December 5, 2025 • 39 mins
Today we’re answering some of our most-asked questions! We kick things off with all things relationships: How do you know if marriage is actually right for you? When is the best time to have sex with a new connection? The answers might surprise you! Then, we dive into major transitions and learning to adapt. What is it like going from a parent to a new grandparent? How do you manage integrating families when you find love in your Golden years? Tune in now to hear us tackle all this and so much more, and be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thanks so
much for joining us again. Kathy and I are so
excited to be back. How are you today, Kat?
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Ugh, Well, I'm okay, except you know, I sprained my
back because I had to decorate for Christmas early, so
I was lugging the tree and so you know, I
need some pain meds not on it yet, but I'm
getting them.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
I too like to put my trees up, yeah, because
it feels so rushed afterwards and then between traveling a
little bit. Because I'm excited about what's coming up for
me in Las Vegas. I have to have everything done
before I get I think I actually gave you the
idea to get that tree. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Oh no, I've had a tree in my garage every year.
I haven't put up for the last few years because
I've been out of town. But this year I'm going
to be home and I thought, you know, why not
get it done early. So that's how I sprain in
my back. But I actually love if I'm going to
put Christmas decorations. You know, I know people complain about
(01:08):
get through Thanksgiving first, but you show me where that's
written anywhere in the Torah in the Bible anywhere, there's
no rule that says you cannot put a Christmas tree
up before Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
I like it up on Thanksgiving, and Thanksgiving happens to
be one of my favorite holidays because the tree is up,
it does feel festive. But there's no gift exchange in chaos.
It's just being with family or friends and saying something
that you're grateful for. I make everybody go around the table.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
We do that.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
We say grace and say something you're thankful for. And
so many years and kids are like, Mom, I'm thankful
for my mom cooking.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
You know.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Okay, you know what, as long as you're thankful and
grateful for something, that's what this season is all about
as far as I'm concerned. So you know what, if
they're greatfully got to sleep in an extra ten minutes,
go kids.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
You go for it. Ten minutes, ten minutes. So okay.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
So we also we know that people that listen to
us in Bachelor Nation, you and I do a lot
of coffee talks, especially when we're traveling, and we love
doing that because we just put on bathrobes, whether we're
in a hotel, at your house, my house, we put
on bathrooms. We pour coffee, although one time we did
get caught with empty cups, so we've never pulled that
one again. We put coffee or hot tea in those
(02:30):
cups and we just sit and talk about anything, and
and people think that we staged that we that we
run the camera and then edit.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
We have you seen my hair in these coffee talks?
I mean, it's pretty obvious that I just rolled over
put the robe on.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
But I mean, I mean, in terms of what we
talk about, it it's just you say something, it rolls off.
So so you know, we we love that, and we
we're glad that we entertain you guys, and we hope
that they that we give you some good advice.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Absolutely, And we're going to do one right here, all right.
I'm going to have my hair crazy and my robe
on because we don't get to see each other that much,
but although we make it a point like we can't
go that long without visiting.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
That's what I'm giving things for this year. My family
and my friends get me through another year. And you know,
how lucky are we to have such good friendships.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
And we're blessed. We're really blessed, all right, then, so
do you want to get started? Okay, since this is
a podcast all about advice, we're going to answer some
of our most asked questions, starting with dating and relationships.
All right, Kathy, do you want to read the first
one for us?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
All right, here we go. How do you know? Oh boy,
how do you know if marriage is ripe for you?
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Now?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I could let me just say, I could start out
with a joke saying, as soon as I find the guy,
I'll let you know of marriages, right, but I'm going
to defer to you God.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
That always helps when you do have the guy that
How do you know if marriage is right for you?
Speaker 3 (04:07):
I'm getting the second time around. We're talking second time
around here, right?
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Okay, I don't know, are we? I mean, yes, you're
all are so we have to be right, ok right,
right ahead? How do you know if it's right for you?
It's a feeling. I guess it's something that you have
to know. That's a tough question because now today that
I'm sixty eight, I'm still sixty eight for a few
(04:32):
more months. People, I don't know if marriage is that
like signing the paper is that important? As I prefer
to just have somebody in my life. When you get
married in your golden years, there's a lot of red
tape that's going to happen, whether it's pre nups or
you know what, do you think?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Well, I think that again, I'm not in the position
to have to consider it. But one thing I've learned
in my golden years is to never say never. So
I would never say that I will never. How many
nevers can I say? Get married again? But I do
think at our age, we're not raising children, we're not
having children, we're not at starting careers, and I think
(05:17):
those are things that when you're married younger, those are
all things you consider where you're going to live, although
you do that in your golden years too, but what
careers you're going to have, who's going to manage the kids,
how are you going to handle all those things, finances
when you're in your golden years. To me, it's more
of a conscious decision. I personally don't think you know
(05:41):
if marriage is right for you as a golden I
think it's a conscious decision. You decide, or I would decide,
you know what, I want to spend the rest of
my days with this person. I want him to be
integrated fully into my life, and in my mind that
would include marriage.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I'm not about like a commitment ceremony, just committing to
one another.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
So I think at our age, that's a very reasonable,
a really reasonable idea. Why not just commit to each other.
I think I'm a little old fashioned here, Susan, and
I know I'm gonna take heat for this too. I
think it's so easy if you don't have a legal marriage,
to say, you know what and the horse you rode
(06:26):
in on. So in other words, yes, I think it's
very easy to toss in the towel when you just
have a commitment ceremony. I think marriage makes you think
a little bit more about whether you.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Marriage being a legal marriage.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Yes, because because I do believe that once you're married,
you're going to think a little more about do I
want to stay in this or get out of this? Now,
hopefully on the second time around, we both have learned.
I mean, you're divorced, I'm a widow, but you I
(07:05):
would think that we would know what it would take
for the man to be the man that we would
commit marriage to.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
I mean, I don't know now, I don't think I
would do it.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
I understand what you're saying is it's easier to pack
your things and leave because there's no legal bind right. However,
divorce is so easy today too, when you're both in
the same place. It's like boom boom, you sign papers.
It is a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Well, again, we have we have some amount of wealth,
some amount of resources, property, real property, homes, I mean
at least hopefully one home, all those things that we've
amassed or hopefully amassed in our in our lifetime. I
think that those things unless you do a prenup and
(07:53):
then you get into a lot of legal you know,
so I.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Don't know, living with some one and committing to somebody
and living in the same house you decide which one
that's going to be, or you're buying a new one together, right,
that's a whole nother entity in this, if you will, right,
and walking away is meaning you're going to have to
go find a place to live.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
So either way, it's I just think I think it's
the way.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Why are we talking about ending it before we're talking
about the exit. We didn't even get in yet.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Well, that's right, because because we are of an age,
Susan that we know if we get into something we
need to have a strategic exit. Really, that's why we're smarter.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
We know if you were about to go into with somebody,
you're already going to prethink that.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
No, no, no, I'm saying, before I commit to marriage, I'm
going to understand that things can go south sometimes.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
And if it did, this is what will happen.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Right, and younger people when they get married, I don't
think they think that hard.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Think that way. They shouldn't.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Right, really, okay, now, before we get married, what about
having sex?
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Yes, when is it appropriate to have sex for the
first time with someone you are seeing? And I might
be on the opposite ends of the spectrum here, but
you know, if you asked the first question I asked
this one, you go first.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
You know what that's I was just going to say,
you jumped in there. I was trying to jump in
and aunce the questions so you'd have to answer.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
I noticed.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Okay, when you know what.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I don't think at our age there is an appropriate
or inappropriate time we have sex for the first time.
I think that is a very personal decision about when
you might have sex for the first time. I you know,
if anyone's interested, I will not have sex on the
first date. If it's a weekend date, I'm not having
(09:51):
sex that first weekend date. I got to feel my
my rule of thumb always is I'm only having sex
with a man that I'm either in a relationship with
or what I'm pretty sure I'm tend to be into.
There's a strong potential to be in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Absolutely, what about get and I've read all the books
you're supposed to wait, I think it was the fifth
date or something you have to date five times? You
know what, it is a personal thing. Some women just
like to have sex. For me, personally, I happen to
agree with you. It's somebody that there's a potential relationship starting,
(10:32):
and I have a conversation first. You know what I'm saying,
like where you're at or where I'm at in this
before we sleep together, because once you do, it changes
everything for me.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Well for women it does, I think, Yeah, although maybe
so less so at our age. But now I'm going
to go you know me, I'm going to dig a
little deeper.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Hair.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Suis do you require before you sleep with the man
that he is a condom or or that he has
blood work to make sure he has no sexually transmitted disease.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
So not that I've slept with dozens of people. However,
I have a conversation. Yes, I know that I'm tested
every year from my gynecologists, and I know I'm good,
and I do have a conversation. No, Kathy, to answer
your question, I don't make them prepare paperwork, a legal
document stating that they are clean. I don't. Maybe sounds
(11:33):
taking chances, but that's okay.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
I have.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Again, it's not like I've slept with the US Army
or anything. But the men I have slept with, I
either know them well enough and trust them that when
they say they haven't slept with anyone or whatever the
time period has been, then I feel secure.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
However, lie right, they could lie.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
But that's my point. I'm not getting in bed with
someone who I think is a liar. So I've got
a really good sense about somebody. That's why I don't
sleep with a guy on the first or second date.
I have to get to know him, and if I'm
not sure, oh yeah, I'm asking for blood work. Yep,
I am, and I have not only would I I have?
(12:19):
Oh well, I just want to keep you know, doctors
in labs in business.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
You know what, I don't want to take any chances.
I mean, yes, it's our last chapter. However, I'm not
going to screw that up and sleep with somebody that
has an STD or well. But but I'm just going
to be honest hurt my health.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
You know again, you know, I'm not trying to dig
too deeply. But you you said it. If you just
have a conversation with someone and you're not in that
deeply with them, yet you're not in that deeper relationship
where you're not there's you know, what's this toop a
guy from saying or a woman frankly from saying, you know,
I'm fine, when really maybe I am, maybe I'm not.
(12:56):
I I don't and you know I to anyone who
might say turn around's fair play, you're absolutely right. I
also get tested every year because that's a smart, reasonable
thing to do.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
But I do think that some women.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
You know, I read I read a I don't remember
where I read it, but that in fifty five and
over like not not communities, but yes.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Community are the one that we don't say it.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Don't say it, don't say to that that there are
communities where STDs the percent is rampant. So you know,
everyone can say, oh, I'm clean, I'm this, I'm that,
and maybe they are, maybe they aren't.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
So in my in my world, I'm getting up tested.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
That's score is something we heard or read? Is it true?
We don't know.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
I've read it several times on my liable news sources.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Yes, I am imagining that that could happen these people
in these close retirement communities.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
But you know what happens, Yeah, because they haven't been
because they have set they have STDs, and they're spreading them. Therefore,
my PSA for the day is go get tested everyone
before you.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Okay, we've had.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
This conversation before. Do you hear this one?
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Guys?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
What changes when you're dating someone with pets? I can
tell you the date's end. I mean, wait, can I
I know it's your turn, but can I just you
know this story. I dated a guy for like ten
months who was a very nice guy. He had some issues,
don't we all. But when I broke up with him,
(14:36):
I said there were other reasons, but I said to him,
your dog is first in your life. Your dog is
second in your life. Your computer is third in your life.
Your daughter's fourth. In your life, and I'm a very
distant fifth Like that guy would not have a date
with me, Like let's go to dinner at at six,
or let's go to an early movie at five and
(14:57):
have did Oh I can't. I have to feed the
dog at five, eight sheets every day at five. I'm like,
oh my god, what the dog does?
Speaker 1 (15:04):
That? Have no deal? Like if you've met somebody and
they have a pet.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Would you No, it's not a no deal. It's not
a deal breaker for me. But I've had two men
twice that put their animals before me.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
What about you? I want to hear what you think.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Well, first of all, to look at you because you
have cats and great ones too. You don't have to
be there every minute because cats can be left a
little longer than a dog. When you have a dog.
To me, I mean, I've had dogs forever raison my
family and always had a dog. Right now, I don't,
mainly because I don't want that responsibility. I come and
(15:42):
go as I please. And for me, dating somebody with
an animal, it can be annoying because they can't go
on that trip because they don't have anybody to watch
their dog. Or if you're out and about with a
girlfriend and we go, let's keep going, let's just spend
the night. We're having a great time. We'll get a room.
But I can't. I got to go home to the dog.
(16:04):
It is a huge responsibility. And I know people love
their pets. I loved mine. They're a part of your family.
But it makes things a little more difficult. It's one
more thing you have to set up and arrange before
you can do what you want to do.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
So so talk about where there's a will, there's a way.
I have neighbors that watch my cat. I have a
pet service that I can call so to set up. Yes,
well that's what if you if you want a date
when you have a dog, get it set up. So
the guy I dated had a dog door so his
dog could come and go in his friend's Yard's fabulous,
(16:41):
but he still wouldn't do it because you know, the
dog needs to eat at five oh one pm, not five,
not five oh two, five oh one pm. So for me,
it's not a deal breaker. But I will say to
you that I make sure my pets, my Jerry after
(17:01):
cats who are very sweet, are taken care of. It
does not stop me from traveling dating. I pay someone
to come in.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
There is another thing, ken, I'm going to say out loud.
And my boyfriend has a dog. Yeah, she's a great dog,
and it has been a problem when he couldn't come
because he couldn't get a dog sit her. But my
biggest dick is the hair. If you have an animal
(17:31):
that sheds, no matter cat, dog, I don't care what
it is. If it sheds, you ought to clean it
every single.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Okay, So now we're getting down to it, Susan.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
It's not about the responsibility or the poor dog being lonely.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
I know we're going to get to it.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
She doesn't want dog hair, and that's the deal breaking
for if they've got a dog, it better be a
hairless dog.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
No something doodle that doesn't share.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
There great dogs because and my dogs were also dander
free and they did not shed. But a lot of
times if you're over someone's house and you go to
sit down, I don't want to be rude, but there's
dog hair or cat hair everywhere, and they have a
sheet over the furniture. Okay, that's great, remove it before
(18:24):
you invite me in to sit down. Now you want
me to sit on that sheet? And my girlfriend Karen.
I love her, and she had this cute little dog
in these deceased god bust, but he had short, wiry hair,
like really short. I would get in her car and
I'd say, are you getting me?
Speaker 3 (18:41):
Are you sure that was some pubic hair? Where did
that come from?
Speaker 1 (18:45):
It's crazy, I mean, and you go.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
I hear you cat hair. I mean I have two cats,
and one's long haired.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
I never see hair in your house ever. I've never
held a little box because you know, I would say it, because.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
So I cleaned my litter boxes twice a day. I
vacuum the camere, I brushed the cats outside, take the
air off. But I still say all of those things
are doable with a guy who has pets. The problem
for me is when the pet in short, the problem
for me is when the pets is more important than
(19:21):
I am. Yes, and I and that is that's a
conversation I have really pretty quickly on And that was
one of the reasons, one of the many reasons.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
It's not just pets that comes with anything. Like you
were saying earlier, I remember me when I met my husband, Dickie,
my ex husband, baseball came first.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
Yeah, well that's different.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
That's his career.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
That's a career. Yes, that's different.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
I mean, if you're going to tell me that the
chihuahua is coming before me, all.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Right, So the answer is we're not getting any more pets,
and we're gonna we're gonna make guys take a lie
detector about how important their pets are to them before
we get in.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
To just go to show me how much they clean
up after them.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Okay, all right, I want to move on to a
different subject because okay for me, transitioning totally different topic here,
but transitioning from a parent to a grandparent. You and
I I have five grandchildren, and those of you who
listen to my podcast, our podcast, I've always said I
have two granddaughters. Well I do, but I also have
(20:31):
three step grandsons, but they're not step I love them too.
So I now have five grandchildren. But I want to
how is it for you going from parent to grandparent?
And like how the differences in raising is kids versus
grandparent's better?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
It's so much easier. I mean, I worry about them
like I do my own children, but it's more fun
if you will because you don't have them on a
full time basis. When you see them, it's always an
exciting moment. As a matter of fact, I'm going down
my granddaughter, Bella Isabella is turning thirteen on Friday, and
(21:09):
that's the one that I promised the Paris trip to
blah blah blah, we're going in the spring. So I'm
going down to Virginia to my daughter's house to visit
with her, and we're going out to dinner on Friday.
But I thought it would be so exciting to take
the four year old. My daughter has a four year
old and my son has a four year old. They
are like besties, but they don't get to see each
(21:30):
other often. So I called my daughter in law and said,
what do you think I might take Stella with me
for a couple of days for a road trip. We're going.
She goes, oh my god, I can't even tell her yet.
She'll drive me crazy until Thursday. So she must have
shared it with my son. My son texts me last
night and said, Mom, could you do it now, Facetimer
(21:50):
because I want to watch her face when you tell
her what he has. So long story short, I said, Stella,
Mimi's going to go to Virginia to Brittany's da da da,
Do you want to come? And the big eyes and
she's shaking her head. Yes, yes, I said, Friday is
Isabella's birthday and we're going to go out to dinner
because which she says, well, oh, should I pack a dress?
(22:13):
I said absolutely.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
So that so your grandchildren, well, my grandsons are older, yes,
and and they're you know, I've only known them almost
two years, because that's how long Kyle and Candy have
been married almost two years. And they're great kids. And
but you know, boys, they're into sports there they all
take music lessons, they do four age I mean, these boys.
(22:36):
I don't know how Kyle and Candy do it because
my kids were busy. I will say my kids played piano,
they all did sports. But now watching my kids do
it with their kids is crazy. And then and then
my two granddaughters, one is seven and one is two
and a half. And the two and a half year old,
(22:59):
I guess for me, it's it's so fun to get
to relive my two and a half year old Reese
is this is her first Christmas that you knows what's
going on. And I was showing her we're going to
do a little Christmas velcrow tree. Tonight I got for
her to put the ornaments on her eyes. When I
(23:19):
was facetiming to this morning, she was like ada, a present,
a stocking, like all the little things to hang up.
And I think, for me, I'm really enjoying seeing the
wonderment in my grandkid's eyes. It's such a gift to
see that all over again, because when they're your children,
you love seeing those things, but you're so busy cooking
(23:41):
and making sure the clothes are clean. When it's your grandchildren,
it's just you really get to see, especially this time
of year, you get to see the magic of this
season and just watch their eyes and I love it.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
It's also like second I'm home at.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
The end of the night, Yeah exactly, And I feel
as if when I have to discipline, I do with grandchildren,
but that is not my job. I get to spoil
them a little more than being a parent.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
As you wait, are you wait well, Susan?
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Are you the me me that gives kids your grandkids
cookies before dinner?
Speaker 3 (24:18):
Are you one of.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Those maybe stream cheese? Well, hell, that's dinner, I ask, Okay,
I have one for us, all right? How do you
manage integrating families when dating later in life and or
marrying a second time. So he has a family, You
have a family.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
I got to tell you from again.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
My experience, I think is different than yours because when
I first started dating after my husband Darryl died, uh,
my daughter was not interested in seeing a meeting or
anything not in the beginning. But now now they're all
on board. If I meet someone to bringing them home
(25:02):
and sharing holidays.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
Here's the thing until it happens. Well, no, I don't
think so. I think my kids are already. I hear you.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
I think my kids are. I'm going to ask you
that in a minute, so get your answer ready. But
I think that my kids are ready. I think the
bigger issue is when you have two sets of children
and probably two sets of grandchildren, mine and his right.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Well, think about it.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
My kids aren't going to travel to you know, East Overshoe,
Wisconsin to spend the holiday with his kids. So I
think realistically, you have to be prepared that holidays might
be tricky. You might not get to spend every holiday
with each other or your children. You might have to
(25:50):
say this year, you know, let's call them John, I'm
going to spend the holiday with you, John and your kids,
and next year I'm going to spend it with my kids.
I think you have to be pliable, you have to
be flexible. You have to be willing to make some
decisions that you wouldn't have made when they're your children.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Absolutely okay. Like this Thanksgiving, I thought my daughter in
law son would be here because they're rollways here and
they go, no, Mom, we do it every other year.
Remember we're going to Jesice, but we'll be at your
house Christmas all day, but we won't be there Thanksgiving.
That part, yes, I take. I understand that's your own family.
Say yes. When you're in love with somebody else and
(26:28):
he has a family too, And if you were in
the same state, gush, it would make it a lot easier.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
Unless it's Texas could be a ten hour drive.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
To Florida's like that too, When do you say, Okay, guys,
I'm not going to have Christmas dinner because I want
to spend it with his family this year. I don't
know that I can do that.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
I could, I'll tell you why I could, Because if
I find the guy that I love, then it will
be equally important to me. To share those experiences with
him and his family. Of course, the ideal thing would
be for both families to get together, but that's not
always logical, or especially.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
In my case, one lives on a land.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
You know, it's just not always possible.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
But I would want to make my partner happy and
I would want I would want us to share some
holidays together. So yeah, I would be willing to give up.
And of course for me, because my son is divorced,
the one that's remarried now.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
My older granddaughter, I don't.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Get to see her every holiday, so you know, I'm
sort of used to it in that way. Again, I
think marriage relationships, dating holidays at our age just brings
another layer of difficulty. It's manageable, doable, but it's those
conversations said, if you don't have them up front, it
(28:04):
can get pretty sticky once you're knee deep in the
relations exactly.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
I've known people that actually celebrate the day on a
different day so that she could have her whole family
there there. Christmas was like the weekend before, or or
a couple of days after, whatever the case may be,
and that was just as important to her because she
had everybody there and it helped her children not to
(28:29):
split it. I remember, like people pack up their kids.
They come here for three hours, and they got to
pack them all up again and go over there for
three hours. And it's difficult.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
And that's why said, if you can be flexible, you know,
you can do Thanksgiving.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
Uh. You know, Canadian Thanksgiving is a different day than.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
A different ones.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
This sounds pick another day, folks. You know, be flexible here.
What about the big one for me? What about becoming
an empty nest?
Speaker 1 (29:00):
I mean I got to put an input in here, Kathy.
I remember the story you told me how to sell
the freaking house. I can't live here anymore. I'll tell you.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
When we bought that house in Austin, it was this
huge family house. It had I think it was six bedrooms,
five and a half baths, a big pull out in
the backyard to get a summer kitchen. I mean, it
was the house that I was going to have every
Christmas in with my husband, the kids, the queen.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
That was the plan.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
And then when the last one went off to college
and the others were not coming home they had internships
in the summer, they you know, they weren't coming home.
I would go up there because upstairs were three bedrooms,
three bathrooms, a playroom. It was like the kids whole
thing up here. They're sweet exactly, and I would walk
into the rooms and I would just start to cry.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
You know.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
There was all their memorabilia from high school and there.
I was like, oh, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
So I saw. I said, you guys, sell the house.
He's like, what, that's what you said?
Speaker 2 (30:03):
You wanted this house? You were, I said, yep. Four
years later, out the door I was. And you know what, Susan,
I never looked back because to.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Me, that's something you needed to do.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
But but an empty nester, for me, the hardest part,
if I'm being honest, was the first year my last
child went to college. Then I kind of got used
to it.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
I can't tell you why, other than they didn't come
home that much. They came home for holidays and such,
but it was they didn't come home for summers anymore.
And but I really struggled.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
Did you struggle.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
There's a lot of people that struggle with empty nesters,
and I feel as if they're the kind of people
that don't think about their own lives, because that's when.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
You're like, did I just hold on? Did you are
you just saying that I didn't think about my own life.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
No, you just thought about getting another house like I
to remove myself from this place. But to me it
was hard. I remember crying when they went off to
college and they were moving the Florida to Brittany. But
I still have the boys. And then the boys only
one went. The other one hung around, so it was
never really empty. But when it finally was, I was like, oh,
(31:18):
I'm cleaning that room, Kathy k I was disgusting me.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Just for all of you who don't know Susan Knowles
well enough, let me just let me give you the
down and dirty hair. Most things to Susan can be
boiled down to is it clean. If it's clean, Susan
can live with it. If it's not clean, she's out.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
And I'm not a germaphobic, but maybe I am. I'm
not a freak. I just like things in my house.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
And everyone else's house.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
I'll clean yours. I don't care. But so I missed them,
but I got used to it, and it was like
I look forward to when I'm going to see them.
But I liked not having them underfoot I like not
tripping over somebody sneakers walking in the door, or their
baseball glove or Britney's dance shoes or the ill.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
I will say what you just alluded to a minute ago,
the fact that when we become empty nesters, it is
a golden, no pun intended opportunity for us to rediscover ourselves,
to rediscover our relationships with our husband or our partners,
our wives, whatever. It is an opportunity to take up new.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
New hobby, fun things. You're going to have fine now
because you're not worried about even adult kids. You have
to keep up after.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Yeah, you know, so it's You're right, it is. It
is another stepping stone. It's another chapter of our lives.
And I think once you accepted and embraced that chapter,
it doesn't feel so sad anymore. It is, but the initial,
the initial abrupt when that last one leave house, whether
it's for a job, college, whatever it is, it's like, wow,
(33:04):
it's really quiet, and here it is.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
It's true. And I was going to say something, but
I didn't want it interr up. Also, you just don't
know just when you get out of the depressed part
and you're cleaning up and everything's yours now and you're
doing it your way. They come back, and they come
back with kids. Sometimes you know, maybe their lives are
(33:28):
disrupted in some white mom I need to come home
for a while. I was like, oh, okay.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
I remember.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
I remember my son came home to stay with me
for a few months before he bought his own home
with my granddaughter, and I was up getting her breakfast,
you know, at five point thirty six o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
But knew the timeline that's more doable. If it's indefinitely,
that keeps you.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
I got to say, I never, That's another whole question.
I never invited my children to come back and stay indefinitely.
When my son got his divorced, it was like sure.
I think I said, sure, until you can figure things out.
And he knows in my world that means figure things out,
which he did very quickly, bought a home, moved in
(34:16):
with his daughter.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
I mean, it all went really well.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
But I do think that's a whole other topic about
kids coming home to live with you.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
We could do it a whole podcast on that one.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
Did your kids stay and live with you for a while?
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Well, wait, the boys were here, I have a funny story.
I was downstairs doing a friend's hair and I was
coming up the steps and it was about six thirty
and I forget which twin it was Nick or Chris.
It had to be Chris. And he goes, yo, Mom,
aren't you hungry? I said, yeah, I could eat. Mom
(34:52):
at six thirty, I said, yeah, aren't you gonna cook?
I go, Okay, family meeting time. It's just all you
people that came back. Sit down. Here's the good news.
The good news is that freezer is always full. Okay,
mommy keeps food.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
I have a question.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Here's yes. What's a freezer, the freezer, refrigerator and your
freeze of cats? I said, here's what I would suggest.
When you get up in the morning to go to work,
think about what it is that you might want to
eat for dinner, take it out of the freezer so
it's to frosted, and when you come home prepared. They
(35:33):
looked at me, Kathy, I kid you not like I
have lost my mind. They go, why will we do that?
I got any serious right now, because I will always
be your mother, but I'm not your mommy anymore. Then
for yourselves, you guys are twenty some years old. Shape
it up. I mean I would cook occasionally, but well
I cooked seven.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
Nights a week.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
You know, that's another thing with grandkids. When it's children,
that's a perfect example of what we were talking about earlier.
When children your children, I've got to get and I'm
not a great cook. Taco Tuesday, here we come getting
food on the table because you know, one had baseball practice,
the other one had lacrosse practice, the other one had
soccer practice. Boom bang bang bang one right now or yeah,
(36:19):
oh thank god for hot dogs at the park. But
the but the other thing is now with grandchildren. Just
to go back there for a minute. My granddaughters come over.
I have little aprons for them. We bake homebake brownies.
And even though I'm not a great cook, I'm trying.
Speaker 3 (36:36):
I can bake.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
But I'm also encouraging them to try and get in
the kitchen because when my kids were little, we didn't
have time to teach them how to crack an egg,
or I didn't have time even to crack an egg.
It was very rare, and in fact, my kids to
this day, my two of my three children are excellent cooks.
The oldest one kind of rivals me. Uh, but the
(37:00):
the other two are great cooks and they they're self taught.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
I got had an interest. So when they're interested in
something like my daughter, I would you would think that
she's going to be a fabulous cook. She wanted nothing to.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
Do with because you did it all the time.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
But I have them help my Nick. He'll come over
and say, Mom, let's make this together. But I want
to do it so I know what I'm doing. Yeah,
like he enjoys certain meals that he loves. Okay, let's go.
Speaker 3 (37:27):
I mean I watch.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
I remember when my husband was alive, we went to
New York City. My daughter was living in Brooklyn and
she lived in an apartment with her roommate. The kitchen
was the size of my powder room.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Oh it's awful in there.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
No wait, I have to tell you.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
I she cooked and a roommate cooked this entire meal.
My husband helped with the turkey in this tiny little
shoe box of a kitchen, and they set up a
card table to mix things.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
It was. It was unbelos impressive. But you know what
it did to me. It depressed me because I have
this huge kitchen.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
That it's spotless. Girls, it's spotless and you know what, Kathy,
I dare say this. We have another segment, but I
think we should save it for a whole episode. It's
about aging and I have a lot.
Speaker 3 (38:19):
To sag aging. What's that?
Speaker 1 (38:23):
What do you think?
Speaker 2 (38:25):
I think we should do it another time because the talk,
the talk of marriage of children of grandchildren.
Speaker 3 (38:33):
I need a nap, Paul in one day.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
An aging thing is a whole another story and I've
got a lot to say. So with that being said,
we just want to thank you all so much for
joining us today. I hope you enjoyed this chat. Be
sure to follow us a Bachelor Happy Hour as we
have new episodes coming out every single week you won't
(38:56):
want to miss.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
And make sure to submit your question to us. You
can go to bachelornation dot com, slash Golden Hour, or
hit us up on socials at Bachelor Happy Hour.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Absolutely listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the
iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to your podcast until
next time.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
Or until your next marriage or your kids move back home.
Have a great week.
Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thanks so
much for joining us again. Kathy and I are so
excited to be back. How are you today, Kat?
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Ugh, Well, I'm okay, except you know, I sprained my
back because I had to decorate for Christmas early, so
I was lugging the tree and so you know, I
need some pain meds not on it yet, but I'm
getting them.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
I too like to put my trees up, yeah, because
it feels so rushed afterwards and then between traveling a
little bit. Because I'm excited about what's coming up for
me in Las Vegas. I have to have everything done
before I get I think I actually gave you the
idea to get that tree. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Oh no, I've had a tree in my garage every year.
I haven't put up for the last few years because
I've been out of town. But this year I'm going
to be home and I thought, you know, why not
get it done early. So that's how I sprain in
my back. But I actually love if I'm going to
put Christmas decorations. You know, I know people complain about
(01:08):
get through Thanksgiving first, but you show me where that's
written anywhere in the Torah in the Bible anywhere, there's
no rule that says you cannot put a Christmas tree
up before Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
I like it up on Thanksgiving, and Thanksgiving happens to
be one of my favorite holidays because the tree is up,
it does feel festive. But there's no gift exchange in chaos.
It's just being with family or friends and saying something
that you're grateful for. I make everybody go around the table.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
We do that.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
We say grace and say something you're thankful for. And
so many years and kids are like, Mom, I'm thankful
for my mom cooking.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
You know.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Okay, you know what, as long as you're thankful and
grateful for something, that's what this season is all about
as far as I'm concerned. So you know what, if
they're greatfully got to sleep in an extra ten minutes,
go kids.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
You go for it. Ten minutes, ten minutes. So okay.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
So we also we know that people that listen to
us in Bachelor Nation, you and I do a lot
of coffee talks, especially when we're traveling, and we love
doing that because we just put on bathrobes, whether we're
in a hotel, at your house, my house, we put
on bathrooms. We pour coffee, although one time we did
get caught with empty cups, so we've never pulled that
one again. We put coffee or hot tea in those
(02:30):
cups and we just sit and talk about anything, and
and people think that we staged that we that we
run the camera and then edit.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
We have you seen my hair in these coffee talks?
I mean, it's pretty obvious that I just rolled over
put the robe on.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
But I mean, I mean, in terms of what we
talk about, it it's just you say something, it rolls off.
So so you know, we we love that, and we
we're glad that we entertain you guys, and we hope
that they that we give you some good advice.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Absolutely, And we're going to do one right here, all right.
I'm going to have my hair crazy and my robe
on because we don't get to see each other that much,
but although we make it a point like we can't
go that long without visiting.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
That's what I'm giving things for this year. My family
and my friends get me through another year. And you know,
how lucky are we to have such good friendships.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
And we're blessed. We're really blessed, all right, then, so
do you want to get started? Okay, since this is
a podcast all about advice, we're going to answer some
of our most asked questions, starting with dating and relationships.
All right, Kathy, do you want to read the first
one for us?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
All right, here we go. How do you know? Oh boy,
how do you know if marriage is ripe for you?
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Now?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I could let me just say, I could start out
with a joke saying, as soon as I find the guy,
I'll let you know of marriages, right, but I'm going
to defer to you God.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
That always helps when you do have the guy that
How do you know if marriage is right for you?
Speaker 3 (04:07):
I'm getting the second time around. We're talking second time
around here, right?
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Okay, I don't know, are we? I mean, yes, you're
all are so we have to be right, ok right,
right ahead? How do you know if it's right for you?
It's a feeling. I guess it's something that you have
to know. That's a tough question because now today that
I'm sixty eight, I'm still sixty eight for a few
(04:32):
more months. People, I don't know if marriage is that
like signing the paper is that important? As I prefer
to just have somebody in my life. When you get
married in your golden years, there's a lot of red
tape that's going to happen, whether it's pre nups or
you know what, do you think?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Well, I think that again, I'm not in the position
to have to consider it. But one thing I've learned
in my golden years is to never say never. So
I would never say that I will never. How many
nevers can I say? Get married again? But I do
think at our age, we're not raising children, we're not
having children, we're not at starting careers, and I think
(05:17):
those are things that when you're married younger, those are
all things you consider where you're going to live, although
you do that in your golden years too, but what
careers you're going to have, who's going to manage the kids,
how are you going to handle all those things, finances
when you're in your golden years. To me, it's more
of a conscious decision. I personally don't think you know
(05:41):
if marriage is right for you as a golden I
think it's a conscious decision. You decide, or I would decide,
you know what, I want to spend the rest of
my days with this person. I want him to be
integrated fully into my life, and in my mind that
would include marriage.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I'm not about like a commitment ceremony, just committing to
one another.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
So I think at our age, that's a very reasonable,
a really reasonable idea. Why not just commit to each other.
I think I'm a little old fashioned here, Susan, and
I know I'm gonna take heat for this too. I
think it's so easy if you don't have a legal marriage,
to say, you know what and the horse you rode
(06:26):
in on. So in other words, yes, I think it's
very easy to toss in the towel when you just
have a commitment ceremony. I think marriage makes you think
a little bit more about whether you.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Marriage being a legal marriage.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Yes, because because I do believe that once you're married,
you're going to think a little more about do I
want to stay in this or get out of this? Now,
hopefully on the second time around, we both have learned.
I mean, you're divorced, I'm a widow, but you I
(07:05):
would think that we would know what it would take
for the man to be the man that we would
commit marriage to.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
I mean, I don't know now, I don't think I
would do it.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
I understand what you're saying is it's easier to pack
your things and leave because there's no legal bind right. However,
divorce is so easy today too, when you're both in
the same place. It's like boom boom, you sign papers.
It is a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Well, again, we have we have some amount of wealth,
some amount of resources, property, real property, homes, I mean
at least hopefully one home, all those things that we've
amassed or hopefully amassed in our in our lifetime. I
think that those things unless you do a prenup and
(07:53):
then you get into a lot of legal you know,
so I.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Don't know, living with some one and committing to somebody
and living in the same house you decide which one
that's going to be, or you're buying a new one together, right,
that's a whole nother entity in this, if you will, right,
and walking away is meaning you're going to have to
go find a place to live.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
So either way, it's I just think I think it's
the way.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Why are we talking about ending it before we're talking
about the exit. We didn't even get in yet.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Well, that's right, because because we are of an age,
Susan that we know if we get into something we
need to have a strategic exit. Really, that's why we're smarter.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
We know if you were about to go into with somebody,
you're already going to prethink that.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
No, no, no, I'm saying, before I commit to marriage, I'm
going to understand that things can go south sometimes.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
And if it did, this is what will happen.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Right, and younger people when they get married, I don't
think they think that hard.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Think that way. They shouldn't.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Right, really, okay, now, before we get married, what about
having sex?
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Yes, when is it appropriate to have sex for the
first time with someone you are seeing? And I might
be on the opposite ends of the spectrum here, but
you know, if you asked the first question I asked
this one, you go first.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
You know what that's I was just going to say,
you jumped in there. I was trying to jump in
and aunce the questions so you'd have to answer.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
I noticed.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Okay, when you know what.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I don't think at our age there is an appropriate
or inappropriate time we have sex for the first time.
I think that is a very personal decision about when
you might have sex for the first time. I you know,
if anyone's interested, I will not have sex on the
first date. If it's a weekend date, I'm not having
(09:51):
sex that first weekend date. I got to feel my
my rule of thumb always is I'm only having sex
with a man that I'm either in a relationship with
or what I'm pretty sure I'm tend to be into.
There's a strong potential to be in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Absolutely, what about get and I've read all the books
you're supposed to wait, I think it was the fifth
date or something you have to date five times? You
know what, it is a personal thing. Some women just
like to have sex. For me, personally, I happen to
agree with you. It's somebody that there's a potential relationship starting,
(10:32):
and I have a conversation first. You know what I'm saying,
like where you're at or where I'm at in this
before we sleep together, because once you do, it changes
everything for me.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Well for women it does, I think, Yeah, although maybe
so less so at our age. But now I'm going
to go you know me, I'm going to dig a
little deeper.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Hair.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Suis do you require before you sleep with the man
that he is a condom or or that he has
blood work to make sure he has no sexually transmitted disease.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
So not that I've slept with dozens of people. However,
I have a conversation. Yes, I know that I'm tested
every year from my gynecologists, and I know I'm good,
and I do have a conversation. No, Kathy, to answer
your question, I don't make them prepare paperwork, a legal
document stating that they are clean. I don't. Maybe sounds
(11:33):
taking chances, but that's okay.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
I have.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Again, it's not like I've slept with the US Army
or anything. But the men I have slept with, I
either know them well enough and trust them that when
they say they haven't slept with anyone or whatever the
time period has been, then I feel secure.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
However, lie right, they could lie.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
But that's my point. I'm not getting in bed with
someone who I think is a liar. So I've got
a really good sense about somebody. That's why I don't
sleep with a guy on the first or second date.
I have to get to know him, and if I'm
not sure, oh yeah, I'm asking for blood work. Yep,
I am, and I have not only would I I have?
(12:19):
Oh well, I just want to keep you know, doctors
in labs in business.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
You know what, I don't want to take any chances.
I mean, yes, it's our last chapter. However, I'm not
going to screw that up and sleep with somebody that
has an STD or well. But but I'm just going
to be honest hurt my health.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
You know again, you know, I'm not trying to dig
too deeply. But you you said it. If you just
have a conversation with someone and you're not in that
deeply with them, yet you're not in that deeper relationship
where you're not there's you know, what's this toop a
guy from saying or a woman frankly from saying, you know,
I'm fine, when really maybe I am, maybe I'm not.
(12:56):
I I don't and you know I to anyone who
might say turn around's fair play, you're absolutely right. I
also get tested every year because that's a smart, reasonable
thing to do.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
But I do think that some women.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
You know, I read I read a I don't remember
where I read it, but that in fifty five and
over like not not communities, but yes.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Community are the one that we don't say it.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Don't say it, don't say to that that there are
communities where STDs the percent is rampant. So you know,
everyone can say, oh, I'm clean, I'm this, I'm that,
and maybe they are, maybe they aren't.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
So in my in my world, I'm getting up tested.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
That's score is something we heard or read? Is it true?
We don't know.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
I've read it several times on my liable news sources.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Yes, I am imagining that that could happen these people
in these close retirement communities.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
But you know what happens, Yeah, because they haven't been
because they have set they have STDs, and they're spreading them. Therefore,
my PSA for the day is go get tested everyone
before you.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Okay, we've had.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
This conversation before. Do you hear this one?
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Guys?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
What changes when you're dating someone with pets? I can
tell you the date's end. I mean, wait, can I
I know it's your turn, but can I just you
know this story. I dated a guy for like ten
months who was a very nice guy. He had some issues,
don't we all. But when I broke up with him,
(14:36):
I said there were other reasons, but I said to him,
your dog is first in your life. Your dog is
second in your life. Your computer is third in your life.
Your daughter's fourth. In your life, and I'm a very
distant fifth Like that guy would not have a date
with me, Like let's go to dinner at at six,
or let's go to an early movie at five and
(14:57):
have did Oh I can't. I have to feed the
dog at five, eight sheets every day at five. I'm like,
oh my god, what the dog does?
Speaker 1 (15:04):
That? Have no deal? Like if you've met somebody and
they have a pet.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Would you No, it's not a no deal. It's not
a deal breaker for me. But I've had two men
twice that put their animals before me.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
What about you? I want to hear what you think.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Well, first of all, to look at you because you
have cats and great ones too. You don't have to
be there every minute because cats can be left a
little longer than a dog. When you have a dog.
To me, I mean, I've had dogs forever raison my
family and always had a dog. Right now, I don't,
mainly because I don't want that responsibility. I come and
(15:42):
go as I please. And for me, dating somebody with
an animal, it can be annoying because they can't go
on that trip because they don't have anybody to watch
their dog. Or if you're out and about with a
girlfriend and we go, let's keep going, let's just spend
the night. We're having a great time. We'll get a room.
But I can't. I got to go home to the dog.
(16:04):
It is a huge responsibility. And I know people love
their pets. I loved mine. They're a part of your family.
But it makes things a little more difficult. It's one
more thing you have to set up and arrange before
you can do what you want to do.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
So so talk about where there's a will, there's a way.
I have neighbors that watch my cat. I have a
pet service that I can call so to set up. Yes,
well that's what if you if you want a date
when you have a dog, get it set up. So
the guy I dated had a dog door so his
dog could come and go in his friend's Yard's fabulous,
(16:41):
but he still wouldn't do it because you know, the
dog needs to eat at five oh one pm, not five,
not five oh two, five oh one pm. So for me,
it's not a deal breaker. But I will say to
you that I make sure my pets, my Jerry after
(17:01):
cats who are very sweet, are taken care of. It
does not stop me from traveling dating. I pay someone
to come in.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
There is another thing, ken, I'm going to say out loud.
And my boyfriend has a dog. Yeah, she's a great dog,
and it has been a problem when he couldn't come
because he couldn't get a dog sit her. But my
biggest dick is the hair. If you have an animal
(17:31):
that sheds, no matter cat, dog, I don't care what
it is. If it sheds, you ought to clean it
every single.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Okay, So now we're getting down to it, Susan.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
It's not about the responsibility or the poor dog being lonely.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
I know we're going to get to it.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
She doesn't want dog hair, and that's the deal breaking
for if they've got a dog, it better be a
hairless dog.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
No something doodle that doesn't share.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
There great dogs because and my dogs were also dander
free and they did not shed. But a lot of
times if you're over someone's house and you go to
sit down, I don't want to be rude, but there's
dog hair or cat hair everywhere, and they have a
sheet over the furniture. Okay, that's great, remove it before
(18:24):
you invite me in to sit down. Now you want
me to sit on that sheet? And my girlfriend Karen.
I love her, and she had this cute little dog
in these deceased god bust, but he had short, wiry hair,
like really short. I would get in her car and
I'd say, are you getting me?
Speaker 3 (18:41):
Are you sure that was some pubic hair? Where did
that come from?
Speaker 1 (18:45):
It's crazy, I mean, and you go.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
I hear you cat hair. I mean I have two cats,
and one's long haired.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
I never see hair in your house ever. I've never
held a little box because you know, I would say it, because.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
So I cleaned my litter boxes twice a day. I
vacuum the camere, I brushed the cats outside, take the
air off. But I still say all of those things
are doable with a guy who has pets. The problem
for me is when the pet in short, the problem
for me is when the pets is more important than
(19:21):
I am. Yes, and I and that is that's a
conversation I have really pretty quickly on And that was
one of the reasons, one of the many reasons.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
It's not just pets that comes with anything. Like you
were saying earlier, I remember me when I met my husband, Dickie,
my ex husband, baseball came first.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
Yeah, well that's different.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
That's his career.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
That's a career. Yes, that's different.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
I mean, if you're going to tell me that the
chihuahua is coming before me, all.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Right, So the answer is we're not getting any more pets,
and we're gonna we're gonna make guys take a lie
detector about how important their pets are to them before
we get in.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
To just go to show me how much they clean
up after them.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Okay, all right, I want to move on to a
different subject because okay for me, transitioning totally different topic here,
but transitioning from a parent to a grandparent. You and
I I have five grandchildren, and those of you who
listen to my podcast, our podcast, I've always said I
have two granddaughters. Well I do, but I also have
(20:31):
three step grandsons, but they're not step I love them too.
So I now have five grandchildren. But I want to
how is it for you going from parent to grandparent?
And like how the differences in raising is kids versus
grandparent's better?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
It's so much easier. I mean, I worry about them
like I do my own children, but it's more fun
if you will because you don't have them on a
full time basis. When you see them, it's always an
exciting moment. As a matter of fact, I'm going down
my granddaughter, Bella Isabella is turning thirteen on Friday, and
(21:09):
that's the one that I promised the Paris trip to
blah blah blah, we're going in the spring. So I'm
going down to Virginia to my daughter's house to visit
with her, and we're going out to dinner on Friday.
But I thought it would be so exciting to take
the four year old. My daughter has a four year
old and my son has a four year old. They
are like besties, but they don't get to see each
(21:30):
other often. So I called my daughter in law and said,
what do you think I might take Stella with me
for a couple of days for a road trip. We're going.
She goes, oh my god, I can't even tell her yet.
She'll drive me crazy until Thursday. So she must have
shared it with my son. My son texts me last
night and said, Mom, could you do it now, Facetimer
(21:50):
because I want to watch her face when you tell
her what he has. So long story short, I said, Stella,
Mimi's going to go to Virginia to Brittany's da da da,
Do you want to come? And the big eyes and
she's shaking her head. Yes, yes, I said, Friday is
Isabella's birthday and we're going to go out to dinner
because which she says, well, oh, should I pack a dress?
(22:13):
I said absolutely.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
So that so your grandchildren, well, my grandsons are older, yes,
and and they're you know, I've only known them almost
two years, because that's how long Kyle and Candy have
been married almost two years. And they're great kids. And
but you know, boys, they're into sports there they all
take music lessons, they do four age I mean, these boys.
(22:36):
I don't know how Kyle and Candy do it because
my kids were busy. I will say my kids played piano,
they all did sports. But now watching my kids do
it with their kids is crazy. And then and then
my two granddaughters, one is seven and one is two
and a half. And the two and a half year old,
(22:59):
I guess for me, it's it's so fun to get
to relive my two and a half year old Reese
is this is her first Christmas that you knows what's
going on. And I was showing her we're going to
do a little Christmas velcrow tree. Tonight I got for
her to put the ornaments on her eyes. When I
(23:19):
was facetiming to this morning, she was like ada, a present,
a stocking, like all the little things to hang up.
And I think, for me, I'm really enjoying seeing the
wonderment in my grandkid's eyes. It's such a gift to
see that all over again, because when they're your children,
you love seeing those things, but you're so busy cooking
(23:41):
and making sure the clothes are clean. When it's your grandchildren,
it's just you really get to see, especially this time
of year, you get to see the magic of this
season and just watch their eyes and I love it.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
It's also like second I'm home at.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
The end of the night, Yeah exactly, And I feel
as if when I have to discipline, I do with grandchildren,
but that is not my job. I get to spoil
them a little more than being a parent.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
As you wait, are you wait well, Susan?
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Are you the me me that gives kids your grandkids
cookies before dinner?
Speaker 3 (24:18):
Are you one of.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Those maybe stream cheese? Well, hell, that's dinner, I ask, Okay,
I have one for us, all right? How do you
manage integrating families when dating later in life and or
marrying a second time. So he has a family, You
have a family.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
I got to tell you from again.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
My experience, I think is different than yours because when
I first started dating after my husband Darryl died, uh,
my daughter was not interested in seeing a meeting or
anything not in the beginning. But now now they're all
on board. If I meet someone to bringing them home
(25:02):
and sharing holidays.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
Here's the thing until it happens. Well, no, I don't
think so. I think my kids are already. I hear you.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
I think my kids are. I'm going to ask you
that in a minute, so get your answer ready. But
I think that my kids are ready. I think the
bigger issue is when you have two sets of children
and probably two sets of grandchildren, mine and his right.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Well, think about it.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
My kids aren't going to travel to you know, East Overshoe,
Wisconsin to spend the holiday with his kids. So I
think realistically, you have to be prepared that holidays might
be tricky. You might not get to spend every holiday
with each other or your children. You might have to
(25:50):
say this year, you know, let's call them John, I'm
going to spend the holiday with you, John and your kids,
and next year I'm going to spend it with my kids.
I think you have to be pliable, you have to
be flexible. You have to be willing to make some
decisions that you wouldn't have made when they're your children.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Absolutely okay. Like this Thanksgiving, I thought my daughter in
law son would be here because they're rollways here and
they go, no, Mom, we do it every other year.
Remember we're going to Jesice, but we'll be at your
house Christmas all day, but we won't be there Thanksgiving.
That part, yes, I take. I understand that's your own family.
Say yes. When you're in love with somebody else and
(26:28):
he has a family too, And if you were in
the same state, gush, it would make it a lot easier.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
Unless it's Texas could be a ten hour drive.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
To Florida's like that too, When do you say, Okay, guys,
I'm not going to have Christmas dinner because I want
to spend it with his family this year. I don't
know that I can do that.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
I could, I'll tell you why I could, Because if
I find the guy that I love, then it will
be equally important to me. To share those experiences with
him and his family. Of course, the ideal thing would
be for both families to get together, but that's not
always logical, or especially.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
In my case, one lives on a land.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
You know, it's just not always possible.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
But I would want to make my partner happy and
I would want I would want us to share some
holidays together. So yeah, I would be willing to give up.
And of course for me, because my son is divorced,
the one that's remarried now.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
My older granddaughter, I don't.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Get to see her every holiday, so you know, I'm
sort of used to it in that way. Again, I
think marriage relationships, dating holidays at our age just brings
another layer of difficulty. It's manageable, doable, but it's those
conversations said, if you don't have them up front, it
(28:04):
can get pretty sticky once you're knee deep in the
relations exactly.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
I've known people that actually celebrate the day on a
different day so that she could have her whole family
there there. Christmas was like the weekend before, or or
a couple of days after, whatever the case may be,
and that was just as important to her because she
had everybody there and it helped her children not to
(28:29):
split it. I remember, like people pack up their kids.
They come here for three hours, and they got to
pack them all up again and go over there for
three hours. And it's difficult.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
And that's why said, if you can be flexible, you know,
you can do Thanksgiving.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
Uh. You know, Canadian Thanksgiving is a different day than.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
A different ones.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
This sounds pick another day, folks. You know, be flexible here.
What about the big one for me? What about becoming
an empty nest?
Speaker 1 (29:00):
I mean I got to put an input in here, Kathy.
I remember the story you told me how to sell
the freaking house. I can't live here anymore. I'll tell you.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
When we bought that house in Austin, it was this
huge family house. It had I think it was six bedrooms,
five and a half baths, a big pull out in
the backyard to get a summer kitchen. I mean, it
was the house that I was going to have every
Christmas in with my husband, the kids, the queen.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
That was the plan.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
And then when the last one went off to college
and the others were not coming home they had internships
in the summer, they you know, they weren't coming home.
I would go up there because upstairs were three bedrooms,
three bathrooms, a playroom. It was like the kids whole
thing up here. They're sweet exactly, and I would walk
into the rooms and I would just start to cry.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
You know.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
There was all their memorabilia from high school and there.
I was like, oh, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
So I saw. I said, you guys, sell the house.
He's like, what, that's what you said?
Speaker 2 (30:03):
You wanted this house? You were, I said, yep. Four
years later, out the door I was. And you know what, Susan,
I never looked back because to.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Me, that's something you needed to do.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
But but an empty nester, for me, the hardest part,
if I'm being honest, was the first year my last
child went to college. Then I kind of got used
to it.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
I can't tell you why, other than they didn't come
home that much. They came home for holidays and such,
but it was they didn't come home for summers anymore.
And but I really struggled.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
Did you struggle.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
There's a lot of people that struggle with empty nesters,
and I feel as if they're the kind of people
that don't think about their own lives, because that's when.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
You're like, did I just hold on? Did you are
you just saying that I didn't think about my own life.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
No, you just thought about getting another house like I
to remove myself from this place. But to me it
was hard. I remember crying when they went off to
college and they were moving the Florida to Brittany. But
I still have the boys. And then the boys only
one went. The other one hung around, so it was
never really empty. But when it finally was, I was like, oh,
(31:18):
I'm cleaning that room, Kathy k I was disgusting me.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Just for all of you who don't know Susan Knowles
well enough, let me just let me give you the
down and dirty hair. Most things to Susan can be
boiled down to is it clean. If it's clean, Susan
can live with it. If it's not clean, she's out.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
And I'm not a germaphobic, but maybe I am. I'm
not a freak. I just like things in my house.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
And everyone else's house.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
I'll clean yours. I don't care. But so I missed them,
but I got used to it, and it was like
I look forward to when I'm going to see them.
But I liked not having them underfoot I like not
tripping over somebody sneakers walking in the door, or their
baseball glove or Britney's dance shoes or the ill.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
I will say what you just alluded to a minute ago,
the fact that when we become empty nesters, it is
a golden, no pun intended opportunity for us to rediscover ourselves,
to rediscover our relationships with our husband or our partners,
our wives, whatever. It is an opportunity to take up new.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
New hobby, fun things. You're going to have fine now
because you're not worried about even adult kids. You have
to keep up after.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Yeah, you know, so it's You're right, it is. It
is another stepping stone. It's another chapter of our lives.
And I think once you accepted and embraced that chapter,
it doesn't feel so sad anymore. It is, but the initial,
the initial abrupt when that last one leave house, whether
it's for a job, college, whatever it is, it's like, wow,
(33:04):
it's really quiet, and here it is.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
It's true. And I was going to say something, but
I didn't want it interr up. Also, you just don't
know just when you get out of the depressed part
and you're cleaning up and everything's yours now and you're
doing it your way. They come back, and they come
back with kids. Sometimes you know, maybe their lives are
(33:28):
disrupted in some white mom I need to come home
for a while. I was like, oh, okay.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
I remember.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
I remember my son came home to stay with me
for a few months before he bought his own home
with my granddaughter, and I was up getting her breakfast,
you know, at five point thirty six o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
But knew the timeline that's more doable. If it's indefinitely,
that keeps you.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
I got to say, I never, That's another whole question.
I never invited my children to come back and stay indefinitely.
When my son got his divorced, it was like sure.
I think I said, sure, until you can figure things out.
And he knows in my world that means figure things out,
which he did very quickly, bought a home, moved in
(34:16):
with his daughter.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
I mean, it all went really well.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
But I do think that's a whole other topic about
kids coming home to live with you.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
We could do it a whole podcast on that one.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
Did your kids stay and live with you for a while?
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Well, wait, the boys were here, I have a funny story.
I was downstairs doing a friend's hair and I was
coming up the steps and it was about six thirty
and I forget which twin it was Nick or Chris.
It had to be Chris. And he goes, yo, Mom,
aren't you hungry? I said, yeah, I could eat. Mom
(34:52):
at six thirty, I said, yeah, aren't you gonna cook?
I go, Okay, family meeting time. It's just all you
people that came back. Sit down. Here's the good news.
The good news is that freezer is always full. Okay,
mommy keeps food.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
I have a question.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Here's yes. What's a freezer, the freezer, refrigerator and your
freeze of cats? I said, here's what I would suggest.
When you get up in the morning to go to work,
think about what it is that you might want to
eat for dinner, take it out of the freezer so
it's to frosted, and when you come home prepared. They
(35:33):
looked at me, Kathy, I kid you not like I
have lost my mind. They go, why will we do that?
I got any serious right now, because I will always
be your mother, but I'm not your mommy anymore. Then
for yourselves, you guys are twenty some years old. Shape
it up. I mean I would cook occasionally, but well
I cooked seven.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
Nights a week.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
You know, that's another thing with grandkids. When it's children,
that's a perfect example of what we were talking about earlier.
When children your children, I've got to get and I'm
not a great cook. Taco Tuesday, here we come getting
food on the table because you know, one had baseball practice,
the other one had lacrosse practice, the other one had
soccer practice. Boom bang bang bang one right now or yeah,
(36:19):
oh thank god for hot dogs at the park. But
the but the other thing is now with grandchildren. Just
to go back there for a minute. My granddaughters come over.
I have little aprons for them. We bake homebake brownies.
And even though I'm not a great cook, I'm trying.
Speaker 3 (36:36):
I can bake.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
But I'm also encouraging them to try and get in
the kitchen because when my kids were little, we didn't
have time to teach them how to crack an egg,
or I didn't have time even to crack an egg.
It was very rare, and in fact, my kids to
this day, my two of my three children are excellent cooks.
The oldest one kind of rivals me. Uh, but the
(37:00):
the other two are great cooks and they they're self taught.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
I got had an interest. So when they're interested in
something like my daughter, I would you would think that
she's going to be a fabulous cook. She wanted nothing to.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
Do with because you did it all the time.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
But I have them help my Nick. He'll come over
and say, Mom, let's make this together. But I want
to do it so I know what I'm doing. Yeah,
like he enjoys certain meals that he loves. Okay, let's go.
Speaker 3 (37:27):
I mean I watch.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
I remember when my husband was alive, we went to
New York City. My daughter was living in Brooklyn and
she lived in an apartment with her roommate. The kitchen
was the size of my powder room.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Oh it's awful in there.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
No wait, I have to tell you.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
I she cooked and a roommate cooked this entire meal.
My husband helped with the turkey in this tiny little
shoe box of a kitchen, and they set up a
card table to mix things.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
It was. It was unbelos impressive. But you know what
it did to me. It depressed me because I have
this huge kitchen.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
That it's spotless. Girls, it's spotless and you know what, Kathy,
I dare say this. We have another segment, but I
think we should save it for a whole episode. It's
about aging and I have a lot.
Speaker 3 (38:19):
To sag aging. What's that?
Speaker 1 (38:23):
What do you think?
Speaker 2 (38:25):
I think we should do it another time because the talk,
the talk of marriage of children of grandchildren.
Speaker 3 (38:33):
I need a nap, Paul in one day.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
An aging thing is a whole another story and I've
got a lot to say. So with that being said,
we just want to thank you all so much for
joining us today. I hope you enjoyed this chat. Be
sure to follow us a Bachelor Happy Hour as we
have new episodes coming out every single week you won't
(38:56):
want to miss.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
And make sure to submit your question to us. You
can go to bachelornation dot com, slash Golden Hour, or
hit us up on socials at Bachelor Happy Hour.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Absolutely listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the
iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to your podcast until
next time.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
Or until your next marriage or your kids move back home.
Have a great week.
Hosts And Creators
Joe Amabile
Susan Noles
Serena Pitt
Kathy Swarts
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com