March 8, 2023 • 54 mins
We’re talking business of babies; birthin’ ‘em and pushing them the hell out. This episode’s special guest is a constantly pregnant woman who is also a nurse. And our pregnancy episode wouldn’t be complete without a classic scare from Dr. Pitt’s teenage daughter. Featuring Lauren Servideo and Matt Rogers.
About Sudi Green:
Sudi Green is an Emmy-nominated writer and comedian. She has written for Saturday Night Live, Shrill (Hulu), I Love That For You (Showtime) and numerous variety specials and awards shows. Her on-screen credits include The Other Two, Girls, and Red Oaks. A recent NY transplant to LA, you can see Sudi performing live comedy that a friend from home described as ‘very expressive.’
Find her on Instagram @sudigreen and Twitter @Sudi_Green
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hey, I just talked to the building manager. What they're
kicking us out? God fucking king guys are in there? Yeah,
Dan Ferguson, Danny, I hope, I hope we're not recording
as I'm the building manager. We've never had it. Went
(00:28):
to the high Dan, just you. We just spoke. I
heard that there's a problem. You gotta get us get
a big We gotta get you guys out. Is it
for our own safety or did we just something wrong?
Did we do something both for your own safety and
you did something wrong? What did we do? Do you
want to red bull? It really chills you out. If
(00:51):
you got one sugar? Oh there go, actually prefer regular leaded?
You have a sugar? One gasoline joke? No, I don't
have a sugar. I'm I have Celsius or athletic greens.
Oh okay, he's open. Listen, take us up of that.
Is this about our subordinate? Will? Look? That guy drives
(01:15):
everyone nuts? Yeah, and it's either him or it's you.
So what's it going to be. I'll let you guys go,
I'll let you guys side bar. Okay, but I need
to know in the next half hour. Got it? Because
I've got it. Okay, I've already rid of the studio
space to a a very very prestigious former Hollywood actor.
(01:40):
Oh god, so just give us a second. Yep, all right,
sorry to barge. So you take the cans off and
go from the mic. Okay. I feel like we've had
our ups and downs with Will, but I feel like
he's family. Now. Hey, hi guys, sorry, Hey, no problem.
We're just in the middle of something. Idiot Dan Ferguson, geez, yeah,
(02:05):
did you see him? Well, I hate that guy. We
just got a hell of a hell of a news
bulleton from him. Yeah. Well, they're they're they're they're asking
us to leave the building unless unless what unless either
you go or we go? Oh my god. All right,
(02:26):
well I guess it's got to be me. Well, well
that's well we were discussing. Yeah, we think that you know,
this being I would never I never would meet it ever,
you know, get in the way of what you guys
have built here. And I just let me just tell
you who we have here for our last listen here
take it's just like that rebel, that guy that was
(02:46):
just your dad the first It's fine, it's fine, it's fine. Um,
I think that he's just he's concerned the office culture
shammy because we got we had that rat issue. Of course,
bone was killing them and we left the flaffel in
the trash all night. And I think that you know,
people people around us in this in the surrounding offices
(03:08):
often complain about our quote unquote loud, toxic conversations. Yeah,
so I guess you are. That's I always tell them
that's who you guys are. But will I don't think
it's as open and shut as you think it is.
I think Matt and I might be willing to give
(03:29):
you the keys to the castle. What do you say?
We think you're a young talent that was so beautiful.
He has learned singer on so much under our tutelage.
And this this season won't let you down. I promise
(03:49):
you haven't let us down. Content. Listen to me. I
won't let you down. This podcast it has been a
vehicle for young hot talent. Jesus, and you did that,
and we we only were the facilitators. You did that.
Do you know you did that? I mean, I guess
(04:11):
I know I did it, but not really do so
I hear that I don't really know, do you know
what you did. They were selling blown parade coffee muggs
at Trader Joe's. A whole row. The mark of success.
That's when you know when you've transcended the trades and
you're out in the real world where people go Trader Joe's.
(04:33):
I want to be well people, I want to see
I want to see them at the dancing walking around
on those what do you call them? Well, we're looking
for feet. Oh, we're so proud of you, so proud
of you. Still, Hey, what do you say for old
(04:55):
time's sake? Pitch just one pitch, one cap on on
the thing. This huge success. This has been a major success.
It is and it is a bit of a wrecking ball.
How came that? Corecking good? Yeah? Nice? Yeah? Finish with
(05:17):
the l accent on the Is that good for sound?
Who cares if it is? Yeah? And you know what,
who cares if it is? Because this next person is
bringing the heat and the funk and the beat. All right,
(05:38):
all three things? The three. Sudi Green, Oh, Suti Sue, Sue,
Sudien Green, Wow Yeah. Sudi Green is a writer and
an actress known for Sartenite Live and Who Lose, Shrill
Damn r Oh my god, things two things we know.
We know that for sure. Now listen to what suit
(05:59):
he's put together. Doctor Nancy Pitts O B G y
N mother Wife, baby Bringer and saying Grea enthusiasts talk
sexual health Hot and Delaware's Kennedy's Less Hot the Bidens
on Parts Talk with doctor Nancy Pitts. We're getting in
(06:21):
Delaware legend. Doctor Nancy Pitts sharing all the gossip that's
going on in Delaware. Parts Talk Parts talk divulging, divulging
the health secrets of the finest rieple area of one
percent of the one percent of the Delaware area. Yeah right, so, like,
you know, middle class, middle class, she's seeing Hunter Biden
(06:44):
leave his car and enter his beach house. Oh my gosh,
she sees it all. She's got everywhere everywhere. Yeah, this
is incredible. I mean, I am so to know that
we and now are getting into medical I think we've
covered every area podcast Like, huh, look, I all I
(07:05):
can do is my best, and I just tried to
live up to, you know, the standards that you guys
have said. And I'm I'm sorry that I'm getting let
go today, but it's better. No no, no, you're what.
Don't you understand you're getting the keys to the asshole?
I not. Dan Ferguson threatened me within within an inch
of my life. Out there be honest. Yeah, you're starting
(07:25):
a production company with Kevin's Facey aren't you talk with
Doctor Nancy? Bits? Punks tunk parks, tunk punks talk, punks talk. Hey, Hi, Hello,
(07:57):
come on in, No, come on in. I know it's
a podcast, but come one in. Hi. My name is
doctor Nancy Pitts and welcome to the first episode of
Parts Talk, a new podcast hosted by me, Womanton, Delaware's
number one female obgyat where I give out advice about
all things parts. We're talking vaginas, boobs, nipples, butts, dicks, balls, grundles,
(08:24):
and so on and so forth. If it's a part,
we're gonna talk about it on this show now. Like
I mentioned before, I am an obstetrician and a guy
an ecologist or is My husband likes to call me
a snatch specialist. My number one job is to bring
beautiful bounds and babies into this absolutely fucked up world.
(08:46):
But you know I'm also a lot more than that.
I'm a mother, a wife, a saying grea enthusiast and
a lifelong masturbader to bon Jovie. But above all, I'm
a lifelong citizen of the beautiful stay we called Delaware.
I started this podcast for two reasons. Number one, I'm
(09:06):
too dampired to write a book. And number two, people
keep coming up to me all over town at this ingoes,
the Starbuck, the Duncans, the wah wah, the good Wahwa,
the wah Wall with gas, the wah wall where you
can get burgers, and they ask me so many questions
about their hugaus and their PEPs. I mean, also, be
(09:26):
mind my damn business filling up a thermos with room
temperature hazelnut coffee. When Bam, a lady works at my
daughter's school, is asking me why her piss smells like
root beer. I don't know. Stop drinking root beer and
start drinking water. But now I can use this podcast
as a safe space where my community can ask me
intimate and important questions. Anonymous, anonymously, anonymous in secret. Now
(09:54):
some of you might be wondering, doctor Nancy Pits, how
did you get here? You know? My mother said I
was born to help people, and I actually remembered the
day I was born, first and best day of my life.
(10:15):
Oh God. The nurse that helped deliver me was stunned.
Crystal gorgeous, crunchy curls, tiny wispy bangs. I tried to
rip off my own umbilical cord just to save her
some time. I said, you've done enough, my angel. I
ran an advice column in my junior high high school paper.
Yeah that's true. It was mostly kids asking things like
(10:37):
what's a hand job? And like how hard should I
be kissing? But I think it really made a difference.
And then I ended up going into pre med at
ud that's University at Dollar and I stayed local because
you know, I'm a dollwar girl. And a lot of
my friends said I should have gone to pitt in
Pittsburgh on account of my last name, Nancy Pitts at
(10:57):
pitt But I didn't want abandoned the great state of
Delaware just because of a really hilarious joke. And so
I've been here in Willington, Delaware, delivering babies ever since.
Not to toot my own horn, I've become a real
pillar of the community. You know, some people even wanted
me to run for mayor. But I can't stand politician type,
(11:20):
so I said, no, I deliver babies. I don't want
to work with them. Aticians are jip babies. God's good
t you know, love political humor. But you know who
(11:46):
absolutely stands above politics, Delaware's own homegrown Joe Biden. And
now it's time for our first segment, a little weekly
check in wee call Biden's Spotting. This is the part
(12:06):
of the show where we talk about which member of
the Biden family I saw in the greater Northern Delaware area, because,
as you know, Delaware is the size of a sneeze. Seriously,
if you're not paying attention, you're suddenly in Maryland. It's
this orienton And this week's Biden spotten is Hunter Biden.
We all know Hunter Biden, the problematic son of Joe Biden,
(12:28):
has had a rough couple of years. You know. He
had some unflattering angles on a hard drive that somebody found.
I don't know. I don't like to read the news.
But I saw him, you know, and I saw him
at the Einstein Bagels near the Acme. He got a
blueberry bagel scooped out and he looked rested. You know
what I mean when I say rested. First of all,
(12:49):
he's at Einstein, so you know he's eaten, right, And
he just looked full in the face and hydrated, and
the whites of his eyes were the color that they
should be, which had met clee is white. Keep up
the good work, Hunter. You had a problem, but you
overcame it, and we're praying for you. And you know,
(13:09):
for our international listeners, they might not know all that
Delaware has to offer. The Bidens aren't our only claim
to fame, even though you could argue that, you know,
they are the main one. There are many, many famous
people from Delaware, and I'm gonna list them all right now.
Joe Biden already mentioned him. The sad girl from Amy
(13:31):
Poehler Show, what's her name, like Audrey Plaza, But I
don't even think she lives in Delaware no more. Pretty
sure she lives like in New York or LA. Someone
look that up. The wife from Meet the Parents, Reese
Witherspoon's ex husband, And I heard he's from North Star
rich And this isn't a person. But you know that
part in Wayne's world where they're like, hey, we're in Delaware.
(13:57):
I love that part when I know the inventions, the
place I live. That just gets me so excited. So yeah,
that's basically what the podcast is going to be. My
infectious personality, dolaware facts and sometimes I just need to
get stuff off my chest. In a segment we like
to call, Ain't that the Pits? Ain't that the Pits?
(14:23):
Birthdays on the unit? Can you hurry up? We're going
to do the cake? No, Janine, I can't hurry up. Also,
who's buying the cakes? Because whoever it is just getting
whatever's closest to their house. It's not a good cake
like Costco or cookie. I don't even want to celebrate
my birthdays no more. Everyone can get together at my funeral.
And this is atta Pits. Okay, enough of me blathering
(14:52):
about my personal life. Let's get into today's topic. Each
episode we're going to get into a new topic that
I just so happened to be an expert. And this
week is my bread and butter. It's the miracle of life.
And I'm not talking about my room by robot vacuum.
I'm talking about babies, cooking um and birthing um after
(15:13):
they come out. That's somebody else's job. But in the
baby kitchen. I'm the head chef. I'm talking Gordon Ramsey. God,
don't you just love Gordon Ramsey. He's so mean to adults,
but he's nice to kids. You know, a lot of
people don't know this, but I was actually the first
female obgyn in this county. I know the doctor before
me was this old dude who likes spanking the babies
(15:36):
too much. I love babies. They're not afraid to cry
in front of you, and they let you watch whatever
TV you want. Basically perfect humans. So now some members
of my community have submitted questions anonymously, and I'm going
to answer all your questions about child. I'm excited they're
(15:56):
printing on little note cards for me. That's nice. Whoever
at that? So question number one hashtag pretty mama okay,
conceded from Allentown, writes there doctor Pitts, I am seven
months pregnant with my first child. I'm so excited to
have a little mini me. But I now realized my
(16:17):
baby could look more like my husband. He's the sweetest,
but I married him for his Finnished garage and not
so much for his looks. Been there? What do I
do if my baby comes out ugly. Okay, this is
an excellent question because medically speaking, some babies are just busted.
Here's what you can do. Put a big old bow
(16:40):
on it. Bigger the bow. We're not looking at the nose.
Blame the weird baby on a random family member, like
you know, everybody's got an uncle with a squished skull.
Just say the baby takes after him, or hide it,
rap the baby in a blanket or a freaking baby Bjorn.
By the time it's three, it's gonna get all the
kinks worked out. Okay, I think I answered that question
(17:03):
real good, So let's go off to the next one.
Anomalous from not gonna say, says doctor Pitts. I know
after giving birth my body will change, and I'm okay
with that, but what parts of my body is, specifically,
what the heck is going to happen to my huh.
I'm really glad we got this question about parts because
(17:25):
this is parts talk, and let me get into then
nitty gritty, Your volva is going to shift, but it
will be kind of like when they took out the
carpet at the Red Robin by the dsw like it
felt scary, It felt weird, but then you're biting into
a juicy burger and it's the same great family restaurant
(17:46):
that's gonna be your volva. Okay. Question number three, aspiring
amateur father asks twins are they creepy or scary? And
the answer is it depends two girls, the shining creepy
two boys. They grow up join a frat, scary boy
(18:09):
and a girl. That's a gift from God. That's a
two for never have to be pregnant again. Question number
four Haggy bunnenove and says, I'm on baby number three
and at this point the whole going into labor at
the hospital seems a little bit there done that our home,
but it's safe. Or does my husband just want to
(18:31):
save money on a hospital bill? This is an ex
way question. Home births not against less work for me now, personally,
my carpets are too expensive CB two. I mean I'm
a doctor after all, But yeah, you got a big pup,
big enough, invest in a hot tub or better yet,
an above ground pool, pop out a couple of kids,
(18:53):
and then you enjoy it every summer after Now, the
one thing about home births is it kind of gets
into like a dullah territory and if you don't know,
Adulah is kind of like a birth coach that helps
the moms when the dad is looking at his phone.
But my experience with Dullah's has been Dullah, know what
you're doing. I had a Dula come up to me.
(19:15):
Her name is Amethyst. She tells me she needs to
hook the iPod to a calming playlist. Okay, well, your
girl just shut herself. But okay, Dula, what you want
a DA question Number five? I deleted my period tracker
app because I was taking up too much data on
my iPhone six. Now I'm pretty sure I'm late. And
(19:35):
by the way, I'm seventeen and do not want to
be a mom because my mom is a bitch. Okay, well,
let me set the record straight because I am pro
choice one hundred percent. My stance on abortions is smoke
him if you got him, because you never know when
they're gonna go full Handmaids Tale, which the geniuses on
(19:58):
the Supreme Court did when they overturned Roe vied Waite. God,
that was a dark day on the unit. I haven't
seen my nurses that of sense since they found out
Friends wasn't a current show. Hard truths, hard truths and
speaking of hard truths, Hey, brit Kavanaugh, you want my
medical opinion, you have rape face, So why the f
(20:21):
does you get to say anyway? Now, it's state by state,
I guess, and Delaware is pretty blue, so I'm not worried.
But just in case, I've got a ton abborded abortion
pills in my she shed looks like a sexually active
costco in there. You gotta come over and see. If
(20:42):
you don't want to have a baby, don't have one.
Did you know the majority of women who get abortions
are mothers who already have kids unrelated My son Marcus
recently told me he wants to do voiceover for anime
when he grows up. It's all food for thought, you know,
(21:02):
make your own choice. The abortion clinic, we haven't town
in Wilmington. Oh my god, it's so nice in there.
It's just the sweetest, the nicest people. One of them's
my neighbor, Kathy Clinicer. She lives over on Okay, wait,
I shouldn't said where she lives on accountry versus the
abortion clinics, forget that. But my point is the people
(21:24):
at the clinic will give you the information, and that
information shouldn't be scary. I mean, I can't emphasize this enough.
They're just a great group of owls over there. You know,
they usually go to the happy hour on Fridays over
at the Applebee's. Not the Applebe's, it's suburban plaza, but
the one on. No, Nancy shouldn't say that either. Oh
my god, I'm going to out these abobo goddesses. Ladies,
(21:44):
if you're listening, may God protect you. Okay, wait, let
me look at that last question again by fans X
seventeen Bitch for a Mom. Okay, I know who this is.
I know asked this question. It's not anomalous. It's my daughter, Aaron,
who thinks she's ground. Okay, hold on, because I got
a caller. I got a call Aaron held on air.
(22:09):
What did you send an anomalous question into my podcast? No?
What are you talking about? Even? I know it was
you because us is the only goal in your class
with an iPhone six. And let me tell you something.
You think that you're pregnant from that? No, good boyfriend
of yours, guess what you're not. You know how I
know I pay pregnancy tests to the inside of your toilet.
(22:32):
First of all, it was disgusting. What are you even
putting in your hand in there for? It's fucking poop
and piss. Second of all, I asked for Ie eight
and you keep being a fucking bitch, so you're right
about that part. And third of all, I'm sorry that
you don't like my boyfriend Drevel Lacrosse because he's Filipino.
I don't not like him because he's Filipino. I actually
like the Filippino part of him the most, so you
(22:55):
dislike other parts of him? What that he likes to
go to mont talking surf. Look, I don't care if
you too surf together. I'm talking about when you get
the humping ugly and you get the babe and Meacon
and I'm gonna start crushing up a little birth control
pills and putting them in your corn pops. I'm gonna
do it. I'm not a buzzer. Why don't you just
ask me and communicate with me about what we're doing? Okay,
(23:16):
instead of assuming yes, I mean things have progressed with
me and Trevor, but you don't ask me questions. You assume, assume, assume,
and it makes an ass Okay, You're right, Aaron. Let's
just do it right here, right now on the podcast.
Um wow, I can't believe I'm asking you this. Uh wait,
how many people listen to this? Well, let's count your Momum,
(23:38):
your pop up, definitely, Um, Nancy down the street, Um, Carol, Pat,
your aunt Pat, Trina, and um yeah, I think a
couple of nurses at the hospital. So at least. Well,
I already talked to all of them about this, so
(23:59):
it's fine. You can ask me. Are you and Trevor
doing the deed? Okay? So you know how I'm taking
ap American history. As Bill Clinton one said, it depends
on what is there? You go, what sex? Mom? Because
(24:20):
I'm actually really confused because I feel like I'm late,
that's for sure, but also talking to you know, other girls,
it feels like they might be doing things that I
feel like is sex, and I'm just sort of, like,
you know, confused about how it goes down. I'm so
happy that you're asking me these questions are because there's
(24:40):
none of the others twelve people that you mentioned when
I asked them about it, I had full conversations with
them about it. None of them knew, so I'm coming
to you. Well, that's because they know that if any
of them told you about sex, I would kill them. Okay,
sex can from a medical standpoint, make it fun. Okay,
when a man and a woman love each other very much.
(25:04):
But sometimes it's not just a man and a woman.
Sometimes it's two girls, sometimes it's two boys. Sometimes just
talk about men and women like me and Trevor, man
and a woman. Sexual relations that can lead to conception
of a child is when the ejaculate of a man
(25:26):
visa vie, the ppe goes into the vaginal canal and
eventually the of a woman, which you are not because
you are only seventeen, but biologically speaking, you've had your
period since you were nine years old. I'm sorry you
got that for me, and so yes, you are technically
(25:47):
biologically a woman. And so when the ejaculate enters vis
a vie penetrative vaginal sex, that is how a baby
is made. So are you and Trevor doing that? Well,
let me say, you know I took Honor's Global History. Yes,
well in Mesopotamia, you're a woman at eleven, so let's
(26:08):
just say that. Okay, Well, we don't live in Mesopotamia.
I know where we live. I've lived her all my life.
I have a couple of questions that I think would
sent us on a road to discovery. Read whether I'm
having sex? Is it sex if when you were out
(26:29):
of the house last week, me and Trevor got in
the shower together and he flipped me upside down and
I passed out. And when I woke up, I was
in the bed and he had made me a juice
with two ice cubes. Oh God, Eric, I don't technically
think what you have just described in sex, but I
(26:50):
don't like anywhere. Maybe you should be home more. Um, well,
maybe you are. You have a mom who's a doctor, okay,
and your dad's supposed to be home, and he's not
supposed to let you in the house with the boys
with the door cloth. He was drinking a beer watching
Modern Family. What else is new? I have another question? Yeah,
(27:10):
Is it sex if a boy tickles me and the
boy is driver Lacarlos, my Filipino boyfriend. Is it sex
if a boy tickles me and I'm like stop, but
I really don't want him to stop. It's kind of
more like keep going, but it's funny then like I
get a little mad at him, But it's like a
(27:30):
little horny, and so is that sex? Once again, that
is not technically sex, but I do not like it.
And I think by saying stop, but you actually like it,
that is setting a bad precedent air. All right, So
I have one last question. Is it sex if? During
(27:52):
the lacrosse trip, because the boys team and the girls
team both went up to have say in New York
for that lacrosse tournament. God, is it sex if? Um?
After the milkshake social, Uever and I went back to
his hotel room, and um, we looked at each other
(28:15):
while we were undressed, and um, I just had never
felt like that before. And I realized that I was
in love with him, and so um, he had bought
some lubricant. I've done the oil lubricant and it's a
really good brand, which I found out when um, um,
(28:39):
because I don't know, I really don't really know what's
supposed to happen when I was getting excited. It turns
out we really didn't need it because I was you know,
I guess I was ready. Um. And then he's sort
of inserted disuc poenis into my vagina and we were
very connected for about eighteeneen minutes. Um, I looked at
(29:02):
each other deep in the eyes and he said I
love you as he finished inside me. Is that sex?
Aaront that sex? And actually I'm gonna say it does
not just sex, that's we can love? Oh my god?
So what how do you feel about it? They'd Trevor
(29:23):
put a rubber on his little Trevor, please air, I'm
begging you. Did he use a condom? Well? Maybe if
you would let me have an iPhone eight um, I
would be able to you know, because the iPhone sex Like,
I can't even update my phone, so I don't have
a Google on this, so I couldn't even Google. Or
(29:44):
he didn't sending you to Catholics. He didn't. But also,
you're in You're having an unprotected sex seed. So this
actually validates kind of all I've been talking about about
your noga. I'm proud of you for being in love.
I'm proud of you for using luber ki. Okay, like
a lot of that situation, I got to admit I
was actually pretty proud of you during because I was
(30:05):
actually happy for you. But you got to use a rubber.
Thank god. I've been sneaking birth control inside of your
smuckers peanut butter and jelly preep. Mom, that's fucked up.
And get your hands out of my things like my
toilet bowl and my snackbox. Get your hands out of
all my stuff. A mother is always right, and your
eyes out of my business. How about that? Can I
(30:27):
tell you one other thing? Wouldn't it make you happy
to have a little Filipino grandchild? Yeah? I bet that
would make you feel really happy, fake woke. I would
be happy to have a Filipino grandchild if it was
with another Filipino man as the father, and it was
in six to twelve years after you've gone to college.
(30:48):
I'm not going to college, mon, I'm You're going to
University the Dolaware. You're going to University at the Delaware,
just like me, just like your dad, just like your mom,
just like going to UD. I'm going to LA. She
wants to be a backup dancers. The surfing is good there,
(31:09):
and I know the backup dancing is great there. Because
of the movie, Honey, you didn't even follow through with
show choir air. Okay, you did, not singing and not dancing.
First of all, you know that that's singing and not dancing.
First of all, you know that, do I Well? If
you never you never stuck around. We never got to
go to an assembly, We never got to go to
(31:30):
a recital because you quit show choir because you said
it was cringe. It was cringe. We sang my funny Valentine. What.
First of all, that song isn't even funny. Second of all,
it's not even pop air. Look, I know that we fight.
I know if that, yeah, I get down on you
(31:54):
about your boyfriend, then you're inconsistencies. But I have to
say a lot of what you said today, I'm actually
really proud of the woman you be coming. I remembered
the day I went into labor with you. I hate
this story. I hate when you tell you. I was
so excited, you know, because I'm an abgyn and I thought, oh,
(32:18):
well now I can take care of this in the house.
I wanted to give birth to you in front of
the J. C. Penny Threeway here, oh, because I was
picking out your bassinet and I saw and I thought, oh,
this would be the perfect place to do kind of
the poll and you couldn't even go to Lord and Taylor.
It was the good one back then, Okay, this is
(32:39):
before you was born at the Christian Animal and um,
just looking at you now, looking at the little floody
girl that you've become. In your hair so long and
your tits are so staffed. Thank you get that from
your mother. Yeah, I'm proud of you and I love you.
(33:00):
So Okay, okay, what do you want for dinner tonight?
Shouldn't call it? Okay, I'm gonna tell you that I'm
gonna be having about two hours, Dad, two hours? Okay,
bye bye, bye bye bye Lovey's. Oh lord, that girl's
(33:21):
going to bring me to an early grave. Well, thank
god we have our next guests, because she is a
constant saving grace in my life. Please give it up
for my favorite nurse on the unit. She's an incredible
nick you nurse, and she's an incredible mother of eight.
Please welcome Nurse Jessee. That's right, thank you for having
(33:48):
me two s's two ease. That's important to say because
it's actually famously a podcast, so we're not going to
have like the name pop up on the screen or nothing.
Oh yeah, you don't know who's listen, who's working at
Starbucks and has the opportunity to get my name right?
When they spell on the cup, because they really do
fuck it up every time. Ain't that the worst? He seed?
That's why I go to Duncans. You're kind of a
(34:09):
classy Starbucks gal. Are you thinking the switching to Duncans?
You know, I'm thinking of going team wahwa again. You know,
one of those things. You know, and you know how
it goes because we go way back, and I know
that because I know I know how it goes. But
you graduate, you graduate to something classier. As you were saying,
back my CNA days, when I was a CNA, you know,
(34:30):
it was all wah wah all the time. But now
it's it's we're in Starbucks. But because I really do
need that espresso for these shifts, I've been pulling. Oh yeah,
they got you on doubles on the unit, but you're
getting over time, that's right. You know. I star early.
Was saving up for the Christmas gifts because you just
don't know what the kids want these days. I got
eight of them, so you know that I can't. Every
Every dollar counts. Every dollar counts. Now, for those who
(34:53):
don't know, Jesse is a mother of eight, and I've
delivered every single one of your kids. That's right. And
you know it's really nerve racking delivering nurses babies because
you're both mother and labor and you're both nurse, and
I know I can't I can't screw it up, you know,
with the four steps or turn in or or any
because most of your babies have been breached. Yeah, you
(35:16):
know that's right. They get all scrambled when they're inside
of me because you know, like you was saying, I've
worked these shifts all throughout my pregnancies, I mean my
feet most of the time. You're not supposed to when
those first and second trimesters. And you sat me down
at least for the first four and said, listen, Jesse,
I don't know if I feel right about you doing this,
but when there's a will, there's a way. But you
(35:37):
did it perfectly every time. These kids are healthy. These
kids are healthy, and they're little nightmares, and that is
all that we can pray for. That's why I was thinking,
how many boys? How many girls? We're rocking with? Three
boys oh and five girls. Okay, See that's a good
proper ratio, because if the ratio is switched, you know,
(35:57):
then you got yourself a little te ball team, and
then you know, goodbye to any nice furniture you have.
Oh yeah, we got the feminine mystique in the house,
you know what I mean, Like there's just a certain
amount of female energy that's floating around that I feel like.
It's I feel like it's good, it's calming, it's grounding. Yeah,
it's nice. And the boys, you know, they're learning early,
(36:19):
they're learning how to respect women early. Oh thank god, Okay,
that's important. You know. I went over to Jesse's and
you got a beautiful split alam, thank you, thank you,
And you're a limen over in a hocussing now or
buy couches bridge, yeah, right right by the bridge. You
know what I love about Jesse's house is every season,
you know, East their fall, Thanksgiving, you put a different
(36:40):
flag up in front of your house that has the
most recent holiday that's coming up. And it's just a
nice reminder of that is the time that we are in.
That's right, and I yep, it's true. And I even
do a little some special for some of these more
micro holidays. Columbus Day, Oh, the Italians love the Columbus.
(37:01):
They want all the local Italians. You would be shocked
if you saw the amount of hogies and sausage of
peppers on my doorstep on Columbus Day because they love
seeing the little flag waving in the space. That beautiful
And yeah, I don't think we're supposed to celebrate Columbus
Day no more. But if there's peppers and hogies coming out,
(37:21):
you know, sell pepper, catch up, I think we can
look the other way. Yep. And that's what they've been
telling me too. A lot of these kids around campus
are saying, you know, you really can't be doing that
no more. He's a piece of shit. We don't honor
pieces of shit, and so, you know, these days I'm
a little more conflicted. But you know, these Italians, they're
so old. You know how many more holidays did they
(37:42):
got in them? Five? Maybe from Lucky. So I just say,
you know what, I'll keep it going. Then we'll let
it die out and I'll shift my focus more to
you know, Valentine's Day, one of those kids of parks,
get some parts out on the porch. You know, I'm
always talking about this on the unit. And Jesse, you
were just an A plus nurse and you know I'd
die for my nurses. I'd die for every single one
(38:03):
of these nurses on my unit. You know who I
wouldn't die for Tom and pediatrics. Tom can fuck off?
Tom can fuck off. Did you see the way he
looked at me today? He said, Oh, no, munchkins for pedes.
I said, when I come into Dunkins on Friday, I
get munchkins from my unit. Okay, we cook the babies.
(38:25):
After the babies are cooked, and we push him out. Tom.
It's your territory, it's your dominion. You can take over, okay.
But he just thinks he's cock of the walk. Oh,
he's overstepping boundaries left and right. And it's not just
you and me that think this. I've been crawling some
of the other nurses in the ward, and you know,
(38:45):
the sentiments are the same across the wort. Tom's got
to go, But I don't know how to push him out.
I've never I've never done the who they taught, as
they say in France, I never overthrown. Oh my god. Yeah, wow, Jesse,
you're going to Starbucks and Theari you're speaking friends? Yeah, yeah, No,
you gotta keep you gotta keep it classy, you know,
But I'll forget where I'm from. I'm never gonna figuet
(39:06):
where I came from, you know what I'm say. I'm
never gonna be too good for it. But you know,
I leave that pinky out even when I'm delivering. Sometimes
I get that baby pinkies out whole time. It's like
a blessing. And the parents appreciated. The parents appreciate it. Yeah,
it's all about the little details. It's all about the details.
That's the thing about delivering. It's all about the details.
(39:27):
People don't really even realize that. They don't even know.
Like you're putting in an ivy or an epitheral, you
get that detail wrong. Mom's not walking for a couple
of years. Oh I had that happen, And that's something
Time would know nothing about. He and this shit, he
don't know his ass from elbow when it comes to details.
He's mister big sky thinker. I don't. I don't have
(39:47):
time for that. It's babies. Oh yeah, babies are the
yadro figurines of humans. You know, you gotta be delicate
with them. You gotta be detail oriented, and you gotta
put them on a place where you know no dog
is going to bump into him, which I have seen
happen before, and it's not something I ever want to
see again. Something I even hesitate to bring up now
(40:07):
because I got shivers all up and down my spine
even just the thought of his making me sick. It's
making me sick to think about. You're so empathetic, Jesse.
That's what I love you well, you know, speaking of
disasters that are waiting to happen, did you hear about
a local serial killer, the Newark Napper? They caught him,
thank god, Oh my god, I missed it. Yeah, the
(40:29):
Newark Napper. And turns out he was going into people's
homes and he was napping next to him, and he
did a couple of murders. He did a lot more
naps than he did the murders, because I guess depending
on what kind of comforter they had that was like
one of his triggers or whatever. Anyway, they revealed the
new Ark Napper's identity, and yeah, Jesse, hate to break
(40:52):
it to you, but we delivered him. Don't even say it.
Oh Christ Almighty, he brought him into this world, which
is part of you know, hazard in the trade. It's
hazard in the trade. What kind of freaking butterfly effected
this cause do you think at the end of the day,
I'm sick over this? Well, you know, we have medical
obligation could bring babies into this world, but you don't
(41:12):
know what kind of creeps these babies are going to
turn into. It's true, but you know what come to
think of it, you know, and I'm digging deep in
my memory hole right now, is that I do remember
his mother, and I do remember his mother being very
peculiar about the betting that we were bringing in there.
So I think, you know, we always come back to this.
Is it nature? Is it nurture? I don't know. Was
(41:34):
out of hereditary quality that he got from his mother?
I don't know. Did she teach him this in the
Norman Bates way? I don't know, But oh my god,
now thinking about it, I just got a knot in
the pit of my stomach. I know, it's so freaky, deinky, scary,
and I swears to God when I heard this, I
dropped my dunkin all over the floor, and I said
(41:55):
to my husband Patrick, you deal with it because I'm
already late for work. But it got me thinking, you know, Jesse,
had you to do it over? Had you had known,
had you had known that, that little precious baby boy
with his weird mom talking about what kind of thread
count we had that baby on, would you to do
it over bring that baby into this world? I think
(42:20):
I would have to. I really do see. This might
feel the same my fidiciary responsibility to you know, the
grey's anatomy in the nurse, you know that, like you know,
a hand on the Bible. We're just doing our jobs
and then we send them off. I think I would
do it all over again. But do you know it,
this time, knowing what I know now, I maybe would
(42:45):
have been a little more gentle. You know. Back then,
you know, I was, I was new, I was new
in the world. Like I said, I had just come
off from my Cenna days. I was rough with it.
And the one thing I'll say is that I think,
if it's a little bit on me, I could have
been a little more gentle. Just also, come to think
of it, I think we did drop him. He was
a pretty slippery boy. He was slippery boy, slipper. That
(43:07):
was one of my first droppers. Yep. Now I remember it,
and you know, okay, so fans of the pot will
know this. Babies get dropped. Oh every day, every day,
like the duncan on the floor. Shit happens. You know.
We used to maybe this is a before your time,
but we used to have a nice little whiteboard in
the unit that said drops today on it, you know,
(43:29):
and if we got under five drops, you know, which
is what should we would get one, you know, because
drops happened. We can't we can't be doing zero drops.
Oh yeah, but if we got under five drops in
that week, then the unit we get pizza party. Yep.
But then the parents didn't really like it, so we
kind of we kind of changed it to uh, you know,
pictures of the babies that we had successfully eat the
(43:50):
livered but um, yeah, yeah we did drop the new
Ark napper, but I'm gonna blame his freak mom. And
We're actually gonna play a little game, Jesse, are you excited?
The love game? I love games, Love Monopoly. One time
did a week long Monopoly game, so you know I'm
game for this. A week long? Oh my god? Was
that with the family down at the shore? Oh yeah, yeah,
we were Rehobeth Beach, gorgeous beach, really saw Sanchis but
(44:14):
you know it we went. It was rained the whole time.
So we're in Shy, we're playing Monopoly. I barely slept,
I barely ate. I lost so much weight that week
just for playing that one Monopoly game. I've dedicated and
don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise, Liz, and wait
at the beach. I mean that's a feat in and
of itself, because when I'm down there, it's Saltwater Taffy Chorus, Brothers,
Carmel Corn, Saltwater Taffy Chorus, Brothers, Carmel Corn. Just one, two, three, anyway,
(44:37):
I digress. Okay, So the game that we're gonna play
is called Would You Deliver? Oh? I love this. In
this game, I'm going to name a controversial figure in
the public world and ask you, Jesse, would you help
bring them into this world or not? The first one,
(45:00):
would you deliver? Donald Trump? Oh God? Now I'm personally
porn on this one because I hated him as a president,
but I love the Apprentice, right, you know, before we knew,
before we knew, So I'm gonna say yes on that one.
I'm gonna say guiding through the early stages of the delivery, right,
(45:24):
doing more duelist stuff. Let's just say i'd do more
dueless stuff, a little more hands off that way. I'm
not culpable, but I know what you're saying. You're fire,
You're fire. I mean, what would I do without that
cultural touchstone. That is one hell of a cultural culture stone.
You're right, you're fired. That's so good. That was classic.
Why don't you just stick to that? I mean, I
(45:45):
was saying that every time that I was firing somebody
for years, for years. Okay, the next person, now, I'm
not even sure if I know who this is, but
it's written down here. Jaco Paul. Oh, the boxer, the
YouTube boxer. He's an asshole YouTuber who now does violence
for money. Oh yeah. My three sons love watching him
(46:06):
on the iPad. Sometimes when we're a Ruby Tuesdays and
they won't stop fucking yapping, we just throw the iPad on.
They watch all the old Jake Paul videos. They love it,
and they love what he's getting into and out the boxing.
It's amazing. I'm gonna go ahead and say delivered because
he keeps my three sons quiet. Okay, so I'm gonna
say delivered two on this one. All right, Now, this
one is sort of in the Newark Napper territory, but
(46:26):
a little more famous, and I'm gonna say a little
more handsome, would you deliver? Ted Bundy? Gonna go ahead
and also say yes, only because I love my true
crime podcast. I know you do. Sometimes I'm like, can
you hear the code Blue Jesse or you listen to
you know, murder she did? Yeah, and he's a freaking
rock star in that community. Might as well be Mick
(46:48):
freaking Jagger of the entire true crime community. They would
have nothing if not for him. Yeah, you know, I'm
gonna say also, yes, would deliver because when you see, okay,
Ted Bundy classically a hot murderer. Ted Bundy's parents probably
were very attractive. And I gotta say, when I see
a really hot couple, you know, even though the mom,
(47:11):
you know, she's pregnant and so she looks, you know,
bloated and disgusting, you can tell under the blow that
she is hot and that dad is hot. I get
excited to see the baby. Oh yeah, you know, and
normally I say, don't send me Christmas cards with the
pictures of your baby. I brought so many people into
this world, you know, at a certain point, it's just
(47:31):
it's an environmental issue with the amount of paper cards
that I'm getting in the mail. But if you are
a hot couple and you have a hot little baby,
I want to see how that baby's growing. So I'm
going to say what the liver ted Bundy probably had
hot parents. I want to see that hot baby. Oh yeah.
And honestly, when push comes to shove, who am I
could play God as in their spoon mind to say
(47:53):
you are worthy, you can come in? You can't. Yeah?
You know I say this as a born again Christian
as well. Yes, you're very religious, born again in Christ,
born again in Christ. Who am I to say you
can not up to me? I give it up. I
give it up to God every every time, you know. Yeah, yeah, no,
I get that. You know me, I'm Catholic, but nonpracticing, nonbelieving. Yeah,
(48:17):
I'm just gonna say, don't think about going to church,
because you know I could. I could set you up
with that great community is Jessie, don't go there with me.
Es they got munchkins. They got munchkins. Hear me out,
they got munchkins in the reception hall aftermass. No proselytize
to me. We've talked about this before. Okay, your businesses
were business and my business is mine. Okay, moving that
I overstepped, I overstepped. Here's a would you deliver, Kim Kardashian,
(48:43):
Oh would you deliver? Okay? I have an answer for
this one. While you're thinking, I deliver. But then I'd
have a serious talk with that baby, okay, and I
would tell her to stop doing that stuff to her face,
in her body, because I brought her into this world perfect,
(49:04):
you know, perfect. Oh yeah, that's all I'll say. I'm
with you on that one, and you know what, You're right,
and you know what I was thinking. And now, come
to think of it, I swore I seen her on
one of the other floors, and I know we got
a plastic surgery on FLOORA too. You saw Kim Kardashian
getting plastic surgery and Wilmington, Delaware. I swore I seen
that ass walk on the floor too, and I know
(49:27):
what they did. I know what they did down there.
And I said, oh, maybe it's a look alike, but
you know, I heard that classic classic with a k
classic Kardashian voice, and I says Willington, Yeah, what you know,
I've like flash of mind I'm saying, well, what, she's
not going to Beverly Hills to get that work done.
She's not going to New York City. She's going to
the capital of plastic surgery, Wilmington, Delaware. Would you deliver gritty?
(49:49):
The Philly Flyer's a little orange, freaky guy without a
shadow of a doubt, without a shadow of a doubt. Yeah,
me too. He's he gets born and I'm shaking his
mommy in his daddy's hand. Oh yeah, that man brings
me joy. Oh yeah, I'm I love it when you
go to the Flyers game and he takes pictures with
(50:10):
the kids and he kind of messes up their hair.
He's scoofy. He's scoofy like that. I love them when
people aren't too self serious. I love a relaxed mascot.
It is just too cute for words. I'm bringing all
eight to go see him too. Oh wow, that's quite
an expense. Well, yeah, you're an out of school. We're
gonna pull him out of school. Make it a whole surprise.
Film it for you too. Because I've been monetizing my
(50:32):
YouTube that I do on the side sometimes, so you know,
stay tuned. I'll drop the link. Okay, stay tuned. Next,
would you deliver Rocky the Pride of phili himself? Oh yeah,
oh yeah, oh yeah, it's an American hero. Oh my god,
Oh we salute him, We salute him. That would be
the honor of my life if I delivered Rocky. Are
(50:53):
you kidding me? Imagine you and me deliver Rocky. I
mean we would be riding on that for years. Oh
my god, the valor, the valor, a pum which you
would be able to stand, the mound of valor, unbelievable.
You ned that Rocky statue in Philly. I'd be standing
by there saying to people, we did this. This is
me and Jesse. And at one time, when I was
(51:14):
seeing my continuing education, I swore the nurses that delivered
him were doing a ted talk around the corner, and
I missed it because I was you know, some shit happened,
They got on into some altercations, some fights, right, but
they were there. They were discussing it, and again from
what I heard second hand, they're saying what an honor
it was, and what a beautiful baby boy he was
(51:35):
and grew up to be a beautiful man, Rocky, beautiful
baby boy. Beautiful man like Ted Bundy. Okay, and this
brings us to our last Would you deliver Tom in
fucking pediatrics? Never? Never? And I'd lose my license over that.
I would beat that baby up. I would let it
deliver and then I would beat it up. I don't
(51:56):
even care if that would land me in jail as
a brought again Christian. J See, I'd sacrifice it all.
I hate that motorfucker, and I hate the way he
treats you. Specifically, You're called out and targeted by him,
and you don't see it the way we do. Man,
it really it just gets me riled up. Don't get emotional, Jesse.
You know I can handle myself, and I know you're
a strong girl. You're a strong girl. But you know what,
(52:18):
I just we hate to see it. We hate to
see it. Fuck him, fuck is mop do. Whole family
can go to hell. Look at me. I I'm cracking
my knuckles over here, Jesse. You got me emotional over
here because you as my nurse on my unit, and
I'm just gonna say it, my best friend, you have
my back so hard and you ride for me so hard,
and I just have to say both in a medical
(52:39):
hospital contact and in a personal context, it just means
so much to me that you would go to bat
for me. That's how we do this, and I'm gonna
say it, Pum Tommy Pediatrics. If you're listening to this podcast,
which I'm sure you are because he's so obsessed with me, Tom,
I would deliver you just so I could lord that
over for you. And I would say to you every
(53:01):
time you steal my parking spot, and anytime you complain
about the fact that I'm not bringing your ass munchkins,
I would say to you, Tom, I brought you in
in this world and I can take you right out.
We should put a pipe bomb in his cool lotta.
We should absolutely do that. Jesse never see a coma
after the podcast. Mullible Dunce would never see that ship coming. Jesse.
(53:26):
This has honestly been the time of my life speaking
to you on Parts Talk. Thank you so much for
doing the pod. It has been truly my honor, and
thank you as a comrade. Really, thank you so much
for everything. You know. You're doing doubles on the unit.
You're a mother of eight, and I just so appreciate
(53:46):
you taking the time to do this though what are
you making for dinner tonight, microwaven some peeps because Easter's
coming up. Foh yeah, that's nice. That's nice, so like
breakfast for dinner, you know what I mean? The kids
love peeps. Well, thank you so much to my guests
and there's Jesse. Thank you to my daughter Aaron for
(54:06):
not being pregnant, and thank you so much for listening
to Parts Talk. This has been Parts Talk with doctor
Nancy Pitts. Good Bye,
Hey, I just talked to the building manager. What they're
kicking us out? God fucking king guys are in there? Yeah,
Dan Ferguson, Danny, I hope, I hope we're not recording
as I'm the building manager. We've never had it. Went
(00:28):
to the high Dan, just you. We just spoke. I
heard that there's a problem. You gotta get us get
a big We gotta get you guys out. Is it
for our own safety or did we just something wrong?
Did we do something both for your own safety and
you did something wrong? What did we do? Do you
want to red bull? It really chills you out. If
(00:51):
you got one sugar? Oh there go, actually prefer regular leaded?
You have a sugar? One gasoline joke? No, I don't
have a sugar. I'm I have Celsius or athletic greens.
Oh okay, he's open. Listen, take us up of that.
Is this about our subordinate? Will? Look? That guy drives
(01:15):
everyone nuts? Yeah, and it's either him or it's you.
So what's it going to be. I'll let you guys go,
I'll let you guys side bar. Okay, but I need
to know in the next half hour. Got it? Because
I've got it. Okay, I've already rid of the studio
space to a a very very prestigious former Hollywood actor.
(01:40):
Oh god, so just give us a second. Yep, all right,
sorry to barge. So you take the cans off and
go from the mic. Okay. I feel like we've had
our ups and downs with Will, but I feel like
he's family. Now. Hey, hi guys, sorry, Hey, no problem.
We're just in the middle of something. Idiot Dan Ferguson, geez, yeah,
(02:05):
did you see him? Well, I hate that guy. We
just got a hell of a hell of a news
bulleton from him. Yeah. Well, they're they're they're they're asking
us to leave the building unless unless what unless either
you go or we go? Oh my god. All right,
(02:26):
well I guess it's got to be me. Well, well
that's well we were discussing. Yeah, we think that you know,
this being I would never I never would meet it ever,
you know, get in the way of what you guys
have built here. And I just let me just tell
you who we have here for our last listen here
take it's just like that rebel, that guy that was
(02:46):
just your dad the first It's fine, it's fine, it's fine. Um,
I think that he's just he's concerned the office culture
shammy because we got we had that rat issue. Of course,
bone was killing them and we left the flaffel in
the trash all night. And I think that you know,
people people around us in this in the surrounding offices
(03:08):
often complain about our quote unquote loud, toxic conversations. Yeah,
so I guess you are. That's I always tell them
that's who you guys are. But will I don't think
it's as open and shut as you think it is.
I think Matt and I might be willing to give
(03:29):
you the keys to the castle. What do you say?
We think you're a young talent that was so beautiful.
He has learned singer on so much under our tutelage.
And this this season won't let you down. I promise
(03:49):
you haven't let us down. Content. Listen to me. I
won't let you down. This podcast it has been a
vehicle for young hot talent. Jesus, and you did that,
and we we only were the facilitators. You did that.
Do you know you did that? I mean, I guess
(04:11):
I know I did it, but not really do so
I hear that I don't really know, do you know
what you did. They were selling blown parade coffee muggs
at Trader Joe's. A whole row. The mark of success.
That's when you know when you've transcended the trades and
you're out in the real world where people go Trader Joe's.
(04:33):
I want to be well people, I want to see
I want to see them at the dancing walking around
on those what do you call them? Well, we're looking
for feet. Oh, we're so proud of you, so proud
of you. Still, Hey, what do you say for old
(04:55):
time's sake? Pitch just one pitch, one cap on on
the thing. This huge success. This has been a major success.
It is and it is a bit of a wrecking ball.
How came that? Corecking good? Yeah? Nice? Yeah? Finish with
(05:17):
the l accent on the Is that good for sound?
Who cares if it is? Yeah? And you know what,
who cares if it is? Because this next person is
bringing the heat and the funk and the beat. All right,
(05:38):
all three things? The three. Sudi Green, Oh, Suti Sue, Sue,
Sudien Green, Wow Yeah. Sudi Green is a writer and
an actress known for Sartenite Live and Who Lose, Shrill
Damn r Oh my god, things two things we know.
We know that for sure. Now listen to what suit
(05:59):
he's put together. Doctor Nancy Pitts O B G y
N mother Wife, baby Bringer and saying Grea enthusiasts talk
sexual health Hot and Delaware's Kennedy's Less Hot the Bidens
on Parts Talk with doctor Nancy Pitts. We're getting in
(06:21):
Delaware legend. Doctor Nancy Pitts sharing all the gossip that's
going on in Delaware. Parts Talk Parts talk divulging, divulging
the health secrets of the finest rieple area of one
percent of the one percent of the Delaware area. Yeah right, so, like,
you know, middle class, middle class, she's seeing Hunter Biden
(06:44):
leave his car and enter his beach house. Oh my gosh,
she sees it all. She's got everywhere everywhere. Yeah, this
is incredible. I mean, I am so to know that
we and now are getting into medical I think we've
covered every area podcast Like, huh, look, I all I
(07:05):
can do is my best, and I just tried to
live up to, you know, the standards that you guys
have said. And I'm I'm sorry that I'm getting let
go today, but it's better. No no, no, you're what.
Don't you understand you're getting the keys to the asshole?
I not. Dan Ferguson threatened me within within an inch
of my life. Out there be honest. Yeah, you're starting
(07:25):
a production company with Kevin's Facey aren't you talk with
Doctor Nancy? Bits? Punks tunk parks, tunk punks talk, punks talk. Hey, Hi, Hello,
(07:57):
come on in, No, come on in. I know it's
a podcast, but come one in. Hi. My name is
doctor Nancy Pitts and welcome to the first episode of
Parts Talk, a new podcast hosted by me, Womanton, Delaware's
number one female obgyat where I give out advice about
all things parts. We're talking vaginas, boobs, nipples, butts, dicks, balls, grundles,
(08:24):
and so on and so forth. If it's a part,
we're gonna talk about it on this show now. Like
I mentioned before, I am an obstetrician and a guy
an ecologist or is My husband likes to call me
a snatch specialist. My number one job is to bring
beautiful bounds and babies into this absolutely fucked up world.
(08:46):
But you know I'm also a lot more than that.
I'm a mother, a wife, a saying grea enthusiast and
a lifelong masturbader to bon Jovie. But above all, I'm
a lifelong citizen of the beautiful stay we called Delaware.
I started this podcast for two reasons. Number one, I'm
(09:06):
too dampired to write a book. And number two, people
keep coming up to me all over town at this ingoes,
the Starbuck, the Duncans, the wah wah, the good Wahwa,
the wah Wall with gas, the wah wall where you
can get burgers, and they ask me so many questions
about their hugaus and their PEPs. I mean, also, be
(09:26):
mind my damn business filling up a thermos with room
temperature hazelnut coffee. When Bam, a lady works at my
daughter's school, is asking me why her piss smells like
root beer. I don't know. Stop drinking root beer and
start drinking water. But now I can use this podcast
as a safe space where my community can ask me
intimate and important questions. Anonymous, anonymously, anonymous in secret. Now
(09:54):
some of you might be wondering, doctor Nancy Pits, how
did you get here? You know? My mother said I
was born to help people, and I actually remembered the
day I was born, first and best day of my life.
(10:15):
Oh God. The nurse that helped deliver me was stunned.
Crystal gorgeous, crunchy curls, tiny wispy bangs. I tried to
rip off my own umbilical cord just to save her
some time. I said, you've done enough, my angel. I
ran an advice column in my junior high high school paper.
Yeah that's true. It was mostly kids asking things like
(10:37):
what's a hand job? And like how hard should I
be kissing? But I think it really made a difference.
And then I ended up going into pre med at
ud that's University at Dollar and I stayed local because
you know, I'm a dollwar girl. And a lot of
my friends said I should have gone to pitt in
Pittsburgh on account of my last name, Nancy Pitts at
(10:57):
pitt But I didn't want abandoned the great state of
Delaware just because of a really hilarious joke. And so
I've been here in Willington, Delaware, delivering babies ever since.
Not to toot my own horn, I've become a real
pillar of the community. You know, some people even wanted
me to run for mayor. But I can't stand politician type,
(11:20):
so I said, no, I deliver babies. I don't want
to work with them. Aticians are jip babies. God's good
t you know, love political humor. But you know who
(11:46):
absolutely stands above politics, Delaware's own homegrown Joe Biden. And
now it's time for our first segment, a little weekly
check in wee call Biden's Spotting. This is the part
(12:06):
of the show where we talk about which member of
the Biden family I saw in the greater Northern Delaware area, because,
as you know, Delaware is the size of a sneeze. Seriously,
if you're not paying attention, you're suddenly in Maryland. It's
this orienton And this week's Biden spotten is Hunter Biden.
We all know Hunter Biden, the problematic son of Joe Biden,
(12:28):
has had a rough couple of years. You know. He
had some unflattering angles on a hard drive that somebody found.
I don't know. I don't like to read the news.
But I saw him, you know, and I saw him
at the Einstein Bagels near the Acme. He got a
blueberry bagel scooped out and he looked rested. You know
what I mean when I say rested. First of all,
(12:49):
he's at Einstein, so you know he's eaten, right, And
he just looked full in the face and hydrated, and
the whites of his eyes were the color that they
should be, which had met clee is white. Keep up
the good work, Hunter. You had a problem, but you
overcame it, and we're praying for you. And you know,
(13:09):
for our international listeners, they might not know all that
Delaware has to offer. The Bidens aren't our only claim
to fame, even though you could argue that, you know,
they are the main one. There are many, many famous
people from Delaware, and I'm gonna list them all right now.
Joe Biden already mentioned him. The sad girl from Amy
(13:31):
Poehler Show, what's her name, like Audrey Plaza, But I
don't even think she lives in Delaware no more. Pretty
sure she lives like in New York or LA. Someone
look that up. The wife from Meet the Parents, Reese
Witherspoon's ex husband, And I heard he's from North Star
rich And this isn't a person. But you know that
part in Wayne's world where they're like, hey, we're in Delaware.
(13:57):
I love that part when I know the inventions, the
place I live. That just gets me so excited. So yeah,
that's basically what the podcast is going to be. My
infectious personality, dolaware facts and sometimes I just need to
get stuff off my chest. In a segment we like
to call, Ain't that the Pits? Ain't that the Pits?
(14:23):
Birthdays on the unit? Can you hurry up? We're going
to do the cake? No, Janine, I can't hurry up. Also,
who's buying the cakes? Because whoever it is just getting
whatever's closest to their house. It's not a good cake
like Costco or cookie. I don't even want to celebrate
my birthdays no more. Everyone can get together at my funeral.
And this is atta Pits. Okay, enough of me blathering
(14:52):
about my personal life. Let's get into today's topic. Each
episode we're going to get into a new topic that
I just so happened to be an expert. And this
week is my bread and butter. It's the miracle of life.
And I'm not talking about my room by robot vacuum.
I'm talking about babies, cooking um and birthing um after
(15:13):
they come out. That's somebody else's job. But in the
baby kitchen. I'm the head chef. I'm talking Gordon Ramsey. God,
don't you just love Gordon Ramsey. He's so mean to adults,
but he's nice to kids. You know, a lot of
people don't know this, but I was actually the first
female obgyn in this county. I know the doctor before
me was this old dude who likes spanking the babies
(15:36):
too much. I love babies. They're not afraid to cry
in front of you, and they let you watch whatever
TV you want. Basically perfect humans. So now some members
of my community have submitted questions anonymously, and I'm going
to answer all your questions about child. I'm excited they're
(15:56):
printing on little note cards for me. That's nice. Whoever
at that? So question number one hashtag pretty mama okay,
conceded from Allentown, writes there doctor Pitts, I am seven
months pregnant with my first child. I'm so excited to
have a little mini me. But I now realized my
(16:17):
baby could look more like my husband. He's the sweetest,
but I married him for his Finnished garage and not
so much for his looks. Been there? What do I
do if my baby comes out ugly. Okay, this is
an excellent question because medically speaking, some babies are just busted.
Here's what you can do. Put a big old bow
(16:40):
on it. Bigger the bow. We're not looking at the nose.
Blame the weird baby on a random family member, like
you know, everybody's got an uncle with a squished skull.
Just say the baby takes after him, or hide it,
rap the baby in a blanket or a freaking baby Bjorn.
By the time it's three, it's gonna get all the
kinks worked out. Okay, I think I answered that question
(17:03):
real good, So let's go off to the next one.
Anomalous from not gonna say, says doctor Pitts. I know
after giving birth my body will change, and I'm okay
with that, but what parts of my body is, specifically,
what the heck is going to happen to my huh.
I'm really glad we got this question about parts because
(17:25):
this is parts talk, and let me get into then
nitty gritty, Your volva is going to shift, but it
will be kind of like when they took out the
carpet at the Red Robin by the dsw like it
felt scary, It felt weird, but then you're biting into
a juicy burger and it's the same great family restaurant
(17:46):
that's gonna be your volva. Okay. Question number three, aspiring
amateur father asks twins are they creepy or scary? And
the answer is it depends two girls, the shining creepy
two boys. They grow up join a frat, scary boy
(18:09):
and a girl. That's a gift from God. That's a
two for never have to be pregnant again. Question number
four Haggy bunnenove and says, I'm on baby number three
and at this point the whole going into labor at
the hospital seems a little bit there done that our home,
but it's safe. Or does my husband just want to
(18:31):
save money on a hospital bill? This is an ex
way question. Home births not against less work for me now, personally,
my carpets are too expensive CB two. I mean I'm
a doctor after all, But yeah, you got a big pup,
big enough, invest in a hot tub or better yet,
an above ground pool, pop out a couple of kids,
(18:53):
and then you enjoy it every summer after Now, the
one thing about home births is it kind of gets
into like a dullah territory and if you don't know,
Adulah is kind of like a birth coach that helps
the moms when the dad is looking at his phone.
But my experience with Dullah's has been Dullah, know what
you're doing. I had a Dula come up to me.
(19:15):
Her name is Amethyst. She tells me she needs to
hook the iPod to a calming playlist. Okay, well, your
girl just shut herself. But okay, Dula, what you want
a DA question Number five? I deleted my period tracker
app because I was taking up too much data on
my iPhone six. Now I'm pretty sure I'm late. And
(19:35):
by the way, I'm seventeen and do not want to
be a mom because my mom is a bitch. Okay, well,
let me set the record straight because I am pro
choice one hundred percent. My stance on abortions is smoke
him if you got him, because you never know when
they're gonna go full Handmaids Tale, which the geniuses on
(19:58):
the Supreme Court did when they overturned Roe vied Waite. God,
that was a dark day on the unit. I haven't
seen my nurses that of sense since they found out
Friends wasn't a current show. Hard truths, hard truths and
speaking of hard truths, Hey, brit Kavanaugh, you want my
medical opinion, you have rape face, So why the f
(20:21):
does you get to say anyway? Now, it's state by state,
I guess, and Delaware is pretty blue, so I'm not worried.
But just in case, I've got a ton abborded abortion
pills in my she shed looks like a sexually active
costco in there. You gotta come over and see. If
(20:42):
you don't want to have a baby, don't have one.
Did you know the majority of women who get abortions
are mothers who already have kids unrelated My son Marcus
recently told me he wants to do voiceover for anime
when he grows up. It's all food for thought, you know,
(21:02):
make your own choice. The abortion clinic, we haven't town
in Wilmington. Oh my god, it's so nice in there.
It's just the sweetest, the nicest people. One of them's
my neighbor, Kathy Clinicer. She lives over on Okay, wait,
I shouldn't said where she lives on accountry versus the
abortion clinics, forget that. But my point is the people
(21:24):
at the clinic will give you the information, and that
information shouldn't be scary. I mean, I can't emphasize this enough.
They're just a great group of owls over there. You know,
they usually go to the happy hour on Fridays over
at the Applebee's. Not the Applebe's, it's suburban plaza, but
the one on. No, Nancy shouldn't say that either. Oh
my god, I'm going to out these abobo goddesses. Ladies,
(21:44):
if you're listening, may God protect you. Okay, wait, let
me look at that last question again by fans X
seventeen Bitch for a Mom. Okay, I know who this is.
I know asked this question. It's not anomalous. It's my daughter, Aaron,
who thinks she's ground. Okay, hold on, because I got
a caller. I got a call Aaron held on air.
(22:09):
What did you send an anomalous question into my podcast? No?
What are you talking about? Even? I know it was
you because us is the only goal in your class
with an iPhone six. And let me tell you something.
You think that you're pregnant from that? No, good boyfriend
of yours, guess what you're not. You know how I
know I pay pregnancy tests to the inside of your toilet.
(22:32):
First of all, it was disgusting. What are you even
putting in your hand in there for? It's fucking poop
and piss. Second of all, I asked for Ie eight
and you keep being a fucking bitch, so you're right
about that part. And third of all, I'm sorry that
you don't like my boyfriend Drevel Lacrosse because he's Filipino.
I don't not like him because he's Filipino. I actually
like the Filippino part of him the most, so you
(22:55):
dislike other parts of him? What that he likes to
go to mont talking surf. Look, I don't care if
you too surf together. I'm talking about when you get
the humping ugly and you get the babe and Meacon
and I'm gonna start crushing up a little birth control
pills and putting them in your corn pops. I'm gonna
do it. I'm not a buzzer. Why don't you just
ask me and communicate with me about what we're doing? Okay,
(23:16):
instead of assuming yes, I mean things have progressed with
me and Trevor, but you don't ask me questions. You assume, assume, assume,
and it makes an ass Okay, You're right, Aaron. Let's
just do it right here, right now on the podcast.
Um wow, I can't believe I'm asking you this. Uh wait,
how many people listen to this? Well, let's count your Momum,
(23:38):
your pop up, definitely, Um, Nancy down the street, Um, Carol, Pat,
your aunt Pat, Trina, and um yeah, I think a
couple of nurses at the hospital. So at least. Well,
I already talked to all of them about this, so
(23:59):
it's fine. You can ask me. Are you and Trevor
doing the deed? Okay? So you know how I'm taking
ap American history. As Bill Clinton one said, it depends
on what is there? You go, what sex? Mom? Because
(24:20):
I'm actually really confused because I feel like I'm late,
that's for sure, but also talking to you know, other girls,
it feels like they might be doing things that I
feel like is sex, and I'm just sort of, like,
you know, confused about how it goes down. I'm so
happy that you're asking me these questions are because there's
(24:40):
none of the others twelve people that you mentioned when
I asked them about it, I had full conversations with
them about it. None of them knew, so I'm coming
to you. Well, that's because they know that if any
of them told you about sex, I would kill them. Okay,
sex can from a medical standpoint, make it fun. Okay,
when a man and a woman love each other very much.
(25:04):
But sometimes it's not just a man and a woman.
Sometimes it's two girls, sometimes it's two boys. Sometimes just
talk about men and women like me and Trevor, man
and a woman. Sexual relations that can lead to conception
of a child is when the ejaculate of a man
(25:26):
visa vie, the ppe goes into the vaginal canal and
eventually the of a woman, which you are not because
you are only seventeen, but biologically speaking, you've had your
period since you were nine years old. I'm sorry you
got that for me, and so yes, you are technically
(25:47):
biologically a woman. And so when the ejaculate enters vis
a vie penetrative vaginal sex, that is how a baby
is made. So are you and Trevor doing that? Well,
let me say, you know I took Honor's Global History. Yes,
well in Mesopotamia, you're a woman at eleven, so let's
(26:08):
just say that. Okay, Well, we don't live in Mesopotamia.
I know where we live. I've lived her all my life.
I have a couple of questions that I think would
sent us on a road to discovery. Read whether I'm
having sex? Is it sex if when you were out
(26:29):
of the house last week, me and Trevor got in
the shower together and he flipped me upside down and
I passed out. And when I woke up, I was
in the bed and he had made me a juice
with two ice cubes. Oh God, Eric, I don't technically
think what you have just described in sex, but I
(26:50):
don't like anywhere. Maybe you should be home more. Um, well,
maybe you are. You have a mom who's a doctor, okay,
and your dad's supposed to be home, and he's not
supposed to let you in the house with the boys
with the door cloth. He was drinking a beer watching
Modern Family. What else is new? I have another question? Yeah,
(27:10):
Is it sex if a boy tickles me and the
boy is driver Lacarlos, my Filipino boyfriend. Is it sex
if a boy tickles me and I'm like stop, but
I really don't want him to stop. It's kind of
more like keep going, but it's funny then like I
get a little mad at him, But it's like a
(27:30):
little horny, and so is that sex? Once again, that
is not technically sex, but I do not like it.
And I think by saying stop, but you actually like it,
that is setting a bad precedent air. All right, So
I have one last question. Is it sex if? During
(27:52):
the lacrosse trip, because the boys team and the girls
team both went up to have say in New York
for that lacrosse tournament. God, is it sex if? Um?
After the milkshake social, Uever and I went back to
his hotel room, and um, we looked at each other
(28:15):
while we were undressed, and um, I just had never
felt like that before. And I realized that I was
in love with him, and so um, he had bought
some lubricant. I've done the oil lubricant and it's a
really good brand, which I found out when um, um,
(28:39):
because I don't know, I really don't really know what's
supposed to happen when I was getting excited. It turns
out we really didn't need it because I was you know,
I guess I was ready. Um. And then he's sort
of inserted disuc poenis into my vagina and we were
very connected for about eighteeneen minutes. Um, I looked at
(29:02):
each other deep in the eyes and he said I
love you as he finished inside me. Is that sex?
Aaront that sex? And actually I'm gonna say it does
not just sex, that's we can love? Oh my god?
So what how do you feel about it? They'd Trevor
(29:23):
put a rubber on his little Trevor, please air, I'm
begging you. Did he use a condom? Well? Maybe if
you would let me have an iPhone eight um, I
would be able to you know, because the iPhone sex Like,
I can't even update my phone, so I don't have
a Google on this, so I couldn't even Google. Or
(29:44):
he didn't sending you to Catholics. He didn't. But also,
you're in You're having an unprotected sex seed. So this
actually validates kind of all I've been talking about about
your noga. I'm proud of you for being in love.
I'm proud of you for using luber ki. Okay, like
a lot of that situation, I got to admit I
was actually pretty proud of you during because I was
(30:05):
actually happy for you. But you got to use a rubber.
Thank god. I've been sneaking birth control inside of your
smuckers peanut butter and jelly preep. Mom, that's fucked up.
And get your hands out of my things like my
toilet bowl and my snackbox. Get your hands out of
all my stuff. A mother is always right, and your
eyes out of my business. How about that? Can I
(30:27):
tell you one other thing? Wouldn't it make you happy
to have a little Filipino grandchild? Yeah? I bet that
would make you feel really happy, fake woke. I would
be happy to have a Filipino grandchild if it was
with another Filipino man as the father, and it was
in six to twelve years after you've gone to college.
(30:48):
I'm not going to college, mon, I'm You're going to
University the Dolaware. You're going to University at the Delaware,
just like me, just like your dad, just like your mom,
just like going to UD. I'm going to LA. She
wants to be a backup dancers. The surfing is good there,
(31:09):
and I know the backup dancing is great there. Because
of the movie, Honey, you didn't even follow through with
show choir air. Okay, you did, not singing and not dancing.
First of all, you know that that's singing and not dancing.
First of all, you know that, do I Well? If
you never you never stuck around. We never got to
go to an assembly, We never got to go to
(31:30):
a recital because you quit show choir because you said
it was cringe. It was cringe. We sang my funny Valentine. What.
First of all, that song isn't even funny. Second of all,
it's not even pop air. Look, I know that we fight.
I know if that, yeah, I get down on you
(31:54):
about your boyfriend, then you're inconsistencies. But I have to
say a lot of what you said today, I'm actually
really proud of the woman you be coming. I remembered
the day I went into labor with you. I hate
this story. I hate when you tell you. I was
so excited, you know, because I'm an abgyn and I thought, oh,
(32:18):
well now I can take care of this in the house.
I wanted to give birth to you in front of
the J. C. Penny Threeway here, oh, because I was
picking out your bassinet and I saw and I thought, oh,
this would be the perfect place to do kind of
the poll and you couldn't even go to Lord and Taylor.
It was the good one back then, Okay, this is
(32:39):
before you was born at the Christian Animal and um,
just looking at you now, looking at the little floody
girl that you've become. In your hair so long and
your tits are so staffed. Thank you get that from
your mother. Yeah, I'm proud of you and I love you.
(33:00):
So Okay, okay, what do you want for dinner tonight?
Shouldn't call it? Okay, I'm gonna tell you that I'm
gonna be having about two hours, Dad, two hours? Okay,
bye bye, bye bye bye Lovey's. Oh lord, that girl's
(33:21):
going to bring me to an early grave. Well, thank
god we have our next guests, because she is a
constant saving grace in my life. Please give it up
for my favorite nurse on the unit. She's an incredible
nick you nurse, and she's an incredible mother of eight.
Please welcome Nurse Jessee. That's right, thank you for having
(33:48):
me two s's two ease. That's important to say because
it's actually famously a podcast, so we're not going to
have like the name pop up on the screen or nothing.
Oh yeah, you don't know who's listen, who's working at
Starbucks and has the opportunity to get my name right?
When they spell on the cup, because they really do
fuck it up every time. Ain't that the worst? He seed?
That's why I go to Duncans. You're kind of a
(34:09):
classy Starbucks gal. Are you thinking the switching to Duncans?
You know, I'm thinking of going team wahwa again. You know,
one of those things. You know, and you know how
it goes because we go way back, and I know
that because I know I know how it goes. But
you graduate, you graduate to something classier. As you were saying,
back my CNA days, when I was a CNA, you know,
(34:30):
it was all wah wah all the time. But now
it's it's we're in Starbucks. But because I really do
need that espresso for these shifts, I've been pulling. Oh yeah,
they got you on doubles on the unit, but you're
getting over time, that's right. You know. I star early.
Was saving up for the Christmas gifts because you just
don't know what the kids want these days. I got
eight of them, so you know that I can't. Every
Every dollar counts. Every dollar counts. Now, for those who
(34:53):
don't know, Jesse is a mother of eight, and I've
delivered every single one of your kids. That's right. And
you know it's really nerve racking delivering nurses babies because
you're both mother and labor and you're both nurse, and
I know I can't I can't screw it up, you know,
with the four steps or turn in or or any
because most of your babies have been breached. Yeah, you
(35:16):
know that's right. They get all scrambled when they're inside
of me because you know, like you was saying, I've
worked these shifts all throughout my pregnancies, I mean my
feet most of the time. You're not supposed to when
those first and second trimesters. And you sat me down
at least for the first four and said, listen, Jesse,
I don't know if I feel right about you doing this,
but when there's a will, there's a way. But you
(35:37):
did it perfectly every time. These kids are healthy. These
kids are healthy, and they're little nightmares, and that is
all that we can pray for. That's why I was thinking,
how many boys? How many girls? We're rocking with? Three
boys oh and five girls. Okay, See that's a good
proper ratio, because if the ratio is switched, you know,
(35:57):
then you got yourself a little te ball team, and
then you know, goodbye to any nice furniture you have.
Oh yeah, we got the feminine mystique in the house,
you know what I mean, Like there's just a certain
amount of female energy that's floating around that I feel like.
It's I feel like it's good, it's calming, it's grounding. Yeah,
it's nice. And the boys, you know, they're learning early,
(36:19):
they're learning how to respect women early. Oh thank god, Okay,
that's important. You know. I went over to Jesse's and
you got a beautiful split alam, thank you, thank you,
And you're a limen over in a hocussing now or
buy couches bridge, yeah, right right by the bridge. You
know what I love about Jesse's house is every season,
you know, East their fall, Thanksgiving, you put a different
(36:40):
flag up in front of your house that has the
most recent holiday that's coming up. And it's just a
nice reminder of that is the time that we are in.
That's right, and I yep, it's true. And I even
do a little some special for some of these more
micro holidays. Columbus Day, Oh, the Italians love the Columbus.
(37:01):
They want all the local Italians. You would be shocked
if you saw the amount of hogies and sausage of
peppers on my doorstep on Columbus Day because they love
seeing the little flag waving in the space. That beautiful
And yeah, I don't think we're supposed to celebrate Columbus
Day no more. But if there's peppers and hogies coming out,
(37:21):
you know, sell pepper, catch up, I think we can
look the other way. Yep. And that's what they've been
telling me too. A lot of these kids around campus
are saying, you know, you really can't be doing that
no more. He's a piece of shit. We don't honor
pieces of shit, and so, you know, these days I'm
a little more conflicted. But you know, these Italians, they're
so old. You know how many more holidays did they
(37:42):
got in them? Five? Maybe from Lucky. So I just say,
you know what, I'll keep it going. Then we'll let
it die out and I'll shift my focus more to
you know, Valentine's Day, one of those kids of parks,
get some parts out on the porch. You know, I'm
always talking about this on the unit. And Jesse, you
were just an A plus nurse and you know I'd
die for my nurses. I'd die for every single one
(38:03):
of these nurses on my unit. You know who I
wouldn't die for Tom and pediatrics. Tom can fuck off?
Tom can fuck off. Did you see the way he
looked at me today? He said, Oh, no, munchkins for pedes.
I said, when I come into Dunkins on Friday, I
get munchkins from my unit. Okay, we cook the babies.
(38:25):
After the babies are cooked, and we push him out. Tom.
It's your territory, it's your dominion. You can take over, okay.
But he just thinks he's cock of the walk. Oh,
he's overstepping boundaries left and right. And it's not just
you and me that think this. I've been crawling some
of the other nurses in the ward, and you know,
(38:45):
the sentiments are the same across the wort. Tom's got
to go, But I don't know how to push him out.
I've never I've never done the who they taught, as
they say in France, I never overthrown. Oh my god. Yeah, wow, Jesse,
you're going to Starbucks and Theari you're speaking friends? Yeah, yeah, No,
you gotta keep you gotta keep it classy, you know,
But I'll forget where I'm from. I'm never gonna figuet
(39:06):
where I came from, you know what I'm say. I'm
never gonna be too good for it. But you know,
I leave that pinky out even when I'm delivering. Sometimes
I get that baby pinkies out whole time. It's like
a blessing. And the parents appreciated. The parents appreciate it. Yeah,
it's all about the little details. It's all about the details.
That's the thing about delivering. It's all about the details.
(39:27):
People don't really even realize that. They don't even know.
Like you're putting in an ivy or an epitheral, you
get that detail wrong. Mom's not walking for a couple
of years. Oh I had that happen, And that's something
Time would know nothing about. He and this shit, he
don't know his ass from elbow when it comes to details.
He's mister big sky thinker. I don't. I don't have
(39:47):
time for that. It's babies. Oh yeah, babies are the
yadro figurines of humans. You know, you gotta be delicate
with them. You gotta be detail oriented, and you gotta
put them on a place where you know no dog
is going to bump into him, which I have seen
happen before, and it's not something I ever want to
see again. Something I even hesitate to bring up now
(40:07):
because I got shivers all up and down my spine
even just the thought of his making me sick. It's
making me sick to think about. You're so empathetic, Jesse.
That's what I love you well, you know, speaking of
disasters that are waiting to happen, did you hear about
a local serial killer, the Newark Napper? They caught him,
thank god, Oh my god, I missed it. Yeah, the
(40:29):
Newark Napper. And turns out he was going into people's
homes and he was napping next to him, and he
did a couple of murders. He did a lot more
naps than he did the murders, because I guess depending
on what kind of comforter they had that was like
one of his triggers or whatever. Anyway, they revealed the
new Ark Napper's identity, and yeah, Jesse, hate to break
(40:52):
it to you, but we delivered him. Don't even say it.
Oh Christ Almighty, he brought him into this world, which
is part of you know, hazard in the trade. It's
hazard in the trade. What kind of freaking butterfly effected
this cause do you think at the end of the day,
I'm sick over this? Well, you know, we have medical
obligation could bring babies into this world, but you don't
(41:12):
know what kind of creeps these babies are going to
turn into. It's true, but you know what come to
think of it, you know, and I'm digging deep in
my memory hole right now, is that I do remember
his mother, and I do remember his mother being very
peculiar about the betting that we were bringing in there.
So I think, you know, we always come back to this.
Is it nature? Is it nurture? I don't know. Was
(41:34):
out of hereditary quality that he got from his mother?
I don't know. Did she teach him this in the
Norman Bates way? I don't know, But oh my god,
now thinking about it, I just got a knot in
the pit of my stomach. I know, it's so freaky, deinky, scary,
and I swears to God when I heard this, I
dropped my dunkin all over the floor, and I said
(41:55):
to my husband Patrick, you deal with it because I'm
already late for work. But it got me thinking, you know, Jesse,
had you to do it over? Had you had known,
had you had known that, that little precious baby boy
with his weird mom talking about what kind of thread
count we had that baby on, would you to do
it over bring that baby into this world? I think
(42:20):
I would have to. I really do see. This might
feel the same my fidiciary responsibility to you know, the
grey's anatomy in the nurse, you know that, like you know,
a hand on the Bible. We're just doing our jobs
and then we send them off. I think I would
do it all over again. But do you know it,
this time, knowing what I know now, I maybe would
(42:45):
have been a little more gentle. You know. Back then,
you know, I was, I was new, I was new
in the world. Like I said, I had just come
off from my Cenna days. I was rough with it.
And the one thing I'll say is that I think,
if it's a little bit on me, I could have
been a little more gentle. Just also, come to think
of it, I think we did drop him. He was
a pretty slippery boy. He was slippery boy, slipper. That
(43:07):
was one of my first droppers. Yep. Now I remember it,
and you know, okay, so fans of the pot will
know this. Babies get dropped. Oh every day, every day,
like the duncan on the floor. Shit happens. You know.
We used to maybe this is a before your time,
but we used to have a nice little whiteboard in
the unit that said drops today on it, you know,
(43:29):
and if we got under five drops, you know, which
is what should we would get one, you know, because
drops happened. We can't we can't be doing zero drops.
Oh yeah, but if we got under five drops in
that week, then the unit we get pizza party. Yep.
But then the parents didn't really like it, so we
kind of we kind of changed it to uh, you know,
pictures of the babies that we had successfully eat the
(43:50):
livered but um, yeah, yeah we did drop the new
Ark napper, but I'm gonna blame his freak mom. And
We're actually gonna play a little game, Jesse, are you excited?
The love game? I love games, Love Monopoly. One time
did a week long Monopoly game, so you know I'm
game for this. A week long? Oh my god? Was
that with the family down at the shore? Oh yeah, yeah,
we were Rehobeth Beach, gorgeous beach, really saw Sanchis but
(44:14):
you know it we went. It was rained the whole time.
So we're in Shy, we're playing Monopoly. I barely slept,
I barely ate. I lost so much weight that week
just for playing that one Monopoly game. I've dedicated and
don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise, Liz, and wait
at the beach. I mean that's a feat in and
of itself, because when I'm down there, it's Saltwater Taffy Chorus, Brothers,
Carmel Corn, Saltwater Taffy Chorus, Brothers, Carmel Corn. Just one, two, three, anyway,
(44:37):
I digress. Okay, So the game that we're gonna play
is called Would You Deliver? Oh? I love this. In
this game, I'm going to name a controversial figure in
the public world and ask you, Jesse, would you help
bring them into this world or not? The first one,
(45:00):
would you deliver? Donald Trump? Oh God? Now I'm personally
porn on this one because I hated him as a president,
but I love the Apprentice, right, you know, before we knew,
before we knew, So I'm gonna say yes on that one.
I'm gonna say guiding through the early stages of the delivery, right,
(45:24):
doing more duelist stuff. Let's just say i'd do more
dueless stuff, a little more hands off that way. I'm
not culpable, but I know what you're saying. You're fire,
You're fire. I mean, what would I do without that
cultural touchstone. That is one hell of a cultural culture stone.
You're right, you're fired. That's so good. That was classic.
Why don't you just stick to that? I mean, I
(45:45):
was saying that every time that I was firing somebody
for years, for years. Okay, the next person, now, I'm
not even sure if I know who this is, but
it's written down here. Jaco Paul. Oh, the boxer, the
YouTube boxer. He's an asshole YouTuber who now does violence
for money. Oh yeah. My three sons love watching him
(46:06):
on the iPad. Sometimes when we're a Ruby Tuesdays and
they won't stop fucking yapping, we just throw the iPad on.
They watch all the old Jake Paul videos. They love it,
and they love what he's getting into and out the boxing.
It's amazing. I'm gonna go ahead and say delivered because
he keeps my three sons quiet. Okay, so I'm gonna
say delivered two on this one. All right, Now, this
one is sort of in the Newark Napper territory, but
(46:26):
a little more famous, and I'm gonna say a little
more handsome, would you deliver? Ted Bundy? Gonna go ahead
and also say yes, only because I love my true
crime podcast. I know you do. Sometimes I'm like, can
you hear the code Blue Jesse or you listen to
you know, murder she did? Yeah, and he's a freaking
rock star in that community. Might as well be Mick
(46:48):
freaking Jagger of the entire true crime community. They would
have nothing if not for him. Yeah, you know, I'm
gonna say also, yes, would deliver because when you see, okay,
Ted Bundy classically a hot murderer. Ted Bundy's parents probably
were very attractive. And I gotta say, when I see
a really hot couple, you know, even though the mom,
(47:11):
you know, she's pregnant and so she looks, you know,
bloated and disgusting, you can tell under the blow that
she is hot and that dad is hot. I get
excited to see the baby. Oh yeah, you know, and
normally I say, don't send me Christmas cards with the
pictures of your baby. I brought so many people into
this world, you know, at a certain point, it's just
(47:31):
it's an environmental issue with the amount of paper cards
that I'm getting in the mail. But if you are
a hot couple and you have a hot little baby,
I want to see how that baby's growing. So I'm
going to say what the liver ted Bundy probably had
hot parents. I want to see that hot baby. Oh yeah.
And honestly, when push comes to shove, who am I
could play God as in their spoon mind to say
(47:53):
you are worthy, you can come in? You can't. Yeah?
You know I say this as a born again Christian
as well. Yes, you're very religious, born again in Christ,
born again in Christ. Who am I to say you
can not up to me? I give it up. I
give it up to God every every time, you know. Yeah, yeah, no,
I get that. You know me, I'm Catholic, but nonpracticing, nonbelieving. Yeah,
(48:17):
I'm just gonna say, don't think about going to church,
because you know I could. I could set you up
with that great community is Jessie, don't go there with me.
Es they got munchkins. They got munchkins. Hear me out,
they got munchkins in the reception hall aftermass. No proselytize
to me. We've talked about this before. Okay, your businesses
were business and my business is mine. Okay, moving that
I overstepped, I overstepped. Here's a would you deliver, Kim Kardashian,
(48:43):
Oh would you deliver? Okay? I have an answer for
this one. While you're thinking, I deliver. But then I'd
have a serious talk with that baby, okay, and I
would tell her to stop doing that stuff to her face,
in her body, because I brought her into this world perfect,
(49:04):
you know, perfect. Oh yeah, that's all I'll say. I'm
with you on that one, and you know what, You're right,
and you know what I was thinking. And now, come
to think of it, I swore I seen her on
one of the other floors, and I know we got
a plastic surgery on FLOORA too. You saw Kim Kardashian
getting plastic surgery and Wilmington, Delaware. I swore I seen
that ass walk on the floor too, and I know
(49:27):
what they did. I know what they did down there.
And I said, oh, maybe it's a look alike, but
you know, I heard that classic classic with a k
classic Kardashian voice, and I says Willington, Yeah, what you know,
I've like flash of mind I'm saying, well, what, she's
not going to Beverly Hills to get that work done.
She's not going to New York City. She's going to
the capital of plastic surgery, Wilmington, Delaware. Would you deliver gritty?
(49:49):
The Philly Flyer's a little orange, freaky guy without a
shadow of a doubt, without a shadow of a doubt. Yeah,
me too. He's he gets born and I'm shaking his
mommy in his daddy's hand. Oh yeah, that man brings
me joy. Oh yeah, I'm I love it when you
go to the Flyers game and he takes pictures with
(50:10):
the kids and he kind of messes up their hair.
He's scoofy. He's scoofy like that. I love them when
people aren't too self serious. I love a relaxed mascot.
It is just too cute for words. I'm bringing all
eight to go see him too. Oh wow, that's quite
an expense. Well, yeah, you're an out of school. We're
gonna pull him out of school. Make it a whole surprise.
Film it for you too. Because I've been monetizing my
(50:32):
YouTube that I do on the side sometimes, so you know,
stay tuned. I'll drop the link. Okay, stay tuned. Next,
would you deliver Rocky the Pride of phili himself? Oh yeah,
oh yeah, oh yeah, it's an American hero. Oh my god,
Oh we salute him, We salute him. That would be
the honor of my life if I delivered Rocky. Are
(50:53):
you kidding me? Imagine you and me deliver Rocky. I
mean we would be riding on that for years. Oh
my god, the valor, the valor, a pum which you
would be able to stand, the mound of valor, unbelievable.
You ned that Rocky statue in Philly. I'd be standing
by there saying to people, we did this. This is
me and Jesse. And at one time, when I was
(51:14):
seeing my continuing education, I swore the nurses that delivered
him were doing a ted talk around the corner, and
I missed it because I was you know, some shit happened,
They got on into some altercations, some fights, right, but
they were there. They were discussing it, and again from
what I heard second hand, they're saying what an honor
it was, and what a beautiful baby boy he was
(51:35):
and grew up to be a beautiful man, Rocky, beautiful
baby boy. Beautiful man like Ted Bundy. Okay, and this
brings us to our last Would you deliver Tom in
fucking pediatrics? Never? Never? And I'd lose my license over that.
I would beat that baby up. I would let it
deliver and then I would beat it up. I don't
(51:56):
even care if that would land me in jail as
a brought again Christian. J See, I'd sacrifice it all.
I hate that motorfucker, and I hate the way he
treats you. Specifically, You're called out and targeted by him,
and you don't see it the way we do. Man,
it really it just gets me riled up. Don't get emotional, Jesse.
You know I can handle myself, and I know you're
a strong girl. You're a strong girl. But you know what,
(52:18):
I just we hate to see it. We hate to
see it. Fuck him, fuck is mop do. Whole family
can go to hell. Look at me. I I'm cracking
my knuckles over here, Jesse. You got me emotional over
here because you as my nurse on my unit, and
I'm just gonna say it, my best friend, you have
my back so hard and you ride for me so hard,
and I just have to say both in a medical
(52:39):
hospital contact and in a personal context, it just means
so much to me that you would go to bat
for me. That's how we do this, and I'm gonna
say it, Pum Tommy Pediatrics. If you're listening to this podcast,
which I'm sure you are because he's so obsessed with me, Tom,
I would deliver you just so I could lord that
over for you. And I would say to you every
(53:01):
time you steal my parking spot, and anytime you complain
about the fact that I'm not bringing your ass munchkins,
I would say to you, Tom, I brought you in
in this world and I can take you right out.
We should put a pipe bomb in his cool lotta.
We should absolutely do that. Jesse never see a coma
after the podcast. Mullible Dunce would never see that ship coming. Jesse.
(53:26):
This has honestly been the time of my life speaking
to you on Parts Talk. Thank you so much for
doing the pod. It has been truly my honor, and
thank you as a comrade. Really, thank you so much
for everything. You know. You're doing doubles on the unit.
You're a mother of eight, and I just so appreciate
(53:46):
you taking the time to do this though what are
you making for dinner tonight, microwaven some peeps because Easter's
coming up. Foh yeah, that's nice. That's nice, so like
breakfast for dinner, you know what I mean? The kids
love peeps. Well, thank you so much to my guests
and there's Jesse. Thank you to my daughter Aaron for
(54:06):
not being pregnant, and thank you so much for listening
to Parts Talk. This has been Parts Talk with doctor
Nancy Pitts. Good Bye,
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