Second Cup: Reshape a memory

Retell a painful story to highlight your best traits

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning.
This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Today's tip is that you can reshape a memory, particularly
if you have had a negative experience in the past
that continues to bother you.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
To some degree. You might be able to highlight a
particular part of that memory that shows something you like
about yourself. That can make a negative memory a little
less bad. I am sure we have all had experiences
in our lives that haven't gone exactly how we wanted.

(00:46):
If we're not careful, these can scar pretty deeply. For instance,
I know someone who had a rough start to college
and wound up needing to withdraw with failing grades. Yikes, right,
This person was smart enough to go to college and
had family members who are incredibly proud of them for
doing so, and then that happened. The first story that

(01:09):
comes to mind is failure. But after some dark months,
this person decided to try again with lots of studying
and organizational help, and she wound up doing okay. With
some work, she was able to reshape the original memory.
There is a difference between failing at something specific and

(01:32):
being a failure.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
She was able to.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
Rewrite the memory as being willing to try hard things,
and that when something didn't work out, she was tough
enough to learn from her mistakes that reshaped the memory
into something more positive. Perhaps you have something similar in
your life. I probably don't have to nudge you to

(01:57):
call up the unpleasant memory. Maybe you already think about
it way more than you intend to, So the next
time you are doing so, see if you can reshape
it a little bit. Think about what you like most
about yourself. What traits make you proud when you've been

(02:18):
at your best? What were you doing now think about
this unpleasant memory. Were there any moments in this event
or moments afterwards that could have featured these traits you
like about yourself? Yes, the business went bankrupt, but you
were a really good mentoring boss with your employees while

(02:42):
it lasted. Yes, you shouldn't have lost your temper, and
you are now dealing with the fallout from that. But
that also stems from being intensely loyal to the people
in your life and not wanting to see them be unhappy.
That in and of itself is not a bad thing,

(03:02):
even if there were ramifications that weren't great anyway, we
have all had low moments in life, and it's good
to learn from these when we can. I am not
in favor of letting ourselves completely off the hook when
we have made big messes. But when all we are
learning is that we are failures or that we are
terrible people, that is not going to be particularly helpful.

(03:28):
Better to see if there is some good trait to
hook on and then reshape the memory With that in mind,
it becomes part of life story rather than something we
can't get past. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks

(03:50):
for listening, and here's to making the most of our time.
Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas,
or feedback, you can reach me at Laura at Laura
vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia.

(04:19):
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