Connection happens after hours

You can build close professional relationships while keeping a good work/life balance

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning.
This is Laura, Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
tip is that connection often happens after hours. Relationships tend

(00:23):
to be built by spending relaxed time together. That is,
time not necessarily in meetings or doing work tasks. This
is often time at happy hours or dinners and the like.
That may not sound fair, but the good news is
that it is still possible to take advantage of this fact.

(00:44):
Even if you want a good work life balance, and
even if you don't drink, you just have to be
creative and strategic. So I am definitely an introvert, but
when I get to a networking event like a reception
where the pickings are good, I become one of the
most social people around. I come early, I stay late,

(01:07):
I rally people to go out for drinks afterwards. I
spend most of my time working by myself, and I
know that strong professional relationships are built through this relaxed
social time spent together, so I want to take advantage
of it. Now. I know that this insight that connections
are often built after hours is not the most wonderful

(01:30):
or fair reality I have heard numerous times that working
moms can't do happy hours, which isn't true, but I
do understand that if you are racing to make a
six pm daycare pickup, you can't hit the bar for
some relaxed drinks with colleagues at five forty five pm.
And if those colleagues are forging alliances and choosing who

(01:54):
they want to work with on projects at drinks after
four forty five pm or five forty five pm, our
parent with the daycare pickup could be out of luck.
There is also the truth that alcohol makes people more relaxed,
which is good for feeling friendly, but bad if people
become too friendly. If you are worried that might happen,

(02:15):
you could skip those drinks even if you don't have
a daycare pickup. And if people are forging alliances at
five point forty five pm over drinks, again, you are
out of luck. So what to do about this? The
first thing is to structure your life so you can
say yes sometimes when it makes sense. If there is

(02:36):
a daycare pickup or a nanny who needs to be
sent home, but there are two parents and a family,
you split it so either party could theoretically have a
more relaxed end of the work day twice a week
or so. If there aren't two parents, maybe you have
someone else help out twice a week. If you want

(02:58):
to stay late, fine, if you wind up coming home,
no problem. It's great to have an extra set of
hands for an hour or two. Either way, you also
want to set up your life so you can do
things like go to conferences. Again, that means either parent
needs to be capable of covering for a few days,

(03:18):
and if that's not an option, it is time to
enlist family, friends, neighbors, or paid caregivers. Then, when you go,
be sure to take advantage of any social opportunities, be
your most extroverted self. You can bring other people along,
but it's still good to try to meet new people.

(03:40):
Usually this isn't going to be too crazy. In a
business context. You can stay at the bar to eleven,
go to bed at eleven thirty, wake up at seven
thirty in your hotel room, and be at an eight
thirty am panel without too much rushing. And in all
these cases you do not need to drink alcohol. People
wouldn't blink an eye at you drinking club soda or

(04:03):
juice or water. The honest truth is, even if somebody
did have an issue for whatever reason, most people have
no idea what you are drinking, especially if you do
your own ordering and do it a little quietly. Most
mocktails look very festive. When I rally people to go
to a bar, I will order a drink to make

(04:24):
sure the bar is getting revenue, but I might just
take a sip or two. I'm happy other people are
with me whatever they are drinking. I assume most people
are the same, but I know that not everyone wants
to go to bars in places like that for various reasons.
The good news is that you can also create some

(04:45):
relaxed occasions that feel like they are after hours during
work hours. I am a big fan of teams having
some sort of late social lunch on Fridays and then
not noticing if people leave not too long afterwards. If
lunch starts at one point thirty, you could get people
to stay until two thirty or three most likely, and

(05:07):
many people will treat this time at the lunch and
at the end of the lunch and immediately afterwards as
the equivalent of relaxed after hours. You'll still have those
relaxed conversations if you are having a team happy hour,
have it at four pm so people can leave at
five pm. You can also proactively plan breakfasts and coffees

(05:31):
with people you want to get to know better. Especially
if you are doing this somewhere other than your office,
you will have created an occasion for becoming friends in
a different context. And moving a relationship to a different
context is what makes it feel like you have crossed
from your colleagues to friends. The relaxed vibe of being

(05:53):
not at work is what makes that possible. Connections often
happen after hours. Relationships are often what make work feel
more fun, and sometimes they're what make big breakthroughs possible.
If you have a full life and want work life balance,
it can be a little harder to make these after

(06:14):
hours connections happen, but it is not impossible at all,
and in general, people are a good use of time
in the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and
here's to making the most of our time. Thanks for

(06:40):
listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback,
you can reach me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com.
Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts
from iHeart Media, please visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

(07:04):
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.