November 2, 2023 • 23 mins
Welcome to Anney and Samantha's catastrophic anxiety corner, the Halloween equivalent of a pumpkin puking its innards.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Welcome to stuff I Never told you production of iHeart Radio.
And welcome to another edition of Happy Hour. As always,
if you choose to drink, please do so responsively.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Are you sipping on anything, Samantha.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
I'm keeping it to a diet soda.
Speaker 4 (00:32):
Because you've had issues water issues. Yes, that's a true story.
Right now, our water is off. The cab County is
not doing well. That's all I'm gonna say. Oh no, no.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
It's correct.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Well, today's Halloween as we record this, we'll be after
Halloween as you hear it.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
But I am drinking exciter. Oh nice.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Yes, I'm trying to get in the mood. I've watched
a lot of horror movies already. I got my pumpkin carved.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Well.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
It is very dark outside right now during afternoon times,
as well as cold. Is it please morning?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I know my phone. It's pretty menacing when you wake
up and you see that little hazard.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Sign and you're like, whoa wait, I don't know is happening.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
It's happening, which is actually kind of a fitting segue
into what I wanted to talk about. So originally I
had a different topic to talk about today for the
Happy Hour, it was going to be an unhappy Hour.
That's going to be the Monday Mini, so you can
look out for it, Unhappy Monday, Unhappy Monday. I think
a lot of you will find it, maybe not unhappy illuminating,
(01:41):
But we decided to move it because it was more
research than we normally do for these. So what I
wanted to talk about it's sort of a grab bag,
which I think is a fit for Halloween.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Treating bag.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Yeah, like a trigger treating bag. But one of the
things I've been meaning to talk about for a while
is something that my therapist calls catastrophizing, which I do
a lot, and I feel like fits in with Halloween.
But that's essentially when you like immediately assume the worst
thing has happened, Like whatever it is, the worst thing
(02:20):
has happened. So today, like you kind of emailed later
than you would normally email, and I was like, something
terrible has happened to Samantha, And I don't know what
it is, but I know that I'm catastrophizing. So I
try not to project that on you and be like,
are you okay?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
I have ever heard from you?
Speaker 2 (02:42):
I love that, Yeah, but I literally, like, I know,
it's sort of a joke with especially younger people, younger generations.
If I get a phone call, I assume someone has died,
like it is the worst thing. That it's just happens
in my head, which is funny because I feel like
(03:02):
I'm a really optimistic person actually, but I do always
have in the back of my head like how it
can be this, It could be this. And I think
when it comes to horror movies that that's one of
the reasons I really like them, is that I get
to watch it and sort of see that play out
(03:23):
and feel like, okay, like I really for the tension
that I'm just feeling, like every day when I don't
get an email, when I do get an email every
day it is Halloween. But one of the things so
I went to and I've promised we're not making this
(03:45):
into a haunted house recap show, you know, I would
love to desperately. I went to Atlanta local haunted house
that is famous last night, called Another World, and it
was so fun and I got so scared and I
was like really screaming, like the guttural scream, and I afterwards,
(04:12):
I just felt so bad. I was like, was I
ruining other people's time? Was I, oh, no, I've like
touched this person at one point, and what if they
didn't like to be touched. I don't like to be touched?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
What was I think?
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Like, I just got so in my head about it,
And you know, I don't a lot of times I
think that that it is just you in this case,
me projecting whatever it is you're feeling.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
But other times I'm like, I don't know, because.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
I've never had that conversation specifically with my friends, like
do you care if I like cling to you?
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Or I don't know?
Speaker 2 (04:55):
But I got really in my head and then I
started thinking about So I was thinking about how I
don't feel like i'm a because I become so confident
that I'm asexual and I'm ace and I'm like really
(05:15):
not interested in things. I feel like I've become really
confident in a way that maybe I shouldn't be. That
everyone knows that and they don't see me that way
or they get it, which I know we've talked about before.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
We've talked about like.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
When you think a man is married and you're like, okay,
I'm good, Like I'll be fine, and that's not the
case at all. But now I'm starting to worry that
I have been like coaxing along with this understanding that
it sort of goes back to the conversation, which I
(05:59):
feel is very tired. But we've had it on here
before and people continue to have it, like can you
have a platonic guy friend relationship? And I just feel
like I can so confidently because I'm not interested.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
I am not interested.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
But now I'm starting to worry that maybe I shouldn't
be so confident in that. And the only reason I'm
thinking about this is because I saw a lot of
couples last night at the Haunted House, and I just
it like started thinking about the times I've been at
haunted houses and have grabbed onto guy friends because I
(06:39):
was scared, but like nothing else, but you know, like
what was I wrong? Was I wrong to do it?
Were they thinking that was something else? Or whereas I'm
just literally like you are a friend and I am
grabbing on to you. So I don't know, And I
(07:05):
also embarrassing to admit, but my fan fiction, a much
reviewed fan fiction, thank.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
You, It's coming to an end, and there is romance
in it.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
And there was a scene in the last one where
they had a fight and everyone chooses a side, and
I was reading through what the comments were about choosing
the side, and I was just so taken aback by
some of it because I was like, that is not
(07:42):
how I would have seen that at all, And that
makes sense, like we all come from different backgrounds and
experiences and all of that. But it really got me
thinking because then I was doubting like everything I'd ever written,
but I could I don't think they were without merit,
Like nothing they said I felt was like wrong. But
(08:05):
then I really was like, okay, because I was seeing
it from this one really specific point of view, even
if I wasn't convinced that was the right point of view,
but I'm seeing it from this one. And it led
me down a spiral, Samantha that I started to think,
like all of these interactions I've had, especially with men,
(08:28):
where I'm so confident that there's nothing because I don't
want anything, and like they, I've been out open about it,
like I'm a sexually I'm not into it, and sometimes
I even feel pressure to tell women they're dating into it,
which is weird.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Do you say I'm more likely to be atracted to
you than him, so really good.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
I try not to say anything at all because I
think it's weird. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
I just I think it made me feel I don't think.
I think what I'm having is anxiety, to be honest, Yeah,
but it made me feel like I was questioning things
that I've just taken for granted that we're we all know.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
This right, like this is good, this is cool, and.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Despite evidence where I've seen that that's not the case
and episodes we've done where I've read messages where I
know that's not the case, I'm just I feel like
I'm doubting a lot more stuff that I used to
be much more confident in.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
I used to be much more like, Okay, we're good,
we're good, and maybe we are. It's just the doubt.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
It's the doubt that's getting me, and I feel like
it's impacting some of my relationships right now because I'm
being very like almost cagey, like Okay, what do you mean?
What do you know? Do you want I hang out
or do you not want to? I'm good, we don't
need to hang out.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Like I'm being very what is it you want out
of this?
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Which is not a good way to think about hanging
out with people, right, which is, you know, scary Halloween thoughts,
inspired by a haunted house, inspired by a haunted health.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Did you go with someone?
Speaker 1 (10:28):
No?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
No, I went with the group I went to with
Disney World, so there was my friend's boyfriend there, right,
But it was more just what I was witnessing and
some other interactions I've had with Youds recently, or I'm
just it feels like I'm missing some piece of understanding
(10:53):
about how people in I don't know, I think everyone
feels that way, but I feel like I'm saying what
I mean, but it's being interpreted as something else. And
I thought that when I had become more open about
(11:19):
being a sexual, that maybe that wouldn't be the case
with friends, not with strangers. And I want to stress this.
I don't have a specific I just have. I feel
like I'm just doubting myself. There's just insecurity, anxiety and doubt.
I don't have a specific instance where this happens. But
I just started to think when I was reading these
(11:40):
fan fiction comments, and when I was reading when I
was at this horror on an house, I was like,
I'm not seeing the world the same way they're seeing it.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
I'm not seeing it the same And I think.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
That was a good I've always known that, but I
feel like I I needed to have that moment in
the kind of asexual lens. I'm like, Okay, I'm really
not saying this like you're saying this, and continue to
move forward and learn from that and hopefully not stress
(12:15):
out about it. So I do honestly, reading these fan
fiction comments meant that people have such different opinions, and
that's sort of I guess maybe that's the thing, is like.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I don't know what to make.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
You know, though, like fan fiction begin with and I
say this with love, they it began because they wanted
an alternative to what was actually there, and they disagreed
with the origins, so therefore they had to create their
(12:55):
own narrative. So if that's the case, the likelihood, the
very high likelihood that they also don't like the narratives
done by someone else, even though it's close, maybe closer
to their perspective is good, tould be pretty high. So
I think that's that's gonna be a problem.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Well, no one said they don't like it.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
It's just that they pick a person and they're like
he was right, they were wrong, which it makes sense.
That's like the shipping part. That's the team this or
team that. And none of them have been mean or
anything like that. I was just surprised at some of
(13:40):
their takes on oh he was being manipulative or oh
they were doing this, or like which is and almost
all of them I kind of love this, even though
sometimes it hurts because I'm like, oh no, what if
I'm eternalized this bad behavior. Almost all of them are
are very like positive isn't the right word, but they're
(14:02):
talking about a healthy relationship.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
They're like picking apart onhealthy habits.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
And then I'm like, well, oh no, do I have
this unhealthy habit?
Speaker 1 (14:16):
And we all have those.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
But it's just it's really interesting because sometimes I'll be like, yeah,
you're right comment or I messed up, you're right, and
then I'll read another comment on the other side and
I'm like, oh no, I gotta go back to those wrongboard.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
This is the problem with instant feedback. That's like it
it calls for too much, like insecurities and call outs.
They're like, oh my god, maybe because then yeah, it's
your perspective. And then when someone else gives you a
different perspective, You're like, oh, and if it's not necessary,
like if it's not a call out for the better,
(14:55):
like in humanity, it's gonna be okay. Yeah, I mean
it's gonna be fine. Luke's gonna be fine. Probably not
with your world. But like.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
No, but again, like nobody said anything. It's more me,
Like I feel I feel like I'm lost at see,
so I just feel more confident than ever that I
don't know what the hell relationship looks like.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
I mean, at least got competence in that. That's that's
the point. A win's a win. A win is a win. Okay,
confetence there, all right, Great, that's one. That's the one.
We're clapping for that one. But the fact is, like
(15:53):
relationships have changed for everyone. It's not the same anymore.
It's not the same. Like if you want the old
school romance, go back to your nineteen ninety sitcom and
just stay there because it's changed drastically, Or do a
KA drama because K drama is still very sis head
normative nineties romance, so go for that. But like it
(16:16):
doesn't exist anymore like that, or if it does, it's
still different, so I think that's unusual.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Abe.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Your anxiety is also probably coming from the fact that
you've been going non stop, yeah, and now that you're
finally slowing down, you feel like you're missing something, yeah,
which I do this a lot. I do this a
lot where my heart starts racing and I feel like
I'm about to something's gone wrong and everything's going bad.
(16:46):
And then I think about everything I've said and everything
I've done, and I'm like, oh my god, oh my god,
I've heard this person's feelings. I've heard this, I did
this wrong, I've made a huge mistake with this. And
then it turned out to be uh, yeah, oh I
drink too much coffee that day, or oh I didn't
sleep at all that night, because when you think, like
again that day that one of the big like when
(17:06):
I had a recording session with one of the biggest
you know, podcasts that we know, and I'm like, oh
my god, I did everything I like, I ended it.
I had a two day meltdown. I cried, and then
a week later I was like, what What's wrong with you?
And then realized I was just I'd moved into my house.
I had a guess that family member as a guest.
I was trying to do that episode which lasts four
(17:26):
hours after six o'clock because they are on Pacific Coast time,
and I'm like, god, I really do and then realizing oh,
it really wasn't that big of a deal.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Much much later.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
But the immediate panic is I failed humanity, Like the
hell is the level in my head?
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yeah? Yeah, I mean it is. It is me like
I am stressed and I am worked up. I feel
to the core.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
And I.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
There is no one or nothing, nothing has happened, no
one has done anything. Those comments were nice, like in
your head, I think I just feel really like I
don't like I don't have the ground beneath me as
moving or something right. And I had such a good
time at this high of the house, and I think
(18:22):
that again, going back to what we were talking about,
I love that I can do I can be big,
like I can do my guttural scream and jump and
do all this stuff. But there's a reason why I
feel like I can't do that generally is because I
feel like I'm doing I'm.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Being too big or I'm taking too much attention. So
I just like I got my head about it.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
I had a great time, such a good I'm sure
they had a great time too.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
I know, I know, I know the thing, and I
feel bad like even admitting this, because it's like then
maybe they'll feel bad, but I had nothing to do
with you.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
It's just me, you know.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
Like we need to have an in depth look about anxiety.
One of it is actually like physical, yeah, physiological, like
truly and why it affects people so differently, and then
when you take a perspective back and you're like, oh,
it wasn't. That's why we talk about when medications, if
you truly need it, take it, because it really does.
Like because the part of this again is like that
level of like you've been going non stop to the
(19:30):
point like you couldn't remember where you were, what you
were doing. It was one day was I thought, the
other day was? I thought yesterday was Sunday. I kept
saying to people, Sunday, is everybody here Sunday?
Speaker 1 (19:44):
What are you doing?
Speaker 3 (19:45):
And then I realized, oh, I'm a day off. I'm
in a panic mode about like fall back, which is
a I don't want to do it, irritating as hell,
but like all these things like you've been doing ten
times more than I've been doing, and now you've kind
of stopped being So I think that anxiety of high
key moving for the past three months probably really is
(20:06):
like taught your body. If you're not doing constant things,
then you've forgotten something and this is your fault and
everything's falling apart.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
That's not true.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yeah, no, we should definitely. It feels like that, we
should definitely come back and do it.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
But it's also like the catastrophizing with it. Yes.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
Oh so if you already have prone to that. This
is what I've discovered about myself. When you're on that level,
there's nothing rational that you can say to yourself to
take it back until you see everything. So okay, because
I did this the other day, a friend of mine
was not even late. It was like on time, but
because they're always ten to fifteen minutes early, I was
freaking out texting them, are you okay? Right then they
(20:50):
showed up and I was like, I'm sorry, I just
said I was really worried.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
But if you're on that strain of thought that that's
the worst thing. Because also we've been through some bad things. Yeah,
so we're kind of trained slash traumatized to that level
that everything is something is bad.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Wrong when it's off kilter.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Mm hmm, yeah it's I mean, it makes sense, I
why we both feel those things. I get it, but
it is so frustrating when like literally, it could just
be the smallest thing and I think, oh, they've died
or they hate me and they never want to.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Talk to me again. They're so mad.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Happy Halloween, Hama's anxiety corner.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
We're not paranoid.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
We'll talk about what would you hear?
Speaker 1 (21:52):
The horror movies are helping me?
Speaker 2 (21:59):
Okay, Hi, Yeah, I'm gonna try to relax. There we
go to try to relax. My cider, my pumpkin, cheers, cheers.
Thank you for listening to my very messy thoughts about this.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Enjoyed it.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Yeah, I'm still I'm clearly still processing something. Oh well, listeners,
We always love hearing from you. If you can relate
to any of you can email us at Stuff Media,
mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You can find us
on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast, or in a Seria
(22:40):
man TikTok at Stuff Whenever told you. We have a
tea public story and we have a book which also
to be honest is part of the stress, but you
should get it and we've loved hearing from people about it.
Thank you so much, and thanks to our super producer Christina,
our executive producer Maya, and our contributor Joey.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Thanks to you for listening. Stefan never told you the
production of by Heeart Radio. For more podcasts from my
Heart Radio, you can check out the I Heart Radio app,
Apple podcast or where you listen to your favorite shows.
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Welcome to stuff I Never told you production of iHeart Radio.
And welcome to another edition of Happy Hour. As always,
if you choose to drink, please do so responsively.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Are you sipping on anything, Samantha.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
I'm keeping it to a diet soda.
Speaker 4 (00:32):
Because you've had issues water issues. Yes, that's a true story.
Right now, our water is off. The cab County is
not doing well. That's all I'm gonna say. Oh no, no.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
It's correct.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Well, today's Halloween as we record this, we'll be after
Halloween as you hear it.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
But I am drinking exciter. Oh nice.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Yes, I'm trying to get in the mood. I've watched
a lot of horror movies already. I got my pumpkin carved.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Well.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
It is very dark outside right now during afternoon times,
as well as cold. Is it please morning?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I know my phone. It's pretty menacing when you wake
up and you see that little hazard.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Sign and you're like, whoa wait, I don't know is happening.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
It's happening, which is actually kind of a fitting segue
into what I wanted to talk about. So originally I
had a different topic to talk about today for the
Happy Hour, it was going to be an unhappy Hour.
That's going to be the Monday Mini, so you can
look out for it, Unhappy Monday, Unhappy Monday. I think
a lot of you will find it, maybe not unhappy illuminating,
(01:41):
But we decided to move it because it was more
research than we normally do for these. So what I
wanted to talk about it's sort of a grab bag,
which I think is a fit for Halloween.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Treating bag.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Yeah, like a trigger treating bag. But one of the
things I've been meaning to talk about for a while
is something that my therapist calls catastrophizing, which I do
a lot, and I feel like fits in with Halloween.
But that's essentially when you like immediately assume the worst
thing has happened, Like whatever it is, the worst thing
(02:20):
has happened. So today, like you kind of emailed later
than you would normally email, and I was like, something
terrible has happened to Samantha, And I don't know what
it is, but I know that I'm catastrophizing. So I
try not to project that on you and be like,
are you okay?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
I have ever heard from you?
Speaker 2 (02:42):
I love that, Yeah, but I literally, like, I know,
it's sort of a joke with especially younger people, younger generations.
If I get a phone call, I assume someone has died,
like it is the worst thing. That it's just happens
in my head, which is funny because I feel like
(03:02):
I'm a really optimistic person actually, but I do always
have in the back of my head like how it
can be this, It could be this. And I think
when it comes to horror movies that that's one of
the reasons I really like them, is that I get
to watch it and sort of see that play out
(03:23):
and feel like, okay, like I really for the tension
that I'm just feeling, like every day when I don't
get an email, when I do get an email every
day it is Halloween. But one of the things so
I went to and I've promised we're not making this
(03:45):
into a haunted house recap show, you know, I would
love to desperately. I went to Atlanta local haunted house
that is famous last night, called Another World, and it
was so fun and I got so scared and I
was like really screaming, like the guttural scream, and I afterwards,
(04:12):
I just felt so bad. I was like, was I
ruining other people's time? Was I, oh, no, I've like
touched this person at one point, and what if they
didn't like to be touched. I don't like to be touched?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
What was I think?
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Like, I just got so in my head about it,
And you know, I don't a lot of times I
think that that it is just you in this case,
me projecting whatever it is you're feeling.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
But other times I'm like, I don't know, because.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
I've never had that conversation specifically with my friends, like
do you care if I like cling to you?
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Or I don't know?
Speaker 2 (04:55):
But I got really in my head and then I
started thinking about So I was thinking about how I
don't feel like i'm a because I become so confident
that I'm asexual and I'm ace and I'm like really
(05:15):
not interested in things. I feel like I've become really
confident in a way that maybe I shouldn't be. That
everyone knows that and they don't see me that way
or they get it, which I know we've talked about before.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
We've talked about like.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
When you think a man is married and you're like, okay,
I'm good, Like I'll be fine, and that's not the
case at all. But now I'm starting to worry that
I have been like coaxing along with this understanding that
it sort of goes back to the conversation, which I
(05:59):
feel is very tired. But we've had it on here
before and people continue to have it, like can you
have a platonic guy friend relationship? And I just feel
like I can so confidently because I'm not interested.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
I am not interested.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
But now I'm starting to worry that maybe I shouldn't
be so confident in that. And the only reason I'm
thinking about this is because I saw a lot of
couples last night at the Haunted House, and I just
it like started thinking about the times I've been at
haunted houses and have grabbed onto guy friends because I
(06:39):
was scared, but like nothing else, but you know, like
what was I wrong? Was I wrong to do it?
Were they thinking that was something else? Or whereas I'm
just literally like you are a friend and I am
grabbing on to you. So I don't know, And I
(07:05):
also embarrassing to admit, but my fan fiction, a much
reviewed fan fiction, thank.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
You, It's coming to an end, and there is romance
in it.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
And there was a scene in the last one where
they had a fight and everyone chooses a side, and
I was reading through what the comments were about choosing
the side, and I was just so taken aback by
some of it because I was like, that is not
(07:42):
how I would have seen that at all, And that
makes sense, like we all come from different backgrounds and
experiences and all of that. But it really got me
thinking because then I was doubting like everything I'd ever written,
but I could I don't think they were without merit,
Like nothing they said I felt was like wrong. But
(08:05):
then I really was like, okay, because I was seeing
it from this one really specific point of view, even
if I wasn't convinced that was the right point of view,
but I'm seeing it from this one. And it led
me down a spiral, Samantha that I started to think,
like all of these interactions I've had, especially with men,
(08:28):
where I'm so confident that there's nothing because I don't
want anything, and like they, I've been out open about it,
like I'm a sexually I'm not into it, and sometimes
I even feel pressure to tell women they're dating into it,
which is weird.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Do you say I'm more likely to be atracted to
you than him, so really good.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
I try not to say anything at all because I
think it's weird. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
I just I think it made me feel I don't think.
I think what I'm having is anxiety, to be honest, Yeah,
but it made me feel like I was questioning things
that I've just taken for granted that we're we all know.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
This right, like this is good, this is cool, and.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Despite evidence where I've seen that that's not the case
and episodes we've done where I've read messages where I
know that's not the case, I'm just I feel like
I'm doubting a lot more stuff that I used to
be much more confident in.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
I used to be much more like, Okay, we're good,
we're good, and maybe we are. It's just the doubt.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
It's the doubt that's getting me, and I feel like
it's impacting some of my relationships right now because I'm
being very like almost cagey, like Okay, what do you mean?
What do you know? Do you want I hang out
or do you not want to? I'm good, we don't
need to hang out.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Like I'm being very what is it you want out
of this?
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Which is not a good way to think about hanging
out with people, right, which is, you know, scary Halloween thoughts,
inspired by a haunted house, inspired by a haunted health.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Did you go with someone?
Speaker 1 (10:28):
No?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
No, I went with the group I went to with
Disney World, so there was my friend's boyfriend there, right,
But it was more just what I was witnessing and
some other interactions I've had with Youds recently, or I'm
just it feels like I'm missing some piece of understanding
(10:53):
about how people in I don't know, I think everyone
feels that way, but I feel like I'm saying what
I mean, but it's being interpreted as something else. And
I thought that when I had become more open about
(11:19):
being a sexual, that maybe that wouldn't be the case
with friends, not with strangers. And I want to stress this.
I don't have a specific I just have. I feel
like I'm just doubting myself. There's just insecurity, anxiety and doubt.
I don't have a specific instance where this happens. But
I just started to think when I was reading these
(11:40):
fan fiction comments, and when I was reading when I
was at this horror on an house, I was like,
I'm not seeing the world the same way they're seeing it.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
I'm not seeing it the same And I think.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
That was a good I've always known that, but I
feel like I I needed to have that moment in
the kind of asexual lens. I'm like, Okay, I'm really
not saying this like you're saying this, and continue to
move forward and learn from that and hopefully not stress
(12:15):
out about it. So I do honestly, reading these fan
fiction comments meant that people have such different opinions, and
that's sort of I guess maybe that's the thing, is like.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I don't know what to make.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
You know, though, like fan fiction begin with and I
say this with love, they it began because they wanted
an alternative to what was actually there, and they disagreed
with the origins, so therefore they had to create their
(12:55):
own narrative. So if that's the case, the likelihood, the
very high likelihood that they also don't like the narratives
done by someone else, even though it's close, maybe closer
to their perspective is good, tould be pretty high. So
I think that's that's gonna be a problem.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Well, no one said they don't like it.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
It's just that they pick a person and they're like
he was right, they were wrong, which it makes sense.
That's like the shipping part. That's the team this or
team that. And none of them have been mean or
anything like that. I was just surprised at some of
(13:40):
their takes on oh he was being manipulative or oh
they were doing this, or like which is and almost
all of them I kind of love this, even though
sometimes it hurts because I'm like, oh no, what if
I'm eternalized this bad behavior. Almost all of them are
are very like positive isn't the right word, but they're
(14:02):
talking about a healthy relationship.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
They're like picking apart onhealthy habits.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
And then I'm like, well, oh no, do I have
this unhealthy habit?
Speaker 1 (14:16):
And we all have those.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
But it's just it's really interesting because sometimes I'll be like, yeah,
you're right comment or I messed up, you're right, and
then I'll read another comment on the other side and
I'm like, oh no, I gotta go back to those wrongboard.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
This is the problem with instant feedback. That's like it
it calls for too much, like insecurities and call outs.
They're like, oh my god, maybe because then yeah, it's
your perspective. And then when someone else gives you a
different perspective, You're like, oh, and if it's not necessary,
like if it's not a call out for the better,
(14:55):
like in humanity, it's gonna be okay. Yeah, I mean
it's gonna be fine. Luke's gonna be fine. Probably not
with your world. But like.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
No, but again, like nobody said anything. It's more me,
Like I feel I feel like I'm lost at see,
so I just feel more confident than ever that I
don't know what the hell relationship looks like.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
I mean, at least got competence in that. That's that's
the point. A win's a win. A win is a win. Okay,
confetence there, all right, Great, that's one. That's the one.
We're clapping for that one. But the fact is, like
(15:53):
relationships have changed for everyone. It's not the same anymore.
It's not the same. Like if you want the old
school romance, go back to your nineteen ninety sitcom and
just stay there because it's changed drastically, Or do a
KA drama because K drama is still very sis head
normative nineties romance, so go for that. But like it
(16:16):
doesn't exist anymore like that, or if it does, it's
still different, so I think that's unusual.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Abe.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Your anxiety is also probably coming from the fact that
you've been going non stop, yeah, and now that you're
finally slowing down, you feel like you're missing something, yeah,
which I do this a lot. I do this a
lot where my heart starts racing and I feel like
I'm about to something's gone wrong and everything's going bad.
(16:46):
And then I think about everything I've said and everything
I've done, and I'm like, oh my god, oh my god,
I've heard this person's feelings. I've heard this, I did
this wrong, I've made a huge mistake with this. And
then it turned out to be uh, yeah, oh I
drink too much coffee that day, or oh I didn't
sleep at all that night, because when you think, like
again that day that one of the big like when
(17:06):
I had a recording session with one of the biggest
you know, podcasts that we know, and I'm like, oh
my god, I did everything I like, I ended it.
I had a two day meltdown. I cried, and then
a week later I was like, what What's wrong with you?
And then realized I was just I'd moved into my house.
I had a guess that family member as a guest.
I was trying to do that episode which lasts four
(17:26):
hours after six o'clock because they are on Pacific Coast time,
and I'm like, god, I really do and then realizing oh,
it really wasn't that big of a deal.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Much much later.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
But the immediate panic is I failed humanity, Like the
hell is the level in my head?
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yeah? Yeah, I mean it is. It is me like
I am stressed and I am worked up. I feel
to the core.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
And I.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
There is no one or nothing, nothing has happened, no
one has done anything. Those comments were nice, like in
your head, I think I just feel really like I
don't like I don't have the ground beneath me as
moving or something right. And I had such a good
time at this high of the house, and I think
(18:22):
that again, going back to what we were talking about,
I love that I can do I can be big,
like I can do my guttural scream and jump and
do all this stuff. But there's a reason why I
feel like I can't do that generally is because I
feel like I'm doing I'm.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Being too big or I'm taking too much attention. So
I just like I got my head about it.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
I had a great time, such a good I'm sure
they had a great time too.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
I know, I know, I know the thing, and I
feel bad like even admitting this, because it's like then
maybe they'll feel bad, but I had nothing to do
with you.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
It's just me, you know.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
Like we need to have an in depth look about anxiety.
One of it is actually like physical, yeah, physiological, like
truly and why it affects people so differently, and then
when you take a perspective back and you're like, oh,
it wasn't. That's why we talk about when medications, if
you truly need it, take it, because it really does.
Like because the part of this again is like that
level of like you've been going non stop to the
(19:30):
point like you couldn't remember where you were, what you
were doing. It was one day was I thought, the
other day was? I thought yesterday was Sunday. I kept
saying to people, Sunday, is everybody here Sunday?
Speaker 1 (19:44):
What are you doing?
Speaker 3 (19:45):
And then I realized, oh, I'm a day off. I'm
in a panic mode about like fall back, which is
a I don't want to do it, irritating as hell,
but like all these things like you've been doing ten
times more than I've been doing, and now you've kind
of stopped being So I think that anxiety of high
key moving for the past three months probably really is
(20:06):
like taught your body. If you're not doing constant things,
then you've forgotten something and this is your fault and
everything's falling apart.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
That's not true.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yeah, no, we should definitely. It feels like that, we
should definitely come back and do it.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
But it's also like the catastrophizing with it. Yes.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
Oh so if you already have prone to that. This
is what I've discovered about myself. When you're on that level,
there's nothing rational that you can say to yourself to
take it back until you see everything. So okay, because
I did this the other day, a friend of mine
was not even late. It was like on time, but
because they're always ten to fifteen minutes early, I was
freaking out texting them, are you okay? Right then they
(20:50):
showed up and I was like, I'm sorry, I just
said I was really worried.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
But if you're on that strain of thought that that's
the worst thing. Because also we've been through some bad things. Yeah,
so we're kind of trained slash traumatized to that level
that everything is something is bad.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Wrong when it's off kilter.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Mm hmm, yeah it's I mean, it makes sense, I
why we both feel those things. I get it, but
it is so frustrating when like literally, it could just
be the smallest thing and I think, oh, they've died
or they hate me and they never want to.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Talk to me again. They're so mad.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Happy Halloween, Hama's anxiety corner.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
We're not paranoid.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
We'll talk about what would you hear?
Speaker 1 (21:52):
The horror movies are helping me?
Speaker 2 (21:59):
Okay, Hi, Yeah, I'm gonna try to relax. There we
go to try to relax. My cider, my pumpkin, cheers, cheers.
Thank you for listening to my very messy thoughts about this.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Enjoyed it.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Yeah, I'm still I'm clearly still processing something. Oh well, listeners,
We always love hearing from you. If you can relate
to any of you can email us at Stuff Media,
mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You can find us
on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast, or in a Seria
(22:40):
man TikTok at Stuff Whenever told you. We have a
tea public story and we have a book which also
to be honest is part of the stress, but you
should get it and we've loved hearing from people about it.
Thank you so much, and thanks to our super producer Christina,
our executive producer Maya, and our contributor Joey.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Thanks to you for listening. Stefan never told you the
production of by Heeart Radio. For more podcasts from my
Heart Radio, you can check out the I Heart Radio app,
Apple podcast or where you listen to your favorite shows.
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