CZM Book Club: Mutual Aid by Dean Spade, Part Two

Margaret continues to read you excerpts from a book explaining the ins and outs of mutual aid

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Cal Zone Media book Club book Club book Club, Hello
and welcome nicols On Media. Book Club, the only book
club where you don't have to do the mutual aid
organizing because I do it. No, No, that's not our
tack line. If you want to do some mutual aid organizing,

(00:24):
then the book we are reading this week and last
week is a good place to start. Dean spades book
Mutual Aid. This book that we're reading excerpts from last
week and this week, but you should go out and
read the whole book. This book, Mutual Aid will teach
you a lot of the most basic skills that you
need for this work. It tends to be more forward
facing and easy to get involved with mutual aid, and

(00:45):
it's a great way to get connected to other folks
doing good work around the scene. If you're shy or
not a people person, that's fine, there's a role for
you too. Plus, socializing is a muscle and it is
a thing that you can exercise and practice and get
better at, and so mutual Aid is a really good
way to do that. Anyway, Welcome to book Club, the
only book club where you don't have to read all

(01:06):
of Dean Spade's amazing book about how to do mutual
aid work because I'm going to read parts of it
to you and says this is part two. We're going
to be covering the second half of the book today.
Last week, Dean Spade, the author of the book, has
talked to us about some different definitions of mutual aid
and established some important traits of mutual aid. To recap that, one,

(01:27):
mutual aid projects work to meet survival needs and build
shared understanding about why people do not have what they need. Two,
mutual aid projects mobilize people, expand solidarity, and build movements.
And three mutual aid projects are participatory, solving problems through
collective action rather than waiting for saviors. Dean talks about

(01:50):
the slogan solidarity not charity, and how mutual aid is
different than philanthropy, going through some pitfalls of the charity
model of aid. Dean also writes about how the state
won't save us and how we'll need to be brave
enough to rely on each other if we want to
make it through the many crises at hand. But that
was last week, and you can go back and listen
to it all again if you want a more thorough recap,

(02:12):
or you can go back if you never listened to
it in the first place, although you should, but you
know you do you. These are excerpts from Part two
of mutual Aid, Building Solidarity in This Crisis and the
Next by Dean Spade, Chapter four, Some Dangers and Pitfalls
of mutual aid. Mutual aid groups face four dangerous tendencies,

(02:38):
dividing people to those who are deserving and undeserving of help,
practicing saviorism, being co opted, and collaborating with efforts to
eliminate public infrastructure and replace it with private enterprise and volunteerism.
Deserving this hierarchies. When mutual aid projects make more stigmatized
people ineligible for what they are offering, they replicate the

(03:00):
charity model. The charity model often ties aid and criminalization together,
determining who gets help and who gets put away saviorism
and paternalism. The idea that those giving aid need to
fix people who are in need is based on the
notion that people's poverty and marginalization is not a systemic problem,

(03:20):
but is caused by their own personal shortcomings. This also
implies that those who provide aid are superior. Most mutual
aid projects benefit from an explicit, ongoing effort to build
shared analysis among participants about the harms of saviorism and
the necessity of self determination for people in crisis co optation.

(03:40):
Politicians and CEOs who fantasize about a world where nothing
is guaranteed and most people are desperate and easily exploited
love the idea of volunteerism replacing a social safety net.
If we don't design mutual aid projects with care, we
can fit right into this conservative dream, becoming the people
who can barely hold the threats of a survivable world

(04:01):
together while the one percent extracts more and more while
heroizing individual volunteers. Wisdom from the feminist movement against domestic
violence can guide us in building successful groups and movements
and in resisting co optation. Characteristics of mutual aid versus charity.

(04:22):
Most mutual aid projects are volunteer based and avoid the careerism,
business approach and charity model of nonprofits. Mutual aid projects
strive to include lots of people rather than just a
few people who have been declared experts or professionals. If
we want to provide survival support to as many people
as possible and mobilize as many people as possible for

(04:42):
root causes change, We need to let a lot of
people do the work and make decisions about the work together,
rather than bottlenecking the process with hierarchies that let only
a few people lead. Despite these important goals, avoiding the
pitfalls of co optation, deserving as hierarchies, saviorism, and disconnect
from root causes work requires constant vigilance. Here are some

(05:06):
guiding questions for mutual aid groups trying to avoid these
dangers and pitfalls. Who controls our project? Who makes decisions
about what we do? Does any of the funding we
receive come with strings attached that limit who we can
help or how we help? Do any of our guidelines
about who can participate in our work cut out stigmatized

(05:27):
and vulnerable people. What is our relationship to law enforcement?
How do we introduce new people in our group? To
our approach to law enforcement? Chapter five? No masters, no flakes.
Groups are more effective and efficient when participants know how

(05:48):
to raise concerns, how to propose ideas, and when a
decision has been made and by whom, and how to
put that decision into practice. People who have gotten to
participate in decision making and feel co ownership of the
project stick around and do the work. People who feel
unclear about whether their opinion matters or how to be
part of making decisions tend to drift away. Strong structures

(06:11):
also help us plug in new people, orient them to
the work, train them in skills they need to build,
and give them roles they want. And do you know
what clear structure is our responsibility? That's right, it's ads.
It's clearly our responsibility to show you ads. You don't

(06:32):
have to listen to them, and we're back. This chapter
will explore three organizational tendencies that often emerge in mutual

(06:53):
aid groups that can cause problems and provide ideas for
how to avoid them. Secrecy, hierarchy, and lack of clarity.
Many groups that fail to create clear decision making methods
and carrying emancipatory cultures end up with participants not knowing
what is going on or who is making decisions, having

(07:16):
all the decision making concentrate in one person or click,
and risk the group being torn apart by conflict. Because
of these dynamics two, over promising and under delivering, non
responsiveness and elitism, many groups bite off more than they
can chew, promising to help more people than they can help,

(07:38):
or making it seem like they have a community need
covered when they don't actually have the capacity to address it.
This problem seems to be exacerbated when groups receive grants
for specific projects so there is money at stake and
falsely claiming to be able to accomplish more than they
are able. It also happens when people are not making
decisions together and someone makes promises for the whole group

(08:00):
without consulting everyone else about whether that work is a
priority or a possibility. This tendency can include being non responsive,
especially to community members in need, and sometimes being over
responsive to elites. Many groups, especially when money or ego
is involved, answer calls from media or elected officials, but

(08:21):
not from the community members that they are supposed to serve.
Three Scarcity, urgency, and competition. Some groups also develop a
culture of scarcity of money, time, attention, and labor, which
makes sense giving the real scarcity that exists in many
of our lives under capitalism. However, when we do our

(08:43):
work from a feeling that there is not enough money, time,
or attention to go around, we sometimes get competitive with
other groups or with other people within our group, or
we feel so much urgency about particular tasks that we
don't take the necessary steps to do our task well,
and we forget about being kind to each other in
our rush to get something done. This can lead to

(09:03):
conflict or making mistakes that harm our communities. This section
will provide tools for addressing these tendencies in our groups
and in ourselves, so that we can cultivate transparency, integrity,
and generosity in our work and build our capacities to
avoid the pitfalls discussed in chapter four. We will look

(09:24):
at what decision making in leadership look like when these
tendencies prevail, what alternatives to these ways of working look like,
and what personal qualities and behaviors we need to cultivate
to address these tendencies. Group culture groups have cultures. Group
culture is built from the signals we give people when

(09:46):
they join or attend an event norms the group follows,
how we celebrate together, how we engage in small talk,
what our meetings feel like, how we give feedback to
each other, and more. There is no one correct or
perfect group culture. Groups should be different from each other
because the people in them are different and we all
bring different quality, skills and viewpoints. Ideally, we want a

(10:09):
group culture that supports participants in doing the work they
came together to do, to be well and to build
generative relationships. We want to be flexible, and we also
want to have a culture of responsiveness, reliability, and punctuality.
How do we work to cultivate both? Most of us,
having received our concept of responsibility from dominant culture, associate

(10:31):
it with being forced, lured, or shamed into being good,
ignoring our needs and fearing punishment if we do wrong.
How do we hold our values of flexibility, compassion and
justice while building a culture where we show up and
do what we said we would. These tensions are real.
If we do not talk about them together, we run
the risk of falling into automatic behaviors, driving out new

(10:54):
people and falling apart. Creating a group culture intentionally and
having a shared vis about how we want it to
be does not mean we all need to be just
like each other. We can acknowledge differences in our capacities, talents, desires,
and difficulties and still aim to create a culture where
we support each other in the work, learn new skills,

(11:15):
and are connected and kind to each other. The goal
is not that everyone be similar, but that we all
complement each other and build some shared practices based in
shared values. MADR Mutual Aid Disaster Relief. Madr's slogan mutually
a disaster relief slogan is no masters, no flakes, and

(11:37):
it is a great summary of key principles for collective
mutual aid work. This dual focus on rejecting hierarchies inside
the organization and committing to build accountability according to shared
values asks participants to keep showing up and working together,
not because a boss is making you, but because you
want to making decisions together. Perhaps the most central group

(12:01):
activity that makes everything else possible is making decisions. When
we do it well, we make good decisions on the
basis of the best information available, We feel heard by
each other, and we are all motivated to implement what
we decided. When we do it poorly, our decisions are unwise.
Some people are left resentful or hurt or disconnected from

(12:22):
the group, and there is less motivation to proceed together
on purpose. It's important to remember that no decision making
structure can prevent all conflict or power dynamics, or guarantee
that we will never be frustrated or bored or decide
to part ways. But consensus decision making at least helps
us avoid the worst costs of hierarchy as a majority rule,

(12:43):
which can include abuse of power, demobilization of most people,
and inefficiency. Consensus decision making gives us the best chance
to hear from everyone concerned, address power dynamics, and make
decisions that represent the best wisdom of the group and
that people in the group will want to implement. What
is consensus decision making. Consensus decision making is based on

(13:06):
the idea that everyone should have a say in decisions
that affect them. If we are working on a project together,
and we should all get to decide how we are
going to do the work rather than someone telling us
how to do it. We will honor people's different levels
of experience and wisdom as we listen to each other's ideas,
but we will not follow someone just because they act bossy,

(13:26):
god here first, or have a higher social status in
the dominant culture because they're a professional, white, older male,
formally educated, etc. Consensus decision making happens when everyone in
the discussion hashes out possibilities and modifies a proposal until
everyone can live with it. Consensus cultivates interest in the

(13:47):
whole group's purpose and wellness, rather than cultivating a desire
to have things exactly my way. In consensus, any participant
can block a decision, so we take time to actually
talk through each member's concerns because we cannot move forward
without each other, because we are trying to build agreement
by modifying the proposal until it comes as close as

(14:07):
possible to meeting the full range of needs and concerns.
We also build the skill of making decisions with group
members and community members in mind, not just ourselves and
our clicks, and being okay with something that is not
our most preferred version going forward. That is, we learn
to imagine how decisions affect us all differently and how
to productively move forward taking other people's needs and desires

(14:30):
into account. People can stand aside in consensus processes, letting
others know that while they are not totally behind this proposal,
they agree it is best for the group to go
forward with the decision given all the views that have
been expressed in the efforts made to address concerns. Here's
an example of what consensus could ideally look like. Over

(14:53):
a period of time, a group has hashed out a proposal,
heard concerns, and collective discussions and tweaked it until it
seems like everyone may be ready to agree. Someone calls
for consensus and checks to see if there are any
stand asides, those who want to signify disagreement but don't
want to block the proposal for moving forward, or blocks,

(15:14):
those with disagreements significant enough that they feel the proposal
cannot be passed without modification. If there are blocks, it
means the proposal needs more work. The person or people
blocking can share their concerns, and the group can either
work further on modifying the proposal then and there, or
have some people work on it and come up with
a way forward before the next meeting. If no one blocks,

(15:37):
but many people stand aside, the group may decide to
discuss the reasons for the stand aside for a bit
longer to see if they can be resolved by making
the proposal better. If someone finds themselves blocking a lot,
it may be worth examining whether they are in the
right group, Do they believe in the shared purpose, or
whether they are withholding their views earlier in the process

(15:58):
or feeling not life listen to in the group. In general,
blocking should be rare. It is worth noting that this
process often unfolds over multiple meetings, with step one happening
at one meeting and a group of people agreeing to
come to the next meeting with a developed proposal to
be discussed. Consensus decision making does not mean that every

(16:19):
decision is made by the whole group. Decisions can still
be delegated to teams working on implementing part of the
group's larger plan. For example, if the group does grocery deliveries,
a specific team can work on filling out the delivery
schedule and assignments. For consensus to work well, people need
a common purpose, some degree of trust in each other,

(16:41):
an understanding of the consensus process, a willingness to put
the best interests of the group at the center, which
does not mean people let themselves be harmed for the
good of the group, but may mean being okay not
always getting their way. A willingness to spend time preparing
and discussing proposals, and skillful facilitat and agenda preparation. These

(17:02):
skills and qualities can develop as any new group learns
to work together. It is okay that we don't have
all these in place at the start. The greatest area
of strength for most mutual aid groups is a common purpose.
Advantages of consensus decision making One better decisions. When more

(17:24):
people get to talk through a decision, openly sharing their
insight without fear of reprisal from a boss, parent, or teacher,
more relevant information and wisdom about the topic is likely
to surface. Two. Better implementation when we get to look
at a proposal together and tell each other how it
might be improved. Hashing out our best ideas until we

(17:46):
have something that we all like or at least can
live with, We are more likely to vigorously do what
we all decided, instead of drifting apart or failing to
follow through. Three. Bringing more people into the working them involved.
People come to contribute, but they stay because they feel needed, included,
and a part of something. Four helping to prevent co optation.

(18:12):
When a small number of people have the power to
shift the direction of a project, it can be hard
to resist the incentives that come with co optation. Five.
We learn to value and desire other people's participation. If
the goal of our movements is to mobilize hundreds of
millions of people, we need to genuinely want each other's participation,

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even when others bring different ideas or disagree with how
we think things should be done. Making consensus decisions. Practicing
meeting facilitation. Skillful facilitation helps us make decisions together, feel
heard and included by each other, prevent and resolve conflict,
celebrate our accomplishments and wins, grieve our losses, and become

(18:59):
people who can be together in new, more liberating relationships.
Some very basic elements of good meeting facilitation worth considering
are start and end on time. Write out an agenda,
a list of what the group will talk about at
the meeting, a sign, a note taker who will take
notes that the group can refer back to or share

(19:20):
with people who couldn't be at the meeting. Assign each
agenda item a time amount, and have a timekeeper watch
the time so the group doesn't end up running the
meeting too long or not getting to important items. Provide food, beverages, poetry,
a game, or music. Also consider opening with a go
around check in question that is funny or invites people's

(19:42):
personalities to shine a little to help the meeting be
a participatory in supportive space. Establish group agreements. The group
can agree, for example, that each person will wait for
three other people to speak. Before speaking again sometimes called
three before me, or that they will respect people's pronouns,
or whatever else the group decides will create a caring

(20:05):
and respectful space. Go over these agreements at the beginning
of each meeting and make sure newcomers understand them and
get to ask questions or suggest editions when talking about
something important. If time allows, consider a go around so
that the group hears from everyone. This is especially important
if the same people are usually talking and others are

(20:26):
usually quiet, And do you know what else is talking
while we are quiet? That's right, the advertisements for the
products and services that support this show and keep the
pods casts podding, and we're back leadership qualities that support

(21:02):
mutuality and collaboration. When we get a sense of ourself
from fame, status, or approval from a bunch of strangers,
we're in trouble. It is hard to stick to our
principles and treat others well when we are seeking praise
and attention. If we are to redefine leadership away from individualism, competition,

(21:24):
and social climbing, we have to become people who care
about ourselves as part of a greater whole. It means
moving from materialist self love, which is often very self critical.
I will be okay and deserve love when I look right,
when others approve of me, when I am famous, and
toward a deep belief that everyone, including ourselves, deserves dignity,

(21:45):
belonging in safety just because we are alive. It means
cultivating a desire to be beautifully exquisitely ordinary, just like
everyone else. It means practicing to be nobody special. Rather
than a fantasy of being rich and famous, which capitalism
tells us as the goal of our lives, we cultivate
a fantasy of everyone having what they need and being

(22:07):
able to creatively express the beauty of their lives. This
is a lifelong, unlearning practice because we have all been
shaped by systems that make us insecure, approval seeking, individualist,
and sometimes shallow. Yet we also have all the deeply
human desire to connect with others, to be of service
in ways that reduce suffering, and to be seen and

(22:29):
loved by those who truly know us. So we can
notice these learned instincts and drives in ourselves and unlearned them,
that is, make choices to act out of mutuality and
care on purpose. Margaret, here, I'm going to interject with
my own thoughts, which I like never do. But this
is a thing that I think about a lot because
I actually come to a position where I'm, you know,

(22:51):
an anarchist, socialist or whatever, like someone who's very pro community.
I come at it from a much more i would
sayessentially individualist background, right, And I'm not ashamed of that.
And actually I think that this piece is really important
to that this idea having a fantasy of trying to
be rich and famous is bad for you as an individual,

(23:15):
even if you're less concerned about the community, being more
concerned about the community, like cultivating a fantasy where everyone
has what they need to be able to creatively express
the beauty of their lives. That is a nicer and
freer way to live. Because if you're constantly seeking points

(23:35):
in this point system that we've been sold, you're never
going to be happy. And I know that's like easy
to say or whatever, but it's just true. And so
I think that even if you are coming from an
individualist position, which I don't think is inherently bad, it's
just a thing to be careful around. I think that
this sort of pro social way of organizing and imagining

(23:57):
life to be better is frankly better for you as
an individual anyway. Again, I'm sorry to add commentary Dean.
I hope you forgive me for that. Back to Dean's writing, burnout.
Burnout is a reason people often give for why they
leave mutual aid groups. Burnout is more than just exhaustion

(24:19):
that comes from working too hard. Most often, people I
meet who describe themselves as burnt out have been through
painful conflict in a group they were working with and
quit because they were hurt and unsatisfied by how it
turned out. Burnout is the combination of resentment, exhaustion, shame,
and frustration that makes us lose connection to pleasure and

(24:40):
passion in the work and instead encounter difficult feelings like avoidance, compulsion, control,
and anxiety. If it were just exhaustion, we could take
a break and rest and go back, But people who
feel burnt out often feel they cannot return to the
work or that the group or work they were part
of is toxic. These feelings and behaviors are reasonable results

(25:03):
of the conditions under which we do our work. We
are steeped in a capitalist, patriarchal, white supremacist culture that
encourage us to compete, distrust, hoard, hide, disconnect, and confine
our value to how others see us and what we produce.
Our work is under resourced in important ways. Many of
us come to the work because of our own experiences

(25:24):
of poverty or violence, and doing this work can activate
old wounds and survival responses. We come to this work
to heal ourselves in the world, but we often do
the work in ways that further harm ourselves and impede
our contribution to the resistance. When our groups are focused
on getting important things done out there, there is rarely

(25:44):
room to process our strong feelings or admit that we
do not know how to navigate our roles in here.
Burnout is created or worsened when we feel disconnected from others, mistreated, misunderstood, ashamed,
overburdened with outcomes, perfectionist or controlling. Burnout is prevented or

(26:06):
lessened when we feel connected to others, when there is
transparency in how we work together, when we can rest
as needed, and when we feel appreciated by the group,
and when we have skills for giving and receiving feedback.
There are several things that groups can do to cultivate
conditions that prevent, reduce, or respond to burnout, and there
are things that individuals experiencing burnout can do Before People

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who are burnt out leave groups, they often cause a
lot of disruption at damage, so this section is also
aimed at reducing the harm that burnt out or overworked
people can cause. Figuring out how to have a more
balanced relationship to work and overwork is a matter of
both individual healing and collective stewardship of the group. Signs

(26:51):
of overwork and burnout high stress when thinking about tasks
being performed by someone else who might do it differently,
or the group coming to it a different decision than
we would make. Feelings of resentment I've done the most
for this group, or I work harder than anyone else.
This can include creating a damaging group culture of competition

(27:12):
about who works the hardest, not respecting group agreements or
group process because we feel above the process as the
founder or the hardest worker. Feelings of competition with other
groups that are politically aligned or with other issues or
activists that we perceive as receiving more support, Feelings of martyrdom,

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desire to endlessly be given credit for our work, a
desire to take on tasks and responsibilities in order to
be important to the group or control outcomes. Feeling overwhelmed
or experiencing depression and or anxiety, Feeling like we have
to do all these things, cannot see any way to

(27:53):
do less work or have less responsibility, inability to let
others take on leadership roles, hoarding information or important contacts
that others cannot rise to the same level of leadership.
This behavior is usually rationalized in some way, a life
and death feeling that it must be done the way
I do it. An extreme version of this can result

(28:16):
in leaders sabotaging the group or project rather than recognizing
that it may be time to step back and take
a break from leadership. Paranoia and distrust about others in
the group or other people working in this kind of work,
Feelings of being alone, feelings of me against members of
the group, other groups. Everyone over promising and under delivering,

(28:39):
which can lead to feeling fraudulent and afraid of being
caught so far behind. Having feelings of scarcity drive decision making,
there's not enough money, time, attention, having no boundaries with work,
working all the time during meals. First thing upon waking
the last before sleeping during time that was supposed to
be for connecting with loved ones, not knowing how to

(29:02):
do anything besides work, not having fun, and feeling relaxed
on vacation or days off, dismissal of the significance of
group process, and overvaluation of how the group is perceived
by outsiders such as funders, elites, and others, being flaky
or unreliable, being defensive about all of the above, and

(29:23):
unwilling to hear critique. I'm doing so much, I'm killing
myself with work. How can you critique me? I can't
possibly do any better? Slash more shame about experiencing all
of the above. We also carry around fallback attitudes and
behaviors that can undermine our principles, especially when we are

(29:43):
stressed out in over capacity. These can be behaviors we
learn from dominant culture and also roles we learned in
our families. When we are stressed and overworked, these things
can come out in damaging ways. It can mean we
misuse or obstruct group processes, disappear from the work, or
act from a place of superiority or dominance on the
basis of gender, race, ability, class, or educational attainment. How

(30:09):
mutual aid groups can prevent and address overwork and burnout.
Overwork is pervasive in mutual aid groups, and if we
can move away from shaming and blaming ourselves and others
and toward acknowledging it, we can support change. It is
hard to confront another person about behavior that is harmful,

(30:29):
and it is hard to be confronted about harmful behavior
and listen to what is being said. The ideas below
do not change that, but they may help individuals or
groups create concrete steps to address the problems. One make
internal problems a top priority. The group cannot do its

(30:49):
important work if it is falling apart inside and cannot
do its work well if it is promising to do
work it does not have the capacity to do. This
does not mean the group's work needs to stop, but
it may mean calling a moratorium on new projects and
commitments so that the situation does not worsen, so that
people can carve out time for working on internal problems. Two.

(31:12):
Making sure that new people are welcomed and trained to
co lead. This means new people are given a full
background on the group's work, understand that they are being
asked to fully participate in all decisions and have space
to ask any questions they need to in order to participate.
Ensuring that everyone is getting access to what it takes
to co lead is essential to building leadership among more people.

(31:35):
Group members and the group as a whole would be
better off if many people are leading, not just one
or two. Three Establish mechanisms to assess the workload and
scale back. How many hours is each member working? Is
it beyond what they can do and maintain their own
well being? Did they actually track their hours for a
week to make sure they are aware of how much

(31:57):
they are working. Assess the workload and scale back projects
into the workload is under control. Create a moratorium on
new projects until capacity expands. Enforce the moratorium. No one
can unilaterally take on new work for the group or
for themselves as a member of the group. Four Build
a culture of connection. How can the group's meeting culture

(32:20):
foster well being? Goodwill? Connection between members, eating together, having
check ins with interesting questions about people's favorite foods, plants, movies,
or politicizing moments may feel silly at first, it makes
a big difference. Bringing attention to wellness into the group's
culture means helping members be there as multi dimensional people

(32:41):
rather than just as work or activist machines. People need
to build deep enough relationships to actually be able to
talk about difficult dynamics that come up, or those dynamics
will fester. Make sure that the facilitation of meetings rotates,
including agenda making and other key leadership tasks. Rotating tasks

(33:01):
can help us address on fair workloads and transparency concerns.
Making sure everyone is trained on how to facilitate meetings
in ways that maximize the participation of all members of
the group can help. Whenever there is danger that just
a few people will dominate an important conversation, use a
go around rather than having people volunteer to speak Quieter

(33:22):
members speaking up can really change the dynamic six as
a group. Recognize the conditions creating a culture of overwork.
It is not one person's fault and everyone may be
feeling the different forms of pressure. Have one or many
facilitated discussions about the pressures and dynamics that lead to
overwork or to an individual's dominating or disappearing behavior. Create

(33:46):
a shared language for the pressures that members may be
under so that they are easier to identify and address
Moving forward, what individuals experiencing overwork and burnout need. In
addition to creating group approaches to burnout, we can take
action in our own lives when we recognize our own
symptoms of overwork and burnout. This requires us to work

(34:09):
on changing our own behavior and that we be willing
to examine the root causes of our impulses to over commit,
to control, to overwork, or to disconnect. This is healing
work aimed at helping us be well enough to enjoy
our work, make sustained, lifelong contributions to the movement we
care about, and receive the love and transformation that is

(34:30):
possible in communities of resistance. Above all, we must take
a gentle approach to ourselves, avoid judgment, recognize the role
of social conditioning and producing these responses in us, and
patiently and humbly experiment with new ways of being. The
compulsive worker, overworker, or control freak might come to understand

(34:50):
their needs in the following ways. I need trusted friends
who I can talk to about what is going on,
who I can ask for honest feedback about my behavihavior,
and who can help support me and soothe me when
I am afraid of doing something in a new way.
For example, these people might remind me that even though
someone else in the project will do this task differently,

(35:11):
it is better to let them do it so that
they can build their own skills and I can use
the time for something healing that might be missing from
my life. These people might help remind me that it'll
be okay if I say no to a task or project.
These friends can help me give love to the wounds
underneath my compulsive, competitive or controlling behavior, reminding me that
I am worthwhile and my value does not hang on

(35:33):
what the group does, how much work I do, or
what other people think of me. I need supportive people
who can also point out compulsive, competitive, or controlling behavior
or ideas when they hear them from me or see
me engaging in them. It can be difficult to receive
such feedback, but it is truly a gift. When I

(35:54):
get feedback from friends or collaborators about concerns they have,
I need to resist the impulse to defend my mine.
I solve a critique the way they delivered their message.
This feedback, including any anger they express while sharing it,
is likely a sign that others think I am a
leader and what I do matters. They are doing the
hard and uncomfortable task of raising a concern because they

(36:14):
see me as a person with influence. I can remember
that no matter how it is delivered, this feedback is
an investment in me and our work and an act
of love. I can seek out a friend separately to
process the difficult feelings that receiving this feedback brings up.
The need to avoid acting out of my defensiveness or
taking on a victim narrative is especially important when I'm

(36:35):
in a position of privilege of any kind and or
have more developed leadership in the group or project. If
I hate everyone I'm working with, or feel like I
am going to die, or like I have to stay
up all night working, this is probably about something older
or deeper in my life, not about the current work, workplace, group, coworker.

(36:56):
If my heart is racing, if I feel threatened, if
I feel fel like I can't get out of bed,
if I feel like I can't speak to my coworker
or I'll explode, I am probably experiencing pain deeply rooted
in my life history. To get out of this reactive space,
I need to devote resources to uncovering the roots of
my painful reactions and building ways of being in those

(37:17):
feelings that don't involve acting out of harm to myself
for others, including the harm of overworking. The first step
is recognizing that my strongest reactions may not be entirely
or primarily about the work related situation directly in front
of me, and being willing to slow down or explore
what is underneath. I need a healing path for myself

(37:39):
if I want to be part of healing the world.
What that looks like is different for everyone, and could
include an individual, group or group therapy, twelve step programs,
including workaholics, anonymous exercise, body work, spiritual exploration, art practice, gardening,
and building meaningful relationships with family or friends. Whatever it is,

(38:00):
I have to engage in a gentle way and be
careful that it does not become another thing to perfect
or try to be the leader of. Pursuing a healing
path can be a way to practice doing things because
they feel good, rather than because they accomplish something. I
need to stick around. It may be tempting to disappear
altogether from a group if relationships have gotten difficult and
I am experiencing negative feelings, about myself and others. If

(38:23):
I want to move toward a more balanced role in
the group, or even transition out altogether, I need to
do so gradually and intentionally. I need to transfer relationships
and knowledge and skills that I hold, and make sure
that my transition is done in a way that ensures
support for the people continuing the work. I'll end on
this paragraph From Dean's conclusion, everything is at stake, and

(38:44):
we are fighting for our lives. Mutual aid work plays
an immediate role in helping us get through crises, but
it also has the potential to build the skills and
capacities we need for an entirely new way of living
at a moment when we must transform our societ or
face intensive uneven suffering followed by species extinction. As we

(39:06):
deliver groceries, participate in meetings soew masks, write letters to prisoners,
apply bandages, make medicines, facilitate relationship skills classes, hide our
loved ones from the police, learn how to protect our
work from surveillance, disable government vehicles, sabotage tech, plant gardens,
and change diapers. We are strengthening our ability to outnumber

(39:28):
the police and military, protect our communities and build systems
that make sure everyone can have food, housing, medicine, dignity, connection, belonging,
and creativity in their lives from every cell block, meadow,
housing project, forest, trailer park, wilderness, abandoned lot, urban garden,
in every watershed, bioregion, grassland, floodplain, burnscar, migratory path, and

(39:53):
crisis zone. This is the work we must do, fighting
back against the greed and violence that threatens all life,
and building as many ways of surviving as we can.
The stakes could not be higher anyway. That's all for
this week. Thank you for joining me uncle's own media
book club and for a very very abridged version of

(40:14):
Dean Spade's Mutual Aid. You should check out the whole
book if you have any interest in any of these excerpts.
There's so many more nuggets of wisdom from Dean's own
organizing and his research work, including sections on handling money,
working with joy, unlearning, perfectionism, a lot of useful charts, resources, activities.
If you're looking for a place to start or just
need a place to recalibrate, mutual Aid, the book by

(40:37):
Dean Spade is a good place to return to anyway.
Dean Spade's biome. Dean Spade is an organizer, writer, and teacher.
He has been working to build queer and transliberation based
in racial and economic justice for the past two decades.
He is a professor at the Seattle University School of Law.
He's the author of Love and a Fucked Up World,

(40:58):
Normal Life, and This Book Aid, which is getting an
updated reissue from Versa with new chapters, updated case studies,
and retooled writing for a new political context. Dean is
also the host of the Love and a Fucked Up
World podcast, Only it's not spelled fucked up. It's spelled
f apostrophe, not apostrophe asterisk cked. You can keep up

(41:19):
with this projects online at Deanspade dot net or by
following him on Instagram at Spade dot Dean or Blue
Sky at Dean Spade. Anyway, if you like this reading,
you should let me know that you want more of it.
You can find me Margaret on Blue Sky at Margaret
because I got real lucky or I showed up early
to Blue Sky whatever maybe that's embarrassing, and on Instagram

(41:42):
at Margaret Kiljoy. And you can find the book club
itself on the feeds for it could Happen here and
cool people did cool stuff as well as its own feed.
If you like Dean, I did an interview with him
on mutual aid and disaster preparedness for my other podcast,
Live Like the World Is Dying, which you should also
listen to. Hazel helps me with the scripts and research.
Eva does our audio editing. And that's it from us tonight,

(42:03):
Stay safe, Stay dangerous, Fuck Ice Bye. It could Happen
here as a production of cool Zone Media. For more
podcasts from cool Zone Media, visit our website coolzonemedia dot
com or check us out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to podcasts. You can find sources
where it Could Happen Here, updated monthly at coolzonemedia dot

(42:24):
com slash sources. Thanks for listening.