September 4, 2024 • 39 mins
It's time for one Dad on this pod to have the dreaded puberty conversation with one of his daughters. Jordan explains to us how he is handling (or not handling) it, and what he finds most challenging! We also compare it to how we experienced puberty conversations growing up - thank goodness things have changed!
Plus we catch up on Father's day, and Clint's never-ending concussion.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
This is an iHeartRadio New Zealant podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Hey, the big topic of today's podcast is puberty. Puberty
chats have begun in Jordan's house.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
So parental warning, there are children listening. This may not
be one unless you want to have a week's worth
of random questions thrown at you. You know, because we
cover things like Donna Rot.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Don't start with Donna Rot. We do a way better
conversation about puberty than Donna Rod that we don't.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Really we try to talk like we're growing mature dads
and get through this puberty episode. But secretly, under my
fleece jumper than I'm wearing, I am dripping. I'm not
even joking. My armpits are very moist. It was hard
for me. I needed more than the sexologist that we
had here just pushing us through it.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Yeah, we needed to come back and talk to each
of our children individually. Jordan's right, don't listen to this
with your kids if you don't want them to know
the things yet. But I mean, if it's that two
random dads explained puberty to your child, then this is
the podcast for your kids.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Yeah, no, we need to stop. Don't listen to this
if you have kids, whatsoever. Please, even if you're thinking
I've not explained any of this. Hey, kids, come sit round,
the come sit round. The bloody radiogram, guys, turn it on.
It's Jordan and Clint talking about puberty. Look, we might
not have had millions of messages in saying how's dear Clint,
you know and as concussion, but I want to know
(01:36):
you've opened the laptop to me today. We talk over
a laptop to each other and you know, hand over
the head. Oh my, what is it, Clint O Clint
tell me, no, no, no, it's nothing. It's fine. But no,
in all seriousness, you said that you still have headaches
from the pole collision. I do.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Yeah. They said that it that it could take like
about ten days and it's been about twelve. But yeah,
they just linger it's just right at the front of
your head. It just feels you know, that feeling when
you haven't drunk.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
Water where the head hit the pole, the frontal.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Part of your brain. But yes, that's you know that
feeling when you haven't drunk enough water. That's what it
feels like.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
And have you had enough water?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (02:20):
I've had quite a.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Lot of water. Yeah, I put a video of the
pole on our Instagram story The Infamous Pole so people
could see it, and I acknowledged the pathetic nature of
the injury. I walked into a pole. That's how I
got concussed.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Man.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Some people with pathetic injury stories that came through were incredible.
One girl commented on my Instagram on the reel that
I made, and she said that she once rolled her
ankle stepping off a curb and had to be helicoptered
to hospital and the ankle injury that she sustained was
so bad that she almost lost her leg and died
(02:55):
from stepping.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Off the curb. Shit.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
So I guess it's just angles and velocity and susceptibility
to injury.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Age age on you once you have a three, like
once you have thirty. I dread my forties. I look.
We we've talked many times that we don't want to
talk about our own injuries too much on this podcast.
We mean to start every episode with how's the kids,
but just sometimes, you know, we need to be relatable
and I have. I've stuffed my shoulder a year ago,
I've stuffed the other one now. And the who's the
(03:28):
funny bit? In a very short story. On the Friday, finally,
ten days of handling the shoulder that's terrible. I can
hardly move it. I email my physio guy and it's like,
you gotta put the blurb in what's wrong stuff my shoulder.
I think it's as bad as my other's shoulder. I
think I'm going to need the quarterzone shot. I need
to come see you and if it seenned. And then
just after sending that, within like a couple of hours,
(03:50):
merely yells out to me and I twist a look
at her and I spezzm my back. I throw my
back out.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
But this is probably because you're you're training to do
a boxing fight.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
It could be. No, it's not.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
I've not been doing anything. I've had peas and things
like that on that shoulder.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Because they they're quite They're like, you can still come
in Jordan, and I'm like, nah, Like I tried to,
and I was doing all my fighting with one hand,
but just doing anything, the shoulder is so aggravated at
the moment. So I'm just chilling. It's not from that
at all. I'm really chilling, but the fact that I'm
only thirty six, right, I know, twenty year olds are
saying that's old, but I'm so alarmed for how shit
I'm going to be in my forties and fifties. I
(04:28):
threw my back out, turning to say what what me?
What do you need? And yes, it's from kind of
nursing my shoulder probably, But I went to the guy
and he's like, so you tell me about a shoulder?
What's wrong with your bag? And I was, I've done
something made jees, there's something back there. There's like seven knots.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
I think about that a lot. I'm the same age
as you, and you go, it's not we're not spring chickens.
But if we expect to live for another fifty years,
if we're lucky like we're, if we're breaking down this
much after thirty six years, how the frock are we
meant to survive for another forty five fifty years?
Speaker 3 (05:03):
You know what? You know what people with physical jobs
are thinking, Yeah, it's because you're not physical, it's because
you are both guys.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Use them a loser? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (05:11):
Yeah, And look, what do you want me to do?
Quit what I do and go and become a roofer
a builder, just so I can use my body more.
I could go, I could go become a personal trainer.
You know, I definitely not can do it anyway, enough
gripes about being Oh oh woe is me? Thirty six
year old dads? How other kids make kids are great?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
We had a really good Father's Day.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
All week.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Meggie was saying to me Father's Day is on Sunday,
and you are going to be the lucky boy.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
That you're going to be a lucky boy.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
And she also kept saying to me and and and
don't don't and don't don't and don't dad, don't, don't
and don't don't look, don't look, don't look behind the couch,
so love and behold. After the All Blacks test on
Sunday morning, she led me over to the back of
the couch where would you believe it? My gift was,
(06:06):
which was nice. And they said to me, Dad, this
is to cheer you up because the All Blacks lost,
which was also very nice. I hate that my children
are being born into a losing All Blacks eror it's
hard to handle, but you know they won't remember.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
This, so yeah. So for people who aren't from New Zealand,
we had Father's Down on Sunday and the national rugby
team is the all blacks. And you know the disgusting
thing they did when they schedule the games. So we've
talked about the most important thing you can give your
dad or the man in your household or your father
and your house as a sleeper, as a sleeper, and
(06:40):
they scheduled a game, a big game against South Africa
in South Africa that kicked off for us at three
am on Sunday morning. Yeah, there was no Father's Day sleeping.
And then just to rub salt in the wound, we
lost after a very controversial try that South Africa should
not have got, but we won't go into it.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
I got up at six am to watch When did
you get up to watch?
Speaker 3 (07:00):
No, I got up. I will get to me. But
I had work on Father's Day, so I got up
at five am. And what I couldn't do three because
then I'd be dead at this fight to go to
a video shoot. Yeah, so I got up at five
am and I had the clever thing on the sport
app that if you get up before the broadcast ends,
you can quickly hit play from the start. So I
didn't see any social media. I knew nothing, and then
(07:22):
you can skip through so as soon as there's a
penalty or anything. You just had skip skip like thirty seconds. Yeah,
so I watched an eighty minute game in about sixty minutes.
It's a new great great trip.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Yeah. I watched the first half by myself. Then we
cooked a Rugby breakfast which the girls love, which is
baking and eggs and baked beans and things like that.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Yeah Rugby blokes.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Yeah, and they love it. And then they gave him
my presents and we watched the second half.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Your kids sorry, sorry, yeah, and then we watched the
second half. Yeah, your kids got up at three forty.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
No, I got up at six am and watched the
first half.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
Sorry, I.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
I paused it. And then because I knew they'd only
watch about fifteen minutes of the game, so better to
get get forty uninterrupted minutes out. And then the second
half they watched a bit with me.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Quick side hustle sport question. Yeah, how did you? How
did you watch it at six am? What's your have
you got normal Sky?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
No, I've got the app? But they did it really
but they had a replay on that started at straight away.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
Yeah, yeah you knew, you knew that was there. I
see you had your plan yeah, yeah, I like it.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
That very minor great. That app needs work, like you
should be able to get up at anytime and start
the game from the start, surely, yes.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Anyway, yeah, I know anyway.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Anyway, I got some boot polish for my Rim Williams boots.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Nice. Yep, the boots you gotta take a mortgage out
to buy. Yep.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
I got lifetime boots though. I got I'm still growing
an Arian Williams T shirt. And I got a book nice.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
And did you get some classic homemade cards with?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
I got classical home made cards and fish and chips
for dinner.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
Nice. What a great what a great little one. So
I had work on Sunday. I had to go down
to the Whitecatle region and film a big shoot and
it had been rained off, so we had to schedule
it for Father's Day because I got a lot of
weekends coming up. So that was all good. So the
kids a new leading up and they're like, Dad, Saturday
is going to be your day. Oh yeah, but you've
got to quickly get up because we have to go
off to a day of netble tournaments, so get up early.
(09:21):
And so we had our classic pancakes, bacon banana maple syrup.
That's like Dad's birthday, Christmas, whatever, I go to just
the have Dad's pancakes and they come into the bedroom
with their homemade cards. Alba had saved money and it
actually went into the shop and got me a king
sized chocolate, Whittaker's chocolate. It's quite cool she's actually bought
(09:44):
something with their own money because I kind of I
don't know what I'm trying to do when I remind
them all the time, but at their age, it was
such a big deal for me to save every coin
you found or were given, and I had this money
box and I'd put them in and once it came
to like October, I would open it and start meticulously
buying presents for all my family from like the two
dollars shop, like knowing that I can't got and marvel.
(10:07):
They they have no wants to do that or desire
if any money they get, Like the next day they've
gone and bought a packet of sherbet because we don't
need to eat shit. And then they're like, it's my money,
I can buy shirt if I want. Yeah, I'm like,
well what about you know Mum's birthdays coming up? Do
you want to oh yeah, and they'll think about it
for a second and the next day you see that
they've gone to countdown with Mum and they've said, Mom,
(10:29):
I'm going to buy this with my money, and just
the whole present buying. So I don't know how to
instill that in them now. I think I think I.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Had that too, by the way. That's how I operated
it as a kid, the same as you. Yeah, but yeah,
we haven't we haven't crossed the giving the kids money
bridge yet. I found out that one of Tooy's classmates,
who's five, gets five dollars a week pocket money.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
I just we've started it. We talked about it, We've
started it. Mela is five a week, Albert is three,
and Nla is one.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Yeah, that makes more sense. I'm not giving a five year.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Old and it's just this tiny little pocket money. But
if Mila kept some of her fives, that's you know,
you get to a point where you can actually buy
mom and dad a present instead of you know, you
can't be Look what she's gonna do when she's sixteen,
still giving us a teddy beer out of her bedroom,
wrapped in a ribbon and a homemade card, like come on,
you got a bit, a bit of effort, and now
we've bit of a bloody roof over your head, food
in your belly. Narla came in and gave me a
(11:24):
handful of stones that she had painted faces on.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Okay, which is quite cute.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
And she she got confused, so she wrote a card
for her granddad for Father's Day, your dad, and then yeah,
and then last minute, just she's got confused a little bit.
And then last minute her sisters have kind of laughed
and teased her a bit like have you done a
card for Dad? And then she's hit panic stations and like,
(11:50):
holy shit, why have I made a card for Grandad
and not Dad? And so I get this card that's
just quickly been edited and the card is now for me,
and she's like, look, I've made this card just for you.
I know the backstory. JODI's told me afore. And then
she comes in and Jody looks at me like taps me, like,
don't say anything. That's a card for you, And then yeah,
(12:12):
then they were all off doing netball tournaments. I had
a couple sick, two of them at home or one
of them at home because they were sick. It was
very much more a normal day. I couldn't pull the
Father's Day card because it was a busy Jody was
busy driving around all day doing nitble stuff. I was
trying to keep Alba entertained, who was sick at home,
and so I couldn't do that great lunch. Guys. I'm
(12:33):
not tying up though it's Father's Day. It was just
a regular And then Sunday I woke up and they
were like, ah, it's Father's Day, but not for you.
We did it yesterday and then all good. I went
off to work and I came home and then they'd
done this amazing little dinner and we ate outside and
Jody lit candles and we had this and they it
was just a nice they did. I'm not unplanned, not
(12:57):
expecting a little Father's Day dinner. Yeah, it was good.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Did you do anything for your dad for Father's Day?
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Yes? See, I think the fact that you and I
talked so much about what our kids need to be
doing and what our partners need to be doing. Oh
I got to like two pm.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
I was like shit, Yeah, I was like, hey, Dad,
heavy Father's Day.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
Hope you have a good one. Did but no, nah,
we're not We're not that kind of like this is dead.
Even on my birthday. Every birthday, I'm basically at his
house almost my whole life because it's January second, and
we're usually at Dad's and he'll go, oh shit, and
he walks down to the big Walk and Chiller opens
it up, find some off brand beer that I don't
(13:37):
even drink, and will come up to me. Oh, that's
your birthday present. The boy, Well good, we are a set,
then you Yeah, yeah, we're not. We're not one of
the we're not too big or no one gets hurt
or upset.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
My dad texts me on well no. Mom texts me
on Father's Day and said, because my dad doesn't have Sky,
but it loves the All Blacks. So she text and
said Dad has turned his phone off. He is watching
the All Blacks replay at lunchtime, so please do not
contact him until after three pm.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
So I was all right, you need to get yourself
a Sky deal, bro, and then as part of the deal,
you'd be like, I can need two subscriptions and get
your old man one, and then you'll be in the will.
He'll put you back in the will as he took you,
he took you out after he heard that you lost
one nill to a pal pole. No son of mine,
(14:28):
No son of mine getting knocked out.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
We've got a big topic to talk about this week
because the puberty conversations have started in your household.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Yes, I believe. No, you brought this up to me.
You said, your three year old Maggie has got like
massive lady lumps.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
I said, I'm going through puberty. Oh yeah, I'm starting
to get here downe.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
No, so uh me. La is an intermediate And so
if you've got kids and you're listening to this in
the car, usually you shouldn't listen to this with kids
in the car, I would say, anyway, but this is
one where you probably don't want your kids listening to
in the car because then you're gonna have to answer
questions yourself. But she comes home and she he goes.
We started puberty talks, and we knew that they were
(15:09):
going to be happening. We've started puberty talks, and Jody's
trade away is like, oh, you could talk to your dad.
Jody chicks out, and so this is three girls. We
have three girls. Jody is a girl as a female,
as a woman, and you think that this is her
motherly moment to come on in, and Jody's.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Like, oh, yeah, you could, Dad will.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Talk to you. And for some reason, I'm the grown
up and we've talked about it before. With the Doma Book,
like many episodes ago, we had a cartoon how are Babies?
Where do Babies Come From? Book for kids aimed at
like eight, nine, ten year olds, and Jody sat there
just in silence, like trying not to giggle, like at
(15:51):
a little twelve year old as I'm reading it to
the kids and then asking if they have any questions.
And so Meela comes home, but it added a whole
another layer to She's read that book right and understands
how a baby is made and we babies come from
as a mummy and a daddy. You know. It's that
kind of style. And it had a cart it had
(16:12):
a moment where a penis goes into the vagina like
it was that kind of not detailed, like gruesomely detailed
for a kid, but it had enough details correct. Then
she comes home and throws this curveball at me because
she goes I had puberty think. I was like, oh, yeah,
any questions how to go She's like, yeah, there's some
weird things like scrotum. I don't know what that is.
(16:35):
Oh well, you know, like you've seen a dog. You've
seen Big my brother's dog. You know, he's got those
things at the back of him. And she's like, here's balls.
I was like, yeah, well, the skin that holds his
balls in place, so when there are two balls, basically
that's the scrotum. And she's like, oh okay. I was like, surely,
and then you don't like bite my tongue And I
was like, surely you've seen my scrot it, but sure
you've seen my nuts when I'm walking around the house.
(16:56):
But then now that she's at an age where she's
learning about it, you definitely don't want her last image
like she have an image of oh yeah, that's what
I remember dad's penis and nuts. So I'm very much
I'm not walking around confidently nude as much.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Now. That's quick thinking of you to use the dog
as the reference, because you're right, the closest scroed him
to you is your own.
Speaker 5 (17:16):
Yeah, and then you don't want to be telling you
don't want to be jo this is how it works. Yeah,
you don't want to be jogging your kid's memory. To
be like, oh, yeah, that's right, Dad, I saw your
nuts that time you stepped over me when you're somewhere,
when you reached over the bloody bath and you hopped
up the shower to get a towel, that's right.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
You also don't want and fast forward. I know you
don't want to think about this yet, but when she
does eventually have a boyfriend, you don't want her reference
to be dad's.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
You know, you don't want to be like, yeah, yeah,
so I don't.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Interesting this is bigger than Dad's one.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
Dad told me like he's so big and mustlian like.
So I thought, but geez you you're only sixteen. You're
only sixteen, and look at this thing. Jeez mate, I'll
just go get my dad because this is a normal Dad,
come check this out. But the spanner in the work
stripe was and I don't know if I answered it correctly,
(18:09):
but she her other question was, what's a wet dream?
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Ah?
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Miss wrote all these ideas and terms on the whiteboard,
and then you could ask questions about them, but she's like,
we never got to that one. What's a wet dream? So,
because her understanding of sex is that it's just when
someone wants to make a baby, right, So now she's asked,
what's a wet dream? And that takes away the idea
of you only have six just to make a baby.
(18:37):
So she had quite the less calm and mature. But
now my eleven year old fully knows that sex is
something that people do who are in a really good,
strong relationship, who really like each other. It's like another
level of these people that kiss, and then there's people
that to be as close and intimate and a really
nice hug at nighttime that you might do as people
(18:58):
have sex. Mela and these people having six and it's
nighttime as we're talking. I was like this people down
the road having six in their houses right now. But
she took it well, and I think I did okay,
but she because I couldn't have explained a wet dream
without explaining. You could have, but it would have been
another big criscina lie and she would have found out
in a few more less Ye she's doing lessons, like
(19:20):
three lessons of Bloody Day, and you know they're getting
to they're getting to parts now of this. This is
the clitorius of the vagina and the Clitoriessa is and
so she's kind of going to have way more Christian
You have.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
To explain, and I really I agree. I would have
hoped the school or the mom would have done this.
But you had to explain the concept of pleasure to
your daughter.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
No, no, no, I was able to tiptoe around that. No,
not not her, not her side of pleasure, but pleasure.
But using that word has made it real. Weirk And
that's it for the podcast.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
So I had to explain the idea of six for
pleasure as opposed to six four pro creation.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
You know, yes, yes, six, yes, I did. I said
it's something I didn't say. I didn't use the word pleasure,
and I didn't just say it's fun. I said, it's
a when it's a really big intimate bond. It's a
way of being as close to someone that you love
as possible as by having.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Seen so okay, and seeks for love is what you
talked about.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
Yeah, yeah, it's the way that I worded it. And
I said that, and I she already knew that semen,
She already knew the whole thing that semen comes out
of a willie and that's how it goes into a
vagina and it makes a baby, and semen can come
out when you're trying to make a baby, and semen
can come out when you're not trying to make a baby.
It can come out when you're just having sex because
you want to be close to someone, or it can
(20:41):
come out like if you're fast asleep and you don't
know what's going on. And that's what's called a wet
dream when accidentally and I said, it's nothing bad, I said,
boys and men, it happens all the time. It's nothing bad.
It's really normal. And they they'll change, they'll throw the
runes in the wash and it's all good, I know.
(21:01):
And it's like and you just start. Luckily, I'm quite cool,
calm and collected on my feet, so I'm not sitting
there sweating and I'm answering things in my head. I've
done a good job. But you're digging yourself out of
holes as your mouth is tall opening like you're like God,
and where am I going here? Don't go down there?
The dream thing, But that was such a couple, like
the weak dream. I could have just said, oh, it's
(21:22):
a thing that boys do sometimes.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
I would have said, maybe you don't need to worry
about those that's the boy thoughts.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Maybe I should have, Maybe I should have.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
There's two schools of thought. There's the give kids all
the information they want, which is probably the right one,
but then also there's some things where you can go
luckily you don't have to worry about that.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Yeah, which I've seen the exact same thing, because she's
looking at me like the idea of sex and you
can tell that the little brain's going billion miles an hour.
I was like, this is sathing you do not need
to worry about for a long time, Mela, till you're
like eighteen twenty.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Where Yeah, exactly where was Jody during this conversation.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Jody's just like down in the dining room hiding and
then and then no, not hiding, just carrying on cleaning
the kitchen. But she's like, Mela's had puberty talks and
wants to me something and you can go answer it,
but Mila know. And Jody says, she'said follow up questions
with me because I've said, look, if you got any
questions in the morning or whatever, because I know a
million things are going to be going through your head now,
(22:18):
feel free to ask me or talk to mom. And
she's had follow up questions with Jody, which is good,
you're doing right, But apparently I'm the open I'm the guy. Yeah,
I'm the guy who needs Yeah. So every day now
she'll come home and say, Dad, like she's telling me
the puberty things that she's learned, and she just wants
my insight or my ideas, my thoughts on certain things.
Because also at this time here in New Zealand and
(22:39):
the current curriculum, there's a lot of they're very confused around.
There's a lot of trans chat as well, and having
six toilets and all of this. So for a kid
who who knows she knows what a gay person is
or a lesbian person, she knows that there's she knows
gay people at her school, but then she's never heard
the concept of trans and so they're trying to learn
(22:59):
that at school. And that's the one that has a
million questions. And I'm picking up her and her girl
mates from school and they're all in the back asked,
and I'm just like, ah, talk to your own parents
about that guy.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yeah, yeah, which which our generation is probably not equipped
for those conversations. No, no, Dad, we don't know the
correct way to speak about that stuff. Yeah, I'm sure
we will do your because I think about whenever two
he learned something, my five year old, my three year
old instantly wants to learn it. Have you been having
these puberty conversations away from your other girls intentionally or
(23:33):
they talk when they're playing together. Are you fine and
that you're having to have the puberty conversation with your
younger kids?
Speaker 3 (23:38):
No, intentionally away and Mela has been briefed on that.
I said, well never you if we want to talk,
will go away.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
I don't want you coming home and saying, dad, what's
a wet dream?
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (23:47):
And Alba has dad, what's a wit dream? And then
he's going to school, Oh, what's a wit dream?
Speaker 2 (23:52):
So I don't want to tell Albert, like, what did
you tell her? The reason for keeping it a secret was.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Yeah, and she's Mela's quite mature. She knows exactly why.
And I've said, we can't come home and talk about
these puberty things that have been saved until you're at
this age to be talked about. Right, this is when
the school thinks that.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
You don't want to that you're talking about No, No,
she knows.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
I just said, we don't want Albert. Because she's not ready. No,
not bad, just not ready. I've just said the word mature.
They're not mature enough to understand. You can't come home
and start talking about clitoriuses and things like that and
then you have al But it's not bad. But also
there's a reason maybe that you we try to teach her.
We want them to be kids as long as possible,
(24:35):
not talking about all this stuff.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Yea, exactly. It's such a fine line and you're at
that line where but we are.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
We're totally.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
She's going to BELO want them equipped with the information
they need to be safe and all that.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
Yeah, like she has in her bad like all her
friends will. She is in her bad little period. Pack
that mum's gone over with her for when that happens,
because it's going to happen at school and be the
most crazy thing ever. For she's at the age that
do that chat. Apparently she's apparently she's equipped there. But again,
(25:09):
you want to be and I think you will be
as well. I want to be that dad that the
girls are all fine to come and talk about all
the aspects of this stuff. I would want to be
like the voodoo guy, and I'm out, left out of
the circle or yep, you know. I don't ever want
to be that, even if it's terrible. I don't ever
want to be find out that Alba bloody got knocked
(25:29):
up at the age of fifteen and had an abortion
with mum, and mum took it to the clinic and
dad never knew. I never want to be that dead.
I want to be in on everything, no better, the good,
the bad, the ugly. I want to be part of it.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
And you want to be able to I feel like
you want to be able to peck and choose the
stuff that you talk to them about. But you want
to bit them to come to you with everything. But
if it's something you can't talk about, that's when you go, hey,
I'm so happy you talked to me about this. This
is this is definitely something for mum to explain to you,
because because of the age of the Internet, they can
go and get the answers they want and the worst
(25:59):
and the worst possible ways. So if she just googled
wet dream, you know, like.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
What, ninety nine percent of that are going to come
out will be a porn site most likely. Yeah, that's
the scariest thing. Oh, she has Alexa. She's asked she
has Alexa in her room, and alex is one of
those answer anything I should I should check what alexis is.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
There is there will be I don't know this for sure,
but there absolutely will be. Like a child thing put
on Alexa where you go, Please fosh the information you give, I.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Should probably turn it on. I think she filters a bit,
should give a very scientific A wet geam is.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
The day when c man is ejaculated from the peeni ass.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
That dream is very embarrassing and sometimes you have to
hate it. I burned the sheets.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
I am a Robert. I have never had a wet dream. Honestly,
Please don't check.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
I remember to over the college on Form one, which
is the age Miller is now, and we were having
our puberty chats. Do you remember yours at school vividly?
Speaker 2 (26:55):
Because I went to a Catholic high school, so my
puberty chats were very weird and very unhelpful.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
You were you were told that your penis would be
chopped off if you think about using it.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Basically, there was no The concept of pleasure was not
something that was talked about. Contraception was something that was
barely talked about because the Catholic Church is anti contraception.
So the contraception methods we were taught at high school
were the rhythm method, where you ask your girlfriend when
(27:28):
her period is and then you have sex the week
directly after her period because that's when she's least fertile.
This is really these are these are these are teacher
taught methods at my school.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
I'm a grown man. I didn't even know this. Again,
because it's.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Not effective, it's not affective. The withdrawal method was another
method that we were taught of contraception, which is just
pulling it out at the last minute.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Well that this this makes no sense to me. Was
not from a religious background whatsoever.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Yes, it's no sense to me.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
That I thought they were against there against you guys
having sex out.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Of marriage, right, yes, so give it to you again.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
But then they're giving you contraception ideas.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
So the frame without the frameworkers don't have sex. But
if you're going to, these are the methods we recommend
to not get pregnant, but don't have that.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
Why wouldn't it Why wouldn't a condom be part of
that suggestion?
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Because it because it's because well, I don't know now
because I'm not a part of the Catholic Church, but
in the two thousands when I was at high school,
it was it was they were strongly anti condom.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
But they'll teach you how to pull out. Yeah, this
just makes no sense to me. We're going to teach
you how to have sex and not get them pregnant
by these methods, but not the one that's kind of
the easiest way.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
We're going to tell you, fourteen year old boys, to
have enough self control to be able to pull out
at the moment of impact so that you don't get
your girl pregnant. So those were the two that we
were taught. And then there was the teachers weren't allowed
to tell us about condoms, but there was a video
that was approved by the by the Catholic diocesin of
(29:07):
our area, like a VHS tape was like from the eighties,
and they'd put it in and this lady on the
screen shows you how to put a condom on, and
she pulls out the biggest piece of wood that you've
ever seen, this big brown piece of wood, and all
of us fourteen year old boys were like, oh, mine,
mine doesn't look like that.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
Look like that.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
No, it doesn't like that. Boom puts those bit of
wood on the table and then rolls this condom down it.
And they're like, that's how you do it. And the
teacher's like, all right, that's it up you go.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
I don't remember. No, our teacher did the classic banana banana.
She was a hippie. She was really like she like
she was. She wasn't a mean teacher. It wasn't like
your form teacher or your English teacher. She was the
health teacher. She was you know, back in the early
two thousands. She had purple streeped colored hair. She was
about fifty years old, and she was cool. And so yeah,
(29:58):
she just bananaed it. But and then it's the questions. Right,
you get taught some things, and then it's the questions
if you've got a question. And I remember a guy
at the back, the kind of big bully guy at
the back of the class, and miss had just told
us that ejaculate, when a man ejaculates, it's about a
tea spoon, right, it's about a teaspoon. He's like, Miss,
(30:19):
mine's about like a couple of tablespoons. Is that normal?
Just shit that would seed you off, like the whole
class would just be part of you, part of you
like want to laugh. But also you're so young that
you don't know. You're like, you're so you don't know much,
so you're thinking, shit, is he actually got two tablespoons?
(30:40):
Is it real to them? The whole although or the okay?
And it's very normal. One man's testicle is smaller than
the other, and then the other class bully clown at
the back, what if both my nuts are small? Miss
just the funniest questions. But it helped because everyone was
freaking out in there and sweating so much, and then
you just needed to have a laugh. But Meela like
(31:01):
says the exact same thing. She's coming home and saying,
some of the boys questions are just so funny.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
We had a guy like that in our class. His
name was Wallace. You wouldn't allowed a true gum at school, obviously,
and he was chewing in class and the teacher said,
no gum in class, Wallace, and he goes, it's not gum.
Us he had we had had some class where they
had given out flavored condoms and he'd chopped up a
bit of strawberry flavored condom and he was.
Speaker 4 (31:29):
Chewing like it was chewing gum brood had he would
have had beautifully like look, look, look bomb the lubricant,
the flavored lubricant on them.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
I remember it could be a good way of getting
these messages across the kids. But it depends, and it depends, right,
That's about finding the line.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
I remember being a teenager and being like super excited
when someone had like a strawberry condom and ripping it
open everyone and be like, whoa strawberry. But now they
got vapes, so you don't get excited about they don't
get excited about flavor.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
But they're still doing flavored. Flavored, but they're still doing
flavored condoms. I'm not been so long since I've seen.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
One flavored condoms. I don't know if they do flavored
condoms more. They probably found out that the flavoring was
too much, too much fake and MSG and sugar, the
flavoring too tempting.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
Well, it sounds like you're doing a great job, So
that you're doing a great job.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
No, you freaked me out, and this whole time now
it's just a this is just a wall of me
trying to get through this podcast.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
My grain in the background, the idea of pleasure.
Speaker 3 (32:35):
You use the word you use the word pleasure. It's
thrown me.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
You know what I did at teacher about and then
I'm like through you. As if we got Morgan the
Sexologist back on here.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
I know Morgan the six Ologists would be going Jordan's
sit down and tell it all about masturbation and everything
and how it's healthy and no, that's okay. I take
it back how I said. I want to be in
on everything. That's the stuff that you've got to go
to mum. You can't be coming to me with your
masturbation questions. I'm not ready for that. I take everything
go back earlier, trying to be this coo, mature dad.
(33:03):
That's the bit that I kind of don't want to
be part of.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
Do we need a dad? We need to teach them?
Speaker 3 (33:07):
They did? Yeah, No I don't know. No, no, no, no.
I don't think you get taught. But they might have
questions that they want to ask Mum. I don't know, but.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
It sounds like an archaic no thing to say. But
do we have to teach them about masturbation? Like isn't
that like go and figure that out for yourself. You can't.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
There's no I don't know know. I remember the teacher,
I think our puberty listen, talked about it again. I'm
not sure what she's getting. I don't know if they're
talking about pleasure stuff and her puberty listen right now,
I'm very unaware.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
I don't know true, and they could just be again,
they could just be doing human anatomy.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
I never went to Dad and was like, so do
I use like two hands were like one two fingers? Like,
am I mean to put a finger up my butt?
Like I keep putting my finger up my butt and
nothing's happening.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
So every time I want to masturbate, do I have
to put a condom on so I don't get myself pregnant?
Or I don't know, you know, like I can't remember.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
How I figured it out. But yeah, to be a
mum one.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
That's if your mama, if they have Christians around there, or.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Yeah, because we don't have sons.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
Yeah because of her boy if you even tried this.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Man, so it's so good. But honestly, you know, when
mom goes to do the groceries, that's the best time.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
And then she goes back because she's forgotten new wallet. No,
we don't do that.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
We don't do that.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
That we have we we have a health. We both
have very healthy six lives, and at least six, six
times a week, we are making beautiful love.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
There's no need, there's no need for masturbation. That's just
that's yeah. I couldn't. I couldn't if I tried, neither.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
I've got no time because my wife's there just saying honey,
what are you doing?
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Come here please? I need you now.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
Yeah. Wow, look look that's probably enough.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
That's fine, that's fine.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
We've probably freaked enough people out. I love the idea
right now that there's listeners. So I have good friends,
and we talked about them with the Donger book. Who
We lent the Donger Book too. And if you don't
know what that means, it was just this cartoon book.
It had some big penises in it and we called
them dogers. It was sorry, a sex education cartoon kid's book.
We leaned it to friends, got married couple like us,
(35:24):
with daughters the same age as us, and they were
like eleven year old kids flicking through it and like
slamming it shut, being like, Noah, can't do it can't
do it, Oh my gosh, and like yelling like at
us intensely, like how do you do it? Nah? Bro,
Nah can't do that? What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (35:39):
So you showed them this whole book. Albas saw this
book as well, did you say? Nahla saw this book
and it just blew their minds. So I know that
right now, and I'm sorry for the uncomfortableness, but there's
many of you out there and there in their lane
that have hated us talking about this. It has made
the hairs on the back of your next stand up.
And then Clint finished it off by saying that he
masturbates while his wife goes grocery shop. So we're sorry
(36:04):
for creeping.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
You out, just freak you out that you don't have
to listen to this podcast today. I know we're at
the end of it now, but just save up there
for when you're ready to listen to it, you know,
just wait until you're ready.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
Okay, not that we had any answers. If anything, you've
made me Christion my whole life and existence and being
on this earth.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
But anyway, we're not trying to give answers. We're never
trying to give answers. We're just sharing the trauma of parenting.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
Yeah, I've got more trauma. She's got like puberty lessons
for the next two weeks of just every day coming
home and be.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
Like, Dad, I've got so many questions, so many questions everything.
Speaker 3 (36:34):
We haven't finished it because we said it no and
it was just me and Mela at the dinner table.
She's like, what's a foreskin? We had foreskin chat and
then you.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Try and that one.
Speaker 3 (36:47):
No, no, and you're trying to explain it and it's
so hot again, you're biting your own tongue. You'd be like,
you've seen Dad's one. That's a normal one, right on normal.
I haven't been hacked away. I've got a normal uncircumcised penis.
But you're trying to oh, and she's like, why would
people do that?
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (37:04):
And I'm like, yeah, okay, there's a real there's Jewish people.
They do it because it's their religious belief. And then
during wartime, this is my understanding. During back in wartime,
people were getting it done because soldiers would be in
these trenches for months without changing their pants or their undies,
and look, you know how you might have had like
a urine in fiction or a little something going on.
(37:27):
Men could get like a little what I wasn't saying
in fiction. I was just saying, like a saw around
their penis was around there. It's like again, you're just
trying to get yourself out of the hole, you like,
because you don't want to sound so. You know how
dad has his foreskin, I have a very I have
fungus and domo rod all the time. Like I wasn't
(37:48):
trying to set that up, but you can see her
head been.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Trying to give them just enough information to make the
question stop, but not so much information that you show
them everything.
Speaker 3 (37:57):
Yeah, but I told her that when I was a
fourteen year old boy in my group of mates and
you're standing in a circle, not nude, just at school
and the chat it's brought up, I said it was
about fifty to fifty, so like half of us have
weren't circumcised. Half of us were. But I said to her,
I believe this day and age, especially here in New Zealand,
and I've got multiple friends with sons, it's really really
(38:20):
hard to get your kids circumcised.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Now, is that?
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Did you know that? Did you know that?
Speaker 2 (38:23):
No, I'm just going going a circumcision rate in New Zealand.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
Now it's not as common whatsoever. Like my brother really
fought to try and get his son done and it
was gonna it's like really one hundred dollars in New
zeal like you have to only had to pay money.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Only ten to twenty percent of boys in New Zealand
and Australia are circumcised.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
There you go, There you go where I feel like
back when I was young, it was definitely a fifty
to fifty.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
All right, this has been a very revealing episode of
the podcast.
Speaker 3 (38:52):
I'm gonna I'm gonna leave you with this head scratcher.
My dad is circumcised. I am not. That's a weird
one because usually the dads just get for their sons
whatever they've got. I don't want this because that's all
they know. I don't want this, d I don't want this.
I don't want them to be hacked. I wanted to
keep his natural form. That was always the argument all
the guys that had it. That was the teaser. Do Bro,
(39:13):
I'm as God? Maybe Bro, I'm just a normal guy.
Now I wanted to hack me away.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
Bro, you've lost like a centimeter from doing all right,
we're gonna go. I gotta go text my dad and
macause he's so concised.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
Okay, sweet ass, No, I'll fucking miss like you.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
It'd be less bid.
Speaker 3 (39:27):
You are all right, See you guys,
This is an iHeartRadio New Zealant podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Hey, the big topic of today's podcast is puberty. Puberty
chats have begun in Jordan's house.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
So parental warning, there are children listening. This may not
be one unless you want to have a week's worth
of random questions thrown at you. You know, because we
cover things like Donna Rot.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Don't start with Donna Rot. We do a way better
conversation about puberty than Donna Rod that we don't.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Really we try to talk like we're growing mature dads
and get through this puberty episode. But secretly, under my
fleece jumper than I'm wearing, I am dripping. I'm not
even joking. My armpits are very moist. It was hard
for me. I needed more than the sexologist that we
had here just pushing us through it.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Yeah, we needed to come back and talk to each
of our children individually. Jordan's right, don't listen to this
with your kids if you don't want them to know
the things yet. But I mean, if it's that two
random dads explained puberty to your child, then this is
the podcast for your kids.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Yeah, no, we need to stop. Don't listen to this
if you have kids, whatsoever. Please, even if you're thinking
I've not explained any of this. Hey, kids, come sit round,
the come sit round. The bloody radiogram, guys, turn it on.
It's Jordan and Clint talking about puberty. Look, we might
not have had millions of messages in saying how's dear Clint,
you know and as concussion, but I want to know
(01:36):
you've opened the laptop to me today. We talk over
a laptop to each other and you know, hand over
the head. Oh my, what is it, Clint O Clint
tell me, no, no, no, it's nothing. It's fine. But no,
in all seriousness, you said that you still have headaches
from the pole collision. I do.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Yeah. They said that it that it could take like
about ten days and it's been about twelve. But yeah,
they just linger it's just right at the front of
your head. It just feels you know, that feeling when
you haven't drunk.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
Water where the head hit the pole, the frontal.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Part of your brain. But yes, that's you know that
feeling when you haven't drunk enough water. That's what it
feels like.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
And have you had enough water?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (02:20):
I've had quite a.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Lot of water. Yeah, I put a video of the
pole on our Instagram story The Infamous Pole so people
could see it, and I acknowledged the pathetic nature of
the injury. I walked into a pole. That's how I
got concussed.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Man.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Some people with pathetic injury stories that came through were incredible.
One girl commented on my Instagram on the reel that
I made, and she said that she once rolled her
ankle stepping off a curb and had to be helicoptered
to hospital and the ankle injury that she sustained was
so bad that she almost lost her leg and died
(02:55):
from stepping.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Off the curb. Shit.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
So I guess it's just angles and velocity and susceptibility
to injury.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Age age on you once you have a three, like
once you have thirty. I dread my forties. I look.
We we've talked many times that we don't want to
talk about our own injuries too much on this podcast.
We mean to start every episode with how's the kids,
but just sometimes, you know, we need to be relatable
and I have. I've stuffed my shoulder a year ago,
I've stuffed the other one now. And the who's the
(03:28):
funny bit? In a very short story. On the Friday, finally,
ten days of handling the shoulder that's terrible. I can
hardly move it. I email my physio guy and it's like,
you gotta put the blurb in what's wrong stuff my shoulder.
I think it's as bad as my other's shoulder. I
think I'm going to need the quarterzone shot. I need
to come see you and if it seenned. And then
just after sending that, within like a couple of hours,
(03:50):
merely yells out to me and I twist a look
at her and I spezzm my back. I throw my
back out.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
But this is probably because you're you're training to do
a boxing fight.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
It could be. No, it's not.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
I've not been doing anything. I've had peas and things
like that on that shoulder.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Because they they're quite They're like, you can still come
in Jordan, and I'm like, nah, Like I tried to,
and I was doing all my fighting with one hand,
but just doing anything, the shoulder is so aggravated at
the moment. So I'm just chilling. It's not from that
at all. I'm really chilling, but the fact that I'm
only thirty six, right, I know, twenty year olds are
saying that's old, but I'm so alarmed for how shit
I'm going to be in my forties and fifties. I
(04:28):
threw my back out, turning to say what what me?
What do you need? And yes, it's from kind of
nursing my shoulder probably, But I went to the guy
and he's like, so you tell me about a shoulder?
What's wrong with your bag? And I was, I've done
something made jees, there's something back there. There's like seven knots.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
I think about that a lot. I'm the same age
as you, and you go, it's not we're not spring chickens.
But if we expect to live for another fifty years,
if we're lucky like we're, if we're breaking down this
much after thirty six years, how the frock are we
meant to survive for another forty five fifty years?
Speaker 3 (05:03):
You know what? You know what people with physical jobs
are thinking, Yeah, it's because you're not physical, it's because
you are both guys.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Use them a loser? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (05:11):
Yeah, And look, what do you want me to do?
Quit what I do and go and become a roofer
a builder, just so I can use my body more.
I could go, I could go become a personal trainer.
You know, I definitely not can do it anyway, enough
gripes about being Oh oh woe is me? Thirty six
year old dads? How other kids make kids are great?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
We had a really good Father's Day.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
All week.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Meggie was saying to me Father's Day is on Sunday,
and you are going to be the lucky boy.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
That you're going to be a lucky boy.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
And she also kept saying to me and and and
don't don't and don't don't and don't dad, don't, don't
and don't don't look, don't look, don't look behind the couch,
so love and behold. After the All Blacks test on
Sunday morning, she led me over to the back of
the couch where would you believe it? My gift was,
(06:06):
which was nice. And they said to me, Dad, this
is to cheer you up because the All Blacks lost,
which was also very nice. I hate that my children
are being born into a losing All Blacks eror it's
hard to handle, but you know they won't remember.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
This, so yeah. So for people who aren't from New Zealand,
we had Father's Down on Sunday and the national rugby
team is the all blacks. And you know the disgusting
thing they did when they schedule the games. So we've
talked about the most important thing you can give your
dad or the man in your household or your father
and your house as a sleeper, as a sleeper, and
(06:40):
they scheduled a game, a big game against South Africa
in South Africa that kicked off for us at three
am on Sunday morning. Yeah, there was no Father's Day sleeping.
And then just to rub salt in the wound, we
lost after a very controversial try that South Africa should
not have got, but we won't go into it.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
I got up at six am to watch When did
you get up to watch?
Speaker 3 (07:00):
No, I got up. I will get to me. But
I had work on Father's Day, so I got up
at five am. And what I couldn't do three because
then I'd be dead at this fight to go to
a video shoot. Yeah, so I got up at five
am and I had the clever thing on the sport
app that if you get up before the broadcast ends,
you can quickly hit play from the start. So I
didn't see any social media. I knew nothing, and then
(07:22):
you can skip through so as soon as there's a
penalty or anything. You just had skip skip like thirty seconds. Yeah,
so I watched an eighty minute game in about sixty minutes.
It's a new great great trip.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Yeah. I watched the first half by myself. Then we
cooked a Rugby breakfast which the girls love, which is
baking and eggs and baked beans and things like that.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Yeah Rugby blokes.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Yeah, and they love it. And then they gave him
my presents and we watched the second half.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Your kids sorry, sorry, yeah, and then we watched the
second half. Yeah, your kids got up at three forty.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
No, I got up at six am and watched the
first half.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
Sorry, I.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
I paused it. And then because I knew they'd only
watch about fifteen minutes of the game, so better to
get get forty uninterrupted minutes out. And then the second
half they watched a bit with me.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Quick side hustle sport question. Yeah, how did you? How
did you watch it at six am? What's your have
you got normal Sky?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
No, I've got the app? But they did it really
but they had a replay on that started at straight away.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
Yeah, yeah you knew, you knew that was there. I
see you had your plan yeah, yeah, I like it.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
That very minor great. That app needs work, like you
should be able to get up at anytime and start
the game from the start, surely, yes.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Anyway, yeah, I know anyway.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Anyway, I got some boot polish for my Rim Williams boots.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Nice. Yep, the boots you gotta take a mortgage out
to buy. Yep.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
I got lifetime boots though. I got I'm still growing
an Arian Williams T shirt. And I got a book nice.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
And did you get some classic homemade cards with?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
I got classical home made cards and fish and chips
for dinner.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
Nice. What a great what a great little one. So
I had work on Sunday. I had to go down
to the Whitecatle region and film a big shoot and
it had been rained off, so we had to schedule
it for Father's Day because I got a lot of
weekends coming up. So that was all good. So the
kids a new leading up and they're like, Dad, Saturday
is going to be your day. Oh yeah, but you've
got to quickly get up because we have to go
off to a day of netble tournaments, so get up early.
(09:21):
And so we had our classic pancakes, bacon banana maple syrup.
That's like Dad's birthday, Christmas, whatever, I go to just
the have Dad's pancakes and they come into the bedroom
with their homemade cards. Alba had saved money and it
actually went into the shop and got me a king
sized chocolate, Whittaker's chocolate. It's quite cool she's actually bought
(09:44):
something with their own money because I kind of I
don't know what I'm trying to do when I remind
them all the time, but at their age, it was
such a big deal for me to save every coin
you found or were given, and I had this money
box and I'd put them in and once it came
to like October, I would open it and start meticulously
buying presents for all my family from like the two
dollars shop, like knowing that I can't got and marvel.
(10:07):
They they have no wants to do that or desire
if any money they get, Like the next day they've
gone and bought a packet of sherbet because we don't
need to eat shit. And then they're like, it's my money,
I can buy shirt if I want. Yeah, I'm like,
well what about you know Mum's birthdays coming up? Do
you want to oh yeah, and they'll think about it
for a second and the next day you see that
they've gone to countdown with Mum and they've said, Mom,
(10:29):
I'm going to buy this with my money, and just
the whole present buying. So I don't know how to
instill that in them now. I think I think I.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Had that too, by the way. That's how I operated
it as a kid, the same as you. Yeah, but yeah,
we haven't we haven't crossed the giving the kids money
bridge yet. I found out that one of Tooy's classmates,
who's five, gets five dollars a week pocket money.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
I just we've started it. We talked about it, We've
started it. Mela is five a week, Albert is three,
and Nla is one.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Yeah, that makes more sense. I'm not giving a five year.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Old and it's just this tiny little pocket money. But
if Mila kept some of her fives, that's you know,
you get to a point where you can actually buy
mom and dad a present instead of you know, you
can't be Look what she's gonna do when she's sixteen,
still giving us a teddy beer out of her bedroom,
wrapped in a ribbon and a homemade card, like come on,
you got a bit, a bit of effort, and now
we've bit of a bloody roof over your head, food
in your belly. Narla came in and gave me a
(11:24):
handful of stones that she had painted faces on.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Okay, which is quite cute.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
And she she got confused, so she wrote a card
for her granddad for Father's Day, your dad, and then yeah,
and then last minute, just she's got confused a little bit.
And then last minute her sisters have kind of laughed
and teased her a bit like have you done a
card for Dad? And then she's hit panic stations and like,
(11:50):
holy shit, why have I made a card for Grandad
and not Dad? And so I get this card that's
just quickly been edited and the card is now for me,
and she's like, look, I've made this card just for you.
I know the backstory. JODI's told me afore. And then
she comes in and Jody looks at me like taps me, like,
don't say anything. That's a card for you, And then yeah,
(12:12):
then they were all off doing netball tournaments. I had
a couple sick, two of them at home or one
of them at home because they were sick. It was
very much more a normal day. I couldn't pull the
Father's Day card because it was a busy Jody was
busy driving around all day doing nitble stuff. I was
trying to keep Alba entertained, who was sick at home,
and so I couldn't do that great lunch. Guys. I'm
(12:33):
not tying up though it's Father's Day. It was just
a regular And then Sunday I woke up and they
were like, ah, it's Father's Day, but not for you.
We did it yesterday and then all good. I went
off to work and I came home and then they'd
done this amazing little dinner and we ate outside and
Jody lit candles and we had this and they it
was just a nice they did. I'm not unplanned, not
(12:57):
expecting a little Father's Day dinner. Yeah, it was good.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Did you do anything for your dad for Father's Day?
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Yes? See, I think the fact that you and I
talked so much about what our kids need to be
doing and what our partners need to be doing. Oh
I got to like two pm.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
I was like shit, Yeah, I was like, hey, Dad,
heavy Father's Day.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
Hope you have a good one. Did but no, nah,
we're not We're not that kind of like this is dead.
Even on my birthday. Every birthday, I'm basically at his
house almost my whole life because it's January second, and
we're usually at Dad's and he'll go, oh shit, and
he walks down to the big Walk and Chiller opens
it up, find some off brand beer that I don't
(13:37):
even drink, and will come up to me. Oh, that's
your birthday present. The boy, Well good, we are a set,
then you Yeah, yeah, we're not. We're not one of
the we're not too big or no one gets hurt
or upset.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
My dad texts me on well no. Mom texts me
on Father's Day and said, because my dad doesn't have Sky,
but it loves the All Blacks. So she text and
said Dad has turned his phone off. He is watching
the All Blacks replay at lunchtime, so please do not
contact him until after three pm.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
So I was all right, you need to get yourself
a Sky deal, bro, and then as part of the deal,
you'd be like, I can need two subscriptions and get
your old man one, and then you'll be in the will.
He'll put you back in the will as he took you,
he took you out after he heard that you lost
one nill to a pal pole. No son of mine,
(14:28):
No son of mine getting knocked out.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
We've got a big topic to talk about this week
because the puberty conversations have started in your household.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Yes, I believe. No, you brought this up to me.
You said, your three year old Maggie has got like
massive lady lumps.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
I said, I'm going through puberty. Oh yeah, I'm starting
to get here downe.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
No, so uh me. La is an intermediate And so
if you've got kids and you're listening to this in
the car, usually you shouldn't listen to this with kids
in the car, I would say, anyway, but this is
one where you probably don't want your kids listening to
in the car because then you're gonna have to answer
questions yourself. But she comes home and she he goes.
We started puberty talks, and we knew that they were
(15:09):
going to be happening. We've started puberty talks, and Jody's
trade away is like, oh, you could talk to your dad.
Jody chicks out, and so this is three girls. We
have three girls. Jody is a girl as a female,
as a woman, and you think that this is her
motherly moment to come on in, and Jody's.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Like, oh, yeah, you could, Dad will.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Talk to you. And for some reason, I'm the grown
up and we've talked about it before. With the Doma Book,
like many episodes ago, we had a cartoon how are Babies?
Where do Babies Come From? Book for kids aimed at
like eight, nine, ten year olds, and Jody sat there
just in silence, like trying not to giggle, like at
(15:51):
a little twelve year old as I'm reading it to
the kids and then asking if they have any questions.
And so Meela comes home, but it added a whole
another layer to She's read that book right and understands
how a baby is made and we babies come from
as a mummy and a daddy. You know. It's that
kind of style. And it had a cart it had
(16:12):
a moment where a penis goes into the vagina like
it was that kind of not detailed, like gruesomely detailed
for a kid, but it had enough details correct. Then
she comes home and throws this curveball at me because
she goes I had puberty think. I was like, oh, yeah,
any questions how to go She's like, yeah, there's some
weird things like scrotum. I don't know what that is.
(16:35):
Oh well, you know, like you've seen a dog. You've
seen Big my brother's dog. You know, he's got those
things at the back of him. And she's like, here's balls.
I was like, yeah, well, the skin that holds his
balls in place, so when there are two balls, basically
that's the scrotum. And she's like, oh okay. I was like, surely,
and then you don't like bite my tongue And I
was like, surely you've seen my scrot it, but sure
you've seen my nuts when I'm walking around the house.
(16:56):
But then now that she's at an age where she's
learning about it, you definitely don't want her last image
like she have an image of oh yeah, that's what
I remember dad's penis and nuts. So I'm very much
I'm not walking around confidently nude as much.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Now. That's quick thinking of you to use the dog
as the reference, because you're right, the closest scroed him
to you is your own.
Speaker 5 (17:16):
Yeah, and then you don't want to be telling you
don't want to be jo this is how it works. Yeah,
you don't want to be jogging your kid's memory. To
be like, oh, yeah, that's right, Dad, I saw your
nuts that time you stepped over me when you're somewhere,
when you reached over the bloody bath and you hopped
up the shower to get a towel, that's right.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
You also don't want and fast forward. I know you
don't want to think about this yet, but when she
does eventually have a boyfriend, you don't want her reference
to be dad's.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
You know, you don't want to be like, yeah, yeah,
so I don't.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Interesting this is bigger than Dad's one.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
Dad told me like he's so big and mustlian like.
So I thought, but geez you you're only sixteen. You're
only sixteen, and look at this thing. Jeez mate, I'll
just go get my dad because this is a normal Dad,
come check this out. But the spanner in the work
stripe was and I don't know if I answered it correctly,
(18:09):
but she her other question was, what's a wet dream?
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Ah?
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Miss wrote all these ideas and terms on the whiteboard,
and then you could ask questions about them, but she's like,
we never got to that one. What's a wet dream? So,
because her understanding of sex is that it's just when
someone wants to make a baby, right, So now she's asked,
what's a wet dream? And that takes away the idea
of you only have six just to make a baby.
(18:37):
So she had quite the less calm and mature. But
now my eleven year old fully knows that sex is
something that people do who are in a really good,
strong relationship, who really like each other. It's like another
level of these people that kiss, and then there's people
that to be as close and intimate and a really
nice hug at nighttime that you might do as people
(18:58):
have sex. Mela and these people having six and it's
nighttime as we're talking. I was like this people down
the road having six in their houses right now. But
she took it well, and I think I did okay,
but she because I couldn't have explained a wet dream
without explaining. You could have, but it would have been
another big criscina lie and she would have found out
in a few more less Ye she's doing lessons, like
(19:20):
three lessons of Bloody Day, and you know they're getting
to they're getting to parts now of this. This is
the clitorius of the vagina and the Clitoriessa is and
so she's kind of going to have way more Christian
You have.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
To explain, and I really I agree. I would have
hoped the school or the mom would have done this.
But you had to explain the concept of pleasure to
your daughter.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
No, no, no, I was able to tiptoe around that. No,
not not her, not her side of pleasure, but pleasure.
But using that word has made it real. Weirk And
that's it for the podcast.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
So I had to explain the idea of six for
pleasure as opposed to six four pro creation.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
You know, yes, yes, six, yes, I did. I said
it's something I didn't say. I didn't use the word pleasure,
and I didn't just say it's fun. I said, it's
a when it's a really big intimate bond. It's a
way of being as close to someone that you love
as possible as by having.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Seen so okay, and seeks for love is what you
talked about.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
Yeah, yeah, it's the way that I worded it. And
I said that, and I she already knew that semen,
She already knew the whole thing that semen comes out
of a willie and that's how it goes into a
vagina and it makes a baby, and semen can come
out when you're trying to make a baby, and semen
can come out when you're not trying to make a baby.
It can come out when you're just having sex because
you want to be close to someone, or it can
(20:41):
come out like if you're fast asleep and you don't
know what's going on. And that's what's called a wet
dream when accidentally and I said, it's nothing bad, I said,
boys and men, it happens all the time. It's nothing bad.
It's really normal. And they they'll change, they'll throw the
runes in the wash and it's all good, I know.
(21:01):
And it's like and you just start. Luckily, I'm quite cool,
calm and collected on my feet, so I'm not sitting
there sweating and I'm answering things in my head. I've
done a good job. But you're digging yourself out of
holes as your mouth is tall opening like you're like God,
and where am I going here? Don't go down there?
The dream thing, But that was such a couple, like
the weak dream. I could have just said, oh, it's
(21:22):
a thing that boys do sometimes.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
I would have said, maybe you don't need to worry
about those that's the boy thoughts.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Maybe I should have, Maybe I should have.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
There's two schools of thought. There's the give kids all
the information they want, which is probably the right one,
but then also there's some things where you can go
luckily you don't have to worry about that.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Yeah, which I've seen the exact same thing, because she's
looking at me like the idea of sex and you
can tell that the little brain's going billion miles an hour.
I was like, this is sathing you do not need
to worry about for a long time, Mela, till you're
like eighteen twenty.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Where Yeah, exactly where was Jody during this conversation.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Jody's just like down in the dining room hiding and
then and then no, not hiding, just carrying on cleaning
the kitchen. But she's like, Mela's had puberty talks and
wants to me something and you can go answer it,
but Mila know. And Jody says, she'said follow up questions
with me because I've said, look, if you got any
questions in the morning or whatever, because I know a
million things are going to be going through your head now,
(22:18):
feel free to ask me or talk to mom. And
she's had follow up questions with Jody, which is good,
you're doing right, But apparently I'm the open I'm the guy. Yeah,
I'm the guy who needs Yeah. So every day now
she'll come home and say, Dad, like she's telling me
the puberty things that she's learned, and she just wants
my insight or my ideas, my thoughts on certain things.
Because also at this time here in New Zealand and
(22:39):
the current curriculum, there's a lot of they're very confused around.
There's a lot of trans chat as well, and having
six toilets and all of this. So for a kid
who who knows she knows what a gay person is
or a lesbian person, she knows that there's she knows
gay people at her school, but then she's never heard
the concept of trans and so they're trying to learn
(22:59):
that at school. And that's the one that has a
million questions. And I'm picking up her and her girl
mates from school and they're all in the back asked,
and I'm just like, ah, talk to your own parents
about that guy.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yeah, yeah, which which our generation is probably not equipped
for those conversations. No, no, Dad, we don't know the
correct way to speak about that stuff. Yeah, I'm sure
we will do your because I think about whenever two
he learned something, my five year old, my three year
old instantly wants to learn it. Have you been having
these puberty conversations away from your other girls intentionally or
(23:33):
they talk when they're playing together. Are you fine and
that you're having to have the puberty conversation with your
younger kids?
Speaker 3 (23:38):
No, intentionally away and Mela has been briefed on that.
I said, well never you if we want to talk,
will go away.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
I don't want you coming home and saying, dad, what's
a wet dream?
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (23:47):
And Alba has dad, what's a wit dream? And then
he's going to school, Oh, what's a wit dream?
Speaker 2 (23:52):
So I don't want to tell Albert, like, what did
you tell her? The reason for keeping it a secret was.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Yeah, and she's Mela's quite mature. She knows exactly why.
And I've said, we can't come home and talk about
these puberty things that have been saved until you're at
this age to be talked about. Right, this is when
the school thinks that.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
You don't want to that you're talking about No, No,
she knows.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
I just said, we don't want Albert. Because she's not ready. No,
not bad, just not ready. I've just said the word mature.
They're not mature enough to understand. You can't come home
and start talking about clitoriuses and things like that and
then you have al But it's not bad. But also
there's a reason maybe that you we try to teach her.
We want them to be kids as long as possible,
(24:35):
not talking about all this stuff.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Yea, exactly. It's such a fine line and you're at
that line where but we are.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
We're totally.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
She's going to BELO want them equipped with the information
they need to be safe and all that.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
Yeah, like she has in her bad like all her
friends will. She is in her bad little period. Pack
that mum's gone over with her for when that happens,
because it's going to happen at school and be the
most crazy thing ever. For she's at the age that
do that chat. Apparently she's apparently she's equipped there. But again,
(25:09):
you want to be and I think you will be
as well. I want to be that dad that the
girls are all fine to come and talk about all
the aspects of this stuff. I would want to be
like the voodoo guy, and I'm out, left out of
the circle or yep, you know. I don't ever want
to be that, even if it's terrible. I don't ever
want to be find out that Alba bloody got knocked
(25:29):
up at the age of fifteen and had an abortion
with mum, and mum took it to the clinic and
dad never knew. I never want to be that dead.
I want to be in on everything, no better, the good,
the bad, the ugly. I want to be part of it.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
And you want to be able to I feel like
you want to be able to peck and choose the
stuff that you talk to them about. But you want
to bit them to come to you with everything. But
if it's something you can't talk about, that's when you go, hey,
I'm so happy you talked to me about this. This
is this is definitely something for mum to explain to you,
because because of the age of the Internet, they can
go and get the answers they want and the worst
(25:59):
and the worst possible ways. So if she just googled
wet dream, you know, like.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
What, ninety nine percent of that are going to come
out will be a porn site most likely. Yeah, that's
the scariest thing. Oh, she has Alexa. She's asked she
has Alexa in her room, and alex is one of
those answer anything I should I should check what alexis is.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
There is there will be I don't know this for sure,
but there absolutely will be. Like a child thing put
on Alexa where you go, Please fosh the information you give, I.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Should probably turn it on. I think she filters a bit,
should give a very scientific A wet geam is.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
The day when c man is ejaculated from the peeni ass.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
That dream is very embarrassing and sometimes you have to
hate it. I burned the sheets.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
I am a Robert. I have never had a wet dream. Honestly,
Please don't check.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
I remember to over the college on Form one, which
is the age Miller is now, and we were having
our puberty chats. Do you remember yours at school vividly?
Speaker 2 (26:55):
Because I went to a Catholic high school, so my
puberty chats were very weird and very unhelpful.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
You were you were told that your penis would be
chopped off if you think about using it.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Basically, there was no The concept of pleasure was not
something that was talked about. Contraception was something that was
barely talked about because the Catholic Church is anti contraception.
So the contraception methods we were taught at high school
were the rhythm method, where you ask your girlfriend when
(27:28):
her period is and then you have sex the week
directly after her period because that's when she's least fertile.
This is really these are these are these are teacher
taught methods at my school.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
I'm a grown man. I didn't even know this. Again,
because it's.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Not effective, it's not affective. The withdrawal method was another
method that we were taught of contraception, which is just
pulling it out at the last minute.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Well that this this makes no sense to me. Was
not from a religious background whatsoever.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Yes, it's no sense to me.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
That I thought they were against there against you guys
having sex out.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Of marriage, right, yes, so give it to you again.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
But then they're giving you contraception ideas.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
So the frame without the frameworkers don't have sex. But
if you're going to, these are the methods we recommend
to not get pregnant, but don't have that.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
Why wouldn't it Why wouldn't a condom be part of
that suggestion?
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Because it because it's because well, I don't know now
because I'm not a part of the Catholic Church, but
in the two thousands when I was at high school,
it was it was they were strongly anti condom.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
But they'll teach you how to pull out. Yeah, this
just makes no sense to me. We're going to teach
you how to have sex and not get them pregnant
by these methods, but not the one that's kind of
the easiest way.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
We're going to tell you, fourteen year old boys, to
have enough self control to be able to pull out
at the moment of impact so that you don't get
your girl pregnant. So those were the two that we
were taught. And then there was the teachers weren't allowed
to tell us about condoms, but there was a video
that was approved by the by the Catholic diocesin of
(29:07):
our area, like a VHS tape was like from the eighties,
and they'd put it in and this lady on the
screen shows you how to put a condom on, and
she pulls out the biggest piece of wood that you've
ever seen, this big brown piece of wood, and all
of us fourteen year old boys were like, oh, mine,
mine doesn't look like that.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
Look like that.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
No, it doesn't like that. Boom puts those bit of
wood on the table and then rolls this condom down it.
And they're like, that's how you do it. And the
teacher's like, all right, that's it up you go.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
I don't remember. No, our teacher did the classic banana banana.
She was a hippie. She was really like she like
she was. She wasn't a mean teacher. It wasn't like
your form teacher or your English teacher. She was the
health teacher. She was you know, back in the early
two thousands. She had purple streeped colored hair. She was
about fifty years old, and she was cool. And so yeah,
(29:58):
she just bananaed it. But and then it's the questions. Right,
you get taught some things, and then it's the questions
if you've got a question. And I remember a guy
at the back, the kind of big bully guy at
the back of the class, and miss had just told
us that ejaculate, when a man ejaculates, it's about a
tea spoon, right, it's about a teaspoon. He's like, Miss,
(30:19):
mine's about like a couple of tablespoons. Is that normal?
Just shit that would seed you off, like the whole
class would just be part of you, part of you
like want to laugh. But also you're so young that
you don't know. You're like, you're so you don't know much,
so you're thinking, shit, is he actually got two tablespoons?
(30:40):
Is it real to them? The whole although or the okay?
And it's very normal. One man's testicle is smaller than
the other, and then the other class bully clown at
the back, what if both my nuts are small? Miss
just the funniest questions. But it helped because everyone was
freaking out in there and sweating so much, and then
you just needed to have a laugh. But Meela like
(31:01):
says the exact same thing. She's coming home and saying,
some of the boys questions are just so funny.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
We had a guy like that in our class. His
name was Wallace. You wouldn't allowed a true gum at school, obviously,
and he was chewing in class and the teacher said,
no gum in class, Wallace, and he goes, it's not gum.
Us he had we had had some class where they
had given out flavored condoms and he'd chopped up a
bit of strawberry flavored condom and he was.
Speaker 4 (31:29):
Chewing like it was chewing gum brood had he would
have had beautifully like look, look, look bomb the lubricant,
the flavored lubricant on them.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
I remember it could be a good way of getting
these messages across the kids. But it depends, and it depends, right,
That's about finding the line.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
I remember being a teenager and being like super excited
when someone had like a strawberry condom and ripping it
open everyone and be like, whoa strawberry. But now they
got vapes, so you don't get excited about they don't
get excited about flavor.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
But they're still doing flavored. Flavored, but they're still doing
flavored condoms. I'm not been so long since I've seen.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
One flavored condoms. I don't know if they do flavored
condoms more. They probably found out that the flavoring was
too much, too much fake and MSG and sugar, the
flavoring too tempting.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
Well, it sounds like you're doing a great job, So
that you're doing a great job.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
No, you freaked me out, and this whole time now
it's just a this is just a wall of me
trying to get through this podcast.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
My grain in the background, the idea of pleasure.
Speaker 3 (32:35):
You use the word you use the word pleasure. It's
thrown me.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
You know what I did at teacher about and then
I'm like through you. As if we got Morgan the
Sexologist back on here.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
I know Morgan the six Ologists would be going Jordan's
sit down and tell it all about masturbation and everything
and how it's healthy and no, that's okay. I take
it back how I said. I want to be in
on everything. That's the stuff that you've got to go
to mum. You can't be coming to me with your
masturbation questions. I'm not ready for that. I take everything
go back earlier, trying to be this coo, mature dad.
(33:03):
That's the bit that I kind of don't want to
be part of.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
Do we need a dad? We need to teach them?
Speaker 3 (33:07):
They did? Yeah, No I don't know. No, no, no, no.
I don't think you get taught. But they might have
questions that they want to ask Mum. I don't know, but.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
It sounds like an archaic no thing to say. But
do we have to teach them about masturbation? Like isn't
that like go and figure that out for yourself. You can't.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
There's no I don't know know. I remember the teacher,
I think our puberty listen, talked about it again. I'm
not sure what she's getting. I don't know if they're
talking about pleasure stuff and her puberty listen right now,
I'm very unaware.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
I don't know true, and they could just be again,
they could just be doing human anatomy.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
I never went to Dad and was like, so do
I use like two hands were like one two fingers? Like,
am I mean to put a finger up my butt?
Like I keep putting my finger up my butt and
nothing's happening.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
So every time I want to masturbate, do I have
to put a condom on so I don't get myself pregnant?
Or I don't know, you know, like I can't remember.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
How I figured it out. But yeah, to be a
mum one.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
That's if your mama, if they have Christians around there, or.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Yeah, because we don't have sons.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
Yeah because of her boy if you even tried this.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Man, so it's so good. But honestly, you know, when
mom goes to do the groceries, that's the best time.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
And then she goes back because she's forgotten new wallet. No,
we don't do that.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
We don't do that.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
That we have we we have a health. We both
have very healthy six lives, and at least six, six
times a week, we are making beautiful love.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
There's no need, there's no need for masturbation. That's just
that's yeah. I couldn't. I couldn't if I tried, neither.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
I've got no time because my wife's there just saying honey,
what are you doing?
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Come here please? I need you now.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
Yeah. Wow, look look that's probably enough.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
That's fine, that's fine.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
We've probably freaked enough people out. I love the idea
right now that there's listeners. So I have good friends,
and we talked about them with the Donger book. Who
We lent the Donger Book too. And if you don't
know what that means, it was just this cartoon book.
It had some big penises in it and we called
them dogers. It was sorry, a sex education cartoon kid's book.
We leaned it to friends, got married couple like us,
(35:24):
with daughters the same age as us, and they were
like eleven year old kids flicking through it and like
slamming it shut, being like, Noah, can't do it can't
do it, Oh my gosh, and like yelling like at
us intensely, like how do you do it? Nah? Bro,
Nah can't do that? What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (35:39):
So you showed them this whole book. Albas saw this
book as well, did you say? Nahla saw this book
and it just blew their minds. So I know that
right now, and I'm sorry for the uncomfortableness, but there's
many of you out there and there in their lane
that have hated us talking about this. It has made
the hairs on the back of your next stand up.
And then Clint finished it off by saying that he
masturbates while his wife goes grocery shop. So we're sorry
(36:04):
for creeping.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
You out, just freak you out that you don't have
to listen to this podcast today. I know we're at
the end of it now, but just save up there
for when you're ready to listen to it, you know,
just wait until you're ready.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
Okay, not that we had any answers. If anything, you've
made me Christion my whole life and existence and being
on this earth.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
But anyway, we're not trying to give answers. We're never
trying to give answers. We're just sharing the trauma of parenting.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
Yeah, I've got more trauma. She's got like puberty lessons
for the next two weeks of just every day coming
home and be.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
Like, Dad, I've got so many questions, so many questions everything.
Speaker 3 (36:34):
We haven't finished it because we said it no and
it was just me and Mela at the dinner table.
She's like, what's a foreskin? We had foreskin chat and
then you.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Try and that one.
Speaker 3 (36:47):
No, no, and you're trying to explain it and it's
so hot again, you're biting your own tongue. You'd be like,
you've seen Dad's one. That's a normal one, right on normal.
I haven't been hacked away. I've got a normal uncircumcised penis.
But you're trying to oh, and she's like, why would
people do that?
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (37:04):
And I'm like, yeah, okay, there's a real there's Jewish people.
They do it because it's their religious belief. And then
during wartime, this is my understanding. During back in wartime,
people were getting it done because soldiers would be in
these trenches for months without changing their pants or their undies,
and look, you know how you might have had like
a urine in fiction or a little something going on.
(37:27):
Men could get like a little what I wasn't saying
in fiction. I was just saying, like a saw around
their penis was around there. It's like again, you're just
trying to get yourself out of the hole, you like,
because you don't want to sound so. You know how
dad has his foreskin, I have a very I have
fungus and domo rod all the time. Like I wasn't
(37:48):
trying to set that up, but you can see her
head been.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Trying to give them just enough information to make the
question stop, but not so much information that you show
them everything.
Speaker 3 (37:57):
Yeah, but I told her that when I was a
fourteen year old boy in my group of mates and
you're standing in a circle, not nude, just at school
and the chat it's brought up, I said it was
about fifty to fifty, so like half of us have
weren't circumcised. Half of us were. But I said to her,
I believe this day and age, especially here in New Zealand,
and I've got multiple friends with sons, it's really really
(38:20):
hard to get your kids circumcised.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Now, is that?
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Did you know that? Did you know that?
Speaker 2 (38:23):
No, I'm just going going a circumcision rate in New Zealand.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
Now it's not as common whatsoever. Like my brother really
fought to try and get his son done and it
was gonna it's like really one hundred dollars in New
zeal like you have to only had to pay money.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Only ten to twenty percent of boys in New Zealand
and Australia are circumcised.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
There you go, There you go where I feel like
back when I was young, it was definitely a fifty
to fifty.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
All right, this has been a very revealing episode of
the podcast.
Speaker 3 (38:52):
I'm gonna I'm gonna leave you with this head scratcher.
My dad is circumcised. I am not. That's a weird
one because usually the dads just get for their sons
whatever they've got. I don't want this because that's all
they know. I don't want this, d I don't want this.
I don't want them to be hacked. I wanted to
keep his natural form. That was always the argument all
the guys that had it. That was the teaser. Do Bro,
(39:13):
I'm as God? Maybe Bro, I'm just a normal guy.
Now I wanted to hack me away.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
Bro, you've lost like a centimeter from doing all right,
we're gonna go. I gotta go text my dad and
macause he's so concised.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
Okay, sweet ass, No, I'll fucking miss like you.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
It'd be less bid.
Speaker 3 (39:27):
You are all right, See you guys,
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