How about this instead?

Even if you can't say yes, you don't have to say no

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
tip is that when you are asked to do something
that isn't ideal for you and you don't want to

(00:23):
just say no, consider proposing an alternative. Saying how about
this instead can often accomplish whatever the original request was,
but in a way that you will be much happier with.
So sometimes we all receive requests that are appealing on

(00:43):
some level but don't work on another. You might be
invited for lunch on a day you know work will
be incredibly busy, or to go with a friend to
get a pedicure, but you don't like anyone touching your feet.
You want the time with the friends, but not in
a pedicure chair. Or maybe you are asked to serve
on the gala committee for a nonprofit you really do

(01:05):
care about and you want to support the nonprofit, but
not in that way. I know we have all been
taught that no is a complete sentence, but no is
not necessarily fun to say or hear, especially if you
do want to preserve or strengthen the relationship. The good
news is that even If you can't say yes, you

(01:27):
might not need to say no. Sometimes it's nicer to
ask how about this instead? Maybe a milestone birthday is
coming up and you really don't want any more candles
or silly t shirts making jokes about turning forty or
fifty or whatever it is. You could say no gifts please,
but people will probably bring a gift anyway. You may

(01:50):
be more successful if you suggest what people can do instead.
The invitation could say, if you'd like to honor Jane
with a gift, please consider making a contribution to the
library where she has volunteered since her last milestone birthday.
Or if you would like to honor Jane with a gift,
please write her a note offering your hope for her fifties.

(02:14):
If your child asks for ice cream on a day
when dessert is not the norm, you don't have to
insist we don't have dessert on Mondays. You could simply
offer yogurt with blueberries or a frozen banana instead. If
a friend invites you to do something you can't do
or don't want to do, propose an alternative date to
activity for spending time with her right away. I can't

(02:36):
do a pedicure on Saturday afternoon, but what about a
walk on Saturday morning, or coffee or breakfast. I could
also make Tuesday work. Relatedly, if someone asks you to
help and you can't offer help in the way they requested,
consider offering a different way that you could assist. If
a client asks you to do a project on a

(02:58):
timeline that won't work for you, let them know what
time line would work for you and see if that
works for them, or you could suggest another person with
more immediate availability. Of course, this does not mean you
need to solve every problem that's brought to your attention,
but when you don't want to say no, you may
not have to. If you frame your response right, you

(03:22):
can avoid saying new to yourself as well. If you are, say,
reducing your alcohol consumption, have an appealing non alcoholic beverage,
perhaps in a pretty glass. Not drinking wine doesn't mean
you have to drink water. You could have a flavored
seltzer and a champagne flute. We are wise not to

(03:45):
say yes to everything, of course, but will often be
happier if we suggest another option instead of just saying no.
In the meantime, this is Laura, Thanks for listening and
here's to making the most of our time. Thanks for

(04:10):
listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback,
you can reach me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com.
Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts
from iHeartMedia, please visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or

(04:33):
wherever you listen to your favorite shows.