July 18, 2026 • 22 mins
A new survey shockingly reveals just how many couples would leave their partner for a lottery jackpot. It even breaks down the results, state by state. We all know financial issues are often listed as the number one cause of most arguments, tension and even divorce. We go over some insightful advice from a financial relationship expert on the conversation you need to have with your partner today!
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey there, everybody. It is Saturday, July eighteenth, and we
are discussing the role of money in your relationships. There
was an article that was pretty funny. It was conducted
by a casino group and they asked the question how
much money to leave your lover? They wanted to know
how big of a jackpot it would take for you
(00:24):
to leave your partner. But it got us thinking and
talking about the role of money in our relationships and
why it seems to be on every list the number
one reason why we fight. And with that, everyone, welcome
to Amy and TJ. And this is something actually we
have disagreements about a lot of things. Have we ever
(00:44):
actually thought about money?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Probably so because you took some money, a significant chunk
of money of ours recently. I don't know where it
is or how to access it.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
I'm still I didn't even know what you were hurrying
forgotten about that someone.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Now you brought this because this is one of these
And aybody, listen to the podcast that we Every once
in a while, Robes will pull out some topics that
I am not up on, and these are all surprises
to me. So she is introducing this one. So Ropes,
I hadn't. I didn't realize we were about to talk
about money.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
And since you.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Brought it up, yeah, you have a bone to pick. Well,
I honestly, I guess this is a good place to
be in a relationship. You did you have taken a
significant chunk of our money put it somewhere, no to
benefit us.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
It's insane it invested it.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
So, but what I'm saying to you, if anything breaks
down with us today, I have zero way of accessing
that money. I have no idea where it is. And
yet trust it's.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Enough that somebody could start a new life.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yes. Wait, didn't you see something this week where someone
stole money from someone to start a new life and
it was seven hundred and fifty dollars.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
It was on one of those true crime shows I
was liking.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
But yes, see, he left a note and I'm taking
seven hundred and fifty from the account start a new life.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
I assume this is not what you're about to say.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
The number one, and I assume he wasn't living in
New York.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
This might have been Arkansas.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Actually, oh my goodness. BE kind of laughed about that,
but yes, full disclosure, that was a fun way to
say that, Yes, we actually do have trust because I
did obviously ask you beforehand and you said, fine, I
trust you. I did send you a link to the account.
It just must have expired. So yeah, you don't even
know what bank it is. You don't know how to
access it. You don't know the password or the username.
(02:28):
But I'm happy to share it with you once we're
done with this episode.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
One last thing, is my name actually on that account?
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Okay, so I could. So I do have the right
to it.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
I did say it was a joint account, and I
did put your information in it, your social Security number,
all of that. Yes, you do have a right to it.
If if we were to split, you would have a
legal remedy. You just I could just make it hard
for you.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Yeah, oh wow, okay, so I guess. So let's start
with that. If everybody's listening, if you if this were
done in your relationship with your significant other, would.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
You trust it? Would you be okay?
Speaker 2 (03:00):
If the person you are currently in a relationship with
took you all's joint money and put it somewhere, would
you just say okay, it's fine or be okay?
Speaker 3 (03:08):
I don't know roes.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
A lot of people say that's not good sound financial
advice or relationship advice moving.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Forward, I would say that it points to a level
of trust in your relationship. And look, obviously you're joking.
We have you can probably go find in your email
where the link is, like you couldn't find.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
I'm not joking. I don't know where that money is.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
You're not joking, but I'm saying you're joking in the
fact that somehow I just took some money.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Oh yeah, I'm sorry. No, no, I'm sorry to make
sure sure. I didn't know it was coming off that way. No, no,
she didn't steal money from me. No, no, no, no, that's not
what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Okay, thanks, just on the record, all right, No, but
listen to this. Does this surprise you? Fidelity did a
study on finances and relationship and said forty five percent
of partners admit that they argue about money at least occasionally,
and the National Institutes of Health says forty percent of
couples regularly fight about money.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
That makes sense.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
It does isn't always listed, but what are the number
one things? Yeah, cause of divorce, money is always way
up there. And you think about why people murder people money.
I mean, money is the source of pretty much most
problems in the world. Well, you think about it, so.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Financial arguments arguing over money. I would like to see
a breakdown of what those arguments are. You're spending too much,
you don't make enough, you're not working hard enough, you're
being irresponsible.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Yes, I think it's all of the disagreements on how
to make money, how to save money, and how to
spend money, and a lot of it is based on
how you were brought up, where your insecurities lie, and
all of this comes out. I mean, I just actually
started thinking about it. Money is the source of pretty
much all that's wrong in the world, so why wouldn't
that also be the source of so much conflict in relationships.
(04:50):
That does make a lot of sense. People are not
willing to just get divorced over financial problems. They're willing
to kill over it. We maybe have an unhealthy dose
of perspective on that, just because we do watch those
true crime stories and so often it is about money.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
It's only sex and money.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
I'm trying to think of a case with somebody murdered
just because they were mad I don't like you anymore? Then, Oh,
that was an insurance policy is taken out forty eight
hours before the death wait, but.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
One in five primary decision makers admit to feeling resentful
about handling financial matters alone. I think what's primary like,
I guess it's the person who decides, hey, babe, I'll
pay the bills, and maybe you're maybe you're the money maker,
but you're a feeling that you have to make all
of the decisions alone. It is so weird that we
(05:40):
don't communicate about money. We actually don't, and that is
a problem We don't generally, I don't say us we
don't talk about money a lot. We probably could have
better and more communication about money, about what we want
to do with it, how we want to spend it.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
We don't plan. We don't.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Our problem, robe is that we are so like minded.
You and I just spend money the same way, and
we don't have a problem with the other. If there's
anything you want to buy for the house, I get it.
You don't need to, Okay that we both eat at
the same places, We even places we go to robes,
And yes, we have been blessed to be able to
go out to eat any time we want to anywhere.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
We want. I still got a problem with a thirty
dollars season.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
You know, we were raised the same. We were raised
by parents who were like minded, who we didn't. We
weren't raised with a lot of money. We were raised
with hard working parents who built themselves up from nothing.
And truly, that is how I would describe my parents.
I think that's how you would describe yours as well.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
But there's always a you hear about it.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
This a poor man's mindset, a poor man's mentality, no
matter how much you ever make.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
And I'm that way. I want. I am tilled on.
I want a whore to give me all this.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
I want to collect as much as I can, and
I don't like I'm trying to think of the most
expensive thing. We don't splurge. We splurge on trashery. Yes,
but yeah, we sold food and travel. This is why
we don't have to have a lot of financial discussions.
We do need to talk about this money. You stold
that this somewhere that I don't know. But other than that,
we're good.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I would say that it's about the money that I
invested for our future.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
There it is, but no, this was interesting.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
There I read a bunch of articles about this because
I wanted to get a fuller scope of it. But
the New York Times had an article and I love that.
I want to meet and talk with this person. He
is a financial and relationship expert, so he is good
at both. And he gave couples four tips on how
to handle finances, and I love his first one. You
(07:35):
need to sit down with your partner and define what
a shared rich life is. Does that make sense? He says.
The most common problem when it comes to money in
relationship is the lack of a shared rich life vision.
A rich life to one person can mean something different
to another. So a rich life could mean traveling two
(07:56):
months a year. A rich life could mean being able
to buy beautiful things like a cashmere coat or an
expensive watch. A rich life could mean having the freedom
to take your kids to school every morning. A rich
life could mean something very different. So you should have
a shared rich life vision. How do we want to
feel rich? Basically, how do we want to spend our money?
(08:20):
What are our splurges going to be? Is it travel?
Is it things? Is it food? Is it a big house?
Speaker 3 (08:27):
But if you're saying rich life, my life is full
and it's rich because of things that are a part
of it that have nothing to do with finances. That
is that one way of looking at it.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
You could, but it's still specifically talking about how you
spend your money and why you spend your money, and
that is something that people don't sit down and have
a conversation about. And so he said, the first thing
you do, you start with one good money talk. You
actually sit down and say, let's talk about money. And
(08:59):
he said, it is shocking how many couples never have
a positive conversation about money. It's always a negative or
that you're suspicious, or you're resentful, or you don't like
how the other person spends. And it's decide to say,
we're going to have a positive conversation about money. And
I do like that idea that you have an intention
(09:19):
behind the conversation, that it's not going to go negative,
that it's about a shared vision. And then he said, look,
if you don't understand or agree with a big or
a small purchase, the other one makes react with curiosity,
not disparagement. And this is true with every conflict, but
specifically about money. He gave an iced tea example. He said,
okay or It could be coffee. You might be annoyed
(09:40):
that your your partner goes out every day and buys a,
you know, an eight dollars ten dollars latte or iced
tea when they can easily make it at home. And
so your one partner may say, I want to go
get an iced tea. It's my little treat, it's my
break in the middle of the day. And the other
might be saying, when I grew up, we didn't get
iced tea. He made it at home, and so that
(10:01):
can be something he'sn't for twenty five years. You could
have a couple. He said. He's talked to someone who
still were arguing over ice tea after a twenty five
year marriage. But they're not actually arguing over the ice tea.
It's about how you spend your money. How you get
that rich life feeling based on how you use your money. Yeah,
(10:22):
you can see how that would happen, and then I
this is one of my favorite parts, he said. One
of the biggest mistakes people make is they don't they
don't know how to spend their money. They know how
to earn it, they know how to save it, but
the skill of spending money meaningfully. Most people do not
learn it, and I think that's so cool. They say, you, actually,
(10:43):
the point of money is to use it to live
that rich life he's talking about. And he said, yes,
you need to save, Yes you need to invest. Obviously,
I think we all know that. But part of what
having a rich life means is the skill of spending money.
So that's what he wants most people to work on
as a couple. How are we going to spend our money?
(11:04):
Not how we're going to save it, not how we're
going to invest it, how we're going to spend it.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Oh, and then the problem there in lies is that
the couple is oftentimes not he wants something, she wants something.
He wants a new trek bike. Yes, she wants to
go to Sepphora and get the latest whatever. I mean,
there's just what do you do? I guess this is
(11:30):
all a part of it. Where is that conversation when
you're disagreeing about how we spend our money together?
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Don't we have to?
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Is that a sense that you need to okay or
give permission to a certain degree. That's a terrible word,
but I'm saying, make sure the other person feels okay.
With spending money every day on.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
That ic if they want to do right, and I
just think there's going to be acknowledgement. This fills my
life up. This gives me joy, This makes me happy,
This relieves stress. And people might think, why would you
pay someone to mo your lawn when you can do
it yourself? Is now I have time to relax, Like
there are just but these are conversations that almost no
one has an eye.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Well, that's Robes, that's you talk about.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
The reason you and I are on good footing is
because we were raised the same.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
That's true, because we were.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Brought up the same and have its so you don't
have to be worn with a silver spoon in your
mouth kind of thing. What you just brought up, Robes
is a fundamental difference that I think people can't neither
side are gonna it's ever going to come around to
the other side on the mowing the lawn thing. Yeah,
raised in such a way that I can do this,
Why don't need to pay somebody? That's money we can have.
(12:34):
Like people are firm in that. I'm not gonna change.
I was taught that way, yep. But then the other side, Robes,
it also makes sense that we make the money so
we don't have to do this, and.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Then we can spend more time together.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Maybe we could sit down at breakfast together instead of
you being out there for two hours.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
On a Saturday.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Exactly what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Those two sides, are they ever going to get together
and respect each other enough to make what compromise there?
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I think relationship extis. People say yea, but you have
to have the conversation first, and you just have to
assign the meeting behind it and then understand where your
partner's coming from. Look, I think it's interesting you and
I with money. I have felt so that's one of
the things that I feel so in sync with you on.
The only thing that I'm not in sync with you
on is your refusal to rent a movie.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
This is what Look.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Look, I'm a fall on that sword in this relationship
and that this will be the dumbest breakup in the
history of the world. It's the reason for divorce movie rental.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
He wouldn't let me rent the Amazon Prime Video for
three ninety nine.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
Okay, y'all are with me on this, right?
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Just or not?
Speaker 2 (13:35):
This is a quick aside. This won't take any more
than thirty seconds. There is an infinite amount of entertainment
available to stream. We pay for Amazon Prime, Netflix, Hbo Max,
I think three accounts even we just figured that out.
We got Hulu, we got everything available. Don't throw in
Apple TV Plus and ropes. How much a month are
(13:56):
we spending on streaming services? Hundreds a lot, no doubt
out hundreds and hundreds of dollars. So it's time to
sit down for movie night. And you're telling me those
hundreds of dollars. You want me to spend another twenty
four to ninety nine to purchase a movie because we
can't find one that's available for free.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
That is just a principle.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
It's a principle for you. But I would say if
that blockbuster movie came out that we didn't have the
chance to see at the theater, and I really want
to see it because it just came out for twenty
four to ninety nine from my couch. I want to
be able to say, you know what, let's rent it. Okay,
HEJ says, no.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
This is going to be the end of us. We
were somewhere once.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
I swear you made me buy something for like a
dollar ninety nine, and I was still uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
You you are a Larry us. But this I just
I wanted to say, and then we'll move on after this.
But I thought this was a cool thing to think about.
He said that he feels like one of the biggest
tragedies in life is to basically to end your life
with way too much money, never having built the skill
(15:03):
of spending it, never having taken the moment to enjoy it.
And I did hear one person say, sometimes we all
because when we were raised a certain way, we forget
that one of the best ways you can spend money,
one of the best ways you can bring joy to
your life by using money is buying time. And that
is outsourcing things that you were taught to do yourself,
(15:23):
whether it's cleaning your house or doing the yard work
or driving somewhere. If you can actually free up time
for you to focus on your family, that actually is
a very joyful way to spend your money.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
We should beat that drum more often.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
That is, I think people don't realize how much you
do add to your life by getting someone to free
up your time to do something more meaningful. And yeah,
you're you're you're passing on you're paying somebody else, You're
you're employing somebody.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Everybody wins. I do. I do believe that. All right,
when we come back, we're gonna have a little fun.
Because I mentioned this at the top, there was a
new survey of Americans that was conducted by Casino Guru
and apparently it was National Lottery Day on July seventeenth.
I didn't know this, but because of that, in honor that,
they put out this hilarious poll and the question is,
(16:16):
could you put a price on how much you love
your partner? We'll give you the results when we come back.
Welcome back everyone to this episode of Amy and TJ.
We were talking about relationships and money, but there was
(16:38):
a funny adjacent story here, and I mentioned it was
by Casino Guru. There was a new survey ahead of
National Lottery Day and they asked, could you put a
price on how much you love your partner? They said
most people said no, but they believe everyone's lying because
at least twenty five percent admitted that there is a
price where they would leave their lover. Is there a
(16:59):
price you would say? Someone said, I'll give you twenty
million dollars to leave Amy and never see her.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
Again, it had to be much higher.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
There is a price.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
We let's not be ridiculous, offers me a one hundred
billion dollars. We have a good last week though, and
you and I would immediately start plotting to find a
way to see each other again. But you know, even
after saying that, I don't, I don't think there is
a price. Yes, after saying that out loud, I mean
it seems ridiculous to pass up one hundred billion dollars.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
I don't think there's a number.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
The truth is, if you really love someone, there isn't
a number. And look, I thought this was a cool quote.
Money is never just money, its identity, its security, and
maybe it's even a story. But a windfall of money
doesn't create unity. It reveals whether there was anything there
to begin with. So a lot of times people who
win the lottery, you hear these stories where their marriages
(17:58):
fall apart, their life falls apart, because this money didn't
actually make their life better. It actually exposed so many
of their problems in their life to begin with. It's
so we all think we want to win the lottery,
but actually I mean I do, But you know that
there are so many stories of lottery winners where their
relationships fall apart.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Oh, lives fall apart.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Breed takes over?
Speaker 3 (18:22):
It does man?
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Yeah, so you should always or there's no amount of
money anybody asking them, so you can even take a beat.
Just like I played it out for a second. I said, well,
I'm sure there is a number, but then after I
started name it, actually there's not not previous relationships the
number in the five figures.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Yes, I was just gonna say, it depends on the
status of your relationship. And look, we've seen plenty. We've
been in plenty, and I know there has actually been
dollar amounts that I would have come to. So yes,
to have twenty five percent of people say yep, there
is a number, and they broke it down state by state,
we'll just give you the funny ones. So apparently the
(19:00):
guess the state where the most amount of people said
they would take any jackpit jackpot? Excuse me, so any
lottery winning Say I want a lottery and you have
to leave your lover. What state, by far had the
most number of respondents say that they would leave their
relationship for a jackpot?
Speaker 3 (19:17):
What state has the highest divorce rate?
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Oh, I don't know that. Maybe and maybe that's your answer.
I'd have to check it out. I didn't even think
to correct. Are of those two Do a quick google, sir.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I'm trying to think of the mindset and the relationships
and people and the different states. For whatever reason, I
think somewhere in the northeast of the Virginia area, for
some reason, sticks out. I want to go away from Florida.
I want to go to places that aren't doing financially well.
I have questional relationships. What state I don't know. I'll
(19:48):
guess I'll go with California, and I want to go
somewhere in No. They might be offended by the idea
that they would be into money. See, I'm breaking it
down too much. Ahead, tell me what the highest number was. Kentucky.
I didn't think you were going to get it.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Kentuckians said they would take any jackpot to walk out
the door.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
That's what you think of a place that thirsty.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Perhaps maybe, but then you named one of them and
they weren't far behind. Forty three percent of Floridians say
they'd consider ditching their partner, but it depended on the amount.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Retirees down there.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Forty two percent said they'd do it for less than
ten million Florida retirees. Yep, I don't know if retire retire.
It's Floridians, So I think there's so many. That's why
I went to Way together for a long and after,
like I've lived my life with you. I'll take the
money and see how life is without you.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
See, I was thinking the opposite that the retirees wouldn't
be so quick to do so well.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
I figure like they've already had enough of that person,
and so now they can go live their life and
see what's next.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
I should call my mom. I went to her numbers.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Do you have a number? It's something to ask. Okay, this,
I thought, will end on a positive note. There is
a state significantly more than the rest that had the
most faithful respondents. Is how they put it. Who They said,
there is no number where I would leave my partner.
What state would that be? For mind, I could see
why that'd be a good guess. It was Wisconsin. Seventy
(21:16):
nine percent of the respondent said, no, jackpot, no matter
the amount, would make them leave their partner.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
And they need that body warmth and need some gets
cold in the winter.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Look, it's just a fun thing. But yeah, maybe this
is going to cause an argument or maybe some internal
conflict if you actually do ask yourself, is there a
number where I would leave my partner? There isn't one
for me. I'm not just saying that because you're sitting here.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
I was saying I was trying to. I actually thought
I was going to be able to come up with
a number. I don't have one now. There is no
There's no money that will fulfill my life the way
it would be damaged by you not being in it.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
I'm serious. You can't balance that out, no matter, you
just can't.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
All right, I can't say anything better than that, So
we're gonna end it there. Thank you, baby, that was
really really sweet. I love you. And with that, everyone,
we hope you have a wonderful Saturday. We always appreciate
you listening to us. I Nanny Robot alongside TJ. Holmes
will help you. Sa
Hey there, everybody. It is Saturday, July eighteenth, and we
are discussing the role of money in your relationships. There
was an article that was pretty funny. It was conducted
by a casino group and they asked the question how
much money to leave your lover? They wanted to know
how big of a jackpot it would take for you
(00:24):
to leave your partner. But it got us thinking and
talking about the role of money in our relationships and
why it seems to be on every list the number
one reason why we fight. And with that, everyone, welcome
to Amy and TJ. And this is something actually we
have disagreements about a lot of things. Have we ever
(00:44):
actually thought about money?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Probably so because you took some money, a significant chunk
of money of ours recently. I don't know where it
is or how to access it.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
I'm still I didn't even know what you were hurrying
forgotten about that someone.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Now you brought this because this is one of these
And aybody, listen to the podcast that we Every once
in a while, Robes will pull out some topics that
I am not up on, and these are all surprises
to me. So she is introducing this one. So Ropes,
I hadn't. I didn't realize we were about to talk
about money.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
And since you.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Brought it up, yeah, you have a bone to pick. Well,
I honestly, I guess this is a good place to
be in a relationship. You did you have taken a
significant chunk of our money put it somewhere, no to
benefit us.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
It's insane it invested it.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
So, but what I'm saying to you, if anything breaks
down with us today, I have zero way of accessing
that money. I have no idea where it is. And
yet trust it's.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Enough that somebody could start a new life.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yes. Wait, didn't you see something this week where someone
stole money from someone to start a new life and
it was seven hundred and fifty dollars.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
It was on one of those true crime shows I
was liking.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
But yes, see, he left a note and I'm taking
seven hundred and fifty from the account start a new life.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
I assume this is not what you're about to say.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
The number one, and I assume he wasn't living in
New York.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
This might have been Arkansas.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Actually, oh my goodness. BE kind of laughed about that,
but yes, full disclosure, that was a fun way to
say that, Yes, we actually do have trust because I
did obviously ask you beforehand and you said, fine, I
trust you. I did send you a link to the account.
It just must have expired. So yeah, you don't even
know what bank it is. You don't know how to
access it. You don't know the password or the username.
(02:28):
But I'm happy to share it with you once we're
done with this episode.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
One last thing, is my name actually on that account?
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Okay, so I could. So I do have the right
to it.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
I did say it was a joint account, and I
did put your information in it, your social Security number,
all of that. Yes, you do have a right to it.
If if we were to split, you would have a
legal remedy. You just I could just make it hard
for you.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Yeah, oh wow, okay, so I guess. So let's start
with that. If everybody's listening, if you if this were
done in your relationship with your significant other, would.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
You trust it? Would you be okay?
Speaker 2 (03:00):
If the person you are currently in a relationship with
took you all's joint money and put it somewhere, would
you just say okay, it's fine or be okay?
Speaker 3 (03:08):
I don't know roes.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
A lot of people say that's not good sound financial
advice or relationship advice moving.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Forward, I would say that it points to a level
of trust in your relationship. And look, obviously you're joking.
We have you can probably go find in your email
where the link is, like you couldn't find.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
I'm not joking. I don't know where that money is.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
You're not joking, but I'm saying you're joking in the
fact that somehow I just took some money.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Oh yeah, I'm sorry. No, no, I'm sorry to make
sure sure. I didn't know it was coming off that way. No, no,
she didn't steal money from me. No, no, no, no, that's not
what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Okay, thanks, just on the record, all right, No, but
listen to this. Does this surprise you? Fidelity did a
study on finances and relationship and said forty five percent
of partners admit that they argue about money at least occasionally,
and the National Institutes of Health says forty percent of
couples regularly fight about money.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
That makes sense.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
It does isn't always listed, but what are the number
one things? Yeah, cause of divorce, money is always way
up there. And you think about why people murder people money.
I mean, money is the source of pretty much most
problems in the world. Well, you think about it, so.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Financial arguments arguing over money. I would like to see
a breakdown of what those arguments are. You're spending too much,
you don't make enough, you're not working hard enough, you're
being irresponsible.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Yes, I think it's all of the disagreements on how
to make money, how to save money, and how to
spend money, and a lot of it is based on
how you were brought up, where your insecurities lie, and
all of this comes out. I mean, I just actually
started thinking about it. Money is the source of pretty
much all that's wrong in the world, so why wouldn't
that also be the source of so much conflict in relationships.
(04:50):
That does make a lot of sense. People are not
willing to just get divorced over financial problems. They're willing
to kill over it. We maybe have an unhealthy dose
of perspective on that, just because we do watch those
true crime stories and so often it is about money.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
It's only sex and money.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
I'm trying to think of a case with somebody murdered
just because they were mad I don't like you anymore? Then, Oh,
that was an insurance policy is taken out forty eight
hours before the death wait, but.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
One in five primary decision makers admit to feeling resentful
about handling financial matters alone. I think what's primary like,
I guess it's the person who decides, hey, babe, I'll
pay the bills, and maybe you're maybe you're the money maker,
but you're a feeling that you have to make all
of the decisions alone. It is so weird that we
(05:40):
don't communicate about money. We actually don't, and that is
a problem We don't generally, I don't say us we
don't talk about money a lot. We probably could have
better and more communication about money, about what we want
to do with it, how we want to spend it.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
We don't plan. We don't.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Our problem, robe is that we are so like minded.
You and I just spend money the same way, and
we don't have a problem with the other. If there's
anything you want to buy for the house, I get it.
You don't need to, Okay that we both eat at
the same places, We even places we go to robes,
And yes, we have been blessed to be able to
go out to eat any time we want to anywhere.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
We want. I still got a problem with a thirty
dollars season.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
You know, we were raised the same. We were raised
by parents who were like minded, who we didn't. We
weren't raised with a lot of money. We were raised
with hard working parents who built themselves up from nothing.
And truly, that is how I would describe my parents.
I think that's how you would describe yours as well.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
But there's always a you hear about it.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
This a poor man's mindset, a poor man's mentality, no
matter how much you ever make.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
And I'm that way. I want. I am tilled on.
I want a whore to give me all this.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
I want to collect as much as I can, and
I don't like I'm trying to think of the most
expensive thing. We don't splurge. We splurge on trashery. Yes,
but yeah, we sold food and travel. This is why
we don't have to have a lot of financial discussions.
We do need to talk about this money. You stold
that this somewhere that I don't know. But other than that,
we're good.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I would say that it's about the money that I
invested for our future.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
There it is, but no, this was interesting.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
There I read a bunch of articles about this because
I wanted to get a fuller scope of it. But
the New York Times had an article and I love that.
I want to meet and talk with this person. He
is a financial and relationship expert, so he is good
at both. And he gave couples four tips on how
to handle finances, and I love his first one. You
(07:35):
need to sit down with your partner and define what
a shared rich life is. Does that make sense? He says.
The most common problem when it comes to money in
relationship is the lack of a shared rich life vision.
A rich life to one person can mean something different
to another. So a rich life could mean traveling two
(07:56):
months a year. A rich life could mean being able
to buy beautiful things like a cashmere coat or an
expensive watch. A rich life could mean having the freedom
to take your kids to school every morning. A rich
life could mean something very different. So you should have
a shared rich life vision. How do we want to
feel rich? Basically, how do we want to spend our money?
(08:20):
What are our splurges going to be? Is it travel?
Is it things? Is it food? Is it a big house?
Speaker 3 (08:27):
But if you're saying rich life, my life is full
and it's rich because of things that are a part
of it that have nothing to do with finances. That
is that one way of looking at it.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
You could, but it's still specifically talking about how you
spend your money and why you spend your money, and
that is something that people don't sit down and have
a conversation about. And so he said, the first thing
you do, you start with one good money talk. You
actually sit down and say, let's talk about money. And
(08:59):
he said, it is shocking how many couples never have
a positive conversation about money. It's always a negative or
that you're suspicious, or you're resentful, or you don't like
how the other person spends. And it's decide to say,
we're going to have a positive conversation about money. And
I do like that idea that you have an intention
(09:19):
behind the conversation, that it's not going to go negative,
that it's about a shared vision. And then he said, look,
if you don't understand or agree with a big or
a small purchase, the other one makes react with curiosity,
not disparagement. And this is true with every conflict, but
specifically about money. He gave an iced tea example. He said,
okay or It could be coffee. You might be annoyed
(09:40):
that your your partner goes out every day and buys a,
you know, an eight dollars ten dollars latte or iced
tea when they can easily make it at home. And
so your one partner may say, I want to go
get an iced tea. It's my little treat, it's my
break in the middle of the day. And the other
might be saying, when I grew up, we didn't get
iced tea. He made it at home, and so that
(10:01):
can be something he'sn't for twenty five years. You could
have a couple. He said. He's talked to someone who
still were arguing over ice tea after a twenty five
year marriage. But they're not actually arguing over the ice tea.
It's about how you spend your money. How you get
that rich life feeling based on how you use your money. Yeah,
(10:22):
you can see how that would happen, and then I
this is one of my favorite parts, he said. One
of the biggest mistakes people make is they don't they
don't know how to spend their money. They know how
to earn it, they know how to save it, but
the skill of spending money meaningfully. Most people do not
learn it, and I think that's so cool. They say, you, actually,
(10:43):
the point of money is to use it to live
that rich life he's talking about. And he said, yes,
you need to save, Yes you need to invest. Obviously,
I think we all know that. But part of what
having a rich life means is the skill of spending money.
So that's what he wants most people to work on
as a couple. How are we going to spend our money?
(11:04):
Not how we're going to save it, not how we're
going to invest it, how we're going to spend it.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Oh, and then the problem there in lies is that
the couple is oftentimes not he wants something, she wants something.
He wants a new trek bike. Yes, she wants to
go to Sepphora and get the latest whatever. I mean,
there's just what do you do? I guess this is
(11:30):
all a part of it. Where is that conversation when
you're disagreeing about how we spend our money together?
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Don't we have to?
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Is that a sense that you need to okay or
give permission to a certain degree. That's a terrible word,
but I'm saying, make sure the other person feels okay.
With spending money every day on.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
That ic if they want to do right, and I
just think there's going to be acknowledgement. This fills my
life up. This gives me joy, This makes me happy,
This relieves stress. And people might think, why would you
pay someone to mo your lawn when you can do
it yourself? Is now I have time to relax, Like
there are just but these are conversations that almost no
one has an eye.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Well, that's Robes, that's you talk about.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
The reason you and I are on good footing is
because we were raised the same.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
That's true, because we were.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Brought up the same and have its so you don't
have to be worn with a silver spoon in your
mouth kind of thing. What you just brought up, Robes
is a fundamental difference that I think people can't neither
side are gonna it's ever going to come around to
the other side on the mowing the lawn thing. Yeah,
raised in such a way that I can do this,
Why don't need to pay somebody? That's money we can have.
(12:34):
Like people are firm in that. I'm not gonna change.
I was taught that way, yep. But then the other side, Robes,
it also makes sense that we make the money so
we don't have to do this, and.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Then we can spend more time together.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Maybe we could sit down at breakfast together instead of
you being out there for two hours.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
On a Saturday.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Exactly what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Those two sides, are they ever going to get together
and respect each other enough to make what compromise there?
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I think relationship extis. People say yea, but you have
to have the conversation first, and you just have to
assign the meeting behind it and then understand where your
partner's coming from. Look, I think it's interesting you and
I with money. I have felt so that's one of
the things that I feel so in sync with you on.
The only thing that I'm not in sync with you
on is your refusal to rent a movie.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
This is what Look.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Look, I'm a fall on that sword in this relationship
and that this will be the dumbest breakup in the
history of the world. It's the reason for divorce movie rental.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
He wouldn't let me rent the Amazon Prime Video for
three ninety nine.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
Okay, y'all are with me on this, right?
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Just or not?
Speaker 2 (13:35):
This is a quick aside. This won't take any more
than thirty seconds. There is an infinite amount of entertainment
available to stream. We pay for Amazon Prime, Netflix, Hbo Max,
I think three accounts even we just figured that out.
We got Hulu, we got everything available. Don't throw in
Apple TV Plus and ropes. How much a month are
(13:56):
we spending on streaming services? Hundreds a lot, no doubt
out hundreds and hundreds of dollars. So it's time to
sit down for movie night. And you're telling me those
hundreds of dollars. You want me to spend another twenty
four to ninety nine to purchase a movie because we
can't find one that's available for free.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
That is just a principle.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
It's a principle for you. But I would say if
that blockbuster movie came out that we didn't have the
chance to see at the theater, and I really want
to see it because it just came out for twenty
four to ninety nine from my couch. I want to
be able to say, you know what, let's rent it. Okay,
HEJ says, no.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
This is going to be the end of us. We
were somewhere once.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
I swear you made me buy something for like a
dollar ninety nine, and I was still uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
You you are a Larry us. But this I just
I wanted to say, and then we'll move on after this.
But I thought this was a cool thing to think about.
He said that he feels like one of the biggest
tragedies in life is to basically to end your life
with way too much money, never having built the skill
(15:03):
of spending it, never having taken the moment to enjoy it.
And I did hear one person say, sometimes we all
because when we were raised a certain way, we forget
that one of the best ways you can spend money,
one of the best ways you can bring joy to
your life by using money is buying time. And that
is outsourcing things that you were taught to do yourself,
(15:23):
whether it's cleaning your house or doing the yard work
or driving somewhere. If you can actually free up time
for you to focus on your family, that actually is
a very joyful way to spend your money.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
We should beat that drum more often.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
That is, I think people don't realize how much you
do add to your life by getting someone to free
up your time to do something more meaningful. And yeah,
you're you're you're passing on you're paying somebody else, You're
you're employing somebody.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Everybody wins. I do. I do believe that. All right,
when we come back, we're gonna have a little fun.
Because I mentioned this at the top, there was a
new survey of Americans that was conducted by Casino Guru
and apparently it was National Lottery Day on July seventeenth.
I didn't know this, but because of that, in honor that,
they put out this hilarious poll and the question is,
(16:16):
could you put a price on how much you love
your partner? We'll give you the results when we come back.
Welcome back everyone to this episode of Amy and TJ.
We were talking about relationships and money, but there was
(16:38):
a funny adjacent story here, and I mentioned it was
by Casino Guru. There was a new survey ahead of
National Lottery Day and they asked, could you put a
price on how much you love your partner? They said
most people said no, but they believe everyone's lying because
at least twenty five percent admitted that there is a
price where they would leave their lover. Is there a
(16:59):
price you would say? Someone said, I'll give you twenty
million dollars to leave Amy and never see her.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
Again, it had to be much higher.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
There is a price.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
We let's not be ridiculous, offers me a one hundred
billion dollars. We have a good last week though, and
you and I would immediately start plotting to find a
way to see each other again. But you know, even
after saying that, I don't, I don't think there is
a price. Yes, after saying that out loud, I mean
it seems ridiculous to pass up one hundred billion dollars.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
I don't think there's a number.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
The truth is, if you really love someone, there isn't
a number. And look, I thought this was a cool quote.
Money is never just money, its identity, its security, and
maybe it's even a story. But a windfall of money
doesn't create unity. It reveals whether there was anything there
to begin with. So a lot of times people who
win the lottery, you hear these stories where their marriages
(17:58):
fall apart, their life falls apart, because this money didn't
actually make their life better. It actually exposed so many
of their problems in their life to begin with. It's
so we all think we want to win the lottery,
but actually I mean I do, But you know that
there are so many stories of lottery winners where their
relationships fall apart.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Oh, lives fall apart.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Breed takes over?
Speaker 3 (18:22):
It does man?
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Yeah, so you should always or there's no amount of
money anybody asking them, so you can even take a beat.
Just like I played it out for a second. I said, well,
I'm sure there is a number, but then after I
started name it, actually there's not not previous relationships the
number in the five figures.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Yes, I was just gonna say, it depends on the
status of your relationship. And look, we've seen plenty. We've
been in plenty, and I know there has actually been
dollar amounts that I would have come to. So yes,
to have twenty five percent of people say yep, there
is a number, and they broke it down state by state,
we'll just give you the funny ones. So apparently the
(19:00):
guess the state where the most amount of people said
they would take any jackpit jackpot? Excuse me, so any
lottery winning Say I want a lottery and you have
to leave your lover. What state, by far had the
most number of respondents say that they would leave their
relationship for a jackpot?
Speaker 3 (19:17):
What state has the highest divorce rate?
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Oh, I don't know that. Maybe and maybe that's your answer.
I'd have to check it out. I didn't even think
to correct. Are of those two Do a quick google, sir.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I'm trying to think of the mindset and the relationships
and people and the different states. For whatever reason, I
think somewhere in the northeast of the Virginia area, for
some reason, sticks out. I want to go away from Florida.
I want to go to places that aren't doing financially well.
I have questional relationships. What state I don't know. I'll
(19:48):
guess I'll go with California, and I want to go
somewhere in No. They might be offended by the idea
that they would be into money. See, I'm breaking it
down too much. Ahead, tell me what the highest number was. Kentucky.
I didn't think you were going to get it.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Kentuckians said they would take any jackpot to walk out
the door.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
That's what you think of a place that thirsty.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Perhaps maybe, but then you named one of them and
they weren't far behind. Forty three percent of Floridians say
they'd consider ditching their partner, but it depended on the amount.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Retirees down there.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Forty two percent said they'd do it for less than
ten million Florida retirees. Yep, I don't know if retire retire.
It's Floridians, So I think there's so many. That's why
I went to Way together for a long and after,
like I've lived my life with you. I'll take the
money and see how life is without you.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
See, I was thinking the opposite that the retirees wouldn't
be so quick to do so well.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
I figure like they've already had enough of that person,
and so now they can go live their life and
see what's next.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
I should call my mom. I went to her numbers.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Do you have a number? It's something to ask. Okay, this,
I thought, will end on a positive note. There is
a state significantly more than the rest that had the
most faithful respondents. Is how they put it. Who They said,
there is no number where I would leave my partner.
What state would that be? For mind, I could see
why that'd be a good guess. It was Wisconsin. Seventy
(21:16):
nine percent of the respondent said, no, jackpot, no matter
the amount, would make them leave their partner.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
And they need that body warmth and need some gets
cold in the winter.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Look, it's just a fun thing. But yeah, maybe this
is going to cause an argument or maybe some internal
conflict if you actually do ask yourself, is there a
number where I would leave my partner? There isn't one
for me. I'm not just saying that because you're sitting here.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
I was saying I was trying to. I actually thought
I was going to be able to come up with
a number. I don't have one now. There is no
There's no money that will fulfill my life the way
it would be damaged by you not being in it.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
I'm serious. You can't balance that out, no matter, you
just can't.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
All right, I can't say anything better than that, So
we're gonna end it there. Thank you, baby, that was
really really sweet. I love you. And with that, everyone,
we hope you have a wonderful Saturday. We always appreciate
you listening to us. I Nanny Robot alongside TJ. Holmes
will help you. Sa
Hosts And Creators
Amy Robach
T.J. Holmes
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