (48:34):
Did you ambush him?
Speaker 2 (48:35):
Well, if he did, he wanted to bring the guitar.
If you if you didn't want to play it, you know.
Speaker 5 (48:38):
That's what what was more so like I didn't want
to play a song and not be prepared here.
Speaker 3 (48:44):
So I've read a little song I tried to write
for this.
Speaker 5 (48:47):
Night and then Science and this is the other day,
and she's just like it's a little bit average, and
I was just like, yeah, yeah, it's not that great,
So maybe I'll just flip out like another.
Speaker 3 (48:55):
Little trust me how bad could it be? What are
you going to play for us? Cam? I've got to
sing a song that I wrote about my brother.
Speaker 5 (49:11):
Yeah, I didn't actually really think about playing one specific song.
I thought I'd just like roll up with again and
just look the part. Nothing but yeah, I'll try to
give it.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
Let's go for it live from Erkland City tonight came
Ittson here on anothers club.
Speaker 3 (49:41):
Black or black is skinned blacker than me. Then he
laps around the sun.
Speaker 6 (49:46):
Now I kn't know where he's been throughmer He turned
out all right.
Speaker 4 (49:55):
He lass whiskey, needed every opportunity, but.
Speaker 6 (49:59):
Stays in control, never sold out to the devil.
Speaker 3 (50:06):
He's a man god, he's my brother.
Speaker 8 (50:14):
And corrupt time the burden, mad love to a lot
of lis.
Speaker 6 (50:25):
Oh yeah, well I guess I got mine and you
got yours.
Speaker 4 (50:38):
Why don't wipe my skin? A little white in the
hen had a couple of les.
Speaker 3 (50:42):
Slaps around the sun.
Speaker 4 (50:43):
Now started off for three. We headed off with mare.
Speaker 3 (50:48):
We lost one along the way.
Speaker 6 (50:52):
A little bit of drinking now, a little bit of
smoking now gets a little heart to pick up the Bible.
Pain changed to us. Time healed us. He's a man,
a god, He's my brother and corrupt time to burn
(51:19):
been love to a lot of lovers. Oh again, Well,
I guess I got mine and you are yours.
Speaker 4 (51:34):
Pain breed selfishness.
Speaker 9 (51:40):
I don't need your hands on my my hands up tie,
my hands are burnt from Holley Stoves, pain creed selfishness.
I don't need your hands on my my hands upside,
my hands are burnt.
Speaker 4 (52:00):
From Holley Stoves.
Speaker 6 (52:05):
Well, I guess I got mind you.
Speaker 3 (52:18):
Yes, fantastic.
Speaker 5 (52:22):
I look if it was lyrically appropriate, but that was
a song that I made up for my brother and
I got love for my father.
Speaker 3 (52:30):
Look, I felt it was perfect.
Speaker 2 (52:32):
Absolutely at this time of night, I couldn't have asked
for anything better.
Speaker 3 (52:36):
Brilliant you.
Speaker 2 (52:40):
Well that's it for this episode of The Nutters Club,
thanks to out very musically talented guest, Cam Medicine, and
of course psychotherapist Carl McDonald. If you like what you
heard and think it might help someone out there, then
please share this episode on your own channels or with
family and friends. And if you ever want to be
part of the show, well give us a call or
(53:01):
a text when we broadcast live on News Talks. He'd
be eleven pm Sunday, nights New Zealand standard time. Check
out NEWSTALKSEB dot co dot nz for local frequencies or
a link to the live stream. A big thanks to
New Zealand on Air for their ongoing support and making
the show. Take care and always remember the world is
(53:23):
a better place with you in it. Life it isn't easy,
it is however worth it.
Speaker 1 (53:35):
For more from Newstalk st B, listen live on air
or online, and keep our shows with you wherever you
go with our podcasts on iHeartRadio.
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