Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
Warning.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
The following episode involves alchemy, treasure hunts, costco deals, palm
reading on babies, and custom T shirts. Sensitive listeners, please
take care.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Yeah, my parents are very demanding. They're very funny, but
they are fucking tons of work. Am I l to cuss?
Speaker 4 (00:37):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Okay, good.
Speaker 4 (00:46):
For the record. I am not used to hearing any
choice curse. In fact, I'm not really used to seeing
her in person. I mostly know Any as an animated
character from the show Brain Pop. And I'm not sure
if no brain pop, but my family certainly does. Let's
let my younger kid, Ruby explain.
Speaker 5 (01:07):
Yeah. So it's like this really cool program where there's
actually a boy named Tom or a girl named Annie.
Speaker 6 (01:14):
And there's like this robot named Movie.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
No Movie.
Speaker 6 (01:18):
This isn't a gift for you.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
I made it for Tasha. Well, you know we're doing
the show about Annie.
Speaker 7 (01:25):
Right, really?
Speaker 6 (01:26):
Oh that's really cool.
Speaker 4 (01:27):
How would you describe Annie?
Speaker 5 (01:29):
She teaches us a lot about like math and reading
and writing and stuff like that. Her pants are always jeans,
and she is in pigtails and does she have glasses? Yes,
she does classes. She says in one of the episodes
that she is Korean. She's definitely like a very mellow person.
Speaker 4 (01:49):
But real life Annie, she's about my age, with nerd
cheek glasses, a warm smile, chunky jewelry. Yeah, she's It's
definitely funnier and spicier than animated Annie.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
I don't know where my mom picked up Jesus, but
it totally bled into like a lot of the things
that she does in terms of decor. Like you go
to her house and it looks like a Catholic church
gift shop. Do you need like this many crucifixes?
Speaker 6 (02:21):
Can we just have one?
Speaker 4 (02:24):
Instead of teaching me or a robot about the word responsibility.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Responsibility is something you should do, chores at home, homework,
following the rules.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
Today, she's trying to define responsibility for herself.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
I see other friends whose parents are so independent, you know,
and they're like, they're white. Their parents are doing their
own thing, going on trips, and like my mom literally
asking me to buy stuff on Amazon for them because
they don't know how to do it.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
Annie's brother lives near her parents in California, while she
lives in New York, but because of her family dynamics,
the brunt of caring for them falls to her.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
I think It's like a dynamic of Korean family is
where the older boy gets to do whatever they want
and the younger girl has to literally do everything. It's
like classic gender roles.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
And while she hates the gender dynamic, these are still
her parents. She wants to help them.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
It's a pain in my ass, but it's sort of
like time to return the favor.
Speaker 6 (03:23):
I guess the responsibility is something you should.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Do, which I think is a pretty classic Asian upbringing
thing too. I'm a little bit more Asian than I
thought it was, I guess, which is kind of annoying.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
It's like, ah, and as her mom and dad are
getting older and a little more helpless, Annie is something
she desperately wants to know who's.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Going to die first, my mom and her dad, because
there's an answer that I want.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
It's so dark. From Kaleidoscope and iHeart Podcasts, I'm Mongish
Articular Welcome the Skyline Drive, Chapter one, an Ideal Boy.
(04:43):
As a kid visiting Hindia, one of the things I
remember were these colorful classroom posters that looked like they
were pulled from an Indian version of Highlights magazine. Sometimes
they teach you Hindi. Sometimes they teach you about seasons
or bad behaviors to avoid. But the one I really
remember was.
Speaker 5 (05:00):
Titled an ideal Boy with Good Habits in parenthesis under it.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
As I was trying to find the posters online, I
ended up chatting about them with my kid Henry, And
this one says an ideal boy gets up early in
the morning, salutes his parents, goes for a morning walk,
brushes his teeth, helps others.
Speaker 5 (05:22):
He bathes daily praise to God, takes meals in time
like I guess what it means is like he doesn't snack.
Speaker 6 (05:33):
I'm not an ideal boy.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
You are an ideal boy. So what do you think
about a poster like this? Should we put this up
in your room?
Speaker 6 (05:41):
I mean it helped me a lot. Helps you do
what salute my parents?
Speaker 4 (05:48):
Of course, the charts and the posters make it all
seem very easy, but as we all know, and Annie
in particular knows, family isn't easy.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
I've written two books. One is called Happy Birthday or whatever,
and the other one is shut Up, You're welcome. They're
both books about growing up with my crazy family.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
Recently, her mom's fallen ill, which means Annie's been traveling
back and forth more, and while her dad still works,
he essentially leans on Annie's mother for everything else.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
My dad can't even like make toast. He's like, how
does this work. I'm like, it's a machine. You push
the button. Like he can't. It's learned helplessness.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
So there are day to day things Annie worries about,
but she's also concerned about the future. One huge hurdle
is figuring out what to do with their collection of
random stuff.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Imagine never having thrown out a pair of shoes from
when you were born. So my parents' garage there's like
suitcases with broken wheels, a credenza, two giant filing cabinets,
a desk, a sewing table. It's just like shit like that.
Like a vacuum cleaner that's like that avocado green that
(07:01):
was big in the seventies that like definitely doesn't work.
And my dad has a duct tape it's filled with
black mold and Asian AIA's disease. Since moving here in
the seventies, they've never thrown a single thing out.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
In some ways, Annie understands.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
You know, they grew up at the twilight of the
Crane War, so there's very few resources and people were starving,
and I get it, and we want to hold onto everything.
It's like you save every single fucking thing, like you're
never gonna see it again.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
But to Annie, there's something incongruous about how the only
truly American value that our parents seem to have picked
up over the years was over consumption.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
They shop at Costco, which is totally evil. There's only
two people by the way, so like, you don't need
like a twenty pound bag of flour, but you know
it's such a good deal, Annie, Like you got to
buy it. The upbringing of like not having enough and
the americanness of like having too much, both of these
are inhabiting them and me trying to be like, you
don't need any of this stuff.
Speaker 4 (08:03):
Annie's dad is a chemist. His job is to take
objects like old electronics and jonkin estimate how much gold
is in them.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
It's like a super weird niche He's basically an alchemist, and.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
That's led him to invest in gold. But because Annie's
parents are so disorganized, no one seems to know where
it is.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
He just has gold. It's hidden. He told me it's hidden.
I mean it probably in the garage, right, But he
refuses to sell any of it because gold is down.
But it's like, I don't know what he's waiting for,
you know, because the man is old. I would like
him to sell the gold and actually use that money
to like live his life.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
While making this show, I've been thinking a lot about
what we owe our parents, what they owe us, our
obligations to one another. So I asked my son, Henry,
have we ever talked about the four stages of Hindu life.
Speaker 6 (09:00):
I've not talked about Hindu life at all.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
The first stage is called a brahmacharya, and that means
like you're a student, and so it's like when you're
a kid and your student and you're supposed to spend
all your days and study and like really understanding things
so that you have a grasp of knowledge.
Speaker 6 (09:19):
I like that idea better. It's as good grades.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
That actually brings us to like the second stage of life,
being a householder. So it's like taking care of your kids,
getting a good job, taking care of your parents, like
that type of thing. What do you think about that?
Speaker 3 (09:33):
That's a great rule.
Speaker 5 (09:34):
I mean you also should like love your family and
taking care of people is a very important rule in life.
Speaker 4 (09:45):
And then the third stage of life is like, once
you've gotten your kids married and settled and all that stuff,
then you want to retreat from your life. Right, so
this is when you're older. You want to start getting
rid of your stuff. You want to start volunteering, want
to start going to temples more or ostroums. What do
you think about that?
Speaker 5 (10:06):
It definitely makes sense because after your life has been
like structured, you're gonna want to top it off with
some icing on the cake and start to relax.
Speaker 7 (10:18):
What's the fourth step?
Speaker 4 (10:20):
The fourth step is is really sort of preparing for
death in a way, And so it's spending a lot
of time in prayer and meditation and quiet and forests
and nature and how should we put in Yeah.
Speaker 5 (10:35):
Like, after you've done all that, just take a minute
to breathe in that fresh nature air, pray a little
bit so that your afterlife will be nice and healthy.
Sit back, watch your grandchildren play, and have last days
that you have be beatingful.
Speaker 4 (11:10):
Chapter two, Starting points.
Speaker 6 (11:14):
She said, ooh, you still broke his coat up.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Not a boy as the fucking man. Just hold out. Yeah, man,
I'm paying homs like I was from the.
Speaker 6 (11:22):
Talent bit.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
In Vedic astrology, Knowing the minute you're born is key
to understanding your life because the planets and stars, they're
all in constant motion, right, So like the difference of
a single minute can dramatically change your personality, it can
change your career, it can change your love life. All
of your happiness comes down to which specific minute you
(11:47):
were born. Henry, do you know what birth sign you are?
Speaker 6 (11:52):
I'm pretty sure I'm a Virgo.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
I also asked Ruby, I'm a aries. What does that
mean to you?
Speaker 5 (12:01):
They tend to be very cheerful and popular and feisty
and tall, which is incorrect for our family because me
and my mom were definitely not tall. But zodiacs are
there to like tell you what this is who you are.
It's not always who you are, and it's also like
(12:23):
you could listen to it or you don't have to. Yeah,
and I really don't care about all that, because you
define who you are not the day that you were
born on.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
Of course, some people put a whole lot more stock
in their star signs than my kids do, and these
days it's become more and more common for wealthy Indian
parents to game their children's life and their horoscopes through
elective C section. They enlisted in astrologer and pick the
exact sixty second window that an obgyn has to deliver
(13:01):
that baby.
Speaker 8 (13:02):
People who just come in and say, Okay, I want
to delivery on this particular date, this particular time, or
this particular hour, so on and so forth.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
That's doctor Mccaishkua, a Mumbai based obstetrician.
Speaker 9 (13:15):
With my primary focus on delivering babies.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
Doctor Kopa is no ordinary obg yn. When I met him,
I noticed all these things sparkling from his shelves. I
look around this room and they're like forty different words.
Can you can you tell me a little bit about
just your achievements here?
Speaker 6 (13:35):
Oh?
Speaker 8 (13:36):
Okay, So I'm a hard core scientific person, but the
patient wants this and we need to know about this.
Speaker 9 (13:42):
Yeah, and we need to.
Speaker 8 (13:43):
Learn about this and understand this astrology or But then
I have to not forget about my core competency of
which they are coming here.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 9 (13:50):
So I cannot compromise this on that.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
The awards are this visual reminder to patients that he
clearly knows what he's doing. Beyond graduating at the top
of his medical class, doctor Goupa has advanced degrees in
psychological counseling and a strategy management degree from one of
India's top business schools. He has up ethics boards and
shared state boards for doctors. And when politicians in Mumbai
(14:16):
were trying to convince the public to heed warnings about
COVID and go get their shots, it's doctor Gupa they
put up on the podium.
Speaker 9 (14:25):
Now, what are these different type of masks.
Speaker 8 (14:27):
There are simple masks which are available, which are one
fly or two flying masks which are easily available.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
Anyway, despite all these trophies and bona fides, doctor Guppa
still has to contend with his patient's astrological ambitions.
Speaker 8 (14:40):
The turning point k when there was a serious situation
when I came out of the delivery room and I
informed about the delivery and the good news, and the
grandfather of the child was born was more concerned about
the precision of the time and he was asking me
the details and what time the head came out, what
time the baby cried?
Speaker 9 (14:59):
What time did you cut the cord?
Speaker 4 (15:01):
The questions alarmed him, especially because delivering this healthy baby
had taken almost a miracle.
Speaker 8 (15:07):
If you want me to look at and keep track
of all these things, and I should not deliver the woman.
Speaker 9 (15:11):
Then I would just be watching the time man. I
would read the time manager.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
The situation would have irritated most people, but because doctor
Guppa thinks deeply about patient care, he tried to look
at it from another angle.
Speaker 8 (15:23):
There is a window of one and a half minutes, okay,
after which the things will change. So, whether it is
a constellation, whether it is a joggadias, everything has a
window of time.
Speaker 4 (15:37):
Look, every part of parenting is hard. Bringing a child
into this world as hard. Raising a child as hard.
There are so many responsibilities. Parents constantly worry that they're
not doing enough to advocate for their kids or to
secure their futures. And you see the compromises people make
(15:58):
all the time to give their kids a better life.
And if you really believe in astrology, why wouldn't you
adjust the time of your c section and give your
child a possible advantage. But that drive can lead parents
to some surprising places. As we were sipping coffee and
talking more about doctor Guppa's background, the doctor offhandedly told
(16:21):
me something that he'd found shocking.
Speaker 9 (16:23):
There was not exhibition that this couple had come and
creaking for an abortion.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
I knew I'd come here to learn about time births,
but I had no idea that we'd be discussing terminating
pregnancies and the role astrology plays in that. According to
doctor Gupta, this couple came in for a consult. They
wanted a family, They wanted to have a child. It's
just they didn't want a child with a bad horoscope.
(16:49):
Doctor Guppa shook his head as he told me the story.
Speaker 9 (16:52):
You know the child is going to get both in
this month and this particular data. I don't want to
have a child at that time.
Speaker 4 (16:58):
I mean, I'm pro choice, but I couldn't fathom the logic, like,
if you legitimately want to bring a child into the world,
a birth sign shouldn't matter.
Speaker 8 (17:09):
If somebody tells me to put away all my instincts
and information and knowledge, no I would not. We tried
to accommodate everybody's beliefs without losing our primary focus of
what is the right thing to do.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
We finished our coffees and before I let him go,
I asked Doctor gupa one last question about this sonographer
from the Middle East with a peculiar side hustle. This
specialist claims to read the palms of children in utero
and then determines the best moment for their birth. Of course,
he charges very wealthy families a bomb for that information,
(17:49):
and he refused to speak with me on the record,
so I got doctor Gupta's opinion instead.
Speaker 8 (17:54):
I have an extremely costly machine, a sonography machine from
one of the top companies globally, and even with the
best of the machines, in the best of these, you
cannot really read the lines on the bomb.
Speaker 4 (18:06):
Most fetuses bawled their hands into fists. He told me,
you almost never see a palm in the womb, so.
Speaker 9 (18:12):
It's a myth.
Speaker 8 (18:12):
So that is probably a very smart ass was trying
to make money out of someone.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
Re Listening to this tape now makes me think of
Annie and this time in grad school, one of her
friends just kind of grabbed her hand and.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
She like, read my palm and she was like, you're
going to die really early, and I'm like, why would
you tell me that?
Speaker 4 (18:34):
And then another friend jumped in the peak and.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
She said, yeah, you're going to die early, and I'm like,
why do people tell me this? I was like laughing
because the lines of my weird ass palms, what does
early even mean.
Speaker 4 (18:46):
Annie jokes that she started wearing gloves after that, just
to avoid another surprise reading.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
You never know where they are lurking around the corner,
these pom readers.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
Chapter three, killing them softly. Wait, have you had any
encounters with astrology?
Speaker 10 (19:21):
Because I yes, of course I have.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
You have?
Speaker 4 (19:23):
Of course, Well tell me from the first time, like
when what was the first time that you all know?
Speaker 1 (19:27):
How much time do you have?
Speaker 4 (19:35):
It's the end of summer. My sister and I haven't
talked much since my dad's passing. We've been distracting ourselves
in different ways. She's been busy planning her wedding, I've
been traveling for the show. Our rare conversations have been
around hence subjects, how to help her mom, how to
deal with life insurance or close my dad's accounts. Shota's
(19:58):
younger than me, and we're some in a lot of ways.
We laugh at the same jokes. We've both inherited the
same family bee, we went to the same schools and colleges,
even took some classes together. We both go to extreme
lengths to help the people we love. But I found
(20:18):
a way where we're nothing alike. No one has ever
fallen deathly ill trying to cast my horoscope.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
So Amama, our grandma, wanted me to get my horoscope read.
Speaker 4 (20:31):
Our Amama is our mom's mom, and after Shanta was
done with college, she sent shatas details off to this
legendary astrologer in Dharwad and he was kind of an
older man known for his skill at reading charts.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
He died in the middle of reading this horoscope, which
wasn't great.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
Then my grandmom tried to send Shanta's birth details to
the former astrologer's apprentice, and.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Then he got really sick while apparently like my horoscope
was in front of him, and I heard about that.
I was like, okay, no, like, no more people reading
my horoscope. This seems like a really bad thing.
Speaker 4 (21:08):
I didn't remember any of this, but it left a
lasting impression on Shanpa.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
So I've always been like, Okay, there's something out there
that I'm not supposed to know my horoscope because I
never get to see it. It's almost like you don't
need to know more. That's how I interpreted.
Speaker 4 (21:26):
I can't believe my sister was satisfied with not getting
her reading back. That would make me crazy. I only
want to know my forecast even more. It drove my
mom's mom crazy too, because she really just wanted to
hear someone tell her your granddaughter will get married by
such and such a date, So she started pounding the
pavement for other leads and dragging my sister across Bangalore.
(21:49):
Or the various astrologers, they were.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
Never very specific about stuff with me. So one of
the guys he gave a lot of information about my health,
but then when it came to when I was going
to marry someone, he said, her life before thirty will
be good and her life after thirty will be good.
And IMMO is very dissatisfied with an answer old, How
old am I now forty one and you're getting married? Yes,
(22:12):
so my life before was good in my life after
is good. It was accurate, just not specific enough.
Speaker 4 (22:20):
When I hear this tape, it makes me feel like
we're typical Indians, but we're really not. I mean, in
American pop culture, the way Indians are represented, there are
only two or three storyline tropes. There's the kid who
secretly wants to be an artist, but his parents want
him to be an engineer. Or there's a kid who
(22:40):
wants to date someone of a different class or non Indian,
but their family doesn't approve, or they think their family
won't approve, and that causes all sorts of anxiety. But
I never related to any of those tropes because my
family wasn't like that. They were really progressive. My great
grandfathers were kicked out of the community church for educating
(23:01):
their daughters and for sending their sons to college overseas,
and for rebelling against the notion of caste that only
Brahmins like them deserved certain services. On the other hand,
my Amama literally could not rest until she knew my
sister's future was secured. I don't think she cared if
Shanta's prospective husband was Muslim or Jewish, or white or black.
(23:25):
It's just that my grandmam wanted her on a path
towards settling down having kids. There was no way in
her mind that my sister, this accomplished psychology professor, could
possibly feel whole unless she got married. These traditional Hindu
ideas of duty and life, they were an obstacle for
my grandmother, hindering her from leading that quieter fourth stage
(23:49):
where she could peacefully spend her time in serious meditation
and contemplation before passing, whereas my dad used to call
it cramming for finels. Chapter four, Don't make Me Relive
(24:24):
the nineties. As I'm waiting for Annie and our astrologer
Janelle to hop on the line for Annie's reading, I
think back to that question Annie wanted answered, which of
her parents is going to die first?
Speaker 3 (24:38):
I want my mom to live longer.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
Whatever you might want or think you want, do you
really want to know if you get it? Chanta made
a really good point. Sometimes you don't really need to
know the future anyway. That's in the back of my mind.
As we get going one seconds.
Speaker 11 (24:59):
You are a Virgo sun, a Virgo moon, and a
Virgo rising. That's pretty rare for someone to have all
three of their major legs sun, moon, and rising in
one sign.
Speaker 4 (25:10):
As usual, even through the screen, Janelle radiates warmth and
comfortable energy, and.
Speaker 11 (25:15):
I think about Virgo. I think about Beyonce right. Tireless practice.
You never turn off your mind because you're always thinking
about what do I have to do next, how do
I plan?
Speaker 10 (25:25):
How do I get ahead? Which is great, we could
also be very tiring.
Speaker 4 (25:29):
She does seem tired to me, tired of having to
deal with these problems, tired of being the organized one
who has to carry everyone's anxiety and swoop into solve
issues that don't have to be issues.
Speaker 11 (25:42):
Okay, So do you want to dive into the parent
question first or are there other things you want to
talk about before that?
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Noah, I mean the parent question is certainly, you know,
one that's been on my mind. My mom had a
second open heart surgery, which meant the whole family had
to go through that again, which we need, particularly as
the only daughter, to be the one bearing a lot
of the caring duties. I'm just trying to keep her alive,
(26:10):
have her, you know, followed directions and stick to the
strict diet that she's on, what she hates doing, and
you know, all those like very annoying things to do
for yourself, and now you're trying to get someone else
to do it. It's like, I can't even do that myself.
Speaker 4 (26:24):
As Annie makes these confessions, Janelle starts looking for Annie's
parents in her chart.
Speaker 11 (26:29):
So I'm wondering if you and your mom have somewhat
of a complicated relationship in terms of her larger than
life presence can also feel kind of overbearing at times,
and I don't know if this is something where one
parent or both parents kind of thrown kind of like
cold water on your dreams in a way, and you
had to kind of fight to overcome that. But at
the same time, there's some really great career stuff happening
in your life.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
And today our company just got sold.
Speaker 11 (26:54):
You do have Jupiter and Ares right now in the
house of other people's money, so selling the business, so
money that comes from the business, that's great, right, Yeah,
But I do think financially it almost feels like in
your chart right now, it feels like your money is
disappearing in weird ways. No, not to make you scared,
but if you're like, I don't know, like is it
(27:16):
being siphoned off?
Speaker 4 (27:16):
Anny had helped her parents out in a pinch, learning
them money to buy a new car, but now they're
probably going to need help with medical bills.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
I mean, the thing is, we have the money, but
it's in solid gold form.
Speaker 11 (27:32):
You show up as someone who serves behind the scenes,
or you do the work and no one really knows
and you know you're not getting a lot of praise
for it.
Speaker 10 (27:37):
But that can also be a lot of frustration too.
Speaker 4 (27:39):
Janelle sympathizes with any but she also lets her know
she's probably been here before.
Speaker 11 (27:45):
So for you, Saturn, moving into Pisces is going to
be in your seventh house of relationships. So Saturn takes
about thirty years to get around the wheel. You might
want to think about, well, what was happening in nineteen
ninety three to about ninety five ninety six, because this
is a reup or redo of that story.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
Oh no, don't make me re live the nineties again.
Speaker 4 (28:07):
While Annie contemplates a time of too much flannel and
bucket hats, Janelle focuses the conversation on Annie's life specifically,
As it turns out, when Annie was in college, her
mom was fighting off cancer.
Speaker 11 (28:22):
Now we have thirty years, so mom's a little bit
older now, right, So this might be a tougher go
around because time has passed, and also timing is such
if mom, and this is not to spook you at anyway,
but if mom chooses that she's raided to leave, that's
not something that you can control either. Right.
Speaker 4 (28:43):
That line chooses to leave catches my ear, Janelle phrases
it so delicately, it knocks me back.
Speaker 11 (28:52):
So this is a very big existential crisis kind of
Saturn where.
Speaker 10 (28:55):
We're just like what is life?
Speaker 11 (28:57):
Right?
Speaker 10 (28:57):
Like, why is life? Why is this happening?
Speaker 11 (29:00):
Like this is a situation that's gonna be very challenging
emotionally for us. And are we going to lean into
our analytical try to fix everything or are we just
gonna feel it right?
Speaker 4 (29:09):
Right?
Speaker 11 (29:09):
Yeah, don't beat yourself up like this is not helpful, Annie,
this is not constructive. Who cares? I'm tired, I'm sad.
You know, I want to cry in bed today. Yeah,
so if that comes up.
Speaker 10 (29:22):
For you, try not to beat yourself up so much.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (29:38):
Chapter five, She's a real beast, right, we got no stop.
What do you think about when Mama and I get older?
Speaker 5 (29:57):
Hopefully I planned to start family or like like you
guys are my family, but I planned to get married
and have a younger generation.
Speaker 4 (30:10):
You want to be a debt?
Speaker 6 (30:11):
Yeah, definitely. I love kids.
Speaker 4 (30:14):
And what about what about with us, like when we
are Onima's age?
Speaker 6 (30:21):
I think we would definitely take care of you.
Speaker 5 (30:23):
And if you were like a name, like a little money,
can you retire you're not really working anymore? Would probably
give you a sub Once you guys get around retirement age.
I'll be like, you do you well you get over
the age of seventy five.
Speaker 6 (30:41):
You guys give a couple of about my place.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
I smile when I hear this, and then I look
around Henry and Ruby's messy room where we're taping. If
I'm going to move in with them when I'm seventy five,
we've got to teach them how to tidy up. Janelle's
left the chat and I'm sitting with Annie for the debrief.
(31:04):
I know Annie's a skeptic.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
I'm not like a big astrology person. I'm too virgo
for that.
Speaker 4 (31:10):
And the reading was a little heavier than I was expecting,
so I'm curious how she's feeling. Was there anything you
heard that was surprising.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
I didn't know about like the thirty years coming back
to things. I thought that was kind of bizarre and interesting.
So like my mom having cancer, I'm like, oh, yeah,
and it's like coming back to her heart situation.
Speaker 4 (31:32):
Now in that period, did you have to be as
present as you've been now?
Speaker 3 (31:38):
Not really, because at the time I was in college,
so I didn't have the same responsibilities. They also like
hit it for me, which is classic classic Asian family
you just get a's at college. So I'm just not
going to tell you that I'm like secretly in chemo
and it's sucking for me.
Speaker 10 (31:57):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
So I know, right, it's like the worst that to
your kids. Please, So I think, like then, I felt helpless,
So this time around, I'm feeling a little too helpful.
Speaker 4 (32:10):
Parents hiding things from you to let you focus on
your studies. Yeah, I know that all too well. When
I was in college, my dad lost his job. My
parents had never really saved for schooling, and when I
found this out, I felt guilty about being at a
school I knew my parents couldn't afford because I didn't
(32:34):
really have a sense of how bad their finances were.
At first, I knew they took loans. I took out loans.
Later I found out they borrowed money from friends to
make sure Shantha could get the same opportunity I did.
It's incredible how they made things work and tried to
give us a sense of normalcy. But more than that,
(32:55):
they never pressured either of us to go into a
field that would make a lot of money. I just
wanted us to learn and grow and do something worthwhile
with our lives. It's such a gift and a debt
I'll never pay back in full.
Speaker 11 (33:18):
Mom being six sucks, right, it's up the first time.
It sucks a second time. It's annoying, it's frustrating.
Speaker 10 (33:23):
It's scary.
Speaker 4 (33:24):
I was so worried that Annie would feel like the
challenges ahead were insurmountable, but she took it in stride
from talking to her parents about finances and what to
do with all this gold.
Speaker 3 (33:37):
Yeah, yeah, you can't like go to Kaiser and be like, hey,
here's a bully on Like, I don't know how much
it's worth that.
Speaker 4 (33:44):
Annie is so resilient. It's hardening to me. My real
worry is that Annie knows she can deal with her mom.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
She's a real beast. Yeah, I have no doubt that
she'll like come out of this, you know, a new
person or better, stronger, healthier, new heart whodys lady.
Speaker 4 (34:04):
But her dad's another story. They don't see eye to eye.
And while we never explicitly asked Janelle to tell us
who might die first, the thing I heard in the
reading was Janelle bracing Annie for the worst.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
I mean, honestly, like, my dad has to die first.
My mom literally does everything I think I just need
to like get them to start smoking again, or you know,
like yeah, like you should get in and out. I
don't know what else to do this because I've never
met an adult man more ill prepared to live in
(34:38):
a penalty in my life.
Speaker 4 (34:39):
Yea, The truth is, I don't think the years ahead
are going to be easy for Annie.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
Responsibility is something you should do.
Speaker 4 (34:51):
There's so many health concerns that will ultimately land on
our plate. There's so much stuff in that garage. There's
a lot of gold Locate.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
You know, crane Zone. Everyone say I'm happy, I'm having
a great time, such an Instagram influencer thing, which I
do not get, like, look at my great life. What
I do is like, look how shitty my life is
right now. I'm look at this piece of trash I found,
you know, in my mom's house, Like look at this,
Like that's like my whole vibe.
Speaker 4 (35:25):
Chapter six. I can't make you happy, I can't make
you sad. That night, when my sister and I were together,
the conversation slipped towards my dad. I mean, how could
it not. We told each other little things my dad
(35:45):
had revealed in the hospital in his moments of weakness
on those last few days. That's when she told me this.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Yet it was at that point I was trying to
get him to go to the bathroom. Dad, you should
probably try and go to the bath I can help
you up and you have to walk and whatever. And
I was like, kind of Mom had told me to
be a little pushy, so it's like trying to get
him to do it. And he looked to me and
he was like, I can't make you happy and I
can't make you sad.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
My dad was an incredibly sweet and good natured man,
but he could be hard to read. He didn't like
to talk about the past. Most of what my sister
and I know about his childhood isn't gleaned from him
or even my mom. It's stories we've stitched together from
family members in India. How he was so smart that
(36:36):
he went to college at age twelve. How he was
a really good table tennis player and used to be
a practice partner for some of Bombay's top talent. How
he starred in college radio plays and was a backup
singer and a Rolling Stones cover bin. I mean, the
stories were wild and funny, and going to India hearing
(36:58):
these anecdotes. It all brought us closer to him. When
we used to ask my dad about these tales, which
honestly felt like fiction to us, he'd kind of laugh
and reluctantly admit they had happened, or he changed the subject.
But if he didn't talk about his achievements, he definitely
(37:18):
didn't talk about his hardships, how lost he was without
a mom, how he felt abandoned at boarding schools, how
once he came to the US to get a PhD.
He kept pushing off going back to goa to take
over the family businesses, the ones my grandfather had worked
so hard to build for his family. My dad resented
(37:41):
these businesses for taking up all my grandfather's attention. I
can imagine his loneliness. That there were deep pockets of
sadness we just never saw or understood, because my dad's
way of dealing with sadness wasn't to yell or to
act out or to share, but just to go quiet.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
And I said, Dad, I'm not sad about anything, and
he was like, no, Shanta, I can't make you happy
and I can't make you sad. And I was like no, Dad,
Like I'm just asking you to go to the bathroom.
It's gonna be okay.
Speaker 4 (38:16):
But Chanta knows what he means. He's clearly not talking
about the bathroom.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
And I was trying to think like an analogy, you know,
to help him put into perspectives.
Speaker 6 (38:24):
I was like, Dad, when your dad died, it was probably.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Pretty hard for you. You were okay, and you bounced
back and life goes on and you're gonna be okay.
So I was like, yeah, I'll be sad when you die,
but you know it'll be okay.
Speaker 4 (38:36):
My dad, who could be so tight lipped in that moment,
He's like, no, Shaanpa, my dad died.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
I was sad and I was happy. I was sad
because he was gone, but I was happy because I
could never make him happy. And that was really heartbreaking.
Speaker 4 (38:56):
The thing that's only occurred to me since having children
is as a parent, you prioritize what you didn't get
from your parents, and you discount the things you did.
And for whatever shortcomings my dad might have had, he
never hesitated to show us love. He couldn't walk past
us without tussling our hair or kissing our heads. He
(39:20):
attended every recital and performance and tournament he could and
when we surprised him with a trophy or an award
or some ridiculous invention, we glued and duct taped together.
He didn't always say much, but he deemed with pride.
(39:41):
That day in the hospital, Shanta took the opportunity to
tell him, my.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
Dad, you know, whether you tell us or not, whether
you say it out loud, I know you're proud of us,
and I know you're proud among Ish. I know you're
proud of me. And he shook his head and he said.
Speaker 4 (40:00):
That moment got me wondering do we show our kids
enough love? Do they know how much they mean to us?
Do you think you and Henry make me and Mama proud?
Speaker 6 (40:13):
Yeah?
Speaker 10 (40:14):
I do.
Speaker 5 (40:15):
I do think we do. Thank you, Goad. It's like
also like a Jew's father was a hard parent.
Speaker 4 (40:22):
A Jew is what my kids call my dad. It's
a company word for grandfather.
Speaker 5 (40:27):
Like his mom died at a very young age, but
his dad was just like, Oh, you look like my wife,
but you know I can't have you around here.
Speaker 4 (40:36):
I'd forgotten about this until Ruby mentioned it. It's true.
My grandmother, who I never met and died just a
year after my father was born. Famously had this warm
and magnetic personality. My granddad was so in love with
her he could never bring himself to remarry, and her
(40:57):
face haunted him. He could see her in the children,
and as much as my grandfather loved my dad and
his sister, his heart broke over and over each time
he looked at them.
Speaker 5 (41:09):
So I think if you had like a dad like you,
he definitely would have felt like the way you mean,
Hanno did, were like, we do feel like we've lived
up to the expucitations, and we do feel like we've
made you fad.
Speaker 4 (41:23):
As I talked with my kids about life about my dad,
it became apparent how I'm not the only one feeling
the loss. In fact, Henry still wears a shirt that
says a jew power. This T shirt my father in
law made for all of us to raise my dad's spirits.
What does that mean to you?
Speaker 5 (41:45):
So my grandpa on my other side made a T
shirt for my grandpa who was dying from cancer, and.
Speaker 6 (42:00):
I love that shirt. Guys.
Speaker 5 (42:05):
My grandpa was a great man.
Speaker 7 (42:09):
And that shirt showed we were there for him. He
is now deceased, but hopefully he's looking down at us.
I'm looking at that shirt and uh he's happy.
Speaker 4 (42:36):
Henriam, I love you so much, kiddy, I love you too.
Speaker 12 (42:43):
Out the Deep by your team, the Bigger, the Hot,
the Deep by the Strong, oh lousing, my bad, bad Sway.
Speaker 4 (43:19):
Skyline Drive is a production of Kaleidoscope and iHeart Podcast.
This show is hosted and written by me Mungas s articular,
but I'm whooping you know by now. A show is
not one person, and so I've got a million people
(43:40):
to thank. Mary Philip Sandy is our incredible supervising producer.
Thank you so much for finding Annie Mary Metapha. He
somehow made time to produce for us in between dealing
with her frisky new puppy. Mark A. Lotto is the
very best story editor. Even though he cut a really
funny story about hearing aids, I am not holding a
grudge against him. This episode was also produced and mixed
(44:02):
by the insanely talented Anna Rubinova, who sat with me
through way too many video sessions. Scoring as always for Botany.
Everyone who's upset that they don't know where to find
the show's theme song check out Botany's SoundCloud. Thank my kiddos,
Henry and Ruby for being pretty great kids, and for
my parents in law John and Betty for making and
(44:24):
sending those Ajupower t shirts. They really done a lot
to us. As you heard the warning. For some reason,
Rachel Kong, the incredible writer behind Goodbye Vitamin, which is
one of my favorite books, agreed to do our warning.
Her beautiful book about parents and kids and memory and
forgiveness is out. You should go pick it up today.
Gotta thank my friends Azadi Records, Mumbai's dopest label. Also
(44:47):
my brother Himanshu Suri for lending us his tunes and
Kaju Suri, the most fashionable dog out in Strong Island.
Special thanks to my pals Key and Jay for motor sales.
Their song closes out this episode. Thank you to my
sister Shanta articular for getting on Mike and sharing more
than maybe she wanted. And also doctor Gupta, who is
(45:08):
an extraordinary obigiim Additional production and research support from the
wonderful through of Chavarrao, Lizzie Jacobs, my very understanding wife
Someone park Lane in the fast Lane Buckshie, and my
sweetheart of a cousin Argent Buckshie. The show is executive
produced from iHeart by my good pals Nikki y Tour
and Kastrina Norvel. Also got to thank my wonderful partners
(45:31):
from Kaleidoscope who have been so supportive oswell listen Kate Osborne,
Costas Linos and Vami SHOORI. Special thanks to Ali Nathan Connell,
Will and Bob at iHeart for getting behind this show,
Barkley and Sarah, Rachel and Rinz, my family everywhere and
as always a big thank you to my Alma and
(45:53):
my dad, Lalitha and Umejh who I thank my lucky
stars for thank you for very with me and thank
you for listening