January 7, 2020 • 45 mins
This week Peter and Beth ask the big questions. When did the kids get huge? When will the bathroom be finished? Do sports based disciplinary systems work on kids who have never seen sports?
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
I got Well, I'm back, so we know his parenting.
I'm Peter McNerney. We're still in the airbnb. We're still
in the airbnb. How is How's what's your review of
this airbnb? This airbnb is great for what we needed
(00:29):
for but I am slowly going insane at not ever
being in my own home. Yeah, it was really great.
Post vacation. We have an empty house and nothing to do,
but it's a sad place. We well, it's we haven't
been our own home in over two weeks now, just
(00:50):
because of travel and bathroom renovation, and that makes me
feel insane, Like every once an hour I go to
look for something that would be convenient to my life, life,
my work, my health and hygiene, and that thing is
not there, and then I just feel like I'm just
being driven slowly mad. And also our children we're not
(01:13):
in school Britains and back in school until today, so
he's just been floating around, just ruining all activity, just
floating around. I mean, I'm so excited to get rid
of them, But do you feel like they've grown up
ten thousand years in the last few weeks. Yeah, they're
like real kids. We say this every month on the
(01:36):
podcast where like, oh my god, our kids are so huge,
but now we really mean it. Um, yeah, they're just
like kids, like they had like a kid Christmas. We
are we probably already talked about this, but they like
hung out with their cousins and played with them, and
we're out of our way and entertaining each other. We
(01:56):
ignore them for hours. We didn't have to worry about
anyone like falling down a flight of dairs. Every second.
We send them down the stairs and say stay there
playing the basement. Hey, go fall down the stairs. What
do we care, You'll be fine. Oh, your dad had
a great quote over Christmas. By the way, so you're parents,
I guess kind of all boomer parents are notoriously blase
about safety and notorious. Yeah, it's like a stereotype of
(02:21):
boomers just any older generation is like, we live through it,
You'll be fine. A factory I fell down the factory
that I am much more a boomer than you are.
You're much more boomer in terms of safety. Well anyway,
it's it's like an attitude that I feels. I feel
(02:43):
like part of it genuinely comes from a time when
people had like seven kids and they were like well,
we're gonna lose one or two like you like. Anyway,
the quote is going to say is someone said something
about like our nephew like falling down the stairs or something.
I don't know they were he was going to the
stairs alone and someone made some comment and your dad
was like, well, if you're going to fall down the
(03:05):
stairs at any age, that's the age. And it's like,
I guess true, but it's just like very harsh. He's
all he's practically on the ground, being that short the
fall is, you know. Yeah, and my dad is six
four when he falls. You know, he's got a lifetime
(03:27):
between tripping and hitting the ground. If anyone's gonna have
a strong recovery, it's going to be a two year old.
You all can fall down the stairs anyway. But um,
it was a good holiday, and our kids we already
talked about this, but yeah, our kids are huge. So
the big change for me is I now say to them,
(03:50):
go get your jammies on, or in the morning, I
go get dressed, and they do it. But they also
sort of both like space even really spaces out. This
morning we were early to dropping to dropping Maven off
at daycare in Britain school. Because I get out, I goes, all, right,
(04:12):
what do you want for breakfast? What's cereal? And they
picked and I go get dressed and you can have it.
And I went out and I poured two bowls of
cereal and I put them on the table and then
I was like, I need to take your own shower.
And then I turned around and there they were in
their clothes. It's incredible what this takes. I'm like, this
is supposed to take twenty five minutes of me wrestling
(04:33):
you into the clothes. I do think that this week
they're like kind of excited to be back in their routine,
like they genuinely have started to actually in this school.
I loved going back to school after a break. They
all have so much to talk about. That's how I
feel like, I must be so funny to hear what
they say to each other. Oh, I have so many
(04:54):
things to explain to people. Well, like it's like today
when I'm so curious to hear how they say it
out of context because today we we've talked to Bran
about the rule of threes in comedy because he like, like,
in comedy, if something happens three times it's funny, but
sometimes Brat pushes it and he just repeats something ten
(05:15):
thousand times, and we were like kind of trying to explain.
He's like, always confused why he's not getting laughs, and
it's like, because it's gonna laugh one second ago. So
then he got onto this thing about the rule of
a hundreds and that's when things are not funny anymore. Well,
so what he said, I don't think you're there. He goes,
he's told this joke over and over and we all
stopped laughing and he noticed. So he's like, that's the
(05:37):
rule of threes, right, daddy. After three, it's not funny anymore.
That's why you're not laughing. And I was in my mind,
I'm like, yes, that's very intuitive. Yes, he goes, that's
the rule in Winnetka, the rule of three, which is
where we are, we're for vacation. And then he goes,
but here where we live, now that it's the rule
of a hundred. Well, but this was secondary too in
(05:59):
original conversation that I was trying to explain, which is
that he's he learned about the rule of threes and
how things feel less funny. So he yeah, he the
rule of threes is actually a comedy rule and the
rule and there are improv teachers. I think Billy Murritt
(06:21):
used to say the rule of seven was that it
would stop being funny after three, and then when he
got back around to twenty seven, it would start getting
funny again, which is pretty much the rule that Brian
has now come up with, exactly that. The rule of
three is after two everyone sees a pattern, and three
confirms it. So at three everyone's like, got it, I
(06:41):
got it, and then four it's like no, no, no no,
I already got it. But then is the well can't
just repeated over and over. Sorry, I'm trying to get
to is that the brand has this rule. And then
he was trying to explain it to Nick in a
video today that we're going to send to Nick. But
then Nick, an adult man, my comedy partner who understands
(07:02):
comedy rules and so brands starts telling the story and
just like starts the story in the strangest place, and
it's like the rule the rule of one hundreds in
our town is the It's just like he said, the
rule of one hundred in our town is that you
can tell any joke a thousand times. Yeah, it just
didn't anyway. So that's sort of what my point was.
(07:24):
I'm picturing him back at school, and he's like, I
played in the puppet theater and I flew an airplane. Yeah,
I flew in an airplane. I piloted an airplane. Um,
I taught the world about how ears were because he's
been saying some really weird lies lately. You've been watching
a lot of storybots. So he learned how a lot
(07:45):
of things work and only sort of gets it, and
he loves to explain, and then he loves to change
the story in the strangest way. Don't correct him. I'm
teaching mayven days of the week this week. I realized
that may even does not know the days of the week,
which brand new when he was very young. Because I've
(08:05):
spent all day quizzing him on things, and I've been
ignoring my daughter. Or she's just interested in more interesting
things like princesses. Jinna warns babies, more practical knowledge, like
like sparkles and rainbows. She like. So she got this
(08:27):
necklace making kit for Christmas, which she loved. She loved
all of her girly things, and she got a doll
from her cousin. That was her favorite thing ever. And
she one of these necklaces was sitting out here and
she was like this one broke a little bit, and
like she's pointing at the beads and like noting. Like
she's just in that really girly mode where she'll turn
(08:48):
to you and be like it's not perfect, Like she
just like wants everything to be like so beautiful. She's
very particular like her mother, which has led to a
gorgeous bathroom. I keep going over there at night when
the workers are away, and I peek at the progress. Yeah,
(09:11):
you like to sneak peeks, like the sneak peaks. I
just like to sneak peaks in bathrooms. What I'm no
creep um. The sink, the vanity, the toilet are in.
It's good except for this one thing that our contractor
improvised without consulting me. With the tiles. Well there, so
(09:31):
there's like what they contractors referred to as shampoo boxes,
which are these indians in the tiles in the shower
where you can put your shampoo and stuff. And so
the back of that, he decided on his own to
do a totally different tile separate from the two tiles
I picked out for the wall and floor, and he
chose this very cheap, tacky looking tile to insert into
(09:56):
the middle of all the subway tile, which is like
it's like one of those sheets. It's like it's like
every kitchen, Yeah, like fake colorful glass. And granted it's
it's all like gray, so it's like it could be
a lot worse. And it's going to be the shower
behind the shower curtain, and no one's going to look
in the shower and inspect my shampoo boxes. So at
this point, I just want everyone to leave my bathroom
(10:17):
and I want to move back into my home. So
I'm not going to argue about it, but I'm just like,
why why this? Why not the other tile that we
have a whole other box of? Well, why not just
the white subway tile that is? That's what I mean? Yeah,
or why not ask us? Yeah, I gotta say they've
(10:38):
done a very fine job. I think he thought. I
genuinely think he thought he was doing me a favor.
Like I think there's he has a lot of customers
who are probably like, yeah, when they added in this
fancy detail over here like that, I think that he
was like, I'm going to add some visual interest. Yeah,
he doesn't see it. He probably was like, this box
(11:00):
of child costs five box versus two for the white
subway tiles. So I'm gonna treat her, you know, like, well,
it's an easier it's a much easier thing to install
because it's one sheet and it's like a flexible sheet.
You gotta cut those subway tiles and put it in
an awkward spot. Yeah. But anyway, dang girl, you designed
(11:25):
the hell out of that bathroom and it is Oh,
we can't put it. We'll have to have a picture,
not this week's episode. We'll have to do a pictures.
I'll tell you what. My friend, whose husband is an architect,
I was asking her sure, I was talking to her
about this, and she recommended Cohler like sink fixtures and
(11:50):
I'm really pleased with that aspect of this. Oh well,
I could say they were the showerhead fixtures are gold. Yeah,
I was a curveball. I didn't see that coming. You
didn't see the gold coming. I mean I saw none
of it coming because I was not part of the process,
which I'm not complaining you. I trust you and you
deliver Anyway, it looks great. We can't wait. I can't
(12:14):
wait to have the an octional bathroom that doesn't leak
into our downstairs neighbors and the toilet doesn't run all
the time, and the door closed, the window sill isn't
rotting away, and the door has a lock on it
because we're fancy now. Also, the door is made out
of solid wood, so you don't necessarily have to hear
everyone's don't have to hear everyone's pub in our apartment
(12:38):
where the echoes throughout. Um, we just used to call
it the pp echo room. Anyway, we're moving up, moving
on up, And can we talk about the tantrum that
happened tonight? Is it interesting? Well? The thing that was
interesting about it, So Maven's been having some big tantrums
(12:58):
and I'm just she's hitting me, and so I have
to hold her down gently carefully. Um. I try to
keep my cool, but sometimes I don't. And I'm just remembering, oh, yeah,
Brand went through this that phase where he would go
crazy and you'd have to really pin him down and
because he wasn't being safe and he was stomping and
(13:20):
all this, and remember how hard it was. Yeah, she's
not nearly this. She's not as strong as he is.
And but he was. It's the same age that he
was doing this. But tonight we went through one of
them and she didn't have quite the fight in her
that she did for the last couple, and that it
ended with her. She gave up. And that is brand
(13:42):
new and boys, it satisfying. I think we're past the
worst of that. But she started screaming, you're hurting me,
and I'm like, I'm not. My impulse would go like,
I'm not hurting you. You can't engage at all. Canna
engage to that because she's gonna scream it more. And
(14:02):
we are to Airbnb, and and the woman who rents it,
I think is in this building. She's got a little
secret compartment somewhere, not a compartment apartment secret. She told
us she's in an attached apartment on the property. I
think she might be directly blows yeah she is anyway,
daughter screaming. She's listening to this podcast right now. Um,
(14:29):
you're welcome free content. This next segment is called would
you knows? That's where you guys are listeners or us
(14:49):
present parenting hypotheticals. Oh yeah, we gotta repeat writer in
her for would you knows? This is from Nicola, who
wrote do you're a member that would you know? Scenario
about the the guy from that like still money or
(15:09):
something from us and then years later run into a
month playground and he acts like he doesn't know you.
I got all those details wrong, but it was a
good one anyway. Read this one. Hey guys, thank you
for your trouble shooting with my previous would you know
this question? It brought a smile to my face on
a particularly tough day trying to juggle children, work, in
(15:32):
life in general. Due to the feedback from the Graham
slash Matthew scenario, which is the last one, I challenged
myself to think of another descent. So here we go.
It is the Christmas holidays and you are currently experiencing
the common confusion of it's Tuesday today, right, it's Wednesday?
Are you sure what happened to Tuesday? Along with the
(15:52):
calendar amnesia, everyone's sleep schedules also messed up. Brandon Maven
had started staying up late, and therefore you two are
also staying up late and sleeping in to compensate. Excuse me, Peter, Sorry,
I'm drinking a bubbly beer over here, Peter. One night,
you wake up to hear Maven crying. At a glance
(16:13):
of your phone, you predict you've only just fallen asleep. Groggily,
you get out of bed to check on Maven. Once
in the kid's room, you see Beth is already there,
trying to console Maven, but nothing is working. Maven is
pushing to sit up and break out of Beth's arms,
but can't get out of her hold and continues to
cry out in frustration. Upon hearing you walk in, Beth
(16:34):
looks up at you and says, this isn't Maven. This
must be an alien to you. Maven looks and sounds
like herself, and you say so to Beth. She only
shakes her head and repeats with some with stone cold sincerity,
that the child she is holding is an alien. You
need to call someone, she adds, this time with urgency.
Take her into our room, get him out of here.
(16:56):
I'll hold it until you get back. Peter. You're naturally
confused as hell. You suspect that Beth is still half asleep,
and maybe whatever she was dreaming is still running through
her system. Maybe she was dreaming about people being addict
abducted by shape shifting creatures from out of space. But
what if she's not What if this isn't Maven. The
(17:18):
possibility is extremely slim that your daughter has been replaced
by a shape shifting extraterrestrial, But it's still a possibility.
The more you try to reason with Beth, the more
she digs her heels and she keeps a tight hold
of your quote unquote daughter who's trying to break free.
What do you do? Thanks, Keola, Wow, what do you do?
(17:40):
Don't believe it? I just go back to sleep. This
is so classic. It was so classic. Don't believe it.
Just go back to sleep and let my hallucinating wife
wrestle my daughter. I would not go back to sleep
because I would be in great fear that my wife
has lost her mind and that she's going to harm
(18:01):
our child. So I would apply reason. I would let
you know Beth that okay, okay, great, Well let's take
a second. Let's figure this out to calm you down,
make you feel like this alien is not going to
hurt us. And I'd say, let's talk to it um
and I try to get Mavin out of your arms.
(18:23):
This could really make or break our relationship. Okay, great,
I would show you that I was taking it seriously.
I mean also, at first, I need to assess how
crazed you are, if we can calm you down. It
seems like we need a code word or something like
where it can be like, I'm not losing my mind
(18:44):
right now. This is an alien Like what, Beth are you?
Have you read this email? Because I didn't read the
ps to this email. You want to hear the ps
ps once you have solved it. In our household, we
have a code word that we use when one of
(19:05):
us needs to take a step back from a situation
because the other is getting frustrated, whether it's cleaning, fixing
a broken drawer, or handling our daughter after only one
hour of sleep and still in dream mode. It is
coming handy at times, and I'm so grateful to have
my husband to lean on. In the early days of
being a mom, I used to dream of people hiding
my daughter in pillow cases, so I'd wake up tearing
(19:26):
the bed she's trying to apart, trying to find her.
I can't believe you said that, because we're all in
a simulation. Peter, Oh my gosh, I was programmed different.
That's crazy code word. But in their scenario, the code
word is sort of like wake up, like it snaps
(19:51):
you back to reality. Well it sounds like no, I
didn't actually process that. I was just too shocked that
you also said code words. I mean, it is shocking.
In our household, we have a cold word that we
use when one of us needs to take a step
back from a situation because the other is getting frustrated. Yeah,
so when things are getting too intense and someone needs
to be like reminded, So what I say the code
(20:13):
word to you to be like you need to take
a break, or do I say a code word? Because
the person who's trying to calm the other person down
says so I say, like, Bob, that's a flipper. It
means it's like giving each other a time out that
(20:34):
you've agreed upon. Well, I'm most I'm a little confused.
I think time outs are good. I agree. That's something
I have learned a little bit being with you, is that,
like I feel a lot of things, I'm going to
give myself a time out so that I can am
(20:55):
capable of remembering what I'm saying now. Otherwise I'll say
a whole lot of things I can't defend. Later, this
Airbnb feels like we're in a time out. Yes, yes,
that is completely true. I feel like my whole life
is I'm i M gonna have a time Yeah. It's
(21:17):
just such a weird. Yeah, anyway, I don't. I don't
say time out with our kids, do we do? You
say time out? I say alone time? I think you
need some alone time. It feels less love of punishment,
more meeting their needs. Sometimes you gotta cool down. Can
(21:38):
you believe you said we need a code word? I can't.
I've actually had so many insane synchronicities this week like
you would not like it's like it's just like crazy.
I was like sitting here trying to write something, and
I haven't been so frustrated because like the kids keep
(21:59):
entry up to me all week, and I was having
sort of like a breakthrough realization of like just like
forcing myself to like actually get something done. And as
it was happening, this hawk and we're are Airbnb is
on this golf course, and so this hawk flew down
to the golf course and like caught an animal in
(22:21):
its mouth, like right in front of me. As this
was happening, and I was just like, what is happening?
And like I had I've had so many moments in
this Airbnb where I'll be thinking about something I want
to do or buy or whatever and something and then
I'll literally look up and be like, there's a painting
(22:43):
of that thing on the wall right in front of me.
Like I just have had so many, so many weird things. Anyway,
that reminds me of the still the most insane things
that's ever happened in my entire life. So I was
in high school. I was getting ready for breakfast for school,
was eating breakfast, Um, I was done, and I remember
(23:03):
putting on my shoes at the breakfast table and I
was tying my shoes. I finished tying them, and I
looked up and in our backgyard there was a big pond,
and across the pond it was a very big, weeping willow,
beautiful giant tree right on the edge of the water.
And I look up and I, for no reason, I
(23:26):
decided to take a second to just actively think about
this tree and appreciate it. My mind, really is an
incredible tree. And just in that moment, the entire tree
split into and fell into the pond. That's how they're
reminding us. It's all fake. It was. It's not like
(23:52):
it started cracking. It was loud, like the whole thing
cracked and splashed and there were waves. It's not like
I heard a noise and looked. I was looking at
it and then it went I can die. Now we're
in a game. I later read that this is common
for weeping willows, especially close to the water, and this
(24:13):
one was freakishly big. To following someone's staring at them,
that's common. Yeah, they're very shy, so like, don't look
at me. Um. So, I don't know what I learned
from that. There's a pps in this email about half
(24:35):
of the Graham slash Matthews scenario is based on true events. Wow,
I figured her style is like a mix of fact
in fiction where the lines are always blurred. It's like
a really good movie adaptation of real events where it's
(24:57):
not that real. Yeah, you shouldn't get into she is.
She's doing a great job, I gotta say. And it's
you got characters the really indicate how how to read
the lines is clear. I feel like she could write
a really great thriller in the same way that like
(25:18):
in the way that Jordan's Peels films get it, like
the visceral feeling of experiencing racism. I feel like she
could do that for like the visceral like sort of
rage and overwhelm of being a mom. But you know
what I mean, Like she's like you wake up and
there's an alien Like I just want her to write
we knows pod fan fiction you wanted to be about you? Yeah, Yeah,
(25:42):
that's why I love it. Um, although you gotta don't
learn how to spell brand too many ends. There's only
one end. I mean. This is not to you. This
is not for everybody to scold them. I love you,
I take it back, But everybody, we gotta go over
this again because almost nobody gets them right. Bran d
R Y D M A E. Just don't give us.
(26:07):
Don't don't give us an excuse to talk about our
kids names again because you don't want to hear it.
Just try to spell them correctly. I don't want to
hear it. They don't want to hear us talk about names. Spelling.
Let's talk about spelling. One of my favorite books I've
ever read was just about the history of the English language,
just the phonetics. You know, I have to bring her
(26:29):
up almost every episode. Elizabeth Warren this week said that
her favorite book she was asked by a childbird favorite
book is and she said The Little Engine That Could.
She's the only person who could answer that in the
way that she answered it. And I would be like,
I believe what this politician is saying. I believe she
actually feels this way. I believe I believe she. I
(26:52):
believe she like she named her dog Bailey, after George
Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life and Hello Yo, building
him loan. Someone asked her recently in an interview. They
tried to argue that like George Bailey's philosophy was actually
predatory towards like he was a predatory lender, and She's
(27:12):
like flipped out defended it. I was like, this is
the one who really loves that movie and really loves
a Little Engine. Anyway, Well, for whatever difference is, Elizabeth
Warden and I have we are on the same page
about defending George Bailey, who called him a predatory lender.
(27:32):
Come on, he sacrificed profits left and right to help
the little guy. Um, all right, Well, that was an
excellent um, we knows, would you know? I was going
to say, what the hell is called? Is called? We knows?
This is an excellent We know the episode is not over,
(27:53):
but the reviews are in in this episode, we're killing it.
This next secment is called listeners want to Know. So
that's where we take questions and comments from you guys.
(28:13):
All right? Does the email comes to us from Matthew
our friend? All right? He writes a parenting win on
par with a Stanley cup. It's the bold subject line. Hi, Betty, Peter.
I wanted to do a quick fun fact we've probably
talked about before, which is that we used to live
in a block where there's a big mural of sports
(28:36):
figures and of New York sports hero and it was
painted by children, and it was not the best way.
It was not painted by children, it definitely was. It
was painted by like teenagers anyway, I don't think so.
It had clearly been there for years and it was
a little wonky, and they there was what was it,
(28:58):
Wayne Gretzky in the sun Mark Messier, Mark Messier holding
up a Stanley cup. Dropy. That was just the way
it had been painted was just kind of crooked. It
was not. It was a very floppy Stanley cup. But
instead of walking past like a normal person and thinking, well,
a teenager probably made this mural and they did their best,
(29:20):
and it's cute. Every time you walked by, you got
so angry, angry and that it was funny. You had
to point it out every time, how crooked it wasn't
It got under your skin, and you couldn't not in
my town. It's the rule of a thousand. You couldn't
not say it every single time I walk past. So
I told my sister that you did that. And then
(29:41):
we were driving past in the car with my family
at one time, I think, anyway, we're going past with
their sister and she turns to just and goes, wow,
that Stanley cup is really crooked. And you for out
so excited that someone shared your animosity towards this mural.
(30:07):
Animosity is not the right word. Okay, Well your fixation,
that's fair. Your fixation is validated, and he felt on
top of the world. I was like, I know, right,
And then you both looked at each other and laughed,
and I was like, oh, I just got a new
old Okay. Anyway, continuing the email, it's really embarrassing. I
thought I could trust your sister, and that was a
(30:28):
moment I realized, No, we're bonded by blood. Sarcastic blood.
All right, parenting went on par with the Stanley Cup. Hi,
Beth and Peter wanted to share with you a recent
parenting win that I feel Peter in particular, we'll get
a kick out of are almost four year old son,
(30:50):
as most kids, sometimes gets a bit overexcited and has
difficulty calming down. The holiday season with an abundance of
candy and baked goods available only serves to exhaust abait this.
It's usually something as innocent as running through the house
or screaming, and by giving him attention and maybe some
activity to focus on, he can get himself calm and centered. Sometimes, however,
(31:11):
he just can't and needs to get the energy out.
This is when the innocent playing can quickly shift to
the naughty side of throwing things, jumping on or off furniture,
or getting in the face of the family dog, basically
all types of things that can result in injury, so
it needs to be addressed at the same time. Matthews
developing an appreciation for hockey definitely as a result of
(31:34):
projection from Daddy could work Dad. This fall, he experienced
his first hockey game, his first time ice skating, and
for Christmas received an indoor hockey set. So while he
was learning about the game, I tried to incorporate some
of these rules into everyday life, namely the penalty and
the penalty box. I know what you're thinking, it's just
(31:56):
time out by another name, except it's not. Time out
has worked to our Time out hasn't worked for Matthew
in the past because it doesn't lend itself to communication
about what, how, and why something is not acceptable. It
has always felt more like solidaryn solitary confinement where there
is no talking or moving. Just wait for the end
and then maybe we can talk about what happens several
(32:18):
minutes ago if you pay attention. When an NHL player
receives a penalty, the ref usually escorts them to the
box explaining their penalty, and then they can still communicate
with the bench and the official in the box during
their penalty time. The only rule is that they have
to stay in the box for the penalty time. So
we tried making a quote unquote penalty box by designating
(32:42):
a chair in the living room, not separate from anyone,
and use standing a standard time two minutes for minor penalties,
five minutes for fighting. When Matthew crosses the line from
playing to naughty, playing to naughty, we make a horn
sound and call out penalty and then calmly explain what
happened and ask him if that's allowed or not. We
(33:04):
use our smart speaker as the timer so we can
quickly and calmly ask Alexa for two minute timer, get
Matthew into the penalty box, and then continue to communicate
about the difference between playful and destructive or dangerous until
Alexa lets us know the penalty times over. There's no
clock watching, no shunning. Proud to say that Matthew has
(33:24):
taken to it very well and it has become a
great tool for the whole family because, just like on
the ice, any player can get sent to the box,
even mommy, daddy or puppy. Like most parenting tools, success
hinges on our ability to not show anger when using
but so far it has been a great way to
address behavior without the focus being on the punishment. We
haven't needed to give five for fighting yet, but Matthew's
(33:47):
cousin of the same age is coming soon and it's
like a Flyer's Penguins game every time they get together.
Matth you know what that means, right? He didn't say that.
I said that. I would also like to thank A.
Beth for recently identifying a book I've been searching for
a few times. The Girl Who Owned a City was
a book we read in middle school, and while most
(34:08):
of the plot has stuck with me, I could not
remember the title. Thanks to her Austin memory and the
overdrive app, I downloaded the audio book from the library
and listen to it again. A great premise and book
eagerly awaiting. There's no manual best book coming out in
February as a birthday present for my wife, who is
pregnant with baby number two. Woo. Last thing on the list.
(34:29):
I've been meaning to give you a recommendation of a
great bourbon that's relatively new. Okay, if you can find it.
It's called rough Rider and it's now you're talking, and
it's distill distilled on Long Island, as well as some
great vodka. The distillery is also great, with a tasting
room and deck that overlooks the farm. It's in the
(34:51):
same general area as most Long Island wineries and farms,
so it makes very great stop before or after pumpkin
picking in the fall as oh A, thanks for this
awesome podcast and a happy New Year from m J
and family. Matt. Wow, there's so much to talk about
in this email. I don't even know where to start.
(35:12):
Um the penalty. I am so timpted to talk about
the bourbon first and foremost. Well, then talk about the
bourbon just like I really I have developed a deep
affection for bourbon over other like whiskey, especially Scotch, like
a bourbon anyway. Is this interesting? Yeah? Yeah it is. Babe.
(35:37):
Just start calling you babe, babe, talk about what you
want a babe, babe. I just want like a smooth bourbon. Um.
It felt very weird for you to even joke call
me babe. Um, like weirder than me doing it to you.
You're like, this is not my wife. This is an
(35:58):
aliens and I like it. Okay, all right, I'll get
to the real. But do you think anyone out there
has a wife alien fantasy fetish? Not a fetish fantasy.
People have fetishes about like slapping bologna on their feet.
I'm sure they have that fetish understandable, but what about
(36:21):
I'm sorry you go ahead, Um no, let's keep talking
about fetish. You're not my wife, you're an alien. Oh yeah,
come here, alien. I'm sorry that got so I got
that got that got more sexual than I would have
liked it too. I'm sorry, but that was the bit.
You can take any weird interests and then you get
(36:43):
you get someone to influence other people to become into it,
and then and then they just will create finer and
finer versions of it, until you'd be like, why is
everyone even this weird smoky peete bug? Why say, for
(37:05):
eating this weird smoky pezza. I don't get it. It It
really just seems like anyway a smoke wait, a smoky
peete bog. What have you noticed that all of our
friends are dressing up like aliens and going to these
alien orgies in this peatbock getting into the pa I
(37:27):
like the aliens, and I can't get into the pea
buck anyway. Um, should we get to the actual penalty box?
Penalty Okay, obviously this seems like it's going great for
him and our children. I don't think would understand or
appreciate it at all. I disagree. I think if we
(37:48):
committed to this singular, you know, if they were experiencing
hockey outside the home on a regular basis and cared
about it in the world at large, I think it
makes sense. I think the peer pressure aspect of people
being of like our kids seeing other kids adhere by
other rules that is magical. Like remember when we were
(38:11):
bringing them to daycare for the first time and we
were like, um, our children are animals and they don't
nap at times, and you can't make them do things.
And then they were like, oh no, they'll just do
what the other children are doing. And we were like really.
And then like a day and they were like, yeah,
your kids just snapped with the other kids. I wasn't worried.
(38:32):
Well I was. I was like, they don't I mean
food when we tell them to eat. I didn't think.
I didn't think they would get on board so quickly,
that's for sure. Yeah, but I don't think they'd have to.
You don't have to explain hockey at all. If you
were just like, okay, that's too minutes, you're going in
the penalty box. You sit in the chair in the
(38:53):
midst of a tantrum and you're explaining time out game.
They're not going to be like, yes, cool, it would
have to be a minor offense, you know, tripping, ice sticking,
cross checking. Uh, yeah, we get it. You're sports hunk
who knows all the hockey terms boarding. Boarding. Um. Your
(39:20):
boarding is when you check somebody not on the boards, um,
but like a few feet away so that they fall
and like their face hits the boards. That's dangerous. Back
you know, checking from behind. That was called back checking.
It's when you skate back. Boy, it's been a while.
I think it's a great idea. I think the phenomenal
(39:41):
idea that the core elements of it that work really
well is just clear, consistent, non unemotional consequences, consequences where
a kid can connect A to B. You just did
(40:02):
this thing. Now you have to go here, and you know,
the explaining why something is bad. You know, Matt hit
it right in the head when it's that like you
you send in the room whatever, you have an argument
and then later you try to talk about it that
that doesn't work. They don't remember, they don't even connect
it back to how this happened. But in the moment,
(40:25):
something happens and you go up two minutes for tripping
or whatever it is. It's a two B and they
can actually connect to the thing they did and learn
from it. That's what I think. I just I don't
remember him talking about that and his email about sorry
about what about um not talking to them after he
(40:51):
said in there that, you know, hoping that after a
big fight or whatever, you can have a conversation about
why this all happened. I find that with my kids
if there's a big blow up and they go to
the room, and then after as they calm down, you
sit down and you're like, now, do you know why
this happened? That's a pointless conversation because they don't remember,
and that actually rewards them because at the end you're like,
(41:14):
now we're going to have a heartfelt connection. Do you
think sometimes though, it's good to be like, hey, were
you having some big feelings back there? Yeah, and then
let them be like yeah I felt bad. Yeah that's fine,
but it's like, do you know how why this happened?
It's weirdly a reward. You're reinforcing the negative behavior by
(41:37):
giving it a happy cap at the end. What's your
what's your best best sports parenting analogy that you go,
that's your go to, um, you know in the paint.
I don't. I don't know, I don't. I don't use
sports analogy. What I mean, I know you don't. That's
(42:01):
why I asked take it to the hoop, you know
in the paint. You know, when your kids are emotionally needy,
you got to meet them in the paint, um basketball.
I literally did. Until you were talking about that, I
didn't put it together that the band five for Fighting
(42:23):
was named after a sports rule. Oh wow, you know what.
I didn't connect that that's what that is either until
right now, not that I've thought about the band five
for Fighting my favorite band, uh five for fighting thing?
I don't remember it, just Jimmy Eat World. I was
(42:48):
about this thing. Five for Fighting could be the name
of a song and not a band fighting. It's one
of those things where I never actively thought about it.
Like I'm sure you didn't either, but I assumed five
for Fighting was we're five guys and we are for fighting,
like table for five five for fighting? But no, should
(43:10):
we look up five for fighting? Are you looking at
up right now? Oh? Five for Fighting is a singer songwriter,
like a one person who has a stage name? What
if one guy? Who? What is? What's this big song? Um? Superman?
(43:31):
It's not easy? Oh? Is that that? Like that? I
could be your Superman? I guess, I guess, and I
guess five for fighting. That guy loves hockey. Well, yeah,
his name's a Vladimir. I'm going to guess. That's it
easy from where's he from? But this is the first
(43:53):
time I think ever we we've just forced you all
to listen to us. He's born in Los Angeles, US.
Of course he was big hockey fan. I despise, big
fan of the big Los Angeles hockey team. I'm not
going to end that sentence. I'll let you all wonder
what I despise? What is it Los Angeles? Is it hockey?
(44:14):
Is it five for fighting? What? I don't know? I've
lost my mind? Tellt ly us hanging. We're going to
wrap it up. Well, friends, this has been the last
episode of We Know It's parenting in our Airbnb. We'll
be back next week at our home. UM, wish us
luck in our transition back to reality. Yeah, if you
(44:37):
want to send us an email, what do you know?
Scenario advice question? You can right to us. Hit we
knows Pot at gmail dot com. You can leave us
some voicemail at three four seven three eight four seven three.
You can find us on social media Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
at we knows pod and rate review, subscribe, do all
(44:59):
those things things and have a great night. Bye bye
m
I got Well, I'm back, so we know his parenting.
I'm Peter McNerney. We're still in the airbnb. We're still
in the airbnb. How is How's what's your review of
this airbnb? This airbnb is great for what we needed
(00:29):
for but I am slowly going insane at not ever
being in my own home. Yeah, it was really great.
Post vacation. We have an empty house and nothing to do,
but it's a sad place. We well, it's we haven't
been our own home in over two weeks now, just
(00:50):
because of travel and bathroom renovation, and that makes me
feel insane, Like every once an hour I go to
look for something that would be convenient to my life, life,
my work, my health and hygiene, and that thing is
not there, and then I just feel like I'm just
being driven slowly mad. And also our children we're not
(01:13):
in school Britains and back in school until today, so
he's just been floating around, just ruining all activity, just
floating around. I mean, I'm so excited to get rid
of them, But do you feel like they've grown up
ten thousand years in the last few weeks. Yeah, they're
like real kids. We say this every month on the
(01:36):
podcast where like, oh my god, our kids are so huge,
but now we really mean it. Um, yeah, they're just
like kids, like they had like a kid Christmas. We
are we probably already talked about this, but they like
hung out with their cousins and played with them, and
we're out of our way and entertaining each other. We
(01:56):
ignore them for hours. We didn't have to worry about
anyone like falling down a flight of dairs. Every second.
We send them down the stairs and say stay there
playing the basement. Hey, go fall down the stairs. What
do we care, You'll be fine. Oh, your dad had
a great quote over Christmas. By the way, so you're parents,
I guess kind of all boomer parents are notoriously blase
about safety and notorious. Yeah, it's like a stereotype of
(02:21):
boomers just any older generation is like, we live through it,
You'll be fine. A factory I fell down the factory
that I am much more a boomer than you are.
You're much more boomer in terms of safety. Well anyway,
it's it's like an attitude that I feels. I feel
(02:43):
like part of it genuinely comes from a time when
people had like seven kids and they were like well,
we're gonna lose one or two like you like. Anyway,
the quote is going to say is someone said something
about like our nephew like falling down the stairs or something.
I don't know they were he was going to the
stairs alone and someone made some comment and your dad
was like, well, if you're going to fall down the
(03:05):
stairs at any age, that's the age. And it's like,
I guess true, but it's just like very harsh. He's
all he's practically on the ground, being that short the
fall is, you know. Yeah, and my dad is six
four when he falls. You know, he's got a lifetime
(03:27):
between tripping and hitting the ground. If anyone's gonna have
a strong recovery, it's going to be a two year old.
You all can fall down the stairs anyway. But um,
it was a good holiday, and our kids we already
talked about this, but yeah, our kids are huge. So
the big change for me is I now say to them,
(03:50):
go get your jammies on, or in the morning, I
go get dressed, and they do it. But they also
sort of both like space even really spaces out. This
morning we were early to dropping to dropping Maven off
at daycare in Britain school. Because I get out, I goes, all, right,
(04:12):
what do you want for breakfast? What's cereal? And they
picked and I go get dressed and you can have it.
And I went out and I poured two bowls of
cereal and I put them on the table and then
I was like, I need to take your own shower.
And then I turned around and there they were in
their clothes. It's incredible what this takes. I'm like, this
is supposed to take twenty five minutes of me wrestling
(04:33):
you into the clothes. I do think that this week
they're like kind of excited to be back in their routine,
like they genuinely have started to actually in this school.
I loved going back to school after a break. They
all have so much to talk about. That's how I
feel like, I must be so funny to hear what
they say to each other. Oh, I have so many
(04:54):
things to explain to people. Well, like it's like today
when I'm so curious to hear how they say it
out of context because today we we've talked to Bran
about the rule of threes in comedy because he like, like,
in comedy, if something happens three times it's funny, but
sometimes Brat pushes it and he just repeats something ten
(05:15):
thousand times, and we were like kind of trying to explain.
He's like, always confused why he's not getting laughs, and
it's like, because it's gonna laugh one second ago. So
then he got onto this thing about the rule of
a hundreds and that's when things are not funny anymore. Well,
so what he said, I don't think you're there. He goes,
he's told this joke over and over and we all
stopped laughing and he noticed. So he's like, that's the
(05:37):
rule of threes, right, daddy. After three, it's not funny anymore.
That's why you're not laughing. And I was in my mind,
I'm like, yes, that's very intuitive. Yes, he goes, that's
the rule in Winnetka, the rule of three, which is
where we are, we're for vacation. And then he goes,
but here where we live, now that it's the rule
of a hundred. Well, but this was secondary too in
(05:59):
original conversation that I was trying to explain, which is
that he's he learned about the rule of threes and
how things feel less funny. So he yeah, he the
rule of threes is actually a comedy rule and the
rule and there are improv teachers. I think Billy Murritt
(06:21):
used to say the rule of seven was that it
would stop being funny after three, and then when he
got back around to twenty seven, it would start getting
funny again, which is pretty much the rule that Brian
has now come up with, exactly that. The rule of
three is after two everyone sees a pattern, and three
confirms it. So at three everyone's like, got it, I
(06:41):
got it, and then four it's like no, no, no no,
I already got it. But then is the well can't
just repeated over and over. Sorry, I'm trying to get
to is that the brand has this rule. And then
he was trying to explain it to Nick in a
video today that we're going to send to Nick. But
then Nick, an adult man, my comedy partner who understands
(07:02):
comedy rules and so brands starts telling the story and
just like starts the story in the strangest place, and
it's like the rule the rule of one hundreds in
our town is the It's just like he said, the
rule of one hundred in our town is that you
can tell any joke a thousand times. Yeah, it just
didn't anyway. So that's sort of what my point was.
(07:24):
I'm picturing him back at school, and he's like, I
played in the puppet theater and I flew an airplane. Yeah,
I flew in an airplane. I piloted an airplane. Um,
I taught the world about how ears were because he's
been saying some really weird lies lately. You've been watching
a lot of storybots. So he learned how a lot
(07:45):
of things work and only sort of gets it, and
he loves to explain, and then he loves to change
the story in the strangest way. Don't correct him. I'm
teaching mayven days of the week this week. I realized
that may even does not know the days of the week,
which brand new when he was very young. Because I've
(08:05):
spent all day quizzing him on things, and I've been
ignoring my daughter. Or she's just interested in more interesting
things like princesses. Jinna warns babies, more practical knowledge, like
like sparkles and rainbows. She like. So she got this
(08:27):
necklace making kit for Christmas, which she loved. She loved
all of her girly things, and she got a doll
from her cousin. That was her favorite thing ever. And
she one of these necklaces was sitting out here and
she was like this one broke a little bit, and
like she's pointing at the beads and like noting. Like
she's just in that really girly mode where she'll turn
(08:48):
to you and be like it's not perfect, Like she
just like wants everything to be like so beautiful. She's
very particular like her mother, which has led to a
gorgeous bathroom. I keep going over there at night when
the workers are away, and I peek at the progress. Yeah,
(09:11):
you like to sneak peeks, like the sneak peaks. I
just like to sneak peaks in bathrooms. What I'm no
creep um. The sink, the vanity, the toilet are in.
It's good except for this one thing that our contractor
improvised without consulting me. With the tiles. Well there, so
(09:31):
there's like what they contractors referred to as shampoo boxes,
which are these indians in the tiles in the shower
where you can put your shampoo and stuff. And so
the back of that, he decided on his own to
do a totally different tile separate from the two tiles
I picked out for the wall and floor, and he
chose this very cheap, tacky looking tile to insert into
(09:56):
the middle of all the subway tile, which is like
it's like one of those sheets. It's like it's like
every kitchen, Yeah, like fake colorful glass. And granted it's
it's all like gray, so it's like it could be
a lot worse. And it's going to be the shower
behind the shower curtain, and no one's going to look
in the shower and inspect my shampoo boxes. So at
this point, I just want everyone to leave my bathroom
(10:17):
and I want to move back into my home. So
I'm not going to argue about it, but I'm just like,
why why this? Why not the other tile that we
have a whole other box of? Well, why not just
the white subway tile that is? That's what I mean? Yeah,
or why not ask us? Yeah, I gotta say they've
(10:38):
done a very fine job. I think he thought. I
genuinely think he thought he was doing me a favor.
Like I think there's he has a lot of customers
who are probably like, yeah, when they added in this
fancy detail over here like that, I think that he
was like, I'm going to add some visual interest. Yeah,
he doesn't see it. He probably was like, this box
(11:00):
of child costs five box versus two for the white
subway tiles. So I'm gonna treat her, you know, like, well,
it's an easier it's a much easier thing to install
because it's one sheet and it's like a flexible sheet.
You gotta cut those subway tiles and put it in
an awkward spot. Yeah. But anyway, dang girl, you designed
(11:25):
the hell out of that bathroom and it is Oh,
we can't put it. We'll have to have a picture,
not this week's episode. We'll have to do a pictures.
I'll tell you what. My friend, whose husband is an architect,
I was asking her sure, I was talking to her
about this, and she recommended Cohler like sink fixtures and
(11:50):
I'm really pleased with that aspect of this. Oh well,
I could say they were the showerhead fixtures are gold. Yeah,
I was a curveball. I didn't see that coming. You
didn't see the gold coming. I mean I saw none
of it coming because I was not part of the process,
which I'm not complaining you. I trust you and you
deliver Anyway, it looks great. We can't wait. I can't
(12:14):
wait to have the an octional bathroom that doesn't leak
into our downstairs neighbors and the toilet doesn't run all
the time, and the door closed, the window sill isn't
rotting away, and the door has a lock on it
because we're fancy now. Also, the door is made out
of solid wood, so you don't necessarily have to hear
everyone's don't have to hear everyone's pub in our apartment
(12:38):
where the echoes throughout. Um, we just used to call
it the pp echo room. Anyway, we're moving up, moving
on up, And can we talk about the tantrum that
happened tonight? Is it interesting? Well? The thing that was
interesting about it, So Maven's been having some big tantrums
(12:58):
and I'm just she's hitting me, and so I have
to hold her down gently carefully. Um. I try to
keep my cool, but sometimes I don't. And I'm just remembering, oh, yeah,
Brand went through this that phase where he would go
crazy and you'd have to really pin him down and
because he wasn't being safe and he was stomping and
(13:20):
all this, and remember how hard it was. Yeah, she's
not nearly this. She's not as strong as he is.
And but he was. It's the same age that he
was doing this. But tonight we went through one of
them and she didn't have quite the fight in her
that she did for the last couple, and that it
ended with her. She gave up. And that is brand
(13:42):
new and boys, it satisfying. I think we're past the
worst of that. But she started screaming, you're hurting me,
and I'm like, I'm not. My impulse would go like,
I'm not hurting you. You can't engage at all. Canna
engage to that because she's gonna scream it more. And
(14:02):
we are to Airbnb, and and the woman who rents it,
I think is in this building. She's got a little
secret compartment somewhere, not a compartment apartment secret. She told
us she's in an attached apartment on the property. I
think she might be directly blows yeah she is anyway,
daughter screaming. She's listening to this podcast right now. Um,
(14:29):
you're welcome free content. This next segment is called would
you knows? That's where you guys are listeners or us
(14:49):
present parenting hypotheticals. Oh yeah, we gotta repeat writer in
her for would you knows? This is from Nicola, who
wrote do you're a member that would you know? Scenario
about the the guy from that like still money or
(15:09):
something from us and then years later run into a
month playground and he acts like he doesn't know you.
I got all those details wrong, but it was a
good one anyway. Read this one. Hey guys, thank you
for your trouble shooting with my previous would you know
this question? It brought a smile to my face on
a particularly tough day trying to juggle children, work, in
(15:32):
life in general. Due to the feedback from the Graham
slash Matthew scenario, which is the last one, I challenged
myself to think of another descent. So here we go.
It is the Christmas holidays and you are currently experiencing
the common confusion of it's Tuesday today, right, it's Wednesday?
Are you sure what happened to Tuesday? Along with the
(15:52):
calendar amnesia, everyone's sleep schedules also messed up. Brandon Maven
had started staying up late, and therefore you two are
also staying up late and sleeping in to compensate. Excuse me, Peter, Sorry,
I'm drinking a bubbly beer over here, Peter. One night,
you wake up to hear Maven crying. At a glance
(16:13):
of your phone, you predict you've only just fallen asleep. Groggily,
you get out of bed to check on Maven. Once
in the kid's room, you see Beth is already there,
trying to console Maven, but nothing is working. Maven is
pushing to sit up and break out of Beth's arms,
but can't get out of her hold and continues to
cry out in frustration. Upon hearing you walk in, Beth
(16:34):
looks up at you and says, this isn't Maven. This
must be an alien to you. Maven looks and sounds
like herself, and you say so to Beth. She only
shakes her head and repeats with some with stone cold sincerity,
that the child she is holding is an alien. You
need to call someone, she adds, this time with urgency.
Take her into our room, get him out of here.
(16:56):
I'll hold it until you get back. Peter. You're naturally
confused as hell. You suspect that Beth is still half asleep,
and maybe whatever she was dreaming is still running through
her system. Maybe she was dreaming about people being addict
abducted by shape shifting creatures from out of space. But
what if she's not What if this isn't Maven. The
(17:18):
possibility is extremely slim that your daughter has been replaced
by a shape shifting extraterrestrial, But it's still a possibility.
The more you try to reason with Beth, the more
she digs her heels and she keeps a tight hold
of your quote unquote daughter who's trying to break free.
What do you do? Thanks, Keola, Wow, what do you do?
(17:40):
Don't believe it? I just go back to sleep. This
is so classic. It was so classic. Don't believe it.
Just go back to sleep and let my hallucinating wife
wrestle my daughter. I would not go back to sleep
because I would be in great fear that my wife
has lost her mind and that she's going to harm
(18:01):
our child. So I would apply reason. I would let
you know Beth that okay, okay, great, Well let's take
a second. Let's figure this out to calm you down,
make you feel like this alien is not going to
hurt us. And I'd say, let's talk to it um
and I try to get Mavin out of your arms.
(18:23):
This could really make or break our relationship. Okay, great,
I would show you that I was taking it seriously.
I mean also, at first, I need to assess how
crazed you are, if we can calm you down. It
seems like we need a code word or something like
where it can be like, I'm not losing my mind
(18:44):
right now. This is an alien Like what, Beth are you?
Have you read this email? Because I didn't read the
ps to this email. You want to hear the ps
ps once you have solved it. In our household, we
have a code word that we use when one of
(19:05):
us needs to take a step back from a situation
because the other is getting frustrated, whether it's cleaning, fixing
a broken drawer, or handling our daughter after only one
hour of sleep and still in dream mode. It is
coming handy at times, and I'm so grateful to have
my husband to lean on. In the early days of
being a mom, I used to dream of people hiding
my daughter in pillow cases, so I'd wake up tearing
(19:26):
the bed she's trying to apart, trying to find her.
I can't believe you said that, because we're all in
a simulation. Peter, Oh my gosh, I was programmed different.
That's crazy code word. But in their scenario, the code
word is sort of like wake up, like it snaps
(19:51):
you back to reality. Well it sounds like no, I
didn't actually process that. I was just too shocked that
you also said code words. I mean, it is shocking.
In our household, we have a cold word that we
use when one of us needs to take a step
back from a situation because the other is getting frustrated. Yeah,
so when things are getting too intense and someone needs
to be like reminded, So what I say the code
(20:13):
word to you to be like you need to take
a break, or do I say a code word? Because
the person who's trying to calm the other person down
says so I say, like, Bob, that's a flipper. It
means it's like giving each other a time out that
(20:34):
you've agreed upon. Well, I'm most I'm a little confused.
I think time outs are good. I agree. That's something
I have learned a little bit being with you, is that,
like I feel a lot of things, I'm going to
give myself a time out so that I can am
(20:55):
capable of remembering what I'm saying now. Otherwise I'll say
a whole lot of things I can't defend. Later, this
Airbnb feels like we're in a time out. Yes, yes,
that is completely true. I feel like my whole life
is I'm i M gonna have a time Yeah. It's
(21:17):
just such a weird. Yeah, anyway, I don't. I don't
say time out with our kids, do we do? You
say time out? I say alone time? I think you
need some alone time. It feels less love of punishment,
more meeting their needs. Sometimes you gotta cool down. Can
(21:38):
you believe you said we need a code word? I can't.
I've actually had so many insane synchronicities this week like
you would not like it's like it's just like crazy.
I was like sitting here trying to write something, and
I haven't been so frustrated because like the kids keep
(21:59):
entry up to me all week, and I was having
sort of like a breakthrough realization of like just like
forcing myself to like actually get something done. And as
it was happening, this hawk and we're are Airbnb is
on this golf course, and so this hawk flew down
to the golf course and like caught an animal in
(22:21):
its mouth, like right in front of me. As this
was happening, and I was just like, what is happening?
And like I had I've had so many moments in
this Airbnb where I'll be thinking about something I want
to do or buy or whatever and something and then
I'll literally look up and be like, there's a painting
(22:43):
of that thing on the wall right in front of me.
Like I just have had so many, so many weird things. Anyway,
that reminds me of the still the most insane things
that's ever happened in my entire life. So I was
in high school. I was getting ready for breakfast for school,
was eating breakfast, Um, I was done, and I remember
(23:03):
putting on my shoes at the breakfast table and I
was tying my shoes. I finished tying them, and I
looked up and in our backgyard there was a big pond,
and across the pond it was a very big, weeping willow,
beautiful giant tree right on the edge of the water.
And I look up and I, for no reason, I
(23:26):
decided to take a second to just actively think about
this tree and appreciate it. My mind, really is an
incredible tree. And just in that moment, the entire tree
split into and fell into the pond. That's how they're
reminding us. It's all fake. It was. It's not like
(23:52):
it started cracking. It was loud, like the whole thing
cracked and splashed and there were waves. It's not like
I heard a noise and looked. I was looking at
it and then it went I can die. Now we're
in a game. I later read that this is common
for weeping willows, especially close to the water, and this
(24:13):
one was freakishly big. To following someone's staring at them,
that's common. Yeah, they're very shy, so like, don't look
at me. Um. So, I don't know what I learned
from that. There's a pps in this email about half
(24:35):
of the Graham slash Matthews scenario is based on true events. Wow,
I figured her style is like a mix of fact
in fiction where the lines are always blurred. It's like
a really good movie adaptation of real events where it's
(24:57):
not that real. Yeah, you shouldn't get into she is.
She's doing a great job, I gotta say. And it's
you got characters the really indicate how how to read
the lines is clear. I feel like she could write
a really great thriller in the same way that like
(25:18):
in the way that Jordan's Peels films get it, like
the visceral feeling of experiencing racism. I feel like she
could do that for like the visceral like sort of
rage and overwhelm of being a mom. But you know
what I mean, Like she's like you wake up and
there's an alien Like I just want her to write
we knows pod fan fiction you wanted to be about you? Yeah, Yeah,
(25:42):
that's why I love it. Um, although you gotta don't
learn how to spell brand too many ends. There's only
one end. I mean. This is not to you. This
is not for everybody to scold them. I love you,
I take it back, But everybody, we gotta go over
this again because almost nobody gets them right. Bran d
R Y D M A E. Just don't give us.
(26:07):
Don't don't give us an excuse to talk about our
kids names again because you don't want to hear it.
Just try to spell them correctly. I don't want to
hear it. They don't want to hear us talk about names. Spelling.
Let's talk about spelling. One of my favorite books I've
ever read was just about the history of the English language,
just the phonetics. You know, I have to bring her
(26:29):
up almost every episode. Elizabeth Warren this week said that
her favorite book she was asked by a childbird favorite
book is and she said The Little Engine That Could.
She's the only person who could answer that in the
way that she answered it. And I would be like,
I believe what this politician is saying. I believe she
actually feels this way. I believe I believe she. I
(26:52):
believe she like she named her dog Bailey, after George
Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life and Hello Yo, building
him loan. Someone asked her recently in an interview. They
tried to argue that like George Bailey's philosophy was actually
predatory towards like he was a predatory lender, and She's
(27:12):
like flipped out defended it. I was like, this is
the one who really loves that movie and really loves
a Little Engine. Anyway, Well, for whatever difference is, Elizabeth
Warden and I have we are on the same page
about defending George Bailey, who called him a predatory lender.
(27:32):
Come on, he sacrificed profits left and right to help
the little guy. Um, all right, Well, that was an
excellent um, we knows, would you know? I was going
to say, what the hell is called? Is called? We knows?
This is an excellent We know the episode is not over,
(27:53):
but the reviews are in in this episode, we're killing it.
This next secment is called listeners want to Know. So
that's where we take questions and comments from you guys.
(28:13):
All right? Does the email comes to us from Matthew
our friend? All right? He writes a parenting win on
par with a Stanley cup. It's the bold subject line. Hi, Betty, Peter.
I wanted to do a quick fun fact we've probably
talked about before, which is that we used to live
in a block where there's a big mural of sports
(28:36):
figures and of New York sports hero and it was
painted by children, and it was not the best way.
It was not painted by children, it definitely was. It
was painted by like teenagers anyway, I don't think so.
It had clearly been there for years and it was
a little wonky, and they there was what was it,
(28:58):
Wayne Gretzky in the sun Mark Messier, Mark Messier holding
up a Stanley cup. Dropy. That was just the way
it had been painted was just kind of crooked. It
was not. It was a very floppy Stanley cup. But
instead of walking past like a normal person and thinking, well,
a teenager probably made this mural and they did their best,
(29:20):
and it's cute. Every time you walked by, you got
so angry, angry and that it was funny. You had
to point it out every time, how crooked it wasn't
It got under your skin, and you couldn't not in
my town. It's the rule of a thousand. You couldn't
not say it every single time I walk past. So
I told my sister that you did that. And then
(29:41):
we were driving past in the car with my family
at one time, I think, anyway, we're going past with
their sister and she turns to just and goes, wow,
that Stanley cup is really crooked. And you for out
so excited that someone shared your animosity towards this mural.
(30:07):
Animosity is not the right word. Okay, Well your fixation,
that's fair. Your fixation is validated, and he felt on
top of the world. I was like, I know, right,
And then you both looked at each other and laughed,
and I was like, oh, I just got a new
old Okay. Anyway, continuing the email, it's really embarrassing. I
thought I could trust your sister, and that was a
(30:28):
moment I realized, No, we're bonded by blood. Sarcastic blood.
All right, parenting went on par with the Stanley Cup. Hi,
Beth and Peter wanted to share with you a recent
parenting win that I feel Peter in particular, we'll get
a kick out of are almost four year old son,
(30:50):
as most kids, sometimes gets a bit overexcited and has
difficulty calming down. The holiday season with an abundance of
candy and baked goods available only serves to exhaust abait this.
It's usually something as innocent as running through the house
or screaming, and by giving him attention and maybe some
activity to focus on, he can get himself calm and centered. Sometimes, however,
(31:11):
he just can't and needs to get the energy out.
This is when the innocent playing can quickly shift to
the naughty side of throwing things, jumping on or off furniture,
or getting in the face of the family dog, basically
all types of things that can result in injury, so
it needs to be addressed at the same time. Matthews
developing an appreciation for hockey definitely as a result of
(31:34):
projection from Daddy could work Dad. This fall, he experienced
his first hockey game, his first time ice skating, and
for Christmas received an indoor hockey set. So while he
was learning about the game, I tried to incorporate some
of these rules into everyday life, namely the penalty and
the penalty box. I know what you're thinking, it's just
(31:56):
time out by another name, except it's not. Time out
has worked to our Time out hasn't worked for Matthew
in the past because it doesn't lend itself to communication
about what, how, and why something is not acceptable. It
has always felt more like solidaryn solitary confinement where there
is no talking or moving. Just wait for the end
and then maybe we can talk about what happens several
(32:18):
minutes ago if you pay attention. When an NHL player
receives a penalty, the ref usually escorts them to the
box explaining their penalty, and then they can still communicate
with the bench and the official in the box during
their penalty time. The only rule is that they have
to stay in the box for the penalty time. So
we tried making a quote unquote penalty box by designating
(32:42):
a chair in the living room, not separate from anyone,
and use standing a standard time two minutes for minor penalties,
five minutes for fighting. When Matthew crosses the line from
playing to naughty, playing to naughty, we make a horn
sound and call out penalty and then calmly explain what
happened and ask him if that's allowed or not. We
(33:04):
use our smart speaker as the timer so we can
quickly and calmly ask Alexa for two minute timer, get
Matthew into the penalty box, and then continue to communicate
about the difference between playful and destructive or dangerous until
Alexa lets us know the penalty times over. There's no
clock watching, no shunning. Proud to say that Matthew has
(33:24):
taken to it very well and it has become a
great tool for the whole family because, just like on
the ice, any player can get sent to the box,
even mommy, daddy or puppy. Like most parenting tools, success
hinges on our ability to not show anger when using
but so far it has been a great way to
address behavior without the focus being on the punishment. We
haven't needed to give five for fighting yet, but Matthew's
(33:47):
cousin of the same age is coming soon and it's
like a Flyer's Penguins game every time they get together.
Matth you know what that means, right? He didn't say that.
I said that. I would also like to thank A.
Beth for recently identifying a book I've been searching for
a few times. The Girl Who Owned a City was
a book we read in middle school, and while most
(34:08):
of the plot has stuck with me, I could not
remember the title. Thanks to her Austin memory and the
overdrive app, I downloaded the audio book from the library
and listen to it again. A great premise and book
eagerly awaiting. There's no manual best book coming out in
February as a birthday present for my wife, who is
pregnant with baby number two. Woo. Last thing on the list.
(34:29):
I've been meaning to give you a recommendation of a
great bourbon that's relatively new. Okay, if you can find it.
It's called rough Rider and it's now you're talking, and
it's distill distilled on Long Island, as well as some
great vodka. The distillery is also great, with a tasting
room and deck that overlooks the farm. It's in the
(34:51):
same general area as most Long Island wineries and farms,
so it makes very great stop before or after pumpkin
picking in the fall as oh A, thanks for this
awesome podcast and a happy New Year from m J
and family. Matt. Wow, there's so much to talk about
in this email. I don't even know where to start.
(35:12):
Um the penalty. I am so timpted to talk about
the bourbon first and foremost. Well, then talk about the
bourbon just like I really I have developed a deep
affection for bourbon over other like whiskey, especially Scotch, like
a bourbon anyway. Is this interesting? Yeah? Yeah it is. Babe.
(35:37):
Just start calling you babe, babe, talk about what you
want a babe, babe. I just want like a smooth bourbon. Um.
It felt very weird for you to even joke call
me babe. Um, like weirder than me doing it to you.
You're like, this is not my wife. This is an
(35:58):
aliens and I like it. Okay, all right, I'll get
to the real. But do you think anyone out there
has a wife alien fantasy fetish? Not a fetish fantasy.
People have fetishes about like slapping bologna on their feet.
I'm sure they have that fetish understandable, but what about
(36:21):
I'm sorry you go ahead, Um no, let's keep talking
about fetish. You're not my wife, you're an alien. Oh yeah,
come here, alien. I'm sorry that got so I got
that got that got more sexual than I would have
liked it too. I'm sorry, but that was the bit.
You can take any weird interests and then you get
(36:43):
you get someone to influence other people to become into it,
and then and then they just will create finer and
finer versions of it, until you'd be like, why is
everyone even this weird smoky peete bug? Why say, for
(37:05):
eating this weird smoky pezza. I don't get it. It It
really just seems like anyway a smoke wait, a smoky
peete bog. What have you noticed that all of our
friends are dressing up like aliens and going to these
alien orgies in this peatbock getting into the pa I
(37:27):
like the aliens, and I can't get into the pea
buck anyway. Um, should we get to the actual penalty box?
Penalty Okay, obviously this seems like it's going great for
him and our children. I don't think would understand or
appreciate it at all. I disagree. I think if we
(37:48):
committed to this singular, you know, if they were experiencing
hockey outside the home on a regular basis and cared
about it in the world at large, I think it
makes sense. I think the peer pressure aspect of people
being of like our kids seeing other kids adhere by
other rules that is magical. Like remember when we were
(38:11):
bringing them to daycare for the first time and we
were like, um, our children are animals and they don't
nap at times, and you can't make them do things.
And then they were like, oh no, they'll just do
what the other children are doing. And we were like really.
And then like a day and they were like, yeah,
your kids just snapped with the other kids. I wasn't worried.
(38:32):
Well I was. I was like, they don't I mean
food when we tell them to eat. I didn't think.
I didn't think they would get on board so quickly,
that's for sure. Yeah, but I don't think they'd have to.
You don't have to explain hockey at all. If you
were just like, okay, that's too minutes, you're going in
the penalty box. You sit in the chair in the
(38:53):
midst of a tantrum and you're explaining time out game.
They're not going to be like, yes, cool, it would
have to be a minor offense, you know, tripping, ice sticking,
cross checking. Uh, yeah, we get it. You're sports hunk
who knows all the hockey terms boarding. Boarding. Um. Your
(39:20):
boarding is when you check somebody not on the boards, um,
but like a few feet away so that they fall
and like their face hits the boards. That's dangerous. Back
you know, checking from behind. That was called back checking.
It's when you skate back. Boy, it's been a while.
I think it's a great idea. I think the phenomenal
(39:41):
idea that the core elements of it that work really
well is just clear, consistent, non unemotional consequences, consequences where
a kid can connect A to B. You just did
(40:02):
this thing. Now you have to go here, and you know,
the explaining why something is bad. You know, Matt hit
it right in the head when it's that like you
you send in the room whatever, you have an argument
and then later you try to talk about it that
that doesn't work. They don't remember, they don't even connect
it back to how this happened. But in the moment,
(40:25):
something happens and you go up two minutes for tripping
or whatever it is. It's a two B and they
can actually connect to the thing they did and learn
from it. That's what I think. I just I don't
remember him talking about that and his email about sorry
about what about um not talking to them after he
(40:51):
said in there that, you know, hoping that after a
big fight or whatever, you can have a conversation about
why this all happened. I find that with my kids
if there's a big blow up and they go to
the room, and then after as they calm down, you
sit down and you're like, now, do you know why
this happened? That's a pointless conversation because they don't remember,
and that actually rewards them because at the end you're like,
(41:14):
now we're going to have a heartfelt connection. Do you
think sometimes though, it's good to be like, hey, were
you having some big feelings back there? Yeah, and then
let them be like yeah I felt bad. Yeah that's fine,
but it's like, do you know how why this happened?
It's weirdly a reward. You're reinforcing the negative behavior by
(41:37):
giving it a happy cap at the end. What's your
what's your best best sports parenting analogy that you go,
that's your go to, um, you know in the paint.
I don't. I don't know, I don't. I don't use
sports analogy. What I mean, I know you don't. That's
(42:01):
why I asked take it to the hoop, you know
in the paint. You know, when your kids are emotionally needy,
you got to meet them in the paint, um basketball.
I literally did. Until you were talking about that, I
didn't put it together that the band five for Fighting
(42:23):
was named after a sports rule. Oh wow, you know what.
I didn't connect that that's what that is either until
right now, not that I've thought about the band five
for Fighting my favorite band, uh five for fighting thing?
I don't remember it, just Jimmy Eat World. I was
(42:48):
about this thing. Five for Fighting could be the name
of a song and not a band fighting. It's one
of those things where I never actively thought about it.
Like I'm sure you didn't either, but I assumed five
for Fighting was we're five guys and we are for fighting,
like table for five five for fighting? But no, should
(43:10):
we look up five for fighting? Are you looking at
up right now? Oh? Five for Fighting is a singer songwriter,
like a one person who has a stage name? What
if one guy? Who? What is? What's this big song? Um? Superman?
(43:31):
It's not easy? Oh? Is that that? Like that? I
could be your Superman? I guess, I guess, and I
guess five for fighting. That guy loves hockey. Well, yeah,
his name's a Vladimir. I'm going to guess. That's it
easy from where's he from? But this is the first
(43:53):
time I think ever we we've just forced you all
to listen to us. He's born in Los Angeles, US.
Of course he was big hockey fan. I despise, big
fan of the big Los Angeles hockey team. I'm not
going to end that sentence. I'll let you all wonder
what I despise? What is it Los Angeles? Is it hockey?
(44:14):
Is it five for fighting? What? I don't know? I've
lost my mind? Tellt ly us hanging. We're going to
wrap it up. Well, friends, this has been the last
episode of We Know It's parenting in our Airbnb. We'll
be back next week at our home. UM, wish us
luck in our transition back to reality. Yeah, if you
(44:37):
want to send us an email, what do you know?
Scenario advice question? You can right to us. Hit we
knows Pot at gmail dot com. You can leave us
some voicemail at three four seven three eight four seven three.
You can find us on social media Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
at we knows pod and rate review, subscribe, do all
(44:59):
those things things and have a great night. Bye bye
m
We Knows Parenting News
Hosts And Creators
Beth Newell
Peter McNerney
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