Jessie Reyez: Understanding Real Love & Finding The Time And Space To Recover

Grammy award–winning music artist, Jessie Reyez joins Angie Martinez to talk about surviving heartache while pushing forward in her music career, the inspiration behind the songs on her new upcoming album ‘A Little Vengeance,’ balancing her personal and professional life, and learning how to find time to rest as a creative whose brain never shuts up.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's your love language?

Speaker 2 (00:01):
Quality time and words of affirmation.

Speaker 3 (00:05):
Acts of service in my love language, be competent and
be of use. Help me that she makes me know.
But that's so scary because because then someone will suck
everywhere else. And then if they do that, that's like
the like the.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
Seventeen red flags.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
But but they do that.

Speaker 4 (00:24):
Hey, guys, thanks for watching. Today's episode is brought to
you by boost Mobile. I'm very excited about today's guests
because I love her. She has built a career on
telling the truth. Whether she's singing about heartbreak, healing, sobriety,
or the messiness of just being human. Her music resonates
because she is willing to say the things that a
lot of people won't say and are afraid to. She's
earned multiple Grammy nominations, collaborated with artists like Justin Bieber,

(00:47):
Lil Wayne, Ari Lennox, and established her as one of
the most distinctive voices of her generation. Now, the Toronto
native is back with her latest album, A Little Vengeance.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
Jesse Rays is here in real life. Jesse so mud
than you. I love you?

Speaker 2 (01:07):
How are you? Baby?

Speaker 1 (01:09):
I'm good, I'm tired, but you so tired?

Speaker 2 (01:12):
What are they making you do?

Speaker 1 (01:13):
Oh my god, too much. But we're here and I'm
happy to see you and I love seeing it.

Speaker 2 (01:16):
I love seeing you too, baby. You know, I was
thinking this morning that you were coming in. I was like, damn.

Speaker 4 (01:20):
I felt a little bad because the last time, well,
I saw you at your concert.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
We had a great time, so your parents met the
dog all that. We'll get into that later. But the
time before that was you came to see me. I R. L. Booth,
who were doing the pod, but a small version of.

Speaker 4 (01:33):
The pod at the BET Awards, Oh right, right, and
you popped in for a second.

Speaker 2 (01:36):
It was a quick little interview.

Speaker 1 (01:39):
And I love that photo, the photo that we got
that is.

Speaker 4 (01:42):
Really it's a cute photo.

Speaker 2 (01:43):
Do you remember anything else from that day or not.

Speaker 3 (01:45):
I'm sure I cried, which is very did cry.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
So you're okay with it.

Speaker 4 (01:52):
In my mind, I'm like, damn, I should have I
should have checked on.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
Her after and I didn't.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
Oh you're sweet.

Speaker 4 (01:57):
I feel bad that I didn't check on you after
because you said you had just gone through some heartbreak
and you like cried talking about it, and then.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
I was like, I hate that for me. That's what
I was crying about I was crying about a bum.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
I hate that for me.

Speaker 4 (02:14):
By the way, you wouldn't be the first woman to
cry over a bum. It happens all the time every day.
Right now, somebody's crying over somebody right now. That sucks.

Speaker 2 (02:22):
That sucks.

Speaker 1 (02:23):
If it's you and you're listening.

Speaker 4 (02:25):
Wipe your fucking piers bit.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
So bump it will be.

Speaker 4 (02:32):
But this was like a year ago, right, How could
you have been crying over abum.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
A year ago?

Speaker 1 (02:36):
How?

Speaker 5 (02:37):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (02:37):
Because you're so dope and and funny and great and talented.

Speaker 2 (02:42):
Like what is it bad? Bad choosing?

Speaker 4 (02:44):
Because you seem smart and you and you're tapped it,
so you're not You're not totally surprised by somebody's behavior, right, Like,
are you choosing bad?

Speaker 2 (02:55):
Are you?

Speaker 1 (02:56):
I think?

Speaker 3 (02:56):
I think I at that time I was choosing bad.
And also I fell in love by accident, Like I
didn't slipped on it. I kind of slipped. Yeah, I
stand that sounds crazy.

Speaker 1 (03:10):
It was an accident.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
I thought I had my shit together and I saw
the cards on the table and I was like, oh,
this is this is this is a fucking flaming red flag.
This is a flaming red flag, so like keep it
at bay, and I did, and then and then.

Speaker 2 (03:24):
We always think we could control that.

Speaker 1 (03:26):
What a joke.

Speaker 3 (03:26):
I think I've learned my lesson now that I'm like,
I just you have to be Actually, I don't think
I know I've learned my lessons, but I almost I
am my sling shots shot over here. And then I
became a tyrant where I was like I see a bage,
like fuck yo, I see a fucking like the smallest
thing that I'm like, no, no, no, And then obviously
that's not helpful.

Speaker 4 (03:44):
What is a flag for you? What is a flag
that you might It doesn't have to be him per se,
but like the flags?

Speaker 2 (03:51):
What are the.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
Flags multiple baby moms?

Speaker 3 (03:54):
Is a flag? Lack of accountability a flag devout? This
is fucked, but it's my truth. When someone let me
preface this by saying, I love I'm very spiritual. Love spirituality,
love reading about philosophy and how they how they intermingle.

(04:16):
I like learning about theology, but I don't love institutions.
And I grew up very like traditionally my mom and
my mom thank god, my parents are very liberal.

Speaker 1 (04:24):
They're open minded.

Speaker 3 (04:24):
So even still I was still like free to have
my own relationship with the divine, but I don't like institutions.
So when someone is profoundly devout is a little bit
of a red flag for me.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
No shade.

Speaker 3 (04:38):
You know, people do whatever you got to do, that's
your business. But however you find your connection, whatever you
find your connection.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
It's fine.

Speaker 3 (04:44):
But but but that scares me a little bit when
someone is like.

Speaker 4 (04:48):
Because you question, maybe they are, I don't know. It's
it's a bigger converse.

Speaker 3 (04:55):
It's a deeper conversation, and it's stickiest because they would
say you never talk about politics and religion, because I
could talk about this hours. Because first off, I know
with the Socrates quote, I know, I know that I
know nothing at all, So I'll start there. I know nothing,
and your relationship with the divine is yours. But then
when men intermingle in history, and then books get edited

(05:16):
and the agendas get pushed, and then equality gets questioned,
and and then when love gets weaponized, that for me
is just very for me.

Speaker 1 (05:28):
For my internal thing, love cannot be weaponized. So further
to be institutions that are weaponizing love and then you
fully subscribe, that to me makes me a little hesitant
to trust your judgment.

Speaker 4 (05:41):
Yeah, but no shade.

Speaker 3 (05:42):
And what's beautiful is that some people are able to
exist in that world but still hold space for their truths.
Like I've had conversations with priests where I've been able
to like express my hesitations and where I see flaws
and when there's respect, you can have all sorts of conversations.
And he held space for me to be able to
express that when I was I was a child, I
was younger, but I was able to have it. And
then he echoed something that my father had echoed a

(06:05):
long time ago too, which is a you can't, you can't.

Speaker 1 (06:08):
And again, I don't judge it. It's just I don't.

Speaker 3 (06:10):
It's only taken into consideration if I'm considering someone as
a partner, because then they're going to be directly you know.
But if it's someone in passing our friend, there's no judgment.
You do do whatever you want to do, no judgment.
Because my dad was like, you cannot you can't judge
or fault someone for however they form a relationship with
the divine because it is personal, so you can't.

Speaker 1 (06:28):
You just can't.

Speaker 3 (06:29):
And also things are going to resonate for people like
you don't have to. I don't think you have to
be like I subscribe.

Speaker 1 (06:36):
To this so I agree with everything. I don't. I
think that's so unfair to get someone to commit because
there are.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
What's wrong with our country right that his country right now?

Speaker 1 (06:46):
Yeah, because people feel like they're in So now I
have to support.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
All these things. Are you crazy?

Speaker 4 (06:51):
Are you crazy on either side?

Speaker 2 (06:52):
Are you crazy on both sides?

Speaker 1 (06:54):
Because yeahs everywhere?

Speaker 3 (06:56):
Yeah, that make those sort of generalizations without holding space
for human.

Speaker 4 (07:00):
You have the greatest hair, Jesse, thank you?

Speaker 2 (07:02):
Like who could just do that?

Speaker 4 (07:04):
Who could just flip her hair around in an interview
and it just lands right?

Speaker 2 (07:08):
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 5 (07:09):
My hair?

Speaker 4 (07:09):
Did the lady come over and and Brittany's like push this,
I'm like, okay, it's like whatever you do your hair,
It's just do you appreciate this hair? You?

Speaker 1 (07:18):
Yea, I appreciate the hair.

Speaker 2 (07:19):
Thank God for it?

Speaker 1 (07:20):
Yeah I do.

Speaker 2 (07:20):
Now.

Speaker 3 (07:21):
When I was a kid, I was reckless. I don't
give a ship. But yeah, but now and now I've
come to appreciate.

Speaker 2 (07:26):
You appreciate it's pretty good.

Speaker 1 (07:27):
Thank you.

Speaker 4 (07:28):
Thank you as well to say that you gotta thank
the parents. Okay, so it's okay. So you were You
were down because of you ignored red flags.

Speaker 1 (07:36):
I was down because ignored red flags.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
You were down bad. You're crying on the pod about
about a bum.

Speaker 1 (07:43):
Yeah so much.

Speaker 4 (07:46):
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Speaker 2 (09:47):
But I'm sure that serves the music.

Speaker 1 (09:50):
Yeah, it couldn't be me. Kime out of that?

Speaker 2 (09:52):
Is that what it was? That song is so good.

Speaker 4 (09:55):
Thank you for somebody who's new to Jesse Reyes, because
they're still every day new people can I'm into the table,
by the way, I was so excited to be at
your concert. It was so fun for me, not only
because I love the album, and then watching you in
your element. You've always been great as a performer, but
watching the crowd grow and then the crowd know you

(10:17):
better in a weird way, you just have a It's
just so organic and such a dope thing to watch.

Speaker 2 (10:23):
And then you go backstage and.

Speaker 4 (10:25):
You're with You're saying, your parents are there, the dog's there,
your team is there. Like you've really curated your world
very organically to who you are, and that is so
joyful to see.

Speaker 1 (10:39):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
Do you feel that inside, like from the inside of
your world? Does it feel like that?

Speaker 1 (10:44):
Not as much as I need it to be really? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (10:47):
Wow, So because I've always been a workaholic and it's
been sustainable.

Speaker 1 (10:52):
Actually no, it's just things have shifted and shifted a
lot for how I felt.

Speaker 3 (10:57):
But I was always able to bring my parents on tour,
and like, I'm so privileged and spoiled by being I
don't miss home because I've been able to bring home.
I'm able to work that way because I'm able to
bring home and bring my hearts.

Speaker 1 (11:10):
Like my love with me.

Speaker 3 (11:13):
But this tour was the first time that I was
like far removed from them, and I felt it, and
I was like, damn, Like, I don't I want to
go home. I haven't felt that in nine years.

Speaker 2 (11:22):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (11:22):
Yeah, I don't think i've ever I've ever I like,
I generally like touring. I generally like that. Anyways, it
was the first time that I was like I'm yeah,
I do that. I miss home. I miss home.

Speaker 4 (11:34):
That's interesting. So but when I was there, your parents
were there, and the dog was.

Speaker 1 (11:37):
There, that was America.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
Oh got it.

Speaker 3 (11:39):
And then yeah, so it was fine. And then we shifted.
And then the shift is kind of what rocked me
for the first time. And I never really felt that weakness.
And then I started doing more inventory and I feel
like I've done this inventory lightly in the last year
or two year, year and a half that like, yes,
I've been blessed with a great career and I'm great,

(12:00):
but everything else suffers for it, you know, like when
you're you know, and that's not it's a very common trope.
I'm not saying anything that's like brand new. When you
when you work a lot, your work life balance is
a joke. And like relationships suffer, your your you're just
everything and it's hard to allot time. It's hard to
even prioritize anything because if something with work comes up,

(12:22):
that's an opportunity that you can't say no to. For
the bigger picture, it's like I gotta miss his birthday.
I got to like it's just difficult. And and after
December of last year, when we finished those six months,
my body was like exhausted and it held out. My
body's good to me, like for six months, held out.

(12:43):
When I finally took a break, which normally happens after
two where your body will get sick because of everything,
it's been like countering. Yeah, but like it charged me,
Like I was sick for like a month, and and
then I realized, I'm like, I'm exhausted and that I'm
kind of tired. I am sleep isn't fai. My soul
is tired. To play with emotions to this degree that

(13:04):
I play with them is difficult to talk about them.
That's why I was like, I cried shocking, because because
they're always here, They're always you know.

Speaker 1 (13:12):
And I realized.

Speaker 3 (13:12):
I looked around, I'm like, well, other artists take breaks,
and in nine years, I haven't really done that. I
have the bat max I've taken is out of my
own volition. Max I've taken in seven days. Anything over
seven days, Yeah, anything over seven days has been because
I got fucked, because I was sick, or because my
body like.

Speaker 1 (13:34):
Called it for me.

Speaker 4 (13:35):
It wasn't will Yeah, But to say.

Speaker 3 (13:38):
Because you know, there's people I didn't there's people that
could be Okay, I'm not touching my phone, I'm not
touching an email.

Speaker 1 (13:43):
I'm not like.

Speaker 3 (13:45):
Even I've just always which is fine, which is which
is It's a quality I get from just having that
sort of work ethic and watching my parents work. My
dad in twenty years didn't miss a day of work.
You missed one day, You missed my one day to
go to my brother's graduation.

Speaker 1 (13:59):
That's it.

Speaker 3 (14:00):
So like I get this, they go, So that's how
I you know, but it's not sustainable. It's not sustainable.
And also when I see other people around me that
have been able to do the like the long game,
I'm like, oh, you take breaks, you take breaks, and
you balance.

Speaker 1 (14:15):
So I feel like I'm dude, for a fucking is
that coming?

Speaker 2 (14:18):
Are you gonna do it?

Speaker 1 (14:19):
Fuck?

Speaker 3 (14:19):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (14:19):
What are you gonna do? What is that?

Speaker 1 (14:21):
Nothing? Nothing? Fucking nothing.

Speaker 3 (14:25):
I'm gonna get a burner phone. I'm so excited. I
don't want to see Instagram for like, I don't want
to see Instagram. I want see taktok. I want to
see my fucking Gmail. I just want books and space
and woods and family and my dog.

Speaker 2 (14:41):
Yeah, and how long are we talking?

Speaker 3 (14:43):
I don't know, as long as you need, long as
I need. And then that's why I said, I'm like,
it might be retirement. And then people around me.

Speaker 1 (14:48):
Like, are you fucking crazy? That's like saying a fish
isn't gonna swim anymore. You create in your sleep.

Speaker 3 (14:52):
And I was like, yeah, but but I also don't want,
and men makes plans and God laughs, so like, who
the fuck knows? I can say retirement and then I'm
gonna miss it in two months and come back. Maybe
that's all I need, or maybe I need more, but
I also don't want. I don't want. I'm just with
the mercy of God and whatever happens. But right now,
right now, I'm tired. I told my squad, I was like,
I'm not doing a fucking massive to y'all are going

(15:13):
to get ten shows out of me max. So we're
working that, which I don't think is going to happen
to a little after Ideally I was going to be
done in June.

Speaker 1 (15:19):
That's not happening anymore. But it's okay. Compromise is fine.

Speaker 2 (15:22):
You're already compromising.

Speaker 3 (15:23):
Isn't that some shit I wasn't supposed to, But it's fine.
This is the last compromise. But it's going to be
ten shows and then fucking off.

Speaker 2 (15:31):
If there's only ten shows, I do recommend people get
to them because if you.

Speaker 4 (15:36):
Haven't been to a Jesse Rayo show, it's so good.
You're so good on stage, You're so free and so
authentic and thanks pretty great, thank you so still even
when you were in those times, Yeah, I was like,
is it still fun for you on the stage?

Speaker 3 (15:51):
Yes, yeah, but but I've just never felt the longing
to go. I'm just it's just such a week it
was in city. It almost felt dirty because you do
love it, because I yeah, so to feel that, I
was like, what the fuck is this? Like I've never
I've just never, for damn near a decade, I never
felt the like.

Speaker 1 (16:09):
I don't go home home my mom, like I never.

Speaker 4 (16:12):
Yeah, I can't believe that you has this is It's
taken you this long to realize maybe you need.

Speaker 1 (16:18):
A little roots. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (16:21):
Then you're so, I don't know, like self reflective and
like you I don't know you.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
Think ship you know why too?

Speaker 2 (16:32):
I think because you don't.

Speaker 4 (16:34):
It's not like you work in a factory or your adoptor.

Speaker 1 (16:38):
It's a creature.

Speaker 4 (16:40):
No, it's because you're a creative. And so the creative
who is what you what you are in real life
is a creative. You also do that as work.

Speaker 1 (16:50):
Oh yeah, I see what you're saying.

Speaker 4 (16:52):
You know, if you have a clear job, like that's
my job and I go home, you could be if
I worked for three hundred days straight, I need to go.

Speaker 2 (16:59):
I need to break.

Speaker 4 (17:00):
You like, you're creative and so it's just it's right,
It's just you don't shut it off. So even if
you're not working on the album. When you go home,
you are working on the album. It's like a non
stop think So where is the line?

Speaker 2 (17:13):
Where is the line?

Speaker 1 (17:14):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (17:15):
Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (17:16):
You know, after you go take a break, you know
what them creative juices are going to be doing.

Speaker 2 (17:19):
After that, You're gonna explode.

Speaker 1 (17:21):
Maybe we'll see. That's funny, like retention, like seeing her.

Speaker 2 (17:23):
Attention, something might happen, you never know.

Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yeah, yeah, well see what was the.

Speaker 4 (17:28):
Documentary that Beyonce did that one time when she was
floating in the water and it was a similar time
in her and she said, I had never taken a vacation.

Speaker 2 (17:39):
She had the same You should go watch it. I
don't know, I feel like there's something in there for you.

Speaker 4 (17:43):
She did that documentary at a period she said, I
went from Destiny's Child to my solo to this to
that to this, and I had she had never taken
a break. Was her first time taking a break, and
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(19:03):
feeling of like, fuck, how do you?

Speaker 2 (19:06):
I don't know anyway You're gonna be ok?

Speaker 1 (19:09):
Amen?

Speaker 4 (19:10):
Amen, you made some changes in your life to the
past couple of years. It's just like sober now.

Speaker 1 (19:14):
The other thing. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (19:15):
I think maybe that's also what's made it a little
bit more apparent. Maybe that's why it was a blind spot,
because I had that lubrication to like help me go,
and now the lubrication is not there, So maybe that's
why it's more.

Speaker 1 (19:26):
It's clear.

Speaker 2 (19:26):
What made you decide.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
To stop drinking?

Speaker 2 (19:32):
Mhm.

Speaker 3 (19:33):
The the I've drank for a long time.

Speaker 2 (19:40):
I started eleven.

Speaker 3 (19:41):
Yeah, and then when Yes He came out, we had
an album release party in La and everyone and their
mother came. Every morning, town came and I had a
bottle of Jamison glued to my hand all night, and
I'm like, I used to bartend for years. I was

(20:02):
a bottle service school. When you can count money drunk,
You're you're you're good, and so that I was always
like I'm fine, mind you at that point, and okay,
I'm gonna finish the store and then I'll tell you
the other thing that added. So I was fine, and
then that I'll tell you some more shit off camera

(20:22):
that happened at that party. But some shit happened, and
I ended up.

Speaker 1 (20:29):
With no shoes.

Speaker 3 (20:31):
I ended up with no shoes in fucking like like
dead and like.

Speaker 1 (20:35):
Damn, you're dead.

Speaker 3 (20:36):
And my manager saw me, busy, I me, and he
was like, Jesse's a little out of it, like we
should get the fuck out of here. Got me out
of there, thank god. My folks were in town. My
mom opened the door, which is crazy. She was at
my house, she was she was at home. She opened
the door, and like I can only imagine because obviously
I'm out, but I can only like she's done this

(20:57):
her whole life, my whole life, Like dude, I've been
come home drunk since I was like fourteen, and she's
never been like yeah, she she was just really she
was sad, but like, okay, it is what it is.
And then and then I'll tell you some other stuff
that happened at home after and then it was a
hangover that lasted like two days, and when I finally

(21:17):
woke up, I was like, holy fuck, that everything could
have gone left at that party, Like everyone's got cameras,
everything could have gone and everyone was there, every there's
a lot that could have gone left. And then there
goes eclips my album. It clips things that could eclipse
my career off of one fucking like stupid viral moment

(21:37):
where you're not where, you're not sound, mind like, and
so it just put a lot of shit into perspective,
and my liver was like cheering for this decision. It
was like please, like we're tired. That's that's how it felt.
And then also I've had experiences in life where I
was in love with someone that had intense substance abuse

(21:59):
issues and we were together for years on and off
for fucking years, and that shit was hell, And I
think maybe that's I think the majority of my trauma
comes from that time and having to deal with him
and like how fucked up shit got. Because I wasn't
an angry drunk, I wasn't alike, but it shit just
got really dark, really dark. So I think that in

(22:23):
tandem with being like, Okay, it's time. You've done this
for this long, maybe it's time. And I also haven't
smoked me for a long time either, so like I
was like, maybe it's just time, and I feel good.
It's difficult sometimes, but I feel like three years three years. Yeah,
isn't that nuts?

Speaker 1 (22:38):
Yeah? Three years three years?

Speaker 2 (22:40):
Wow?

Speaker 1 (22:41):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (22:41):
It's so just you just make the decision and you
start right away.

Speaker 1 (22:44):
I work that way. I'm a I'm a.

Speaker 3 (22:46):
I can't do increments. I have to go and then
lock in, just cut it.

Speaker 5 (22:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:54):
You probably like that with relationships too, right, Like when
it's over, it's over.

Speaker 1 (22:57):
When it's over, it's over.

Speaker 2 (22:59):
Yeah, you don't go back. Oh maybe you do.

Speaker 4 (23:05):
You're like, you know, your blind spots are crazy?

Speaker 1 (23:09):
Wasn't that ridiculous saying that sucks? Uh?

Speaker 4 (23:13):
But normally.

Speaker 1 (23:17):
I got nothing.

Speaker 3 (23:20):
Damn Usually I can be Usually like seventy five percent
of the time, I'm like, this is what it is,
y yeah, and I can move on.

Speaker 4 (23:28):
So what do you notice about yourself that's different? People
say when they stop drinking their skin or this or
their clarity, or you're the whites in your eyes are whiter,
like what do you.

Speaker 2 (23:38):
I don't know. Have you seen a difference, so you
feel a difference in your body or anything?

Speaker 3 (23:42):
I feel good. Uh, it's nice to not worry. I
said this before. I was like, it's nice to not
worry about emotions driving my car because when I would drink,
emotions would drive the car, and then logic is in
the back like fucking going from side to side, and
emotions are fucking rip in corners and doing donuts. And
so now I've switched and yeah, logic's driving, emotions are

(24:06):
still in the whip. They're just like they're just in
a backseat.

Speaker 2 (24:10):
So good.

Speaker 1 (24:11):
Yeah, it's nice.

Speaker 3 (24:12):
So that that I feel good. I feel good that
I've been able to achieve this new realm where I
trust myself more.

Speaker 4 (24:17):
Mm hmmm hmmm and know with And it was it hard,
like with rurals or anything like that.

Speaker 1 (24:22):
Yeah, it was hard with It was hard. Was like.

Speaker 3 (24:28):
The first thing that was hard was like dealing with
like la parties and ship because I'm introverted, so trying
to do like the mingle and ship that shit was
fucking very difficult at first. But then I got over
it and now I could like party sober, I could
dance fucking night away sober, I have a great time
and then feel happy that I'm gonna wake up okay.

Speaker 1 (24:50):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (24:50):
But the only time I miss it is when shit
is difficult in life, like when like if yeah, if
there's something heavy that's happening. Whereas before I could have
just done a little cup of whiskey and it would
just served like a morphine button. Now I don't have that,
and that's that's something I still struggle with.

Speaker 2 (25:05):
So what do you do? You have advice? Now?

Speaker 1 (25:07):
Do I have a vice? Now?

Speaker 2 (25:09):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (25:09):
Because people no, Yeah, supplement.

Speaker 3 (25:11):
You know when I stopped smoking wheed, When I took
a break from smoking wheed, my supplement was hot yoga.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
That's what helped me.

Speaker 2 (25:17):
Mm hmm that's okay, that's better. It's a better advice.

Speaker 3 (25:22):
It's a better advice. Yeah, it's a better advice. I mean,
fox bright and I gotta I got a chill on
spray too.

Speaker 1 (25:28):
I'd be fucking I love spread.

Speaker 2 (25:33):
When you need it too. It's like that's the thing
that hits the.

Speaker 1 (25:36):
Burn my throat. It's so good.

Speaker 2 (25:40):
I love it. You're so funny.

Speaker 4 (25:42):
It's funny because I remember a time when you were
in town and you had hit me like I don't know.
We were talking about getting together or something, and you're like.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
Yeah, we'll do something.

Speaker 4 (25:48):
We'll have a go have a shot out, we'll do ship.
We're gonna have tequila. And then like a couple of
years ago, you're like, yo, I'm in New York. Random,
you want to do a hot yoga that's so funny.

Speaker 2 (26:00):
I was like, oh, look at the evolution of Jesse.

Speaker 4 (26:03):
That's really good. Now that's a good time for you.
I was like, oh, remember when I couldn't And number two,
I thought, I don't know that I'm in shape to
do a hot yoga class because my.

Speaker 2 (26:14):
Past out the class.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
You'll be fine. You could lie down the whole class.

Speaker 4 (26:17):
Eight.

Speaker 1 (26:18):
Yeah, you could. Literally, like the culture is you showed up.
That's a win.

Speaker 4 (26:21):
I did it once. It was okay. I would have
to try it again. I would do it with you.
But then you're going to be standing on your head,
So what I'm going to be able to can't touch
my toes?

Speaker 1 (26:30):
It's okay, it's okay. So you just focus on your
own Matt everybody.

Speaker 2 (26:35):
I know that's a good lesson in life.

Speaker 4 (26:36):
By the way, focus on your own, Matt, Guys, do
what you need to do in your mat Do you remember.

Speaker 1 (26:44):
That little video that went viral.

Speaker 3 (26:46):
It was a little girl like trying to tire her
car seat and her dad and moms trying to help her,
and she's.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
Like, worry about yourself, worry about yourself.

Speaker 2 (26:54):
No, I don't know. I need to see that.

Speaker 1 (26:57):
It's really good that little video. Has anyone seen that?

Speaker 2 (27:00):
No? I love that. It's your algorithm.

Speaker 1 (27:02):
Yeah, yeah, true, you forget worry about yourself, worry about yourself. No, no,
worry about yourself. I was like, ooh, this little lady's Confucius.
I love this.

Speaker 2 (27:13):
That's so good, it's so cute.

Speaker 4 (27:15):
What about the how has this changed? Because one thing
about your fan base?

Speaker 2 (27:21):
They I mean I.

Speaker 4 (27:22):
Don't I don't know them as well as you do, clearly,
but from the onside, it seems like they are very
locked in with you, Like you have a very kind
of organic fan base.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
Yeah, how did they.

Speaker 1 (27:35):
Move with your evolutions?

Speaker 4 (27:38):
Evolutions? And has anything surprised you about that?

Speaker 2 (27:41):
And how they see you?

Speaker 1 (27:42):
Or yeah, people seeing I.

Speaker 3 (27:46):
Throughout my life, there's been little chapters where like it
feels like the human connection is very potent, like like
when Gatekeeper dropped and then getting all the messages about
like people who are also gone through some shit, and
when Figures dropped, when Far Away dropped, when Couldn't be
Me dropped. There's been there's certain there's certain songs that

(28:06):
like hit a button, hit a button, and I guess, yeah,
I guess even with the with the chapter changes, I've
gotten Yeah, especially from interviews where I've talked about sobriety,
I've gotten a shit lord of thank you for speaking
of it. I'm going through it right now. Or I've

(28:26):
relapsed and I saw this and it really inspired me
to try again, or good luck, I'm eleven years in
you got this, Like it's really sweet, but yeah, people
have people have grown with me, which is nuts.

Speaker 1 (28:37):
People.

Speaker 3 (28:38):
I remember Bins told me that this was gonna happen
years ago. He was like, you're gonna get blown away
because all of a sudden, you're gonna start having kids
at your show, babies at your show from the people
that have grown with you, And that's happening.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
And I'm like, well, it's fucking wiry.

Speaker 3 (28:51):
Yeah, Like little kids with like little kiddo T shirt
on are like yes, see, like it's just it's crazy,
and that's that's wild. And it was really beautiful too,
which hilarious, but like the for how much I feel

(29:20):
like the industry is reluctant to embrace someone as multifaceted
musically and creatively as me, because one could argue that
I'm not as digestible because maybe I'm not packaged the
way that people would want, or I speak about things

(29:42):
that people wouldn't want, or whatever the fuck, or make
too too vast a spectrum of music so that it
can't be streamlined in a specific genre, whatever, all the
all the reasons, it's really cool that on the other
side of the organic side of what I'm doing that
I'm loved for that. It's really nice and vindicating for

(30:04):
having gripped onto what makes me me as opposed to
bending and acquiescing earlier in my career for the sake
of a shot that maybe a better career. I'm happy
with what I got. I'm grateful for the achievements I've
been able to touch while I'm alive, and also grateful
to be able to share with my family because I
know there's people that want to chase this and want
to do it and then time passes and you lose

(30:25):
people and you don't even get to like, you know,
what's the farmer doesn't get to eat the fruit of
their labor.

Speaker 1 (30:29):
But like I've been able to fucking feed people.

Speaker 3 (30:32):
So like I'm really grateful for that and grateful that
that's my Like see, I told y'all, like see, because
there's because I didn't need to concede.

Speaker 1 (30:44):
I didn't need to bend. I didn't need to That
feels good, m H.

Speaker 2 (30:49):
And the fans, I think feel that, m H. People
feel that. Yeah, but there is sacrifice in that too.

Speaker 1 (30:56):
Yeah of course, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 (30:58):
But probably sacrifice the ship that you who knows if
you even wanted that?

Speaker 3 (31:01):
Yeah, fuck it, it wasn't meant for me. Wasn't meant
for me.

Speaker 2 (31:05):
Does it look like you thought it would look?

Speaker 4 (31:07):
Because it's like you right, sorry, I was gonna say,
you made your career your way coming up, Like it
wasn't the vision right of how you thought it would go.

Speaker 3 (31:18):
No, No, because when you're because when you're a kid,
you know, you think of life and you're like, well,
I see the dreams and you only see the good
because because you do, because that's just.

Speaker 1 (31:27):
How you dream you.

Speaker 3 (31:30):
But that's just the nature of life. Like you see
the goal, and you see like the like, and that
that applies everywhere, and that applies for everything. And that's
also why you you you fuck up your quality of
life if you don't make it a constant practice to
be grateful for whatever the fuck you have, because people
will straight here and want curlier, and people with husband
want to be single, and people that are single long
for their partner, and people with no kids long for kids,

(31:52):
and vice versas. It's just it's a constant like you know,
and you get the timeline that you were giving, you
subscrit you you you vibrate in the timeline that that
you were given. And if you don't fucking learn to
appreciate that, then you live in a constant state of
like what if, Oh but I wanted that at a
constant state of longing and suffering. But you want that
detachment and acceptance for whatever was given. That shit elevates

(32:12):
quality of life so much because if you ask me, no,
it doesn't look like it because I because I pictured
such a I've pictured a utopia and I didn't realize
that utopia had a fucking basement and there are bodies
in that basement. So it's not fucking you know, it's
not built on nothing. That has been a little bit
of a mind fuck coming into it. But every day
I practice the like wait a minute, like And it

(32:34):
also helps when I talk to people that have known
me from time to be like can believe it? Like
from from busking to this, from from Kensington Market to this,
from like that. That's those are really nice reminders and
anchors into the moment where I could be like, this
might not look like exactly what I wanted, but but
no one looks at their dreams aware of the basement.

Speaker 1 (32:55):
Everyone always only looks at that.

Speaker 4 (32:57):
So good, yeah, the body in the basement. And also
a lot of times I think our dreams, or the
images of what we think a version of I want
a successful career creating, making music, whatever is fed to
us by other people's stories. Right, So, like you're a
young girl and you're watching people what is dead?

Speaker 2 (33:22):
And could you imagine what the what she was dealing
with the journ you know, in the fights that she
had to do.

Speaker 4 (33:29):
So you only see your dreams only like images of
what are.

Speaker 1 (33:32):
Fed but you don't know, You don't know till you
do it.

Speaker 4 (33:35):
So that is the key, right, is too to find
the gratitude And what are your garden.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
Trying to find gratitude every day? Whatever you're doing. You
could be a.

Speaker 4 (33:43):
Teacher, a kindergarten teacher and love teaching the kids, but
your idea of being a successful kindergarten teacher is doing
it at this private school in this bubble neighborhood.

Speaker 2 (33:53):
And this is like you're chasing something that's the image of.

Speaker 4 (33:56):
What you think it is, and then you're in the
joy of that today you made a little kid learn
how to do whatever, like you could just miss the
joys of our actual real life. And there goes your life,
chasing a version of something that we don't even know.
It's like bits and pieces of things we saw other
people do and it's not it's not real.

Speaker 3 (34:16):
You don't even know if it would make you happy.
Maybe the bus at that private school's a dick. And
then you go on and then you shot away the
fun years at the other school because you were just
longing for something else.

Speaker 4 (34:25):
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Speaker 2 (34:33):
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Speaker 3 (35:13):
Who is this from?

Speaker 4 (35:14):
Say, it's brought to you by boost Mobile.

Speaker 2 (35:18):
It's brought to us by Boost Mobile.

Speaker 4 (35:20):
It's from step from Steph and this is from somebody
named Stephanie, Stephanie or stephan Stephanie.

Speaker 5 (35:30):
For me, Hey, hi Jesse, Steph here.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
I'm a huge fan.

Speaker 5 (35:37):
I especially love your song Gonliento for me, and I'm
sure a lot of other people, you know, I can
identify with going through a tumultuous relationship and trying to
believe that things will change until you reach a point
where you just need peace despite that love. It's a
beautiful song, but I think hearing and Spanish really deepen
that meaning for me. And I wonder when you're writing

(35:58):
from a deep placed emotion, do you know immediately whether
that feeling should be expressed in English or in Spanish?

Speaker 1 (36:07):
Hello Steph, thank you for your voice. Notes.

Speaker 3 (36:11):
I actually write more in English because I went to
school in Canada, so my lexicon is vast and I
read in English often too, so that's where I pull
a lot of my wording. However, my first language is Spanish,
and I learned to love in Spanish and I learned
to be a human being in Spanish. So it's funny

(36:33):
because the Spanish songs are very like potent, as you said,
like one of the banto's very it's potent, and it's close,
and they're never they're never like, they're always detailed and
heavy with emotion. I think it's because of that. I
think because because it's the language I learned to love,
and it's almost like when people hear that it's like
they take a step forward. It's more intimate, but they

(36:57):
happen to you and far they happen a lot less,
and the English ones because I find my quality out
of quantity. Like I'll go in the studio and make
five songs, five shiit songs. Maybe one of them is good,
and then that's the one I'll focus on. That's my rhythm.
But with Spanish songs, it takes me longer. And because
I'm used to my speed, I get annoyed at myself

(37:18):
for not having the same lexicon and Spanish, and I
get annoyed that it takes me longer.

Speaker 1 (37:22):
So I don't do that often.

Speaker 2 (37:25):
Because she asked about that, I was just looking up
your lyrics.

Speaker 4 (37:30):
For begging for lovelet's talking to me about.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
That song when you came in. These are so good?
Is this inspired by.

Speaker 1 (37:38):
What did you call him? This is real life?

Speaker 3 (37:40):
No, this isn't No, this wasn't inspired by the bomb.
This was inspired by a decent guy. But yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (37:48):
The decent guy made you feel like you were begging for.

Speaker 1 (37:50):
Love because.

Speaker 3 (37:55):
Because this is a this is a story. Because after
the really tumultuous relationship, I turned into.

Speaker 2 (38:09):
A very.

Speaker 3 (38:11):
Detached stick skinned thing. And then I met a really
sweet guy and he just tried to lay everything out
and I was like, nah, I gotta work, I gotta
do and this is really funny. Should I say this?
I fuck it. The we were when we started hanging out,

(38:34):
everything was cool, but I had just come out of
this other fucking hell hole, so I knew better. I
was like, yeah, I'm not gonna like chill. And we
were hanging out and it had been a couple of months,
and then they said something about like a girlfriend or something,
and I was like, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 1 (38:54):
I'm like, we gotta you.

Speaker 3 (38:55):
Know, and then they looked at me and they're like, wait,
what do you mean, Like We've already been hanging out
this long and I've caught feelings like it's too late.

Speaker 1 (39:03):
And I was like, what do you mean it too late?
I'm like, let's do that.

Speaker 3 (39:05):
He's like no, He's like, I'm not the point that
it's either all or nothing, So we're either going to
try this or we stopped. His motherfucker him. He was
an ultimatum, and he was a great guy and I
liked him, so I conceded, which was a mistake because
then we were together for years and it sucks because
he was trying and I just wasn't ready. I wasn't ready.
I was still healing. I still had like trauma to

(39:26):
fucking get through. My hierarchy of priorities was shit. I
wasn't even in the top three. I wasn't even in
the top three.

Speaker 2 (39:34):
That's crazy.

Speaker 3 (39:34):
Yeah, so like he was going to be seven floor yeah,
you know. So that made it really difficult, and then
it took me. We were together for a couple of years,
and then I went on my first solo trip and
I read this law, this book called the Seven Laws
of Divine Compensation, and another book called Return to Love,

(39:58):
I think, and it just put a lot of shit
into perspective. Oh no, wait, I got it.

Speaker 1 (40:04):
Wait, okay.

Speaker 3 (40:05):
So I was on tour, right, I was on tour
in Europe, and they were just on me about some ship.
Which was normal. It was normal that they wanted relationship things.
But I just wasn't providing because I was like work
and this and that. And I got upset at them
because they were asking me for some shit and I

(40:26):
was on tour and I was like, you're trying to
stress me about fucking mundane domestic shit when I'm trying
to focus on fucking moving mountains, so like, and it
was my birthday week. I was like, you're doing too
much because and then no, this is crazy. I hope
I don't regret saying this.

Speaker 2 (40:43):
Then you can tell me.

Speaker 1 (40:45):
If we Yeah, okay, I'm gonna skip over that part anyway.
He he he was like, maybe.

Speaker 3 (40:50):
We should go on a break, because I had suggested
that before and he was like, no, whatever. Anyways, he
said maybe we should go on He said, maybe we
should go on a break, And in my head, I
was like, perfect, perfect, a break. I need a break
and I need to work and I need space. This
is perfect in my head. But I didn't say it
out loud, but I assumed that it was assumed because

(41:12):
I'm fried, because now in retrospect, I don't know why
the fuck I didn't just say, okay, great, let's go
on a break.

Speaker 1 (41:18):
I agree.

Speaker 3 (41:18):
I just assumed the break started asap, so I was
like left the message alone. And then and then and
then I was on tour for a few more weeks,
and then I got home and then all of a sudden,
it had been three weeks, and then all of a sudden,
it had been four weeks, and then at four weeks,
I finally like when on my solo trip, Red got
my shit together, and I was like, I'm fucking up,
Like this guy's been consistent, he's great, he's got a

(41:39):
good heart, my family likes him, like everything's cool. And
then I was waiting because I thought maybe he'd reach out.
And then fourth week came and nothing. And then fifth
week came and I was like, oh, strange, Like is
this break like get on time and anyways, I'm like strange.
And then the six week came and he didn't say nothing,

(41:59):
and I was like and then I finally hit him
up and I was like, hey, what's up, Like so
we doing it? He's like, we're doing this. He was like, Jesse,
you ghosted me. And I was like what.

Speaker 4 (42:10):
My god.

Speaker 1 (42:12):
I was like, what do you mean? I thought we
were going to He's like, you didn't fucking you didn't
say anything. You didn't say anything, you didn't confirm. He's like,
I thought you were just ghosted me.

Speaker 3 (42:21):
I thought we were like so he had already like
moved on and soused his fucking bruises and I yeah,
and it was what it was. And so then anyway,
So then that we had been together for two and
a half years at that point, and then I spent
about a year trying to mend it when I should
have just respected it and been like because because that

(42:41):
hurt longer.

Speaker 1 (42:42):
Than it needed to.

Speaker 3 (42:43):
And then during that year, obviously he wasn't perfect. He
was not perfect. He also there was there was also
other reasons why I wasn't ready to like be everything
that he wanted me to be, because there were things
in him that were missing so that it couldn't I
couldn't relax and be as submissive as I wanted to
in that situation anyway, But but there were certain.

Speaker 1 (43:02):
Things that he would do that would piss me off.

Speaker 3 (43:03):
And so then in an effort to like, I was
also angry during that time because it felt like I
was begging for love from someone that should have or
that did.

Speaker 1 (43:11):
Yeah, it was I think it was cope, hope, cope, cope.

Speaker 3 (43:15):
Yeah, it was a little bit of cope as well,
But it was also true at the time because it
felt like I was and he he had he has
has achilles. He lives that he's too kind and too nice,
where he should have just set the boundary and been like,
you know, but we would still communicate and we would
still talk all the time, and we would still you know,
so it made it difficult.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
Hmmmm.

Speaker 3 (43:34):
But he's good, he's he's we haven't talked in a
long time, but he's we I think we both under Yeah,
it's just it's in the wind.

Speaker 1 (43:41):
That's in the past.

Speaker 3 (43:42):
I learned my lessons, he learned his, and we grow
and it just wasn't we weren't met for each other
timing maybe ye who yeah, no, no, no, I think yeah,
because that insinuates like no, no, no, I think it's
in the wind.

Speaker 4 (43:55):
In the wind, in the wind, that's a good term.
That's not what I thought this song was about.

Speaker 3 (44:02):
But he had bump qualities like that, fucking like oh go,
he had bump quality like wasn't as ambitious as me.
Uh huh, So why the fuck are you playing video games?
When we should be like fuck are you playing video games?
And we should be talking about like making bread or
like making movements. So there were things that I was like,
this is whack. I hate this for you.

Speaker 1 (44:22):
Yeah, pretty good? Yeah, made a good song, made a song,
made a great song, great song.

Speaker 4 (44:27):
I always loved that lyric You the fuck you make
me feel like I'm asking for too much. But maybe
I'm asking the wrong one.

Speaker 1 (44:36):
Yeah, he was just the wrong one.

Speaker 2 (44:38):
You were the wrong one.

Speaker 3 (44:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (44:40):
The fuck am I bagging for love?

Speaker 1 (44:41):
For Yeah? I'm asking for a fish to fly? The fuck?

Speaker 2 (44:46):
Am I doing this? So good? And it's so fun
at the concerts to watch everybody singing that song.

Speaker 1 (44:51):
Yeah, they feel that one.

Speaker 2 (44:52):
It goes, It goes so good. So that was some
of the inspiration of that album. What is this? What
is the inspiration of this album coming?

Speaker 1 (45:00):
Uh?

Speaker 2 (45:02):
Is it the space that you were in? Or no,
I'm needing.

Speaker 3 (45:06):
I can tell you through songs. I can tell you
through song Who what song? Which song belongs to?

Speaker 6 (45:13):
Who?

Speaker 2 (45:15):
On the album that's coming? Oh? They have, they have
songs on this album.

Speaker 1 (45:19):
Still I don't think.

Speaker 3 (45:22):
I don't think the video the video game player don't
But the bomb from couldn't be me? That the bum
from couldn't be me song. But the song is just
like off, It's one of those songs.

Speaker 2 (45:35):
That he know that these songs are for him. I
think so.

Speaker 1 (45:38):
But who cares? Who cares?

Speaker 4 (45:41):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (45:41):
Who cares?

Speaker 4 (45:43):
Fuck?

Speaker 1 (45:44):
I love the song that I really like it.

Speaker 3 (45:46):
I really like the songs called It's called Dusty's.

Speaker 2 (45:51):
The Good, that's these good too good.

Speaker 4 (45:56):
Oh my god, I'm gonna go straight to that when
I get the album, I'm gonna go straight.

Speaker 1 (46:00):
To Dusty Crazy.

Speaker 2 (46:01):
How can you?

Speaker 1 (46:02):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (46:03):
What?

Speaker 3 (46:03):
I just don't appreciate having these sort of blind spots,
because you're right. If I'm astute everywhere else, why is
my heart blind? It doesn't make no fucking sense.

Speaker 2 (46:12):
I don't think your heart is blind.

Speaker 1 (46:13):
Stupid, don't you see it? You're just making wrong decisions.

Speaker 2 (46:17):
No, I think you There's a whole bunch of reasons
why we make wrong decisions. Sometimes we don't want.

Speaker 4 (46:22):
It, so we picked wrong to have an easy way out.

Speaker 3 (46:26):
Also, I love that for me because I've also discovered
that I have that, like the avoidant attachment.

Speaker 2 (46:31):
Yeah, you don't want it. I don't really want it.
So I'm gonna pick this guy because he's gonna give
me an easy way out.

Speaker 1 (46:36):
The first time I learned about that, I felt so attacked.
I felt so attacked under the table.

Speaker 4 (46:42):
Oh my god, when.

Speaker 3 (46:43):
You first anyone, when you learn about when you learn
something that's so integral to you that you've had your
whole life, that you didn't know you had. It's like,
it's like living in a house for thirty years and
then discovering that there was a bedroom next to your
fucking bedroom.

Speaker 1 (46:58):
That's what it feels like, What the fuck am I?
This is? This has been, this is what I'm doing.

Speaker 3 (47:02):
This is what I'm doing because you're not wrong, that's
that that's also contributed. Oh my god, when I learned
about that, I was floored. I felt so, I felt naked.
It's just so fucking spooky.

Speaker 2 (47:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (47:15):
But then the more you learn and the more you uncover,
then you make better choices or or you're just clearer,
or you make the same choices.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
But you're clear about it.

Speaker 1 (47:23):
You're aware.

Speaker 2 (47:23):
You're aware at least aware, like, I don't really want something,
so I'm just gonna do this because this will be
easy to get out of it.

Speaker 4 (47:29):
At least you know it. You can say it out
loud to yourself, and then you This probably gives you
less stress and less pain because you know what you
did there as supposed to like, as opposed to be.
Here are all the red flags, but I'm gonna get
with him anyway.

Speaker 2 (47:44):
And then then you're broken.

Speaker 4 (47:45):
Hearted because you fell in love Were you really in
love though, or was it just attachments?

Speaker 1 (47:52):
No, that was I haven't felt that in years.

Speaker 2 (47:54):
That was love.

Speaker 1 (47:55):
That was that was I think that.

Speaker 2 (47:56):
Was What is that to you? Love? What does that mean?

Speaker 6 (47:59):
Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (48:01):
I used to think that love was being willing to
die for someone years ago. I used to think that
that was it. I think maybe it's still part of it.
And then I came to the conclusion that maybe love
is peace. But then I read I read some I
can't remember what book it was, but they were like, no,
love is wanting to see someone reach their highest self
and reach their like wanting the best for someone else.

(48:22):
And that one reads that that one resonates for me.
Or I'm like, that's real, that's selfless. I want the
best for you. That's really selfless. I think that's really beautiful,
and I kind of wanted that for him.

Speaker 1 (48:34):
It was both. It was the passion and it was like,
I want what was best for you.

Speaker 2 (48:39):
That's love.

Speaker 1 (48:40):
Yeah, still a bum but that's outward love.

Speaker 2 (48:43):
That's how you love them, right. How do you receive love?

Speaker 1 (48:47):
How do I receive love? Acts of service?

Speaker 3 (48:49):
In my love language, I love acts of service is
like be competent, and be of use help me, and
that is that shit makes me mel But that's who
scary because because then someone will suck everywhere else. And
then if they do that, that's like the.

Speaker 2 (49:04):
Like seventeen red flags.

Speaker 4 (49:06):
But they but they do that, I don't know, dinner
and well not well.

Speaker 3 (49:11):
Yeah sure clean up, yeah that way, yeah, yeah, something
like that. Acts of service is my love language. What's
your love language?

Speaker 2 (49:19):
What is my love language?

Speaker 4 (49:21):
You know?

Speaker 2 (49:23):
Oh? What are they again? What are the what are
they gives?

Speaker 3 (49:27):
Acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time and physical.

Speaker 4 (49:30):
Touch, quality time and words of affirmation quality time time,
not just time. I don't need a lot of time.
I don't like a lot of time, but I like
it to be intentional and quality. And then words of
affirmation because I like clarity and so I don't. I
don't need words off. I don't need you to gas me, don't.

(49:52):
I don't need words of information.

Speaker 2 (49:53):
You're this, you're so this. I need words of affirmation as.

Speaker 1 (49:57):
This is what we're clarity.

Speaker 2 (49:58):
Yeah you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (49:59):
They this is where you stand, This is where I
see what's going.

Speaker 2 (50:02):
All of that. It's good for me.

Speaker 1 (50:04):
That's nice.

Speaker 2 (50:04):
Acts service is cool. Gifts I don't really.

Speaker 4 (50:06):
I mean, I like gifts like anybody else, but it's
not really a thing for me.

Speaker 1 (50:10):
I love them, you love it, Oh my god. Mm hmm,
it's the same. Yeah, it's so. It's so like me,
make my life easier, makes me now.

Speaker 3 (50:23):
You can have it all confident and make my life easier,
and you like yeah, because.

Speaker 4 (50:29):
I like it too. It's nice you feel cared for whatever.
I don't like fake access service. I guess I don't
like somebody doing I don't like performative acts of service.
And so maybe if they know, yeah, like if you
profess that here on the show today, and then some
guys like, hey, Jesse, I just cleaned your car, I

(50:50):
don't like. Yeah, that's disgusting.

Speaker 1 (50:53):
It has to be.

Speaker 4 (50:53):
That's so funny.

Speaker 3 (50:54):
But it's like we're telling people to go left and
go right, like do it, but do it only of
your own volition and pretend like you never had me
say it exactly.

Speaker 2 (51:01):
Now you've got it. Hey, guys.

Speaker 4 (51:03):
Support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden University.
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go after what I actually want and I could really
make a difference. Well, you are not alone. And this
is exactly why I want to tell you about Walden University.
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(51:24):
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Head to waldenu dot edu and take that first step.
Walden University set a course for change certified to operate
by SHIV. All right, irl hole time was Jesse Ray
has Oh this is all there is in here.

Speaker 2 (51:45):
You got a limited amount of questions. See if you
get this is our IRL bowl set up by Walden University.

Speaker 3 (51:52):
The best kind of friend is someone who doesn't make
me feel guilty for fucking having a workaholic life. And yeah,
well you just where you feel like you could just
like take off your armor and just be and not

(52:13):
feel guilty for the reason that every other relationship in
my life suffers, which is like, you know, work a
lot and keeping my head down and not being able
to be there as much because I don't think I'm
the best friend that I could be. I could be
a better friend for people. I could be a better
everything for people if I made this side of my
life suffer and took that time and apply to here.
But because my life hasn't been that, the few friends

(52:35):
in my life that I have that are like understand
my fear e comitment and understand my fear of like
I can't. I can't tell you that I'm going to
come to this birthday party because if something switches with work,
I'm gonna have to do this when I don't feel
guilty for that. That's such a it's love. It's understanding
You're prone to feel guilty, probably right, God is the worst.
And I hate holding that emotion because it permeates and

(52:57):
then I try to compensate. So now apart from failing
from achieving, apart from failing from giving you that in
the first place, because I got to put all my
time over here, now I got to take time from
here and apply it to remedy what I couldn't even
do the first time over it sucks.

Speaker 2 (53:16):
I hate that.

Speaker 3 (53:17):
Yeah, but I've got But I got really good friends
in my life that are that are.

Speaker 4 (53:23):
That was a good question for you, Yeah, all right,
in real life, let's go through these before you go. Okay,
speed round, it doesn't have to be a speed round. Okay,
in real life, you are no longer available for?

Speaker 2 (53:36):
What are you no longer available for?

Speaker 4 (53:46):
Fuck?

Speaker 3 (53:46):
You just asked me for a speed round and look
at me taking my time? In real life? Yes, I
am no longer available for doing shit I don't want
to do. Yeah, very general, very valid in real life.

(54:08):
When are you your happiest in real life? I am
my happiest when I am with my loved ones, with
my family, with my pup in the woods.

Speaker 2 (54:16):
Yeah, be about to be there soon. Well, what is
there some type of emergency going on in our city?

Speaker 1 (54:21):
Because this thank you? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (54:24):
Is that what it was? Is that what was happening?

Speaker 4 (54:26):
Okay in real life? What was the last time you
cried from gratitude.

Speaker 1 (54:33):
In real life?

Speaker 3 (54:33):
The last time I cried from gratitude was today. Yeah.
I was saying my thank yous because because people have
always been supportive, you know, and like it's not like
the industry as a whole, but like certain people and uh, yeah,
I was just I was just expressing that that I
was really really grateful to have had early support because

(54:58):
I know not everybody gets that, do.

Speaker 4 (55:02):
You really believe in your soul that you're ready to retire.

Speaker 3 (55:06):
I feel like I could, really, yeah, I feel like
I could, but I don't know. But the thing is like,
I don't I know, I don't know, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (55:13):
But I'm just tired. I'm just tired.

Speaker 3 (55:15):
I'm tired, and I like, yeah, doing the inventory is
it's shitty, because like, it's not shitty, it's just what.

Speaker 1 (55:24):
It's the way.

Speaker 3 (55:24):
It's the way my cars have been dealt. But the
reason when of the this has been so fruitful because
all of my energy has gone there and then a
lot of energy that could have been a lot of
to other places hasn't, you know. So that's a little
difficult to consolidate and what pushes me more towards being like, Okay,

(55:46):
well I've done this many years, so maybe the other
sides of your life could take take a bit.

Speaker 4 (55:53):
M hmm.

Speaker 6 (55:55):
What is the one thing you if you could, if
you could grab it right now and put the energy
into it, you know, is there a bucket, is there
a hole or is there something that you would fill
up first?

Speaker 1 (56:12):
Mm hmmmmmm. Yeah, probably family time.

Speaker 4 (56:16):
M from a girl who spends so much time with
her fan. I know you've been on the road and
that was that war on you, but in your life.

Speaker 3 (56:26):
Well yeah, because it's not just my parents have had
the ability to come on roll with me, but like
everybody hasn't. My nieces haven't, my nephews haven't, zone and
my cousin's like, it's just not you, miss you, miss

(56:46):
I Again, I say this, I say because it's a
double edged so it's just two truths can't exist that once.
I'm grateful a normal outlier. I know this is like
you know, but it costs, but it costs you, and
there's a lot of shit you mis especially especially if
you're like a bout it and you're like, all right,
I'm giving it all because because I go, because I work,

(57:07):
because I like I go. But it costs you, and
it doesn't cost the same for every It doesn't cost
the same for everybody else. I understand that, Like Okay, well,
but like there's people on the road with you, and
there's people that also tour on you, and there's people
on your team, and there's people on like yeah, but
the price is not the same. As you said earlier,
You're like, you're creative, it's all the time it's there
all the time, and then you become a product. And

(57:28):
I don't want to sound it's crazy, because as I'm
saying it, there's another side of me that's like, you're
crying in a castle. You're crying in a castle. And
I know that it's difficult for anyone that hasn't been
in my shoes to empathize with the feeling that I have.
And I know that it sounds ungrateful, and I know
that it sounds like privilege, and I know that and

(57:48):
I know that, but it's but I'd be but I'd
be doing a disservice to myself if I didn't hold
space for where my emotions have landed about it and
understanding that it's like everything has a cost, everything has
a price, and this price hurts like it's not it's
not something that's been easy. And yeah, yeah, there's not

(58:10):
something that's been easy.

Speaker 2 (58:12):
I don't think you sound that way at all.

Speaker 4 (58:14):
Thank you sound very grateful and very self aware and
like it's not You're not complaining about frivolous shit. I
just want to tap into your soul and your family
and your things that.

Speaker 2 (58:28):
Fill you up.

Speaker 4 (58:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think you're going to be okay.
I think you're going to be okay.

Speaker 1 (58:36):
Oh my god, today's going to be so rough. Even
just said that exact same sentence to me, and I
started crying.

Speaker 2 (58:42):
To you. I was like, oh you said you brother.
I love you, Brove.

Speaker 1 (58:49):
That's hilarious.

Speaker 3 (58:49):
That's why I was crying because as soon as it
was ever, I was like, thank you for supporting me,
thank you for like contributing. We've known each other for
so many years, which is even crazy to say, but like, yeah,
I'm just I'm very I'm grateful because it's much as
it's been difficult. Also, there's been so many beautiful things
that have like, yeah, it's been it's been a wild.

Speaker 2 (59:06):
Just thing in your hand, let me see it.

Speaker 3 (59:07):
The other one, this is a h yeah, my dad
do it on tour, like a couple of tours ago.

Speaker 2 (59:14):
We need to get a shadows.

Speaker 3 (59:17):
It's a reminder the smile bitch. I have it so
when I'm pissed that can look at it. I want
you think it helps. It's it's served because I'll be
I'll be in the bathroom being.

Speaker 1 (59:28):
Like and then I'll look down and it's like, would.

Speaker 4 (59:33):
It be weird if I got one a little bit
weird when he gives Stockery a little like when you
give like absolutely not, it's for it's for your it's
for your benefits. Okay, I want it, all right, I'm
gonna do it. I'm gonna get one I have. This
is mind is similar.

Speaker 1 (59:50):
Because it brings you, it reminds you, just like yeah.

Speaker 4 (59:52):
Because also it's like if you if I wave to somebody,
it's there, Oh, hilarious, like protect, Yes, it's like protect.

Speaker 2 (01:00:00):
And it's just yeah, it says I don't know, well anyway,
similar that in real life, what do you what are
you most proud of about yourself?

Speaker 1 (01:00:10):
In real life? I am most proud of staying realm. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:00:18):
And it's not even it's it's it's a it's a
it's a seed I didn't even plant, but I'm proud
of it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:25):
My mom planted that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:00:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:00:28):
She was always like just let me be me, let
me be me. And also as a I've said this before,
like as as a woman also Latina, like there's a
lot of you know, she should be in a dress,
or like her hair should be done, or like her
nails aren't done, or like just you know, there's a
lot and she just did this and like shielded me

(01:00:52):
from it and then took it herself because I know
it wasn't easy to feel all that and hear all that,
but like didn't project it onto me.

Speaker 1 (01:00:58):
Just was like, be yourself.

Speaker 3 (01:01:02):
And that is such a fucking gift, especially as an
adult because I see it's it's I just had it
as a child and I was able to like nurture
and watch it grow.

Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
But I know it sucks.

Speaker 3 (01:01:13):
I see people that struggle to like be themselves, or
see people that struggle to like be transparent or walk
in their truth or like you know, so I think
I'm most part of that. Yeah, you should be thank you, thank.

Speaker 4 (01:01:27):
You, And we'll end with our my favorite IRL question,
which you use the word divine right If God were
to text you right now today, Jessee, if he were
to text you right now on your phone, what would
it say?

Speaker 1 (01:01:42):
What would he say? What a question?

Speaker 2 (01:01:48):
Wow?

Speaker 1 (01:01:51):
What would it say?

Speaker 2 (01:01:52):
What would it say? Like if today it came to
text from God today.

Speaker 3 (01:02:05):
I feel like the divine is wholeness and love, and
so maybe it would be a reminder of like that.
Maybe it would be something like You're gonna be okay,
you know, maybe it would be something like that. Imagine,
don't cross the street on six and seven because you're
gonna break away, You're like something crazy. But yeah, I

(01:02:26):
think maybe it would be it would be something that
would reflect what I what my version of God is.
In my version of God is not something someone some
some essence that's like judgmental or just it's just wholeness.
It's wholeness. Maybe it would just be heart amoji yeah,
or that yeah, or a little yeah. Well no, maybe
it would just be like a little smile, what a

(01:02:48):
what a sick question?

Speaker 2 (01:02:50):
What would just be today? Oh I have to think
about today. I got you?

Speaker 1 (01:02:58):
I got you. Ah, that's beautiful. Does that make I
love that? That's so beautiful? Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (01:03:06):
I'm always like I'm in the middle of like a
lot of different things in my life right now, moving, changing, switching.
I'm just like in the middle of a lot, and
so my prayer is usually around like I trust you
to show me, lead me, help me to be in
my purpose. And so when I if I can just trust,

(01:03:30):
it's usually okay because I'm usually guided in.

Speaker 2 (01:03:31):
The right way. Amen.

Speaker 4 (01:03:33):
So that's why I think right now he'd probably remind
me that he got me sick.

Speaker 3 (01:03:38):
There's so much weight that or she Yeah, so much
weight that leads when you let God like just like God,
drive like God drive, Yeah, like lead like Jesus take
the wheel. There's so much weight that gets alleviated in faith.

Speaker 1 (01:03:51):
I love that. I love that.

Speaker 2 (01:03:53):
I love you, love you. I can't wait to do
this again.

Speaker 4 (01:03:56):
After you take you take a big h and you're
gonna come back and your album will have been out
and done really well, and you'll you'll be refreshed, and
you'll have a new perspective and new things you want
to share, and you'll be bright eyed and rested and bushytailed.

Speaker 3 (01:04:12):
Then I can't wait and bushy tailed if I come
back and I make another fucking song or I start
crying about a bum and g I'm gonna be fucking
I'm gonna be fucking pissed.

Speaker 1 (01:04:23):
Oh my God, that better.

Speaker 2 (01:04:24):
Lu I can't wait. I can't wait to see whatever evolution.

Speaker 4 (01:04:29):
It's in God's It's in God's hands.

Speaker 2 (01:04:33):
Jesse Ray is in real life, y'all.

Speaker 1 (01:04:38):
Is Jesse's Legiti in real life.

Speaker 2 (01:04:39):
Hey guys, thanks for watching.

Speaker 4 (01:04:40):
Make sure you subscribe, like comments and check out all
of the other episodes we have on Edge.

Speaker 2 (01:04:45):
Martinez I R O Podcast