March 3, 2026 • 64 mins
This week your BFF's are joined in the third seat by Nina Parker to talk what it means to set boundaries in the workplace (and in your life), talking about the missing recipes in today's media and why we all should be thinking BIG.
YOU GOTTA THINK BIG BITCH!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to the BFF BLACKFEFTFIM podcasts on.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
The iHeart podcast Network.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hey everyone, welcome to another episode of the award winning
Blackfeffion podcast where all the intersections of add are celebrated.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I'm one of your hosts.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
John also known as Talk Door John Paul, and I'm
just here to say that this past Black History Month
was a scheme that Todd's set up to hit us
with the bullshit.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Ah, what a moment, What a moment. We hate to
see that.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Being in lieu of the guests we have today, we
are in fact going to jump in our McDonald's bag
and celebrate Black three sixty five until folks realize we
ain't going nowhere because this this Black History Month was
terrible and we deserve the rest of the year for that.
(00:52):
Were gonna keep doing it until y'all get it right.
I would sing the song, but Diddy, so all that
to be said.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Joe, how are you doing?
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Oh my god, love these It's Shavessie Jordan ak Joe
aka the Bay Area Baddie.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I'm back.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
I'm I'm back in my home, tired, but I'm live,
laugh loving it so much.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I feel there to be here. I am in my
stopping grounds.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
I am pussy all through San Francisco, Americlee and Oaklean.
So it's gonna be such a good time while I'm here.
I mean, I am doing it. I'm so happy. I'm
so happy. No, I just want to say I'm thankful
to the ability to like do this work like while
also warming around like it is, like, I know I'd
be moving around too much for sure, but it is
(01:39):
a gift to be able to say I can still
set up my stuff and have this moment with you
every week. Like it's a thing that I come to
rely on. It's in the I come to really enjoy,
like to be with my sister, you know, you know, John,
like every week at this time tomorrow where I am
in the world, and it means so much, like and
I really value this.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Time the other So I feel extra happy and grateful
today to be with you.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah, well, I definitely feel the same way. I am grateful.
You know. I don't take it for granted that every
single week I have to write up this show flow
that you know, there are a lot of people who
one wish that they had this as a problem. But
at the same time, I also think about how grateful
I am to have a partner who just makes this
(02:23):
work so easy. And so we if you know everyone,
So I want to listen to the show you and
there's it's just so there's so much magic. Yeah, it's
because we both love doing this and I love doing
it with you, and it's just it's it's really cool
that we are almost at two hundred episodes and to
think that I didn't even think we're gonna make a
past ten. It's it's just it really blows my mind.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
So all right, y'all.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
So this week our guest is an American television journalist, host,
and fashion design Honey.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
I got on something you that you desid today you
do it.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
She is a sharp pop culture commentary and size inclusive
style I call you a style lista if that's the
just fantastic Honey A lifesaver due to her fashion line
at Macy's. Because let me tell you something, I have
been in a pickle and I have said what am
I going to wear to this event? And then I've
looked up and it was you. I was like, oh,
here we go.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I to bear. So I love you for it.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
And one of the og people who truly made me
want to get into media. When I finish my comms
degree back in my heyday. I'm not going to tell
y'all what year, but I definitely want to say, please
give it up for the illustrious and the legendary, the
iconic Nina Z Parker.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
How are you today?
Speaker 4 (03:37):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I'm happy that you're here. This has been a Like
I said, every week, it's a dream to do the show.
But then when you have like a guest that you
look up to on your show, that's also a dream.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
So thank you for being here.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
It really means wow, I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Can say it's some mugging here, like it's a muggy
look at.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
The mug baby.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
It's given natural, is given being, and I need to
stay up. I put the up maybe the smile radius.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
It was a rest job too, So thank you.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
No face card is never declining.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
It's a maximum give it Black American Express. So this
week we are still here semit so sement for listeners too.
Maybe to them the first time we celebrate on only
to Show Campbell I would do every week, but today
we'll talk about the moment in our lives or we
have survived an overcome, And so I want this week
(04:36):
to talk about beginning conversation by talking about the moments
we might have wanted to play it safe but did
not write, Like what made you say fuck that and
do it your own way? Anything you are really proud of,
specifically things that maybe the listeners might want to know.
So I'll start, then them will.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Go to John. So for me, I will say, I'll
just name that.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Like I'm known from a young age that being safe
wasn't really an option for me, Like a was raised
by two people who grew up having real intergeneracial trauma
be part of their stories. Right, so safety was an
aspiration but not really a reality. I think being queer
also makes you think a lot about being able to
play it safe or not, Like what can you actually
do it's safe?
Speaker 2 (05:14):
And I've been busically queer and fat.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Most of my life, so like, what could I have
ever done to actually play safe? Like girls, safety was
never gearan see for me, Girlly, I was always like
whether I whether I made myself small, I would still
be attacked and so and so I realized right like
being small actually did not save me. And so I realized,
why not be big, why not take up space? And
so I made myself bigger. And I feel like that
(05:37):
was kind of like my in my general like felt
thought and fuck you tooever told me that I should
play small or be smaller, make myself feel smaller like
others on smaller thing. That's the thing as well, too,
is that like I think other people, like people refuse
to be kind to others because they don't want to
be hurt. But like I'm someone who I recognizes that,
like I'll be hurt at some point regardless, and I
(05:57):
and like that's not me to have to deal with
no the people. Well, so I would I would rather
say fun that and be kind to others, knowing that
I don't want them to feel how I was made
to feel when I was younger, and you know, and
and was was a bully person. So I start think
for me, my you know, the things that I say,
if always be my full self and making sure that
I always take care of others and whatever I do,
Like that to me is how I like I've been
(06:18):
able to say fuck that, fuck you, but say that
I should people should she shouldn't be doing this, And
I'm so proud of that, because when you are authentic
to yourself, people see it.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
They drawn too, They love you, they rock with you,
and you help others feel save.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
It makes you like it makes you the person that
they want to be around all the time, and that's
really really special.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
And they pay you forward and listen, Yeah, I was,
you know that the whole time.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
I was listening like like I'm maad to be authentically
me and I'm like, I can't. I can't hate that.
I can't the game girl. So that's that for me, Nina.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
How about you?
Speaker 3 (06:48):
Boo?
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Mm?
Speaker 4 (06:49):
I mean, I think it depends on the era of
my life because I think like there can be it's
it's not always a large thing. Sometimes it's it's something
a small decision you make that's like a f that
right where for like for me, like it could be
as big as being opinionated and taking up space on
(07:13):
TV and being unapologetically black, But it could also be
as small as like eventually starting to get tattoos because
they told me that nobody on cameras should be wearing tattoos,
but me being like whatever, this is what I want
to do and this is my body. So I think
for me like it's it's big and small, and I
think sometimes the small changes almost even hit harder because
(07:38):
they're they're just small little things that push the needle
forward for you. So you know, I mean, it's it's, it's,
it's it's you know, when you are big and black,
you're you're taking up space is already like a statement,
like you being in the room or in spaces where
you don't see other people like you you scan the
room like I'm the biggest bitch of in this motherfucker,
(07:59):
you know what I mean? Like, you know, so sometimes
it's like taking that faith is you don't even have
to do anything right because your presence is enough to like,
you know, And I think that's what I've tried to provide,
just like in being in spaces on TV, the shows
I'm in, like it's not always a statement, and everything
I say the statement is like me being in the room.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Baby.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Look, sometimes you gotta think big bitch.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
Right, got th love you gotta think big, Yes, think
big bitch.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Yes. I love that.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I love that clip so much and I love that
you say that because I think so many of us
because of whether you know, whatever identity we have, and
I mean, that's why the show is called black Fat
fem and the tagline is celebrating the intersections of our identity.
It's no matter how you feel about any of those intersections.
Like at the end of the day, the fact that
you're here and the fact that you're in the room
is literally the statement there is no there is no
(08:54):
other piece that needs to go with it.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
You know.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
I I love this question, Jojo because for a long time,
I think for myself. You know, I wasn't given myself
in We talked about this a couple of weeks ago,
like you know, credit. I wasn't given myself the credit
card of it all. I wasn't really thinking to myself, Wow,
you have a show on this national network, you're doing all.
You have a book out, Like I wasn't giving myself credit.
And so then, you know, a couple of weeks ago.
(09:19):
And also I want to say shout out to them
SSRIs Honey, because up in that has helped me a lot.
I now look at it and I go every day
I wake up, I'm you know, I'm taking up space.
I'm thinking big, and I'm giving a middle finger to
everybody who says that someone like us can't you know?
I think more than anything, now would be a perfect
(09:39):
time for all of us to shrink, right. And I
say this too, saying knowing that every single ad or
every other ad is a golp one on my Instagram
or on my threads or on my you know, I'm
not on Twitter, but you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Like on social media, we're constantly being.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Told here's this golp one, or here's this way for
you to lose weight, or here's this way for you
you know, or you know, respectability politics, you need to
tone down your blackness, right, We're always being told to
turn down a notch.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
And I think.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
I think being visible and being on social media, I've
been told by brands that I'm a problem quote unquote
and having to play that safe sometimes. But I think
when you really think about being safe, you are literally
taking away from everything the ancestors fault for it means
possibly unliving a dream that you may have had or
(10:28):
that you may have that may help someone else stay alive.
And so I think about that constantly. How is me
just showing up and being my authentic self helping somebody
know that they can be themselves and can stay alive,
and so I say that to say, like, I'm proud
of me, but I'm also proud of y'all. And that's
why I said like this, like if my heart was
(10:49):
to cut the court tomorrow, I could say I interviewed
one of the people that I look at as an
aspiration in life.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
You know, I made it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Like, I've made it, and I think that's the thing
for me that really helps me. Say, by just thinking
big and being big all pun intended, I'm getting closer
to that dream. So it's just it's a blessing. It
really is a blessing to be here. And I'm I'm
so excited to get into this conbo with you today, Nina.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
I'm excited.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
Yeah, Well I heard won't go to the cord because
they love us and we and the amazing no nothing,
definitely not my.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
History mother for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
All right, fam, Now that we have to know, now
that we have to uh now we.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Now the girl, what does it say? I don't know.
I was Now that we have told around here a girl.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Yeah, now that we have told to get to to
get out around here, it's a quick break.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Come up with this sweets category is towards.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
All right, fam we are black and last week we
talked a lot about the Tire documentary, which I know
y'all loved, and we no need to have plans say
about online as well.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Do how you doing? But something we're not really unpacked
yet myself? You're here, I was do that?
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Is that to navigate toxic working bindmach for protecting your
mental health, especially when you're chasing your dream. So I
won't start by asking, you know, without triggering you, but
does let us know when you first entered the media world,
were there any flags that you overlooked or down played
that in hindsight you wish you'd pay more attention to.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
And what do you wish someone had told you back then?
Speaker 4 (12:29):
I mean I joined media when it was incredibly toxic.
I think it's still toxic, but I mean I was
thrown in with the wolves. You know. This is like
two thousand and seven when I started doing national you
know news, So it was just a very toxic boys club.
(12:53):
It's like, basically it was kind of like being in
a frat house. That's kind of what I like in
the news that I was in. It was It's like
imagine being in like a white frat house, that's exactly.
So I think like there was probably a part of
me that was still very male centered in the sense
(13:13):
of like, just deal with it, don't complain, Boys will
be boys. Like I think that when I was young
and I was just trying to make it, I didn't
want to make waves at that time. I was willing
to make waves with my opinions, but I don't think
I was quite ready to make waves with like my
environment yet, right, So, like I was find giving my
(13:33):
opinion on blackness and black topics and really going hard
for us, but I wasn't going hard for myself because,
especially as being the only black woman in that newsroom,
I think I was just kind of like everybody's like,
you're grateful to be here, like you're in LA. You
finally made it, Like don't mess this up. Yeah, I think, like,
(13:55):
you know, it's such a it's hard to think of
it in that lens now knowing the things that we
know and evolving, but you know, back then I just
felt really alone with you know, sometimes I still feel alone.
But I think, you know, I probably would have tried
to find more community because I do think like reaching
(14:16):
across and trying to find someone who's kind of going
through with you at least feels like you have some support.
And I didn't have that for a long time, you know,
and I had to create I still had to create
it on my own. But yeah, I think, like I
wish I would have been able to advocate for myself more,
and I did in certain ways, but it was it was,
you know, definitely an uphill battle.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
And I mean, and I can say I watched it
in real time because I remember five point thirty tuning
in to TMZ and thinking about, you know, wow, that's
the only black woman I see on this show, or
seeing you in other spaces on the red carpet and
seeing people walk past you as you were trying to
get you know, and get an interview for them. And
so I constantly think about your experience and and all
(15:00):
of the ways that we've been just talking about this
idea of being human and having a human experience, but
also experiencing such terrible ways that people treat us in
these media spaces. And so one of the things I
think a lot about is how many people stay in
these harmful or exploit of workplaces under the belief that
enduring is just part of paying dues or earning their
(15:21):
dream jobs. I think for the one thing I've always
wanted to ask you was like, what helped you break
free from that mindset? And how has that helped shift
or shaped now how you move in your career.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
I mean, it still happens, you know. I think, like
especially when you're black, I think, like the ideas that
you're just supposed to be grateful that you're getting an opportunity,
and so you're not allowed to have feeling for eyes
to see, like you're not dreaming this person like that,
you know, like knowing like you know, and it still happens.
(15:55):
Like I think it's you have to set a boundary
with yourself and figure out what you're willing to endure
and what you're willing not to I just had a
you know, a network reach out to me to work
on something and they but they didn't want to provide
any kind of budget, Like they didn't you know, they
were like, well we don't have this, we don't have that,
(16:17):
and you're just kind of like, well, y'all reached out
to me like that happened like last week, and so
you know, now I have I'm fine with saying no,
And I think it's still going to be hard for
someone who's on a trajectory, which, no, I'm not where
(16:38):
I want to be, but I'm in a place where
I am well connected and I and I have a
lot of resources and I have a team. But you know,
I understand that's hard for someone who maybe just coming
out and like being breaking into the industry. They're going
to probably take it, which is why a lot of
these networks and organizations take advantage of people asking them
to host panels for free, work for free, do it
(16:59):
for the look, do it for This is still a
very prevalent thing. I'll get offered something for free and
I turn it down and I see a peer doing it,
and I'm like, this is not gonna help, you know,
because you know they know somebody will do it, and
so you know, it's it's a constant thing of like
checking yourself checking, you know, I ask myself, what do
(17:21):
I want out of this, what's the potential out of it,
and always trying to hold that boundary even when it's hard,
because sometimes it's people who are really prevalent that you know,
can offer a great opportunity, but on the back end,
you're like, does this is this worth it? Can I
sleep at night? Like, you know, those things are important
to me? And not everybody operates that way. Some people
don't say guests everything, and that's their right too, But
(17:43):
I think you've got to figure out, like what what
is rooted in what you're doing and is it because
you love to do it or is it because you
want to be seen and need the validation?
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Well, well, you know what you're saying. Maybe you think
a lot about what you're saying is kind of like
having a strong sense of sense of just a strong
sense of discernment when you're saying what you want to do.
And I think right, like having that level of good judgment,
oftentimes from especially who are artistic and creative, like it
(18:16):
comes from a place of deep hurt. And so you know,
one thing I think we both admire about your journey
is that you refuse.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
To let that hurt define your story. And so I'm curious.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
I'm curious, like now that you're grounded and where you are,
like one are the tools that has helped you metabolize
and process the harm you've experience in the industry, So
you have a discernment rather than carrying that pain and
you know, like like and that that like that challenge
feeling in every new space that you enter.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
I mean, I I've just I'm I've decided that this
industry isn't going to change, right. I think for many years,
like when I get to this level, this will get better.
When I get this accomplishment, things will get better. If
I get on this show, it will get better. And
I think, you know, I've seen Viola Davis talk about this,
halle Berry talk about this, and they consistently talk about
(19:06):
how they still have to fight for things. And it
made me realize that this machine is way bigger than
what I initially thought about. I was younger, and I
was very hopeful, maybe a little naive when I was
just getting in the business and just when I get
a team, this won't be a challenger. And what I've
realized is is, you know, life is going to life,
and this business is going to be what it is,
(19:29):
and it'll shift and it will change, but ultimately it's
it is. It does not love you. And so I think,
like if you persevere in it with the mentality of
like I love what I do, I can take or
leave this vessel of the industry with it, and I
don't seek validation from it, then I think you'll you'll
(19:50):
fare better. And for that. I have people that I
count on that I talk to, that I vent to
that I'm like, look, I know this thing isn't going
to change. Like when I was telling you about this
place that told me they didn't have a budget. I
called a girlfriend of mine who's also a host, just
event to be like, yo, like, I'm really sick of
people saying they don't have budgets, but then they want,
you know, all of my time, and you know, I'm
(20:11):
people to talk to her about that, and then she
was offering me suggestions like well what if you did
this so? And I think there are people that I
trust that I can, you know, bounce things off of creatively.
I also have an amazing black therapist that I talk
to that helps me manage, you know, just my frustration
with the dusty burnout. So I think I needed these
(20:32):
tools or I'll be like, Okay, this weekend, I'm not
doing anything industry related. I'm seeing my homegirls and getting
a massaged. Like I think there's for me. I just
have to set my world outside of it. That I'm
good when I go in it.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
Yeah, I think, And that's I've been seeing this conversation
so much on social and I'm happy that you touched
on it. So many journalists, so many creators, so many
people are now seen as a brand, and they're not
they're not doing that, they're not separating themselves from the
work or from the creating, and it's really impacting us.
(21:07):
And so I love that you mentioned that, because I
think folks need to hear it's okay for you to
step out of this industry or to step out of
your job and say, I'm a human first, and I'm
having a real emotion or I'm having a real feeling
about this thing that i feel is unfair, and this
is how I'm going to go about trying to resolve
it before putting my career before my own feelings. And
(21:28):
I think so many of us need to hear that.
I know that you've spoken very openly about your time
at TMZ, and I don't want to spend a lot
of time talking about that because I know that it
can be like y'all know this story. If you follow me,
you know it. But I will say the thing that
I have taken from you sharing so openly, is how
(21:49):
some of your experiences mirrored a lot of what those
women in that documentary dealt with. And I do want
to say real quick thank you for the listeners who
listened to this, who listened to last week's episode and
gave us such great feedback and so much great Like
so many folks saying that they appreciated what we had
to say about it, I definitely, I truly truly appreciate it.
(22:09):
One of the things that I wanted to ask you specifically,
knowing that I've been following all of the conversations you
and other people have been having, is why do you
think so many of us internalize the idea that enduring
pain or toxicity is just part of the path to success.
How do we begin to unlearn that belief?
Speaker 4 (22:28):
I don't know the answer to that. I don't be
born in a different era, because these don't seem to care.
Legen Z is gonna take their break, Okay, you know,
you know, I think it's an old school belief, and
I think it's generational. You know, I know, for me,
(22:49):
I'm in my forties, and so you know, a lot
of these beliefs I've gotten from people who were older
than me, who were like, you work, you do this,
you you know, you stay for hours, you just do it.
Just so I think it's a lot of that, you know, belief,
and that's just and that's really a lot of what
we feel when we're black, right, It's like we're just
(23:10):
just endure to endure, be resilient. And I think now
there isn't a waking of like, hey, I want to
be soft. I want to I don't always want to
be on guard. But unlearning it, I mean I'm still
eating carbs right, Like I can't even like you know
what I mean, I can't unlearn even habits, babe. So
I don't know, don't you know, like.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
I don't, I don't have it. I don't have anybody.
I don't have it. I know that's right.
Speaker 4 (23:37):
Unlearning behaviors is difficult for just you as a society,
damn near impossible. But I'm hopeful that it happens, because
I do see awakenings happening. But I think you know
it has. When I was talking to you earlier about
like if we're speaking in terms of journalism, right, like
working for free, if if there's somebody who's always going
(23:57):
to do it. Then you know, why does this institution
have to change? So it takes a collective to be like, hey,
this is how we want to move now. Like now
interns are paid, right, you don't like unheard internships and
media are unheard of now. When I was in college,
you were if you did an unpaid internship, you wasn't working,
(24:20):
You wasn't getting how you got to the network. That
was your way to get into the industry. And now
they would never think of that. So ultimately it has
to be people being like, hey, we're no longer doing this.
But the problem is this is such a place of
vanity and a look. There's always you know, it's always
somebody who wants to get a look off, so they're
(24:42):
going so and that's why you see people on red
carpets now, who are you know, influencers who don't know
what they're doing and know what they're talking about because
they're willing to do it for the look right, right.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
And that's why I still always think about your clip
with Jocelyn and you said I am I'm a journalist,
said I know, that's damn right, I know that's right,
I am a journalist.
Speaker 4 (25:05):
Away from me.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Yeah, people, this is a I am a common studies
pr major.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Honey. I know what I'm saying, Honey, I know it.
I know that's right.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
And I lived where I was gonna say before we
jump into the last question for the segment, I was
gonna say when you said that you were still struggling
with cards, I said for cards, I said, for me,
it's always I'm.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Gonna need a little bit something sweet under everything. I
was just need a little some sweet.
Speaker 4 (25:34):
I would be broken free from that, but it is.
It is crazy as.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Well, Yes, yeah, broken.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
So from from tm Z, towilding a career at e
CBS and in fast you completely you know, you completely
agree written change involve your native your native as a
person and as a as a journalist and as a figure,
as a public figure.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
How do you shift?
Speaker 3 (26:04):
How how did you shift from being like like from
from being like the girl who left TMZ to becoming
such a creative powerhouse with agency over your story?
Speaker 2 (26:14):
And what are some and what are some of someone?
What are some of your non negotiables now?
Speaker 4 (26:18):
Like?
Speaker 2 (26:18):
What boundaries are values? Help you help you protect your peace?
Speaker 4 (26:23):
I think I just probably you know, thank god, I
made a lot of these decisions for the trajectory of
my career when I was in my twenties and fearless
because I just didn't care. You know, I didn't have
a mortgage, I didn't have no kids, no husband. I
was like, I'm I'm gonna just do whatever, you know,
Like I when I decided to put TMC, I did
not have a job like I didn't have Would I
(26:46):
make that decision now, Probably, But like, you know, set
myself up a little bit better because I left that thing.
I didn't have a backup plan, and which is probably
what made me which is probably what made me go
so hard, because I was like, he ain't no backup,
you know. And I think there's just the thing that
has been a constant while this industry goes up and down,
(27:10):
is that I truly felt like I had a voice.
I truly felt like I connected with people, and there
was nobody who could tell me I couldn't do this
job better than most people who were out here. Like
I was like, you might be skinnier, but you're not
interviewing better than me. You might be this, but you're
not working harder than me. And I made the decision.
I made a personal decision that I was a benefit
(27:33):
to this industry. This industry was not a benefit. I've
kept that in my mind. You know, when I go
do things like that, people are like, you're gonna get
a clothing line, You're gonna do this, Like that's crazy,
But I think like there's I just kind of feel
like if I see somebody doing something, then it's not impossible.
So I'm gonna figure out how to make it work
(27:54):
for me. I'm gonna figure out, like I'm going to
reach out, and I don't have a problem reaching out,
asking for help, getting advice, cold calling companies and being
like I want to work with you, Like I genuinely
don't have a problem truly networking. I going to a
party and meeting people, but truly reaching out, have settling meetings,
(28:15):
being diligent about that, not getting my feelings hurt if
they tell me no, Like none of that bothers me.
And so I don't really have an ego about myself
when it comes to my dreams. I'm gonna do whatever
I have to do to make it happen. And I'm
definitely not listening to somebody who doesn't have that dream
tell me what I'm supposed to be doing.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Okay, Look, you know, my mama would always say the
ego is not worried about what the owl is doing.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
You know, you.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
Got to say your course. And it's frustrating, right when
you see people on the thirty for thirty and they're
being honored and they're being invited to everything and you're not.
And you know, it's you can really become a slave
to comparison. And what I've learned to do is just
really listen to God and really listen to the guidance
that I'm getting and really be mindful pray about it,
(29:07):
but also like put action towards it. And then I'm
started realizing, well, most of these events brands are Briyan tables.
They're not even inviting individuals like you start to see
like the veil pulled off of Hollywood, and you realize
it's more of a technical game than it is a
personality contest. And when you look at it in that terms,
it's less personal.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Yeah, you just said something. Shout out to one of
our I would say friends to the show, but also
one of my BFFs, doctor James Simmons.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
We were just talking.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
About that the other day about this idea that so
many people forget that this industry is very much a
it's like the playground. It's very much who knows who,
and who likes who, and who wants to invite who
to the sandbox. And so I think what you're saying
right now is truly a It's not only just a word,
but it's a testimony to this idea that you really
have to invest in really or into you, especially if
(30:01):
you're going to I think that's the point I was
trying to make last week. I was saying, yes, like,
believe in your dream, but also recognize that you don't
have to give people that much power over your dream.
And I think that's what happens in a lot of
this industry. We give other people so much power and
so much we do wait over that, and then we
end up being hurt when that person does something or
(30:23):
says something that harms us.
Speaker 4 (30:25):
So and I think also, you know, I will say now,
like when I was getting started, you had to rely
on networks like you had to Now, you know, you
could be a plumber on Monday and a social media
storr by Friday. And I'm seeing a lot of people
become well known quickly and not know how to handle it.
(30:45):
And so I say, like, if you are in this
industry and you have tools and education, like you really
already have kind of a cheat code, and it's you
are empowered to create your own thing more than any
time before, Like you know, the number one streaming services YouTube,
So it's not like you you know, it's great to
(31:05):
have a network behind you, but you don't need it
anymore to have, you know, I want to do and
I think if you are looking at it like I'm
gonna just create it, but also have the consistency and
the dedication because you can want it and not do
anything towards it. And what does that? Having a dream
is nothing like you know with our works, with our
(31:26):
works is dead. So you know if you and then
not only that, but you got to work to keep it.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
So what oh lord Jesus it all you don't want
to work anymore.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
They don't want to work.
Speaker 4 (31:41):
It is just like it sounds good. And I have
a lot of young people emailing me and they want help,
and I'm happy to help, but like I can tell
sometimes even from the email, it's like you don't really
want to do this. You just want the attention the platform,
but like you don't really like want to do this,
(32:02):
you know, and so you know, it's it's not that
I don't take people seriously, but I do, you know,
I don't take like I don't have a mentee right
because I that to me is such a personal thing
and it's not anything you can cold call for, like
you got to have a relationship. And you know, people
pay more attention than you think. And if you know,
you see somebody who says they want to do media,
(32:24):
but that it's not necessarily reflected in the life that
you see that they're posting, you wonder like is this
really something you want or is it just, you know,
something that you think is one like a you know,
and that's to each his own. But I think like
this is really a business and you really do have
to commit to it. And that's really the truth is
(32:44):
like you've got to make these promises within yourself and
keep them.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Mm hmmmmm.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
And that's oh you saying that. I know, I know
we need to scadatle to the next segment, but I
do want to say this too to our listeners because
I get emails. I get cold emails from people being like, oh,
I would love to start a podcast and I want. Baby,
we are on one hundred and ninety two episodes.
Speaker 4 (33:04):
You have.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
To stay diligent, like we didn't get to Black Fat
fam by just showing up. Like I tell people all
the time, like like you said, faith without works is dead,
and I believe that.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
You know, one of my one.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
Of one of the people that I love that I
will always I always look up to in this industry
said to me, they said it takes ten years to
become an overnight celebrity. And I always tell myself that
in my head, like girl, you are, You're on year nine,
You're on.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Year nine, You're almost there.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
So just just remember baby, that it takes time and
and you know you've got to do the work, but
you also have to believe in yourself too. So I
love this segment, and I thank you Nina for for
giving your gems. You know, and I do want to
say now that we have helped you remember who the
fuck you are. We are going to take a quick
break and come back more.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Show will freight down.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Okay, y'all, we are back with What's Popping and this week,
while we know there are a lot of hot topics,
and there are things we can't get into. I will
tell you right now. I immediately told my team, I don't
want to talk about Bathta. I don't want to talk
about all of the mess that's happening right I said,
I'm not doing it. I don't have the energy for it.
Y'all and already said when he needs to be said,
and I concur but I do want to dive into you.
(34:24):
So I was. I was going through your socials and
you and Kevi on stage also another person I highly
admire and look up to y'all said something that I
think is really important, and I definitely agree with you.
Had noted a couple of weeks ago that we are
losing recipes, specifically in entertainment, with all of the ways
(34:45):
that entertainment channels are now turning to influencers. And again,
I'm not trying to shave nobody for getting the bag.
However I do. I will say that I came up.
You know, I graduated in the two thousands. I won't
say good year, but I graduated in the two thousands.
When and you, when you said I wanted to work
in media or I wanted to work in entertainment, it
meant something like you had to put in the work.
(35:07):
And so I wanted to actually have a conversation in
our What's Popping talking about training and media credentials. I
wanted to ask you what are the clearest examples that
come to mind with us losing recipes when we think
about music, TV or film. I'll go out on a
limb and start and I'll throw it to you, and
then Joho will throw it to you. I know, for me,
(35:27):
the biggest thing is I truly missed talent development. That
for me is literally I can look at a select
like I can look at a performer, or I can
look at like I'm gonna stay in my music back.
I can look at an artist and I can immediately
tell they had no talent development. I can tell that's nobody. Industry, Yeah,
(35:51):
they don't nobody.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Does you know?
Speaker 1 (35:53):
I miss when you could tell an artist was grinding
to be the best singer, dancer, entertainment.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
I entertained.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
And I will say this too, like a lot of
people talk about Beyonce and why artists can't stand up
to Beyonce, and I literally will say this, Yes, Beyonce
is outrageously talented y'all know, I love that woman house
down boots, but it's the talent, Like literally, you look
at her and you can see that, you know, Matthew
literally was I hate to say it, I truly, I
(36:22):
hope I don't sound ridiculous and I'm not saying this
is right, But like Michael Jackson, you know, Beyonce, they
had it instilled in them that they had to work
to build that talent. And so I just I really
miss when artists were in rooms for twelve hours straight
saying I was singing, I was dancing, I was running
(36:43):
in heels to get my talent together.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
What about you, baby?
Speaker 4 (36:47):
Yeah, I mean it's I don't know talent and it's
it's such a slippery slope, right, Because I'm sure this
goes back to our earlier conversation that talent development. There
was a lot of toxicity in that, right, Like things
they had to were and go through to B stars
was crazy and grueling, kind of a hazing. But that
being said, like right now, someone can sing a jingle
(37:09):
on TikTok and then be on the stage in a
couple of weeks, and they're just not ready for that
because back in the day, like if to piggyback off
of what you said, Like even Britney Spears was doing
like mall tours and opening people and an headliner straight
out the bat, like there were levels to things. I
think the recipe that we're skipping is the levels, Like
there's not level or it's we like you, let's put
(37:35):
you on the oscar red carpety for celebrities because you
did a few tiktoks or you have even you know,
not everybody is for everything. Even though someone may have
like a fun series on TikTok, that does not mean
they are equipped to do a live red carpet shows, right.
I think like there are genres and there are strengths,
and everybody's just kind of so focused on the numbers
(37:58):
that they're not actually focused on the craft anymore. And
we're losing like that kind of talent. And I think
that's why people say music isn't the same. You know,
the industry things are changing, everything's changing, and I think
like the one recipe that we lost is like slowing
down a little bit. Everybody wants it now and they
(38:18):
want it fast. It has to be big and shiny,
and you know, I like it. I like a little
slow creep. I don't need to be. So that's something
I have to agree with, is like I do think
you know, we've we've lost a lot of recipes, you know,
but that would happen me here all night.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
Yes, I know, I know I was gonna say this
to your point, like Stephanie, So y'all know I love
Lady Gaga, but I call her Stephanie because that's her name.
I remember seeing Stephanie one time in LA and she
was at a bar and there were like four tables
and it was me and a few of my friends
from college, and Mama was on.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
That piano singing her heart and I said.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
That, you know, oh, welcome to the stage, Lady Gaga.
And I said, who the hell is this lady?
Speaker 2 (39:06):
And I kid you not.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
When I saw her perform at the MTV Movie Awards,
maybe I would say about two or three months later,
I said.
Speaker 4 (39:13):
Oh, that's that late. It was over that at the
foot that you know about it.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
Even the floor was sticky and it's stunk. But she
was hungry. She was hungry for her career.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
And I said, that's why we have Lady Gaga, because
Gaga really knows what it's like to be in the trenches.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
And I think that's the thing for me about this industry.
Speaker 1 (39:32):
Like I I'll even say for me like this, these
last nine years that I've been trying to build this
world around black, fat queer people, I've been in the trenches.
But I keep thinking to myself, like, I'm so happy
that it's happening the way it's happening, because I don't
think i'd appreciate it if I wasn't if twenty.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
Years ago, John would not have appreciated any of this.
You know, definitely, it's all good.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
And so you still look beautiful, honey, what about you
look fantastic?
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Truly? Like again the Muggle's right, can we can I
just ask what makeup do you use?
Speaker 4 (40:11):
Well, now I have no lights, so that's gone.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
That's fine.
Speaker 4 (40:14):
But I've switched up. You know, I am blessed enough
to be gifted a bunch of stuff. But I will say,
like what my staple is right now? Foundation is one
size okay, at one size? That one size foundation?
Speaker 2 (40:34):
Maybe I said one side or one size.
Speaker 4 (40:37):
One size, yeah, okay, it's very pop to ask, and
you know, in there and then a powder foundation over
it because it's a local foundation. But to me, it's
the first foundation I've used that I feel like I
look like I went to a makeup artist and you
know what I mean, really meet you and one size,
(41:00):
especially for brown skin. To me, has is pop it.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
Yeah, okay, okay, thank you. I just I just needed
to know notes. So the show, well, one thing I'm
one thing I'm thinking about, like.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
For TV is I really I think a lost recipe
is physical, physical comedy, like I'm thinking like Lucille Ball,
I'm thinking ray Semonia. I'm thinking like even like Captain
Ahara about some memory screen or especially the girl play.
Alexis right, like people don't don't just have a comedy anymore.
People like we I miss the exaggerated movements because they
(41:41):
show up great on screen on screen. I miss like
I missed official expressions I met like I missed the
over the top sounds responses like I think people really,
I think like we think of the entertainment. I think
of like TV entertainment, Like we're missing physical comedy. We're
missing like like I miss like I miss a slap scene,
(42:02):
I miss a food fight scene. I miss like like
I miss someone being messy, Like I think the.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
Shows are passed out for no reason.
Speaker 3 (42:09):
Yeah right, like yes, like you know, like I think
the shows that we watch that we have now focused
on storytelling, and I appreciate that. I love storytelling. That
we focus on dramatic storytelling, but like like I want
some I want you know, like I think like ABT
Elementary is one of the shows that has brought that back, right,
like like Jameelle James all about physical comedy, like that
girl is a comedy and I'm so, I'm just like
(42:31):
there are not many shows that do that anymore. And
that's that's the ship that makes me that I love
because you can you can still tell a story that's
powerful and meaningful and deep, but also like like but
also like like infuse it with something that makes you
like laugh out loud and like actually giggle and cackla.
And I think that's like that's the recipe that people
are missing. Like I I love physical comedy. I love slapstick,
I love like I I you know, I love the
(42:53):
essay and I love the impron fadoll. And I think, people,
it is a lost art. I think people, i think
we're losing that. It comes to howvy one entertained because
for the sake of like deeper stories.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
Or like or like more trauma, but like also, well,
we don't need trauma all the time, like what it
is we actually could use just like a simple like
a simple giggle.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
Yeah Miss Pat show on the T I was like,
oh my God, like like this is the type of
ship that I've been missing, Like just like let let's
letts like quick when you come backs, you know, like
using your full body in a seed like that's the
ship that I love.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
But literally I do that in my in my real life.
Speaker 3 (43:35):
A lot of people do that in in in their
virtual lives to like make us see who you really
are and make us like enjoy it.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
Yeah, I was gonna say the Martin of it all.
They were very physical on there, I'm sure, yeah, I
miss I will even say Loretta Divine. I saw the
episode with the Retta Divine anti uh not but what
is her name? On Miss Pat And it was a
very physical scene.
Speaker 3 (44:00):
And so just even like shows like like like uh leaving,
shows like like living Single, I mean living Single, so many,
so many black shows got this down for sure. So
many shows got this down right because because because like
like we knew, we knew that that that you have
a balance of drama and passion and like and like
(44:21):
and like meaning and balanced that with that's like, it's
supremely hilarious the way like the way, the way the
way you react to someone. Yeah, so for sure, for
sure I agree with that. Friends, we got to take
one more break, and we got weak one one one
more break and singa bye to our good Sistina.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
So while we are, you know, while while.
Speaker 3 (44:41):
We were giving her our biggest hugs, we will take
a break.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
We'll come back to y'all. Guess you've been. My hands
are just the same, Lord Jesus.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
So this week I wanted to chat in terms of
my guest Mamma, my no man, Pam. Part of it
is serious, but also part of it I'm going to
try to cover it funny.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
So I want to make this very clear that again,
this is not me talking shit. This is me giving
you all the facts and me giving you my opinions
with those facts. So I will say this off the top.
You in life, we have to know that you cannot
create a storm and then get mad when you have
to sit in the ring.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
Okay, you cannot.
Speaker 1 (45:30):
I want to repeat that you cannot create a storm
and get mad when you have when you are left
out in the code and have to sit in the ring.
So this week I wanted to chat about a situation
that has really brought me both joy and a lot
of frustration. If you aren't aware, recently, Ts Madison and
Dominique Morgan, both people that I love and look up
(45:50):
to exponentially, had to obtain a temporary restraining order against
content creator Nikwan Dill Whisper Palmer after alleged escalating harassment
and threats. I will say I started to feel like, Okay,
this ship is going too far when he brought in
(46:12):
Ts Madison's mom into the conversation.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
When when miss what's her name? Do you know Ts's
mom's name?
Speaker 1 (46:21):
No?
Speaker 2 (46:22):
Oh, m's Mary Mary. I know miss Mary.
Speaker 1 (46:25):
I've met Miss Mary. When Miss Mary was brought into
the conversation, I said, Okay, this ship has gone too far.
I said, it can be a spar back and forth
online and we can keep it at that, but now
you're bringing her mom into it, We've gone a little
too far.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
Okay. That was that was strike one for me.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
Then, so let me continue reading with her friend and
collaborating Dominique Morgan, both helping document his targeting of black
trans women. So then he started escalating and saying these
terrible things about trans women and how she needed and
I said, Okay, now this is out of fucking hand.
That that for me was when I was like, Okay,
(47:05):
what the fuck is going on here?
Speaker 2 (47:07):
This is out of hand.
Speaker 1 (47:09):
So now we have miss marrying it, and now we
have them saying all these terrible things. Then he shows
up at Ts's house. I literally jump on my phone.
I'm texting, and I'm asking what is going on? Why
is this happening. I'm trying to get clarity on what
is happening. But by the power of God, last week
(47:32):
it was announced that he was sent to jail. Do
not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. But
but the other gag of it all is that they
refused his bail. So there was a bail and I
guess so from what I've read and from what I've
dived into, Georgia doesn't play when it comes to stalking,
and so that that is literally what it was. Right
(47:55):
they they got him on charges for stalking. And I
say all of that to say, and why is this
my yes, ma'am. I wanted to simply say that the
same thing you wished for Dominique was the thing that
happened to you. And I am so happy that God
in the universe, Buddha, whoever you Mohammed, whoever you pray to,
(48:19):
came through and made the devil their footstool. And so
I say, yes, ma'am, not that I'm celebrating the fact
that this person is in jail, because we know that
jail is a very harmful and it is going to
cause a lot of harm to Nikwan, and it's causing
harm to a lot of queer people who are currently
in jail. I don't know how to dismantle it. I
(48:41):
don't even want to. I don't want to act like
I know what the fuck I'm talking about when we
start talking about the prison industrial complex, I don't even
want to act like I get it. But I definitely
want to say when you start threatening people, when you
start threatening or you start taking the actions of or
little digs at people and then they start becoming physic
or they start becoming stalking and all of that, that
(49:02):
is where the problem lies. This is where it takes
me into my no man PAM, my NOMNPAM for this week. Right,
So my yes, ma'am. I'm grateful that my sisters are safe.
We know black trans women often are targeted and they
often are harmed, and I'm so happy that both of
my sisters are safe. Where my no manpam comes into
(49:24):
queer Black people who refuse to see that not protecting
our brothers and our trans brothers and our trans sisters
in the community is making more room for the folks
on the other side to come for us. It is
not funny. It is not fun It is not lost
on me that the same thing that Nikwan was doing
(49:46):
to Dominique and to Ts is the same thing that
this country in this world is doing to trans people
across the globe. It is not like we are already
living in a time where things are not saying and
I understand it. You ain't got to like everyone. There
are a lot of queer Black creators that I don't
(50:07):
fuck with and I don't see it for them. But
I'm gonna tell you one thing, for various reasons, right,
some of them are my own reasons, some of them
are very valid. And again, I was talking to doctor
James about some of those reasons yesterday right, some of.
Speaker 2 (50:21):
Them are very valid.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
But what I will say is I would never want
or wish, or or or think to cause harm to
them because they already are living in systems that are
already harming them. And so I just don't comprehend, like,
how did how did we get here? You know, like,
what made you think it was okay to to go? Like?
Speaker 2 (50:46):
I just so that I guess that's my long way
of saying.
Speaker 1 (50:50):
Life is tough enough for for a for our family,
and for our community, and we ain't got to like everybody,
but baby, you can't like we can't add to it.
So again, I'm happy my sisters are safe. I'm sad
that it isn't it this way. But at the end
of the day, if you think as a black queer
person that you are above black trans people, baby, that
(51:14):
same system is gonna come to eat you up. And
I just I felt that I had to go on
record to say that what are your guest ma'am's and
your no man PAMs this week?
Speaker 2 (51:22):
That's why I say, it's just it's just like you
really can't be.
Speaker 3 (51:26):
You really I saw something, I saw what the fuck
you really can't you really can't like be down against
the population that brought you up in the first place,
Like how you like like like like how you on
like as a black core person, how young on not
like trends folks from like this is these are these
(51:47):
are the folks. These are the folks and and and
mostly these these these are the sisters who like ensure
that we could be free.
Speaker 2 (51:54):
In some capacity in our lives. Like what do you mean?
It's just just just I'm just like what why why?
Speaker 3 (52:01):
Okay, So I'll start with my nomame because it's also about.
Speaker 2 (52:05):
Some queer folks. Yeah, but you love the queer folks,
the queer folks who loved vacation in Mexico and all right.
Speaker 4 (52:18):
And have.
Speaker 3 (52:21):
Can't actually understand and prioritize the danger people in late
lately people could be in and can't prioritize that over
their own their own like necessity for uh partying, and
and who don't understand the new, the new the complexities
and nuances of seeing like seeing actions against drug trafficking
(52:47):
and not acknowledge their own like positionality and drug trafficking.
Like I just want to name the folks who are
like the folks who are like like especially with like
you know what happened and what was like it's happened
in several several places in the state of du school
in Mexico and patch of Moscow bo got like probably
(53:09):
I would say, like like a lot of a lot
of attention, right and so, and because it's also a
big queer destination and so first of all, there are
many videos of like queer's.
Speaker 2 (53:19):
Like speedos being like what's happening?
Speaker 3 (53:22):
Like oh no, like like why is I don't know,
Like it's like it's it's interrupting my time and so
like right or people posting like oh can like like
oh like can PV get together?
Speaker 2 (53:36):
Like I'm not to go on my trip soon? Like girl,
like things are happening, could you people are dying? Cam?
What do you mean? People literally are dying and like.
Speaker 3 (53:46):
Like listen, like I like, I don't I don't have thoughts.
I don't have thoughts on the operations that happen, Like
it's not not my place to give thoughts. What I'm
geting my thoughts on is like to to this point
of them, people are like, oh, Mexico is so like
drug field and drugs are a huge thing that I'm
like you do know who made the drugs, don't you?
(54:06):
Who supplies the drugs, and also who uses the drugs?
Right right, baby girl, baby girl that's waking up. Look
at the mirror, baby yeah. When you when like like
like just just like have some self awareness, baby girls,
this be be be aware, be mindful, no know who
you are and where you are in this space. Like
(54:27):
it's just so no mame him to those to those
queer folks who and those often often this these type
of queer folks.
Speaker 2 (54:37):
Who just don't seem to get it.
Speaker 3 (54:40):
My yes, ma'am as a total side like total detour
is I heard this amazing poet earlier from you speaks
to her name.
Speaker 2 (54:51):
I think the name is. I know, I'm not even
trying to name because because I know I'm I'm almost up.
I'm not trying to do that.
Speaker 3 (54:59):
But they but if you look on Bart's Instagram pages
are rapid transit and their collaboration with you speaks a
great a great spoken words about Bart and I really
and like so folks know like I'm I'm in the
bay currently and I'm here by but I mean I
(55:21):
mean from so the thing, the thing, the death of me.
But like like see like Bart right, Bart has such
a has such a reputation, and I appreciate like like
like like one like one one of One of the
things she says is bart Bart is miss represented by
people who claim they're from the Bay. And I was like,
(55:43):
girl speak on that because it's true, like yes, things
she goes down Bart for real, but like but like
Bart is also an accessible, accessible space where you get
to point a point B and you know, like like
like like like growing like growing up near a Bart
line like was so like was so much called it
was so like significant to how how I could access
(56:04):
like the city, how I can access Oakland right like
so many school ships was off of bar so many times,
like like I like going to Prime was off a
bar like Bart enable me to do so many things,
and like, yes, sometimes I feel a little nervous like
sometimes sure, but also like if you grew up here,
you like you like you were you were raised to
(56:24):
one much business and two like don't like don't do
or say stupid ship like right, don't do clowns ship
clown show what happened to you? And so you know,
and so I I appreciate, I appreciate I appreciate. I
really appreciate, like like hearing this piece because like people
ship on bar and people are like, a Bart's nasty,
BArch girls like Bart's so dangerous to my girl, Everyone's dangerous.
Speaker 2 (56:46):
Baby. Nowhere, it's everywhere is dangerous. Nowhere it's safe. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (56:49):
And a lot of times when you think about, like
I get this cover, I hear this conversation a lot
about Sambordandino, I'm like, you do realize that people go
into sam Bornandino looking for for Trump? Are they going
to Sambordino going they're not from Samborgadino or they're not
from the bay, they're not from the area, and they
don't know what they're doing, and so now they're you're
putting yourself in a situation of like if you know
(57:11):
that it's dangerous, why are you here? Like you know
what I mean, like why are you by yourself?
Speaker 2 (57:16):
What are you looking for? What are you looking to
get into?
Speaker 1 (57:19):
You know?
Speaker 4 (57:19):
See?
Speaker 3 (57:20):
And that's my thing right about about being smart or
like not making up choices like like like like for example,
it is it is easy to get bipped when you
are in the bay, especially in you're in space, easy
to get bipped right biped as in.
Speaker 2 (57:34):
Your shipping into and taken.
Speaker 3 (57:35):
So you should know that when you park somewhere, you
put your ship where it can't be seen in the
front or back seat, and or you take it with you.
Speaker 2 (57:43):
Okay, yeah, my my roommate, my roommate drove with My
roommates drove up with me.
Speaker 3 (57:47):
And there are some times where I was like, girl, girl,
that's splutter in the back seat. That's where in the truck.
Do not leave it on the seat. She's like, it's
just sort of the thing is hiding something. And then
do not do not get my brand your vehicles. Cars
do not in my opinion, vehicles windows match. Girl, I
don't leave and put on your body.
Speaker 2 (58:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (58:07):
Yeah, it's so funny because like like in San Diego,
people will leave in the car and I'm always like
always coming.
Speaker 2 (58:13):
With me, and people like, do you like just living
your car.
Speaker 3 (58:14):
It's like ten minutes, I'm like, and you can get
bip de bait will raise me and I will not
refuse to add if my shaking swe but like but
like but like I just see that to me, I
see that as like like a condition to be alert
of your surroundings.
Speaker 2 (58:27):
And it's like play it safe.
Speaker 3 (58:28):
But that that's all I see us, and people people
will see us like, oh like if that happens there,
it's too ghetto for me, it's too dangerous for me.
And I'm like, no, girl, like okay, just like just
get back, but just hearing back with you, like make
sure you accuse, are out when you when you put
your vehicle, Like it's like it's simple things you should
be doing for your own safety. Anyways, girl Like, it's
not likely, it's not the need. So I'll just say,
(58:48):
yampam to do this to this amazing, amazing young poet
who wrote a love a love of the bar and
really just like show how like like like how dope
can bark like and I like, I appreciate it. One
line she said, she was like, how can I leave
the bay when all the best ideas I've had to
been on bart And I really appreciate that of like
she's like, she's like, I wrote my best work on
(59:11):
you know, on this transitional space that got me two
places safely, and so how could I leave it?
Speaker 2 (59:16):
Or dissan?
Speaker 1 (59:16):
I just I love that so much and I want
to shout out thank you, thank you for saying that,
I want to shout out two of the listeners who
I literally met on social media now have become literally
part of my life. I definitely want to shout out
Jared and Kyle, who genuinely have really helped me learn
to appreciate San fran and bart and the transportational Like,
(59:41):
there were so many misconceptions that I had about you know,
that area because obviously, right even and that's the thing
I think we don't talk enough about even when you
are black or you're queer or whatever, when you when
you don't live somewhere, when you don't know somewhere, it's
easy to make generalized statements that you don't realize are
rooted and privilege and and and are super problematic, and
(01:00:03):
it's easy to take that stuff on as truth. And
so they have really helped me deconstruct a lot of
the a lot of the anti black and even anti
uh houseless, you know, because I think a lot of
that's also rooted in Oh San Francisco, is you know,
there's a lot of there's a lot of houselessness. I'm like, baby,
there's a lot of house houselessness everywhere, right, Yeah, San
(01:00:26):
Francisco's houselessness is no different than LA's. LA's is no
different than San Bernardino's or or her mind like it,
Literally people are losing their homes. So I say, I
love that to say, I'm just very grateful for both
of them who have really helped me kind of do
my own unlearning around this. And I'm so grateful that
you are helping through this show and through other things
(01:00:46):
that you share in your social You're really helping us
to rethink about the ways we talk about area. And
I think really what it comes down to is areas
with the high population of black people.
Speaker 2 (01:00:56):
That's really what it comes down to.
Speaker 1 (01:00:58):
We think of these areas as ghetto because the world
makes us believe that when there's more than two or
three black people in an area, it's considered ghetto, and
that's not that's not always the case. So we'll share
that clip in the footnotes of the show.
Speaker 4 (01:01:13):
So, yes, ma'am to Paradise being back on Yell, I
love that show, like the you know, I I'm I'm
here for black leads so and so I'm really excited
to binge and see that. So that's given. I'm giving
my flowers to that. No ma'am to all of the
(01:01:36):
BBC and the Bathtist goodbye. No man, we ain't got
to get into it.
Speaker 1 (01:01:41):
But no, no, no, no no no, they don't figure
to everybody. Everybody. Everybody need a whoop it. Everybody at
the Baptist need a whooping.
Speaker 3 (01:01:53):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:01:53):
Yeah, So I always like to ask Nina, where when
you aren't being the baddest bitch in the game, where
can folks find you?
Speaker 4 (01:02:00):
Just find me out all my socials, the Nina Parker.
Speaker 2 (01:02:03):
Okay, it was so great to have you. Thank you
for being much.
Speaker 1 (01:02:09):
If you all want to send your thoughts, your feedback,
and your emails to Blackfatfempod at gmail dot com, we
love to hear from you. You can also send us
your thoughts for your social media by interacting with our
post on Instagram and threats by using the handle at
Black Fatfempod.
Speaker 2 (01:02:21):
Queen Joho, Where can the dolls find you? This week?
Of course, when you're not in the air lock shot? Yeah,
I drove up here so I was never on the
air anywhere.
Speaker 3 (01:02:35):
Be with me and my little Tom The Tu song
coming through so y'all can find me Jojo Daniels across
all socials my OtherSide Joe Dane's dot comment.
Speaker 2 (01:02:43):
If not there you can find me.
Speaker 3 (01:02:44):
If not there or in the bay, you will find
me under the covers, trying to get back all the
rest that I have wasted and so far this year,
I'm trying to get my sleep when I get back home.
Speaker 2 (01:02:56):
Girl, Oh, no one bothered me. No one going over
to my house. But by me out I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
Home, yes, yes, yes, under the covers, rubbing your feet
like your cricket.
Speaker 2 (01:03:04):
H Oh, what a moment. I just said. I cannot
wait for the weekend. For that very reason.
Speaker 1 (01:03:11):
I have one thing to do on Saturday, and the
rest of that day is mine and baby, when I
tell you I can't wait anyway. As for me and mine,
you can find me on socials at doctor John Paul.
If you want to go to my website, you can
visit ww dot doctor John paul dot com. Re learn
more about me, my consulting, all of the stuff that
I am going to do, specifically my books plural catch it,
(01:03:35):
and where I will be in the coming weeks. If
you want to see me on your television screen, you
can head down to Hulu watch my episode of Who
I Am Meant To be where I talk about the
magic of the show and working with my best friend
every single week to bring you magic.
Speaker 2 (01:03:52):
Hey you, this has been another show. Stay black, fact, femin.
Speaker 3 (01:03:56):
Fabulous and rubber what joe hoo, we may not be
a couple of two girl with a bay got that
good tap on some tap it to im.
Speaker 1 (01:04:03):
Bitch, Amen, Amen, or you could get into some sec
Sarah static way, Yes, keep you fresh, keep your fresh stuff, honey.
Speaker 2 (01:04:13):
All right.
Speaker 1 (01:04:14):
With that being said, when you know better, you do better.
So drink your water and mind your business. So mind
the business that pays you. We'll see you next week.
Speaker 4 (01:04:22):
Bye.
Speaker 3 (01:04:28):
The Black Fatfem podcast is executive produced by Joey Patt
and Doctor John Paul.
Speaker 1 (01:04:33):
All content related to the show is edited by Chris Rogers.
Speaker 3 (01:04:36):
This has been a podcast by iHeartMedia and Doctor John
Paul LC the Black Fat Fem Podcasts where all the
intersections of a nanny are celebrated.
Speaker 2 (01:04:44):
Honey, I know that's right.
You're listening to the BFF BLACKFEFTFIM podcasts on.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
The iHeart podcast Network.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hey everyone, welcome to another episode of the award winning
Blackfeffion podcast where all the intersections of add are celebrated.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I'm one of your hosts.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
John also known as Talk Door John Paul, and I'm
just here to say that this past Black History Month
was a scheme that Todd's set up to hit us
with the bullshit.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Ah, what a moment, What a moment. We hate to
see that.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Being in lieu of the guests we have today, we
are in fact going to jump in our McDonald's bag
and celebrate Black three sixty five until folks realize we
ain't going nowhere because this this Black History Month was
terrible and we deserve the rest of the year for that.
(00:52):
Were gonna keep doing it until y'all get it right.
I would sing the song, but Diddy, so all that
to be said.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Joe, how are you doing?
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Oh my god, love these It's Shavessie Jordan ak Joe
aka the Bay Area Baddie.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I'm back.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
I'm I'm back in my home, tired, but I'm live,
laugh loving it so much.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I feel there to be here. I am in my
stopping grounds.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
I am pussy all through San Francisco, Americlee and Oaklean.
So it's gonna be such a good time while I'm here.
I mean, I am doing it. I'm so happy. I'm
so happy. No, I just want to say I'm thankful
to the ability to like do this work like while
also warming around like it is, like, I know I'd
be moving around too much for sure, but it is
(01:39):
a gift to be able to say I can still
set up my stuff and have this moment with you
every week. Like it's a thing that I come to
rely on. It's in the I come to really enjoy,
like to be with my sister, you know, you know, John,
like every week at this time tomorrow where I am
in the world, and it means so much, like and
I really value this.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Time the other So I feel extra happy and grateful
today to be with you.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah, well, I definitely feel the same way. I am grateful.
You know. I don't take it for granted that every
single week I have to write up this show flow
that you know, there are a lot of people who
one wish that they had this as a problem. But
at the same time, I also think about how grateful
I am to have a partner who just makes this
(02:23):
work so easy. And so we if you know everyone,
So I want to listen to the show you and
there's it's just so there's so much magic. Yeah, it's
because we both love doing this and I love doing
it with you, and it's just it's it's really cool
that we are almost at two hundred episodes and to
think that I didn't even think we're gonna make a
past ten. It's it's just it really blows my mind.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
So all right, y'all.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
So this week our guest is an American television journalist, host,
and fashion design Honey.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
I got on something you that you desid today you
do it.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
She is a sharp pop culture commentary and size inclusive
style I call you a style lista if that's the
just fantastic Honey A lifesaver due to her fashion line
at Macy's. Because let me tell you something, I have
been in a pickle and I have said what am
I going to wear to this event? And then I've
looked up and it was you. I was like, oh,
here we go.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I to bear. So I love you for it.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
And one of the og people who truly made me
want to get into media. When I finish my comms
degree back in my heyday. I'm not going to tell
y'all what year, but I definitely want to say, please
give it up for the illustrious and the legendary, the
iconic Nina Z Parker.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
How are you today?
Speaker 4 (03:37):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I'm happy that you're here. This has been a Like
I said, every week, it's a dream to do the show.
But then when you have like a guest that you
look up to on your show, that's also a dream.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
So thank you for being here.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
It really means wow, I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Can say it's some mugging here, like it's a muggy
look at.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
The mug baby.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
It's given natural, is given being, and I need to
stay up. I put the up maybe the smile radius.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
It was a rest job too, So thank you.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
No face card is never declining.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
It's a maximum give it Black American Express. So this
week we are still here semit so sement for listeners too.
Maybe to them the first time we celebrate on only
to Show Campbell I would do every week, but today
we'll talk about the moment in our lives or we
have survived an overcome, And so I want this week
(04:36):
to talk about beginning conversation by talking about the moments
we might have wanted to play it safe but did
not write, Like what made you say fuck that and
do it your own way? Anything you are really proud of,
specifically things that maybe the listeners might want to know.
So I'll start, then them will.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Go to John. So for me, I will say, I'll
just name that.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Like I'm known from a young age that being safe
wasn't really an option for me, Like a was raised
by two people who grew up having real intergeneracial trauma
be part of their stories. Right, so safety was an
aspiration but not really a reality. I think being queer
also makes you think a lot about being able to
play it safe or not, Like what can you actually
do it's safe?
Speaker 2 (05:14):
And I've been busically queer and fat.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Most of my life, so like, what could I have
ever done to actually play safe? Like girls, safety was
never gearan see for me, Girlly, I was always like
whether I whether I made myself small, I would still
be attacked and so and so I realized right like
being small actually did not save me. And so I realized,
why not be big, why not take up space? And
so I made myself bigger. And I feel like that
(05:37):
was kind of like my in my general like felt
thought and fuck you tooever told me that I should
play small or be smaller, make myself feel smaller like
others on smaller thing. That's the thing as well, too,
is that like I think other people, like people refuse
to be kind to others because they don't want to
be hurt. But like I'm someone who I recognizes that,
like I'll be hurt at some point regardless, and I
(05:57):
and like that's not me to have to deal with
no the people. Well, so I would I would rather
say fun that and be kind to others, knowing that
I don't want them to feel how I was made
to feel when I was younger, and you know, and
and was was a bully person. So I start think
for me, my you know, the things that I say,
if always be my full self and making sure that
I always take care of others and whatever I do,
Like that to me is how I like I've been
(06:18):
able to say fuck that, fuck you, but say that
I should people should she shouldn't be doing this, And
I'm so proud of that, because when you are authentic
to yourself, people see it.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
They drawn too, They love you, they rock with you,
and you help others feel save.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
It makes you like it makes you the person that
they want to be around all the time, and that's
really really special.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
And they pay you forward and listen, Yeah, I was,
you know that the whole time.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
I was listening like like I'm maad to be authentically
me and I'm like, I can't. I can't hate that.
I can't the game girl. So that's that for me, Nina.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
How about you?
Speaker 3 (06:48):
Boo?
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Mm?
Speaker 4 (06:49):
I mean, I think it depends on the era of
my life because I think like there can be it's
it's not always a large thing. Sometimes it's it's something
a small decision you make that's like a f that
right where for like for me, like it could be
as big as being opinionated and taking up space on
(07:13):
TV and being unapologetically black, But it could also be
as small as like eventually starting to get tattoos because
they told me that nobody on cameras should be wearing tattoos,
but me being like whatever, this is what I want
to do and this is my body. So I think
for me like it's it's big and small, and I
think sometimes the small changes almost even hit harder because
(07:38):
they're they're just small little things that push the needle
forward for you. So you know, I mean, it's it's, it's,
it's it's you know, when you are big and black,
you're you're taking up space is already like a statement,
like you being in the room or in spaces where
you don't see other people like you you scan the
room like I'm the biggest bitch of in this motherfucker,
(07:59):
you know what I mean? Like, you know, so sometimes
it's like taking that faith is you don't even have
to do anything right because your presence is enough to like,
you know, And I think that's what I've tried to provide,
just like in being in spaces on TV, the shows
I'm in, like it's not always a statement, and everything
I say the statement is like me being in the room.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Baby.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Look, sometimes you gotta think big bitch.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
Right, got th love you gotta think big, Yes, think
big bitch.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Yes. I love that.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I love that clip so much and I love that
you say that because I think so many of us
because of whether you know, whatever identity we have, and
I mean, that's why the show is called black Fat
fem and the tagline is celebrating the intersections of our identity.
It's no matter how you feel about any of those intersections.
Like at the end of the day, the fact that
you're here and the fact that you're in the room
is literally the statement there is no there is no
(08:54):
other piece that needs to go with it.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
You know.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
I I love this question, Jojo because for a long time,
I think for myself. You know, I wasn't given myself
in We talked about this a couple of weeks ago,
like you know, credit. I wasn't given myself the credit
card of it all. I wasn't really thinking to myself, Wow,
you have a show on this national network, you're doing all.
You have a book out, Like I wasn't giving myself credit.
And so then, you know, a couple of weeks ago.
(09:19):
And also I want to say shout out to them
SSRIs Honey, because up in that has helped me a lot.
I now look at it and I go every day
I wake up, I'm you know, I'm taking up space.
I'm thinking big, and I'm giving a middle finger to
everybody who says that someone like us can't you know?
I think more than anything, now would be a perfect
(09:39):
time for all of us to shrink, right. And I
say this too, saying knowing that every single ad or
every other ad is a golp one on my Instagram
or on my threads or on my you know, I'm
not on Twitter, but you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Like on social media, we're constantly being.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Told here's this golp one, or here's this way for
you to lose weight, or here's this way for you
you know, or you know, respectability politics, you need to
tone down your blackness, right, We're always being told to
turn down a notch.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
And I think.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
I think being visible and being on social media, I've
been told by brands that I'm a problem quote unquote
and having to play that safe sometimes. But I think
when you really think about being safe, you are literally
taking away from everything the ancestors fault for it means
possibly unliving a dream that you may have had or
(10:28):
that you may have that may help someone else stay alive.
And so I think about that constantly. How is me
just showing up and being my authentic self helping somebody
know that they can be themselves and can stay alive,
and so I say that to say, like, I'm proud
of me, but I'm also proud of y'all. And that's
why I said like this, like if my heart was
(10:49):
to cut the court tomorrow, I could say I interviewed
one of the people that I look at as an
aspiration in life.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
You know, I made it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Like, I've made it, and I think that's the thing
for me that really helps me. Say, by just thinking
big and being big all pun intended, I'm getting closer
to that dream. So it's just it's a blessing. It
really is a blessing to be here. And I'm I'm
so excited to get into this conbo with you today, Nina.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
I'm excited.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
Yeah, Well I heard won't go to the cord because
they love us and we and the amazing no nothing,
definitely not my.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
History mother for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
All right, fam, Now that we have to know, now
that we have to uh now we.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Now the girl, what does it say? I don't know.
I was Now that we have told around here a girl.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Yeah, now that we have told to get to to
get out around here, it's a quick break.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Come up with this sweets category is towards.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
All right, fam we are black and last week we
talked a lot about the Tire documentary, which I know
y'all loved, and we no need to have plans say
about online as well.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Do how you doing? But something we're not really unpacked
yet myself? You're here, I was do that?
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Is that to navigate toxic working bindmach for protecting your
mental health, especially when you're chasing your dream. So I
won't start by asking, you know, without triggering you, but
does let us know when you first entered the media world,
were there any flags that you overlooked or down played
that in hindsight you wish you'd pay more attention to.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
And what do you wish someone had told you back then?
Speaker 4 (12:29):
I mean I joined media when it was incredibly toxic.
I think it's still toxic, but I mean I was
thrown in with the wolves. You know. This is like
two thousand and seven when I started doing national you
know news, So it was just a very toxic boys club.
(12:53):
It's like, basically it was kind of like being in
a frat house. That's kind of what I like in
the news that I was in. It was It's like
imagine being in like a white frat house, that's exactly.
So I think like there was probably a part of
me that was still very male centered in the sense
(13:13):
of like, just deal with it, don't complain, Boys will
be boys. Like I think that when I was young
and I was just trying to make it, I didn't
want to make waves at that time. I was willing
to make waves with my opinions, but I don't think
I was quite ready to make waves with like my
environment yet, right, So, like I was find giving my
(13:33):
opinion on blackness and black topics and really going hard
for us, but I wasn't going hard for myself because,
especially as being the only black woman in that newsroom,
I think I was just kind of like everybody's like,
you're grateful to be here, like you're in LA. You
finally made it, Like don't mess this up. Yeah, I think, like,
(13:55):
you know, it's such a it's hard to think of
it in that lens now knowing the things that we
know and evolving, but you know, back then I just
felt really alone with you know, sometimes I still feel alone.
But I think, you know, I probably would have tried
to find more community because I do think like reaching
(14:16):
across and trying to find someone who's kind of going
through with you at least feels like you have some support.
And I didn't have that for a long time, you know,
and I had to create I still had to create
it on my own. But yeah, I think, like I
wish I would have been able to advocate for myself more,
and I did in certain ways, but it was it was,
you know, definitely an uphill battle.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
And I mean, and I can say I watched it
in real time because I remember five point thirty tuning
in to TMZ and thinking about, you know, wow, that's
the only black woman I see on this show, or
seeing you in other spaces on the red carpet and
seeing people walk past you as you were trying to
get you know, and get an interview for them. And
so I constantly think about your experience and and all
(15:00):
of the ways that we've been just talking about this
idea of being human and having a human experience, but
also experiencing such terrible ways that people treat us in
these media spaces. And so one of the things I
think a lot about is how many people stay in
these harmful or exploit of workplaces under the belief that
enduring is just part of paying dues or earning their
(15:21):
dream jobs. I think for the one thing I've always
wanted to ask you was like, what helped you break
free from that mindset? And how has that helped shift
or shaped now how you move in your career.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
I mean, it still happens, you know. I think, like
especially when you're black, I think, like the ideas that
you're just supposed to be grateful that you're getting an opportunity,
and so you're not allowed to have feeling for eyes
to see, like you're not dreaming this person like that,
you know, like knowing like you know, and it still happens.
(15:55):
Like I think it's you have to set a boundary
with yourself and figure out what you're willing to endure
and what you're willing not to I just had a
you know, a network reach out to me to work
on something and they but they didn't want to provide
any kind of budget, Like they didn't you know, they
were like, well we don't have this, we don't have that,
(16:17):
and you're just kind of like, well, y'all reached out
to me like that happened like last week, and so
you know, now I have I'm fine with saying no,
And I think it's still going to be hard for
someone who's on a trajectory, which, no, I'm not where
(16:38):
I want to be, but I'm in a place where
I am well connected and I and I have a
lot of resources and I have a team. But you know,
I understand that's hard for someone who maybe just coming
out and like being breaking into the industry. They're going
to probably take it, which is why a lot of
these networks and organizations take advantage of people asking them
to host panels for free, work for free, do it
(16:59):
for the look, do it for This is still a
very prevalent thing. I'll get offered something for free and
I turn it down and I see a peer doing it,
and I'm like, this is not gonna help, you know,
because you know they know somebody will do it, and
so you know, it's it's a constant thing of like
checking yourself checking, you know, I ask myself, what do
(17:21):
I want out of this, what's the potential out of it,
and always trying to hold that boundary even when it's hard,
because sometimes it's people who are really prevalent that you know,
can offer a great opportunity, but on the back end,
you're like, does this is this worth it? Can I
sleep at night? Like, you know, those things are important
to me? And not everybody operates that way. Some people
don't say guests everything, and that's their right too, But
(17:43):
I think you've got to figure out, like what what
is rooted in what you're doing and is it because
you love to do it or is it because you
want to be seen and need the validation?
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Well, well, you know what you're saying. Maybe you think
a lot about what you're saying is kind of like
having a strong sense of sense of just a strong
sense of discernment when you're saying what you want to do.
And I think right, like having that level of good judgment,
oftentimes from especially who are artistic and creative, like it
(18:16):
comes from a place of deep hurt. And so you know,
one thing I think we both admire about your journey
is that you refuse.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
To let that hurt define your story. And so I'm curious.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
I'm curious, like now that you're grounded and where you are,
like one are the tools that has helped you metabolize
and process the harm you've experience in the industry, So
you have a discernment rather than carrying that pain and
you know, like like and that that like that challenge
feeling in every new space that you enter.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
I mean, I I've just I'm I've decided that this
industry isn't going to change, right. I think for many years,
like when I get to this level, this will get better.
When I get this accomplishment, things will get better. If
I get on this show, it will get better. And
I think, you know, I've seen Viola Davis talk about this,
halle Berry talk about this, and they consistently talk about
(19:06):
how they still have to fight for things. And it
made me realize that this machine is way bigger than
what I initially thought about. I was younger, and I
was very hopeful, maybe a little naive when I was
just getting in the business and just when I get
a team, this won't be a challenger. And what I've
realized is is, you know, life is going to life,
and this business is going to be what it is,
(19:29):
and it'll shift and it will change, but ultimately it's
it is. It does not love you. And so I think,
like if you persevere in it with the mentality of
like I love what I do, I can take or
leave this vessel of the industry with it, and I
don't seek validation from it, then I think you'll you'll
(19:50):
fare better. And for that. I have people that I
count on that I talk to, that I vent to
that I'm like, look, I know this thing isn't going
to change. Like when I was telling you about this
place that told me they didn't have a budget. I
called a girlfriend of mine who's also a host, just
event to be like, yo, like, I'm really sick of
people saying they don't have budgets, but then they want,
you know, all of my time, and you know, I'm
(20:11):
people to talk to her about that, and then she
was offering me suggestions like well what if you did
this so? And I think there are people that I
trust that I can, you know, bounce things off of creatively.
I also have an amazing black therapist that I talk
to that helps me manage, you know, just my frustration
with the dusty burnout. So I think I needed these
(20:32):
tools or I'll be like, Okay, this weekend, I'm not
doing anything industry related. I'm seeing my homegirls and getting
a massaged. Like I think there's for me. I just
have to set my world outside of it. That I'm
good when I go in it.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
Yeah, I think, And that's I've been seeing this conversation
so much on social and I'm happy that you touched
on it. So many journalists, so many creators, so many
people are now seen as a brand, and they're not
they're not doing that, they're not separating themselves from the
work or from the creating, and it's really impacting us.
(21:07):
And so I love that you mentioned that, because I
think folks need to hear it's okay for you to
step out of this industry or to step out of
your job and say, I'm a human first, and I'm
having a real emotion or I'm having a real feeling
about this thing that i feel is unfair, and this
is how I'm going to go about trying to resolve
it before putting my career before my own feelings. And
(21:28):
I think so many of us need to hear that.
I know that you've spoken very openly about your time
at TMZ, and I don't want to spend a lot
of time talking about that because I know that it
can be like y'all know this story. If you follow me,
you know it. But I will say the thing that
I have taken from you sharing so openly, is how
(21:49):
some of your experiences mirrored a lot of what those
women in that documentary dealt with. And I do want
to say real quick thank you for the listeners who
listened to this, who listened to last week's episode and
gave us such great feedback and so much great Like
so many folks saying that they appreciated what we had
to say about it, I definitely, I truly truly appreciate it.
(22:09):
One of the things that I wanted to ask you specifically,
knowing that I've been following all of the conversations you
and other people have been having, is why do you
think so many of us internalize the idea that enduring
pain or toxicity is just part of the path to success.
How do we begin to unlearn that belief?
Speaker 4 (22:28):
I don't know the answer to that. I don't be
born in a different era, because these don't seem to care.
Legen Z is gonna take their break, Okay, you know,
you know, I think it's an old school belief, and
I think it's generational. You know, I know, for me,
(22:49):
I'm in my forties, and so you know, a lot
of these beliefs I've gotten from people who were older
than me, who were like, you work, you do this,
you you know, you stay for hours, you just do it.
Just so I think it's a lot of that, you know, belief,
and that's just and that's really a lot of what
we feel when we're black, right, It's like we're just
(23:10):
just endure to endure, be resilient. And I think now
there isn't a waking of like, hey, I want to
be soft. I want to I don't always want to
be on guard. But unlearning it, I mean I'm still
eating carbs right, Like I can't even like you know
what I mean, I can't unlearn even habits, babe. So
I don't know, don't you know, like.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
I don't, I don't have it. I don't have anybody.
I don't have it. I know that's right.
Speaker 4 (23:37):
Unlearning behaviors is difficult for just you as a society,
damn near impossible. But I'm hopeful that it happens, because
I do see awakenings happening. But I think you know
it has. When I was talking to you earlier about
like if we're speaking in terms of journalism, right, like
working for free, if if there's somebody who's always going
(23:57):
to do it. Then you know, why does this institution
have to change? So it takes a collective to be like, hey,
this is how we want to move now. Like now
interns are paid, right, you don't like unheard internships and
media are unheard of now. When I was in college,
you were if you did an unpaid internship, you wasn't working,
(24:20):
You wasn't getting how you got to the network. That
was your way to get into the industry. And now
they would never think of that. So ultimately it has
to be people being like, hey, we're no longer doing this.
But the problem is this is such a place of
vanity and a look. There's always you know, it's always
somebody who wants to get a look off, so they're
(24:42):
going so and that's why you see people on red
carpets now, who are you know, influencers who don't know
what they're doing and know what they're talking about because
they're willing to do it for the look right, right.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
And that's why I still always think about your clip
with Jocelyn and you said I am I'm a journalist,
said I know, that's damn right, I know that's right,
I am a journalist.
Speaker 4 (25:05):
Away from me.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Yeah, people, this is a I am a common studies
pr major.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Honey. I know what I'm saying, Honey, I know it.
I know that's right.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
And I lived where I was gonna say before we
jump into the last question for the segment, I was
gonna say when you said that you were still struggling
with cards, I said for cards, I said, for me,
it's always I'm.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Gonna need a little bit something sweet under everything. I
was just need a little some sweet.
Speaker 4 (25:34):
I would be broken free from that, but it is.
It is crazy as.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Well, Yes, yeah, broken.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
So from from tm Z, towilding a career at e
CBS and in fast you completely you know, you completely
agree written change involve your native your native as a
person and as a as a journalist and as a figure,
as a public figure.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
How do you shift?
Speaker 3 (26:04):
How how did you shift from being like like from
from being like the girl who left TMZ to becoming
such a creative powerhouse with agency over your story?
Speaker 2 (26:14):
And what are some and what are some of someone?
What are some of your non negotiables now?
Speaker 4 (26:18):
Like?
Speaker 2 (26:18):
What boundaries are values? Help you help you protect your peace?
Speaker 4 (26:23):
I think I just probably you know, thank god, I
made a lot of these decisions for the trajectory of
my career when I was in my twenties and fearless
because I just didn't care. You know, I didn't have
a mortgage, I didn't have no kids, no husband. I
was like, I'm I'm gonna just do whatever, you know,
Like I when I decided to put TMC, I did
not have a job like I didn't have Would I
(26:46):
make that decision now, Probably, But like, you know, set
myself up a little bit better because I left that thing.
I didn't have a backup plan, and which is probably
what made me which is probably what made me go
so hard, because I was like, he ain't no backup,
you know. And I think there's just the thing that
has been a constant while this industry goes up and down,
(27:10):
is that I truly felt like I had a voice.
I truly felt like I connected with people, and there
was nobody who could tell me I couldn't do this
job better than most people who were out here. Like
I was like, you might be skinnier, but you're not
interviewing better than me. You might be this, but you're
not working harder than me. And I made the decision.
I made a personal decision that I was a benefit
(27:33):
to this industry. This industry was not a benefit. I've
kept that in my mind. You know, when I go
do things like that, people are like, you're gonna get
a clothing line, You're gonna do this, Like that's crazy,
But I think like there's I just kind of feel
like if I see somebody doing something, then it's not impossible.
So I'm gonna figure out how to make it work
(27:54):
for me. I'm gonna figure out, like I'm going to
reach out, and I don't have a problem reaching out,
asking for help, getting advice, cold calling companies and being
like I want to work with you, Like I genuinely
don't have a problem truly networking. I going to a
party and meeting people, but truly reaching out, have settling meetings,
(28:15):
being diligent about that, not getting my feelings hurt if
they tell me no, Like none of that bothers me.
And so I don't really have an ego about myself
when it comes to my dreams. I'm gonna do whatever
I have to do to make it happen. And I'm
definitely not listening to somebody who doesn't have that dream
tell me what I'm supposed to be doing.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Okay, Look, you know, my mama would always say the
ego is not worried about what the owl is doing.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
You know, you.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
Got to say your course. And it's frustrating, right when
you see people on the thirty for thirty and they're
being honored and they're being invited to everything and you're not.
And you know, it's you can really become a slave
to comparison. And what I've learned to do is just
really listen to God and really listen to the guidance
that I'm getting and really be mindful pray about it,
(29:07):
but also like put action towards it. And then I'm
started realizing, well, most of these events brands are Briyan tables.
They're not even inviting individuals like you start to see
like the veil pulled off of Hollywood, and you realize
it's more of a technical game than it is a
personality contest. And when you look at it in that terms,
it's less personal.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Yeah, you just said something. Shout out to one of
our I would say friends to the show, but also
one of my BFFs, doctor James Simmons.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
We were just talking.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
About that the other day about this idea that so
many people forget that this industry is very much a
it's like the playground. It's very much who knows who,
and who likes who, and who wants to invite who
to the sandbox. And so I think what you're saying
right now is truly a It's not only just a word,
but it's a testimony to this idea that you really
have to invest in really or into you, especially if
(30:01):
you're going to I think that's the point I was
trying to make last week. I was saying, yes, like,
believe in your dream, but also recognize that you don't
have to give people that much power over your dream.
And I think that's what happens in a lot of
this industry. We give other people so much power and
so much we do wait over that, and then we
end up being hurt when that person does something or
(30:23):
says something that harms us.
Speaker 4 (30:25):
So and I think also, you know, I will say now,
like when I was getting started, you had to rely
on networks like you had to Now, you know, you
could be a plumber on Monday and a social media
storr by Friday. And I'm seeing a lot of people
become well known quickly and not know how to handle it.
(30:45):
And so I say, like, if you are in this
industry and you have tools and education, like you really
already have kind of a cheat code, and it's you
are empowered to create your own thing more than any
time before, Like you know, the number one streaming services YouTube,
So it's not like you you know, it's great to
(31:05):
have a network behind you, but you don't need it
anymore to have, you know, I want to do and
I think if you are looking at it like I'm
gonna just create it, but also have the consistency and
the dedication because you can want it and not do
anything towards it. And what does that? Having a dream
is nothing like you know with our works, with our
(31:26):
works is dead. So you know if you and then
not only that, but you got to work to keep it.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
So what oh lord Jesus it all you don't want
to work anymore.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
They don't want to work.
Speaker 4 (31:41):
It is just like it sounds good. And I have
a lot of young people emailing me and they want help,
and I'm happy to help, but like I can tell
sometimes even from the email, it's like you don't really
want to do this. You just want the attention the platform,
but like you don't really like want to do this,
(32:02):
you know, and so you know, it's it's not that
I don't take people seriously, but I do, you know,
I don't take like I don't have a mentee right
because I that to me is such a personal thing
and it's not anything you can cold call for, like
you got to have a relationship. And you know, people
pay more attention than you think. And if you know,
you see somebody who says they want to do media,
(32:24):
but that it's not necessarily reflected in the life that
you see that they're posting, you wonder like is this
really something you want or is it just, you know,
something that you think is one like a you know,
and that's to each his own. But I think like
this is really a business and you really do have
to commit to it. And that's really the truth is
(32:44):
like you've got to make these promises within yourself and
keep them.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Mm hmmmmm.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
And that's oh you saying that. I know, I know
we need to scadatle to the next segment, but I
do want to say this too to our listeners because
I get emails. I get cold emails from people being like, oh,
I would love to start a podcast and I want. Baby,
we are on one hundred and ninety two episodes.
Speaker 4 (33:04):
You have.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
To stay diligent, like we didn't get to Black Fat
fam by just showing up. Like I tell people all
the time, like like you said, faith without works is dead,
and I believe that.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
You know, one of my one.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
Of one of the people that I love that I
will always I always look up to in this industry
said to me, they said it takes ten years to
become an overnight celebrity. And I always tell myself that
in my head, like girl, you are, You're on year nine,
You're on.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Year nine, You're almost there.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
So just just remember baby, that it takes time and
and you know you've got to do the work, but
you also have to believe in yourself too. So I
love this segment, and I thank you Nina for for
giving your gems. You know, and I do want to
say now that we have helped you remember who the
fuck you are. We are going to take a quick
break and come back more.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Show will freight down.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Okay, y'all, we are back with What's Popping and this week,
while we know there are a lot of hot topics,
and there are things we can't get into. I will
tell you right now. I immediately told my team, I don't
want to talk about Bathta. I don't want to talk
about all of the mess that's happening right I said,
I'm not doing it. I don't have the energy for it.
Y'all and already said when he needs to be said,
and I concur but I do want to dive into you.
(34:24):
So I was. I was going through your socials and
you and Kevi on stage also another person I highly
admire and look up to y'all said something that I
think is really important, and I definitely agree with you.
Had noted a couple of weeks ago that we are
losing recipes, specifically in entertainment, with all of the ways
(34:45):
that entertainment channels are now turning to influencers. And again,
I'm not trying to shave nobody for getting the bag.
However I do. I will say that I came up.
You know, I graduated in the two thousands. I won't
say good year, but I graduated in the two thousands.
When and you, when you said I wanted to work
in media or I wanted to work in entertainment, it
meant something like you had to put in the work.
(35:07):
And so I wanted to actually have a conversation in
our What's Popping talking about training and media credentials. I
wanted to ask you what are the clearest examples that
come to mind with us losing recipes when we think
about music, TV or film. I'll go out on a
limb and start and I'll throw it to you, and
then Joho will throw it to you. I know, for me,
(35:27):
the biggest thing is I truly missed talent development. That
for me is literally I can look at a select
like I can look at a performer, or I can
look at like I'm gonna stay in my music back.
I can look at an artist and I can immediately
tell they had no talent development. I can tell that's nobody. Industry, Yeah,
(35:51):
they don't nobody.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Does you know?
Speaker 1 (35:53):
I miss when you could tell an artist was grinding
to be the best singer, dancer, entertainment.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
I entertained.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
And I will say this too, like a lot of
people talk about Beyonce and why artists can't stand up
to Beyonce, and I literally will say this, Yes, Beyonce
is outrageously talented y'all know, I love that woman house
down boots, but it's the talent, Like literally, you look
at her and you can see that, you know, Matthew
literally was I hate to say it, I truly, I
(36:22):
hope I don't sound ridiculous and I'm not saying this
is right, But like Michael Jackson, you know, Beyonce, they
had it instilled in them that they had to work
to build that talent. And so I just I really
miss when artists were in rooms for twelve hours straight
saying I was singing, I was dancing, I was running
(36:43):
in heels to get my talent together.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
What about you, baby?
Speaker 4 (36:47):
Yeah, I mean it's I don't know talent and it's
it's such a slippery slope, right, Because I'm sure this
goes back to our earlier conversation that talent development. There
was a lot of toxicity in that, right, Like things
they had to were and go through to B stars
was crazy and grueling, kind of a hazing. But that
being said, like right now, someone can sing a jingle
(37:09):
on TikTok and then be on the stage in a
couple of weeks, and they're just not ready for that
because back in the day, like if to piggyback off
of what you said, Like even Britney Spears was doing
like mall tours and opening people and an headliner straight
out the bat, like there were levels to things. I
think the recipe that we're skipping is the levels, Like
there's not level or it's we like you, let's put
(37:35):
you on the oscar red carpety for celebrities because you
did a few tiktoks or you have even you know,
not everybody is for everything. Even though someone may have
like a fun series on TikTok, that does not mean
they are equipped to do a live red carpet shows, right.
I think like there are genres and there are strengths,
and everybody's just kind of so focused on the numbers
(37:58):
that they're not actually focused on the craft anymore. And
we're losing like that kind of talent. And I think
that's why people say music isn't the same. You know,
the industry things are changing, everything's changing, and I think
like the one recipe that we lost is like slowing
down a little bit. Everybody wants it now and they
(38:18):
want it fast. It has to be big and shiny,
and you know, I like it. I like a little
slow creep. I don't need to be. So that's something
I have to agree with, is like I do think
you know, we've we've lost a lot of recipes, you know,
but that would happen me here all night.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
Yes, I know, I know I was gonna say this
to your point, like Stephanie, So y'all know I love
Lady Gaga, but I call her Stephanie because that's her name.
I remember seeing Stephanie one time in LA and she
was at a bar and there were like four tables
and it was me and a few of my friends
from college, and Mama was on.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
That piano singing her heart and I said.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
That, you know, oh, welcome to the stage, Lady Gaga.
And I said, who the hell is this lady?
Speaker 2 (39:06):
And I kid you not.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
When I saw her perform at the MTV Movie Awards,
maybe I would say about two or three months later,
I said.
Speaker 4 (39:13):
Oh, that's that late. It was over that at the
foot that you know about it.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
Even the floor was sticky and it's stunk. But she
was hungry. She was hungry for her career.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
And I said, that's why we have Lady Gaga, because
Gaga really knows what it's like to be in the trenches.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
And I think that's the thing for me about this industry.
Speaker 1 (39:32):
Like I I'll even say for me like this, these
last nine years that I've been trying to build this
world around black, fat queer people, I've been in the trenches.
But I keep thinking to myself, like, I'm so happy
that it's happening the way it's happening, because I don't
think i'd appreciate it if I wasn't if twenty.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
Years ago, John would not have appreciated any of this.
You know, definitely, it's all good.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
And so you still look beautiful, honey, what about you
look fantastic?
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Truly? Like again the Muggle's right, can we can I
just ask what makeup do you use?
Speaker 4 (40:11):
Well, now I have no lights, so that's gone.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
That's fine.
Speaker 4 (40:14):
But I've switched up. You know, I am blessed enough
to be gifted a bunch of stuff. But I will say,
like what my staple is right now? Foundation is one
size okay, at one size? That one size foundation?
Speaker 2 (40:34):
Maybe I said one side or one size.
Speaker 4 (40:37):
One size, yeah, okay, it's very pop to ask, and
you know, in there and then a powder foundation over
it because it's a local foundation. But to me, it's
the first foundation I've used that I feel like I
look like I went to a makeup artist and you
know what I mean, really meet you and one size,
(41:00):
especially for brown skin. To me, has is pop it.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
Yeah, okay, okay, thank you. I just I just needed
to know notes. So the show, well, one thing I'm
one thing I'm thinking about, like.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
For TV is I really I think a lost recipe
is physical, physical comedy, like I'm thinking like Lucille Ball,
I'm thinking ray Semonia. I'm thinking like even like Captain
Ahara about some memory screen or especially the girl play.
Alexis right, like people don't don't just have a comedy anymore.
People like we I miss the exaggerated movements because they
(41:41):
show up great on screen on screen. I miss like
I missed official expressions I met like I missed the
over the top sounds responses like I think people really,
I think like we think of the entertainment. I think
of like TV entertainment, Like we're missing physical comedy. We're
missing like like I miss like I miss a slap scene,
(42:02):
I miss a food fight scene. I miss like like
I miss someone being messy, Like I think the.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
Shows are passed out for no reason.
Speaker 3 (42:09):
Yeah right, like yes, like you know, like I think
the shows that we watch that we have now focused
on storytelling, and I appreciate that. I love storytelling. That
we focus on dramatic storytelling, but like like I want
some I want you know, like I think like ABT
Elementary is one of the shows that has brought that back, right,
like like Jameelle James all about physical comedy, like that
girl is a comedy and I'm so, I'm just like
(42:31):
there are not many shows that do that anymore. And
that's that's the ship that makes me that I love
because you can you can still tell a story that's
powerful and meaningful and deep, but also like like but
also like like infuse it with something that makes you
like laugh out loud and like actually giggle and cackla.
And I think that's like that's the recipe that people
are missing. Like I I love physical comedy. I love slapstick,
I love like I I you know, I love the
(42:53):
essay and I love the impron fadoll. And I think, people,
it is a lost art. I think people, i think
we're losing that. It comes to howvy one entertained because
for the sake of like deeper stories.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
Or like or like more trauma, but like also, well,
we don't need trauma all the time, like what it
is we actually could use just like a simple like
a simple giggle.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
Yeah Miss Pat show on the T I was like,
oh my God, like like this is the type of
ship that I've been missing, Like just like let let's
letts like quick when you come backs, you know, like
using your full body in a seed like that's the
ship that I love.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
But literally I do that in my in my real life.
Speaker 3 (43:35):
A lot of people do that in in in their
virtual lives to like make us see who you really
are and make us like enjoy it.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
Yeah, I was gonna say the Martin of it all.
They were very physical on there, I'm sure, yeah, I
miss I will even say Loretta Divine. I saw the
episode with the Retta Divine anti uh not but what
is her name? On Miss Pat And it was a
very physical scene.
Speaker 3 (44:00):
And so just even like shows like like like uh leaving,
shows like like living Single, I mean living Single, so many,
so many black shows got this down for sure. So
many shows got this down right because because because like
like we knew, we knew that that that you have
a balance of drama and passion and like and like
(44:21):
and like meaning and balanced that with that's like, it's
supremely hilarious the way like the way, the way the
way you react to someone. Yeah, so for sure, for
sure I agree with that. Friends, we got to take
one more break, and we got weak one one one
more break and singa bye to our good Sistina.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
So while we are, you know, while while.
Speaker 3 (44:41):
We were giving her our biggest hugs, we will take
a break.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
We'll come back to y'all. Guess you've been. My hands
are just the same, Lord Jesus.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
So this week I wanted to chat in terms of
my guest Mamma, my no man, Pam. Part of it
is serious, but also part of it I'm going to
try to cover it funny.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
So I want to make this very clear that again,
this is not me talking shit. This is me giving
you all the facts and me giving you my opinions
with those facts. So I will say this off the top.
You in life, we have to know that you cannot
create a storm and then get mad when you have
to sit in the ring.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
Okay, you cannot.
Speaker 1 (45:30):
I want to repeat that you cannot create a storm
and get mad when you have when you are left
out in the code and have to sit in the ring.
So this week I wanted to chat about a situation
that has really brought me both joy and a lot
of frustration. If you aren't aware, recently, Ts Madison and
Dominique Morgan, both people that I love and look up
(45:50):
to exponentially, had to obtain a temporary restraining order against
content creator Nikwan Dill Whisper Palmer after alleged escalating harassment
and threats. I will say I started to feel like, Okay,
this ship is going too far when he brought in
(46:12):
Ts Madison's mom into the conversation.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
When when miss what's her name? Do you know Ts's
mom's name?
Speaker 1 (46:21):
No?
Speaker 2 (46:22):
Oh, m's Mary Mary. I know miss Mary.
Speaker 1 (46:25):
I've met Miss Mary. When Miss Mary was brought into
the conversation, I said, Okay, this ship has gone too far.
I said, it can be a spar back and forth
online and we can keep it at that, but now
you're bringing her mom into it, We've gone a little
too far.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
Okay. That was that was strike one for me.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
Then, so let me continue reading with her friend and
collaborating Dominique Morgan, both helping document his targeting of black
trans women. So then he started escalating and saying these
terrible things about trans women and how she needed and
I said, Okay, now this is out of fucking hand.
That that for me was when I was like, Okay,
(47:05):
what the fuck is going on here?
Speaker 2 (47:07):
This is out of hand.
Speaker 1 (47:09):
So now we have miss marrying it, and now we
have them saying all these terrible things. Then he shows
up at Ts's house. I literally jump on my phone.
I'm texting, and I'm asking what is going on? Why
is this happening. I'm trying to get clarity on what
is happening. But by the power of God, last week
(47:32):
it was announced that he was sent to jail. Do
not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. But
but the other gag of it all is that they
refused his bail. So there was a bail and I
guess so from what I've read and from what I've
dived into, Georgia doesn't play when it comes to stalking,
and so that that is literally what it was. Right
(47:55):
they they got him on charges for stalking. And I
say all of that to say, and why is this
my yes, ma'am. I wanted to simply say that the
same thing you wished for Dominique was the thing that
happened to you. And I am so happy that God
in the universe, Buddha, whoever you Mohammed, whoever you pray to,
(48:19):
came through and made the devil their footstool. And so
I say, yes, ma'am, not that I'm celebrating the fact
that this person is in jail, because we know that
jail is a very harmful and it is going to
cause a lot of harm to Nikwan, and it's causing
harm to a lot of queer people who are currently
in jail. I don't know how to dismantle it. I
(48:41):
don't even want to. I don't want to act like
I know what the fuck I'm talking about when we
start talking about the prison industrial complex, I don't even
want to act like I get it. But I definitely
want to say when you start threatening people, when you
start threatening or you start taking the actions of or
little digs at people and then they start becoming physic
or they start becoming stalking and all of that, that
(49:02):
is where the problem lies. This is where it takes
me into my no man PAM, my NOMNPAM for this week. Right,
So my yes, ma'am. I'm grateful that my sisters are safe.
We know black trans women often are targeted and they
often are harmed, and I'm so happy that both of
my sisters are safe. Where my no manpam comes into
(49:24):
queer Black people who refuse to see that not protecting
our brothers and our trans brothers and our trans sisters
in the community is making more room for the folks
on the other side to come for us. It is
not funny. It is not fun It is not lost
on me that the same thing that Nikwan was doing
(49:46):
to Dominique and to Ts is the same thing that
this country in this world is doing to trans people
across the globe. It is not like we are already
living in a time where things are not saying and
I understand it. You ain't got to like everyone. There
are a lot of queer Black creators that I don't
(50:07):
fuck with and I don't see it for them. But
I'm gonna tell you one thing, for various reasons, right,
some of them are my own reasons, some of them
are very valid. And again, I was talking to doctor
James about some of those reasons yesterday right, some of.
Speaker 2 (50:21):
Them are very valid.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
But what I will say is I would never want
or wish, or or or think to cause harm to
them because they already are living in systems that are
already harming them. And so I just don't comprehend, like,
how did how did we get here? You know, like,
what made you think it was okay to to go? Like?
Speaker 2 (50:46):
I just so that I guess that's my long way
of saying.
Speaker 1 (50:50):
Life is tough enough for for a for our family,
and for our community, and we ain't got to like everybody,
but baby, you can't like we can't add to it.
So again, I'm happy my sisters are safe. I'm sad
that it isn't it this way. But at the end
of the day, if you think as a black queer
person that you are above black trans people, baby, that
(51:14):
same system is gonna come to eat you up. And
I just I felt that I had to go on
record to say that what are your guest ma'am's and
your no man PAMs this week?
Speaker 2 (51:22):
That's why I say, it's just it's just like you
really can't be.
Speaker 3 (51:26):
You really I saw something, I saw what the fuck
you really can't you really can't like be down against
the population that brought you up in the first place,
Like how you like like like like how you on
like as a black core person, how young on not
like trends folks from like this is these are these
(51:47):
are the folks. These are the folks and and and
mostly these these these are the sisters who like ensure
that we could be free.
Speaker 2 (51:54):
In some capacity in our lives. Like what do you mean?
It's just just just I'm just like what why why?
Speaker 3 (52:01):
Okay, So I'll start with my nomame because it's also about.
Speaker 2 (52:05):
Some queer folks. Yeah, but you love the queer folks,
the queer folks who loved vacation in Mexico and all right.
Speaker 4 (52:18):
And have.
Speaker 3 (52:21):
Can't actually understand and prioritize the danger people in late
lately people could be in and can't prioritize that over
their own their own like necessity for uh partying, and
and who don't understand the new, the new the complexities
and nuances of seeing like seeing actions against drug trafficking
(52:47):
and not acknowledge their own like positionality and drug trafficking.
Like I just want to name the folks who are
like the folks who are like like especially with like
you know what happened and what was like it's happened
in several several places in the state of du school
in Mexico and patch of Moscow bo got like probably
(53:09):
I would say, like like a lot of a lot
of attention, right and so, and because it's also a
big queer destination and so first of all, there are
many videos of like queer's.
Speaker 2 (53:19):
Like speedos being like what's happening?
Speaker 3 (53:22):
Like oh no, like like why is I don't know,
Like it's like it's it's interrupting my time and so
like right or people posting like oh can like like
oh like can PV get together?
Speaker 2 (53:36):
Like I'm not to go on my trip soon? Like girl,
like things are happening, could you people are dying? Cam?
What do you mean? People literally are dying and like.
Speaker 3 (53:46):
Like listen, like I like, I don't I don't have thoughts.
I don't have thoughts on the operations that happen, Like
it's not not my place to give thoughts. What I'm
geting my thoughts on is like to to this point
of them, people are like, oh, Mexico is so like
drug field and drugs are a huge thing that I'm
like you do know who made the drugs, don't you?
(54:06):
Who supplies the drugs, and also who uses the drugs?
Right right, baby girl, baby girl that's waking up. Look
at the mirror, baby yeah. When you when like like
like just just like have some self awareness, baby girls,
this be be be aware, be mindful, no know who
you are and where you are in this space. Like
(54:27):
it's just so no mame him to those to those
queer folks who and those often often this these type
of queer folks.
Speaker 2 (54:37):
Who just don't seem to get it.
Speaker 3 (54:40):
My yes, ma'am as a total side like total detour
is I heard this amazing poet earlier from you speaks
to her name.
Speaker 2 (54:51):
I think the name is. I know, I'm not even
trying to name because because I know I'm I'm almost up.
I'm not trying to do that.
Speaker 3 (54:59):
But they but if you look on Bart's Instagram pages
are rapid transit and their collaboration with you speaks a
great a great spoken words about Bart and I really
and like so folks know like I'm I'm in the
bay currently and I'm here by but I mean I
(55:21):
mean from so the thing, the thing, the death of me.
But like like see like Bart right, Bart has such
a has such a reputation, and I appreciate like like
like like one like one one of One of the
things she says is bart Bart is miss represented by
people who claim they're from the Bay. And I was like,
(55:43):
girl speak on that because it's true, like yes, things
she goes down Bart for real, but like but like
Bart is also an accessible, accessible space where you get
to point a point B and you know, like like
like like like growing like growing up near a Bart
line like was so like was so much called it
was so like significant to how how I could access
(56:04):
like the city, how I can access Oakland right like
so many school ships was off of bar so many times,
like like I like going to Prime was off a
bar like Bart enable me to do so many things,
and like, yes, sometimes I feel a little nervous like
sometimes sure, but also like if you grew up here,
you like you like you were you were raised to
(56:24):
one much business and two like don't like don't do
or say stupid ship like right, don't do clowns ship
clown show what happened to you? And so you know,
and so I I appreciate, I appreciate I appreciate. I
really appreciate, like like hearing this piece because like people
ship on bar and people are like, a Bart's nasty,
BArch girls like Bart's so dangerous to my girl, Everyone's dangerous.
Speaker 2 (56:46):
Baby. Nowhere, it's everywhere is dangerous. Nowhere it's safe. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (56:49):
And a lot of times when you think about, like
I get this cover, I hear this conversation a lot
about Sambordandino, I'm like, you do realize that people go
into sam Bornandino looking for for Trump? Are they going
to Sambordino going they're not from Samborgadino or they're not
from the bay, they're not from the area, and they
don't know what they're doing, and so now they're you're
putting yourself in a situation of like if you know
(57:11):
that it's dangerous, why are you here? Like you know
what I mean, like why are you by yourself?
Speaker 2 (57:16):
What are you looking for? What are you looking to
get into?
Speaker 1 (57:19):
You know?
Speaker 4 (57:19):
See?
Speaker 3 (57:20):
And that's my thing right about about being smart or
like not making up choices like like like like for example,
it is it is easy to get bipped when you
are in the bay, especially in you're in space, easy
to get bipped right biped as in.
Speaker 2 (57:34):
Your shipping into and taken.
Speaker 3 (57:35):
So you should know that when you park somewhere, you
put your ship where it can't be seen in the
front or back seat, and or you take it with you.
Speaker 2 (57:43):
Okay, yeah, my my roommate, my roommate drove with My
roommates drove up with me.
Speaker 3 (57:47):
And there are some times where I was like, girl, girl,
that's splutter in the back seat. That's where in the truck.
Do not leave it on the seat. She's like, it's
just sort of the thing is hiding something. And then
do not do not get my brand your vehicles. Cars
do not in my opinion, vehicles windows match. Girl, I
don't leave and put on your body.
Speaker 2 (58:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (58:07):
Yeah, it's so funny because like like in San Diego,
people will leave in the car and I'm always like
always coming.
Speaker 2 (58:13):
With me, and people like, do you like just living
your car.
Speaker 3 (58:14):
It's like ten minutes, I'm like, and you can get
bip de bait will raise me and I will not
refuse to add if my shaking swe but like but
like but like I just see that to me, I
see that as like like a condition to be alert
of your surroundings.
Speaker 2 (58:27):
And it's like play it safe.
Speaker 3 (58:28):
But that that's all I see us, and people people
will see us like, oh like if that happens there,
it's too ghetto for me, it's too dangerous for me.
And I'm like, no, girl, like okay, just like just
get back, but just hearing back with you, like make
sure you accuse, are out when you when you put
your vehicle, Like it's like it's simple things you should
be doing for your own safety. Anyways, girl Like, it's
not likely, it's not the need. So I'll just say,
(58:48):
yampam to do this to this amazing, amazing young poet
who wrote a love a love of the bar and
really just like show how like like like how dope
can bark like and I like, I appreciate it. One
line she said, she was like, how can I leave
the bay when all the best ideas I've had to
been on bart And I really appreciate that of like
she's like, she's like, I wrote my best work on
(59:11):
you know, on this transitional space that got me two
places safely, and so how could I leave it?
Speaker 2 (59:16):
Or dissan?
Speaker 1 (59:16):
I just I love that so much and I want
to shout out thank you, thank you for saying that,
I want to shout out two of the listeners who
I literally met on social media now have become literally
part of my life. I definitely want to shout out
Jared and Kyle, who genuinely have really helped me learn
to appreciate San fran and bart and the transportational Like,
(59:41):
there were so many misconceptions that I had about you know,
that area because obviously, right even and that's the thing
I think we don't talk enough about even when you
are black or you're queer or whatever, when you when
you don't live somewhere, when you don't know somewhere, it's
easy to make generalized statements that you don't realize are
rooted and privilege and and and are super problematic, and
(01:00:03):
it's easy to take that stuff on as truth. And
so they have really helped me deconstruct a lot of
the a lot of the anti black and even anti
uh houseless, you know, because I think a lot of
that's also rooted in Oh San Francisco, is you know,
there's a lot of there's a lot of houselessness. I'm like, baby,
there's a lot of house houselessness everywhere, right, Yeah, San
(01:00:26):
Francisco's houselessness is no different than LA's. LA's is no
different than San Bernardino's or or her mind like it,
Literally people are losing their homes. So I say, I
love that to say, I'm just very grateful for both
of them who have really helped me kind of do
my own unlearning around this. And I'm so grateful that
you are helping through this show and through other things
(01:00:46):
that you share in your social You're really helping us
to rethink about the ways we talk about area. And
I think really what it comes down to is areas
with the high population of black people.
Speaker 2 (01:00:56):
That's really what it comes down to.
Speaker 1 (01:00:58):
We think of these areas as ghetto because the world
makes us believe that when there's more than two or
three black people in an area, it's considered ghetto, and
that's not that's not always the case. So we'll share
that clip in the footnotes of the show.
Speaker 4 (01:01:13):
So, yes, ma'am to Paradise being back on Yell, I
love that show, like the you know, I I'm I'm
here for black leads so and so I'm really excited
to binge and see that. So that's given. I'm giving
my flowers to that. No ma'am to all of the
(01:01:36):
BBC and the Bathtist goodbye. No man, we ain't got
to get into it.
Speaker 1 (01:01:41):
But no, no, no, no no no, they don't figure
to everybody. Everybody. Everybody need a whoop it. Everybody at
the Baptist need a whooping.
Speaker 3 (01:01:53):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:01:53):
Yeah, So I always like to ask Nina, where when
you aren't being the baddest bitch in the game, where
can folks find you?
Speaker 4 (01:02:00):
Just find me out all my socials, the Nina Parker.
Speaker 2 (01:02:03):
Okay, it was so great to have you. Thank you
for being much.
Speaker 1 (01:02:09):
If you all want to send your thoughts, your feedback,
and your emails to Blackfatfempod at gmail dot com, we
love to hear from you. You can also send us
your thoughts for your social media by interacting with our
post on Instagram and threats by using the handle at
Black Fatfempod.
Speaker 2 (01:02:21):
Queen Joho, Where can the dolls find you? This week?
Of course, when you're not in the air lock shot? Yeah,
I drove up here so I was never on the
air anywhere.
Speaker 3 (01:02:35):
Be with me and my little Tom The Tu song
coming through so y'all can find me Jojo Daniels across
all socials my OtherSide Joe Dane's dot comment.
Speaker 2 (01:02:43):
If not there you can find me.
Speaker 3 (01:02:44):
If not there or in the bay, you will find
me under the covers, trying to get back all the
rest that I have wasted and so far this year,
I'm trying to get my sleep when I get back home.
Speaker 2 (01:02:56):
Girl, Oh, no one bothered me. No one going over
to my house. But by me out I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
Home, yes, yes, yes, under the covers, rubbing your feet
like your cricket.
Speaker 2 (01:03:04):
H Oh, what a moment. I just said. I cannot
wait for the weekend. For that very reason.
Speaker 1 (01:03:11):
I have one thing to do on Saturday, and the
rest of that day is mine and baby, when I
tell you I can't wait anyway. As for me and mine,
you can find me on socials at doctor John Paul.
If you want to go to my website, you can
visit ww dot doctor John paul dot com. Re learn
more about me, my consulting, all of the stuff that
I am going to do, specifically my books plural catch it,
(01:03:35):
and where I will be in the coming weeks. If
you want to see me on your television screen, you
can head down to Hulu watch my episode of Who
I Am Meant To be where I talk about the
magic of the show and working with my best friend
every single week to bring you magic.
Speaker 2 (01:03:52):
Hey you, this has been another show. Stay black, fact, femin.
Speaker 3 (01:03:56):
Fabulous and rubber what joe hoo, we may not be
a couple of two girl with a bay got that
good tap on some tap it to im.
Speaker 1 (01:04:03):
Bitch, Amen, Amen, or you could get into some sec
Sarah static way, Yes, keep you fresh, keep your fresh stuff, honey.
Speaker 2 (01:04:13):
All right.
Speaker 1 (01:04:14):
With that being said, when you know better, you do better.
So drink your water and mind your business. So mind
the business that pays you. We'll see you next week.
Speaker 4 (01:04:22):
Bye.
Speaker 3 (01:04:28):
The Black Fatfem podcast is executive produced by Joey Patt
and Doctor John Paul.
Speaker 1 (01:04:33):
All content related to the show is edited by Chris Rogers.
Speaker 3 (01:04:36):
This has been a podcast by iHeartMedia and Doctor John
Paul LC the Black Fat Fem Podcasts where all the
intersections of a nanny are celebrated.
Speaker 2 (01:04:44):
Honey, I know that's right.
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