January 30, 2026 • 18 mins
Human ingenuity knows no limits! Today Will, Gabe, and Mango raid the United States Patent Office to find some of the weirdest, funniest, and most confusing inventions of all time.
This episode originally aired on April 7, 2020.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Part Time Genius, the production of iHeartRadio. Guess
what Will?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
What's that Mango?
Speaker 1 (00:14):
So you know my family loves going for hikes, right,
I mean the rest of my family.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Right. I was going to say, I didn't want to
call you out.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Yeah, I'm more of an indoor cat and my house
is full of outdoor cats. But we haven't exactly been
able to get out for hikes this month.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Yeah. I always thinking about you guys, just this morning
on this Like, I imagine it is pretty tough traveling
out from Brooklyn right now, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Yeah? And Lizzie and I are pretending to be teachers
all day and I can't tell you how terrible our
homeschool is, but I actually do miss getting out into nature.
So this week I spent some time hunting for a solution,
and the best thing I could find was this greenhouse helmet.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
A greenhouse helmet, So, is that like a VR thing
or what?
Speaker 1 (00:58):
No, it is much worse. So the greenhouse helmet is
this fully enclosed anti fog dome that you fasten around
your head. And inside this plexiglass helmet there are multiple
shelves where you can place your favorite small plants. Full disclosure,
I don't think anyone has actually made one of these things.
This all just comes from a patent from nineteen eighty six.
(01:20):
But in the diagram, and I'm going to post this
to Instagram because it's so good, it shows a person
with a goldfish bowl over his head and it's got
a tiny potted cacti on one of the shelves, which
is a pretty bold choice considering how close.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
It would be to your face. So why would you
do this, I guess, is the question I want to know. Yeah,
I guess.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
According to the creators, not only would the wearable greenhouse
do you wonders to improve your mood, it also supplies
you with this private reserve of fresh oxygen. So the
idea is, as you exhale, the plants are supposed to
soak up your carbon dioxide and provide you with pure
oxygen and just in case the helmet starts to make
you feel a little shut off from the world. It
also comes with a two way intercom system, which.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
I guess if you think about it, like that's perfect
for calling nine one one after you poke your eye
out with a cactus. So I don't understand, like, why
this has never made it to market. It just seems
so smart.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Yeah, So for all you listeners out there, I don't
know that the patent is still good, so there's still
time to run with it on Etsy or whatever. But
the greenhouse helmet isn't the only strange patent we found
this week. We actually scoured the internet to find some
of the weirdest patents and we found a couple of
great things and a whole lot of things you won't
be seeing on shark tanks.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
So let's dive in. Hey, their podcast listeners, Welcome to
(02:55):
Part Time Genius. I'm Will Pearson and as always I'm
joined by my good friend mangesh hot Ticketter. Now on
the other side of that soundproof glass brainstorming ideas on
his trusty whiteboard, that's our friend and producer loll Now.
So far, he's just got this one concept something. It's
kind of hard to read because of course we're all
remote today, but it says edible timber and then a question,
(03:18):
So I guess it's supposed to be edible timber. So
I think it's still still a work in progress. I
got here.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
I do love that idea, like a table you can
eat in an emergency sounds like a pretty great option.
So great work, Litt.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Yeah, you better get back to that patent filing pretty
quickly on this. But in the meantime, we're also happy
to welcome back our researcher pal, Gabe Luesier. How you doing, Gabe? Hey?
Doing all right?
Speaker 3 (03:42):
It's nice to see some faces again that are stuck
in the apartment with me.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I think we can all agree we have been inside
for too long. You know. We've spent our free time
this week looking up patents and we've enjoyed it. Actually,
But Gabe, you're up next. So what's the first one
you want to tell us about?
Speaker 3 (04:01):
All right, So here's one from nineteen seventy seven that
I wish had made it to market. It's a gumball
dispensing T shirt.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
That actually sounds awesome.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Yeah, I mean it kind of is like the shirt
has a picture of an old timey gumball machine on it,
and the dome part where the gumballs are stored it's
actually clear and made from plastic. And so then there's
this like a fabric pouch sewed behind it and you
can actually, you like, keep real gumballs inside of it.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
These are real gumballs that you can dispense.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Yeah, that's the idea at least, Like when you push
on one of the gumballs, it's supposed to slide down
this kind of like built in shoot in the T
shirt and it comes out through a slit near the
bottom of the shirt. And like, here's the best part.
There is even this variation on the patent that included
a second pouch where someone could like insert coins. So
(04:54):
you know, the idea is you could just walk up
to someone on the street and buy a gumball directly
from their T shirt.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Of any invention, I feel like we could have come
up with. This seems like the total opposite of social distancing,
like walking up with money, putting it in somebody's shirt,
then taking candy out of their shirt, and then putting
it in your mouth. I don't know if now's the
right time for this one game.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
Yeah, I see what you're saying. It's yeah, for later though,
we'll put a pin in it, right, like when we
emerge from the other side of this, Like we'll make
it a priority to revive the shirt.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Right with that, that's our pact, Like that, that's a
great idea. All right. Well, my first invention is actually
a pretty good idea and probably one of the least
absurd ones that we will talk about today. It's something
called the school bus locator system. Now, this was patented
back in nineteen ninety two, so you have to place
yourself back in the nineties before GPS tracking or cell
(05:47):
phones became commonplace. But the way it worked was that
your school bus would be outfitted with a radio transmitter
and every kid on the route would be provided with
a receiver. So when the bus was a few miles
away from your house, the receiver would light up as
an early warning, and then when the bus was much closer,
like you know, a quarter of a mile away or something,
the receiver would sound un alarm. And it seems like
(06:10):
a handy way to avoid missing the bus, and also
ideal for students who live in pretty cold places. You
don't have to wait out in the snow for too long,
just wondering if the bus is coming around the corner soon.
But though, I guess if I think about it a
little bit more, I'm certain there are some kids that
would have, you know, maybe hidden the batteries or something
and just uses as an excuse to miss school.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Yeah, so, I actually remember when I was in elementary school,
there was this like persistent rumor that if the bus
was half an hour later, something you didn't have to
go to school? Was Was this the thing that was
said in your towns too?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Sadly? No, I don't thin, Gabe, have you heard this before?
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Definitely not.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
No, that sounds that's sure.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
It must have been a very delaware rumor. But I
just remember one time the bus was actually like thirty
minutes late, and so like all the kids at my
bus stop just got so giddy, and we were excited,
and we're looking at the watch. We were planning what
to do with our day because we were certain we
were going to get the day off school, and then
like the last minute, this parent pulled up and crandoes
into their mini van and then just drove us to school.
(07:10):
And so anti climbac, Yeah that's a bummer. But Gabe,
why don't you kick off this next round?
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Well, this next one is for all you Rodent fans,
and I know you're out there, So how often have
you declined a dinner invitation because you just couldn't stand
the thought of leaving your gerbils?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
At home, right, Yeah, I've had a dime for every
time that happened.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Yeah, it's this is a very relatable problem, believe me, guys,
and well, the gerbil vest is the answer to that problem.
In nineteen ninety nine, some animal loving genius patented a
very stylish vest with some built in tubes for your
pet to run through while you're wearing it out and about,
and of course there are also little chambers for your
furry friend to feed and relax into. And good news
(07:55):
for us, the tubes are transparent so that you and
your friends can keep an eye on the little guy
in there. And don't worry, animal lovers, the tubes are
also equipped with air vents so the gerbils could breathe.
We'll say that the patent it did warn against falling
while wearing the vest for very obvious reasons.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
They got to watch out that, But otherwise I'm glad
they put the air vents in there so we're not
just looking at dead gerbils into I also like that
you with with your patent ideas, you're sort of like
a walking circus, Like people can come up and watch
the gerbils and then that's not all, Like you pull
back the vest and now you've got gumballs there for everybody.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
I know it's all vest based. I feel like, so.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Yes, yeah, otherwise smarter. But actually I just pulled up
this pick and it is pretty great, Like the easiest
way to take your pet gerbils out for a walk.
So this is this is this is pretty smart. But
let's take a quick break and we'll be back with
more great patents in just the second. Welcome back to
(09:07):
Part Time Genius, where we're talking about some of the
most wonderfully absurd inventions to ever make it out of
the patent office. Now we've got five questionable inventions left
to talk about, and the next one is for the
true crime crowd. Now this is a podcast, so I
know you're already listening out there, true crime lovers. Now,
one thing that's plagued criminal investigators for centuries is just
(09:28):
how easy it is for a suspect to retract their confession.
But what if there was a simple, nonviolent way to
keep a suspect from taking their confessions back. Well that's
where this nineteen twenty seven patent comes in, going all
the way back almost the century ago. It's officially called
the quote apparatus for obtaining criminal confessions and photographically recording them.
(09:50):
That's the name of this This invention is actually way
weirder than the name. Let's on. It was basically this
giant skeleton with red glowing eyes and a camera embedded
in its skull. I am not making this up, and
it was explicitly designed to terrify a suspect into confessing
on tape. So the way that it worked was that
(10:11):
a suspect would be confined to a small dark room
about the size of a coke closet or like a
church confessional or something like that, and a human interrogator
would sit out of sight in a second attached chamber.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
This sounds so stupid, it's like a retired Disneyland ride
or like straight out of Scooby Doo or something.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Yeah, but actually it gets even worse. So when the
examiner presses a button, a curtain lifts and the suspect
comes face to face with this skeleton with red light
bulbs and its eye sockets, and it's actually there's also
supposed to be like this fog and like other lights
to amplify the effect. And then the interrogator questions the
(10:51):
suspect from a megaphone behind the skull in a super
scary voice.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Like.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
It's very elaborate, and according to the these quote, illusory
effects of a supernatural character will work upon the suspect's imagination,
and so the suspect is supposed to get so terrified
that they confess their darkest secrets, which is then of
course recorded. And as far as I can tell, no
(11:17):
one ever actually built one of these skeleton confessors, but
even if they had, the invention likely would have been
outlawed in nineteen sixty one anyway, when that was when
the Supreme Court ruled that coerced confessions aren't admissible in court.
But still, I feel like they deserve a few points
for creativity, don't you guys?
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Thinktally?
Speaker 1 (11:36):
I mean, it honestly feels like a seven year old
came up with that totally, and like it would work
exclusively on other seven year olds.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Yeah, I think you're right.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
I do you feel like the next time Ruby breaks among,
that's like the way I've got it, like co front
those d Speaking of nonsensically dramatic things, there's an invention
designed to make jazz concerts more interesting that we found
this week, and it's the flaming trumpet.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Now, knowing that you're a fan of jazz, my guess
is that you would find this invention kind of offensive. Huh.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Yeah, I mean I do have a ton of like
Miles Davis recordings, and I like jazz. But I could
see how this would make attending a middle school concert
much more interesting. Okay, all right, So the idea is
basically to modify a trumpet with a gas cartridge and
then to have an ignitor mounted to the end of it.
And if turning a wind instrument into a flamethrower sounds
like a dangerous idea to you, you are probably right.
(12:31):
The patent claims that the musician would have complete control
over the intensity and duration of the flame. But honestly,
at first it sounds like a weapon of like a
comic book character.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
But I don't know.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
I could see how this thing might take off at
burning men or something.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
Yeah, hopefully I could see that.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Well.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
For my next back, I want to talk about an
invention from the eighteen hundreds called the wearable lifeboat.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
I love that you're sticking with this wearable thing.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
The wearable lifeboat was basically a giant rubber bucket that
you would wear around your waist like a diaper, with
your legs sticking out the bottom. It had a couple
inflatable air chambers to help it stay afloat, and you
were supposed to steer this contraption with a paddle. The
designer intended to quote for the conveyance of troops, baggage,
and other articles across rivers, but also as a way
(13:19):
to prevent drowning.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
So this is really interesting. But that but I have
a question, and this may be super complicated here, but Gabe,
why would you not just use a life jacket?
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Ah, very good question. But here's the thing. At the time,
modern life jackets hadn't been invented yet there.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Were no legs. Ah, got it.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
So that's why ridiculous inventions like this didn't seem as
far fetched as they do now. And really as silly
as swimmers and sailors would have looked in this thing,
wobbling along in this like big rubber bucket, it still
might have been better than the alternative. For instance, during
World War One, some soldiers had to wear old mattresses
(13:56):
as a kind of makeshift life preserver. And that's because,
you know, that's all they had on hand. Thankfully, the
inflatable life preserver was invented in nineteen twenty eight. A
few years later, and of course that spared soldiers and
civilians alike from the indignity of inventions like the wearable lifeboat.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
So first we Feast has a list of great patented
food inventions, and it's got everything from prune beer, which
sounds like the perfect drink for when you want to
go to a party but also when you want to
get your bowels moving, to of course, a rifle that
has a shot glass attached, which just sounds like a
terrible Dick Cheney like situation about to happen. But my
(14:35):
favorite on their list is the combination hot dog hamburger bun,
and it's based on a two thousand and nine patent,
but as the site writes, quote, it's part hot dog bun,
part hamburger bun, fully functional meat cover, which basically means
it's a lot of bread and allows you to hold
a lot of different meats at the same time. And
(14:56):
it is pretty great.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
It sounds pretty great, especially for somebody like you who's
been a vegetarian most of their life. But yeah, yeah,
that's pretty great mango. All right, Well, I'm actually going
to stick to food with my last fact as well.
And fair warning, this is the invention for the laziest
of lazy people. It's the motorized ice cream cone. In
this invention, it was patented in the late nineteen nineties.
(15:19):
It revolutionizes the laborious task of licking an ice cream cone.
So here is how it works. It consists of a
plastic device made to look like a traditional ice cream cone,
and inside there's this small motor. So you're supposed to
put a cup or cone of ice cream into the
fake cone and then the motor would just make it spin.
(15:40):
And as the patent explains, this allows the device to
rotationally feed its contents against a person's outstretched tongue. That's
what it says. And if you're wondering why on earth
anyone would ever need such a device, allow the creator
to educate you. So, according to the patent quote, the
repetitive task of moving one's tongue up and down can
(16:03):
become monotonous and tiring, especially for a child. Guys, we're
talking about eating ice cream. It's just so weird. But
I'm guessing investors somehow didn't agree with this, which is
why we're stuck eating ice cream the old fashioned way,
you know, using our tongues like a bunch of rubes.
It's just so sad.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
That's a shame. Well, I mean, I think Will wins
just with the ice cream fact like that description alone.
Plus you had the confession skeleton, which was very dumb.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
I actually really like the gumball shirt and the hamster shirt.
But I'm happy to throw Will a bone this week.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
I really want to see somebody out there putting on
all of these inventions at the same time. It just
seems like a great way to go out in public.
But if you want to share your most ridiculous invention
with us, Gabe Mango and I have a very special
announcement that's right.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Well, so this is the very first time we're doing this,
but the person who submits the best invention idea or
drawing this week to Instagram and tags it hashtag part
time Genius will win six whole dollars from us. What
that is all the money we want to put towards this,
but it's also such a prestigious award that we just
made up. So sending your invention ideas and you can
(17:14):
be the very first Part Time Genius Grant winner in history.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
I mean, Gabe, you heard that right. Six dollars to
whoever sends and discussed that we choose.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Is that two bucks each?
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Look, there is a world where if let's say two
people submit ideas, they go crazy. Now, no, no, no, we're
not going to give them both six dollars. We'll send
them each three dollars.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
So it seems fair.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
But either way it's gonna be great. So all right, Well,
that's it for today's Part Time Genius from Mango, Gabe
Loll and myself. Thanks so much for listening. Please stay
safe and we'll be back soon with another new episode.
(18:03):
Part Time Genius is a production of iHeartRadio. For more
podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Part Time Genius, the production of iHeartRadio. Guess
what Will?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
What's that Mango?
Speaker 1 (00:14):
So you know my family loves going for hikes, right,
I mean the rest of my family.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Right. I was going to say, I didn't want to
call you out.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Yeah, I'm more of an indoor cat and my house
is full of outdoor cats. But we haven't exactly been
able to get out for hikes this month.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Yeah. I always thinking about you guys, just this morning
on this Like, I imagine it is pretty tough traveling
out from Brooklyn right now, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Yeah? And Lizzie and I are pretending to be teachers
all day and I can't tell you how terrible our
homeschool is, but I actually do miss getting out into nature.
So this week I spent some time hunting for a solution,
and the best thing I could find was this greenhouse helmet.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
A greenhouse helmet, So, is that like a VR thing
or what?
Speaker 1 (00:58):
No, it is much worse. So the greenhouse helmet is
this fully enclosed anti fog dome that you fasten around
your head. And inside this plexiglass helmet there are multiple
shelves where you can place your favorite small plants. Full disclosure,
I don't think anyone has actually made one of these things.
This all just comes from a patent from nineteen eighty six.
(01:20):
But in the diagram, and I'm going to post this
to Instagram because it's so good, it shows a person
with a goldfish bowl over his head and it's got
a tiny potted cacti on one of the shelves, which
is a pretty bold choice considering how close.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
It would be to your face. So why would you
do this, I guess, is the question I want to know. Yeah,
I guess.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
According to the creators, not only would the wearable greenhouse
do you wonders to improve your mood, it also supplies
you with this private reserve of fresh oxygen. So the
idea is, as you exhale, the plants are supposed to
soak up your carbon dioxide and provide you with pure
oxygen and just in case the helmet starts to make
you feel a little shut off from the world. It
also comes with a two way intercom system, which.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
I guess if you think about it, like that's perfect
for calling nine one one after you poke your eye
out with a cactus. So I don't understand, like, why
this has never made it to market. It just seems
so smart.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Yeah, So for all you listeners out there, I don't
know that the patent is still good, so there's still
time to run with it on Etsy or whatever. But
the greenhouse helmet isn't the only strange patent we found
this week. We actually scoured the internet to find some
of the weirdest patents and we found a couple of
great things and a whole lot of things you won't
be seeing on shark tanks.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
So let's dive in. Hey, their podcast listeners, Welcome to
(02:55):
Part Time Genius. I'm Will Pearson and as always I'm
joined by my good friend mangesh hot Ticketter. Now on
the other side of that soundproof glass brainstorming ideas on
his trusty whiteboard, that's our friend and producer loll Now.
So far, he's just got this one concept something. It's
kind of hard to read because of course we're all
remote today, but it says edible timber and then a question,
(03:18):
So I guess it's supposed to be edible timber. So
I think it's still still a work in progress. I
got here.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
I do love that idea, like a table you can
eat in an emergency sounds like a pretty great option.
So great work, Litt.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Yeah, you better get back to that patent filing pretty
quickly on this. But in the meantime, we're also happy
to welcome back our researcher pal, Gabe Luesier. How you doing, Gabe? Hey?
Doing all right?
Speaker 3 (03:42):
It's nice to see some faces again that are stuck
in the apartment with me.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I think we can all agree we have been inside
for too long. You know. We've spent our free time
this week looking up patents and we've enjoyed it. Actually,
But Gabe, you're up next. So what's the first one
you want to tell us about?
Speaker 3 (04:01):
All right, So here's one from nineteen seventy seven that
I wish had made it to market. It's a gumball
dispensing T shirt.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
That actually sounds awesome.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Yeah, I mean it kind of is like the shirt
has a picture of an old timey gumball machine on it,
and the dome part where the gumballs are stored it's
actually clear and made from plastic. And so then there's
this like a fabric pouch sewed behind it and you
can actually, you like, keep real gumballs inside of it.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
These are real gumballs that you can dispense.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Yeah, that's the idea at least, Like when you push
on one of the gumballs, it's supposed to slide down
this kind of like built in shoot in the T
shirt and it comes out through a slit near the
bottom of the shirt. And like, here's the best part.
There is even this variation on the patent that included
a second pouch where someone could like insert coins. So
(04:54):
you know, the idea is you could just walk up
to someone on the street and buy a gumball directly
from their T shirt.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Of any invention, I feel like we could have come
up with. This seems like the total opposite of social distancing,
like walking up with money, putting it in somebody's shirt,
then taking candy out of their shirt, and then putting
it in your mouth. I don't know if now's the
right time for this one game.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
Yeah, I see what you're saying. It's yeah, for later though,
we'll put a pin in it, right, like when we
emerge from the other side of this, Like we'll make
it a priority to revive the shirt.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Right with that, that's our pact, Like that, that's a
great idea. All right. Well, my first invention is actually
a pretty good idea and probably one of the least
absurd ones that we will talk about today. It's something
called the school bus locator system. Now, this was patented
back in nineteen ninety two, so you have to place
yourself back in the nineties before GPS tracking or cell
(05:47):
phones became commonplace. But the way it worked was that
your school bus would be outfitted with a radio transmitter
and every kid on the route would be provided with
a receiver. So when the bus was a few miles
away from your house, the receiver would light up as
an early warning, and then when the bus was much closer,
like you know, a quarter of a mile away or something,
the receiver would sound un alarm. And it seems like
(06:10):
a handy way to avoid missing the bus, and also
ideal for students who live in pretty cold places. You
don't have to wait out in the snow for too long,
just wondering if the bus is coming around the corner soon.
But though, I guess if I think about it a
little bit more, I'm certain there are some kids that
would have, you know, maybe hidden the batteries or something
and just uses as an excuse to miss school.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Yeah, so, I actually remember when I was in elementary school,
there was this like persistent rumor that if the bus
was half an hour later, something you didn't have to
go to school? Was Was this the thing that was
said in your towns too?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Sadly? No, I don't thin, Gabe, have you heard this before?
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Definitely not.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
No, that sounds that's sure.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
It must have been a very delaware rumor. But I
just remember one time the bus was actually like thirty
minutes late, and so like all the kids at my
bus stop just got so giddy, and we were excited,
and we're looking at the watch. We were planning what
to do with our day because we were certain we
were going to get the day off school, and then
like the last minute, this parent pulled up and crandoes
into their mini van and then just drove us to school.
(07:10):
And so anti climbac, Yeah that's a bummer. But Gabe,
why don't you kick off this next round?
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Well, this next one is for all you Rodent fans,
and I know you're out there, So how often have
you declined a dinner invitation because you just couldn't stand
the thought of leaving your gerbils?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
At home, right, Yeah, I've had a dime for every
time that happened.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Yeah, it's this is a very relatable problem, believe me, guys,
and well, the gerbil vest is the answer to that problem.
In nineteen ninety nine, some animal loving genius patented a
very stylish vest with some built in tubes for your
pet to run through while you're wearing it out and about,
and of course there are also little chambers for your
furry friend to feed and relax into. And good news
(07:55):
for us, the tubes are transparent so that you and
your friends can keep an eye on the little guy
in there. And don't worry, animal lovers, the tubes are
also equipped with air vents so the gerbils could breathe.
We'll say that the patent it did warn against falling
while wearing the vest for very obvious reasons.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
They got to watch out that, But otherwise I'm glad
they put the air vents in there so we're not
just looking at dead gerbils into I also like that
you with with your patent ideas, you're sort of like
a walking circus, Like people can come up and watch
the gerbils and then that's not all, Like you pull
back the vest and now you've got gumballs there for everybody.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
I know it's all vest based. I feel like, so.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Yes, yeah, otherwise smarter. But actually I just pulled up
this pick and it is pretty great, Like the easiest
way to take your pet gerbils out for a walk.
So this is this is this is pretty smart. But
let's take a quick break and we'll be back with
more great patents in just the second. Welcome back to
(09:07):
Part Time Genius, where we're talking about some of the
most wonderfully absurd inventions to ever make it out of
the patent office. Now we've got five questionable inventions left
to talk about, and the next one is for the
true crime crowd. Now this is a podcast, so I
know you're already listening out there, true crime lovers. Now,
one thing that's plagued criminal investigators for centuries is just
(09:28):
how easy it is for a suspect to retract their confession.
But what if there was a simple, nonviolent way to
keep a suspect from taking their confessions back. Well that's
where this nineteen twenty seven patent comes in, going all
the way back almost the century ago. It's officially called
the quote apparatus for obtaining criminal confessions and photographically recording them.
(09:50):
That's the name of this This invention is actually way
weirder than the name. Let's on. It was basically this
giant skeleton with red glowing eyes and a camera embedded
in its skull. I am not making this up, and
it was explicitly designed to terrify a suspect into confessing
on tape. So the way that it worked was that
(10:11):
a suspect would be confined to a small dark room
about the size of a coke closet or like a
church confessional or something like that, and a human interrogator
would sit out of sight in a second attached chamber.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
This sounds so stupid, it's like a retired Disneyland ride
or like straight out of Scooby Doo or something.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Yeah, but actually it gets even worse. So when the
examiner presses a button, a curtain lifts and the suspect
comes face to face with this skeleton with red light
bulbs and its eye sockets, and it's actually there's also
supposed to be like this fog and like other lights
to amplify the effect. And then the interrogator questions the
(10:51):
suspect from a megaphone behind the skull in a super
scary voice.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Like.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
It's very elaborate, and according to the these quote, illusory
effects of a supernatural character will work upon the suspect's imagination,
and so the suspect is supposed to get so terrified
that they confess their darkest secrets, which is then of
course recorded. And as far as I can tell, no
(11:17):
one ever actually built one of these skeleton confessors, but
even if they had, the invention likely would have been
outlawed in nineteen sixty one anyway, when that was when
the Supreme Court ruled that coerced confessions aren't admissible in court.
But still, I feel like they deserve a few points
for creativity, don't you guys?
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Thinktally?
Speaker 1 (11:36):
I mean, it honestly feels like a seven year old
came up with that totally, and like it would work
exclusively on other seven year olds.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Yeah, I think you're right.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
I do you feel like the next time Ruby breaks among,
that's like the way I've got it, like co front
those d Speaking of nonsensically dramatic things, there's an invention
designed to make jazz concerts more interesting that we found
this week, and it's the flaming trumpet.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Now, knowing that you're a fan of jazz, my guess
is that you would find this invention kind of offensive. Huh.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Yeah, I mean I do have a ton of like
Miles Davis recordings, and I like jazz. But I could
see how this would make attending a middle school concert
much more interesting. Okay, all right, So the idea is
basically to modify a trumpet with a gas cartridge and
then to have an ignitor mounted to the end of it.
And if turning a wind instrument into a flamethrower sounds
like a dangerous idea to you, you are probably right.
(12:31):
The patent claims that the musician would have complete control
over the intensity and duration of the flame. But honestly,
at first it sounds like a weapon of like a
comic book character.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
But I don't know.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
I could see how this thing might take off at
burning men or something.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
Yeah, hopefully I could see that.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Well.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
For my next back, I want to talk about an
invention from the eighteen hundreds called the wearable lifeboat.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
I love that you're sticking with this wearable thing.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
The wearable lifeboat was basically a giant rubber bucket that
you would wear around your waist like a diaper, with
your legs sticking out the bottom. It had a couple
inflatable air chambers to help it stay afloat, and you
were supposed to steer this contraption with a paddle. The
designer intended to quote for the conveyance of troops, baggage,
and other articles across rivers, but also as a way
(13:19):
to prevent drowning.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
So this is really interesting. But that but I have
a question, and this may be super complicated here, but Gabe,
why would you not just use a life jacket?
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Ah, very good question. But here's the thing. At the time,
modern life jackets hadn't been invented yet there.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Were no legs. Ah, got it.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
So that's why ridiculous inventions like this didn't seem as
far fetched as they do now. And really as silly
as swimmers and sailors would have looked in this thing,
wobbling along in this like big rubber bucket, it still
might have been better than the alternative. For instance, during
World War One, some soldiers had to wear old mattresses
(13:56):
as a kind of makeshift life preserver. And that's because,
you know, that's all they had on hand. Thankfully, the
inflatable life preserver was invented in nineteen twenty eight. A
few years later, and of course that spared soldiers and
civilians alike from the indignity of inventions like the wearable lifeboat.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
So first we Feast has a list of great patented
food inventions, and it's got everything from prune beer, which
sounds like the perfect drink for when you want to
go to a party but also when you want to
get your bowels moving, to of course, a rifle that
has a shot glass attached, which just sounds like a
terrible Dick Cheney like situation about to happen. But my
(14:35):
favorite on their list is the combination hot dog hamburger bun,
and it's based on a two thousand and nine patent,
but as the site writes, quote, it's part hot dog bun,
part hamburger bun, fully functional meat cover, which basically means
it's a lot of bread and allows you to hold
a lot of different meats at the same time. And
(14:56):
it is pretty great.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
It sounds pretty great, especially for somebody like you who's
been a vegetarian most of their life. But yeah, yeah,
that's pretty great mango. All right, Well, I'm actually going
to stick to food with my last fact as well.
And fair warning, this is the invention for the laziest
of lazy people. It's the motorized ice cream cone. In
this invention, it was patented in the late nineteen nineties.
(15:19):
It revolutionizes the laborious task of licking an ice cream cone.
So here is how it works. It consists of a
plastic device made to look like a traditional ice cream cone,
and inside there's this small motor. So you're supposed to
put a cup or cone of ice cream into the
fake cone and then the motor would just make it spin.
(15:40):
And as the patent explains, this allows the device to
rotationally feed its contents against a person's outstretched tongue. That's
what it says. And if you're wondering why on earth
anyone would ever need such a device, allow the creator
to educate you. So, according to the patent quote, the
repetitive task of moving one's tongue up and down can
(16:03):
become monotonous and tiring, especially for a child. Guys, we're
talking about eating ice cream. It's just so weird. But
I'm guessing investors somehow didn't agree with this, which is
why we're stuck eating ice cream the old fashioned way,
you know, using our tongues like a bunch of rubes.
It's just so sad.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
That's a shame. Well, I mean, I think Will wins
just with the ice cream fact like that description alone.
Plus you had the confession skeleton, which was very dumb.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
I actually really like the gumball shirt and the hamster shirt.
But I'm happy to throw Will a bone this week.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
I really want to see somebody out there putting on
all of these inventions at the same time. It just
seems like a great way to go out in public.
But if you want to share your most ridiculous invention
with us, Gabe Mango and I have a very special
announcement that's right.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Well, so this is the very first time we're doing this,
but the person who submits the best invention idea or
drawing this week to Instagram and tags it hashtag part
time Genius will win six whole dollars from us. What
that is all the money we want to put towards this,
but it's also such a prestigious award that we just
made up. So sending your invention ideas and you can
(17:14):
be the very first Part Time Genius Grant winner in history.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
I mean, Gabe, you heard that right. Six dollars to
whoever sends and discussed that we choose.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Is that two bucks each?
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Look, there is a world where if let's say two
people submit ideas, they go crazy. Now, no, no, no, we're
not going to give them both six dollars. We'll send
them each three dollars.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
So it seems fair.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
But either way it's gonna be great. So all right, Well,
that's it for today's Part Time Genius from Mango, Gabe
Loll and myself. Thanks so much for listening. Please stay
safe and we'll be back soon with another new episode.
(18:03):
Part Time Genius is a production of iHeartRadio. For more
podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Part-Time Genius News
Hosts And Creators
Will Pearson
Mangesh Hattikudur
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