The Hunting Wives with Malin Akerman

Malin Akerman is here to talk about the power of women, why you’ll never win an argument with a narcissist, and why much-younger men make surprisingly great husbands. Then: A 20-something can’t stomach her influencer friend’s lifestyle. A sister wonders how to stay in touch when she makes a cross-country move.  And a dad struggles to deal with his kid’s mom - especially when she tells lies about him. 

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Want to help families impacted by ICE?  Follow the links below:

Immigrant Defenders Law Center

Jail Support LA

UnionDelBarrio.org

chirla.org

buen-vecino.org

805undocufund.org

mixteco.org

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert

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The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Catherine, it's Thursday. Hi Chelsea, It's Thursday and I'm
in Los Angeles.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
I'm so happy to have you here.

Speaker 3 (00:07):
Finally. I know Doug.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
Has a mountain man here too. Now. I told Felix,
I was like, listen, you have to take into the
mountains every morning. So he picks him lap and he
takes him to Los Montaigne's. But it's so sad the dirt.
Like he sends me videos of Doug and it's just dirt,
white ray dirt. He went from Whistler where it's verdant
and green and beautiful.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
Snowy and yeah, well it wasn't snowy.

Speaker 1 (00:28):
Somewhere, but like you know, lakes and now there's pictures.
He sends me a video yesterday. I'm like, is that
a coyote? He's like, I'm like, is Doug. What does
Doug do when he see nothing?

Speaker 3 (00:38):
That thing? He looks at him.

Speaker 1 (00:39):
I'm like, oh my god. So yeah, I'm like he's
living a different lifestyle for sure.

Speaker 4 (00:45):
You know what, there are new smells here. He's you know,
having some variety to Yeah, love variety.

Speaker 1 (00:50):
I mean, I guess we do love variety. I added
a new show to my West Hampton show. The first
one sold out, so I added a show August twenty first.
Now and twenty second, I will be in West Hampton performing,
and then I'm doing the I'm headlining the Rochester Fringe
Festival that's in September, and I am doing Napa Valley
and that's on October third. I'm doing Napa Valley some

(01:10):
big winery, so that's going to be beautiful.

Speaker 5 (01:12):
Yes, And of course we had so much fun at
your Vegas show.

Speaker 1 (01:14):
Vega, we gambled everyone.

Speaker 3 (01:17):
We didn't.

Speaker 1 (01:18):
You didn't win in the minute, but you won when
you went to the slots.

Speaker 3 (01:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:21):
I went to the slots and I like put in
a twenty dollars bill and I won one hundred and
fifteen dollars.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
I can see you winning at the slots, cap.

Speaker 5 (01:27):
Yeah, I love a penny slot, like lady.

Speaker 3 (01:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
I would never waste my time at the slots because
that's just like I need more banks. But this weekend
I started betting bigger. I started betting like four or
five hundred dollars around yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:38):
And it worked right hand.

Speaker 1 (01:39):
And when it was working, so I left with three
hundred dollars more than I started.

Speaker 5 (01:42):
I mean, you were brave betting, you were like thrown up.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
Yeah, but I also supplied again. I supplied everybody with
their gambling money and they all lost.

Speaker 3 (01:50):
Well no, not everybody lost. No.

Speaker 1 (01:52):
I mean the bottom line is I never see that
money again. But if I walk away with it, it's
like I've given away money and I'm walking away with
more than I started within.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
That's a win.

Speaker 5 (02:01):
Yeah, it's a win for everybody. Everyone's happy.

Speaker 4 (02:03):
And then also like people are gambling because there's just
like you.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
Know, there's a fun energy around gambling.

Speaker 5 (02:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (02:09):
Yeah, it's a really good time. It's really good.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
I go to the same table every time after the show.
Doug was there. Doug was gambling because he's my meg king.
Well he's your lucky charm, he's my king. Yeah, No,
I win without him. He is definitely not my lucky charm.
He's definitely not. I'm staying with my friend Cat right now. Yeah,
and she has a little o balloompa dog. Yeah. I
don't know what kind it is, but it's a small
one is something like not fluffy short hair.

Speaker 3 (02:33):
Okay, I don't know what that type is, but.

Speaker 1 (02:35):
It's not it's not of interest to me, but Doug.
It's so funny when they play because Doug is obviously
like fourteen times the size of her, and he goes
to pick her up like with his teeth. Oh no,
And I'm like, yeah, that isn't a chew toy. No, like,
and he goes and gets it, like puts his mouth
around her, and I'm like no, no, and then he
looks at us like, oh, I'm sorry. Am I not
supposed to pick her up like this? It's like, no,

(02:56):
you're not her mother.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
That's not a toy.

Speaker 1 (02:58):
And yeah, I know, so poor little Luna, she's a
little Luna bear.

Speaker 3 (03:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
She's like, I'm like, he's rough stuff.

Speaker 3 (03:05):
Thank god. He's not a rapist though.

Speaker 6 (03:06):
You know.

Speaker 5 (03:07):
I mean, yeah, not a humper.

Speaker 3 (03:08):
We don't want to try to hump.

Speaker 1 (03:09):
His friend Sally in Canada. But that was you know that,
that was okay because she's a friend of mine and
that dog is big and could defend herself. Yeah, you
know what I mean. And she was like, fuck you, Doug.

Speaker 5 (03:21):
But he's like fix and everything, right, He just no,
I have.

Speaker 3 (03:24):
A dog that's not fixed.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
I mean, come on, hello, that's just one more thing
I can't.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
Afford to deal with. Right, they just do it. Sometimes.
My friend Kat and.

Speaker 1 (03:32):
I, Well, Cat's a good cook, so she's been cooking
for me because my house, of course is still.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
Not No, of course not, of course, I house is.

Speaker 1 (03:39):
Still not ready. Can you fucking believe it? I scheduled
my entire European tour and my entire European travels to
come home to a house home, and it's still not ready. Oh,
speaking of which, ICE, we have a lot of groups
to donate to that I am that I aggregated, so
let's add those, like different organizations you can donate to

(04:00):
for families being affected by ICE. You could donate to
attorneys that are defending these people, or you can donate
to organizations that are helping feed them and are helping
them legal fees, legal fees, and also to help them
financially while they're unable to go to work because they're
being stopped every single fucking day so that they don't
get separated from their families. So it's a good place.

(04:20):
There's like five or six donation spots that I found
out that are really good to donate to.

Speaker 3 (04:24):
So let's do that.

Speaker 4 (04:25):
Okay, If you want to donate to families who are
affected by ice and immigration issues. Here are a few
places that you can donate. So one place you can
support is the Immigrant Defender's Law Center and we'll put
a link in the bio. They're a next generation social
justice law firm that defends immigrant communities against injustices. Jail
Support LA. It's a grassroots collective dedicated to supporting anti

(04:49):
repression work in Los Angeles and they provide bill money
for protesters in downtown.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
La Unjon del.

Speaker 4 (04:55):
Barrio is an organization that defends Mexican and Latin American community.
They have been organizing a lot of protests and teach
people how to do patrols in the event of a raid.
CHARLA is the Coalition for Human Immigration Rights and empowers
immigrants to push policies that promote freedom of movement, full
human rights, vigorous civic action, and strengthens democracy. When Vesino

(05:17):
is an in person responder training being held on July
twenty fifth, and it's in Moore Park, California, So if
you want to attend that, we'll put a link in
the bio. Eight PHO five UNDOCU fund provides funds and
support for immigrants Mixed Techo supports organizes and empowers the
indigenous migrant communities in California's Central Coast, and these raids,

(05:39):
illegal and immigration raids continue to happen. So any support
that you guys can provide will be put to good use.

Speaker 1 (05:46):
Okay, great, and we have a great guest today, an
old friend of mine who is in a new show.
And the new show is called Hunting Wives on Netflix.
It's not to be confused with hunting husbands or hunting
four husbands. It's hunting wives and figure that one out.
Please welcome Malin Ackerman. Hi, honey, Hi, how you doing.
I was just talking about my bunyan surgery. I'm getting

(06:08):
at July fifth, so much fun, so I know, I
can't wait.

Speaker 3 (06:11):
I'm excited.

Speaker 1 (06:12):
I'm actually excited. I'm excited for you a month off
and just lying around my house, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (06:17):
Unfortunately, it won't even be a month like you'll be
up and if you want till, you can be up.
But otherwise, just milk it.

Speaker 7 (06:21):
I milked it for as long as I could, even
though I could walk after a week.

Speaker 3 (06:25):
And you could walk? Wow?

Speaker 1 (06:26):
Did you do physical therapy after?

Speaker 2 (06:28):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (06:28):
I did. I did with a with a trainer. And
a pee, you know what a physical therapist a pt.
But I was in a boot. Obviously I wasn't walking
without a boot. Not you're in a boot for a while.
But I think we went to Vegas two weeks after
my surgery because we'd already booked it, and I just
got one of those one of those little roly things
where you put your knee on it, and you like,
oh my god, what Vegas was intended for?

Speaker 1 (06:50):
That in Disney World and when people roll around in
Disney World, Yeah, all you're missing is a drumstick, like
one of those giant turkey drumsticks. Okay, mallin. First of all,
when did I see you last? I saw you at
Guy's house, probably.

Speaker 3 (07:02):
Right Guy's house. Yeah, it was probably three am in
the morning, dancing on the glasser. Yeah, he felt great.

Speaker 1 (07:08):
I think I was looking for my purse for about
four hours at that party.

Speaker 3 (07:11):
Did you ever find it?

Speaker 1 (07:12):
I did?

Speaker 3 (07:13):
It was amazing.

Speaker 1 (07:14):
It's the story of my life. Some strange person just
came up to me, someone how I had never met.
Because I was going around the party asking people, I'm like,
do you have my assistants info? Because I might need
to get my driver and I'm alone, Like I came
with a bunch of people, but everybody had left and
I was still there. And then someone just walked right
up to me like some sort of heavenly angel instead

(07:34):
have you been looking for your purse? And I was like,
oh my god, who are you?

Speaker 3 (07:38):
And do you know who that person is? You have
know I that it was just a lovely human being
that's Anaean in the world.

Speaker 7 (07:43):
We like that.

Speaker 3 (07:45):
It was a fun party.

Speaker 1 (07:46):
It was It's always fun, right, although last year was
a little bit too my hectic, and I remember talking
to guy. I'm like, don't let anybody into that party,
like I'm not.

Speaker 3 (07:54):
It gets nuts, but you kind of get lost, like
you get your little pockets of like I'm always on
the dance so I love to dance. So my husband
and I are the same, and so we're always on
the dance flore until our feet can't take it anymore,
and you feel like you find your little pockast and
all of a sudden you turn around. You're like, oh,
I'm doing the shuffle with Miles Teller and then you
turn around and and there's Chelsea falling over the table
and having the flast.

Speaker 7 (08:15):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (08:16):
That's exactly the kind of impression I want to leave
people with. I remember the last time we were hanging out,
this was many, many years ago. You had just had
your kid. That's how long ago we've spent. It's since
we spent tive years ago. Yeah, so you were I
think I think you got divorced soon after that, and
then you met your husband.

Speaker 3 (08:35):
Soon after that. My like the real life one. The
first one was like a trial run. And then number
two I met him when my son was three, and
so he's been in our life since then, which is awesome.
Nine years crazy.

Speaker 1 (08:47):
I think that's crazy that you have a baby with
someone and then you've become a unexpectedly become a single mother.

Speaker 3 (08:54):
That was a little bit of a surprise. You know,
life is you can never plan it, as we all know.
I'll try to do it, but it just it was
one of those things. And we're good now, like he's
in our life and it's and we're friends and all that,
but it was just when you have kids, you just
never know what that's going to be like, what it's

(09:14):
going to feel like. I know that so many people
have so many different reactions. Some people are like in
the movies where like everything's grand and beautiful, but for
the most part, it's fucking shocking. And you go through
a real emotional rollercoaster bringing a human being home and
you have to take care of it. So I think
for both of us it was just we We just

(09:35):
didn't prepare properly, and I think it really affected our relationship.
But who does prepare properly?

Speaker 1 (09:41):
Like, I mean, it's not like so many people are
taking parenting classes before they have a baby, you know,
I know, And nine months is not enough time to
prepare for that kind of invasion.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
No, And I wasn't even we weren't even preparing. I mean,
I was just living life the way it normally was.
And then a baby was born. Oh my god, geez,
this is I got to keep this thing alive and
try to keep my relationship sexy. I don't know how
do you do that. I haven't no idea, I haven't.
I failed at it. But number two is a good
is good. And we decided not to have another kid

(10:13):
together because I was like, you know, let's just keep
it sexy, and we've got a kid already and like,
let's have fun. And when he gets old, he's twelve.
Now you know, a few more years and he's out
of the house and we're going to travel the world
and we're still going to keep it sexy. So I know,
you know a little something about that. Because you decided
not to have children, you just kept spontaneous, spontaneity part

(10:33):
of your life, which is so much fun and I
miss it, do you.

Speaker 1 (10:36):
Your sister introduced you to your husband, right, Yeah, she
did good memory.

Speaker 3 (10:40):
She is now married to the guy who she's married
to your husband too. She's yeah, we live a polygamous life.
It's very cool, you know, a little sestuous. But her
husband is also a brit and so my husband and
her husband were at drama school together, so he would
come out for like pilot season why when there was
isolot season when that existed, And so I met him

(11:02):
a couple of times, and then we ended up sitting
at Hamburger Mary's beside each other for a dry queen
bingo night, and that's where we fell in love, as
you do, because we sat beside each other and I
just realized at that time, like I'd met him a
few times, but I was finally ready, I guess, and
he was just so you know that British charm and wit,
and he was funny and kind of cute, and so,

(11:22):
I mean, I still didn't think we were going to
get married. I just thought we'd have a fun little
affair because he's seven years younger than me. Oh oh,
I love that. Yeah, it's great. And the nice thing
about younger men is that they adore you. He's like, wow,
you're my woman, and it feels you feel like a
woman around a younger man. I love it. I'm enjoying
this experience.

Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah, I could see that I've ever dated for somebody
that was so much younger than me, more than like
a year or so. So I don't know, but I'm
assuming I'm going to get around to it because I'm
not getting any younger. Like I'm sure I'm going to
start dating.

Speaker 3 (11:52):
I'll introduce you to a few young boys.

Speaker 1 (11:54):
Yeah, I mean, I'd like a little couple of flings,
especially with you know, the energy, sexual energy that younger men.
I'm more interested in math than having to deal with
you know, men my own age and their own issues.
Not not naming any names you dm me when I
was in Sweden or you were texting me or some
one of those things, because that's where you're you're from.

(12:14):
You're from Sweden, I am, but I originally I was
reading your bio and you also have permanent residency status
in Canada, So.

Speaker 3 (12:22):
I did that one. I had to give up when
I moved out here. I had a permanent because I
was there for twenty two years. And when we first
moved to Canada, Sweden wouldn't allow dual citizenship. And then
when it was finally time for me to move America
to America, then I could get dual citizenship. But I
was going to America. So it's like, you know what,
I don't need a Canadian passport. I've got my Swedish passport.
Now I wish I had would have done it, But.

Speaker 1 (12:42):
Because I was about to ask you, I'm like, wait,
I have a house in Canada and I don't have
permanent residence. Yeah I do in Whistler. I go. I
love your first ice ski in the wintertime, and I
love I love Canadians. You know, they're so civilized, Yeah,
so nice, so normal. It's a nice contrast to what
we deal with it. But a little bit yeah, yeah,
I was curious about learning. I mean, every all my

(13:04):
conversations lately are basically about how to naturalize another place.
How are you going to get to become a permanent
resident of another place? Back to Sweden. I have like
a few Swedish people in my life. And when I
was in Stockholm for my most recent I just came
from Europe. I was on this European tour. It looked amazing,
Thank you, It was amazing, and Stockholm was such a highlight.

(13:26):
It was so gorgeous out. We walked probably like fifteen
thousand steps that day. We walked and walked and walked
and walked, and it was like one of the first
days of you know what felt like summer. You know,
it was in May, but it felt like the first
and the whole place was pumping. And this was like
how it was when we kept like hopping through Europe.
We'd land and like the sun would be out and
we'd be in Copenhagen or Amsterdam or but Stockholm was

(13:49):
such a highlight. And I have a really good girlfriend
who lives in Whistler who is Swedish. And then I
have another friend that I spent like my twenties with
that was Swedish. And I have to say, Swedish women
are so much fucking fun. And I feel like Swedish
culture tell me if this is true, Like women don't
care about marriage in the same way that American women

(14:13):
care about marriage.

Speaker 3 (14:14):
No, not at all. The whole thing of Like, I
don't know, there's that really weird thing where it's like
you have to spend half your yearly salary for the rank,
Like there's all these rules around things. Swedish women are
kind of like take it early. I think it's like
the Viking mentality we grew up on versus you know.
I guess America was built on, you know, religion, and
so it's a very separate It feels very logical in Sweden.

(14:36):
And I also feel like the women there, for whatever reason,
I don't know why or the history of it, but
the women in Sweden are the aggressors and they're very independent.
It feels very like it always feels like women have
always been an equal over there, and so you just
feel empowered, which is really interesting. And I don't know
the reason why, but I do feel like women are

(14:57):
just strong and takeway they want kind of thing, and
I love that about it, you know, and men tend
to follow suit and stand in line.

Speaker 1 (15:06):
Yeah, I wonder if it does have something to do
with the Vikings. I'm gonna have to read a book
about that.

Speaker 3 (15:10):
I know, go to I should know my own culture
really and I wonder if.

Speaker 1 (15:14):
It's all scale, like if it's all that area in
Scandinavian cultures too, where women, I mean obviously they're like
government wise and happy wise, like everybody seems a lot
happier in that part of the world, Scandinavia in general.

Speaker 3 (15:26):
And when also when you get like a year mattornity
leave six months paternity like everything is it works like
everything You pay really high taxes in Stockholm, but they
go towards the things that you want them to go towards,
Like you can go to university for free in Sweden
and get a really brilliant education, you know, and that's
where our tax money goes to, which I would love

(15:47):
to see here, you know. Having a kid here, I'm like, wow,
it's expensive because he can't go to all the public schools.
We were lucky to put him in a charter school
for the first few years of his life, but now
we just switched him over and we're like, wow, it's crazy.

Speaker 1 (16:01):
It's crazy that we have to pay for kindergarten. Well,
I don't have to for anything, but it's crazy that
parents have to pay for fucking kindergarten. I mean, I
live in a city that is absolutely ridiculous. Watching that
back race and watching people apply to kindergartens and preschools
is like, Honestly, when I.

Speaker 3 (16:17):
Was pregnant, I had a friend of mine, a friend
of mine's mother, who was like, okay, listen, we need
a meeting. And I was like okay, and she comes
over to my place and she goes, listen, you got
to start looking into preschools. You got to start putting yourself.
I'm like, my kid isn't even born.

Speaker 7 (16:30):
What do you mean.

Speaker 3 (16:30):
She's like, oh, it's impossible. I'm gonna introduce you to
a woman who's gonna get you in. And I was like, okay.
I was really freaked out. I didn't know what the
fuck was going on. So this woman comes over and
she's like, Okay, I know everybody at every school. I'll
help you fill out all the forums. I'll help you.
I was like, I feel like I could fill out
a form myself. And she goes and it'll cost seven
thousand dollars. I just went I'm good. He'll go to

(16:52):
whatever preschool he goes to and it'll be fine. He'll
learn how to count to three and it'll be great.
But it was just there's this whole gamut here where
people scare you into thinking like if they don't get
into the right preschool, then you know they're just never
going to make it in life, which is nuts. It
really is coming from Canada where you're just like, you
just go to the schools that you go to.

Speaker 1 (17:12):
You know, by the way, Canadian colleges are seven thousand
dollars for a whole entire year. So you could either
get a coach to get you into kindergarten in America,
or you could go to college for seven thousand dollars
a year. Your dealer's choice.

Speaker 3 (17:24):
Yeah, dealer's choice. What are you going to choose?

Speaker 1 (17:26):
I'm into that new Prime Minister of Canada though, Mark Carney.
I like his attitude all lost.

Speaker 3 (17:30):
Yeah me too.

Speaker 1 (17:31):
Speaking of taking what you want, Okay, let's talk about
Hunting Wives, because first of all, you are really getting
after it in the show.

Speaker 3 (17:39):
Did you get to see it?

Speaker 1 (17:40):
I saw three episodes. Yes, I watched it while I
was getting my roots done yesterday. Back I saw you
in full action, having lots of action with a variety
of different people, and yeah, I was like, wow, look
at you go.

Speaker 3 (17:55):
Margot Banks, who is the character that I play as
you saw, is probably one of the favorite characters that
I've ever played. Talk about like living in her own
power right, just like taking whatever she wants. She is
master manipulator. She is Lady Macbeth behind the scenes, just
with her puppeteering. Super fun to play, you know. All

(18:18):
the cast was It's one of those dream scenarios where
everything kind of fell in place. I mean at first
when I read the script, I then gave it to
my husband and I was like, am I this person?
Can I do this?

Speaker 6 (18:30):
Like?

Speaker 3 (18:30):
Should I do this? Is this crazy? It is nuts?
And he read it and he went, oh my god,
are you kidding me this? You have to do this.
It's literally his fantasy is this whole show? But yeah,
she is. She is something to be reckoned with. But
the beauty of it, because you only set three episodes,
it gets there's so many twists and turns that are
coming your way. By the end, you can't even believe

(18:52):
where it's taken you. And that's what the fun part is.
About it is that.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
Yeah, you can see that there's a lot happening, and yeah,
that's a lot that's going to happen. Oh, this is exciting.

Speaker 2 (19:01):
This is AWESO coming out.

Speaker 3 (19:02):
All eight episodes get dropped all at the same time
on July twenty first, So you know, okay, corn and
sit for eight hours straight and watch this crazy show.

Speaker 7 (19:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (19:12):
So it's basically let's give a synopsis of the show.
It's basically this. Brittany's snow is also in the show,
and she basically moves I think from the East coast
to East Texas.

Speaker 3 (19:22):
Is that right? That's right, small little made uptown in
East Texas where Margo Banks and her husband Jed Banks
are basically like the queen Bee and the soon to
be governor of this little town.

Speaker 1 (19:31):
Who's played by Dermot mulrooney.

Speaker 3 (19:33):
That's right, dream vote he's Oh my god, he's such
a nice suff here into chemistry together. I love that man.

Speaker 1 (19:41):
Yeah, he's a great guy. And it's such a great
role for you. I like, I love seeing you in
a lead role and being this kind of master puppettier.
Like I love watching that and I love seeing you
shine in that way. So congratulations, thank you.

Speaker 3 (19:55):
Yeah, it's so much fun. It really is, like if
you like Big Little Eyes and Yellowstone, it's like they
have a baby and this is it, you know, So
it's it's salacious and fun and sexy and wild. Do
you get how do you deal with having sex scenes
with different people?

Speaker 1 (20:10):
Is that an issue?

Speaker 3 (20:11):
Like?

Speaker 1 (20:11):
What do you do to prepare for those?

Speaker 3 (20:14):
Well, the thing is is that, you know, we have
intimacy coordinators nowadays, which is a saving grace. I love
it so much because you have this person who comes
to you know, if it's me and Brittany having a
scene together, she'll talk to us separately and say, all right,
what are you guys comfortable with? What do you want
to show? What do you not want to show?

Speaker 7 (20:30):
What?

Speaker 3 (20:31):
Like? What are we doing here? And then we come
in together and do rehearsals just like stunt choreography. She
actually used to our intimacy coordinator used to be a
stunt choreographer, which is awesome and she was the best.
And so it's like doing choreography. You get it all
settled and then you show your director and they sign
off on it. So when you go to set that day,
you know exactly what you're doing. There are no surprises,

(20:52):
nobody's doing anything different. We both feel comfortable with what
we're doing. And I want to say comfortable. It's still
not like whoo, this is going to be great. It's
still weird. You know, you're still there with the crew
and cameras. It's never what it looks like on screen.
Is it's never as intimate as we make it look.

(21:12):
But it's very respectful and it's very well organized and
directed and taken care of.

Speaker 7 (21:19):
So you know.

Speaker 1 (21:20):
I once did a movie like I don't remember what
it was even called, and I had to kiss this
guy and I was like, I can't. I cann't kiss him.
I was like, I can't kiss this person. And the
director's like, you just have to kiss him on the lips,
like it can be short, like it just has to
look like you're about like you're about to start making out.
I'm like, I don't, I can't do it, like I'm
not attracted to him. He's like, I know, but this
is not real life. You're acting, and I'm like, which

(21:41):
is why I'm not an actress. I'm like, I can't
make out with a man. And the whole time I
just wanted him to be yelling cut before he yelled
it like the whole time, I was like black. Yeah,
I had such a childish reaction to being to be
having to act in like a romantic setting where where
it wasn't really attracted him. So do you ever have

(22:03):
those types of feelings where you're like, I want this
to be over.

Speaker 3 (22:08):
I think I've suppressed it so far down it's been
so long, doing it for so long that you just
pull up your bootstraps and go. But no, you know,
I gotta be honest, there hasn't been I haven't I've
I had one once, I gotta say. And this was
in the very beginning of my career, before I even
came out to Hollywood, and I had to do a
like a kiss with it guy. It was nothing like

(22:29):
it wasn't even a makeout thing, but he there was.
He was one of those like off camera just wasn't
a nice guy, like wasn't a great guy. So I
just didn't like him very much. And not only that,
but he decided to eat sidziki, which has tons of
garlic in it, right at lunch, right before our scene.
So not only did I not like him, he smelt

(22:49):
like garlic and I had to kiss him and I
was like, oh, everything about it. And that was very
early on in my career, so I didn't know how
to handle it. But yes, that was one moment where
I was like, no, please, just cold cut. But otherwise
it's it's I've had a beautiful experience and most of
the people that I've worked with, I've just really enjoyed,
and it's been you kind of when you're in that character.

(23:11):
You go into it and you feel like that character,
and of course once they call cut, you feel silly
and awkward and're like, hey, how's your wife? Everything good
at home? Great? It is a very strange thing. And
if you're not in the acting world and you don't
do it, I can understand people on the outside going wow,
how do you do that? But I guess you get
used to it. I guess you do it in character.

Speaker 1 (23:32):
Well, yeah, I guess right, you would do it in character.
But do you feel a sense of like you must
feel a sense of responsibility to make the other actor,
whether it's a woman or a man or anything in between,
do you feel responsible for making the other person feel comfortable?

Speaker 3 (23:46):
And I think both both parties, and that's been in
my experience ninety nine percent of the time is that
both parties, myself and the other party are just super
respectful and considerate. And you know, as soon as they
call cut it like hey, are you okay? Are you good?
You know, I have some scenes with George Ferrier in
this in this show, and he plays a nineteen year

(24:07):
old boy, but he's in his early twenties and we
have a relationship that's of a sexual nature. And of
course everything was treated just as it would with the
intimacy Cordy. It was beautiful, it was lovely, respectful. But
after every shot, I would be like I felt like
a mother. Tim was like, are you okay, yourn you
need some water? Do you need some Like can I
get you anything?

Speaker 1 (24:26):
I'm sorry?

Speaker 3 (24:27):
Or are you welcome? I don't know what to say
right now, but it was just really to say that,
like it's just been a lovely experience, and yes, you
I think everyone is super considerate in those situations.

Speaker 1 (24:41):
There's a great shot of you pulling up on a
jet ski. First of all, your wardrobe is awesome because everybody, yeah,
I mean I get to comment on women's bodies, but
your body's just ridiculous, and your legs go off for
miles and miles and miles, and you should always just
be in a bathing suit because you should be showing
that body off. Fine, she pulls up on a jet
ski on this beach to pick up Brittany, and it's
so funny because it's just like, you know, you're on

(25:03):
the hut. Basically, it's like a Baywatch moment. Yeah, totally,
it's totally like a Baywatch moment. But yeah, I just
like seeing you kind of command a show. It's very
nice to see that.

Speaker 3 (25:17):
I'm definitely enjoying it, and I have to say, you know,
you've earned that. Thank you. I feel like I've earned
it too. But I also feel like this character, I
love sitting in the power of what it is sometimes
to be female and what it is to use that
and weld that power. Not that I would ever use
it the way she does, but it's fun to play

(25:39):
that because you go, women really have this power, not
that it should be used in this way, but wow,
is it ever fun to exercise that in a role
And it is really just juicy And it was I
felt the same about my role in Billions, where she
was just this powerful character. And I love women in
power like that, whether they're using it for good or bad.

(26:00):
It's just fun to play.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
It's also fun to examine that because men men can
be so powerful with almost no power, you know, like
they don't really have any real power necessarily, and they
present as they do just because of the nature of
society and you know, the way things have shaken out
thus far. But women really are the powerful ones, Like,
we have so much inside of us. So whenever there

(26:23):
are people that call into the podcast, which you'll experience shortly, like,
there's so many women who are unaware of the power
that lies within them.

Speaker 3 (26:31):
And totally it's our job as.

Speaker 1 (26:33):
Women who are more mature and have the wisdom and
experience to know that it's so important to inject women
with that vibe, you know, to make sure everyone knows
how powerful you are. Like I was with this I
was with this young couple of yesterday doing something and
we were filming something and they were just so traditional, right,

(26:54):
and they were like talking about getting married and they
were I was in their apartment in New York City
and they were so young, and they were both adorable
and sweet and kind of innocent, but they weren't even
thirty and she's just I just could tell, like, oh, this.

Speaker 3 (27:10):
Girl really wants to marry this guy.

Speaker 1 (27:11):
And he wants to marry and they think this is
it and you know it probably or may will be,
who knows. But also why why is it necessary to
you know? Especially I mean, you know that because you've
been through, you know, a first marriage. But I want
women to know, like life just keeps getting better and
better as you get older, and the more wisdom we acquire,

(27:35):
the sexier life becomes, and the more like possibilities, and like,
don't limit your possibilities for the world.

Speaker 3 (27:42):
A hundred and that you know, Chelsea, that's why I
love you so much. And what you put out there
in the world in your comedy and your voice, you
just it shows women that you can. You can be vocal,
and you can be out there, and you can be confident,
and you can do whatever the fuck you want, like
skiing and and be key because we can. But I
just think that it is so important for women to

(28:05):
understand that our voices can and should be heard. And
it's okay, not every I had to go through a
lot of work of I was, I still am. It's
still in me a people pleaser, but I realized that
people pleasing is actually just a way to control other people.
So it's not a really nice thing. It's just I
need to control their emotions so that they don't make

(28:26):
me feel a certain way. So instead I had to
start learning how to say no and standing up for
myself and being okay with the fact that some people
might think that I'm a bitch, or some people might
think that whatever they want to think, but I have
to align myself with what's true to me and how
I feel. And the same goes with relationships. Like when
I met my husband, I was like, I'm not a
finished product yet. You know, I just went through divorce,

(28:47):
I just had a kid, Like, I don't really know
who I am right now. So who you're getting right
now is not who I'm going to be in ten
years from now. So if you want to enter into
this as a relationship, cool. It may or may not work,
but we can give it our best shot, and that's
fun and that's great. Now he happens to be the
best partner ever, which I didn't expect. I really thought
he was just going to be a little romp in

(29:08):
the sack and then he's going back to England. But
it didn't turn out that way. He stayed. But I
think it's really important and it's really hard, and it's
a really long journey. And I feel like I'm only
stepping into myself in my forties, you know, and who
I want to be and understanding myself and being confident
enough to take those steps to living more authentically to
who I am, and whoever doesn't want to be part

(29:31):
of that just isn't going to be in my life.

Speaker 1 (29:33):
And that's okay, right, And that the stage of your
life that you're in when you meet somebody is not
a fixed state, Like you're not going to be that
way forever. None of us are. We'll always evolving or devolving.
Or sometimes you go through a rough patch and you
know you're not at your best, and that could happen
at any time in your life. Even when you feel
like you've gotten all figured out, then something can like

(29:54):
you know, kind of throw you and you're like, oh shit,
this isn't me operating on my A plus plus self.
But that's okay, Like to give yourself the grace that, Okay,
this is a rough patch, I'm going to get through it.
Because I've gotten through everything else that has come my
way in my life and this is just another something
I didn't expect. As you said when we started talking today,
that you can't really plan, you know, your life. So

(30:14):
when I see these young people planning their futures and
I've got to marry this by this age and i
want to have this many kids by this age, I'm like,
oh God, throw that all out the window. You can
have your kids, and you can have your husband, but
like it doesn't have to be at like these little
tent poles, like in order an arrangement, And I.

Speaker 3 (30:33):
Feel like that sets you up for a disappointment instead
of just going, let's see what happens.

Speaker 1 (30:38):
Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back
with Malin Ackerman.

Speaker 3 (30:45):
And we're back with Mallin. What's your husband's name, Jack,
Jack Darley? Oh yeah, I love British guys, you know. Yeah,
Well we'll find you a young one, you know, I know, yes,
next up, put the word out.

Speaker 7 (30:58):
I like that.

Speaker 1 (31:00):
That's usually where I have most of my hookups, is London.

Speaker 3 (31:02):
Yeah, because they're super fun and like just a blast,
you know.

Speaker 1 (31:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (31:07):
I'll ask my husband if he has any good, real
good ones that are single.

Speaker 1 (31:10):
Okay, please do, please do, Catherine, What do we have
in store for us?

Speaker 4 (31:15):
Well, we can start with an easy one, so Jessica says,
Dear Chelsea. I'm a twin sister, and my mom and
aunt are also twins. My mom is one of nine and.

Speaker 2 (31:24):
Has six sisters.

Speaker 4 (31:26):
All that to say, sisterhood is a huge value I
hold and has always been a major part of my
life due to work, which is a good thing and
an opportunity I'm related for. I'm going to be moving
to the West Coast from the East Coast, and my
big question is about my twin sister. She's had some
recent challenges in her life, and I'm so worried about
quote abandoning her or feeling like I'm moving on without

(31:47):
her across the country. She's also a badass and is
in no way in trouble like where she's reliant on me. However,
emotionally and with her.

Speaker 2 (31:55):
Self confidence, she's in a rut right now.

Speaker 4 (31:57):
I'm wondering if you have any tips and tricks on
how you keep in touch with your sisters that are
in different time zones than you, and also how to
help them grow and navigate the challenges they might be
facing while you aren't there physically. Finally, one last question
is whether you prioritize certain events to be there in
person with them versus those are okay with not being
physically there. For kind regards to Jess, well, how many

(32:20):
sisters do you have?

Speaker 3 (32:20):
Balin, I have two half sisters and one half brother,
so and they're all over the place. I mean, we
grew up in different countries. They grew up in Sweden,
My brother and I grew up in Canada, and I
moved out here when I was twenty two, so I've
only experienced long distance relationships with my siblings. And if anything,
I think you cherish your time together even more when

(32:42):
you do see each other. And I think with all
the technology that we have nowadays, I mean, all of
my besties are somewhere in Costa Rica, some are in Canada,
some are in Sweden. We keep in touch all the time,
and when you get together it's like no time is past.
I think the people that you're closest to you work
it out. It works it self out. And yes, I
think you should go and be there for milestones and

(33:04):
big events and whatnot. And you know, make time for that.
But it sounds like this woman is saying, you know,
her sister's a badass and she's going to figure it out.
You can be there from a distance time zone totally.
It's just three hours difference. It's not that bad.

Speaker 1 (33:17):
I don't feel like any sort of distance is prohibitive
to maintaining a relationship with somebody that you care about deeply,
especially your sisters. There's texting, there's face time, there's zooms.
You can like schedule calls. You can text and say
want to hop on the phone, you can FaceTime, you
can do all those totally, and just make sure that
your presence is known and available, that you're making yourself available.

(33:37):
I think that's the most important thing for any relationship
that you care about, is that you're you know when
when you hear from your sister, that you're your responsive,
that you get back to her in a nice fashion.
Not like I hate when this doesn't happen to me
and my sisters or siblings, but like, you know, if
someone texts you, you should text them back that day.
I'm really good on text. I'm less good on email,

(33:58):
you know, like I'm text is more immediate to me,
But there are some people who don't text back for
fucking four or five days, and I'm like, what what
kind of app do you?

Speaker 6 (34:04):
Like?

Speaker 1 (34:05):
How does that show up on your phone? But I think,
especially if you're worried about somebody, you just make sure
that your presence is understood for for the other person,
and make sure that you're checking in, going you know, hey,
what's up, and asking questions that lead somewhere rather than
going how are you? How's it going?

Speaker 3 (34:21):
Yeah? What it like more specific like what did you
do today?

Speaker 1 (34:24):
Who were you? You know, did you have a good weekend?
Would did you do anything fun?

Speaker 6 (34:28):
Like?

Speaker 1 (34:28):
I don't know. Just like try to engage in a
way that requires a response, so you can kind of
measure how your sister is doing rather than just checking
in in a kind of banal way.

Speaker 3 (34:39):
Yeah, exactly, open ended questions that let her kind of
figure it out on her own, but you're there holding
the space. I think is really important. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (34:47):
Something that's helpful for me too is like having a
regular call. So it's like my mom every Friday, we
know what time we're talking, and like sometimes it has
to move by a day or we skip a week
or whatever, but having that.

Speaker 2 (34:58):
Time on the calend just so we know, like it.
It makes it a lot more regular than.

Speaker 3 (35:03):
Yeah, that's a good idea.

Speaker 1 (35:04):
Yeah, I mean it really depends on your personality type,
Like I would never stick to something like that, but
I think that's if you're if you are organized in
your sisters organize, then that's great.

Speaker 3 (35:14):
Yeah, it's nice to have something to look forward to
as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

Speaker 1 (35:18):
Especially you can also put it on you like I'm
moving away, I'm going to miss you, you know, like,
don't make it about checking in on her. You make
it presented as like I hate being this far away
from you, or I need to make sure we have
a check in for my sanity.

Speaker 3 (35:31):
Yeah. And I don't know if you guys ever did
this during COVID, but like you do the zooms where
you like happy hour zooms and you bring grab your
cocktail and you sit and have happy hour together. You
can do that from before. You can do so many
things with technology nowadays.

Speaker 1 (35:43):
Those are the only kind of zooms I had, Even
if the other people on the zooms weren't having happy hour,
even if it was a work call, I was drinking.
Was like okay, yeah, I'm like everyone's whoom, and that
means everyone needs to start drinking.

Speaker 7 (35:56):
Well.

Speaker 2 (35:56):
Our next question comes from Lucy.

Speaker 4 (35:59):
She says, Dear Chelsea, I've recently become close friends with someone,
and while our friendship sparked quickly, I'm now questioning if
we're truly compatible or if I'm just being a hater.
She's fiery, outspoken, and unapologetically flashy, think bold, designer fits
and luxury everything. I, on the other hand, lean more
toward quiet, luxury and a calmer energy. We share a

(36:22):
meaningful bond. We both grew up in fairly turbulent homes
and we've both worked hard to break out of that,
so there's a sisterhood there.

Speaker 2 (36:29):
But sometimes I find her behavior grating.

Speaker 4 (36:32):
There's a subtle superiority vibe that creeps in, and it
stirs something competitive in me that I don't love. I
pride myself on being grounded and accepting, but this dynamic
has me questioning whether I'm being too judgmental or if
deep down we're just not besty material long term. So
my question is, how do you tell the difference between
being incompatible and being insecure? Is it okay to love

(36:53):
someone but not like all of them? Respectfully, Lucy.

Speaker 1 (36:57):
Yeah, yeah, I mean this is a hard lesson to
learn for me, I know, because I want everyone to
be like one hundred percent of the things I like.
I don't like the negatives, But that doesn't happen in life.
Like everyone's gonna have the thing that greats. You're on
your nerves when you spend too much time with somebody
or enough time with somebody, and you don't have to
like diagnose the relationship to best the best friend that

(37:21):
you'll ever have in your life, Like a friendship is
give and take the fact that she's so much different
than you is a good thing, Like that's exciting, Like
that's a good way for you to be less narrow minded.
You know, if we just become friends with people who
are like us, then we're not really learning that much
and we're not we're actually being very judgmental. So I

(37:42):
think it's always a good exercise to be friends with
people that kind of take you out of your comfort zone.
And then when you are feeling judgmental, something I do
is like, why do I feel judgmental?

Speaker 3 (37:51):
Right now?

Speaker 1 (37:51):
What is it about this behavior that is making me
act like this? Because I don't want to be judgmental.
I want to be open minded, you know, or if
somebody's grating on my nerves, that's usually something about yourself
rather than something about the other person, because you shouldn't
somebody shouldn't annoy you that much that you're friends with,
Like you don't need to spend that much time with
them if they're kind of annoying that does that add

(38:13):
up to you totally?

Speaker 3 (38:15):
Totally?

Speaker 7 (38:15):
I yeah, I think it's it's definitely this difficulty right
of like, it's a harsh world. Being human, it's very difficult.
So I'm I'm super receptive and open to the fact
that we have so many different ways of going through
life and it's such a layered experience. Yeah, it's obviously insecurity.

(38:36):
Is there a little incompatibility in the sense of maybe
we don't need to be super close? Is this a
loose acquaintance? Do you have these people in your life?

Speaker 1 (38:49):
Yeah, definitely, I think so.

Speaker 3 (38:51):
Absolutely. I think, you know, I read a book that
John Cleese and his therapist wrote. I studying psychology in school.
I thought that was gonna be my path and I
remember it so vividly because what I loved about it
was in relationships any relationship, romantic or friendship. You get
attracted to people that have these you know, you have
these sliding doors that are you know, the mosquito net

(39:13):
doors right and behind those doors are things about yourself
that you haven't shared or that are maybe subconscious or
like the DNA and the fiber of who you are,
and the other person has the same thing. And you
get attracted to somebody because of the things that are
behind those doors, and then when they start to come out,
it's because you're meant to share those things and learn

(39:34):
from them and grow from them. And growth can be uncomfortable.
So this can might be one of those situations where
there's stuff that's getting stirred up from behind those doors
for you and it's uncomfortable. But maybe you've met this
person's that you have to face those things and look
at them. And like Chelsea said, like why am I
feeling this way? And what about vocalizing it and saying hey,
you know sometimes when you do this it makes me

(39:56):
feel like this is the onus is on me right
now and I'm just trying to figure myself out. Yeah,
but I just wanted to let you know, maybe we
could have a conversation about it. Maybe I don't know,
you know, what's in it for you to lose? Really,
I did that with my husband when I first met him,
and I was like, this is how I'm feeling. These
are the things that I'm afraid of, and these I'm
going to tell you a few things. And if you

(40:16):
leave and walk away because you think that's terrible, then
leave and walk away. And I guess I'm going to
have to take that. But I need to be honest
now and start speaking from an honest place. So if
you're feeling uncomfortable in situations or she does something that
feels weird, address it in a diplomatic, beautiful way that
opens a conversation.

Speaker 1 (40:33):
Maybe what's an example of something that she does that
gives you kind of like cringe feelings?

Speaker 7 (40:39):
Uh yeah, yeah, I was thinking about this. There's definitely
this this social media element to it, all right. Because
it was just a physical experience of us hanging out,
it's more subdued. But on social media, I think I
just have like this status signaling fatigue. And you know,

(40:59):
in this day and of influencers, of course, it's usually
more like indirect and they're trying to it's a little
more modest, humble, you know whatever, And so I kind
of am like, okay, go you for my friend because
she's a little more just like direct, like this is
how it is. I'm excited about. This also rubs me
the wrong way, but I think it's a general fatigue though.

(41:20):
But I will give one example. So they recently got
a little a little boat, and in the post, she's
steering the boat with big old ring left. Uh but
I know, I know she's right handed. You know, I'm like,
are you steering that boat with your left hand? Right right?

(41:44):
You know, just silly little things like that where it's
it's not as so it's a massive deal. It just
puts me off a little bit.

Speaker 1 (41:53):
I think that's a fair thing to say, Yeah, don't
you ball in, and like, yeah, I think that is
because that is kind of not true. Is she's presenting
something that's you know, and it's very showy. And while
you can accept that as a part of her personality
that she's showy, like you have to understand that's who
she is, but there is something about like presenting something

(42:13):
that's not true. But I mean I wouldn't pick that
example because it can be that's pretty like granular. You
can say to someone it makes me uncomfortable how showy
you can be. You can say that, go that's me,
that's me personally. I don't want to prohibit your behavior,
but it just doesn't make me feel It makes me
feel weird, like it's hard for me to watch a
little bit like that. That can come up organically at

(42:35):
some point. But you also don't have to label exactly
what type of friend this person is to you, Like
when you said like, is this a loose associate or
is this my best friend? You are like kind of
declaring what something is while it's happening, and then you're
like missing the whole moment anyway, And I've been there.
I understand what that is. You're like, oh, how much

(42:55):
of this person can I take? And that's up for
you to decide, But you and also have more fun
within the moment and be like, oh my god, this
is fun to hang out with a person. I would
never act like this. I have a lot of friends
that that I'm like, oh my god, I would never
act like that, and I half of my friends think
that about me. So I think that that's like a

(43:16):
good reminder, you know what I mean, Because I'm sure
there's things that you do that probably maybe rub her
the wrong way, or and she's able to look beyond them,
or maybe there isn't anything that you do that rubs
her the wrong way. But like I would just pick
and choose your moments. And also it's an interesting experiment
to find out when you get annoyed with someone and
when somebody starts to grate on your nerves. It's very

(43:38):
it's like a nice introspective opportunity to find out what
it is that is bothering you about that person? What
why does this bother me? Like what's underneath that? Yeah?

Speaker 7 (43:50):
No, And I appreciate that so much. I I guess
that is like ultimately what I'm trying to articulate. I
feel like I'm fairly accepting. But this has thrown a
space in the works a little bit. But you're You're
totally right. And I think as we get older, too,
like I'm getting to a phase of life where it's
harder to make friends. It's a little more difficult.

Speaker 1 (44:10):
Have you thought about taking up hunting? Mollin can coach
you on how to hunt on her new show Hunting Wife.

Speaker 3 (44:17):
I can hunt fake wild boar if you want, we
can go hunting together, you know, with blanks. It's going
to be super fun. But I do make a me
and Mark arita, so you know, okay, I do think
you go and enjoy the flash and the luxury, dip
in and dip out as much as you want then
and that's it, and then you'll see you over time
if you need to shave the fat and you're like, no,

(44:38):
not a good friend. Maybe a great friend, but very different,
and just limit the time.

Speaker 2 (44:43):
Get very acquainted with that mute button on Instagram.

Speaker 4 (44:46):
Like there are people I love in real life and
I cannot tolerate their social media presence.

Speaker 2 (44:50):
And that's okay, it's a different thing.

Speaker 1 (44:52):
But it's also like, if someone is also filming the
whole time you're with them, you have every right to go,
can you please? Like cool it? Like, let's not but
we're not, you know, I'm here to spend time with you.
Like that's totally justifiable. I don't if somebody's constantly filming
you or you know, wanting to film themselves that then
they're not being present at all. So that that is
something you can say, and that's not being judgy, that's

(45:13):
being wanting real time, Plus, you don't know how many
people you're going to meet through this woman. She sounds
like very social and she'll probably introduce you to a
lot more people who probably feel the same way about
her that you do.

Speaker 3 (45:24):
So then you have people.

Speaker 1 (45:26):
Then you can really start talking about her with some
other friends. So you have got to look forward to
so many bonuses. Yeah, it sounds like fun, Lucy, just
don't put so much pressure on it, Like it's not
a romantic relationship, and we shouldn't be putting so much
pressure on our relationships. Tess, have fun and clock yourself
when you're being judgmental.

Speaker 3 (45:46):
Take it in. I appreciate that.

Speaker 2 (45:49):
Yeah, all right, thanks Lucy, thank you, take your look.

Speaker 1 (45:53):
Bye.

Speaker 3 (45:55):
Well.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
Our next question comes from stu Uh.

Speaker 4 (45:58):
He's thirty two and says Dear Chelsea, straight white male
father and lover of the podcast, writing in, obviously.

Speaker 1 (46:06):
Dright man is listening to this podcast. We should get
a support group for straight men who listened to this podcast,
because there's I've only got to be like less than ten.

Speaker 3 (46:15):
Right, a celebration for this.

Speaker 1 (46:19):
Love it.

Speaker 4 (46:20):
So, he says, I've been meaning to reach out for
a while now, and I'm glad I finally am my partner.

Speaker 2 (46:26):
Hannah was featured in one of your episodes about a
year ago.

Speaker 4 (46:29):
Everything is amazing between us, and she's not the subject
of my plea for advice. I have an almost five
year old son with my ex, who I dated on
and off for about seven years prior to meeting my
current partner.

Speaker 2 (46:40):
I left for good about three years ago.

Speaker 4 (46:42):
It was a tumultuous relationship between us from the beginning,
and with the help of my friends, I was finally
able to break the cycle. I had four separate apartments
during our various breaks and broke all of the leases
to move back in with her, each time into a.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
House that I built for her.

Speaker 4 (46:57):
Regardless, things are better than ever at the moment moment,
but she still needs to be in my life. With
lawyers and multiple mediations, we were able to come to
a somewhat copasthetic parenting agreement. However, the reality is anything
but pleasant. My dilemma is basically, how do I shift
my perspective for the next eighteen years to probably the
rest of my life of having to deal with this

(47:18):
person who's caused me so much trauma and deep, deep pain.
How do I co parent with someone who's unable to
communicate rationally, a person who exhibits all the classic narcissistic qualities,
we can barely communicate. So the court suggested a parenting
app and that's what we rely on.

Speaker 2 (47:33):
Currently.

Speaker 4 (47:34):
Being face to face is extremely challenging, as she consistently
initiates volatle arguments in front of our young son, regardless
of what I say or do. I feel that I'm
doing the work on myself to be able to move
past this and create a future of my dreams with
my current partner. But what happens when you're bound to
a person like this for the rest of your life?

Speaker 2 (47:51):
In a nutshell?

Speaker 4 (47:52):
How do I stay sane and create healthy boundaries for
myself for the foreseeable future and beyond in a seemingly
impossible situation?

Speaker 3 (47:59):
Best?

Speaker 1 (47:59):
Stu Hi, Stu Hi, Hi, This is our special guest,
Malin Ackerman. Hi.

Speaker 3 (48:06):
How you doing good?

Speaker 6 (48:08):
Nice to meet you.

Speaker 3 (48:08):
Nice to meet you too. You have some co parenting experience, Yeah,
My husband and I we were together eleven years. We
separated when my son was four months old and only
spoke through lauryas it was a similar kind of thing.
I understand narcissistic people more than anyone you would know,
but it's definitely they are. A narcissist is impossible to

(48:32):
negotiate with. It's like negotiating with a terrorist. So there's
you're just never going to just don't ever hope that
this person is going to come around to anything. But
you can absolutely shape your own life the way you
want to. It sounds like you're already on the path
for that, where you're taking really good care of yourself
and you're doing your own self work and you've got
a supportive partner. It sounds like you, guys, can be

(48:53):
a loving home for your son. There's going to be
bumps in the road, and you're never going to be
able to protect your son from the world or life,
or her or whatever she wants to be saying or doing.
But as he grows up, my son is now twelve
years old, the questions start to come and they see things.
They're very smart and they're very bright, and they take
things in and they understand what's happening. But unfortunately, I

(49:17):
wish I knew about this parenting app where you could
just go on an app and decide everything. That sounds amazing.
I think stick to that and have as little amount
of contact with her as possible, and just do the
kind of drop off and hand off of your son
and just be there for him, really and for your partner.
Just take care of yourselves. But there's not much you
can do when you're dealing with a narcissist. And maybe

(49:37):
over time it'll start to dissipate, the anger might start
to dissipate, and the you know, ferocity. But it sounds
like you're on the right path at least. I don't know, Chelsea,
what do you have to say.

Speaker 1 (49:49):
I have some experience with this too, surprisingly, dealing with
someone who behaves in that way, who creates tons of
chaos and then takes absolutely no accountability for it, and
they have children and you know, in my life, and
so I totally understand what you're saying. And I think
what I would say is there's so much dignity in

(50:09):
not getting down with that behavior, Like, there's so much
dignity in remaining separate and never bad mouthing that person
and never not to your child anyway. Obviously, you can
go off on her all you want to your friends
and family, and you need to, you know, but the
app is amazing. I didn't know there was something like that,
But I think there's so much dignity in not getting

(50:32):
into the muck of it and mired in it with
your child that once you have like a few years,
and I'm not saying that you have, but I think
that in it of itself is an honorable thing and
an honorable way to react with somebody who's unstable and
narcissistic and creates chaos wherever they go. And it's kind

(50:54):
of like you're setting an example for your kid to
see what the calm is and where the storm is
right And so if you're always reliable and you're always
dependable and you're always calm, because a storm can't fight
by itself, it just fizzles out. So as long as
you're keep the engagement to the bear bear bear bear minimum,

(51:15):
she's gonna find somebody else to argue and fight with,
and you know, hopefully that will occupy her time as
soon as she like loses the energy that she gets
from you. And I'm sure you've already done most of this,
but I would say, like just continuing through it in
a dignified way and holding your son's mental health in

(51:35):
such a high place like that's more important than anything
is to know and exemplify the kind of behavior that
you want him to attach to rather than to that behavior,
you know, so that there's a contrast and he can see, oh,
this person's stable, this person's reliable, this person does what
they say, this person is dependable, and then there's this.
So he's going to figure it out because everyone does.

(51:59):
But it's definitely not your job to paint the picture
for him. It's your job to just show him what
the opposite of that looks like.

Speaker 6 (52:06):
Yeah, and that's kind of the only thing that's kept
me sane in this whole thing, honestly, is just anchoring
down and really doing that myself. I thought she would
change when I started dating her, and clearly, you know,
that was my bad, and I've learned to not and
I don't see it happening in the time of the future.
But one of the main kind of issues that we're
having at the moment is that obviously he's in a
lot of school in summer camps now and everything, and

(52:30):
she's kind of been bad mouthing me to all the
other parents and the teachers and more or less putting
everything on me, which I you know, if she wants
to do that, Go ahead, have fun. It's clear when
you meet me in person that that is not who
I am. But I just you know, it paints a
bad creature of me, and people look at me differently
when I come to pick up my son, and you know,

(52:50):
they treat me differently, And how should I deal with that?
Because that is not fun?

Speaker 3 (52:55):
But that's on them. I mean, that's crazy to me
that people but will just take one side of the story,
you know what I mean? I feel like that, then
who are these people? Do really care what they think?
Do you really care? That's a great point, like there
are two sides to every story, and if they're not
willing to hear both sides, then begone with them. You
don't need them yet.

Speaker 1 (53:14):
But also I would argue they don't even need to
hear your side because there's one person's tinting tales and
then there's you that's acting normal and going to pick
up your son and being polite and pleasant and engaging
to whomever you can. You don't have to go and
convince them that you're the good guy. They're going to
figure it out too. Everybody, the person I'm talking about,
everybody knows that this person's off their rocker. Everybody knows.

(53:37):
I didn't have to tell anybody. Most people figured it
out on their own. So that's another song and dance
that you can just eliminate, Like you don't have to
participate in that. All you have to do is be
a great dad to your kid. It doesn't matter what
these people think of you in the moment. They're all
going to figure the same shit out too. And for
the other people that want to glom onto the drama
of the story, there are people that create drama wherever

(53:59):
they go, and people get tired of it. People don't
want to be involved in other people's drama endlessly. It
sounds fun in the beginning sometimes, but it doesn't go
on like that. So I would say it's the same
advice I would give you with regard to dealing with
her directly, and like, just act in a dignified way,
like you are dignified, you're doing the right thing, and
just be consistent about all of your behavior. And then

(54:21):
then it's just the writings on the wall. It's just
obvious to everybody, and it doesn't necessarily happen when you
want to. I know you want to, like defend yourself,
but don't. There's nothing to defend.

Speaker 6 (54:32):
It has to crash and burn. In my opinion, that's
the only inevidible outcome is that eventually it's just gonna
She's gonna do this until you're the many friends left
or people obviously see.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
It, Toluly, She'll go through a million friends, that's what
she'll do. She'll go through a million people.

Speaker 3 (54:45):
Narcissists burn their bridges wherever they go, and it just happens.
And if you're like Chelsea, saying's best advice just be
consistent and be dignified and people will see it over time.
That's it.

Speaker 1 (54:56):
Yeah, And there's no needs and reason to bad mouth
her to anybody, even if you become friends with any
of those parents, like all you have to you just
have to give the look like I don't want to
go there. I'm not interested in participating in that kind
of conversation, you know what I mean, be above it
because that is respectable behavior. And when people see that,
they're like, oh, okay, there's the normal one.

Speaker 6 (55:15):
Yeah, and it sets us more a part too exact
exactly what you so.

Speaker 1 (55:18):
Yeah. So it's kind of like taking that attitude with
you in every for the big stuff and the small stuff.
You know, you just have to have that attitude. And
like it's like every morning you have to meditate for
twenty minutes, like I will not react to her today,
I will not get involved in this drama today and
do that, and before you know it, then that becomes
your your your second skin. And I mean, you sound
like you have your shit together anyway, and you've done

(55:41):
the hardest stuff is behind you. But I can understand
how challenging it would be to think of leading this life.
I mean, she's gonna start terrorizing another man at some
point anyway, So.

Speaker 6 (55:51):
You know, I've been through a few, so let's hope
one sticks.

Speaker 1 (55:53):
See, Yeah, you go, but thanks for calling in. And
we're so excited to have a straight male caller. I
can't tell you. It'll happen more for sure up here. Okay,
we'll take care, Jerius.

Speaker 3 (56:07):
Thank you so much. Bye bye bye. That was sweet.

Speaker 1 (56:11):
I know there's so many See there are such good
guys out there, and that's sweet. Yeah, And you know
those people like that though, that are so crazy. You know,
you talk about narcissis and then everything comes up on
your phone and it's like a narcissist will do this.
A narcissist will do this a narcissist. And somebody said
to me, I was with this guy I dated. I
was in Barcelona and when I did this European tour,

(56:32):
and he was we were talking about narcissist and we
went to dinner before and he's an old ex and
he was like, I'm reading this. I was working with
a psycholiatrist and he has this philosophy that you know,
every child is a narcissist. Every child is a narcissist
because they have to learn how to get attention, and
they have to smile, and they have to be funny,
or they have to create drama. They have to get attention.
And I was like, I don't think that's the right depiction.

(56:54):
And I go, not every child is a narciss He goes, no,
every person is a narcissist. And I was like, that's
not true either. That's just simply not true. And he's like, well,
you're a narcissist. And I said, I don't have a
problem with you calling me a narcissist because I don't
struggle with that identity, Like I'm not worried about me
being a narcissist, So you can call me that, and
if you think that that's okay. My opinion of me
is more important than anyone else's anyway. But like a narcissist,

(57:17):
if you call a narcissist a narcissist, they will argue
with you about it until the fucking sun goes down,
you know what I mean? And they and and they
get they get mired in details that have nothing to
do with the actual basis of the argument or the conversation.
They will talk about the color of the sky and
disagree with this, and then we'll focus on this, like

(57:40):
a Narcissists are so toxic to be around, and they
exhaust everyone around them and they will never say they're
sorry about any of their behavior.

Speaker 3 (57:50):
Yeah, ever, absolutely, they'll justify it till the cows come home.
It's incredible and it's sad, I'm telling you. It's like
it's like talking to it's like trying to negotiate with terrorists,
like it's we're never going to win this fight, so.

Speaker 1 (58:02):
Oh yeah, yeah, And the and the only piece that
you get is when you stop communicating with that person.

Speaker 4 (58:08):
Yeah, well, stop trying to change them, and like stop
trying to have those fights. When you start picking no battles,
it's like, oh okay.

Speaker 2 (58:15):
It's like such a relief.

Speaker 7 (58:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (58:16):
Then they have to go elsewhere for their drama and
you can they can't find it there, So like it's
it's just always better. And and you know, obviously, when
you share a child with somebody, it's not that easy
to just walk away from somebody and not communicate with them.
But this parenting app sounds fucking awesome. I'd like to
have an app good, Yeah, to handle a lot of
my relationships.

Speaker 3 (58:34):
Yeah, me too, it would be great. Okay, Well, we'll
be right back with Malon Akerman.

Speaker 1 (58:45):
How we're back to wrap things up with Malon Ackerman
where Okay, we're very excited her show to be used
on July twenty first.

Speaker 3 (58:51):
Is that the date July twenty first on Netflix?

Speaker 1 (58:53):
Yes, it on Netflix. It's called So this is even
a better outcome than you've started with. I think ending
up on Netflix.

Speaker 3 (59:00):
Is I think so? Yeah. I mean I think a
lot more people have Netflix, and so it's kind of
the og of all the streamers. So it's great. I'm
very excited. I'm very excited for the world to see
this show. I'm also nervous, and you know, there's lots
of feelings around it, but ultimately, I just think that
it's a really fun show. I think people are gonna
love it. I think it's going to be a big hit.

(59:21):
Oh thanks, I hope so so yes, it's called Hunting Wives.
Everybody premieres July twenty first on Netflix.

Speaker 1 (59:27):
Thank you, Mallin. I hope I see you soon. I'm
going to tell you when I'm in La this summer.

Speaker 3 (59:31):
Are you?

Speaker 1 (59:32):
Are you based in La?

Speaker 3 (59:33):
Now? I'm based in La, but of course I'm we're
going way with summer. But we go to Europe for
the summer. We go to Sweden and England and visit
family and stuff like that, so we'll be gone for
a bit of it. All right.

Speaker 1 (59:43):
Well, we'll figure out a time to hook up at
some point.

Speaker 3 (59:45):
Yeah, that would be awesome. It's so nice to chat
with you.

Speaker 1 (59:49):
Congrats on everything.

Speaker 3 (59:50):
Thanks any thank you? All right, nice talking to you both.

Speaker 1 (59:54):
Okay, my remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates
for this year. Summertime time is coming and I will
be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on
August thirtieth, and then November one and twenty ninth. November
one and November twenty ninth, I will be in Las

(01:00:16):
Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.
It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,
thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
Do you want advice from Chelsea?

Speaker 4 (01:00:26):
Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
at Dear Chelsea pod.

Speaker 2 (01:00:35):
Dear Chelsea is edited and

Speaker 4 (01:00:36):
Engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be
sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com