January 21, 2026 • 48 mins
In this episode, we explore a poignant moment between sisters Jasmine and Gladys as Jasmine undertakes a significant move to Georgia, both geographically and emotionally. This conversation illuminates the challenges and rewards of choosing one's own well-being, dealing with grief, embracing support, and growing in unfamiliar spaces. Gladys shares her insights as the supportive big sister, emphasizing the importance of boundaries and self-compassion. As Jasmine navigates this new chapter, she reflects on the complexities of longing for familiarity while striving for peace and growth. The session offers relatable insights into the human experience of change, self-acceptance, and the courage it takes to rebuild one's life.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
I'm Elio conye In. This is family Therapy. Welcome back.
If you've been following us for a while, then you're
starting to become familiar with the two sisters, Jasmine and Gladys.
You know their stories, you know their ideas and struggles
within their lives, and today you're meeting them in the
(00:24):
middle of something tender, a real moment of change. Early
in the session, Jasmine tells us, I feel like I'm
grieving people who are still here, and that's harder than
grieving people I've lost, and Gladys, in her big sister wisdom,
reminds us, no matter where we go, our things follow us.
(00:45):
That's where today's conversation lives in that in between space,
between leaving and arriving, between change and growth, between independence
and accepting support. Has just made a major move, not
just geographically but emotionally. She's stepping away from familiarity, from
(01:08):
patterns that once felt necessary, and into an environment that
offers safety, help and peace. And as we hear today,
even good change can feel disorienting, even healing can feel uncomfortable.
This is a conversation about what happens after you choose
yourself about what it feels like when your life starts
(01:31):
to slow down and your nervous system doesn't quite trust
it yet, about learning how to accept care when you've
always been the one seemingly carrying everything alone. So as
you listen, I want you to notice what resonates, because
whether you're moving to a new place, ending an old chapter,
(01:51):
or simply trying to become a different version of yourself,
this conversation might sound a lot like your own inner dialogue.
Get into the session. So what are your best hope
from meeting today?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I'll let you go first.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Well you should have went because Jasmine I would have
expected to share that she now is in Georgia.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
She's made the move.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
We've made the move over the last couple of days
down to Georgia after our brother Lance's wedding reception. So
a couple of days later we drove down to Georgia.
So it's now getting like everything acclimated for her now
new home state.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
How far is she from You's.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
Right in the other room, so.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
I can reach out and touch it.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
How do you hope I can make a difference?
Speaker 2 (02:47):
What would you say, Gladys, Well, of course I have
a bunch.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
No, But like in all seriousness. This is second time
as far as like being able to live in a
close distance between Jazz and I. So when we were
able to be in the same state, often hung out
with one another. So now it's a little bit different
because Jazzier is here, so there's a different type of
(03:13):
connection and relationship that we get to explore. As far
as them being full time here because over the last
we just spoke about it earlier today, over the last
three years, she's been coming to Georgia to hang out
in being Georgia, So Jazia has always I crack up
because I have, like you know how Google does memories
(03:36):
of pictures and videos, so I have pictures and videos
over the years of him just being here and feeling like,
you know, although he met me several years after being born,
when he came here, it was just like what's up, Yeah,
like you know what I mean, and just has his
own little groove. So my biggest thing is I'm excited
(03:59):
to be able to be a full time auntie, and
then I'm also excited for a Jasmine and I to
be able to collaborate creatively all of the things that
we have been actually speaking about and not having the
time or the ability to actually manifest because just life,
like you know. So for me, my biggest thing as
(04:22):
far as I'm even supporting Jasmine at this point, is
like really helping get Elliott. I don't know if I
said in the beginning professionally, like I'm a professional temp
agent when it comes to being office or corporate, but
I've always taken care of children and elderly people like
my whole entire upbringing. So when it comes to helping
(04:46):
Jasmine in that area, we were discussing. Jazzmin had a
plan for Jazzier schooling and Jazzi I told her last
night a different plan. So we're like, you know, we're
just I'm just exc about being able to support, like
I said, their move along with whatever is needed for
(05:09):
jazz then in Judga because this is going to be there.
I recognize this is Jazzmin's first time being away from
our born state, like you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
So it's just those things.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
So whatever I know, I always try to inform the
best way that I possibly can, because there's no need
for you to go through something difficult if I've already
gone through it. But I also understand too some people
just need to go through it to understand it for
themselves as well. But when it just comes to certain
things that like you just you wouldn't know because this
(05:43):
is your first experience, it's easier when you have other
people around to be able to buffer that whatever that
is when it does come up, Like you know, So
it was easier. Although I didn't really know family in California,
when I moved out to California, I still knew people
and it was always a bit easier. But like I
also said, what I've learned and moving away from home
(06:07):
is that our things follow us too. So that's another
thing that I also had stayd with Jazz, like I'm
super excited about where she wants to take off that,
but I also know too, like no matter where we
go are our things follow us. It's just as different
people different faces. So in that that's what I will say.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
What about you? What do you hope to gain from
chatting with me today?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I feel like I know what I'm supposed to do,
and like you said, Gladys, even just realizing this is
the first time being out of state, but also away
from my siblings and the people I've never been away from,
like literally same household and even going through I feel
like right now I'm going through separation anxiety. So I
(06:52):
don't know what I really want to develop because I
just am kind of going through the motions of things,
So I'm not sure what I want. I feel like
I'm just here in a sense.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
So how could I be the most useful to you today, Jazmin?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Maybe compartmentalizing my feelings or how to like I don't know.
I think we were talking about what is it called?
Did you say Stockholm syndrome gladys remember, So I feel
like I'm kind of going in the motions of that.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
I'm just emotional. Things are different right now, and I
feel like I'm sorry, Jazz, It's fine. I feel like
kind of going in a sense of grieving again and
in a good way. But I'm grieving people that are
(07:58):
still here, and I feel like that's harder than grieving
people that I lost. And I'm trying to fit in
where I am right now, and it's hard for me
because I'm not used to having people wanting to help
me and like not make me do it by myself,
(08:21):
and that's really different for me. So I'm really happy
about that but also I'm still grieving what I have
to move on from.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
In a sense, how do you know it's a good thing?
You said, I'm grieving, but it's like good. How do
you know it's good?
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Because I know what I'm specifically hurting from with certain individuals,
I don't have to deal with that anymore. And just
even being here the last few days, and how like
I feel like I don't. I know, I'm not a
burden here, so it's different, like even with I call
(08:58):
her my bonus mom, Gladys's mom the way she's so helpful,
and of course my sister too, but it's just like
I haven't had that without having to over extend myself.
So I feel like, even though I'm gaining something what
I've been longing for, it hurts to know that the
(09:20):
people I was hoping or maybe searching it for through them,
I have to leave them behind so I can receive
what I've been wanting and what is actually for me.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
How do you want this to go?
Speaker 2 (09:32):
What to go?
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Your move to Georgia?
Speaker 2 (09:36):
I want it to be extremely positive and peaceful, And
it's weird because I know this is a great thing.
So that's why I'm so confused with my emotions, but
I also know these are pent up maybe emotions or
swept under the rug emotions because I am happy, I
am happy, but I still also know I have to
(10:00):
shed to make room for new.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Okay, let me ask you a different way. So, Jasmine,
you and I have something very much in common. Do
you want to know what it is?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (10:12):
You and I did something, have done something. Excuse me
that's very similar, and that is we both left the
great state of Massachusetts in somewhat of unhealthy environments and
moved to a southern state, in your case Georgia, in
(10:32):
my case Texas in June slash July of nineteen ninety six,
twenty nine years ago. I was escaping an abusive father
to be specific, and a very difficult family life. And
when I got to Texas, it was the first time
I felt like and just like you, Jasmine, I moved
(10:55):
in with a family member and I was like, I
know I'm not a burden here, but I feel like one.
I had a massive grief to do, and I've even
described it. I've written it in books. I've described it,
Jasmine as grieving something inanimate like I would be like,
how am I grieving a state or grieving people that
(11:19):
are still alive, is harder than grieving people that I've lost.
And it was really really difficult for me for a
period of time. But then I realized, because I'm in
a new environment, it's like giving me permission to create
new experiences. And because I'm in a healthy environment, it's
(11:40):
like giving me permission to not be impacted by toxicity.
And before I knew it, I was making better choices.
I was going to school, and I was more focused
in school because the distractions were gone. And then life
started to turn around. So my question for you is
how will you notice that? But what will be first
(12:00):
clue that?
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Like?
Speaker 1 (12:01):
But this is like the first page of a new
chapter that's gonna lead somewhere really nice for me.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
I don't know yet because it still doesn't feel real
in a sense. I think maybe when I move in
to my residence in a couple of weeks, it will
finally hit. Yeah, just grieving is triggering for me. I
don't care in what sense it is, like, I just
hate it.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
I don't know me be surprised by this, Jasmine. But
I've been doing psychotherapy almost twenty years. I've never heard
of human beings say, oh, I love grieving. It's so
much fun. I think it's triggering for all of us
to various degrees, and I think we all hate it.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
It literally feels like I'm watching a tornado just literally
coming towards me.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
But here's it.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
But here's the thing, Jasmine, And I'm so interested in this,
because I want you to be thinking about, how will
I notice that this move was good for me? How
will I I know that this was healthy? And I'll
tell you why can I tell you what your brain
is doing?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Please? All right? Because the human brain, it just wants
comfort and familiarity, right, that's all it wants. So let's say, Jasmine,
how old are you?
Speaker 4 (13:19):
Nine?
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Okay, let's say you lived in Massachusetts your entire life,
upping cut thirty nine and every single day I've used
ex example with you before, but follow me here. Every
single day you lived with someone who punched you in
the nose as hard as they could, every single day
for thirty nine years. And you're like, Okay, I'm sick
(13:41):
of this. This is terrible. I don't like being punched
in those every single day for thirty nine years. My
sister Gladys. She lives in Georgia, and I don't think
people punch her in the nose every single day for
her whole life. So I'm gonna see if Gladys will
let me move with her. And then Gladys is like, sure,
of course, come move with me. And then you move
to Georgia and no one punches you in the nose.
(14:03):
You're now like, huh, I wish I could have that
old punch in the nose like I used to, right,
which is so weird, But that's what the brain does.
So the reason why that's so important to recognize is
because now you're in an environment that's very different and
much healthier. So how will you notice that it's leading
(14:24):
in a good place for you? Like, what will you
see that would tell you? Yep, I'm grieving and I'm
sad and it's uncomfortable, but I'm headed in a good place.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
I don't want to offend anybody when I say this,
but what I do notice is when I don't have
to do anything in return for anybody, or like I
don't have to ask for help at all and not
expect to do twice as much like I'm so used
(14:58):
to doing every single thing by myself not doing anything back,
and it feels so different. I'm like, oh my gosh,
I want to give back, but I also I need
to accept it and be okay with Yes, people want
to treat you the way you treat others, so I'm
noticing that it also still makes me sad.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Okay, So one of the things you'll notice is that
you won't feel like I have to do something for
other people. Gladys, what would you notice that would tell
you that this move is going well, not just for her,
but for you and for ja Jah? Like, what would
you notice that just as an observer, a caring family member,
(15:38):
what would you notice I would tell you like, Okay,
this is going well, this is heading the right direction.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
For everybody when we're really focusing on ourselves. I have
this motto for me, like you know, and I've been
having it for a while. When you stay ready, you
don't have to get ready, and no matter what takes place,
Like today, a couple of hours ago, I just got
my car on the road with my parents gave me
their old car, so I'm excited to get it on
(16:03):
the road. Took off work today to be able to, like,
you know, get the insurance all types of things, and
then like literally when I'm driving to the insurance place
for them to get my car on the road so
that I can be on my car dies out as
I'm driving, and you know, so for me, it's like,
all right, I can bitch and complain about this and
(16:24):
be like wha all these things, but it's still not
going to get done what I need to get done.
I just know that even though I can't change this
very moment, I still stayed ready, like you know, and
in the aspect although that I don't, I always say,
my bank account, you know, right at the moment, is
not able to cash my galactic check. So I live
(16:48):
off of my means and I live in my means.
So even though there are things that take place that
I'm frustrated that I am working and that I you know,
although that I'm not, I'm great that I don't get
to like pay market rent and things like that, Like
things still happen, and in them still happening. I just remember,
like I got to watch my behavior. I got to
(17:11):
watch how I'm dealing with what's actually taken place, like
you know what I mean. And I think in that sense,
like when I go back to gladdess, did you stay ready?
Because if I answer yes, then I'm not as hard
on myself of what the outcome is like that I
can't change, like you know what I mean, I just
can be happy with how I feel about being in
(17:35):
places of great adversity, but I'm still able to meet
what is needed, like you know what I mean. I
think that especially for Jazzmine, because I've always said with
Jazz like she's everywhere, like you know what I mean,
And because you know, when you have young people that
you're responsible for and you're a young parent or whatever
(17:57):
the case is, however you are, your kid is like
you know, I mean, so because of all of the
challenges that Jasmine has come across, and as I listen,
because like you know, can see the challenges that Jasmine
is talking about what has been taken place, But I
also feel too, like wow, I still see as her
(18:18):
household in her other siblings and her mom, who I
think of my bonus mom has still supported her in
some type of way. So now like it's not so
much of us seeing what we don't have, but more
so of what we do have and what we want
to better ourselves to be able to accomplish at this
(18:39):
time in our lives, and there's times that we have
to give ourselves boundaries over things that we're not going
to do because no matter how much I love Jasmine,
if I'm not okay with something that she asked me
to do, I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 4 (18:52):
I've learned that.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
I think Jasmine just this place for her in Georgia
is going to teach her that she has to have that.
And me as a big sister, I'm going to always
suggest you got to make boundaries that it's going to
be healthy for you in Jazzier because you're the two
only two right now that matter, like you know, and
(19:13):
because you now have a place of peace, a place
of stability. And Jasmine has always been able to take
care of herself financially, like you know what I mean.
It's just more so of how you choose to live.
And that's going to be I'm going to see then
(19:33):
when that shifts for her so that she doesn't feel
the way that she feels.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Now, what will you see that will tell you, oh
my gosh, that shift is happening. What would be your
very first clue.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
The acknowledgement what she sees outside of her that, you know,
the grieving parts for the people that she feels like
she has to agree, whether it can be siblings or
the difference with mom or whatever the case is, that
is a part of her as well well. So once
she's able to see that and then see it from
a different perspective of not feeling I'm a burden, when
(20:08):
that shifts for her, like, that's going to be dynamic
to see because it's not going to be so much
of or like, you know, things are happening to me,
but more so of you know, these are the choices
that people are making around me, And I'm choosing to
make better choices for myself now that I know and
(20:28):
I have the tools to see. So if I don't
like something, or if I don't feel comfortable with something,
I'm not going with it just because we're related or
that there's a relationship. I'm not going against what I
don't feel is right for me, nor my son, nor
my peace of mind or stability instead of struggling with that.
(20:50):
So for me, as soon as she can see that,
then I like, I accept people for who they are.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
The conversation Dole sit on here, how right back more.
How will you show her you were pleased? You know
what I mean? Like when you start seeing her have
(21:18):
that peace and make that shift, How will you show
her that you are pleased.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Other than what I've always have done, acknowledge where your
growth is, like, you know what I mean. So I
would definitely tell her I'm very vocal in that way,
celebration to you.
Speaker 4 (21:38):
Like party no longer doing.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
That lesson because no matter what, and Jasmine knows this
about me, we have had to grieve so many different
things and just my grievance even with what you guys
bring up of having to grieve people that are alive,
Jasmine has been there during the time that I've had
to grieve Elijah from being taken away from me, and
(22:02):
that was the most hurtful, hurtful.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
Thing that I've ever gone through.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
And I've always felt too that I was on that alone,
being in that space alone, I always relied on my
faith to be able to get me out of my
own darkness and out of my own way. So I
always relate to things in checking myself first and then
(22:28):
checking what is outside of me. So when I see
and I've seen many changes for Jazzmin and I have
congratulated her when she sees it for herself, like you know,
something that connects for her and her family, like her family,
her mom's family. To be able to say like, you know,
that's generational, that's generationally taught. So once we know something
(22:51):
and we realize we don't want to do that anymore,
then we get to be the family member that stops
that behavior and speaks on it. And sometimes it's a
lonely place being failed. But if you're going to feel
what you feel and you feel it's right, then play
your role. Like so I'm always going to congratulate and
acknowledge when I mean, because my Buddhist philosophy is when
(23:13):
we struggle deeply, that's where we win.
Speaker 4 (23:16):
So I have a different aspect of.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
How I move than feeling like this is being done
to me more than all right, what do I need
to see on where I need to grow?
Speaker 4 (23:30):
Like how am I connecting to? You know?
Speaker 3 (23:33):
We were just with our father this weekend, you know,
and every time we get next to that fella, boy,
do I reflect on what is it once again that
he can bring up that I have problems with? But
I also seek to myself where do I see it
within me so that I can change or I don't
communicate this way, because this is where I know that
I get it, and I know that I don't like it,
(23:54):
so I know that it has to be me to
change it, because once you change, everything changes. And I've
stayed at this to Jasmine several times, and Jasmine has
been very much around like you know, like I say
when I use terminologies like that, because Jasmine has so
the way that we encourage each other through adversity is
(24:15):
build one another up and like, nah, you can do
this instead of this is not for you to do. No,
go right through it, because whatever you got to go through,
you got to dig up whatever roots that are not
needed and get rid of it.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
And most of the time it's dealing with our own things.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
So Jasmine, you were talking right, Yeah, Okay, don't say anything.
I want to come to you. Gladys said something that
I want to ask you about in a minute. But
before I do it, one more question for Gladys. Gladys,
why did you decide to help Jasmine?
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Well, because that's who I am like and she's my
little sister. And one of the biggest things was when
she first mentioned the move. It was strictly based off
of my nephew's ability to be able to feel security,
(25:11):
safety and happiness and when she saw him behave in
in a way that was unfamiliar to her. But for me,
with young people, they this is how they just behave,
like you know what I mean, around me or in
an environment that I'm in. That was the biggest reason
why I was like, yo, you gotta get down here.
Then if that's how you feel about Jazzier and he
(25:32):
feels safe down here, he's doing more, he's whatever he
wasn't doing there, then if you got to get him
down here, get him down here. And so that has
been the main thing, but then it grew more so
for Jasmine wanting a different a different lifestyle for herself.
Like you know, it wasn't now just about Jazzier, it
(25:53):
was about her. So I was like, even better, let's
get it rolling. But once again, like I'm living, like
you know, my thing is there's jazz When Jasmine said earlier,
like you know, this is now what she's receiving and
that she's getting that she's never really had, Like well,
we've known each other since I've known my little sister,
(26:14):
since she was pretty much four years old, like in
my life.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
So we've always given each.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
Other the same our households has always given each other
that same type of support. It's just something that has
shifted for Jasmine to be able to now that you
know the reason why she wanted to leave was based
off of her son.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Now, Jasmine, you were going to say something, and I
have a very important question for you based on something
Glad It's said, Well.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
I know what it takes to get things done. And
that's one thing like a lot of my family says
about me. If I say I'm gonna do it, I'm
gonna do it. It's not that I don't feel like
I ever need a push or someone to be like, oh, well,
it has to get done. I already know those things.
It's just like, okay, what am I supposed to do
with these feelings that come attached with what is mandatory
(27:06):
for me to do? The reality is I don't technically
have to do it by myself. It's just annoying to like,
you know, people say oh, I'm here for you, I'm
here for you, and then like you, I do my
do deals. I don't want to hear anybody say oh
but did you ass did you ass? Yes? Yes, I
did ask.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
And you said no, you didn't. Sun.
Speaker 4 (27:27):
It's kind of like you.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
But this is the other thing too that I saw
just in our drive down, like you know what I
mean in concation just Onren't our drive down Elliott so
much things have changed that we had talked about, and
in that change, that's where we got to realize, like, okay,
am I communicating what my needs are and what I
need to be addressed, because there's a lot of the
(27:49):
times where in me hearing communication, you're stating what your
emotions are, but it's being played off that it's really
not that serious. For me. That's like I need to
know whatever you're saying. I'm addressing it because if it
is serious, I want to address it. But if you're
telling me and I'm giving this as an example that
it's not that serious, then I trust what you're telling
(28:12):
me and then I'm not going to speak on it.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
But then on the flip.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
Side, it's, well, I asked, but I didn't, like you know,
So there's not clarity a lot of the times in communicating,
and then when there is clarity, the other person is just.
Speaker 4 (28:29):
Completely shut down. They don't even want to hear it.
So it's well, I.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Think that's actually me. It's like I I'm the one
that ends up shutting down. So maybe it seems like
I'm oh, I don't care, maybe because I've already shut
down because I already know That's exactly what I mean. Like, okay,
so I already know so and so is not going
to do this or that, And if you keep putting
yourself out there, I'm gonna help and then you fall
(28:57):
through or you don't, Like, why should I be okay
with that? Of course I'm not gonna sit there and
cry about it. No, I'm going to get it done.
So that's why I ask, what do I do with
those feelings? Even when I do stand my grounds, if
somebody does help me and it doesn't go my way
or something like, I have to do it on their
(29:17):
how they want to do it. It's just like, what
am I going to stay here and cry about? What
am I going to complain about? Of course I'm just
gonna all right, let me just get this out the
way because I'm gonna get it done. So I'm saying
within that, what do I do? Yes, I don't want
to make a big deal or complain about it, but
then yes, those feelings do still creep up later, which
I thought I handled it correctly by not just being
(29:39):
okay with people flaking or not being relied on.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
What I'm saying is when you're okay with people flaking,
it's because you see for yourself that you flake too,
Like do you understand what I'm saying? Like you know
because you mean I'm saying there's times that you flake too,
Like there's times that you shut down. And if you shutdown,
you don't shut down to the people that flaking I
mean like not showing up.
Speaker 4 (30:04):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Whatever that you're experiencing and that you have experienced with
your other siblings, you don't know at times that you
yourself display that same exact energy to your other siblings.
And that's what I'm saying, you know what I mean.
There are times that you may not know until it's
said to you, and then when you'd said to you,
(30:26):
you're like, oh, I didn't realize I was doing that,
you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
I still want to ask my question, go ahead, Jasmine
shift that Gladys was talking about, how will you notice
that it's happening?
Speaker 2 (30:39):
How will I know what's happening.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
The shift that Gladys was talking about. When it's like, Okay,
I'm at peace and I'm in a safe space and
I'm becoming the version of me that I want to become,
How will you know that it's happening.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
I haven't been there yet, so I don't know. I
don't even know how to answer me.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
What do you think will be your first clue?
Speaker 2 (31:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
What do you imagine? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Little, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
As you envision yourself transforming as a result of being
in this new environment, what do you imagine you'll start noticing?
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Well, what first comes up is me, I don't know why,
but feeling safe? I get.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
How do you imagine feeling safe will impact you?
Speaker 2 (31:22):
So when I say feel safe, I mean like if
something happens to me and I finally express why I'm upset,
I'm not ignoring whatever the situation is. I'm finally addressing it.
But then when people pretend it didn't happen or it
wasn't seen, I don't feel safe. So that's within my
(31:45):
own village in a sense. So when you don't feel
safe in your own village, it's like it's scary. So
I say that now that I feel like I'm starting new,
when I feel safe to be able to rest myself
without people thinking I'm a victim, because that's I never
(32:05):
want anybody to think I'm a victim.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
I'm just telling truth.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
So once I feel safe, I think I'll be able
to notice me being happy again.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
I guess what does jasmine being happy again look like.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
Freedom? As far as putting me first? What are you
putting first?
Speaker 1 (32:28):
What do you do when you're happy and experiencing freedom
and putting yourself first? What would you be doing?
Speaker 2 (32:34):
I want to say being a mom too, because it's
literally all the time. And that's what feels so different
being out here is I literally never get a break
I've never gotten a break up North unless it was
like barely mandatory through the courts or something. It feels weird.
That's why I say I have stocks Holme syndrome because
(32:54):
I'm like, oh, maybe I'm leaving jed Jo with them
too long, so I'm reacting still and then you know,
they'll look at me funny, like girl, go relax. So
it's like, yeah, once I get over that, I think
i'll feel happy. Once I get into the norm of
the normalcy of that, I know it won't take long.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
Right, And when you take a break from parenting, and
I get what you're saying, not that you don't love parenting,
not you don't live your son and all that, but like,
when you take a break from parenting, what will you
catch yourself doing that really fits with being free?
Speaker 2 (33:33):
Ooh, traveling, because I just realize that I haven't traveled.
I literally have a business, Jazzy Beanie travel Stay, and
I haven't traveled inny years. I used to plan everything
with my family, family trips by myself a Hawaii. So
that's that is exactly how long though.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Okay, so let's pretend, just for a nano second, that
money or time are not issues. Where would you want
to travel?
Speaker 2 (33:58):
I want to say Puerto Rico because it's my face island.
That's when I started actually admitting I was Puerto Rican.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Finally went to the island in Antiqua. Wow. And let's say, again,
in this weird future where money ant are not an issue,
when you were walking around Antiqua, how would you notice
that this is me at my best? Like, this is
me happy and with freedom, This is me. How would
(34:29):
you notice that?
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Because just looking at God's beautiful creation, you know, being
able to and feel relaxed. I'm just going through the
motions of this finally being a reality, and I think
I might. I don't know, I don't know what I'm
scared of. But yeah, just being peaceful, because I've had
(34:51):
that feeling before. I just haven't had it in a
very long time. But yeah, just being able to breathe
read au Bok.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
If Gladys walks into a room and sees you reading
a book, that's a sign, maybe a small sign, but
it's a sign that Jasmine is becoming that version of herself. Right, Yes,
what kind of book?
Speaker 2 (35:15):
A therapeutic book?
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Okay, So Gladys walks into a room and just sees
you sitting on the couch reading a self help book. Yeah,
doesn't mean everything in the world is solved, but that's
a pretty good sign.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
Okay, Yeah, you haven't done that in years? Right, Yes,
if I'm healthy when I'm doing that.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
If Gladys wakes up tomorrow morning and there's a sticky
note on the door that says, hey, watch jo jaf
for a week, I'm going to Puerto Rico she might
be mad, but she would be like, oh, that's a
good sign because she's going to her favorite place. Right, Okay, again,
if money and time were.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
No issue, and honestly, I do have the money and
the time, but I'm just like, I couldn't see myself
ever doing that.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
God, But if it happened, if it woke up tomorrow
and you left a note on the kitchen table that says, Gladys,
I took a suitcase going to the airport, watched John
Draft for a week, I'm going to Puerto Rico, that
would be a good sign, like she has exercised freedom
and she's going to her favorite place and that's a
good sign. Right. Yeah, But if it were to happen,
(36:27):
what do you say?
Speaker 2 (36:29):
It sounds like child neglect to.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
But no, and it probably is a little bit. And
Gladys with every right to be like why didn't you
warn me? But there's something in there that's kind of like,
you know what, that's who I want to be. I
want to be the traveler I want to read. I
want to be that version of myself. Yeah yeah, And
how do you think.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
I mean?
Speaker 1 (36:51):
The cool thing about Gladys And I'll talk behind Gladys
is back.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
Right in front of her.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
You can sit right there and stare at me as
I talk behind your back. The cool thing about Jasmine
is she seems to want to see you succeed, and
she seems to want to see your son succeed. Right,
And she's doing something and I don't know that Gladys
would word it this way, but she's doing something that
(37:18):
she actually doesn't have to do. Like she could say, no,
you go stick some place like, but Gladys is doing
something you shouldn't have to do because she wants to
see you and your son succeed. As you do these things,
start reading again and start becoming the version of you
that you want to be. How do you imagine that
Gladys would respond excited?
Speaker 2 (37:42):
She's so excitement by being inclusive inclusive? How like she
won't leave me out or anybody.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
Leave you out of Like what would she do that
would tell you, Oh, that's Gladys being inclusive.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Because like she knows how I am, Like I'm very
anti social, but she knows if I'm in a mood,
she'll know when to leave me alone. But she'll also
know to check on me and stuff like that. So
she knows how to handle me.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
So if Gladys is including you and stuff, because sometimes
you can be antisocial, if Gladys is including you and stuff,
that'll be a signed to you, like, Okay, this is good, right,
how will you let her?
Speaker 2 (38:27):
She's always like that and I'm not gonna lie. It's
a bit scary for me because.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Because the same way I'll tell them, because I have
a small crew, and my small crew that hangs out
with me. My expectations of anybody that is in my circle,
whether you're relative, friend or stranger. That like, if you're
in my circle and you're in my inclusively around me,
you're gonna have to tell me what I need to hear,
(39:00):
what I want to hear. So that's very scary for Jazmine.
Like when it comes to let me hold on.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
It's scary to me when I hear it yes no.
Speaker 4 (39:12):
And I listen to me La.
Speaker 3 (39:13):
I'm really serious when I say this has always been
who I have been since coming to this world and
why my family has always given me the name Mama,
because I've been very strict in certain areas that I'm like,
I know, I came into this world to be a
breaker of chains and I came into this world to
(39:33):
speak on things that have to be spoken on because
of things that have taken place, even back when I
wasn't able to defend for myself as a child. So
the way that I think about things and the way
that I hold myself accountable and responsible for my good
deeds but also my bad deeds and my bad deeds
(39:55):
that I've seen that I've personally done to others, My
biggest thing and my biggest enemy is myself. So because
I've been able to understand that in the last twenty years,
that's where I live and so no one can tell
me otherwise. So when you're in my vicinity, whether you're
(40:16):
family or not, I'm going to give you my all.
But I also know too that in giving my all
at this time in my life of being forty seven,
I have to have discernments because I know for myself,
I can give too much and then it's not being
reciprocated back or my relationships have ended in that. Now
(40:37):
with Jasmine being here, there are certain times when it
comes to like I'm strict and I'm a strict sister,
and I expect my siblings when there are things that
are being done like we all band together to support
one another, but that also means holding each other up
and giving enough grace in space for you to feel
(40:59):
safe to me the move bettering yourself because you have
the ability to do it. So, like Jasmine will say,
I love our brother Lewis very very much. However, Lewis
and I will get into it because I'm gonna tell
our brother Lewis when his shit stinks, because that's my responsibility.
(41:21):
It's my responsibility, which and then their responsibility to tell
me my shit stinks.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
Glad we're about out of time. But I also want
you to be equally passionate as telling Oh, absolutely, people,
I'm proud of you, I'm happy about what you're doing. Absolutely,
because I think Jasmine's in a space where she needs that.
Speaker 3 (41:40):
No, and I'm saying I get that, like you know
what I mean, we all need that too. And at
the same time, like I said, no matter what, and
this is what Jasmine knows about me, just like all
of my other family members know about me, is that
I'm always going to make sure that you're speaking your truth,
not to please or appease somebody else outside of you.
(42:03):
That's the part that's going to be really big for
Jasmine to be able to shift and do here, which
is scary for her. Here it's like, no, there's no
one here for you to have to appease or please
but yourself and your son, because whoever is around you
now is just going to support and back up whatever
(42:23):
it is that you want in your life, and you
have to know what that is, and even if you
don't know it in words. When I first moved away,
I didn't have the money, I didn't have the support,
but the one thing that I did have in Los
Angeles was the palm trees in the ghetto and it
was eighty four degrees in January.
Speaker 4 (42:43):
Was happily broke my whole entire time, But that was
my thing. That's what I love.
Speaker 3 (42:50):
So I feel like for Jasmine, what she has to
remember is this is her choice, this is what she
wanted to do, and she should be so proud of
herself in make it actually happened. She's here, right, She's here, right, Okay.
But the other part, like I'm just realistic on this part.
No one else can give you, not even our children
(43:11):
or our parents can give us happiness. That is our
own responsibility. And with happiness one must be extremely strong
to have absolute happiness.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
Well, okay, so we have to wrap up. But Jasmine,
there's something I want to say to you if nobody
else has already said it, and I mean really honestly,
it's just a simple message of congratulations. You've just done
something that requires so much courage and strength. I admire it.
(43:46):
And as I said earlier, you and I have something
in common. I remember when I did it twenty nine
years ago. I've just sat here this whole time admiring
that you were able to make this shift, put yourself
in a position to be where you are now. The
hardest thing to world is to choose uncomfort, and you
have chosen uncomfort and I admire you for that. To
be honest with you, John, thank you. You're going to
(44:10):
grieve and there are some days you're gonna wake up
and be like this is like you know, you're gonna
have moments.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
I've already done that to my therapist. But it worked
everything you said, Yeah, it worked out.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
I want you to just pay extra close attention to
the smallest signs possible that you're becoming the version of
you that you want to be. And in fact, I
want to suggest to you that you go find a
self help book and start reading it because that's who
you are, and that's who you used to be, and
that's what you used to do. Okay, okay, And Gladys,
(44:48):
I just want you to being her loving big sister,
and when she has moments of wobble, I want you
to remember that that's when she needs compassion because what
she he's just done is really, really hard. So I
want you to hold her accountable, but I also want
you to give her grace in those moments of like,
I'm really struggling.
Speaker 4 (45:09):
No, I understand.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
As we wrap up this session, what stays with me
most is not just the change Jasmine is making, but
the courage it takes to stay present while that change unfolds.
While the growth spurts may hurt, they are essential. Jasmine
is learning something many of us struggle with. That safety
can feel unfamiliar, that peace can feel suspicious, that receiving
(45:37):
support doesn't mean weakness, and Gladys reminds us of something
just as important. Change doesn't mean abandoning who you are.
It means choosing how you move forward with boundaries, with intention,
with compassion for yourself and for the people walking beside you.
(45:58):
Are you finding yourself in this conversation thinking about your
own grief? Maybe you yourself are grieving someone or something
that hasn't fully ended. Maybe you've chosen discomfort because staying
the same was costing you too much. Or maybe you're
learning how to accept help without feeling like you owe
the world something in return. So before you move on
(46:20):
with your day, I'll leave you with a few questions
to sit with, not to answer perfectly, but to notice honestly.
Where in my life am I being offered support and
what makes it hard to accept it? How will I
know that this change I'm making is good for me?
(46:42):
What small signs should I look for? What does feeling
safe actually look like in my body, in my relationships,
and in my daily choices? If I imagined myself six
months from now, what would peace look like in real
(47:06):
ordinary moments. Change doesn't arrive all at once. Sometimes it
shows up when we least expect it. In a book
you finally have time to read, or in a deep
breath you didn't even realize you were holding in, or
a moment where you choose yourself without guilt. And if
(47:29):
that's where you are right now, know this. You're not behind,
You're not broken, you are becoming, coming coming. Thanks for listening.
See you next week. I would love to hear from
(47:57):
you about your healing journey, your family, and your feedback.
Leave a review, send a DM, connect with me on
socials at Elliott Speaks, and you can also send me
a text message to nine seven two four two six
two six four zero. Family Therapy is a production of
iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Podcast Network. Special thanks to
our assistant Glendale Sepe. It's produced by Jack Queis Thomas
(48:19):
and the executive producer, Dolly s. Fisham. For more podcasts
from The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio app or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows. The content presented on
the Family Therapy podcast serves solely for educational and informational purposes.
It should not be considered a replacement for personalized medical
or mental health guidance and does not constitute a provider
(48:39):
of patient relationship. It is advisable to consult with your
healthcare provider or health team for any specific concern or
questions you may have.
I'm Elio conye In. This is family Therapy. Welcome back.
If you've been following us for a while, then you're
starting to become familiar with the two sisters, Jasmine and Gladys.
You know their stories, you know their ideas and struggles
within their lives, and today you're meeting them in the
(00:24):
middle of something tender, a real moment of change. Early
in the session, Jasmine tells us, I feel like I'm
grieving people who are still here, and that's harder than
grieving people I've lost, and Gladys, in her big sister wisdom,
reminds us, no matter where we go, our things follow us.
(00:45):
That's where today's conversation lives in that in between space,
between leaving and arriving, between change and growth, between independence
and accepting support. Has just made a major move, not
just geographically but emotionally. She's stepping away from familiarity, from
(01:08):
patterns that once felt necessary, and into an environment that
offers safety, help and peace. And as we hear today,
even good change can feel disorienting, even healing can feel uncomfortable.
This is a conversation about what happens after you choose
yourself about what it feels like when your life starts
(01:31):
to slow down and your nervous system doesn't quite trust
it yet, about learning how to accept care when you've
always been the one seemingly carrying everything alone. So as
you listen, I want you to notice what resonates, because
whether you're moving to a new place, ending an old chapter,
(01:51):
or simply trying to become a different version of yourself,
this conversation might sound a lot like your own inner dialogue.
Get into the session. So what are your best hope
from meeting today?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I'll let you go first.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Well you should have went because Jasmine I would have
expected to share that she now is in Georgia.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
She's made the move.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
We've made the move over the last couple of days
down to Georgia after our brother Lance's wedding reception. So
a couple of days later we drove down to Georgia.
So it's now getting like everything acclimated for her now
new home state.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
How far is she from You's.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
Right in the other room, so.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
I can reach out and touch it.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
How do you hope I can make a difference?
Speaker 2 (02:47):
What would you say, Gladys, Well, of course I have
a bunch.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
No, But like in all seriousness. This is second time
as far as like being able to live in a
close distance between Jazz and I. So when we were
able to be in the same state, often hung out
with one another. So now it's a little bit different
because Jazzier is here, so there's a different type of
(03:13):
connection and relationship that we get to explore. As far
as them being full time here because over the last
we just spoke about it earlier today, over the last
three years, she's been coming to Georgia to hang out
in being Georgia, So Jazia has always I crack up
because I have, like you know how Google does memories
(03:36):
of pictures and videos, so I have pictures and videos
over the years of him just being here and feeling like,
you know, although he met me several years after being born,
when he came here, it was just like what's up, Yeah,
like you know what I mean, and just has his
own little groove. So my biggest thing is I'm excited
(03:59):
to be able to be a full time auntie, and
then I'm also excited for a Jasmine and I to
be able to collaborate creatively all of the things that
we have been actually speaking about and not having the
time or the ability to actually manifest because just life,
like you know. So for me, my biggest thing as
(04:22):
far as I'm even supporting Jasmine at this point, is
like really helping get Elliott. I don't know if I
said in the beginning professionally, like I'm a professional temp
agent when it comes to being office or corporate, but
I've always taken care of children and elderly people like
my whole entire upbringing. So when it comes to helping
(04:46):
Jasmine in that area, we were discussing. Jazzmin had a
plan for Jazzier schooling and Jazzi I told her last
night a different plan. So we're like, you know, we're
just I'm just exc about being able to support, like
I said, their move along with whatever is needed for
(05:09):
jazz then in Judga because this is going to be there.
I recognize this is Jazzmin's first time being away from
our born state, like you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
So it's just those things.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
So whatever I know, I always try to inform the
best way that I possibly can, because there's no need
for you to go through something difficult if I've already
gone through it. But I also understand too some people
just need to go through it to understand it for
themselves as well. But when it just comes to certain
things that like you just you wouldn't know because this
(05:43):
is your first experience, it's easier when you have other
people around to be able to buffer that whatever that
is when it does come up, Like you know, So
it was easier. Although I didn't really know family in California,
when I moved out to California, I still knew people
and it was always a bit easier. But like I
also said, what I've learned and moving away from home
(06:07):
is that our things follow us too. So that's another
thing that I also had stayd with Jazz, like I'm
super excited about where she wants to take off that,
but I also know too, like no matter where we
go are our things follow us. It's just as different
people different faces. So in that that's what I will say.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
What about you? What do you hope to gain from
chatting with me today?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I feel like I know what I'm supposed to do,
and like you said, Gladys, even just realizing this is
the first time being out of state, but also away
from my siblings and the people I've never been away from,
like literally same household and even going through I feel
like right now I'm going through separation anxiety. So I
(06:52):
don't know what I really want to develop because I
just am kind of going through the motions of things,
So I'm not sure what I want. I feel like
I'm just here in a sense.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
So how could I be the most useful to you today, Jazmin?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Maybe compartmentalizing my feelings or how to like I don't know.
I think we were talking about what is it called?
Did you say Stockholm syndrome gladys remember, So I feel
like I'm kind of going in the motions of that.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
I'm just emotional. Things are different right now, and I
feel like I'm sorry, Jazz, It's fine. I feel like
kind of going in a sense of grieving again and
in a good way. But I'm grieving people that are
(07:58):
still here, and I feel like that's harder than grieving
people that I lost. And I'm trying to fit in
where I am right now, and it's hard for me
because I'm not used to having people wanting to help
me and like not make me do it by myself,
(08:21):
and that's really different for me. So I'm really happy
about that but also I'm still grieving what I have
to move on from.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
In a sense, how do you know it's a good thing?
You said, I'm grieving, but it's like good. How do
you know it's good?
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Because I know what I'm specifically hurting from with certain individuals,
I don't have to deal with that anymore. And just
even being here the last few days, and how like
I feel like I don't. I know, I'm not a
burden here, so it's different, like even with I call
(08:58):
her my bonus mom, Gladys's mom the way she's so helpful,
and of course my sister too, but it's just like
I haven't had that without having to over extend myself.
So I feel like, even though I'm gaining something what
I've been longing for, it hurts to know that the
(09:20):
people I was hoping or maybe searching it for through them,
I have to leave them behind so I can receive
what I've been wanting and what is actually for me.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
How do you want this to go?
Speaker 2 (09:32):
What to go?
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Your move to Georgia?
Speaker 2 (09:36):
I want it to be extremely positive and peaceful, And
it's weird because I know this is a great thing.
So that's why I'm so confused with my emotions, but
I also know these are pent up maybe emotions or
swept under the rug emotions because I am happy, I
am happy, but I still also know I have to
(10:00):
shed to make room for new.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Okay, let me ask you a different way. So, Jasmine,
you and I have something very much in common. Do
you want to know what it is?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (10:12):
You and I did something, have done something. Excuse me
that's very similar, and that is we both left the
great state of Massachusetts in somewhat of unhealthy environments and
moved to a southern state, in your case Georgia, in
(10:32):
my case Texas in June slash July of nineteen ninety six,
twenty nine years ago. I was escaping an abusive father
to be specific, and a very difficult family life. And
when I got to Texas, it was the first time
I felt like and just like you, Jasmine, I moved
(10:55):
in with a family member and I was like, I
know I'm not a burden here, but I feel like one.
I had a massive grief to do, and I've even
described it. I've written it in books. I've described it,
Jasmine as grieving something inanimate like I would be like,
how am I grieving a state or grieving people that
(11:19):
are still alive, is harder than grieving people that I've lost.
And it was really really difficult for me for a
period of time. But then I realized, because I'm in
a new environment, it's like giving me permission to create
new experiences. And because I'm in a healthy environment, it's
(11:40):
like giving me permission to not be impacted by toxicity.
And before I knew it, I was making better choices.
I was going to school, and I was more focused
in school because the distractions were gone. And then life
started to turn around. So my question for you is
how will you notice that? But what will be first
(12:00):
clue that?
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Like?
Speaker 1 (12:01):
But this is like the first page of a new
chapter that's gonna lead somewhere really nice for me.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
I don't know yet because it still doesn't feel real
in a sense. I think maybe when I move in
to my residence in a couple of weeks, it will
finally hit. Yeah, just grieving is triggering for me. I
don't care in what sense it is, like, I just
hate it.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
I don't know me be surprised by this, Jasmine. But
I've been doing psychotherapy almost twenty years. I've never heard
of human beings say, oh, I love grieving. It's so
much fun. I think it's triggering for all of us
to various degrees, and I think we all hate it.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
It literally feels like I'm watching a tornado just literally
coming towards me.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
But here's it.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
But here's the thing, Jasmine, And I'm so interested in this,
because I want you to be thinking about, how will
I notice that this move was good for me? How
will I I know that this was healthy? And I'll
tell you why can I tell you what your brain
is doing?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Please? All right? Because the human brain, it just wants
comfort and familiarity, right, that's all it wants. So let's say, Jasmine,
how old are you?
Speaker 4 (13:19):
Nine?
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Okay, let's say you lived in Massachusetts your entire life,
upping cut thirty nine and every single day I've used
ex example with you before, but follow me here. Every
single day you lived with someone who punched you in
the nose as hard as they could, every single day
for thirty nine years. And you're like, Okay, I'm sick
(13:41):
of this. This is terrible. I don't like being punched
in those every single day for thirty nine years. My
sister Gladys. She lives in Georgia, and I don't think
people punch her in the nose every single day for
her whole life. So I'm gonna see if Gladys will
let me move with her. And then Gladys is like, sure,
of course, come move with me. And then you move
to Georgia and no one punches you in the nose.
(14:03):
You're now like, huh, I wish I could have that
old punch in the nose like I used to, right,
which is so weird, But that's what the brain does.
So the reason why that's so important to recognize is
because now you're in an environment that's very different and
much healthier. So how will you notice that it's leading
(14:24):
in a good place for you? Like, what will you
see that would tell you? Yep, I'm grieving and I'm
sad and it's uncomfortable, but I'm headed in a good place.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
I don't want to offend anybody when I say this,
but what I do notice is when I don't have
to do anything in return for anybody, or like I
don't have to ask for help at all and not
expect to do twice as much like I'm so used
(14:58):
to doing every single thing by myself not doing anything back,
and it feels so different. I'm like, oh my gosh,
I want to give back, but I also I need
to accept it and be okay with Yes, people want
to treat you the way you treat others, so I'm
noticing that it also still makes me sad.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Okay, So one of the things you'll notice is that
you won't feel like I have to do something for
other people. Gladys, what would you notice that would tell
you that this move is going well, not just for her,
but for you and for ja Jah? Like, what would
you notice that just as an observer, a caring family member,
(15:38):
what would you notice I would tell you like, Okay,
this is going well, this is heading the right direction.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
For everybody when we're really focusing on ourselves. I have
this motto for me, like you know, and I've been
having it for a while. When you stay ready, you
don't have to get ready, and no matter what takes place,
Like today, a couple of hours ago, I just got
my car on the road with my parents gave me
their old car, so I'm excited to get it on
(16:03):
the road. Took off work today to be able to, like,
you know, get the insurance all types of things, and
then like literally when I'm driving to the insurance place
for them to get my car on the road so
that I can be on my car dies out as
I'm driving, and you know, so for me, it's like,
all right, I can bitch and complain about this and
(16:24):
be like wha all these things, but it's still not
going to get done what I need to get done.
I just know that even though I can't change this
very moment, I still stayed ready, like you know, and
in the aspect although that I don't, I always say,
my bank account, you know, right at the moment, is
not able to cash my galactic check. So I live
(16:48):
off of my means and I live in my means.
So even though there are things that take place that
I'm frustrated that I am working and that I you know,
although that I'm not, I'm great that I don't get
to like pay market rent and things like that, Like
things still happen, and in them still happening. I just remember,
like I got to watch my behavior. I got to
(17:11):
watch how I'm dealing with what's actually taken place, like
you know what I mean. And I think in that sense,
like when I go back to gladdess, did you stay ready?
Because if I answer yes, then I'm not as hard
on myself of what the outcome is like that I
can't change, like you know what I mean, I just
can be happy with how I feel about being in
(17:35):
places of great adversity, but I'm still able to meet
what is needed, like you know what I mean. I
think that especially for Jazzmine, because I've always said with
Jazz like she's everywhere, like you know what I mean,
And because you know, when you have young people that
you're responsible for and you're a young parent or whatever
(17:57):
the case is, however you are, your kid is like
you know, I mean, so because of all of the
challenges that Jasmine has come across, and as I listen,
because like you know, can see the challenges that Jasmine
is talking about what has been taken place, But I
also feel too, like wow, I still see as her
(18:18):
household in her other siblings and her mom, who I
think of my bonus mom has still supported her in
some type of way. So now like it's not so
much of us seeing what we don't have, but more
so of what we do have and what we want
to better ourselves to be able to accomplish at this
(18:39):
time in our lives, and there's times that we have
to give ourselves boundaries over things that we're not going
to do because no matter how much I love Jasmine,
if I'm not okay with something that she asked me
to do, I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 4 (18:52):
I've learned that.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
I think Jasmine just this place for her in Georgia
is going to teach her that she has to have that.
And me as a big sister, I'm going to always
suggest you got to make boundaries that it's going to
be healthy for you in Jazzier because you're the two
only two right now that matter, like you know, and
(19:13):
because you now have a place of peace, a place
of stability. And Jasmine has always been able to take
care of herself financially, like you know what I mean.
It's just more so of how you choose to live.
And that's going to be I'm going to see then
(19:33):
when that shifts for her so that she doesn't feel
the way that she feels.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Now, what will you see that will tell you, oh
my gosh, that shift is happening. What would be your
very first clue.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
The acknowledgement what she sees outside of her that, you know,
the grieving parts for the people that she feels like
she has to agree, whether it can be siblings or
the difference with mom or whatever the case is, that
is a part of her as well well. So once
she's able to see that and then see it from
a different perspective of not feeling I'm a burden, when
(20:08):
that shifts for her, like, that's going to be dynamic
to see because it's not going to be so much
of or like, you know, things are happening to me,
but more so of you know, these are the choices
that people are making around me, And I'm choosing to
make better choices for myself now that I know and
(20:28):
I have the tools to see. So if I don't
like something, or if I don't feel comfortable with something,
I'm not going with it just because we're related or
that there's a relationship. I'm not going against what I
don't feel is right for me, nor my son, nor
my peace of mind or stability instead of struggling with that.
(20:50):
So for me, as soon as she can see that,
then I like, I accept people for who they are.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
The conversation Dole sit on here, how right back more.
How will you show her you were pleased? You know
what I mean? Like when you start seeing her have
(21:18):
that peace and make that shift, How will you show
her that you are pleased.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Other than what I've always have done, acknowledge where your
growth is, like, you know what I mean. So I
would definitely tell her I'm very vocal in that way,
celebration to you.
Speaker 4 (21:38):
Like party no longer doing.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
That lesson because no matter what, and Jasmine knows this
about me, we have had to grieve so many different
things and just my grievance even with what you guys
bring up of having to grieve people that are alive,
Jasmine has been there during the time that I've had
to grieve Elijah from being taken away from me, and
(22:02):
that was the most hurtful, hurtful.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
Thing that I've ever gone through.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
And I've always felt too that I was on that alone,
being in that space alone, I always relied on my
faith to be able to get me out of my
own darkness and out of my own way. So I
always relate to things in checking myself first and then
(22:28):
checking what is outside of me. So when I see
and I've seen many changes for Jazzmin and I have
congratulated her when she sees it for herself, like you know,
something that connects for her and her family, like her family,
her mom's family. To be able to say like, you know,
that's generational, that's generationally taught. So once we know something
(22:51):
and we realize we don't want to do that anymore,
then we get to be the family member that stops
that behavior and speaks on it. And sometimes it's a
lonely place being failed. But if you're going to feel
what you feel and you feel it's right, then play
your role. Like so I'm always going to congratulate and
acknowledge when I mean, because my Buddhist philosophy is when
(23:13):
we struggle deeply, that's where we win.
Speaker 4 (23:16):
So I have a different aspect of.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
How I move than feeling like this is being done
to me more than all right, what do I need
to see on where I need to grow?
Speaker 4 (23:30):
Like how am I connecting to? You know?
Speaker 3 (23:33):
We were just with our father this weekend, you know,
and every time we get next to that fella, boy,
do I reflect on what is it once again that
he can bring up that I have problems with? But
I also seek to myself where do I see it
within me so that I can change or I don't
communicate this way, because this is where I know that
I get it, and I know that I don't like it,
(23:54):
so I know that it has to be me to
change it, because once you change, everything changes. And I've
stayed at this to Jasmine several times, and Jasmine has
been very much around like you know, like I say
when I use terminologies like that, because Jasmine has so
the way that we encourage each other through adversity is
(24:15):
build one another up and like, nah, you can do
this instead of this is not for you to do. No,
go right through it, because whatever you got to go through,
you got to dig up whatever roots that are not
needed and get rid of it.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
And most of the time it's dealing with our own things.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
So Jasmine, you were talking right, Yeah, Okay, don't say anything.
I want to come to you. Gladys said something that
I want to ask you about in a minute. But
before I do it, one more question for Gladys. Gladys,
why did you decide to help Jasmine?
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Well, because that's who I am like and she's my
little sister. And one of the biggest things was when
she first mentioned the move. It was strictly based off
of my nephew's ability to be able to feel security,
(25:11):
safety and happiness and when she saw him behave in
in a way that was unfamiliar to her. But for me,
with young people, they this is how they just behave,
like you know what I mean, around me or in
an environment that I'm in. That was the biggest reason
why I was like, yo, you gotta get down here.
Then if that's how you feel about Jazzier and he
(25:32):
feels safe down here, he's doing more, he's whatever he
wasn't doing there, then if you got to get him
down here, get him down here. And so that has
been the main thing, but then it grew more so
for Jasmine wanting a different a different lifestyle for herself.
Like you know, it wasn't now just about Jazzier, it
(25:53):
was about her. So I was like, even better, let's
get it rolling. But once again, like I'm living, like
you know, my thing is there's jazz When Jasmine said earlier,
like you know, this is now what she's receiving and
that she's getting that she's never really had, Like well,
we've known each other since I've known my little sister,
(26:14):
since she was pretty much four years old, like in
my life.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
So we've always given each.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
Other the same our households has always given each other
that same type of support. It's just something that has
shifted for Jasmine to be able to now that you
know the reason why she wanted to leave was based
off of her son.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Now, Jasmine, you were going to say something, and I
have a very important question for you based on something
Glad It's said, Well.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
I know what it takes to get things done. And
that's one thing like a lot of my family says
about me. If I say I'm gonna do it, I'm
gonna do it. It's not that I don't feel like
I ever need a push or someone to be like, oh, well,
it has to get done. I already know those things.
It's just like, okay, what am I supposed to do
with these feelings that come attached with what is mandatory
(27:06):
for me to do? The reality is I don't technically
have to do it by myself. It's just annoying to like,
you know, people say oh, I'm here for you, I'm
here for you, and then like you, I do my
do deals. I don't want to hear anybody say oh
but did you ass did you ass? Yes? Yes, I
did ask.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
And you said no, you didn't. Sun.
Speaker 4 (27:27):
It's kind of like you.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
But this is the other thing too that I saw
just in our drive down, like you know what I
mean in concation just Onren't our drive down Elliott so
much things have changed that we had talked about, and
in that change, that's where we got to realize, like, okay,
am I communicating what my needs are and what I
need to be addressed, because there's a lot of the
(27:49):
times where in me hearing communication, you're stating what your
emotions are, but it's being played off that it's really
not that serious. For me. That's like I need to
know whatever you're saying. I'm addressing it because if it
is serious, I want to address it. But if you're
telling me and I'm giving this as an example that
it's not that serious, then I trust what you're telling
(28:12):
me and then I'm not going to speak on it.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
But then on the flip.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
Side, it's, well, I asked, but I didn't, like you know,
So there's not clarity a lot of the times in communicating,
and then when there is clarity, the other person is just.
Speaker 4 (28:29):
Completely shut down. They don't even want to hear it.
So it's well, I.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Think that's actually me. It's like I I'm the one
that ends up shutting down. So maybe it seems like
I'm oh, I don't care, maybe because I've already shut
down because I already know That's exactly what I mean. Like, okay,
so I already know so and so is not going
to do this or that, And if you keep putting
yourself out there, I'm gonna help and then you fall
(28:57):
through or you don't, Like, why should I be okay
with that? Of course I'm not gonna sit there and
cry about it. No, I'm going to get it done.
So that's why I ask, what do I do with
those feelings? Even when I do stand my grounds, if
somebody does help me and it doesn't go my way
or something like, I have to do it on their
(29:17):
how they want to do it. It's just like, what
am I going to stay here and cry about? What
am I going to complain about? Of course I'm just
gonna all right, let me just get this out the
way because I'm gonna get it done. So I'm saying
within that, what do I do? Yes, I don't want
to make a big deal or complain about it, but
then yes, those feelings do still creep up later, which
I thought I handled it correctly by not just being
(29:39):
okay with people flaking or not being relied on.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
What I'm saying is when you're okay with people flaking,
it's because you see for yourself that you flake too,
Like do you understand what I'm saying? Like you know
because you mean I'm saying there's times that you flake too,
Like there's times that you shut down. And if you shutdown,
you don't shut down to the people that flaking I
mean like not showing up.
Speaker 4 (30:04):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Whatever that you're experiencing and that you have experienced with
your other siblings, you don't know at times that you
yourself display that same exact energy to your other siblings.
And that's what I'm saying, you know what I mean.
There are times that you may not know until it's
said to you, and then when you'd said to you,
(30:26):
you're like, oh, I didn't realize I was doing that,
you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
I still want to ask my question, go ahead, Jasmine
shift that Gladys was talking about, how will you notice
that it's happening?
Speaker 2 (30:39):
How will I know what's happening.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
The shift that Gladys was talking about. When it's like, Okay,
I'm at peace and I'm in a safe space and
I'm becoming the version of me that I want to become,
How will you know that it's happening.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
I haven't been there yet, so I don't know. I
don't even know how to answer me.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
What do you think will be your first clue?
Speaker 2 (31:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
What do you imagine? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Little, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
As you envision yourself transforming as a result of being
in this new environment, what do you imagine you'll start noticing?
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Well, what first comes up is me, I don't know why,
but feeling safe? I get.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
How do you imagine feeling safe will impact you?
Speaker 2 (31:22):
So when I say feel safe, I mean like if
something happens to me and I finally express why I'm upset,
I'm not ignoring whatever the situation is. I'm finally addressing it.
But then when people pretend it didn't happen or it
wasn't seen, I don't feel safe. So that's within my
(31:45):
own village in a sense. So when you don't feel
safe in your own village, it's like it's scary. So
I say that now that I feel like I'm starting new,
when I feel safe to be able to rest myself
without people thinking I'm a victim, because that's I never
(32:05):
want anybody to think I'm a victim.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
I'm just telling truth.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
So once I feel safe, I think I'll be able
to notice me being happy again.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
I guess what does jasmine being happy again look like.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
Freedom? As far as putting me first? What are you
putting first?
Speaker 1 (32:28):
What do you do when you're happy and experiencing freedom
and putting yourself first? What would you be doing?
Speaker 2 (32:34):
I want to say being a mom too, because it's
literally all the time. And that's what feels so different
being out here is I literally never get a break
I've never gotten a break up North unless it was
like barely mandatory through the courts or something. It feels weird.
That's why I say I have stocks Holme syndrome because
(32:54):
I'm like, oh, maybe I'm leaving jed Jo with them
too long, so I'm reacting still and then you know,
they'll look at me funny, like girl, go relax. So
it's like, yeah, once I get over that, I think
i'll feel happy. Once I get into the norm of
the normalcy of that, I know it won't take long.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
Right, And when you take a break from parenting, and
I get what you're saying, not that you don't love parenting,
not you don't live your son and all that, but like,
when you take a break from parenting, what will you
catch yourself doing that really fits with being free?
Speaker 2 (33:33):
Ooh, traveling, because I just realize that I haven't traveled.
I literally have a business, Jazzy Beanie travel Stay, and
I haven't traveled inny years. I used to plan everything
with my family, family trips by myself a Hawaii. So
that's that is exactly how long though.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Okay, so let's pretend, just for a nano second, that
money or time are not issues. Where would you want
to travel?
Speaker 2 (33:58):
I want to say Puerto Rico because it's my face island.
That's when I started actually admitting I was Puerto Rican.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Finally went to the island in Antiqua. Wow. And let's say, again,
in this weird future where money ant are not an issue,
when you were walking around Antiqua, how would you notice
that this is me at my best? Like, this is
me happy and with freedom, This is me. How would
(34:29):
you notice that?
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Because just looking at God's beautiful creation, you know, being
able to and feel relaxed. I'm just going through the
motions of this finally being a reality, and I think
I might. I don't know, I don't know what I'm
scared of. But yeah, just being peaceful, because I've had
(34:51):
that feeling before. I just haven't had it in a
very long time. But yeah, just being able to breathe
read au Bok.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
If Gladys walks into a room and sees you reading
a book, that's a sign, maybe a small sign, but
it's a sign that Jasmine is becoming that version of herself. Right, Yes,
what kind of book?
Speaker 2 (35:15):
A therapeutic book?
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Okay, So Gladys walks into a room and just sees
you sitting on the couch reading a self help book. Yeah,
doesn't mean everything in the world is solved, but that's
a pretty good sign.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
Okay, Yeah, you haven't done that in years? Right, Yes,
if I'm healthy when I'm doing that.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
If Gladys wakes up tomorrow morning and there's a sticky
note on the door that says, hey, watch jo jaf
for a week, I'm going to Puerto Rico she might
be mad, but she would be like, oh, that's a
good sign because she's going to her favorite place. Right, Okay, again,
if money and time were.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
No issue, and honestly, I do have the money and
the time, but I'm just like, I couldn't see myself
ever doing that.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
God, But if it happened, if it woke up tomorrow
and you left a note on the kitchen table that says, Gladys,
I took a suitcase going to the airport, watched John
Draft for a week, I'm going to Puerto Rico, that
would be a good sign, like she has exercised freedom
and she's going to her favorite place and that's a
good sign. Right. Yeah, But if it were to happen,
(36:27):
what do you say?
Speaker 2 (36:29):
It sounds like child neglect to.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
But no, and it probably is a little bit. And
Gladys with every right to be like why didn't you
warn me? But there's something in there that's kind of like,
you know what, that's who I want to be. I
want to be the traveler I want to read. I
want to be that version of myself. Yeah yeah, And
how do you think.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
I mean?
Speaker 1 (36:51):
The cool thing about Gladys And I'll talk behind Gladys
is back.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
Right in front of her.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
You can sit right there and stare at me as
I talk behind your back. The cool thing about Jasmine
is she seems to want to see you succeed, and
she seems to want to see your son succeed. Right,
And she's doing something and I don't know that Gladys
would word it this way, but she's doing something that
(37:18):
she actually doesn't have to do. Like she could say, no,
you go stick some place like, but Gladys is doing
something you shouldn't have to do because she wants to
see you and your son succeed. As you do these things,
start reading again and start becoming the version of you
that you want to be. How do you imagine that
Gladys would respond excited?
Speaker 2 (37:42):
She's so excitement by being inclusive inclusive? How like she
won't leave me out or anybody.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
Leave you out of Like what would she do that
would tell you, Oh, that's Gladys being inclusive.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Because like she knows how I am, Like I'm very
anti social, but she knows if I'm in a mood,
she'll know when to leave me alone. But she'll also
know to check on me and stuff like that. So
she knows how to handle me.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
So if Gladys is including you and stuff, because sometimes
you can be antisocial, if Gladys is including you and stuff,
that'll be a signed to you, like, Okay, this is good, right,
how will you let her?
Speaker 2 (38:27):
She's always like that and I'm not gonna lie. It's
a bit scary for me because.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Because the same way I'll tell them, because I have
a small crew, and my small crew that hangs out
with me. My expectations of anybody that is in my circle,
whether you're relative, friend or stranger. That like, if you're
in my circle and you're in my inclusively around me,
you're gonna have to tell me what I need to hear,
(39:00):
what I want to hear. So that's very scary for Jazmine.
Like when it comes to let me hold on.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
It's scary to me when I hear it yes no.
Speaker 4 (39:12):
And I listen to me La.
Speaker 3 (39:13):
I'm really serious when I say this has always been
who I have been since coming to this world and
why my family has always given me the name Mama,
because I've been very strict in certain areas that I'm like,
I know, I came into this world to be a
breaker of chains and I came into this world to
(39:33):
speak on things that have to be spoken on because
of things that have taken place, even back when I
wasn't able to defend for myself as a child. So
the way that I think about things and the way
that I hold myself accountable and responsible for my good
deeds but also my bad deeds and my bad deeds
(39:55):
that I've seen that I've personally done to others, My
biggest thing and my biggest enemy is myself. So because
I've been able to understand that in the last twenty years,
that's where I live and so no one can tell
me otherwise. So when you're in my vicinity, whether you're
(40:16):
family or not, I'm going to give you my all.
But I also know too that in giving my all
at this time in my life of being forty seven,
I have to have discernments because I know for myself,
I can give too much and then it's not being
reciprocated back or my relationships have ended in that. Now
(40:37):
with Jasmine being here, there are certain times when it
comes to like I'm strict and I'm a strict sister,
and I expect my siblings when there are things that
are being done like we all band together to support
one another, but that also means holding each other up
and giving enough grace in space for you to feel
(40:59):
safe to me the move bettering yourself because you have
the ability to do it. So, like Jasmine will say,
I love our brother Lewis very very much. However, Lewis
and I will get into it because I'm gonna tell
our brother Lewis when his shit stinks, because that's my responsibility.
(41:21):
It's my responsibility, which and then their responsibility to tell
me my shit stinks.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
Glad we're about out of time. But I also want
you to be equally passionate as telling Oh, absolutely, people,
I'm proud of you, I'm happy about what you're doing. Absolutely,
because I think Jasmine's in a space where she needs that.
Speaker 3 (41:40):
No, and I'm saying I get that, like you know
what I mean, we all need that too. And at
the same time, like I said, no matter what, and
this is what Jasmine knows about me, just like all
of my other family members know about me, is that
I'm always going to make sure that you're speaking your truth,
not to please or appease somebody else outside of you.
(42:03):
That's the part that's going to be really big for
Jasmine to be able to shift and do here, which
is scary for her. Here it's like, no, there's no
one here for you to have to appease or please
but yourself and your son, because whoever is around you
now is just going to support and back up whatever
(42:23):
it is that you want in your life, and you
have to know what that is, and even if you
don't know it in words. When I first moved away,
I didn't have the money, I didn't have the support,
but the one thing that I did have in Los
Angeles was the palm trees in the ghetto and it
was eighty four degrees in January.
Speaker 4 (42:43):
Was happily broke my whole entire time, But that was
my thing. That's what I love.
Speaker 3 (42:50):
So I feel like for Jasmine, what she has to
remember is this is her choice, this is what she
wanted to do, and she should be so proud of
herself in make it actually happened. She's here, right, She's here, right, Okay.
But the other part, like I'm just realistic on this part.
No one else can give you, not even our children
(43:11):
or our parents can give us happiness. That is our
own responsibility. And with happiness one must be extremely strong
to have absolute happiness.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
Well, okay, so we have to wrap up. But Jasmine,
there's something I want to say to you if nobody
else has already said it, and I mean really honestly,
it's just a simple message of congratulations. You've just done
something that requires so much courage and strength. I admire it.
(43:46):
And as I said earlier, you and I have something
in common. I remember when I did it twenty nine
years ago. I've just sat here this whole time admiring
that you were able to make this shift, put yourself
in a position to be where you are now. The
hardest thing to world is to choose uncomfort, and you
have chosen uncomfort and I admire you for that. To
be honest with you, John, thank you. You're going to
(44:10):
grieve and there are some days you're gonna wake up
and be like this is like you know, you're gonna
have moments.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
I've already done that to my therapist. But it worked
everything you said, Yeah, it worked out.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
I want you to just pay extra close attention to
the smallest signs possible that you're becoming the version of
you that you want to be. And in fact, I
want to suggest to you that you go find a
self help book and start reading it because that's who
you are, and that's who you used to be, and
that's what you used to do. Okay, okay, And Gladys,
(44:48):
I just want you to being her loving big sister,
and when she has moments of wobble, I want you
to remember that that's when she needs compassion because what
she he's just done is really, really hard. So I
want you to hold her accountable, but I also want
you to give her grace in those moments of like,
I'm really struggling.
Speaker 4 (45:09):
No, I understand.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
As we wrap up this session, what stays with me
most is not just the change Jasmine is making, but
the courage it takes to stay present while that change unfolds.
While the growth spurts may hurt, they are essential. Jasmine
is learning something many of us struggle with. That safety
can feel unfamiliar, that peace can feel suspicious, that receiving
(45:37):
support doesn't mean weakness, and Gladys reminds us of something
just as important. Change doesn't mean abandoning who you are.
It means choosing how you move forward with boundaries, with intention,
with compassion for yourself and for the people walking beside you.
(45:58):
Are you finding yourself in this conversation thinking about your
own grief? Maybe you yourself are grieving someone or something
that hasn't fully ended. Maybe you've chosen discomfort because staying
the same was costing you too much. Or maybe you're
learning how to accept help without feeling like you owe
the world something in return. So before you move on
(46:20):
with your day, I'll leave you with a few questions
to sit with, not to answer perfectly, but to notice honestly.
Where in my life am I being offered support and
what makes it hard to accept it? How will I
know that this change I'm making is good for me?
(46:42):
What small signs should I look for? What does feeling
safe actually look like in my body, in my relationships,
and in my daily choices? If I imagined myself six
months from now, what would peace look like in real
(47:06):
ordinary moments. Change doesn't arrive all at once. Sometimes it
shows up when we least expect it. In a book
you finally have time to read, or in a deep
breath you didn't even realize you were holding in, or
a moment where you choose yourself without guilt. And if
(47:29):
that's where you are right now, know this. You're not behind,
You're not broken, you are becoming, coming coming. Thanks for listening.
See you next week. I would love to hear from
(47:57):
you about your healing journey, your family, and your feedback.
Leave a review, send a DM, connect with me on
socials at Elliott Speaks, and you can also send me
a text message to nine seven two four two six
two six four zero. Family Therapy is a production of
iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Podcast Network. Special thanks to
our assistant Glendale Sepe. It's produced by Jack Queis Thomas
(48:19):
and the executive producer, Dolly s. Fisham. For more podcasts
from The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio app or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows. The content presented on
the Family Therapy podcast serves solely for educational and informational purposes.
It should not be considered a replacement for personalized medical
or mental health guidance and does not constitute a provider
(48:39):
of patient relationship. It is advisable to consult with your
healthcare provider or health team for any specific concern or
questions you may have.
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