MINISODE - IN YOUR 20s

Your 20s are full of lessons—but some don't have to be learned the hard way.

In this bonus episode of Good Moms Bad Choices, the hosts share five things they wish they had known in their 20s. From learning the power of saying "no" and recognizing what low self-esteem really looks like, to rethinking hypersexuality, honoring your body, and understanding that you're already enough, this conversation is packed with honest reflections and hard-earned wisdom.

They also discuss why knowing your HIV status, getting tested regularly, and understanding prevention options are essential acts of self-love—regardless of your relationship status. Whether you're in your 20s or simply reflecting on the journey, this episode is a reminder that healing starts with knowing yourself, trusting your voice, and choosing yourself first.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode of Good Mom's Bad Choices is sponsored by
Care for the Culture from Gilead Sciences.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
Girl, As I look back at our journey in life
and even here on the podcast, over the last eight years,
I have witnessed us grow so much, and I truly
wish I had a guide titled shit I wish I
knew in my twenties because a lot of the lessons
I had to learn came with a lot of fucking
growing pains, and although the lessons eventually arrived, there are
some things I wish I had known before I had

(00:27):
to experience them personally.

Speaker 3 (00:29):
Me too. So today we are going to share five
things we wish we knew when we were in our twenties.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
Number one, I can say no.

Speaker 3 (00:39):
Feeling empowered in your no is something nobody teaches you,
and bitch, I wish I knew this sooner, because the
power that I feel now is not the power I
felt in my twenties. Feeling obligated to have sex after
someone takes you out on a date, or feeling like
you cannot change your mind once you've said yes, are
you started or your panties are off, is actually insane.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
It's insane.

Speaker 3 (01:01):
It's literally insane, and girls are taught this so early,
like just subconsciously. We're just told that it's our fault
once we get too far, and then like we can't
go back. I've had so many situations, especially in college
in Atlanta, going to dinners with people having shots, getting
in the car and feeling pressured literally not using my voice,

(01:22):
shutting down, leaving my body, And honestly, I'm still working
through the trauma that that has caused.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
Just the irresponsibility and lack of care for our bodies. Now,
as someone in my thirties, my late thirties, I realize
that part of empowerment is also knowing your status and
your partners. It's not weird to ask someone's status, and
it's not weird to demand that they give it to you.
Because HIV is still a real conversation and we need

(01:48):
to be having it. So getting tested regularly and knowing
your prevention options is so important. This includes prep and
truly this is one of the most powerful things you
can do for yourself.

Speaker 3 (01:59):
Two, I am whole and complete already. Women get caught
up in this fairy tale fantasy that their worth is
tied to the relationship status, like literally I always say
this desperation breeds bottom feeders. Searching for someone to complete
you was never necessary because you already are enough.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
Okay, Number three, what low self esteem actually looks like?

Speaker 3 (02:23):
This is a good one.

Speaker 2 (02:25):
Right, because like the amount of like relationships that I
consistently was getting into that didn't make me feel complete,
but I stayed and I just kept trying and trying.
And this is not something that even is like just
for twenty year olds. This is something that I feel
like women are constantly battling all the time.

Speaker 3 (02:45):
When you love yourself, you actually choose partners and people
who look and feel like love. So if you're summer
right now claiming you love yourself but your relationship does
not mirror that, you need to take a deep dive
into what that actually looks like and means.

Speaker 2 (02:59):
Amen.

Speaker 1 (03:00):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
Number four, hypersexuality is worth examining. Like reframing the free,
fun party girl identity means understanding that healing before you
hoe is best and it's true hyper sexuality can be
a form of abandoning your body, like even us as
the most free moms, as the most free women, I've
had to really explore just making sure it's not performative

(03:24):
and that it actually is what I want.

Speaker 3 (03:26):
Abs fuso lutely. And lastly, number five, learning to read
the signs that say we are not okay. I have
spent all of my twenties and most of my thirties
starting the dialogue with my body to figure out what
is actually my choice and what is not because I
just wasn't sure, because I was not empowered to do so.

(03:47):
The things we carry that do not belong to us,
the body keeps the score. Just because you can numb
out does not mean you will not feel it later.
As someone who just turned thirty eight, I am feeling
it later.

Speaker 2 (03:58):
I was going to say, ignoring yourself it has long
term consequences, and starting the dialogue with your own body
is how you begin to honor it.

Speaker 3 (04:06):
Absolutely. If I had these five tidbits in my twenties,
I'd probably be healing from a lot less sexual trauma.
But the beautiful thing is you don't have to learn
by action. You can learn from this advice.

Speaker 2 (04:19):
I mean, and these are just some things we wish
we knew and we were more aware of, and that
would have shifted some of our lessons.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
And listen, all.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
Lessons are good. We're Good Mom's Bad Choices. But if
we can save you from some of the bad choices
we made, let us make fewer bad choices so we
can have more good moments. And that starts with knowing yourself,
knowing your body, and knowing your status. So get tested,
know your prevention options. That is self love too.

Speaker 3 (04:45):
I'm actually going to get tested tomorrow at five pm
with my husband. So it doesn't matter if you're single,
if your mom, if you hadn't had sex in a
long time, if you're married, if you're dating, if you're hoing,
go get tested because it's better to know than not
to know. You don't want to live with that anxiety.
You want to live of empowered and knowing your status.

Speaker 1 (05:02):
This episode of Good Mom's Bad Choices is sponsored by
Care for the Culture from Gilead Sciences.