November 27, 2025 • 27 mins
Being single comes with a lot of perks, but also some specific problems that remind us all its good to have friends.
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Anny and Samantha.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm welcome to stuff I never told you production if
I heard you, and welcome to another edition of Happy Hour.
If you're choosing to drink or whatever you're choosing to do,
please do so responsibly. Samantha, what are you sitting on anything?
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Yes, I am working on my old wife's tale. We've
talked about this before. Sometimes in the mornings, like get
a little bit like a stomach ache. So I've been
drinking Gingerrell. Oh yeah, yeah, So I got a ginger
Rell on my side today because everything's so worse. Anie,
what about you?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I I'm drinking a light beer. Funnily enough, I had
friends over this last weekend for Life Day, the Star
Wars holiday.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Yes, And one of them noted, why do you have
one single beer already in a kouzie? And I said
it was because we were supposed to do a happy
happy Hour and then you moved it. But I had
already had the beer right again, it was probably like
two three weeks. It's been just sitting there really, yeah,
(01:19):
but so it's already got the kuzie, which if listeners
to the show you might know. I collect them. I
think I have over one hundred, so I'm worried. This
one is my rainbow. Oh yeah, LGBTQ plus. But anyway,
this is coming out on Thanksgiving. I was going to
(01:44):
try to think of something to do for that, but
I already had an idea, So we're just going to
do that.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
I hope everyone's having the best time that they can.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Are you doing a thankful one? Because that is on you?
Speaker 2 (02:01):
It's yeah, actually kind of actually yes. So we've had
a lot of episodes recently about the struggles of in
heteronormative relationships of dating commands, and I think we've had
at least four or five in the past week's episodes
(02:25):
about this. And I am a very happily single person,
but I thought, you know, why don't we come and
talk about some of the single what I call single
lady problems I have? And some of them, I want
to be clear, these are very specific to me. These
(02:47):
are very stereotypical. But the help, the thankful part is
I have friends and people in my life who are
able to assist me if I need assistance, if it's
something I can I not do by myself. I do
have a good friend group, and sometimes their boyfriends who
(03:08):
helped me in these situations. I would say the biggest
one not to be all dark. I think we all
talk about this sometimes, but you know, if I die
in my apartment, who knows how long it will be
until someone finds out. I do have my friend, my
(03:30):
good friend, one of my good friend katies, because I
have a lot of katies in my life. But she
text me probably like multiple times a day, so I
think we have a rule. If I have not responded
in two days, that's when she's going to show up.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Show up.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Yes, But this did kind of come up on my
radar recently because we're not supposed to have dogs in
our apartment building, and I'm not going to turn in
the person who shed have a dog in the apartment building.
But it was barking and scratching at the door for
(04:06):
a long time, and it's a woman who lives in
that apartment, and I just had this thoughts that I
was like, what if she needs help? What if she like, yeah, exactly,
And so I almost went over and knocked on the door.
I was just concerned because as far as I know,
she lives alone. And it was several hours this was
(04:29):
happening and I was just I was worried about it.
It turns out she wasn't in the apartment and came
back later. It was totally fine, but okay, I just
I had a moment of thinking, yeah, yeah, oh no,
the dog is trying to alert me.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Right exactly. You see so many stories of that.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Yeah, yeah, and luckily all in my imagination, everything was fine.
But I was worried. I was I almost went over there.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
That's pretty big.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah for me, that's knocking on someone's door no thanks.
So that's probably the biggest one I think in recent
times I've run into and I've talked about this before,
car troubles and your partner it came and helped out,
(05:23):
and now the car has started everybody. But it was
after my friend Katie and her partner game and they
helped me replace the battery. It was a very I
know you and I talked about those mansa, but it
felt kind of very stereotypical of like, we need the
do to help with the car, but I don't know
(05:45):
how to do it. I'm just gonna be upfront with you,
I don't know how to do it. I do have
a friend, Marissa, get friend of the show Marissa she
can do it, and she's done it for me before too,
but she was going through her own thing, so not
going to bother her. But it was just kind of
funny how it was benefiting off of having a good
friend with a boyfriend dark partner. And he was great
(06:08):
and he I couldn't even get the I couldn't even
get the hood open, and he got it open.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
And it's like, you legitimately made me think that you
that was a problem that was stuck, and you're like, actually,
I just couldn't open it.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
I think I was afraid I was gonna break it,
like I was too gentle. I think I was being
too gentle because I went and by the way, there
was a big party happening outside when I was trying
to open this hood, and so people could they were
witnessing this, and I went and I looked online and
(06:43):
it said you could break the latch if you're too
if you go too hard. So I was just like, oh,
I don't want to do that because you have to
go fix that. But he opened it very It was
just such a nice thing. It's so nice to have
(07:03):
friends that come and help you with these these things.
But it does make me laugh. How many times I like,
I do. I like being single, but there are times
where I'm like, this would be so much easier if
I had a person, not even necessarily a guy. But
in these cases it was a very stereotypical, right, I
(07:24):
need a man or someone who because usually it is
men who know how to do cars. Not always I
certainly do not.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Well, here's the theme. I think, with the power of
the internet, if you had to, you could, like, obviously,
it's like, and then when you don't have to, it's nice.
And that's kind of how I felt like many things,
so many electronical things, like technical things. There are things,
of course I was like over my head, But then
there are things I'm like, if I took the time
(07:56):
and I used to, especially when I was single, I'll
be like, I can do this is not a problem.
I moved my own couch, I built my own couch,
I built my own desks, I did all those things.
But now that I do have a part of I'm like, yeah,
but he can do it, like I allow for that,
you know, but in actuality, we know that we are
very capable of understanding and googling and going forward. Like
(08:17):
I absolutely know how to jump cables, you know, like
I know how to jump, but if he's there, I
don't allow to do it. Right.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Yeah, and I do think that too, like I could
have figured it out. I'm just honestly very paranoid about
I've been told I'm overly paranoid about this, but I'm
really paranoid about getting shocked from the battery. Yes, I've
had some bad experiences.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
You know, you also have some unusual experiences, so I
would not put it past the fact that it happened
to you in an unusual way that now you are
very paranoid.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
I'm telling you this happened, and they're like, no way.
And then I can prove it and there's shocked.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
The probability is like okay, but it is Annie, So yeah, yeah,
but it's I don't know.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
I've really been lucky. I say, in this case with
my friend Katie and her boyfriend who came and helped,
I was just gonna pay somebody, but she was being
a very proactive friend. And then there was kind of
a lot of delays, but but she was She's the
(09:35):
one that called him, was like, you can do this,
let's go do this. Who knows how he feels about it.
Hopefully fine, but it's it's nice to have friends who
are are looking out for you in that way. Another.
I don't run into this much anymore, but I used to,
especially when we were getting oh well mostly me was
(09:56):
getting mattresses.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
I missed that mark one.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Do you know how difficult it is to go up
my stairs which like twist and turn listeners? It is
very narrow with a heavy, bulky mattress. And I was,
I remember I was one time I got a mattress
delivered and I was in a dress and I was
(10:23):
like pushing back against the wall and using my legs
to push it up the stairs. And I thought, you know,
this is this is a single lady's Olympics right here.
This is I got it up there.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
I know you did. Proud of you.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Yeah, thanks, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
I've got a question for you. Are you still sleeping
on three or four mattresses?
Speaker 2 (10:50):
That's two? It's two mattresses now, so yes, which I
actually okay, first of all, want to acknowledg these are
very privileged single lady problems. But I actually think the
two mattresses is good because the bed I have, which
is a cheap bed from Ikea. Again, not a sponsor
(11:12):
is very low and so having the one mattress, it's
almost like a functions It's a box spring, but it
builds it okay, so it doesn't feel like I'm having
to crouch down to get into bed. It gives me
a better height than I'm just the one. I was
(11:41):
recently confronted with the memory of I'm just in a
lot of ways I miss I'm an oblivious soul. I
try not to be, but sometimes I am. And my
ex before we started dating, he would day over a lot,
(12:02):
but he'd sleep on my couch and my couch. He
was a tall guy and he would just be scrunched
up on this thing. So I bought another couch that
was wider and you could it was kind of a
foot on sittory, like you could lay it out into
a bed, and he helped me set it up. And
even still I didn't realize that to him, this was
(12:28):
like not the sign he wanted. But I still have
that couch. There you go, you know, but he helped
me set it up. I think, like, again, I can
do these things by myself. I do enjoy being single,
but it is nice in many occasions to have someone
(12:54):
that will help you, and that person can be a friend.
That's the thing. It's like, it doesn't have to be
a right, But I do appreciate if you have someone
that's kind of living with you or there all the time,
and you have that kind of understood I'll help you
here and you help me here or whatever.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Yeah, I mean, I will say I think it goes
both ways in that the emotional toll, especially if you're
in a toxic relationship, the emotional toll, the financial toll,
all of those things are not worth having someone who
can maybe put together addresser for you, because also that
comes into the conversation of like it takes six weeks
(13:33):
to convince them to do any of that. And finally,
and oftentimes you have women who forget I'm gonna do
myself because they're tired of waiting. But also me who
I feel like again, I've talked about the fact that
I am very independent and it feels odd to be
in a relationship as stable as I am that as
in a partnership. But I've allowed for the fact that
(13:54):
every when I see bugs, and if they're big and
they're scary, I will let him kill it, I'll just
scream and let him do it, like I have allow
for that trope to be a thing and present. Can
I kill it on my own and have I? Yes?
Do I excessively kill it when it's me? Yes, Like
it gets squashed fifteen times and then spray it again,
and then spray it again and then flushed down the
toilet to make sure it has died and been like
(14:16):
decimated into a pulp. So you know, my over dramatic
killings I can do on my own, but it is
nice to have someone else handle it. Yeah, I can
be I can be that stereotypical role of like and
run away.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Yeah, well that's also that's a good point because I uh,
when my my dad left, I.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Became like the most the biggest crusader for we do
not need him. We can do everything without him. And
it kind of annoyed me even as a kid, like
my mom would cook everything, but he would get the
credit for like he would carve this turkey and so
it was like he did it, or he could only
(15:03):
cook steak, but she could cook steak, but he wanted
all this like attention for it. So I think some
of that has stated my soul and you know, if
you find a good relationship and one that is not toxic,
then I think you should have that space for it. Yeah,
(15:25):
you're the one that cooks the steak, and you know
you have those things. Stereotypical though they may be sometimes,
but you have those things. But I do think also
kind of going back to our recent Oh no, it
hasn't come out yet, we're doing a lot of stuff.
We're getting different holidays, but the upcoming episode as this
(15:47):
comes out on moms have just had it right now
of you know, having some a partner that does respect
and you don't have to ask a million times, you
don't have to push the to do all of those things.
And in that we do talk about kind of how
the friends become the true the people who come through
(16:10):
for you without asking and who are like what can
I do? I will do it? How can I help you?
And that's been hard for me. I think I've gotten
a lot better, but asking for help can be hard
for me. And so I know you've said, like I
just have to tell you I'm coming over and this
is what we're doing.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
I mean, it's un to the point that you will
tell me the disaster story that you have tried to
do to for yourself and or have avoided for a
very long time. And so I get finally just like,
well we're doing this, Like that's what you don't ask
for help? Actually, any what you do is relay the tragic,
more more entertaining stories of like what you did to
(16:51):
avoid and or try to fix it. And then I'm like,
we're not letting you do that.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Yeah, so we haven't gotten the encouraged like you've actually
asked him for help, but you are at least telling
us the truth.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Yeah, so you know, progress, little little progress.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
I think the part of that is, like we have
repeatedly talked about and we're talking about soon, about the
fact that, yeah, this is also where a relationship, when
it's an actual partnership, that is a great thing to see.
That makes relationships look enticing. And what we have noted
(17:37):
as of late is is no longer partnerships is very
one sided. And that's why it becomes I'm better single
because the level, this percentage of equal partnerships have decreased
so significantly that it's sad and like again as you
were talking about before with your dad, but like interesting
(18:01):
to see about how the statistics and we've talked about
this before, which actually I think we talked about in
the divorce episode, in which women who get sick terminal
illnesses or whatever, they're more likely to be left, Like
the percentage of men who leave or have like affairs
or any of the such are so significantly higher as
where when men get sick, women stick around and help
(18:23):
them as they would and take care of them to
the utmost. And like when we see stuff like that,
this is what we're talking about, Like, this is what
we see in partnerships and why it's better to be single. Actually,
(18:46):
I was having this conversation with a friend of mine
yesterday because we were talking about whether we were in
healthy relationships and partnerships. Because once you start reading all
these things and you start weighing in on like, well,
these are the things that I see in mind, Oh,
could this be a problem or is it not a problem,
But like the fact is like one of the biggest
signs for us who are wary of men. So that
(19:08):
kind of those kind of articles which we just talked about.
Recently just released those episodes, like is it embarrassing to
have a boyfriend to say you have a boyfriend, and
what we see in so many of those things, like
we who are weary and think that maybe could be true.
Also note that we have good friends, and so we
know that our single life would be fine because we
(19:31):
have good friends. But one of the tell tell marks
is our friendship something that bothers our partners or can
they be a part of that? And I am very
glad to say that my partner's wonderful and understands how
important my friends are and that he would more likely
tell me he's going to come do this for you.
Tell Annie to stop doing this.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Good Kafer to wash my car.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
He does this often and he's like, let me just
any like this is exactly how it goes, Annie, I
won't you just do let me do that. I'm doing
this thing on this thing and these types of like
it's quite funny to know where he will be like
no it, stop it and then ask me, any what's
(20:18):
what's any doing with her car? Do I need to do?
I need to check in on her? It's everything okay?
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Yeah? Oh he guys all about I was like, I
don't want to ruin your because it was a holiday
when this happened. He was like no, I'll take it
and get a wash and do this.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Let me just do it, just move. But also he's like,
I need you to be okay, you're gonna need to
do these following things.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Yeah, which I appreciate and which I appreciate, and we're good,
we're good friends.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
And yeah, like that's like partnership to me and not
that again, I'm not very necessarily, but that is that
conversation is can and that be what we're looking at
when we talk about that. And also like yeah, for me,
when I was single, hell yeah, I had a ton
of guy friends and I'm like, I need you to
do this. I need you to come change my tires.
(21:11):
I'm gonna need you, Like I really did that. I
had two of my guy friends who would constantly help
me move because I couldn't quite afford movers, and even
my brother, my father did it a few times. Like
I'm like, you know what, And again that's the kind
of privilege statement and that I was able to have
for it like that. But single life is understanding. We
(21:31):
have to ask for help and nobody can do any
of these things on their own as well, but like
it's manageable.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Yeah, yes, and again the distinction between the healthy relationship
and the non healthy one, because, as we have discussed,
if you're in the non healthy one, then you're taking
care of and the heteronormed of sense him too, probably
and his family. But if you'd have that kind of
(22:02):
healthy relationship, then it's it's nice. And yes, I mean
I have figured out a lot of traditionally masculine things
on my own. I can do them, I know I can.
But sometimes, yeah, this would be nice to have someone
(22:24):
else here.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
That's why we're gonna look into a commune.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
I'm all about it. I Uh, I would never do this,
but I know, I know how you feel about this.
My well, my ex messaged me recently and he got married.
Good for you. Oh and I saw another ex recently
what is going on? And he was gotta you know,
(22:53):
I got married and all of it. And I was like, oh, congrats,
you know, good for you. Uh, but I had this
part of me that he was like, what the are
you up to? And I was like, listen to our
recent episode about how having a boyfriend, I would never
do it. I would never do it. This kind of
(23:16):
made me laugh.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Yeah, same, all Yeah, happier without you. Thanks for asking,
and I.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Think you're happier without me. We weren't meant for each other.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
He was reaching out, so that makes me wonder.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yeah, well, I just assumed that it might be a
i'm married.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Now, why would Why does he need to tell you?
Because that's the point of that.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Yeah, why you're oblivious?
Speaker 2 (23:51):
I guess I thought it was maybe kind of a
i'm good without you.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
If you're actually good without you, don't really have to
say I'm good with how you maybe out loud, you
don't have to flaunt anything.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
I don't know, You're right, what do I know.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
I'm just saying, sound like the case in this situation,
there's no need to reach it because I bet you
if she found out but he sent a message to you,
she would be unhappy and have some thoughts. I'm just saying.
And that is a marker in itself.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
Well, yeah, all I said was congrats, I'm doing fine.
That's it. Relationship. You got to navigate all these things
past present. Well, I that's just some of the thoughts
I have I've been having about this. But I do
(24:52):
think it's interesting that we're having more conversations about all
these different ways relationships can look like and how people
feel about them. Oh, also I heard like that. I
always hear these huge arguments outside my apartment between couples,
and I heard another one last night and I just
kept thinking, girl, breakup with this girl.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
No, that's when you want to scream through the like.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
I just went downstairs. I was like, listen here, dump them.
I don't know either of you, but I'm gonna insert
myself and say.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Involving the whole apartment, you are.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Two hours they were arguing too, Dear. Anyway, I hope
all of you listeners are doing well relationships. Yes, so
you're not cooking on your own, yes, which me and
my mom do. And this is one of my biggest
(25:49):
pet peeves is this new guy comes in and tries
to cut the turkey and I told him no last
year because I said, this is not I don't want
you in here, and in fact, you will wait until
we tell you food is ready, or you'll eat a snack.
But we are the ones that did this, so goodbye.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Don't touch a thing.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Do you think I'm not hungry.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Anyway?
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Yes, I hope every everyone has as good of a
holidays or whatever you're doing as possible, and that you
do have happy, healthy relationships and that you have good friends.
That is what I'm thankful for, supportive good friends. If
you would like to contact us, we would love to
(26:37):
hear from you. You can email us at Hello Stuffmennever
Told You dot com com, find us on blue Sky
at momstaff podcast, or on Instagram and TikTok and stuff
when Never Told You. We're also on YouTube. We have
some new merchandise dot com bureau, and we have a
book you can get wherever you get your books. Thanks
is always too. Our superducer Christine, are executy Pruce My
and a contributor Joey. Thank you and they see you
(26:57):
for listening. Stuff One Never Told You is prediction of my
heart Radio. For more podcasts my heart Radio, you can
check out the heart Radio app Apple podcast where readular
listen to your favorite shows
Hey, this is Anny and Samantha.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm welcome to stuff I never told you production if
I heard you, and welcome to another edition of Happy Hour.
If you're choosing to drink or whatever you're choosing to do,
please do so responsibly. Samantha, what are you sitting on anything?
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Yes, I am working on my old wife's tale. We've
talked about this before. Sometimes in the mornings, like get
a little bit like a stomach ache. So I've been
drinking Gingerrell. Oh yeah, yeah, So I got a ginger
Rell on my side today because everything's so worse. Anie,
what about you?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I I'm drinking a light beer. Funnily enough, I had
friends over this last weekend for Life Day, the Star
Wars holiday.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Yes, And one of them noted, why do you have
one single beer already in a kouzie? And I said
it was because we were supposed to do a happy
happy Hour and then you moved it. But I had
already had the beer right again, it was probably like
two three weeks. It's been just sitting there really, yeah,
(01:19):
but so it's already got the kuzie, which if listeners
to the show you might know. I collect them. I
think I have over one hundred, so I'm worried. This
one is my rainbow. Oh yeah, LGBTQ plus. But anyway,
this is coming out on Thanksgiving. I was going to
(01:44):
try to think of something to do for that, but
I already had an idea, So we're just going to
do that.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
I hope everyone's having the best time that they can.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Are you doing a thankful one? Because that is on you?
Speaker 2 (02:01):
It's yeah, actually kind of actually yes. So we've had
a lot of episodes recently about the struggles of in
heteronormative relationships of dating commands, and I think we've had
at least four or five in the past week's episodes
(02:25):
about this. And I am a very happily single person,
but I thought, you know, why don't we come and
talk about some of the single what I call single
lady problems I have? And some of them, I want
to be clear, these are very specific to me. These
(02:47):
are very stereotypical. But the help, the thankful part is
I have friends and people in my life who are
able to assist me if I need assistance, if it's
something I can I not do by myself. I do
have a good friend group, and sometimes their boyfriends who
(03:08):
helped me in these situations. I would say the biggest
one not to be all dark. I think we all
talk about this sometimes, but you know, if I die
in my apartment, who knows how long it will be
until someone finds out. I do have my friend, my
(03:30):
good friend, one of my good friend katies, because I
have a lot of katies in my life. But she
text me probably like multiple times a day, so I
think we have a rule. If I have not responded
in two days, that's when she's going to show up.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Show up.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Yes, But this did kind of come up on my
radar recently because we're not supposed to have dogs in
our apartment building, and I'm not going to turn in
the person who shed have a dog in the apartment building.
But it was barking and scratching at the door for
(04:06):
a long time, and it's a woman who lives in
that apartment, and I just had this thoughts that I
was like, what if she needs help? What if she like, yeah, exactly,
And so I almost went over and knocked on the door.
I was just concerned because as far as I know,
she lives alone. And it was several hours this was
(04:29):
happening and I was just I was worried about it.
It turns out she wasn't in the apartment and came
back later. It was totally fine, but okay, I just
I had a moment of thinking, yeah, yeah, oh no,
the dog is trying to alert me.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Right exactly. You see so many stories of that.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Yeah, yeah, and luckily all in my imagination, everything was fine.
But I was worried. I was I almost went over there.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
That's pretty big.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah for me, that's knocking on someone's door no thanks.
So that's probably the biggest one I think in recent
times I've run into and I've talked about this before,
car troubles and your partner it came and helped out,
(05:23):
and now the car has started everybody. But it was
after my friend Katie and her partner game and they
helped me replace the battery. It was a very I
know you and I talked about those mansa, but it
felt kind of very stereotypical of like, we need the
do to help with the car, but I don't know
(05:45):
how to do it. I'm just gonna be upfront with you,
I don't know how to do it. I do have
a friend, Marissa, get friend of the show Marissa she
can do it, and she's done it for me before too,
but she was going through her own thing, so not
going to bother her. But it was just kind of
funny how it was benefiting off of having a good
friend with a boyfriend dark partner. And he was great
(06:08):
and he I couldn't even get the I couldn't even
get the hood open, and he got it open.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
And it's like, you legitimately made me think that you
that was a problem that was stuck, and you're like, actually,
I just couldn't open it.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
I think I was afraid I was gonna break it,
like I was too gentle. I think I was being
too gentle because I went and by the way, there
was a big party happening outside when I was trying
to open this hood, and so people could they were
witnessing this, and I went and I looked online and
(06:43):
it said you could break the latch if you're too
if you go too hard. So I was just like, oh,
I don't want to do that because you have to
go fix that. But he opened it very It was
just such a nice thing. It's so nice to have
(07:03):
friends that come and help you with these these things.
But it does make me laugh. How many times I like,
I do. I like being single, but there are times
where I'm like, this would be so much easier if
I had a person, not even necessarily a guy. But
in these cases it was a very stereotypical, right, I
(07:24):
need a man or someone who because usually it is
men who know how to do cars. Not always I
certainly do not.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Well, here's the theme. I think, with the power of
the internet, if you had to, you could, like, obviously,
it's like, and then when you don't have to, it's nice.
And that's kind of how I felt like many things,
so many electronical things, like technical things. There are things,
of course I was like over my head, But then
there are things I'm like, if I took the time
(07:56):
and I used to, especially when I was single, I'll
be like, I can do this is not a problem.
I moved my own couch, I built my own couch,
I built my own desks, I did all those things.
But now that I do have a part of I'm like, yeah,
but he can do it, like I allow for that,
you know, but in actuality, we know that we are
very capable of understanding and googling and going forward. Like
(08:17):
I absolutely know how to jump cables, you know, like
I know how to jump, but if he's there, I
don't allow to do it. Right.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Yeah, and I do think that too, like I could
have figured it out. I'm just honestly very paranoid about
I've been told I'm overly paranoid about this, but I'm
really paranoid about getting shocked from the battery. Yes, I've
had some bad experiences.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
You know, you also have some unusual experiences, so I
would not put it past the fact that it happened
to you in an unusual way that now you are
very paranoid.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
I'm telling you this happened, and they're like, no way.
And then I can prove it and there's shocked.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
The probability is like okay, but it is Annie, So yeah, yeah,
but it's I don't know.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
I've really been lucky. I say, in this case with
my friend Katie and her boyfriend who came and helped,
I was just gonna pay somebody, but she was being
a very proactive friend. And then there was kind of
a lot of delays, but but she was She's the
(09:35):
one that called him, was like, you can do this,
let's go do this. Who knows how he feels about it.
Hopefully fine, but it's it's nice to have friends who
are are looking out for you in that way. Another.
I don't run into this much anymore, but I used to,
especially when we were getting oh well mostly me was
(09:56):
getting mattresses.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
I missed that mark one.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Do you know how difficult it is to go up
my stairs which like twist and turn listeners? It is
very narrow with a heavy, bulky mattress. And I was,
I remember I was one time I got a mattress
delivered and I was in a dress and I was
(10:23):
like pushing back against the wall and using my legs
to push it up the stairs. And I thought, you know,
this is this is a single lady's Olympics right here.
This is I got it up there.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
I know you did. Proud of you.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Yeah, thanks, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
I've got a question for you. Are you still sleeping
on three or four mattresses?
Speaker 2 (10:50):
That's two? It's two mattresses now, so yes, which I
actually okay, first of all, want to acknowledg these are
very privileged single lady problems. But I actually think the
two mattresses is good because the bed I have, which
is a cheap bed from Ikea. Again, not a sponsor
(11:12):
is very low and so having the one mattress, it's
almost like a functions It's a box spring, but it
builds it okay, so it doesn't feel like I'm having
to crouch down to get into bed. It gives me
a better height than I'm just the one. I was
(11:41):
recently confronted with the memory of I'm just in a
lot of ways I miss I'm an oblivious soul. I
try not to be, but sometimes I am. And my
ex before we started dating, he would day over a lot,
(12:02):
but he'd sleep on my couch and my couch. He
was a tall guy and he would just be scrunched
up on this thing. So I bought another couch that
was wider and you could it was kind of a
foot on sittory, like you could lay it out into
a bed, and he helped me set it up. And
even still I didn't realize that to him, this was
(12:28):
like not the sign he wanted. But I still have
that couch. There you go, you know, but he helped
me set it up. I think, like, again, I can
do these things by myself. I do enjoy being single,
but it is nice in many occasions to have someone
(12:54):
that will help you, and that person can be a friend.
That's the thing. It's like, it doesn't have to be
a right, But I do appreciate if you have someone
that's kind of living with you or there all the time,
and you have that kind of understood I'll help you
here and you help me here or whatever.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Yeah, I mean, I will say I think it goes
both ways in that the emotional toll, especially if you're
in a toxic relationship, the emotional toll, the financial toll,
all of those things are not worth having someone who
can maybe put together addresser for you, because also that
comes into the conversation of like it takes six weeks
(13:33):
to convince them to do any of that. And finally,
and oftentimes you have women who forget I'm gonna do
myself because they're tired of waiting. But also me who
I feel like again, I've talked about the fact that
I am very independent and it feels odd to be
in a relationship as stable as I am that as
in a partnership. But I've allowed for the fact that
(13:54):
every when I see bugs, and if they're big and
they're scary, I will let him kill it, I'll just
scream and let him do it, like I have allow
for that trope to be a thing and present. Can
I kill it on my own and have I? Yes?
Do I excessively kill it when it's me? Yes, Like
it gets squashed fifteen times and then spray it again,
and then spray it again and then flushed down the
toilet to make sure it has died and been like
(14:16):
decimated into a pulp. So you know, my over dramatic
killings I can do on my own, but it is
nice to have someone else handle it. Yeah, I can
be I can be that stereotypical role of like and
run away.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Yeah, well that's also that's a good point because I uh,
when my my dad left, I.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Became like the most the biggest crusader for we do
not need him. We can do everything without him. And
it kind of annoyed me even as a kid, like
my mom would cook everything, but he would get the
credit for like he would carve this turkey and so
it was like he did it, or he could only
(15:03):
cook steak, but she could cook steak, but he wanted
all this like attention for it. So I think some
of that has stated my soul and you know, if
you find a good relationship and one that is not toxic,
then I think you should have that space for it. Yeah,
(15:25):
you're the one that cooks the steak, and you know
you have those things. Stereotypical though they may be sometimes,
but you have those things. But I do think also
kind of going back to our recent Oh no, it
hasn't come out yet, we're doing a lot of stuff.
We're getting different holidays, but the upcoming episode as this
(15:47):
comes out on moms have just had it right now
of you know, having some a partner that does respect
and you don't have to ask a million times, you
don't have to push the to do all of those things.
And in that we do talk about kind of how
the friends become the true the people who come through
(16:10):
for you without asking and who are like what can
I do? I will do it? How can I help you?
And that's been hard for me. I think I've gotten
a lot better, but asking for help can be hard
for me. And so I know you've said, like I
just have to tell you I'm coming over and this
is what we're doing.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
I mean, it's un to the point that you will
tell me the disaster story that you have tried to
do to for yourself and or have avoided for a
very long time. And so I get finally just like,
well we're doing this, Like that's what you don't ask
for help? Actually, any what you do is relay the tragic,
more more entertaining stories of like what you did to
(16:51):
avoid and or try to fix it. And then I'm like,
we're not letting you do that.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Yeah, so we haven't gotten the encouraged like you've actually
asked him for help, but you are at least telling
us the truth.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Yeah, so you know, progress, little little progress.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
I think the part of that is, like we have
repeatedly talked about and we're talking about soon, about the
fact that, yeah, this is also where a relationship, when
it's an actual partnership, that is a great thing to see.
That makes relationships look enticing. And what we have noted
(17:37):
as of late is is no longer partnerships is very
one sided. And that's why it becomes I'm better single
because the level, this percentage of equal partnerships have decreased
so significantly that it's sad and like again as you
were talking about before with your dad, but like interesting
(18:01):
to see about how the statistics and we've talked about
this before, which actually I think we talked about in
the divorce episode, in which women who get sick terminal
illnesses or whatever, they're more likely to be left, Like
the percentage of men who leave or have like affairs
or any of the such are so significantly higher as
where when men get sick, women stick around and help
(18:23):
them as they would and take care of them to
the utmost. And like when we see stuff like that,
this is what we're talking about, Like, this is what
we see in partnerships and why it's better to be single. Actually,
(18:46):
I was having this conversation with a friend of mine
yesterday because we were talking about whether we were in
healthy relationships and partnerships. Because once you start reading all
these things and you start weighing in on like, well,
these are the things that I see in mind, Oh,
could this be a problem or is it not a problem,
But like the fact is like one of the biggest
signs for us who are wary of men. So that
(19:08):
kind of those kind of articles which we just talked about.
Recently just released those episodes, like is it embarrassing to
have a boyfriend to say you have a boyfriend, and
what we see in so many of those things, like
we who are weary and think that maybe could be true.
Also note that we have good friends, and so we
know that our single life would be fine because we
(19:31):
have good friends. But one of the tell tell marks
is our friendship something that bothers our partners or can
they be a part of that? And I am very
glad to say that my partner's wonderful and understands how
important my friends are and that he would more likely
tell me he's going to come do this for you.
Tell Annie to stop doing this.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Good Kafer to wash my car.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
He does this often and he's like, let me just
any like this is exactly how it goes, Annie, I
won't you just do let me do that. I'm doing
this thing on this thing and these types of like
it's quite funny to know where he will be like
no it, stop it and then ask me, any what's
(20:18):
what's any doing with her car? Do I need to do?
I need to check in on her? It's everything okay?
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Yeah? Oh he guys all about I was like, I
don't want to ruin your because it was a holiday
when this happened. He was like no, I'll take it
and get a wash and do this.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Let me just do it, just move. But also he's like,
I need you to be okay, you're gonna need to
do these following things.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Yeah, which I appreciate and which I appreciate, and we're good,
we're good friends.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
And yeah, like that's like partnership to me and not
that again, I'm not very necessarily, but that is that
conversation is can and that be what we're looking at
when we talk about that. And also like yeah, for me,
when I was single, hell yeah, I had a ton
of guy friends and I'm like, I need you to
do this. I need you to come change my tires.
(21:11):
I'm gonna need you, Like I really did that. I
had two of my guy friends who would constantly help
me move because I couldn't quite afford movers, and even
my brother, my father did it a few times. Like
I'm like, you know what, And again that's the kind
of privilege statement and that I was able to have
for it like that. But single life is understanding. We
(21:31):
have to ask for help and nobody can do any
of these things on their own as well, but like
it's manageable.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Yeah, yes, and again the distinction between the healthy relationship
and the non healthy one, because, as we have discussed,
if you're in the non healthy one, then you're taking
care of and the heteronormed of sense him too, probably
and his family. But if you'd have that kind of
(22:02):
healthy relationship, then it's it's nice. And yes, I mean
I have figured out a lot of traditionally masculine things
on my own. I can do them, I know I can.
But sometimes, yeah, this would be nice to have someone
(22:24):
else here.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
That's why we're gonna look into a commune.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
I'm all about it. I Uh, I would never do this,
but I know, I know how you feel about this.
My well, my ex messaged me recently and he got married.
Good for you. Oh and I saw another ex recently
what is going on? And he was gotta you know,
(22:53):
I got married and all of it. And I was like, oh, congrats,
you know, good for you. Uh, but I had this
part of me that he was like, what the are
you up to? And I was like, listen to our
recent episode about how having a boyfriend, I would never
do it. I would never do it. This kind of
(23:16):
made me laugh.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Yeah, same, all Yeah, happier without you. Thanks for asking,
and I.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Think you're happier without me. We weren't meant for each other.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
He was reaching out, so that makes me wonder.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yeah, well, I just assumed that it might be a
i'm married.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Now, why would Why does he need to tell you?
Because that's the point of that.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Yeah, why you're oblivious?
Speaker 2 (23:51):
I guess I thought it was maybe kind of a
i'm good without you.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
If you're actually good without you, don't really have to
say I'm good with how you maybe out loud, you
don't have to flaunt anything.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
I don't know, You're right, what do I know.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
I'm just saying, sound like the case in this situation,
there's no need to reach it because I bet you
if she found out but he sent a message to you,
she would be unhappy and have some thoughts. I'm just saying.
And that is a marker in itself.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
Well, yeah, all I said was congrats, I'm doing fine.
That's it. Relationship. You got to navigate all these things
past present. Well, I that's just some of the thoughts
I have I've been having about this. But I do
(24:52):
think it's interesting that we're having more conversations about all
these different ways relationships can look like and how people
feel about them. Oh, also I heard like that. I
always hear these huge arguments outside my apartment between couples,
and I heard another one last night and I just
kept thinking, girl, breakup with this girl.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
No, that's when you want to scream through the like.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
I just went downstairs. I was like, listen here, dump them.
I don't know either of you, but I'm gonna insert
myself and say.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Involving the whole apartment, you are.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Two hours they were arguing too, Dear. Anyway, I hope
all of you listeners are doing well relationships. Yes, so
you're not cooking on your own, yes, which me and
my mom do. And this is one of my biggest
(25:49):
pet peeves is this new guy comes in and tries
to cut the turkey and I told him no last
year because I said, this is not I don't want
you in here, and in fact, you will wait until
we tell you food is ready, or you'll eat a snack.
But we are the ones that did this, so goodbye.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Don't touch a thing.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Do you think I'm not hungry.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Anyway?
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Yes, I hope every everyone has as good of a
holidays or whatever you're doing as possible, and that you
do have happy, healthy relationships and that you have good friends.
That is what I'm thankful for, supportive good friends. If
you would like to contact us, we would love to
(26:37):
hear from you. You can email us at Hello Stuffmennever
Told You dot com com, find us on blue Sky
at momstaff podcast, or on Instagram and TikTok and stuff
when Never Told You. We're also on YouTube. We have
some new merchandise dot com bureau, and we have a
book you can get wherever you get your books. Thanks
is always too. Our superducer Christine, are executy Pruce My
and a contributor Joey. Thank you and they see you
(26:57):
for listening. Stuff One Never Told You is prediction of my
heart Radio. For more podcasts my heart Radio, you can
check out the heart Radio app Apple podcast where readular
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