February 6, 2025 • 19 mins
Nextdoor has a history of issues, but recently, it seems that the harassment of women has gone up on the platform. Anney and Samantha talk about some anecdotal experiences.
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff
I never told you production if I hurt radio, and
welcome to another edition of Happy Hour.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
As always, if you choose to drink or whatever you're
choosing to do, do so responsibly. Are you doing things responsibly?
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Samantha, I am so.
Speaker 4 (00:30):
This is not a sponsor, but I'm drinking something that
you hate, Okay, I know what it is, yeah, which
is a doctor Pepper, but it's combined with cream soda
because I don't care, like I don't have like a
deep hatred of it, but it's not my favorite drink.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
But they have a new all these new versions.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
And this one is doctor pepper and cuem soda together
and I'm like that actually sounds like that one fit
really love it.
Speaker 5 (00:59):
I'm glad.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
For you, Thank you. What about you?
Speaker 5 (01:06):
I'm drinking a rose. It's hot today.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
It's weather whiplash where we are.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
This is the epitome of Atlanta, of Georgia in the south.
How we get freezing, freezing cold and then immediately about
three days later, maybe even not like seventy degree.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Weather, Yes, And it's incredibly frustrating because it'll be really
cool in the morning. Sometimes and you're like bundled up
and then it's eighty degrees in the afternoon.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
It's frustrating.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
This is when my mom gave me Okay from the
Hills of Northern Georgia.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Georgia, Okay, I like it.
Speaker 5 (01:50):
Mm hm.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
So today, speaking of not a sponsor, we're talking about
next Door.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Ohoy so much so.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Recently Samantha hosted a lovely lunar New Year party. I
kind of get together and I brought up that I
noticed some things on next Door, and it sparked a
whole conversation that I'll get into in a second. I
(02:25):
do want to say we want to do an episode
on Nextdoor.
Speaker 5 (02:28):
We meant to.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Do it when we were doing all of our tech
episodes at the beginning of the year.
Speaker 5 (02:33):
I think last year, maybe it was the year before,
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
It was the beginning of one of those years, but
we didn't get around to it because there's a whole
history of racism with it.
Speaker 5 (02:44):
There's a lot to.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Talk about with Nextdoor, right and I've seen it play
out of the banning of people and the moderating.
Speaker 5 (02:51):
It's a whole mess we're speaking of.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
We're also not talking about the politics today, because I've
also seen that and I mentioned it briefly in your
Happy Hour, your recent happy hour.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
I mean again, I'm a moderator somehow, which I don't
want to be, and I'm getting I've gotten some things,
including I think just to put out there, people put
like don't stop at these places, and people reported it.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Yeah, they report. People are ready to report everything, yes,
But what I wanted to talk about today is specifically
something I've noticed that's new, which is very blatant harassment
of women. Yes on next door, so it's I don't
(03:37):
go on there very often. I usually go on there
when I'm trying to figure out why there's another marching
band in the neighborhood.
Speaker 5 (03:41):
I can't understand.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Something like an event or something right. But recently I've
gone on and I've seen several posts about women being
her ass. The first one was really funny and I
actually took a screenshot and I should send it to you, Samantha.
But it was an older woman and she said, I
don't understand what this website is for. I thought it
(04:04):
was for neighborhood things, but instead I'm just getting hit on.
I'm seventy years old. Y'all ain't got nothing for me.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Mama still got it. She should be proud.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
I love how she was so much like you could feel.
I mean really, so yes, I loved it, and I
thought it was really funny. And I was like, oh,
I didn't really think about that. I didn't know that
was a thing. And then it absolutely shouldn't be. Then
I saw another post where a woman was like, don't
(04:39):
ever put your phone number out here, because now I'm
getting harrassed all the time by all these men who
got my phone on next door my phone number and
are just sending me these horrific images or what have you.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
And then I so I was like, oh really, And
then I saw another one and it was a woman
who basically was like, I don't why is this a thing?
I don't understand. This is not why I'm here for.
What I'm here for, I'm getting all of these dms
(05:15):
and I'm getting her ass all this stuff and the
comment Samantha, all these men came out of the woodwork
and they said things were I'm not surprised to anyone,
no surprise to anyone, but kind of like really, but
it was you can't take a compliment come on, this
is a nice thing. Shouldn't You shouldn't have your profile
(05:38):
picture up if you don't want to get this kind
of attention, and just kind of very angry. What's wrong
with you? We're just trying to find someone to be
with and you you're shutting us down like.
Speaker 5 (05:52):
All these men.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
And then a couple of women would pop up and
be like, basically, just ignore them. But it was a mess,
and it was a real tapestry of I can't tell.
I'm assuming you really believe these things, and you felt
(06:17):
so strongly about it you had to comment on this
post and essentially tell this woman she should not complain
and be very happy about this harassment she's receiving and
or it's not even harassment.
Speaker 5 (06:35):
It was a long.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Comment thread. I will say from the profile pictures of
the men, they were mostly older men, which is a problem.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Yeah, And then one moment was like this makes me
really uncomfortable because I know you all are in my neighborhood.
Speaker 4 (06:53):
Yes, oh collapse, well done, well done, well done. That
should be the comment. If I've been into you and
you are this person, understand I think of you now
as a pervert with no idea of consent anything, decency right. Also,
this is called next door to ask about do you
(07:14):
know a good plumber right? Or do you know why
the water is out right exactly?
Speaker 5 (07:22):
Have you seen this dog? Those kinds of things. So
it was just something I had I didn't really know.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Like I said, I wasn't surprised, but I was kind
of surprised because it's next door. But then when I
was at your get together, Samantha, I was talking to
me with one of your friends, Dominique, and she showed
me the same thing happened on her next door and
it was just scrolling, scrolling scrolling of basically men yelling
(07:50):
at this woman for being like, hey, this is not
what this site is for.
Speaker 5 (07:54):
Please leave me alone. I will go to a dating
site if I want this it.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Well, and that one too, there was women coming at
her too because he was a young woman. And apparently
the profile picture I think at one point had her
in a bathing suit and that was apparently enough of
a invite for everyone to d M And I feel
like this is a weird, Like even in our own
(08:21):
group of people that I see as close friends and
group people, people were kind of justified. Well, you know,
she should have kind of known better, but she still
didn't deserve that type of conversation, which I was so
caught up in, like trying to make sure everybody was comfortable,
and then like I think I had a one side,
like one conversation with just a friend of mine, and
I was hearing these comments, but like also I think
(08:45):
I did. It was like wait what, and they're like, no, no,
she still didn't deserve it would be like the aftermath.
But even in our group of I think I was
the oldest in the group, So we're all millennials and
a few not really agenziers, but you know, young millennials
will say that that's like and we are all very
(09:05):
leftist individuals. We are all pretty like minded, I would say,
like even like the conversation turned into like how everything's
going to help and what we needed to do to
help this conversation, but like the fact that there was
enough like still a few of them, but I mean, yeah,
but no, like was really.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Kind of.
Speaker 4 (09:25):
Shocking and it shouldn't have been because that there's an
and I say this for myself as well, there's a
small part of us that still cannot let go of
the modesty idea and like, like again, how the Bible
has put on us, how Christianity has put on women.
If you look like this, you are a sinner for
(09:46):
making men lust? Like that is that conversation, and it's
that that right There's like I have a feeling she
probably just linked it to because I know a lot
of them, like do you want to do this through Google?
Do you want to do this through Facebook or whatever?
Speaker 3 (10:00):
And whatever?
Speaker 4 (10:00):
She felt cute in her bathing suit, Yeah, awesome, and
she thought it was a cute picture. Okay, And yet
that was while you did this to yourself?
Speaker 5 (10:11):
Right?
Speaker 3 (10:11):
What point?
Speaker 4 (10:13):
I mean, I'm thoroughly confused as to like who came
on to? Next door was like, this is it. I'm
gonna find somebody. This is my this is my dating time,
and next door whom I can't tell anything about, whether
they're married, whether or not they're not married, whether they
actually live here or they don't, or if they are
(10:35):
a robot or ai.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
I'm ahead on.
Speaker 5 (10:37):
Them, right and then yell at them if they get
mad and don't like it.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
And then say are you are you too good for me?
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (10:48):
Yeah, because obviously I didn't have to get onto a side.
That's for a neighborhood watch program essentially to a get
a match. I'm not that lonely dude.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
I remember the one the woman who is kind of like,
don't give out your phone number? She said, uh, essentially
like she she was asking for something very basic like yeah,
where can I go to get a storage box? And
then like all of these things the DM she gets are, Hey,
(11:31):
you live near me, We should meet up, we could
hang out, right, Like that makes me so that why
would I trust like anything anyone says on their They.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
On the others tar like, I can't. I want to
know the age range of this of these men who
are hitting because I next door is people who've just
moved into neighborhoods trying to find jobs and find connections
or trying to figure out their neighborhood or older people
like that's that's their social media. So I'm trying to
(12:03):
figure out the range of people. And next Door We've
talked about this previously, has a huge, huge conversation in
the idea, like very very racist comments in they're about
you know, this neighborhood used to be this, but this
family moved in. Type of real negativity. So again with that,
like who are these people.
Speaker 5 (12:25):
I don't know?
Speaker 4 (12:26):
And the.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Thing is all of our online discourse has unfortunately been
tainted by this. But I'm still kind of struggling with
the idea of this is Oh her profile picture, she
looks pretty, let me let me hit on her, like
in every space, like every space.
Speaker 4 (12:50):
Yeah, I don't think it's even being a struggle is horrifying,
Like in the story, like what the hell are you doing?
Speaker 3 (12:58):
Bro?
Speaker 4 (12:58):
Like, there are free sites you can get onto that
are explicitly asking for you to DM them, and you
still probably won't get rejected. Just you know, you're definitely
gonna get rejected here, but you're probably you know, you
have better chances, right, And like I think, And I
had added to that story that I had seen some things,
but the ones that I have seen are women coming
about like, hey, this dude sent this to me, and
(13:20):
then other women be like, oh my god, I got
the exact same message from that person and they all
like calling out this one dude. So that was really
funny to me.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
I saw that too. I saw somebody made a spreadsheet.
I don't know if it got taken down or not,
but I was like, whoa.
Speaker 4 (13:37):
Oh, I was a mod writer rat wouldn't and be like, yeah,
let's actually I'll pin this. Let's pin this just in
case no other women know at the very beginning, just
ignore this, block him, block him immediately.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
It's I mean, I don't know if it's gone up
a lot recently or I've just somehow noticed it a
lot recently, but I have seen multiple instances of this,
and it's the amount of comments under them.
Speaker 5 (14:07):
It's insane.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
And you know, this is we see this in the
real world, right Like I recently was outside and a
guy kind of he stood in front of me and
was like, don't get mad, but you have a nice
smile and you should smile. And I was like, wow,
you're already yelling at me.
Speaker 5 (14:31):
Okay. He's like, it's not a weird thing. I just
wanted you to know. Okay.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
You know, I feel like there's so many things where.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
And maybe maybe maybe I'm not a dude whatever whatnot.
When I compliment people, and I genuinely compliment and I
have they smile and say thank you and move on,
there's a difference for just being you have a nice smile,
move on, instead of being you have a nice smile.
You need to smile more. That's a different take, bro,
(15:08):
that's a different and it's condescending. Like both of those
things are the fact. And like, just I have been
complimented by men. If you just walk away and don't
sit there the whole time and doing it, they're fine.
You don't expect anything from it, it's fine. If you're
(15:31):
getting giving a compliment expecting something, that's when there's a problem.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Yeah, And I think that's the biggest point.
Speaker 4 (15:38):
Like I think this whole like made up narrative, like
I'm just afraid to talk to women. I'm just afraid
to be giving them any compliments. I'm like, yeah, are
you doing it lingering and hoping to get something and
as a reciprocation, Like, that's a problem. That's when you
should not be doing it. Right?
Speaker 5 (15:54):
Are you making them feel unsafe?
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Right?
Speaker 5 (15:57):
Are your compliments actually like really not appropriate?
Speaker 3 (16:02):
So many things?
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Yeah, And then that's what I feel that I'm seeing
unfold in these nextdoor comments is it's.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
It's like the men, angry men not to men.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Oh God, angry men are coming together and they're saying
these things that we've heard is kind of very basic.
Speaker 5 (16:25):
Oh, you can't handle you can't take a compliment. I
think I was.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
I was a little surprised at how many people were like,
you don't know how hard it is out there for
us to find someone like, oh.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Well with these tactics. No, yeah, we do. We know
you're doing this to yourself.
Speaker 5 (16:41):
I could tell you.
Speaker 4 (16:43):
You are telling you this, and the way you're handling
it is the example.
Speaker 5 (16:48):
Right right exactly.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
I mean there's a much larger conversation that we kind
of touched on when Joey came on and talked about
modern dating and we talked about it in our update
on online dating about how our like, our system is
just not really helping anybody because it's sort of men
are getting mad and women are getting like, I don't
(17:13):
want to hang out with you if you're so mad,
and it's just like getting worse and worse.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
Yeah, so that divide is getting worse. Yeah, the expectations
are getting worse. Maybe, I mean, maybe it is the
breakdown of the beginning of in cell community, and I
think we're using that term too quickly and too lightly,
and it has now become a normalized word, which is
(17:40):
really not good. As well as the fact that the
whole like pick up culture really messed up. What has
happened and it's become normalized once again.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Yeah yeah, I mean we talked about that in the
Manisphere episode too, and it's now it's spread to next Door.
I'm sure it was already there. I just hadn't seen
so many instances of it.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
No, that's so quickly grown.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
I think I'm with you, like I haven't really like
the fact that when you mentioned it and then Dominate
jumped down and then I jumped on, was like, yeah,
we've all seen this and we're all in very different neighborhoods.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Yeah, very different. Yeah, like we're in different counties.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Yeah, it's not good. We'll have to do a whole
episode on it. But I would love if listeners if
he wrote in if you've seen this grow on, if
you're on next Door or you know, anywhere, just let
us know if you've seen an uptick in these types
of things. You can email us at Hello at Stuffwenever
(18:46):
told You dot com. You can find us at Luce
Sky at mom Stuff podcast, or on Instagram and TikTok
stuff I've Never told you. We're also on YouTube. We
have a tea public store, and we have a book.
You can find wherever you get your books. Thanks It's
always to a super producer, caute your executive brows and
Chipper Joey.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Thank you and thanks to you for listening.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Steffan Never Told You is prodecttion of iHeart Radio. For
more podcasts on my heart Radio, you can check out
the heart Radio app Apple Podcasts, or if you listening
to your favorite shows
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff
I never told you production if I hurt radio, and
welcome to another edition of Happy Hour.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
As always, if you choose to drink or whatever you're
choosing to do, do so responsibly. Are you doing things responsibly?
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Samantha, I am so.
Speaker 4 (00:30):
This is not a sponsor, but I'm drinking something that
you hate, Okay, I know what it is, yeah, which
is a doctor Pepper, but it's combined with cream soda
because I don't care, like I don't have like a
deep hatred of it, but it's not my favorite drink.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
But they have a new all these new versions.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
And this one is doctor pepper and cuem soda together
and I'm like that actually sounds like that one fit
really love it.
Speaker 5 (00:59):
I'm glad.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
For you, Thank you. What about you?
Speaker 5 (01:06):
I'm drinking a rose. It's hot today.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
It's weather whiplash where we are.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
This is the epitome of Atlanta, of Georgia in the south.
How we get freezing, freezing cold and then immediately about
three days later, maybe even not like seventy degree.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Weather, Yes, And it's incredibly frustrating because it'll be really
cool in the morning. Sometimes and you're like bundled up
and then it's eighty degrees in the afternoon.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
It's frustrating.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
This is when my mom gave me Okay from the
Hills of Northern Georgia.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Georgia, Okay, I like it.
Speaker 5 (01:50):
Mm hm.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
So today, speaking of not a sponsor, we're talking about
next Door.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Ohoy so much so.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Recently Samantha hosted a lovely lunar New Year party. I
kind of get together and I brought up that I
noticed some things on next Door, and it sparked a
whole conversation that I'll get into in a second. I
(02:25):
do want to say we want to do an episode
on Nextdoor.
Speaker 5 (02:28):
We meant to.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Do it when we were doing all of our tech
episodes at the beginning of the year.
Speaker 5 (02:33):
I think last year, maybe it was the year before,
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
It was the beginning of one of those years, but
we didn't get around to it because there's a whole
history of racism with it.
Speaker 5 (02:44):
There's a lot to.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Talk about with Nextdoor, right and I've seen it play
out of the banning of people and the moderating.
Speaker 5 (02:51):
It's a whole mess we're speaking of.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
We're also not talking about the politics today, because I've
also seen that and I mentioned it briefly in your
Happy Hour, your recent happy hour.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
I mean again, I'm a moderator somehow, which I don't
want to be, and I'm getting I've gotten some things,
including I think just to put out there, people put
like don't stop at these places, and people reported it.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Yeah, they report. People are ready to report everything, yes,
But what I wanted to talk about today is specifically
something I've noticed that's new, which is very blatant harassment
of women. Yes on next door, so it's I don't
(03:37):
go on there very often. I usually go on there
when I'm trying to figure out why there's another marching
band in the neighborhood.
Speaker 5 (03:41):
I can't understand.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Something like an event or something right. But recently I've
gone on and I've seen several posts about women being
her ass. The first one was really funny and I
actually took a screenshot and I should send it to you, Samantha.
But it was an older woman and she said, I
don't understand what this website is for. I thought it
(04:04):
was for neighborhood things, but instead I'm just getting hit on.
I'm seventy years old. Y'all ain't got nothing for me.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Mama still got it. She should be proud.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
I love how she was so much like you could feel.
I mean really, so yes, I loved it, and I
thought it was really funny. And I was like, oh,
I didn't really think about that. I didn't know that
was a thing. And then it absolutely shouldn't be. Then
I saw another post where a woman was like, don't
(04:39):
ever put your phone number out here, because now I'm
getting harrassed all the time by all these men who
got my phone on next door my phone number and
are just sending me these horrific images or what have you.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
And then I so I was like, oh really, And
then I saw another one and it was a woman
who basically was like, I don't why is this a thing?
I don't understand. This is not why I'm here for.
What I'm here for, I'm getting all of these dms
(05:15):
and I'm getting her ass all this stuff and the
comment Samantha, all these men came out of the woodwork
and they said things were I'm not surprised to anyone,
no surprise to anyone, but kind of like really, but
it was you can't take a compliment come on, this
is a nice thing. Shouldn't You shouldn't have your profile
(05:38):
picture up if you don't want to get this kind
of attention, and just kind of very angry. What's wrong
with you? We're just trying to find someone to be
with and you you're shutting us down like.
Speaker 5 (05:52):
All these men.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
And then a couple of women would pop up and
be like, basically, just ignore them. But it was a mess,
and it was a real tapestry of I can't tell.
I'm assuming you really believe these things, and you felt
(06:17):
so strongly about it you had to comment on this
post and essentially tell this woman she should not complain
and be very happy about this harassment she's receiving and
or it's not even harassment.
Speaker 5 (06:35):
It was a long.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Comment thread. I will say from the profile pictures of
the men, they were mostly older men, which is a problem.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Yeah, And then one moment was like this makes me
really uncomfortable because I know you all are in my neighborhood.
Speaker 4 (06:53):
Yes, oh collapse, well done, well done, well done. That
should be the comment. If I've been into you and
you are this person, understand I think of you now
as a pervert with no idea of consent anything, decency right. Also,
this is called next door to ask about do you
(07:14):
know a good plumber right? Or do you know why
the water is out right exactly?
Speaker 5 (07:22):
Have you seen this dog? Those kinds of things. So
it was just something I had I didn't really know.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Like I said, I wasn't surprised, but I was kind
of surprised because it's next door. But then when I
was at your get together, Samantha, I was talking to
me with one of your friends, Dominique, and she showed
me the same thing happened on her next door and
it was just scrolling, scrolling scrolling of basically men yelling
(07:50):
at this woman for being like, hey, this is not
what this site is for.
Speaker 5 (07:54):
Please leave me alone. I will go to a dating
site if I want this it.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Well, and that one too, there was women coming at
her too because he was a young woman. And apparently
the profile picture I think at one point had her
in a bathing suit and that was apparently enough of
a invite for everyone to d M And I feel
like this is a weird, Like even in our own
(08:21):
group of people that I see as close friends and
group people, people were kind of justified. Well, you know,
she should have kind of known better, but she still
didn't deserve that type of conversation, which I was so
caught up in, like trying to make sure everybody was comfortable,
and then like I think I had a one side,
like one conversation with just a friend of mine, and
I was hearing these comments, but like also I think
(08:45):
I did. It was like wait what, and they're like, no, no,
she still didn't deserve it would be like the aftermath.
But even in our group of I think I was
the oldest in the group, So we're all millennials and
a few not really agenziers, but you know, young millennials
will say that that's like and we are all very
(09:05):
leftist individuals. We are all pretty like minded, I would say,
like even like the conversation turned into like how everything's
going to help and what we needed to do to
help this conversation, but like the fact that there was
enough like still a few of them, but I mean, yeah,
but no, like was really.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Kind of.
Speaker 4 (09:25):
Shocking and it shouldn't have been because that there's an
and I say this for myself as well, there's a
small part of us that still cannot let go of
the modesty idea and like, like again, how the Bible
has put on us, how Christianity has put on women.
If you look like this, you are a sinner for
(09:46):
making men lust? Like that is that conversation, and it's
that that right There's like I have a feeling she
probably just linked it to because I know a lot
of them, like do you want to do this through Google?
Do you want to do this through Facebook or whatever?
Speaker 3 (10:00):
And whatever?
Speaker 4 (10:00):
She felt cute in her bathing suit, Yeah, awesome, and
she thought it was a cute picture. Okay, And yet
that was while you did this to yourself?
Speaker 5 (10:11):
Right?
Speaker 3 (10:11):
What point?
Speaker 4 (10:13):
I mean, I'm thoroughly confused as to like who came
on to? Next door was like, this is it. I'm
gonna find somebody. This is my this is my dating time,
and next door whom I can't tell anything about, whether
they're married, whether or not they're not married, whether they
actually live here or they don't, or if they are
(10:35):
a robot or ai.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
I'm ahead on.
Speaker 5 (10:37):
Them, right and then yell at them if they get
mad and don't like it.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
And then say are you are you too good for me?
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (10:48):
Yeah, because obviously I didn't have to get onto a side.
That's for a neighborhood watch program essentially to a get
a match. I'm not that lonely dude.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
I remember the one the woman who is kind of like,
don't give out your phone number? She said, uh, essentially
like she she was asking for something very basic like yeah,
where can I go to get a storage box? And
then like all of these things the DM she gets are, Hey,
(11:31):
you live near me, We should meet up, we could
hang out, right, Like that makes me so that why
would I trust like anything anyone says on their They.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
On the others tar like, I can't. I want to
know the age range of this of these men who
are hitting because I next door is people who've just
moved into neighborhoods trying to find jobs and find connections
or trying to figure out their neighborhood or older people
like that's that's their social media. So I'm trying to
(12:03):
figure out the range of people. And next Door We've
talked about this previously, has a huge, huge conversation in
the idea, like very very racist comments in they're about
you know, this neighborhood used to be this, but this
family moved in. Type of real negativity. So again with that,
like who are these people.
Speaker 5 (12:25):
I don't know?
Speaker 4 (12:26):
And the.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Thing is all of our online discourse has unfortunately been
tainted by this. But I'm still kind of struggling with
the idea of this is Oh her profile picture, she
looks pretty, let me let me hit on her, like
in every space, like every space.
Speaker 4 (12:50):
Yeah, I don't think it's even being a struggle is horrifying,
Like in the story, like what the hell are you doing?
Speaker 3 (12:58):
Bro?
Speaker 4 (12:58):
Like, there are free sites you can get onto that
are explicitly asking for you to DM them, and you
still probably won't get rejected. Just you know, you're definitely
gonna get rejected here, but you're probably you know, you
have better chances, right, And like I think, And I
had added to that story that I had seen some things,
but the ones that I have seen are women coming
about like, hey, this dude sent this to me, and
(13:20):
then other women be like, oh my god, I got
the exact same message from that person and they all
like calling out this one dude. So that was really
funny to me.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
I saw that too. I saw somebody made a spreadsheet.
I don't know if it got taken down or not,
but I was like, whoa.
Speaker 4 (13:37):
Oh, I was a mod writer rat wouldn't and be like, yeah,
let's actually I'll pin this. Let's pin this just in
case no other women know at the very beginning, just
ignore this, block him, block him immediately.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
It's I mean, I don't know if it's gone up
a lot recently or I've just somehow noticed it a
lot recently, but I have seen multiple instances of this,
and it's the amount of comments under them.
Speaker 5 (14:07):
It's insane.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
And you know, this is we see this in the
real world, right Like I recently was outside and a
guy kind of he stood in front of me and
was like, don't get mad, but you have a nice
smile and you should smile. And I was like, wow,
you're already yelling at me.
Speaker 5 (14:31):
Okay. He's like, it's not a weird thing. I just
wanted you to know. Okay.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
You know, I feel like there's so many things where.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
And maybe maybe maybe I'm not a dude whatever whatnot.
When I compliment people, and I genuinely compliment and I
have they smile and say thank you and move on,
there's a difference for just being you have a nice smile,
move on, instead of being you have a nice smile.
You need to smile more. That's a different take, bro,
(15:08):
that's a different and it's condescending. Like both of those
things are the fact. And like, just I have been
complimented by men. If you just walk away and don't
sit there the whole time and doing it, they're fine.
You don't expect anything from it, it's fine. If you're
(15:31):
getting giving a compliment expecting something, that's when there's a problem.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Yeah, And I think that's the biggest point.
Speaker 4 (15:38):
Like I think this whole like made up narrative, like
I'm just afraid to talk to women. I'm just afraid
to be giving them any compliments. I'm like, yeah, are
you doing it lingering and hoping to get something and
as a reciprocation, Like, that's a problem. That's when you
should not be doing it. Right?
Speaker 5 (15:54):
Are you making them feel unsafe?
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Right?
Speaker 5 (15:57):
Are your compliments actually like really not appropriate?
Speaker 3 (16:02):
So many things?
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Yeah, And then that's what I feel that I'm seeing
unfold in these nextdoor comments is it's.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
It's like the men, angry men not to men.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Oh God, angry men are coming together and they're saying
these things that we've heard is kind of very basic.
Speaker 5 (16:25):
Oh, you can't handle you can't take a compliment. I
think I was.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
I was a little surprised at how many people were like,
you don't know how hard it is out there for
us to find someone like, oh.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Well with these tactics. No, yeah, we do. We know
you're doing this to yourself.
Speaker 5 (16:41):
I could tell you.
Speaker 4 (16:43):
You are telling you this, and the way you're handling
it is the example.
Speaker 5 (16:48):
Right right exactly.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
I mean there's a much larger conversation that we kind
of touched on when Joey came on and talked about
modern dating and we talked about it in our update
on online dating about how our like, our system is
just not really helping anybody because it's sort of men
are getting mad and women are getting like, I don't
(17:13):
want to hang out with you if you're so mad,
and it's just like getting worse and worse.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
Yeah, so that divide is getting worse. Yeah, the expectations
are getting worse. Maybe, I mean, maybe it is the
breakdown of the beginning of in cell community, and I
think we're using that term too quickly and too lightly,
and it has now become a normalized word, which is
(17:40):
really not good. As well as the fact that the
whole like pick up culture really messed up. What has
happened and it's become normalized once again.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Yeah yeah, I mean we talked about that in the
Manisphere episode too, and it's now it's spread to next Door.
I'm sure it was already there. I just hadn't seen
so many instances of it.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
No, that's so quickly grown.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
I think I'm with you, like I haven't really like
the fact that when you mentioned it and then Dominate
jumped down and then I jumped on, was like, yeah,
we've all seen this and we're all in very different neighborhoods.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Yeah, very different. Yeah, like we're in different counties.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Yeah, it's not good. We'll have to do a whole
episode on it. But I would love if listeners if
he wrote in if you've seen this grow on, if
you're on next Door or you know, anywhere, just let
us know if you've seen an uptick in these types
of things. You can email us at Hello at Stuffwenever
(18:46):
told You dot com. You can find us at Luce
Sky at mom Stuff podcast, or on Instagram and TikTok
stuff I've Never told you. We're also on YouTube. We
have a tea public store, and we have a book.
You can find wherever you get your books. Thanks It's
always to a super producer, caute your executive brows and
Chipper Joey.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Thank you and thanks to you for listening.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Steffan Never Told You is prodecttion of iHeart Radio. For
more podcasts on my heart Radio, you can check out
the heart Radio app Apple Podcasts, or if you listening
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