January 6, 2026 • 22 mins
What if starting something new isn’t the real challenge—but finishing it is?
Why do so many projects, goals, and ideas die in the “messy middle”?
What if completing a task isn’t just about willpower, but about shifting who you are at a deeper level?
Are you a person who loves beginnings but avoids endings—or could you train yourself to finish with ease?
In this episode of A Really Good Cry, Radhi Devlukia explores the gap between starting and finishing. Drawing from science, Ayurveda, and her own life, she explains why our brains crave novelty but resist follow-through—and how to move from the dopamine rush of beginnings to the serotonin stability of completion.
Through honesty, practical tools, and gentle insight, Radhi guides listeners to shift identity, build momentum, and cultivate the discipline needed to see projects through—all while learning to celebrate small wins along the way.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why starting is easy but finishing is hard—and how your brain tricks you
- How to turn “too many open drawers” into actionable focus
- Tools to create micro-finish lines and train your boredom muscle
- How to shift from being a “starter” to a “finisher”
- Ways to make progress sustainable, consistent, and personally rewarding
This isn’t about working harder—it’s about finishing smarter.
Follow Radhi:
https://www.instagram.com/radhidevlukia/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxWe9A4kMf9V_AHOXkGhCzQ
https://www.facebook.com/radhidevlukia1/
https://www.tiktok.com/@radhidevlukia
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You are looking for momentum, not motivation. People think the
motivation comes first, but actually motivation comes after you start.
I'm rathery Wukiah and on my podcast A Really Good Cry,
we embrace the messy.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
And the beautiful, providing a space for.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Raw, unfielded conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you to
tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together. Hello,
sweet little dumplings. So I hope you're all having such
a wonderful, wonderful day. Welcome back to A Really Good Cry.
Today we are going to talk about something that I
have personally struggled with four years, and somebody recently asked
(00:35):
me about it, and so I thought, let me create
an episode on this because I think many people probably
struggle with this. And I used to get so frustrated
with myself because I used to have all the ideas
and all the to do lists, and all the excitement
and the desire to start something, but I struggled so
much to actually finish them. And so that's really what
I wanted to share on the podcast, is how I
(00:56):
went from being someone who used to start things, many
many things in one go, but never really used to
complete them, and having all these incomplete things in my
life used to just make me feel like such a failure.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
I didn't feel like I.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Was moving forward, and I had too many open draws
that really needed to be shut. And I use this
analogy because I've also recently realized and been informed by
others that I have a habit of leaving a lot
of draws open physically and especially in my kitchen. And
now I cannot stop seeing all these draws that I
leave open. But it was a great symbol for this
part of my life. I need to learn how to
(01:29):
shut doors and also how to finish things.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
So today what I thought i'd.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Do is, let's talk about how you can go from
starting things to actually finish them. And I thought i'd
go through some tips and things that I found really
useful to get me to that point. You know, starting
something feels really exciting, but when you actually finish something,
it's a whole different feeling. And I really want you
to feel that in your life. So, first of all,
we can only really change our behavior if we actually
(01:54):
understand the behavior first, and that's what really helped me
understanding where these behaviors come from, what to expect, and
then how to rewire and create new habits that support
the behavior that I actually want in my life. So
if I want to be a completed if I want
to be someone who finishes, what does that look like?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
What kind of personality do I have?
Speaker 1 (02:12):
What kind of actions do I need to take in
the day, Because behaviors are just an accumulation of daily habits,
whether it's a new routine, a habit, a business idea
of course, eating healthier, journaling, reading, or just cleaning that
one random draw that's been haunting you for months. Starting
is always exciting doing these things, but finishing requires a
completely different energy and actually a whole different part of
(02:35):
your brain, and we're going to get into that a
little bit later. The beautiful thing is that it is
a skill that you can train, so don't be scared
about it. You may not be that person now, but
you most definitely can become that person. You do not
need to be born with discipline, you can build it.
So today I'm going to break down why starting is hard,
why finishing is even harder, and what's actually happening in
our brain, because that can help you to understand your
(02:57):
own patterns and know what to expect.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
So it doesn't come as a surprise.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
I'm also going to share what Iravada has to say
about this because it's as soon as I understood my
iradic constitution, which I'll go into in a little moment,
it really helped me through this because it helped me
to understand my mind and my body type better.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
And so it was something that I could.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Expect and know that I will experience and how to
then correct it. And then I'll just go into some
tools that I use that got me from being a
starter to a finisher.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
First, a little bit of.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Ierbatic perspective, because that's always useful. I talk about doses
a lot, but if you are new to it in Arivader,
just like we all have different blood types in Western medicine,
we also have different doses that in Iveda is our
natural mind and body types. They are the qualities that
we are born with and the patterns that shape how
we think, feel and move through the world. So, for example,
(03:50):
vata energy, so when I read through these, think about
which ones you fit into. So Vata energy is someone
who loves starting, has a million ideas, one hundred tabs
open in their mind at any point in time, but
finishing is just not happening.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Really really struggle to finish. I am definitely a.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Out of mind and I've really had to train myself
out of this pit of energy is someone who starts
strong but burns out because they want to be perfect.
So it's not that they don't get to the finish line,
it's that they will burn themselves out to get there.
And carfe energy is someone who struggles to even start
because activation energy feels too heavy. But once they start,
they're consistent, like they're really good at maintaining once they
(04:30):
actually get started, but getting going is the hard part.
So I'm sure when you're hearing these you're like, oh,
this is definitely me. And knowing this about yourself gives
you more compassion. It helps you to start fighting your
nature and start actually working with it and use it
to your benefit. So there are actually three stages of
any goal. There's obviously the starting, the middle, and the end.
(04:51):
Starting uses a lot of emotion, it uses excitement, and
finishing uses consistency. You need excitement to start, but you
need discipline to finish, And then there's this messy middle part.
Every single project, every single thing that we do, has
this messy middle. It is the part where you're not
seeing results, the novelty of it has worn off a
(05:11):
little bit, your motivation is pretty much gone, and honestly,
it's just doing the work. And most goals actually die
here because the middle brings up all of these things
in us, the self doubt, the comparison, the boredom, the frustration,
the wanting instant results. This is where people think something
is wrong with them, but nothing is wrong. This is
(05:33):
literally the psychology of the process and the finishing stage, well,
this is where identity shift takes place. It is the
stage that nobody really talks about, but it's actually where
the real transformation happens. The identity shift is the moment
where the goal is no longer something that you're trying
to do, but it becomes something that you see yourself as.
And this is where your consistency turns into self trust
(05:56):
and your behavior turns into your identity. So it's no
longer something that you just do, it's something that you are.
It's no longer something that you have to go against
yourself to finish. It's something that feels really easy and
a little bit more natural for you to do. You
stop negotiating with the task, the resistance gets quieter and
you just start following through almost automatically, because you've now
(06:18):
created the patterns, you've had the consistency, and it now
feels natural to you. This identity shift feels really different
from the start, and actually different from the middle as well.
It's way carmer. It's less dramatic, and it's less emotional,
and you just feel more grounded in it. So I
really like knowing what my mind is doing and how
things work behind the scenes. It makes me feel so
(06:40):
much better about myself when I know what to expect,
especially when I'm going through something that feels difficult. It's
kind of like if someone tells you that this is
what's going to happen to you when you go on
a roller coaster. I already know that I'm going to
feel sick. I already know that I'm going to feel scared,
my hair will get messed up, I shouldn't be wearing
a hat, and that I probably shouldn't go on there
(07:00):
after eating a burger.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
And fries because they'll probably throw up.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
It allows me to make better decisions and prepare myself
for what's to come, and so Neuroscientists have actually studied
this phenomenon of starting something and not being able to
finish because many people struggle with it, and there is
a science behind all of this. So the first thing
is we get this dopamine beginners high. So when you
start something new, whether it's a project or a habit
(07:23):
or a routine, your brain actually floods with dopamine. But
not for the reason that most people think. Dopamine isn't
actually the reward hormone, it's the anticipation hormone. It spikes
when you imagine this future version of yourself, when you
plan out the perfect routine, when you buy the notebook
that you're going to write in for your journaling, when
(07:43):
you buy the blender for your smoothies that's going to
go towards your healthy dyer, when you buy the running
shoes for the marathon that you're planning to run, so
you think about all these possibilities of success. The only
problem with that is dopamine increases in this what if
moment rather than completion, and so it creates this excitement,
this momentum, this hope, and this feeling of I'm changing
(08:05):
and this is going to be amazing. And as important
as it is for motivation to get something started, the
problem is this dopamine hit can be so satisfying in
the moment that your brain believes the job is already done.
So what does that mean. It means that you try
less and less as time goes on. Once you've had
that hit of dopamine, you're like, oh, it's already been done.
(08:25):
We've had the exciting moment, what's left to do. This
is called your reward prediction error. Your brain mistakes you're
planning for progress, and you get the emotional reward before
the actual effort is done, and so the motivation to
do the thing drops because your brain already has collected
this win, because it associates this dopamine high as the win,
because that's how we've trained our mind to be. So
(08:47):
this is why starting can feel addictive, but staying consistent
feels flat and boring. So then when the novelty fades,
your dopamine drops, which usually happens within the first week
or two. And your scientists say that the brain is
designed for novelty seeking, not routine maintaining. And I think
that's just how we've been trained from a young age
It's like when you tell someone something and they're excited
(09:08):
for you, you end up feeling good about yourself even before
you've completed it. And I think that's something that we
do from childhood to adulthood, and so it's not necessarily
your fault. It's just something that we've been trained into
and have to learn how to train ourselves out of.
And so when something feels like a novelty, we associate
it with reward. When something becomes familiar, the brain switches
into efficiency mode. Predictability feels like stability, and this creates
(09:30):
a little dopamine valley. Suddenly our dopamine drops and we
get this low point after this initial high, this is
where most people quit because once everything feels predictable, it
feels safe.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
It doesn't feel exciting.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
And this is also why if you're used to a
toxic boyfriend where your emotions are up and down, the
stable ones will turn you off. So that's something you
definitely have to fix if that's ringing a bell in
your mind. But when something becomes predictable, your brain uses
less energy, the activity ends up feelingless simulated, Your dopamine
release flattens, and the thing is predictability is so great.
(10:04):
It's so great for consistency, but so terrible for excitement.
The brain is basically telling you, Okay, this is stable.
Now I do not need to fire up any more motivation.
So you end up feeling bored, distracted, pulled towards shiny
new things to give you that little hit. You feel
like quitting or that there must be an easier option.
So when you feel that urge to quit halfway, you
(10:25):
have to remember that this is biology. It is not
a personality flaw, and it is just part of the process.
And knowing this allows you to recognize where you are
in this cycle so that you can push through instead
of giving up in that moment. So let's talk about finishing,
because this doesn't really rely on the same process. It
doesn't rely on dopamine. Finishing something in your life actually
(10:47):
relies on serotonin and these identity based habits that we
spoke about earlier. So serotonin gives you stability, confidence, and pride,
so it's a little bit different from dopamine. And you
get serotonin by completing something, staying consistent, proving to yourself
that you follow through. So serotonin actually builds slowly. It's calmer,
(11:08):
it's steadier, it's longer lasting. It's almost like when you
eat lots and lots of sugar and that gives you
a little high, But then when you eat vegetables and
slow release carbohydrates, it ends up giving you the energy
that you need, but you don't get that sudden rush.
You don't get that sudden excitement in your body. But
then in the same way, you don't get a dip
(11:28):
as deep as you would if you were eating sugar.
And so this is the same when you start something
and you get that dopamine rush, it is just so
different to serotonin, where it's grounding, it's relaxed, it's still
steadily keeping you happy, but just not in an extreme way.
And so it's something that we have to get used
to feeling and realizing that this is actually even more
important than that initial high. Okay, so now let's get
(11:50):
into solutions. Now we know why things happen, we understand
the science behind it. But I want to give you
tools that actually help you in real life. So if
you're struck someone that struggles with starting, let's start with that.
These are some tips for actually getting going. The first
one is.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
The three steps Start so you have.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
To just define the first ten minutes of what you're
going to do, the exact first action you need to take,
and the time that you're going to do it for.
So it can't be I'll start working out, No, it
has to be i will start working out tomorrow at
eight am, and I'm going to put my workout clothes
on and I'm going to walk for ten minutes. Your
brain responds to clarity, not ambition, and so the more
(12:28):
clear you are about how you're going to get to
that goal and the first step you're going to take,
the easier it will be to actually tick that off.
The second thing is lowering resistance. Make starting ridiculously easy.
Lay out your clothes, put the book on your pillow,
prep the ingredients, put your phone in another room.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Whatever.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
That first thing is that you need to do, just
reduce the resistance towards it as much as possible. The
lower you make the resistance, the faster that you will
start take all the hurdles out of the way. The
third thing you need to remember is that you are
looking for momentum motivation. People think that motivation comes first,
but actually motivation comes after you start. And so even
(13:06):
if you don't have the thirty minutes or an hour
that you've been waiting for to start something. Do five minutes,
just five. Don't wait till you have all this time
to start. Just get a taste for it, and then
you let momentum carry you most of the time, especially
and especially when it comes to working out. Once you
start doing something, it gives you the energy back to
continue doing it. And so we wait for a burst
(13:28):
of energy to actually get us to that start line.
But usually it's starting it that allows you to keep going,
and so once you've experienced something, there's more likelihood of
you continuing it.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Another thing that really helped me when I was trying to.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Make changes in my life was rather than thinking of
someone who will become something, I actually say I am
that person already. So what I mean by that is,
for example, when I was trying to be more on
time somewhere, I would say, I'm someone who shows up
on time. Like in my mind, I would tell myself
that I'm not someone who's always late, one who shows
up on time. I'm someone who follows through. I'm someone
(14:03):
who finishes things. And so as soon as you keep
telling yourself that, it allows you to feel motivated to
become that person. At least that's what I found in
my life. It's almost like creating a better version in
your mind that you aspire to be, just like you
have people in your life that you're inspired by, you
become that person. It's like a future version of yourself
that you're envisioning. So now let's got into the tools
(14:23):
and techniques for someone who can start things but can't
finish them. So if you find it hard to finish things,
let me tell you some things that got me to
those finish lines many many times, even after I was
someone for years who couldn't get there. The first thing
I would do is create these micro finish lines, because
we often just wait till the end to feel like
we can we've completed something. But if you break the
project into ten tiny endpoints or how many points you
(14:46):
want it to be, and however many steps it takes,
it's really nice because human need end points. Otherwise it
just feels like an endless, endless list of things to do.
So give yourself more of those micro wins. The second
thing is training yourself. Train this muscle of finishing things.
It literally is a muscle, and you have to train
it every single day by finishing the tiny things that
(15:07):
allows you to finish the larger things. So where there's
things like making your bed, responding to one email, drinking
a full glass of water, putting away something in, clearing
up one room at a time, finishing a two minute
meditation instead of the half an hour that you've been
wanting to do. And a big thing for me was
doing things when I think of it, sending that text,
(15:28):
paying that bill, because usually we get disappointed in ourselves
when we've thought of something and we actually don't follow
through with it, and then we remember when it's a
little bit too late. So every completion actually helps to
support this slow release of serotonin in your body. You're
neurologically rewiring your identity into someone who does finish, even
in those micro moments. And usually it's those micro moments
(15:51):
that create this new version of yourself, this new behavior,
this new habit.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
That you're creating.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
And one thing I realized in life when I decided
to become like this, when I decided that I wanted
to be someone who finishes projects and completes things, I
realized that you just can't be in one area of
your life.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
It's just impossible.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
You can't decide I'm going to be so disciplined in
my work and the rest of my life can be
a mess. And so what I decided to do was
one thing that I loved doing was working out. But
I did notice that often when I was running or
if I was doing weight workouts, I would finish one
rep before or I'd finish when it was you know,
I'd mean to run for thirty minutes and I'd stop
(16:29):
a twenty nine minutes and fifty five seconds. And often
it's a sign that your brain knows that it can
do it, but you choose to give up before you hit.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
The finish line.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
And if you end up doing that, even in these
small ways, even if it's five seconds left, just do
that last five seconds. Let your mind and your eyes
see that you made it to that finish line. If
it's doing ten reps, don't stop at nine, and don't
lie to yourself that you've done it, like actually get
to that number, because when you do it in places
like that, it actually that behavior slowly leaks into other
(16:59):
parts of your life. And it really did help me
to change my mindset around other parts of my life.
When I started doing that, and so it started out
in my workouts, but then it became you know, I'm
going to text that person back straight away, actually, or
I think of something to do with work and I
just send that email straight away. And all those little
things that seemed very little at the time actually contributed
(17:19):
towards me finishing larger projects in my professional life too.
Another thing that I find people don't do often enough,
especially in this world that's getting more and more stimulating.
It's training your boredom muscle. It might so really silly,
but think about this for a moment. When was the
last time you sat and did absolutely nothing and felt
comfortable in doing absolutely nothing without your mind racing thinking
(17:42):
about what you could scroll through, or what you could watch.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Or what you could listen to.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Staying in the boredom when you feel bored it really
is a superpower. And you know, discipline is often just
tolerance for boredom. When you end up being able to
make it through these ongoing, daily boring moments as you
might think they are yourself. To make it through that
is such a vital part of life. Otherwise you're constantly
looking for stimulation. So whether it's eating without distraction. I
(18:07):
tried that recently, and I actually found it really difficult.
I ended up getting a book and reading because I
wasn't used to being by myself eating a meal without
any distraction. I hadn't done that in such a long time,
or driving without making a phone call or listening to music.
So allow your mind to be understimulated so it's not
always craving this high and only feels comfortable in that state.
(18:28):
Most of us are really only comfortable when we're in
a stimulated state of some sort. Our mind is stimulated
in some way. We're looking at so many things where
on our phone, touching something constantly, like there's just so
much stimulation that we go through that. Now, boredom can
come very easily to us, but we distract ourselves from
it very easily too, And so training yourself in that
(18:49):
it will really help towards finishing things because you allow
yourself to be okay with those moments that feel repetitive
and in inverticom is boring.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Nothing that really helped me was having a friend or
somebody that's my accountability partner. Accountability can be really useful
in finishing things off. We usually finish more when someone
is watching, which is why many people get personal trainers.
I know I do so much better in my workouts
when I have someone that's overseeing me and so accountability
could be a friend, it could be a tracker, it
could be a weekly review, it could be a public commitment.
(19:19):
You know, lots of people make I'm doing a forty
day packed with myself to not drink alcohol, or I'm
doing a forty day something that I'm going to work
out every single day, whatever it is, it's quite nice
having people that hold you accountable to it. And then
the last thing is, I don't know about you, but
I'm the type of person who gets new ideas every
single day. My mind is an idea making machine. I
(19:39):
get so excited by creativity and ideas, but you can't
start too many things all at once. And it's something
that I've really had to reel back in myself because
every single day I'll be like to my team, Oh,
I thought of doing this, and I really want to
do this idea and I really.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Want to do this.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
And it's not that you shouldn't do it, but create
this you know, imaginary shelf that you put things on,
which is not now but later, but this idea is.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Safe and you will get to it.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
It's a place to just park them without acting on them,
so you don't forget them, and they still live there
and you know that you can act on them at
some point, but just not now, because it will stop
you from being distracted and it allows you to feel
like it's going to happen, but you get to focus
on what you're trying to complete. It releases this fomo
feeling and the idea overload the fear of forgetting it,
(20:24):
and I think it allows you to be more structured
and focused in the areas that you want to be
finishing one thing, completing it and then moving on to
the next actually thinking about it. One other thing that
really helped me was this idea of a two day rule.
Never let two days pass without touching your goal. Even
if you have five minutes. It doesn't have to be
thirty minutes, it doesn't have to be an hour. You
(20:44):
just need to write one sentence, read one page, do
one stretch like do not let max forty eight hours
without touching your goal, because the longer you leave it,
the further away it feels. And try to do something
that takes you towards your goal every single day, just
to keep the momentum going. So I hope this podcast
made you realize that you are absolutely capable of becoming
(21:04):
someone who starts and someone who finishes something, not through pressure,
but through awareness and intention and all these tiny repeated
actions that feel really really boring sometimes, but what's necessary
to make it through that middle messy section, that part
that feels boring and monotonous. I know that that boredom
is actually really important in our life to help ground us.
(21:28):
And knowing all of this should help you to realize
that it is a process in a cycle that everybody
goes through when they are trying to finish a project
or when they're trying to reach a goal. So let
me know if you have any tips for everybody in
this community. When I share this podcast, you know, send
me a DM, share it in the comments of any
of the posts that we do about it, And it's
(21:50):
so nice to learn from each other.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
So these are just some of.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
The tips that I have learned and that have helped me.
But I'm sure you all have so many great ideas
for this too. Sending on so much love, and I'm
so excited to hear about all the projects that you
finished after you listened to this episode.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Mm hmmmmmmm
You are looking for momentum, not motivation. People think the
motivation comes first, but actually motivation comes after you start.
I'm rathery Wukiah and on my podcast A Really Good Cry,
we embrace the messy.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
And the beautiful, providing a space for.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Raw, unfielded conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you to
tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together. Hello,
sweet little dumplings. So I hope you're all having such
a wonderful, wonderful day. Welcome back to A Really Good Cry.
Today we are going to talk about something that I
have personally struggled with four years, and somebody recently asked
(00:35):
me about it, and so I thought, let me create
an episode on this because I think many people probably
struggle with this. And I used to get so frustrated
with myself because I used to have all the ideas
and all the to do lists, and all the excitement
and the desire to start something, but I struggled so
much to actually finish them. And so that's really what
I wanted to share on the podcast, is how I
(00:56):
went from being someone who used to start things, many
many things in one go, but never really used to
complete them, and having all these incomplete things in my
life used to just make me feel like such a failure.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
I didn't feel like I.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Was moving forward, and I had too many open draws
that really needed to be shut. And I use this
analogy because I've also recently realized and been informed by
others that I have a habit of leaving a lot
of draws open physically and especially in my kitchen. And
now I cannot stop seeing all these draws that I
leave open. But it was a great symbol for this
part of my life. I need to learn how to
(01:29):
shut doors and also how to finish things.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
So today what I thought i'd.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Do is, let's talk about how you can go from
starting things to actually finish them. And I thought i'd
go through some tips and things that I found really
useful to get me to that point. You know, starting
something feels really exciting, but when you actually finish something,
it's a whole different feeling. And I really want you
to feel that in your life. So, first of all,
we can only really change our behavior if we actually
(01:54):
understand the behavior first, and that's what really helped me
understanding where these behaviors come from, what to expect, and
then how to rewire and create new habits that support
the behavior that I actually want in my life. So
if I want to be a completed if I want
to be someone who finishes, what does that look like?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
What kind of personality do I have?
Speaker 1 (02:12):
What kind of actions do I need to take in
the day, Because behaviors are just an accumulation of daily habits,
whether it's a new routine, a habit, a business idea
of course, eating healthier, journaling, reading, or just cleaning that
one random draw that's been haunting you for months. Starting
is always exciting doing these things, but finishing requires a
completely different energy and actually a whole different part of
(02:35):
your brain, and we're going to get into that a
little bit later. The beautiful thing is that it is
a skill that you can train, so don't be scared
about it. You may not be that person now, but
you most definitely can become that person. You do not
need to be born with discipline, you can build it.
So today I'm going to break down why starting is hard,
why finishing is even harder, and what's actually happening in
our brain, because that can help you to understand your
(02:57):
own patterns and know what to expect.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
So it doesn't come as a surprise.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
I'm also going to share what Iravada has to say
about this because it's as soon as I understood my
iradic constitution, which I'll go into in a little moment,
it really helped me through this because it helped me
to understand my mind and my body type better.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
And so it was something that I could.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Expect and know that I will experience and how to
then correct it. And then I'll just go into some
tools that I use that got me from being a
starter to a finisher.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
First, a little bit of.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Ierbatic perspective, because that's always useful. I talk about doses
a lot, but if you are new to it in Arivader,
just like we all have different blood types in Western medicine,
we also have different doses that in Iveda is our
natural mind and body types. They are the qualities that
we are born with and the patterns that shape how
we think, feel and move through the world. So, for example,
(03:50):
vata energy, so when I read through these, think about
which ones you fit into. So Vata energy is someone
who loves starting, has a million ideas, one hundred tabs
open in their mind at any point in time, but
finishing is just not happening.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Really really struggle to finish. I am definitely a.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Out of mind and I've really had to train myself
out of this pit of energy is someone who starts
strong but burns out because they want to be perfect.
So it's not that they don't get to the finish line,
it's that they will burn themselves out to get there.
And carfe energy is someone who struggles to even start
because activation energy feels too heavy. But once they start,
they're consistent, like they're really good at maintaining once they
(04:30):
actually get started, but getting going is the hard part.
So I'm sure when you're hearing these you're like, oh,
this is definitely me. And knowing this about yourself gives
you more compassion. It helps you to start fighting your
nature and start actually working with it and use it
to your benefit. So there are actually three stages of
any goal. There's obviously the starting, the middle, and the end.
(04:51):
Starting uses a lot of emotion, it uses excitement, and
finishing uses consistency. You need excitement to start, but you
need discipline to finish, And then there's this messy middle part.
Every single project, every single thing that we do, has
this messy middle. It is the part where you're not
seeing results, the novelty of it has worn off a
(05:11):
little bit, your motivation is pretty much gone, and honestly,
it's just doing the work. And most goals actually die
here because the middle brings up all of these things
in us, the self doubt, the comparison, the boredom, the frustration,
the wanting instant results. This is where people think something
is wrong with them, but nothing is wrong. This is
(05:33):
literally the psychology of the process and the finishing stage, well,
this is where identity shift takes place. It is the
stage that nobody really talks about, but it's actually where
the real transformation happens. The identity shift is the moment
where the goal is no longer something that you're trying
to do, but it becomes something that you see yourself as.
And this is where your consistency turns into self trust
(05:56):
and your behavior turns into your identity. So it's no
longer something that you just do, it's something that you are.
It's no longer something that you have to go against
yourself to finish. It's something that feels really easy and
a little bit more natural for you to do. You
stop negotiating with the task, the resistance gets quieter and
you just start following through almost automatically, because you've now
(06:18):
created the patterns, you've had the consistency, and it now
feels natural to you. This identity shift feels really different
from the start, and actually different from the middle as well.
It's way carmer. It's less dramatic, and it's less emotional,
and you just feel more grounded in it. So I
really like knowing what my mind is doing and how
things work behind the scenes. It makes me feel so
(06:40):
much better about myself when I know what to expect,
especially when I'm going through something that feels difficult. It's
kind of like if someone tells you that this is
what's going to happen to you when you go on
a roller coaster. I already know that I'm going to
feel sick. I already know that I'm going to feel scared,
my hair will get messed up, I shouldn't be wearing
a hat, and that I probably shouldn't go on there
(07:00):
after eating a burger.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
And fries because they'll probably throw up.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
It allows me to make better decisions and prepare myself
for what's to come, and so Neuroscientists have actually studied
this phenomenon of starting something and not being able to
finish because many people struggle with it, and there is
a science behind all of this. So the first thing
is we get this dopamine beginners high. So when you
start something new, whether it's a project or a habit
(07:23):
or a routine, your brain actually floods with dopamine. But
not for the reason that most people think. Dopamine isn't
actually the reward hormone, it's the anticipation hormone. It spikes
when you imagine this future version of yourself, when you
plan out the perfect routine, when you buy the notebook
that you're going to write in for your journaling, when
(07:43):
you buy the blender for your smoothies that's going to
go towards your healthy dyer, when you buy the running
shoes for the marathon that you're planning to run, so
you think about all these possibilities of success. The only
problem with that is dopamine increases in this what if
moment rather than completion, and so it creates this excitement,
this momentum, this hope, and this feeling of I'm changing
(08:05):
and this is going to be amazing. And as important
as it is for motivation to get something started, the
problem is this dopamine hit can be so satisfying in
the moment that your brain believes the job is already done.
So what does that mean. It means that you try
less and less as time goes on. Once you've had
that hit of dopamine, you're like, oh, it's already been done.
(08:25):
We've had the exciting moment, what's left to do. This
is called your reward prediction error. Your brain mistakes you're
planning for progress, and you get the emotional reward before
the actual effort is done, and so the motivation to
do the thing drops because your brain already has collected
this win, because it associates this dopamine high as the win,
because that's how we've trained our mind to be. So
(08:47):
this is why starting can feel addictive, but staying consistent
feels flat and boring. So then when the novelty fades,
your dopamine drops, which usually happens within the first week
or two. And your scientists say that the brain is
designed for novelty seeking, not routine maintaining. And I think
that's just how we've been trained from a young age
It's like when you tell someone something and they're excited
(09:08):
for you, you end up feeling good about yourself even before
you've completed it. And I think that's something that we
do from childhood to adulthood, and so it's not necessarily
your fault. It's just something that we've been trained into
and have to learn how to train ourselves out of.
And so when something feels like a novelty, we associate
it with reward. When something becomes familiar, the brain switches
into efficiency mode. Predictability feels like stability, and this creates
(09:30):
a little dopamine valley. Suddenly our dopamine drops and we
get this low point after this initial high, this is
where most people quit because once everything feels predictable, it
feels safe.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
It doesn't feel exciting.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
And this is also why if you're used to a
toxic boyfriend where your emotions are up and down, the
stable ones will turn you off. So that's something you
definitely have to fix if that's ringing a bell in
your mind. But when something becomes predictable, your brain uses
less energy, the activity ends up feelingless simulated, Your dopamine
release flattens, and the thing is predictability is so great.
(10:04):
It's so great for consistency, but so terrible for excitement.
The brain is basically telling you, Okay, this is stable.
Now I do not need to fire up any more motivation.
So you end up feeling bored, distracted, pulled towards shiny
new things to give you that little hit. You feel
like quitting or that there must be an easier option.
So when you feel that urge to quit halfway, you
(10:25):
have to remember that this is biology. It is not
a personality flaw, and it is just part of the process.
And knowing this allows you to recognize where you are
in this cycle so that you can push through instead
of giving up in that moment. So let's talk about finishing,
because this doesn't really rely on the same process. It
doesn't rely on dopamine. Finishing something in your life actually
(10:47):
relies on serotonin and these identity based habits that we
spoke about earlier. So serotonin gives you stability, confidence, and pride,
so it's a little bit different from dopamine. And you
get serotonin by completing something, staying consistent, proving to yourself
that you follow through. So serotonin actually builds slowly. It's calmer,
(11:08):
it's steadier, it's longer lasting. It's almost like when you
eat lots and lots of sugar and that gives you
a little high, But then when you eat vegetables and
slow release carbohydrates, it ends up giving you the energy
that you need, but you don't get that sudden rush.
You don't get that sudden excitement in your body. But
then in the same way, you don't get a dip
(11:28):
as deep as you would if you were eating sugar.
And so this is the same when you start something
and you get that dopamine rush, it is just so
different to serotonin, where it's grounding, it's relaxed, it's still
steadily keeping you happy, but just not in an extreme way.
And so it's something that we have to get used
to feeling and realizing that this is actually even more
important than that initial high. Okay, so now let's get
(11:50):
into solutions. Now we know why things happen, we understand
the science behind it. But I want to give you
tools that actually help you in real life. So if
you're struck someone that struggles with starting, let's start with that.
These are some tips for actually getting going. The first
one is.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
The three steps Start so you have.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
To just define the first ten minutes of what you're
going to do, the exact first action you need to take,
and the time that you're going to do it for.
So it can't be I'll start working out, No, it
has to be i will start working out tomorrow at
eight am, and I'm going to put my workout clothes
on and I'm going to walk for ten minutes. Your
brain responds to clarity, not ambition, and so the more
(12:28):
clear you are about how you're going to get to
that goal and the first step you're going to take,
the easier it will be to actually tick that off.
The second thing is lowering resistance. Make starting ridiculously easy.
Lay out your clothes, put the book on your pillow,
prep the ingredients, put your phone in another room.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Whatever.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
That first thing is that you need to do, just
reduce the resistance towards it as much as possible. The
lower you make the resistance, the faster that you will
start take all the hurdles out of the way. The
third thing you need to remember is that you are
looking for momentum motivation. People think that motivation comes first,
but actually motivation comes after you start. And so even
(13:06):
if you don't have the thirty minutes or an hour
that you've been waiting for to start something. Do five minutes,
just five. Don't wait till you have all this time
to start. Just get a taste for it, and then
you let momentum carry you most of the time, especially
and especially when it comes to working out. Once you
start doing something, it gives you the energy back to
continue doing it. And so we wait for a burst
(13:28):
of energy to actually get us to that start line.
But usually it's starting it that allows you to keep going,
and so once you've experienced something, there's more likelihood of
you continuing it.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Another thing that really helped me when I was trying to.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Make changes in my life was rather than thinking of
someone who will become something, I actually say I am
that person already. So what I mean by that is,
for example, when I was trying to be more on
time somewhere, I would say, I'm someone who shows up
on time. Like in my mind, I would tell myself
that I'm not someone who's always late, one who shows
up on time. I'm someone who follows through. I'm someone
(14:03):
who finishes things. And so as soon as you keep
telling yourself that, it allows you to feel motivated to
become that person. At least that's what I found in
my life. It's almost like creating a better version in
your mind that you aspire to be, just like you
have people in your life that you're inspired by, you
become that person. It's like a future version of yourself
that you're envisioning. So now let's got into the tools
(14:23):
and techniques for someone who can start things but can't
finish them. So if you find it hard to finish things,
let me tell you some things that got me to
those finish lines many many times, even after I was
someone for years who couldn't get there. The first thing
I would do is create these micro finish lines, because
we often just wait till the end to feel like
we can we've completed something. But if you break the
project into ten tiny endpoints or how many points you
(14:46):
want it to be, and however many steps it takes,
it's really nice because human need end points. Otherwise it
just feels like an endless, endless list of things to do.
So give yourself more of those micro wins. The second
thing is training yourself. Train this muscle of finishing things.
It literally is a muscle, and you have to train
it every single day by finishing the tiny things that
(15:07):
allows you to finish the larger things. So where there's
things like making your bed, responding to one email, drinking
a full glass of water, putting away something in, clearing
up one room at a time, finishing a two minute
meditation instead of the half an hour that you've been
wanting to do. And a big thing for me was
doing things when I think of it, sending that text,
(15:28):
paying that bill, because usually we get disappointed in ourselves
when we've thought of something and we actually don't follow
through with it, and then we remember when it's a
little bit too late. So every completion actually helps to
support this slow release of serotonin in your body. You're
neurologically rewiring your identity into someone who does finish, even
in those micro moments. And usually it's those micro moments
(15:51):
that create this new version of yourself, this new behavior,
this new habit.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
That you're creating.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
And one thing I realized in life when I decided
to become like this, when I decided that I wanted
to be someone who finishes projects and completes things, I
realized that you just can't be in one area of
your life.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
It's just impossible.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
You can't decide I'm going to be so disciplined in
my work and the rest of my life can be
a mess. And so what I decided to do was
one thing that I loved doing was working out. But
I did notice that often when I was running or
if I was doing weight workouts, I would finish one
rep before or I'd finish when it was you know,
I'd mean to run for thirty minutes and I'd stop
(16:29):
a twenty nine minutes and fifty five seconds. And often
it's a sign that your brain knows that it can
do it, but you choose to give up before you hit.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
The finish line.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
And if you end up doing that, even in these
small ways, even if it's five seconds left, just do
that last five seconds. Let your mind and your eyes
see that you made it to that finish line. If
it's doing ten reps, don't stop at nine, and don't
lie to yourself that you've done it, like actually get
to that number, because when you do it in places
like that, it actually that behavior slowly leaks into other
(16:59):
parts of your life. And it really did help me
to change my mindset around other parts of my life.
When I started doing that, and so it started out
in my workouts, but then it became you know, I'm
going to text that person back straight away, actually, or
I think of something to do with work and I
just send that email straight away. And all those little
things that seemed very little at the time actually contributed
(17:19):
towards me finishing larger projects in my professional life too.
Another thing that I find people don't do often enough,
especially in this world that's getting more and more stimulating.
It's training your boredom muscle. It might so really silly,
but think about this for a moment. When was the
last time you sat and did absolutely nothing and felt
comfortable in doing absolutely nothing without your mind racing thinking
(17:42):
about what you could scroll through, or what you could watch.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Or what you could listen to.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Staying in the boredom when you feel bored it really
is a superpower. And you know, discipline is often just
tolerance for boredom. When you end up being able to
make it through these ongoing, daily boring moments as you
might think they are yourself. To make it through that
is such a vital part of life. Otherwise you're constantly
looking for stimulation. So whether it's eating without distraction. I
(18:07):
tried that recently, and I actually found it really difficult.
I ended up getting a book and reading because I
wasn't used to being by myself eating a meal without
any distraction. I hadn't done that in such a long time,
or driving without making a phone call or listening to music.
So allow your mind to be understimulated so it's not
always craving this high and only feels comfortable in that state.
(18:28):
Most of us are really only comfortable when we're in
a stimulated state of some sort. Our mind is stimulated
in some way. We're looking at so many things where
on our phone, touching something constantly, like there's just so
much stimulation that we go through that. Now, boredom can
come very easily to us, but we distract ourselves from
it very easily too, And so training yourself in that
(18:49):
it will really help towards finishing things because you allow
yourself to be okay with those moments that feel repetitive
and in inverticom is boring.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Nothing that really helped me was having a friend or
somebody that's my accountability partner. Accountability can be really useful
in finishing things off. We usually finish more when someone
is watching, which is why many people get personal trainers.
I know I do so much better in my workouts
when I have someone that's overseeing me and so accountability
could be a friend, it could be a tracker, it
could be a weekly review, it could be a public commitment.
(19:19):
You know, lots of people make I'm doing a forty
day packed with myself to not drink alcohol, or I'm
doing a forty day something that I'm going to work
out every single day, whatever it is, it's quite nice
having people that hold you accountable to it. And then
the last thing is, I don't know about you, but
I'm the type of person who gets new ideas every
single day. My mind is an idea making machine. I
(19:39):
get so excited by creativity and ideas, but you can't
start too many things all at once. And it's something
that I've really had to reel back in myself because
every single day I'll be like to my team, Oh,
I thought of doing this, and I really want to
do this idea and I really.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Want to do this.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
And it's not that you shouldn't do it, but create
this you know, imaginary shelf that you put things on,
which is not now but later, but this idea is.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Safe and you will get to it.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
It's a place to just park them without acting on them,
so you don't forget them, and they still live there
and you know that you can act on them at
some point, but just not now, because it will stop
you from being distracted and it allows you to feel
like it's going to happen, but you get to focus
on what you're trying to complete. It releases this fomo
feeling and the idea overload the fear of forgetting it,
(20:24):
and I think it allows you to be more structured
and focused in the areas that you want to be
finishing one thing, completing it and then moving on to
the next actually thinking about it. One other thing that
really helped me was this idea of a two day rule.
Never let two days pass without touching your goal. Even
if you have five minutes. It doesn't have to be
thirty minutes, it doesn't have to be an hour. You
(20:44):
just need to write one sentence, read one page, do
one stretch like do not let max forty eight hours
without touching your goal, because the longer you leave it,
the further away it feels. And try to do something
that takes you towards your goal every single day, just
to keep the momentum going. So I hope this podcast
made you realize that you are absolutely capable of becoming
(21:04):
someone who starts and someone who finishes something, not through pressure,
but through awareness and intention and all these tiny repeated
actions that feel really really boring sometimes, but what's necessary
to make it through that middle messy section, that part
that feels boring and monotonous. I know that that boredom
is actually really important in our life to help ground us.
(21:28):
And knowing all of this should help you to realize
that it is a process in a cycle that everybody
goes through when they are trying to finish a project
or when they're trying to reach a goal. So let
me know if you have any tips for everybody in
this community. When I share this podcast, you know, send
me a DM, share it in the comments of any
of the posts that we do about it, And it's
(21:50):
so nice to learn from each other.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
So these are just some of.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
The tips that I have learned and that have helped me.
But I'm sure you all have so many great ideas
for this too. Sending on so much love, and I'm
so excited to hear about all the projects that you
finished after you listened to this episode.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Mm hmmmmmmm
Host
Radhi Devlukia
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