Happy Hour #230: The (Queer) Miscommunication Trope

Miscommunication is a trope as old as time. SMNTY definitely understands exactly what it means. Totally on the same page. We talk about why some people are sick of this trope, and how it shifts in queer relationships.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Anny and Samantha and welcome to stuff
I never told your production of iHeartRadio, and welcome to
another edition of Happy Hour. As always, if you choose
to drink or whatever you're choosing to do, please do
so responsibly. Samantha, are you choosing to drink or do

(00:28):
anything responsibly?

Speaker 2 (00:30):
I'm always responsible, maybe scattered, yes, but with good intent.
I'm drinking my bubble water as pretty usual.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
What about you. I am drinking a glass of rose today.
I'm in a weird spot where I feel I'm cold,
but I'm also hot. I don't know what's going on
with my body, which we are going to talk about
episode at a little bit. Yes, before we get into

(01:00):
the episode, just a reminder that Smith and I with
our partners at Virgin Voyages, are going on a voyage.
This is a trip that we're taking stuff at sea,
a five night adult only trip October second through seventh,
twenty twenty sixth, this very year, and it's gonna be
so fun. And we're going from New York to Bermuda

(01:23):
some other stuff. Podcasts will be there, stuff you should know,
stuff they don't want you to know. And we will
be doing podcasts that you can participate in and see
us record and we're going to be doing some other
events and we'll be out and about so you can
catch up with us and have fun with us, and
we would love to see you there. You can get

(01:44):
your ticket at Virgin worages dot com slash stuff. So
for today's topic, I'm continuing my ongoing look at some
of the conversations that came out after my queerbaiting experience.
I will say that I don't think I'm going to

(02:07):
get too much into anything, but we are talking about
kind of internalized hatred and homophobia. So if that's just
not something you want to deal with today, totally understandable.
But the topic at hand is the miscommunication trope and

(02:28):
how it hits differently when people in question, or at
least one of them, is queer and closeted specifically closeted note.
A miscommunication trope is typically used in romantic relationships, but
any relationship can have miscommunication. It can happen anywhere, so

(02:48):
it's not just romantic. It can rear it's often very
frustrating head and that's why I feel like the advice
is always in relationships, communication is key, but a lot
of us know that and still don't do it. But anyway,
also related, something else on my list that I don't

(03:11):
think we're going to do an episode on is the
romantic interruption trope. And that's when you know they're finally
about to like they're communicating out last, but before the
truthful revelation can be said, they are rudely and suddenly interrupted.
I don't think there's enough for an episode on it.

(03:32):
Maybe maybe in a future halfy hour I will look
into the interruption trope. Another one that I probably won't
as I was going down my list, probably won't be
an episode, but I just want you all to know
that it was on the list is the Queer Reading
of Dead Poet Society. It's been forever since I have

(03:54):
seen Dead Poet Society, and now I'm thinking I need
to rewatch it and see what I think.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
Wait, because they're saying there's queer baiting in it, or
they're saying like there's.

Speaker 1 (04:05):
No just that a lot of people read it as queer.
I wouldn't say queer baiting, okay, but that's why I
need to see it, because it's all male school, and
I think it's taught in Neil. The two characters taught
in Neil Yeah are queer coded. Really, but I'm gonna

(04:25):
have to I can't say I'm gonna have to rewatch
it in a long time. Then I'll I'll give a verdict.
I shall do it all right. So we're not talking
about that today. Today we are talking about the miscommunication trope,
which is pretty much what it sounds like. So this

(04:45):
is from BookRiot dot com. The miscommunication trope, for those
who may be unfamiliar with the term, describes when characters
interact with each other in some way but miss saying
something which would very likely and often very easily, so
whatever misunderstanding they're now facing. Sometimes characters will say the
wrong things in all the wrong ways, or a character

(05:08):
will understand something and the complete opposite way of what
was meant. This miscommunication becomes a big part of the plot,
sometimes the only thing holding the story together, delaying its resolution.
So that's I think an important part of this definition
is that it can manifest in a couple of ways.

(05:29):
So it can be they're just not communicating with each other,
but it can be that they're saying the complete wrong things,
or they're misinterpreting what the other person is saying. There's
usually a lot of assumption going on, like you assume
you know what the other person is thinking and feeling,
but they never actually say it, and maybe you're too
afraid to ask them directly because you think you know

(05:53):
the answer and it's not the answer that you want.
There is a long history of this trope, like every
long history. When I was looking it up, there is
a lot of frustration around it too. A lot of
people don't like it, especially when it never gets resolved
a lot. I think in a lot of things it

(06:13):
does get resolved, and so at least the frustration pays
off in that way, but sometimes it does not, and
it is it makes you want to throw something. It
really really does if you had just talked to.

Speaker 2 (06:30):
Each I think about that often, not necessarily in the
queer abaiting thought, but like when I see it kjrama
and that's the main I'm like, oh my god, that's
just irritating.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
Why are you Like stop?

Speaker 2 (06:42):
Okay, I saw something and that makes me not want
to say it, and I'm like, oh, just tell them why.

Speaker 1 (06:48):
Yeah. Yes, it was a very epic Irol role listener.
So I think some of the modern irritation with it
is that it's frustrating. It's really frustrating. It is usually

(07:11):
to delay the relationship in question or resolving conflicts or
anything like that. So I was reading an article about that,
and it was saying like people nowadays would prefer real
conflict with direct communication as opposed to construed conflicts that

(07:32):
doesn't have communication and just the change in audience taste,
which makes sense to me, I'm not sure. I would
love to see an example, to see some side by
side examples of what this author meant. But I get
their point completely because the miscommunication trope can feel like empty.

(07:54):
I guess they're not actually talking to each other, whereas
if they were and still having real conflict and then
resolving them that, according to this author, would be a
more fulfilling story. So there's that. When it comes to
the queer aspects, and Samantha knows this, I have been

(08:18):
reading a lot of stuff, this queer stuff, fan fiction,
largely that takes place in the eighties with closeted queer
characters who are terrified of coming out because you know,
the eighties was when HIV aids. It wasn't really accepted
to be queer. It was very dangerous to be openly queer,
and these characters are grappling with self hatred and internalized homophobia,

(08:43):
sometimes compet compulsory heterosexuality, and it's just a really painful
thing to read. It strikes me when I read it
how differently the miscommunication trope hits because it's frustrating, but
it's also heart breaking. It's really heartbreaking because it's operating
on a belief that something is wrong with you, out

(09:06):
of self hatred, out of wanting to protect yourself and
the other person, of believing that the other person could
not possibly be like you because nothing is wrong with them.
Something's wrong with you, but nothing could be wrong with them,
And just absolute terror at being found out and of
losing everyone you know, including the person that you love

(09:30):
who you're not gonna probably ever say anything to. On
top of that, yeah, there's the fear of AIDS HIV.
There's the politicians and the newscasters and bullies and sometimes
even your parents are people in your life just constantly
telling you something is wrong with you, even if they
don't know you're gay, but they're repeating these messages, and

(09:53):
so it just feels like in this case, the miscommunication trope.
You get why it's happening, but it's just so painful.
It's so painful, and Samantha knows like I have some
like this one particular story that destroys me. And in fact,
it's just updated and I'm like already, like I got

(10:13):
to block out my time it's gonna But it's really
just about this, Like it's not there's not like a
lot of death or tragedy outside of this. It's just
that like self hatred, especially from young people, and seeing
there reading about their thought process and having this like

(10:37):
you know, hopeful, youthful. Oh maybe maybe they could be
like me. It just all feels really fragile and dangerous,
and it's something that the characters will mock themselves for
or they'll question endlessly, like even the tiniest bit of

(10:57):
flirting is an act of like a huge act of
curve because it's dangerous and there's so much fear behind
it that they could ruin everything, especially in a small town.
And so yeah, I guess it just feels really different
than when I read about it with straight characters, because

(11:17):
a lot of times when I was reading articles for
this episode, people were angry because these the straight characters
in question are smart and surely they can see it
what's wrong with them. But with queer relationships, there's a
lot more of questioning and fear and hatred self hatred.

(11:38):
And I do think that that is not as big
the case as it was like during the eighties. But
I mean, the people writing these stories now obviously aren't
in the eighties and can still understand it. So even

(11:58):
if it's not as big as it once was, I
do think it still exists, especially in small towns or
if you come from a conservative family or something like that.
But yeah, the miscommunication show m it's a killer. It
is a killer. Yeah, oh my soul. It's so frustrating

(12:21):
you want to shake up, especially if you know, like
both of their their viewpoints. Yeah, like yes, it matches up. Yeah,
I hate it when they start to they start to
do it and then somehow still managed to miscommunicate. You
had the conversation, but you still were actually, we don't know,

(12:45):
completely having honest communication because you're protecting yourself and that
can look you know, like fear of rejection or fear
losing everybody, But it can also be kid eighties just
like really checking to make sure they're not going to
be a dangerous person if they find out. So those

(13:10):
are just some of my thoughts I would love to
hear from listeners if you have any thoughts about this.
I'll continue this queer baiting one day. We'll get to
the end of my list, and if you do have
tropes that you would like us to talk about. I
love looking into a trope and I love looking into

(13:31):
how a trope can look different differently in different communities,
So please let us know. You can email us at
Hello at stuff Whenever Told You dot com. You can
find us on blue skyt Mom Stuff podcast, or on
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Thanks as always to our super producer Rima and our

(13:51):
executorve Pruce Maya, thank you, and thanks to you for
listening Stuff I'll Never Told You production of I Heart Radio.
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