EP 355: Open & Closed Relationships

We’re back & going SOLO this week! The ladies discuss wanting travel partners, straight partners being insecure about gay men, disrespectful ex-boyfriends flirting in front of Weezy, properly communicating when feeling disrespected, woman falling in love with an oak tree & the problem with spiritual heauxs, stigmas of interracial dating, Threesome Ultimatums , of course Heaux Mail and much more!

May 5 2024 EartH Theatre!
London, England. We are coming for our final show!
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Follow the hosts on social media Weezy @Weezywtf & Mandii B @Fullcourtpumps and follow the Whoreible Decisions pages
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Twitter @whoreiblepod

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Guess what decision We're about to make. Horrible decision.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
We bike at it it yee y'all, welcome to another
episode of.

Speaker 1 (00:14):
Decision. Hey, y'all, mi'sy.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
Girl man dB ak a Bay the Stallion aka book
or pus aka Dan Beach.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
I'm weazy and we are in la We just are
on the back. What do you say that? On the
heels of Baby and Awards, we were nominated for Best Podcast.
We didn't win it, but if you saw us, clearly
we looked like winners. Hello, and wanted y'all to know
if you live in London on May fifth, we're gonna
be there at the Earth Theater. It's our rescheduled climax
to a date that's right in CS. It's a brand

(00:43):
new show.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
So make sure you go on over to whorehive dot
com to get your tickets for London. And I guess
I figured we would just start with a little bit
of catch up of where we're at in our love
lives and things. If you guys are on Patreon, Weezy
came to Vegas with her little boo thing and we
all go together. I realized that not only is this

(01:09):
healing journey and therapy making it hard for me to
motherfucking date. You know what else, I realized my friends
being so fucking awesome is also like, so hear me out.
We were at dinner, and what I keep saying I
want is I would love a partner who's able to
hop on a plane and meet me in some of

(01:31):
the cities because I'm touring with Tonight's Conversations, I'm on
tour till June.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
We just did the ABN in Vegas.

Speaker 2 (01:37):
I'm here in LA for work. I would love a
partner who could like pull up on me. I love
hotel sex. I've been saying it. Yeah, So I would
like someone to just be able to travel and be
around and kind of support me in the things that
I do business wise, And I realized why are where
people are like.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
Well, that's a lot to ask My friends do it.
I don't think asking someone to show up for you
at well, no, it's.

Speaker 2 (01:59):
A lot to ask for If hear me out for
a man with a regular job, My life is not regular.
So if I meet someone who's not a celebrity or
even y'all know, I'd be dating ball players and the
guys that I fuck with. It's a lot to ask
for because people have their own lives. However, my friends
have also found a way to pull up on me

(02:19):
in any seat. They're actually asking me, bitch, sim of
your tour dates, which ones can I come to? And
so having like friends that are wanting to be a
part of this with me and wanting to travel and
make plans and create experiences, I realize this is something
I want from a partner, and it's something I haven't
been able to get. It's something that with the type
of men I like to date, they don't have the
time to do. So it's like, damn, I don't know

(02:43):
if I guess I'm just to a place where I'm
starting to think that the things that I want are
going to be hard to come by. But also I'm
finding so much happiness in my friendships that I'm just
like and what I need in a go para.

Speaker 1 (02:55):
I feel like I've been happy with my friends for
a long time. You have too, We've always had great friends,
travel and do shit with that shit. Do not keep
me for looking for Nichols. I don't know what it
is for me right now. I don't know, but I
mean I think that maybe because you've gotten to fill
your schedule with dates with friends, vacations with friends. That's
probably it, right, like being able to have something in
a docade to where you get to have a new experience.

(03:18):
And yes I did bring him last year. You brought
your boot. I brought my ex lush and so I
didn't get to spend time with him, but it was cool.
I actually enjoyed all of us hanging out together. And
I recently had a conversation with name drop time so Questlove,
who is in his fifties and you know, has been

(03:38):
famous his whole life. Obviously I'm not roots level famous,
but he went to dinner with him with me and
he said something to me that I really appreciated. He's like, Yo,
it's really nice to see you with a very confident
and secure guy, because, like you know, being a plus
one is not everybody's security. Nope, you know what I mean.
Like it. He's a man being a plus one to

(03:59):
a woman like you, Like, it's good to see that.
He's just like and it's funny because he called him
a civilian to his face. He's like, you know, when
we ate civilians, my dad is hilarious.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
But also military people use civilians, I know, but that's funny.

Speaker 1 (04:13):
But it was funny to hear him say it, and
I remember we got in a car. He was like,
I don't think I've ever had somebody called me a civilian.
But that's funny. Yo, I mean what you just said
though about time. He is an investor, so it's like
he dictates his own schedule. But yeah, I mean you're right. Like,
even though I think the b Simone clip, we jumped
up her ass and we always one of those people.
I didn't do it online because I fucked with being Simone,
But I remember being like, why would she say that?

(04:34):
But I kind of if she meant the flexibility and
an entrepreneurial thing, I do understand that because it's been helpful.
It's the flexibility. My ex did have a nine to
five though, but he just uh was more up to
change to where he could be remote. But yeah, I
mean it's super important when you want to travel with
the person you're dating. But it was fun Like, I mean,
he's been around two for our shows, so I do

(04:56):
like that I can bring him to work events and
he fits.

Speaker 2 (04:58):
I mean, I like, I think that that's a great
thing to have, especially like in this space.

Speaker 1 (05:04):
I remember when I did Revolt Summit and he.

Speaker 2 (05:10):
Joined me down there, and literally it became an argument
in air quotes that literally as soon as we got back,
because I realized just how comfortable he was in spaces
where men made more money than him. He was jealous
of or I don't even want to say jealous, but
he was uncomfortable and showed insecurity around young Berg hit Maker,
who's been my friends since I was fucking eighteen.

Speaker 1 (05:30):
Sorry name dropped to.

Speaker 2 (05:31):
My guess, and then oddly enough Yo, I made the
joke that he was jealous of, and he admitted to
being jealous of Asante.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
He was insecure around Jason Lee, and I was like,
what is up with you being intimidated or insecure around
these men who are gay? I don't understand now I'm
doing to think it was money. No, it because handsome people.
For sure, it was a money thing, and he was
very handsome.

Speaker 2 (05:59):
But even making the money he made in retirement was
not close at all to like being around celebrities.

Speaker 1 (06:06):
It's just it's not the same, it's not comparable.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
I don't care if a man makes one hundred thousand dollars,
if you bring him around niggas who make millions.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
They're an insecure A millionaire might feel into uncomfortable right
a millionaires. But yeah, we did talk about it too,
because while we were at the Avians, there were moments
where I went to the bathroom he was with Mandy,
or we were separated, and uh I was getting a
nigga's number or their Instagram. I can't remember because I
want to interview him. I remember one guy was all fondoles.

(06:35):
I saw four I know he DM me and he
was like, I don't know, but there was a few people.
I was like, I'd love to have you on Horrible,
and there wasn't. I don't know. He's very secure in
like who he is. But I also think that we're
having a lot of dialogue about respect, which I think
anybody listening, obviously Mandy are talking about industry shits. I

(06:58):
don't want to make you feel left out, but I
do think that there's conversations about respect that I've never had,
that people need to have because my exit made me
feel very uncomfortable. I remember taking him to Andrew Schultz's
show at town Hall and Akasha's wife, who's beautiful, we
had her on. He was like talking to her a
little too long and like flirting with her. And I

(07:19):
remember Alex and I did I ever tell the story? No,
I don't. I don't think you Okay, Well I probably
didn't tell her at the time because it was a
lot you know what I'm saying, and it was kind
of embarrassing but fun. So took him a town Hall
show starting with another man's girlfriend. Oh yeah, what's what's
the tea? So took him to the town Hall Show,
which is so crazy theater because such a big deal

(07:40):
for Andrew. And I texted Andrew the day we did
our sho. I was like, man, I remember being here
and you were excited to be at the town Hall
Theater and now I'm sold out. But now he's sold
out Arena's MSG multiple dates, Like MSG is coming next
for us too, So basically, uh, he gets there, he
gets lit. Now My ex was a very friendly and
fun nigga. So I was just very confused on how

(08:02):
to You don't want to make someone who's extroverted feel stifled,
right because men have probably done that to you, just
like absolutely and I felt that too. They have. So
we get to the after party Fandrews Show and Occacio's
wife is there and he's flirting with her, and Alex
literally was like, bro, do you see this, nigga? How
do you determine flirt?

Speaker 2 (08:22):
Flirt over just having a friendly conversation talking about their.

Speaker 1 (08:29):
Beauty to them? Okay, how beautiful? She was, asking what
she likes to do for fun on the weekend or something.
I mean, maybe not that, but there was something about
I guess his attractiveness towards her or leaning into her
or whatever that made her uncomfortable to the when where
she said something and how embarrassing for me. I don't
know if she directly said something or someone else did that.
People were like, who's this dude? And of course he's not.

(08:52):
It is Andrew's section, right, who's this dude? And then
you gotta says, Wheezy's man, how fucking embarrassing. And what's
even more, we're embarrassing is the first time I heard
I love you from my ex was that night I
walked out of the bar. Was it floor room or
something or I don't know what it's called, but anyway,
basically I left and I was like, you're disrespectful, You're
an embarrassment to me, and it's clear that like this

(09:14):
isn't gonna work, and he was like, yo, you just
made me feel so comfortable to be free and open.
I'm so sorry. I love you. And so it was
so manipulative, right because you were upset on the moment.

Speaker 2 (09:25):
But then also I guess I hear that that and
now he's using in the cavea.

Speaker 1 (09:31):
Right, and I realized like, oh, like some niggas really
just have it or they don't. Mandy and I went
to the bathroom and Madreid Nigga was talking to one
of her friends. So the next day we're talking about,
you know, you talk about the night and I was like,
who do you think was the cutest? And he was like, oh,
I thought, And there was a girl he was talking to.
I don't know her name, not Stacy, not be oh Melanie.
He was like, yeah, she's really beautiful. And you know,

(09:52):
everybody has a type. And so I was like, you know,
I have to say this to you. I agree, like
I knew that was probably your type, right, skin whatever,
very like natural looking. And I said, I really don't
feel like you will disrespect me. I hope I'm not
going to embarrass myself one day, but I'm so impressed
by how easy it is to turn my back and
I haven't felt that in a long time. And we've

(10:13):
had so much conversation about that, you know, like what
would make me feel insecure? What I don't like? How
far you can go? And I need to do that
in every relationship, and I think you and I are
learning to do that with each other too. Hey, I
need you to let me do this or do that,
or I don't like when you talk to me like this.
This across the board needs to be a thing. I

(10:35):
need to tell people how I feel respected. And you
use that word with me in a text the other day,
and I was like, oh, I didn't know you felt
disrespected by this small thing, and you probably knew. I
didn't know I was doing that, But using words like
that really makes an impact. Girl. I brought that text
message up in therapy. I was like, can you believe
how well like it was just sitting with me and
we had four episodes. Let's read it, let's read it,

(10:56):
let's read Okay, day not as telling y'all tea on
a regular episode. I'll read your text to me and
you read mine back. Okay, because so Mandy texted me
I wanted to have a guest on that I thought
was kind of whack, but she looked, let me hold on,
let me go back. I know, damn, we we were
we would take We've been taking a little lot. Oh
I found it hop row So I found these guests

(11:17):
who was on botched and I was like, damn, I
kind of want to ring around. But she don't be born.
After twenty minutes, man, He's like, oh wait, no, this
came after you uh talking about the escape room? No, no,
I know. Oh, okay, okay, so Mandy said, my ears hurt.
This question, won't be talking. Oh so, I said, you know,
I'm not in the mood to try it this week,
but I'd be down to have guests on for just
thirty minutes. Maybe we just invite them to sit with

(11:39):
us for the horrible decision. It could be cool, and
maybe we end the wholemail alone. She says to me,
I'd really like to go by our outlines this week.
I spent a lot of time working on them, and
the free flow we've done in the past doesn't work
for me. In the past four episodes, it literally spins
my brain, and I'd like for my time to be respected.
I would also love your outline sooner so I can
add to them and be better prepared for guests. And

(12:00):
Weezy's response was, I understand.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
I'm not sure how you feel disrespected on time exactly,
but I'm willing to listen. But you should know I'm
not trying to disrespect you while we're podcasting or interviewing
a guest if if I'm not asking outline questions, but
I'll try to be mindful that you want segments done.
And it's really like to me where even the disrespect
And again, y'all know how anal I am with time,

(12:24):
So to me, the disrespect wasn't that I felt like
you were intentionally disrespecting me. I just felt like my
time was being disrespected because I'm working on I'm working
on an outline and then I would love to look
over yours and I'm not getting them early.

Speaker 1 (12:37):
So it wasn't that you were doing anything.

Speaker 2 (12:39):
But I literally brought that up in therapy and I
was like, this feels so good that I'm not just
sitting on this and now cycling in my head that
Weezy just hates me and doesn't want to and normally
in the past, I've done that, and so I was
just like, we've been potting a lot.

Speaker 1 (12:52):
We had a great time in Vegas.

Speaker 2 (12:53):
We even party together with fucking gez we outside and
I'm like, this feels so good.

Speaker 1 (12:58):
Let me just let her know we're recording one more episodes.
Can we do this? And like, I really appreciated that.

Speaker 2 (13:03):
Response because I was like, this, this makes me feel
like if something is bothering me now, I can't come
to you. And let's be very clear, we've talked about
it in the past. We both just felt like, fuck, hey,
this bitch, she ain't gonna listen, she ain't gonna respect.

Speaker 1 (13:14):
Let me tell you something nice I said about you
behind your back. Oh not off. So there's this moment
in the club where I'm dancing with this nigga and
Mandy is recording us and said.

Speaker 2 (13:26):
I got you, bitch right, and did I send it
to you? I gave you, gave you all the content.

Speaker 1 (13:31):
I was like, because you know, she'd beking little stuff
with her niggas and I was like, okay, let me
get her dancing real quick. So he said to me
later that night, like, what was what was up with that? Like,
because he doesn't even have. He was like, what was
up with that? Like, you know, with her saying I
got you to you because he knows that Mandy and
I have had some beef in the past. I was like,

(13:51):
Mandy's being placed on that moment, and I really feel
I was like Mandy and I at least I could
say this if I know nothing, we're never gonna out
each other. And I was like, I hope, Mandy, you
know that wasn't going on in today. I know, but
how I'll be hout of my own niggas. I ain't
gonna post don't nigga. So I said, Yo, Mandy and
I have enough communication. It's funny because I said to him,

(14:14):
I might have said this pervading, I can't fucking stand her,
but I know this one thing, She's not gonna do that.
And you know he doesn't know you well. So when
Andy saying I got you, bitch, I know, Mandy's like, oh,
I got you being bowed up so that you could
have it for memory because I ain't gonna be bad.
I'll be mad that I ain't got a lot.

Speaker 2 (14:32):
Of like off, like just photos and memories with my
partner without us posing. Like when I'm not with my fund,
but also like, my friends love candid photos, so it's
the thing that we do when we're all out, so.

Speaker 1 (14:42):
We But that also goes back to and I was
using the word respect a lot. I'm like, listen, like
we are really respecting of privacy. Yeah. I was like,
I knows. As much as we talk about eatings on
this spot, baby, we probably shit we don't say, but
you know, it felt good. And he was like, Okay,
I'm glad that you feel that and that you guys
have And I was like, yeah, there's a lot of

(15:02):
respect there. I was like, we you know, it's like this.
Oh he told me when we were dancing a Jeezy together.
He was like, oh, you wretchet. He was like, you're
a city girl. I was like, yeah, you know, that's
Mandy Sheep. But no, I think that every relationship just
a rap it. There's gotta be some conversation again on

(15:22):
how you like to be respected.

Speaker 2 (15:25):
Yeah, with Mandy's maybe it's timing. I'm working on what
respects look like right now with me, and.

Speaker 1 (15:30):
I don't think I knew more either, And so in openness,
it was so interesting to learn what I needed and
liked and like, obviously, growing things will happen. I haven't
really had a big fight with him or anything, and
I'm so scared. You know, we had a six month market.
You're like, oh my god, well that's what not up.
I don't know. Everything just seems like smooth sailing. But yeah,
you kind of got to have a situation happen to learn.

(15:51):
And so if it's not learning from your mistakes, you've
got to maybe learn from your past traumas. So I
don't know. I'm in between this and I don't know
what you think. Uh. Alex specifically tells me all the time,
don't be telling these niggas. Hire everybody fucks you up.
Don't dumping your trauma niggas. Don't be telling them nothing either.

(16:12):
But Okay, I realized talking about what Old Bay did
to me has course corrected a lot of shit for
this nigga. Mm hmm, because he's like, oh, yeah, I
know you don't like this or I understand you've been
lied to, Like so some of it's helpful. I think
there's a way you've got to do it. But I'm
curious with you because you've overshared on this podcast. I'm

(16:33):
not saying that in Shady would be like you, Oh no,
I'm an overshare period, okay on everything? So when dating
now with new people, how much are you telling you
about your ex? And are you waiting until maybe there's
somewhere report, are you first date talking? What are you doing?
I just that's the thing, and I think that's why

(16:54):
I'm not dating.

Speaker 2 (16:55):
I don't know how to communicate, like even you know,
sharing the first time out with that nigga that wasn't
a date, it was a hangout, but not knowing how
to introduce my lifestyle or my friends anymore, and just
I don't know, I literally And I think that's why
I'm just putting my head down and working as much
as I am right now, because it's something that keeps

(17:16):
me from feeling like I have to sit with dealing
with men, and I don't think I want to. Right now,
I'm figuring out what being respected looks like to me
after cutting twenty four to seven off, after not feeling
respected in my last relationship. How do I demand that?
But also how do I show up to where I
deserve that truth? And I think so for me, I'm

(17:36):
just working on myself and that I do believe though,
in not over sharing the ways in which people showed
up in a relationship with you, because if you put
up with shit like.

Speaker 1 (17:48):
For me to say I broke up with this name,
oh that's a good point, that man.

Speaker 2 (17:51):
Might think that he gonna have chances with me. So
there's things that I do think you should not tell
because now this man is going to think he's gonna
be able to do it to know that I stay.
After knowing this nigga cheated or disrespected me or hung
out with my friends behind my back. Yeah, he might
think that, oh, that's not a deal breaker for you
then and now it is. So I don't want to
let him know the things that I actually did put
up with because he might.

Speaker 1 (18:12):
Think that I'm gonna put up with that shit with
his ass too.

Speaker 2 (18:15):
So I think I want to leave out my ex
for a while, actually, But I do want to introduce
the fact that the things that I did like, I
did like when we traveled together. I really liked how
we played, and we should keep talking to them. I
think that's healthy to me. The healthy part of sharing
about my last relationship is going to be the things
that I really liked that I know I want again

(18:36):
that's going to.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
Be the opal service. Yep. So I'm gonna tell he
took my trash out. He was very thoughtful.

Speaker 2 (18:41):
When my friends came, he said, do you need me
to go pick them up from the airport?

Speaker 1 (18:44):
Do we need to?

Speaker 2 (18:45):
The things that I really liked about him are the
things that I'm putting out into the universe that I
want again and that I feel like I should get again.
So that's what I'm sharing more than anything with the
guys that I am talking about, just so you know,
he wont shit, But these were the things I really
did like. And I don't go into why he wasn't shit.

Speaker 1 (19:00):
I realized the biggest trauma I was facing with dating
I might have overcome this weekend, actually, which was what
I did not feel comfortable when I turned my back
with Obey, Like around your around anyone, anyone not friends.
I feel like maybe he wouldn't okay.

Speaker 2 (19:17):
But the fact that you put baby maybe you wouldn't
try them, but maybe you would.

Speaker 1 (19:21):
I just don't. I don't know, bro, Like I just
feel like if this was swaps, if one of your
homegirls was like I don't really felt was weazy like that?
But him me, when you come to Vegas. I feel
like Obi would be like, yeah, I feel like this
nigga would be like hell no. And I feel like
he would say hell no because he knows, like, I
don't want to make you look stupid. But Obay was
just so sex brained that sometimes he couldn't even sex

(19:43):
brain like seriously, he couldn't look at women like look
at moments like this is going to hurt this person.
What also, I think was the issue with him is
he knew how much he loved me and that he
wouldn't be in a relationship with someone else, right, so
he thought that was all that I would need. She
know I'm gonna be with her? Nigga, do you know

(20:04):
if I'm gonna be with you? Was a real thing.
Well no, he thought that you that you just wanted
a relationship, and so I'm just gonna fuck with our
third trip together in just two months. Right, we went
to Mexico twice, and I'm not saying I didn't feel
comfortable when I turned my back, but you know, I'm
like learning my trust. But for some reason this weekend,
maybe because it was poor and awards too, girl, I
was like, oh yeah, like now I felt good especially

(20:28):
the fact that, like I know, we were looking for
a bitch right because not kidding. Even in my relationship
with ol bab, looking for the threesome made me uncomfortable
sometimes dang because I wanted pussy, but I thought, oh,
if you don't want to fuck me, he'll try to
figure out a time to fuck the bitch. Whereas I
feel like I'm in my newer dating experience with this person,

(20:50):
I feel like they're like, I want to fuck another bitch.
I got one hundred hose that would want my Like
why am I going to fuck this up right now?
In Vegas? Like this is the goal? Like I don't know,
And yeah, I think I had so much trauma about
being turned around in what's going on behind my back.
Embarrassment and shame is something I was feeling a lot.
And I also had a lot of moments where I

(21:10):
was feeling triggered when you were going through shit. I
remember your Rory and Mall episode when I was like,
he did that to you, And there's these moments where
I could maybe even judge you, like why was she
taking back? But then I look at myself like why'd
I take him back? And it's like we always point
the finger at someone else, but not really ourselves. And
I should have been listening to the man that I was, Oh,
I ain't gonna hold you, see I was. I was like, ooh,

(21:33):
would not be joining all the women in Delulu. Bitch.

Speaker 2 (21:35):
I was happily in Delulu and knew it, and just
I didn't ask what if I s either. I was
only gonna. I was gonna lead this nigga when I
was ready to leave him, which is what I say
all the time. Bitch, I'll tell my friends, girl, I
don't want to hear about this nigga no more. You don't
leave them when you're ready to leave them. And so
for me sharing it on the pod, I'm glad that
y'all got to join me in Delulu for so long.

(21:56):
But to me, I understood that I was doing what
most women do.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
I liked him. The dick was fine.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
He's so fine. I'm actually mad too. I like, I
was rating my fine niggas with my friends. That's what
I was, like, Who the finest niggas? You don't fuck?
So we talking about these things and I literally brought
my ex up. I was like, I think he's top four.
He tied with a niggas. But I was like, he
like top four of to me, the sexiest, and he's
number one with sex I can I he's not in

(22:23):
the four that I know.

Speaker 1 (22:24):
You fucked. I'm sorry, I have to talk about this
off air. You loved him, No, no, no, no, he to
me was top four him green eyes, twenty four to seven,
they're in the top and then the other one I like,
I call him Detroit on the pot. So I mentioned
my foulk finest niggas. You're just talking about niggas. You
fuck manby You're you are doloting. Okay, all right, I
don't know get into I don't know what list you

(22:45):
got over there. Oh you know we mentioned him. He's five.

Speaker 2 (22:52):
He's fine, but he not. He not top four or
five the first one you said. But then the first
one you said is short bitch. He was like, he
like five, he's not gonna make.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
Gil y'all X had no hair, bab he was bald.
I like bitch. I like, mister clean hole. Don't do me.
I know before him, there was the first time for everything.

Speaker 2 (23:12):
Well, let's get into our vanilla shit and this actually
may be me. Uh where I'm going in my dating journey.
This is from the New York Post and a woman
says that she is head over heels in love with
an oak tree, but it isn't about sex. I think
this is about to be me. I'm about to just

(23:33):
find some I love. If you fall for a tree
in the wood doesn't make a sound. A self proclaimed
eco sexual, bitch.

Speaker 1 (23:42):
I ain't even gonna hold you.

Speaker 2 (23:43):
I'm doing all these sexuals, all these goddamn titles. A
self proclaimed eco sexual took nature loving to the extreme
after becoming infatuated with an oak tree, which she sells
fills her with erotic energy. I don't know how to
tree make her pussy thunk, but that's what she said.

Speaker 1 (24:00):
You get it. Dump. You see what I did there?

Speaker 2 (24:02):
Anyway, there was an eroticism with something so big and
so old holding my back. She is a self proclaimed
eco sexual, defined by Here Come the eco Sexuals as
a person who finds nature romantic, sensual, and sexy, and.

Speaker 1 (24:20):
Often imagines Earth is their lover. I ain't gonna hold you.
I'm tired of spiritual hos, bitch. That's what I was
about to say this for mommy. If you Crystal Rubbin
Star Jazon zodiac loving bitches. Why is it that these
you know what spiritual holds are the new vegans for me?
Not the new okay? And what way explain this? I

(24:42):
had a problem with the vegans and now y'all niggas
mean it off. I'm gonna tell you what I like
now because I ain't gonna hold you is they only
weed it off because they don't learn how to make
these motherfuckers that jackfruit tastes like oxtail pool pork chicken. Bitch.
I hate it because at one point, but bitch them
things kind of. I actually think vegans are starting to
understand the process. It ain't really hit yes, so now
they just making fucking jack fruit tastes like And I

(25:03):
have a vegan friend that was pregnant and they said,
oh no, that you need something else. So all the
vegans that are like I even saw vic mensa like
plant base ain't gonna make you gain weight. And it's
like even she was like, they had me say, and
you need a little paltry hope. Anyway, this is my
problem with spiritual I don't actually niggas too. The dudes
are doing it now too, the hotel niggas, Oh no,

(25:24):
they do. The spiritual people online don't seem real to
me because they're all selling it. And I don't believe
that when something is that real and precious to you,
you're gonna fucking make so much money on it. Like,
I just don't fucking believe it. Not saying I've never
contributed to the culture and paid for a psychic or
some shit, but I just believe that someone's spirituality constantly

(25:45):
being shared online or for profit isn't a real thing.

Speaker 2 (25:49):
Which looking into this, she does have a self intimacy
guide and she specializes in erotic storytelling, which means there
may be some way in which she's fitting off of
even she bet she's in.

Speaker 1 (26:02):
The New York polls sharing. Okay, well right though, but
like okay, example, one of my homegirls was like, oh,
let's go to this breathwork class. And I was like, okay,
she's a woo woo bitch, not a wool woo. And
when I got there, the girl that was leading it
gave hella like you know, oh my god, no, no,
no vibes, right, and I was kind of feeling it.
I was like, oh my god, we got me in

(26:23):
my bag, like my vaporation is just feeling so this
and that, and so then of course we all go
after drinks after and not saying spiritual bitches can't drinks,
fuck or do whatever they want. I'm not saying that.
But she starts to vent. You know, she knows I
work in talking about sex whatever, sexpert, what we're gonna say,
And like all of the insecurities that she was having
a relationship just started pouring out, and these things she

(26:45):
was confused about and how she can't manage it. And
I'm like, why don't you do some breathwork, bitch? You
could watch like how can And I'm not saying like
a therapist can't have a therapist, But there is a
lot of the preachiness in spirituality on social media that
is just not it for me. I'm curious disus Goldwin

(27:07):
is my spiritual person. I know.

Speaker 2 (27:09):
Have you come across these spiritual type of women in dating? Like, okay,
would a spiritual woman be a red flag for you?
Like the girl who wakes up and has to burn
the stage of rubber crystals? Oh my god, I got
a charge them in the moon tonight. Oh my god,
your rising star mood? What does what does that do
for you in dating. Does it alarm you at all?
Is it a red flag?

Speaker 1 (27:28):
This happened last weekend? What time were you born? Danny?

Speaker 3 (27:32):
I went to the shorty's house and she had a
whole little like a like an altar. Yes, in the
back of her closet.

Speaker 1 (27:39):
Wait did she show you?

Speaker 3 (27:41):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (27:41):
Okay, okay, all up. Oh you haven't. No, we about
to judge you, bitch. No, I'm not no, I'm not No,
You're not going to judge people with alter litsten tell
you why my close homegirl was Dominican and then practicing
e foss since she was a child. Does that? Okay?
So I've never seen her poster altar on instaut I've
never seen her. Fucking need to tell niggas this, this

(28:02):
and that like. I think that you can exist in that.
That can be your religion, that can be your thing.
I didn't know Beth or well Danny you think, Danny, well,
how long we've been working with Beth? You know that?
Shu about it.

Speaker 2 (28:13):
But Denny, as a man with with you being the
only one in the room. If if women have those things,
how did you receive that?

Speaker 1 (28:20):
What did it turn you off? Did it? Were you inquisitive?
About it. How do you feel about that? The way
she made it, she explained it, it was she black. No,
she's a white woman. Sorry, Oh why.

Speaker 3 (28:32):
Wasn't okay, I'm different anyways.

Speaker 1 (28:39):
Knew me white with an altar satatic syld you like
brew her? She not if she's not as though, it's
not voodoo a white a white woman would all go ahead,
tell us about the wicked nigga you about to be
in the sucking pace one of them camels on him.

(29:00):
We got it. This is crazy.

Speaker 3 (29:03):
But it was like non denomination. It was like Buddha.
She was talking about Buddha Jesus and not kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 (29:07):
So like not Buddha, angio lost.

Speaker 3 (29:10):
I was worried at first, and then the way she
explained it.

Speaker 1 (29:14):
Was brought you to the second place offering. No, seriously,
that's what altars are offering.

Speaker 3 (29:20):
Oh oh, I guess that was a little Yeah, it
was very spiritual. I was worried at first, but she
the way she explained it, it wasn't as scary.

Speaker 1 (29:28):
You know, whether you're going a good thing you always
complained about. Oh, I guess it's not. You be talking
about how you losing your hair. If a piece of
that on the floor.

Speaker 2 (29:35):
So wait, so wait, so are you going on a
second date? Like so it wasn't a red flag. You
were like on the second date. He was at her house,
so you fucked.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
And snort? Yes, no, that I covering like four comedian.
You know, hopefully this you can put this part in
one of your set. I ain't gonna lie. This needs
to be a joke. We do need to. I want
to shout out Danny Sellers real quick. Danny works at

(30:06):
a wut of media in LA. But I've always said
when I saw his comedy specials, like, damn his nigga
quit soon. What what's the name of your comedy special?
Pound for pounds? It's shot really well and he's hilarious. Anyway,
don't fuck with this nigga because he like white hose
in the closet. I love I love black ladies, black ladies.
I like him, just not right now? Hold on, can

(30:27):
I ask you? Yeah, I have a friend that told
me that right now, he's only even one of the
fuck with white girls. And I said, why he goes
every time I meet a black girl, He's like, I'm
not meeting like black girls and ain't doing it in life?
Like I'm meeting black women at nice dinners or nice places.
He's like a lot of them will kind of pressure bro, Like,
I'm not trying to be in a relationship. I just
want to pussy And he's bitchest about to go for

(30:49):
this shit with a nigga. Have you felt like dating
white women maybe is less pressure?

Speaker 3 (30:53):
I mean, I'm dating black ladies just as much. No,
I'm not one of them, he said.

Speaker 4 (30:56):
I'm dating this ain't the only bitch. I'm fucking that's
what you say. I like, I like black ladies honestly,
preferably more. It's more of its culturally. Can we get
along culturally and then create? You got to be a
creator and I'm full time creator, so it can't. It's
hard to be with someone that's nine to five? Is
I don't have an.

Speaker 1 (31:14):
I hear you decent all let's go. But isn't that interesting?
Like that's I mean, that's crazy though, what he just said.

Speaker 3 (31:23):
But it's kind of true.

Speaker 1 (31:25):
I guess, well, I think he's really just not wanting
to like date, and he's like, and it could be
this thing, and a lot of white women know it too.
I've had one or two white women tell me like, oh,
when I did black guys, they make it very clear
this is pussy. That's crazy. Though. I don't know if
I like that stigma being on. I mean, I know
it exists, but I hate that it does. The white
girl that I know that told me that, and it's

(31:46):
funny because I wanted to feel bad for her, but
I couldn't, and I don't feel that. I know we
got white listeners listening to this podcast, but she was
dating this dude and she was super intom I was like,
what happened? She was like, this sounds weird, but I
think that he started to really get interested in me.
And he had always talked about how his family would
be weird if you brought home white girl, and she

(32:07):
was like, I think he just had to cut it
because he don't want be white girl. Oh, I ain't
gonna hold you. I know, like black.

Speaker 2 (32:14):
Families that would rather you bring home a same sex
person and be gay then bring home someone white. Like yeah, literally,
don't bring don't bring them crack because this way that's
what they be saying.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
I've actually heard a new thing from someone African who
said his mama just said, don't bring home no American girl.
Because they don't know how to treat men, and that
other cultures apparently are better mothers over there. You agree,
you just look too like m like I'm just switching
the He's like, I'm just working, Like I'm just working.

(32:46):
But you know what, That's interesting though, because when I
was getting my hair rated in South Africa, which by
the way, I can't believe that she was only dif Oh,
we were talking a lot about dating. And I actually
don't know if I brought this up on page with you,
but I was curious to know if you've ever had
none of my homegirls that are African have maybe grown

(33:06):
up or dated in Africa, maybe they were born there
or whatever. Right, So the girls were asking me about
dating in America, and she was like, oh, do they
call you bitch? Do they say this? They always seem
so mean? Oh wow? And I was like oh. And
I was telling them how I was having a great
experience dying in Africa right now. And so I was
talking about something I cooked him and they were like, wha,
you have a job and you cook and like, and

(33:28):
I was like, oh, maybe this is a thing because
we are such an independent I'm independent. I got my
own shit, and but that's not the culture in many
other countries, right, yeah, so it must look like we
ain't doing shit for niggas, which I mean you up
until it took a long time of me to even
cook a meal. Bitch, you better come over bed, bitch.

Speaker 2 (33:52):
Anyway, for today's episode, we have been having so many
great guests on the pod that I wanted to get
through some of these homes else because shit, we ain't
been answering y'all's mother first.

Speaker 1 (34:03):
We haven't. We've and baby, we got a lot of them.
Fuck the guests, bitch, we've been having even though our solos,
we've been having too much fun, Like where were at
right now?

Speaker 3 (34:10):
Dan?

Speaker 1 (34:11):
And I'm like, shit, we gotta oh right good. We're
gonna get through a couple of the years.

Speaker 2 (34:15):
So the first one is the threesome ultimatum, okay, which
y'all know don't ever work. Y'all, stop with the ultimatum.
There's a whole show called ultimatum, and it don't.

Speaker 1 (34:25):
Ever work for none of them. Motherfuckers.

Speaker 2 (34:26):
Don't give people an ultimatum. Just let them go on.
They marry way if they not give you what you want.
But anyways, that's gonna be my answer probably to this email.
Let's see what they have to say. Hey, y'all, here
we go. I'm twenty three. Here We're gonna help you out, bitch.
Hey y'all, I'm a twenty three year old industry worker
from New York and have been with my current boyfriend
for four months after being just friends for two years.

(34:47):
We're very sexually active and have engaged in multiple threesomes
in the past that worked too enjoyable before we actually
officially started dating. Now that him and I are dating,
I kind of want him to myself and can't write
my head around sharing him in the bedroom without giving
a whole bunch of rules that he won't enjoy following.
He thinks I just need to get more experience with

(35:08):
women on my own so I can be more comfortable
having a woman in the bedroom for a threesome or
a foursome. But I think I just don't want to
share him with another woman. Recently, he's told me that
he doesn't see a relationship working out if I'm not
willing to have another threesome. He doesn't even care who
the girl is. He just wants to fuck me with
another girl. I'm not sure what to do because I

(35:28):
love him, but I'm also not about to compromise my
boundaries and force myself to do something I don't want
to do.

Speaker 1 (35:35):
Please help and be gentle, y'all be do we hat shit?
Love you guys, and can't wait to read your book. Hmm.
This is an interesting one because I know that you've had.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
A lot of three so I actually shared I dealt
with this in my last relationship, that we were going
to the club so much and inviting so many people
in that I think some of our connection with each
other lost a bit, and we had so much fun
being around other people. It became a conversation that I
want to stop doing this. I want to stop bringing
other people into the bedroom. And at the moment, I

(36:11):
don't think he wanted to do it.

Speaker 1 (36:12):
You say it became a conversation. It became a.

Speaker 2 (36:13):
Conversation first because I was like, I think we need
to pause on this. Not that it would never happen again,
but we needed to take a pause. I don't feel
like it was an ultimatum, and I think that maybe
how she's looking at it, maybe right now, fresh into
this relationship, she doesn't want to.

Speaker 1 (36:28):
I'm going to give her the dialogue for that, right, Okay,
I want to just snowball in this because what you're saying,
you said, I can't do it. Maybe right now, there's
moments where you open and you close your relationship. Yes,
for me, I actually talked about this this weekend when
we were at Poppy's sake. I was like, Yo, I
know this open shit. We talk about a lot, but
there are moments that I'm going to maybe possibly you know,

(36:49):
if we get into and to myself, right and so
and again we're talking about what we would want our
relationship to look like. Yep, right, like still kind of
figuring out if it's a thing for us, And I said,
pregnancy is one that I know for sure absolutely fucking closed. Right,
That's a sacred moment. It is. There's so many times

(37:10):
where I've thought about my friends and open relationships and
how they've been able to feel. And also I think
there's moments of like even holidays. Right, This sounds super simple,
but when I was with Obay, I remember holiday time
he would kind of like art buzzles around Thanksgiving. My
family used to live in Orlando. He'd kind of want
Todays moment. And I'm like, Damn, I'm just kind of

(37:30):
in this little cocoon right now. I don't necessarily know
if I want to feel that, like you are able
to open and close your relationship. You know why because
as the person that's in the relationship, you're the priority. Yep.
If the person you're dating can't handle an open, closed situation,
they may not be for you. That's what you need.
And we're always feeling guilty about making someone feel stifled

(37:53):
or making them feel like we're giving them boundaries. I
know your ex talked about that having rules, where it's like,
how could you even have rules when you've done all
these things with Mandy. However, I mean.

Speaker 2 (38:02):
Rules and boundaries, though, are allowed and need to be
enforced in open relationships. And again, I think I like
that what you said open close relationships are open relationships
are non ethically non monogaous relationships. I think that people
assume as soon as you join into the lifestyle, now
you have to keep up with all this. No, it
needs to be a constant conversation with your partner. Hey,

(38:23):
let's take a break from this a little bit. You
were allowed to do this same the same way we
talk about dry January or like ways in which we
sometimes like recluse or take away drinking or drugs or partying.
That's the same when it comes to inviting other people
into the bedroom O.

Speaker 1 (38:38):
Their energy is a lot same, a lot. And when
we were talking about a few weeks ago on the
episode of Christina where I was like other people on
days and shit like that. Bro, there's so many times
where I've been in settings recently and I'm like, I
just kinda want to be with you right now. I
just want to be with you right now, and like
I need to lead er or even maybe I need
to be alone. Yeah, you know, Like I think that

(39:00):
we need to focus more on ourselves while in relationships
instead of so much thinking well, we'll please my partner
as greezers, which she could. She sounds like she is
she does. It sounds like she's fighting it. She's like,
he's gonna break up with me if I don't give
him this. But I really don't want to do it.

Speaker 2 (39:17):
And I think that she just needs to maybe put
a time frame on it because she could change. But
in some time, if he's still pressuring.

Speaker 1 (39:23):
Her, maybe this maybe not more time for him to say, hey,
I need to feel more comfortable, okay, because I don't
want anybody I don't like to feel more comfortable, because
he's already suggested, well, maybe you just need to play
with more women to feel more comfortable.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
Like he's even pressuring her to be with you know
what I mean. So she's just not in that space
right now. So the conversation needs to be like I
would love to revisit this maybe in a couple months,
but for the moment, can we really just enjoy each other?

Speaker 1 (39:46):
That's it.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
He's really not looking to just enjoy you by yourself.
These other people. Maybe, Yeah, what did someone say? I
don't know if I've said it on this podcast, but
I remember crying to a friend about how this guy.

Speaker 1 (40:02):
Said that I was too much or like, you know,
my mora told oh, and she said, oh, yeah, you
know what you need to say to him the next
time you're doing too much, find someone that does little.
I am too much. I do a lot for you.
I bring a lot to the table. Maybe you need
to find someone that is smaller. That means women need.

Speaker 2 (40:20):
To be okay with just walking away from someone who
does not fit them, but also.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
The power in being able to not be scared of
when you need things like you can't tell him this
and be like, oh this here, you're gonna break up
with me. You need to have your chest tied because
women are confident and know what they want and it
better really leave And if he really wants you, he
gonna see that you're putting your foot down and he
not gonna want to lose you. He gonna sit here

(40:46):
and Ben, it's not gonna be the ultimated. Now, what
I would tell you is if threesomes is the only
spicy sex you're having, that is a problem. Yeah. If
sex clubs is the only spicy sex, which you were
telling out the other there toys, we did a whole
but that's my point. Yeah, if the sex club is
the only thing you do that's spicy, that's a problem.
Anybody listening, like, you cannot have one dimension with your

(41:10):
kink shit right. For example, this is a true story.
I have a friend of mine that's very into masaculum,
Like she wants to fucking be hit clothes, fists and stuff.
And she told me that it's been a little bit
difficult for her because she's like, girl, I've wanted to
go to work, but like she can handle pain, like truly,

(41:30):
and she said she kind of had a little bit
of a shift recently where it was making her feel
a little shitty. She's been with her partner in a
long time and they lived together, but she's like, bro,
that's the type of sex we have when it's wild,
and now I don't even know what the fuck to do. Yeah,
and so she's like looking for new shit, and I
think that we can't have only one lane. So I
would definitely say trying introducing something new that you've never done.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
Maybe he pease them, that's simple. This next letter is
from my listener. All right, what's good. I'm a truck driver,
so I had plenty of time to listen to all
of your episodes. I can't tell y'all how much I
appreciate the work. The podcast you built is fun, it's honest,
it's educational.

Speaker 1 (42:10):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (42:11):
I've learned so much from y'all, not only in the
obvious sense it's a sex pod, but documenting your growth
is business women, especially in partnership, is so valuable to
anyone trying to.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
Make shit shake. One of my biggest regrets is not
getting on stage in San Francisco. Anyway. The reason I'm
writing is I'm talking to a high net worth individual.
I'm not that, right, bitch. She has an important job
that has.

Speaker 2 (42:35):
Her flying to different parts of the world and a
personal business that deals in money I've never seen.

Speaker 1 (42:40):
She's older and cool as hell.

Speaker 2 (42:43):
In the nerdy way. She's spicy, white, Eastern European and
lives in London. I definitely have my insecurities, but she
started dropping the l box after four to five times
meeting in person in like three years. I started saying
it back. I don't know if it's real or just
something to say, but I definitely like her. This is
getting so I was good to the point. Recently she
asked if I would meet her in Africa during one

(43:04):
of her business trips. Wheezy, would you take your first
trip to the Motherland with a white mandy? Now that
you have money, would you pay the upfront costs for
a man to be floud for a flud oh to
be reimbursed? Y'all are fired to sign a nigga in
the scar. So he's asking if you would go to

(43:25):
Africa with a white person and asking me if I
would front the money to pay for him to come,
and he reimburses me later.

Speaker 1 (43:33):
Okay, hold on, let me explain here. This is very interesting.
Okay oo, So Mandy's been Africa Africa a few times.
I've only been once just now, right, it's only to
South Africa. However, I thought this was a woman writing
about a lesbian relationship. Oh and you said signed a nigga.
At first, I was like, oh, you're a girl in
the car. You're a black girl going with a white

(43:54):
girl to Africa. Whatever you brought your friend.

Speaker 2 (43:56):
This is a black man dating a white woman. Yes,
it's the temptation, the temptation.

Speaker 1 (44:08):
I'll say this. I went to Africa with my friend
because he was on tour. And Mandy has talked about
going to Africa. Were her friends cause they're Lincoln And
that's the thing. He didn't say what part of Africa?
I don't think right, but I was gonna. I wanted
to just make this point. Going to Africa with an
itinerary is kind of cool because you're you're kind of like, oh,
all right, like I'm assuming she's got the hotel figured

(44:29):
out or whatever, like something about that. It's so far
that it was easy, Like my first time going to Tokyo,
Like I remember being like whoa, I don't even know
what the fuck I'm doing here? Like, why didn't I
make plans? I'm like googling on the plane. I do
think it's good when you're going to a big new
place to go with someone that kind of has a
bunch of shit to do that's already lined up. If
that's the case, I guess if the trip is free.

Speaker 2 (44:51):
I'll be honest. We're talking about so Africa is a continent.
We know, we don't need y'all hopping in the fucking thing.
Oh also me, South Africa with a white it's easier.
It's easier than like Ghana, Nigeria, Senegal, like these are
other places I've been.

Speaker 1 (45:07):
You going with a white person at these places? That's
a good point. And she not going to build a
village for these niggas or something. What is she going
there for? I what I need to know what she
going for? Are you going to help the people?

Speaker 2 (45:20):
Otherwise if you just going there as a colonizer or something,
South Africa might work out. What I can't say that
what that's what they be going over there for. It
makes them feel better. I'm just saying, what is the
reason that she's going You know the white guilt, you
know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (45:34):
So it depends because Ghana like just got pulled back.
Well I'm saying that too, because.

Speaker 2 (45:38):
Ghana Witch, I was the lightest person that I saw
in Ghana, Like in Nigeria, there's a difference in I
didn't know people you know that I've been in.

Speaker 1 (45:47):
So I was telling we were hanging out with just
a lot of friends, right and this is like December
and Johannes Brag so just mixing match and talking. And
I was saying to this black girl, like, bro, I've
be seeing so many interracial culfors here a couple excuse me,
and like in the States, me and my homegirls be
shading them and shit, low key when we see like
litt niggas with a white girl and it's just sorry,

(46:08):
it's kind of something we do. It isn't man. But
she said, Andy, we're still judging you too, but white
girls nobody do it. We do that shit. I know not,
but yeah, she said something I found so interesting. She said,
weazy apartheid just ended. Yeah, no, I learned about She said,
a lot of these black men are just fucking these
white girls because they're like you, God damn right on

(46:29):
fucking this white bitch. She's like, they have a really
big power trip. She said. In the States, it's an
allegiance and an alliance to wealth, she said, Here they
actually feel like they're a conquered They feel more like
fuck you to white people when they date white people interest.
She said, So the reasoning in the oppression with that
black men had not saying black men, obviously we don't
even till hello. But she's like, you know, it was

(46:50):
something we saw in our lives, whereas it's a little
older for you, and she's saying that it's a different thing.
So I think you're right. That's a great point in
South Africa, probably not anywhere else. I don't know. But
if the trip is free, I would always want to.
But no, that's what it seems like too. He brought
out being flewed out, like uh, now that you would

(47:13):
you pay the upfront costs and be reimbursed. So he's not, so, no,
I'm not gonna hold you.

Speaker 2 (47:19):
I'm not gonna If I'm gonna fly a nigga out,
A part of me would be more turned off to
feel like I got he gotta set up a payment
plan to pay me.

Speaker 1 (47:28):
I mean he already seems like he knows that. No
to me, like the reimbursement to me will not happen.
My homewoy told me he does that because he's like, hey,
these bitches we having miles and ship, ain't about to
fucking type in yours tsa pre check. I'll send you
the money. How much is this plate? Yeah? No, no, no, no,
I'm thinking of He's like getting there and then getting
there Like to me, I'm not I'm not flying a

(47:48):
nigga out. I though, will tell somebody this one will right.

Speaker 2 (47:52):
But so what I'm saying is that's not so. He
asked me this question. So I'm answered, I'm not telling
the nigga to reimburse me. That's corny. So to me,
I always ask a guy, especially now that I do
have money. The hotel is covered, I might pay for
a dinner while you're out with me. I'm gonna look
out while you me, girl, I invite green Eyes to come.
I'm like, we'll pull up to New York. You could

(48:13):
stay with me. I'll cook, I'll feed you. If we
go out, I'll cover it. But I'm not booking. I'm
not paying for no nigga flight.

Speaker 1 (48:19):
Well one other thing I wanted to say actually was
I don't know. If you have the extra fund, then
you want too. Fine, if the trip is free, I
would definitely do it. But the other little craffe I
I had was if you don't get that much time off,
that's a big trip. Don't use your only big trip
on someone that you don't know. How it doesn't seem
like you don't even know your big first like her,
but you don't love her. Because when I was working

(48:41):
in nine to five say that PTO, I had to
be very particular about my trips, and that was a
lot of the shit I would say. I'd be like,
I am about to waste three days, four days with
this nigga when I could be with By the way,
y'all gotta look up the trips or the trip tips
now for PTO every year, that's the TikTok, and they'll
let you know how to take the least amount of
time off for the most amount of days based around

(49:01):
the holidays that are happening. So like, oh, I go, yeah,
take a half day here, or like more because it
changes every day.

Speaker 2 (49:08):
Can yeah holidays where sometimes Fridays and Mondays are off.
They'll say, use a Wednesday and use a Tuesday, so
you could have this many days off.

Speaker 1 (49:17):
So look that up. It's online.

Speaker 2 (49:19):
So this is gonna be our last one for today,
and then we'll get to them get niggas after I
edit it and revise it and shorten it.

Speaker 1 (49:24):
Because what the fuck, y'all?

Speaker 2 (49:25):
If you send in your whole mail to Horrible Decisions
at gmail dot com, can we limit it to three paragraphs?
Maybe when I say paragraphs, that's three to five sentences. Okay,
we're taking it back to language. Yes, So the one
with the boring boyfriend, your mail was long, but we'll
get to it. Yeah, we just got to edit it
a little bit, all right. This one comes from there
asking for advice. Advice for a traumatized horny virgin, Dear

(49:47):
Weezy and Mandy. First off, I want to let you
know don't be mad that I discovered you guys my
freshman year of high school, and I want to thank
you guys.

Speaker 1 (49:54):
Oh lord, that's okay. I come from a household that
made sex. If ay, let us know you had sex
before you listen to the podcast, I'll feel about she's
a virgin still, Oh seems like I come from a
household that made sex a very shameful thing, as there
was a generational pattern of teen and young pregnancies and
abusive partners, which led to an overarching idea that wanting
a man was a bad thing. Oh, she's a smart girl.

Speaker 2 (50:16):
It got to the point where I felt guilty just
kissing my boyfriend at the time, but your podcast became
a safe space for me to learn about and explore
my sexuality.

Speaker 1 (50:25):
Now.

Speaker 2 (50:25):
I recently turned eighteen and graduated high school as a junior,
and guess what, no babies. I also still a virgin,
but have had multiple relationships where we've done everything up
two sets.

Speaker 1 (50:36):
So our podcast doesn't make you bitch as fun I
love it. We need to clip that, No, you have
the virgin that listen.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
I love this year Since high school, however, I am
now ready to explore that chapter in my life. But
alas the men I seem to attract our assholes in
every relationship, I've ended up feeling used as I'm very
much a people pleaser and giver her and don't know
how to give up that part of myself without wondering
if they only want me for my body. In a
couple of episodes, you guys have talked about how some
of the most successful relationships have started out with sex

(51:03):
on the first night. But given my history with guys,
the fact that I can't even have sex and don't
know how to have it, and the negativity built around it,
I don't know how to let that part of myself go,
especially in early stages of a relationship. Any advice would
be great. I know I'm young and have many people
and have many people yet to meet that could change
my mind, but that part of myself already feels closed

(51:24):
off when I was just starting to feel ready to
explore it. I don't want to feel completely shut down
from sex already and be stuck living by curiously through
the smut I read. Thank you for taking the time
to read this. PSU also inspired me to start a
podcast of my own with my best friend. So glad
to see how far you've come and thank you, guys
for the help you don't know you've given me already.

Speaker 1 (51:43):
She's not gonna she didn't name drop the bar she
really want to answer. I think you have to get
away from the idea that penetration is this crazy, big
experience and that your virginity is tied to the sacredness.
I'm not trying to downplay virginity, but the reason that

(52:03):
I am in this particular instance is because you said
you've done everything but with partners, and then you said
they were all assholes. Girl doesn't know you saw some
dick doesn't know what I would recommend to you. Well,
oral sex is sex. So maybe she act said to dick,
she said everything up to sex, and oral sex is sex.
We talked about it. I mean, but if kissing has
made her feel guilty a lot of these things, so

(52:23):
you give them that part of hand. So it's like,
maybe you are putting way too much pressure on sex itself.
I have a celibate friend is me know Breanda, and
she doesn't do any of that right, kissing is it.
So that's why I can say that a lot of
the this is like, you know, whether you're getting naked
things like that. I know she is having trouble dating
or finding someone or talking to someone about it because

(52:43):
there's a lot of parameters on her celibacy. For you,
I think what you need to have happened to you
is have sex with someone that makes you feel comfortable
and safe, even if you never see them again. I think, okay,
letting that person know your version. I know there's some
maybe scenarios where people just we've had people in the
thirties or forties even right into us about their virginity.

(53:05):
I'm like this, just get over it. Right with you,
particularly being that you're younger and you've got someone it
seems to be a little bit of religious trauma and
shit like that. I think you need to be very
clear that you experience your first time and that you
want to be respected during that time. Like you don't

(53:25):
want someone to maybe dash you away, you know what
I'm saying, Like you want them to stay with you
maybe that night, like after care and kink is going
to be necessary, like after care, after you have set
things that are involved with So yeah, I think once
you find someone comfortable with, maybe a friend that you've
flirt with, but it can't be this big old thing
in your head because the things that you've already done
are kind of already a big deal. I think like

(53:47):
you still had some form of it. So I would
just make sure that the person you sleep with you
said they've been assholes. Maybe you also have to have
less expectations. I know, Beyonder particularly wants a relationship or
marriag right, If that's not what you're looking for, be
clear that you just want a good person or someone
that makes you feel comfortable and safe. So yeah, because

(54:07):
if you want a relationship until you have sex, that
motherfucker may disappoint you even then. So I think making
sure that the experience itself is safe and comfortable is
more important than the attachment to that person. To you,
as someone that's been sexually assaulted and someone that's had
men not necessarily treat them to nicis, I've always enjoyed
the experiences where men are respectful versus I've had this

(54:29):
title or this rapport. Yeah, I can meet a nigga
in the first night. That'll do me right. You know,
like you've got to make sure that you're getting that vibe.

Speaker 2 (54:38):
I mean, to me, this goes into something that wasn't
I guess my mind wasn't ready for it. To me,
you're traumatized. You need to go to therapy and work
through that and get over it. If kissing still makes
you uncomfortable, I don't think just fucking a guy who
might show up is nice is gonna be.

Speaker 1 (54:56):
They think she used to feel guilty from kissing. But
I agree her feel uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (55:01):
Yes, that's what she just said so to me, like,
and it didn't say that even the things that she
went up to sex made her feel away.

Speaker 1 (55:09):
She didn't share those details.

Speaker 2 (55:10):
There's a lot of things that we could ask if
you know, she called in like, well did those other
things make you feel uncomfortable? To know that you felt
uncomfortable with kissing. I think there's an exploration for you
to have in in therapy first, but also maybe it's
meant I would actually say, Oh my.

Speaker 1 (55:29):
God, I was just gonna say you need to be
good friends. No, that's not what I was gonna say,
Oh a decent man. No, my thing was gonna be
maybe women will make you feel safe. Maybe you should
maybe see sexually if exploring with a woman might be
what what will make you feel comfortable? Have you kissed
a woman before and did that make you uncomfortable? Have

(55:50):
you been able to feel safe with with women? Like?

Speaker 2 (55:53):
Maybe you're trying to force yourself knowing again the traumatic experience.
If it's a religious thing, maybe you're forcing yourself to
be straight.

Speaker 1 (56:00):
Now you just don't Like we said, we ain't take
a ridge. I don't know people would know if they haven't.
Maybe she would have even brought up if she had
a attraction.

Speaker 2 (56:08):
But she's also young and grew up in no I
think that a lot of those things. If you grow
up in church, you're taught that that's not something you
should do. So maybe right now she's convincing herself losing
my virginity to men to know that they're all assholes
and she hasn't felt safe and no one has made
her feel wanted or respected, and kissing a nigga made

(56:29):
her uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 (56:30):
Bitch, maybe you don't like me if you if dating
women doesn't worry. Here's my final thing. The reason I
said good men, friends is because you're in an age.
Mind you, Mandy and our ten years your senior. Right,
those men in college and that age, they're really bad. Yes,
I know that you've been listening to this podcast for
a long time, so you know it doesn't get better,
but it definitely gets better than that. You a better

(56:52):
figure this shit out now, like being assholes. I actually
talked about this with my boy Andrea Power recently. Andre's
almost forty, and I was like, bro, I haven't really
dated like a shitty, Like I've been dating guys that
you know, they'll get my girls all bab with shitty. No, no, no,
I'm saying, like the treatment like when you're on on
the dates and like, I haven't really dated a guy
who's an asshole. Yeah, And he was like, I wonder

(57:16):
if it's age or maybe it's where you meet them.
Like he's like, because yeah, he's like, you know, girls
maybe when I was younger told me like, oh my god,
you're so nice. He was like, but now, like they
just expect a good nigga, right, And so I said,
they don't because when a nigga's too nice, then they laying,
then they corny, like so many women. Actually what Like,
I think you need an example of some good men friends.

(57:39):
I think platonic relationships could actually be a little bit
safer for you. And I think maybe even a male
friendship could guide you with some of this, because sometimes
the problem with talking to other women is that they're
a sounding board for like everything going wrong with men.
We do that, especially when we're in a bad fucking
how many episodes that we were like, nigga, that shit,
maybe all of them, but like that this whole thing

(58:01):
is contradiction. I actually think you need good male friends
for real. That has really helpful in my heel have
sex because if your only relationships with men are romantic ones,
you all think they're assholes. You need to start looking
at men in a different way. Seeing nice friends. Yeah,
and I think that could help.

Speaker 2 (58:21):
I did that to one of my friends, uh on
New Year's I literally hit him up and was just like,
thank you for being a friend and seeing me, and
like when I enter room, when I'm around you, and
he's megastar, like dope. When I sit at the table,
he like boasts about all the things that I do,
and I just know he like values me as a

(58:42):
person and in this space that I'm at now where
romantically I don't know what I'm doing, I literally just
hit him like, thank you, thank you for knowing that
I'm deserving of receiving that from a male like I
literally that's what I wrote him.

Speaker 1 (58:55):
I was high on shrooms, but but yes, but I
mean the shrooms got you to like that part of
your emotionalness, right, And I think that like that shit
is valuable. I really appreciate good male platonic friendships relationships.
I think we all need one. I recently had Alex's
girl tell me that she was so grateful that he
had me in his life, because she's like, oh my god,

(59:16):
there's so many times where we've run in a little argument.
I thought to myself, like, oh, I know, Wes, he
ain't gonna agree with this, and he's probably gonna call
her for you know. She's like, I think it's really
good that men have a decent homegirl in their life. Yeah,
and I think there's something to that. So many says
he's a pussy I said, did I say, equs did
not hold on?

Speaker 2 (59:35):
I ain't say going eat what was down and stay
kiss a woman and see if you feel uncomfortable, and
if you don't, maybe that's the direction you might need
to go. Just kiddy, I pushing that bitch into lesbianism. Now,
calm down. Well, and so we've introduced herself all right.

Speaker 1 (59:52):
We totally to find us in London. But we also
have had so many new and fun changes patreons. So
if you want to see our new series, if you
want to see our actual video on Patreon, which we
now have, please head on over to patreon dot com.
Backslash Horrible Decisions. There's also a video that will be
on the page that'll explain our new tiers. Yeah, what
it brings, What you'll get included, and we're making them

(01:00:14):
more simple. A whole lot of shit, baby.

Speaker 2 (01:00:17):
Anyways, y'all, this has been yet another episode of Horror Decisions.

Speaker 1 (01:00:21):
Ye bye