July 18, 2026 • 29 mins
A new poll shows just how far apart men and women are when it comes to relationships. We go over what men THINK women want from a man versus what women say they actually find attractive in a partner. The responses couldn’t be farther apart!
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey there, everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
It is Saturday, July eighteenth, and we have a very
fun conversation today that I think all of you are
going to be excited about listening to. We're tackling the
age old question what do women actually want? But the
fun twist is there's a new survey out about what
women say they want versus what men think they want.
(00:27):
And let's just say it couldn't be more different. And
with that, everyone, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJTJ.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
You think you have your answers. You know what I want?
You know what women want?
Speaker 3 (00:39):
I know you want. I'll start there.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Okay, what do I want?
Speaker 3 (00:42):
I also know what women want? And the answer to
that is they don't know.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Really, you think we don't know what?
Speaker 3 (00:48):
And with that, thank you for listening. This is simple stuff.
Oh I always say that I've said this to you
for a long time women, and we just say it jokingly. Now,
please everybody don't get crazy and go all love Island
casey on us. Here. What we're saying is women, it's
we make fun of it. You ask a woman, what
do you want? What do you want? What do you
(01:09):
want to eat for dinner?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (01:10):
You can pick something. It's fine, all right, how about Mexican?
I don't want that? Right, You won't say what you want,
but you can definitely say what you don't want. So
that is what the experience and I always have fun
talking about.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I do think that is absolutely true in life. Sometimes
I'm open to a lot of things. But when I
hear something I don't like, I know it immediately. But
to describe exactly what I want for dinner, you're correct.
Maybe I might be a bit ambiguous or open to
all sorts of things until i'm not. But what do
you think women want from men when they're thinking about
(01:43):
a partner, when they're thinking about the guy they want
to marry. What are we looking for? Do you think?
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Oh? Safety, stability. It comes in different forms in different ways,
But I would say safety protection or up there, and
that comes from stability, has a decent job, has a
good head on his shoulders, has benefits that were like,
There are very practical things I think women want, But
I think so often what they're told to excuse me,
(02:11):
what is being put out there that they're supposed to
ask for, is something more of a more of a
fantasy to always be, to always be treated a certain
way as a prince would treat you. And if you
take anything short of that, I think it oftentimes gets
in People says that you are compromising, You are not
being your whole self if you are not getting exactly
what you want. And society has told women, a guy
(02:34):
supposed to be this tall, make this much money, look
like this, treat you like this, give you this many
flowers of year. Data. There's like a list that you
all are given, and anything short of that is a problem.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
You just named several things that men put at the
top of the list if you were to say, like,
rank them number one.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
When a woman is looking.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
To seriously data, man, what's the number one thing she's
looking for?
Speaker 1 (02:58):
You look at a stranger. What is she hoping he has?
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Oh that's a question for me.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Yeah, I'm asking you. What do you think women?
Speaker 2 (03:05):
When women say women, a woman's at you know, either
she's swiping right or left on a dating app, she
meets somebody in a bar, and what would be the
traits that would make her want to have a relationship,
Like a physical trait, it.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Could be whatever. It could be physical, it.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Could be it could be a character trait. It could
be anything like, what what do I have in my
mind that I want to find a man who has
this for me to get into a relationship with him.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
The height, kindness, uh, humor, Yeah, and again some things
are just practical. He needs to have a decent like
an education. Like there are certain things that are just
practical that check off on a list that I guess
(03:53):
you could say anybody would want. But yeah, just people
have women have a right guy? You supposed to a
guy does a certain height? Is height on your list somewhere?
Speaker 2 (04:03):
That is absolutely something that many men think that women want.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Yes, now they think that because many women anywhere you
go out there will tell you that we hear do
we not? That is there ain't a woman that is.
You all gave us that instruction. You all have told
us what you want from a guy. And there is
a height requirement.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
What do you think it is?
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Actually, I don't even know. I don't even know if
it's based on the woman's height. But as a height requirement,
I think here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Hit.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
This might go along with it too. Rogue women don't
know what they want, but they know what they don't want.
They don't want a guy five to six that's true. Right,
that's true. Mostly that is true. Yes, all right.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
So this is a new IPSOS poll that was released,
and this is what men think women want. Fifty percent
of men believe that physical attractiveness is a woman's top priority.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Oh no, god, no, isn't that crazy?
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Oh no, no, no no.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Then think that that was the number one consensus among
men polled in this IPSOS poll. They believe that women
the number one thing is physical attractiveness.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Okay, isn't that and that.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Includes height and all of that.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Yes, Okay. Now, if I watch Love Island, I would
think one hundred percent of women think that physical attractiveness
is number one. But again, that's that's the stuff that
gets put out there. He's got to be this hell
you just talked about the swiping. Swiping is just.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
About Look, it is true, and I will say I
actually will go so far because we'll get into what
women said they wanted. But if you're being honest women,
that is the first thing that stands out. Now you
can get really ugly really quickly based on your behavior.
So I can say initially physical attractiveness, but it's not
(05:49):
number one. It's a part of the package. And to
say it isn't. Isn't I think being truthful?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Who's making that argument?
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Well, because when you hear what women say with the
number one thing is I understand what they're saying, but
you can't.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
We're not. I will.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
I will give this away early on. Physical attractiveness isn't
the top two things? And I just think that it
is definitely a part of the package that you would consider.
You need to be physically attracted to the person you're with. However,
it isn't just about height and looks. You can be
(06:22):
attracted to somebody. Oh yeah, because of other traits. Oh goodness, yes,
but the physical stuff. Men put it at the number
one and women have not.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Okay, again, this is what guys think women want, yes,
oh no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
No, no, okay, thirty percent of men.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
So the next highest thing that men think women want
is financial status.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Yeah, yes, robes go anywhere, watch any show, watch anything
on and any woman is talking about a guy has
to look like this and he has to make this much.
Is okay? Guys are fault. They're listening.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Yeah, that has never been on my list listening.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
So yes, guys are following instruction.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Right now, That's okay. So the article went to say.
The crux of the article, I think it was written
for men. Men have spent an insane amount of time
optimizing for the wrong things. That is basically what this
article is saying. And they say, the men who have
logged all those hours at the gym worked really hard
to get the big salary, practice swagger, all of that,
(07:27):
and that might get a girl initially to be attracted
to you, but it's not what women actually need or
want in a long relationship.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (07:35):
No, I would take issue on this. It makes it
sound as if tall, attractive, fit, financially sound guys aren't
doing well, and I would take issue with that. Stop.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
I think I can tell you that that has never
been my go to I'm going to find a guy
who's like that. In fact, those kind of guys, actually,
I think, in a lot of ways for a lot
of women are a red flag because you think they're
into themselves and they're they're looking for the next best thing,
always like it would be someone who I wouldn't initially trust.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
I guess would be a good way for me to
put it.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Okay, So what, okay?
Speaker 1 (08:10):
All right?
Speaker 2 (08:11):
What did women actually say they wanted. These are the two,
so the top two of the men, the third. They
just had the top two and it was pretty overwhelming
because they just asked what does a woman want the
number one thing? And so fifty percent said physical attractiveness
and another forty percent said financial status.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
So you tell me, if you go ask women out
there and everything, we see that one thing you're looking for. Okay,
so you're telling me that women won't give an answer.
I don't want an attractive guy who makes a lot
of money. That's not what I look for.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
That's come on, that's not what someone wants in a
long relationship. It's not what's going to get you through.
So you did list some of the qualities, babe. When
I asked you what women wanted, and what the question was,
what's the number one thing? So sixty percent of women
the number one thing they said they wanted in a partner.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Humor. And I actually agree with that because.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
You you make a girl laugh, and I'm telling you
there is an instant connection with you, babe. Obviously you're
wildly attractive, and you had a really nice job and
a really nice salary. Like, yes, you had all of
those things. So those were maybe just givens.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
You make it sound like I don't have a good
job and a good salary anymore.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
You have a great job and a great salary together,
now right, No, you do, babe. So the point is
you made me laugh, and that was the number one
I would say, that is what attracted to me more
than anything, more than any of the other things. You
are funny and that was so attractive to me.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Okay, we have to take a little issue with Okay, fine,
I understand that sounds great, but okay, you can't. You
can't tell how funny somebody is across the bar, and
that will sustain you, but it won't get you in
the door. That's what I'm saying. Because the dude at
the end of the bar is hilarious and he by himself.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
That's true. That's true. I think.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I think if you're looking there, I think maybe women
straight went straight for the quality versus acknowledging that obviously
there still needs to be a level of physical attraction.
And I really say physical attraction because yes, a lot
of other things can make you attractive, like humor one
hundred percent. But I do think that women aren't being
fully honest in this survey when they say the number
(10:23):
one thing, I'll be honest, the number one thing that's
going to make me initially want to explore a relationship
with you is your looks. That's just going to be
how's the first thing?
Speaker 3 (10:32):
How's the question phrase to get into that.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
I don't well, I just it was the number one thing,
the number one trait you're looking for in a man.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Tit you're looking for in a man?
Speaker 2 (10:41):
And they said, and men said it was physical attractiveness
was the number one the overwhelming majority, and the overwhelming
majority of women said it was humor.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
Traits characteristic. See, I don't even put those in the
same category, because a really attractive guy can be hilarious,
a really right you can you can have both. You
can have them both. That I'm comparing a physical something
to an actual characteristic or behavioral thing. Like it's says
(11:09):
I can be and have a personality. That's funny. We're
comparing like height and like they're not the same thing.
To me, it's a physical thing versus an actual personality.
I get you, those are two different things.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
I get you, and I do think I do think that.
And like I said earlier, you can be just say
we have a physically attractive man, he can become instantly
unattractive based on his personality, how he treats women, how
he treats himself, his.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Habits, his all of that.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
And you know, a guy who you might not initially
think is the hottest thing ever, can suddenly become wildly
attractive when they have traits like humor.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Yes, I would have liked. Again, I'm not criticizing how
they decided to do the survey, But if you ask
women or ask ment, what is the number one physical
trait women look for in a guy, that would interest
would have been different? Height, hair, eyes, smile, bodybuild that
to dip some women like a dad bought some. It
(12:07):
needs some like a guy needs to be cut like
an adonis. So I want, you know, It's just it's different.
So it seems weird to compare those two things.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
I think they were trying to ask when they said
the number one trait you find to try or the
number one sorry, I have to get it right, what
women want? What's the number one thing women want in
a partner? And so that's how they put it, and
the men thought it was all number one physical attractiveness.
The women all thought humor. Now I thought it was interesting.
This is so female, like you're gonna laugh. There was
(12:36):
a caveat to the humor. So this was how they
rounded up women's responses. You don't have to be a
stand up comedian, but if you can make us laugh,
that is gold, especially if you can laugh at yourself. However,
there's a trap because you can go too far. This
makes total sense if you make yourself the butt of
every joke. Self deprecation isn't necessarily cute. You can go
(12:59):
too far with you if you're trying too hard like
some people. So they didn't want to have men read
this and go, oh, let me try to be extra funny.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
It's not gonna work.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
Yeah, I mean, folks, you're funny or you're not.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
I don't agree.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
It's kind of you're taller, you're not. It's just something
you can't do anything about. You shouldn't try to change
this necessarily. We get it. But the self deprecating part,
it's always I think that is attractive. Somebody can can
make fun of themselves and can laugh with themselves.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Yes, I agree, but I've always thought for me, there's
a fine line between funny and goofy. You're never goofy.
Funny is gold, Goofy is unattractive. There is a difference.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
You know what I'm talking.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
About, exactly what you're talking about, because you show pointed
out to me all the time and tell me how
there is nothing about me that is goofy. You do
not you even see guys do stuff onto you. I
cannot see you doing that.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
And I'm like, thank god, because there is a line.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
So that's I think the self deprecation can go to
like being goofy, where you're willing to make a fool
of yourself.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
That to me is not attracted.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
I understand that.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Okay, the number two and this was actually a close second,
so this is it wasn't that women ranked it. This
is fifty three percent of respondents said it was kindness,
and I do understand that. But again, I can understand
why that would be confusing and annoying to men because
to say that the number one what women want in
a man is kindness, I think a lot of women
(14:23):
because I went on to read it and looked a
lot too, And I'll tell you a really fun post
that I read, but it's not that like because people
say kind guys. Nice guys finished last. So this is
a tough call because men do. Do you feel frustrated
by hearing women say the number one thing they want
in a man is kindness.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
I think most men who just heard you say that
role there are Okay, let me be kind. All the
women are coming left and right now because I'm so kind. Hey,
swipe right, I'm kinda.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
It's Carl, Carl from Love.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Carl's kind Carl.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
But all the women love Carl because he was kind,
because he was kind.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
And then every woman, all eight of you sitting on
the couch, said now I don't want to date Carl.
He's a nice gato. So why is that that is true?
Speaker 2 (15:15):
This is an interesting thing they took away from the survey.
Women perceive kinder men as more intelligent. They perceive angrier
men as less intelligent, and that perception affects relationship satisfaction
for both partners perception. So the guy who leads with
aloofness like I'm too cool for school isn't coming across
(15:36):
as mysterious. Sometimes he's coming across as just not desirable.
But I think that's also confusing because don't we always
say that we like the chase.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Don't both sexes say we like the chase.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
That's all ego talking.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Oh my goodness, Okay, I liked this. This is a
post on Reddit. I thought, whoever put this out there
on in this category? This was the like they had
a whole thing on what women want, what men want.
Women want to be loved by men, how women love. Sadly,
men tend to love women the way they love their
phone or their car. Women want to be loved like
(16:15):
whole human beings. When you love someone, their happiness is
integral to your happiness. I do that last line is
absolutely true for both partners.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Okay, And guys are again listening to that and going,
what are we supposed to do with that? What does
that mean? I mean, just okay, I don't know how
many other guys with listening here? What does that mean?
You want?
Speaker 2 (16:36):
What it means that some men tend to say they
love their women because they treat them like their possessions,
like a surprized possession, and they control them and they
want them to be a certain thing.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
That that is a broad that's a broad brush to
paint all guys with. Of course, of course, I don't
think that is fair I don't think that's accurate at all.
Treat Most guys treat women like their possessions and we
I don't know about nobody wants to be treated like that.
And sure those things happen.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
And that was to the kindness part, just to be
the whole thoughtfulness. But I hear you.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
The Karl on Love Island is really an interesting character
study for me because I was fascinated about how many
people loved him and were rooting for him.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
And he is a nice guy.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
He's the epitome of a nice guy, but he isn't
someone who I would have wanted to date. I wonder
what people listening felt about that as well. But when
we come back, there is advice for men. I can't
wait to hear what you think of this advice, babe.
When we come back, we will tell you what the
analysis what came out of this IPSOS poll. Welcome back
(17:50):
everyone to this relationship episode of Amy and TJ were
talking about an interesting conversation what women say they want
in a partner versus what men think they want in
a partner. This is based on an IPSOS poll that
was recently done. And look the analysis that came out
of it. The advice, perhaps that this poll is offering
to men is to first of all, be kind. Kindness
(18:13):
plays a significant role in both initial attraction and long
term relationship satisfaction. To me, that's a no brainer.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
Be kind. Yes, well we know this, don't we. You
shouldn't have to practice or tell yourself or remind yourself. Okay,
be kind, be kind. You're going to go over and
meet her, but be kind, be kind, be kind. You
don't have to do that.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
You should have to or you aren't.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
And if you need that tip is ridiculous. You do
not need to be told or explained or need to
go get coaching to be kind. You are or you
are not. All right, even if you are not, you
know that you should be because that's what people do.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Exactly, all right.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Number two, confidence doesn't need a room to prove it.
So they say that chill confidence, that's how they put it,
is the best way forward. That women are attracted to that.
So you're confident, but you're chill about it. You're not cocky.
That's basically what they're saying.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Okay, and in your face, confidence is just insecurity that
if anybody needs to show you how confident they are
then obviously they're not, and they're trying to prove something.
So yes, and confident put who I'm trying to think
of an in your face confidence kind of But what
does that look like?
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Even like a cocky guy who we've seen it comes
out of the locker room.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Who thinks he's all that.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
I mean, it's funny. I think a lot of it is.
And I think some people would actually just keep going
to Love Island.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
It is. It's a front, it's a cover. It's not real.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
People aren't Actually if you do have confidence, if you
do think highly of yourself, you actually don't project that
out in that way. So it's there is a distinction.
Make her laugh, but read the room. Shared laughter is
a meaningful pathway toward building a more lasting relationship. So
it's about, if you think about it, shared laughter. When
(20:00):
I was reading this, I was actually feeling confident about
our relationship because don't you think that's the thing we
share the most between the two of us is laughter.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
And I'm not laughing at you and you're not laughing
at me. We're laughing together at something in front of us.
And even if it's something that I did or you did,
we're still laughing together. It's not no, it's never. No
one ever is the butt of a joke.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
It feels is a good way to put it, because
that is dangerous when you start making laughter and making
jokes towards one another or yes, pointing out something that's
that's dangerous.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
Oh and certainly if there are other people around, ooh, yes,
you can be making fun and a part of a
crowd laughing at your loved one. You should always defend
your loved one, even if they are the butt of
a joke.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Yes, yeah, that's kindness different, that's kindness coming in all right.
The other bit of advice, do not skip the emotionally
available part. Emotional safety creates greater intimacy. A lot of
women talked about this, and we hear emotional intelligence being
floated around all the time. But there's real truth to that.
And I don't know that that was anything that was
(21:03):
discussed when I was younger or when I was coming up,
and we all have the fantasy at that back in
the day, it was all about, yes, the man came
in and saved you. And but what wasn't described as
emotional safety isn't physical safety. It's emotional safety knowing I
can be at my worst and you're still going to
be there for me.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
And that cuts both ways. Don't women?
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Don't men want emotional safety as well from their partners.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
I'm going right back to Casey right now. I'm saying,
we don't know how to express We haven't been given
the okay to say that we want that, so we
act out when we don't get it. So, yes, one
hundred percent right, But good luck getting a guy to
admit that or even to be aware of that being
something that he needs. But that's why it looks so different.
(21:48):
We're going through the same thing you all are. We
just don't know how to handle it well. We don't
know express it well. You all might cry, you all
might get irrational, you all might do all act out
in certain ways. What do we do? Go do some
locker room talk, Go start time all about about how
to bag make ourselves feel better. Go try to pursue
another woman to make us feel good and reassure us that,
oh yeah, I still got it. Oh yeah, this girl
thinks I'm hot. That's what we do, which is wrong,
(22:11):
which is wrong.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
But you know what I do think that what you
just said hit me, and I think any woman listening
that was I think. We know it may be deep down,
but to hear a guy say it that you feel
the exact same things that we do.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
You're no different than us.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
We're human beings. We just society has told us to
react differently to those things. And my position as a
protector and a provider does not include space for weakness
for my emotions. So yeah, and again, I keep going
back to KC because when it all went down and
(22:48):
everybody was bashing him and all you eight girls on
the couch, I turned to you quietly and said, just wait,
this is Casey too. He is having a difficult time
and this is him as well. He's not some bad guy.
He's just a dude who doesn't, like the rest of
the dudes in the world, know how to handle rejection,
(23:10):
physical rejection, emotional rejection. We don't know how to react.
We can't sit in the corner and cry like Anaya did.
We're not allowed because that's not tough. Oh don't throw
black into that too. Oh hell no, we just were
going through it. Hey, we hurt like hell when you
reject us. We hurt like hell when you pick the
other guy, we hurt like hell. When you want somebody
(23:31):
two inches taller than my height is we hurt like hell.
But that's not what we do. We say f you
watch what I go do now stupid.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That's so fascinating, but it makes sense. And I'll say
the best for last. And I know you will laugh
because I have said this before. When I saw it
in print, I felt so validated. Safety does not come
from grand gestures. It comes from consistency. And think if
they come in and they they bring the flowers, or
(24:03):
they bring the balloons, or they make the big grand
gesture I'm taking you out, look what I'm doing that,
it doesn't fix the problems. It's consistency. It's the small
consistent acts of being there, of staying there, of listening.
It's the small consistent acts that I cannot stand the
(24:26):
grand gestures as a look at what I'm doing for
you moment, and I think.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
You feel the same way. Maybe not.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
Well, I'm pumping the brakes because I do like the
idea of grand gestures and big surprises, not public ones.
I like the idea of planning a trip, doing something unexpected,
no matter how big. Hell, buying a car, doing any
I love the idea of it, but too often it
(24:57):
feels like it's for the person. This is my performance.
Everybody show up here and watch how I do this
for her.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
I'm such a good husband, I'm such a good boyfriend. No,
but you know what, when you said what, look, let
me make it clear. Having your husband or your boyfriend
or your fiance surprise you and say I am whisking
you a way to a Caribbean island right now. That's amazing.
But it doesn't fix or it doesn't create emotional safety.
(25:28):
It's exciting and it's wonderful. And I think if you
had those grand gestures on top of consistency, now you've
guys the perfect man.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Now it's I don't know where India and I don't
know where gesture. You're right, that's it. That's the difference.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Just because or even on your birthday or whatever, like
the thought that went into giving you some big gift
or big experience. I love that, but it has to
be coupled with the consistency. It can't come after you've
had a vacuum of just you know, not being there
and then to make up for a lack of consist
and a lack of emotional safety. You think this big
(26:03):
grand gesture is going to fix things. I think a
lot of men do try that approach and it doesn't work.
But I agree like having that on top of consistency,
I'm never.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Leaving your side. That is the most amazing man ever.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
You know what in any guy listening here, yes, majority
of our audience women for any guy listening, really, next week,
send your woman flowers just for giggles. Send it to
her office for no reason at all. Just send flowers
or you don't want to do that. On your way
home this week, grab a couple of sunflowers or whatever
(26:41):
her favorite thing is on the way give it to her.
On one morning she wakes up, make the coffee for
her that she makes for herself every morning, just to
every single day, leave a little note as you know
she's going to get ready where she does her makeup,
and say, hey, mabe, have a great one, looking forward
(27:02):
to tonight. Like little stuff means the world a flutter
Like you don't, I'm telling you, fellas, do these little
send flowers. They're more appreciated on days they're not expected.
You have an obligation to sit it on February fourteen,
you are obligated. Okay, let's get that out of the way.
It's just what we have to do Mother's Day. You
(27:23):
have an obligation Birthday maybe as well. On the flowers,
a random Wednesday to do it once every three months,
do it once.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Amazing.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
It's those that's what you're talking about. Robes. When she
wakes up, breakfast is already there and waiting. Just take
something off her plate. When you're bringing her car back
to the house, you gassed it up for already.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Just little shit. This is nothing. It makes such a difference.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Even you sending me a text, we're hardly ever apart
that just out of nowhere, just says I love you.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
That is everything.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
And I remember the first small gesture you ever made
to me. I think this is the first. And you
remember my reaction when you had no idea. I just
put a box of sneakers on my desk that were
a University of Georgia Nike shoes and I came to you.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
And what was my reaction?
Speaker 3 (28:14):
You were crying over the tennis shoes. I said, what
the hell is going on? It was so I was
taken aback by it. I think this was after I
had gone to the Georgia Arkansas game. I think I
saw those shoes. This was way, This was years before
it crossed our minds that we might be dating.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
It was just friendship. But that small gesture that you
thought of me, and you didn't make a big deal
about it. You didn't go here or here's something I
brought back for you. You just left it with a
small note just saying saw these and thought you would
like there was something and then you like one line
and just TJ and I burst into tears because it
was so kind and so thoughtful and it was just
(28:50):
a gesture that warmed my heart.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
And we were.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Friends, but I just the fact that you thought of
me meant everything. So yes, it is those small acts
of highness. We can definitely say that is something women love,
want and need.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Yeah, but yeah, guys, don't worry five six and broke.
As long as you're funny, you're good and kind, funny
and oh yeah you gotta be kind kind, broke short.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
And with that, everyone, we always appreciate you listening to us.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
I may be Rovoc alongside d J. Holmes.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
We'll talk to s
Hey there, everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
It is Saturday, July eighteenth, and we have a very
fun conversation today that I think all of you are
going to be excited about listening to. We're tackling the
age old question what do women actually want? But the
fun twist is there's a new survey out about what
women say they want versus what men think they want.
(00:27):
And let's just say it couldn't be more different. And
with that, everyone, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJTJ.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
You think you have your answers. You know what I want?
You know what women want?
Speaker 3 (00:39):
I know you want. I'll start there.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Okay, what do I want?
Speaker 3 (00:42):
I also know what women want? And the answer to
that is they don't know.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Really, you think we don't know what?
Speaker 3 (00:48):
And with that, thank you for listening. This is simple stuff.
Oh I always say that I've said this to you
for a long time women, and we just say it jokingly. Now,
please everybody don't get crazy and go all love Island
casey on us. Here. What we're saying is women, it's
we make fun of it. You ask a woman, what
do you want? What do you want? What do you
(01:09):
want to eat for dinner?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (01:10):
You can pick something. It's fine, all right, how about Mexican?
I don't want that? Right, You won't say what you want,
but you can definitely say what you don't want. So
that is what the experience and I always have fun
talking about.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I do think that is absolutely true in life. Sometimes
I'm open to a lot of things. But when I
hear something I don't like, I know it immediately. But
to describe exactly what I want for dinner, you're correct.
Maybe I might be a bit ambiguous or open to
all sorts of things until i'm not. But what do
you think women want from men when they're thinking about
(01:43):
a partner, when they're thinking about the guy they want
to marry. What are we looking for? Do you think?
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Oh? Safety, stability. It comes in different forms in different ways,
But I would say safety protection or up there, and
that comes from stability, has a decent job, has a
good head on his shoulders, has benefits that were like,
There are very practical things I think women want, But
I think so often what they're told to excuse me,
(02:11):
what is being put out there that they're supposed to
ask for, is something more of a more of a
fantasy to always be, to always be treated a certain
way as a prince would treat you. And if you
take anything short of that, I think it oftentimes gets
in People says that you are compromising, You are not
being your whole self if you are not getting exactly
what you want. And society has told women, a guy
(02:34):
supposed to be this tall, make this much money, look
like this, treat you like this, give you this many
flowers of year. Data. There's like a list that you
all are given, and anything short of that is a problem.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
You just named several things that men put at the
top of the list if you were to say, like,
rank them number one.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
When a woman is looking.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
To seriously data, man, what's the number one thing she's
looking for?
Speaker 1 (02:58):
You look at a stranger. What is she hoping he has?
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Oh that's a question for me.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Yeah, I'm asking you. What do you think women?
Speaker 2 (03:05):
When women say women, a woman's at you know, either
she's swiping right or left on a dating app, she
meets somebody in a bar, and what would be the
traits that would make her want to have a relationship,
Like a physical trait, it.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Could be whatever. It could be physical, it.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Could be it could be a character trait. It could
be anything like, what what do I have in my
mind that I want to find a man who has
this for me to get into a relationship with him.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
The height, kindness, uh, humor, Yeah, and again some things
are just practical. He needs to have a decent like
an education. Like there are certain things that are just
practical that check off on a list that I guess
(03:53):
you could say anybody would want. But yeah, just people
have women have a right guy? You supposed to a
guy does a certain height? Is height on your list somewhere?
Speaker 2 (04:03):
That is absolutely something that many men think that women want.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Yes, now they think that because many women anywhere you
go out there will tell you that we hear do
we not? That is there ain't a woman that is.
You all gave us that instruction. You all have told
us what you want from a guy. And there is
a height requirement.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
What do you think it is?
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Actually, I don't even know. I don't even know if
it's based on the woman's height. But as a height requirement,
I think here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Hit.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
This might go along with it too. Rogue women don't
know what they want, but they know what they don't want.
They don't want a guy five to six that's true. Right,
that's true. Mostly that is true. Yes, all right.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
So this is a new IPSOS poll that was released,
and this is what men think women want. Fifty percent
of men believe that physical attractiveness is a woman's top priority.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Oh no, god, no, isn't that crazy?
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Oh no, no, no no.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Then think that that was the number one consensus among
men polled in this IPSOS poll. They believe that women
the number one thing is physical attractiveness.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Okay, isn't that and that.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Includes height and all of that.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Yes, Okay. Now, if I watch Love Island, I would
think one hundred percent of women think that physical attractiveness
is number one. But again, that's that's the stuff that
gets put out there. He's got to be this hell
you just talked about the swiping. Swiping is just.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
About Look, it is true, and I will say I
actually will go so far because we'll get into what
women said they wanted. But if you're being honest women,
that is the first thing that stands out. Now you
can get really ugly really quickly based on your behavior.
So I can say initially physical attractiveness, but it's not
(05:49):
number one. It's a part of the package. And to
say it isn't. Isn't I think being truthful?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Who's making that argument?
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Well, because when you hear what women say with the
number one thing is I understand what they're saying, but
you can't.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
We're not. I will.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
I will give this away early on. Physical attractiveness isn't
the top two things? And I just think that it
is definitely a part of the package that you would consider.
You need to be physically attracted to the person you're with. However,
it isn't just about height and looks. You can be
(06:22):
attracted to somebody. Oh yeah, because of other traits. Oh goodness, yes,
but the physical stuff. Men put it at the number
one and women have not.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Okay, again, this is what guys think women want, yes,
oh no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
No, no, okay, thirty percent of men.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
So the next highest thing that men think women want
is financial status.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Yeah, yes, robes go anywhere, watch any show, watch anything
on and any woman is talking about a guy has
to look like this and he has to make this much.
Is okay? Guys are fault. They're listening.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Yeah, that has never been on my list listening.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
So yes, guys are following instruction.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Right now, That's okay. So the article went to say.
The crux of the article, I think it was written
for men. Men have spent an insane amount of time
optimizing for the wrong things. That is basically what this
article is saying. And they say, the men who have
logged all those hours at the gym worked really hard
to get the big salary, practice swagger, all of that,
(07:27):
and that might get a girl initially to be attracted
to you, but it's not what women actually need or
want in a long relationship.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (07:35):
No, I would take issue on this. It makes it
sound as if tall, attractive, fit, financially sound guys aren't
doing well, and I would take issue with that. Stop.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
I think I can tell you that that has never
been my go to I'm going to find a guy
who's like that. In fact, those kind of guys, actually,
I think, in a lot of ways for a lot
of women are a red flag because you think they're
into themselves and they're they're looking for the next best thing,
always like it would be someone who I wouldn't initially trust.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
I guess would be a good way for me to
put it.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Okay, So what, okay?
Speaker 1 (08:10):
All right?
Speaker 2 (08:11):
What did women actually say they wanted. These are the two,
so the top two of the men, the third. They
just had the top two and it was pretty overwhelming
because they just asked what does a woman want the
number one thing? And so fifty percent said physical attractiveness
and another forty percent said financial status.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
So you tell me, if you go ask women out
there and everything, we see that one thing you're looking for. Okay,
so you're telling me that women won't give an answer.
I don't want an attractive guy who makes a lot
of money. That's not what I look for.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
That's come on, that's not what someone wants in a
long relationship. It's not what's going to get you through.
So you did list some of the qualities, babe. When
I asked you what women wanted, and what the question was,
what's the number one thing? So sixty percent of women
the number one thing they said they wanted in a partner.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Humor. And I actually agree with that because.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
You you make a girl laugh, and I'm telling you
there is an instant connection with you, babe. Obviously you're
wildly attractive, and you had a really nice job and
a really nice salary. Like, yes, you had all of
those things. So those were maybe just givens.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
You make it sound like I don't have a good
job and a good salary anymore.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
You have a great job and a great salary together,
now right, No, you do, babe. So the point is
you made me laugh, and that was the number one
I would say, that is what attracted to me more
than anything, more than any of the other things. You
are funny and that was so attractive to me.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Okay, we have to take a little issue with Okay, fine,
I understand that sounds great, but okay, you can't. You
can't tell how funny somebody is across the bar, and
that will sustain you, but it won't get you in
the door. That's what I'm saying. Because the dude at
the end of the bar is hilarious and he by himself.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
That's true. That's true. I think.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I think if you're looking there, I think maybe women
straight went straight for the quality versus acknowledging that obviously
there still needs to be a level of physical attraction.
And I really say physical attraction because yes, a lot
of other things can make you attractive, like humor one
hundred percent. But I do think that women aren't being
fully honest in this survey when they say the number
(10:23):
one thing, I'll be honest, the number one thing that's
going to make me initially want to explore a relationship
with you is your looks. That's just going to be
how's the first thing?
Speaker 3 (10:32):
How's the question phrase to get into that.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
I don't well, I just it was the number one thing,
the number one trait you're looking for in a man.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Tit you're looking for in a man?
Speaker 2 (10:41):
And they said, and men said it was physical attractiveness
was the number one the overwhelming majority, and the overwhelming
majority of women said it was humor.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
Traits characteristic. See, I don't even put those in the
same category, because a really attractive guy can be hilarious,
a really right you can you can have both. You
can have them both. That I'm comparing a physical something
to an actual characteristic or behavioral thing. Like it's says
(11:09):
I can be and have a personality. That's funny. We're
comparing like height and like they're not the same thing.
To me, it's a physical thing versus an actual personality.
I get you, those are two different things.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
I get you, and I do think I do think that.
And like I said earlier, you can be just say
we have a physically attractive man, he can become instantly
unattractive based on his personality, how he treats women, how
he treats himself, his.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Habits, his all of that.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
And you know, a guy who you might not initially
think is the hottest thing ever, can suddenly become wildly
attractive when they have traits like humor.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Yes, I would have liked. Again, I'm not criticizing how
they decided to do the survey, But if you ask
women or ask ment, what is the number one physical
trait women look for in a guy, that would interest
would have been different? Height, hair, eyes, smile, bodybuild that
to dip some women like a dad bought some. It
(12:07):
needs some like a guy needs to be cut like
an adonis. So I want, you know, It's just it's different.
So it seems weird to compare those two things.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
I think they were trying to ask when they said
the number one trait you find to try or the
number one sorry, I have to get it right, what
women want? What's the number one thing women want in
a partner? And so that's how they put it, and
the men thought it was all number one physical attractiveness.
The women all thought humor. Now I thought it was interesting.
This is so female, like you're gonna laugh. There was
(12:36):
a caveat to the humor. So this was how they
rounded up women's responses. You don't have to be a
stand up comedian, but if you can make us laugh,
that is gold, especially if you can laugh at yourself. However,
there's a trap because you can go too far. This
makes total sense if you make yourself the butt of
every joke. Self deprecation isn't necessarily cute. You can go
(12:59):
too far with you if you're trying too hard like
some people. So they didn't want to have men read
this and go, oh, let me try to be extra funny.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
It's not gonna work.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
Yeah, I mean, folks, you're funny or you're not.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
I don't agree.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
It's kind of you're taller, you're not. It's just something
you can't do anything about. You shouldn't try to change
this necessarily. We get it. But the self deprecating part,
it's always I think that is attractive. Somebody can can
make fun of themselves and can laugh with themselves.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Yes, I agree, but I've always thought for me, there's
a fine line between funny and goofy. You're never goofy.
Funny is gold, Goofy is unattractive. There is a difference.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
You know what I'm talking.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
About, exactly what you're talking about, because you show pointed
out to me all the time and tell me how
there is nothing about me that is goofy. You do
not you even see guys do stuff onto you. I
cannot see you doing that.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
And I'm like, thank god, because there is a line.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
So that's I think the self deprecation can go to
like being goofy, where you're willing to make a fool
of yourself.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
That to me is not attracted.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
I understand that.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Okay, the number two and this was actually a close second,
so this is it wasn't that women ranked it. This
is fifty three percent of respondents said it was kindness,
and I do understand that. But again, I can understand
why that would be confusing and annoying to men because
to say that the number one what women want in
a man is kindness, I think a lot of women
(14:23):
because I went on to read it and looked a
lot too, And I'll tell you a really fun post
that I read, but it's not that like because people
say kind guys. Nice guys finished last. So this is
a tough call because men do. Do you feel frustrated
by hearing women say the number one thing they want
in a man is kindness.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
I think most men who just heard you say that
role there are Okay, let me be kind. All the
women are coming left and right now because I'm so kind. Hey,
swipe right, I'm kinda.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
It's Carl, Carl from Love.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Carl's kind Carl.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
But all the women love Carl because he was kind,
because he was kind.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
And then every woman, all eight of you sitting on
the couch, said now I don't want to date Carl.
He's a nice gato. So why is that that is true?
Speaker 2 (15:15):
This is an interesting thing they took away from the survey.
Women perceive kinder men as more intelligent. They perceive angrier
men as less intelligent, and that perception affects relationship satisfaction
for both partners perception. So the guy who leads with
aloofness like I'm too cool for school isn't coming across
(15:36):
as mysterious. Sometimes he's coming across as just not desirable.
But I think that's also confusing because don't we always
say that we like the chase.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Don't both sexes say we like the chase.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
That's all ego talking.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Oh my goodness, Okay, I liked this. This is a
post on Reddit. I thought, whoever put this out there
on in this category? This was the like they had
a whole thing on what women want, what men want.
Women want to be loved by men, how women love. Sadly,
men tend to love women the way they love their
phone or their car. Women want to be loved like
(16:15):
whole human beings. When you love someone, their happiness is
integral to your happiness. I do that last line is
absolutely true for both partners.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Okay, And guys are again listening to that and going,
what are we supposed to do with that? What does
that mean? I mean, just okay, I don't know how
many other guys with listening here? What does that mean?
You want?
Speaker 2 (16:36):
What it means that some men tend to say they
love their women because they treat them like their possessions,
like a surprized possession, and they control them and they
want them to be a certain thing.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
That that is a broad that's a broad brush to
paint all guys with. Of course, of course, I don't
think that is fair I don't think that's accurate at all.
Treat Most guys treat women like their possessions and we
I don't know about nobody wants to be treated like that.
And sure those things happen.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
And that was to the kindness part, just to be
the whole thoughtfulness. But I hear you.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
The Karl on Love Island is really an interesting character
study for me because I was fascinated about how many
people loved him and were rooting for him.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
And he is a nice guy.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
He's the epitome of a nice guy, but he isn't
someone who I would have wanted to date. I wonder
what people listening felt about that as well. But when
we come back, there is advice for men. I can't
wait to hear what you think of this advice, babe.
When we come back, we will tell you what the
analysis what came out of this IPSOS poll. Welcome back
(17:50):
everyone to this relationship episode of Amy and TJ were
talking about an interesting conversation what women say they want
in a partner versus what men think they want in
a partner. This is based on an IPSOS poll that
was recently done. And look the analysis that came out
of it. The advice, perhaps that this poll is offering
to men is to first of all, be kind. Kindness
(18:13):
plays a significant role in both initial attraction and long
term relationship satisfaction. To me, that's a no brainer.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
Be kind. Yes, well we know this, don't we. You
shouldn't have to practice or tell yourself or remind yourself. Okay,
be kind, be kind. You're going to go over and
meet her, but be kind, be kind, be kind. You
don't have to do that.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
You should have to or you aren't.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
And if you need that tip is ridiculous. You do
not need to be told or explained or need to
go get coaching to be kind. You are or you
are not. All right, even if you are not, you
know that you should be because that's what people do.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Exactly, all right.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Number two, confidence doesn't need a room to prove it.
So they say that chill confidence, that's how they put it,
is the best way forward. That women are attracted to that.
So you're confident, but you're chill about it. You're not cocky.
That's basically what they're saying.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Okay, and in your face, confidence is just insecurity that
if anybody needs to show you how confident they are
then obviously they're not, and they're trying to prove something.
So yes, and confident put who I'm trying to think
of an in your face confidence kind of But what
does that look like?
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Even like a cocky guy who we've seen it comes
out of the locker room.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Who thinks he's all that.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
I mean, it's funny. I think a lot of it is.
And I think some people would actually just keep going
to Love Island.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
It is. It's a front, it's a cover. It's not real.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
People aren't Actually if you do have confidence, if you
do think highly of yourself, you actually don't project that
out in that way. So it's there is a distinction.
Make her laugh, but read the room. Shared laughter is
a meaningful pathway toward building a more lasting relationship. So
it's about, if you think about it, shared laughter. When
(20:00):
I was reading this, I was actually feeling confident about
our relationship because don't you think that's the thing we
share the most between the two of us is laughter.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
And I'm not laughing at you and you're not laughing
at me. We're laughing together at something in front of us.
And even if it's something that I did or you did,
we're still laughing together. It's not no, it's never. No
one ever is the butt of a joke.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
It feels is a good way to put it, because
that is dangerous when you start making laughter and making
jokes towards one another or yes, pointing out something that's
that's dangerous.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
Oh and certainly if there are other people around, ooh, yes,
you can be making fun and a part of a
crowd laughing at your loved one. You should always defend
your loved one, even if they are the butt of
a joke.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Yes, yeah, that's kindness different, that's kindness coming in all right.
The other bit of advice, do not skip the emotionally
available part. Emotional safety creates greater intimacy. A lot of
women talked about this, and we hear emotional intelligence being
floated around all the time. But there's real truth to that.
And I don't know that that was anything that was
(21:03):
discussed when I was younger or when I was coming up,
and we all have the fantasy at that back in
the day, it was all about, yes, the man came
in and saved you. And but what wasn't described as
emotional safety isn't physical safety. It's emotional safety knowing I
can be at my worst and you're still going to
be there for me.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
And that cuts both ways. Don't women?
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Don't men want emotional safety as well from their partners.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
I'm going right back to Casey right now. I'm saying,
we don't know how to express We haven't been given
the okay to say that we want that, so we
act out when we don't get it. So, yes, one
hundred percent right, But good luck getting a guy to
admit that or even to be aware of that being
something that he needs. But that's why it looks so different.
(21:48):
We're going through the same thing you all are. We
just don't know how to handle it well. We don't
know express it well. You all might cry, you all
might get irrational, you all might do all act out
in certain ways. What do we do? Go do some
locker room talk, Go start time all about about how
to bag make ourselves feel better. Go try to pursue
another woman to make us feel good and reassure us that,
oh yeah, I still got it. Oh yeah, this girl
thinks I'm hot. That's what we do, which is wrong,
(22:11):
which is wrong.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
But you know what I do think that what you
just said hit me, and I think any woman listening
that was I think. We know it may be deep down,
but to hear a guy say it that you feel
the exact same things that we do.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
You're no different than us.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
We're human beings. We just society has told us to
react differently to those things. And my position as a
protector and a provider does not include space for weakness
for my emotions. So yeah, and again, I keep going
back to KC because when it all went down and
(22:48):
everybody was bashing him and all you eight girls on
the couch, I turned to you quietly and said, just wait,
this is Casey too. He is having a difficult time
and this is him as well. He's not some bad guy.
He's just a dude who doesn't, like the rest of
the dudes in the world, know how to handle rejection,
(23:10):
physical rejection, emotional rejection. We don't know how to react.
We can't sit in the corner and cry like Anaya did.
We're not allowed because that's not tough. Oh don't throw
black into that too. Oh hell no, we just were
going through it. Hey, we hurt like hell when you
reject us. We hurt like hell when you pick the
other guy, we hurt like hell. When you want somebody
(23:31):
two inches taller than my height is we hurt like hell.
But that's not what we do. We say f you
watch what I go do now stupid.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That's so fascinating, but it makes sense. And I'll say
the best for last. And I know you will laugh
because I have said this before. When I saw it
in print, I felt so validated. Safety does not come
from grand gestures. It comes from consistency. And think if
they come in and they they bring the flowers, or
(24:03):
they bring the balloons, or they make the big grand
gesture I'm taking you out, look what I'm doing that,
it doesn't fix the problems. It's consistency. It's the small
consistent acts of being there, of staying there, of listening.
It's the small consistent acts that I cannot stand the
(24:26):
grand gestures as a look at what I'm doing for
you moment, and I think.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
You feel the same way. Maybe not.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
Well, I'm pumping the brakes because I do like the
idea of grand gestures and big surprises, not public ones.
I like the idea of planning a trip, doing something unexpected,
no matter how big. Hell, buying a car, doing any
I love the idea of it, but too often it
(24:57):
feels like it's for the person. This is my performance.
Everybody show up here and watch how I do this
for her.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
I'm such a good husband, I'm such a good boyfriend. No,
but you know what, when you said what, look, let
me make it clear. Having your husband or your boyfriend
or your fiance surprise you and say I am whisking
you a way to a Caribbean island right now. That's amazing.
But it doesn't fix or it doesn't create emotional safety.
(25:28):
It's exciting and it's wonderful. And I think if you
had those grand gestures on top of consistency, now you've
guys the perfect man.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Now it's I don't know where India and I don't
know where gesture. You're right, that's it. That's the difference.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Just because or even on your birthday or whatever, like
the thought that went into giving you some big gift
or big experience. I love that, but it has to
be coupled with the consistency. It can't come after you've
had a vacuum of just you know, not being there
and then to make up for a lack of consist
and a lack of emotional safety. You think this big
(26:03):
grand gesture is going to fix things. I think a
lot of men do try that approach and it doesn't work.
But I agree like having that on top of consistency,
I'm never.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Leaving your side. That is the most amazing man ever.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
You know what in any guy listening here, yes, majority
of our audience women for any guy listening, really, next week,
send your woman flowers just for giggles. Send it to
her office for no reason at all. Just send flowers
or you don't want to do that. On your way
home this week, grab a couple of sunflowers or whatever
(26:41):
her favorite thing is on the way give it to her.
On one morning she wakes up, make the coffee for
her that she makes for herself every morning, just to
every single day, leave a little note as you know
she's going to get ready where she does her makeup,
and say, hey, mabe, have a great one, looking forward
(27:02):
to tonight. Like little stuff means the world a flutter
Like you don't, I'm telling you, fellas, do these little
send flowers. They're more appreciated on days they're not expected.
You have an obligation to sit it on February fourteen,
you are obligated. Okay, let's get that out of the way.
It's just what we have to do Mother's Day. You
(27:23):
have an obligation Birthday maybe as well. On the flowers,
a random Wednesday to do it once every three months,
do it once.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Amazing.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
It's those that's what you're talking about. Robes. When she
wakes up, breakfast is already there and waiting. Just take
something off her plate. When you're bringing her car back
to the house, you gassed it up for already.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Just little shit. This is nothing. It makes such a difference.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Even you sending me a text, we're hardly ever apart
that just out of nowhere, just says I love you.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
That is everything.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
And I remember the first small gesture you ever made
to me. I think this is the first. And you
remember my reaction when you had no idea. I just
put a box of sneakers on my desk that were
a University of Georgia Nike shoes and I came to you.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
And what was my reaction?
Speaker 3 (28:14):
You were crying over the tennis shoes. I said, what
the hell is going on? It was so I was
taken aback by it. I think this was after I
had gone to the Georgia Arkansas game. I think I
saw those shoes. This was way, This was years before
it crossed our minds that we might be dating.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
It was just friendship. But that small gesture that you
thought of me, and you didn't make a big deal
about it. You didn't go here or here's something I
brought back for you. You just left it with a
small note just saying saw these and thought you would
like there was something and then you like one line
and just TJ and I burst into tears because it
was so kind and so thoughtful and it was just
(28:50):
a gesture that warmed my heart.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
And we were.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Friends, but I just the fact that you thought of
me meant everything. So yes, it is those small acts
of highness. We can definitely say that is something women love,
want and need.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Yeah, but yeah, guys, don't worry five six and broke.
As long as you're funny, you're good and kind, funny
and oh yeah you gotta be kind kind, broke short.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
And with that, everyone, we always appreciate you listening to us.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
I may be Rovoc alongside d J. Holmes.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
We'll talk to s
Hosts And Creators
Amy Robach
T.J. Holmes
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