April 16, 2026 • 33 mins
Becca and Tanya are back with another round of Dear Banya!
What do you do if your friend wants to name her kids the same name as yours?? A Scrubbers asks Becca and Tanya about their relationship with faith, and another needs some advice on how to make a destination wedding extra special!
Plus, we dig deep into Tanya's notes app and uncover some Roby secrets from the past!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing in with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio
and two time People's Choice Award winning podcast. Hello everybody,
we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
That we are we're not in our usual studio. It
does Donia feeling absolutely off.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
I'm just feeling really off.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
She doesn't have a wind. We don't have a window
in this studio.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
It impacts me.
Speaker 4 (00:27):
Yeah, no, no clocks.
Speaker 5 (00:28):
It's like we're in Vegas right now.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
It affects my ethos. My starcadian rhythm is off.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Exactly.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
That is it. That is true. It's weird.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Yeah, yeah, Well.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
We do what we have to do. That's Studio A
was not available, so we've moved to plan B. Yeah,
Studio B, and we are recording the podcast without windows,
without those of.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
My advice is going to be like today.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
A teaser for the never know what you're gonna get
with me today?
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Well, we do have a Dear Bonya episode and I
feel like, shall we jump into it or did you
have any small talk you needed to get off your chest.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
I am trying to like revamp my style a little bit.
I don't know if you noticed, like I look a
little cuter today.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
You do look very cute today.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Thank you?
Speaker 4 (01:21):
What are you revamping your what are you doing for.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Your It's like my Tender Tanya season, and.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
So it's Tender Tanya soft girl still or what's the difference?
Speaker 1 (01:32):
A basically soft girl era, but just like it's soft
with a little bit of self care, you know.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
So it's it's the same thing you just coined a
new name.
Speaker 6 (01:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yeah, she's a little more put together than soft Girl era,
like Tender Tanya.
Speaker 4 (01:49):
Like she's a vibe. So it's just come for your close.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Yeah, but like still look in cheek.
Speaker 4 (01:56):
Okay, I see put together. It's it.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
She can conquer the world, but she wants to nap instead.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Can conquer the world.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
She can conquer the world, but she would like a
nap instead.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
Yeah, you're really leaning into the love for Lea.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
I think.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I'm trying to really lean into taking care of my body, mental, physical.
I've always been just like get up, grind, get up, grind,
get up, grind, go go go, go go.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
And this is the first time that I've just kind
of like let go and let God.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
And it's really weird, like I'm not used to it.
It's like definitely been like a rewiring of my brain.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Well, once you let yourself lay, it's hard to get
back up and grind.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
It's very hard to get up and grind. Luckily, I
don't need to do that right now. Like, I'm still
in my like tender Toonia phase.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
How long does a tender Tania phase live? As long
as it has to? How do you know when it's over?
Speaker 3 (02:56):
You'll know when it's over.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
But what's the sign of it being over?
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Well, well, when I have a baby. So we're just
tender up until okay, yeah, we're just tender to the
foreseeable future.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
Okay, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Well I think that's a good segue into this first
Dear bonya question perfect speaking of babies Easton.
Speaker 7 (03:19):
This one's from anonymous Dear Beca Tanya Mark and Easton,
longtime listener of the pod, and I always love the
Dear Bonnie episodes. So here's my question. I was recently
invited to a friend's baby shower. She's pregnant with her
second baby, her first boy, and I'm also pregnant with
my third boy. We're actually do you just a week
apart in May? How fun? We've definitely we've done playdates
with our kids, and we enjoy spending time together, but
(03:41):
I wouldn't say we're super close. That said, the fact
that she invited me to her shower, which was about
twenty people, felt meaningful to me. While we were chatting
at the shower, she mentioned that her top two names
are Atlas and Cyprus. Her daughter's name is Ayla or Isla.
I think it's Isla too. My two boys are out
who My two boys are Atleasts, who's three and a half,
(04:03):
and Everest, who is two and a half. I have
always loved that my kids have unique names, and honestly,
I don't know anyone else with the names Atlas or Everest,
even from when I was teaching elementary school. So I
immediately started feeling a little weird that one of her
top name choices is the exact name of my son.
I know Atlas is becoming more popular, but does that
feel a little strange or am I making too big
of a deal out of it. I would really appreciate
(04:24):
the insight. Thanks so much. PS. When she was opening
gifts at the end, she got a lot of outer
space themed items. I mentioned the whole group that they're
doing a space theme for the nursery. That made me
think she's definitely going to pick Atlas.
Speaker 5 (04:36):
Damn.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I just want to start out with this one line
that you said, we've done play dates with our kids
and we enjoy spending time together, but I wouldn't.
Speaker 4 (04:44):
Say we're super close. Period.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Get over it. Atlas is a popular name.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Well, I think the conflict is that she doesn't perceive
them as super close, but she was invited to a
twenty person baby shower, so she feels they're very close. Okay,
would have been She's thinking, yeah, you you perceive me
as a close enough friend him by metior shower, and
(05:13):
you're gonna name your kid after my kid. I think
that's her dilemma, is that I don't perceive us to
be super close. But here's the thing with names, If anything,
you can think of it as a compliment. You know,
it's like someone picking the same outfit as you, and
you just perceive it as they like my style. She
loves the choice that you made to name your kids.
It's such a cute name.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
The ages, so it's not like they're going to be
in the same class.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
Yeah, I had a friend who was going to name
their baby Atlas, like it is.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
A very have somebody in my family name Atlas. Shane
Mitchell's kids name is Atlas. That's just too off the
top of my head. If I really dug, I think
I could find more.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Yeah, and and their different age range, so they're not
it's not as though they're going to be like, who
is which at lists are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
I think?
Speaker 7 (05:55):
I mean, I think in a post it ends with
us world. There's a lot of outlasses out there.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I think my hot take is people need to be
a little less what's the word sensitive about people having
the names of their children, Like, there's so many people
in the world.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
I think if it was your sister, I would have
issues or as a family member, ye say, hey, this
makes things a little complicated. I think it being someone
that you don't perceive have a super close relationship with
and a different age range as your son, you're in
the clear.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Like my.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
My sister in law and my brother in law, Robbie's brother.
One of their kids' names is like one of my
dream names. Like I think it's so cute. Yeah, yeah,
it's just like such.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
A cute name.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
I love the name. I would totally take that name
if it but They're like, literally could not be closer
family cousins. Yeah, so, but I think it's like a
comp and that's.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
What I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
I think I would just shift your mindset of saying
it doesn't it really in the in the grand scheme
of things, does not affect you or your son at all.
And if anything, it's a compliment that she heard the
name and thought, oh my gosh, my first boy I
would love I'm going to use that name. Ye, maybe
it's going to be Cyprus and all this for nothing,
all this worry for nothing.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
It just feels like no need to worry, please, yeah,
no need.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
Yeah, you have great names, great names. Ever, Ever, I.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Can't wait here first, like your kid came first.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
Yeah, you did it first, and I need to know.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
I would like to know what your third boy name
is going to be, because you have really cute names
and maybe Tanya can steal it.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
We need some over here.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
I mean, like, would you be upset if you had
a kid, Like if I had a kid and I
named it leaf, I don't I just looked at the
leaf whatever I'm trying to use not And then you
had a kid and you're like, I love the name.
I want to, And it was like two years later,
I'd be like, name your kid leaf.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
Yeah, I want to do that. I'm thinking because.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
We're best friends, I know, but I wouldn't care.
Speaker 4 (08:09):
I know, I wouldn't care either, But I want to.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
My leaf and your leaf might be going to different schools,
they might be going to different colleges. They're going to
live different lives, right right. If they don't, it'd be
weird to have like leaf and leaf leaves they'd.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Leave yeah together.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
All I'm saying is take it as a compliment.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Yeah yeah, all right, next week, have questions about religion?
Speaker 7 (08:36):
Oh, question about religion? All right, Dear Banya and Meeston.
I feel like everyone here starts their emails with day
one scerber, but I genuinely am one, and I remember
when Tanya first came on.
Speaker 5 (08:46):
I also remember the Mandle days. That was a wild time.
Speaker 7 (08:49):
Anyway, I wanted to write in with our question for
both of you. I recall that in the past you've
each talked about attending church and having evolving relationships with
God and faith. With Easter just passing, I couldn't help,
but wonder where you're faith stands today.
Speaker 5 (09:01):
Tanya.
Speaker 7 (09:02):
I've noticed you celebrate many Jewish holidays with Robbie. Have
you ever considered converting to Judaism and would Robbie ever
attend church with you? I also noticed that you didn't
really celebrate Easter this year, but did celebrate Passover, which
made me curious about how you're approaching faith these days. Becca,
I remember how meaningful it was when Haley took you
to church. Do you see faith playing a role in
your wedding? I also understand that the church has a
(09:23):
history being hurtful to the LGBTQ plus community, which you've
spoken about before, so I completely understand withdrawing. I was
raised Presbyterian, but my long term boyfriend is Catholic, so
I'm always fascinated by how other couples handle their personal
faith while also supporting their partner's beliefs.
Speaker 5 (09:37):
Okay, Olivia, Bye.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
That's a great ending. You can start it off.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
I think Robbie has come to church with me. He's
not opposed at all.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
He would go to church with me. He even offered
to go to church with me on Easter. Like He's not.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
Anti anti by any means.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
I think that we celebrate a lot of the Jewish
holidays because his family they all live we literally all
of his family lives within like a five minute radius
of where we live, and those like Jewish traditions and
those holidays have like very specific things that they do
and that they've done every single year, and so it
(10:19):
just kind of happens that way. I also have really
grown to love the Jewish faith. I think there's so
much there that's so like beautiful, and I love a
lot of their traditions. So I've really kind of leaned
in on that what I consider converting totally. It's not
anything I'm doing at the moment, but it's definitely something
(10:43):
that I've thought about.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
But I don't know, it's really weird.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
I feel like when you're not when you're younger and
you're not in a relationship, and you like think about
these things and you put all these parameters on, like
my partner needs to be the same faith as me,
and we have to a church together, we have to
do these things da da, And then you find your
partner and it's not what it looks like. I think
that's also very damaging, and so I've kind of just
like it hasn't affected my faith, my relationship with God,
(11:12):
that is the foundation. Like I still pray, it just
kind of looks a little bit different because of the
relationship that I'm in.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
I think my faith is ever evolving.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
I never want to feel stagnant in it, but I
do think there's been things where I have withdrawn from
what I grew up believing, just because I see it
from a different lens now. I've always maintained that my
relationship with God will always be something that's so important
to me and what I believe, and it's kind of
(11:47):
a pillar of my life.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
It's hard for me.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
With organized religion, specifically the Christians and the Evangelical denomination,
to see how they've acted. I think with this administration
right now and how people treat people, I have found
myself wanting to get further away from that and find
(12:13):
it more within like my own personal relationship.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
Because I know people say, well, those are people, that's
not who God or Jesus is.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
But I think when you're called to represent God and
Jesus and that's how you represent him, I have found
it quite off putting. So I think I've struggled with
trying to figure out where I identify in that regard.
But I've always maintained that my faith is super important
to me and that having a relationship with God is
(12:41):
so important to me and where I base a lot
of my decisions off of. But Hayley didn't grow up
with religion, so we have a lot of conversations about
it and she's totally open's. She even asked me on
Easter like, do you have any traditions? Do you want
to go to church? I'll go with you. You know,
she has no do not anti at all. But I
also think from her perspective, there is a lot of
(13:03):
hurt within the LGBTQ community and Christianity. So I think
it's just complicated and I never want to say I
used to feel like such a know it all and
I was like a very judgmental person when it came
to that. And I think meeting people from different cultures
and religions and seeing people different backgrounds and seeing how
beautiful different religions and cultures are made me open my
(13:26):
mind up to it and not feel so judgmental towards
other people who believe differently than me. And so it's
just kind of an ever evolving me wanting to learn
and ask questions and hear other people's experiences, but knowing
that ultimately, religion and a relationship with God is such
(13:47):
a personal thing and I think that's where I stand
on it right now.
Speaker 4 (13:50):
But it's complicated.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Yeah, I mean, here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
It's like you grow, e've alve, you change. I think
for me, like Christmas is obviously a huge tradition that
I've always had, like as a kid, and that's something
that I will always I will remain to have no
matter what. And the way that my step kids have
embraced Christmas and the tree is so beautiful. And even
(14:16):
my step son was like, when are we doing our
Easter egg hunt this year? Because we didn't have them
on Easter this year, and so I ended up doing
one for him this past weekend. But I thought, it's
like so sweet that he likes that tradition that I
was doing with them when I started dating their dad,
and you know what I mean. So I think that's
also really cool that they're open to that and like that.
(14:37):
And again it's not so just like all in on
like one faith. So yeah, it's kind of evolving, yeah,
shape shifting, No, that's not the right word shifting, growing.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
But thank you for such a respectful question. And also
I also was the same way I had my list
of and it was.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
Like they better be a man of God.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
And you know, I think as you grow and you
fall in love with someone, you learn. I mean, this
has just been my experience and obviously yours two specifically
our relationships being with someone who believes differently than us
has been a growing process and a learning process.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Yeah, and also like no judgment on either end. You know,
I grew up serving Orthodox, which is like totally different,
you know, like Orthodox Easter was this past weekend, and
the and the Christmas is also different. But my parents
always celebrated Christmas on I guess it's like Catholic Christmas
because we were going to school and they didn't want
us to feel different and like you know, all that
(15:43):
kind of stuff. So it's always kind of been evolving
and changing for me throughout my life.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
And I think she's just going to continue to do that.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Yeah, we have our next question is throwing it back
to ninety five p days.
Speaker 6 (15:56):
Oh wow, maybe we should take a break. Wow we're
back back back back, Okay.
Speaker 5 (16:20):
All right, waiting for my queue.
Speaker 7 (16:22):
Hi Bonnia and me Sin Newish Scrubber here and started
listening to the podcast this past fall. Welcome found scrubbing
in through TikTok.
Speaker 6 (16:31):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Wow.
Speaker 7 (16:33):
I feel good about that. That's a good sign as
a true gen Zer, and I've been a dedicated scrubber since.
Listen Up Advertisers, gen Z listens. I started listening to
new episodes, and I thought it would be fun to
work my way back from present day to the start
of the pod. I did listened to some older podcast
episodes out of order, though, like when Becca announced her
relationship publicly, when you had Haley on, and when you
(16:54):
had Robbie on, et cetera, et cetera. So I knew
some of the ninety five P lore. But I do
have a question since now I'm an episod so it's
from twenty twenty one, before the relationship was announced publicly.
Becca many times talked about Haley and mentioned her by
name well in some of the same episodes where she
also mentioned ninety five P. My question is, how did
you think people would view Haley at that point as
a friend? Were you slowly trying to give the hint
(17:15):
that she may be ninety five P. Sorry if this
question doesn't make total sense. There's too personal, but I'm
just genuinely curious. Anyways, I really love the pod. It's
one of the few they listened to you every single week.
And all of your friendships are very fine and beautiful
to witness even through a screen.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Wow. Wow a gen z that found us through TikTok.
We are young and hip. I am trying to remember
my mindset. I think I.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Remember so you would like you would mention Haley in
like conversations, like, oh, Haley and I went to lunch,
or does I did that whenever you mentioned anything romantic
ninety five P.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
So you Yeah, I think people saw us hanging out,
and we would post photos where we were in the
same place or doing the same thing. So I knew
that people knew I hung out with Hayley, and I
just would assume if people were using critical thinking skills,
if they heard how much I was with Haley, that
they would assume while they're probably dating. But I wasn't
ready to confirm it. So when I talked about my partner,
(18:14):
it was ninety five P. And I still don't know
how we did that for so long.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
We really locked in.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
But yeah, it was it was just kind of I
couldn't avoid, and I never wanted Haley to feel hidden.
So it was that balance of being private about our
relationship but not making it seem like I wasn't associated
with her in a capacity, So I assumed. I think
that's why when we did go public, there was this
feeling of elation but also overwhelming love from our scrubbers,
(18:49):
because I knew that most of them knew, Like we
have smart listeners. I don't think that they're not catching
all that.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
I feel like not a lot of people knew. I
do feel like.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
Scrubbers. I think are scrubbers.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
I think like maybe I knew what was going on,
but I think the general consensus was not.
Speaker 4 (19:10):
That's so interesting.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
I find that our scrubbers, I would imagine a bunch
of our scrubbers knew, and they were disrespectful to the
situation to be like thoughtful and respectful to me, right right, right,
But I just assumed.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
I'll let people use context clues and yeah, I was.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
Like, she's hanging out Haley more than she's hanging.
Speaker 7 (19:30):
Out with me.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
That should be I mean, we're giving you something I've
lived together.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
Really, that's like a whole thing with.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
WLW relationships what's the thing, like they were roommates in quotes, right,
there's a.
Speaker 7 (19:48):
On Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland. There's like when
you when you're waiting in line, there's like paintings of
the pirates of like other pirates or something, and when
you cut off the.
Speaker 5 (19:57):
I'm trying to find it.
Speaker 7 (19:58):
There's there's two ladies vironts that are that are roommates. Yeah,
every time we write that, right, and like we because
I think there's a lower that they're officially.
Speaker 5 (20:08):
Roommates, and uh, you know we read between the lines.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
I know how like well because advanced of Disney or.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
Well, yeah, Disney's Disney's advance like that.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
But a lot of people, especially before it was accepted,
like they would have their roommate friend. Like you think
about people who had their aunt or someone in their
life and they had their roommate who was always with them.
You know, you probably have an aunt somewhere down the
line together.
Speaker 4 (20:43):
But it wasn't accepted.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
So there was that even going to common this weekend,
this woman I'm standing with Haley and.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
She goes, oh my gosh, you're engaged.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Your rink so beautiful, but where's your is your are
you with your husband? Is your husband coming or something?
I go, oh, no, this is my fiance. Just look
at her ring.
Speaker 5 (21:01):
We both have.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
Rings and she's holding my hand right now like.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
We just kissed.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
But yeah, you know, people are always asked, and no
one's ever God forbid, lucky me knock on wood whatever
I'm supposed to say, knock on wood. Every time I
say that, and everyone just goes, oh my gosh, what
that's so cool. You know, no one ever has a
negative reaction. But I've been lucky in that regard.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Yeah, I would hope not, especially from a stranger. That'd
be even weird.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
I promise you there are people who have had really
we are in a bubble.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
In California that we are anyway.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
So yeah, I think I just assumed that people would
assume this Haley girl that I'm hanging out with all
the time, they must be really good friends.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
And the fact that I wasn't jealous about your friendship.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Yeah yeah, the context, so yeah, that was a really
big context.
Speaker 4 (21:55):
They're like, well, tonya really handles this friendship.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
So well, all right, next one, do we do destination
wedding idea?
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (22:08):
Yeah, Another anonymous this person's busy. Hi, I'd rather stay
and on and on because just because I'm shy, I'm
too shy. First, I love you guys so much, would
love everyone's input. Tanya, you're my destination beach wedding in
Mexico inspiration, and I'm wore a stealing your idea for
the handwritten guest notes. I wanted to think of more
(22:28):
than I can do to keep it personal and everyone
feeling special too. I'm hesitant to do gift bags. I
don't really want to do the whole emergency kit thing.
Anything personal I can replace that with or anywhere else
in the weekend, I can string personal touches for guests
in We're having a welcome dinner the wedding and a
day after beach hag so excited to hear ideas. Y'all
are so thoughtful, so I need to come here. Also,
if Tanya has any other advice or things to note
(22:50):
for a destination wedding, I'd love to hear it.
Speaker 5 (22:52):
Love at day one, you really.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Did nail the destination wedding in Mexico. I did well.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
It felt very seamless and for a destination wedding locked
in and organized and yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
Wow, shout out to Marjorie, my wedding planner.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
But I think in terms of like the destination of
it all, I was very anxious about forgetting something, Like
I was like, heaven forbid I forget something of my
Like I needed my daily repertoire on my wedding weekend.
So I started packing like a month before, Like I
just brought my suitcase out and I just started packing
(23:34):
stuff just so I wouldn't forget, and I would leave
notes of things to remember, like not to forget because
you do get. Really there's so much, and then you're packing,
you're saying you don't want to do the welcome bags,
but it's like all this stuff for the welcome bags,
all the cards, your vows, all this stuff for the wedding,
every little trinket, every part of your outfit, for multiple parties.
(23:56):
It's a lot, and then there's like a lot of
pressure on it too. So in terms of personal touches,
I do feel like the cards are really nice. We
wanted everybody to have something to do while we were
taking some photos before the reception. But I don't think
it's a bad idea if you don't want to do
welcome bags, to do the letters as like a welcome.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Letter in their rooms.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Right, If you don't want to do a gift bag
or like an emergency kit, I don't know what else
you could do.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
I mean you could do a you could have a
photo if you have photos with everyone, you could have
a photo kind of either like in clear frames and
then the card with it, so that way it's a personal.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
Yeah, and that's easy.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
You can get those clear plastic frames on Amazon and
like bolks. Yeah, and just print out photos of you
with the people, the guests who are coming.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Or like even a fan fans, maybe you're a wedding hashtag.
So it's not like a gift bag, but it's like something.
And if you're doing it somewhere where it's warm, they'll
use the fans great touch.
Speaker 4 (25:00):
Thanks, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
I think there's really cute things you can do to
make it feel personal without needing to do like full merch,
because the merch was a I mean trying to get
it through customs was a lot, a lot stressful.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
Yeah, I stress.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
I didn't need Yeah, I did not need to feel
I was like, if they take all my stuff for
my gift bags, and I'm left with nothing.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
I'm gonna have a full blown melt out at this airport.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Yeah yeah, yeah, so yeah, it was stressful.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
But I also think there's other things you can do too.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Like I don't even know if anybody noticed this, but
on our day after the wedding, like our beach or
pool hang or whatever, we had our logo yad Rad
etched into some of the coconuts, like for the coconut water,
and I thought that was like a cute little touch,
you know.
Speaker 4 (25:48):
Yeah, I think there's things you can do.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
And if you're like I don't want to have to
carry a ton and spend money, you can do simple
things that don't And you can ask.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
The hotel too, like what if they offer anything. They're
like simple little things that they could do. There's like
something that they can put in everybody's room, Yeah, with
like a little note on the plate, you know how
they write a happy birthday chocolate covered strawberries or something.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Yeah. Yeah, but anyways, congratulations, yeah, excite, good luck with
the planning.
Speaker 4 (26:14):
Oh so exciting. So go back to March twenty twenty five.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
If I could relive that weekend over and over and
over again, I would.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
It was so fun.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
It was so fun.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Okay, we're gonna take a break, and then we have
one more question, which involves Ask a Guy Panel TV.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
We have a couple of tbts this episode, so we'll
be right back.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
We're back.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
I tried to give you a hint that it was coming.
All right, our final question Easton take it Away?
Speaker 5 (26:57):
Also from anonymous.
Speaker 7 (26:58):
Wow, hi all, Sorry this has been asked before, but
I've restarted the podcast again, probably my third time. I
love listening while driving to work and cleaning the house
and at work, especially since I know what's happening present day.
Keeps me laughing and smiling during my night shift. In
the Ask a Guy Panel with Nick Brad and Brooks,
Tany revealed she took notes on an app of guys.
Speaker 5 (27:16):
Did she take notes on Robbie?
Speaker 7 (27:18):
Yes, for the rest of you, if you could go
back and have to take notes, if you were a
Tanya back then, what notes would you have made from
the early points in your relationships? Like everyone that writes in,
I love the pod and thank you for the joy
you bring.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
You have the notes. Yeah, that's so good. I's been
to ask you to pull it up. I am trying
to think of I took. I didn't really take notes
on Haley specifically because we met and then.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
Started dating, like just it was very quick.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
But I do remember because we're so different, we have
so many differences that I did. I would we would
both take notes of things that we had in common.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
And the one I remember.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Specific when we discovered we loved Mary Kate Nashley movies,
and that was one of our things that we both
loved and so we had I can see if I
still have that note somewhere. But we just took notes
of little things like that. But I didn't take notes
about her as a person. Like remember when Ross did
that to Rachel and he said and then he say,
(28:21):
like he said something mean, But you remember they started dating,
was it though? He said something about her ankles?
Speaker 3 (28:28):
Oh yeah, and she was like got self conscious about it.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
When I look back on my notes, it's like so
silly because it's just like total stuff that is so
that just is like who they are. So I obviously
put a note of like the day that we met.
I took a note of his birthday. I took note
of his parents' names, and then I put I put
his mom's name and then how to like say it
right next to it?
Speaker 4 (28:51):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (28:53):
Like mitra?
Speaker 1 (28:54):
And then I put m eetra. Oh God, make sure
I pronounced it right. The name of his nephew, his
first car, the size of his shoes, what kind of
attorney he is, what kind of his size jeans, his
favorite restaurant in the country.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
And then it's this place called Jocomo's, New Orleans. It's
in New Orleans. I try to get foods flown in
from there for like I don't remember. I think, like
a Valentine's Day at one point, but I don't even
know if it's still there. I wrote down his kids' names,
what kind of candy they like, their favorite movies, their birthdays.
I ranked his love languages, so I knew his one
(29:37):
to five.
Speaker 4 (29:38):
What are his love languages? But he's still the same,
definitely not.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
But number one was physical touch, number two was acts
of service, three is quality time, four as words of
words of affirmation.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
And five is gifts. Actually four and five are pretty
much the same.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Wow, his favorite movies, stuff about his health.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Which is so cultural level.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
Yeah literally yes, yes, yeah, his favorite type of apple,
his favorite vegetable.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
And then I also put.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
The day that I said I love you, and then
I took track of every single one of our dates.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
One through thirty nine.
Speaker 5 (30:18):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
So I put like.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Date one, and then I would list off black Liquor Market,
date two, Firefly before my New York Red Eye, date three, Patch,
date four, movie and slumber party.
Speaker 4 (30:30):
Robbie brought orange wine. That's really cute.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Yeah, so I have one through thirty Let's see what
thirty nine was passover and San's hands massage. What wow,
this is when I'd got into the pandemic. So I
feel like once we got into the pandemic, all the
dates kind of started being the same because they were
all just like at our house picnics. So I think
that's when I stopped. Look at date thirty three T
(30:58):
and B's Tasty Taco double date night with Becka and Hayley.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Oh I just found I was. I found a video
of that the other day. So cute, so cute.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Those are really all my notes that. That's really funny,
But I'm glad. I wish I would have taken notes
on all of our dates, like I wish I didn't stop.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
But I feel like the pandemic kind of.
Speaker 4 (31:17):
Yeah, halted things. Yeah, yeah, I never picked it back up,
which is sad.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
I don't really have any I thought, I know I
have it somewhere, but I don't have them listed, I
mean labeled, so it's tough, tough.
Speaker 3 (31:28):
To find tough.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Yeah, but yeah, I think that's such a cute it's
a cute idea. And I had a friend recently who
is in the dating world, and someone was asking she
was just started seeing this guy and she's likes him
or whatever, but she's like, oh, I don't want to
get too excited because like I feel like I get
my hopes up and then I'm disappointed. And I was like,
(31:50):
that's such a tedious balance because you don't what if
what if he is your guy and you don't let
yourself get excited about meeting this guy because you're scared
he's and be like the other ones. And I was
thinking about you that you I don't feel like you
do you feel like you had to.
Speaker 4 (32:06):
Hold yourself back with Robbie. No, Yeah, because he was
the right one.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Yeah, And I just feel like when it's the right one,
you're not gonna feel like freak flag fly.
Speaker 4 (32:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
I mean we had we had some help with the
text messages, yes, lad, but once he met you, yes,
you just let it all out.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
So I think that's a good I think it's a
cute gesture to make to write notes if you remember,
even if it's like little details, yeah, orange wine.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
Yeah, and my little things like his favorite like green
juice from creation, like you know, just like random stupid stuff.
Speaker 4 (32:38):
Yeah, it's really cute to look back.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
And how much he likes like hearts of Palm. I'm like,
he still loves hearts of Palm. I love hearts of them.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
Yeah, all right, everyone always, as always, thank you for
writing in We Love Dear Bonnie episodes. If you have
a Dear Bonnie question, concerned, just need advice on something,
you can either dms on Instagram at Scrubbing and Pot
or email us at scrubbing in at iHeartMedia dot com.
We love you so much, Love you have a wonderful weekend.
Speaker 4 (33:06):
Bye,
Scrubbing in with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio
and two time People's Choice Award winning podcast. Hello everybody,
we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
That we are we're not in our usual studio. It
does Donia feeling absolutely off.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
I'm just feeling really off.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
She doesn't have a wind. We don't have a window
in this studio.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
It impacts me.
Speaker 4 (00:27):
Yeah, no, no clocks.
Speaker 5 (00:28):
It's like we're in Vegas right now.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
It affects my ethos. My starcadian rhythm is off.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Exactly.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
That is it. That is true. It's weird.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Yeah, yeah, Well.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
We do what we have to do. That's Studio A
was not available, so we've moved to plan B. Yeah,
Studio B, and we are recording the podcast without windows,
without those of.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
My advice is going to be like today.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
A teaser for the never know what you're gonna get
with me today?
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Well, we do have a Dear Bonya episode and I
feel like, shall we jump into it or did you
have any small talk you needed to get off your chest.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
I am trying to like revamp my style a little bit.
I don't know if you noticed, like I look a
little cuter today.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
You do look very cute today.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Thank you?
Speaker 4 (01:21):
What are you revamping your what are you doing for.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Your It's like my Tender Tanya season, and.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
So it's Tender Tanya soft girl still or what's the difference?
Speaker 1 (01:32):
A basically soft girl era, but just like it's soft
with a little bit of self care, you know.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
So it's it's the same thing you just coined a
new name.
Speaker 6 (01:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yeah, she's a little more put together than soft Girl era,
like Tender Tanya.
Speaker 4 (01:49):
Like she's a vibe. So it's just come for your close.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Yeah, but like still look in cheek.
Speaker 4 (01:56):
Okay, I see put together. It's it.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
She can conquer the world, but she wants to nap instead.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Can conquer the world.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
She can conquer the world, but she would like a
nap instead.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
Yeah, you're really leaning into the love for Lea.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
I think.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I'm trying to really lean into taking care of my body, mental, physical.
I've always been just like get up, grind, get up, grind,
get up, grind, go go go, go go.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
And this is the first time that I've just kind
of like let go and let God.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
And it's really weird, like I'm not used to it.
It's like definitely been like a rewiring of my brain.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Well, once you let yourself lay, it's hard to get
back up and grind.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
It's very hard to get up and grind. Luckily, I
don't need to do that right now. Like, I'm still
in my like tender Toonia phase.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
How long does a tender Tania phase live? As long
as it has to? How do you know when it's over?
Speaker 3 (02:56):
You'll know when it's over.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
But what's the sign of it being over?
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Well, well, when I have a baby. So we're just
tender up until okay, yeah, we're just tender to the
foreseeable future.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
Okay, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Well I think that's a good segue into this first
Dear bonya question perfect speaking of babies Easton.
Speaker 7 (03:19):
This one's from anonymous Dear Beca Tanya Mark and Easton,
longtime listener of the pod, and I always love the
Dear Bonnie episodes. So here's my question. I was recently
invited to a friend's baby shower. She's pregnant with her
second baby, her first boy, and I'm also pregnant with
my third boy. We're actually do you just a week
apart in May? How fun? We've definitely we've done playdates
with our kids, and we enjoy spending time together, but
(03:41):
I wouldn't say we're super close. That said, the fact
that she invited me to her shower, which was about
twenty people, felt meaningful to me. While we were chatting
at the shower, she mentioned that her top two names
are Atlas and Cyprus. Her daughter's name is Ayla or Isla.
I think it's Isla too. My two boys are out
who My two boys are Atleasts, who's three and a half,
(04:03):
and Everest, who is two and a half. I have
always loved that my kids have unique names, and honestly,
I don't know anyone else with the names Atlas or Everest,
even from when I was teaching elementary school. So I
immediately started feeling a little weird that one of her
top name choices is the exact name of my son.
I know Atlas is becoming more popular, but does that
feel a little strange or am I making too big
of a deal out of it. I would really appreciate
(04:24):
the insight. Thanks so much. PS. When she was opening
gifts at the end, she got a lot of outer
space themed items. I mentioned the whole group that they're
doing a space theme for the nursery. That made me
think she's definitely going to pick Atlas.
Speaker 5 (04:36):
Damn.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I just want to start out with this one line
that you said, we've done play dates with our kids
and we enjoy spending time together, but I wouldn't.
Speaker 4 (04:44):
Say we're super close. Period.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Get over it. Atlas is a popular name.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Well, I think the conflict is that she doesn't perceive
them as super close, but she was invited to a
twenty person baby shower, so she feels they're very close. Okay,
would have been She's thinking, yeah, you you perceive me
as a close enough friend him by metior shower, and
(05:13):
you're gonna name your kid after my kid. I think
that's her dilemma, is that I don't perceive us to
be super close. But here's the thing with names, If anything,
you can think of it as a compliment. You know,
it's like someone picking the same outfit as you, and
you just perceive it as they like my style. She
loves the choice that you made to name your kids.
It's such a cute name.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
The ages, so it's not like they're going to be
in the same class.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
Yeah, I had a friend who was going to name
their baby Atlas, like it is.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
A very have somebody in my family name Atlas. Shane
Mitchell's kids name is Atlas. That's just too off the
top of my head. If I really dug, I think
I could find more.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Yeah, and and their different age range, so they're not
it's not as though they're going to be like, who
is which at lists are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
I think?
Speaker 7 (05:55):
I mean, I think in a post it ends with
us world. There's a lot of outlasses out there.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I think my hot take is people need to be
a little less what's the word sensitive about people having
the names of their children, Like, there's so many people
in the world.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
I think if it was your sister, I would have
issues or as a family member, ye say, hey, this
makes things a little complicated. I think it being someone
that you don't perceive have a super close relationship with
and a different age range as your son, you're in
the clear.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Like my.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
My sister in law and my brother in law, Robbie's brother.
One of their kids' names is like one of my
dream names. Like I think it's so cute. Yeah, yeah,
it's just like such.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
A cute name.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
I love the name. I would totally take that name
if it but They're like, literally could not be closer
family cousins. Yeah, so, but I think it's like a
comp and that's.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
What I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
I think I would just shift your mindset of saying
it doesn't it really in the in the grand scheme
of things, does not affect you or your son at all.
And if anything, it's a compliment that she heard the
name and thought, oh my gosh, my first boy I
would love I'm going to use that name. Ye, maybe
it's going to be Cyprus and all this for nothing,
all this worry for nothing.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
It just feels like no need to worry, please, yeah,
no need.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
Yeah, you have great names, great names. Ever, Ever, I.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Can't wait here first, like your kid came first.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
Yeah, you did it first, and I need to know.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
I would like to know what your third boy name
is going to be, because you have really cute names
and maybe Tanya can steal it.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
We need some over here.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
I mean, like, would you be upset if you had
a kid, Like if I had a kid and I
named it leaf, I don't I just looked at the
leaf whatever I'm trying to use not And then you
had a kid and you're like, I love the name.
I want to, And it was like two years later,
I'd be like, name your kid leaf.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
Yeah, I want to do that. I'm thinking because.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
We're best friends, I know, but I wouldn't care.
Speaker 4 (08:09):
I know, I wouldn't care either, But I want to.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
My leaf and your leaf might be going to different schools,
they might be going to different colleges. They're going to
live different lives, right right. If they don't, it'd be
weird to have like leaf and leaf leaves they'd.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Leave yeah together.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
All I'm saying is take it as a compliment.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Yeah yeah, all right, next week, have questions about religion?
Speaker 7 (08:36):
Oh, question about religion? All right, Dear Banya and Meeston.
I feel like everyone here starts their emails with day
one scerber, but I genuinely am one, and I remember
when Tanya first came on.
Speaker 5 (08:46):
I also remember the Mandle days. That was a wild time.
Speaker 7 (08:49):
Anyway, I wanted to write in with our question for
both of you. I recall that in the past you've
each talked about attending church and having evolving relationships with
God and faith. With Easter just passing, I couldn't help,
but wonder where you're faith stands today.
Speaker 5 (09:01):
Tanya.
Speaker 7 (09:02):
I've noticed you celebrate many Jewish holidays with Robbie. Have
you ever considered converting to Judaism and would Robbie ever
attend church with you? I also noticed that you didn't
really celebrate Easter this year, but did celebrate Passover, which
made me curious about how you're approaching faith these days. Becca,
I remember how meaningful it was when Haley took you
to church. Do you see faith playing a role in
your wedding? I also understand that the church has a
(09:23):
history being hurtful to the LGBTQ plus community, which you've
spoken about before, so I completely understand withdrawing. I was
raised Presbyterian, but my long term boyfriend is Catholic, so
I'm always fascinated by how other couples handle their personal
faith while also supporting their partner's beliefs.
Speaker 5 (09:37):
Okay, Olivia, Bye.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
That's a great ending. You can start it off.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
I think Robbie has come to church with me. He's
not opposed at all.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
He would go to church with me. He even offered
to go to church with me on Easter. Like He's not.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
Anti anti by any means.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
I think that we celebrate a lot of the Jewish
holidays because his family they all live we literally all
of his family lives within like a five minute radius
of where we live, and those like Jewish traditions and
those holidays have like very specific things that they do
and that they've done every single year, and so it
(10:19):
just kind of happens that way. I also have really
grown to love the Jewish faith. I think there's so
much there that's so like beautiful, and I love a
lot of their traditions. So I've really kind of leaned
in on that what I consider converting totally. It's not
anything I'm doing at the moment, but it's definitely something
(10:43):
that I've thought about.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
But I don't know, it's really weird.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
I feel like when you're not when you're younger and
you're not in a relationship, and you like think about
these things and you put all these parameters on, like
my partner needs to be the same faith as me,
and we have to a church together, we have to
do these things da da, And then you find your
partner and it's not what it looks like. I think
that's also very damaging, and so I've kind of just
like it hasn't affected my faith, my relationship with God,
(11:12):
that is the foundation. Like I still pray, it just
kind of looks a little bit different because of the
relationship that I'm in.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
I think my faith is ever evolving.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
I never want to feel stagnant in it, but I
do think there's been things where I have withdrawn from
what I grew up believing, just because I see it
from a different lens now. I've always maintained that my
relationship with God will always be something that's so important
to me and what I believe, and it's kind of
(11:47):
a pillar of my life.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
It's hard for me.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
With organized religion, specifically the Christians and the Evangelical denomination,
to see how they've acted. I think with this administration
right now and how people treat people, I have found
myself wanting to get further away from that and find
(12:13):
it more within like my own personal relationship.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
Because I know people say, well, those are people, that's
not who God or Jesus is.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
But I think when you're called to represent God and
Jesus and that's how you represent him, I have found
it quite off putting. So I think I've struggled with
trying to figure out where I identify in that regard.
But I've always maintained that my faith is super important
to me and that having a relationship with God is
(12:41):
so important to me and where I base a lot
of my decisions off of. But Hayley didn't grow up
with religion, so we have a lot of conversations about
it and she's totally open's. She even asked me on
Easter like, do you have any traditions? Do you want
to go to church? I'll go with you. You know,
she has no do not anti at all. But I
also think from her perspective, there is a lot of
(13:03):
hurt within the LGBTQ community and Christianity. So I think
it's just complicated and I never want to say I
used to feel like such a know it all and
I was like a very judgmental person when it came
to that. And I think meeting people from different cultures
and religions and seeing people different backgrounds and seeing how
beautiful different religions and cultures are made me open my
(13:26):
mind up to it and not feel so judgmental towards
other people who believe differently than me. And so it's
just kind of an ever evolving me wanting to learn
and ask questions and hear other people's experiences, but knowing
that ultimately, religion and a relationship with God is such
(13:47):
a personal thing and I think that's where I stand
on it right now.
Speaker 4 (13:50):
But it's complicated.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Yeah, I mean, here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
It's like you grow, e've alve, you change. I think
for me, like Christmas is obviously a huge tradition that
I've always had, like as a kid, and that's something
that I will always I will remain to have no
matter what. And the way that my step kids have
embraced Christmas and the tree is so beautiful. And even
(14:16):
my step son was like, when are we doing our
Easter egg hunt this year? Because we didn't have them
on Easter this year, and so I ended up doing
one for him this past weekend. But I thought, it's
like so sweet that he likes that tradition that I
was doing with them when I started dating their dad,
and you know what I mean. So I think that's
also really cool that they're open to that and like that.
(14:37):
And again it's not so just like all in on
like one faith. So yeah, it's kind of evolving, yeah,
shape shifting, No, that's not the right word shifting, growing.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
But thank you for such a respectful question. And also
I also was the same way I had my list
of and it was.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
Like they better be a man of God.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
And you know, I think as you grow and you
fall in love with someone, you learn. I mean, this
has just been my experience and obviously yours two specifically
our relationships being with someone who believes differently than us
has been a growing process and a learning process.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Yeah, and also like no judgment on either end. You know,
I grew up serving Orthodox, which is like totally different,
you know, like Orthodox Easter was this past weekend, and
the and the Christmas is also different. But my parents
always celebrated Christmas on I guess it's like Catholic Christmas
because we were going to school and they didn't want
us to feel different and like you know, all that
(15:43):
kind of stuff. So it's always kind of been evolving
and changing for me throughout my life.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
And I think she's just going to continue to do that.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Yeah, we have our next question is throwing it back
to ninety five p days.
Speaker 6 (15:56):
Oh wow, maybe we should take a break. Wow we're
back back back back, Okay.
Speaker 5 (16:20):
All right, waiting for my queue.
Speaker 7 (16:22):
Hi Bonnia and me Sin Newish Scrubber here and started
listening to the podcast this past fall. Welcome found scrubbing
in through TikTok.
Speaker 6 (16:31):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Wow.
Speaker 7 (16:33):
I feel good about that. That's a good sign as
a true gen Zer, and I've been a dedicated scrubber since.
Listen Up Advertisers, gen Z listens. I started listening to
new episodes, and I thought it would be fun to
work my way back from present day to the start
of the pod. I did listened to some older podcast
episodes out of order, though, like when Becca announced her
relationship publicly, when you had Haley on, and when you
(16:54):
had Robbie on, et cetera, et cetera. So I knew
some of the ninety five P lore. But I do
have a question since now I'm an episod so it's
from twenty twenty one, before the relationship was announced publicly.
Becca many times talked about Haley and mentioned her by
name well in some of the same episodes where she
also mentioned ninety five P. My question is, how did
you think people would view Haley at that point as
a friend? Were you slowly trying to give the hint
(17:15):
that she may be ninety five P. Sorry if this
question doesn't make total sense. There's too personal, but I'm
just genuinely curious. Anyways, I really love the pod. It's
one of the few they listened to you every single week.
And all of your friendships are very fine and beautiful
to witness even through a screen.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Wow. Wow a gen z that found us through TikTok.
We are young and hip. I am trying to remember
my mindset. I think I.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Remember so you would like you would mention Haley in
like conversations, like, oh, Haley and I went to lunch,
or does I did that whenever you mentioned anything romantic
ninety five P.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
So you Yeah, I think people saw us hanging out,
and we would post photos where we were in the
same place or doing the same thing. So I knew
that people knew I hung out with Hayley, and I
just would assume if people were using critical thinking skills,
if they heard how much I was with Haley, that
they would assume while they're probably dating. But I wasn't
ready to confirm it. So when I talked about my partner,
(18:14):
it was ninety five P. And I still don't know
how we did that for so long.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
We really locked in.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
But yeah, it was it was just kind of I
couldn't avoid, and I never wanted Haley to feel hidden.
So it was that balance of being private about our
relationship but not making it seem like I wasn't associated
with her in a capacity, So I assumed. I think
that's why when we did go public, there was this
feeling of elation but also overwhelming love from our scrubbers,
(18:49):
because I knew that most of them knew, Like we
have smart listeners. I don't think that they're not catching
all that.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
I feel like not a lot of people knew. I
do feel like.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
Scrubbers. I think are scrubbers.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
I think like maybe I knew what was going on,
but I think the general consensus was not.
Speaker 4 (19:10):
That's so interesting.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
I find that our scrubbers, I would imagine a bunch
of our scrubbers knew, and they were disrespectful to the
situation to be like thoughtful and respectful to me, right right, right,
But I just assumed.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
I'll let people use context clues and yeah, I was.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
Like, she's hanging out Haley more than she's hanging.
Speaker 7 (19:30):
Out with me.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
That should be I mean, we're giving you something I've
lived together.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
Really, that's like a whole thing with.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
WLW relationships what's the thing, like they were roommates in quotes, right,
there's a.
Speaker 7 (19:48):
On Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland. There's like when
you when you're waiting in line, there's like paintings of
the pirates of like other pirates or something, and when
you cut off the.
Speaker 5 (19:57):
I'm trying to find it.
Speaker 7 (19:58):
There's there's two ladies vironts that are that are roommates. Yeah,
every time we write that, right, and like we because
I think there's a lower that they're officially.
Speaker 5 (20:08):
Roommates, and uh, you know we read between the lines.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
I know how like well because advanced of Disney or.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
Well, yeah, Disney's Disney's advance like that.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
But a lot of people, especially before it was accepted,
like they would have their roommate friend. Like you think
about people who had their aunt or someone in their
life and they had their roommate who was always with them.
You know, you probably have an aunt somewhere down the
line together.
Speaker 4 (20:43):
But it wasn't accepted.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
So there was that even going to common this weekend,
this woman I'm standing with Haley and.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
She goes, oh my gosh, you're engaged.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Your rink so beautiful, but where's your is your are
you with your husband? Is your husband coming or something?
I go, oh, no, this is my fiance. Just look
at her ring.
Speaker 5 (21:01):
We both have.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
Rings and she's holding my hand right now like.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
We just kissed.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
But yeah, you know, people are always asked, and no
one's ever God forbid, lucky me knock on wood whatever
I'm supposed to say, knock on wood. Every time I
say that, and everyone just goes, oh my gosh, what
that's so cool. You know, no one ever has a
negative reaction. But I've been lucky in that regard.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Yeah, I would hope not, especially from a stranger. That'd
be even weird.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
I promise you there are people who have had really
we are in a bubble.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
In California that we are anyway.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
So yeah, I think I just assumed that people would
assume this Haley girl that I'm hanging out with all
the time, they must be really good friends.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
And the fact that I wasn't jealous about your friendship.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Yeah yeah, the context, so yeah, that was a really
big context.
Speaker 4 (21:55):
They're like, well, tonya really handles this friendship.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
So well, all right, next one, do we do destination
wedding idea?
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (22:08):
Yeah, Another anonymous this person's busy. Hi, I'd rather stay
and on and on because just because I'm shy, I'm
too shy. First, I love you guys so much, would
love everyone's input. Tanya, you're my destination beach wedding in
Mexico inspiration, and I'm wore a stealing your idea for
the handwritten guest notes. I wanted to think of more
(22:28):
than I can do to keep it personal and everyone
feeling special too. I'm hesitant to do gift bags. I
don't really want to do the whole emergency kit thing.
Anything personal I can replace that with or anywhere else
in the weekend, I can string personal touches for guests
in We're having a welcome dinner the wedding and a
day after beach hag so excited to hear ideas. Y'all
are so thoughtful, so I need to come here. Also,
if Tanya has any other advice or things to note
(22:50):
for a destination wedding, I'd love to hear it.
Speaker 5 (22:52):
Love at day one, you really.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Did nail the destination wedding in Mexico. I did well.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
It felt very seamless and for a destination wedding locked
in and organized and yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
Wow, shout out to Marjorie, my wedding planner.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
But I think in terms of like the destination of
it all, I was very anxious about forgetting something, Like
I was like, heaven forbid I forget something of my
Like I needed my daily repertoire on my wedding weekend.
So I started packing like a month before, Like I
just brought my suitcase out and I just started packing
(23:34):
stuff just so I wouldn't forget, and I would leave
notes of things to remember, like not to forget because
you do get. Really there's so much, and then you're packing,
you're saying you don't want to do the welcome bags,
but it's like all this stuff for the welcome bags,
all the cards, your vows, all this stuff for the wedding,
every little trinket, every part of your outfit, for multiple parties.
(23:56):
It's a lot, and then there's like a lot of
pressure on it too. So in terms of personal touches,
I do feel like the cards are really nice. We
wanted everybody to have something to do while we were
taking some photos before the reception. But I don't think
it's a bad idea if you don't want to do
welcome bags, to do the letters as like a welcome.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Letter in their rooms.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Right, If you don't want to do a gift bag
or like an emergency kit, I don't know what else
you could do.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
I mean you could do a you could have a
photo if you have photos with everyone, you could have
a photo kind of either like in clear frames and
then the card with it, so that way it's a personal.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
Yeah, and that's easy.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
You can get those clear plastic frames on Amazon and
like bolks. Yeah, and just print out photos of you
with the people, the guests who are coming.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Or like even a fan fans, maybe you're a wedding hashtag.
So it's not like a gift bag, but it's like something.
And if you're doing it somewhere where it's warm, they'll
use the fans great touch.
Speaker 4 (25:00):
Thanks, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
I think there's really cute things you can do to
make it feel personal without needing to do like full merch,
because the merch was a I mean trying to get
it through customs was a lot, a lot stressful.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
Yeah, I stress.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
I didn't need Yeah, I did not need to feel
I was like, if they take all my stuff for
my gift bags, and I'm left with nothing.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
I'm gonna have a full blown melt out at this airport.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Yeah yeah, yeah, so yeah, it was stressful.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
But I also think there's other things you can do too.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Like I don't even know if anybody noticed this, but
on our day after the wedding, like our beach or
pool hang or whatever, we had our logo yad Rad
etched into some of the coconuts, like for the coconut water,
and I thought that was like a cute little touch,
you know.
Speaker 4 (25:48):
Yeah, I think there's things you can do.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
And if you're like I don't want to have to
carry a ton and spend money, you can do simple
things that don't And you can ask.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
The hotel too, like what if they offer anything. They're
like simple little things that they could do. There's like
something that they can put in everybody's room, Yeah, with
like a little note on the plate, you know how
they write a happy birthday chocolate covered strawberries or something.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Yeah. Yeah, but anyways, congratulations, yeah, excite, good luck with
the planning.
Speaker 4 (26:14):
Oh so exciting. So go back to March twenty twenty five.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
If I could relive that weekend over and over and
over again, I would.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
It was so fun.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
It was so fun.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Okay, we're gonna take a break, and then we have
one more question, which involves Ask a Guy Panel TV.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
We have a couple of tbts this episode, so we'll
be right back.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
We're back.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
I tried to give you a hint that it was coming.
All right, our final question Easton take it Away?
Speaker 5 (26:57):
Also from anonymous.
Speaker 7 (26:58):
Wow, hi all, Sorry this has been asked before, but
I've restarted the podcast again, probably my third time. I
love listening while driving to work and cleaning the house
and at work, especially since I know what's happening present day.
Keeps me laughing and smiling during my night shift. In
the Ask a Guy Panel with Nick Brad and Brooks,
Tany revealed she took notes on an app of guys.
Speaker 5 (27:16):
Did she take notes on Robbie?
Speaker 7 (27:18):
Yes, for the rest of you, if you could go
back and have to take notes, if you were a
Tanya back then, what notes would you have made from
the early points in your relationships? Like everyone that writes in,
I love the pod and thank you for the joy
you bring.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
You have the notes. Yeah, that's so good. I's been
to ask you to pull it up. I am trying
to think of I took. I didn't really take notes
on Haley specifically because we met and then.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
Started dating, like just it was very quick.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
But I do remember because we're so different, we have
so many differences that I did. I would we would
both take notes of things that we had in common.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
And the one I remember.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Specific when we discovered we loved Mary Kate Nashley movies,
and that was one of our things that we both
loved and so we had I can see if I
still have that note somewhere. But we just took notes
of little things like that. But I didn't take notes
about her as a person. Like remember when Ross did
that to Rachel and he said and then he say,
(28:21):
like he said something mean, But you remember they started dating,
was it though? He said something about her ankles?
Speaker 3 (28:28):
Oh yeah, and she was like got self conscious about it.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
When I look back on my notes, it's like so
silly because it's just like total stuff that is so
that just is like who they are. So I obviously
put a note of like the day that we met.
I took a note of his birthday. I took note
of his parents' names, and then I put I put
his mom's name and then how to like say it
right next to it?
Speaker 4 (28:51):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (28:53):
Like mitra?
Speaker 1 (28:54):
And then I put m eetra. Oh God, make sure
I pronounced it right. The name of his nephew, his
first car, the size of his shoes, what kind of
attorney he is, what kind of his size jeans, his
favorite restaurant in the country.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
And then it's this place called Jocomo's, New Orleans. It's
in New Orleans. I try to get foods flown in
from there for like I don't remember. I think, like
a Valentine's Day at one point, but I don't even
know if it's still there. I wrote down his kids' names,
what kind of candy they like, their favorite movies, their birthdays.
I ranked his love languages, so I knew his one
(29:37):
to five.
Speaker 4 (29:38):
What are his love languages? But he's still the same,
definitely not.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
But number one was physical touch, number two was acts
of service, three is quality time, four as words of
words of affirmation.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
And five is gifts. Actually four and five are pretty
much the same.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Wow, his favorite movies, stuff about his health.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Which is so cultural level.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
Yeah literally yes, yes, yeah, his favorite type of apple,
his favorite vegetable.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
And then I also put.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
The day that I said I love you, and then
I took track of every single one of our dates.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
One through thirty nine.
Speaker 5 (30:18):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
So I put like.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Date one, and then I would list off black Liquor Market,
date two, Firefly before my New York Red Eye, date three, Patch,
date four, movie and slumber party.
Speaker 4 (30:30):
Robbie brought orange wine. That's really cute.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Yeah, so I have one through thirty Let's see what
thirty nine was passover and San's hands massage. What wow,
this is when I'd got into the pandemic. So I
feel like once we got into the pandemic, all the
dates kind of started being the same because they were
all just like at our house picnics. So I think
that's when I stopped. Look at date thirty three T
(30:58):
and B's Tasty Taco double date night with Becka and Hayley.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Oh I just found I was. I found a video
of that the other day. So cute, so cute.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Those are really all my notes that. That's really funny,
But I'm glad. I wish I would have taken notes
on all of our dates, like I wish I didn't stop.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
But I feel like the pandemic kind of.
Speaker 4 (31:17):
Yeah, halted things. Yeah, yeah, I never picked it back up,
which is sad.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
I don't really have any I thought, I know I
have it somewhere, but I don't have them listed, I
mean labeled, so it's tough, tough.
Speaker 3 (31:28):
To find tough.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Yeah, but yeah, I think that's such a cute it's
a cute idea. And I had a friend recently who
is in the dating world, and someone was asking she
was just started seeing this guy and she's likes him
or whatever, but she's like, oh, I don't want to
get too excited because like I feel like I get
my hopes up and then I'm disappointed. And I was like,
(31:50):
that's such a tedious balance because you don't what if
what if he is your guy and you don't let
yourself get excited about meeting this guy because you're scared
he's and be like the other ones. And I was
thinking about you that you I don't feel like you
do you feel like you had to.
Speaker 4 (32:06):
Hold yourself back with Robbie. No, Yeah, because he was
the right one.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Yeah, And I just feel like when it's the right one,
you're not gonna feel like freak flag fly.
Speaker 4 (32:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
I mean we had we had some help with the
text messages, yes, lad, but once he met you, yes,
you just let it all out.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
So I think that's a good I think it's a
cute gesture to make to write notes if you remember,
even if it's like little details, yeah, orange wine.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
Yeah, and my little things like his favorite like green
juice from creation, like you know, just like random stupid stuff.
Speaker 4 (32:38):
Yeah, it's really cute to look back.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
And how much he likes like hearts of Palm. I'm like,
he still loves hearts of Palm. I love hearts of them.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
Yeah, all right, everyone always, as always, thank you for
writing in We Love Dear Bonnie episodes. If you have
a Dear Bonnie question, concerned, just need advice on something,
you can either dms on Instagram at Scrubbing and Pot
or email us at scrubbing in at iHeartMedia dot com.
We love you so much, Love you have a wonderful weekend.
Speaker 4 (33:06):
Bye,
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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