July 19, 2023 • 21 mins
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to can'tfully Reckless the production of iHeartRadio and the
Black Effects. Oh shit, we on the air, Welcome back
to you had another carefully reckless episode with your girl
(00:20):
ess hilarious. All right, this is a long story. We
got a voice note and I'm glad, honey, because I
did not want to have to read all this. Here
we go.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
So me and my girl have been together for going
on six years. After a year of being together, she
wanted to have a child. She's always played on her
stepmom or whatnot, and she wanted to have a child
of brown. Well, we're twelve years apart, she's older, and
she was like, you know, she wanted to have a child.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
IBF.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
She had her eggs on ice, she already had them ejected,
they're five days old or whatnot. And she basically gave
me an ultimatum that if I didn't have if I
didn't carry the kid, but we weren't.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Gonna be together. But she was like, if I'm gonna
do it on my own, I will be on my home. Wow.
I loved hear and everything. So I did it well.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
In the state of Texas, if you are not married
in the same sex relationship, then you basically have to
consent to being a surrogate in the eyes of the law.
So I basically signed a document and stating that I
knew I didn't have rights to the shower or anything
like that. I signed the document and she was like,
(01:24):
you know, after we have it, then you know we
can you know, we can established rights and whatnot.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
See how it goes. Because again we've all been together
for a year. We were the typical uha lesbians. I
ain't even gonna line. Definitely were met each other.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
We stayed in contact for seven months, like because she
had somebody, but they weren't intimate, sleeping in separate bands,
t had had sex in two years, all.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
That good stuff. Like they weren't basically roommates.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Like when she told her about me, we me and
my girl, I had the house for a week, the
other girl had the house for the next week, and we.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Weren't rotating until the until the house soul. So like
she wasn't lying.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
So from then on, you know, once I found out,
you know, because during those seven.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Months we were just friends.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Talking, how you doing, whatnot. I liked her, but I
didn't I didn't make any advances. I didn't disrespect their
relationship or anything. I didn't know what it was until
we got to talking more and she finally told me
how it was, and I shot my shot and I
had nothing but neck. So moved in with each other
within a in an apartment.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
And eventually here we are. We have a house and
we have the kids.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Well the little boy is he just turned four, so
it's been four years.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
I still do not have rights.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
We got a better deal because her credit was better
than mine on.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
The house, so the house is only in her name.
But like I told her, I can go on the deed.
I don't have to go on the mortgage.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
So I don't have rights to a child I carried
and birthed c section.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Mind you, I don't have any rights to the house.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
She doesn't have a will, she doesn't have a power
of attorney. There's no trust or revocable or irrevocable set
up anything. I was like, you don't have to marry me,
but there's gonna be some type of security that I
want there.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
We have been together almost six years. I have a ring.
But she didn't propose or anything.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
She was just like, you're happy birthday, and she only
gave it to me because I told her, I get
you a physical gift. Why didn't I get one? So
it was basically a guilty conscious birthday gift.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
But we aren't married. There's no legal.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Documents in place to where if anything happens that I'll
get the child or anything else or like the house,
her business. Like we have like three businesses set up.
I won't get anything. And I helped you build this.
I'm not an old digger. I'm you know what I'm saying.
We both weren't. We both have our own money, but
I helped you build what you have. I'm the reason
(03:52):
we weren't able to put six figures down on the
house because while I was carrying. We're both truck drivers.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
While I was.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Carrying, she was able to be the owner operator and
make four figures a week.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
So come time to get the house.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
You know what I'm saying, she was able to put
down a six figure down payment and she's like, oh,
well you should.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Pay back pay me back half.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I'm like, bitch, I carried this child and that was
out of work because I couldn't find a company that
had that was that would work with.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Dead care schedule hours.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
So I was out of work and I couldn't do
any of that, so I carried was out of work
while you had all this money, and you think I
started to pay you back half in order to go
own anything.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
I'm the reason why we got all of this shit
part of it. So it's just fissing me off that
were not married.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
There's no legal documentation. I have no security on our relationship.
But it hasn't been that great because and now I'm
working away from home, back off the road, and she's
home locally.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
She has an extra trouble, but I got a ticket.
I gotta wait for that.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
To far off, so I'm out here in the oil
field until then. But still it makes me upset that
here we are. I I only I usually only.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Get five years. Usually nobody can make it past year
with me.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
But I always said after five years, if I'm not married,
I'm leaving. Well, we're approaching six years and I'm I'm
getting to the point where.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
I don't you know, I don't think it's fair to me.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
It would hurt to leave and be very hard, but
it's not fair to me that I did all this.
It helped you build all this and everything, and you
think that it's okay to just be shacking up with
no legality behind it.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Who do you think? Yes?
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Oh, when I wanted to add that I moved out.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
A few months ago into an apartment.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
I said, I'm not gonna be paying on the house,
house or daycare. I'm not paying to warrant anything that
my name is not attached to.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Ye.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
I'm still there for the little boy in his birthday
and still get them things, and I see them and
I you know, I get the kids and everything, cause.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
I have one before her, and you know, we still
do all that.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
But I'm like, I'm not paying for daycare, and I'm
not going to be living in a house, paying on
the mortgage or.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Anything that my neighbor is not attached to.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
I hold out got an apartment and it's been four
months now, and I told myself, I'm gonna give it
to the end of the lease if she has not
done any paperwork trying to say that I'm going to leave.
I'm not competent in my answer, but that's what I'm
(06:40):
leaning towards because it's showing me that my concerns and
my security does not matter to her. And I've got
one foot out of the door, and you still haven't
done anything. So I don't know. Do I have my answer?
Just did I get my answer anything?
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Well, you got a couple questions, so hold up, Hold up.
I know this shit getting good, But listen to just
a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me,
you'll listen.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
And I know in the beginning, we each had our
own insecurities. She was with her ex for fifteen years
and never married, but back then it wasn't legal, and
by the time it became legal, she knew that the
relationship was dead.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
And you know it was over. She didn't want to
marry her.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
I said, well, first of all, I'm not waiting fifteen years.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Let's get that understood.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
You know, I'm not her, You're not my excess, you know,
And I gave it time.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
I ain't think six yeers as long. You know, I
stuck around even when I did my rights. I'm just still.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
I was there for over a year paying on a
house that I was not that my name was not on.
You know, I have helped you build a business because
she does the paperwork of it. I do the hiring,
the replacement of the trucks. Hey, I even helped sell
one of her trucks. You know what I'm saying, Like
the business is in your name. You said I was
a partner, but my name is not on that LLC.
(08:07):
It is not in that markles of incorporation. I have
my own business. I know exactly how that shit is,
and I am not on it. So don't just tell
me I'm a partner, and don't make it official.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
I don't care that you have the paperwork sitting on
your computer.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I don't care that you have an attorney that can
draw up the paperwork of you know, the kids and
the will and the trust.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
You ain't done it yet.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Right right? And she also wrote this part and her
girlfriend as a stud and she is the film.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
And when she initially told me, she was like, you know,
there's been too many times where the films had came
with kids and the stud got close to the kids
and then they take them away or play them as
pawns and.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
So she said she always wanted to be in a
situation where no one could take the.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Kid from her.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
So, I mean, I understand understood her point of view
on that, but I've done put my time. And that
was when we were together for a year.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
Yeah, it's going on six.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
So I think I've done more than prove that I
wouldn't and am not one of those.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Okay, Well that was loaded. I'm gonna
tell you that that was a lot. It sounds like
you was driving a damn truck too. I'm like, how
the hell are you gonna be sending me a damn
voice note? And where's the hits, the cancel out the
noise in the back?
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Girl?
Speaker 1 (09:29):
You girl, No, it's all good. I heard you though.
I heard everything you said. I heard you out and clear,
and all jokes aside. I want to say congratulations to
both you and her just dominating that industry, you know
what I'm saying, Like, I love to see women doing
things that they say that, you know, the naysayers say
only men can do, and only men can thrive in,
(09:49):
and only men can dominate. I love that. My my
boyfriend is a truck driver. I love it. I love it.
And when I go with him or you know, I
see him, I talk to him, and I go meet
up with him and bring him lunch stuff like that.
I see women parking their trucks on the lots and stuff,
and I just I love seeing that, so, but that
ain't what we're talking about right now. Girl, First of all,
what do you want? Do you want to beat with
(10:12):
her or do you only want rights to the child?
You're not really specific on what you want me to
help with. I can go off of everything that you
told me, and I can tell you what it looks like.
To me. It looks like both of you were damaged
her a lot more in y'all passed relationships before each other.
And then I also, I feel like y'all both let
(10:33):
that spill over intil this relationship, and that's why y'all
coming up on six years and there's still have been
just stagnant. You feel like y'all stopped a long time ago,
y'all just coasting. You moved out because you feel like
your name should be on something you don't you feel
and I understand that. I feel like what it looks
like to me is she has been wronged so many
times in the past that she actually set herself up
(10:57):
to where if y'all were ever to break up or
you would ever leave her, she can have everything. Still.
You know that may seem selfish, and in a lot
of cases it is. It is especially if what you're
saying is definitely to be true. Yo, I helped you
do this. You wouldn't even be here if it was
if it wasn't for me, and if I didn't have
this we worked together, and that you're calling me a
(11:18):
partner and you want you want me to do the
work and all of that shit. But it's like, I
don't have nothing to show for it. My name is
not on the mortgage. You ain't you telling her you
ain't got to marry me. It's like, so you're you're
kind of contradicting yourself, you know a little bit. And
then that's only because I don't think you even really
know what you want. Do you want the kid or
(11:39):
the little boy? Because you ain't really saying my son.
It's like it's not personal to you, you know, for
a child that you had you gave birth to for
the sake of the relationship. You never said that you
even gave birth to them or decided to do it
because you wanted to do it. You know, you just
was like, all right, you know I want you know,
(11:59):
I was in I love her or I wanted to
make a happy as something like that. You know, a
child is not you know, something like, it's not something
that you can make a decision based on whether or
not you like somebody, or you know, based on laws
of Texas. You know what I'm saying. That's a big step.
You'll have a child together, you know what I mean.
(12:21):
And and just just in my opinion, it doesn't really
seem as if the child is as sacred to you
as it is to her. You know, it just wasn't personal.
That's not why you're writing me though. I just want
to hint that to you. If you talk to her,
if you speak of the child to her as if
you're you know, like you're speaking about the child to me,
(12:42):
and she may feel a way like, well, damn you.
That's all you did was given birth, That's it. And
you did that just for me. You didn't do that
because you wanted a child with me too, because you
really wanted this family to work, and you really just
enjoy being a mother and bringing life into this world.
You did that for me, you know, just because you
love me and I asked you to. And by law,
(13:03):
blah blah blah. If you love me, you'll listen to
this commercial and then we'll be right back.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Now.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
I'm with you. I agree that for all the work
that you put in, Yes, your name needs to be
on something, if damn ned not everything, as co owner
or co partner whatever. You know what I'm saying, y'all
are not married. I want to want to really know
why the hell did you sign the document in the
first place. It can't because you loved her. It can't
(13:34):
because how you're talking to me now, m M. You know,
and you sound like you already knew all the red flags.
You were hurt from your previous relationship. She was hurt
from hers and even how you said she's so used
to her being a stud in these relationships and she
gets attached to a child and they snatch the child
away from her when they break up with her and
(13:55):
stuff like that. I've seen situations like that. I've seen it,
and it hurts. It hurts, like hell, I've actually read
stories for just fix my mess like that. You know
that that shit hurts, you know, especially these these women
who build these bonds with these with these babies and
these kids and men too, you know, and then you
just snatch them out of out of their lives because
(14:16):
y'all broke up. It's like, what do you do. What
do you do? Although that is life, It's like, still,
what the hell can you do? Because you're not the
child's real parent? In this case? You are? You are,
and that's why it's so weird to me, Like you
can be in the state of Texas and you can
give birth to a child but not have rights to it.
(14:37):
That doesn't make any fucking sense at all. However, I'm
not the lawmaker. You knew that shit though it sounds
like you knew exactly what you were signing. I don't
know she did. Your your girlfriend does not. Well, yeah,
I don't know if she's your axe. I don't know why.
It's like, what do you want? It's like, in one
breath you said you had put a deadline on it.
If I'm in a relationship five years, you got to
(15:00):
marry me. Y'all coming up on six. But y'all going
through some shit right now? You moved out. Do you
still want to even be in a marriage or do
you just want to be an equal mom, an equal
parent to y'all, child, to y'all son. Tell me exactly
what it is. You're leaving stuff out, you know, but
trust me, I know it's not hard. Marriage is not hard,
a relationship plan, house, shacking up, like you said, it's
(15:22):
I mean, it's hard. It's hard. I know it is.
It's not easy. But also communication, that's why you communicate.
That's why you sit down and you talk things through
instead of getting upset and just leaving and shit like that.
Because you said, she still want to shack up, so
she still wants you, obviously, but you want more of
(15:43):
the business. You want your name on things, you want
to be able to. It's like you you said, you
see the child, so I don't think the child is
a problem. You just you want rights to the child. Okay,
you want rights to the child. You want your name
on the deed of the house. And then you want
to be named in the company. You know, you want
your name on the company. It's her company. And she
(16:05):
keeps telling you you partner, but she you know, you
don't have nothing to show for it. You helped her
do this, and you help to do that. That's where
she's wrong at you know what I'm saying. I understand
her protecting herself and shit and ownership maybe like everything
to her, giving her pass and shit, but it's not
fair to you. Had y'all have to meet each other
in the middle with that shit, y'all have to meet
(16:26):
each other in the middle. How old is the baby boy?
And does he still at does he ask for you?
Does he come and stay at your house? Do you
just go to see him? Do you pick him up
and go with you and take them with you and
y'all be alone? Or like? What is it? Why? Why
is there a disconnect with your child? You said you
had one kid before her, and the way you speak,
(16:47):
you know, you said I still get the kids out
like you know? So does your oldest go with her
as well? How many kids is it in total? What
do you want? I'm gonna need a real update from you, woman,
because I don't think I think you even know you know,
I think you're just upset. Well, I know what you want,
I don't know what your end goal is, like do
(17:07):
you want to not be with her? Do you want
to live in the house again? But the only thing
that's stopping you from being a family with her is
the fact that she hadn't married hasn't married you yet,
and the fact that you want your name on some shit.
If I'm right, If I'm right, you got to update
me and let me know, because I'm just trying to
(17:28):
figure it out. Although the story story it is, it's
very interesting and it's something that I would love to
pick apart, but I need more clarity on it. I
actually don't even need more clarity. I just need to
know what you want to do. To give you advice,
I can tell you how to move forward. If you
don't want to be with her. You're doing the right thing.
You're doing the right thing. Everything you're doing is right.
It sounds like you're still at work. You're still working.
(17:50):
And she says she drives locally. You know, she's handling
daycare and all that type of stuff. Okay, all right,
you are more so out of town, out of state,
you know, doing your thing, driving like you know, and
that's how my boyfriend does it. So I know y'all
make a lot more bread when y'all drive out of
town versus locally. You know. I know that. So you'll
(18:13):
be fine. You can start over if that's what you're
gonna do, you start over. But you have to realize
that is your child too, so you're gonna have to
have that bond, you know, and figure out a way
where y'all can just co parent if that's what you
want to do, because you are already approaching the six
year mark, and you said if you ain't married after five,
it's done, you know. But I still also hear that
you're hesitating your voice. You said, you're not even confident
(18:35):
in your answers. So you need to figure out what
you want to do. You need to figure that out.
Only you can figure that out. She can't figure that
out for you. If she can't help you figure that out,
you need to figure it out. And this is the
perfect time to figure it out because you're now moved
out four months in. So when you sit by yourself
and you're not with the person and that that's the
(18:58):
and they're not clouding your you know, out in your space,
you can actually get a clearer mind, you know, a
clear way of thinking, you know, like, okay, let me
think peacefully. What do I want? Do I want this
for the rest? You know? Do I want this now
moving forward? Do I not want this? Is it worth
throwing it away? You got to ask yourself those questions,
(19:18):
you know, really getting your own head, and then you
let me know, you check back in with me, and
I'll give you whatever else I can give you back,
all right, thank you for writing me and even letting
me know this problem. Now, I'm not always on the
person's side who writes me, but I'm not always supposed
(19:39):
to be. I'm all in fairness, you know what I mean,
And I think both of y'all just gotta sit down
and talk about some shit more than one time. It's
gonna get heated. It's gonna get heated. One conversation is
not going to solve it. You know, y'all already too
deep in. It's a lot of damage that was done.
It's the way you look at her now is not
the way you looked at her before. And I totally
get that, but y'all gotta y'all got to come to
(20:00):
an understanding because this is important. So hit me up
and update me, and just like that, we've come to
the end of yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl,
Jess Hilardius fixing your mask. That's what I do each
and every Wednesday. Catch me here and listen on your
way to work, Listen on your way to the gym,
listen on your way to take those babies to daycare.
(20:21):
Anywhere you find your podcast, I'm there, carefully reckless and
in my deepest pamboys, Peace Can't Fully Reckless is a
(21:39):
production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect. For more
podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to can'tfully Reckless the production of iHeartRadio and the
Black Effects. Oh shit, we on the air, Welcome back
to you had another carefully reckless episode with your girl
(00:20):
ess hilarious. All right, this is a long story. We
got a voice note and I'm glad, honey, because I
did not want to have to read all this. Here
we go.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
So me and my girl have been together for going
on six years. After a year of being together, she
wanted to have a child. She's always played on her
stepmom or whatnot, and she wanted to have a child
of brown. Well, we're twelve years apart, she's older, and
she was like, you know, she wanted to have a child.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
IBF.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
She had her eggs on ice, she already had them ejected,
they're five days old or whatnot. And she basically gave
me an ultimatum that if I didn't have if I
didn't carry the kid, but we weren't.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Gonna be together. But she was like, if I'm gonna
do it on my own, I will be on my home. Wow.
I loved hear and everything. So I did it well.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
In the state of Texas, if you are not married
in the same sex relationship, then you basically have to
consent to being a surrogate in the eyes of the law.
So I basically signed a document and stating that I
knew I didn't have rights to the shower or anything
like that. I signed the document and she was like,
(01:24):
you know, after we have it, then you know we
can you know, we can established rights and whatnot.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
See how it goes. Because again we've all been together
for a year. We were the typical uha lesbians. I
ain't even gonna line. Definitely were met each other.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
We stayed in contact for seven months, like because she
had somebody, but they weren't intimate, sleeping in separate bands,
t had had sex in two years, all.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
That good stuff. Like they weren't basically roommates.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Like when she told her about me, we me and
my girl, I had the house for a week, the
other girl had the house for the next week, and we.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Weren't rotating until the until the house soul. So like
she wasn't lying.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
So from then on, you know, once I found out,
you know, because during those seven.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Months we were just friends.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Talking, how you doing, whatnot. I liked her, but I
didn't I didn't make any advances. I didn't disrespect their
relationship or anything. I didn't know what it was until
we got to talking more and she finally told me
how it was, and I shot my shot and I
had nothing but neck. So moved in with each other
within a in an apartment.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
And eventually here we are. We have a house and
we have the kids.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Well the little boy is he just turned four, so
it's been four years.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
I still do not have rights.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
We got a better deal because her credit was better
than mine on.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
The house, so the house is only in her name.
But like I told her, I can go on the deed.
I don't have to go on the mortgage.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
So I don't have rights to a child I carried
and birthed c section.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Mind you, I don't have any rights to the house.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
She doesn't have a will, she doesn't have a power
of attorney. There's no trust or revocable or irrevocable set
up anything. I was like, you don't have to marry me,
but there's gonna be some type of security that I
want there.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
We have been together almost six years. I have a ring.
But she didn't propose or anything.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
She was just like, you're happy birthday, and she only
gave it to me because I told her, I get
you a physical gift. Why didn't I get one? So
it was basically a guilty conscious birthday gift.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
But we aren't married. There's no legal.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Documents in place to where if anything happens that I'll
get the child or anything else or like the house,
her business. Like we have like three businesses set up.
I won't get anything. And I helped you build this.
I'm not an old digger. I'm you know what I'm saying.
We both weren't. We both have our own money, but
I helped you build what you have. I'm the reason
(03:52):
we weren't able to put six figures down on the
house because while I was carrying. We're both truck drivers.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
While I was.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Carrying, she was able to be the owner operator and
make four figures a week.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
So come time to get the house.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
You know what I'm saying, she was able to put
down a six figure down payment and she's like, oh,
well you should.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Pay back pay me back half.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I'm like, bitch, I carried this child and that was
out of work because I couldn't find a company that
had that was that would work with.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Dead care schedule hours.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
So I was out of work and I couldn't do
any of that, so I carried was out of work
while you had all this money, and you think I
started to pay you back half in order to go
own anything.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
I'm the reason why we got all of this shit
part of it. So it's just fissing me off that
were not married.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
There's no legal documentation. I have no security on our relationship.
But it hasn't been that great because and now I'm
working away from home, back off the road, and she's
home locally.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
She has an extra trouble, but I got a ticket.
I gotta wait for that.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
To far off, so I'm out here in the oil
field until then. But still it makes me upset that
here we are. I I only I usually only.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Get five years. Usually nobody can make it past year
with me.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
But I always said after five years, if I'm not married,
I'm leaving. Well, we're approaching six years and I'm I'm
getting to the point where.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
I don't you know, I don't think it's fair to me.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
It would hurt to leave and be very hard, but
it's not fair to me that I did all this.
It helped you build all this and everything, and you
think that it's okay to just be shacking up with
no legality behind it.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Who do you think? Yes?
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Oh, when I wanted to add that I moved out.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
A few months ago into an apartment.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
I said, I'm not gonna be paying on the house,
house or daycare. I'm not paying to warrant anything that
my name is not attached to.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Ye.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
I'm still there for the little boy in his birthday
and still get them things, and I see them and
I you know, I get the kids and everything, cause.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
I have one before her, and you know, we still
do all that.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
But I'm like, I'm not paying for daycare, and I'm
not going to be living in a house, paying on
the mortgage or.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Anything that my neighbor is not attached to.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
I hold out got an apartment and it's been four
months now, and I told myself, I'm gonna give it
to the end of the lease if she has not
done any paperwork trying to say that I'm going to leave.
I'm not competent in my answer, but that's what I'm
(06:40):
leaning towards because it's showing me that my concerns and
my security does not matter to her. And I've got
one foot out of the door, and you still haven't
done anything. So I don't know. Do I have my answer?
Just did I get my answer anything?
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Well, you got a couple questions, so hold up, Hold up.
I know this shit getting good, But listen to just
a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me,
you'll listen.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
And I know in the beginning, we each had our
own insecurities. She was with her ex for fifteen years
and never married, but back then it wasn't legal, and
by the time it became legal, she knew that the
relationship was dead.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
And you know it was over. She didn't want to
marry her.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
I said, well, first of all, I'm not waiting fifteen years.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Let's get that understood.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
You know, I'm not her, You're not my excess, you know,
And I gave it time.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
I ain't think six yeers as long. You know, I
stuck around even when I did my rights. I'm just still.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
I was there for over a year paying on a
house that I was not that my name was not on.
You know, I have helped you build a business because
she does the paperwork of it. I do the hiring,
the replacement of the trucks. Hey, I even helped sell
one of her trucks. You know what I'm saying, Like
the business is in your name. You said I was
a partner, but my name is not on that LLC.
(08:07):
It is not in that markles of incorporation. I have
my own business. I know exactly how that shit is,
and I am not on it. So don't just tell
me I'm a partner, and don't make it official.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
I don't care that you have the paperwork sitting on
your computer.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I don't care that you have an attorney that can
draw up the paperwork of you know, the kids and
the will and the trust.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
You ain't done it yet.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Right right? And she also wrote this part and her
girlfriend as a stud and she is the film.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
And when she initially told me, she was like, you know,
there's been too many times where the films had came
with kids and the stud got close to the kids
and then they take them away or play them as
pawns and.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
So she said she always wanted to be in a
situation where no one could take the.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Kid from her.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
So, I mean, I understand understood her point of view
on that, but I've done put my time. And that
was when we were together for a year.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
Yeah, it's going on six.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
So I think I've done more than prove that I
wouldn't and am not one of those.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Okay, Well that was loaded. I'm gonna
tell you that that was a lot. It sounds like
you was driving a damn truck too. I'm like, how
the hell are you gonna be sending me a damn
voice note? And where's the hits, the cancel out the
noise in the back?
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Girl?
Speaker 1 (09:29):
You girl, No, it's all good. I heard you though.
I heard everything you said. I heard you out and clear,
and all jokes aside. I want to say congratulations to
both you and her just dominating that industry, you know
what I'm saying, Like, I love to see women doing
things that they say that, you know, the naysayers say
only men can do, and only men can thrive in,
(09:49):
and only men can dominate. I love that. My my
boyfriend is a truck driver. I love it. I love it.
And when I go with him or you know, I
see him, I talk to him, and I go meet
up with him and bring him lunch stuff like that.
I see women parking their trucks on the lots and stuff,
and I just I love seeing that, so, but that
ain't what we're talking about right now. Girl, First of all,
what do you want? Do you want to beat with
(10:12):
her or do you only want rights to the child?
You're not really specific on what you want me to
help with. I can go off of everything that you
told me, and I can tell you what it looks like.
To me. It looks like both of you were damaged
her a lot more in y'all passed relationships before each other.
And then I also, I feel like y'all both let
(10:33):
that spill over intil this relationship, and that's why y'all
coming up on six years and there's still have been
just stagnant. You feel like y'all stopped a long time ago,
y'all just coasting. You moved out because you feel like
your name should be on something you don't you feel
and I understand that. I feel like what it looks
like to me is she has been wronged so many
times in the past that she actually set herself up
(10:57):
to where if y'all were ever to break up or
you would ever leave her, she can have everything. Still.
You know that may seem selfish, and in a lot
of cases it is. It is especially if what you're
saying is definitely to be true. Yo, I helped you
do this. You wouldn't even be here if it was
if it wasn't for me, and if I didn't have
this we worked together, and that you're calling me a
(11:18):
partner and you want you want me to do the
work and all of that shit. But it's like, I
don't have nothing to show for it. My name is
not on the mortgage. You ain't you telling her you
ain't got to marry me. It's like, so you're you're
kind of contradicting yourself, you know a little bit. And
then that's only because I don't think you even really
know what you want. Do you want the kid or
(11:39):
the little boy? Because you ain't really saying my son.
It's like it's not personal to you, you know, for
a child that you had you gave birth to for
the sake of the relationship. You never said that you
even gave birth to them or decided to do it
because you wanted to do it. You know, you just
was like, all right, you know I want you know,
(11:59):
I was in I love her or I wanted to
make a happy as something like that. You know, a
child is not you know, something like, it's not something
that you can make a decision based on whether or
not you like somebody, or you know, based on laws
of Texas. You know what I'm saying. That's a big step.
You'll have a child together, you know what I mean.
(12:21):
And and just just in my opinion, it doesn't really
seem as if the child is as sacred to you
as it is to her. You know, it just wasn't personal.
That's not why you're writing me though. I just want
to hint that to you. If you talk to her,
if you speak of the child to her as if
you're you know, like you're speaking about the child to me,
(12:42):
and she may feel a way like, well, damn you.
That's all you did was given birth, That's it. And
you did that just for me. You didn't do that
because you wanted a child with me too, because you
really wanted this family to work, and you really just
enjoy being a mother and bringing life into this world.
You did that for me, you know, just because you
love me and I asked you to. And by law,
(13:03):
blah blah blah. If you love me, you'll listen to
this commercial and then we'll be right back.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Now.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
I'm with you. I agree that for all the work
that you put in, Yes, your name needs to be
on something, if damn ned not everything, as co owner
or co partner whatever. You know what I'm saying, y'all
are not married. I want to want to really know
why the hell did you sign the document in the
first place. It can't because you loved her. It can't
(13:34):
because how you're talking to me now, m M. You know,
and you sound like you already knew all the red flags.
You were hurt from your previous relationship. She was hurt
from hers and even how you said she's so used
to her being a stud in these relationships and she
gets attached to a child and they snatch the child
away from her when they break up with her and
(13:55):
stuff like that. I've seen situations like that. I've seen it,
and it hurts. It hurts, like hell, I've actually read
stories for just fix my mess like that. You know
that that shit hurts, you know, especially these these women
who build these bonds with these with these babies and
these kids and men too, you know, and then you
just snatch them out of out of their lives because
(14:16):
y'all broke up. It's like, what do you do. What
do you do? Although that is life, It's like, still,
what the hell can you do? Because you're not the
child's real parent? In this case? You are? You are,
and that's why it's so weird to me, Like you
can be in the state of Texas and you can
give birth to a child but not have rights to it.
(14:37):
That doesn't make any fucking sense at all. However, I'm
not the lawmaker. You knew that shit though it sounds
like you knew exactly what you were signing. I don't
know she did. Your your girlfriend does not. Well, yeah,
I don't know if she's your axe. I don't know why.
It's like, what do you want? It's like, in one
breath you said you had put a deadline on it.
If I'm in a relationship five years, you got to
(15:00):
marry me. Y'all coming up on six. But y'all going
through some shit right now? You moved out. Do you
still want to even be in a marriage or do
you just want to be an equal mom, an equal
parent to y'all, child, to y'all son. Tell me exactly
what it is. You're leaving stuff out, you know, but
trust me, I know it's not hard. Marriage is not hard,
a relationship plan, house, shacking up, like you said, it's
(15:22):
I mean, it's hard. It's hard. I know it is.
It's not easy. But also communication, that's why you communicate.
That's why you sit down and you talk things through
instead of getting upset and just leaving and shit like that.
Because you said, she still want to shack up, so
she still wants you, obviously, but you want more of
(15:43):
the business. You want your name on things, you want
to be able to. It's like you you said, you
see the child, so I don't think the child is
a problem. You just you want rights to the child. Okay,
you want rights to the child. You want your name
on the deed of the house. And then you want
to be named in the company. You know, you want
your name on the company. It's her company. And she
(16:05):
keeps telling you you partner, but she you know, you
don't have nothing to show for it. You helped her
do this, and you help to do that. That's where
she's wrong at you know what I'm saying. I understand
her protecting herself and shit and ownership maybe like everything
to her, giving her pass and shit, but it's not
fair to you. Had y'all have to meet each other
in the middle with that shit, y'all have to meet
(16:26):
each other in the middle. How old is the baby boy?
And does he still at does he ask for you?
Does he come and stay at your house? Do you
just go to see him? Do you pick him up
and go with you and take them with you and
y'all be alone? Or like? What is it? Why? Why
is there a disconnect with your child? You said you
had one kid before her, and the way you speak,
(16:47):
you know, you said I still get the kids out
like you know? So does your oldest go with her
as well? How many kids is it in total? What
do you want? I'm gonna need a real update from you, woman,
because I don't think I think you even know you know,
I think you're just upset. Well, I know what you want,
I don't know what your end goal is, like do
(17:07):
you want to not be with her? Do you want
to live in the house again? But the only thing
that's stopping you from being a family with her is
the fact that she hadn't married hasn't married you yet,
and the fact that you want your name on some shit.
If I'm right, If I'm right, you got to update
me and let me know, because I'm just trying to
(17:28):
figure it out. Although the story story it is, it's
very interesting and it's something that I would love to
pick apart, but I need more clarity on it. I
actually don't even need more clarity. I just need to
know what you want to do. To give you advice,
I can tell you how to move forward. If you
don't want to be with her. You're doing the right thing.
You're doing the right thing. Everything you're doing is right.
It sounds like you're still at work. You're still working.
(17:50):
And she says she drives locally. You know, she's handling
daycare and all that type of stuff. Okay, all right,
you are more so out of town, out of state,
you know, doing your thing, driving like you know, and
that's how my boyfriend does it. So I know y'all
make a lot more bread when y'all drive out of
town versus locally. You know. I know that. So you'll
(18:13):
be fine. You can start over if that's what you're
gonna do, you start over. But you have to realize
that is your child too, so you're gonna have to
have that bond, you know, and figure out a way
where y'all can just co parent if that's what you
want to do, because you are already approaching the six
year mark, and you said if you ain't married after five,
it's done, you know. But I still also hear that
you're hesitating your voice. You said, you're not even confident
(18:35):
in your answers. So you need to figure out what
you want to do. You need to figure that out.
Only you can figure that out. She can't figure that
out for you. If she can't help you figure that out,
you need to figure it out. And this is the
perfect time to figure it out because you're now moved
out four months in. So when you sit by yourself
and you're not with the person and that that's the
(18:58):
and they're not clouding your you know, out in your space,
you can actually get a clearer mind, you know, a
clear way of thinking, you know, like, okay, let me
think peacefully. What do I want? Do I want this
for the rest? You know? Do I want this now
moving forward? Do I not want this? Is it worth
throwing it away? You got to ask yourself those questions,
(19:18):
you know, really getting your own head, and then you
let me know, you check back in with me, and
I'll give you whatever else I can give you back,
all right, thank you for writing me and even letting
me know this problem. Now, I'm not always on the
person's side who writes me, but I'm not always supposed
(19:39):
to be. I'm all in fairness, you know what I mean,
And I think both of y'all just gotta sit down
and talk about some shit more than one time. It's
gonna get heated. It's gonna get heated. One conversation is
not going to solve it. You know, y'all already too
deep in. It's a lot of damage that was done.
It's the way you look at her now is not
the way you looked at her before. And I totally
get that, but y'all gotta y'all got to come to
(20:00):
an understanding because this is important. So hit me up
and update me, and just like that, we've come to
the end of yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl,
Jess Hilardius fixing your mask. That's what I do each
and every Wednesday. Catch me here and listen on your
way to work, Listen on your way to the gym,
listen on your way to take those babies to daycare.
(20:21):
Anywhere you find your podcast, I'm there, carefully reckless and
in my deepest pamboys, Peace Can't Fully Reckless is a
(21:39):
production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect. For more
podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Host
Jess Hilarious
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