March 26, 2026 • 24 mins
Wilmer and Freddy get real about grief, aging parents, and what losing loved ones has taught them about time, legacy, and letting go. Together they unpack why nothing is promised and why you have to put yourself in the game while you still can.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, everybody, this is Freddie Rodriguez. Welcome to Dose a Migos.
You know, sometimes Wilma and I get into these conversations
and we talk and we talk and we talk and
then we press record. And so what you're listening to
is us in the middle of a conversation.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
And this conversation was prompted by the unfortunate passing of
James Vanderbeek and it got us on this particular subject matter.
And so rest in peace to him and much blessings
to his family. And here we go.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Hey, you, hey, you welcome back to season two of
two Amigos.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Two of Megos Amigos.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
My dad, you know, started fearing death when my when
his grandchildren were born before that, it's like we're all
going to die, right by fearing that. He just didn't
want to miss it. He didn't want to miss my
kids growing up. He didn't want to miss seeing them
(01:12):
become you know, little adults, you know, And he had
a great relationship with you know, you know how it
is like our parents with our grand with our children,
they are born again. Yeah, they become those you know,
twenty five twenty six year old old school Latino who
had kids, you know. And I'm being very specific when
(01:33):
I actually say, you know the age, because that was
around the age where our parents, you know, had a family,
started family, sometimes younger. But so when when these babies,
they're holding babies that are part of their family tree,
they're born again as parents, not as grandparents, right, you know,
(01:55):
except they get to give it back at the end
of the night, you know. But what I'm saying is like,
when you talk about this subject, you know, you know, well,
I fear death when he's come next, comes close to
me most likely, right like it, But I'm only going
to fear it because I don't want to let go
(02:16):
of those I love.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Is And do you find that your dad is talking
about it more now or is he?
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Yeah? But you know, my dad has had three heart attacks, right,
and he loves them.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
He loves heart attacks. It's like the thing.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
He just really likes to have them, obviously, I mean
he's had three, yeah, I mean, why else would you
have heart tags if.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
You didn't love them.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
He just induces them.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
And the reason why I say that shit is because
my dad didn't take care of himself right like he
was the old school day he goes well, you know,
more salt, yeah, no dessert, okay, little whiskey every night.
You know, Like my dad was that old school dude
with the shirt open and the you know, the the
(03:04):
gold chain and the uh the tiny tropical forest, the.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Chest, you know that the air, the hairy chest.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah, exactly, the hairy chest that looked like like the
Amazonian you know, rainforest.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
You know it was that you know.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
Hey, you know, and and like he he lived that life, right,
So anyways, they say all this stuff to basically say
that that, you know, when we fear it comes faster.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
You know that's interesting cause.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
You know when we live it, you know, you know,
we're kind of acceptance. But I will say that there's
always a different phase, right, There's always this different thing
that happens in your life that makes you go, I'm
not ready.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
You know that's why what you said earlier today, like
it really hits me, right, because I got to tell you,
like it's we got to say it now. Yeah, we
have to say now. We have to say I love
you now. We have to you know, make the trick.
We have to drive farther, we have to make that trip.
You know, you have to say it you know, you
(04:08):
have to just do it now. And you know, especially
the same things in our careers. Right if you don't
make the phone call on your behalf now, we're gonna
wait another five years before you have the confidence to
make that phone cause to say no, I am actually
worth of the shot. Just let them say no right now.
I don't want to hear no ten years later, you know,
right right. But it's like it's relative right to like time,
(04:29):
because I think that's kind of the theme of what
we're talking about, is that, yeah, you know, what do you.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Do with time? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah, And thank you for joining us, everybody. This is
Freddie Rodriguez and I'm Wilmer vald Rama. This is uh,
what is this real podcast?
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Podcast?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
You've caught us in the middle of a conversation. You know,
James Vanderbeek passed away and wolver knew him and and
he's close to our age, and so we started to
have this conversation about about death and mortality, and so
you've caught us in the middle of this conversation and
how tragic his situation is.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
And at a certain.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Point, I just I turned to a woomer and I
was like, yo, I.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Love you man.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
You know, I love you, bro, because we're not promised tomorrow,
you know, right, he wasn't, and he left behind, you know,
for five kids. I think he is, I mean, young guy.
What was he forty eight years old and colon cancer
he had?
Speaker 2 (05:26):
I mean, just just how terrible.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
I just had a cousin who's forty something years old,
younger than him, who just died of leukemia and left
behind a twelve year old and a ten year old
and a widower. And you know, he's dealing with that
right now. So it's been a very prevalent subject matter
(05:49):
in my life in the last few years. You know,
my mom just passed away about four four months ago,
and my pop a couple of years ago, you know,
So it's but it's an interesting conversation to have with
you about your pop and how he's facing mortality as
it pertains to like your kids, and and how like
(06:10):
your kids have given him this news sort of least
on life. Do you think do you think that that
your kids have made him more conscious of because you
said he loves heart attacks because he does everything to
induce him.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Yeah, he just really I think he likes the food
at the hospital. I think that, yeah, really hard to
do that. At home, he likes bungebats.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
You put more, you put more sauce on it. At home,
I think he likes playing food.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Yeah. Do you think that he's been more conscious of
of of that, of of what he what he's eating,
what he's drawing.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
He lost a lot of his bad weight, you know,
and you know he's walking more's when he's just hanging on.
It's just like I got to get tell of those
years back, and that's what he's up to, That's what
he's doing.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
And I think my my children I think really triggered that.
You know, I think it really Uh, the conversations I
used to dot with my dad before.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
We're like, hey, you know, I lived a good one.
If it happens, you know me, Oh now it's your turn.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
You know.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
As soon as my children were born, they're like, you know,
you know she's getting Am I going to miss that?
Speaker 4 (07:23):
Am I going to miss that?
Speaker 1 (07:24):
You know?
Speaker 4 (07:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (07:26):
You think he kind of took that back.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
Yeah, I mean, especially because.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Because when he had the last heart attack, I kind
of was like maybe two years old or something. It's
the first thing he mentioned. He's like, no, I just
have no more time with her, you know, And I'll say,
what about me?
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Father?
Speaker 2 (07:46):
About me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Liver. How old is it
do my dad?
Speaker 3 (08:03):
I think it's about seventy And I say, I don't
know his real age because he always makes it up.
My mom's some thing like, you know, they came from
a generation most of you guys might or might not
relate to this. He came from a generation where, you know,
no one applied for the birth certificate. They just took
(08:24):
the kids home or they were home births, you know,
and then they were like, oh, that's right, he's four
years old.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
We need to apply for the birth certificate. That's that
old school thing. My mom is one out of fourteen,
same mom and dad.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Wow, like my mom yeah and yeah. So you know,
for her, it was like.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
They went and they took a bunch of them at
the same time to get their birth certificate. She doesn't
know why year she was really born. So she's like
on paper she's like eighty nine or something. I don't know,
but she's really like probably seventy, you know, seventy one
maybe or seventy maybe.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
My dad probably is like early.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
I mean, you know, do you think that your mother
feels the same way as your dad.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Do you think that she was at first sort of
resigned the like, well, if it happens, it happens.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
But now with the kids, I don't think she thinks
about it as much. At least she doesn't bring it
up as much.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Well, she hasn't had three art attacks. No, No, she
doesn't like them. She doesn't like them.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
That's where my dad and mom are so different.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
But no, but you know why, I think my mom
has so much fight in her. She is like like
a she's bill like like a bull, like a pit bull.
You know, she's just like a She's like a tough player.
She still gets up in the morning. She cleans her
entire house by herself, you know, like she she does
(09:48):
her her her laundry and her her big comforters. And
let me explain what I mean by that. She grabs
the big comforter from the house, from the from the bedroom.
She she walks it all the way downstairs, right, she
hands washes it, oh right, like cool, because she's like,
we can't put it in the musher because it just
(10:08):
doesn't move because it's too big.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Yeah yeah, yeah, And then.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
You know, and then she's like it's analog.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
She like is washing her dogs herself, she's doing and
you know, like she's still very very driven and she's
still living her life.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
And you know he's still cooking for herself and doing
her thing.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
And think those are the indicators when like, you know,
she's still really swinging hard.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mom was like that too.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
She was uh, you know, you know it was she
she was married to my dad for fifty five years
and then my dad passed away suddenly in a freak accident,
and then and then all of a sudden she was alone.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
So for her, she was always that independent.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
But but there was a learning curb of of what
it was like to just suddenly from one moment to
the next to be uh single, uh, to be a widow,
widow widow.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
I think it's a core terminology.
Speaker 4 (11:06):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
But but same as your mom. Man, just tough and
feisty and and didn't didn't fear death. Man even even
to her laugh bro Uh yeah, yes, sir, you face time.
Her laugh was just uh yes, yes, yes, we fat,
thank you man, thank you for that. I I remember
(11:27):
we were face timing and she was she was going
through chemotherapy and you you were so gracious and and
you got on the FaceTime with her and said hi
to her, and and and my mom doesn't didn't speak English,
and so that was nice.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
That you got.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
Don't speak English. I just learned this thing, you know.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah man.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
But she but she didn't fear it towards the end either.
She was I think, I think because my pop wasn't there.
She was she was, she was ready, you know, she
was ready.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
But she had.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
She had answer twice. Also she had uh uh uh
three times. Actually she had she had breast cancer. By
the third time, the breast cancer spread to her pancreas
and then.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
But she was a fighter, Like what a badass, dude.
It's like really tough battle right there.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah yeah man.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
And she went through hospice and uh man, I you know,
uh for those out there who have gone through hospice
with their parents is uh is a completely different experience.
I'd love to do a documentary on on what that's like,
because it's uh to from the moment that you find
out that your your parent is dying and and and
(12:42):
you make that decision that they're going in the hospice
is just sort of like a like a death sentence almost.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
You know, it's like you're you're.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Watching your parents deteriorate, uh until until they finally die.
And I was there at the moment she she passed away.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
You know, I was.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
I was on a FaceTime with you actually, you know,
she she she was downstairs and I was like, oh,
I got this FaceTime with Warmer. Let me let me
go upstairs and take this FaceTime. And Elsie came in
and you know, so there you go.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Man, I was on with you. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
No, I actually, however, I hope it sounds, you know,
as more of a humbling and beautiful reflection. I was
actually honored to kind of be with you in that
moment and when it was happening, because I know you
guys were waiting for it. So as we move into
(13:39):
like the mentality, the understanding, the acceptance, what do you
feel it's worth investing in now? Understanding what we know
about death but we know about when it ends, Like
what what do we invest in right now?
Speaker 4 (13:56):
What is the immediate advice you give people right now?
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Like what is stop what you're doing and do this
is to value time, to be cognizant of time and
how important time is Uh, not to say that that
I or my brothers were not, but but I think
sometimes when you're going through something like hospice, you're in
a stage of denial that that that that it's happening.
(14:25):
And so maybe throughout that stage of denial, at least
for me, I'm speaking for myself, sometimes I was not
I should have been better about time maybe, you know,
I think back I was like, oh, man, maybe I
should have did more FaceTime calls with her, or man,
maybe I should have flown down to Chicago more. Because
because once the time, once the time is up, it's up,
(14:46):
and then that's it. Then you can never get it
back after.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
That's an interesting balance, right, it's really interesting time. You know,
time life so fun you think about, okay, well, the
circle of life is that they raise us to be adults.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
Then you start your family.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Then you've got to make choices based on either your
career the profession, and you've got to move away and
and it's it's it's a very common thing. You know,
unless you can have your family close by, it's really
a coming thing that they're going to be in a
different state, you know, or they're going to be far
away or all that it's kind of consequences of that is.
I feel like as parents, at some point we come
(15:25):
to the realization and understanding that like that's going to happen,
our kids are going to live somewhere else. But we
did our job and we had our moment, right. I
don't know that I'll have to be ready for that, right.
I Mean, it's like it's the toughest part to think
about that. But you know, I guess that if I take,
you know, extract the hope and what you're saying, I
(15:47):
would say that like call them a little more often,
right or like or like or whatever. But at the
same time, also understand that, you know, you're also living
a life, right, You're also raising your kids, and you're
your family and the whole thing.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
And it's tough, you know. I think, you know, I
would say we're.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Gifted and blessed in the in the sense that we
can do this this creative and and healing, powerful medium
of entertainment, right, Like we can really you know, bring
a laugh or an extraordinary story to two fans around
the world.
Speaker 4 (16:24):
You know, what do we do for ourselves?
Speaker 3 (16:27):
I think that's a tough question, right, because I don't
think people understand how much time we're away from our
friends and family, right, Like I mean you think about
like when you used to hang out with your friends
all the time, right, Like how did that? How did
that become? You know, like did you you know, how
do you bring them along so you still have that tied,
you know, bond. You know from the beginning, it's a
(16:49):
tough thing. You know, same thing with a family, like
you got to like, you know, somehow you have to
understand like either they come with or you're gonna miss
chunks of life, especially when you do this on running shows,
like you know, I'm doing a show that you know,
it's been out fo you know twenty three years, we're
going into we're going into our twenty four season and
you're my tenth Wow, I've done it. By the end
(17:13):
of this season twenty three right now, it'll be I will,
I will. I would have shot two hundred episodes of NCIS.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
And how many how many episodes? How many seasons did
you do of a seventy show?
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Eight And I did two hundred episodes of that, So
I've already surpassed many years of seventy show on this show.
But I say those things because you also think about
like how much time we're really away from things is tough, right,
because I mean I get I get up a four
three in the morning, I work out, I go to said.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
By seven am, we're shooting.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Yeah, my wife and my daughter, they're like living a
full life. And then in those thirteen hours, right, you know, doing.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
What you have to do in order to have the
light and to help support. But you know you asked
about advice. You know, not only is it time, but
it's you know what also happens after they're gone, is
it's it's it's traumatic, right, so then you have to
deal with the trauma of what just occourage. You know.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
I find that that.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Forgiveness is really important, you know, like like whether whether
it's now or it's later, you know, there's there ever
anything like that that you need to sort of feel
that you need to resolve. You know, I'm not speaking
on my behalf. I just had this really interesting conversation yesterday,
as a matter of fact, with someone who lost somebody,
and and the whole forgiveness factor had come up, you know,
(18:38):
And and the reason why that was so important is
because the person who I was talking to feels doesn't
feel healed and still feels this sense of deep guilt
and all of this other stuff. Even though the parent
is gone, there's still they're still reliving the trauma because
the forgiveness is not in place, was not in.
Speaker 4 (19:01):
Place, you know.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
So I don't know if that happens before or after,
but but forgiveness is such a it's such an important
component in order for for your healing process to happen
and for a departure to your next chapter or to
to now coexist with the thought that you know you're
closing you know, the last chapter as well, right.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
And and you know when we had like Lewis Hall
here last, you know, and he talked about the foundation
of everything that he does is all about healing, you know,
and and and that's part of it, you know, the
healing that has to happen between you and a parent
or or another loved one, you know, whether it happens
while they're living or after, but you have to find
(19:45):
that that healing, and a lot of that healing comes
from forgiveness.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
I mean I always remain grateful that you'll be so
willing to open and explore these things. You know, I
don't know how often you get to talk about, you know,
this revelation with your with your mother and your family
and which you are now. So I'm grateful that you're
willing to share it for everybody and all the fans
of those a egos. It is, you know, it's you
(20:13):
live long enough, you're gonna have to inevitably learn to
endure these changes. And you know, we we we definitely,
we definitely have to kind of just roll with what's
giving to us, right. You know, you don't pick it,
You know, you don't choose it, but you don't.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Just like James Vanderbig didn't pick it. Right, And here
we are having this conversation, you know, here we are.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
We open up the papers and look on Instagram this morning,
and there's this picture with his obituary.
Speaker 3 (20:45):
Next to it, right, and in our love and prayers
obviously of strength and love to his wife and his
beautiful family.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
And you know, I hope that they'll never forget, and
I know they won't how much you know, how much
love he spread through his art.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
You know, he was such an iconic image for an
entire generation, and I think he left so much.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
A trail of just like goodness, and.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
You guys had shows on it at the same time.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
Yeah, he premier in nineteen ninety eight on Dawson's Creek
and a premiere on that seventies show in nineteen ninety
eight as well.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
He was on the WV and we were on Fox.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
But we were both the first TV casts, Yeah, to
really do both film and TV. Oh yeah, so he
broke round also, ye, you know, he went into Varsity
Blues and he was a phenomenon and all of a
sudden he's doing movies.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
Right and then doing Dozon's Creek.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
And for the fan base that's listening, you know, back then,
you were either a TV actor, you were a film actor,
and like you know, there there was no cross pollinating,
you know, and that was when it first started to happen.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
Yeah, and so he's one of those pioneers and we
the young ins of that time. Is when when the
students started gambling and these team sensations to cross over
to film.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
The box office was a different place, you know, and.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
I think that you know, it was Katie Holmes, Joshua Jackson,
you know, Michelle Williams. I mean, like that whole cast
redefined what you you know, you could do whatever you wanted, right,
you know, the same thing happen with the seven Intil cast.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
Everyone. You could do whatever you want.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
You can go to movies, you can go TV, you
can do you know. And uh, and that's thanks to
the loyalty and the trust of the fans. But you know,
going full circle to back to James, like he you know,
we always all of us, they're they're casting. Our cast
always were invited to the same events were the young ins.
You know, it's like the Team People magazine event or
like the Team you know, Tiger Bead or the Planet
(22:55):
Hollywood round tables, you know where you come in and
you're like, oh, okay, those are the Wonder Brothers. You know,
the Dawson's Creek and you know Wayne's brothers. You know,
like right there they're over there and then then over here.
It's like, uh, you know the seventies showcast and get
real and you know, mack them in the middle and
you know, like with everyone who was doing their stuff.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
But but yeah, we were we were young.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Oh yeah, yeah would but look, I mean, I guess
unintentionally we educate this episode to James, you know, and
and he's trajectory. Most importantly what he left behind, which
is millions of fans around the world inspired and UH
and our love and and princes of our family as well.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
Yeah to James and two.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
And to everybody else out there who who's dealing with
loss and UH and and and what comes with loss,
and and and the pain and the trauma that comes
with loss. You know, I hope that our conversation today
helped just a little bit.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
Drama.
Speaker 4 (23:59):
Freddie rodri Yes, This is Doos.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Dos Amigos is a production from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's
Michael Tuda podcast network. Hosted by Me, Freddie Rodriguez, and
Wilmer Valderama.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
Dose Amigos is produced by Cooper Mole and Sophie Spencer Savels.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderama, Freddie Rodriguez, and Leo
Klem at WV Sound.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
This show is mixed and mastered by Sean Tracy and
original music by Madison Devinport and Halo Boy.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
For more podcasts from My Heart, visit the r Heart
Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
Speaker 4 (24:37):
See you next week.
Hey, everybody, this is Freddie Rodriguez. Welcome to Dose a Migos.
You know, sometimes Wilma and I get into these conversations
and we talk and we talk and we talk and
then we press record. And so what you're listening to
is us in the middle of a conversation.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
And this conversation was prompted by the unfortunate passing of
James Vanderbeek and it got us on this particular subject matter.
And so rest in peace to him and much blessings
to his family. And here we go.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Hey, you, hey, you welcome back to season two of
two Amigos.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Two of Megos Amigos.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
My dad, you know, started fearing death when my when
his grandchildren were born before that, it's like we're all
going to die, right by fearing that. He just didn't
want to miss it. He didn't want to miss my
kids growing up. He didn't want to miss seeing them
(01:12):
become you know, little adults, you know, And he had
a great relationship with you know, you know how it
is like our parents with our grand with our children,
they are born again. Yeah, they become those you know,
twenty five twenty six year old old school Latino who
had kids, you know. And I'm being very specific when
(01:33):
I actually say, you know the age, because that was
around the age where our parents, you know, had a family,
started family, sometimes younger. But so when when these babies,
they're holding babies that are part of their family tree,
they're born again as parents, not as grandparents, right, you know,
(01:55):
except they get to give it back at the end
of the night, you know. But what I'm saying is like,
when you talk about this subject, you know, you know, well,
I fear death when he's come next, comes close to
me most likely, right like it, But I'm only going
to fear it because I don't want to let go
(02:16):
of those I love.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Is And do you find that your dad is talking
about it more now or is he?
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Yeah? But you know, my dad has had three heart attacks, right,
and he loves them.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
He loves heart attacks. It's like the thing.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
He just really likes to have them, obviously, I mean
he's had three, yeah, I mean, why else would you
have heart tags if.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
You didn't love them.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
He just induces them.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
And the reason why I say that shit is because
my dad didn't take care of himself right like he
was the old school day he goes well, you know,
more salt, yeah, no dessert, okay, little whiskey every night.
You know, Like my dad was that old school dude
with the shirt open and the you know, the the
(03:04):
gold chain and the uh the tiny tropical forest, the.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Chest, you know that the air, the hairy chest.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah, exactly, the hairy chest that looked like like the
Amazonian you know, rainforest.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
You know it was that you know.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
Hey, you know, and and like he he lived that life, right,
So anyways, they say all this stuff to basically say
that that, you know, when we fear it comes faster.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
You know that's interesting cause.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
You know when we live it, you know, you know,
we're kind of acceptance. But I will say that there's
always a different phase, right, There's always this different thing
that happens in your life that makes you go, I'm
not ready.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
You know that's why what you said earlier today, like
it really hits me, right, because I got to tell you,
like it's we got to say it now. Yeah, we
have to say now. We have to say I love
you now. We have to you know, make the trick.
We have to drive farther, we have to make that trip.
You know, you have to say it you know, you
(04:08):
have to just do it now. And you know, especially
the same things in our careers. Right if you don't
make the phone call on your behalf now, we're gonna
wait another five years before you have the confidence to
make that phone cause to say no, I am actually
worth of the shot. Just let them say no right now.
I don't want to hear no ten years later, you know,
right right. But it's like it's relative right to like time,
(04:29):
because I think that's kind of the theme of what
we're talking about, is that, yeah, you know, what do you.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Do with time? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah, And thank you for joining us, everybody. This is
Freddie Rodriguez and I'm Wilmer vald Rama. This is uh,
what is this real podcast?
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Podcast?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
You've caught us in the middle of a conversation. You know,
James Vanderbeek passed away and wolver knew him and and
he's close to our age, and so we started to
have this conversation about about death and mortality, and so
you've caught us in the middle of this conversation and
how tragic his situation is.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
And at a certain.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Point, I just I turned to a woomer and I
was like, yo, I.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Love you man.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
You know, I love you, bro, because we're not promised tomorrow,
you know, right, he wasn't, and he left behind, you know,
for five kids. I think he is, I mean, young guy.
What was he forty eight years old and colon cancer
he had?
Speaker 2 (05:26):
I mean, just just how terrible.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
I just had a cousin who's forty something years old,
younger than him, who just died of leukemia and left
behind a twelve year old and a ten year old
and a widower. And you know, he's dealing with that
right now. So it's been a very prevalent subject matter
(05:49):
in my life in the last few years. You know,
my mom just passed away about four four months ago,
and my pop a couple of years ago, you know,
So it's but it's an interesting conversation to have with
you about your pop and how he's facing mortality as
it pertains to like your kids, and and how like
(06:10):
your kids have given him this news sort of least
on life. Do you think do you think that that
your kids have made him more conscious of because you
said he loves heart attacks because he does everything to
induce him.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Yeah, he just really I think he likes the food
at the hospital. I think that, yeah, really hard to
do that. At home, he likes bungebats.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
You put more, you put more sauce on it. At home,
I think he likes playing food.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Yeah. Do you think that he's been more conscious of
of of that, of of what he what he's eating,
what he's drawing.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
He lost a lot of his bad weight, you know,
and you know he's walking more's when he's just hanging on.
It's just like I got to get tell of those
years back, and that's what he's up to, That's what
he's doing.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
And I think my my children I think really triggered that.
You know, I think it really Uh, the conversations I
used to dot with my dad before.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
We're like, hey, you know, I lived a good one.
If it happens, you know me, Oh now it's your turn.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
You know.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
As soon as my children were born, they're like, you know,
you know she's getting Am I going to miss that?
Speaker 4 (07:23):
Am I going to miss that?
Speaker 1 (07:24):
You know?
Speaker 4 (07:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (07:26):
You think he kind of took that back.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
Yeah, I mean, especially because.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Because when he had the last heart attack, I kind
of was like maybe two years old or something. It's
the first thing he mentioned. He's like, no, I just
have no more time with her, you know, And I'll say,
what about me?
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Father?
Speaker 2 (07:46):
About me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Liver. How old is it
do my dad?
Speaker 3 (08:03):
I think it's about seventy And I say, I don't
know his real age because he always makes it up.
My mom's some thing like, you know, they came from
a generation most of you guys might or might not
relate to this. He came from a generation where, you know,
no one applied for the birth certificate. They just took
(08:24):
the kids home or they were home births, you know,
and then they were like, oh, that's right, he's four
years old.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
We need to apply for the birth certificate. That's that
old school thing. My mom is one out of fourteen,
same mom and dad.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Wow, like my mom yeah and yeah. So you know,
for her, it was like.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
They went and they took a bunch of them at
the same time to get their birth certificate. She doesn't
know why year she was really born. So she's like
on paper she's like eighty nine or something. I don't know,
but she's really like probably seventy, you know, seventy one
maybe or seventy maybe.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
My dad probably is like early.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
I mean, you know, do you think that your mother
feels the same way as your dad.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Do you think that she was at first sort of
resigned the like, well, if it happens, it happens.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
But now with the kids, I don't think she thinks
about it as much. At least she doesn't bring it
up as much.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Well, she hasn't had three art attacks. No, No, she
doesn't like them. She doesn't like them.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
That's where my dad and mom are so different.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
But no, but you know why, I think my mom
has so much fight in her. She is like like
a she's bill like like a bull, like a pit bull.
You know, she's just like a She's like a tough player.
She still gets up in the morning. She cleans her
entire house by herself, you know, like she she does
(09:48):
her her her laundry and her her big comforters. And
let me explain what I mean by that. She grabs
the big comforter from the house, from the from the bedroom.
She she walks it all the way downstairs, right, she
hands washes it, oh right, like cool, because she's like,
we can't put it in the musher because it just
(10:08):
doesn't move because it's too big.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Yeah yeah, yeah, And then.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
You know, and then she's like it's analog.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
She like is washing her dogs herself, she's doing and
you know, like she's still very very driven and she's
still living her life.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
And you know he's still cooking for herself and doing
her thing.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
And think those are the indicators when like, you know,
she's still really swinging hard.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mom was like that too.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
She was uh, you know, you know it was she
she was married to my dad for fifty five years
and then my dad passed away suddenly in a freak accident,
and then and then all of a sudden she was alone.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
So for her, she was always that independent.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
But but there was a learning curb of of what
it was like to just suddenly from one moment to
the next to be uh single, uh, to be a widow,
widow widow.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
I think it's a core terminology.
Speaker 4 (11:06):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
But but same as your mom. Man, just tough and
feisty and and didn't didn't fear death. Man even even
to her laugh bro Uh yeah, yes, sir, you face time.
Her laugh was just uh yes, yes, yes, we fat,
thank you man, thank you for that. I I remember
(11:27):
we were face timing and she was she was going
through chemotherapy and you you were so gracious and and
you got on the FaceTime with her and said hi
to her, and and and my mom doesn't didn't speak English,
and so that was nice.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
That you got.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
Don't speak English. I just learned this thing, you know.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah man.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
But she but she didn't fear it towards the end either.
She was I think, I think because my pop wasn't there.
She was she was, she was ready, you know, she
was ready.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
But she had.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
She had answer twice. Also she had uh uh uh
three times. Actually she had she had breast cancer. By
the third time, the breast cancer spread to her pancreas
and then.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
But she was a fighter, Like what a badass, dude.
It's like really tough battle right there.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah yeah man.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
And she went through hospice and uh man, I you know,
uh for those out there who have gone through hospice
with their parents is uh is a completely different experience.
I'd love to do a documentary on on what that's like,
because it's uh to from the moment that you find
out that your your parent is dying and and and
(12:42):
you make that decision that they're going in the hospice
is just sort of like a like a death sentence almost.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
You know, it's like you're you're.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Watching your parents deteriorate, uh until until they finally die.
And I was there at the moment she she passed away.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
You know, I was.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
I was on a FaceTime with you actually, you know,
she she she was downstairs and I was like, oh,
I got this FaceTime with Warmer. Let me let me
go upstairs and take this FaceTime. And Elsie came in
and you know, so there you go.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Man, I was on with you. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
No, I actually, however, I hope it sounds, you know,
as more of a humbling and beautiful reflection. I was
actually honored to kind of be with you in that
moment and when it was happening, because I know you
guys were waiting for it. So as we move into
(13:39):
like the mentality, the understanding, the acceptance, what do you
feel it's worth investing in now? Understanding what we know
about death but we know about when it ends, Like
what what do we invest in right now?
Speaker 4 (13:56):
What is the immediate advice you give people right now?
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Like what is stop what you're doing and do this
is to value time, to be cognizant of time and
how important time is Uh, not to say that that
I or my brothers were not, but but I think
sometimes when you're going through something like hospice, you're in
a stage of denial that that that that it's happening.
(14:25):
And so maybe throughout that stage of denial, at least
for me, I'm speaking for myself, sometimes I was not
I should have been better about time maybe, you know,
I think back I was like, oh, man, maybe I
should have did more FaceTime calls with her, or man,
maybe I should have flown down to Chicago more. Because
because once the time, once the time is up, it's up,
(14:46):
and then that's it. Then you can never get it
back after.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
That's an interesting balance, right, it's really interesting time. You know,
time life so fun you think about, okay, well, the
circle of life is that they raise us to be adults.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
Then you start your family.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Then you've got to make choices based on either your
career the profession, and you've got to move away and
and it's it's it's a very common thing. You know,
unless you can have your family close by, it's really
a coming thing that they're going to be in a
different state, you know, or they're going to be far
away or all that it's kind of consequences of that is.
I feel like as parents, at some point we come
(15:25):
to the realization and understanding that like that's going to happen,
our kids are going to live somewhere else. But we
did our job and we had our moment, right. I
don't know that I'll have to be ready for that, right.
I Mean, it's like it's the toughest part to think
about that. But you know, I guess that if I take,
you know, extract the hope and what you're saying, I
(15:47):
would say that like call them a little more often,
right or like or like or whatever. But at the
same time, also understand that, you know, you're also living
a life, right, You're also raising your kids, and you're
your family and the whole thing.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
And it's tough, you know. I think, you know, I
would say we're.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Gifted and blessed in the in the sense that we
can do this this creative and and healing, powerful medium
of entertainment, right, Like we can really you know, bring
a laugh or an extraordinary story to two fans around
the world.
Speaker 4 (16:24):
You know, what do we do for ourselves?
Speaker 3 (16:27):
I think that's a tough question, right, because I don't
think people understand how much time we're away from our
friends and family, right, Like I mean you think about
like when you used to hang out with your friends
all the time, right, Like how did that? How did
that become? You know, like did you you know, how
do you bring them along so you still have that tied,
you know, bond. You know from the beginning, it's a
(16:49):
tough thing. You know, same thing with a family, like
you got to like, you know, somehow you have to
understand like either they come with or you're gonna miss
chunks of life, especially when you do this on running shows,
like you know, I'm doing a show that you know,
it's been out fo you know twenty three years, we're
going into we're going into our twenty four season and
you're my tenth Wow, I've done it. By the end
(17:13):
of this season twenty three right now, it'll be I will,
I will. I would have shot two hundred episodes of NCIS.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
And how many how many episodes? How many seasons did
you do of a seventy show?
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Eight And I did two hundred episodes of that, So
I've already surpassed many years of seventy show on this show.
But I say those things because you also think about
like how much time we're really away from things is tough, right,
because I mean I get I get up a four
three in the morning, I work out, I go to said.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
By seven am, we're shooting.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Yeah, my wife and my daughter, they're like living a
full life. And then in those thirteen hours, right, you know, doing.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
What you have to do in order to have the
light and to help support. But you know you asked
about advice. You know, not only is it time, but
it's you know what also happens after they're gone, is
it's it's it's traumatic, right, so then you have to
deal with the trauma of what just occourage. You know.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
I find that that.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Forgiveness is really important, you know, like like whether whether
it's now or it's later, you know, there's there ever
anything like that that you need to sort of feel
that you need to resolve. You know, I'm not speaking
on my behalf. I just had this really interesting conversation yesterday,
as a matter of fact, with someone who lost somebody,
and and the whole forgiveness factor had come up, you know,
(18:38):
And and the reason why that was so important is
because the person who I was talking to feels doesn't
feel healed and still feels this sense of deep guilt
and all of this other stuff. Even though the parent
is gone, there's still they're still reliving the trauma because
the forgiveness is not in place, was not in.
Speaker 4 (19:01):
Place, you know.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
So I don't know if that happens before or after,
but but forgiveness is such a it's such an important
component in order for for your healing process to happen
and for a departure to your next chapter or to
to now coexist with the thought that you know you're
closing you know, the last chapter as well, right.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
And and you know when we had like Lewis Hall
here last, you know, and he talked about the foundation
of everything that he does is all about healing, you know,
and and and that's part of it, you know, the
healing that has to happen between you and a parent
or or another loved one, you know, whether it happens
while they're living or after, but you have to find
(19:45):
that that healing, and a lot of that healing comes
from forgiveness.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
I mean I always remain grateful that you'll be so
willing to open and explore these things. You know, I
don't know how often you get to talk about, you know,
this revelation with your with your mother and your family
and which you are now. So I'm grateful that you're
willing to share it for everybody and all the fans
of those a egos. It is, you know, it's you
(20:13):
live long enough, you're gonna have to inevitably learn to
endure these changes. And you know, we we we definitely,
we definitely have to kind of just roll with what's
giving to us, right. You know, you don't pick it,
You know, you don't choose it, but you don't.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Just like James Vanderbig didn't pick it. Right, And here
we are having this conversation, you know, here we are.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
We open up the papers and look on Instagram this morning,
and there's this picture with his obituary.
Speaker 3 (20:45):
Next to it, right, and in our love and prayers
obviously of strength and love to his wife and his
beautiful family.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
And you know, I hope that they'll never forget, and
I know they won't how much you know, how much
love he spread through his art.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
You know, he was such an iconic image for an
entire generation, and I think he left so much.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
A trail of just like goodness, and.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
You guys had shows on it at the same time.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
Yeah, he premier in nineteen ninety eight on Dawson's Creek
and a premiere on that seventies show in nineteen ninety
eight as well.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
He was on the WV and we were on Fox.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
But we were both the first TV casts, Yeah, to
really do both film and TV. Oh yeah, so he
broke round also, ye, you know, he went into Varsity
Blues and he was a phenomenon and all of a
sudden he's doing movies.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
Right and then doing Dozon's Creek.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
And for the fan base that's listening, you know, back then,
you were either a TV actor, you were a film actor,
and like you know, there there was no cross pollinating,
you know, and that was when it first started to happen.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
Yeah, and so he's one of those pioneers and we
the young ins of that time. Is when when the
students started gambling and these team sensations to cross over
to film.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
The box office was a different place, you know, and.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
I think that you know, it was Katie Holmes, Joshua Jackson,
you know, Michelle Williams. I mean, like that whole cast
redefined what you you know, you could do whatever you wanted, right,
you know, the same thing happen with the seven Intil cast.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
Everyone. You could do whatever you want.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
You can go to movies, you can go TV, you
can do you know. And uh, and that's thanks to
the loyalty and the trust of the fans. But you know,
going full circle to back to James, like he you know,
we always all of us, they're they're casting. Our cast
always were invited to the same events were the young ins.
You know, it's like the Team People magazine event or
like the Team you know, Tiger Bead or the Planet
(22:55):
Hollywood round tables, you know where you come in and
you're like, oh, okay, those are the Wonder Brothers. You know,
the Dawson's Creek and you know Wayne's brothers. You know,
like right there they're over there and then then over here.
It's like, uh, you know the seventies showcast and get
real and you know, mack them in the middle and
you know, like with everyone who was doing their stuff.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
But but yeah, we were we were young.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Oh yeah, yeah would but look, I mean, I guess
unintentionally we educate this episode to James, you know, and
and he's trajectory. Most importantly what he left behind, which
is millions of fans around the world inspired and UH
and our love and and princes of our family as well.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
Yeah to James and two.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
And to everybody else out there who who's dealing with
loss and UH and and and what comes with loss,
and and and the pain and the trauma that comes
with loss. You know, I hope that our conversation today
helped just a little bit.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
Drama.
Speaker 4 (23:59):
Freddie rodri Yes, This is Doos.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Dos Amigos is a production from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's
Michael Tuda podcast network. Hosted by Me, Freddie Rodriguez, and
Wilmer Valderama.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
Dose Amigos is produced by Cooper Mole and Sophie Spencer Savels.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderama, Freddie Rodriguez, and Leo
Klem at WV Sound.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
This show is mixed and mastered by Sean Tracy and
original music by Madison Devinport and Halo Boy.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
For more podcasts from My Heart, visit the r Heart
Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
Speaker 4 (24:37):
See you next week.
Hosts And Creators
Wilmer Valderrama
Freddy Rodriguez
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