March 7, 2026 • 55 mins
During this final session, the family talks about what they hope to gain from the conversation: better communication, staying in touch, meeting nieces and nephews they haven’t met, and building real togetherness across a large, spread-out family. Lance, a new voice and additional family member who joins the conversation, stresses the word "accountability"—doing what you say you’ll do—to help break generational patterns of disconnection and model unity for their kids. They discuss a past group chat that faded after misunderstandings, and how hard it is to keep momentum with busy lives and people in different states. Elliott offers three building blocks for a connected family: leadership, shared traditions, and regular routines, and proposes a “family board” made up of Chris, Gladys, Jasmine, and Lance to reengage relatives, plan reunions, and set up recurring Zoom check-ins so no one feels forgotten.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
I'm Eliah, Connie, and this is family. There. From the
very first time we sat down with this family, we
heard a sense of longing that came up again and
again in different ways. A longing for connection, a longing
for understanding, a longing for the kind of family bond
(00:23):
that many people hope for but don't always know how
to build. And tonight that conversation continues, but it also expands.
In this final episode, we welcome two additional members of
the family into the conversation, Lance and Jewel. Lance joins
the discussion as one of the siblings, and Jewel represents
(00:45):
the next generation, the younger members of the family who
are watching, learning, and ultimately inheriting whatever patterns are created today.
Because one of the most powerful things about family is this,
The decisions we make with one another today will show
up in the lives of the generations that follow us.
(01:06):
Throughout this season, we've heard stories about distance, about different upbringings,
about siblings meeting later in life, about misunderstandings that cause
people to pull away. But we've also heard something even
more powerful, a consistent desire to move toward each other
rather than away from each other. And that's really what
(01:27):
this final conversation is about accountability. Accountability for investing in
the family, even when life gets busy, even when people
live in different states, even when the family itself has
grown so large that it can sometimes feel impossible to
keep everyone together. In this conversation, the siblings begin to
(01:47):
ask a deeper question, what does it actually look like
to rebuild family connections, not just emotionally but practically. How
do we stay in touch? How do we create traditions?
How do we show the younger generation that family matters?
Because with dozens of nieces, nephews and cousins, connection doesn't
(02:10):
happen by accident anymore. It happens through intention. And what
you'll hear in this conversation is a family beginning to
realize that healing generational patterns doesn't require perfection, it requires participation.
So let's listen as Lance, Gladys, Jasmine, Chris, and Jewel
(02:30):
begin to explore what accountability, leadership, and togetherness might look
like for their family moving forward. I'm Elliott, Connie, and
this is family therapy. What are your best hopes from
(02:54):
talking tonight?
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Let the Elders go first, Jeff.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Elders, I know, but which which one? Specifically Chris Jasmine
underneath Chris is who.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Then Gladys, then Lewis, then Lance, then Charlene then me.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
I think I got that in an order.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Where does jewel falling there?
Speaker 4 (03:23):
That's my daughter?
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Oh? Gotcha? All right? Jules the youngest, Yes, all right, Chris,
Jasmine volunteered you to answer first.
Speaker 5 (03:33):
Continue to make a commitment with you know, a better
communication with everyone. I know it gets hard because you know,
life is throws everybody, So to work on just staying
committed with you know, keep it in touch because I
know I haven't speaked to out for a long time cheap,
(03:53):
so I gotta I'll work on that, and you know,
just to keep passing on knowledge and you know, being there,
being open, you know, with everybody. I think out of
all the siblings, me and Gladys talk the most.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
How often is that? How often you and Gladys talk?
Speaker 6 (04:12):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (04:13):
Well, We've hadn't talked for a little bit just because
I got my little turmoil going on with the my
mom and all that.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
But but normally we are.
Speaker 7 (04:23):
What loos, glad It's been what I think about two
weeks two and a half weeks, yeah, walk, But we
normally I mean, but we normally talk the most though,
so you know, or we'll visit each other the most.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
So but I know I would work on that move
a lot.
Speaker 5 (04:41):
Of distractions away, and like he said, I got to
work on talking to my niece more and her getting
to know me a lot more so instead of being stranger,
I was just.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Telling her how I.
Speaker 5 (04:53):
Was just remembering when I was holding her as a baby.
So I was looking at my PI which is not
too long ago before the phone call.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Yep, that's for me for my side.
Speaker 6 (05:04):
Well, Elliott, you know what, I would actually piggyback off
of that, because you know, we have a really big family,
like honestly we have. There's many nieces and nephews that
we we have, like you know, and I would like
(05:25):
to know how we could actually be able to you know,
see and plan for all of us, like to get
together and what suggestions or things that you would suggest
to help us, like you know, actually do that because
you know, I still have yet to meet you know, lances,
(05:47):
my oldest.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
Niece and nephew or like you know. So but but
but we all.
Speaker 6 (05:54):
Have like huge families and so I would love, I
would love, love love to see us all together with
our children because where we definitely have a beautiful family
(06:14):
family reunion.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Yeah, exactly, Lance.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Jewel Jasmine. What else do you guys hope to get accomplished?
Speaker 8 (06:22):
I think the key word for me is accountability. Like
everything that everyone said is like genuinely like out of.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Love and we all want that.
Speaker 8 (06:34):
But I'm a man of principal and I'm a very
accountable person. So in that, like Gladys was saying, like
we have children, like you know that are around the
same age, Like my oldest is the same same age
as Duel, but they're the same age, you know what
I'm saying, And you know my son, my son is
(06:58):
not too far away from my nephew age, you know
what I mean. And the fact that like we kind
of dropped the ball there to be honest, because now
my sister's out of the state and she doesn't live
here anymore. So I feel like we need to just
be better about being accountable.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
And by the way, Land's nice to meet you, and
I'm so glad you said that. What does accountability look
like to you?
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Accountably to me?
Speaker 8 (07:28):
So She's like, just stand unfirm and what you say, like,
you know, be a man of your word, I don't
want to say it like we have females present. So
what I mean by that is like just like if
you if you say something like stand by that, like
you know, obviously we're not we're not perfect, you know,
but I'll really strive to do these things because it's
(07:51):
very important point because we're trying to break general generational
curses to be honest, you know. And I'm talking to
my siblings and they know what I'm talking about. So
in that being parents to our children, we need to
show them that we need to have unity and that
as their parents, we need to do that with each
(08:13):
other as brothers and sisters.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
What what what generational curse? Lance would you be the
most pleased to see broken?
Speaker 9 (08:29):
Just just the oneness, like just being like a family,
like in every aspect of the word, like you know,
no matter what happens, like we might bigger or have
a disagreement, but at the end, like we're just all
we're just there for each other.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
We all live in different states, so.
Speaker 8 (08:49):
I know sometimes it could be tough to like talk
every day, Like Chris said, him and g talk a
little bit more than we talk, But.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
I talk to gladys all the time and she's out
of state. You know, that's just how it is.
Speaker 8 (09:02):
Like no, but in that all of us just being
better at just like just check it in, like pay
sif abro love you, hope we had a great day.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Just shoot a text message something like that.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Lance, That's that's really really dope. Man. How many kids
do you have? You mentioned an oldest and the youngest.
It's just those two thick Oh no, so this is
four more. Okay, gladys, you weren't kidding when you said
you each all had your own.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
Yes, yes we do. We really do, all right, So.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
It sounds like communication and togetherness would be important. Jasmine Jewel,
what are you guys hoping to get from being here?
Speaker 4 (09:45):
I think the.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
I agree with my siblings focusing on uniting or getting
together our generation with the younger generation.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Our kids kids.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
I well know that there are.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
A few niece, nephews and nieces I haven't even met myself,
But even to see our kids have a relationship with
their cousins or even with their aunts and uncles, I
think that would that would do a great.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
Deal for us.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
I feel like we would I feel that would heal
a lot of the emptiness I persona have phelps, but
I think that would help heal my family in a sense. True.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Okay, perfect, thank you, Jeff. Now, Jewel, I have to
put you in an unfair and difficult role. Is that okay?
Can it give you an unfair and difficult responsibility?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (10:51):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
So the other four people here, Lance, Gladys, Jasmine, and Chris,
they're the siblings there, like the older generation. M you're
the only one from like the descendants of the older generation. Yeah,
that's that's present, that's here. Yeah, So I'm gonna put
(11:14):
you in an unfair role. Okay, Okay, can you represent
the younger generation for me? The younger generation in this family?
Because occasionally, Jule, I'm gonna ask you a question that
I kind of want you to answer for yourself, for
(11:35):
your siblings, but also for your cousins. So, for example,
how do you think it would make a difference to
not just yourself, but your cousins as well, your siblings
as well, if we're able to break these generational curses
and get to this like level of togetherness that Lance, Gladys,
(12:00):
Chris and your mom Jasmine had talked about. How would
that help you in your generation.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
And said, I feel like that would help a lot.
You know, I don't know in the sense I don't
I think I could speak for the others.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Yeah, just try, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
I know me personally, i'd be really interested in that.
Like I have my cousins, but like the same way
all of you guys have your separate lives, Like we're
starting to do our own lives, and like, you know,
there's been you know, a lot of stuff happening, you know,
in each of our lives. And I feel like when
(12:40):
you say that, I'm specifically thinking of like me and
my closest cousins, like we were like inseparable growing up,
but of course, you know, it comes to time where
we have our separate lives, especially like after high school,
especially since you know, we have different, very different parents
and very in a whole different cities. You know, we've
(13:03):
grown apart. But like I'd also going on to like
what they were saying, I would like to like meet
my other cousins, especially like to who are my age,
because like why not, especially because I've been doing like
college online, I haven't met as many people like in person,
and I feel like the best connections could be like,
you know, with family that I haven't met.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
So yeah, so.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
It would have it would have a positive impact on you, I.
Speaker 4 (13:31):
Think, so I'd be open to trying it.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
How do you think Probably a weird way to ask this,
of usual, but how do you think this would impact
your day to day life? To know that, like my
family is one.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
I mean, it'd be nice be a lot more connections.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
I mean, you never know until it happens.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
So, yeah, do you have any kids?
Speaker 3 (13:58):
No, No, don't put that.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I'll begin that question a lot lately I feel a little.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Like and you know, sometimes black people you can't tell
age how Yeah, I'm twenty one. Yeah, thank you Jewel,
by the way.
Speaker 4 (14:16):
And I think I think you answered very clear.
Speaker 6 (14:19):
And I feel like all of your cousins feel the
same way equally in some type of way, like like
I like I just know that.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
H How would you guys know if this togetherness was beginning?
Like it's obviously not something that could happen overnight, and
as Lance pointed out, like these are generational things and
we they don't usually just you know, in one weekend
get fixed. But how would you know what was happening? Like,
what would be a sign like, oh my god, we're
(14:49):
moving in that direction.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
I think I feel like we've tried to do this
a few times and it just falls through, like we've
started a few I'm not sure who started it, but
I think when of I think Lance or maybe Gladys
started a group chat. I think it was Lance and
stopped chat and that, you know, when went along for
(15:15):
a while, but then it just started.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
Lastually, I know why.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
You know, texas were sent and you know, I was
offended by some things that were sent, so it kind
of like died down in a sense.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
So I think.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Starting a group another group chat and not giving up
in a sense, and actually making the efforts to at
the very least make plans to see each other or
reunite aunties and cousins, cyper reunion and uncles.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Sorry, Jasmine, how long ago was this that Lance did this?
Speaker 4 (16:01):
I think like last year right now, it's a few
years ago.
Speaker 6 (16:03):
It was like, wasn't it after Lewis's or right before
Lewis's wedding?
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Linz, what was your thinking about this at the time.
Speaker 8 (16:15):
Well, I'm kind of like the middle child on both sides,
but I've always been the oldest in that in the
sense of like my little brothers looked up to me,
and my older brothers were like doing the most, so
I had to kind of be straight line to be
the better example. So for me, for me, I felt
(16:36):
the same when I met my siblings that were present here,
not to you know, say that they're not mature, but
like I felt like I needed to be the one
to be like, you know what, guys, we gotta we
gotta rally around the fact that like, you know, our
upbringings were different, but we can held that held up
(16:59):
high that we you know, are pretty good, really pretty
good human beings and what we've been through, and that
we can just grow like as brothers and sisters individually
have our own relationship, but just just have that brother's
sisterly bond.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
So I was like, you know, why not put it
on a chat that way.
Speaker 8 (17:18):
It's like, for instance, when Bro turned fifteen, it was
good because we had the chat and then we put
it out there. We got the date out there, so
then we all got together to be there for his
for his fiftieth you know, that's a big that's a
big deal, you know. So I felt like if I
didn't create that chat, maybe we all wouldn't have made it,
(17:40):
you know what I'm saying, or committed to it, because
back to my point, it's like the accountability because now
I put it on the chat, now everybody's seen it.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
So if I said I was.
Speaker 8 (17:49):
Gonna make it, now I have, and now I got
more than one person holding me accountable, like you know
what I mean.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
And to ask.
Speaker 10 (17:57):
You maybe sensitive question, lands what was it like for
you when when the chat, when the group chat kind
of as Jasmine was saying, kind of died down.
Speaker 6 (18:12):
Like.
Speaker 8 (18:13):
It bothered me in a sense because I'm a very
sensitive person, you know, you know, But at the same time,
I won't necessarily just outright like let it like take
over me, like I'll get past it rather quickly, like
you know what I mean. So in that I was like, man,
(18:35):
I wish we could be better. But then also you know,
I have a wife and a children in career, like
you know, so it's just.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
Like I got to keep moving, you know what I mean.
Speaker 8 (18:46):
And I just wanted like us to pick up the
pieces individually and like come back together, you know, because
I do my best to keep tabs on everybody, like
you know what I mean, but honestly, for me, it's
like I'm at a point in my life where I'm like,
I'm a very not to bring religion into it, but
(19:09):
I'm a very religious man.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
So for me, my faith is strong. So for me, I.
Speaker 8 (19:13):
Kind of have discernments. So it's like I kind of
I love you, I pray for you from afar, like
you know what I mean if we kind of have
a discord. Not to say that with my siblings, but
in that with the chat line, I was like, hey,
I mean it is what it is.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
You know.
Speaker 8 (19:28):
I still love my siblings and pray for them, but
it's like life goes on, you know, as far as
my day to day, you know.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Right, And Lambs to ask you one more question you
mentioned like when I met my siblings, how old were
you when you met your siblings? So I know there's
been some like disconnect along the lineage. How old are
you when you met your siblings?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
So I always knew Jahson was my little sister.
Speaker 8 (19:51):
Like our families like grew up together, like you know
what I'm saying, Like our mothers knew each other, you
know what I mean. That's the crazing part in that,
like they actually knew each other and my dad was
doing what he was doing. But anyway, I always knew
jazz right. And then fast forward, I met I met
my brother Lewis. I was probably in my thirties already,
(20:14):
like you know, so I met him. I'm going to
be forty three, So I met him pretty late, like
later on, like you know what I mean, but we
rarely clicked, like you know, like me and Lewis. Lewis
got me the job that I'm at currently, and I've
been there for about fourteen years, like you know, I'm
an executive chef now, so my brother got me.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
My brother got me the job there, so you know
what I mean.
Speaker 8 (20:40):
He really helped me out in that aspect. He used
to live with me, so we got really close.
Speaker 3 (20:45):
And then me and being Gladys hit it off right
away like when she was out here.
Speaker 8 (20:49):
And both and you know, and then Chris, you know
when he was when he was out here before he
moved Lance.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Are you a trained chef? Nope, you just learned on
the job.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
Yeah, I'm kind of a I'm a perfectionist.
Speaker 8 (21:05):
So it's like anything I do, I try to be
as excellent I looking at it.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
So and I work hard, so I kind of like
just work my way up.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Oh, Gladys, does your son know this about manam?
Speaker 4 (21:16):
Absolutely? He has three uncles that yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
There's three uncles are executive ships. Yep, m hm.
Speaker 4 (21:24):
Chris is a trained one. Just you heard later, Chris.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Right here is what the what I hadn't know.
Speaker 4 (21:32):
Yeah, that's that's why we need a reunion.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Three executive shifts, not including Eliza. If y'all have a
family reunion, I'm going.
Speaker 6 (21:44):
Real talk, real talk. At Lance's year anniversary. The reception
that he just had, Oh my goodness, the food was
absolutely delicious, delicious everything, every thing. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Yeah, so, Gladys, yes, to put you on the spot
a little bit. Yes, everyone's got these large families. Yes, approximately,
I'm not going to make you say exactly, but approximately
how many nieces and nephews? Do you.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Good?
Speaker 3 (22:18):
Look counting that one?
Speaker 2 (22:20):
No?
Speaker 6 (22:20):
Yeah, I know you know right now?
Speaker 4 (22:23):
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on the one.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
She doesn't have to count exact, but is approximately.
Speaker 6 (22:30):
Like thirty, like thirty over thirty over thirty yeah, easy, easily.
And because of Chris, now we have the great brands.
Speaker 4 (22:43):
So i'm g G.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
I'm old blame me right, thank me too, far By.
Speaker 6 (22:48):
Well, no, because Lance's older children are very career driven
as well, like you know what I mean. So our
kids are like Jewel, are like really coming into their
lives and where they're at in the world, like you know.
So some are still in college, going further into college,
(23:10):
like Lance's oldest daughter is like business again, her master's bro.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
She's going for her doctor and exactly.
Speaker 4 (23:18):
See, like you know what I mean.
Speaker 6 (23:19):
And then we have nephews that are enlisted in the services,
like you know, Lewis's oldest son.
Speaker 4 (23:26):
So we just have I have a lot of nieces
and nephews.
Speaker 6 (23:30):
So yeah, like I said, I like Lance said too,
Like you know, we met each other twenty ten, and
so there's so much that has happened in twenty ten
that has been like huge shifts in our lives, in
(23:50):
us meeting as well as you know, individuals and things
like that. So for us to have the ability to
really come together as we are right now, like you know,
yet if we can get not if we will get better,
(24:10):
and when we get better, it's gonna be as solidified
as needed. And I didn't know Jazz that you stopped
doing the conversation the texting or what have you, because
you had it there was a disagreement. I just thought
that numbers were change, so it just fell off like that.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
I didn't think that, you know, we have other other
siblings that I don't get to talk to.
Speaker 6 (24:34):
So I always talk to, you know, everybody that's on
the line, Like, but there's there's one family member that
I really want us to reach out and try to
find as well, which is our other sister that we
we don't know.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
I think I'm going to make a suggestion to you
guys that won't make a difference about all that you
want to get to that in a minute, yes, okay,
So then I'll start with Chris, how is make a
difference for you or together and to have you be
more connected to the thirty plus nieces and nephews.
Speaker 5 (25:07):
That would be They would be amazing if we all
could come together have our own little family reunion, because
then each of us, if we if that could happen,
then each of us could like our children were all learned,
you know a little bit more about you know, their
families that they haven't seen, and like Jad just said,
fill up some of the emptiness that's out there, like
(25:30):
you know who I am?
Speaker 3 (25:31):
You know, where do we come from? Who's our you
know siblings? And especially with with.
Speaker 5 (25:38):
That because just in case, you know, the world as
big as it is, it could be really small. You know,
we wouldn't want one of our children being up and
then be like, you know, date or something because they
didn't know.
Speaker 6 (25:52):
So I mean, well, like you know what I mean,
we are deep like family wise, like just where we
are deep like that.
Speaker 5 (26:01):
So that's that's one of my youngest daughter's twenty five,
you know, my oldest are who our oldest are thirty five,
and then my youngest is about to be twelve, so
well it's eleven, so it's all in between. So it
would be cool for everybody, you know, to get to
know each other, like I know, like my son Langston,
(26:24):
he's always high to meet you know, family members, that's
something about him.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
He likes doing that, So that would be cool.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Jasmine, can I come to you with the same question,
what would it do to you to be able to
be closer to the thirty thirty plus nieces and nephews.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
That would mean a lot to me because I've always
had such a strong connection with my nieces and nephews,
especially growing up. Like Jules said, she has two cousins
that she literally grew up as like her siblings pretty much,
(27:06):
and to even like bridget gap in her be able
to meet her other cousins at her age, even now
that they're out of age where they can go and
literally fly to each other and travel and that would
mean a lot. And it's also showing them how us
as siblings come together and show them how to whole
(27:26):
accountability and actually show up for each other the way
Lance was saying, Yeah, it's so interesting.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
I don't know if you guys know this or not.
And again, Jewel, this is one of those moments whe
I'm going to be totally unfair to you, but I
don't know if you guys know this or not. But like,
if I wanted to make Jewel stronger as a twenty
one year old person, giving her identity makes her stronger.
(27:57):
And it's interesting because like the older generation can do
a lot to help her develop identity. Now, Jewel, I'm
not in any way saying you need to be stronger
or you need more identity, but human beings are stronger
within connection. In the next part of this conversation, We're
(28:36):
going to explore what it looks like when a family
starts to move from hope to structure, from desire to action,
because healthy families don't just happen, they are built intentionally,
one decision at a time. Let's continue the conversation. Now,
there are three things that really healthily bonded families do
(29:05):
or have. I should say, can I share what those
three things are and then make a suggestions on how
your family can have these three things? Okay, the first one,
one of the first words Lamp said in this call
was for him, the key word he said the exact
(29:26):
three was for me, the keyword is accountability. Lance. Do
you remember saying that about forty five minutes ago. Yes, right,
he said, for me, the keyword accountability. Now, Lance, I
don't know if you know this or not, but you
are spot on because the first thing that healthily bonded
families have is leadership, because leadership holds us accountable. And
(29:53):
the way leadership looks in a family like for me,
my grandmother was my family leader. She passed the way
a few years ago. And when my grandmother said we're
having a family Christmas in Chicago, you knew you had
to go there or else. My grandmother was going to
hold you accountable. My grandma was gonna get upset. Right, So,
(30:14):
healthily bonded families, not only do we have something like
like what you were saying, like the family reunion, but
some leadership has to be there to hold everybody accountable
to coming to the event. Yes, because without leadership there
is no accountability. Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (30:37):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (30:37):
Yeah, I have I have a suggestion on how your
family could achieve leadership and can I can I make
a suggestion for you? Yes. So if we were to
form a company, like let's say we were going to
(30:59):
form a company that compete with Apple, the first thing
we would do is set up a board. It's the
very first thing we would do because the board holds
the company accountable. Well, I would like Lance, Gladys, Jasmine
and Chris to be the family board. What do you
guys think about that I'm down?
Speaker 4 (31:19):
Got it?
Speaker 1 (31:20):
I'm good? Who said I'm down? Was that Jasmine saying
I'm down? Okay? Now, Gladys, it looks like you're taking notes.
Are you're taking note?
Speaker 4 (31:28):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Sir?
Speaker 1 (31:30):
Oay good? Because I want to tell you the responsibilities
the board has. Number one, the board discusses how we
will invite and keep engaged other family members. Jasmine highlighted
something earlier, and Jasmine, not to put you on the spot,
(31:50):
but it's just a really important point you brought up earlier. Jasmine,
there is no possible way we're going to start a
group chat with the forty three million family members you
guys have in your family, and someone's not gonna say
something to offend someone else. So what I want the
board to do is if you notice such and such
family members kind of drift away and not responding, I
(32:12):
want the board of a meeting to figure out how
do we re engage that person?
Speaker 2 (32:17):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (32:20):
Even if even if it's one of the board members.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Even if.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
We already know who the board member is going to be.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Y'all are not hanging up on a girl, Jasmine.
Speaker 4 (32:32):
I'm the baby facts.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
I'm not letting them like that.
Speaker 4 (32:40):
You didn't you didn't hear Elliott? She said, facts are facts.
That's what she just said. I was grateful to be
on the board.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
It was funny because when Lance, I'm not even one
of the million family members, but when Lance said what
he said, I was like, oh shit, I know exactly
what it. Yeah, But to answer Lance's question, yes, absolutely.
Like let's say my homegirl, Jasmine gets offended by something
and she drifts off what you guys do with a family.
I don't know if you guys noticed this or not.
(33:14):
You don't often trying to think how to word this.
You don't spend a lot of time blaming each other.
You guys are at a point where you just like
you're just talking about how to make it better. And
I actually, I actually love that's a very important thing.
Lance could have said, accountability is really important. So Gladys
has to acknowledge why she did this, this, and this,
(33:36):
or Jasmine has to But Lance did not say that.
The only thing Lance said was I just want together
this and the cool thing for me as a therapist
who works with families a lot all of you said
kind of the same thing in different ways. So what
happens is we're all human beings. If we have a
group chat or whatever, and then like, Jasmine just kind
(34:00):
of is slower to respond over time. I want the
other board members to be like, Hey, how do we
get Jasmine back involved? How do we re engage Jasmine?
Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (34:13):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
The other responsibility that I want the board to have
is I want the board to be in charge of
planning family functions. I told you guys, all healthily bonded
families have three things. One of them is leadership you're
just talked about. The second one. We have family functions
that are like the annual Christmas tradition, or the once
(34:39):
a year July fourth barbecue, or the every spring break
family reunion something like that. So I want the board
to plan the family event. Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (34:53):
Yep?
Speaker 1 (34:54):
You guys get together and you get to decide, So
what will be the you know, annual family te edition
and where will we host it? Do you want to
do it in Atlanta because maybe the weather's better, or
do we want to do it in Boston because so
the family's already in Boston. Do we want to do
it at disney World because somebody won the lottery? We
can fly around at disney World? What else? Right? But
(35:16):
like you guys are the ones in charge of what
will be the tradition? And then how will we how
will we do this, where will we do it? What
time of year will we do it? That sort of thing.
All healthily bonded families have traditions, and sometimes there really
stupid traditions. When I'm grown up, my uncle Jimmy was
(35:37):
Santa Claus. So every Christmas in Chicago, my uncle Jimmy
would put on a Santa Claus outfit and he would
be the one to give out the toys to all
of us kids. And then when I got older, he
told me he hated doing it. Right, He was like,
I hate doing this. I didn't know that as a kid,
but now I'm in my you know. Third, I was
(35:58):
in my I'm in my forty now and I'm in
my thirty he's at the time, and he told me
he hated doing it. I said, why did you do it?
And let's go back to leadership and accountability. He said,
because your grandmother made me right. So it could be
any tradition. But now the family board is in charge
(36:18):
of the family traditions. Okay, you got it. That makes sense. Yes, okay.
The third and final thing that healthily bonded families have
is they have routines that support connection. And I'll give
(36:38):
you an example of a routine that supports connection. Something
like once a month, we have a big family zoom
and everybody has to talk for five minutes to share
how their lives are gone. Okay, right, because.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
Well do you mean like the board members or.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
The whole family. Now the board members can stay on
a little bit before or after to just talk about, Hey,
did you guys notice Jewel is kind of looking a
little sad. What do we need to do?
Speaker 4 (37:08):
So we have to get a we'll have to get
a oh what do you call it to be?
Speaker 1 (37:12):
But to do that like a zoom account or something
like the count. But you do this once a week,
once every other week, or once a month something like that.
That facilitates family connection and that will help the board know, Hey,
we've done two or three of these zoom things and
Jewel's not showing up. Somebody needs to reach out to
(37:33):
Jewel and just see how she's doing. Now, why this
is so important? It really doesn't matter whether or not
Jewel shows up in Jewel again, unfair, I'm totally picking
on you just because you represent the longer generation. But
it really doesn't matter whether or not Jewel shows up
or not. To be very on with you, what really matters.
(37:54):
Let's say Jewel doesn't show Let's say you guys do
a Zoom meeting the first Sunday of every month, and
you know, two or three Sundays go by and Jewel
doesn't show up. And then let's say, Chris calls Jewel
and she says, hey, Jewel, we noticed you haven't shown
up to the family Zoom meeting the past two or
(38:16):
three sundays. Are you okay? And Jewel says, yeah, I'm fine.
Everything's okay. I'm just busy with school, of work, whatever
I'm doing. And then Chris says, no problem, I was
just checking in on me, making sure you're okay, Just
so you know, here's the zoom link in case you
can make it to the next one. Jewel now knows
two very important things. There is a family function and
(38:38):
they want me in it, which makes her feel cared
for and loved. Right, that makes sense, and that's the
importance of the board because if you guys notice, hey,
Jewel hasn't been here, that's two or three times just
reaching out to her. Maybe the reaching out comes from
lance Er, maybe it comes from Chris, it comes from Gladys.
Just reaching out to her. It makes her feel loved
(38:59):
and important and valued and cared for. And you have
a really healthy family bond. We do those things so
we don't reach out to Jewel, so you just shun
into family. You don't like us if you're not showing
we don't reach out to her, excusatory reach out to her,
and we say we're just checking in on you because
we've noticed you haven't been around, and it lets Jewel
(39:21):
know like, wow, these people care about me and my
absence is noticed. Gotcha? Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (39:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:33):
So having leadership, which we talked about, Yeah, the leadership
will plan some sort of family bonding event which is
usually like a Christmas event or July fourth cookout or
a Juneteenth cookout or a you know, I had to
throw a June teenth cookout in it because you know,
(39:53):
I'm black. A New Year's Eve celebration or a family
union something like that. And then lastly something even if
you guys did, like a family book review and once
a month we all log into the zoom and talk
about the book that were Anything like that that keeps
us in contact using the digital things that we now
(40:14):
have access to, will begin to feel like we're building
a healthy family bond.
Speaker 4 (40:20):
Okay, I like that. Thank you, Elliott. You're well very clear.
I got all the notes down.
Speaker 6 (40:27):
Here, perfect, Thank you, Thank you, Bro for bringing it
up like.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
A right.
Speaker 8 (40:37):
I think it's great, Elliott, like to just piggyback on
what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (40:42):
I do that like a lot already.
Speaker 8 (40:45):
Like I'm in I'm reverally like invested in my church,
so I have I served in my church. So I'm
on a team, so I'm always communicating to it, do
like chats and zooms, and I'm in a men's group
and we do book readings and we do book stuff
and I actually went to the men's conference this year
for the first time. And it's like, I'm all about,
(41:07):
like I said, oneness and togetherness, you know, So I'm
all about communication, getting getting people together. And obviously why
wouldn't I want my family to be like that as well?
So those are all great ideas, and you know, we.
Speaker 3 (41:24):
Got to crawl before we walk, you know. I think
as a board.
Speaker 8 (41:27):
We need to stand firm in that and do what
you suggested, Elliott, and keep at it, not get discouraged
and then.
Speaker 4 (41:39):
Sorry.
Speaker 6 (41:41):
I really like just pointing it out so easily, like
and we already know, like you said, like you know
what I mean, faith based organization wise and us already
doing the work. It's just now we can really I
can really see it. I can really see it happening.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
What Lance said is true, Like churches want to feel
like community.
Speaker 4 (42:02):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
So if I join a church and I don't come
from a while for a while, someone from the church
is going to reach out to me, and it makes
me feel valuable because think about it. Think about So
let's say I own a restaurant. So Lance, I've been
picking on Jewel enough, so I want to pick on
you now. Lance. If I own a restaurant and I
(42:25):
hire Lance to be a chef at my restaurant and
for like two or three days, Lance doesn't show up,
and then he comes in after not showing up for
two or three days, and I'm like, oh, how you doing, Lance,
And I don't even notice that he was gone. Lance
is going to feel like I'm insignificant to this restaurant,
and he won't enjoy that feeling. Like, as human beings,
(42:46):
we don't like that. So by being able to do
something like this, you're gonna let the family know that
they matter. And they do matter. It's clear that they matter.
But I want Jewel and her thirty plus siblings, cousins
to feel like a we matter and be the older
(43:07):
faction of our family is going to lead us into
the next generation. And by the way, you guys haven't
had this in a long time because you didn't experience
it from the family that you were raised in either.
So it's very difficult to be able to do that
when you guys are raised in such a disjointed way.
Speaker 8 (43:27):
Elliott, I want to interject with that part. With my
mom's side of the family, we.
Speaker 3 (43:36):
Are very We do everything that you said we should
be doing. Like we do.
Speaker 8 (43:41):
We do a Christmas party every year. Everyone takes turns,
like you know. And I love the fact that you
brought up your grandmother. Like my grandma passed away. It's
been about six seven years now, I think about and
she was the rock and I've noticed that, like she
(44:02):
has two other sisters and they're still alive. But I
noticed that like when she passed away, like you know,
things started changing a little bit, like people start getting
a little distance and stuff like that. That's why I
felt it was important that we recognized how we were
brought up and well, don't forget that. So like when
I had my wedding, I had my great aunt there,
(44:24):
my grandmother's sisters, and it was like it was like
my grandmother was there, you know what I mean, because
of everything that they instilled in us, like you know
what I mean, and the closeness and everything like that.
And I want that for my for my siblings, for
my father, you know, because like unfortunately, like because of
(44:44):
the way our dad was moving, we didn't we couldn't
get that because we were raised by our mothers or
our grandmothers.
Speaker 3 (44:51):
Or like you know, other people, so we really didn't
get that.
Speaker 8 (44:54):
And meeting at like later on in our lives when
we were already parents and doing our own thing, you know,
I think this is a like a rebirth of what
our family can be.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
Can I add on to that?
Speaker 1 (45:10):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Please, I just wanted to agree and like, you know,
not to pressure on you guys, but like I'm not gonna,
like like you said, like if I want to be
like you know, with my cousins speaking for my generation,
we're not going to show up on our own I know.
Speaker 3 (45:30):
We're very, very very.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
Quick to cancel something and be like, oh my head
hurts when they head this on her, and they'll just
they'll stay home because they don't want to. And I
am guilty of some of that, but you know, with
with you know, parents push that would definitely help. And
like like you were saying with your grandma, like I
know my grandma, she's out of the recent why like
(45:54):
my family on this side comes together like I don't.
I probably wouldn't see then my family I had just
seen when we had to get together, if you know,
if my grandma didn't get it, like she's kind of
that good too. So yeah, yeah, I pushed that agenda
as well.
Speaker 3 (46:11):
And thank you Jewels for your accountability. I appreciate that.
The youngest one in the bunch accountability.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (46:19):
I'm aware of my generation. We're not good with connections.
Speaker 1 (46:24):
It's so which is why I think I really want Lance, Gladys,
Jasmine and Chris to be the ones to hold you
guys accountable and valuable connection is.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
And I want to say also, I'm not sure if
the I don't know if the right word is accountability
because I, like Jewel mentioned, my mom is the rock
of our family as well, whereas you know, that's a
lot of pressure for her because it used to be
(46:59):
my grandma until she passed but with also the loss
in my family, specifically trying to get family together and
it just falling apart. Me personally trying to get you know,
the family back together and not being so much pressure
(47:20):
on my mom, and literally every time it felt like
it fell through, I tend to I guess I'm taking accountability.
Speaker 4 (47:28):
I guess accountability is the right word jet reality.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
I guess, But.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
To get weary of wanting to even volunteer or even
make that next step, because it's like, what's the point
if nobody's going to show up?
Speaker 1 (47:45):
But you know, yeah, but Jasmine like the reason why
I want to go about it with you, Gladys Lance
and Chris sharing accountability and sharing the responsibility. It's too much,
like I if I just say, hey, Lance, you're in
charge of briating like Lance is probably the kind of
person that say, okay, I'll go ahead and do it.
(48:05):
But then it's it's too much on one person shoulder.
If I said to Chris, hey, Chris, I want you to
do it, it's too much on one person's shoulder. But
what happens is if all four of you doing it,
then you get to support one another because it won't
be easy Jewels generation, they're knuckleheads, they're no saling to
want to show up immediately, and you guys have to
support each other. And then those first couple of months,
(48:27):
you might be calling all thirty of them like hey,
I know this, you didn't show up. But then they're
gonna feel loved. Then they're gonna feel valuable, they're gonna
feel cared for, and before you know it, Jewel's gonna
trickle in, and then Jewels gonna call her siblings and
they're gonna trickle in, and before you know it, you've
you've messed around and created a community within your families.
(48:48):
And that is when you have victory. That is when
you have success, and that is when you have a
healthy bond. And that to go back to something Lance said,
which I think and all of you have said it
in our different conversations, Like I know Chris has said it,
I know Gladys said it. Yeah, Jasmine, Lance said it tonight.
That is when the family curse is broken. Like that
(49:11):
is when those old family kind of generational traumas are broken. Wow,
when before you know it, you won't see Jewel and
two or three other cousins. You may what happened. Oh
my god, it's working. And then the next time there'll
be four or five, then six or seven, and then
before you know it, it's just it's part of their routine.
Jewel and her cousins will all know, Hey, the first
son every month, this is just what we do, and
(49:34):
that it'll take a while, and it'll take the four
of you supporting each other and get there. But that's
how you know you have victory, because Jewel will just
show up with her cousins.
Speaker 3 (49:47):
And well, I look forward to this.
Speaker 4 (49:48):
Oh, ok, it can work.
Speaker 1 (49:52):
So it can work.
Speaker 3 (49:53):
We can do it.
Speaker 4 (49:53):
No, I really feel it will.
Speaker 1 (49:56):
It might be a little a lot of pressure, all them.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
Kids, all the mouths of the Sour Patch kids.
Speaker 1 (50:09):
All sweet in the middle. All right, Well, first of all,
how did we do. Do you guys find our time
useful today? Yeah? Absolutely? Well, yes, crossing path again, yes.
Speaker 4 (50:22):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (50:23):
And and and you might you guys just might get
an invite to the reunion.
Speaker 1 (50:30):
I'm coming to get a plate. As we bring this
conversation and this season to a close, I want to
take a moment to acknowledge what we just heard. Over
the course of these sessions, this family did something that
many families never take the time to do. They sat
down together, They listened. Sometimes they didn't do it very well,
(50:53):
but they made the effort. They spoke honestly about the past,
the pain that still lingers, the estrangement, the patterns that
they are seeking to break, and most importantly, they chose
to look forward, allowing that direction to be led with
the very theme of this final conversation, a word that
stood out to all of us and likely to you
(51:16):
as well at home, accountability, Because one of the most
difficult truths about family is this connection doesn't maintain itself.
It requires effort, it requires leadership, It requires people willing
to reach out, even when it's one sided or carries
the weight of yesterday's missed connections. But we know breaking
(51:41):
generational patterns doesn't happen in one conversation, and this family
may very well be at a new beginning, especially as
new family members continue to join the conversation. It's not
necessarily hard, but it won't be easy either. It happens
during those moments when someone notices another person's absence and says, hey,
(52:02):
are you okay? Through that awareness, that's how families rebuild.
That's how generational trauma begins to heal, and that's how
the next generation, people like Jewel and her cousins, learn
what family truly means. When you think about connection with
your family, ask yourself, what role do I want to
(52:25):
play in my family's healing. Is there someone in my
family I've been meaning to reach out to? What small
step could I take this week to reconnect with someone?
(52:51):
What traditions or routines could help my family stay connected
over time? How can I work on my own personal
healing so that I show up in healthier ways with
people I love? And maybe the most important question of all,
(53:11):
If the next generation in my family is watching, what
kind of example do I want them to see? I
thank this family for their time, vulnerability, and willingness to
answer and show up session after session. Thank you for
allowing us to witness your journey, and to everyone listening,
(53:34):
thank you for being part of the conversation. I'm Elliott Connie,
and this has been another season of family therapy. See
you next time. I would love to hear from you
(53:56):
about your healing journey, your family, and your feedback. Leave
a review, send a DM, Connect with me on socials
at Elliott Speaks and you can also send me a
text message to nine seven two four two six two
six four zero. Family Therapy is a production of iHeartRadio
and The Black Effect Podcast Network. Special thanks to our
assistant Glendale Seppe. It's produced by Jack Queis Thomas and
(54:18):
the executive producer Dolly s. Fisham. For more podcasts from
The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio app or wherever you
listen to your favorite shows. The content presented on the
Family Therapy podcast serves solely for educational and informational purposes.
It should not be considered a replacement for personalized medical
or mental health guidance and does not constitute a provider
patient relationship. It is advisable to consult with your healthcare
(54:41):
provider or health team for any specific concerns or questions
you may have.
I'm Eliah, Connie, and this is family. There. From the
very first time we sat down with this family, we
heard a sense of longing that came up again and
again in different ways. A longing for connection, a longing
for understanding, a longing for the kind of family bond
(00:23):
that many people hope for but don't always know how
to build. And tonight that conversation continues, but it also expands.
In this final episode, we welcome two additional members of
the family into the conversation, Lance and Jewel. Lance joins
the discussion as one of the siblings, and Jewel represents
(00:45):
the next generation, the younger members of the family who
are watching, learning, and ultimately inheriting whatever patterns are created today.
Because one of the most powerful things about family is this,
The decisions we make with one another today will show
up in the lives of the generations that follow us.
(01:06):
Throughout this season, we've heard stories about distance, about different upbringings,
about siblings meeting later in life, about misunderstandings that cause
people to pull away. But we've also heard something even
more powerful, a consistent desire to move toward each other
rather than away from each other. And that's really what
(01:27):
this final conversation is about accountability. Accountability for investing in
the family, even when life gets busy, even when people
live in different states, even when the family itself has
grown so large that it can sometimes feel impossible to
keep everyone together. In this conversation, the siblings begin to
(01:47):
ask a deeper question, what does it actually look like
to rebuild family connections, not just emotionally but practically. How
do we stay in touch? How do we create traditions?
How do we show the younger generation that family matters?
Because with dozens of nieces, nephews and cousins, connection doesn't
(02:10):
happen by accident anymore. It happens through intention. And what
you'll hear in this conversation is a family beginning to
realize that healing generational patterns doesn't require perfection, it requires participation.
So let's listen as Lance, Gladys, Jasmine, Chris, and Jewel
(02:30):
begin to explore what accountability, leadership, and togetherness might look
like for their family moving forward. I'm Elliott, Connie, and
this is family therapy. What are your best hopes from
(02:54):
talking tonight?
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Let the Elders go first, Jeff.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Elders, I know, but which which one? Specifically Chris Jasmine
underneath Chris is who.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Then Gladys, then Lewis, then Lance, then Charlene then me.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
I think I got that in an order.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Where does jewel falling there?
Speaker 4 (03:23):
That's my daughter?
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Oh? Gotcha? All right? Jules the youngest, Yes, all right, Chris,
Jasmine volunteered you to answer first.
Speaker 5 (03:33):
Continue to make a commitment with you know, a better
communication with everyone. I know it gets hard because you know,
life is throws everybody, So to work on just staying
committed with you know, keep it in touch because I
know I haven't speaked to out for a long time cheap,
(03:53):
so I gotta I'll work on that, and you know,
just to keep passing on knowledge and you know, being there,
being open, you know, with everybody. I think out of
all the siblings, me and Gladys talk the most.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
How often is that? How often you and Gladys talk?
Speaker 6 (04:12):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (04:13):
Well, We've hadn't talked for a little bit just because
I got my little turmoil going on with the my
mom and all that.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
But but normally we are.
Speaker 7 (04:23):
What loos, glad It's been what I think about two
weeks two and a half weeks, yeah, walk, But we
normally I mean, but we normally talk the most though,
so you know, or we'll visit each other the most.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
So but I know I would work on that move
a lot.
Speaker 5 (04:41):
Of distractions away, and like he said, I got to
work on talking to my niece more and her getting
to know me a lot more so instead of being stranger,
I was just.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Telling her how I.
Speaker 5 (04:53):
Was just remembering when I was holding her as a baby.
So I was looking at my PI which is not
too long ago before the phone call.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Yep, that's for me for my side.
Speaker 6 (05:04):
Well, Elliott, you know what, I would actually piggyback off
of that, because you know, we have a really big family,
like honestly we have. There's many nieces and nephews that
we we have, like you know, and I would like
(05:25):
to know how we could actually be able to you know,
see and plan for all of us, like to get
together and what suggestions or things that you would suggest
to help us, like you know, actually do that because
you know, I still have yet to meet you know, lances,
(05:47):
my oldest.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
Niece and nephew or like you know. So but but
but we all.
Speaker 6 (05:54):
Have like huge families and so I would love, I
would love, love love to see us all together with
our children because where we definitely have a beautiful family
(06:14):
family reunion.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Yeah, exactly, Lance.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Jewel Jasmine. What else do you guys hope to get accomplished?
Speaker 8 (06:22):
I think the key word for me is accountability. Like
everything that everyone said is like genuinely like out of.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Love and we all want that.
Speaker 8 (06:34):
But I'm a man of principal and I'm a very
accountable person. So in that, like Gladys was saying, like
we have children, like you know that are around the
same age, Like my oldest is the same same age
as Duel, but they're the same age, you know what
I'm saying, And you know my son, my son is
(06:58):
not too far away from my nephew age, you know
what I mean. And the fact that like we kind
of dropped the ball there to be honest, because now
my sister's out of the state and she doesn't live
here anymore. So I feel like we need to just
be better about being accountable.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
And by the way, Land's nice to meet you, and
I'm so glad you said that. What does accountability look
like to you?
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Accountably to me?
Speaker 8 (07:28):
So She's like, just stand unfirm and what you say, like,
you know, be a man of your word, I don't
want to say it like we have females present. So
what I mean by that is like just like if
you if you say something like stand by that, like
you know, obviously we're not we're not perfect, you know,
but I'll really strive to do these things because it's
(07:51):
very important point because we're trying to break general generational
curses to be honest, you know. And I'm talking to
my siblings and they know what I'm talking about. So
in that being parents to our children, we need to
show them that we need to have unity and that
as their parents, we need to do that with each
(08:13):
other as brothers and sisters.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
What what what generational curse? Lance would you be the
most pleased to see broken?
Speaker 9 (08:29):
Just just the oneness, like just being like a family,
like in every aspect of the word, like you know,
no matter what happens, like we might bigger or have
a disagreement, but at the end, like we're just all
we're just there for each other.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
We all live in different states, so.
Speaker 8 (08:49):
I know sometimes it could be tough to like talk
every day, Like Chris said, him and g talk a
little bit more than we talk, But.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
I talk to gladys all the time and she's out
of state. You know, that's just how it is.
Speaker 8 (09:02):
Like no, but in that all of us just being
better at just like just check it in, like pay
sif abro love you, hope we had a great day.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Just shoot a text message something like that.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Lance, That's that's really really dope. Man. How many kids
do you have? You mentioned an oldest and the youngest.
It's just those two thick Oh no, so this is
four more. Okay, gladys, you weren't kidding when you said
you each all had your own.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
Yes, yes we do. We really do, all right, So.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
It sounds like communication and togetherness would be important. Jasmine Jewel,
what are you guys hoping to get from being here?
Speaker 4 (09:45):
I think the.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
I agree with my siblings focusing on uniting or getting
together our generation with the younger generation.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Our kids kids.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
I well know that there are.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
A few niece, nephews and nieces I haven't even met myself,
But even to see our kids have a relationship with
their cousins or even with their aunts and uncles, I
think that would that would do a great.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
Deal for us.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
I feel like we would I feel that would heal
a lot of the emptiness I persona have phelps, but
I think that would help heal my family in a sense. True.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Okay, perfect, thank you, Jeff. Now, Jewel, I have to
put you in an unfair and difficult role. Is that okay?
Can it give you an unfair and difficult responsibility?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (10:51):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
So the other four people here, Lance, Gladys, Jasmine, and Chris,
they're the siblings there, like the older generation. M you're
the only one from like the descendants of the older generation. Yeah,
that's that's present, that's here. Yeah, So I'm gonna put
(11:14):
you in an unfair role. Okay, Okay, can you represent
the younger generation for me? The younger generation in this family?
Because occasionally, Jule, I'm gonna ask you a question that
I kind of want you to answer for yourself, for
(11:35):
your siblings, but also for your cousins. So, for example,
how do you think it would make a difference to
not just yourself, but your cousins as well, your siblings
as well, if we're able to break these generational curses
and get to this like level of togetherness that Lance, Gladys,
(12:00):
Chris and your mom Jasmine had talked about. How would
that help you in your generation.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
And said, I feel like that would help a lot.
You know, I don't know in the sense I don't
I think I could speak for the others.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Yeah, just try, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
I know me personally, i'd be really interested in that.
Like I have my cousins, but like the same way
all of you guys have your separate lives, Like we're
starting to do our own lives, and like, you know,
there's been you know, a lot of stuff happening, you know,
in each of our lives. And I feel like when
(12:40):
you say that, I'm specifically thinking of like me and
my closest cousins, like we were like inseparable growing up,
but of course, you know, it comes to time where
we have our separate lives, especially like after high school,
especially since you know, we have different, very different parents
and very in a whole different cities. You know, we've
(13:03):
grown apart. But like I'd also going on to like
what they were saying, I would like to like meet
my other cousins, especially like to who are my age,
because like why not, especially because I've been doing like
college online, I haven't met as many people like in person,
and I feel like the best connections could be like,
you know, with family that I haven't met.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
So yeah, so.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
It would have it would have a positive impact on you, I.
Speaker 4 (13:31):
Think, so I'd be open to trying it.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
How do you think Probably a weird way to ask this,
of usual, but how do you think this would impact
your day to day life? To know that, like my
family is one.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
I mean, it'd be nice be a lot more connections.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
I mean, you never know until it happens.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
So, yeah, do you have any kids?
Speaker 3 (13:58):
No, No, don't put that.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I'll begin that question a lot lately I feel a little.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Like and you know, sometimes black people you can't tell
age how Yeah, I'm twenty one. Yeah, thank you Jewel,
by the way.
Speaker 4 (14:16):
And I think I think you answered very clear.
Speaker 6 (14:19):
And I feel like all of your cousins feel the
same way equally in some type of way, like like
I like I just know that.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
H How would you guys know if this togetherness was beginning?
Like it's obviously not something that could happen overnight, and
as Lance pointed out, like these are generational things and
we they don't usually just you know, in one weekend
get fixed. But how would you know what was happening? Like,
what would be a sign like, oh my god, we're
(14:49):
moving in that direction.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
I think I feel like we've tried to do this
a few times and it just falls through, like we've
started a few I'm not sure who started it, but
I think when of I think Lance or maybe Gladys
started a group chat. I think it was Lance and
stopped chat and that, you know, when went along for
(15:15):
a while, but then it just started.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
Lastually, I know why.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
You know, texas were sent and you know, I was
offended by some things that were sent, so it kind
of like died down in a sense.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
So I think.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Starting a group another group chat and not giving up
in a sense, and actually making the efforts to at
the very least make plans to see each other or
reunite aunties and cousins, cyper reunion and uncles.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Sorry, Jasmine, how long ago was this that Lance did this?
Speaker 4 (16:01):
I think like last year right now, it's a few
years ago.
Speaker 6 (16:03):
It was like, wasn't it after Lewis's or right before
Lewis's wedding?
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Linz, what was your thinking about this at the time.
Speaker 8 (16:15):
Well, I'm kind of like the middle child on both sides,
but I've always been the oldest in that in the
sense of like my little brothers looked up to me,
and my older brothers were like doing the most, so
I had to kind of be straight line to be
the better example. So for me, for me, I felt
(16:36):
the same when I met my siblings that were present here,
not to you know, say that they're not mature, but
like I felt like I needed to be the one
to be like, you know what, guys, we gotta we
gotta rally around the fact that like, you know, our
upbringings were different, but we can held that held up
(16:59):
high that we you know, are pretty good, really pretty
good human beings and what we've been through, and that
we can just grow like as brothers and sisters individually
have our own relationship, but just just have that brother's
sisterly bond.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
So I was like, you know, why not put it
on a chat that way.
Speaker 8 (17:18):
It's like, for instance, when Bro turned fifteen, it was
good because we had the chat and then we put
it out there. We got the date out there, so
then we all got together to be there for his
for his fiftieth you know, that's a big that's a
big deal, you know. So I felt like if I
didn't create that chat, maybe we all wouldn't have made it,
(17:40):
you know what I'm saying, or committed to it, because
back to my point, it's like the accountability because now
I put it on the chat, now everybody's seen it.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
So if I said I was.
Speaker 8 (17:49):
Gonna make it, now I have, and now I got
more than one person holding me accountable, like you know
what I mean.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
And to ask.
Speaker 10 (17:57):
You maybe sensitive question, lands what was it like for
you when when the chat, when the group chat kind
of as Jasmine was saying, kind of died down.
Speaker 6 (18:12):
Like.
Speaker 8 (18:13):
It bothered me in a sense because I'm a very
sensitive person, you know, you know, But at the same time,
I won't necessarily just outright like let it like take
over me, like I'll get past it rather quickly, like
you know what I mean. So in that I was like, man,
(18:35):
I wish we could be better. But then also you know,
I have a wife and a children in career, like
you know, so it's just.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
Like I got to keep moving, you know what I mean.
Speaker 8 (18:46):
And I just wanted like us to pick up the
pieces individually and like come back together, you know, because
I do my best to keep tabs on everybody, like
you know what I mean, but honestly, for me, it's
like I'm at a point in my life where I'm like,
I'm a very not to bring religion into it, but
(19:09):
I'm a very religious man.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
So for me, my faith is strong. So for me, I.
Speaker 8 (19:13):
Kind of have discernments. So it's like I kind of
I love you, I pray for you from afar, like
you know what I mean if we kind of have
a discord. Not to say that with my siblings, but
in that with the chat line, I was like, hey,
I mean it is what it is.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
You know.
Speaker 8 (19:28):
I still love my siblings and pray for them, but
it's like life goes on, you know, as far as
my day to day, you know.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Right, And Lambs to ask you one more question you
mentioned like when I met my siblings, how old were
you when you met your siblings? So I know there's
been some like disconnect along the lineage. How old are
you when you met your siblings?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
So I always knew Jahson was my little sister.
Speaker 8 (19:51):
Like our families like grew up together, like you know
what I'm saying, Like our mothers knew each other, you
know what I mean. That's the crazing part in that,
like they actually knew each other and my dad was
doing what he was doing. But anyway, I always knew
jazz right. And then fast forward, I met I met
my brother Lewis. I was probably in my thirties already,
(20:14):
like you know, so I met him. I'm going to
be forty three, So I met him pretty late, like
later on, like you know what I mean, but we
rarely clicked, like you know, like me and Lewis. Lewis
got me the job that I'm at currently, and I've
been there for about fourteen years, like you know, I'm
an executive chef now, so my brother got me.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
My brother got me the job there, so you know
what I mean.
Speaker 8 (20:40):
He really helped me out in that aspect. He used
to live with me, so we got really close.
Speaker 3 (20:45):
And then me and being Gladys hit it off right
away like when she was out here.
Speaker 8 (20:49):
And both and you know, and then Chris, you know
when he was when he was out here before he
moved Lance.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Are you a trained chef? Nope, you just learned on
the job.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
Yeah, I'm kind of a I'm a perfectionist.
Speaker 8 (21:05):
So it's like anything I do, I try to be
as excellent I looking at it.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
So and I work hard, so I kind of like
just work my way up.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Oh, Gladys, does your son know this about manam?
Speaker 4 (21:16):
Absolutely? He has three uncles that yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
There's three uncles are executive ships. Yep, m hm.
Speaker 4 (21:24):
Chris is a trained one. Just you heard later, Chris.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Right here is what the what I hadn't know.
Speaker 4 (21:32):
Yeah, that's that's why we need a reunion.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Three executive shifts, not including Eliza. If y'all have a
family reunion, I'm going.
Speaker 6 (21:44):
Real talk, real talk. At Lance's year anniversary. The reception
that he just had, Oh my goodness, the food was
absolutely delicious, delicious everything, every thing. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Yeah, so, Gladys, yes, to put you on the spot
a little bit. Yes, everyone's got these large families. Yes, approximately,
I'm not going to make you say exactly, but approximately
how many nieces and nephews? Do you.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Good?
Speaker 3 (22:18):
Look counting that one?
Speaker 2 (22:20):
No?
Speaker 6 (22:20):
Yeah, I know you know right now?
Speaker 4 (22:23):
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on the one.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
She doesn't have to count exact, but is approximately.
Speaker 6 (22:30):
Like thirty, like thirty over thirty over thirty yeah, easy, easily.
And because of Chris, now we have the great brands.
Speaker 4 (22:43):
So i'm g G.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
I'm old blame me right, thank me too, far By.
Speaker 6 (22:48):
Well, no, because Lance's older children are very career driven
as well, like you know what I mean. So our
kids are like Jewel, are like really coming into their
lives and where they're at in the world, like you know.
So some are still in college, going further into college,
(23:10):
like Lance's oldest daughter is like business again, her master's bro.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
She's going for her doctor and exactly.
Speaker 4 (23:18):
See, like you know what I mean.
Speaker 6 (23:19):
And then we have nephews that are enlisted in the services,
like you know, Lewis's oldest son.
Speaker 4 (23:26):
So we just have I have a lot of nieces
and nephews.
Speaker 6 (23:30):
So yeah, like I said, I like Lance said too,
Like you know, we met each other twenty ten, and
so there's so much that has happened in twenty ten
that has been like huge shifts in our lives, in
(23:50):
us meeting as well as you know, individuals and things
like that. So for us to have the ability to
really come together as we are right now, like you know,
yet if we can get not if we will get better,
(24:10):
and when we get better, it's gonna be as solidified
as needed. And I didn't know Jazz that you stopped
doing the conversation the texting or what have you, because
you had it there was a disagreement. I just thought
that numbers were change, so it just fell off like that.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
I didn't think that, you know, we have other other
siblings that I don't get to talk to.
Speaker 6 (24:34):
So I always talk to, you know, everybody that's on
the line, Like, but there's there's one family member that
I really want us to reach out and try to
find as well, which is our other sister that we
we don't know.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
I think I'm going to make a suggestion to you
guys that won't make a difference about all that you
want to get to that in a minute, yes, okay,
So then I'll start with Chris, how is make a
difference for you or together and to have you be
more connected to the thirty plus nieces and nephews.
Speaker 5 (25:07):
That would be They would be amazing if we all
could come together have our own little family reunion, because
then each of us, if we if that could happen,
then each of us could like our children were all learned,
you know a little bit more about you know, their
families that they haven't seen, and like Jad just said,
fill up some of the emptiness that's out there, like
(25:30):
you know who I am?
Speaker 3 (25:31):
You know, where do we come from? Who's our you
know siblings? And especially with with.
Speaker 5 (25:38):
That because just in case, you know, the world as
big as it is, it could be really small. You know,
we wouldn't want one of our children being up and
then be like, you know, date or something because they
didn't know.
Speaker 6 (25:52):
So I mean, well, like you know what I mean,
we are deep like family wise, like just where we
are deep like that.
Speaker 5 (26:01):
So that's that's one of my youngest daughter's twenty five,
you know, my oldest are who our oldest are thirty five,
and then my youngest is about to be twelve, so
well it's eleven, so it's all in between. So it
would be cool for everybody, you know, to get to
know each other, like I know, like my son Langston,
(26:24):
he's always high to meet you know, family members, that's
something about him.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
He likes doing that, So that would be cool.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Jasmine, can I come to you with the same question,
what would it do to you to be able to
be closer to the thirty thirty plus nieces and nephews.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
That would mean a lot to me because I've always
had such a strong connection with my nieces and nephews,
especially growing up. Like Jules said, she has two cousins
that she literally grew up as like her siblings pretty much,
(27:06):
and to even like bridget gap in her be able
to meet her other cousins at her age, even now
that they're out of age where they can go and
literally fly to each other and travel and that would
mean a lot. And it's also showing them how us
as siblings come together and show them how to whole
(27:26):
accountability and actually show up for each other the way
Lance was saying, Yeah, it's so interesting.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
I don't know if you guys know this or not.
And again, Jewel, this is one of those moments whe
I'm going to be totally unfair to you, but I
don't know if you guys know this or not. But like,
if I wanted to make Jewel stronger as a twenty
one year old person, giving her identity makes her stronger.
(27:57):
And it's interesting because like the older generation can do
a lot to help her develop identity. Now, Jewel, I'm
not in any way saying you need to be stronger
or you need more identity, but human beings are stronger
within connection. In the next part of this conversation, We're
(28:36):
going to explore what it looks like when a family
starts to move from hope to structure, from desire to action,
because healthy families don't just happen, they are built intentionally,
one decision at a time. Let's continue the conversation. Now,
there are three things that really healthily bonded families do
(29:05):
or have. I should say, can I share what those
three things are and then make a suggestions on how
your family can have these three things? Okay, the first one,
one of the first words Lamp said in this call
was for him, the key word he said the exact
(29:26):
three was for me, the keyword is accountability. Lance. Do
you remember saying that about forty five minutes ago. Yes, right,
he said, for me, the keyword accountability. Now, Lance, I
don't know if you know this or not, but you
are spot on because the first thing that healthily bonded
families have is leadership, because leadership holds us accountable. And
(29:53):
the way leadership looks in a family like for me,
my grandmother was my family leader. She passed the way
a few years ago. And when my grandmother said we're
having a family Christmas in Chicago, you knew you had
to go there or else. My grandmother was going to
hold you accountable. My grandma was gonna get upset. Right, So,
(30:14):
healthily bonded families, not only do we have something like
like what you were saying, like the family reunion, but
some leadership has to be there to hold everybody accountable
to coming to the event. Yes, because without leadership there
is no accountability. Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (30:37):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (30:37):
Yeah, I have I have a suggestion on how your
family could achieve leadership and can I can I make
a suggestion for you? Yes. So if we were to
form a company, like let's say we were going to
(30:59):
form a company that compete with Apple, the first thing
we would do is set up a board. It's the
very first thing we would do because the board holds
the company accountable. Well, I would like Lance, Gladys, Jasmine
and Chris to be the family board. What do you
guys think about that I'm down?
Speaker 4 (31:19):
Got it?
Speaker 1 (31:20):
I'm good? Who said I'm down? Was that Jasmine saying
I'm down? Okay? Now, Gladys, it looks like you're taking notes.
Are you're taking note?
Speaker 4 (31:28):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Sir?
Speaker 1 (31:30):
Oay good? Because I want to tell you the responsibilities
the board has. Number one, the board discusses how we
will invite and keep engaged other family members. Jasmine highlighted
something earlier, and Jasmine, not to put you on the spot,
(31:50):
but it's just a really important point you brought up earlier. Jasmine,
there is no possible way we're going to start a
group chat with the forty three million family members you
guys have in your family, and someone's not gonna say
something to offend someone else. So what I want the
board to do is if you notice such and such
family members kind of drift away and not responding, I
(32:12):
want the board of a meeting to figure out how
do we re engage that person?
Speaker 2 (32:17):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (32:20):
Even if even if it's one of the board members.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Even if.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
We already know who the board member is going to be.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Y'all are not hanging up on a girl, Jasmine.
Speaker 4 (32:32):
I'm the baby facts.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
I'm not letting them like that.
Speaker 4 (32:40):
You didn't you didn't hear Elliott? She said, facts are facts.
That's what she just said. I was grateful to be
on the board.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
It was funny because when Lance, I'm not even one
of the million family members, but when Lance said what
he said, I was like, oh shit, I know exactly
what it. Yeah, But to answer Lance's question, yes, absolutely.
Like let's say my homegirl, Jasmine gets offended by something
and she drifts off what you guys do with a family.
I don't know if you guys noticed this or not.
(33:14):
You don't often trying to think how to word this.
You don't spend a lot of time blaming each other.
You guys are at a point where you just like
you're just talking about how to make it better. And
I actually, I actually love that's a very important thing.
Lance could have said, accountability is really important. So Gladys
has to acknowledge why she did this, this, and this,
(33:36):
or Jasmine has to But Lance did not say that.
The only thing Lance said was I just want together
this and the cool thing for me as a therapist
who works with families a lot all of you said
kind of the same thing in different ways. So what
happens is we're all human beings. If we have a
group chat or whatever, and then like, Jasmine just kind
(34:00):
of is slower to respond over time. I want the
other board members to be like, Hey, how do we
get Jasmine back involved? How do we re engage Jasmine?
Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (34:13):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
The other responsibility that I want the board to have
is I want the board to be in charge of
planning family functions. I told you guys, all healthily bonded
families have three things. One of them is leadership you're
just talked about. The second one. We have family functions
that are like the annual Christmas tradition, or the once
(34:39):
a year July fourth barbecue, or the every spring break
family reunion something like that. So I want the board
to plan the family event. Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (34:53):
Yep?
Speaker 1 (34:54):
You guys get together and you get to decide, So
what will be the you know, annual family te edition
and where will we host it? Do you want to
do it in Atlanta because maybe the weather's better, or
do we want to do it in Boston because so
the family's already in Boston. Do we want to do
it at disney World because somebody won the lottery? We
can fly around at disney World? What else? Right? But
(35:16):
like you guys are the ones in charge of what
will be the tradition? And then how will we how
will we do this, where will we do it? What
time of year will we do it? That sort of thing.
All healthily bonded families have traditions, and sometimes there really
stupid traditions. When I'm grown up, my uncle Jimmy was
(35:37):
Santa Claus. So every Christmas in Chicago, my uncle Jimmy
would put on a Santa Claus outfit and he would
be the one to give out the toys to all
of us kids. And then when I got older, he
told me he hated doing it. Right, He was like,
I hate doing this. I didn't know that as a kid,
but now I'm in my you know. Third, I was
(35:58):
in my I'm in my forty now and I'm in
my thirty he's at the time, and he told me
he hated doing it. I said, why did you do it?
And let's go back to leadership and accountability. He said,
because your grandmother made me right. So it could be
any tradition. But now the family board is in charge
(36:18):
of the family traditions. Okay, you got it. That makes sense. Yes, okay.
The third and final thing that healthily bonded families have
is they have routines that support connection. And I'll give
(36:38):
you an example of a routine that supports connection. Something
like once a month, we have a big family zoom
and everybody has to talk for five minutes to share
how their lives are gone. Okay, right, because.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
Well do you mean like the board members or.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
The whole family. Now the board members can stay on
a little bit before or after to just talk about, Hey,
did you guys notice Jewel is kind of looking a
little sad. What do we need to do?
Speaker 4 (37:08):
So we have to get a we'll have to get
a oh what do you call it to be?
Speaker 1 (37:12):
But to do that like a zoom account or something
like the count. But you do this once a week,
once every other week, or once a month something like that.
That facilitates family connection and that will help the board know, Hey,
we've done two or three of these zoom things and
Jewel's not showing up. Somebody needs to reach out to
(37:33):
Jewel and just see how she's doing. Now, why this
is so important? It really doesn't matter whether or not
Jewel shows up in Jewel again, unfair, I'm totally picking
on you just because you represent the longer generation. But
it really doesn't matter whether or not Jewel shows up
or not. To be very on with you, what really matters.
(37:54):
Let's say Jewel doesn't show Let's say you guys do
a Zoom meeting the first Sunday of every month, and
you know, two or three Sundays go by and Jewel
doesn't show up. And then let's say, Chris calls Jewel
and she says, hey, Jewel, we noticed you haven't shown
up to the family Zoom meeting the past two or
(38:16):
three sundays. Are you okay? And Jewel says, yeah, I'm fine.
Everything's okay. I'm just busy with school, of work, whatever
I'm doing. And then Chris says, no problem, I was
just checking in on me, making sure you're okay, Just
so you know, here's the zoom link in case you
can make it to the next one. Jewel now knows
two very important things. There is a family function and
(38:38):
they want me in it, which makes her feel cared
for and loved. Right, that makes sense, and that's the
importance of the board because if you guys notice, hey,
Jewel hasn't been here, that's two or three times just
reaching out to her. Maybe the reaching out comes from
lance Er, maybe it comes from Chris, it comes from Gladys.
Just reaching out to her. It makes her feel loved
(38:59):
and important and valued and cared for. And you have
a really healthy family bond. We do those things so
we don't reach out to Jewel, so you just shun
into family. You don't like us if you're not showing
we don't reach out to her, excusatory reach out to her,
and we say we're just checking in on you because
we've noticed you haven't been around, and it lets Jewel
(39:21):
know like, wow, these people care about me and my
absence is noticed. Gotcha? Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (39:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:33):
So having leadership, which we talked about, Yeah, the leadership
will plan some sort of family bonding event which is
usually like a Christmas event or July fourth cookout or
a Juneteenth cookout or a you know, I had to
throw a June teenth cookout in it because you know,
(39:53):
I'm black. A New Year's Eve celebration or a family
union something like that. And then lastly something even if
you guys did, like a family book review and once
a month we all log into the zoom and talk
about the book that were Anything like that that keeps
us in contact using the digital things that we now
(40:14):
have access to, will begin to feel like we're building
a healthy family bond.
Speaker 4 (40:20):
Okay, I like that. Thank you, Elliott. You're well very clear.
I got all the notes down.
Speaker 6 (40:27):
Here, perfect, Thank you, Thank you, Bro for bringing it
up like.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
A right.
Speaker 8 (40:37):
I think it's great, Elliott, like to just piggyback on
what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (40:42):
I do that like a lot already.
Speaker 8 (40:45):
Like I'm in I'm reverally like invested in my church,
so I have I served in my church. So I'm
on a team, so I'm always communicating to it, do
like chats and zooms, and I'm in a men's group
and we do book readings and we do book stuff
and I actually went to the men's conference this year
for the first time. And it's like, I'm all about,
(41:07):
like I said, oneness and togetherness, you know, So I'm
all about communication, getting getting people together. And obviously why
wouldn't I want my family to be like that as well?
So those are all great ideas, and you know, we.
Speaker 3 (41:24):
Got to crawl before we walk, you know. I think
as a board.
Speaker 8 (41:27):
We need to stand firm in that and do what
you suggested, Elliott, and keep at it, not get discouraged
and then.
Speaker 4 (41:39):
Sorry.
Speaker 6 (41:41):
I really like just pointing it out so easily, like
and we already know, like you said, like you know
what I mean, faith based organization wise and us already
doing the work. It's just now we can really I
can really see it. I can really see it happening.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
What Lance said is true, Like churches want to feel
like community.
Speaker 4 (42:02):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
So if I join a church and I don't come
from a while for a while, someone from the church
is going to reach out to me, and it makes
me feel valuable because think about it. Think about So
let's say I own a restaurant. So Lance, I've been
picking on Jewel enough, so I want to pick on
you now. Lance. If I own a restaurant and I
(42:25):
hire Lance to be a chef at my restaurant and
for like two or three days, Lance doesn't show up,
and then he comes in after not showing up for
two or three days, and I'm like, oh, how you doing, Lance,
And I don't even notice that he was gone. Lance
is going to feel like I'm insignificant to this restaurant,
and he won't enjoy that feeling. Like, as human beings,
(42:46):
we don't like that. So by being able to do
something like this, you're gonna let the family know that
they matter. And they do matter. It's clear that they matter.
But I want Jewel and her thirty plus siblings, cousins
to feel like a we matter and be the older
(43:07):
faction of our family is going to lead us into
the next generation. And by the way, you guys haven't
had this in a long time because you didn't experience
it from the family that you were raised in either.
So it's very difficult to be able to do that
when you guys are raised in such a disjointed way.
Speaker 8 (43:27):
Elliott, I want to interject with that part. With my
mom's side of the family, we.
Speaker 3 (43:36):
Are very We do everything that you said we should
be doing. Like we do.
Speaker 8 (43:41):
We do a Christmas party every year. Everyone takes turns,
like you know. And I love the fact that you
brought up your grandmother. Like my grandma passed away. It's
been about six seven years now, I think about and
she was the rock and I've noticed that, like she
(44:02):
has two other sisters and they're still alive. But I
noticed that like when she passed away, like you know,
things started changing a little bit, like people start getting
a little distance and stuff like that. That's why I
felt it was important that we recognized how we were
brought up and well, don't forget that. So like when
I had my wedding, I had my great aunt there,
(44:24):
my grandmother's sisters, and it was like it was like
my grandmother was there, you know what I mean, because
of everything that they instilled in us, like you know
what I mean, and the closeness and everything like that.
And I want that for my for my siblings, for
my father, you know, because like unfortunately, like because of
(44:44):
the way our dad was moving, we didn't we couldn't
get that because we were raised by our mothers or
our grandmothers.
Speaker 3 (44:51):
Or like you know, other people, so we really didn't
get that.
Speaker 8 (44:54):
And meeting at like later on in our lives when
we were already parents and doing our own thing, you know,
I think this is a like a rebirth of what
our family can be.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
Can I add on to that?
Speaker 1 (45:10):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Please, I just wanted to agree and like, you know,
not to pressure on you guys, but like I'm not gonna,
like like you said, like if I want to be
like you know, with my cousins speaking for my generation,
we're not going to show up on our own I know.
Speaker 3 (45:30):
We're very, very very.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
Quick to cancel something and be like, oh my head
hurts when they head this on her, and they'll just
they'll stay home because they don't want to. And I
am guilty of some of that, but you know, with
with you know, parents push that would definitely help. And
like like you were saying with your grandma, like I
know my grandma, she's out of the recent why like
(45:54):
my family on this side comes together like I don't.
I probably wouldn't see then my family I had just
seen when we had to get together, if you know,
if my grandma didn't get it, like she's kind of
that good too. So yeah, yeah, I pushed that agenda
as well.
Speaker 3 (46:11):
And thank you Jewels for your accountability. I appreciate that.
The youngest one in the bunch accountability.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (46:19):
I'm aware of my generation. We're not good with connections.
Speaker 1 (46:24):
It's so which is why I think I really want Lance, Gladys,
Jasmine and Chris to be the ones to hold you
guys accountable and valuable connection is.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
And I want to say also, I'm not sure if
the I don't know if the right word is accountability
because I, like Jewel mentioned, my mom is the rock
of our family as well, whereas you know, that's a
lot of pressure for her because it used to be
(46:59):
my grandma until she passed but with also the loss
in my family, specifically trying to get family together and
it just falling apart. Me personally trying to get you know,
the family back together and not being so much pressure
(47:20):
on my mom, and literally every time it felt like
it fell through, I tend to I guess I'm taking accountability.
Speaker 4 (47:28):
I guess accountability is the right word jet reality.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
I guess, But.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
To get weary of wanting to even volunteer or even
make that next step, because it's like, what's the point
if nobody's going to show up?
Speaker 1 (47:45):
But you know, yeah, but Jasmine like the reason why
I want to go about it with you, Gladys Lance
and Chris sharing accountability and sharing the responsibility. It's too much,
like I if I just say, hey, Lance, you're in
charge of briating like Lance is probably the kind of
person that say, okay, I'll go ahead and do it.
(48:05):
But then it's it's too much on one person shoulder.
If I said to Chris, hey, Chris, I want you to
do it, it's too much on one person's shoulder. But
what happens is if all four of you doing it,
then you get to support one another because it won't
be easy Jewels generation, they're knuckleheads, they're no saling to
want to show up immediately, and you guys have to
support each other. And then those first couple of months,
(48:27):
you might be calling all thirty of them like hey,
I know this, you didn't show up. But then they're
gonna feel loved. Then they're gonna feel valuable, they're gonna
feel cared for, and before you know it, Jewel's gonna
trickle in, and then Jewels gonna call her siblings and
they're gonna trickle in, and before you know it, you've
you've messed around and created a community within your families.
(48:48):
And that is when you have victory. That is when
you have success, and that is when you have a
healthy bond. And that to go back to something Lance said,
which I think and all of you have said it
in our different conversations, Like I know Chris has said it,
I know Gladys said it. Yeah, Jasmine, Lance said it tonight.
That is when the family curse is broken. Like that
(49:11):
is when those old family kind of generational traumas are broken. Wow,
when before you know it, you won't see Jewel and
two or three other cousins. You may what happened. Oh
my god, it's working. And then the next time there'll
be four or five, then six or seven, and then
before you know it, it's just it's part of their routine.
Jewel and her cousins will all know, Hey, the first
son every month, this is just what we do, and
(49:34):
that it'll take a while, and it'll take the four
of you supporting each other and get there. But that's
how you know you have victory, because Jewel will just
show up with her cousins.
Speaker 3 (49:47):
And well, I look forward to this.
Speaker 4 (49:48):
Oh, ok, it can work.
Speaker 1 (49:52):
So it can work.
Speaker 3 (49:53):
We can do it.
Speaker 4 (49:53):
No, I really feel it will.
Speaker 1 (49:56):
It might be a little a lot of pressure, all them.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
Kids, all the mouths of the Sour Patch kids.
Speaker 1 (50:09):
All sweet in the middle. All right, Well, first of all,
how did we do. Do you guys find our time
useful today? Yeah? Absolutely? Well, yes, crossing path again, yes.
Speaker 4 (50:22):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (50:23):
And and and you might you guys just might get
an invite to the reunion.
Speaker 1 (50:30):
I'm coming to get a plate. As we bring this
conversation and this season to a close, I want to
take a moment to acknowledge what we just heard. Over
the course of these sessions, this family did something that
many families never take the time to do. They sat
down together, They listened. Sometimes they didn't do it very well,
(50:53):
but they made the effort. They spoke honestly about the past,
the pain that still lingers, the estrangement, the patterns that
they are seeking to break, and most importantly, they chose
to look forward, allowing that direction to be led with
the very theme of this final conversation, a word that
stood out to all of us and likely to you
(51:16):
as well at home, accountability, Because one of the most
difficult truths about family is this connection doesn't maintain itself.
It requires effort, it requires leadership, It requires people willing
to reach out, even when it's one sided or carries
the weight of yesterday's missed connections. But we know breaking
(51:41):
generational patterns doesn't happen in one conversation, and this family
may very well be at a new beginning, especially as
new family members continue to join the conversation. It's not
necessarily hard, but it won't be easy either. It happens
during those moments when someone notices another person's absence and says, hey,
(52:02):
are you okay? Through that awareness, that's how families rebuild.
That's how generational trauma begins to heal, and that's how
the next generation, people like Jewel and her cousins, learn
what family truly means. When you think about connection with
your family, ask yourself, what role do I want to
(52:25):
play in my family's healing. Is there someone in my
family I've been meaning to reach out to? What small
step could I take this week to reconnect with someone?
(52:51):
What traditions or routines could help my family stay connected
over time? How can I work on my own personal
healing so that I show up in healthier ways with
people I love? And maybe the most important question of all,
(53:11):
If the next generation in my family is watching, what
kind of example do I want them to see? I
thank this family for their time, vulnerability, and willingness to
answer and show up session after session. Thank you for
allowing us to witness your journey, and to everyone listening,
(53:34):
thank you for being part of the conversation. I'm Elliott Connie,
and this has been another season of family therapy. See
you next time. I would love to hear from you
(53:56):
about your healing journey, your family, and your feedback. Leave
a review, send a DM, Connect with me on socials
at Elliott Speaks and you can also send me a
text message to nine seven two four two six two
six four zero. Family Therapy is a production of iHeartRadio
and The Black Effect Podcast Network. Special thanks to our
assistant Glendale Seppe. It's produced by Jack Queis Thomas and
(54:18):
the executive producer Dolly s. Fisham. For more podcasts from
The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio app or wherever you
listen to your favorite shows. The content presented on the
Family Therapy podcast serves solely for educational and informational purposes.
It should not be considered a replacement for personalized medical
or mental health guidance and does not constitute a provider
patient relationship. It is advisable to consult with your healthcare
(54:41):
provider or health team for any specific concerns or questions
you may have.
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