July 23, 2026 • 43 mins
It's time for another round of Dear Banya, and Tanya has a question to bring to the table!
We help a Scrubber who was uninvited to a Bachelorette party over an ex, a Scrubber dealing with a husband who's too close to a female friend, and some major mother-in-law drama over a social media post!
Plus... we play "Who Am I" with some adjusted rules!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio
and two time People's Choice Award winning podcast. Hello everybody,
we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
We have a Dear Bonnie episode today.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Do you like when we played the guests who game?
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Like, are you having fun doing that?
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Okay? So I'm glad you brought that up. Yeah, because
I was seeing some scuttle in the Facebook group that
it's hard for the listeners to follow along like it
was after the one when we had three of us
going mm hm. So I don't think we should do
it like that anymore, even when we pingpong. I think
it's more for video, like it's funny you can watch
on video and it's like easy to follow along. I
(00:44):
think as listeners it's like hard, like it's hard for
them to guess because they it's too hard. Oh do
you get what I'm saying? So you're saying so like,
I think you should go and just ask as many
questions as you can and then you figure out your
person and then we kind of go one by one
instead of oh around like that.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
And then like you keep track of how how many
questions get it?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Interesting? Yeah, So they like the game, just the way
the format is.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I think they want to play along. Oh they do
want to want to play long, and it's hard for
them to follow when it's like one question, one question,
one question, one question.
Speaker 5 (01:18):
That's how some people complain that they had a hard
time remembering what was what. Yeah, and my distrection is
like take notes. That was taking notes, but just for me,
and I wasn't thinking about all three of us.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
That's what I'm saying. Yeah, well I should do it
one by one and just see who can do it
the fat who can get it that.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Maybe we do.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Time a timer or the fewest questions, Yeah, like we
count all the questions.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Okay, smart? And then also I was thinking maybe we
do the like a recap midway through of like you
always do this. So I'm an actor, I'm under thirty,
like you, you're good about doing that.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Thank you so much. I like to reset for the audience.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
You're not good at winning the game, but you're great
at giving the listeners.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Theodcast professional here, okay, decades of if you're nothing, if nothing,
you are a broadcast professional. Thank you, Thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
Hope you enjoy that production meeting of scrubing.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
In just a little bts. Okay, so we actually have
a dear bonnya, but it's what's a.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
He's bringing it to the floor.
Speaker 5 (02:21):
Yes, I'm going ahead of the I'm cutting the line here.
I did not write an email, I didn't leave a
voice message. I'm gonna do this because I'm having a crisis.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
U baby. Yes, yeah, getting the ind on the on
the dear bonya using.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
My opportunity, not giving to everybody else.
Speaker 5 (02:40):
So we have these neighbors that are nice, but we've
noticed it's it's this young couple. They have two small kids,
and then the wife's dad kind of I don't know
if he lives with them or he's just there a lot,
like working on the house.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
I have noticed, bless you.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I'm sorry that one was ferocious.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
I've noticed because we have a camera in our alley
where our garbage cans are, and I've noticed this guy.
He'll go out with a leaf blower, can't blow the alley,
very nice swim to do, and then he sweeps up
a bunch of garbage and puts it in our garbage
can and it normally I was like, yeah, it feels
it feels weird. But also I've done that to people.
Maybe this is just karma coming back. It's gone to
(03:23):
the point now there's like a lot he's putting all
of his like leaves and like just random debris in
there and kind of filling it up.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
But isn't that shared property like in the alley, Like it's.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
The alley is shared property.
Speaker 5 (03:34):
But we have garbage cans and they have garbage cans, right,
you know, so he's going to our garbage cans and
then he like repositions our garbage cans, you know, not
enough to where it blocks our garage, but like just
it's just weird. And we're Alison and I are like
obsessed over this now, We're like why is he doing this?
So we were going to bring it up to his daughter,
who is our neighbor, be like, hey, could your dad
(03:55):
maybe not use our garbage cans. She started doing it too,
We saw it yesterday. She was like cleaning out the
garage and putting stuff in our garbage cans. So I
don't want to be like a petty, weird neighbor, but also.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Can't you put your garbage can somewhere else? Are they
doing the same day every week?
Speaker 4 (04:12):
Yeah, it's always on Sundays.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
So Sundays move your trash cans, like, and can you
move them in your garage?
Speaker 4 (04:18):
That's what I suggest that to Alison.
Speaker 5 (04:20):
She said, maybe we get one of those locks, and
I was like, that's equally that's equal effort, you know,
like it feels weird to put a lock on our
garbage can too.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
I think you just need to say, hey, say something.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah wait, I'm so confused. Why what are you going
to say? Stop putting the leaves in our garage in
our trash can.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
I'd say, hey, we just to make sure that we
have enough space, Like would you mind asking if you
need to put your leaves in here?
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Just because this is our property. I think it's it's
just not their leaves. It'd be weird to me if
they were throwing like the kitchen trash like out in
your trash can.
Speaker 5 (04:55):
Yesterday it was a construction trash was going our trash can.
That was the That was the thing that pushed me
over the edge because leaves and stuff, I guess, you know, uh,
they're also really weird about property lines and stuff like that.
And he the dad comes up onto our porch every
week and leaf blows our porch, which is nice, but
also I'm like, if I do that to you, you'd
be like, you'd have a gun in my face. Honestly,
(05:17):
Like he's on your porch, on my porch, like leaf blowing,
but like this is weird. It's weird, right, Okay, I
feel like it's weird. But I also is like he's
kind of doing something nice. But I also didn't ask
him to do That's the thing.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
That's the thing.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
You didn't say, Hey, y'all, didn't have a conversation where
he was like, hey, would you want me to leaf
blow your porch while I'm doing this? And you said,
oh my gosh, i'd be amazing. He's just doing on
your property.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
So I would say, either have a conversation with them,
and if you don't want to be confrontational, just move
your cans into the garage.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
Yeah, And I think.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
That hands into the garage. I could not have that
conversation with the neighbor personally, Yeah, because I throw my
stuff in other people's trash cans. I don't like your
dog poop if you're walking.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
I hate when Hayley does that, especially dog poop.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
I'm like, poop, it's in a trash can. You wrap
it up in a bag and you tie it. It's
not like you're just like throwing the poop in there.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
I don't know. I'm really weird about this.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
I only throw the poop away, either in our trash
can or in like if we because we walk by
a park, I'll put it in like a pubby.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
What if you're in like a neighborhood, so I take someny.
If I'm on my street and I'm just like walking
her down, I'll hold the poop and I'll throw it
in our trash can. But if I'm like down in
a different part of town around home.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
I don't think I would imagine people don't care. I
just care.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
So this would bug me.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
And even when we have like during Christmas and stuff,
we'd have so many boxes and recyclable things. I would
text my neighbor and say like, hey, if y'all have
space in your because they would be out of town,
I'd say, would you mind if we use your recycle
bind to put some stuff like? I would always text them.
I would never just assume.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Right, that feels crazy to me.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Well, no, I would never put my boxes in my
neighbor's trash can that's crazy or.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
Trash, Like when if we had to excess amount of trash,
I would text him and say, hey, if you have
room in your trash, can can I put our trash
in there?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
I think it's so weird that they're not asking it.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
It leaves.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
It's like community property. I get it, but then put
it in putting it in their own Maybe it's a
walk away, too far of a walk. Maybe they're ending
on your side of the street. So it's just like.
Speaker 5 (07:23):
There theirs are behind of gate, but like I don't
know a yard from ours, Like their trash cans are
out there too, and I don't I feel super petty
going out there and like.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
Look it in there, just be like, oh, you got
some room in here? You know I didn't. I don't
want to do that.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
But it also feels weird, like every time because again
we have got we have a camera back there because
I had some issues with some It's an alleyway, you know,
people are doing stuff, so we have a camera back there,
and then it goes off and I just see this
guy just you know, dumping stuff in there.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
I guess my thing would be if you had a
relationship with them and y'all talked a lot, and it
was like that vibe. It would be like, oh, you know,
because I do feel like there are neighbors sometimes where
you have that relationship and rapport with them where it's
like understood, like we're.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Cleaning up the leaves, So do you mind we're.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Throwing We're all in this.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Wednesday, so you have a few days where you could
be filling it up and there's space taken in there.
Speaker 5 (08:19):
Yeah, we did it. We were we didn't have a
lot going on yesterday. So we saw them put They
put a big spool of like it was like you
know that paper you put down when you're like painting
your house, like the or like doing construction. They had
a big role of that and they put it in
our garbage can. So we waited for them to go
back inside. I go out there. I just took it
(08:39):
out and just put it next to the garbage can
which is in front of their garage. And I'm like,
if they put it back in, I'm gonna lose it.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
They did not. They just left it in front of
the garage.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
So I think they'll get the hint if you just
move the trash cans into the garage.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
It is aggressive. It is not neighborly. No, I would
just put the trash cans in your garage, call it
a day.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
Yeah, that's probably when I have to do.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
And if he continues, If he continues, well yeah, it's
annoying having a movement. But if he continues to just
be on the porch and that becomes a problem, I
think maybe you're going to have to have some confrontational conversation. Yeah,
because like I said, I think if you have that
kind of agreement with your neighbor, it's one thing.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
But if he's just blowing off, so let me just
tell you, there's nothing more frustrating than your trash bins
being full when you're like a day or two away
from trash day.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
So annoying, worse, it sucks.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
I'm like stepping in there. I'm like using my hands
as smush, like, oh.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
You have to get crafty, you do really crafty.
Speaker 5 (09:42):
You know, it's crazy we we use as company athens.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
I don't know, I think there will across southern California.
Speaker 5 (09:48):
But we were filling up our garbage can and then
our like Green Waiste was like mostly empty.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Yeah, and so it's like leaves and stuff.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
Yeah, So I called.
Speaker 5 (09:57):
I was like, can I get a bigger can or
maybe a other one? Like I'll pay whatever, and then
they ignored me. And then the garbage guy came by
and I'm like, hey, I'm sorry, man, it's just full.
Speaker 4 (10:06):
I don't know what to do.
Speaker 5 (10:06):
And he's like, let me tell you something. All three
of these they go in the same bin. Put whatever
you want, and all three of them does not matter,
like recycling too. He's like, yeah, all goes the same thing.
You're lying And I'm like uh, and he's like, we
soared it later and it was kind of like giving
me a look, and I'm like, this sucks.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I'm being a good amount of time.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
I spent googling which can go in the green? Like
you can put a pizza box in the green? Did
you know that?
Speaker 2 (10:36):
No?
Speaker 4 (10:37):
I did not. And now I'm like, so I can
just put everything in.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Then he's like, yeah, hey, is he putting the leaves
into your green bin?
Speaker 4 (10:44):
Yes, he's not putting them in like the garbage can.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Respectfully.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
So you say move the cans or just live with it.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Yeah, I think that, but I would if they're moving them,
I say, can you just not move them. I think
that's a fair ask, Like, hey, I don't mind you
putting this stuff in here because you're doing us a favor,
but can you just not move them?
Speaker 4 (11:04):
Okay, that feels fair.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
And that bin is like always empty, yeah, well ours
is never full.
Speaker 5 (11:12):
We we have a lot of leaves in the back here,
you know, our guy comes and fills it up.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
I think if the green bin is like not an
issue for you, I think you more so just have
a conversation about not moving things around.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
Yeah all right, well thank you.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
I'm very I really respect the property lines too, so
I feel your frustration and concerns.
Speaker 5 (11:37):
We we wanted to put a fence in, and we
asked them about doing that and they're like, oh, yeah,
we'll get back to you. And then the next day
they had someone come out and do the survey and
like put the markers in for y'all. Yeah, like like
for our property lines. Like it was just we just
kind of like had an idea and we're like, hey,
we won't put a fence in, you know, is that
like yeah, yeah, we'll ge back to you. And then
(11:58):
the next day some guys out there like the whole
thing and putting the spike in the ground, and I
was like, oh God, just could turn into the half
fields of McCoy's.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
You should them some other things you want you take
are on it. Actually, let's let's take advantage of the pool.
Speaker 5 (12:12):
In Hey, thanks for the advice you guys. That's the
kind of quality advice you get here.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Now I could use my own.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Okay, well, let's take it break, let's do this.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
We're back. Dear Bonya. I walk my dog to poop
every day and it's five houses down from our house.
They have a sign in their yard that says, please
don't have your dog pee on my lawn. Like it's
you know, like it's one of those like oh yeah,
it has like a dog like peeing and it says
like a dog pee kills grass or something. But they
(13:05):
have turf, which is I don't understand. But the couple
that lives in this house, and we've met them several
times there are cute at can be older, older couple
with a little dog of their own. And so I'm
like really thrown by the sign in their front yard
because I'm just like, it just doesn't feel like them.
But anyway, Sunny loves pooping. That's like her poop place.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Okay, she wants what she can't have exactly.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
But Robbie and I, obviously we don't like we always
pick up our poop. We always pick it up, we
take it home whatever, We'll throw it in their trash,
can we take it to our house. But the other
day I was taking some to poop and there's a
huge poop on their lawn. It wasn't from Sunny. Obviously
she didn't end up pooping there that day, And I
(13:50):
was like, should I pick up the poop even though
it's not my dog's, just because I'm always pooping on
this lawn, I don't want them to think it's me.
I didn't. I couldn't muster up the I couldn't. I know.
I should have picked it up though, and thrown it away,
because like, I don't want them thinking it was Sunny.
It's much larger than Sonny's. But they don't know that.
They don't know how Petita. They probably camera how would
(14:13):
I know?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
They're probably watching you. They probably watch you examine should
I pick it up or not?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Shake your head, probably like walks all over it, because
like Sunny will like walk around and they're little, because
it's hard to explain, but they have like this grassy
patch they live on like a it's like a curve,
like it's the street just curves, and so it's kind
of dangerous with like the traffic as people are just
going fast around there. So anytime we've seen them, they're like, oh,
like walk through our driveway. It's safer for the dogs.
(14:43):
And Robbie just like walks all over the grass, like
I at least try and stand on like the curb
or like the driveway, so I'm not like on the grass. Yeah,
but it's her place of poop, like that's where she's chosen. Yeah,
I should have picked it up, right, I don't know.
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
I don't think I would have.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Really. As I was like walking away, I was like,
I should have.
Speaker 3 (15:04):
It would have been a really nice gesture. Why would
I do your gesture? I don't think you're a bad
person for not doing it.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
But why didn't I choose the nice neighborly thing to do.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
It's poop and another dog. It's not your own blood DNA.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
I know, like Sonny's poop is like petite and cute.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
And one little thing, and yeah, and then someone will
leave like a whole big thing in the middle of
the sidewalk, And I'm like, this is so inconsidered because
even if I run out of bags, I will get
a leaf and like try to just like yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
I've gone bare hands before. Whoa you guys to be
like yeah, me too. No, no, but I definitely use
a leaf same yeah, ye been there too.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
So I don't think she thinks it's sunny, And I
don't think you're a bad person for not picking it up.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
You know what, thank you for writing it.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Maybe I'm gonna be the nice person from now on.
I'm gonna choose the nice path. Wow.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
I don't think it's nice versus not nice. I think
it's just a very thoughtful gesture that you didn't have
to do.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
But why not be the thoughtful neighbor?
Speaker 5 (16:25):
You know, we're faced with these choices in life of
like doing things that you'll never be like thanked for
or acknowledged for, like putting the grocery cart back. Is
a is a big one where it's like you don't
get punished if you don't do it, and then you
you don't get thanked if you do. It's just a
nice thing to do.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
But that's a that's a test of morality and character.
Speaker 4 (16:45):
Yeah, And the.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Only excuse you have is if you're a mom with
kids trying to get them in the car and you've
you're parked far away from where the return is and
I have I have grace for those people and only
them or or you, like.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
I have to go to the bathroom really no, no, okay, yeah,
any time.
Speaker 5 (17:03):
Yeah, But cleaning up another dog's poof, that's the same.
It's it's like you're tipping the scales in the right
way by doing it, Like.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Yeah, obviously's still sitting with me.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Well, I got home last night and there was a
dead mouse in our front yard and I had to
figure out how to pick up because Haley was freaking out,
and I was like, because I'm gonna be the the moon.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
So I triple bag Phoebees poop bags.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Those were so thin.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
I tripled and I picked it up and it was
so sad, and I said, I'm so sorry whatever happened
to you, and I hope it was peaceful.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
And then I would you do put him in the bag? Yeah,
put him in the bag and throw in your trash can.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
I had to pick up a dead chipmunk overke.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
End that would break her chipmunks are so.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
They're like big got.
Speaker 5 (17:58):
We have a place in uh I don't want then
the mountains, and we were gonna go up there for
the weekend.
Speaker 4 (18:02):
We walk in Plata. Yeah, we have a.
Speaker 5 (18:08):
We have a failed airbnb situation. So we're going there
just to have a nice weekend. And we walk in
and it smells like something dead and we're like, oh man,
because we had we had a rat problem. And anyway,
I go downstairs. I just see this dead, freshly dead
chipmunk and I don't know what happened, but inside inside
on the on the rug underneath our bed, and uh,
(18:31):
it was it's it's like it sucks because it's sad
and gross.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Yeah, yeah, disturbing.
Speaker 5 (18:38):
And just and yeah, just upsetting and like you could
see like evidence of it all over the place. I
was like, God, it probably got like I think it
ran in when like we had a cleaner or something
and then it got just got stuck in there and
didn't know how.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
To get out.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
It was broke my heart. And then yeah, I think
it or dehydration or something. Just this is so dark,
but but you know, I put gloves on and then
like a garbage bag and like kind of scooped it up.
Speaker 4 (19:04):
I can feel its body, and it was like this
is so it was weird.
Speaker 5 (19:08):
Simultaneously I was feeling so sad and like I was
like like I.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Was like, you should have taken one of these gloves
you got me for my birthday.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
I have to keep those fresh for you.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
Sorry, Tom, I how to use one of them.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Yeah, it was really upsetting. I'm very sensitive to small animals,
even when they're considered like pest or what. Yeah, I
feel that I won't even kill if there's a fly,
I'll try to swat it down without killing it and
then release it outside.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
It's trying to get them out of the yeah, like
out the door.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
It.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
So anyways, next time, you know, if you want to
pick up the pooper not you're not a bad person. Yeah,
you just let her know, be like I really hope
that you didn't think that large.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Pile of poop.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
I'm off, you know, It's not like I'm like chatting
with them daily.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Okay, Yeah, well then I actually had let to roll
off the shoulders. All right, should we get into mother
in law upset or social posts?
Speaker 4 (20:11):
Let's do this. This is from Lindsey.
Speaker 5 (20:13):
My eight year old daughter made it to Nationals with
her dance team, and we spent an amazing week celebrating
her and the team. My husband's family came to watch,
but my parents couldn't make it, which was totally fine.
When we got home, I posted photos highlighting my daughter's
big week and how proud it was of her. A
few hours later, my mother in law texted me saying,
you know we were there too. If your family had
been there, he would have thanked them. We don't feel appreciated.
(20:36):
I was honestly shocked because the post was about my
daughter's accomplishment, not who attended. I already thanked everyone throughout
the week in person, so I didn't think a social
media shoutout was necessary. I apologized and even offer to
add photos of them to the post, but she said
no and she just wanted to get it off her chest.
It's been a few days, but I'm still really bothered
by it. Am I crazy for making the post the
way I did? Should I have thanked them publicly? Or
(20:58):
is it weird that this became about them instead of
My thoughts?
Speaker 1 (21:02):
Is giving?
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Social media makes people so weird?
Speaker 3 (21:05):
People's brains, people's brains in the worst way.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
I'm confused, though, Did I miss something?
Speaker 2 (21:14):
What were you confused?
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Did the girl who Lindsay, who wrote in in the caption,
did she say something and like thank people for coming,
but didn't thank her in laws?
Speaker 3 (21:24):
No, she just said she was highlighting the big week
and that she was proud of her.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
But she didn't I guess include that like.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
Who was there, like oh and her.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
People, and not include them that I could see maybe
them being her like if they said like thank you
to her aunt Sally and her uncle Ben and her
and then uncle Ben and her godmother Susie and her
Yeah wow wow, very American, I think, And they left
(21:54):
out the in laws, then I could see them being
upset and I would change the caption and put them
in it. But this is so insane.
Speaker 5 (22:03):
She's saying like, if your parents had come, you would
have Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
She was basically saying, you would have thanked your parents
in the post, but you didn't think us for being there,
and we don't feel appreciated for our efforts. This sounds
really challenging because she sounds challenging.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Yeah, this so and I.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
Think if you can't stop I don't think you need
to say anything like you didn't do anything wrong, and
I don't think you need to feel bad about it.
But I think if if she's this type of personality
and you're feeling like it's sticking with you, maybe you
just say, hey, I was thinking about you know, when
you reached out to me and about the post, and
I just want to say we were so appreciative that
you came, and that doesn't go unnoticed. The post was
(22:46):
specifically about my daughter and be proud of her, and
I wanted that to be the focus, and I wanted
to reiterate that we are so grateful that you came
and we're a part of it, and then you can
move on. Make her feel kind of silly. Yeah, that's
what I would do. I'd be like, yo, this is
about my eight year old daughter's dance.
Speaker 5 (23:06):
Colp literally my dad in twenty eleven, he came to
me and sat me down. He's like, I was on
your Facebook page and there's like not a lot of
photos of me on there. And I was like, are
you serious And he's like yeah, like do you not
care about me? And I was like, watch this, this
is how little I care about Facebook. I deleted a
Facebook in front of him to show like, I'm like,
you're making a huge deal about this and it's not
the big of a deal. I deleted Facebook until like,
(23:28):
I don't know, that's why I reactivated it, and it
was like a whole thing. So and I was like,
why does it I don't have there's photos of you
on there, Like, what do you want? What are you
looking for?
Speaker 2 (23:40):
It's crazy, whoa, that's so intense, so.
Speaker 4 (23:42):
Intense, and it's just social media. It's not that big
of a big of a deal.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I know. Well, I don't think you need to feel bad.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
I just think I feel bad for you because I
would literally like poot my pants. I would not like that.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Yeah, but I do.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
I think it's worth like just letting her know it
wasn't even about who was there, it was about your daughter,
and you are appreciative of them making the effort to come.
I think she it seems like what she's really needing
is wanting to feel valued and appreciated. So I think
if you even sent her a text saying thank you,
it will maybe make her feel kind of like, oh
(24:19):
maybe I shouldn't.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Have heard about that.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
I'm sorry that sucked, or.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Have your husband say something like mom, Jill.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it should be talking about this.
Speaker 5 (24:31):
Here's an anonymous one. I need to take on a
situation where a friend, my ex and I both share.
Let's call her Emily. My ex broke up with me
almost three years ago, and I've since moved on and
I'm dating an amazing girl. Earlier this year, I brought
my girlfriend to Emily's engagement party. My ex was there
too with her new boyfriend, but she still got really
emotional seeing me with my girlfriend and ended up crying
(24:52):
by the end of the night. A few days ago,
Emily told me she wasn't inviting me to her bachelorette
because she didn't want my ex to have another breakdown.
She said she wanted a drama free day and chose
to invite my ex instead. At the time, I tried
to be the bigger person. I even offered a plan
a second bachelor for the people who weren't invited. But
now some time has passed and realizing how hurt I
actually am. Emily lived with me after her own breakup,
(25:13):
and I was there during one of the hardest times
in her life. It feels like she didn't value our
friendship enough to even have a conversation with me before
making that decision. Now I don't even want to plan
the second bachelorette anymore. Am I wrong for letting it
go and quietly stepping back from the friendship or should
I tell her how I really feel.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
I don't think you're wrong for stepping back from the friendship.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
It seems like she.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
Felt like she had to make a choice, and she
chose somebody else, and I think that it sucks, and
that's like, I think one of the most hurtful things
you can go through is a friend breakup like that.
And I also think that it seems like you're a
better friend to her than she is to you. Yeah,
I think you could have a conversation and just let
(25:55):
her know, like, Hey, I I when you first told me,
I wanted to just be a good friend to you.
But as I've been thinking about it, I realize how
hurt I was by that decision that you made without
even having a conversation with me first. And I feel
like I've been a really good friend to you, and
I think I just need to maybe step back from
this friendship because it feels like there's a there's a
(26:16):
difference in how we approach the friendship.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
I almost feel like it's not even worth your energy
to have a conversation. To be honest, she made a decision.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
It sounds like she's probably gonna be invited to the wedding.
So she made a decision.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
It's her decision to make. It's not your decision to make.
So I say you take that, you clock it, and
you move accordingly, moving forward. I think you know, I'm
the ripe age of thirty nine now, so I feel
wiser and it's just smarter. And it's just like, I
can't be ourst. I can't ours. I think it's asked,
(26:48):
can't be asked. It's something to say in Love Island, Ukay,
I can't be ourst.
Speaker 4 (26:52):
Sounds a good Scottish accent, but you can't be asked.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Yeah, like I can't be bothered. Oh type of sentiment
is what I think.
Speaker 4 (27:01):
I mean that is that is a thing in the
UK can't be arsed.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
And that means I can't be bothered.
Speaker 5 (27:07):
Uh, it means nobody got time for that.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Yeah, I gotta be ursed. You just clock it and
move on with your life. If you are obviously a
good friend. Then somebody is going to be appreciative of that.
And you make your decisions when it comes time for
your wedding of who you want to be at your bachelorette.
I just say, clock it, move.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
Forward, Maybe maybe match her energy. Maybe that's the advice.
It's not like you can step away as much as
you want. You can have a conversation with you have that.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Conversation so awkward because then like what then she's just
gonna guiltily invite you. Like, no, you don't want that either. Yeah, no,
you do not want that. You cannot be ours for that.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Maybe you move accordingly and you put in the energy
that she's putting into the friendship and just kind of
it's probably going to eventually just fizzle out. Yeah, Or
she might come to you and say, I'm really sorry
for the way I handled things, and I wish I
could do that differently, and y'all can rebuild, but right
now you deserve better as a friend. In my opinion,
I agree. I like this husband has a female best friend.
Speaker 4 (28:16):
Oh yes, this is from Sarah.
Speaker 5 (28:19):
I need a reality check because my husband and I
cannot agree on this. We recently got married and he
has a female best friend he's known since they were kids. No,
they've always been really close, and I've always had this
gut feeling that she has feelings for him. He's told
me over and over that she's just a friend and
that I'm reading too much into it. The problem is
they still spend a lot of time together one on one.
(28:39):
They'll grab dinner, get drinks, or hang out just the
two of them. Oh And while I completely respect that
they've been friends forever, now that we're married, it just
feels different to me. I've never asked him to end
the friendship, because I would never want to be that wife,
but I have told him about the amount of one
on one time they's been together. It makes me uncomfortable.
He says nothing has changed because we got just because
we got married, and that he shouldn't have to give
(29:00):
up a lifelong friendship. I understand his perspective, but I
also feel like marriage naturally changes certain boundaries. I'm not
asking him to choose between us. I just don't know
if it's unreasonable to expect things look different now. Am
I being unreasonable or am I just being insecure?
Speaker 1 (29:15):
This is insane to me.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Should we take a break before we answer, what it ease,
(29:37):
We're back. Okay.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
So we have a woman whose husband has a best
friend since childhood. They still spend a ton of one
on one time.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Together dinner, drink, dinner vibes.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
And she's brought it up that it makes her uncomfortable,
and the husband thinks she's crazy for feeling this way.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
What do you think?
Speaker 1 (29:59):
Don tell you something, Sarah, Okay, this is absolutely a
boundary that he shouldn't be crossing. I think it is
so lovely that your husband has friends from childhood. I
love that for him. My husband has friends from childhood too.
Robbie was mister social in high school. He still talks
to like all of his girlfriends from high school. I've
(30:19):
met some of his girlfriends from high school, but he
would never like maybe if he still like text them
every once in a while. They don't get dinner together
one on one. They don't get drinks together one on one,
like even when we There is a dynamic change when
you get married, Like if I'm texting one of Robbie's
(30:40):
guy friends, I'm always looping us in a group text
with him, his wife, me and my husband, Like we're
all four on a chain together, like that's how you move.
In my opinion, when you're married, you don't even if
they're like a sister to you. To me, it's weird
you all three go, or if this person is with someone,
all four of you go, like it just feels very
(31:02):
I would be not cool with it.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
I think I agree.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
I think it's a just there is a shift when
you choose your partner and.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Get married.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
And I think the problem here is that she's communicating
that she's uncomfortable with it, and he's like care does
not care about that, and is calling her crazy for
even feeling that way.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
I think that's kind.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
Of the bigger issue because I think if he was like,
oh my gosh, you know, I didn't even think of
it like that from your perspective, But that makes so
much sense because if you had a best guy friend
from childhood that you were hanging out with all the time,
that would maybe make me a little bit uncomfortable. And
I think maybe there's a way of saying, I don't
want y'all to not be friends, but maybe you're not
(31:44):
having one on one dinners and maybe she comes over
and we have dinner together. Because I understand she's important
to you.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
The only guys I text one on one with are
co workers, Like, literally, what are your thoughts? Easton?
Speaker 4 (31:58):
I mean that's just wild. I'm sorry.
Speaker 5 (32:00):
Like again, I'm in such a secure relationship. But like,
and I have friends that are women from like high
school and stuff. I would never that that Allison knows
and has known for decades now. I would never go
get dinner with them one on one. That just feels
like drinks drinks. That feels wild. Susie, I don't understand day,
(32:22):
Like what, why do you need to do that?
Speaker 4 (32:25):
Like why? I just don't know. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
I don't like, do you need like a best friend
to talk things through with? Because that's what your wife
should be respectfully, Yeah, I think it's off your chest
that should be.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
Your wife, Like he is all I have dinner with Susie,
She's like what times should we be ready?
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Or like I'm gonna change the locks so when you
get back, you better get sorry.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
No, I don't think you're being unreasonable.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
I don't think you're being insecure.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
I do think men and women can be friends, but
I think there there is a boundary that you have
to set when you are married.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
And that things change.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
You know what's so funny. Nobody's gonna relate to this.
I'm just gonna be talking to myself because it happens
on Love and it happened on Love Island, UK. But
there's this friendship that blossomed on the island between Lorenzo
and Ellie.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
Spoiler alert if you're watching, they're not together.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
They're not together, and they like love each other. Ellie
decided to leave the villa because her like connection got
vhoted off. So she's like, I'm leaving with him, and
like she's saying goodbye Lorenzo and they're like hugging and
she's crying and they're having this emotional thing and she's like,
I never thought that I could like find a friend
that's just like strictly platonic. And I was like, they're
gonna date at some point? WHOA, yeah, hot take the
(33:39):
next year and a half. There, I think Ellie and
Lorenzo will date each other.
Speaker 3 (33:43):
Well, it reminds me of that movie People We Meet
on Vacation because.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Vegas hater of that movie. But basically they me and
then they're best friends.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
They go onto vacation every year and then they both
are in relationships, still doing their yearly in case, I'm like,
I loved the movie, but I'm also like that would
never fly and really ever fly? And then the girl
he was dating, who was she was worried about their
connection had every right to be worried.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Yeah, sleep with one eye open, Sarah.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
I would just say, hey, I want you to be
able to.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
Like is she's communicating and she's but.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
I care to say like, I think the bigger issue
is that I'm coming to you saying that this bothers
me and you're you don't care, can't.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Be ours for that?
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Just say that yes, this is like not use him,
just keep saying he's.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Not paying attention. Then let's get petty and make a
good guy friend and be like, I'm gonna go have
dinner with easthan tonight see a babing. Wow.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
Revenge never works well because you don't want to send
him off like.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
He's not listening to her. What else is she supposed
to do?
Speaker 5 (35:00):
I wonder if Sarah, because she said I don't want
to ask him to end the friendship, but I wonder
if she'd be okay with the friendship continuing. If they
all just spend time together.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
I'm sure she would. I'm sure she would.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
What if the best friend of this man is listening
to Taylor Swift's ruin the friendship? You never know what
someone's plotting against you.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
My guys is always ruined, you.
Speaker 3 (35:27):
Know, Like, what if the other girl thinks that there's
gonna be something there if she just goes.
Speaker 4 (35:35):
If she's listening to Better Than Revenge.
Speaker 3 (35:39):
Sarah, You're not crazy this. He should be able to
have friends, but there should be hard lines and boundaries
to be respectful to you. And that's that's.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
Should care how you're feeling. You should care.
Speaker 3 (35:49):
About how you feel. That can be ursed for that. Okay,
So the question is do we play a game guess
who the New Way?
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Or do we do another Dear Bonya, what's your vote?
Speaker 1 (36:07):
I just suck at the game.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
I know it's hard, but maybe today's your day.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
Maybe you're thirty nine now, yeah, okay, okay, we're going
to try it this New way and we discussed that
you heard discussed at the beginning of the podcast.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
We're always here for the interesting stuff.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Yeah, and you know what, we are students of the
craft and we also listen to our scrubbers so if
you have some issues with how we do things, please
let us know, because we will.
Speaker 5 (36:32):
Of course correct should here I'll play the role of
Mark the game master.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Let me get ok and can you get your names
from Sam? So she makes them both equally.
Speaker 4 (36:44):
And I have been communicating this she has names ready
to go. Okay, let me get my post it note?
Speaker 2 (36:50):
Rock paper scissors?
Speaker 1 (36:51):
Yeah, let's so it's rock paper scissors. Shoot? Yeah, okay,
rock paper scissor? Shoot? Oh she did rock?
Speaker 3 (36:58):
Ey?
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Did scissors go first or second?
Speaker 1 (37:02):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (37:03):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (37:03):
I guess I get to choose.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
Yeah, I want to go second, So you're first. So
the rule is we're just going to count. We're going
to see who can do Guess there's in the least
amount of questions.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
Yeah. So because we listened and we heard that, it
was hard for you all to follow along and play along.
So you have no idea. Who's on my head? This
is Tanya. Let's go. Am I a man? Yes, I'm
a man? Okay? Am I an actor?
Speaker 2 (37:29):
No?
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Am I a singer? No am I an influencer?
Speaker 2 (37:35):
No?
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Oh my gosh, no question marked influencer. So I'm not
an actor, I'm not a singer. I'm not an influencer.
Am I an athlete?
Speaker 2 (37:47):
No?
Speaker 1 (37:48):
Okay, I'm not an athlete, so how does peep? Am
I NEPO baby?
Speaker 2 (37:53):
No actor?
Speaker 1 (37:55):
Singer? Am I an artist?
Speaker 2 (37:57):
No?
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Not an artist? Wow? This is am I missing something
big here? No movie star? My movie star? Do I
know the person on my head?
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (38:13):
I know his name? I know me? How do I
know me?
Speaker 2 (38:26):
That's not a guess or no question?
Speaker 1 (38:28):
Am I a reality star?
Speaker 3 (38:30):
Mm hmmm?
Speaker 4 (38:31):
I mean no, I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
No, this is crazy.
Speaker 3 (38:37):
I'm just looking a look aa she just looked at
the rectok at you can't look at low.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
I'm sorry. I swear I didn't I swear okay, because
I'm lost as hell. I'm not an actor. I'm not
a singer. I'm not an influencer. I'm not an athlete.
I'm not an EPO baby. I'm not an artist. I'm
not a pop star. And I'm not a reality star.
Am I a broadcaster? Yes?
Speaker 3 (39:03):
Yeah? Oh?
Speaker 1 (39:05):
News? Am I news broadcaster?
Speaker 4 (39:07):
No? I mean sometimes yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
I want to say no, but I wouldn't give my
entertainment broadcaster.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:18):
And I'm a man, that's right? Am I married?
Speaker 2 (39:22):
No?
Speaker 1 (39:23):
No, I'm not. Am I over thirty.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (39:27):
Am I over forty?
Speaker 4 (39:28):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (39:28):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (39:29):
Am I over fifty?
Speaker 4 (39:31):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (39:32):
Am I over sixty?
Speaker 4 (39:33):
No?
Speaker 1 (39:34):
I'm in between fifty and sixty. Yes, according to your calculator.
Am I currently dating somebody?
Speaker 3 (39:45):
Not?
Speaker 1 (39:47):
No? Is this person a friend of mine?
Speaker 3 (39:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (39:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:55):
This person officiate my wedding? Yeah? Am I Ryan Seacrest?
Speaker 4 (39:59):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (40:02):
First of all, he is reality story. I went back.
Speaker 4 (40:08):
I didn't think reality. Sorry, I thought rally host.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Oh it's hard.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
I mean, like someone said.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
I just really I didn't give. I didn't. I wasn't
given acturrate information.
Speaker 4 (40:18):
You wouldn't reality.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
And I also don't know that you would have gotten
faster with that.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
I think I will.
Speaker 4 (40:24):
I think it would thrown you off more.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Yeah, that's why I think.
Speaker 3 (40:27):
I think you would have been going down like Love
Island and stuff. So I actually think it saved you
some questions. I got twenty three.
Speaker 4 (40:36):
I got twenty two? Did I miss one?
Speaker 3 (40:38):
I was marking every time she asked, well with the
last yes, no you did.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
You're not right. We'll give her a helmet. What was it?
You got? How many?
Speaker 4 (40:48):
Twenty two?
Speaker 2 (40:49):
Okay, let's do twenty two.
Speaker 4 (40:50):
Wow?
Speaker 3 (40:51):
Good job, Tanya, great job, Tanya.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
All right, it's so cooy. Is he a friend of mine?
I know?
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Well, I can't just be like yeah, I have to
make it fun.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
Okay, all right, that could turn away and I didn't
even mark it down to she's gonna get like two
watch I think she'll get under ten.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
Am I a woman? Yes? Am I an actress?
Speaker 1 (41:15):
No?
Speaker 2 (41:16):
Am I a host?
Speaker 1 (41:17):
No?
Speaker 2 (41:18):
Am I a singer?
Speaker 1 (41:20):
Nope?
Speaker 2 (41:21):
Am I a reality star?
Speaker 1 (41:22):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (41:23):
Am I on the Housewives?
Speaker 1 (41:27):
Nope?
Speaker 2 (41:29):
Am I on a current reality show?
Speaker 1 (41:31):
Oh, I'm gonna say yes. I think that's accurate information.
What do you say current in the last couple of months?
Speaker 2 (41:43):
Yeah, like I have been on a reality show recently?
Speaker 4 (41:45):
Yeah, yes, I don't think so in the last few months.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
Yeah, Am I alive?
Speaker 3 (41:53):
Yes, I'm getting confirmation on the reality show. I'm getting
two different answers.
Speaker 4 (42:01):
Sam clarified that there was a It was a no.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
I know, but you can't it's gonna give too much away.
But it's currently airing now. Yeah, Sam says, right, right,
am I under forty? I'm gonna say no.
Speaker 4 (42:18):
During the birthday game right on forty?
Speaker 3 (42:20):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (42:21):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (42:23):
Was I on the Hills?
Speaker 1 (42:28):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (42:28):
Am I a podcast host?
Speaker 1 (42:30):
No? Oh? It's annoying.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
Was I on Laguna Beach?
Speaker 3 (42:35):
Yes? Do I have initials? Elsie and my Lord Conrad?
Speaker 1 (42:42):
I have fourteen?
Speaker 4 (42:43):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (42:45):
I said under fifteen, didn't say under fifteen?
Speaker 3 (42:49):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (42:50):
Congratulations hard Yeah, I thought so too. Yeah, how did
you go from reality start to the hills?
Speaker 3 (42:59):
Because I was thinking of shows that you would You
were instantly like, I'm a reality star, but I was thinking,
what if it's y'all went back and forth on the
current thing, and so I was like, you said it's
airing right now, which I think was the reunion.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
I'm assuming the reboot. Yeah, the reboot.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Damn.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
I thought it was Kristen Cavalari.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
Yeah. I figured that when you said to a house
a podcast, Wow, well Becca one, what else is new?
Speaker 3 (43:30):
Well, let us know if you liked that format, let's
not feel like that or he wants to go back
to the O G way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you all.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
That's the end of this episode. That is right.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
We love you. We'll see you next week.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
We'll see you next week.
Scrubbing In with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio
and two time People's Choice Award winning podcast. Hello everybody,
we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
We have a Dear Bonnie episode today.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Do you like when we played the guests who game?
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Like, are you having fun doing that?
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Okay? So I'm glad you brought that up. Yeah, because
I was seeing some scuttle in the Facebook group that
it's hard for the listeners to follow along like it
was after the one when we had three of us
going mm hm. So I don't think we should do
it like that anymore, even when we pingpong. I think
it's more for video, like it's funny you can watch
on video and it's like easy to follow along. I
(00:44):
think as listeners it's like hard, like it's hard for
them to guess because they it's too hard. Oh do
you get what I'm saying? So you're saying so like,
I think you should go and just ask as many
questions as you can and then you figure out your
person and then we kind of go one by one
instead of oh around like that.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
And then like you keep track of how how many
questions get it?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Interesting? Yeah, So they like the game, just the way
the format is.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I think they want to play along. Oh they do
want to want to play long, and it's hard for
them to follow when it's like one question, one question,
one question, one question.
Speaker 5 (01:18):
That's how some people complain that they had a hard
time remembering what was what. Yeah, and my distrection is
like take notes. That was taking notes, but just for me,
and I wasn't thinking about all three of us.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
That's what I'm saying. Yeah, well I should do it
one by one and just see who can do it
the fat who can get it that.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Maybe we do.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Time a timer or the fewest questions, Yeah, like we
count all the questions.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Okay, smart? And then also I was thinking maybe we
do the like a recap midway through of like you
always do this. So I'm an actor, I'm under thirty,
like you, you're good about doing that.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Thank you so much. I like to reset for the audience.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
You're not good at winning the game, but you're great
at giving the listeners.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Theodcast professional here, okay, decades of if you're nothing, if nothing,
you are a broadcast professional. Thank you, Thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
Hope you enjoy that production meeting of scrubing.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
In just a little bts. Okay, so we actually have
a dear bonnya, but it's what's a.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
He's bringing it to the floor.
Speaker 5 (02:21):
Yes, I'm going ahead of the I'm cutting the line here.
I did not write an email, I didn't leave a
voice message. I'm gonna do this because I'm having a crisis.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
U baby. Yes, yeah, getting the ind on the on
the dear bonya using.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
My opportunity, not giving to everybody else.
Speaker 5 (02:40):
So we have these neighbors that are nice, but we've
noticed it's it's this young couple. They have two small kids,
and then the wife's dad kind of I don't know
if he lives with them or he's just there a lot,
like working on the house.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
I have noticed, bless you.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I'm sorry that one was ferocious.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
I've noticed because we have a camera in our alley
where our garbage cans are, and I've noticed this guy.
He'll go out with a leaf blower, can't blow the alley,
very nice swim to do, and then he sweeps up
a bunch of garbage and puts it in our garbage
can and it normally I was like, yeah, it feels
it feels weird. But also I've done that to people.
Maybe this is just karma coming back. It's gone to
(03:23):
the point now there's like a lot he's putting all
of his like leaves and like just random debris in
there and kind of filling it up.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
But isn't that shared property like in the alley, Like it's.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
The alley is shared property.
Speaker 5 (03:34):
But we have garbage cans and they have garbage cans, right,
you know, so he's going to our garbage cans and
then he like repositions our garbage cans, you know, not
enough to where it blocks our garage, but like just
it's just weird. And we're Alison and I are like
obsessed over this now, We're like why is he doing this?
So we were going to bring it up to his daughter,
who is our neighbor, be like, hey, could your dad
(03:55):
maybe not use our garbage cans. She started doing it too,
We saw it yesterday. She was like cleaning out the
garage and putting stuff in our garbage cans. So I
don't want to be like a petty, weird neighbor, but also.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Can't you put your garbage can somewhere else? Are they
doing the same day every week?
Speaker 4 (04:12):
Yeah, it's always on Sundays.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
So Sundays move your trash cans, like, and can you
move them in your garage?
Speaker 4 (04:18):
That's what I suggest that to Alison.
Speaker 5 (04:20):
She said, maybe we get one of those locks, and
I was like, that's equally that's equal effort, you know,
like it feels weird to put a lock on our
garbage can too.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
I think you just need to say, hey, say something.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah wait, I'm so confused. Why what are you going
to say? Stop putting the leaves in our garage in
our trash can.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
I'd say, hey, we just to make sure that we
have enough space, Like would you mind asking if you
need to put your leaves in here?
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Just because this is our property. I think it's it's
just not their leaves. It'd be weird to me if
they were throwing like the kitchen trash like out in
your trash can.
Speaker 5 (04:55):
Yesterday it was a construction trash was going our trash can.
That was the That was the thing that pushed me
over the edge because leaves and stuff, I guess, you know, uh,
they're also really weird about property lines and stuff like that.
And he the dad comes up onto our porch every
week and leaf blows our porch, which is nice, but
also I'm like, if I do that to you, you'd
be like, you'd have a gun in my face. Honestly,
(05:17):
Like he's on your porch, on my porch, like leaf blowing,
but like this is weird. It's weird, right, Okay, I
feel like it's weird. But I also is like he's
kind of doing something nice. But I also didn't ask
him to do That's the thing.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
That's the thing.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
You didn't say, Hey, y'all, didn't have a conversation where
he was like, hey, would you want me to leaf
blow your porch while I'm doing this? And you said,
oh my gosh, i'd be amazing. He's just doing on
your property.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
So I would say, either have a conversation with them,
and if you don't want to be confrontational, just move
your cans into the garage.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
Yeah, And I think.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
That hands into the garage. I could not have that
conversation with the neighbor personally, Yeah, because I throw my
stuff in other people's trash cans. I don't like your
dog poop if you're walking.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
I hate when Hayley does that, especially dog poop.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
I'm like, poop, it's in a trash can. You wrap
it up in a bag and you tie it. It's
not like you're just like throwing the poop in there.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
I don't know. I'm really weird about this.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
I only throw the poop away, either in our trash
can or in like if we because we walk by
a park, I'll put it in like a pubby.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
What if you're in like a neighborhood, so I take someny.
If I'm on my street and I'm just like walking
her down, I'll hold the poop and I'll throw it
in our trash can. But if I'm like down in
a different part of town around home.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
I don't think I would imagine people don't care. I
just care.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
So this would bug me.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
And even when we have like during Christmas and stuff,
we'd have so many boxes and recyclable things. I would
text my neighbor and say like, hey, if y'all have
space in your because they would be out of town,
I'd say, would you mind if we use your recycle
bind to put some stuff like? I would always text them.
I would never just assume.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Right, that feels crazy to me.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Well, no, I would never put my boxes in my
neighbor's trash can that's crazy or.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
Trash, Like when if we had to excess amount of trash,
I would text him and say, hey, if you have
room in your trash, can can I put our trash
in there?
Speaker 1 (07:09):
I think it's so weird that they're not asking it.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
It leaves.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
It's like community property. I get it, but then put
it in putting it in their own Maybe it's a
walk away, too far of a walk. Maybe they're ending
on your side of the street. So it's just like.
Speaker 5 (07:23):
There theirs are behind of gate, but like I don't
know a yard from ours, Like their trash cans are
out there too, and I don't I feel super petty
going out there and like.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
Look it in there, just be like, oh, you got
some room in here? You know I didn't. I don't
want to do that.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
But it also feels weird, like every time because again
we have got we have a camera back there because
I had some issues with some It's an alleyway, you know,
people are doing stuff, so we have a camera back there,
and then it goes off and I just see this
guy just you know, dumping stuff in there.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
I guess my thing would be if you had a
relationship with them and y'all talked a lot, and it
was like that vibe. It would be like, oh, you know,
because I do feel like there are neighbors sometimes where
you have that relationship and rapport with them where it's
like understood, like we're.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Cleaning up the leaves, So do you mind we're.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Throwing We're all in this.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Wednesday, so you have a few days where you could
be filling it up and there's space taken in there.
Speaker 5 (08:19):
Yeah, we did it. We were we didn't have a
lot going on yesterday. So we saw them put They
put a big spool of like it was like you
know that paper you put down when you're like painting
your house, like the or like doing construction. They had
a big role of that and they put it in
our garbage can. So we waited for them to go
back inside. I go out there. I just took it
(08:39):
out and just put it next to the garbage can
which is in front of their garage. And I'm like,
if they put it back in, I'm gonna lose it.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
They did not. They just left it in front of
the garage.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
So I think they'll get the hint if you just
move the trash cans into the garage.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
It is aggressive. It is not neighborly. No, I would
just put the trash cans in your garage, call it
a day.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
Yeah, that's probably when I have to do.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
And if he continues, If he continues, well yeah, it's
annoying having a movement. But if he continues to just
be on the porch and that becomes a problem, I
think maybe you're going to have to have some confrontational conversation. Yeah,
because like I said, I think if you have that
kind of agreement with your neighbor, it's one thing.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
But if he's just blowing off, so let me just
tell you, there's nothing more frustrating than your trash bins
being full when you're like a day or two away
from trash day.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
So annoying, worse, it sucks.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
I'm like stepping in there. I'm like using my hands
as smush, like, oh.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
You have to get crafty, you do really crafty.
Speaker 5 (09:42):
You know, it's crazy we we use as company athens.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
I don't know, I think there will across southern California.
Speaker 5 (09:48):
But we were filling up our garbage can and then
our like Green Waiste was like mostly empty.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Yeah, and so it's like leaves and stuff.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
Yeah, So I called.
Speaker 5 (09:57):
I was like, can I get a bigger can or
maybe a other one? Like I'll pay whatever, and then
they ignored me. And then the garbage guy came by
and I'm like, hey, I'm sorry, man, it's just full.
Speaker 4 (10:06):
I don't know what to do.
Speaker 5 (10:06):
And he's like, let me tell you something. All three
of these they go in the same bin. Put whatever
you want, and all three of them does not matter,
like recycling too. He's like, yeah, all goes the same thing.
You're lying And I'm like uh, and he's like, we
soared it later and it was kind of like giving
me a look, and I'm like, this sucks.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I'm being a good amount of time.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
I spent googling which can go in the green? Like
you can put a pizza box in the green? Did
you know that?
Speaker 2 (10:36):
No?
Speaker 4 (10:37):
I did not. And now I'm like, so I can
just put everything in.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Then he's like, yeah, hey, is he putting the leaves
into your green bin?
Speaker 4 (10:44):
Yes, he's not putting them in like the garbage can.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Respectfully.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
So you say move the cans or just live with it.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Yeah, I think that, but I would if they're moving them,
I say, can you just not move them. I think
that's a fair ask, Like, hey, I don't mind you
putting this stuff in here because you're doing us a favor,
but can you just not move them?
Speaker 4 (11:04):
Okay, that feels fair.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
And that bin is like always empty, yeah, well ours
is never full.
Speaker 5 (11:12):
We we have a lot of leaves in the back here,
you know, our guy comes and fills it up.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
I think if the green bin is like not an
issue for you, I think you more so just have
a conversation about not moving things around.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
Yeah all right, well thank you.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
I'm very I really respect the property lines too, so
I feel your frustration and concerns.
Speaker 5 (11:37):
We we wanted to put a fence in, and we
asked them about doing that and they're like, oh, yeah,
we'll get back to you. And then the next day
they had someone come out and do the survey and
like put the markers in for y'all. Yeah, like like
for our property lines. Like it was just we just
kind of like had an idea and we're like, hey,
we won't put a fence in, you know, is that
like yeah, yeah, we'll ge back to you. And then
(11:58):
the next day some guys out there like the whole
thing and putting the spike in the ground, and I
was like, oh God, just could turn into the half
fields of McCoy's.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
You should them some other things you want you take
are on it. Actually, let's let's take advantage of the pool.
Speaker 5 (12:12):
In Hey, thanks for the advice you guys. That's the
kind of quality advice you get here.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Now I could use my own.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Okay, well, let's take it break, let's do this.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
We're back. Dear Bonya. I walk my dog to poop
every day and it's five houses down from our house.
They have a sign in their yard that says, please
don't have your dog pee on my lawn. Like it's
you know, like it's one of those like oh yeah,
it has like a dog like peeing and it says
like a dog pee kills grass or something. But they
(13:05):
have turf, which is I don't understand. But the couple
that lives in this house, and we've met them several
times there are cute at can be older, older couple
with a little dog of their own. And so I'm
like really thrown by the sign in their front yard
because I'm just like, it just doesn't feel like them.
But anyway, Sunny loves pooping. That's like her poop place.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Okay, she wants what she can't have exactly.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
But Robbie and I, obviously we don't like we always
pick up our poop. We always pick it up, we
take it home whatever, We'll throw it in their trash,
can we take it to our house. But the other
day I was taking some to poop and there's a
huge poop on their lawn. It wasn't from Sunny. Obviously
she didn't end up pooping there that day, And I
(13:50):
was like, should I pick up the poop even though
it's not my dog's, just because I'm always pooping on
this lawn, I don't want them to think it's me.
I didn't. I couldn't muster up the I couldn't. I know.
I should have picked it up though, and thrown it away,
because like, I don't want them thinking it was Sunny.
It's much larger than Sonny's. But they don't know that.
They don't know how Petita. They probably camera how would
(14:13):
I know?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
They're probably watching you. They probably watch you examine should
I pick it up or not?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Shake your head, probably like walks all over it, because
like Sunny will like walk around and they're little, because
it's hard to explain, but they have like this grassy
patch they live on like a it's like a curve,
like it's the street just curves, and so it's kind
of dangerous with like the traffic as people are just
going fast around there. So anytime we've seen them, they're like, oh,
like walk through our driveway. It's safer for the dogs.
(14:43):
And Robbie just like walks all over the grass, like
I at least try and stand on like the curb
or like the driveway, so I'm not like on the grass. Yeah,
but it's her place of poop, like that's where she's chosen. Yeah,
I should have picked it up, right, I don't know.
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
I don't think I would have.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Really. As I was like walking away, I was like,
I should have.
Speaker 3 (15:04):
It would have been a really nice gesture. Why would
I do your gesture? I don't think you're a bad
person for not doing it.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
But why didn't I choose the nice neighborly thing to do.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
It's poop and another dog. It's not your own blood DNA.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
I know, like Sonny's poop is like petite and cute.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
And one little thing, and yeah, and then someone will
leave like a whole big thing in the middle of
the sidewalk, And I'm like, this is so inconsidered because
even if I run out of bags, I will get
a leaf and like try to just like yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
I've gone bare hands before. Whoa you guys to be
like yeah, me too. No, no, but I definitely use
a leaf same yeah, ye been there too.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
So I don't think she thinks it's sunny, And I
don't think you're a bad person for not picking it up.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
You know what, thank you for writing it.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Maybe I'm gonna be the nice person from now on.
I'm gonna choose the nice path. Wow.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
I don't think it's nice versus not nice. I think
it's just a very thoughtful gesture that you didn't have
to do.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
But why not be the thoughtful neighbor?
Speaker 5 (16:25):
You know, we're faced with these choices in life of
like doing things that you'll never be like thanked for
or acknowledged for, like putting the grocery cart back. Is
a is a big one where it's like you don't
get punished if you don't do it, and then you
you don't get thanked if you do. It's just a
nice thing to do.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
But that's a that's a test of morality and character.
Speaker 4 (16:45):
Yeah, And the.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Only excuse you have is if you're a mom with
kids trying to get them in the car and you've
you're parked far away from where the return is and
I have I have grace for those people and only
them or or you, like.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
I have to go to the bathroom really no, no, okay, yeah,
any time.
Speaker 5 (17:03):
Yeah, But cleaning up another dog's poof, that's the same.
It's it's like you're tipping the scales in the right
way by doing it, Like.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Yeah, obviously's still sitting with me.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Well, I got home last night and there was a
dead mouse in our front yard and I had to
figure out how to pick up because Haley was freaking out,
and I was like, because I'm gonna be the the moon.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
So I triple bag Phoebees poop bags.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Those were so thin.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
I tripled and I picked it up and it was
so sad, and I said, I'm so sorry whatever happened
to you, and I hope it was peaceful.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
And then I would you do put him in the bag? Yeah,
put him in the bag and throw in your trash can.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
I had to pick up a dead chipmunk overke.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
End that would break her chipmunks are so.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
They're like big got.
Speaker 5 (17:58):
We have a place in uh I don't want then
the mountains, and we were gonna go up there for
the weekend.
Speaker 4 (18:02):
We walk in Plata. Yeah, we have a.
Speaker 5 (18:08):
We have a failed airbnb situation. So we're going there
just to have a nice weekend. And we walk in
and it smells like something dead and we're like, oh man,
because we had we had a rat problem. And anyway,
I go downstairs. I just see this dead, freshly dead
chipmunk and I don't know what happened, but inside inside
on the on the rug underneath our bed, and uh,
(18:31):
it was it's it's like it sucks because it's sad
and gross.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Yeah, yeah, disturbing.
Speaker 5 (18:38):
And just and yeah, just upsetting and like you could
see like evidence of it all over the place. I
was like, God, it probably got like I think it
ran in when like we had a cleaner or something
and then it got just got stuck in there and
didn't know how.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
To get out.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
It was broke my heart. And then yeah, I think
it or dehydration or something. Just this is so dark,
but but you know, I put gloves on and then
like a garbage bag and like kind of scooped it up.
Speaker 4 (19:04):
I can feel its body, and it was like this
is so it was weird.
Speaker 5 (19:08):
Simultaneously I was feeling so sad and like I was
like like I.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Was like, you should have taken one of these gloves
you got me for my birthday.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
I have to keep those fresh for you.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
Sorry, Tom, I how to use one of them.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Yeah, it was really upsetting. I'm very sensitive to small animals,
even when they're considered like pest or what. Yeah, I
feel that I won't even kill if there's a fly,
I'll try to swat it down without killing it and
then release it outside.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
It's trying to get them out of the yeah, like
out the door.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
It.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
So anyways, next time, you know, if you want to
pick up the pooper not you're not a bad person. Yeah,
you just let her know, be like I really hope
that you didn't think that large.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Pile of poop.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
I'm off, you know, It's not like I'm like chatting
with them daily.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Okay, Yeah, well then I actually had let to roll
off the shoulders. All right, should we get into mother
in law upset or social posts?
Speaker 4 (20:11):
Let's do this. This is from Lindsey.
Speaker 5 (20:13):
My eight year old daughter made it to Nationals with
her dance team, and we spent an amazing week celebrating
her and the team. My husband's family came to watch,
but my parents couldn't make it, which was totally fine.
When we got home, I posted photos highlighting my daughter's
big week and how proud it was of her. A
few hours later, my mother in law texted me saying,
you know we were there too. If your family had
been there, he would have thanked them. We don't feel appreciated.
(20:36):
I was honestly shocked because the post was about my
daughter's accomplishment, not who attended. I already thanked everyone throughout
the week in person, so I didn't think a social
media shoutout was necessary. I apologized and even offer to
add photos of them to the post, but she said
no and she just wanted to get it off her chest.
It's been a few days, but I'm still really bothered
by it. Am I crazy for making the post the
way I did? Should I have thanked them publicly? Or
(20:58):
is it weird that this became about them instead of
My thoughts?
Speaker 1 (21:02):
Is giving?
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Social media makes people so weird?
Speaker 3 (21:05):
People's brains, people's brains in the worst way.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
I'm confused, though, Did I miss something?
Speaker 2 (21:14):
What were you confused?
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Did the girl who Lindsay, who wrote in in the caption,
did she say something and like thank people for coming,
but didn't thank her in laws?
Speaker 3 (21:24):
No, she just said she was highlighting the big week
and that she was proud of her.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
But she didn't I guess include that like.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
Who was there, like oh and her.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
People, and not include them that I could see maybe
them being her like if they said like thank you
to her aunt Sally and her uncle Ben and her
and then uncle Ben and her godmother Susie and her
Yeah wow wow, very American, I think, And they left
(21:54):
out the in laws, then I could see them being
upset and I would change the caption and put them
in it. But this is so insane.
Speaker 5 (22:03):
She's saying like, if your parents had come, you would
have Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
She was basically saying, you would have thanked your parents
in the post, but you didn't think us for being there,
and we don't feel appreciated for our efforts. This sounds
really challenging because she sounds challenging.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Yeah, this so and I.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
Think if you can't stop I don't think you need
to say anything like you didn't do anything wrong, and
I don't think you need to feel bad about it.
But I think if if she's this type of personality
and you're feeling like it's sticking with you, maybe you
just say, hey, I was thinking about you know, when
you reached out to me and about the post, and
I just want to say we were so appreciative that
you came, and that doesn't go unnoticed. The post was
(22:46):
specifically about my daughter and be proud of her, and
I wanted that to be the focus, and I wanted
to reiterate that we are so grateful that you came
and we're a part of it, and then you can
move on. Make her feel kind of silly. Yeah, that's
what I would do. I'd be like, yo, this is
about my eight year old daughter's dance.
Speaker 5 (23:06):
Colp literally my dad in twenty eleven, he came to
me and sat me down. He's like, I was on
your Facebook page and there's like not a lot of
photos of me on there. And I was like, are
you serious And he's like yeah, like do you not
care about me? And I was like, watch this, this
is how little I care about Facebook. I deleted a
Facebook in front of him to show like, I'm like,
you're making a huge deal about this and it's not
the big of a deal. I deleted Facebook until like,
(23:28):
I don't know, that's why I reactivated it, and it
was like a whole thing. So and I was like,
why does it I don't have there's photos of you
on there, Like, what do you want? What are you
looking for?
Speaker 2 (23:40):
It's crazy, whoa, that's so intense, so.
Speaker 4 (23:42):
Intense, and it's just social media. It's not that big
of a big of a deal.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I know. Well, I don't think you need to feel bad.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
I just think I feel bad for you because I
would literally like poot my pants. I would not like that.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Yeah, but I do.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
I think it's worth like just letting her know it
wasn't even about who was there, it was about your daughter,
and you are appreciative of them making the effort to come.
I think she it seems like what she's really needing
is wanting to feel valued and appreciated. So I think
if you even sent her a text saying thank you,
it will maybe make her feel kind of like, oh
(24:19):
maybe I shouldn't.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Have heard about that.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
I'm sorry that sucked, or.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Have your husband say something like mom, Jill.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it should be talking about this.
Speaker 5 (24:31):
Here's an anonymous one. I need to take on a
situation where a friend, my ex and I both share.
Let's call her Emily. My ex broke up with me
almost three years ago, and I've since moved on and
I'm dating an amazing girl. Earlier this year, I brought
my girlfriend to Emily's engagement party. My ex was there
too with her new boyfriend, but she still got really
emotional seeing me with my girlfriend and ended up crying
(24:52):
by the end of the night. A few days ago,
Emily told me she wasn't inviting me to her bachelorette
because she didn't want my ex to have another breakdown.
She said she wanted a drama free day and chose
to invite my ex instead. At the time, I tried
to be the bigger person. I even offered a plan
a second bachelor for the people who weren't invited. But
now some time has passed and realizing how hurt I
actually am. Emily lived with me after her own breakup,
(25:13):
and I was there during one of the hardest times
in her life. It feels like she didn't value our
friendship enough to even have a conversation with me before
making that decision. Now I don't even want to plan
the second bachelorette anymore. Am I wrong for letting it
go and quietly stepping back from the friendship or should
I tell her how I really feel.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
I don't think you're wrong for stepping back from the friendship.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
It seems like she.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
Felt like she had to make a choice, and she
chose somebody else, and I think that it sucks, and
that's like, I think one of the most hurtful things
you can go through is a friend breakup like that.
And I also think that it seems like you're a
better friend to her than she is to you. Yeah,
I think you could have a conversation and just let
(25:55):
her know, like, Hey, I I when you first told me,
I wanted to just be a good friend to you.
But as I've been thinking about it, I realize how
hurt I was by that decision that you made without
even having a conversation with me first. And I feel
like I've been a really good friend to you, and
I think I just need to maybe step back from
this friendship because it feels like there's a there's a
(26:16):
difference in how we approach the friendship.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
I almost feel like it's not even worth your energy
to have a conversation. To be honest, she made a decision.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
It sounds like she's probably gonna be invited to the wedding.
So she made a decision.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
It's her decision to make. It's not your decision to make.
So I say you take that, you clock it, and
you move accordingly, moving forward. I think you know, I'm
the ripe age of thirty nine now, so I feel
wiser and it's just smarter. And it's just like, I
can't be ourst. I can't ours. I think it's asked,
(26:48):
can't be asked. It's something to say in Love Island, Ukay,
I can't be ourst.
Speaker 4 (26:52):
Sounds a good Scottish accent, but you can't be asked.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Yeah, like I can't be bothered. Oh type of sentiment
is what I think.
Speaker 4 (27:01):
I mean that is that is a thing in the
UK can't be arsed.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
And that means I can't be bothered.
Speaker 5 (27:07):
Uh, it means nobody got time for that.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Yeah, I gotta be ursed. You just clock it and
move on with your life. If you are obviously a
good friend. Then somebody is going to be appreciative of that.
And you make your decisions when it comes time for
your wedding of who you want to be at your bachelorette.
I just say, clock it, move.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
Forward, Maybe maybe match her energy. Maybe that's the advice.
It's not like you can step away as much as
you want. You can have a conversation with you have that.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Conversation so awkward because then like what then she's just
gonna guiltily invite you. Like, no, you don't want that either. Yeah, no,
you do not want that. You cannot be ours for that.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Maybe you move accordingly and you put in the energy
that she's putting into the friendship and just kind of
it's probably going to eventually just fizzle out. Yeah, Or
she might come to you and say, I'm really sorry
for the way I handled things, and I wish I
could do that differently, and y'all can rebuild, but right
now you deserve better as a friend. In my opinion,
I agree. I like this husband has a female best friend.
Speaker 4 (28:16):
Oh yes, this is from Sarah.
Speaker 5 (28:19):
I need a reality check because my husband and I
cannot agree on this. We recently got married and he
has a female best friend he's known since they were kids. No,
they've always been really close, and I've always had this
gut feeling that she has feelings for him. He's told
me over and over that she's just a friend and
that I'm reading too much into it. The problem is
they still spend a lot of time together one on one.
(28:39):
They'll grab dinner, get drinks, or hang out just the
two of them. Oh And while I completely respect that
they've been friends forever, now that we're married, it just
feels different to me. I've never asked him to end
the friendship, because I would never want to be that wife,
but I have told him about the amount of one
on one time they's been together. It makes me uncomfortable.
He says nothing has changed because we got just because
we got married, and that he shouldn't have to give
(29:00):
up a lifelong friendship. I understand his perspective, but I
also feel like marriage naturally changes certain boundaries. I'm not
asking him to choose between us. I just don't know
if it's unreasonable to expect things look different now. Am
I being unreasonable or am I just being insecure?
Speaker 1 (29:15):
This is insane to me.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Should we take a break before we answer, what it ease,
(29:37):
We're back. Okay.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
So we have a woman whose husband has a best
friend since childhood. They still spend a ton of one
on one time.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Together dinner, drink, dinner vibes.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
And she's brought it up that it makes her uncomfortable,
and the husband thinks she's crazy for feeling this way.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
What do you think?
Speaker 1 (29:59):
Don tell you something, Sarah, Okay, this is absolutely a
boundary that he shouldn't be crossing. I think it is
so lovely that your husband has friends from childhood. I
love that for him. My husband has friends from childhood too.
Robbie was mister social in high school. He still talks
to like all of his girlfriends from high school. I've
(30:19):
met some of his girlfriends from high school, but he
would never like maybe if he still like text them
every once in a while. They don't get dinner together
one on one. They don't get drinks together one on one,
like even when we There is a dynamic change when
you get married, Like if I'm texting one of Robbie's
(30:40):
guy friends, I'm always looping us in a group text
with him, his wife, me and my husband, Like we're
all four on a chain together, like that's how you move.
In my opinion, when you're married, you don't even if
they're like a sister to you. To me, it's weird
you all three go, or if this person is with someone,
all four of you go, like it just feels very
(31:02):
I would be not cool with it.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
I think I agree.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
I think it's a just there is a shift when
you choose your partner and.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Get married.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
And I think the problem here is that she's communicating
that she's uncomfortable with it, and he's like care does
not care about that, and is calling her crazy for
even feeling that way.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
I think that's kind.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
Of the bigger issue because I think if he was like,
oh my gosh, you know, I didn't even think of
it like that from your perspective, But that makes so
much sense because if you had a best guy friend
from childhood that you were hanging out with all the time,
that would maybe make me a little bit uncomfortable. And
I think maybe there's a way of saying, I don't
want y'all to not be friends, but maybe you're not
(31:44):
having one on one dinners and maybe she comes over
and we have dinner together. Because I understand she's important
to you.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
The only guys I text one on one with are
co workers, Like, literally, what are your thoughts? Easton?
Speaker 4 (31:58):
I mean that's just wild. I'm sorry.
Speaker 5 (32:00):
Like again, I'm in such a secure relationship. But like,
and I have friends that are women from like high
school and stuff. I would never that that Allison knows
and has known for decades now. I would never go
get dinner with them one on one. That just feels
like drinks drinks. That feels wild. Susie, I don't understand day,
(32:22):
Like what, why do you need to do that?
Speaker 4 (32:25):
Like why? I just don't know. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
I don't like, do you need like a best friend
to talk things through with? Because that's what your wife
should be respectfully, Yeah, I think it's off your chest
that should be.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
Your wife, Like he is all I have dinner with Susie,
She's like what times should we be ready?
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Or like I'm gonna change the locks so when you
get back, you better get sorry.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
No, I don't think you're being unreasonable.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
I don't think you're being insecure.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
I do think men and women can be friends, but
I think there there is a boundary that you have
to set when you are married.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
And that things change.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
You know what's so funny. Nobody's gonna relate to this.
I'm just gonna be talking to myself because it happens
on Love and it happened on Love Island, UK. But
there's this friendship that blossomed on the island between Lorenzo
and Ellie.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
Spoiler alert if you're watching, they're not together.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
They're not together, and they like love each other. Ellie
decided to leave the villa because her like connection got
vhoted off. So she's like, I'm leaving with him, and
like she's saying goodbye Lorenzo and they're like hugging and
she's crying and they're having this emotional thing and she's like,
I never thought that I could like find a friend
that's just like strictly platonic. And I was like, they're
gonna date at some point? WHOA, yeah, hot take the
(33:39):
next year and a half. There, I think Ellie and
Lorenzo will date each other.
Speaker 3 (33:43):
Well, it reminds me of that movie People We Meet
on Vacation because.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Vegas hater of that movie. But basically they me and
then they're best friends.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
They go onto vacation every year and then they both
are in relationships, still doing their yearly in case, I'm like,
I loved the movie, but I'm also like that would
never fly and really ever fly? And then the girl
he was dating, who was she was worried about their
connection had every right to be worried.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Yeah, sleep with one eye open, Sarah.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
I would just say, hey, I want you to be
able to.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
Like is she's communicating and she's but.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
I care to say like, I think the bigger issue
is that I'm coming to you saying that this bothers
me and you're you don't care, can't.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Be ours for that?
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Just say that yes, this is like not use him,
just keep saying he's.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Not paying attention. Then let's get petty and make a
good guy friend and be like, I'm gonna go have
dinner with easthan tonight see a babing. Wow.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
Revenge never works well because you don't want to send
him off like.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
He's not listening to her. What else is she supposed
to do?
Speaker 5 (35:00):
I wonder if Sarah, because she said I don't want
to ask him to end the friendship, but I wonder
if she'd be okay with the friendship continuing. If they
all just spend time together.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
I'm sure she would. I'm sure she would.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
What if the best friend of this man is listening
to Taylor Swift's ruin the friendship? You never know what
someone's plotting against you.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
My guys is always ruined, you.
Speaker 3 (35:27):
Know, Like, what if the other girl thinks that there's
gonna be something there if she just goes.
Speaker 4 (35:35):
If she's listening to Better Than Revenge.
Speaker 3 (35:39):
Sarah, You're not crazy this. He should be able to
have friends, but there should be hard lines and boundaries
to be respectful to you. And that's that's.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
Should care how you're feeling. You should care.
Speaker 3 (35:49):
About how you feel. That can be ursed for that. Okay,
So the question is do we play a game guess
who the New Way?
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Or do we do another Dear Bonya, what's your vote?
Speaker 1 (36:07):
I just suck at the game.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
I know it's hard, but maybe today's your day.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
Maybe you're thirty nine now, yeah, okay, okay, we're going
to try it this New way and we discussed that
you heard discussed at the beginning of the podcast.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
We're always here for the interesting stuff.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Yeah, and you know what, we are students of the
craft and we also listen to our scrubbers so if
you have some issues with how we do things, please
let us know, because we will.
Speaker 5 (36:32):
Of course correct should here I'll play the role of
Mark the game master.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Let me get ok and can you get your names
from Sam? So she makes them both equally.
Speaker 4 (36:44):
And I have been communicating this she has names ready
to go. Okay, let me get my post it note?
Speaker 2 (36:50):
Rock paper scissors?
Speaker 1 (36:51):
Yeah, let's so it's rock paper scissors. Shoot? Yeah, okay,
rock paper scissor? Shoot? Oh she did rock?
Speaker 3 (36:58):
Ey?
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Did scissors go first or second?
Speaker 1 (37:02):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (37:03):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (37:03):
I guess I get to choose.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
Yeah, I want to go second, So you're first. So
the rule is we're just going to count. We're going
to see who can do Guess there's in the least
amount of questions.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
Yeah. So because we listened and we heard that, it
was hard for you all to follow along and play along.
So you have no idea. Who's on my head? This
is Tanya. Let's go. Am I a man? Yes, I'm
a man? Okay? Am I an actor?
Speaker 2 (37:29):
No?
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Am I a singer? No am I an influencer?
Speaker 2 (37:35):
No?
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Oh my gosh, no question marked influencer. So I'm not
an actor, I'm not a singer. I'm not an influencer.
Am I an athlete?
Speaker 2 (37:47):
No?
Speaker 1 (37:48):
Okay, I'm not an athlete, so how does peep? Am
I NEPO baby?
Speaker 2 (37:53):
No actor?
Speaker 1 (37:55):
Singer? Am I an artist?
Speaker 2 (37:57):
No?
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Not an artist? Wow? This is am I missing something
big here? No movie star? My movie star? Do I
know the person on my head?
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (38:13):
I know his name? I know me? How do I
know me?
Speaker 2 (38:26):
That's not a guess or no question?
Speaker 1 (38:28):
Am I a reality star?
Speaker 3 (38:30):
Mm hmmm?
Speaker 4 (38:31):
I mean no, I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
No, this is crazy.
Speaker 3 (38:37):
I'm just looking a look aa she just looked at
the rectok at you can't look at low.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
I'm sorry. I swear I didn't I swear okay, because
I'm lost as hell. I'm not an actor. I'm not
a singer. I'm not an influencer. I'm not an athlete.
I'm not an EPO baby. I'm not an artist. I'm
not a pop star. And I'm not a reality star.
Am I a broadcaster? Yes?
Speaker 3 (39:03):
Yeah? Oh?
Speaker 1 (39:05):
News? Am I news broadcaster?
Speaker 4 (39:07):
No? I mean sometimes yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
I want to say no, but I wouldn't give my
entertainment broadcaster.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:18):
And I'm a man, that's right? Am I married?
Speaker 2 (39:22):
No?
Speaker 1 (39:23):
No, I'm not. Am I over thirty.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (39:27):
Am I over forty?
Speaker 4 (39:28):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (39:28):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (39:29):
Am I over fifty?
Speaker 4 (39:31):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (39:32):
Am I over sixty?
Speaker 4 (39:33):
No?
Speaker 1 (39:34):
I'm in between fifty and sixty. Yes, according to your calculator.
Am I currently dating somebody?
Speaker 3 (39:45):
Not?
Speaker 1 (39:47):
No? Is this person a friend of mine?
Speaker 3 (39:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (39:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:55):
This person officiate my wedding? Yeah? Am I Ryan Seacrest?
Speaker 4 (39:59):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (40:02):
First of all, he is reality story. I went back.
Speaker 4 (40:08):
I didn't think reality. Sorry, I thought rally host.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Oh it's hard.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
I mean, like someone said.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
I just really I didn't give. I didn't. I wasn't
given acturrate information.
Speaker 4 (40:18):
You wouldn't reality.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
And I also don't know that you would have gotten
faster with that.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
I think I will.
Speaker 4 (40:24):
I think it would thrown you off more.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Yeah, that's why I think.
Speaker 3 (40:27):
I think you would have been going down like Love
Island and stuff. So I actually think it saved you
some questions. I got twenty three.
Speaker 4 (40:36):
I got twenty two? Did I miss one?
Speaker 3 (40:38):
I was marking every time she asked, well with the
last yes, no you did.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
You're not right. We'll give her a helmet. What was it?
You got? How many?
Speaker 4 (40:48):
Twenty two?
Speaker 2 (40:49):
Okay, let's do twenty two.
Speaker 4 (40:50):
Wow?
Speaker 3 (40:51):
Good job, Tanya, great job, Tanya.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
All right, it's so cooy. Is he a friend of mine?
I know?
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Well, I can't just be like yeah, I have to
make it fun.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
Okay, all right, that could turn away and I didn't
even mark it down to she's gonna get like two
watch I think she'll get under ten.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
Am I a woman? Yes? Am I an actress?
Speaker 1 (41:15):
No?
Speaker 2 (41:16):
Am I a host?
Speaker 1 (41:17):
No?
Speaker 2 (41:18):
Am I a singer?
Speaker 1 (41:20):
Nope?
Speaker 2 (41:21):
Am I a reality star?
Speaker 1 (41:22):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (41:23):
Am I on the Housewives?
Speaker 1 (41:27):
Nope?
Speaker 2 (41:29):
Am I on a current reality show?
Speaker 1 (41:31):
Oh, I'm gonna say yes. I think that's accurate information.
What do you say current in the last couple of months?
Speaker 2 (41:43):
Yeah, like I have been on a reality show recently?
Speaker 4 (41:45):
Yeah, yes, I don't think so in the last few months.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
Yeah, Am I alive?
Speaker 3 (41:53):
Yes, I'm getting confirmation on the reality show. I'm getting
two different answers.
Speaker 4 (42:01):
Sam clarified that there was a It was a no.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
I know, but you can't it's gonna give too much away.
But it's currently airing now. Yeah, Sam says, right, right,
am I under forty? I'm gonna say no.
Speaker 4 (42:18):
During the birthday game right on forty?
Speaker 3 (42:20):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (42:21):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (42:23):
Was I on the Hills?
Speaker 1 (42:28):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (42:28):
Am I a podcast host?
Speaker 1 (42:30):
No? Oh? It's annoying.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
Was I on Laguna Beach?
Speaker 3 (42:35):
Yes? Do I have initials? Elsie and my Lord Conrad?
Speaker 1 (42:42):
I have fourteen?
Speaker 4 (42:43):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (42:45):
I said under fifteen, didn't say under fifteen?
Speaker 3 (42:49):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (42:50):
Congratulations hard Yeah, I thought so too. Yeah, how did
you go from reality start to the hills?
Speaker 3 (42:59):
Because I was thinking of shows that you would You
were instantly like, I'm a reality star, but I was thinking,
what if it's y'all went back and forth on the
current thing, and so I was like, you said it's
airing right now, which I think was the reunion.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
I'm assuming the reboot. Yeah, the reboot.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Damn.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
I thought it was Kristen Cavalari.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
Yeah. I figured that when you said to a house
a podcast, Wow, well Becca one, what else is new?
Speaker 3 (43:30):
Well, let us know if you liked that format, let's
not feel like that or he wants to go back
to the O G way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you all.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
That's the end of this episode. That is right.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
We love you. We'll see you next week.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
We'll see you next week.
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.