May 7, 2026 • 47 mins
Tish Cyrus is here for our annual Mother’s Day episode to talk about moving into a new chapter of life, wrangling Miley’s career and raising a family, and overcoming Instagram DM sabotage to meet the love of her life. Then: A college student is curious about finding a green-flag guy. A mom of three little kids is desperate to find time to herself. And a new mom struggles to move on from her deadbeat ex.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay for the High Mighty Tour people, we are rocket
and rolling. These are the shows we have coming up.
May fifteenth, I will be in Saratoga, May sixteenth, Monterey,
May seventeenth, Modesto.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I will be in port Chester on June fourth, and
we added two new dates to the High and Mighty Tour.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
On June third, I am coming to Saratoga Springs, New York,
so pre sale has begun for that, and then on
June twenty eighth, I am coming to Nantucket and presale
has started on that. June fifth, I will be in Boston, Massachusetts.
June twelfth, I will be in Portland, Oregon. And June thirteenth,
I will be in Seattle, Washington. June twenty seventh is
(00:39):
going to be Hyenna's, Massachusetts. August sixth is red Bank,
New Jersey. August seventh, I'm coming home to Montclair, New Jersey.
August fifteenth is Calgary, Alberta, Canada. September eighteenth, Santa Barbara,
September nineteenth, San Diego, September twenty fifth. I will be
at the Beacon in New York City. September twenty sixth,
I will be in Philadelphia September twenty seventh, New Haven, Connecticut,
(01:03):
October second, Atlanta, Georgia, October third, Baltimore, Maryland, October fourth, Saginaw, Michigan,
October ninth, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, October tenth, Toronto, Canada, October sixteenth.
I'm coming to Boise, Idaho, October seventeenth, Spokane, Washington, November seventh,
I will be in San Francisco and November thirteenth, Salt
(01:26):
Lake City November twentieth, Austin November twenty first, Houston, Texas,
November twenty second, Irving, Texas.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
December fifth.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I am adding a second show in Denver for those
of you who can get tickets to the first one.
And on December sixth, I will be coming to Vancouver, Canada. Okay,
those are all my dates for the High Mighty Door.
Go to Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Hello Catherine, Hi Chelsea, what shows you have coming off
this week?
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Well?
Speaker 2 (01:54):
I just did My Netflix is a joke show.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Awesome, but there is a Kevin Hart roast on Sunday night.
The Netflix is a joke festival, and I don't think
anything's public, but I would just say stay tuned to that.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
Are you do you do roasts very often or is this.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
I've never done a roast, but this roast is going
to close out the festival and it's for Kevin Hart.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
So you know how I feel about Kevin Hart.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
That's basically like.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Your entire interaction with him is just like roasting him
the entire time you're together anyway.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
So I know you'll do amazingly.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
So he's an absolutely ridiculous person and he needs to
hear that on a regular basis to keep his little
tiny feet on the ground.
Speaker 4 (02:34):
Well, I mean he's a dad. But today is our
Mother's Day Special.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Oh yes, yes, Kevin's roast ironically is on Mother's Day.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
He'll do anything to get out of having plans with
his wife on her special day.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Yes, we have a very.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Special mother who is so sweet and responsible for raising
lots and lots of children. She has a podcast called
Sorry Where Cyrus. She is a manager, a producer, and
she's here for our Mother's Day Special. Please welcome Tish
Cyrus Purcell. Okay, last time I saw you, Tish, we
were talking about our love of marijuana, and you said
(03:10):
that you had to quit smoking marijuana because you were
getting anxiety. And I would like an update because the
last time I saw you was about a year ago,
and before that it was about a year that you
had quit.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
Yes, so still dealing with anxiety. Okay, it's freaking horrible
and way better. Definitely functioning living my life where before
I was not. But still like at night, I'll smoke
here and there, but I still now, I just have
the spear of everything with the anxiety. So I'm like
so afraid it'll give me anxiety, that it'll definitely give
(03:42):
me anxiety. Yeah, so I only smoke when I'm feeling
really really good, but because.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Then you have room to spaih Oh my god, You're like,
then I have a little margin of error.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
I can handle it.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
I just I love marijuana.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I love marijuana too.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
I smoked some last night in my bed and it
felt so great, Like I just moved into this house
as you can see, and it felt so nice to
sit in my bed and my underwear yep, and smoke
a joint.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
It's the best.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
But I understand what you're saying about, like if anything
causes you anxiety, then it becomes more anxiety induced in
to even contemplate doing it totally, And the only thing
I sometimes feel like that could relate to what you're
saying is sometimes when I'm smoking weed, there's a period
of like a fifteen to twenty minute bubble where you
have no self consciousness at all and you get lost
(04:29):
in it. And it's such a beautiful feeling to be
lost in a conversation or lost in a book, or
lost in like whatever you're doing organizing at your house.
But then when you remember that you're stoned, oh totally,
and there's a shift that goes, oh, you're stone, and
then you start.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Having that kind of anxiety one million percent.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Yes, so the fifteen to twenty is heaven like paradise.
But you know I used to before the anxiety like
that I've had for the last few years. I don't
really feel like I hit that twenty minute and even
thought about it, but you know what, I was kind
of stone twenty four to seven.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Yeah, Well, that's what happens.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Sometimes you just have to really like break it off
and let our body like reacclimate, and then our physiology
changes as we get older too, which is a fucking
pain in the ass.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
It sucks.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Well, I'm not going to ever stop drinking. Did you
stop drinking?
Speaker 4 (05:19):
I never was a drinker. I just weed. But now
people say, like, well, my therapist when I talk about
the weed thing and my love for it, and I
miss it, and I just because she was like, but
you were never kind of just like on an even keel.
You were because I would. I mean I did smoke,
like at night, I smoked a lot, you know, and
smoked during the day, so I was kind of like,
(05:41):
I don't think I ever had a baseline of not
being stoned for like ten years.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Did you wake up and smoke weed?
Speaker 4 (05:46):
I did not do that, but I definitely thought when
I woke up, I definitely was still high. Do you
feel like that, Oh really from the night before, I
definitely feel like I was still like just chilled and
somewhat not completely not stuck a really nice hangover. Yes,
in the best possible Well that's great then, and then
(06:07):
would start smoking about like two pm something like that,
but it was every single salt. Do you smoke every day? No?
Speaker 2 (06:13):
I don't smoke every ding.
Speaker 4 (06:14):
That's the difference. I was smoking every single day.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Yeah, but there are days where I wake up and
immediately take an edible where I'm like, this is going
to be hard. Yeah, and I just medicate, But that
doesn't happen that often either. I definitely go through phases.
When I go to Whistler, Canada and I'm there for winter,
I definitely wake and bake, Like I get up, I
smoke weed, I go skiing, I smoke more weed. I
come home, you know, Like that's my vibe up there,
but when I'm in La, it's not the same vibe.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
Rot I think now, I'm just probably from what I'm
learning during all this damn therapy I've been doing. Is
I I'm just learning to kind of process things that
happened over the last ten years that I did not
process in any way, shape or form because I was
just hot. And so I'm having to kind of deal
which absolutely sucks. And I'm just learning to do that.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
And that's where your anxiety comes from, totally.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
I mean that's where anxiety comes from for all of us,
like trauma or stuff that we had to deal with
that we weren't really present for which most people aren't,
because there's all these defense mechanisms that we build in
order to protect ourselves from dealing with anything traumatizing or dramatic. Okay,
congratulations twentieth.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Anniversary of Hannah Mountana.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
I was watching a Miley and I was like, oh
my god, you guys have morphed into the same exact person.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
It's really crazy, isn't it so crazy? You look like
it's so nuts?
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Like, and she like, we were shopping the other day
and I was in like a store next door to
the store she was in, and I hear her come
down and she was like, she was like, Mom, I
literally looked in the window, but it was my reflection,
but I thought it was you, and it was a
whole weird thing for me. And she was like, I'm
really kind of scared. I'm scared that I have absolutely
(07:53):
morphed into you.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Isn't that so crazy?
Speaker 4 (07:55):
It's weird?
Speaker 1 (07:56):
And what about the other kids? Are they looking as
much like you? I mean, brand he does a little bit,
but not in the way that you and Miley are
like twins. Well, I want to actually, let's circle back
to the pot smoking, because if you're managing all five
of them, you have five children, you may as well
have seventeen.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
Okay, I don't manage all of them.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Okay, but didn't you at some point manage all of that?
Speaker 4 (08:14):
At some point I was very more. I was not
with Brandy. She always did the DJ thing, which wasn't
I didn't know anything about that. With Noah, I managed
her when she was really young, but also I was
getting older, and it is just like doing that when
your kids are younger is much harder because you're the
mom and the manager and it's just like a constant battle.
(08:35):
Everything's a battle at that time. So Noah has had
her own manager for a long time. So I really
really just I'm in the literal weeds day to day
on the Miley stuff, which is a lot, but it's
also I don't know. I say this all the time.
I really don't know how we did that and came
out unscathed in like a crazy way, but I don't
(08:59):
know how we came out in it to where we
are still best friends. I'm her manager and her mom
and like we love each other and like we even
like each other, and like it just works seamlessly for
us somehow, and I don't like I look back and
I'm like, damn, we did so much, and she grew
up in front of the world, and you know, she
(09:20):
went through her own stuff, and somehow we made it
through in the best possible way do.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
You Can you think of a time where you gave
her advice or guided her in a certain direction that
you're most proud of.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
You know. I think for me, one of the things
is like, you know, when she was like listen, we
all grew up and we all did crazy shit, and
Molly was doing everything in front of the world. But
also Molly was such a creative genius during those periods
of time, which you know, I think some people were
(10:00):
just like watching her and it was like this growing
up thing. But I always saw like her mind and
creatively what she was doing her entire career. And so
for me, it's just like some of the things that
I was watching her do, like even I didn't understand,
and but looking back off it, I was always just
(10:20):
telling her to be authentically who she was, like no
matter what, no matter what somebody from a label is
saying or just whoever, as long as you're being authentically,
you go for it. Yeah, And no matter what she
was doing, there was never a time that I wasn't.
Just somebody told me one, if you're always coming from
a place of love, it works out. And I always
(10:42):
had to keep that in mind with while I was
managing her and also like being number one or mom,
you know, but also being her friend and then the manager.
There was always for me, just like if I'm always
coming from the right place and a place of love,
I can't steer her wrong. And I really did live
by that during all those years and just kind of
letting her be who she was and who she is.
(11:03):
And now I look at her and I'm like, holy crap, girl,
you did good. Yeah, totally. You know. When I see
her now, it's like I am so blown away by
who she.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Is me too.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
It's really crazy.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
I know, it is really impressive. Did you ever look
at all of these other girls and think I should
step in and take over the ones whose parents weren't
as coming from a place of love. Yeah, I must
have felt that way, because I feel that way and
I'm not even a mother.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
Totally, and people, you know, even with Molly, people would
you know, look at me and be like, where's her mother?
And I'm like right there, like right beside her every
step of the way, but handling it, I don't know,
in just a way that made Molly feel safe, I think,
And I just look, I just and I was I
(11:50):
really did even though I had all these other children.
I think like when we went on when Molly was
on the road, I took them, you know, and that
was like a hard decision too, but because it was
like I wanted them to have their own lives, but
I also didn't want to leave them with like a
nanny or whatever, so like no one brazen would go
on the road with us and we'd have a teacher,
and you know, it kind of felt like just being
(12:12):
at home on the road because the family was all around.
And I think that's another huge thing that probably helped Molly,
just having her family around all the time.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
And do you think that was beneficial for the kids
now in retrospect?
Speaker 4 (12:22):
And I do, because I feel like, you know, I'm
like crazy about like I think the school system is
insane and how we teach the kids learn and all
these things. I think they learned way more being on
the road, living life, having those experiences, also having a
teacher out there where they were actually doing school, but
(12:43):
also just learning way more than they ever would sitting
in a classroom and going to homeroom. And you know,
I just feel like it was a completely different life.
They grew up quick too, you know, they grew up.
I do feel like they probably had to grow up
faster than a lot of kids. But I'll look at
them now and they're boath also just well rounded and
(13:05):
very independent, and so when I look back on it,
I feel like it was absolutely the right choice.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Well, what I love about your story too, is a
good fucking job.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Mothers need to be told that all the time. And
I know you would didn't do it alone. I know
your husband was there too, your ex husband was there too,
but let's just say that what I love about your
story is that now you have a whole news story
of your own. So you did all of this work,
and you went on the road, and you played the
role of mother and manager, not just for one of
(13:36):
your children, for all of your children at different times.
Maybe not the manager part, but you know, being a
mother to all of them while this was all happening.
And then you get to have your next chapter, which
is like really inspiring because you got divorced, yes, and
you probably had no idea that you were going to
fall in love with this man to Nick.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
So can you fill our listeners in.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
On that story and how you guys met And that's
stuff because it's pretty cute.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Yes, it's so cute. So yes, I did all those things.
And you know, I didn't ever really think I would
get a divorce that was not in the cards that
offer me, and you know that happened, and so I
literally just I love love. And one of my friends
at the time, I was devastated. I'd been married for
(14:23):
so long since I was like twenty four years old,
so I didn't know anything different and had never been
like on a date like a date and whatever. So
one of my friends just said, if you could go
out with anyone in the world, like who is your
like dream god?
Speaker 2 (14:37):
How long after?
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Were you still in devastation mode at this point or
were you in recovery mode?
Speaker 4 (14:43):
I was pretty much. I think I was at that
point in shock mode, blindsided, yes, and just the I
don't know where I was at honestly, I was stoned.
But when she asked me that I had always I
(15:04):
loved the show prison Break and I just always thought
Dominic was so dreamy and just like so gorge and
so when she said that, and she happened to be
an agent, and I was like, Dominic per sale, and
she was like, you need to DM him right now.
And I was like, what, I Am not doing that
and she was like, no, you're You're doing it, and
so I did. And at the time it was funny.
(15:25):
I had a deal at NBCU to do TV shows
and so when I DMD him, I was like, hey, Domic,
you know, I don't know if you live in Australia
or LA, but I have a TV deal at NBCU
and I'm such a huge fan of Prison Break. Don't
know what you're up to, but what do you think
about getting together and talk about like maybe creating a
show together or whatever. He literally I'm talking dings me
(15:47):
back in like five seconds and he goes I Love,
like yes, let's do that, like let's let's get lunch
or whatever. And I'm like okay, and then he's like,
how about tomorrow And we meet up at this little
crazy place called Pickwicks. It's a little Irish pub in
(16:08):
Sherman Oaks and he's drinking and I'm smoking weed and
we played darts and hang out and then we made
out and it was just like wow, like this is crazy,
and we had so much fun and it really was
something that kind of like saved me at that moment I.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Think, Okay, so you guys got together. We did and
had a great first date that sounds like an adorable
first day.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Kissing in the afternoon is.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
Really really cute, right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Kiss somebody that's cute.
Speaker 4 (16:44):
Yes, it was great. Yeah. And then so then the
next day he texts me like, how do we do
this again? Like when I'm like, I don't, I don't
let me know. And so he called me, and then
we just saw each other constantly and pretty quickly he
said yeah, I love you, like, let's do this. And
I was like great, and we just we started seeing
(17:08):
each other like consistently, and here we are.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
And what are some of the things that you discovered
about yourself being in this kind of new, different relationship
that you didn't even know existed within a relationship maybe.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
Oh my gosh, well, Number one communication I did not
I did not know how to communicate in anyway. And
I think that was probably a big, you know thing,
is like there was just no communication. Like even now
I feel like I'm more close up and close myself
off and like go hide in my room or something
(17:46):
instead of like like speaking up and saying like, you know,
I really like for me, I just I love like
to be cuddled and like I need to Like I
guess my love language is touch probably or words of affirmation,
and like I could if I am feeling any way,
I will just go to Dom and be like I'm
(18:09):
feeling sad, I need to cuddle and like it's just
like he like is so I have never gotten anything
from him but love when it's anything in anything in
my world that's like wrong or I'm feeling a certain way,
like I used to be so scared to voice those things.
I felt like I just needed to be so strong
(18:29):
and because I really kind of did run everything, like
our entire family, everything kind of really did fall on
me to handle. And I feel like this is the
first time I've actually felt like I had a partner
that what you know, and and that's taken a lot
to get used to. And also I feel like for me,
it was always like there's such a calmness in my
(18:50):
life now and I'm having a hard time with that.
Oh interesting, yeah, I think. I mean in therapy, that's
what I'm learning is like I have lived in so
much not bad case necessarily, like just chaos in general
for so long, which I.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Love I actually like it to love. I know what
you mean.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
I thrive in chaos. Then everything's just moving, moving, moving.
It's hard to sit and stop and be like, uh.
Speaker 4 (19:15):
Oh, that is when it's not good for me, it's
not good for me.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
And also, I would imagine because you are such like
the orchestra conductor of Miley's life and making all the decisions,
like you have no problem being a sort of on
behalf of her totally, but when it comes to you,
it's a different situation.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
Completely different. And I don't know what, Wow, that was.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Well, I think that's true for a lot of women,
Like I think we are able to stand up for
each other or some sometimes more than we are, like
if it's our daughter or sister or mother, you know,
totally anybody. You can go to bat for someone else,
sometimes much more easily than we can defend or stand
up for ourselves, way easier.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
So I think that's common.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
Yeah. And I will say, and I do this on
my podcast where I'm like Brandy Zelwicks here we go
on the Domb Show. But I will say, I literally
I have actually never met someone like him, because I
like it is it's so crazy to me because it
has to be like conscious because it is very much
(20:22):
like he just tries to empower me so much, not
to only like like to be communicated communicative with him,
but like he's always like, you are so strong. Look
what you've done, Look what you've done this, you know,
and he's like, you've got to stand up for tish
like you know, he like really has in the last
few years, just really because I have struggled with the
(20:45):
anxiety thing so much. And let me tell you, like,
holy crap, like he has just been poor thing rock,
like a Reagan rock. And but the part of like
kind of teaching me to lean into my power and
what I've already accomplished because I actually didn't really even
see it because I was so in it has been amazing. Yeah, amazing.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Yeah that's beautiful. Yeah, I'm so happy for you. Yeah,
he like and he sounds so wonderful and lovely, Like
if all men could just be like that, then we
wouldn't have half the problems that we have, oh.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
For real, And like even the first year where my
anxiety was like completely out of control, like truly, he
did not leave us ode like, he did not work,
he did not he like really was just like I
cannot leave my off, like this is critical time, like
for me to like be there and get her through this.
And he really did and like he listen. I'm not
(21:40):
saying he's perfect, Like he loves to watch sports and
I want to watch There's these little things. But as
a man like you said, if every man was like that,
it would be a different world.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Yeah, if every man was encouraging time and to stand
up for themselves and to search their truth and to
set the time side for when someone needs you to
actually be available to them. I mean that's a luxury item. Also,
not everybody has the ability to do that financially, but
those aren't the only ways to show up. And it's
very nice to hear about men that are doing that.
Speaker 4 (22:15):
Totally speaking of men, at one point, I got to
tell you about my frand so I've been seeing on
your Instagram you helping men fund lives.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Well, I'm trying to help women find love. Oh, but
the men problem is there's like we need men, We
need straight men that are available and respectful and respectable.
Speaker 4 (22:36):
Yes, I was talking about gay men.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
Oh yeah, there's a lot of the gay men. But
also like that is not gay men.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Are fucking. They're already fucking. They're all fucking.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
So it's like the fact that they're like leaning on
me to meet so that they can fuck more.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
This is really for straight women, is who I.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
Was trying to okay, because I was thinking.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Go ahead, your friend is a game.
Speaker 4 (22:58):
Yes, and he definitely sent you something into the DM, okay,
But I was thinking, because he was telling me all
about it, I was thinking, this was mostly for gay man,
So you're helping women.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
I don't know where it got, probably because my audience
is probably mostly gay men and women, and there are
definitely not straight men hitting me up in the way
that they I'm asking them to.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
But yeah, I've got it.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Broaden my I have some opportunities have arrived that I'm like,
should I do something like this?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Because I really do.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
I think in times like that we're living in, I
just want everyone to be fucking and having a good
time totally. Everyone should at least be having sex with
someone that they are attracted totally at the very minimum,
you know.
Speaker 4 (23:38):
Agree, Oh yeah, I wish I knew good.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Good straight guys.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Well, if you do find any and you come across them,
send them my way, because I have so many women.
I have so many These women are in my dms, like,
please help us, help us. These dating apps are atrocious,
and I guess there's just a dish.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
The problem is, did you ever do the dating app?
I did not. You didn't get that far?
Speaker 4 (23:57):
No? Right, that has to be horrible.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
And I think that's also problematic because there's such abundance
on the dating apps, so you can just swipe through
people and you don't really take them seriously like you
would going on a date with someone. You're looking at
like fifty girls in a day, so how are you
going to focus on one? You're like looking for the
next best thing. So there's they need to re engineer
these dating apps. Anyway, more to come on that, more
(24:23):
to come. I'm going to stay focused on it.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
Okay, you should, it's honestly, it is so needed.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
How long after you started seeing dominic, did you guys
get married?
Speaker 4 (24:31):
We got married in a year and a half. Did
we we met in twenty God, I'm so bad. We
met in February of twenty two and we got married
in August of twenty thirty. Okay, so year and a half.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Okay, that's that's and how long has it been? Yeah,
just a two years.
Speaker 4 (24:48):
We've been married two years and we've been together over
four right four in February.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah, Well when I saw you, I went on your
podcast which is called Sorry We're Cyrus that you and
Brandy do together, which is great fun.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Have you had a good time doing the podcast?
Speaker 4 (25:04):
Love it more than anything? Oh?
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Really? What do you love about it?
Speaker 4 (25:07):
You know what? I honestly, this is something else I've
learned is like I really don't give myself props for
being good at anything. Like I'm like, what am I
good at? Like I've I was good at managing Molly
that went well, But like there are never really anything
that I think about that I love to do. And
(25:28):
I've found that with the podcast, Like I really do
love talking to people. It's my favorite thing, and I
love like instead of just like shooting the shit, like
I actually love kind of a deep conversation, and I
feel like I'm pretty good at it. Like I think
it's more it's not something like that I prepare for
(25:48):
for three days or like I kind of just go
into it as like I'm just shooting the shit with
a friend, and that even I have Landrion which I
had not seen leve Island at the time, and everybody afterwards,
everybody just freaked out on how great it was because
it wasn't about the show that it was about her.
(26:11):
And I think for me, it gave me this confidence
in doing the pod that I had never had and
because I really didn't know if I felt like I
was good at it, and I had all these people
like just really being like, we really didn't know a
Landry at all, and we felt like we got to
know her through you, and she was from the South,
which made it easy. And so I don't know, it
(26:31):
just is something that I've really like. I look forward
to it every time I get to do it.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Oh that's nice. I know. That's a nice surprise too.
Speaker 4 (26:39):
It's really an assaprise.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
It's just so nice the way this second act of
your life is working out for you.
Speaker 4 (26:45):
Well, let's hope, because that's another that's another one of
my mental problems. I'm like, oh my god, I'm old.
Oh my god, Like what if I don't get to
work anymore, Oh my gosh, what if no one wants
to come on the podcast? Oh my gosh, Like this
is what my brain does, and so and it's hard,
like I have five kids at home and now no
kids at home.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
You know, there's like a there's like a great solution
that I always do whenever I have like a negative
thought pattern or and it's from that book that I
always talk about called Letting Go by David Hawkings, which
is whenever you have a thought, there's always a direct
opposite thought, like when is someone gonna come on?
Speaker 2 (27:20):
What if no one wants to come on my podcast?
Speaker 1 (27:22):
The opposite thought is what if everyone wants to come
on my podcast?
Speaker 2 (27:26):
What if I don't have enough space for everybody?
Speaker 1 (27:28):
And if you just flip to the opposite, it works
if you keep doing it. And so if that's a
good little hack that I use when I'm like, even
if I'm not like if I have to go do
something that I don't want to do, I'm like, yeah,
you do you want to go? Look how excited, Look
how great it's gonna be when you get there. You're
gonna light up the whole place and everything's gonna be
so much fun and you're gonna have a good time.
And then by the time I get there, I'm in
a good mood about it.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Okay, So it's a good.
Speaker 4 (27:51):
Chock's going yeah, yeah, yeah, Jesus.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
You can remind her. Remind her she deals with me.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Most are we going to take some we're ready to take.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
We have live callers, Colin, and you're the only mother
in this room, so we might have to defer to
you on a couple of things.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
So, Sarah says, dear Chelsea. Hello, I'm a twenty year
old college student who would love advice on what to
look for in a partner. I have dated in the past,
and I'm drawn to boys who need me to fix them,
and I'm quite frankly over it. What green flags are
there to look for when it comes to men? And
should I start dating older men? If anything?
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Kindly, Sarah, so, a pretty general question, Yeah, pretty broad question.
I don't think you should limit to anyone who you're dating.
I think you should have like a good practice for
dating is just being as open as possible, not gearing
it towards young men or older men, or black guys
or white guys.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Well, I mean, I take that back.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
I prefer black guys quite frankly, but I think it's
just good to practice dating as in general and avoiding
the patterns that you've created like, when you notice a
pattern in your behavior, then just stop doing that. If
you're gonna avoid anyone, it's anyone who needs fixing and
green flags. If you're dealing with people that need to
be fixed, A green flag is somebody who has their
(29:09):
shit together, somebody who has a job, who is you know,
showing initiative and being assertive about you and spending time
with you and going out with you, not you being
a mom Like that's not sexy for anyone in a
romantic dynamic.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Nobody wants to feel like a mother.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
I don't want to be telling you what to do
or so I think all you have to do for
me is avoid that feeling. As soon as you feel
like you're parenting or your mommy ing, then you want
to just exit out of that, and that's your red flag,
And then you're gonna notice what the green flags are.
As soon as you say no to the red flags,
(29:46):
you're gonna notice the things that you're welcoming. But as
soon as you feel that feeling, and I know exactly
what you're talking about, I don't like it either. I'm
not attracted when I have to be like a mommy.
I don't want to be your mommy, Tish, what do
you think.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
I'm definitely gill of that, of being okay with that.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
Being a mother to an in a relationship.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
Yes, and that is one thing. Another thing that I've
definitely learned is that I do not need to be.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
That right and how like freeing that is exactly it's
also freeing.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
What's freeing is also to be taken care of by someone,
when someone cares for you and is looking after you
and doing nice things that you didn't ask them to do,
and then that whole dynamic shifts and you realize what's
on the other side of it totally, which is much
sexier than being with someone who you.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
Have to direct.
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Yep. What do you think about the dating an older
man part of it?
Speaker 1 (30:38):
I mean, yeah, you could date an older man, but
like those guys can be messes too, totally. Just because
they're older doesn't mean they have more of their shit together.
It may seem like they have their shit together because
they have more experience, but they can have their own
set of problems. So I don't think you need to
focus on an age. I think you need to focus
on the way you feel when you're.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Out with a man and totally.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
When you're in a relationship with a man, you're feeling like,
even from what Tish you've talked about just today, the
feeling that you had from your previous relationship moving into
this is like you've been reborn, basically.
Speaker 4 (31:08):
Yeah, and it's it was nas because I took care
of everybody for so long, like truly just took care
of everything and everyone, And to now feel like someone's
taking care of me and every aspect of my life
is incredible.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
I love it.
Speaker 4 (31:25):
Yeah. So Katie is thirty seven.
Speaker 3 (31:28):
She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm in my late thirties, married
and have three young kids, ages one, three, and five.
My mom, who's in her seventies, also has her own
space in our basement. We moved to a new state
three years ago when I was pregnant with my second
I work full time and my husband works in television,
so his schedule is very unpredictable, often nights and weekends
when he's home, we divide and conquer well, but I'm
(31:50):
also frequently solo parenting. My mom has mobility issues and
some brain fog, so I also find myself caring.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
For her in many ways.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
Between solo parenting full time time work and caregiving. I've
reached the part where every professional says you need self care,
and I want to ask when and how exactly. I've
tried making mom friends, but it mostly feels like monitoring
kids near each other rather than forming any real connections.
I'd love any advice you have for the stage of life,
especially how to take care of yourself when there's truly
(32:19):
no margin. Thanks for making me laugh when I'm exhausted, Katie.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
Hi, Katie, this is our special guest. Titsh Cyrus is here.
Speaker 4 (32:26):
Hi Katie, Hi, Nice to meet you.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
She knows a lot about what you're talking about. Do
you want to go first? Tish about self.
Speaker 4 (32:33):
Care totally, which I never did, and I actually would
say make that a priority now because I actually did not,
and it is exhausting. I also like I was raising
five kids in a crazy, crazy world. You know, my
husband at the time was also working, and I was
(32:55):
doing most of it alone. My mom also lived with us,
and so you know, she helped me, but I also
cared for her as well, and really there was like,
in my mind, there was really no time for me,
and I wish so bad that I had made Tom,
especially I love what you just said about like you
even feel like with the friends that you make it's
(33:17):
more just like kids play dates and you know, things
like that. Because now it's it's crazy because I really
I'm feeling lame at this moment in my life because
I literally will meet someone out and I'm like, I
really need friends, Like can we like do something Like
I'm literally trying to make friends now at fifty eight,
And I wish so bad that at the time that
(33:40):
you're in in your life that I would have taken
time to do self care and to build a friend
group that was there to support me, not just support
like the play dates. So I think for you, I
know how hard that is because when you have that
many kids and you're caring for your parent and you're
doing most of it alone, it's hard to find the time.
But I do think it's so important, even if it's
(34:03):
just getting some time when your husband is around and
able to help, like to read a book or take
a bath, or you know, go be with a friend
for an hour.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Yeah, and get out of the house away from the
kids for an hour. Do you have that ability to
leave the house for like an hour a day?
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Is that a possibility for you.
Speaker 5 (34:22):
It is on the days that my husband is home, right,
So like if we can make our schedules kind of
line up, then yeah, I can do that.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
Well, that could be one of the first points that
you make is whenever he is home, you have an
hour and what you decide to do with that is
up to you, like you take I mean not just
an hour, it can be as long as you trust
him with the children. I guess the better way to say,
but like hit up one of these women to go
for a walk without the kids and see if you
have anything going on between you two. Then you know,
(34:50):
I know, it's easier to do stuff with the kids
when they're that age and you kind of have to.
But also find out if you have anything in common
with these women outside of the children, and if you do, great,
and if you don't great, then you know that then
you know they're just like your kid's parent friends and
you can do stuff together. Then you can even take
the one year old or the three year old or
I guess the one year old on a walk with you.
(35:11):
But like, just to separate yourself from like all of
your duties as a mother, I think geographically is important.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
Like to get out of the house, to go out to.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Dinner, you know, with a group of women, or one
or two women at the very minimum, just to be
away from all of the stuff that you're dealing with
because you need to recharge your batteries. So self care
doesn't have to be like you're meditating every day. You know,
that can be great for certain people, but if it
doesn't have to be like a prescription, it can be
whatever makes you feel good in the moment. And I know,
(35:41):
exercising and moving your body and getting out of a
house when.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
You're a mother are two really important ingredients.
Speaker 6 (35:47):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that those are the things
I missed the most, honestly, is you know, being able
to move around and not have you know, a child
trying to jump on top of me at the same time.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Rightally, right.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
And also something to remember is so like make that
agreement and even if you're going for a walk alone,
that's fucking great, like better to be like I would
prefer to go for a walk alone. I'm not into
walking with people. I don't understand what that even means.
I found out about that during COVID because everyone wanted
to go for a fucking walk. I'm like, I don't
want to go for a walk with someone, Like I
want to listen to a podcast or listen to music
(36:20):
and do my own thing, but I like people for
other things.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Not that so.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
But even if it's just you saying that to your
husband on the days that you can when he is home,
just start the practice of asking for a time and
a little space that's reasonable. And also remember this is temporary.
You're not gonna have a one three to five year
old for the rest of your life. So the better
you have, like the better ability you have to recharge
(36:45):
your batteries to be present for all of it and
all of the chaos, the better you're gonna feel you're
the better you're going to show up as a mom
when you are tired, the better you're going to show
up as a partner, and the better memories you're gonna
have in six months and three years and six years.
Speaker 4 (37:00):
And it goes fast, because I remember just praying, oh
my gosh, when are they going to be eighteen? Like
I like, when is this gonna be over? Right after
the number five? And now I'll look back and think,
oh my god, it went so fast, like it really does.
Even though I can feel your vibe in front in
this moment, it doesn't feel that way, but she's right, like,
(37:22):
it won't be this chaotic forever.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
You know, what you should do is pick up a book.
I just read this book. It's a great book. It's
called The Correspondent. Pick that up and make that your
first gift to yourself. Get that book, start reading it.
It's a real easy read. It's really good. You're gonna
like it. Every woman will like this book. And just
give that as a gift to yourself. And when your
husband's around, just say I need.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
An hour alone.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
I'm gonna go to the park and read the book,
or you're gonna go to your room wherever you want
to go. I would say, get out of the house
and just go find somewhere to read a book for
an hour. And that gift alone that you give yourself
will start leading to new ways and new ideas for
you to kind of pour more water in your cup.
Speaker 5 (38:05):
Okay, yeah, that's a great idea. I feel like, you know,
sometimes you get kind of guilty being like, oh, I
shouldn't want to, you know, spend time away from my
kids when I don't have as much time with them
because they're in daycare if I'm working and stuff like that.
But I do think that it'll help me bond with
them better when we are together if I do have
a little more time for myself.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
Yeah, And there's also something about like filling up your
brain with different information than the information you're circulating and
recirculating all day with your kids, because it's a lot
of the same shit all the time. So it's like
you can go have a break, read a book, fill
your brain up with someone else's story and someone else's
life that's thought provoking, that gets you out of your head,
and that's like building your kind of you know, brain
(38:48):
power chemistry.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
Your neurotransmitters are like it's all good for you.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
So like make sure like make that your first thing,
and then if you love that, then get another book
and make sure you're asking for the time that you
need because no one's going to give you anything that
you don't ask for totally, you know, So you really
have to advocate for yourself. Act like you're in a
mental hospital and you're your advocate.
Speaker 5 (39:10):
It feels like that sometimes, So I think I can
do that, yes.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
Yeah, And I mean your husband, is he a reasonable guy, like,
will he get this and understand it?
Speaker 4 (39:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (39:19):
I think so.
Speaker 5 (39:19):
He tries to help out when he's around. It's just
the you know, the kids are usually like mommy, mommy, mommy. Yeah,
you know, I think maybe getting away, like if I'm
not physically there, it might be easier for him too,
because they're not always trying.
Speaker 2 (39:32):
To go for me, yes, exactly.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
And that will help their bond too, because then they'll
spend more time with their father and then they'll start
to lean on him in a more equal way. So
it's like going to work for everyone. It's just like, aa,
it works if you work it totally.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
All right, thanks, Yeah, I think that's good advice. Okay,
all right, we'll hit us back.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
Let us know. Yeah you like the book, and then
we'll give you books to read if you need more
books to read.
Speaker 4 (39:56):
Yeah, for sure I would love that. Oh yeah, that's
a great, awesome Okay, all.
Speaker 3 (40:01):
Right, thanks so much, Katie, Katie, thank you, bye bye.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
Whenever I hear you know, i was watching someone at
the airport and they had four kids traveling, and I'm
just like, oh my god, fucking four strollers and.
Speaker 4 (40:13):
Four much but that is way too much.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
But also it's just like, tell me if I'm wrong
about this. I feel like, once you have two, you
may as well have five? Or is it once you
have three you may as well have you have three?
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Three? Yeah? Because three two to three is a big.
Speaker 3 (40:28):
My mom always says like after three, it's like basically
more of the same we were four.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
Yeah, totally yeah, and then they can help occupy each
other and start playing with each other. But getting out
of a one year old, like that's the youngest, that
is very hard.
Speaker 4 (40:40):
It is hard. She's got them independent, she's definitely got
her hands full.
Speaker 3 (40:49):
So Elizabeth says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing to you today
for advice on how to shrug off a man who
isn't worth it when he's stuck in your life indefinitely.
I was married for over ten years until I found
out he'd been having a series of affairs and cheating
for half that time. Ultimately, he wouldn't change his behavior,
so I left. Here's where it gets complicated. We have
a small child together. We have shared custody and our
(41:10):
cool parenting, and we're both determined not to fuck up
our kid with our issues, so we don't let that
drama get in the way. We actually co parent quite well.
We communicate, we can trade days or cover each other
when we need to. We can each attend school extracurricular
events and be around each other for the sake of
our kid. What I need advice on is how to
get my heart out of the way. We've been divorced
for a year now. I threw myself into healing and
(41:30):
moving on. I've done all the things, therapy, new hobbies, travel,
I've dated, had casual hookups, and I put myself out there.
Speaker 4 (41:37):
But damn if my heart isn't still broken.
Speaker 3 (41:39):
Every time I have to talk to my ex and
see him, he still has the parts of him I
fell in love with all those years ago. I just
get this sense of loss and longing for what I
thought I had. What do I do or can't just
stop seeing him or speaking to him, Like any other
breakup where you can get a clean break, He'll be
around for my son's entire life. Any advice on how
to take the emotional sting out of this and stop
nurturing a broken heart for this guy who doesn't deserve it.
(42:01):
My brain says, screw that guy, but my heart doesn't
know what to do with the love I had for
him for a decade. Elizabeth, I know, I know.
Speaker 4 (42:09):
This is a tough one.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
Well what do you think, I mean, you have experience
with this.
Speaker 4 (42:13):
I think it's so. I think there was one thing
that she said in there that someone kept saying to me,
and it was if you can like because she said,
it's like what I picture that we could have had,
Like what it could be? What it that is? The
thing is like for me, it was really being having
(42:34):
to like really make my brain focus on how things
had gotten, how things were, instead of how they should
be or could be. And I don't know that it
actually because when you have kids with someone, I mean,
it makes it so much harder. And especially my kids
are all older, so there was none of the going
(42:54):
back and forth or having to communicate, which I'm sure
is so hard. I mean, I don't know how you
take the emotion out of it or how you change
how you feel, but I think you can look at
things in that way of like, you know, how it
could have been if only this, but you know those
kind of fantasy, you know, and the fantasy when what
(43:17):
is your reality and what reality? That was the hardest
part for me.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
And also you have to move into acceptance totally. You
have to accept that the relationship is over. Yeah, and
there's a new book that everyone's talking about Strangers, which
is that woman wrote about this very thing, her husband
cheating on her, the dissolution of their marriage, all of it,
and how she had to basically reconcile because people automatically
(43:43):
assume that when a partner cheats, you fall out of
love with them.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
She said that, and she's like, I didn't.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
I still loved him and I had to deal with
a You have to accept the situation at face value.
Speaker 2 (43:55):
There is no more relationship. It's over. So what you
thought was going to be there is not there. But
what's ahead could be even more beautiful than what you had.
So it's really important.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
I mean, we're sitting here with like a perfect living
example with Tish about how wonderful her life has become
in this second chapter that she didn't want or expect
or was planning for, you know, not at all, and
look how happy she is and vibrant like you have
to be. You have to accept the situation for what
it is because before that happens, until that happens, you're
(44:27):
not going to be shown what else is possible in
your life.
Speaker 3 (44:30):
Right, And I think like in Elizabeth's situation, like the
idea of happily ever after with this person wasn't even
the reality when she was with this person. That's the key, right,
It was like there was all this drama and all
this turmoil, so like the idea of what it would
have been would have been.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
More of that in reality exactly.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
Yeah, And getting stuck in this kind of romantic idealization
and kind of fantasy is just I think a sign
of you really needing to get grounded and getting g
in the reality of your situation and moving forward, because
really anything is possible in your life. Anything is as
(45:07):
soon as you cut these heart strings, you know, and
just start to look at him for what he is,
which is your children's father, and that's it.
Speaker 4 (45:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (45:14):
Yeah, And I think once she does meet someone that
she actually does care about, it's going to start to undo.
Speaker 4 (45:19):
A lot of that, you know. I think it undoes that.
And also I think her child is maybe younger too,
and then the relationship you can have with his father
or your ex like will be so much better and
clearer in what that actually is. And everybody, it's so
hard to believe when you're in it that things can
(45:42):
get better, that there is someone else for you out there.
But yeah, I think when you kind of, just like
you said, get grounded in reality of what is is
when you actually can move forward and bring great things
into your life. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
Yeah, so good luck to you. Let's keep us posted. Also,
we always like to hear feedback, and Tish, are you
going to you're writing a book? Have you started writing
your book?
Speaker 4 (46:09):
I was saying, I need to do mine will need
to be a trilogy because there is so much, like
so much, but I do need to do that.
Speaker 2 (46:17):
Yeah, but you need to enjoy yourself totally, like I
am all for.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
You just having a great old time me too, and
just fucking kicking back and doing whatever the fuck you
feel like.
Speaker 4 (46:28):
I know, I've got to figure out what that is.
I'm on it. I'm on it.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
We'll start just by having sex with Domino. It's not
that you haven't started that, but just continue because I
think that's Yeah, that part is.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
Thank you Tish for being with us, Thanks for having
me having Yes check out Sorry We're Cyrus.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
Right, Yes, check out Sorry We're Cyrus. That is a
podcast with Tish and Brandy, her daughter Brandy that I
have been on as well and had a great time
talking to you girls.
Speaker 4 (46:53):
Yeah, it's so fun and like I said, it's my
favorite thing. So help me.
Speaker 2 (46:59):
If you do.
Speaker 3 (47:00):
You want advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea podcast
at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia.
Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler, and find
Katherine on TikTok at flash Cadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Katherine Law. Find
full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix, and get
(47:21):
tickets to see Chelsea live at Chelseahandler dot com
Okay for the High Mighty Tour people, we are rocket
and rolling. These are the shows we have coming up.
May fifteenth, I will be in Saratoga, May sixteenth, Monterey,
May seventeenth, Modesto.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I will be in port Chester on June fourth, and
we added two new dates to the High and Mighty Tour.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
On June third, I am coming to Saratoga Springs, New York,
so pre sale has begun for that, and then on
June twenty eighth, I am coming to Nantucket and presale
has started on that. June fifth, I will be in Boston, Massachusetts.
June twelfth, I will be in Portland, Oregon. And June thirteenth,
I will be in Seattle, Washington. June twenty seventh is
(00:39):
going to be Hyenna's, Massachusetts. August sixth is red Bank,
New Jersey. August seventh, I'm coming home to Montclair, New Jersey.
August fifteenth is Calgary, Alberta, Canada. September eighteenth, Santa Barbara,
September nineteenth, San Diego, September twenty fifth. I will be
at the Beacon in New York City. September twenty sixth,
I will be in Philadelphia September twenty seventh, New Haven, Connecticut,
(01:03):
October second, Atlanta, Georgia, October third, Baltimore, Maryland, October fourth, Saginaw, Michigan,
October ninth, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, October tenth, Toronto, Canada, October sixteenth.
I'm coming to Boise, Idaho, October seventeenth, Spokane, Washington, November seventh,
I will be in San Francisco and November thirteenth, Salt
(01:26):
Lake City November twentieth, Austin November twenty first, Houston, Texas,
November twenty second, Irving, Texas.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
December fifth.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I am adding a second show in Denver for those
of you who can get tickets to the first one.
And on December sixth, I will be coming to Vancouver, Canada. Okay,
those are all my dates for the High Mighty Door.
Go to Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Hello Catherine, Hi Chelsea, what shows you have coming off
this week?
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Well?
Speaker 2 (01:54):
I just did My Netflix is a joke show.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Awesome, but there is a Kevin Hart roast on Sunday night.
The Netflix is a joke festival, and I don't think
anything's public, but I would just say stay tuned to that.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
Are you do you do roasts very often or is this.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
I've never done a roast, but this roast is going
to close out the festival and it's for Kevin Hart.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
So you know how I feel about Kevin Hart.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
That's basically like.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Your entire interaction with him is just like roasting him
the entire time you're together anyway.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
So I know you'll do amazingly.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
So he's an absolutely ridiculous person and he needs to
hear that on a regular basis to keep his little
tiny feet on the ground.
Speaker 4 (02:34):
Well, I mean he's a dad. But today is our
Mother's Day Special.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Oh yes, yes, Kevin's roast ironically is on Mother's Day.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
He'll do anything to get out of having plans with
his wife on her special day.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Yes, we have a very.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Special mother who is so sweet and responsible for raising
lots and lots of children. She has a podcast called
Sorry Where Cyrus. She is a manager, a producer, and
she's here for our Mother's Day Special. Please welcome Tish
Cyrus Purcell. Okay, last time I saw you, Tish, we
were talking about our love of marijuana, and you said
(03:10):
that you had to quit smoking marijuana because you were
getting anxiety. And I would like an update because the
last time I saw you was about a year ago,
and before that it was about a year that you
had quit.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
Yes, so still dealing with anxiety. Okay, it's freaking horrible
and way better. Definitely functioning living my life where before
I was not. But still like at night, I'll smoke
here and there, but I still now, I just have
the spear of everything with the anxiety. So I'm like
so afraid it'll give me anxiety, that it'll definitely give
(03:42):
me anxiety. Yeah, so I only smoke when I'm feeling
really really good, but because.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Then you have room to spaih Oh my god, You're like,
then I have a little margin of error.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
I can handle it.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
I just I love marijuana.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I love marijuana too.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
I smoked some last night in my bed and it
felt so great, Like I just moved into this house
as you can see, and it felt so nice to
sit in my bed and my underwear yep, and smoke
a joint.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
It's the best.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
But I understand what you're saying about, like if anything
causes you anxiety, then it becomes more anxiety induced in
to even contemplate doing it totally, And the only thing
I sometimes feel like that could relate to what you're
saying is sometimes when I'm smoking weed, there's a period
of like a fifteen to twenty minute bubble where you
have no self consciousness at all and you get lost
(04:29):
in it. And it's such a beautiful feeling to be
lost in a conversation or lost in a book, or
lost in like whatever you're doing organizing at your house.
But then when you remember that you're stoned, oh totally,
and there's a shift that goes, oh, you're stone, and
then you start.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Having that kind of anxiety one million percent.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Yes, so the fifteen to twenty is heaven like paradise.
But you know I used to before the anxiety like
that I've had for the last few years. I don't
really feel like I hit that twenty minute and even
thought about it, but you know what, I was kind
of stone twenty four to seven.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Yeah, Well, that's what happens.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Sometimes you just have to really like break it off
and let our body like reacclimate, and then our physiology
changes as we get older too, which is a fucking
pain in the ass.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
It sucks.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Well, I'm not going to ever stop drinking. Did you
stop drinking?
Speaker 4 (05:19):
I never was a drinker. I just weed. But now
people say, like, well, my therapist when I talk about
the weed thing and my love for it, and I
miss it, and I just because she was like, but
you were never kind of just like on an even keel.
You were because I would. I mean I did smoke,
like at night, I smoked a lot, you know, and
smoked during the day, so I was kind of like,
(05:41):
I don't think I ever had a baseline of not
being stoned for like ten years.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Did you wake up and smoke weed?
Speaker 4 (05:46):
I did not do that, but I definitely thought when
I woke up, I definitely was still high. Do you
feel like that, Oh really from the night before, I
definitely feel like I was still like just chilled and
somewhat not completely not stuck a really nice hangover. Yes,
in the best possible Well that's great then, and then
(06:07):
would start smoking about like two pm something like that,
but it was every single salt. Do you smoke every day? No?
Speaker 2 (06:13):
I don't smoke every ding.
Speaker 4 (06:14):
That's the difference. I was smoking every single day.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Yeah, but there are days where I wake up and
immediately take an edible where I'm like, this is going
to be hard. Yeah, and I just medicate, But that
doesn't happen that often either. I definitely go through phases.
When I go to Whistler, Canada and I'm there for winter,
I definitely wake and bake, Like I get up, I
smoke weed, I go skiing, I smoke more weed. I
come home, you know, Like that's my vibe up there,
but when I'm in La, it's not the same vibe.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
Rot I think now, I'm just probably from what I'm
learning during all this damn therapy I've been doing. Is
I I'm just learning to kind of process things that
happened over the last ten years that I did not
process in any way, shape or form because I was
just hot. And so I'm having to kind of deal
which absolutely sucks. And I'm just learning to do that.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
And that's where your anxiety comes from, totally.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
I mean that's where anxiety comes from for all of us,
like trauma or stuff that we had to deal with
that we weren't really present for which most people aren't,
because there's all these defense mechanisms that we build in
order to protect ourselves from dealing with anything traumatizing or dramatic. Okay,
congratulations twentieth.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Anniversary of Hannah Mountana.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
I was watching a Miley and I was like, oh
my god, you guys have morphed into the same exact person.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
It's really crazy, isn't it so crazy? You look like
it's so nuts?
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Like, and she like, we were shopping the other day
and I was in like a store next door to
the store she was in, and I hear her come
down and she was like, she was like, Mom, I
literally looked in the window, but it was my reflection,
but I thought it was you, and it was a
whole weird thing for me. And she was like, I'm
really kind of scared. I'm scared that I have absolutely
(07:53):
morphed into you.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Isn't that so crazy?
Speaker 4 (07:55):
It's weird?
Speaker 1 (07:56):
And what about the other kids? Are they looking as
much like you? I mean, brand he does a little bit,
but not in the way that you and Miley are
like twins. Well, I want to actually, let's circle back
to the pot smoking, because if you're managing all five
of them, you have five children, you may as well
have seventeen.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
Okay, I don't manage all of them.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Okay, but didn't you at some point manage all of that?
Speaker 4 (08:14):
At some point I was very more. I was not
with Brandy. She always did the DJ thing, which wasn't
I didn't know anything about that. With Noah, I managed
her when she was really young, but also I was
getting older, and it is just like doing that when
your kids are younger is much harder because you're the
mom and the manager and it's just like a constant battle.
(08:35):
Everything's a battle at that time. So Noah has had
her own manager for a long time. So I really
really just I'm in the literal weeds day to day
on the Miley stuff, which is a lot, but it's
also I don't know. I say this all the time.
I really don't know how we did that and came
out unscathed in like a crazy way, but I don't
(08:59):
know how we came out in it to where we
are still best friends. I'm her manager and her mom
and like we love each other and like we even
like each other, and like it just works seamlessly for
us somehow, and I don't like I look back and
I'm like, damn, we did so much, and she grew
up in front of the world, and you know, she
(09:20):
went through her own stuff, and somehow we made it
through in the best possible way do.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
You Can you think of a time where you gave
her advice or guided her in a certain direction that
you're most proud of.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
You know. I think for me, one of the things
is like, you know, when she was like listen, we
all grew up and we all did crazy shit, and
Molly was doing everything in front of the world. But
also Molly was such a creative genius during those periods
of time, which you know, I think some people were
(10:00):
just like watching her and it was like this growing
up thing. But I always saw like her mind and
creatively what she was doing her entire career. And so
for me, it's just like some of the things that
I was watching her do, like even I didn't understand,
and but looking back off it, I was always just
(10:20):
telling her to be authentically who she was, like no
matter what, no matter what somebody from a label is
saying or just whoever, as long as you're being authentically,
you go for it. Yeah, And no matter what she
was doing, there was never a time that I wasn't.
Just somebody told me one, if you're always coming from
a place of love, it works out. And I always
(10:42):
had to keep that in mind with while I was
managing her and also like being number one or mom,
you know, but also being her friend and then the manager.
There was always for me, just like if I'm always
coming from the right place and a place of love,
I can't steer her wrong. And I really did live
by that during all those years and just kind of
letting her be who she was and who she is.
(11:03):
And now I look at her and I'm like, holy crap, girl,
you did good. Yeah, totally. You know. When I see
her now, it's like I am so blown away by
who she.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Is me too.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
It's really crazy.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
I know, it is really impressive. Did you ever look
at all of these other girls and think I should
step in and take over the ones whose parents weren't
as coming from a place of love. Yeah, I must
have felt that way, because I feel that way and
I'm not even a mother.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
Totally, and people, you know, even with Molly, people would
you know, look at me and be like, where's her mother?
And I'm like right there, like right beside her every
step of the way, but handling it, I don't know,
in just a way that made Molly feel safe, I think,
And I just look, I just and I was I
(11:50):
really did even though I had all these other children.
I think like when we went on when Molly was
on the road, I took them, you know, and that
was like a hard decision too, but because it was
like I wanted them to have their own lives, but
I also didn't want to leave them with like a
nanny or whatever, so like no one brazen would go
on the road with us and we'd have a teacher,
and you know, it kind of felt like just being
(12:12):
at home on the road because the family was all around.
And I think that's another huge thing that probably helped Molly,
just having her family around all the time.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
And do you think that was beneficial for the kids
now in retrospect?
Speaker 4 (12:22):
And I do, because I feel like, you know, I'm
like crazy about like I think the school system is
insane and how we teach the kids learn and all
these things. I think they learned way more being on
the road, living life, having those experiences, also having a
teacher out there where they were actually doing school, but
(12:43):
also just learning way more than they ever would sitting
in a classroom and going to homeroom. And you know,
I just feel like it was a completely different life.
They grew up quick too, you know, they grew up.
I do feel like they probably had to grow up
faster than a lot of kids. But I'll look at
them now and they're boath also just well rounded and
(13:05):
very independent, and so when I look back on it,
I feel like it was absolutely the right choice.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Well, what I love about your story too, is a
good fucking job.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Mothers need to be told that all the time. And
I know you would didn't do it alone. I know
your husband was there too, your ex husband was there too,
but let's just say that what I love about your
story is that now you have a whole news story
of your own. So you did all of this work,
and you went on the road, and you played the
role of mother and manager, not just for one of
(13:36):
your children, for all of your children at different times.
Maybe not the manager part, but you know, being a
mother to all of them while this was all happening.
And then you get to have your next chapter, which
is like really inspiring because you got divorced, yes, and
you probably had no idea that you were going to
fall in love with this man to Nick.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
So can you fill our listeners in.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
On that story and how you guys met And that's
stuff because it's pretty cute.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Yes, it's so cute. So yes, I did all those things.
And you know, I didn't ever really think I would
get a divorce that was not in the cards that
offer me, and you know that happened, and so I
literally just I love love. And one of my friends
at the time, I was devastated. I'd been married for
(14:23):
so long since I was like twenty four years old,
so I didn't know anything different and had never been
like on a date like a date and whatever. So
one of my friends just said, if you could go
out with anyone in the world, like who is your
like dream god?
Speaker 2 (14:37):
How long after?
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Were you still in devastation mode at this point or
were you in recovery mode?
Speaker 4 (14:43):
I was pretty much. I think I was at that
point in shock mode, blindsided, yes, and just the I
don't know where I was at honestly, I was stoned.
But when she asked me that I had always I
(15:04):
loved the show prison Break and I just always thought
Dominic was so dreamy and just like so gorge and
so when she said that, and she happened to be
an agent, and I was like, Dominic per sale, and
she was like, you need to DM him right now.
And I was like, what, I Am not doing that
and she was like, no, you're You're doing it, and
so I did. And at the time it was funny.
(15:25):
I had a deal at NBCU to do TV shows
and so when I DMD him, I was like, hey, Domic,
you know, I don't know if you live in Australia
or LA, but I have a TV deal at NBCU
and I'm such a huge fan of Prison Break. Don't
know what you're up to, but what do you think
about getting together and talk about like maybe creating a
show together or whatever. He literally I'm talking dings me
(15:47):
back in like five seconds and he goes I Love,
like yes, let's do that, like let's let's get lunch
or whatever. And I'm like okay, and then he's like,
how about tomorrow And we meet up at this little
crazy place called Pickwicks. It's a little Irish pub in
(16:08):
Sherman Oaks and he's drinking and I'm smoking weed and
we played darts and hang out and then we made
out and it was just like wow, like this is crazy,
and we had so much fun and it really was
something that kind of like saved me at that moment I.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Think, Okay, so you guys got together. We did and
had a great first date that sounds like an adorable
first day.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Kissing in the afternoon is.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
Really really cute, right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Kiss somebody that's cute.
Speaker 4 (16:44):
Yes, it was great. Yeah. And then so then the
next day he texts me like, how do we do
this again? Like when I'm like, I don't, I don't
let me know. And so he called me, and then
we just saw each other constantly and pretty quickly he
said yeah, I love you, like, let's do this. And
I was like great, and we just we started seeing
(17:08):
each other like consistently, and here we are.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
And what are some of the things that you discovered
about yourself being in this kind of new, different relationship
that you didn't even know existed within a relationship maybe.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
Oh my gosh, well, Number one communication I did not
I did not know how to communicate in anyway. And
I think that was probably a big, you know thing,
is like there was just no communication. Like even now
I feel like I'm more close up and close myself
off and like go hide in my room or something
(17:46):
instead of like like speaking up and saying like, you know,
I really like for me, I just I love like
to be cuddled and like I need to Like I
guess my love language is touch probably or words of affirmation,
and like I could if I am feeling any way,
I will just go to Dom and be like I'm
(18:09):
feeling sad, I need to cuddle and like it's just
like he like is so I have never gotten anything
from him but love when it's anything in anything in
my world that's like wrong or I'm feeling a certain way,
like I used to be so scared to voice those things.
I felt like I just needed to be so strong
(18:29):
and because I really kind of did run everything, like
our entire family, everything kind of really did fall on
me to handle. And I feel like this is the
first time I've actually felt like I had a partner
that what you know, and and that's taken a lot
to get used to. And also I feel like for me,
it was always like there's such a calmness in my
(18:50):
life now and I'm having a hard time with that.
Oh interesting, yeah, I think. I mean in therapy, that's
what I'm learning is like I have lived in so
much not bad case necessarily, like just chaos in general
for so long, which I.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Love I actually like it to love. I know what
you mean.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
I thrive in chaos. Then everything's just moving, moving, moving.
It's hard to sit and stop and be like, uh.
Speaker 4 (19:15):
Oh, that is when it's not good for me, it's
not good for me.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
And also, I would imagine because you are such like
the orchestra conductor of Miley's life and making all the decisions,
like you have no problem being a sort of on
behalf of her totally, but when it comes to you,
it's a different situation.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
Completely different. And I don't know what, Wow, that was.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Well, I think that's true for a lot of women,
Like I think we are able to stand up for
each other or some sometimes more than we are, like
if it's our daughter or sister or mother, you know,
totally anybody. You can go to bat for someone else,
sometimes much more easily than we can defend or stand
up for ourselves, way easier.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
So I think that's common.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
Yeah. And I will say, and I do this on
my podcast where I'm like Brandy Zelwicks here we go
on the Domb Show. But I will say, I literally
I have actually never met someone like him, because I
like it is it's so crazy to me because it
has to be like conscious because it is very much
(20:22):
like he just tries to empower me so much, not
to only like like to be communicated communicative with him,
but like he's always like, you are so strong. Look
what you've done, Look what you've done this, you know,
and he's like, you've got to stand up for tish
like you know, he like really has in the last
few years, just really because I have struggled with the
(20:45):
anxiety thing so much. And let me tell you, like,
holy crap, like he has just been poor thing rock,
like a Reagan rock. And but the part of like
kind of teaching me to lean into my power and
what I've already accomplished because I actually didn't really even
see it because I was so in it has been amazing. Yeah, amazing.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Yeah that's beautiful. Yeah, I'm so happy for you. Yeah,
he like and he sounds so wonderful and lovely, Like
if all men could just be like that, then we
wouldn't have half the problems that we have, oh.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
For real, And like even the first year where my
anxiety was like completely out of control, like truly, he
did not leave us ode like, he did not work,
he did not he like really was just like I
cannot leave my off, like this is critical time, like
for me to like be there and get her through this.
And he really did and like he listen. I'm not
(21:40):
saying he's perfect, Like he loves to watch sports and
I want to watch There's these little things. But as
a man like you said, if every man was like that,
it would be a different world.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Yeah, if every man was encouraging time and to stand
up for themselves and to search their truth and to
set the time side for when someone needs you to
actually be available to them. I mean that's a luxury item. Also,
not everybody has the ability to do that financially, but
those aren't the only ways to show up. And it's
very nice to hear about men that are doing that.
Speaker 4 (22:15):
Totally speaking of men, at one point, I got to
tell you about my frand so I've been seeing on
your Instagram you helping men fund lives.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Well, I'm trying to help women find love. Oh, but
the men problem is there's like we need men, We
need straight men that are available and respectful and respectable.
Speaker 4 (22:36):
Yes, I was talking about gay men.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
Oh yeah, there's a lot of the gay men. But
also like that is not gay men.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Are fucking. They're already fucking. They're all fucking.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
So it's like the fact that they're like leaning on
me to meet so that they can fuck more.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
This is really for straight women, is who I.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
Was trying to okay, because I was thinking.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Go ahead, your friend is a game.
Speaker 4 (22:58):
Yes, and he definitely sent you something into the DM, okay,
But I was thinking, because he was telling me all
about it, I was thinking, this was mostly for gay man,
So you're helping women.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
I don't know where it got, probably because my audience
is probably mostly gay men and women, and there are
definitely not straight men hitting me up in the way
that they I'm asking them to.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
But yeah, I've got it.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Broaden my I have some opportunities have arrived that I'm like,
should I do something like this?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Because I really do.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
I think in times like that we're living in, I
just want everyone to be fucking and having a good
time totally. Everyone should at least be having sex with
someone that they are attracted totally at the very minimum,
you know.
Speaker 4 (23:38):
Agree, Oh yeah, I wish I knew good.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Good straight guys.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Well, if you do find any and you come across them,
send them my way, because I have so many women.
I have so many These women are in my dms, like,
please help us, help us. These dating apps are atrocious,
and I guess there's just a dish.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
The problem is, did you ever do the dating app?
I did not. You didn't get that far?
Speaker 4 (23:57):
No? Right, that has to be horrible.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
And I think that's also problematic because there's such abundance
on the dating apps, so you can just swipe through
people and you don't really take them seriously like you
would going on a date with someone. You're looking at
like fifty girls in a day, so how are you
going to focus on one? You're like looking for the
next best thing. So there's they need to re engineer
these dating apps. Anyway, more to come on that, more
(24:23):
to come. I'm going to stay focused on it.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
Okay, you should, it's honestly, it is so needed.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
How long after you started seeing dominic, did you guys
get married?
Speaker 4 (24:31):
We got married in a year and a half. Did
we we met in twenty God, I'm so bad. We
met in February of twenty two and we got married
in August of twenty thirty. Okay, so year and a half.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Okay, that's that's and how long has it been? Yeah,
just a two years.
Speaker 4 (24:48):
We've been married two years and we've been together over
four right four in February.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah, Well when I saw you, I went on your
podcast which is called Sorry We're Cyrus that you and
Brandy do together, which is great fun.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Have you had a good time doing the podcast?
Speaker 4 (25:04):
Love it more than anything? Oh?
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Really? What do you love about it?
Speaker 4 (25:07):
You know what? I honestly, this is something else I've
learned is like I really don't give myself props for
being good at anything. Like I'm like, what am I
good at? Like I've I was good at managing Molly
that went well, But like there are never really anything
that I think about that I love to do. And
(25:28):
I've found that with the podcast, Like I really do
love talking to people. It's my favorite thing, and I
love like instead of just like shooting the shit, like
I actually love kind of a deep conversation, and I
feel like I'm pretty good at it. Like I think
it's more it's not something like that I prepare for
(25:48):
for three days or like I kind of just go
into it as like I'm just shooting the shit with
a friend, and that even I have Landrion which I
had not seen leve Island at the time, and everybody afterwards,
everybody just freaked out on how great it was because
it wasn't about the show that it was about her.
(26:11):
And I think for me, it gave me this confidence
in doing the pod that I had never had and
because I really didn't know if I felt like I
was good at it, and I had all these people
like just really being like, we really didn't know a
Landry at all, and we felt like we got to
know her through you, and she was from the South,
which made it easy. And so I don't know, it
(26:31):
just is something that I've really like. I look forward
to it every time I get to do it.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Oh that's nice. I know. That's a nice surprise too.
Speaker 4 (26:39):
It's really an assaprise.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
It's just so nice the way this second act of
your life is working out for you.
Speaker 4 (26:45):
Well, let's hope, because that's another that's another one of
my mental problems. I'm like, oh my god, I'm old.
Oh my god, Like what if I don't get to
work anymore, Oh my gosh, what if no one wants
to come on the podcast? Oh my gosh, Like this
is what my brain does, and so and it's hard,
like I have five kids at home and now no
kids at home.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
You know, there's like a there's like a great solution
that I always do whenever I have like a negative
thought pattern or and it's from that book that I
always talk about called Letting Go by David Hawkings, which
is whenever you have a thought, there's always a direct
opposite thought, like when is someone gonna come on?
Speaker 2 (27:20):
What if no one wants to come on my podcast?
Speaker 1 (27:22):
The opposite thought is what if everyone wants to come
on my podcast?
Speaker 2 (27:26):
What if I don't have enough space for everybody?
Speaker 1 (27:28):
And if you just flip to the opposite, it works
if you keep doing it. And so if that's a
good little hack that I use when I'm like, even
if I'm not like if I have to go do
something that I don't want to do, I'm like, yeah,
you do you want to go? Look how excited, Look
how great it's gonna be when you get there. You're
gonna light up the whole place and everything's gonna be
so much fun and you're gonna have a good time.
And then by the time I get there, I'm in
a good mood about it.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Okay, So it's a good.
Speaker 4 (27:51):
Chock's going yeah, yeah, yeah, Jesus.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
You can remind her. Remind her she deals with me.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Most are we going to take some we're ready to take.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
We have live callers, Colin, and you're the only mother
in this room, so we might have to defer to
you on a couple of things.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
So, Sarah says, dear Chelsea. Hello, I'm a twenty year
old college student who would love advice on what to
look for in a partner. I have dated in the past,
and I'm drawn to boys who need me to fix them,
and I'm quite frankly over it. What green flags are
there to look for when it comes to men? And
should I start dating older men? If anything?
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Kindly, Sarah, so, a pretty general question, Yeah, pretty broad question.
I don't think you should limit to anyone who you're dating.
I think you should have like a good practice for
dating is just being as open as possible, not gearing
it towards young men or older men, or black guys
or white guys.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Well, I mean, I take that back.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
I prefer black guys quite frankly, but I think it's
just good to practice dating as in general and avoiding
the patterns that you've created like, when you notice a
pattern in your behavior, then just stop doing that. If
you're gonna avoid anyone, it's anyone who needs fixing and
green flags. If you're dealing with people that need to
be fixed, A green flag is somebody who has their
(29:09):
shit together, somebody who has a job, who is you know,
showing initiative and being assertive about you and spending time
with you and going out with you, not you being
a mom Like that's not sexy for anyone in a
romantic dynamic.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Nobody wants to feel like a mother.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
I don't want to be telling you what to do
or so I think all you have to do for
me is avoid that feeling. As soon as you feel
like you're parenting or your mommy ing, then you want
to just exit out of that, and that's your red flag,
And then you're gonna notice what the green flags are.
As soon as you say no to the red flags,
(29:46):
you're gonna notice the things that you're welcoming. But as
soon as you feel that feeling, and I know exactly
what you're talking about, I don't like it either. I'm
not attracted when I have to be like a mommy.
I don't want to be your mommy, Tish, what do
you think.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
I'm definitely gill of that, of being okay with that.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
Being a mother to an in a relationship.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
Yes, and that is one thing. Another thing that I've
definitely learned is that I do not need to be.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
That right and how like freeing that is exactly it's
also freeing.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
What's freeing is also to be taken care of by someone,
when someone cares for you and is looking after you
and doing nice things that you didn't ask them to do,
and then that whole dynamic shifts and you realize what's
on the other side of it totally, which is much
sexier than being with someone who you.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
Have to direct.
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Yep. What do you think about the dating an older
man part of it?
Speaker 1 (30:38):
I mean, yeah, you could date an older man, but
like those guys can be messes too, totally. Just because
they're older doesn't mean they have more of their shit together.
It may seem like they have their shit together because
they have more experience, but they can have their own
set of problems. So I don't think you need to
focus on an age. I think you need to focus
on the way you feel when you're.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Out with a man and totally.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
When you're in a relationship with a man, you're feeling like,
even from what Tish you've talked about just today, the
feeling that you had from your previous relationship moving into
this is like you've been reborn, basically.
Speaker 4 (31:08):
Yeah, and it's it was nas because I took care
of everybody for so long, like truly just took care
of everything and everyone, And to now feel like someone's
taking care of me and every aspect of my life
is incredible.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
I love it.
Speaker 4 (31:25):
Yeah. So Katie is thirty seven.
Speaker 3 (31:28):
She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm in my late thirties, married
and have three young kids, ages one, three, and five.
My mom, who's in her seventies, also has her own
space in our basement. We moved to a new state
three years ago when I was pregnant with my second
I work full time and my husband works in television,
so his schedule is very unpredictable, often nights and weekends
when he's home, we divide and conquer well, but I'm
(31:50):
also frequently solo parenting. My mom has mobility issues and
some brain fog, so I also find myself caring.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
For her in many ways.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
Between solo parenting full time time work and caregiving. I've
reached the part where every professional says you need self care,
and I want to ask when and how exactly. I've
tried making mom friends, but it mostly feels like monitoring
kids near each other rather than forming any real connections.
I'd love any advice you have for the stage of life,
especially how to take care of yourself when there's truly
(32:19):
no margin. Thanks for making me laugh when I'm exhausted, Katie.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
Hi, Katie, this is our special guest. Titsh Cyrus is here.
Speaker 4 (32:26):
Hi Katie, Hi, Nice to meet you.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
She knows a lot about what you're talking about. Do
you want to go first? Tish about self.
Speaker 4 (32:33):
Care totally, which I never did, and I actually would
say make that a priority now because I actually did not,
and it is exhausting. I also like I was raising
five kids in a crazy, crazy world. You know, my
husband at the time was also working, and I was
(32:55):
doing most of it alone. My mom also lived with us,
and so you know, she helped me, but I also
cared for her as well, and really there was like,
in my mind, there was really no time for me,
and I wish so bad that I had made Tom,
especially I love what you just said about like you
even feel like with the friends that you make it's
(33:17):
more just like kids play dates and you know, things
like that. Because now it's it's crazy because I really
I'm feeling lame at this moment in my life because
I literally will meet someone out and I'm like, I
really need friends, Like can we like do something Like
I'm literally trying to make friends now at fifty eight,
And I wish so bad that at the time that
(33:40):
you're in in your life that I would have taken
time to do self care and to build a friend
group that was there to support me, not just support
like the play dates. So I think for you, I
know how hard that is because when you have that
many kids and you're caring for your parent and you're
doing most of it alone, it's hard to find the time.
But I do think it's so important, even if it's
(34:03):
just getting some time when your husband is around and
able to help, like to read a book or take
a bath, or you know, go be with a friend
for an hour.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Yeah, and get out of the house away from the
kids for an hour. Do you have that ability to
leave the house for like an hour a day?
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Is that a possibility for you.
Speaker 5 (34:22):
It is on the days that my husband is home, right,
So like if we can make our schedules kind of
line up, then yeah, I can do that.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
Well, that could be one of the first points that
you make is whenever he is home, you have an
hour and what you decide to do with that is
up to you, like you take I mean not just
an hour, it can be as long as you trust
him with the children. I guess the better way to say,
but like hit up one of these women to go
for a walk without the kids and see if you
have anything going on between you two. Then you know,
(34:50):
I know, it's easier to do stuff with the kids
when they're that age and you kind of have to.
But also find out if you have anything in common
with these women outside of the children, and if you do, great,
and if you don't great, then you know that then
you know they're just like your kid's parent friends and
you can do stuff together. Then you can even take
the one year old or the three year old or
I guess the one year old on a walk with you.
(35:11):
But like, just to separate yourself from like all of
your duties as a mother, I think geographically is important.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
Like to get out of the house, to go out to.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Dinner, you know, with a group of women, or one
or two women at the very minimum, just to be
away from all of the stuff that you're dealing with
because you need to recharge your batteries. So self care
doesn't have to be like you're meditating every day. You know,
that can be great for certain people, but if it
doesn't have to be like a prescription, it can be
whatever makes you feel good in the moment. And I know,
(35:41):
exercising and moving your body and getting out of a
house when.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
You're a mother are two really important ingredients.
Speaker 6 (35:47):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that those are the things
I missed the most, honestly, is you know, being able
to move around and not have you know, a child
trying to jump on top of me at the same time.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Rightally, right.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
And also something to remember is so like make that
agreement and even if you're going for a walk alone,
that's fucking great, like better to be like I would
prefer to go for a walk alone. I'm not into
walking with people. I don't understand what that even means.
I found out about that during COVID because everyone wanted
to go for a fucking walk. I'm like, I don't
want to go for a walk with someone, Like I
want to listen to a podcast or listen to music
(36:20):
and do my own thing, but I like people for
other things.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Not that so.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
But even if it's just you saying that to your
husband on the days that you can when he is home,
just start the practice of asking for a time and
a little space that's reasonable. And also remember this is temporary.
You're not gonna have a one three to five year
old for the rest of your life. So the better
you have, like the better ability you have to recharge
(36:45):
your batteries to be present for all of it and
all of the chaos, the better you're gonna feel you're
the better you're going to show up as a mom
when you are tired, the better you're going to show
up as a partner, and the better memories you're gonna
have in six months and three years and six years.
Speaker 4 (37:00):
And it goes fast, because I remember just praying, oh
my gosh, when are they going to be eighteen? Like
I like, when is this gonna be over? Right after
the number five? And now I'll look back and think,
oh my god, it went so fast, like it really does.
Even though I can feel your vibe in front in
this moment, it doesn't feel that way, but she's right, like,
(37:22):
it won't be this chaotic forever.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
You know, what you should do is pick up a book.
I just read this book. It's a great book. It's
called The Correspondent. Pick that up and make that your
first gift to yourself. Get that book, start reading it.
It's a real easy read. It's really good. You're gonna
like it. Every woman will like this book. And just
give that as a gift to yourself. And when your
husband's around, just say I need.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
An hour alone.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
I'm gonna go to the park and read the book,
or you're gonna go to your room wherever you want
to go. I would say, get out of the house
and just go find somewhere to read a book for
an hour. And that gift alone that you give yourself
will start leading to new ways and new ideas for
you to kind of pour more water in your cup.
Speaker 5 (38:05):
Okay, yeah, that's a great idea. I feel like, you know,
sometimes you get kind of guilty being like, oh, I
shouldn't want to, you know, spend time away from my
kids when I don't have as much time with them
because they're in daycare if I'm working and stuff like that.
But I do think that it'll help me bond with
them better when we are together if I do have
a little more time for myself.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
Yeah, And there's also something about like filling up your
brain with different information than the information you're circulating and
recirculating all day with your kids, because it's a lot
of the same shit all the time. So it's like
you can go have a break, read a book, fill
your brain up with someone else's story and someone else's
life that's thought provoking, that gets you out of your head,
and that's like building your kind of you know, brain
(38:48):
power chemistry.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
Your neurotransmitters are like it's all good for you.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
So like make sure like make that your first thing,
and then if you love that, then get another book
and make sure you're asking for the time that you
need because no one's going to give you anything that
you don't ask for totally, you know, So you really
have to advocate for yourself. Act like you're in a
mental hospital and you're your advocate.
Speaker 5 (39:10):
It feels like that sometimes, So I think I can
do that, yes.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
Yeah, And I mean your husband, is he a reasonable guy, like,
will he get this and understand it?
Speaker 4 (39:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (39:19):
I think so.
Speaker 5 (39:19):
He tries to help out when he's around. It's just
the you know, the kids are usually like mommy, mommy, mommy. Yeah,
you know, I think maybe getting away, like if I'm
not physically there, it might be easier for him too,
because they're not always trying.
Speaker 2 (39:32):
To go for me, yes, exactly.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
And that will help their bond too, because then they'll
spend more time with their father and then they'll start
to lean on him in a more equal way. So
it's like going to work for everyone. It's just like, aa,
it works if you work it totally.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
All right, thanks, Yeah, I think that's good advice. Okay,
all right, we'll hit us back.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
Let us know. Yeah you like the book, and then
we'll give you books to read if you need more
books to read.
Speaker 4 (39:56):
Yeah, for sure I would love that. Oh yeah, that's
a great, awesome Okay, all.
Speaker 3 (40:01):
Right, thanks so much, Katie, Katie, thank you, bye bye.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
Whenever I hear you know, i was watching someone at
the airport and they had four kids traveling, and I'm
just like, oh my god, fucking four strollers and.
Speaker 4 (40:13):
Four much but that is way too much.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
But also it's just like, tell me if I'm wrong
about this. I feel like, once you have two, you
may as well have five? Or is it once you
have three you may as well have you have three?
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Three? Yeah? Because three two to three is a big.
Speaker 3 (40:28):
My mom always says like after three, it's like basically
more of the same we were four.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
Yeah, totally yeah, and then they can help occupy each
other and start playing with each other. But getting out
of a one year old, like that's the youngest, that
is very hard.
Speaker 4 (40:40):
It is hard. She's got them independent, she's definitely got
her hands full.
Speaker 3 (40:49):
So Elizabeth says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing to you today
for advice on how to shrug off a man who
isn't worth it when he's stuck in your life indefinitely.
I was married for over ten years until I found
out he'd been having a series of affairs and cheating
for half that time. Ultimately, he wouldn't change his behavior,
so I left. Here's where it gets complicated. We have
a small child together. We have shared custody and our
(41:10):
cool parenting, and we're both determined not to fuck up
our kid with our issues, so we don't let that
drama get in the way. We actually co parent quite well.
We communicate, we can trade days or cover each other
when we need to. We can each attend school extracurricular
events and be around each other for the sake of
our kid. What I need advice on is how to
get my heart out of the way. We've been divorced
for a year now. I threw myself into healing and
(41:30):
moving on. I've done all the things, therapy, new hobbies, travel,
I've dated, had casual hookups, and I put myself out there.
Speaker 4 (41:37):
But damn if my heart isn't still broken.
Speaker 3 (41:39):
Every time I have to talk to my ex and
see him, he still has the parts of him I
fell in love with all those years ago. I just
get this sense of loss and longing for what I
thought I had. What do I do or can't just
stop seeing him or speaking to him, Like any other
breakup where you can get a clean break, He'll be
around for my son's entire life. Any advice on how
to take the emotional sting out of this and stop
nurturing a broken heart for this guy who doesn't deserve it.
(42:01):
My brain says, screw that guy, but my heart doesn't
know what to do with the love I had for
him for a decade. Elizabeth, I know, I know.
Speaker 4 (42:09):
This is a tough one.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
Well what do you think, I mean, you have experience
with this.
Speaker 4 (42:13):
I think it's so. I think there was one thing
that she said in there that someone kept saying to me,
and it was if you can like because she said,
it's like what I picture that we could have had,
Like what it could be? What it that is? The
thing is like for me, it was really being having
(42:34):
to like really make my brain focus on how things
had gotten, how things were, instead of how they should
be or could be. And I don't know that it
actually because when you have kids with someone, I mean,
it makes it so much harder. And especially my kids
are all older, so there was none of the going
(42:54):
back and forth or having to communicate, which I'm sure
is so hard. I mean, I don't know how you
take the emotion out of it or how you change
how you feel, but I think you can look at
things in that way of like, you know, how it
could have been if only this, but you know those
kind of fantasy, you know, and the fantasy when what
(43:17):
is your reality and what reality? That was the hardest
part for me.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
And also you have to move into acceptance totally. You
have to accept that the relationship is over. Yeah, and
there's a new book that everyone's talking about Strangers, which
is that woman wrote about this very thing, her husband
cheating on her, the dissolution of their marriage, all of it,
and how she had to basically reconcile because people automatically
(43:43):
assume that when a partner cheats, you fall out of
love with them.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
She said that, and she's like, I didn't.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
I still loved him and I had to deal with
a You have to accept the situation at face value.
Speaker 2 (43:55):
There is no more relationship. It's over. So what you
thought was going to be there is not there. But
what's ahead could be even more beautiful than what you had.
So it's really important.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
I mean, we're sitting here with like a perfect living
example with Tish about how wonderful her life has become
in this second chapter that she didn't want or expect
or was planning for, you know, not at all, and
look how happy she is and vibrant like you have
to be. You have to accept the situation for what
it is because before that happens, until that happens, you're
(44:27):
not going to be shown what else is possible in
your life.
Speaker 3 (44:30):
Right, And I think like in Elizabeth's situation, like the
idea of happily ever after with this person wasn't even
the reality when she was with this person. That's the key, right,
It was like there was all this drama and all
this turmoil, so like the idea of what it would
have been would have been.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
More of that in reality exactly.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
Yeah, And getting stuck in this kind of romantic idealization
and kind of fantasy is just I think a sign
of you really needing to get grounded and getting g
in the reality of your situation and moving forward, because
really anything is possible in your life. Anything is as
(45:07):
soon as you cut these heart strings, you know, and
just start to look at him for what he is,
which is your children's father, and that's it.
Speaker 4 (45:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (45:14):
Yeah, And I think once she does meet someone that
she actually does care about, it's going to start to undo.
Speaker 4 (45:19):
A lot of that, you know. I think it undoes that.
And also I think her child is maybe younger too,
and then the relationship you can have with his father
or your ex like will be so much better and
clearer in what that actually is. And everybody, it's so
hard to believe when you're in it that things can
(45:42):
get better, that there is someone else for you out there.
But yeah, I think when you kind of, just like
you said, get grounded in reality of what is is
when you actually can move forward and bring great things
into your life. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
Yeah, so good luck to you. Let's keep us posted. Also,
we always like to hear feedback, and Tish, are you
going to you're writing a book? Have you started writing
your book?
Speaker 4 (46:09):
I was saying, I need to do mine will need
to be a trilogy because there is so much, like
so much, but I do need to do that.
Speaker 2 (46:17):
Yeah, but you need to enjoy yourself totally, like I
am all for.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
You just having a great old time me too, and
just fucking kicking back and doing whatever the fuck you
feel like.
Speaker 4 (46:28):
I know, I've got to figure out what that is.
I'm on it. I'm on it.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
We'll start just by having sex with Domino. It's not
that you haven't started that, but just continue because I
think that's Yeah, that part is.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
Thank you Tish for being with us, Thanks for having
me having Yes check out Sorry We're Cyrus.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
Right, Yes, check out Sorry We're Cyrus. That is a
podcast with Tish and Brandy, her daughter Brandy that I
have been on as well and had a great time
talking to you girls.
Speaker 4 (46:53):
Yeah, it's so fun and like I said, it's my
favorite thing. So help me.
Speaker 2 (46:59):
If you do.
Speaker 3 (47:00):
You want advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea podcast
at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia.
Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler, and find
Katherine on TikTok at flash Cadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Katherine Law. Find
full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix, and get
(47:21):
tickets to see Chelsea live at Chelseahandler dot com
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