September 14, 2026 • 19 mins
Friendships between women are science approved. In this classic, we talk about the benefits of these friendships, and how they can help during stressful time
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
And Smitha.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
And welcome to Stuff Never Told You, a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
And today, we are bringing back a classic, a Monday
mini classic about friendship.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (00:25):
You know, I've been thinking a lot about the stress
and everything. And one of the conversations we had was
about the power of of friendship and how actually it
is beneficial, especially when it comes to friendships with other women,
women and women, because it just helps during a stressful time.
And we're like, yeah, and it's backed by science. So
(00:48):
definitely had to bring this in as a reminder that
maybe one of the stress relievers that we do have
that is cheaper than other things are friendships. So hope
you enjoyed this classic.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Hey, this is Annie.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
And Samantha.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
And welcome to Stuff One Never Told You, a production
of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 4 (01:21):
And welcome to another edition of Monday Mini, where we
talk about random things and put a little bit of
statistics in there or facts or news. We try to
make it a little different from our happy hour because
it is a personal take or something that we're thinking on.
And then we do pseudo research, meaning like we don't
do a lot of in-depth research and or maybe come
from an article that got us interested in it.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
However, whatever.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
So just to explain what the Monday Mini is again,
because I think everybody's like, what is this?
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Just a small episode?
Speaker 4 (01:49):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
But today, I.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
Thought I would make a switch because my last happy
hour was really sad. And unfortunately right now with the
seasons and the holidays, I'm not the happiest person, most
joyous person in the world. But I thought I'd take
a minute to actually reflect on things that do make
me happy. And as a reminder of things that can
give you good support and happiness. And that's friendships, specifically
(02:16):
female friendships or friendships with other women. And I'm not
excluding anybody of the non-gender binary, any of that. We're
including trans women in this. We're talking about the people
who would see themselves as femme, because I think there's
a specific energy and vibe in that. So when I
say that, I'm meaning all. This is including all. So
(02:36):
go ahead and put that at that very beginning. Of course,
we know there's a lot of TERFs out there. There's
a lot of people who have a lot of prejudices.
And they have nice messaging with sometimes really awful hearts.
So I say this because a lot of these things
that we talk about when it comes to friendships and
keeping friendships comes from blogs. And you never know what
(02:58):
these people that wrote these blogs, their real personality is.
I think about that often when I'm thinking about like
feminists first as well or feminists around the world that
we don't know. They may have good intentions in one
of these things, but some of these things are not pretty. Right.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
So just as a kind of a... Caveat to all
of this.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
Yeah. But straying away from that to the good part,
I think it's really important that we talk about the
friendships that happen and how important it is to have
friendships and holidays. Of course, I think we can look
at things like Friendsgiving. We have a good thing called
Friendsgivmas in our group because we can blend in both
Christmas and Thanksgiving.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Because it gets a little difficult trying to get together sometimes.
Speaker 4 (03:42):
And so blending that in, but having opportunities to celebrate
the seasons.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Together with just friends or found families, as we like
to talk about.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
And if you just listened to a couple of weeks ago,
as this comes out, we had the amazing Raquel Willis
on the show and something she talked about when I
had asked her specifically about finding the balance between transparency
versus activism and then also self-preservation and knowing that you
(04:13):
don't owe people your stories. But like, how do you
keep the balance? And she talked about friendship. And I really,
really loved that point. And it did remind me. I
was like, oh, yeah, like keeping people like you, Annie,
in my life. You just talked about the joy of
wearing your Life Day sweater.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
And I love that.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
I'm like, man, I need to use that as an
example and find something like that for myself where I
just find some of the like something that's personal to
me that I can put on physically and be like, ah,
this makes me happy. I will say cardigans. Especially at
the beginning of fall when I get to actually wear it.
I did do a dance. My partner was like, okay,
(04:52):
you're ridiculously happy. And he understands like why for me.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
That gives me a little bit of joy.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
But, you know, stuff like that is like, oh, yeah,
things like that are nice. So I had that good moment.
Thank you for giving me that. But just the friends
of this time of year is really, really important. In general,
I went through articles about that. femme friendships and why
they're important and here's some of the things research y'all
(05:17):
because it's like years and years and years of research
and i think the last 15 years has been beautiful
where the ties are turned from don't be that i'm
not that type of girl and be a girl's girl
and know what that means and i love them yeah
so one of the things they talk about is emotional
support the benefit of having support from friends when things
are down whether it's like lifting you up because you're
(05:40):
sad about something. And so they try to help you
understand why you're sad or distract you, which both of
those things are beautiful. Validation, having friends who understand and
appreciate you just for you and giving you that confidence. Oh,
and by the way, this was from a blog that
was researched. They also found research for it called The
(06:01):
Power of Female Friendship. And it's from grace.health. So I
don't know much about grace.health. So don't take that as a, Right.
Like I'm advocating for it. It's just they had good research.
So once again, that's about shared experiences. Yeah. I think
especially when you have old, old friendships that you've had
for years and you can look back on things and
(06:24):
laugh to you, cry type of situations, knowing some like
I explained that. something to my partner. I ran into
a friend that I haven't seen in like five years,
literally out of nowhere. And it was really lovely to
see her. And I say this with all like so excitement.
And it literally shocked me to the point I'm like,
you don't live here. Like it sounded like an accusation,
(06:44):
but it was more of shock. And that's all I
could say because I was so like confused to see her.
But I just brought back some of the memories I
had of her and who she was and how joyful
it was. And I was explaining to my partner about her.
And it was like, You know, that smile moments of like, oh,
that's shared experience because I lived with her as well
for a year. So it was lovely to see her.
(07:04):
And I thought about that. And then, of course, the accountability.
I will tell you, people who keep me accountable are
some of the best. Caroline from the previous shows is
one of the best ones to keep me accountable. But
she does it in such a way that it's so good.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
And I'm like, oh, yeah, you're right. I did that
in my bed.
Speaker 4 (07:24):
You know, like stuff like that. But it keeps you
as a better person and as a better friend, which
I want to be. And I love everything about that.
Of course, the laughter and joy. We all know that
that's a great benefit. I love listening to Annie talk
about her stuff and then just watching her laugh at herself.
And then I'll make a joke and she'll laugh at it, too.
It is a delightful moment. And then me laughing, watching
(07:45):
her laugh. Or I will say I do laugh when
she cries at shows like Last of Us and I
enjoy every bit of her love for it.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
I enjoy that you enjoy it.
Speaker 4 (07:56):
I literally pulled up the video of you saying, this
is me before the episode of this, the Bill and
Frank episode, and this is you after, and me laughing
in the background. The love you have for that show
is amazing. And it talks about improving your immune function.
And I have a couple of articles that talk about that,
(08:16):
that it actually has higher levels of a particular antibody
that helps to fight off infection. And this one is
from a flashback.com article.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
I really don't know who they are either. But it
is written by Kate Lehi, L-E-H-I.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
Again, not necessarily... advocating for them or anything. But I
think she did an amazing job with this article. But
she actually wrote, most surprisingly of all, female friendships are
actually good for your physical and mental health. Researchers at
UCLA found that female response to stress can be reduced
after a release of oxytocin, which came when surrounded by
(08:58):
their female friends. In another study, it was found that
valuing friendships influenced better health among adults. And the head
of psychiatry at Stanford University in the U.S. said one
of the best things a woman can do for her
health was to, quote, nurture her relationships with her friends.
And then goes on to say it's noted that women
who are around their female friends see an increase in
(09:20):
release of chemical serotonin, which controls your mood and is
responsible for happiness. And studies have also shown a strong
link between human attachment and good mental health. And I
feel like these are all obvious, but it's also exciting
that they did the research for it, specifically among women
in that level. I will say yesterday was really sad.
(09:49):
If you heard my happy hour a week ago, it
wasn't cute. But like it was a lot of things
that was going through my head and I was kind
of spiraling. And then last night I decided to go to...
work out and I have made really good friends when
I go work out to these places. We just connect
on a very like superficial level, but it's joyous. It
helped my mood so much to be around them, to
(10:12):
do something together, to enjoy the music. The teacher there, DeMarco,
he's an amazing guy. But just connecting with friends again.
And the women that we get to hype each other.
It's one of the best things. Hyping one another up,
I think, is a whole different level. Especially being on
a superficial level, just enjoying their personality.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
It's nice.
Speaker 4 (10:35):
And I definitely see that kind of level of like
serotonin rising and feeling being able to like calmly sit
instead of watching the world burn. And then I was
thinking about this again, specifically with the holidays. We were
very stressed. I was very I am very stressed with this.
And I was thinking about the people who have lost families.
I talk about not having a connection, and that does
(10:55):
feel like a loss to me, but truly losing, grieving
over families who have died, passed on, who you have
cut off all connection with, and how that really is
a painful, these holidays are a painful, painful time, especially
if you feel alone. And there was an article written
by Rebecca Brenner for The Times, and it's titled, The
(11:16):
Revolutionary Power of Female Friendships During the Holidays. And she
specifically talks about the loss of her mother. And she
also talks about the fact that she doesn't do the
depth of what her mother did.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
And she never will. And I appreciated that.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
Because, yeah, no way in hell I would do what
my mother loves to do and also stresses out about.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Which ends up with her calling my father a sh * *.
Also part of our family tradition. Uh-huh. One of my
favorite moments.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
But she genuinely is mad at my father for being
neglectful and not helping.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Out as much as he should. But I think it's interesting.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
She talks about it and she says, this holiday season,
I won't cook her elaborate holiday dinners. I won't go
to midnight mass or track my two young kids across
the country for large extended family gatherings. But I will
step closer to the memory of her because of the
love and the support of the women in my life.
I really thought that was a beautiful story. Like, yes,
she lost a mother, and she might not do exactly
(12:21):
what she did. And there feels like a little lost
in that. But she knows where she can find that
same love and level of love and care and support
through the women in her life. She also talked about
the 2010 study, which was written by Ana M. Martinez-Almond.
entitled College Women's Female Friendships, A Longitudinal View. And she writes,
(12:43):
found that female friendships are, quote, a site for assessing
meaning of self and of reality, a site for the
experience of different perspective and viewpoints, and an opportunity for
growth through interdependency. And in a more recent 2020 study
in feminism and psychology, found that female friendships are, quote,
a site of ease, escape, and refuge. And I think
(13:06):
it's so perfect, especially as we talk during the holidays
as a stress, feeling a little bit of loss, feeling
a little bit of non-direction, I guess, not sure what
to do half the time. There's a lot going on.
And seeing articles like this and reminding yourself, yeah, yeah,
friendships are important. And it can be hard to maintain
(13:30):
as adults with different stretches of life. But it is
important to try to try to maintain them. And she
goes on, Brenner goes on, writes, and perhaps this is
the best gift we can offer one another, our presence
and kind words in a culture and season that can
feel so transactional, being shaped and nurtured by your people's
compassionate attention feels revolutionary.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
And it does. And it does. And Annie, I want
to thank you because you're one of those revolutionary people
for me. I love you.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
And you are for me. I love you too. The
other day I was.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Like smiling to myself, remembering, because I told the story
recently of our disastrous lazy river.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
But it's just like having those memories where we were
literally being laughed at by the hotel staff and an
old man in.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
A tube and a young kid in a tube.
Speaker 5 (14:25):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
But we shared it together.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
We did.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
And it was so funny. It was so funny.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
It was because both of us were in the same boat.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Realizing both of us were bad at this.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
We're bad at relaxing, which is perhaps clear with this episode.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
No, everybody else was confused. And they're like, but we
love it. I'm like, I'm glad you weren't a part
of this because that would have stressed me out more.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
And then we did it twice because we got stuck
in the loop.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
We couldn't get out.
Speaker 4 (14:52):
The first time wasn't good, but we couldn't get out,
so we just sacrificed it.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
We did. Oh, man, it was funny, though.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
What a haunting.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
But it's things like that, having those memories, sharing those times.
Even if it's maybe not necessarily your thing, like with
Life Day, my friends, But like having that and like
having those stories, it does feel like such a boost
and such a light.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
And so precious, like so important.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
And yeah, I can totally see the kind of healing
nature of it. We've talked about it before in other
episodes too. So yeah, I am so lucky to have
the friends I have and That they're willing to be
goofy with me and I can be goofy with them.
Speaker 4 (15:47):
And just to the Sminty fam, if you do feel alone,
I hope you hear this episode and know that we
do hear you when you.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Write to us, when you let us know what's going on.
Speaker 4 (15:59):
I know we got a lot of messages on Instagram
specific to a lot of Annie's loves.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Didn't respond to those.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
I showed it to her though. I love y'all. I
will respond.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
But yes, we do see them. We do hear them.
Those who send out support to us, that's the same thing.
There's a healing to that as well. When you hear
our own struggles or vulnerability, and then you come in
and just talk about your own and like validate what
we're saying.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
It's lovely. So we thank you.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
We do thank you. It really means so much. So
And I hope sometimes I worry that it sounds like,
because when you get like one bad message, and I
feel like I worry that we make it sound like
we're not talking to the people who are listening. I'm
pretty sure the people who send those like saw a
title and will send it. You are all lovely is
(16:53):
what I'm saying. No, we get like one.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
And I'm like, no.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
I know.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
The review is the same way for me.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
I'm like, they all hate me. No, everyone is so kind.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
And I do love another thing I love about things
like like what you were talking about Friends Give Smith.
I love like the traditions people make because I have
the cheese giving.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
My friends and I used to do a gift exchange
where you couldn't spend any money on it. So you
would get the most ridiculous things. And I loved it.
I've told this story before, but one of my favorite
things was for the show, Katie. It was a big
bird ornament, but the legs were broken off.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
And I adore it. It's like one of my favorite ornaments.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Because it's so weird and funny.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
And every time I see it, I think about that.
I'm like, where did you get this?
Speaker 2 (17:49):
She stepped on it and was like, oh.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
I'll give it to Annie.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
My imagination that goes into, there are ornaments that you
can't touch.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
On my mother's tree. And if you break it, like,
oh no.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
In my head, I was like, yeah, I would have
taken that and just given it away and be like, no,
don't ask.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
This is the way of my hiding it.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
Yes. Yes.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Could be.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I've never gotten the full story out of her. Maybe
this year.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Maybe this year.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
But yes, we would love to hear listeners about your
thoughts about this. If you have any traditions with your friends.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Oh, there's also... Oh man, I meant to talk about this.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Over on Saver, we did an interview with somebody who
used to work at the Butterball Hotline, not a sponsor.
And one of my favorite stories she told was about
getting a call from a group of women in college
who were, like, trying to cook a turkey in a
crockpot and had shorted the power.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Like, that is the fun memories you make.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
I love it. Anyway, if you have stories like that.
Speaker 4 (18:51):
Oh, please. We need them.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Please, we need them.
Speaker 4 (18:53):
We'd love to have a collection we could share for
a holiday episode.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Please send us your stories.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Yes, please. That would be great.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
You can email us at stuffmediamomstuff at iheartmedia.com. You can
find us on Twitter at MomStuffPodcast or on Instagram and
TikTok at Stuff Mom Never Told You. We have a
TeePublic store and we have a book that you can
get wherever you get your books and an audio book
because some people have been asking.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Me about that.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
Yes. Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
And we did narrate it.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
Thanks as always to our super producer, Christina, our executive producer, Maya,
and our contributor, Joey.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
I think we need a tradition. What do y'all think? Christina,
what do you think?
Speaker 4 (19:30):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Ooh. And thanks to you for listening. Stuff I Never
Told You is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts
from iHeartRadio, you can check out the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Hey, this is Annie.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
And Smitha.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
And welcome to Stuff Never Told You, a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
And today, we are bringing back a classic, a Monday
mini classic about friendship.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (00:25):
You know, I've been thinking a lot about the stress
and everything. And one of the conversations we had was
about the power of of friendship and how actually it
is beneficial, especially when it comes to friendships with other women,
women and women, because it just helps during a stressful time.
And we're like, yeah, and it's backed by science. So
(00:48):
definitely had to bring this in as a reminder that
maybe one of the stress relievers that we do have
that is cheaper than other things are friendships. So hope
you enjoyed this classic.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Hey, this is Annie.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
And Samantha.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
And welcome to Stuff One Never Told You, a production
of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 4 (01:21):
And welcome to another edition of Monday Mini, where we
talk about random things and put a little bit of
statistics in there or facts or news. We try to
make it a little different from our happy hour because
it is a personal take or something that we're thinking on.
And then we do pseudo research, meaning like we don't
do a lot of in-depth research and or maybe come
from an article that got us interested in it.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
However, whatever.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
So just to explain what the Monday Mini is again,
because I think everybody's like, what is this?
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Just a small episode?
Speaker 4 (01:49):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
But today, I.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
Thought I would make a switch because my last happy
hour was really sad. And unfortunately right now with the
seasons and the holidays, I'm not the happiest person, most
joyous person in the world. But I thought I'd take
a minute to actually reflect on things that do make
me happy. And as a reminder of things that can
give you good support and happiness. And that's friendships, specifically
(02:16):
female friendships or friendships with other women. And I'm not
excluding anybody of the non-gender binary, any of that. We're
including trans women in this. We're talking about the people
who would see themselves as femme, because I think there's
a specific energy and vibe in that. So when I
say that, I'm meaning all. This is including all. So
(02:36):
go ahead and put that at that very beginning. Of course,
we know there's a lot of TERFs out there. There's
a lot of people who have a lot of prejudices.
And they have nice messaging with sometimes really awful hearts.
So I say this because a lot of these things
that we talk about when it comes to friendships and
keeping friendships comes from blogs. And you never know what
(02:58):
these people that wrote these blogs, their real personality is.
I think about that often when I'm thinking about like
feminists first as well or feminists around the world that
we don't know. They may have good intentions in one
of these things, but some of these things are not pretty. Right.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
So just as a kind of a... Caveat to all
of this.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
Yeah. But straying away from that to the good part,
I think it's really important that we talk about the
friendships that happen and how important it is to have
friendships and holidays. Of course, I think we can look
at things like Friendsgiving. We have a good thing called
Friendsgivmas in our group because we can blend in both
Christmas and Thanksgiving.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Because it gets a little difficult trying to get together sometimes.
Speaker 4 (03:42):
And so blending that in, but having opportunities to celebrate
the seasons.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Together with just friends or found families, as we like
to talk about.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
And if you just listened to a couple of weeks ago,
as this comes out, we had the amazing Raquel Willis
on the show and something she talked about when I
had asked her specifically about finding the balance between transparency
versus activism and then also self-preservation and knowing that you
(04:13):
don't owe people your stories. But like, how do you
keep the balance? And she talked about friendship. And I really,
really loved that point. And it did remind me. I
was like, oh, yeah, like keeping people like you, Annie,
in my life. You just talked about the joy of
wearing your Life Day sweater.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
And I love that.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
I'm like, man, I need to use that as an
example and find something like that for myself where I
just find some of the like something that's personal to
me that I can put on physically and be like, ah,
this makes me happy. I will say cardigans. Especially at
the beginning of fall when I get to actually wear it.
I did do a dance. My partner was like, okay,
(04:52):
you're ridiculously happy. And he understands like why for me.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
That gives me a little bit of joy.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
But, you know, stuff like that is like, oh, yeah,
things like that are nice. So I had that good moment.
Thank you for giving me that. But just the friends
of this time of year is really, really important. In general,
I went through articles about that. femme friendships and why
they're important and here's some of the things research y'all
(05:17):
because it's like years and years and years of research
and i think the last 15 years has been beautiful
where the ties are turned from don't be that i'm
not that type of girl and be a girl's girl
and know what that means and i love them yeah
so one of the things they talk about is emotional
support the benefit of having support from friends when things
are down whether it's like lifting you up because you're
(05:40):
sad about something. And so they try to help you
understand why you're sad or distract you, which both of
those things are beautiful. Validation, having friends who understand and
appreciate you just for you and giving you that confidence. Oh,
and by the way, this was from a blog that
was researched. They also found research for it called The
(06:01):
Power of Female Friendship. And it's from grace.health. So I
don't know much about grace.health. So don't take that as a, Right.
Like I'm advocating for it. It's just they had good research.
So once again, that's about shared experiences. Yeah. I think
especially when you have old, old friendships that you've had
for years and you can look back on things and
(06:24):
laugh to you, cry type of situations, knowing some like
I explained that. something to my partner. I ran into
a friend that I haven't seen in like five years,
literally out of nowhere. And it was really lovely to
see her. And I say this with all like so excitement.
And it literally shocked me to the point I'm like,
you don't live here. Like it sounded like an accusation,
(06:44):
but it was more of shock. And that's all I
could say because I was so like confused to see her.
But I just brought back some of the memories I
had of her and who she was and how joyful
it was. And I was explaining to my partner about her.
And it was like, You know, that smile moments of like, oh,
that's shared experience because I lived with her as well
for a year. So it was lovely to see her.
(07:04):
And I thought about that. And then, of course, the accountability.
I will tell you, people who keep me accountable are
some of the best. Caroline from the previous shows is
one of the best ones to keep me accountable. But
she does it in such a way that it's so good.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
And I'm like, oh, yeah, you're right. I did that
in my bed.
Speaker 4 (07:24):
You know, like stuff like that. But it keeps you
as a better person and as a better friend, which
I want to be. And I love everything about that.
Of course, the laughter and joy. We all know that
that's a great benefit. I love listening to Annie talk
about her stuff and then just watching her laugh at herself.
And then I'll make a joke and she'll laugh at it, too.
It is a delightful moment. And then me laughing, watching
(07:45):
her laugh. Or I will say I do laugh when
she cries at shows like Last of Us and I
enjoy every bit of her love for it.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
I enjoy that you enjoy it.
Speaker 4 (07:56):
I literally pulled up the video of you saying, this
is me before the episode of this, the Bill and
Frank episode, and this is you after, and me laughing
in the background. The love you have for that show
is amazing. And it talks about improving your immune function.
And I have a couple of articles that talk about that,
(08:16):
that it actually has higher levels of a particular antibody
that helps to fight off infection. And this one is
from a flashback.com article.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
I really don't know who they are either. But it
is written by Kate Lehi, L-E-H-I.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
Again, not necessarily... advocating for them or anything. But I
think she did an amazing job with this article. But
she actually wrote, most surprisingly of all, female friendships are
actually good for your physical and mental health. Researchers at
UCLA found that female response to stress can be reduced
after a release of oxytocin, which came when surrounded by
(08:58):
their female friends. In another study, it was found that
valuing friendships influenced better health among adults. And the head
of psychiatry at Stanford University in the U.S. said one
of the best things a woman can do for her
health was to, quote, nurture her relationships with her friends.
And then goes on to say it's noted that women
who are around their female friends see an increase in
(09:20):
release of chemical serotonin, which controls your mood and is
responsible for happiness. And studies have also shown a strong
link between human attachment and good mental health. And I
feel like these are all obvious, but it's also exciting
that they did the research for it, specifically among women
in that level. I will say yesterday was really sad.
(09:49):
If you heard my happy hour a week ago, it
wasn't cute. But like it was a lot of things
that was going through my head and I was kind
of spiraling. And then last night I decided to go to...
work out and I have made really good friends when
I go work out to these places. We just connect
on a very like superficial level, but it's joyous. It
helped my mood so much to be around them, to
(10:12):
do something together, to enjoy the music. The teacher there, DeMarco,
he's an amazing guy. But just connecting with friends again.
And the women that we get to hype each other.
It's one of the best things. Hyping one another up,
I think, is a whole different level. Especially being on
a superficial level, just enjoying their personality.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
It's nice.
Speaker 4 (10:35):
And I definitely see that kind of level of like
serotonin rising and feeling being able to like calmly sit
instead of watching the world burn. And then I was
thinking about this again, specifically with the holidays. We were
very stressed. I was very I am very stressed with this.
And I was thinking about the people who have lost families.
I talk about not having a connection, and that does
(10:55):
feel like a loss to me, but truly losing, grieving
over families who have died, passed on, who you have
cut off all connection with, and how that really is
a painful, these holidays are a painful, painful time, especially
if you feel alone. And there was an article written
by Rebecca Brenner for The Times, and it's titled, The
(11:16):
Revolutionary Power of Female Friendships During the Holidays. And she
specifically talks about the loss of her mother. And she
also talks about the fact that she doesn't do the
depth of what her mother did.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
And she never will. And I appreciated that.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
Because, yeah, no way in hell I would do what
my mother loves to do and also stresses out about.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Which ends up with her calling my father a sh * *.
Also part of our family tradition. Uh-huh. One of my
favorite moments.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
But she genuinely is mad at my father for being
neglectful and not helping.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Out as much as he should. But I think it's interesting.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
She talks about it and she says, this holiday season,
I won't cook her elaborate holiday dinners. I won't go
to midnight mass or track my two young kids across
the country for large extended family gatherings. But I will
step closer to the memory of her because of the
love and the support of the women in my life.
I really thought that was a beautiful story. Like, yes,
she lost a mother, and she might not do exactly
(12:21):
what she did. And there feels like a little lost
in that. But she knows where she can find that
same love and level of love and care and support
through the women in her life. She also talked about
the 2010 study, which was written by Ana M. Martinez-Almond.
entitled College Women's Female Friendships, A Longitudinal View. And she writes,
(12:43):
found that female friendships are, quote, a site for assessing
meaning of self and of reality, a site for the
experience of different perspective and viewpoints, and an opportunity for
growth through interdependency. And in a more recent 2020 study
in feminism and psychology, found that female friendships are, quote,
a site of ease, escape, and refuge. And I think
(13:06):
it's so perfect, especially as we talk during the holidays
as a stress, feeling a little bit of loss, feeling
a little bit of non-direction, I guess, not sure what
to do half the time. There's a lot going on.
And seeing articles like this and reminding yourself, yeah, yeah,
friendships are important. And it can be hard to maintain
(13:30):
as adults with different stretches of life. But it is
important to try to try to maintain them. And she
goes on, Brenner goes on, writes, and perhaps this is
the best gift we can offer one another, our presence
and kind words in a culture and season that can
feel so transactional, being shaped and nurtured by your people's
compassionate attention feels revolutionary.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
And it does. And it does. And Annie, I want
to thank you because you're one of those revolutionary people
for me. I love you.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
And you are for me. I love you too. The
other day I was.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Like smiling to myself, remembering, because I told the story
recently of our disastrous lazy river.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
But it's just like having those memories where we were
literally being laughed at by the hotel staff and an
old man in.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
A tube and a young kid in a tube.
Speaker 5 (14:25):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
But we shared it together.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
We did.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
And it was so funny. It was so funny.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
It was because both of us were in the same boat.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Realizing both of us were bad at this.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
We're bad at relaxing, which is perhaps clear with this episode.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
No, everybody else was confused. And they're like, but we
love it. I'm like, I'm glad you weren't a part
of this because that would have stressed me out more.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
And then we did it twice because we got stuck
in the loop.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
We couldn't get out.
Speaker 4 (14:52):
The first time wasn't good, but we couldn't get out,
so we just sacrificed it.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
We did. Oh, man, it was funny, though.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
What a haunting.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
But it's things like that, having those memories, sharing those times.
Even if it's maybe not necessarily your thing, like with
Life Day, my friends, But like having that and like
having those stories, it does feel like such a boost
and such a light.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
And so precious, like so important.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
And yeah, I can totally see the kind of healing
nature of it. We've talked about it before in other
episodes too. So yeah, I am so lucky to have
the friends I have and That they're willing to be
goofy with me and I can be goofy with them.
Speaker 4 (15:47):
And just to the Sminty fam, if you do feel alone,
I hope you hear this episode and know that we
do hear you when you.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Write to us, when you let us know what's going on.
Speaker 4 (15:59):
I know we got a lot of messages on Instagram
specific to a lot of Annie's loves.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Didn't respond to those.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
I showed it to her though. I love y'all. I
will respond.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
But yes, we do see them. We do hear them.
Those who send out support to us, that's the same thing.
There's a healing to that as well. When you hear
our own struggles or vulnerability, and then you come in
and just talk about your own and like validate what
we're saying.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
It's lovely. So we thank you.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
We do thank you. It really means so much. So
And I hope sometimes I worry that it sounds like,
because when you get like one bad message, and I
feel like I worry that we make it sound like
we're not talking to the people who are listening. I'm
pretty sure the people who send those like saw a
title and will send it. You are all lovely is
(16:53):
what I'm saying. No, we get like one.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
And I'm like, no.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
I know.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
The review is the same way for me.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
I'm like, they all hate me. No, everyone is so kind.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
And I do love another thing I love about things
like like what you were talking about Friends Give Smith.
I love like the traditions people make because I have
the cheese giving.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
My friends and I used to do a gift exchange
where you couldn't spend any money on it. So you
would get the most ridiculous things. And I loved it.
I've told this story before, but one of my favorite
things was for the show, Katie. It was a big
bird ornament, but the legs were broken off.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
And I adore it. It's like one of my favorite ornaments.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Because it's so weird and funny.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
And every time I see it, I think about that.
I'm like, where did you get this?
Speaker 2 (17:49):
She stepped on it and was like, oh.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
I'll give it to Annie.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
My imagination that goes into, there are ornaments that you
can't touch.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
On my mother's tree. And if you break it, like,
oh no.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
In my head, I was like, yeah, I would have
taken that and just given it away and be like, no,
don't ask.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
This is the way of my hiding it.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
Yes. Yes.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Could be.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I've never gotten the full story out of her. Maybe
this year.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Maybe this year.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
But yes, we would love to hear listeners about your
thoughts about this. If you have any traditions with your friends.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Oh, there's also... Oh man, I meant to talk about this.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Over on Saver, we did an interview with somebody who
used to work at the Butterball Hotline, not a sponsor.
And one of my favorite stories she told was about
getting a call from a group of women in college
who were, like, trying to cook a turkey in a
crockpot and had shorted the power.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Like, that is the fun memories you make.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
I love it. Anyway, if you have stories like that.
Speaker 4 (18:51):
Oh, please. We need them.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Please, we need them.
Speaker 4 (18:53):
We'd love to have a collection we could share for
a holiday episode.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Please send us your stories.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Yes, please. That would be great.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
You can email us at stuffmediamomstuff at iheartmedia.com. You can
find us on Twitter at MomStuffPodcast or on Instagram and
TikTok at Stuff Mom Never Told You. We have a
TeePublic store and we have a book that you can
get wherever you get your books and an audio book
because some people have been asking.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Me about that.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
Yes. Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
And we did narrate it.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
Thanks as always to our super producer, Christina, our executive producer, Maya,
and our contributor, Joey.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
I think we need a tradition. What do y'all think? Christina,
what do you think?
Speaker 4 (19:30):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Ooh. And thanks to you for listening. Stuff I Never
Told You is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts
from iHeartRadio, you can check out the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Stuff Mom Never Told You News
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Samantha McVey
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