Retirement? with Anna Faris

Anna Faris joins Chelsea to talk about processing the loss of her home in the fires last year, parenting when your kid wants to convert you, and why she left her mega-popular podcast.  Then: A happily married man realizes he and his husband never leave the house. And a mom of two struggles when she moves in with her MIL.  

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay, guys, here are my dates for the High and
Mighty Tour.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
And September I will be in Santa Barbara, San Diego,
New York City, Philly and New Haven, Connecticut. October is Atlanta, Baltimore, Saginaw, Michigan, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Boise, Idaho,
and Spokane.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
And then in November I'll be in San Francisco.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
I'm coming to Salt Lake City, Austin, Houston, Dallas Babies,
I'll be there. And then in December I am closing
out my tour in Denver and Vancouver. So get your
tickets at Chelseahandler dot com for the High and Mighty Tour.
Hi Catherine, Chelsea, Hello, Hello Chelsea, Hello Catherine, Chelsea and Catherine.

(00:42):
I woke up and saw that Hayden Panitier passed away
and I was, oh, I had her book in my
suitcase because we were supposed to interview her like when
I came back from my vacation.

Speaker 3 (00:53):
Yeah and.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
Yeah, and so that's really really fucking said to see.

Speaker 4 (01:00):
I know, it's really sad, and it's just the fact
that she was only thirty six and she'd already like
accomplished so much in her life.

Speaker 1 (01:09):
It really stuck out to me.

Speaker 4 (01:11):
I'm like, oh my gosh, she had two huge shows,
she did all these movies and stuff, and like she
was only thirty six.

Speaker 1 (01:18):
But also it's like, you know, she did this whole
press tour for.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
The book coming out, right, we were going to do
something with her down the road, like so we can
talk about the response everybody had to the book and
how that impacted her.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
But like, you know, you go through all this shit,
you kind of feel.

Speaker 2 (01:32):
Like people solve their problems or when they're talking about
it somehow there's like this magic potion, and like that's
just not the way it is. It's like people's problems
aren't solved just because they're doing a press tour about
a book that they wrote about the problems. That doesn't
mean right they're good. They could be, you know, in
many cases they are, but in many cases they're not.
Like she just seemed even when she was doing her

(01:54):
press something that didn't seem right, you know, Like I know,
and it's just like it's just and she's got a kid,
and like like just it just makes me so angry.
And I know it's not just this town and this industry,
but it makes me so mad that these people don't
have the support that they need. That when a woman
who has postpartum like you know it asks for help,

(02:16):
you know, unless you have real people in your life
that really care about you know.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
I'm not saying she didn't. Of course she did it.
I'm sure she did. I'm sure she is family.

Speaker 2 (02:22):
But it's like you really have to keep an eye
on people when they say they have they have they
need help and write someone asks for help. Don't leave
them like until they tell you they're okay, and you
know and you know that they're okay, because clearly she wasn't.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
And I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
I guess we'll find out what happened, but you know,
I guess I can also connect the dots.

Speaker 1 (02:44):
Yeah, I know.

Speaker 5 (02:45):
It's just it's just so sad.

Speaker 4 (02:46):
And you're right, it's like, if you're concerned about a friend,
like keep after them.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
Absolutely.

Speaker 4 (02:51):
I think people like don't reach out for help a
lot of times until like things are really really serious
and they are reaching out for help, Like you got
to gotta stick with them.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
Yeah, And also people can overcome bad stuff, like I
have a lot of friends in my life that have
been through myself included that I've been through rough times
and like we've come out of it, and like I've
come out of it because of people, because of therapy,
because of talking to people, and also just showing up
for your friends is a major deal. And like sometimes
you think about people who are going through something hard

(03:24):
as like oh they're annoying or it's a pain, and
they ask to deal with them, and it's like no, no, no, no,
that person is suffering, So like go in and double down,
don't back off because they're a burden. You've got to
go in and try to help. And like, I know,
not everybody. Yeah, so that's how I feel about absolutely mad.

Speaker 4 (03:46):
Yeah, and I am sure she had family and friends
that loved her and did everything they could. But this
is just a reminder if you're in this situation to
do everything you can for your friend.

Speaker 5 (03:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (03:57):
Well, transitioning to a lighter topic as we go into
our interview today, you are somewhere lovely right now.

Speaker 2 (04:07):
Yeam, I'm in my my Spanish, my I'm practiced es
I practicando me Espanol, nuevo l Espanol, K sabia or
k appendia. Joe Juso USO. I just came back from

(04:30):
a big bicycle ride and I'm pretty sure I have
heat strokes, so I'm a little.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
Not on it. I'm like, I need a frozen Dakari
stat Yes, absolutely. Have you been in the ocean yet?

Speaker 2 (04:42):
No, I have not yet been in the ocean. I've
been in everything else about the ocean, so that's calling me.

Speaker 1 (04:48):
No, it's like so nice and juicy out there. You've
got this nice, big bay and it's beautiful.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
I know.

Speaker 1 (04:54):
Excuse me.

Speaker 2 (04:55):
I just can't stop sleeping. I just want to sleep
and sleep and sleep.

Speaker 4 (04:59):
Yeah, you go into recovery mode. But who do you
edit You're there for a couple of weeks. Who all
do you have coming to visit?

Speaker 2 (05:04):
Anybody?

Speaker 6 (05:05):
Fun?

Speaker 1 (05:05):
Oh? Lots of different people. Yeah, well, lots of different people.
But I don't want to draw too much attention.

Speaker 2 (05:10):
To the fact that I'm here, because when I pulled
up yesterday, there were three girls outside my house taking
photos of it, so I think, really.

Speaker 1 (05:16):
Which I love, But you know, I'm also like wait
what They're like, oh my god, you're here, we do
this is your house?

Speaker 2 (05:22):
And I'm like, oh no, And then I'm like, oh,
my girls, but you know like you know.

Speaker 1 (05:27):
Know, the Americans have discovered New York more because of me,
my problem.

Speaker 2 (05:32):
More Americans in my marga this year than ever before.
I'm gonna have to find another place to go hide
my stop talking about it.

Speaker 1 (05:43):
I can't shut the fuck up even when I want to.

Speaker 2 (05:45):
Okay, So this week we oh, you know I saw
Damon Wayne's last week that this is really absolutely at
the comedy store. I was doing sets last week in
Los Angeles. My next stand up date is Santa Barbara
September eighteenth, and then San Diego September nineteenth, and then
I'm coming to phill and Pittsburgh and all the fun places.
But anyway, Doaminika's with me here in Spain also, so
that's fun. She's ever been for her and her eyes

(06:09):
are blah blah blah bulging. I keep taking videos of
her taking in all the scenery. It's pretty cute. Our
guest this week is in a in Scary Movie six
six se Scary Movie face created by Damon Wayne's and
Wayne's brothers.

Speaker 1 (06:24):
That's why I brought Damon up. It was so fun
to see him the other night. And you know her.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
From mom oh, and she's in that new movie with
Michelle Biteu and Isla and Leslie Mann SPA Weekend, SPA Weekend,
Please welcome, Anna Faris. One of the joys of being
an adult for me personally is being able to light
a joint in my own house, or if one of
my friends is having a cigarette that they're allowed to

(06:48):
smoke it inside my house, obviously with the doors open,
because I don't want my house smelling like cigarettes, but
I do want my house smelling like marijuana, and so
when that is something that is nice to be able
to bring a cocktail up to your bedroom for me,
I like all of that freedom, Like I like to
exercise my right to party as an adult, single.

Speaker 1 (07:10):
Woman with no parents living with me.

Speaker 5 (07:12):
What are the other gifts of aging, Chelsea.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
I think wisdom and confidence. It gets more and more,
you get more and more. You have more wisdom because
you have more experience to draw from.

Speaker 1 (07:23):
I love those glasses you do. Are they new? No?

Speaker 5 (07:27):
No, they are not new. They're actually one of the
very few things that I took with me right before
a house.

Speaker 1 (07:35):
Burned down in the Palisades.

Speaker 5 (07:37):
Yeah, oh god, I was really. I was a very
I was very poor at evacuating, like I did not
do a great job.

Speaker 2 (07:44):
Well it's kind of yeah, something that not many people
are prepared to do.

Speaker 1 (07:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (07:49):
Yeah, anyway, so thank you for they are I treat
them like shit for them being one of the few things,
one of the few relics.

Speaker 1 (07:57):
Yeah, you've got to take good care of them.

Speaker 5 (07:59):
I know.

Speaker 1 (08:00):
So where did you go when you let I'm so
sorry about your house?

Speaker 3 (08:02):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (08:03):
Thanks? We went to my in laws down who lived
down in Palace Verides. You know the idea I think of.
I really leaned into gratitude in an obnoxious way. I
think after it felt like there's two roads you can take.

(08:23):
Your hand is forced when your your houseprints down, in
the sense of, like you, you can lean into like
the bitterness and divorce and anger, or you can be like, fuck, okay,
I appreciate this, this pair of scissors, I appreciate like,

(08:47):
you know, I think.

Speaker 1 (08:48):
What you're saying is really beautiful.

Speaker 2 (08:51):
I think in times like when you are at your lowest,
that if you can be grateful for the most mundane
things or the minutia in life, just be grateful that
you're safe even though your house is gone. I mean,
I've never had a house burned down so I don't
even want to pretend like I know how devastating that
must be. But I can understand really digging in your

(09:11):
darkest hour for some sort of light making a lot
of sense.

Speaker 5 (09:16):
It's not like a grief like the loss of a
pet or the loss of a close one or something.
It's not a death. It's more like a million different winces.
Like you WinCE. You spend like the first six months
remembering that thing that you had, and that happens like

(09:38):
a thousand times a day, so much so, and you
can't bring it up all the time. It's obnoxious, I suppose,
but there's nothing to be done. So I was at
a point in my life when I was kind of
feeling that la that my career was like. I was
kind of being put out to pasture a little bit.

Speaker 3 (10:01):
You know.

Speaker 5 (10:01):
I didn't know what my ambition this is before the
house burnt down, Like I didn't know I'd worked on
mom for seven seasons. I didn't know where I stood,
what opportunity there was, and I didn't know. I think
when I was younger, it felt my ambition would kick
in my survival instincts. So that and the house money

(10:25):
was born of that I was at a point around
age forty seven, forty six, forty seven, forty eight where
I was disturbed by my lack of ambition. I was,
in hindsight, I think, pretty depressed, like premenopausal depression without

(10:45):
recognizing it. And I was just having a distant relationship
with this city and my career and wondering if I
had enough money to retire.

Speaker 1 (10:58):
Oh wow, you know.

Speaker 2 (11:00):
Yeah, No, I think that's not an unnatural or uncommon feeling.
Like I think a lot of people in this industry,
myself included, and have had periods of time where you
thought like it should I just get out of here?

Speaker 5 (11:13):
Yeah, So I'm kind of going through this stuff. The
houseprints down, and I had had the gig. I had
already been cast in the role of Sophie in SPA Weekend,
so I knew I was lucky enough to know that
that was going to be happening when the house burnt down,
like three weeks later. So we stayed with my in

(11:34):
laws and then left for Australia where we shot the movie.
And it was incredible. It was incredible to have that job.
I still it didn't make me feel like I was
having a career resurgence. Necessarily it felt like a great gig,
but it didn't. I just didn't. You know, I'm always
hedging my bets, although you wouldn't always know it by

(11:56):
the way I behave. But so I'm there in Australia
on the Goal Coast with three incredible women making this
really fun, hysterical movie. It was so good for me.
It was such a beautiful place to be, and we
had this lovely apartment. It turns out there was like

(12:17):
a bunch of productions happening. This isn't all that interesting anyway.

Speaker 2 (12:21):
But movie stars Michelle Buteau, Leslie Mann and Isla Fisher,
and you and me, the four of you on a
spa weekend with one very chaotic friend.

Speaker 1 (12:30):
We don't know who the chaotic friend is?

Speaker 5 (12:32):
Yes, should I tell you?

Speaker 1 (12:34):
Sure?

Speaker 2 (12:34):
Isla, Isla, Isla.

Speaker 5 (12:36):
Is the chaotic friend is so brilliant. All of the
women are brilliant, and I truly it was so incredible
to be shooting on the beach, you know, with like
the beautiful Australian weather, like to be so far away

(12:57):
from the chaos. The red tape of back Home, the
decision making of the immediate decision making of what happens
when you lose your home. So I was in this
kind of surreal, blissful state getting to make this movie
with these with these three incredible women, still feeling kind

(13:18):
of like the town this is still part of a
slow retirement idea. Then Marlon Wayans called and he said,
we got our franchise back. Would you be a part
of scary movie? And it felt I suddenly I had
this rush of like, what if my destiny hasn't quite

(13:40):
forged itself in slow aging actress retirement?

Speaker 1 (13:45):
What if you haven't seen the best of it?

Speaker 5 (13:48):
Yeah right, yeah, Yeah. It was a very wonderful and
heady year for me.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
Wow, yeah it was.

Speaker 2 (13:58):
I like that line of thinking because I think that's
a great way to look at everything. Like when you
hear women and especially in this business, talking about getting older,
it's like, oh, there's like, you know, there's this kind
of idea of an expiration date once you hit forty
and then you see women, but it's things are different now,
like once you hit forty, you're no longer relevant. Well
while I'm fifty one, how old are you now? Forty nine? Okay,

(14:21):
Like you actually can have all of these things happen
to you at a later date. You can actually have
the biggest peak of your career at a later date.

Speaker 5 (14:33):
I love it.

Speaker 1 (14:34):
Yeah, So just because.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
It hasn't happened in the timeframe you thought it was
going to happen doesn't mean it's not going to happen.

Speaker 5 (14:41):
I feel more confident in what.

Speaker 7 (14:43):
I have to offer right, yes, which might not be
I don't know for a wide audience, but I feel
a more solid in my own ability.

Speaker 5 (14:59):
I wish I kind of realized that earlier.

Speaker 2 (15:01):
Yeah, I think that's a that's a coming of age
moment too. Everyone always keeps asking me, like, what it's
like to be fifty, what's the difference, And it's like,
that is the difference, the confidence in your own capability
and the no like if you're hired to do something,
you're gonna go nail it and hit it out of
the park, like that's what you do, and you have
done enough times, yeah, to have enough proof that that's

(15:24):
what the formula is.

Speaker 5 (15:26):
Making Scary Movie and being a part of that whole
thing has been such a bow tie on, like a
triumph of that chapter in my life mentally, because when
I got cast in Scary Movie, It was my first

(15:46):
audition in LA. I'd never done anything comedic. I wasn't
expecting to be successful in LA. I decided to move
here because I fell in love, developed a huge cry
or whatever that was on a dude, and wanted to
dip my toe in. And I got cast immediately in

(16:11):
a comedy, which was something I had never done. I
thought I was going to get fired. I remember being
so anxious, so nervous, and not having any idea of
what every moment meant for my future, Like how defining
is this going to be? What does this? I didn't know,
And I spent I think the first five years in

(16:33):
LA feeling that way that, well, this isn't my place.
I'm not a comedian, and I think I'm supposed to
have like I felt like the best I could hope
for was maybe like I would play the neighbor on
some mediocre show, or like I didn't I did not
have stars in my eyes.

Speaker 2 (16:54):
But did you think you were going to be an
actor or did you just do that only because you
were following this guy to La?

Speaker 1 (16:59):
Yeah? Oh really?

Speaker 6 (17:00):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (17:00):
And what's he doing these days?

Speaker 5 (17:02):
We divorced. He was my first that was.

Speaker 2 (17:04):
Your first husband? Okay, And was he an actor? Yeah, okay,
is he still an actor?

Speaker 5 (17:08):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (17:09):
Okay, probably not.

Speaker 5 (17:12):
Yeah, you don't even know if I would recognize him.
Do you have an ex like that that.

Speaker 2 (17:16):
You're probably I mean an ex. I have many people
in my life that I wouldn't recognize.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
After. I agree with you, But.

Speaker 5 (17:26):
I think we're strange in that way, are we?

Speaker 1 (17:28):
I don't think so? Okay, I don't think so.

Speaker 2 (17:31):
I mean not related, not related to like drinking or partying,
just related to like, there's been so many people in
my life.

Speaker 1 (17:39):
But if you were married to him, that's a little different.

Speaker 5 (17:42):
I know that's true.

Speaker 1 (17:43):
So you probably would recognize him, I think.

Speaker 2 (17:44):
I mean, if you were married to somebody and didn't
recognize him, that's a great plot for a movie.

Speaker 5 (17:49):
Yeah, yes, that's true. That is like, you know you're
a narcissis.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
I just realized I didn't realize that you had been married.
So you've been married three times? Yeah, so the third
time is a charm?

Speaker 2 (18:00):
Yes, right, because you guys have been married for what
thirteen years?

Speaker 5 (18:04):
No, we've been married for we got married in twenty
twenty one.

Speaker 1 (18:09):
Twenty twenty one, No, not thirteen years.

Speaker 5 (18:11):
No, not thirteen years. We've been together for ten almost
ten years. Yes, I think I needed to as lame
as it sounds, I needed to understand how I wanted
to be loved, how I received love. I don't think
I did that very well.

Speaker 1 (18:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:30):
I think that's not uncommon either. I think we all.
I mean, what was your childhood like? Like, did you
have a good time as a kid?

Speaker 5 (18:39):
Were you happy? Say that?

Speaker 3 (18:41):
No?

Speaker 2 (18:41):
Yeah, I guess it's pretty uncommon. I mean I had
a very traumatizing childhood, but it was also very happy,
Like there was a lot of laughter and a lot
of joy, and a lot of high heightened emotions, I
should say, in every aspect. So while there was like
bad times and neglect, there was also lots of joy.
And so it's kind of like, I don't know, I

(19:02):
don't I wonder is that how you feel about your childhood?
Do you look at it like that, like it's a
mixed bag, or do you look at it as like
a whole?

Speaker 5 (19:09):
Yeah? Yeah, But I also think I was defined by
a few things. Having a big older brother. I know,
you and I have little sister. Whatever that is in us,
it's like the shin kicking. Yeah, the shin kickers, well, like.

Speaker 1 (19:25):
We can take a beating. Yeah, yeah, kind.

Speaker 5 (19:27):
Of yeah, Yeah, It's definitely made. It's defined elements of
my personality in terms of like self sufficiency.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
I think you do you think you're yeah, like or tough?
Do you think you're tough because of that?

Speaker 5 (19:40):
Yeah? I think yeah, I think.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
Do you have thick skin because of that?

Speaker 5 (19:44):
I wouldn't say I have thicked skin, but I would
say that you could push me around and I'll take it. Yeah,
I'm easily push aroundable. U. I choose my battles, for sure.

Speaker 2 (20:09):
So you have discernment about choosing your battles.

Speaker 5 (20:13):
Yeah, And I don't always take the bait. And I
think sometimes that gets perceived as being kind of a
push over a week, which yeah, could be that as well. Okay,
But I do think that.

Speaker 2 (20:25):
Like, if someone treats you poorly, like a director, or
someone treats you poorly, are you able to defend yourself
in that moment or stand up for yourself barely?

Speaker 1 (20:33):
Barely?

Speaker 5 (20:34):
I think that when I, like, the early two thousands
was a pretty intense time. I mean I didn't know it.
I didn't know anything other than my experience because I
had I didn't know anybody in the industry, so I
had no I hadn't even been on like a large

(20:54):
set like I really was. Every moment was pretty new
to me.

Speaker 1 (21:00):
So when.

Speaker 5 (21:02):
Looking back, I do think that the scary movie and
doing the comedies that I did it during that time
it was tough. I don't know what the dramatic side
was like, but I do think it was surprising to
me that the comedic sets that I was on seemed

(21:23):
to be filled with misery and anger. You know that
the comedic world was a place of how would you
possibly know if anything was funny? If everyone is just
pissed off? Right an ego driven and like.

Speaker 1 (21:40):
Yeah, that is pretty ironic.

Speaker 5 (21:43):
So I came up with this idea of my position
in a movie was like the bounce card, Like I
was like making a dude look funnier or I wasn't
quite sure and I didn't ever feel hot enough to
be that girl.

Speaker 1 (22:02):
Really yeah, what about a house bunny?

Speaker 5 (22:05):
I was starting to that. I mean, that was different
because that was that was actually very empowering and for
a multitude of reasons. I the writers of Legally Blond,
Karen and Kiwi, asked if they could meet with me.
So we had coffee and they said, do you have
any characters you're interested in playing? And at the time,
I'd been watching Girls next Door, and I thought, what

(22:28):
happens to like the lower echelon playboy bunny who she's
not a girlfriend, She's not that you know, She's just
like there in the bunk house or whatever. And she's
but she's getting too old, she doesn't have an education,
she didn't land the rich husband. What is she going
to do when she has to move on? And that
movie came from that conversation I pitched to them. I said,

(22:54):
what if she's a meth addict that has to go
back to her religious southern town. And Hero was thinking,
but this is somehow like this will be my dramatic turn.
And they were nodding, and they were like, oh, she
could become a house mom at a sorority or something. Yeah, anyway,
but I do. I am appreciating this time of getting older,

(23:16):
and I am proud of myself for leaning into the positives,
which there are a multitude of, and truly getting to
revisit scary movie, getting to act with those guys again
in this completely different place in my life. Felt incredible,
Like the last time I had acted with them was

(23:37):
Scary Movie Too. The last time I saw them was
in two thousand and one promoting Scary Movie Too. And
I just remember all that time being so terrified, just
so scared, just so intimidated, so just like I'm a
stranger in a strange land.

Speaker 2 (23:54):
Just by their whole like kind of world that they
had built on that set, because they've been doing it.

Speaker 1 (23:59):
So for so long.

Speaker 5 (24:00):
Yeah, and my like not believing that I was funny
when I auditioned for Scary Movie. So I sent in
a tape I had just gotten these managers. I sent
in an audition tape from Edmunds from Washington for Scary
Movie and two other pilots or TV shows. They asked
me if I'd be willing to fly down for Scary Movie,

(24:20):
and my mom gave me some miles, So I flew down,
crashed with my new hot boyfriend, and I auditioned for Buffy,
which was played by Shannon Elizabeth. And that was on
the page in the script that was funny. That was
the really funny role that I understood. Then they said
I'm not going to get that role. On Wednesday, I

(24:42):
auditioned for Buffy for three days straight, and then on
Wednesday they asked me to audition for Cindy Campbell, the lead,
and I was like, I'm not going to get that role.
And she's not funny. I don't even understand none of
her words are funny. I don't know what to do
with this character and she's a brunette. I don't think,
so I'm not going to get this role. So then
I got it and it's defined in my life ever

(25:03):
since that moment, you know that moment was And when
I got the call that I got the role On Friday,
I was in Burbank and my page went off and
it was my managers and I called, like with dread
from a payphone at a Mexican restaurant and they said,
you got the role. And I had this feeling of

(25:28):
light headedness, like I couldn't speak. And my new hot
boyfriend and all his hot friends they're like, wa, you
call it?

Speaker 1 (25:38):
You got what?

Speaker 5 (25:40):
And I didn't even know. I did feel like I
had accomplished something, but I had no idea what. I
had no idea what it meant. And what it meant
was that Monday, I was up in Vancouver rehearsing with
people who had experience, who knew what to do, who

(26:01):
understood their role in comedy, and I thought, they're going
to fire me. They're going to fire me. Keenan's going
to fire me. And Keenan was this is this majestic
you know figure that's sort of you can't help it.

Speaker 3 (26:17):
Beat.

Speaker 5 (26:17):
Have you met Keenan?

Speaker 2 (26:18):
Yes, yeah, yeah, they Like I love all those brothers
because they just, I mean, they're so funny and they
don't take themselves very seriously. And Keenan, Yeah, Keenan's kind
of like the leader of all of them. I guess
he's the oldest, so that makes sense, right.

Speaker 1 (26:33):
Is he the oldest?

Speaker 3 (26:34):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (26:34):
Yeah, no, I mean they're awesome, funny, funny guys.

Speaker 5 (26:37):
Yeah, totally intimidating. And I was just like, I don't
remember saying anything out loud except for my lines, and maybe,
like what.

Speaker 2 (26:48):
It's just so funny to hear an actress talk about
how scary it was for you to be on a set,
because I think most people would perceive an actor or
an actress to really be ready for it, to be
on camp, and not to have those kinds of nerves
or qualms. So I think it's probably really interesting for
our listeners to hear you talk about.

Speaker 5 (27:06):
Oh my god, I like, I remember how yellow my
teeth were, Like I didn't know anything. I didn't No
one told I just didn't know anything.

Speaker 1 (27:16):
I didn't know. What did you do to did you?
What did you do to call your nerves?

Speaker 5 (27:20):
Like?

Speaker 1 (27:20):
Were you able to do anything? Nothing right?

Speaker 5 (27:24):
Nothing like? I? Yeah, I was, I was. I felt
like I was just hanging on by the skin of
my teeth, right, And I remember I was so impressed
by how we in Scary movie. We have the original
cast members and then we also have a new generation
and the young generation. Those actors were so supportive of

(27:49):
each other. They didn't seem to be as jocking like
ego wise as I remember those environments being in the
early two thousands. It felt like they would say to
each other, oh, that was hysterical, that was that. I
feel like those kinds of compliments. It was felt cutthroat.

(28:09):
From an immediate moment. Everyone was talking about their next gig.
I had no next gig. I didn't. I felt really
lonely during those days, I think, right, And it wasn't
on anybody. It was a circumstantial idea and also feeling like,

(28:30):
you know, I got after the movie wrapped. I moved
to La having no idea what this city was about.
And I would go on these general meetings with studio
executives or TV executives or whatever, and they would say,
so you do comedy. I would be like, no, no,

(28:52):
I don't. I don't do comedy.

Speaker 1 (28:54):
No.

Speaker 2 (28:55):
And so you didn't have any ideals about being an actress,
but then you did comedy, and then you were like,
I just don't want to be a comedic actress because
you didn't really come out here to become an actress.

Speaker 5 (29:06):
Yeah, I was just dipping my toe and I wanted and.

Speaker 2 (29:08):
Then you wanted to get away from comedy as soon
as you tried that.

Speaker 5 (29:11):
I just didn't think it was I was good at it.
I never I had never I understood how to play
a character sincerely with conviction, which turns out I guess
that's all you need. I think I think too, like
for so long I have felt the pressure to feel grateful,

(29:38):
like I know that I have these opportunities that so
many people would want, that so many people would like
I am living, you know, a dream. But it always
came with this thing of like it's still such an
ill fitting shoe for me. When journalists would say early on,

(30:01):
they would ask, are you worried about being typecast? Like,
I get you're asking the question, and yeah, I mean yes.
And I felt like I couldn't really get auditions for
dramatic work. You couldn't help but be emotionally invested in
work that didn't even feel that good, like words that

(30:24):
were just kind of lame to say. But yet I
had a little bit of resentment that it crossed my
mind that Keenan, while he gave me this huge gift,
it along the way in the arrogance of my twenties,

(30:44):
I did feel envious of people who got their big
break in a different way. And I think that is
a really ungracious idea. And it was only in the
last like year I think that I really started to

(31:05):
notice and appreciate when, if and when people recognize me,
they would usually smile, you know, like they'd be like, oh, yeah,
like thinking about something fucking stupid I did and go
on screen, and I really started to notice that and

(31:26):
absorb that.

Speaker 2 (31:27):
Do you think that has to do with not drinking? Yeah,
because I know you stop drinking. Yeah, so maybe that
lit that up a little bit, right.

Speaker 5 (31:34):
One of the many gifts. It turns out there's a
correlation between drinking and depression. For me for sure, Okay, sure,
I had to take a step back and not self sabotage.

Speaker 3 (31:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (31:52):
Yeah, but I think that that happens to so many people.

Speaker 5 (31:55):
You know, no hormone patches.

Speaker 2 (31:57):
Yeah, and things change also, like drinking changes as you
get older. It's not the same, it doesn't have the
same effect impact. I mean, all things change as you
get older. So you have to really be like kind
of in touch with your person, you know, like I
don't drink the way I used to drink. I drink,
but I can't, you know, like I just don't have
the same I don't even have the same desire.

Speaker 5 (32:21):
I finally got on hormones, the hormone patch. Did you
have any hormone issues? It made a huge difference for me.

Speaker 2 (32:30):
Yeah, And for in terms of like feeling that sinking
feeling or that low vibe. I started to feel that
and that's not my energy at all. Like I usually
have like a lot of energy and I can be up.
But yeah, I went through a phase where and it
was totally my hormones. They're like, you have absolutely no estrogen,
And I was on estrogen, but I was on the
wrong dosage of it. So then they flipped it around

(32:53):
and they increased my dosage because they're like you I said,
I'm on it, and they're like, yeah, but that you
have none, so it's not enough. So then when they
increased my within twenty four hours, I went from like
I remember talking to someone going listen, I'm not going
to kill myself or anything. This is and this was like,
I don't know, six months a year ago. I'm not
really good with time. I said, I'm not going to

(33:13):
kill myself or anything. But if I were, if we
were all to agree right now on some sort of
group euthanasia, I would be down. Yeah, I'm like, I'm
not going to hurt myself, but I just don't care.
Like it's almost the feeling of you just And it's
the closest I've ever had to what people describe as depression.
So I don't want to claim that I've had that either,
because I don't have enough experience to talk about that personally.

(33:36):
But it's the lowest I've ever felt without having a solution,
and it's almost like a loss of hopefulness. So as
soon as the hormone like and it was within twenty
four hours, I felt the feeling that I could hang
on to was a feeling hopeful again. I was like,
oh wait a second, Okay, hold on, I can deal
with this, you know, like these are all circumstances that

(33:58):
I can deal with and I can attack and like,
you know, be proactive about. But there was a feeling
of helplessness before that that just felt.

Speaker 1 (34:07):
So empty, and you're just like, what is wrong with me?
This is not me. I I'm compounding that with alcohol.
I can understand this, it's not Yeah.

Speaker 5 (34:18):
And a death of a career that I felt confused about, Yeah, but.

Speaker 1 (34:21):
Your career is not dead.

Speaker 5 (34:23):
So that has been like the awesome fucking thing I
think has it has really felt doing this press tour
for Scary Movie, getting to be on set. The first
time I saw Marlin I was getting fit for my
hair and makeup. I hadn't seen him since two thousand
and one. On a press tour. I was getting fitted

(34:44):
for a week. He comes into hair and makeup and
he's like, oh, Fare is like, oh, you've changed, You've changed.
He comes in, he's so big and handsome and just Marlin.
And he comes in with a bunch of people and
I leapt up out of my hair makeup chair and
I grabbed him by the forearms and I was like, Marlin,

(35:04):
I need you to know I am so fucking grateful
to be here. I can't believe I get to thank
you in person, and I love you. And he was
like at first, he was he like he was taking
a BacT by my intensity. But I felt this desperation
of like I got to tell him. I got to
tell him that this moment means so much to me

(35:28):
because I do feel like that the getting to recognize
and take in the gift that Keenan gave me, and
that opportunity to thank him for my comedic journey.

Speaker 1 (35:48):
You know, it's cute. Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 5 (35:51):
Yeah, it's it's been I don't know a lot of
people who get that, because I did think about them
a lot at night. You know, I want I would
like I would think like I never I never got
a chance to thank Keenan, to like really really thank
him after all these years have gone by, and that's

(36:12):
been such a defining part of my life and launched
me into comedy and like, which has been this foreign feeling,
and the comedy world has given me so much that
I did not realize.

Speaker 2 (36:28):
You know, let's pivot a little to your family life,
because I want to talk about raising because your son's
thirteen now, and you have a stepdaughter.

Speaker 1 (36:35):
Yea, how old is she?

Speaker 5 (36:36):
She's twenty three, okay, twenty two.

Speaker 2 (36:38):
And you've been in her life for ten years. Yeah, yeah, right,
so you're pretty into your stepdaughter. You guys are really close.
We're getting closer, Okay.

Speaker 5 (36:48):
I love her. I'm really proud of her. I think
that I was a stepmom that really didn't know. I
feel I was ill equipped to be a mom. Like
I was kind of on the fence about being a mom.

Speaker 2 (37:02):
But anyone, I mean, who is equipped, Like even if
you plan to have a baby, and you, I mean
no one. I feel like everyone goes into that equally
because you can plan all you want, but once you
get that baby, it's like all plans are off the table.

Speaker 5 (37:15):
Yeah, but you know when that little sister thing kicks
in in a way that's not motherly, that's like, that's
a little antagonistic, that's a little challenging. Like something about
having a stepdaughter kicked that in a little bit. Okay,
a little bit, but she is incredible. She just graduated
from Georgetown with honors. Totally driven and we're getting closer.

Speaker 2 (37:40):
What do you think is different between parenting like a
girl versus a boy. I guess it's different because you're
a stepmother and then you have your son. But because
I always look at stepparenting as like the ultimate, like
that's ideal, maybe not for the children, but for the parents,
because like that's the kind of situation I could ease into,
is being a step parent.

Speaker 5 (37:59):
I think my son is. He's like as solid as
a tug boat emotionally. He just doesn't get easily oh jarred.
He handles situations really well. He is religious, and are
you religious? No, I didn't grow up with religion. He's

(38:20):
asked me to accept Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 (38:25):
As your savior.

Speaker 5 (38:26):
Uh huh okay, And I said, I told him that
I would do anything for him, including this, but it's
going to take a whole lot of long conversations. And
he's impressive. Actually he's impressive because I try to challenge him.

(38:47):
I'm like, do you think it's a luxury that you
get to be pro life. Do you think that's kind
of a luxury. He's like maybe, Or I'll say, so,
what do you think of this megabaster and it's kind
of a grifter? What do you think He's like, Oh,
megapastors are the worst. So it's like, okay, he's got

(39:07):
We're getting there. I mean, I'm appreciative that he's examining
religion the way he is in terms of recognizing hypocrisy,
starting to recognize hypocrisy, and I'm appreciative that we can
have these long conversations and maybe I'll get back into
the podcasting world.

Speaker 2 (39:27):
Why did you stop doing your podcast? I you were
like one of the pioneers of podcasting, you and Mark Marin,
who have both stopped doing their podcast.

Speaker 5 (39:38):
I started in two thousand and sixteen, early twenty sixteen,
and I had planned on having like four five listeners.
I didn't plan I didn't even know you could make money.
It was this awesome chapter in my life. And when
people will come up to me at the grocery store
or wherever and say, oh, I listened to your podcast,
it did feel like a secret. It felt like I

(39:59):
was I wanted to build a community. I wanted that idea.
I didn't want to have celebrity guests. I wanted to
just talk to strangers. And it became, you know, like
it became a larger thing more quickly than I kind
of was ready for. But I also I realized too,

(40:22):
it was so important for me to have my own
sense of narrative, my own way to control the story,
even though, like because between going through a divorce, between
being on mom like it was it was liberating in like,
if I had to ever round out my storyline, my story,
my personal story I had. I had, I had an avenue,

(40:46):
and I also loved having intimacy with strangers that didn't
that wasn't around the celebrity element of my life, although
it became something different when we did as celebrity guests.
Of course. Anyway, why did I stop doing it? I
think I sort of stopped enjoying it as much. I guess, Yeah,

(41:09):
I don't know what about you. I mean, it is
exhausting in its own particular way.

Speaker 2 (41:14):
Yeah, I think with mine, it feels like I find
it just to be like I like, I like what
you say about incorporating regular people, normal people, Like that's.

Speaker 1 (41:22):
What we do.

Speaker 2 (41:22):
We have callers that call in, so that keeps me
like motivated about it, you know. So it's not just
celebrity driven or guests driven. There's another element.

Speaker 1 (41:31):
To it that's nice. But it always kind of turns
into that.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
I think podcasts always kind of turn into your celebrity guests,
you know. So that's why I admire a lot of
podcasts that don't go down that road. But I like
it because I just like talking and I like listening
to you know, I mean, I like hearing people's stories.

Speaker 4 (41:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:49):
So, but I can understand also not wanting to you know,
also not wanting to do it. I mean, now it's
like you're kind of probably glad that you're not doing
it because everyone and their mother has a podcast.

Speaker 5 (41:59):
Yeah, it's true that it did feel like early on
it was so a lot of celebrities weren't so scared
to do it too. They didn't really know what it was.
It was just like, wait, we're going to hang out
at that actress's house. So I think people were a
little less guarded, which was including myself. Maybe I'll miss

(42:20):
it in a couple of years. Maybe I should get
back on that horse at some point. I'd be nice
to have the door open again.

Speaker 1 (42:26):
Well, I bet people would welcome your return.

Speaker 5 (42:29):
Thanks.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 (42:31):
Should we take some callers house so she can get
into ready to talk to people?

Speaker 1 (42:34):
Yeah, let's talk to some regular people so we can
inspire you. I love that. Well.

Speaker 4 (42:42):
Our first caller today is Courtney, and she's in a
little bit of a messy situation. So she says, Dear Chelsea,
my name's Courtney, and my husband and two young kids
currently live with my eighty two year old mother in law.

Speaker 1 (42:54):
We've lived here for over two years.

Speaker 4 (42:56):
Under the condition that she can no longer financially or
physically maintain this house by her and one day would
like to pass the house to my husband.

Speaker 1 (43:03):
To split with his brother.

Speaker 4 (43:04):
We live in one of the most expensive cities in
the US, so to be able to inherit a house
in a nice neighborhood with good public schools is truly
a gift, But we're learning that that gift comes with
a hefty price. The main issue is my relationship with
my mother in law. I started having problems with her
the moment we moved in. She'd make passive, aggressive comments
on how I was doing something, comment on my parenting,
and even try to meddle in my marriage. Things came

(43:26):
to a blow a few times, and we've had many
heart to heart conversations where I would firmly state my boundaries.
She would seem apologetic and receptive in the moment, but
she is who she is. It's gotten to the point
where I truly just avoid interactions with her until it
has to do with the kids. If she's in the
kitchen making coffee, I'll wait for her to leave before
I walk in. I don't speak unless she speaks first.
My husband tolerates her better than I can, but even

(43:49):
he's getting worn down by her need to step into
a situation and parent us. If it were up to me,
i'd tell her to sell the house, downgrade to a
retirement community where she could make friends and be happier,
and just give my husband the money to use as
he sees fit for our family. But she's so attached
to this house and wants to stay, even though she
has to rely on us to make that happen. And
my husband wants to raise our kids here and has
poured so much sweat equity into the house he doesn't

(44:11):
want to let it go either.

Speaker 1 (44:12):
I feel like I'm.

Speaker 4 (44:12):
Going crazy and could use some perspective and some advice
on how to fix a relationship with an elderly family
member who is never going to change her ways.

Speaker 2 (44:20):
Courtney, Hi, that sounds like a fucking hot mess situation
that you're in.

Speaker 3 (44:25):
It's not great.

Speaker 2 (44:27):
I know you can't you guys can't figure out a
way financially to make it work for you to move out?

Speaker 3 (44:33):
Well, I mean that always is like the obvious answer,
you know, And I'm complaining to my friends, venting to
my family. They're just like, well, why do you live there?
You don't have to live there, you can move out,
And it feels it truly feels like it's not an
option for me because you know, my husband and I
were a package deal. And it's like, all of a sudden,

(44:53):
I'm being put in a position where I'm calling the
shots and I'm telling them that they need to uproot
their life and all decisions that they've made.

Speaker 2 (45:02):
You avoiding going in the kitchen because your mother in
law's in there is like that's really unhealthy. Like if
you can't be in a living situation where you have
your because like you have to worry about a the
example you're setting be like your happiness and comfort level,
and like all of those things are going to have
an impact and effectuate your relationship, your marriage, your relationship

(45:23):
with your children. Like it just doesn't seem like it's
a I mean, you are in a position because you're
one of the heads of the household with you and
your husband a stensive or theoretically like, you are in
a position to say this isn't a healthy situation for us.
I mean sitting there and waiting for her to what
sell the house or die? Like, what are you waiting for?

Speaker 3 (45:42):
It truly feels like it's a rock and a hard place.
And other than that dynamic and her being a part
of our lives, like my husband and I are a
really good team and we the four of us, like
our little family work really well together. And so there's
moments where she's in her room for a really really
long time and it's like, feels really good in the house. Yeah,

(46:04):
fibes are high, and then she walks into the room
and it completely changes.

Speaker 5 (46:08):
So let me ask you a couple of things, if
you don't mind, how feasible is this retirement home idea?
Has she expressed interest in it?

Speaker 3 (46:18):
No? So it's almost like when I've asked, why is
that not a consideration? It's like, how dare you right?

Speaker 5 (46:27):
Ask ye? The unfortunate thing is with most family decisions,
you are in a position to be proactive decision maker
with this big thing of your mother in law in
your life so much. Unfortunately you, by circumstance cannot be

(46:48):
the main proactive member of this decision making because it'll
drive a wedge between your between all of you guys essentially,
So I wonder how is your husband is is your
husband do you ever get frustrated with your husband being
a passive player in this or does he understand and
is he on equal level with your frustration?

Speaker 3 (47:11):
Like it's a really hard position for him to be in.
Does feel like he is in the middle, He's like,
this is my mom, this is my wife. Yeah, you
guys need to figure it out.

Speaker 5 (47:21):
Yeah, And that's not exactly fair for him, that sentiment.

Speaker 3 (47:25):
Yeah, but yeah, so he kind of looks at us
like we're both pretty immature in the situation. Do you
feel that I admittedly have had some situations that I'm
not proud of the way that I handled them, Like
I've really become unglued, and he really is helpful to
remind me that I can focus on what I can control,

(47:49):
and I can control my reaction, and I can control
the way she makes me feel, but I can't control
what she's going to do, what she's gonna say. So
really helpful and reminding me to let it go and
not let it affect me so much. And for the
most part, I really try. But then it's also kind

(48:12):
of like you're just pushing things down and they faster.

Speaker 5 (48:15):
Did you guys used to have a closer relationship you
and your mother in law. Was there ever a time?

Speaker 3 (48:21):
Yeah, when my husband and I first started dating, we
would talk and it was very friendly and nice, and
just circumstances that she's gone in her life through the
last ten years just been really bad decline for her
mental state and her physical state. And I do see,

(48:44):
like how that's really sad. I'm not going to come
in here and just like tell her she needs to
I don't know, she's you know, she's getting older. There's
only once she can do, and she's really depressed and
she sits in her room and she watches the news.
That's help.

Speaker 5 (49:01):
So I wonder how we can change this element, like
with a.

Speaker 2 (49:04):
Lot to deal with. I mean, it's just so much
to deal with. Like, I just don't think that there's
a good solution here.

Speaker 5 (49:10):
You know, but she needs some degree of change, whether
it's like she goes to a senior center pottery class. Courtney,
I have a horrible suggestion that you're gonna hate. But
how would it make you feel if you invited her
for like a fifteen minute walk every morning?

Speaker 1 (49:33):
I know, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (49:37):
I know.

Speaker 5 (49:37):
I mean, I just think she needs some kind of
change right like she's and I can only imagine the
kind of passive, aggressive language skills you guys have developed.
So I do think something needs to change. This is
a tough situation for all of you guys. And I
do think she needs a small change in her life

(50:00):
so we can get her to the retirement home sooner.
And I think if she starts to have a little
bit of irregularity, even just like one thing a day,
I don't know, Like, Courtney, do you think I'm on
the right track here?

Speaker 3 (50:15):
I think you're maybe suggesting that I could help be
like a little.

Speaker 5 (50:20):
I want your mother in law to move out. This
is my goal. I want her to move out and
go to a retirement home and play bingo all day
long and make new friends and stuff like that. But
I know that kind of radical change. This is like
an eight month process here, ten month process.

Speaker 2 (50:40):
I mean, I don't know that we can count on
her moving out though, because it's her house and that
feels like she's being kicked out of her own house
and they're waiting for her to move out, you know what.
I mean, that's why they're there, right, because you're waiting
for her to move out or basically to die.

Speaker 3 (50:54):
Essentially, I mean, as morbid as that sounds. But yeah,
she's like, I don't want to go anywhere, right, she
needs us to make that happen.

Speaker 2 (51:02):
Yeah, So it's pretty tricky because she's gonna I mean,
she's she's already feeling like they're there because they want
something from her. And the more depressed she becomes, the
more angry she's going to become, you guys, and the
more she's going to get into like you know, that
victim mentality, like all they want from me. I mean,
my dad got really old and was like, you guys
just want my money.

Speaker 1 (51:22):
My dad didn't even have any money. We're like, we
don't want your money.

Speaker 2 (51:25):
You don't have any like we're trying to make your
life more, you know better.

Speaker 5 (51:28):
So many old people fall into like bitterness.

Speaker 1 (51:31):
I know, but it's I mean, you're getting older. It's
not pleasant like that. Tell her that, yeah, tell her that.
Tell her honestly, dad.

Speaker 5 (51:39):
Is going to suck.

Speaker 1 (51:41):
I don't.

Speaker 8 (51:41):
I wish I had a good I wish I had
a good suggestion, But I mean, I have a question
because there's a little bit of like stuff in here
about when she does move out of the house, whichever
direction that is death or a nursing home, that the
house is going to get sold and it's going to
be split between your husband and the brother.

Speaker 4 (52:00):
Isn't that something that would likely happen anyway, even if
you guys are not living in this situation that's toxic
for you.

Speaker 3 (52:07):
Well, I think the goal is to just buy out
his brother's share and then resurf.

Speaker 4 (52:13):
Okay, you guys would stay in the house ideally. Yeah,
Are you in any individual therapy? That's my other question.

Speaker 3 (52:21):
I was, I was okay during the first year that
all of this really started unraveling, and I haven't been
for a while, and I shared that with her, you know,
I shared like this has been really hard on me.
I am therapy and I'm working on myself and I'm
working on this and because this is not sustainable and

(52:42):
I'm really unhappy. So she's been told.

Speaker 4 (52:45):
That, right, But that's a little bit like I'm in
therapy because of you, and a lot of this feels
like I've been here too, where it's like I'm upset
with the other person because I need to control what
they're doing.

Speaker 1 (52:58):
And I think a therapy.

Speaker 4 (53:00):
It's not just about pushing it down and like ignoring it.
It's about getting to a place where she really can
make some comment about your parenting and it really does
roll off like you don't have to worry about what
she says.

Speaker 6 (53:13):
You're an adult.

Speaker 4 (53:14):
You're gonna make your decisions for your kids along with
your husband, by yourself. But I think working with a
therapist on a regular basis can help you with those
like day to day stuff while you're still in this
like co living situation.

Speaker 5 (53:27):
How old are your kids three and six? Oh boy,
so you're in it. You are just in life right now?

Speaker 1 (53:36):
Oh boy?

Speaker 5 (53:37):
Does she enjoy the grandkids at all?

Speaker 3 (53:40):
My youngest is very sweet, very outgoing, very personable, and
so he has a really cute relationship with her. My
oldest just doesn't really go out of his way. He
doesn't see that there's a lot in common for him. There.

Speaker 1 (53:55):
Do you guys ever have like dinner together?

Speaker 3 (53:57):
You know, to be honest with you, just because of
the age of kids, it's really focused around them at
dinner time, right, yea, So we tried to do the
sit at the dining table and I'll have dinner together.
We did that for a few months and it just
my they just make it so unpleasant.

Speaker 5 (54:16):
Oh boy, Right, if your mother in law is slight,
even slightly happier, it'll make all of you happier, and
maybe it'll can change some of the patterns of communication.
She's not used to your ways, your where you put
the thing or how you clean the thing, And gosh,

(54:38):
I am feeling for you.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
I know, I know, I wish I don't have any
I don't know what to tell you to do other
than to remove yourself from that situation and move out until.

Speaker 5 (54:49):
You just understand the next fucking seven years of your
life are going to be small degrees of health.

Speaker 4 (54:56):
Your I mean probably not if she's having health issues
already about seven.

Speaker 2 (55:00):
But yeah, but also sitting around waiting for somebody to
expire is also no.

Speaker 4 (55:04):
Living day today, and put having your kids live day
today in a house where like they walk in where
room and can cut the tension with a knife isn't
good for them either.

Speaker 5 (55:13):
Yeah, I wonder how we can just change her circumstances
a little bit if they're her degree of happiness. She
sounds pretty lonely and miserable and just upset it as
she goes into mental decline whatever that means obsessing about
certain things, lashing it out on you. You know that,
like ever since Courtney rearranged the thing, I can't find

(55:37):
where the other thing is or whatever her fucking grievance is.
I I just wonder if bumping her mood changing her
regular routine in any way is a worthy experiment, and
whether that is.

Speaker 2 (55:53):
It's definitely worthy because there's no other ideas, so it's
worthwhile to try something.

Speaker 5 (55:58):
You get it, get her a cat.

Speaker 2 (56:00):
I don't know, she probably complained about that too, if
she's really in a bitter stay.

Speaker 4 (56:05):
But I do like the idea you had about like
fifteen minutes in the morning, whether it's a walk or coffee,
because like.

Speaker 5 (56:10):
You're taking into a senior center, to the library or
I don't even know if she would agree coordinay to.
I just think she needs a change in routines somehow,
she needs to have her world open up a little
bit so it's not continuing to close in around you guys.

Speaker 3 (56:29):
Yeah, I completely agree, and I wish I had, you know,
an easy response for that.

Speaker 5 (56:37):
Are you close with your brother in law?

Speaker 3 (56:39):
I wouldn't say close, but we have a good relationship.
He's in a different state, so okay, okay.

Speaker 5 (56:45):
I just wonder if you could use some local resources
in your area, especially as her mental health is declining,
because sometimes a lot of people will lean into bitterness
and anger and that's going to be poisonous for all
of you, guys. I think starting my suggestion would be
start with small steps for her and Courtney. You are

(57:09):
living an existence right now where you have to operate
with extreme generosity and it is so fucking hard. Keep going.
It's a long game, you know, and in two years
this will be a different circumstance. You for better for work, probably,
you know what I mean. This time is happening, she's declining.

Speaker 2 (57:33):
So and also get back into therapy so that you
have somebody to event to like on the regular that
isn't your husband.

Speaker 5 (57:40):
Yeah, you just keep long gaming it, you know, Chelsea
and I were talking about my relationship with my stepdaughter
and how we had all these turbulent times, and when
I was thinking clearly, I could take a deep breath
and think about the long game, think about like, okay,

(58:00):
like she's going to remember me getting really pissed off
at this one thing. She'll remember that more than for
a longer period of time than I will. How do
I how do I protect this relationship? How do I
protect my husband? How do I protect our relationship with
these challenging circumstances that are inescapable? And I do know

(58:23):
that your mom may need a small change and you
can kind of go from there. She may fucking hate it,
and I don't know if it can come from you.
You and your husband might have to do some good brains,
do some.

Speaker 1 (58:34):
Good brainstorming and try and think of something different.

Speaker 5 (58:37):
Podcast where I gave advice I should have warned you.

Speaker 2 (58:40):
But but thank you for calling in, Courtney.

Speaker 3 (58:44):
Yeah, yeah, thank you so much for your guys's time.

Speaker 5 (58:47):
And thank you for, like hear'd doing hard work right now,
Courtney good job, good job, You're doing great, you really are.

Speaker 3 (58:55):
Thank you, thank you so much.

Speaker 5 (58:57):
Yeah, thank you, thanks for sharing.

Speaker 1 (59:00):
Bye bye.

Speaker 3 (59:05):
Well.

Speaker 4 (59:05):
Our next caller is Pablo, and he says, Dear Chelsea,
I'm from the Dominican Republic. Basically, my issue is that
I'm always home. I have a good, fully remote job
with an international company, doing work in my career path
which I love, software architect. But because of that, I
don't get out a lot. My life has turned kind
of gray. Thankfully, I have a husband whom I love,
but I don't have any friends. I can spend months

(59:27):
where the only person I see in real life is
my husband.

Speaker 1 (59:29):
I'm so with you, Pablo. It's a weird thing that
keeps having I don't know.

Speaker 4 (59:34):
The thing is, I don't have any activities that I
enjoy that could lead me to meeting new people. I
don't go to an office, I don't study anymore, and
I've never liked the gym or sports in general. I
take care of my husband. He doesn't work, he's a student,
and he doesn't like his career. He hasn't found his
passion yet. I'm fine with that. He mostly plays games
and is pursuing his degree. It doesn't bother me, but
I have this feeling that maybe I'm ruining his life

(59:54):
by making everything too easy for him. Also, while I
love him, maybe I needed someone who pushes me and
takes me out to do things, someone more active than me,
who motivates me. The worst part is that I think
that somehow I'm doing great without feeling great. I live
in an apartment that has everything I like, and I
have a really good salary that allows me to have
a very good life. Everything seems to be good, but
I don't know how to start feeling good, or maybe

(01:00:16):
that feeling doesn't exist and I'm asking for too much.
Maybe you have some ideas, Pablo.

Speaker 1 (01:00:20):
Ha, Hi Pablo, Pablo, Hi, Pablo. It's like my life
is going so well, I don't know what to like
about it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:28):
Yeah, you know what it sounds like to me, Pablo,
that you need to just get out of the house
a little bit more, be around to people.

Speaker 6 (01:00:34):
The thing activities am I supposed to do?

Speaker 5 (01:00:36):
Children?

Speaker 2 (01:00:37):
Go for a fucking walk, Pablo, Go for a walk outside,
Go get what you can't like?

Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
You can't do that. You can't go for a walk
around the neighborhood.

Speaker 6 (01:00:44):
I mean, I can't but you say it like like
it's fun or there is something productive, I will force
myself to walk just yeah, I don't know, And how
do you meet people like that? Anyway? Am I going
to be outside in the middle of the street stopping
people like, hey, can you be my rend? Like? That
doesn't work theory.

Speaker 2 (01:01:03):
What you need is a change of scenery. So when
you have the same scenery day in and day out,
you're bored because you're not seeing anything different and new.
So whatever that means, Yes, going for a walk of
a walk down the street or to a coffee shop
may not sound like a rip roaring time, but that's
okay because you basically need, Like there is scientific data

(01:01:24):
that backs up the fact of what happens to your
brain's chemistry when you do walk outside. What happens to
your brains chemistry when you socialize with other people, whether
they are friends or strangers. What happens to your brain
chemistry when you're forced to bring up, you know, have
a conversation with a stranger. So all of these things,
while they may not seem like quote unquote fun activities,

(01:01:45):
will feed your soul in a different way.

Speaker 1 (01:01:47):
So you have the world is at your fingertips.

Speaker 2 (01:01:51):
You have a job, you have a safe place to live,
you have a partner, you have all of the things
that most people desire in this world, and you're still
a little bit dissatisfied. And I would just argue that
you just need to like open up your world a
little bit and you're gonna be fine. You know, if
you want to make friends, go to places where you're

(01:02:11):
gonna make friends.

Speaker 1 (01:02:12):
Find things that interest you. What interests you Do you.

Speaker 2 (01:02:15):
Like to play volleyball? Do you like to play baseball?
Do you like to play games? Do you want to
go game, go to a trivia night? Do you want
to do like what interests you that would be a
group activity? Is there anything you can think of that
sounds like a good time.

Speaker 6 (01:02:28):
The thing for I don't do sports Like I'm on Earth.
I'm gonna be really in that regard. That's my career
and I love that. But the thing is that, you know,
I'm not entertained anymore into go into bars and stuff.
When I was younger, I was into that, but not anymore.
I just like to stay at home, and yeah, I
don't have like those activities to go what I don't

(01:02:49):
have anything to do there my hobbies are I play
games at home and maybe I like to do card games,
but those are fifteen minute things, like it's not like
an activity set up or just go somewhere or at
least I don't know the places. I don't know really
how people in their thirties that have a stable life.

Speaker 5 (01:03:08):
I want to ask you, is this one of the
first times in your life where the future feels kind
of vague, where there isn't like a specific goal like
whether that you know what I mean? So, which probably
is also why in your letter you mention even the
vagueness with your partner right now, like is this person

(01:03:29):
pushing me enough? What's my goal? Where am I in
five years? And what I would suggest along with going
literally just taking a five minute stroll, even if even
if you don't.

Speaker 2 (01:03:43):
Walk to the coffee show and go get a coffee
and sit down and have a coffee.

Speaker 4 (01:03:47):
Have a dog, but any chance I don't that is all.

Speaker 5 (01:03:52):
Well, wait, Pablo, I think you guys should go on
a trip. I think you should start planning a trip.
Can you you enjoy travel? And would you guys?

Speaker 6 (01:04:02):
I enjoy traveling. I enjoy traveling. Of course, it's not
like you can travel all the time. I do it
once in a while, you know, it's not like I
do it every month? Should I do that? Do it?

Speaker 5 (01:04:13):
Well, here's my suggestion. Like I, when I'm in the
middle of a job, like a film or something like that,
I really love daydreaming, proactively daydreaming about a trip. So
I'm kind of old school. I like a guidebook. But
even if I didn't actually take the trip, which I

(01:04:34):
usually did. But even but even if I didn't, having
that kind of activity planning was good for me mentally
and you maybe because right now you're trying to force
a lot of big decisions. Even in this small, seemingly
small question, you're essentially asking should I be with my partner?
What is wrong with me? I don't like people. I

(01:04:55):
just want to be at home.

Speaker 6 (01:04:57):
Did you say it like that It sounds off al No.

Speaker 5 (01:05:00):
No, no, no, it just I just want to give
you perspective in that in that your life right now,
you're looking for a goal. You're wondering like what Yeah,
and I wonder yeah, and I wonder if a small
step like uh, do you enjoy driving? Like is there
a weekend trip you to take? Is there any kind

(01:05:22):
of new experience you could do for not a lot
of money, low commitment, even if it's going to a
place that's two hours away for a night.

Speaker 6 (01:05:34):
Wow, that's look, I don't write. I don't like to drive.

Speaker 1 (01:05:37):
Either, Okay, I don't like a lot of things.

Speaker 6 (01:05:41):
Yeah, home guy, you need to.

Speaker 4 (01:05:46):
Know like the human brain response to novelty, which is what.

Speaker 5 (01:05:50):
My human brain responds to puzzles. What about the reality television?

Speaker 1 (01:05:56):
Do you like concerts? Have you guys got like concept?

Speaker 2 (01:06:00):
Okay, so that's an easy thing to do because you
can find live entertainment in your area playing.

Speaker 1 (01:06:05):
I mean, that's something that going to the.

Speaker 6 (01:06:07):
Theater, but it's not like but you know, I don't
think that's something you can do often. You know, true,
but you will not do it every month or stuff
like that will not be fulfilling, is it?

Speaker 1 (01:06:18):
I think?

Speaker 5 (01:06:19):
Unfortunately, there isn't a big, grand answer to your question.
I think that if you are comfortable being a homebody,
that's great. You know what your comfort zone is and
that's okay. If your partner is dissatisfied with your lack
of sociability, that's kind of a different issue to address.

(01:06:42):
But you may need to start to question the big question,
which is what am I looking for? As Pablo, am
I looking for anything?

Speaker 6 (01:06:53):
I don't know if it's wrong for me to feel
like I've done it, like I'm fine with what I have.
I'm happy, So I don't have like much plans. I'm
not into the common objectives of lives. I don't want
to I don't want to house like I live rented,
but I live in a rented apartment. When I'm happy
and I feel like buying a house, it will stuck me.

(01:07:15):
So I would like to move anywhere when I want to. So, yeah,
I have like that perspective, So that's not an objective,
and I'm just living, you know, living my best life
every time I want to.

Speaker 2 (01:07:25):
Again, Yeah, I don't know what the problem is here.
I mean you're looking for problems.

Speaker 6 (01:07:29):
The problem is that in the end, even if I
have my husband, I feel lonely because I don't have friends.
I don't know how to meet friends people to have
to spend time in my house. But I like to
be people that bused me, to have a drink, to
drink a glass of wine and that stuff I don't have.
And also this life that I'm having, it's not doing

(01:07:50):
well for my health because I don't walk. And the
thing is that when I met my husband, he was healthy,
he was a really happy guy, and and everything was fine.
But now he's been with me for three plus years
and I'm the one causing his issues because I impregnated
my way of living into him. And I love him,

(01:08:11):
so I don't want him to be like that, But
my egoism of wanting him to be here doesn't let
me just him tell him, Hey, maybe you should live
and be healthy like you were before you had me, you.

Speaker 4 (01:08:25):
Know, Can I offer a suggestion since your husband is
in sort of like more of the kept man role,
he does not have a lot of responsibilities right now,
like it doesn't work. Is there a way that he
can be sort of the motivator to some of this stuff? Like, Hey, honey,
we've been sitting at home a lot. I need you
to plan one day to week where we find a

(01:08:47):
new park to walk to or just walk around the park.
We go there and we walk around to find something
interesting to do, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:08:54):
Find some answer, go to live music, find somewhere like
just doing it once a week exactly.

Speaker 4 (01:09:00):
And it can be like his little homework for the week.

Speaker 6 (01:09:03):
You know, The fun part is that I think he
wants me to have.

Speaker 1 (01:09:08):
You, So then do you do it? Just do it.

Speaker 2 (01:09:10):
That's the less you can pregnated him within.

Speaker 1 (01:09:14):
But you've been pregnated him with your lifestyle.

Speaker 2 (01:09:16):
You just said that, so now it's your responsibility take
some of it off of his plane and be like,
you know what, You're right, You're enmeshed in my life
and now we're like living my lifestyle. So for you,
every weekend, I'm going to plan something for us to do.

Speaker 1 (01:09:29):
Just start with small things.

Speaker 6 (01:09:31):
Well that's that's.

Speaker 1 (01:09:32):
Also okay, So just let's do that to start with.

Speaker 5 (01:09:36):
What about you guys taking a twenty minute walk, Like
right as soon as we end this conversation, I like it.

Speaker 1 (01:09:44):
Oh good, I'm gonna do that.

Speaker 5 (01:09:48):
Okay. I don't know if it's cool enough. I am, like,
I do not like to go out into the sun,
So I don't blame you for waiting a little bit
till it's cool.

Speaker 1 (01:09:57):
We just got him agree to take a walk.

Speaker 2 (01:09:59):
Let's just wrap it up, guys. Thank you, go take
a walk, and then you're gonna also make plans for
the weekend, and you're gonna do subject very weekend.

Speaker 5 (01:10:08):
And report report back to us.

Speaker 1 (01:10:10):
What you're doing?

Speaker 4 (01:10:12):
Okay, yeah about all the places you went?

Speaker 5 (01:10:16):
Okay, you too.

Speaker 2 (01:10:22):
I hope he gets out of the house. Okay, Anna,
thank you very much for being here everyone. SPA Weekend
is out tomorrow. Where can people watch SPA Weekend in theaters?

Speaker 5 (01:10:32):
In theaters?

Speaker 3 (01:10:32):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (01:10:33):
Even more exciting? Okay, thank you so much. On It's
always lovely to talk to you.

Speaker 5 (01:10:40):
I'm so happy to be here. You know I'm not
gonna leave.

Speaker 4 (01:10:45):
If you want advice from Chelsea, right into Dear Chelsea
podcast at gmail dot com.

Speaker 5 (01:10:50):
Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia.

Speaker 4 (01:10:53):
Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler, and find
Catherine on TikTok at flash Cadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Katherine Law. Find
full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix, and get
tickets to see Chelsea live at chelseahmmler dot com