April 4, 2026 • 41 mins
Our children are becoming increasingly involved in politics and current events, and they're getting involved younger and younger.
We want to support their interests, but the news can get pretty dark, and these kinds of events or protests always come with a risk of danger.
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News Talks edb.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
The thing that I've gone, Yes, welcome back.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
This is the Weekend Collective Hunt and Beverage, and we
want you to join us as always we do for
every hour, well sometimes not so much for the panel
because we've got a paneliston, but we want you to
call us for this hour eight hundred eighty text and
this is the parent Squad where we want to have
a chat about just kids and current affairs because you know, look,
(00:56):
some some children don't show any interest in it at all,
and yet others do. You know, the news comes on
and they become a little bit involved in perhaps political
current events. And also there is an encouragement within sometimes
our schools for children to get involved younger and younger,
and especially when it comes to protesting. And I've got
a bit of a beef about that myself. But you know,
(01:17):
we all watch the news of an evening, don't we,
when they you know, your children might also be tuning in.
But the news can get pretty dark, despite whatever warnings
are given beforehand, and some kind of some kinds of events, stories, protests,
you know, they all come with a risk of causing
a bit of stress or anxiety that we might be
(01:37):
able to well do without ourselves, let alone our children.
So at what points should we encourage our children to
be involved politically in things? And when where is the
line where it can become damaging for their mental health
or safety? I mean, you are a parent who's had
a child is like, oh, there's this protest going mum
or dad, and I want to go along to this,
And I mean my first question would usually be to
(01:59):
ask them if they know what they're even thinking about,
because I'm a bit cynical. But you know, you may
have you may have your children who've attended or wanted
to attend a process. You might have done it yourself
in your younger years. Should the young people today be
allowed to do the same? Anyway, We want to know
what you think. On eight hundred and eighty ten eighty
text nine two nine two Sarah chat one, it is
(02:21):
joining us. She's a psychologist mind works, and she's with
us right now for the parents quite on this Easter,
Hello and happy. You're looking at almost Easter bunnyish For
some reason.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
I'm not sure why I look Easter bunnyish.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Maybe it's because your hair looks like a couple of
big floppy But.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
I didn't expect that one, is it because I'm wearing
a little dark hood and I'm quite small, and.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Thought I saw you bringing in Easter gifts for my
producer Tire.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
There.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
I did have a little gift for Tyre. Sorry Tom,
you missed out.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
I thought she's brought eggs.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
I think, no, no, absolutely not. But actually, now thinking
about it, I probably should have bought the old hot
Cross like that.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Right, No, it's Saturday, you see, it's slightly no man,
you see, yes, Sunday. You know you can get right
into it with full noise Saturdays. But the old you know,
the shops are open sort.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
Of just well, there you go. You've got to wait
for tomorrow with the girls at home, and I won't
be here. I'll be eating my eggs by myself, very much.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
The question of the day not just about you know,
getting involved with the news, but in protests and movements
and things like that. I mean, is there an age
I have a bit of a I've got a bit
of a thing maybe that I get slightly not triggered.
But I think that when protests are organized through schools
(03:39):
or whatever, and kids get dragged along to something, and
I'm sort of I sort of think, no, unless you're
going to unless the children are going to be interested
in something off their own bat where they want to
get motivated. Fine, But I don't know. I tend to
think savior activism for when you head to university, when
you've left school. Am I being a bit of an old,
crusty old fart on this right?
Speaker 4 (03:59):
No? No, not really, that's your perspective. But I also
think of dragging children anywhere is not a good deal.
And I don't know what they're going to listen to
or to see or to be involved, and I'm not
sure what the point isn't doing that. I do think though,
that if children are asking questions, if they are inquisitive
(04:19):
about things areas politics, then parents can kind of open
that discussion forum up for them because it does seem
to be beneficial and in firstly building trust in that
parent child relationship and also you know, fostering critical thinking.
And a lot of kids start perhaps showing an inclination
(04:40):
in these areas around you know that ten to twelve, thirteen,
teenage years. So for some parents, you know, who have
a culture in their family of thinking, you know, in
and around these things. Perhaps their children watch the news
with them frequently or listen to the radio, perhaps it
is something that they might lean into. But I think
when I was looking over the research, there was a
(05:02):
clear indication that conversations should be developmentally appropriate. So I mean,
if you've got a five year old asking about, you know,
the situation with Trump, you've got to be careful, you know,
so developed stein Hello, yeah, yeah, so developmentally appropriate. So
parents just have to just be aware of the conversations
and the terminology and the words that they use.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
How much should parents and I mean parents influence their children,
because parents influence their children in every aspect because you're
their parent, and it's it seems inevitable that you're going
to influence your children with your political views. But part
of me wonders if that's the sort of one part
where you should leave the book a little bit more
(05:45):
open and not try and but how.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
Do you do that in a household? I mean, if
we're speaking, if we're speaking influence, parents are the primary
influences of their children. So if there is a household
that is, you know, politically switched on, how do you
hide your children ldren from that, if the conversation in
and around are used by mum and dad, or involving
(06:09):
mum and dad is geared towards politics, the kids aren't
going to miss out on that. And I understand what
you're saying. I think your approach would be just be
a little bit mindful as to what you allow your
children to hear and see and discuss.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Well, I think the other question is, at what point
do you actually have a discussion where you might point
out some disagreements in something that they've heard, you know,
and in other words, that's bordering on having an argument
with them. It's like, are such and such says x,
x's y or whatever, and you go, no, that's nonsense.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
I mean, well, again developmentally appropriate conversations, because you know,
the younger the child is, the less likely they are
to be able to make those or be discerning about
those conversations, you know, as the brain is growing and
formulating and crystallizing towards those latter teenage years. So that
(07:02):
concept of making conversations in an around most things, including politics,
developmentally appropriate is really cool.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Well, actually, it was actually wondering how how this is
a difficult one because and I'm not meaning to. I've
had a crack at various news bulletins and my time
just on the politics hour, but putting all that aside
when it comes to major stories, six o'clock news, six
o'clock is a time when everyone can be in front
of the TV. And I don't want to be puritanical,
(07:32):
you know, on the face of it, be puritanical and
say that the news is something you've got to be
careful your kids watching. But the news is something you've
got to be careful with your children watching, because there
are while the news might couch its language that it
avoids explicitly referring to some of the horrendous things that happened. Yes,
for instance, you know what's gone on with Epstein, and
(07:54):
when there's a report of an assault or an attack
of a sexual nature and things like that. And even
now I'm more aware that it's what it's quarter past
five in the afternoon, So I'm going to couch my
language carefully. Yes, but it's the six o'clock news, you know,
how should you are you right to sort of do
you need to sort of keep an eye on this
and sense of this for your kids, because we do
(08:16):
there are times when Epstein comes along, and if I
don't say that, my wife might say she'll just go
and I'll just go fast forward, fast forward, fast forward, fastward. Okay,
it's still going fast forward, fast forward. Okay, now we're
talking about Kiwis.
Speaker 4 (08:30):
Yeah, yeah, And look, I think that it's absolutely acceptable
for you guys within your family to do that, and
for parents to make decisions about what is acceptable, you know,
under the umbrella of their family culture, and to step
in in those moments when they think it is going
to be too explicit. And I suggest that that's probably
based on age and stage and the culture of the
(08:52):
family and the rules and regulations that you function with.
So yeah, absolutely, I'm not so sure that it's censorship.
Isn't it just careful cautious parents in it?
Speaker 3 (09:01):
It's an unfortunate word. I mean it is technically it's
a sort of censorship because you're controlling what you let
them see.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
But it's done in the best interests of your children,
and you know them better than any other people because
you're their parents. So I think that it is acceptable. Certainly.
You know, I wouldn't want children below the age of
twelve to be hearing much about Epstein, or to be honest,
there would be some parents who wouldn't like their children
(09:28):
up to the age of sixteen hearing about that kind
of stuff.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
It's funny because that stuff pops up on our news now,
but I know that my kids have had It's interesting
that I inform myself partly that one of my daughters,
through her history, has been learning about the racial segregation
of the South and the violence that happened against There's
some horrible incidents of racially driven violence, and I was
(09:54):
it's kind of surprised, not surprised. I was interested in
what she was learning about because it was really full
on their take on that was a case of a
lynching in the Southern States, and it included a photo
of the person after they've been fished out of the river,
and all this sort of stuff was heavy, heavy stuff
at fifteen. But then I reminded myself at fourteen, we
(10:16):
were studying Nazi Germany and I had I just told myself, actually,
you know, it's all right, But it is interesting that
journey you go through as a parent of going what
do I need to protect my kids from?
Speaker 4 (10:26):
Yes, you do, yeah, And I think as a good parent,
you're asking yourself those questions and formulating those kind of
thought processes in terms of what is acceptable and not acceptable,
what is to develop mentally acceptable, what do you think
will harm your children and what will they cope with?
Because as parents, we do know our children better than
(10:48):
anyone else. We're around them, hopefully, we love them, we
care for them, we provide for them, we're responsible and
our approach. So it's you know, it's a constant reformulating
and recalibrating what works and what doesn't in your family.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Yeah, did you go?
Speaker 3 (11:06):
I mean, so is there a particular age? I mean,
I mean, I've got the question here, what do I
need to protect my kids from at what age? And
see the teenage years, I've got a fairly I don't
like to talk too much about my girls, but you know,
I've got my youngsters. She's a smart you know, she's
a smart cookie, and she's quite a worldly sort of
(11:28):
smart cookie. And I almost don't feel I'm not sure
that there be anything in the news. I wouldn't let
her watch now because she's she I hear the way
she describes thing. So I've got to know my own child. Yes,
that's part of it. Absolutely whereas maybe with my older daughter,
you know, the older daughter is the other one is
growing up in the shadow of the older daughter and
(11:49):
gets dragged along a little bit. So they it always
feels to me. It feels to me like a youngster.
The youngest might be ready for certain content before the
elder one was, simply because that's the way it works
with kids. Did you find that with your kid?
Speaker 4 (12:01):
Yeah, I think so. I mean it's hard being the eldest,
isn't it. And psychologically they say that if you've got
a great eldest child, then there's a very positive trickle
down effect, which is nice. But I do think that
you're old, your eldest child goes through stuff first, and
the others are in that beautiful position of watching and
figuring it out before they have to go through it.
(12:24):
So it's quite a nice little spot.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
It's a bit like the analogy of how many photos
get taken to the first child versus second third definitely
got none.
Speaker 4 (12:33):
Of you, there's too many of you by that point. Yes,
So I do think that you know the rules and regulations.
There's no absolute line in concrete, it's it's a fuzzy
line as we parent, because things change, and times change,
and values you know change. You know, look at social media.
(12:54):
It has changed the landscape of a lot of stuff
for all of us, in good ways and in negative ways.
So I do think that, as you mentioned, there are
things that you would you know, you bring up two
children and your family. They're the product of the same
genetic pool and the same environment, but you treat them
differently with regard to information and a lot of things.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
Well, and I guess, but the environment is different for
the first one because the different the first one is
encountering experiences without the knowledge that another sibling has been.
It is, they're alone, and the second one has got
a bit of the slipstream of the first one which you.
Speaker 4 (13:33):
Can hide out of it and just as I mentioned,
figure things out before they get into trouble.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
What would be the signs that your kids are being
negatively affected by what they see? And let's stick with
news and current affairs.
Speaker 4 (13:47):
So the question that you asked just prior to this
one was, you know, are their ages and stages for
information sharing? Look, there's nothing hard and fast, but the
signs that you just mentioned for children who are perhaps
responding negatively for the input or for the information that
they're getting things like being withdrawn, being nervous, either really
(14:11):
wanting to watch this stuff and almost being super involved
and hyper involved with it all the other way, being
very withdrawn from it and scared by it. So it
might they might see it on TV, have a conversation
in the family, and then every time they see it
after that, they're walking out of the room or going,
oh no, I don't like this, or they're just disappearing.
(14:33):
So sometimes they can work it through with words, and
you can actually tell that they're not coping, or their
behaviors are suggestive that some of the content that they're
getting is quite negative.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Because there is another side to it as well that
I'm thinking of it. We'll take you. We'd love your
calls on this one hundred and eight, ten eighty. What
did you need to protect your kids from when it
came to the news and when were you able to
take care? You know, maybe you worrysome sort of attitude
and sort of park a little bit, let the kids
actually do yes, the news, eight hundred and eighty, ten eighty.
(15:07):
But the other side to it, Sarah, is I also
there becomes a point where I don't want my children
just living in the land of fairy tales and fiction
and believe in Harry Potter. I want them. Is there
an age where you sort of think, you know, you
do need to know that the world out there has
got some challenges? Or do you protect them from it
(15:27):
as long as possible?
Speaker 4 (15:29):
We like reality, tim on this show. We like reality now.
I think it's great for kids to know some of
the real stuff. I just think you need to keep
or be mindful of the age appropriate nature of the information.
I mean, a five year old learning about the Jeffrey
episoden and stuff. I mean, that's ridiculous and some content.
(15:53):
Do you really need to discuss with them if they
come to you with that conversation, Yeah, you're there for it.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
Well, that's the other question is how do you discuss
those difficult news stories with them when they hear about them?
To your faith? Say, what's that about? Dan i Waite
hundred eighty ten eighty. So we'd love to hear from
you about how do you protect your kids from from
the bad news stories of the day, or from seeing
that even just something is not innocuous. And I'll call
(16:19):
it innocuous because it's not life and death as innocuous
is the fact that fuel's got a bit short, and
people are worried about, you know, how are we going
to get to school and all these sorts of things.
If there's a problem, do you just you know, do
you actually address those questions with your kids? And how
do you do it? I wait one hundred eighty ten
eighty text nine nine to It's twenty three past five.
This is news Talk, said B. News Talk said B. Yes,
(16:40):
I'm with Sarah Chatwin. We're discussing the ages and stages
at which you can introduce your children to current events
and news and the way the world works and all
its good and bad ways. In fact, the simple question is,
you know, when should your kids know how the work,
about how the world works, and it's beauty and its ugliness,
(17:05):
and it's look, there's no sort of right. They've turned
fourteen and a half. It's time to tell them about no.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
Hard and fast age related rules for that kind of stuff. No, no, but.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
I mean somebody's texted here and says that, I well,
there's a couple here. One says that children should know
the basics of how an economy works. Economics should be
a compulsory part of a school curriculum. Actually, that's that's
almost a political text, because that's probably someone who thinks,
if you don't know how economics works, you just think
(17:36):
that the government whistles up money and gives it to
you when you need it. But I mean, that's that
is a political point.
Speaker 4 (17:42):
But in terms of children being dependents and for a
long time, they are the you know, the parents are
the architects of the of their children's destinies. So I'm
not sure that a three to five to seven year
old really needs to know about, you know, broad scale economics.
I agree though, that you know a little bit of
(18:03):
knowledge across the board, including areas related to economics in
a child friendly manner. Hey, that wouldn't be a bad idea.
I'm not an economics teacher, so I wouldn't know. I'm
your text and may well be who knows. But I mean,
if parents feel that their children are capable of understanding
you know, child like versions of that kind of stuff,
(18:24):
well that's lovely. You can spend some time, you know,
unpacking that if you think that that's acceptable under your
family umbrella, for your family culture and for your children.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
I've got a text here. This is I mean this
is it's sort of related to it, and I'm not
sure if how it makes what this text is saying
in terms of what's happening when, but I'll read it
to you it makes sense to you in a way.
My fifteen year old daughter is going to university in
maybe your Targo at the stage, so I'm I'm not
(18:55):
sure if she means she's going to it early, but
she's going to be going to a target.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
Well, fifteen's young to go to university.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
So I don't understand how that's working on As she's
saying she's going to go to Targo eventually, it says,
but I've really sheltered her from alcohol, drugs, and social media.
But I'm terrified she's going to get a culture shock,
especially at a Targo. Have I done the wrong thing?
Says mus Well, hang on, I would muzz a regular listener.
(19:21):
Do you mean she's going at the age of fifteen
or she's thinking of it in a couple of years time.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
The latter could be the thing. But here's the thing.
Even though a parent tries to hide or be cautious
in her approach to allowing her child to see social
media and all the rest of it. It is in
and around. So I mean her child would be exposed
through friends to a lesser degree, perhaps than most you know,
(19:48):
if this text, if that's what the text is.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
A slightly different question. I mean, how do you prepare
your child for going to university? I mean, was I
prepared to go to university?
Speaker 4 (19:57):
I don't think had you had conversations with your parents
about it.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
I've just seen my brothers drinking too much and throwing
up in the bushes.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
Nice, let's not go there. But I mean I think
that a lot of parents talk to their kids about,
you know, what university means. They probably don't go into
that detail, but hey, you know, I think that if
kids are making those choices about jobs, university, trades, whatever,
(20:23):
it's quite nice as appearance sit down and say, hey,
you know, what are your thoughts? How's this going to
look for your life?
Speaker 3 (20:30):
You know, all these questions are pointing towards really how
do you prepare your kids for growing up? Isn't it?
But it's a very broad question. I mean we've focused
on you know, when do you let your kids get
involved with the news. Yes, but there is a point
that obviously, if you shelter them too much then when
it's time for them to make the choice where they
(20:50):
can leave home, if you haven't, you know, you don't
want the realities of life to suddenly be this massive
shock to them. It's a gradual But do.
Speaker 4 (20:58):
You think that there are any children or fifteen year
olds out there unless they are living in a no,
a remotish location. I wasn't going to say that, but
you did. Do you think that there are going to
be many fifteen year olds who have lovely parents who
are a little bit cautious and have an awareness of
social media and alcohol and drugs because you know, who
(21:21):
really wants to push that on their children. Children are
still going to have a taste of the fact that
they know about social media. They are also going to
have heard stories from their peers. At fifteen, your peer
group is pretty important in your life and becomes even
more so so the peer group will have, you know,
(21:41):
there will be conversations about parties and about social media
and about you know, some parents let their kids drink
or prime them to drink by giving them alcohol in
the home and all the rest of it. There will
be other stories and bits and bobs. So I don't
think that I well, let's put it this way. I
think a lot of fifteen year olds, if they're not
(22:01):
necessarily engaging in these behaviors, and a lot are not,
they will have heard something about that side of life.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
I guess also, I like, for instance, if it's just
coming to preparing to get a university or something, I'm
dealing with whatever the booze culture is there. I think
that those that if you're having that conversation with your
kids at eighteen, you've left it a bit late. To me,
it's about having the conversations when they're thirteen, fourteen, fifteen
about peer pressure and where the you know, somebody's not
(22:30):
being very nice or something, does that really matter? You know,
you teach them those.
Speaker 4 (22:33):
Lessons well, absolutely, because during those teenage years that occur,
you know, those pre pubescent kind of ten eleven, twelve,
going into the teenage years, that is when kids need information.
They don't need to be obviously indulging in anything, but
they need to learn parameters and values and what matters
and what doesn't, and the rights that they have to
(22:54):
say no to things that perhaps their peer group are
encouraging them to do that isn't lawful or isn't right.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
Muzz has clarified No, no, she's not going now, she's
not going at seventeen, but she wants to go to
a Tigo And another text say, is definitely not her
Tag's daughter. I mean, how did I don't know how
I just chose what university I chose it? Anyway, Well, I.
Speaker 4 (23:18):
Think, I mean I do think Otago perhaps has that
has notoriety.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Around get away from home, going wild.
Speaker 4 (23:24):
Yeah. Yeah. And for people who are not near Otago a.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
Couple of texts here, quite a few. Actually, I was
never told how the world works, and I'm amazed at
things I find out every day. It baffles me how
people avoid accountability. That's from a seventeen year old. Well
it's early days yet, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (23:43):
Yeah, I mean, having lived seventeen years is not a lifetime.
And you know, some some families are not necessarily as
communicative as others. Perhaps there are relationships that are, you know,
a little bit strange, and perhaps that person hasn't asked
many questions, and you know, from here on in they can.
But sure there are people out there that maybe feel
(24:06):
that they haven't lived life whatever that looks like to them,
because living life means different things to different people.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
This is another text. It says this is wider than
just politics, which is how I began the framing of
the question. Children are involved in far too many conversations
at home, often divorces about other conversations around other adults.
Are the children their teacher? Far too often we involve
them in things beyond their maturity. You see, there's a
(24:35):
devil's advocate point of view that if issues of life
come up that enter the conversation and the family, there's
a part of me that thinks, you know, and I'm
about to disagree with myself there that I guess if
the child shows curiosity, is that the point where that
opens the door to talk.
Speaker 4 (24:55):
About Oh look, I think I'm not sure, because I
think you have to be very mindful of content. I
think that that texture is I would agree that in
a lot of scenarios and a lot of contexts and homes,
there is far too much information shared with children non
age appropriately. So I would suggest that that's probably right
(25:18):
if she's talking about issues like divorce. Obviously, I mean children,
it's it's a really tough time and they don't need
to know all the you know, the bits and pieces
that are included in that stuff.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Because one of the quess okay, if we are talking
about you know, your children immersing themselves in news and
learning about a bit more about how the world works,
what are the are there are they particular warning signs
or signs that would point towards them not being ready to,
you know, to hear everything that they are hearing.
Speaker 4 (25:48):
Well, I think as parents we can we can look
at our children and we can do a bit of
a cost benefit analysis in terms of what will resonate
positively for our children with regard to content and what won't.
We can also look at our children and you know,
and really think about the kind of people that they are.
(26:10):
I mean, you've described your two and they're quite different.
They're in the same home, but there are some similarities,
but there are different there are some differences. So most
parents will be able to identify what a child can
cope with. And even if they share a bit of
information and then that child can't cope with it, they know, Okay,
at this age and stage, there's a bit of a
(26:32):
boundary there that I won't cross again tried out, you know,
in a couple of years time or whatever. But I
think parents sometimes intuitively, sometimes by happenstance. Sometimes you know,
just as life, you know, ex itself out, they will
find out what the parameters are for their kids. And
(26:54):
I just always think having just just watching the content,
being mindful figuring out and I use the cost benefit
analysis term logical benefit analysis, you know, figuring out what
your child can cope with and what they will benefit
from as opposed to what will give them nightmares at
(27:14):
night or be quite negative in their world.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
The other thing is, it's funny I sometimes wonder about
when I'm watching the news, I'll offer I have something
to say about it to my wife or something. It's
usually when I see the senile dotatoo's in the White House.
But I was wondering, what's my rule of thumb now
with a thirteen or fifteen year old, I still if
there's someone in court charged with anything to do with
(27:39):
a well happy body harm or something well something and
also involving intimate and intimate acts of assault, I will
still whack through that, even though they might know what
it is. I just don't necessarily feel that we want
to hear about this happening all the time. And yet
then again there'll be parents who might be listening saying, well,
you they do have to be aware of, yes, you know,
(28:02):
the dangers of the world.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
Yeah. Absolutely. I also think that if perhaps you don't
get your finger to the button in time and to
fast forward it, you could say, gee, that's a really
horrible thing. I hope you know you guys, I weren't traumatized,
but that you can say it in whatever words you
want to say.
Speaker 3 (28:19):
I pretend that and I hope they haven't heard it.
Speaker 4 (28:21):
Yeah, but there's nothing wrong with also just saying, boy,
that's horrible. I'm sorry you guys had to hear that, don't.
We live in a crazy world. Sometimes it's just awful.
I mean, you can if something is henous and awful,
you can speak to the reality of that if but
also I think it's quite it's absolutely your right and
your choice for your girls not to hear that stuff.
(28:44):
If that's your decision.
Speaker 3 (28:45):
Here's a text here which I think is an interesting challenge,
and it's in what it's about. It says, I come
from a very violent country. Dad died when I was
ten years old, and after that my mum met a
man who was very abusive towards us. We struggled financially
as well. I have daughters now, and I don't hold
(29:05):
back about the world.
Speaker 4 (29:08):
Okay, so that is terrible to have grown up in
that kind of a situation. How hard that would have been,
and also how influential in terms of that person's perspective.
So I think if you have had an upbringing like that,
you can you know there are extreme ends of the continuum.
(29:30):
You could be very extreme in your protection of your
children so that they never have to know about or
to experience that. Or you could be extremely outspoken about
that kind of stuff so that your children know to
what to you know, avoid. But I think I would
perhaps take an interactionist approach because.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
There's a danger of passing your childhood trauma onto your chip.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
It's correct, Yeah, that's generational trauma. That Yeah, So I
would be very careful if I was somebody who had
had a backstory like that, not to allow it to
be my driver with regard to the material that I
shared with my kids. However, it would give that person
(30:12):
a really good understanding of what they would never want
their children to experience.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
You see, because I think, yes, you can understand why
someone would want to make sure their kids are prepared
for it, but I would also offer, and look, I'm
no parenting expert, and that's why I've got you here
to interject if I say the wrong thing, But I
would suggest that it's an idea to say, you grew
up with all this trauma and all this terrible stuff,
but you love your daughters and you're in a position
(30:39):
where you can shield them for that for a while,
and so they don't have to go through feeling that
the big bad wolves at the door of all the time.
And I think that is important.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
Yeah, that can be very scary, scary, and also you're
quite right about revisiting your trauma and then passing it forward,
paying it forward. That is something that most people would
never want for their children. But I do understand that
that texture was probably being mindful of.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Well, yes, I think they've texted this show because they're listening,
and I think they're looking to pass their opinion on.
But I would expect that when people also send something
through that they might also be looking for some feedback
on that. So deal with it what you will. I
guess it is. It's just gone twenty minutes to six
where with Sarah Chapwin, we'll be back in just to
(31:26):
my news talks. He'd b yes, news talk, said, be
with the Sarah Chapman, who's a psychologist at Mind Works.
We love having Sarah on the show for her words
of wisdom. We're going to dig into that text we
got before Sarah about the person who said, you know,
they went through a really tough time abuse. I grew
up in an abusive household. And he doesn't shield. He
wants his daughters to know exactly how the world is.
(31:46):
And I'm reading between the lines how bad it is, right,
and I think we should I don't want to leave
that question alone with that fleshing out a bit more
that how do you if you've gone through a traumatic
upbringing themselves, how you I don't think you want to
necessarily pass that on to your children to the extent
that it's it's not a it's not a weapon for
them to arm them. It's more like a club on them.
(32:09):
I think that was a bit dramatically pot.
Speaker 4 (32:11):
Begare I know? And it is just so terrible, isn't it?
When and we hear some of these stories in this
country of ours, where children have been treated so badly
by their caregivers, the guardians, their parents. They have been
you know, they've been failed by a system, they've been
failed by their families, and we hear about this far,
(32:32):
far too frequently. So I do empathize and sympathize with
that person who had such a you know, a terrible
story of abuse in his backstory. But now he has
the great gift of parenting children, his own children in
a completely different way. So whilst I think it, you know,
at a certain age, and that would be late teenage
(32:54):
years for them to know about some of the pitfalls
that exist, you know in this world. Yeah, I'm not
a great I'm not a believer at all, and letting
our own trauma and past trauma influence our present and
our future, so that means no paying it forward to
our kids. However, I think that anybody is within their
(33:19):
rights if their kids get to a certain age and
start asking questions about their mum and dad and what
their childhoods were like, then you know, you can tell
them how they were. But again it needs to be
developmentally and age appropriate, because telling a five year old
about familial abuse, telling a seven year old nine year old,
(33:40):
I mean, that's just not going to land well, and
that could be very frightening and very scary.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
Got a text here. I think children shouldn't be taught politics.
They should use the experience they have to see how
the world works. We see in the Middle East well,
and this is a point in a case in point.
We see in the Middle East, I would add in
my own words, and other cultures in the West as well.
But anyway, we see in the Middle East children taught
(34:07):
to hate when they're born, and this transitions with them
as they grow. That's a whole society problem actually really,
rather than parent to parent, because the religious indoctrination that
we see going on that one particular religion is the
devil and the others not.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
I mean, isn't it interesting that children don't They're not
born with hate, They're not really born with anything. They're
just born as sponges that look to their parents for guidance.
And isn't it a shame that some of the lessons
that they learn from their parents are to hate and
to discriminate and to dislike. And it's such a shame
(34:48):
that that happens, and it does so I guess that
shows how important your role as a parent is because
your child is looking directly at you.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
Yeah, and I guess look, none of this is really
going to change if a parent is a zealot of
a particular religious, religion or mindset, none of this conversation
is going to have any impact on them, because if
you're a zealot, you're convinced that you're right. And that's
the problem with these really locked in positions that we
see around the world, isn't it. No one who was
(35:18):
listening to be like, well, that's just nonsense. I know
that my way of viewing world and the supernatural or
whatever it is is the right one. And that's the problem,
is it. No one stops to go well, people do
stop all the time.
Speaker 4 (35:30):
Yeah, it's a very aspected mindset as opposed to as
opposed to a growth mindset. But yeah, that those religious
kind of situations. I mean, I'm a largely a political
kind of a beast, so I find that I find
it hard and I think it's it's Yeah, it's very
sad when children who just come into this world just
(35:52):
wanting to grow and learn learn hate, it's horrible.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
There's an interesting one here. Somebody said respect shown as
a learned and passed on you making comments is about
me being calling Trump a dotard? Might be your opinion
about Trump. Well, this is an interesting point, they're saying, Well, yeah,
but using that language in front of your kids is
diminishing the respect that should be shown to people on authority. Oh, anyway,
(36:18):
I somewhat agree.
Speaker 4 (36:20):
I somewhat agree, but I also think this is your show,
and we have opinions on this show. So but I do. Yeah.
I guess for me, when I talk about leaders, there
are a lot of world leaders that I don't necessarily
agree with. But I suspect that I keep my opinions
to myself. But as I said before, I'm largely apolitical,
(36:40):
so I don't focus on watching this stuff.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
It's an interesting one, isn't it. It says it disappoints me
greatly listening to eight and nine year olds calling Trump
and Luxe and well, I would put those two people
separately derogatory terms they've learned from their parents.
Speaker 4 (36:55):
No, No, that is true.
Speaker 3 (36:56):
I mean I actually will say politicians. I will say
in response to this texture that actually, if I'm discussing
Donald Trump in my own defense, I'm flippantly referring to
it here. But actually, my girls will ask me why
I hold a particular opinion, and I.
Speaker 4 (37:13):
Will discuss explain it with them.
Speaker 3 (37:15):
And that's the thing. If I was to say, oh, look,
he just as.
Speaker 4 (37:19):
Trust me, that's another thing altogether.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
There would be people who from a criminal point of
view might say someone is an evil such and such,
and they say why is that, Daddy, You say, well,
I'll explain it to you one day. But yes, it
depends on the subject matter.
Speaker 4 (37:32):
But also perhaps a more you know, egalitarian approach would
be to say, well, my view of X is this,
but go and you know, read around and see what
he's achieved and look at you know, what his life
is like. If they're at an age where they are
inquisitive about this stuff and they can handle some of
the stuff.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
And actually that's why I read that out, because actually
they know they're right to challenge me on that. But
you're right, I think if you are going to be
critical of someone, and I'm not going to wander around
my own house like it's some sort of monastery where
nobody can speak ill of anyone, but I think that
is that would be for me a rule that I
would have as a parent that if you are going
to express a negative opinion on someone, you need to
(38:11):
be able to explain why they.
Speaker 4 (38:12):
Are substantia exactly.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Obviously it's not the Spanish Inquisition, but as Mundy Python
would say, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition. We'll be
back in just a moment with Sarah Chatwin. That's good text.
That one good on you. It is nine minutes to
six News Talk z B News Talk zed B. We
began by discussing this hour This is the Parents Squad
with Sarah chap One about you know what sort of
news you share with your kids and what they shouldn't share.
(38:37):
But I just wanted to as a recap Sarah Sarah
chat One that I actually I quite enjoyed that text,
even though originally it came in as someone having a
crack at me. But I think that is a good point.
If you've got a hot take on something on the news,
and something that's critical of another person who's a figure,
then you absolutely should should explain why you feel that way,
(38:59):
because otherwise you can just see you abusing people like
oh he's a bit of a.
Speaker 4 (39:04):
Absolutely, and then you are not at risk of negatively
influencing your children, or of having anybody or even yourself
question the fact that you're being biased because you say, hey, listen,
this is where I stand on the issue. Go have
a read, see what you think. I actually don't want
to influence you. You make up your own mind. Those
(39:25):
are good things to throw out because people with differing
views can exist in a household together. Time.
Speaker 3 (39:31):
I reckon when a parent says I don't want to
influence your opinion, that they're probably fibbing, aren't they. They
work with you. I want you to make up your
own mind, just as long as you agree with everything
I say.
Speaker 4 (39:45):
Leave the last part of that out.
Speaker 3 (39:48):
That's the subtext at the end that gets unspoken, isn't
it anyway? So what are you up to for the
rest of Easter?
Speaker 4 (39:56):
I'm just going to catch up on a little bit
of work, do a little bit of chill and relax
and just have a lovely Easter. So happy Easter to you,
term and story. I forgot eggs.
Speaker 3 (40:06):
That's all right, that's all right. It's Saturday. If it
was Sunday, and you know you brought some booties and
for my producers impending child. It's a little while away,
but it's time rushes, doesn't it?
Speaker 4 (40:20):
It does?
Speaker 3 (40:21):
Do you remember when you were having your kids. You're
sort of like one minute, one minute you're pregnant. Next thing,
it's like, oh my god, it's next week, I.
Speaker 4 (40:27):
Know, and then they're having their twenty first.
Speaker 3 (40:29):
Actually, to be fair, I think it's usually the dads
who get surprised by the passage of time because Mum's
got the physical, gradual reminders like yes, I know, I've
been pregnant fate a half months and dadsing like is
it next week?
Speaker 4 (40:42):
There you go. It all eavens out in the end.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
Anyway, that's why we're here, of course, because that was
the parents squad. Sarah, Happy Easter, lovely to see you
as always.
Speaker 4 (40:50):
Thank you, Tim, and we'll.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Be back tomorrow for politics and the Health Hub and
Smart Money. We've got Martin Hare's joining us for Smart
Money and Allison Goften for the Health Hub talking about
food at Easter time. Well perfect timing, isn't it. Anyway?
Thanks for your company. Roman Travers is up next with
In My Day and we'll catch you tomorrow. Have a
great evening.
Speaker 1 (41:22):
For more from the Weekend Collective, listen live to News
Talks edb weekends from three pm, or follow the podcast
on iHeartRadio,
You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News Talks edb.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
The thing that I've gone, Yes, welcome back.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
This is the Weekend Collective Hunt and Beverage, and we
want you to join us as always we do for
every hour, well sometimes not so much for the panel
because we've got a paneliston, but we want you to
call us for this hour eight hundred eighty text and
this is the parent Squad where we want to have
a chat about just kids and current affairs because you know, look,
(00:56):
some some children don't show any interest in it at all,
and yet others do. You know, the news comes on
and they become a little bit involved in perhaps political
current events. And also there is an encouragement within sometimes
our schools for children to get involved younger and younger,
and especially when it comes to protesting. And I've got
a bit of a beef about that myself. But you know,
(01:17):
we all watch the news of an evening, don't we,
when they you know, your children might also be tuning in.
But the news can get pretty dark, despite whatever warnings
are given beforehand, and some kind of some kinds of events, stories, protests,
you know, they all come with a risk of causing
a bit of stress or anxiety that we might be
(01:37):
able to well do without ourselves, let alone our children.
So at what points should we encourage our children to
be involved politically in things? And when where is the
line where it can become damaging for their mental health
or safety? I mean, you are a parent who's had
a child is like, oh, there's this protest going mum
or dad, and I want to go along to this,
And I mean my first question would usually be to
(01:59):
ask them if they know what they're even thinking about,
because I'm a bit cynical. But you know, you may
have you may have your children who've attended or wanted
to attend a process. You might have done it yourself
in your younger years. Should the young people today be
allowed to do the same? Anyway, We want to know
what you think. On eight hundred and eighty ten eighty
text nine two nine two Sarah chat one, it is
(02:21):
joining us. She's a psychologist mind works, and she's with
us right now for the parents quite on this Easter,
Hello and happy. You're looking at almost Easter bunnyish For
some reason.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
I'm not sure why I look Easter bunnyish.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Maybe it's because your hair looks like a couple of
big floppy But.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
I didn't expect that one, is it because I'm wearing
a little dark hood and I'm quite small, and.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Thought I saw you bringing in Easter gifts for my
producer Tire.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
There.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
I did have a little gift for Tyre. Sorry Tom,
you missed out.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
I thought she's brought eggs.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
I think, no, no, absolutely not. But actually, now thinking
about it, I probably should have bought the old hot
Cross like that.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Right, No, it's Saturday, you see, it's slightly no man,
you see, yes, Sunday. You know you can get right
into it with full noise Saturdays. But the old you know,
the shops are open sort.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
Of just well, there you go. You've got to wait
for tomorrow with the girls at home, and I won't
be here. I'll be eating my eggs by myself, very much.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
The question of the day not just about you know,
getting involved with the news, but in protests and movements
and things like that. I mean, is there an age
I have a bit of a I've got a bit
of a thing maybe that I get slightly not triggered.
But I think that when protests are organized through schools
(03:39):
or whatever, and kids get dragged along to something, and
I'm sort of I sort of think, no, unless you're
going to unless the children are going to be interested
in something off their own bat where they want to
get motivated. Fine, But I don't know. I tend to
think savior activism for when you head to university, when
you've left school. Am I being a bit of an old,
crusty old fart on this right?
Speaker 4 (03:59):
No? No, not really, that's your perspective. But I also
think of dragging children anywhere is not a good deal.
And I don't know what they're going to listen to
or to see or to be involved, and I'm not
sure what the point isn't doing that. I do think though,
that if children are asking questions, if they are inquisitive
(04:19):
about things areas politics, then parents can kind of open
that discussion forum up for them because it does seem
to be beneficial and in firstly building trust in that
parent child relationship and also you know, fostering critical thinking.
And a lot of kids start perhaps showing an inclination
(04:40):
in these areas around you know that ten to twelve, thirteen,
teenage years. So for some parents, you know, who have
a culture in their family of thinking, you know, in
and around these things. Perhaps their children watch the news
with them frequently or listen to the radio, perhaps it
is something that they might lean into. But I think
when I was looking over the research, there was a
(05:02):
clear indication that conversations should be developmentally appropriate. So I mean,
if you've got a five year old asking about, you know,
the situation with Trump, you've got to be careful, you know,
so developed stein Hello, yeah, yeah, so developmentally appropriate. So
parents just have to just be aware of the conversations
and the terminology and the words that they use.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
How much should parents and I mean parents influence their children,
because parents influence their children in every aspect because you're
their parent, and it's it seems inevitable that you're going
to influence your children with your political views. But part
of me wonders if that's the sort of one part
where you should leave the book a little bit more
(05:45):
open and not try and but how.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
Do you do that in a household? I mean, if
we're speaking, if we're speaking influence, parents are the primary
influences of their children. So if there is a household
that is, you know, politically switched on, how do you
hide your children ldren from that, if the conversation in
and around are used by mum and dad, or involving
(06:09):
mum and dad is geared towards politics, the kids aren't
going to miss out on that. And I understand what
you're saying. I think your approach would be just be
a little bit mindful as to what you allow your
children to hear and see and discuss.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Well, I think the other question is, at what point
do you actually have a discussion where you might point
out some disagreements in something that they've heard, you know,
and in other words, that's bordering on having an argument
with them. It's like, are such and such says x,
x's y or whatever, and you go, no, that's nonsense.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
I mean, well, again developmentally appropriate conversations, because you know,
the younger the child is, the less likely they are
to be able to make those or be discerning about
those conversations, you know, as the brain is growing and
formulating and crystallizing towards those latter teenage years. So that
(07:02):
concept of making conversations in an around most things, including politics,
developmentally appropriate is really cool.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Well, actually, it was actually wondering how how this is
a difficult one because and I'm not meaning to. I've
had a crack at various news bulletins and my time
just on the politics hour, but putting all that aside
when it comes to major stories, six o'clock news, six
o'clock is a time when everyone can be in front
of the TV. And I don't want to be puritanical,
(07:32):
you know, on the face of it, be puritanical and
say that the news is something you've got to be
careful your kids watching. But the news is something you've
got to be careful with your children watching, because there
are while the news might couch its language that it
avoids explicitly referring to some of the horrendous things that happened. Yes,
for instance, you know what's gone on with Epstein, and
(07:54):
when there's a report of an assault or an attack
of a sexual nature and things like that. And even
now I'm more aware that it's what it's quarter past
five in the afternoon, So I'm going to couch my
language carefully. Yes, but it's the six o'clock news, you know,
how should you are you right to sort of do
you need to sort of keep an eye on this
and sense of this for your kids, because we do
(08:16):
there are times when Epstein comes along, and if I
don't say that, my wife might say she'll just go
and I'll just go fast forward, fast forward, fast forward, fastward. Okay,
it's still going fast forward, fast forward. Okay, now we're
talking about Kiwis.
Speaker 4 (08:30):
Yeah, yeah, And look, I think that it's absolutely acceptable
for you guys within your family to do that, and
for parents to make decisions about what is acceptable, you know,
under the umbrella of their family culture, and to step
in in those moments when they think it is going
to be too explicit. And I suggest that that's probably
based on age and stage and the culture of the
(08:52):
family and the rules and regulations that you function with.
So yeah, absolutely, I'm not so sure that it's censorship.
Isn't it just careful cautious parents in it?
Speaker 3 (09:01):
It's an unfortunate word. I mean it is technically it's
a sort of censorship because you're controlling what you let
them see.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
But it's done in the best interests of your children,
and you know them better than any other people because
you're their parents. So I think that it is acceptable. Certainly.
You know, I wouldn't want children below the age of
twelve to be hearing much about Epstein, or to be honest,
there would be some parents who wouldn't like their children
(09:28):
up to the age of sixteen hearing about that kind
of stuff.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
It's funny because that stuff pops up on our news now,
but I know that my kids have had It's interesting
that I inform myself partly that one of my daughters,
through her history, has been learning about the racial segregation
of the South and the violence that happened against There's
some horrible incidents of racially driven violence, and I was
(09:54):
it's kind of surprised, not surprised. I was interested in
what she was learning about because it was really full
on their take on that was a case of a
lynching in the Southern States, and it included a photo
of the person after they've been fished out of the river,
and all this sort of stuff was heavy, heavy stuff
at fifteen. But then I reminded myself at fourteen, we
(10:16):
were studying Nazi Germany and I had I just told myself, actually,
you know, it's all right, But it is interesting that
journey you go through as a parent of going what
do I need to protect my kids from?
Speaker 4 (10:26):
Yes, you do, yeah, And I think as a good parent,
you're asking yourself those questions and formulating those kind of
thought processes in terms of what is acceptable and not acceptable,
what is to develop mentally acceptable, what do you think
will harm your children and what will they cope with?
Because as parents, we do know our children better than
(10:48):
anyone else. We're around them, hopefully, we love them, we
care for them, we provide for them, we're responsible and
our approach. So it's you know, it's a constant reformulating
and recalibrating what works and what doesn't in your family.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Yeah, did you go?
Speaker 3 (11:06):
I mean, so is there a particular age? I mean,
I mean, I've got the question here, what do I
need to protect my kids from at what age? And
see the teenage years, I've got a fairly I don't
like to talk too much about my girls, but you know,
I've got my youngsters. She's a smart you know, she's
a smart cookie, and she's quite a worldly sort of
(11:28):
smart cookie. And I almost don't feel I'm not sure
that there be anything in the news. I wouldn't let
her watch now because she's she I hear the way
she describes thing. So I've got to know my own child. Yes,
that's part of it. Absolutely whereas maybe with my older daughter,
you know, the older daughter is the other one is
growing up in the shadow of the older daughter and
(11:49):
gets dragged along a little bit. So they it always
feels to me. It feels to me like a youngster.
The youngest might be ready for certain content before the
elder one was, simply because that's the way it works
with kids. Did you find that with your kid?
Speaker 4 (12:01):
Yeah, I think so. I mean it's hard being the eldest,
isn't it. And psychologically they say that if you've got
a great eldest child, then there's a very positive trickle
down effect, which is nice. But I do think that
you're old, your eldest child goes through stuff first, and
the others are in that beautiful position of watching and
figuring it out before they have to go through it.
(12:24):
So it's quite a nice little spot.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
It's a bit like the analogy of how many photos
get taken to the first child versus second third definitely
got none.
Speaker 4 (12:33):
Of you, there's too many of you by that point. Yes,
So I do think that you know the rules and regulations.
There's no absolute line in concrete, it's it's a fuzzy
line as we parent, because things change, and times change,
and values you know change. You know, look at social media.
(12:54):
It has changed the landscape of a lot of stuff
for all of us, in good ways and in negative ways.
So I do think that, as you mentioned, there are
things that you would you know, you bring up two
children and your family. They're the product of the same
genetic pool and the same environment, but you treat them
differently with regard to information and a lot of things.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
Well, and I guess, but the environment is different for
the first one because the different the first one is
encountering experiences without the knowledge that another sibling has been.
It is, they're alone, and the second one has got
a bit of the slipstream of the first one which you.
Speaker 4 (13:33):
Can hide out of it and just as I mentioned,
figure things out before they get into trouble.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
What would be the signs that your kids are being
negatively affected by what they see? And let's stick with
news and current affairs.
Speaker 4 (13:47):
So the question that you asked just prior to this
one was, you know, are their ages and stages for
information sharing? Look, there's nothing hard and fast, but the
signs that you just mentioned for children who are perhaps
responding negatively for the input or for the information that
they're getting things like being withdrawn, being nervous, either really
(14:11):
wanting to watch this stuff and almost being super involved
and hyper involved with it all the other way, being
very withdrawn from it and scared by it. So it
might they might see it on TV, have a conversation
in the family, and then every time they see it
after that, they're walking out of the room or going,
oh no, I don't like this, or they're just disappearing.
(14:33):
So sometimes they can work it through with words, and
you can actually tell that they're not coping, or their
behaviors are suggestive that some of the content that they're
getting is quite negative.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Because there is another side to it as well that
I'm thinking of it. We'll take you. We'd love your
calls on this one hundred and eight, ten eighty. What
did you need to protect your kids from when it
came to the news and when were you able to
take care? You know, maybe you worrysome sort of attitude
and sort of park a little bit, let the kids
actually do yes, the news, eight hundred and eighty, ten eighty.
(15:07):
But the other side to it, Sarah, is I also
there becomes a point where I don't want my children
just living in the land of fairy tales and fiction
and believe in Harry Potter. I want them. Is there
an age where you sort of think, you know, you
do need to know that the world out there has
got some challenges? Or do you protect them from it
(15:27):
as long as possible?
Speaker 4 (15:29):
We like reality, tim on this show. We like reality now.
I think it's great for kids to know some of
the real stuff. I just think you need to keep
or be mindful of the age appropriate nature of the information.
I mean, a five year old learning about the Jeffrey
episoden and stuff. I mean, that's ridiculous and some content.
(15:53):
Do you really need to discuss with them if they
come to you with that conversation, Yeah, you're there for it.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
Well, that's the other question is how do you discuss
those difficult news stories with them when they hear about them?
To your faith? Say, what's that about? Dan i Waite
hundred eighty ten eighty. So we'd love to hear from
you about how do you protect your kids from from
the bad news stories of the day, or from seeing
that even just something is not innocuous. And I'll call
(16:19):
it innocuous because it's not life and death as innocuous
is the fact that fuel's got a bit short, and
people are worried about, you know, how are we going
to get to school and all these sorts of things.
If there's a problem, do you just you know, do
you actually address those questions with your kids? And how
do you do it? I wait one hundred eighty ten
eighty text nine nine to It's twenty three past five.
This is news Talk, said B. News Talk said B. Yes,
(16:40):
I'm with Sarah Chatwin. We're discussing the ages and stages
at which you can introduce your children to current events
and news and the way the world works and all
its good and bad ways. In fact, the simple question is,
you know, when should your kids know how the work,
about how the world works, and it's beauty and its ugliness,
(17:05):
and it's look, there's no sort of right. They've turned
fourteen and a half. It's time to tell them about no.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
Hard and fast age related rules for that kind of stuff. No, no, but.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
I mean somebody's texted here and says that, I well,
there's a couple here. One says that children should know
the basics of how an economy works. Economics should be
a compulsory part of a school curriculum. Actually, that's that's
almost a political text, because that's probably someone who thinks,
if you don't know how economics works, you just think
(17:36):
that the government whistles up money and gives it to
you when you need it. But I mean, that's that
is a political point.
Speaker 4 (17:42):
But in terms of children being dependents and for a
long time, they are the you know, the parents are
the architects of the of their children's destinies. So I'm
not sure that a three to five to seven year
old really needs to know about, you know, broad scale economics.
I agree though, that you know a little bit of
(18:03):
knowledge across the board, including areas related to economics in
a child friendly manner. Hey, that wouldn't be a bad idea.
I'm not an economics teacher, so I wouldn't know. I'm
your text and may well be who knows. But I mean,
if parents feel that their children are capable of understanding
you know, child like versions of that kind of stuff,
(18:24):
well that's lovely. You can spend some time, you know,
unpacking that if you think that that's acceptable under your
family umbrella, for your family culture and for your children.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
I've got a text here. This is I mean this
is it's sort of related to it, and I'm not
sure if how it makes what this text is saying
in terms of what's happening when, but I'll read it
to you it makes sense to you in a way.
My fifteen year old daughter is going to university in
maybe your Targo at the stage, so I'm I'm not
(18:55):
sure if she means she's going to it early, but
she's going to be going to a target.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
Well, fifteen's young to go to university.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
So I don't understand how that's working on As she's
saying she's going to go to Targo eventually, it says,
but I've really sheltered her from alcohol, drugs, and social media.
But I'm terrified she's going to get a culture shock,
especially at a Targo. Have I done the wrong thing?
Says mus Well, hang on, I would muzz a regular listener.
(19:21):
Do you mean she's going at the age of fifteen
or she's thinking of it in a couple of years time.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
The latter could be the thing. But here's the thing.
Even though a parent tries to hide or be cautious
in her approach to allowing her child to see social
media and all the rest of it. It is in
and around. So I mean her child would be exposed
through friends to a lesser degree, perhaps than most you know,
(19:48):
if this text, if that's what the text is.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
A slightly different question. I mean, how do you prepare
your child for going to university? I mean, was I
prepared to go to university?
Speaker 4 (19:57):
I don't think had you had conversations with your parents
about it.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
I've just seen my brothers drinking too much and throwing
up in the bushes.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
Nice, let's not go there. But I mean I think
that a lot of parents talk to their kids about,
you know, what university means. They probably don't go into
that detail, but hey, you know, I think that if
kids are making those choices about jobs, university, trades, whatever,
(20:23):
it's quite nice as appearance sit down and say, hey,
you know, what are your thoughts? How's this going to
look for your life?
Speaker 3 (20:30):
You know, all these questions are pointing towards really how
do you prepare your kids for growing up? Isn't it?
But it's a very broad question. I mean we've focused
on you know, when do you let your kids get
involved with the news. Yes, but there is a point
that obviously, if you shelter them too much then when
it's time for them to make the choice where they
(20:50):
can leave home, if you haven't, you know, you don't
want the realities of life to suddenly be this massive
shock to them. It's a gradual But do.
Speaker 4 (20:58):
You think that there are any children or fifteen year
olds out there unless they are living in a no,
a remotish location. I wasn't going to say that, but
you did. Do you think that there are going to
be many fifteen year olds who have lovely parents who
are a little bit cautious and have an awareness of
social media and alcohol and drugs because you know, who
(21:21):
really wants to push that on their children. Children are
still going to have a taste of the fact that
they know about social media. They are also going to
have heard stories from their peers. At fifteen, your peer
group is pretty important in your life and becomes even
more so so the peer group will have, you know,
(21:41):
there will be conversations about parties and about social media
and about you know, some parents let their kids drink
or prime them to drink by giving them alcohol in
the home and all the rest of it. There will
be other stories and bits and bobs. So I don't
think that I well, let's put it this way. I
think a lot of fifteen year olds, if they're not
(22:01):
necessarily engaging in these behaviors, and a lot are not,
they will have heard something about that side of life.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
I guess also, I like, for instance, if it's just
coming to preparing to get a university or something, I'm
dealing with whatever the booze culture is there. I think
that those that if you're having that conversation with your
kids at eighteen, you've left it a bit late. To me,
it's about having the conversations when they're thirteen, fourteen, fifteen
about peer pressure and where the you know, somebody's not
(22:30):
being very nice or something, does that really matter? You know,
you teach them those.
Speaker 4 (22:33):
Lessons well, absolutely, because during those teenage years that occur,
you know, those pre pubescent kind of ten eleven, twelve,
going into the teenage years, that is when kids need information.
They don't need to be obviously indulging in anything, but
they need to learn parameters and values and what matters
and what doesn't, and the rights that they have to
(22:54):
say no to things that perhaps their peer group are
encouraging them to do that isn't lawful or isn't right.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
Muzz has clarified No, no, she's not going now, she's
not going at seventeen, but she wants to go to
a Tigo And another text say, is definitely not her
Tag's daughter. I mean, how did I don't know how
I just chose what university I chose it? Anyway, Well, I.
Speaker 4 (23:18):
Think, I mean I do think Otago perhaps has that
has notoriety.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Around get away from home, going wild.
Speaker 4 (23:24):
Yeah. Yeah. And for people who are not near Otago a.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
Couple of texts here, quite a few. Actually, I was
never told how the world works, and I'm amazed at
things I find out every day. It baffles me how
people avoid accountability. That's from a seventeen year old. Well
it's early days yet, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (23:43):
Yeah, I mean, having lived seventeen years is not a lifetime.
And you know, some some families are not necessarily as
communicative as others. Perhaps there are relationships that are, you know,
a little bit strange, and perhaps that person hasn't asked
many questions, and you know, from here on in they can.
But sure there are people out there that maybe feel
(24:06):
that they haven't lived life whatever that looks like to them,
because living life means different things to different people.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
This is another text. It says this is wider than
just politics, which is how I began the framing of
the question. Children are involved in far too many conversations
at home, often divorces about other conversations around other adults.
Are the children their teacher? Far too often we involve
them in things beyond their maturity. You see, there's a
(24:35):
devil's advocate point of view that if issues of life
come up that enter the conversation and the family, there's
a part of me that thinks, you know, and I'm
about to disagree with myself there that I guess if
the child shows curiosity, is that the point where that
opens the door to talk.
Speaker 4 (24:55):
About Oh look, I think I'm not sure, because I
think you have to be very mindful of content. I
think that that texture is I would agree that in
a lot of scenarios and a lot of contexts and homes,
there is far too much information shared with children non
age appropriately. So I would suggest that that's probably right
(25:18):
if she's talking about issues like divorce. Obviously, I mean children,
it's it's a really tough time and they don't need
to know all the you know, the bits and pieces
that are included in that stuff.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Because one of the quess okay, if we are talking
about you know, your children immersing themselves in news and
learning about a bit more about how the world works,
what are the are there are they particular warning signs
or signs that would point towards them not being ready to,
you know, to hear everything that they are hearing.
Speaker 4 (25:48):
Well, I think as parents we can we can look
at our children and we can do a bit of
a cost benefit analysis in terms of what will resonate
positively for our children with regard to content and what won't.
We can also look at our children and you know,
and really think about the kind of people that they are.
(26:10):
I mean, you've described your two and they're quite different.
They're in the same home, but there are some similarities,
but there are different there are some differences. So most
parents will be able to identify what a child can
cope with. And even if they share a bit of
information and then that child can't cope with it, they know, Okay,
at this age and stage, there's a bit of a
(26:32):
boundary there that I won't cross again tried out, you know,
in a couple of years time or whatever. But I
think parents sometimes intuitively, sometimes by happenstance. Sometimes you know,
just as life, you know, ex itself out, they will
find out what the parameters are for their kids. And
(26:54):
I just always think having just just watching the content,
being mindful figuring out and I use the cost benefit
analysis term logical benefit analysis, you know, figuring out what
your child can cope with and what they will benefit
from as opposed to what will give them nightmares at
(27:14):
night or be quite negative in their world.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
The other thing is, it's funny I sometimes wonder about
when I'm watching the news, I'll offer I have something
to say about it to my wife or something. It's
usually when I see the senile dotatoo's in the White House.
But I was wondering, what's my rule of thumb now
with a thirteen or fifteen year old, I still if
there's someone in court charged with anything to do with
(27:39):
a well happy body harm or something well something and
also involving intimate and intimate acts of assault, I will
still whack through that, even though they might know what
it is. I just don't necessarily feel that we want
to hear about this happening all the time. And yet
then again there'll be parents who might be listening saying, well,
you they do have to be aware of, yes, you know,
(28:02):
the dangers of the world.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
Yeah. Absolutely. I also think that if perhaps you don't
get your finger to the button in time and to
fast forward it, you could say, gee, that's a really
horrible thing. I hope you know you guys, I weren't traumatized,
but that you can say it in whatever words you
want to say.
Speaker 3 (28:19):
I pretend that and I hope they haven't heard it.
Speaker 4 (28:21):
Yeah, but there's nothing wrong with also just saying, boy,
that's horrible. I'm sorry you guys had to hear that, don't.
We live in a crazy world. Sometimes it's just awful.
I mean, you can if something is henous and awful,
you can speak to the reality of that if but
also I think it's quite it's absolutely your right and
your choice for your girls not to hear that stuff.
(28:44):
If that's your decision.
Speaker 3 (28:45):
Here's a text here which I think is an interesting challenge,
and it's in what it's about. It says, I come
from a very violent country. Dad died when I was
ten years old, and after that my mum met a
man who was very abusive towards us. We struggled financially
as well. I have daughters now, and I don't hold
(29:05):
back about the world.
Speaker 4 (29:08):
Okay, so that is terrible to have grown up in
that kind of a situation. How hard that would have been,
and also how influential in terms of that person's perspective.
So I think if you have had an upbringing like that,
you can you know there are extreme ends of the continuum.
(29:30):
You could be very extreme in your protection of your
children so that they never have to know about or
to experience that. Or you could be extremely outspoken about
that kind of stuff so that your children know to
what to you know, avoid. But I think I would
perhaps take an interactionist approach because.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
There's a danger of passing your childhood trauma onto your chip.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
It's correct, Yeah, that's generational trauma. That Yeah, So I
would be very careful if I was somebody who had
had a backstory like that, not to allow it to
be my driver with regard to the material that I
shared with my kids. However, it would give that person
(30:12):
a really good understanding of what they would never want
their children to experience.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
You see, because I think, yes, you can understand why
someone would want to make sure their kids are prepared
for it, but I would also offer, and look, I'm
no parenting expert, and that's why I've got you here
to interject if I say the wrong thing, But I
would suggest that it's an idea to say, you grew
up with all this trauma and all this terrible stuff,
but you love your daughters and you're in a position
(30:39):
where you can shield them for that for a while,
and so they don't have to go through feeling that
the big bad wolves at the door of all the time.
And I think that is important.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
Yeah, that can be very scary, scary, and also you're
quite right about revisiting your trauma and then passing it forward,
paying it forward. That is something that most people would
never want for their children. But I do understand that
that texture was probably being mindful of.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Well, yes, I think they've texted this show because they're listening,
and I think they're looking to pass their opinion on.
But I would expect that when people also send something
through that they might also be looking for some feedback
on that. So deal with it what you will. I
guess it is. It's just gone twenty minutes to six
where with Sarah Chapwin, we'll be back in just to
(31:26):
my news talks. He'd b yes, news talk, said, be
with the Sarah Chapman, who's a psychologist at Mind Works.
We love having Sarah on the show for her words
of wisdom. We're going to dig into that text we
got before Sarah about the person who said, you know,
they went through a really tough time abuse. I grew
up in an abusive household. And he doesn't shield. He
wants his daughters to know exactly how the world is.
(31:46):
And I'm reading between the lines how bad it is, right,
and I think we should I don't want to leave
that question alone with that fleshing out a bit more
that how do you if you've gone through a traumatic
upbringing themselves, how you I don't think you want to
necessarily pass that on to your children to the extent
that it's it's not a it's not a weapon for
them to arm them. It's more like a club on them.
(32:09):
I think that was a bit dramatically pot.
Speaker 4 (32:11):
Begare I know? And it is just so terrible, isn't it?
When and we hear some of these stories in this
country of ours, where children have been treated so badly
by their caregivers, the guardians, their parents. They have been
you know, they've been failed by a system, they've been
failed by their families, and we hear about this far,
(32:32):
far too frequently. So I do empathize and sympathize with
that person who had such a you know, a terrible
story of abuse in his backstory. But now he has
the great gift of parenting children, his own children in
a completely different way. So whilst I think it, you know,
at a certain age, and that would be late teenage
(32:54):
years for them to know about some of the pitfalls
that exist, you know in this world. Yeah, I'm not
a great I'm not a believer at all, and letting
our own trauma and past trauma influence our present and
our future, so that means no paying it forward to
our kids. However, I think that anybody is within their
(33:19):
rights if their kids get to a certain age and
start asking questions about their mum and dad and what
their childhoods were like, then you know, you can tell
them how they were. But again it needs to be
developmentally and age appropriate, because telling a five year old
about familial abuse, telling a seven year old nine year old,
(33:40):
I mean, that's just not going to land well, and
that could be very frightening and very scary.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
Got a text here. I think children shouldn't be taught politics.
They should use the experience they have to see how
the world works. We see in the Middle East well,
and this is a point in a case in point.
We see in the Middle East, I would add in
my own words, and other cultures in the West as well.
But anyway, we see in the Middle East children taught
(34:07):
to hate when they're born, and this transitions with them
as they grow. That's a whole society problem actually really,
rather than parent to parent, because the religious indoctrination that
we see going on that one particular religion is the
devil and the others not.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
I mean, isn't it interesting that children don't They're not
born with hate, They're not really born with anything. They're
just born as sponges that look to their parents for guidance.
And isn't it a shame that some of the lessons
that they learn from their parents are to hate and
to discriminate and to dislike. And it's such a shame
(34:48):
that that happens, and it does so I guess that
shows how important your role as a parent is because
your child is looking directly at you.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
Yeah, and I guess look, none of this is really
going to change if a parent is a zealot of
a particular religious, religion or mindset, none of this conversation
is going to have any impact on them, because if
you're a zealot, you're convinced that you're right. And that's
the problem with these really locked in positions that we
see around the world, isn't it. No one who was
(35:18):
listening to be like, well, that's just nonsense. I know
that my way of viewing world and the supernatural or
whatever it is is the right one. And that's the problem,
is it. No one stops to go well, people do
stop all the time.
Speaker 4 (35:30):
Yeah, it's a very aspected mindset as opposed to as
opposed to a growth mindset. But yeah, that those religious
kind of situations. I mean, I'm a largely a political
kind of a beast, so I find that I find
it hard and I think it's it's Yeah, it's very
sad when children who just come into this world just
(35:52):
wanting to grow and learn learn hate, it's horrible.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
There's an interesting one here. Somebody said respect shown as
a learned and passed on you making comments is about
me being calling Trump a dotard? Might be your opinion
about Trump. Well, this is an interesting point, they're saying, Well, yeah,
but using that language in front of your kids is
diminishing the respect that should be shown to people on authority. Oh, anyway,
(36:18):
I somewhat agree.
Speaker 4 (36:20):
I somewhat agree, but I also think this is your show,
and we have opinions on this show. So but I do. Yeah.
I guess for me, when I talk about leaders, there
are a lot of world leaders that I don't necessarily
agree with. But I suspect that I keep my opinions
to myself. But as I said before, I'm largely apolitical,
(36:40):
so I don't focus on watching this stuff.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
It's an interesting one, isn't it. It says it disappoints me
greatly listening to eight and nine year olds calling Trump
and Luxe and well, I would put those two people
separately derogatory terms they've learned from their parents.
Speaker 4 (36:55):
No, No, that is true.
Speaker 3 (36:56):
I mean I actually will say politicians. I will say
in response to this texture that actually, if I'm discussing
Donald Trump in my own defense, I'm flippantly referring to
it here. But actually, my girls will ask me why
I hold a particular opinion, and I.
Speaker 4 (37:13):
Will discuss explain it with them.
Speaker 3 (37:15):
And that's the thing. If I was to say, oh, look,
he just as.
Speaker 4 (37:19):
Trust me, that's another thing altogether.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
There would be people who from a criminal point of
view might say someone is an evil such and such,
and they say why is that, Daddy, You say, well,
I'll explain it to you one day. But yes, it
depends on the subject matter.
Speaker 4 (37:32):
But also perhaps a more you know, egalitarian approach would
be to say, well, my view of X is this,
but go and you know, read around and see what
he's achieved and look at you know, what his life
is like. If they're at an age where they are
inquisitive about this stuff and they can handle some of
the stuff.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
And actually that's why I read that out, because actually
they know they're right to challenge me on that. But
you're right, I think if you are going to be
critical of someone, and I'm not going to wander around
my own house like it's some sort of monastery where
nobody can speak ill of anyone, but I think that
is that would be for me a rule that I
would have as a parent that if you are going
to express a negative opinion on someone, you need to
(38:11):
be able to explain why they.
Speaker 4 (38:12):
Are substantia exactly.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Obviously it's not the Spanish Inquisition, but as Mundy Python
would say, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition. We'll be
back in just a moment with Sarah Chatwin. That's good text.
That one good on you. It is nine minutes to
six News Talk z B News Talk zed B. We
began by discussing this hour This is the Parents Squad
with Sarah chap One about you know what sort of
news you share with your kids and what they shouldn't share.
(38:37):
But I just wanted to as a recap Sarah Sarah
chat One that I actually I quite enjoyed that text,
even though originally it came in as someone having a
crack at me. But I think that is a good point.
If you've got a hot take on something on the news,
and something that's critical of another person who's a figure,
then you absolutely should should explain why you feel that way,
(38:59):
because otherwise you can just see you abusing people like
oh he's a bit of a.
Speaker 4 (39:04):
Absolutely, and then you are not at risk of negatively
influencing your children, or of having anybody or even yourself
question the fact that you're being biased because you say, hey, listen,
this is where I stand on the issue. Go have
a read, see what you think. I actually don't want
to influence you. You make up your own mind. Those
(39:25):
are good things to throw out because people with differing
views can exist in a household together. Time.
Speaker 3 (39:31):
I reckon when a parent says I don't want to
influence your opinion, that they're probably fibbing, aren't they. They
work with you. I want you to make up your
own mind, just as long as you agree with everything
I say.
Speaker 4 (39:45):
Leave the last part of that out.
Speaker 3 (39:48):
That's the subtext at the end that gets unspoken, isn't
it anyway? So what are you up to for the
rest of Easter?
Speaker 4 (39:56):
I'm just going to catch up on a little bit
of work, do a little bit of chill and relax
and just have a lovely Easter. So happy Easter to you,
term and story. I forgot eggs.
Speaker 3 (40:06):
That's all right, that's all right. It's Saturday. If it
was Sunday, and you know you brought some booties and
for my producers impending child. It's a little while away,
but it's time rushes, doesn't it?
Speaker 4 (40:20):
It does?
Speaker 3 (40:21):
Do you remember when you were having your kids. You're
sort of like one minute, one minute you're pregnant. Next thing,
it's like, oh my god, it's next week, I.
Speaker 4 (40:27):
Know, and then they're having their twenty first.
Speaker 3 (40:29):
Actually, to be fair, I think it's usually the dads
who get surprised by the passage of time because Mum's
got the physical, gradual reminders like yes, I know, I've
been pregnant fate a half months and dadsing like is
it next week?
Speaker 4 (40:42):
There you go. It all eavens out in the end.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
Anyway, that's why we're here, of course, because that was
the parents squad. Sarah, Happy Easter, lovely to see you
as always.
Speaker 4 (40:50):
Thank you, Tim, and we'll.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Be back tomorrow for politics and the Health Hub and
Smart Money. We've got Martin Hare's joining us for Smart
Money and Allison Goften for the Health Hub talking about
food at Easter time. Well perfect timing, isn't it. Anyway?
Thanks for your company. Roman Travers is up next with
In My Day and we'll catch you tomorrow. Have a
great evening.
Speaker 1 (41:22):
For more from the Weekend Collective, listen live to News
Talks edb weekends from three pm, or follow the podcast
on iHeartRadio,
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